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Title: Tension - an aside Post by Lesley on Sep 2nd, 2003, 9:53pm * Have been reading Esmerelda's drabble Tension at the Chalet School and really enjoying it - then when she posted about Bill being killed this occured to me - may add more later - too busy searching for tissues at the moment!* Hilda Annersley, sole Headmistress of the Chalet School, sat in her study. It was only three days since the news that Nell Wilson, her Co-Head, friend and confidant was dead. the business of the School continued and, during the day, was almost enough to keep the pain of her loss at bay. But now, late at night, when the School slept, there was nothing to stop her experiencing anew, the full horror of the situation. The small clock on the mantle chimed two o'clock, Hilda watched, her blue-grey eyes reflecting the pain within her soul. She thought back to her words the other night, when informing the School of the deaths of Nell and the others. She knew that, for Nell to survive, she would have experienced agony for the rest of her days. her wounds were too severe. She also had no doubt that her friend was currently in Heaven, their differences in faith were only superficial - love for God was paramount. No, her agony now was that she, Hilda, must continue alone. Her mind went back to a funeral she had attended many years ago, when she was still only a child. The priest, thinking to comfort her, had said that she should not be sad that the person had died, she should rejoice that he had entered Heaven and joined God. Hilda remembered that it had taken all of her self-control not to cry back. "I'm not crying for the person who has died! I'm crying for me! Because I will never again, on this Earth, have the privilege of speaking to them, laughing with them, loving them." Hilda felt those long ago thoughts were very appropriate. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by xanthe on Sep 2nd, 2003, 10:39pm *sniffles* thank you lesley *off to get some more tissues* |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Esmeralda on Sep 3rd, 2003, 1:44am :) Gasp - I've got my own spin off ;D Thank you , Lesley, I was sorting out the repurcussions in my mind while I was driving home, and I knew that Hilda Annersley was going to be the most problematic, and then I find you've handled her for me - Hurrah. ;D I'll probably mention her in passing, just so the story doesn't become disjointed, (as if it isnn't disjointed enough already) but apart from that she's all yours. *Gratefully handing Miss Annersley over to someone who will take good care of her |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Susan on Sep 3rd, 2003, 3:18am Oh my gosh more tears. That was part of my reaction when my dad died 2 years ago. And still comes over me when I need to tell him something. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by PatW on Sep 3rd, 2003, 10:12am Stop it! My Dad died last December 1 month short of his 98th birthday. He was with it to the end, and I still want to talk to him. The 'never again on this earth' is *so* true! I'm trying not to cry now!! |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Chloe on Sep 3rd, 2003, 10:27am i've just hat to go and get my chocolate ice-cream (which does not make a good breakfast) to try and cheer me up and have scared my friends by picking up the phone snuffing still from crying :'( :'( and get that too when something great happens and want to share it with my family, but then think i've never reallly shared anything with my mum as she died when i was soo little :( |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Vikki on Sep 3rd, 2003, 11:08am *offers big hugs to Pat and Susan for their dads, and very big hugs to Chloe and Xanthe for their mum* :'( :'( :'( :'( |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by PatW on Sep 3rd, 2003, 11:29am Thank you Vikki. I was lucky to have Dad for so long. He was 42 when he married Mum - she was 34! He was still driving 18 months ago. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Vikki on Sep 3rd, 2003, 11:51am I can sympathise with everyone to a certain extent, We nearly lost my dad a couple of years ago, due to a heart attack which resulted in severe angina. He had a double bypass just over two years ago, and the surgeon told us that if he'd had to wait much longer he wouldn't have survived. So I can imagine how I'd have felt if that had happened. Vikki *extremely thankful to still have her dad* |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Susan on Sep 3rd, 2003, 1:37pm Thanks for the hug Vikki. There are times when I really need one. Pat you have my sympathy. My dad was really well until about 4 hours before he died. Even though it was two years at the end of June it's still a shock to go home sometimes and he's not there. Which is also why I have Mum to look after - see other threads. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by PatW on Sep 3rd, 2003, 1:43pm Mum is 90, and needs too much care for either me or my sister to provide, as neither of us can afford to give up work. My sister is divorced, and my husband is out of work. we both have a morgage to pay off. therefore Mum has had to go into a home. It took her a few months to get settled - it's a huge change for someone her age, but she seems happy now. She herself says that she feels her needs are too much for us; she looked after her own mother till she died when I was 13. Grandma was then 92. It's the little things that are hardest to deal with, plus the knowledge that the family has changed forever. Clearing their flat was absolute Hell. