Long Families

lizco · **Joined:** 29 Dec 2009, 15:11 **Posts:** 193

I know this has been discussed many times before but have recently talked to someone who is second in a family of seven with 18 months being the biggest gap between sibliings - all singletons. She says they never were invited out as a complete family and seldom went out on their own as a complete family. First child was born in 1946 and there were no people carriers around then!

To this day - now in her sixties - she and her elder brother - are the only ones iinvited to extended family events. This was because when she was a child her parents only ever took the oldest two children to maternal grandparents/aunts/uncles and so they are the only two who got to meet their cousins. My friend's family lived about 100 miles away from where her parents lived.

Can see for purely practical reasons why this happened but even though Joey and Jack were higher up financial/social scale, can see similar problems arising. Can't remember occasions when the whole family went to visit Madge, for instance, or were altogether outside their own family home.

Do those of you who come from long families have similar experiences? Is the long family such a complete entity in itself, outsiders are less necessary for socialising?

(Btw - I use long family as EBD did but the Chalet School world is the only place where I have heard the term used - I would normally say large family.)

chattie · **Posted:** 11 Apr 2012, 14:05

My next door neighbour is the youngest of nine children, from an army family. By the time he was old enough to have retained memories, his eldest brother was in the army and no longer living at home. Indeed, it was only when that brother died a couple of years ago and Malcolm went to the funeral that he first recalls seeing all his other siblings and his parents together at the same time because hitherto there was always at least one sibling who couldn't attend weddings etc. His daughter (now in her mid 20s)still has not met all of her uncles.

Alison H · **Posted:** 11 Apr 2012, 14:10

My great-grandfather was one of 13 kids, but they were working-class and it was at the end of the 19th century so I don't think they ever went very far anyway! In more modern terms, it would cost an absolute fortune for hotel rooms, admission fees to places of interest, etc, plus the practical problems of finding something that would appeal to everyone from toddlers to teenagers, and it would be difficult even to stay with friends and relatives unless they lived in very large houses. Even the minibus wouldn't do now, because you wouldn't get away with cramming so many people into it.

It'd be a lot easier if there were grandparents or other relatives nearby to take some of the kids somewhere, but that isn't the case with the Maynards.

Plot bunny where Anna gets to go away on a jolly holiday with a few of the kids ... preferably not bossy Len!

Clare W · **Posted:** 11 Apr 2012, 14:25

Sorry this is slightly OT. My immediate family is of a fair size but my parents have about 15 cousins between them. They have all married and a most of them have their own grandchildren now.

We used to be invited to big birthday / anniversary parties but the family has got too big now on each side. My Gran is invited to her family's things, plus someone to bring her, but the invitations never extend to my SLOC and me.

The only time we might meet is at a family funeral but (luckily for those involved) we haven't had a family funeral for a few years.

Kate · **Posted:** 11 Apr 2012, 14:37

My mother is one of 11 children. She was 21 when her youngest brother was born. Even so, I know all my aunts and uncles very well, even though there are so many of us. We all try to get together at least once a year. It would be unheard of for the entire family not to be invited to weddings, christenings, big birthdays etc...

When they were small, there were usually at least 8 living at home, if not more. They used to go on days out and vacations in their normal car, as any idea of safety didn't exist in 60s Ireland! Five in the back, two in the boot, one sitting on the handbrake!

Alison H · **Posted:** 11 Apr 2012, 15:33

I've known this sort of thing to get quite awkward :lol:

. Imagine, for example, that Maeve Bettany was getting married. She's got 6 siblings, plus 17 natural first cousins and various adoptive first cousins, and that's just on Dick's side - there are at least a few on Mollie's side. By the time she's invited all of them, plus their partners, plus any children they have, that's an awful lot of people before she's even started on friends or the bridegroom's relatives. The Bettanys would presumably have quite a big budget, but most people haven't. So, as Chair said, it gets to a point where you just can't ask everyone. Then there's always someone who gets offended.

My grandad insisted on inviting some relations from Scotland to my mum and dad's wedding, on the grounds that there was no way they'd make the long journey but it'd avoid offending them. Of course, they all decided to come, and then he had to pay for meals for them all :lol:

.

