Inspired by some incredibly random yibble on Facebook, a mad, bad, silly communal drabble - 18+ and damn good fun, rather like Dr Jack

So, to start us off:

As the post dropped through the letter box, Madge lept from her seat and ran to collect it in the hall, excitement written across her face. At the table, Joey shrugged at Robin, wondering what had got her sister so heated; little did she know of the Airmail parcel that the Russells had been expecting for some days now.

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"His distinguished air, his handsome dark face, his composed attitude - for he stood perfectly still with one hand at his side - gave singular effect to the circumstance of his being without a hat." - 'Tales of Angria'

Jem meanwhile was slumped over his office desk having taken a swig too much brandy in an attempt to come to terms with his lack of performance. It had been a shock to him to realise that he was not as all powerful as he had thought he was and an alcoholic stupor was his favourite way of getting through the day.

Madge meanwhile took the packet to her private room, where she opened it carefully. The last package had broken mid-flight, leading to some unexpected consequences. She did hope this one had been a little more successful. After all sucess was what it was all about.

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http://www.carolynphillips.co.uk

Seeing that it remained wholly intact, she ran back downstairs to fetch Jem and the turkey baster, the absence of which Marie had been bewailing for some time.

"It's time," she said significantly, panting in the doorway to the office. "Jack finally managed to make it look like just an ordinary parcel, so that the staff won't find the wrappings and talk!"

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"His distinguished air, his handsome dark face, his composed attitude - for he stood perfectly still with one hand at his side - gave singular effect to the circumstance of his being without a hat." - 'Tales of Angria'

Joey was getting rather fed up. Madge had dashed out without telling her whether or not she could go and roll around in the snow and make herself ill. With no orders to the contrary she was on her way to do so, when she was struck with a sudden idea...just what was the return address on Madge's airmail packet?

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http://www.carolynphillips.co.uk

"Tante Marguerite seemed very excited," said Robin innocently, following her into the hallway. "Is that a present for Christmas, like last time? Uncle Jem thought it involved a rabbit, but that can't be true because the parcel was too small."

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"His distinguished air, his handsome dark face, his composed attitude - for he stood perfectly still with one hand at his side - gave singular effect to the circumstance of his being without a hat." - 'Tales of Angria'

"Well, come on, let's grab it and go," said Joey, entering Madge's room. The package had been left on the bed, and she picked it up, following Robin out of the room.

A moment later, Madge and Jem entered.

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"And I'm sure there was blood in the gutter from somebody's head, or else it was the sunset in a puddle."

So This is School! - The Sexiest Mistresses at the Chalet School

"I'll ring him and let him know" smiled Jem, picking up the receiver and placing the call.

Jack, who had just prepared another parcel, answered and sighed with relief on hearing that it had arrived intact and had not been intercepted by Marie, like last parcel.

"Jem, I'm knackered and I'm going to struggle to keep this up for long!"

"Jack, my man! We're counting on you! Keep it up, please and do let us have the next consignment soon. Get some brandy, that'll revive you."

Jack grimaced as he hung up but knowing that success was imperative, set to his task with vigour never seen in a man before.

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Some people get right up my nose. I have one up each nostril right this minute!

"Nothing happens unless first a dream." Carl Sandburg

We must not project modern ideas onto our ancestors, nor make them fight our battles

Meanwhile, Joey ran out into the snow, where the packet promptly exploded in her hand, right in front of what appeared to be two men in drag, calling each other 'Stuffer' and 'Bubb'.

"No, no, no, that's all wrong and I have to get to this bloody Masonic meeting soon," sighed EBD, scrubbing out her last paragraph disgruntedly and swigging violently from the brandy bottle next to her.

...

Madge meanwhile had been attiring herself in her laciest chemise and a pair of stockings which never failed to arouse even Jem's flagging interest. Now suitably dressed for the job, she looked around for the package, which she had left on Jem's pillow.

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"His distinguished air, his handsome dark face, his composed attitude - for he stood perfectly still with one hand at his side - gave singular effect to the circumstance of his being without a hat." - 'Tales of Angria'

"Jem," she said. "I can't see it."

"Honestly, Madge," he said, a hurt expression coming over his face. "I know it's small, but it ought to be visible, at least."

Madge frowned and gestured at the pillow.

"I left it here! And it's gone!"

"But who would have taken it?" said Jem, tightening his grip on the turkey baster.

"I think I know..."

Madge hitched the neckline of her chemise slightly higher and strode with determination out of the room.

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"And I'm sure there was blood in the gutter from somebody's head, or else it was the sunset in a puddle."

So This is School! - The Sexiest Mistresses at the Chalet School

Jem stared at the door for some time, before his brain picked up the idea that maybe he should try and find out who the culprit was, before all of the sounds of an argument downstairs happened and he dashed to keep the peace. As he went, he didn't even notice the Robin, looking extra-innocent while holding something behind her back.

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Minim's Words and Pictures - Banana Fudge Soufflé
The one thing that a writer needs is feedback.

Downstairs, Madge was staring at her sister, who stared back in abject horror. Joey's eyes ranged across the stockings, the perilously high heels and the somewhat revealing silk chemise, hugging the curvacious figure with its perfectly tapered waist and buxomly hips, then she turned a horrified gaze on Madge.

"You can't go skiing in that," she protested feebly. "It's freezing out there."

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"His distinguished air, his handsome dark face, his composed attitude - for he stood perfectly still with one hand at his side - gave singular effect to the circumstance of his being without a hat." - 'Tales of Angria'

Madge stopped in her tracks, skiing was the last thing on her mind, vertically anyway.

"Why would I be skiing?"

"Well I can't think why else you'd dress like that."

Madge sighed, "Joey, someone really must have a 'little chat' with you soon. Now, have you seen Marie, I think she may have something I need rather urgently."

"I think she is in the kitchen, she usually is, but the door is locked."

Madge frowned at this news and stalked off, her little bunny tail shaking as she went.

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http://www.carolynphillips.co.uk

Joey turned to unwrap the package, which she had been holding behind her back, but instead she jumped and dropped it as Robin let loose an eldritch screech.

"Robin!" she gasped. "Whatever is the matter?"

Robin appeared quite unable to speak, but only pointed, her face deathly white and her eyes wide with the sort of horror that no human being should have to endure. Joey turned round and screamed.

"Jem!" she yelled, clapping her hands over her eyes. "Please go and put some clothes on. Now! Just go!"

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"And I'm sure there was blood in the gutter from somebody's head, or else it was the sunset in a puddle."

So This is School! - The Sexiest Mistresses at the Chalet School

"Madge," stuttered Jem, "what on earth are you doing? I thought you said that - he - where is it?"

"Well," began Madge, looking between her husband and the two carefully averted faces.

"You know I need a miniature soon!" exclaimed Jem, exasperated.

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"His distinguished air, his handsome dark face, his composed attitude - for he stood perfectly still with one hand at his side - gave singular effect to the circumstance of his being without a hat." - 'Tales of Angria'

Jem was rather flustered by this time, noting his appearence, and Joey's comment.


Madge shook herself. 'Yes, Jem,' she said weakly. 'I think it might be aswell for you to get some clothes on. You never know how these two might be after that shock!'

Joey tried to smoother a giggle, but failed helplessly.

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Wishes the land of Merlin and magic was real