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by crashbb on Sep 3rd, 2003, 1:52pm (((Hugs to Pat, Susan, Chloe and Xanthe))) I know what you mean. I lost my mum about 4.5 years ago after a very long battle with cancer. Though I am normally fine, every once in a while it just hits me that I have no mum. I do have an aunt (mom's sister) who is like a pseudo-mom, but sometimes you just want your mommy! When I was getting ready to defend my MSc thesis, I went to the cemetery and recited it for her - I got some strange looks from other people, but I don't care! (I rather think some were thinking - poor child, the grief must have been too much, so sad in one so young). |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Lesley on Sep 3rd, 2003, 2:11pm (I'm sorry to all those who had bad memories brought back by my posting. I should like to say that I was crying while writing it and the scene with the priest actually happened to me (and that was near enough what I thought). I intend to write more on this later and it's possible that it will evoke further memories.) |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Chloe on Sep 3rd, 2003, 2:17pm Lesley it didn't being sad memories so much just a reminder, that however often i do things, just becuase my mum isn't there in person doesn't mean i can't share things with her, i know i can talk to when ever it's just in a different way thats all. i can't wait for the next part :) |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by PatW on Sep 3rd, 2003, 2:22pm Lesley, don't worry, it's not a bad memory. Yes I still get upset, but that's natural. Like you made Hilda say, you're upset for you, not the person, and I know that Dad is fine, fit and well now, and I'll see him again. I know that, having seen him die, and seen him see *something* at the end. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Susan on Sep 3rd, 2003, 2:57pm Lesley, I agree with the others its not sad memories that are invoked when reading things like this. I also find it very theraputic and healing to know I am not the only one who feels like this, I was having a bad time when Rachel wrote Con's story (it was near Dad's anniversary) and some of the things she wrote helped me then. It is one of the wonders to me of belonging to a board like this there is always someone there when you need them. Very CS. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Lesley on Sep 3rd, 2003, 5:52pm *Next installment* The study door opened and Rosalie Dene stood there, "Hilda, you should be in bed," she said quietly. "What's the point?" the Head's voice was flat, "I'll not sleep." She turned to look at her secretary, there were dark circles under her eyes and almost no expression in them. The normal blue-grey colour seemed leached to a non-descript and bland grey. “I haven’t slept for the last three nights, and I don’t even feel like sleeping.” “Well I can soon fix that,” another voice broke in and both the Head and Rosalie turned to see Matron at the door. She held a glass of milk in her hand. “I want no arguments, Hilda, you are to drink this and get straight to bed.” Matey’s voice was as strong as ever, although she too showed the pain of the recent tragedy. “No arguments Gwynneth,” Hilda’s voice held no expression and seemed to have lost much of its low, rich quality, “I’ll drink the milk, and the sedative that I’m sure you’ve added. It will make me sleep, no doubt,” she fixed the Matron with a glance that held such pain Matey involuntarily took a step back, “But how many nights are you going to keep doing this? One drugged night of sleep will not mean that tomorrow I’ll discover this has all been a dreadful joke and that Nell Wilson lives. It’s just masking the problem.” She stood up and walked over to the Matron, taking the milk from her unresisting hand, she drained it in one go and returned the glass. “There,” she said smiling, both Rosalie and Matey saw that the smile did not reach her eyes, “I’ll sleep tonight, and re-enter my nightmare tomorrow.” She quietly left the room. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Marianne on Sep 3rd, 2003, 6:04pm Great writing - more please! |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Lesley on Sep 3rd, 2003, 10:22pm In the Staff Room the following day an extraordinary meeting. There was none of the normal banter and repartee, the entire Staff body were subdued, many of them still tearful. The room was arranged as always for the meetings with the two armchairs placed in the middle of the large table. Rosalie, arriving a little late, suddenly realised the incongruity of the two chairs and went to move one. A quiet voice stopped her. “Leave it Rosalie, a new Head for St Mildred’s will need to be appointed.” The Staff turned to see their Head enter the room. Hilda Annersley did not appear to have benefited from her night’s sleep. She still had great circles beneath her eyes and was very pale. Her gaze swept quickly around her Staff and not one of them could hold eye contact. Indeed Nancy Wilmot thought that, just for a split second, she could have glimpsed Hell. Mademoiselle de Lachenais passed around