Jennie · **Posted:** 11 Apr 2012, 15:40

There were sixteen cousins in my generation. We did gettogether for my grandmother's birthdays, but even then we couldn't expect the relatives who lived in Australia to attend, so that excluded about thirty people. Five cousins lived out there and they all had large families, so the hall we hired wouldn't have held them all, even if they could have afforded to come.

Nell H · **Posted:** 11 Apr 2012, 15:49

I watched a family file into the pews in front of me yesterday with widening eyes - there were three generations, with probably thee married couples in the middle generation, and there were easily 15 kids and a few toddlers too. Now, on their own, each family wouldn't be that huge - but together...

My Best friend from school's parents both were siblings in families of 9 or 10, and I know on one side all the siblings used to go out/get together fairly regularly, along with their children (friend had only one sibling though - very restrained of her parents!

) - because I used to hear about "we were up at aunt such and such's, with cousin x, y, z and niece a, b and nephew c..." But, that said, the widest distance between the siblings was probably only about 60 miles, so could be done as day trips.

SLOC's grandfather is the youngest of ten, and we barely know the families of any of his older siblings. (now and again, Aunt such and such gets mentioned, and I say "who?!")

Llywela · **Posted:** 11 Apr 2012, 15:58

My dad is one of 7 children. His dad was the oldest of 10 and his mum the 10th of 12 - my dad and his siblings had something like 55 first cousins, all told, spread over something ridiculous like a 60 year age range. A lot of those cousins they never met, the ones whose parents moved away any distance - even the ones living within the same city they only saw intermittently, because transport was difficult. But some they were very close to, growing up - a lot of it was down to how close the parents had been, growing up, but a lot of it was sheer geography.

When my mum and dad got married, they found the guest list for the wedding really awkward - it just wasn't possible to invite everyone, but who do you exclude? :dontknow:

Me, I've got about 20 first cousins, spread over a 40 year age range. I'm trying to think now if we've ever all been in the same room at the same time - we're a close family, so we do try to see each other when we can, but I'm not sure we've ever all managed to be in the same place at the same time, spread about as we are. And that's today, with modern resources.

Genie · **Posted:** 11 Apr 2012, 16:44

I come from a fairly small family myself, but my god-siblings' parents have 10 siblings on the mother's side, and 9 on the father's. As we are very close friends with them, we were always invited to their family events - and although their family is spread out around the globe, they would all get together for big family events, such as a grandparent's big birthday. I still remember all the visitors being crammed into a few houses, with people sleeping all over the floors in every room! It always seemed like so much fun. They don't do that anymore, as the younger generation can all afford hotels and prefer them, but when my godsister got married, her side took up about 20 tables at the banquet, while the poor groom only had 2 :-)

.

Mel · **Posted:** 11 Apr 2012, 18:07

I think it must have been very difficult for Jo and her family to go anywhere en masse, though they do travel from Switzerland to see Madge's new house at one point. Do they all go to Peggy's wedding too? I feel sorry for Frieda having to put up/put up with 8 children and 3 adults in her apartment in Basle in Joey Goes.

Alison H · **Posted:** 11 Apr 2012, 20:54

Just thinking that the younger Maynards must have had a different experience from the older ones. When the San opens on the Platz, the Maynards are the only couple with kids, so the eldest kids haven't really got anyone their own age to play with. Then more young families come along, so Felicity's got Jean Morris and Lucy Peters living nearby, Marjorie and Lois Graves are both quite close to Cecil in age, Geoff and Phil are almost exactly the same age as Biddy and Eugen's twins and quite close in age to Daisy and Laurie's boys, and Claire is around the same age as Grizel's little boy and Daisy's little girl. So the younger kids would potentially have had plenty of friends living nearby, whereas the older ones wouldn't really have had anyone but each other in the holidays.

Amanda M · **Posted:** 11 Apr 2012, 21:19

My mum was one of 7 and I've got 16 cousins which makes things very busy when we all meet up together. It's even worse now as most of my cousins have at least 2 children, and 2 of them have 4 each. I think when you're used to such a big family it feels very natural to you, although I know it was a bit hard for SLOC to adjust at first as he's an only child with 2 cousins. Even now he still gets a bit confused as to who I'm talking about

We only tend to meet up about twice a year - once at Christmas, and again in August on what would have been my nan's birthday who was definitely the family matriarch.

