Don't inhale the cocoa on your cappuccino. It will cause you to cough and spit your (very nice) coffee all over the table, the seat and your SLOC's nice jacket.

When sewing on replacement buttons do not move them in an attempt to make your pants a size smaller. It will just make the zipper go wonky.

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If sparkly vampires are impaled on a wooden stake do they bleed glitter?

When watching the Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace, one should remember that the Black Riders will not be one of the featured regiments. Nor will Count Jasper be present.

It is important to distinguish between reality and fiction.

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... Anna made up her mind for once and all that there must be something about the Chalet School that affected all concerned with it with mild insanity!

Black Cherry yoghurt does not go with asparagus.

But I like both of those so much that you are almost tempting me to test that for myself, though I'm intrigued by the circumstances that would lead you to arrive at that conclusion.

...but isn't he there every year?

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"...but remember for your guidance in hours of peril, that the soul of man is unconquerable; no pain, no ignominy from without, can ever crush or smirch it, however much spirit and flesh may suffer." Far Away Moses

When you have been explaining a few days earlier to a junior colleague the meaning of the word 'sic' do not then say to her in front of others "I just used the word 'sic' in writing a set of minutes and it made me think of you" given that the others will hear the word 'sick' instead...

a) Wrapper in bin, toffee in mouth. It should be that simple, really

b) It doesn't matter how many times you hit the 'delete' key, it doesn't turn the phone off.

Do not try to look at your own forehead while walking along a public street. People think you are strange when you do that.

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"And I'm sure there was blood in the gutter from somebody's head, or else it was the sunset in a puddle."

So This is School! - Mary-Dorothy Devine - Interview with a Heroine

It is not good to wake SLOC up to tell him he is running late for his train when it is a Saturday and he's not working.

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Margia Stevens even peeped inquiringly into the great jar where the flour was kept. Needless to state, no Jo was there. (Jo of)

Do not take a 17 year old out for a driving lesson two days before her 'hardest' A/S exam.

When getting into your swimsuit at home to save time in the changing room, it is a good idea to put some clean underwear in your bag.

Cycling home in *just* a tshirt and leggings is a tad interesting. Especially as anyone who's met me will know that I'm not the shape that should go bra-less anywhere, particularly on a bike

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As a wise chinaman once said, 'man who smoke pot choke on handle'

At least you weren't jogging home.
I still remember my friend's nanny singing "Nicola's got no knickers" mockingly when we were kids and my friend did the same.

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"[Reprint means] word for word, comma for comma, not a mutilated updated version revised to take account of current fads and vocabulary." Antonia Forest

...and at least you weren't wearing a wide skirted dress on a windy day... (my variant on the above!)

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"...but remember for your guidance in hours of peril, that the soul of man is unconquerable; no pain, no ignominy from without, can ever crush or smirch it, however much spirit and flesh may suffer." Far Away Moses

When board markers inexplicably disappear, check pockets before freaking out.

I've done that... as well as 'My marking pen ! My good marking pen ! Who's taken it, the swine ? Has anyone seen my.....' 'Ahm, Jacko, it's in your other pocket...'

LOL! Yes, my students tend to have occasion to learn "It's over there" fairly early on in their classroom careers

It's generally better not to try taking a shower with your glasses on.

But if you do take a shower without your glasses, Josephine, how do you see where the bottle of shampoo/showergel is?

I tried taking a shower without my specs once. It was horribly confusing.

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Someone cooking meat at the den of a fox said: "One doesn't mention this in front of the mongoose" - Sumerian proverb

Outskirts Of The Twenties: The Problem Of Books

A notice to all cats (particularly mine):

Mice are outside toys.