coffee to everyone and a tray of cakes from Karen. Hilda took the coffee but refused the cake. She drew a deep breath and began. “There are a number of administrative details to arrange,” her voice remained flat, “firstly, Nancy, would you take over, temporarily, running St Mildred’s?” She turned to Mademoiselle Berne, “Julie, this is no reflection on you, only that Nancy has experience.” “That’s fine Hilda,” Julie Berne murmured. “Good, now as we are short English mistresses I would like to welcome Con Maynard as a member of Staff. She has kindly agreed to take Miss Lucas’ place.” She glanced over at Con, sitting quietly in one corner. “I understand that the Geography section will be able to cover?” the Head turned to Miss Moore who nodded abruptly. “Excellent, now for Science,” Hilda paused for a moment and swallowed, “For now we will have to manage as best we can. I will be interviewing for a new mistress within the next few months.” Hilda stopped for a moment and glanced around the room, “Finally, there will be a memorial service for Miss Wilson, Miss Lucas and Mahala Lindsey in one weeks time - that is to allow those travelling from abroad time to arrive. Madge Russell is flying in from Australia in three days time.” There was a small murmur of interest. The founder of the School would obviously wish to be here for the service. Hilda spoke once more, “I will be delivering the eulogy, if there is any information you think I may need about Miss Lucas or Mahala I would be grateful.” She stood up, “that is all for now ladies, we have a difficult task ahead of us this term. I thank you in advance for your help and support.” She turned to leave and Nancy Wilmot’s voice stopped her. “Hilda, I think we’d all appreciate it if we could say a prayer, for our losses and the injured?” Nancy was quite pink, she never normally showed a very spiritual side. The Head stopped dead and stared into space for some minutes before replying, “That’s a very nice thought, Nancy, I’m sure the Staff will appreciate it.” she paused and then continued, “At the moment however, I don’t think it is appropriate for me to take part.” Her dead-seeming eyes swept around the Staff Room once before she left. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by LulieCat on Sep 3rd, 2003, 10:34pm *reaches for the tissues again* This is so moving, thank you Lesley. Between these drabbles, my quiltmaverick friends and one of my favourite students losing his mother, I'm fast turning into a gibbering wreck :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( *and i know you shouldn't have favourites, but he's just adorable* |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Carolyn P on Sep 3rd, 2003, 10:39pm I'm absolutly amazed at this. It is well written, and so gut wrenching. I'm going to have to stop reading this board before going to bed. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Esmeralda on Sep 3rd, 2003, 11:43pm Lesley - this is absolutely superb, thank you for writing this. I'm fortunate enough to have never lost anyone close to me so far, (hugs to those who have) so this doesn't have the same resonances for me as for others, but I can really feel Hilda's grief. I know that I I could never in a million years have handled Hilda's reaction as sensitively as you have. *Totally overawed.* PS Given the subject matter I guess my smileys from last night were a bit out of place, but I'd had a hectic time at work, a couple of drinks later and I was just so pleased to see this. Apologies. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Lesley on Sep 4th, 2003, 12:27am Esmeralda, your smileys were not out of place. no apologies neccessary. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Clare on Sep 4th, 2003, 12:59am I've just posted on "Tensions" that the person I felt most sorry for was Hilda Annersley. Lesley, you've brought this to life in a way I couldn't imagine. Thank you. :'( - sums me up right now. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Lesley on Sep 4th, 2003, 5:49am *Another installment - now I've really got to go to work!* Joey Maynard opened the door to Freudesheim, “come in both of you,” she said quickly. Nancy Wilmot and Kathie Ferrars entered. They were shown into the Saal and Joey produced English Tea. “You said on the phone that it was important Nancy,” Joey’s voice was also subdued and she wore an air of grief, as they all did. Nancy nodded, “It’s Hilda,” she said. “I thought it might be, Con has been keeping me informed.” “Joey, we are seriously worried, Hilda seems to be withdrawing from everything. Oh, her work as Head is done, and to the same high standard, but that makes it worse in a way,” “Another thing, ”put in Kathie, “apart from the first night back for the School, she hasn’t taken Prayers.” Joey Maynard looked shocked, “You’re sure?” Hilda Annersley’s devotion was a core part of her entire being. “Not once, either I or Ruth Derwent have taken the Protestants,” Nancy replied, also going on to explain the scene at the staff meeting. “I’ll tell you another thing as well,” Nancy continued, “As far as we’ve been able to ascertain, she’s not cried, not even when the news first broke. Rosalie told me that both she and Clare were with Hilda when the message came through about casualties. They were both distraught, but the Abbess just went deathly pale and continued to work.” ………….. “Come in Joey, I’ve