As for Joey and her family, I agree with what Alison has said about the younger Maynards having more out of the family friends. The triplets all seem to hang together when they're younger, and the only children I remember them playing with particularly are Josette and the Quartet's children.

JS · **Posted:** 13 Apr 2012, 08:13

It's difficult for presents too. I have a friend with four children and have to be imaginative when I go to see them, so goodness knows how one of Joey's friends felt having to think of things - and pay for - wee presents for 11 of them!

sealpuppy · **Posted:** 13 Apr 2012, 08:49

When we lived in Surrey we took our own 3 children, plus 3 young cousins, to see the sights in London. As we filed down the stairs of a double-decker, a drunk in the back seat looked at me and said, 'Cripes, didn't you know when to stop?' (He'd have passed out if we'd been the Maynards

)

Alison H · **Posted:** 13 Apr 2012, 09:06

JS wrote:

It's difficult for presents too.

Yes - when one friend has one kid, you start buying birthday and Christmas presents for them, and then before you know it your siblings, friends and cousins have hordes of kids between them and it's very hard to know what to do without bankrupting yourself :roll:

!

Josephine · **Posted:** 13 Apr 2012, 09:10

I try and knit for the ones who are young enough not to be disappointed / embarrassed by a hand-knitted present, but it can get rather time-consuming and you have to be organised enough to remember to start well in advance of the birthday / Christmas!

Fiona Mc · **Posted:** 13 Apr 2012, 09:42

I am one of 12 kids and there are 19 years to the day between the eldest and the youngest child. Our family has been very much 2 seperate families as we were growing up with the 5 older ones and the 7 younger ones (mainly cos there is 5 years between the two groups) and the average age gap over all is 1-2 years except with the 3 youngest which are 3 years between each of them. The eldest moved out when he was 17 and went away to Uni. I don't think there has ever been a family holiday thats included everyone since I was 5 years old. That said my mother was one of 11 and one of my aunties used to invite the whole clan to stay on her farm when she had a get together and we used to all camp out or sleep in the shearer's sheds. I have well and truly over 60 1st cousins on my mother's side about 40 on my Dad's side and about the same with 2nd cousins. I have cousins I haven't even met. We try to have family get togethers fairly regularly but usually someone is missing. I usually can catch up with all my siblings at least once every 2-3 years but I do make an effort with that and the ones that do live nearby I catch up with every month at least. I am probably closer to the ones within my group (the 7 younger ones) and have gradually gotten to know my five older brothers as I got older and left home. In some ways it's harder as they do live overseas or interstate. I know with weddings we only tended to invite the aunts and uncles who lived in the same state as it was too expensive for the others to come and they wouldn't even if they were invited. And unless you are close to a particular cousin you don't tend to invite them.

I think because there are only 3 Bettany's, it would make sense for Dick to invite all his nieces and nephews for the first family wedding but I could certainly see by the time Phil gets married most of the cousins wouldn't be able to make it as they seemed to be fairly scattered. And 15 or 16 cousins doesn't seem to bad to me, when for me I had to invite nearly 30 people of my immediate family (including their spouses) before I could ask anyone else.

Llywela · **Posted:** 13 Apr 2012, 10:28

sealpuppy wrote:

When we lived in Surrey we took our own 3 children, plus 3 young cousins, to see the sights in London. As we filed down the stairs of a double-decker, a drunk in the back seat looked at me and said, 'Cripes, didn't you know when to stop?' (He'd have passed out if we'd been the Maynards

)

Heh, yes. My mum used to take out the three of us plus three cousins regularly, and because of the way we and our cousins are all spaced out, we really could all six have easily been one family - we look quite alike, as well! She says she always got sympathetic looks from passers-by. :lol:

Abi · **Posted:** 13 Apr 2012, 12:31

That's an impressive family, Fiona! I suppose part of the reason that the Maynards seem to extraordinary to most of us is that it's just not something we're used to. We've a family in our town which is now up to 13 (I think), and of course most of the older children have been popping them out for a few years now. It's quite impressive!

Long Families

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