been expecting you.” The Head’s voice was quiet and rather harsh. Joey Maynard went and kissed her friend on the cheek, noting as she did so that Hilda made no attempt to kiss her back. “Expecting me?” her voice was enquiring. “Ever since I saw that Nancy and Kathie had been to visit.” The Head stood up and walked over to her study window, staring out into the grounds. “They’re worried about you.” Hilda smiled, a false, somewhat unnerving sight as her eyes remained dead, “I should be flattered,” Joey watched as the Head walked back to stand beside her desk. “Hilda, we’re all worried about you. This news about Bill is devastating for all of us, but it’s worst for you.” Her beautiful voice trembled with emotion. “Kathie also told me that you’ve not been taking Prayers?” Miss Annersley turned to view her friend and even Joey could not meet her eyes, “I have any number of faults Joey,” she said quietly, “But I’m not a hypocrite. At the moment my thoughts toward God are hardly worshipful.” “Oh Hilda, you cannot feel that,” there was genuine sorrow in Joey’s voice, “God is Love, He will help all of us to get through this.” “So I once thought,” the quiet voice replied, “But an earthquake is ‘an Act of God’ therefore you’ll excuse me if my feelings toward God cannot currently be termed Love.” |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Carolyn P on Sep 4th, 2003, 8:27am How real. This is wonderful, and very well written. As someone to whom my faith is central I often forun the unquestioning acceptance in the books slightly unreal and love the way you are dealing with this. In private Hilda is probably raging againt God, but would not dream of letting anyone know that, because saying such things to God 'isn't done'. Silly idea 'cos He knows anyway. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Rachael P on Sep 4th, 2003, 2:29pm Lesley, This is wonderful - you capture the whole essence of Hilda so well Everyone else - I'm privileged enough to be reading chapters of Lesley's Hilda book as she goes and I can testify that this drabble is a really good indication of how she writes - I've been getting goosebumps, cold shivers and tears but she also does a brilliant line in introducing gentle humour to balance the sad bits. "Headmistress" will certainly be worth the wait (sigh - got to go on holiday tomorrow so will be missing out for 2 weeks) |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Jennie on Sep 4th, 2003, 2:40pm Have a wonderful holiday Rachael, enjoy yourself, and send the plot bunnies off the top of a high cliff if they pester you. :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Rachael P on Sep 4th, 2003, 3:42pm LOL - I will be visiting the Grand Canyon - do you think that's high enough? ;) Thanks, Jennie! |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Rachel on Sep 4th, 2003, 5:02pm Lesley, this is superb! I sometimes think there must be something wrong with me as I would rather read a real tragedy than a happy-bunny story! Maybe though that's just a reflection that my life tends toward the former rather than the latter! Rachel ~ blowing nose and wishing she had a box of tissues next to the computer where she keeps telling the children they belong! (and Rachael, have a fabulous holiday and feel free to borrow my Sanity Cow for the duration!) |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Lesley on Sep 4th, 2003, 6:20pm *Next installment.* The Memorial Service There had been too many people wishing to attend the memorial service for either of the small chapels to be used. Apart from the School itself, a large number of Old Girls and Ex-Mistresses had managed to find their way to the Gornetz Platz. The San was also well represented, as were those parents of past and present pupils who were in the vicinity. The big School Hall was employed, with all adjoining doors open so that the overspill could be accommodated. The Protestant Chaplain and Roman Catholic priest conferred on exactly what the joint service should consist of – Mahala Lindsey and Jane Lucas had both been Protestant, Nell Wilson a Catholic. As the final notes of the hymn died away the congregation sat. A tall, thin figure, dressed in her black MA robe and hood, made her way to the lectern. The deep red fur lining of the hood only served to accentuate her pale face. Miss Annersley faced the waiting crowd. “I have been asked to deliver a short eulogy for the three we have lost,” she said quietly, her voice, for the past ten days a harsh facsimile of its normal rich tones, today rang out deep and true. The entire congregation could hear her every word. “Firstly, Mahala Lindsey, Mahala was eighteen years old, she had attended the Chalet School for four years, reaching Games Prefect in her final year. She then moved on to our finishing branch St Mildred’s. Mahala was a happy, sunny person, who engendered love in those around her. I do not believe that she ever had a bad word to say about anyone. I have, over the last week, had a number of junior girls come to me expressing their sorrow at her death, she had the rare ability to empathise with her juniors. She intended to enter the nursing profession after her time at St Mildred’s, that profession is the poorer for her loss. Mr and Mrs Lindsey,” her eyes picked out the parents, “she was a credit to you.” The Head took a short breath then continued, “Next Jane Lucas, Jane Lucas was a new member of staff she had only been with us a few terms, and not someone I had had a chance to know well. However, she was an English mistress, and I make a point of knowing something about all those who teach my subject. Jane Lucas was an exceptional teacher; she had the ability to make her subject live for her students. She was dedicated and caring, placing her students’ welfare above her own at all times. You should know that she gave up her own holiday to go with the group to San Sebastian, when another member of staff had to drop out due to a family emergency. I was proud to have known her. Finally, Nell Wilson,” Hilda paused for so long that Joey Maynard made to join her, a glance from the Head though kept her in place. “Nell joined the School two terms before I did. She was, at different times, Science and Geography mistress, Senior mistress, Headmistress, Co-Head. Most recently she was Head of St Mildred’s, our finishing branch. She could be untidy, sarcastic, short tempered and impatient. She was reverent, generous, loyal and brave.” The Head paused for a moment, swallowing, before continuing. “She was my colleague… My rock… My friend.” She nodded to Madge Russell and quietly took her place in the front row of the congregation. Madge, her eyes brimming with tears, took her place at the lectern. “The reading today is from 1 Corinthians, chapter 15, verses 52 - 56.” Madge started reading, wiping her eyes as she did so. She glanced over at the Head, Hilda’s face was expressionless and her eyes blank. She did not appear to be listening to the reading. Madge’s voice faltered and, for a moment there was silence, then, rising from her seat in the front row, Joey Maynard took her sister’s hand in her own and continued the reading, her beautiful voice rising up to be heard by all. After a few minutes Madge’s voice joined with hers and they finished the reading together. “Oh death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?” ………….. |
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Title: The Memorial ServiceRe: Tension - an aside Post by Lesley on Sep 4th, 2003, 6:24pm *Sorry - wouldn't allow me to post it all at once!* After the end of the service the Head gathered her Staff and gave instructions, “Take the girls out, they need a break from this atmosphere, and they need the exercise.” She glanced round; her Staff showed, without exception, signs of extreme emotion. “I believe you could all benefit from the same,” she said, her own face impassive. Miss Annersley walked down the length of the Hall, passing numerous groups of her friends and colleagues. She acknowledged no one but passed silently through the doors at the end and back to her Study. …….. Jack Maynard watched her go, he was shaking his head, “I really hoped that the memorial service would break that calm,” he said to his three companions – Joey, Madge and Jem Russell, “or that Madge or Joey could have got through,” “We tried Jack,” Madge’s face still bore the ravages of the tears she had shed earlier. “It was as though she has placed a wall around herself and no-one can get through.” “I even got Con Mackenzie to speak to her on the phone,” this from Joey, “She couldn’t get here as she’s broken her leg. She tried for 20 minutes without effect.” “Any number of the Old Girls, Staff and ex-Staff have tried,” Madge continued, "including Mary-Lou. If she’d only cry I’m sure she could begin to heal.” “It’s more than that, Madge,” Jack sounded serious, “Dying from a broken heart is possible – the sub-conscious mind may just be willing that to happen – you’ve noticed how thin she is? Gwynneth tells me she isn’t eating.” “But what can we do?” the heartfelt plea was from Joey. “At the moment all we can do is pray that someone will get through her armour.” Jem said grimly, “otherwise we’ll be attending another memorial service within the month.” |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Rachel on Sep 4th, 2003, 6:25pm *quiet weeping so as not to disturb other mourners* Rachel ~ also showing signs of extreme emotion |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Lesley on Sep 4th, 2003, 7:10pm Don't worry Rachel - not much more to go! - And it's already written! |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by xanthe on Sep 4th, 2003, 7:19pm :'(*curls up into a defensive little ball* :'( this is brilliantly written & so emotive it's almost painful to read |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Lesley on Sep 4th, 2003, 7:55pm The ordinary work of the Chalet School slowly resumed over the next two days. The Staff doing their best to inject some form of normality into the term. This was not helped by everyone noticing the effect that Bill’s death had had on the Abbess. Girls new to the school that term found it difficult to believe that the Headmistress was held in such high esteem, they saw very little of her as she still refused to take Prayers. Over at Freudesheim, Jack Maynard watched with dread as their friend grew thinner each day. He had tried to persuade her to either be admitted to the San, or visit Joey, but Hilda proved to be even more stubborn than the doctor, eventually stating that, as Head, she had responsibility for all the Staff including herself, not the doctors. ……….. Early one morning the Head entered her study and mechanically started to go through her correspondence. She read through a number of letters from Old Girls of the School, all expressing their condolences, she also read three letters from prospective pupils' parents and one from someone requesting a copy of the latest job application form. The post was for a Science Mistress and Hilda felt another pang settle in her chest. She turned to the final letter. It was a large and heavy envelope, well travel-stained, and with an indecipherable postmark. She opened the letter and a large wedge of paper and a small parcel fell out. She picked up the front sheet, it was written in French. Dear Mademoiselle Annersley My name is Sister Emilie Rouen, I am part of a nursing order of nuns, most recently we have been involved in caring for the casualties in the terrible earthquake in Tristobel in San Sebastian. One of those casualties was a friend of yours - Nell Wilson. She was severely injured and only lived for twelve hours in my care. Nothing that anyone could have done would have saved her. During most of her time with me she remained conscious and she asked me to help her write you a letter. I enclose both it and a package she wanted you to have. She died less than an hour after dictating the final part of the letter. My Condolences Mademoiselle and God Bless. Emilie Rouen Hilda stared with disbelief at the letter then swiftly turned to the rest of the sheets, with a trembling hand she smoothed them out and started to read. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Carolyn P on Sep 4th, 2003, 9:38pm Oh. :'( How beautiful. I'm not sure I dare read the letter. :'( |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Marianne on Sep 4th, 2003, 9:46pm Oh! I'm depressed now, that was wonderful, good luck to you in writing the letter, don't get too many tears on the key board. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Lesley on Sep 4th, 2003, 10:05pm (Tears every time I read it - and I know it off by heart :'() My dearest Hilda By the time this reaches you I will be dead. I am in terrible pain from my injuries and will welcome the respite. But I do so regret not being able to see you once more. We have been friends and companions for a long time and I know that news of my death will cause you extreme pain. How do I know? Because I almost went through the same all those years ago after our traffic accident. At the time it was not thought that you would live and I felt as though someone had ripped out half my soul. But Hilda we will not be apart forever. I go on ahead now, I will see my parents and my little sister, and I will be waiting there at the Gates when you come - even if I have to jemmy the lock! (At this Miss Annersley gave a short laugh, recognising the final instalment in the gentle game they had played, teasing each other about their respective faiths.) I should warn you though, I do not expect to see you for some time - I want you to continue to live for both of us. Continue guiding the School - it has been our lives work and I would not want you to forget that. Then, once you feel able, sometime in the future, hand over the reins to Nancy and Kathie, and find new dreams to follow. Give my love to all our friends, especially Joey and Madge, tell them I'm thinking of them. As for you, I name you my next of kin, you may have all my possessions - do with them as you see fit. I have also asked the Sister to send one other item to you. Be strong Hilda, and remember, I'll be waiting for you. All my love Nell Through eyes almost blinded by tears, Hilda searched for the small package. Seeing the item it contained was the final stroke and she placed her head in her hands and broke down, sobbing great wrenching cries that seemed almost forced from her. An hour later she was discovered. Clare Kennedy, slipping in to see if the Head needed help with her correspondence found her, still crying quietly, her head on her arms, resting on the desk. Between them Clare and Rosalie got her over to the sofa, and then contacted Matey and Jack Maynard. Later that day she was removed to the San. A worried Joey met Jack Maynard as he was on his way back home, "It's going to be OK Joey," he smiled, "Something has broken through that dreadful calm of hers, I think she wants to live now." "Oh, Thank God!" It was more than ten days before Hilda was fit to return to her post. Ten days in the calm influence of the San finished off the healing process that Nell's letter had started. Hilda was visited by Joey, Madge and numerous others, and took the opportunity to discuss with all of them both their and her feelings for the tragedy. On her return to the School she was greeted with rapture by both the Staff and the girls. She seemed to have returned to her old self and everyone noticed that her smile was once again ready and that it reached her eyes. Some of the more observant noticed that she still carried a shadow of grief, but this was a normal reaction, and she was dealing with it in the same way that countless others had before her. Only a very few noticed that she now wore two seal-rings - one on each hand. (That's it people - I think Hilda can cope on her own now.) |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Esmeralda on Sep 4th, 2003, 10:16pm Thank you Lesley. * Struck dumb with awe. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by COS on Sep 4th, 2003, 10:16pm Lesley, this is a beautiful story. Nell's letter to Hilda was mind-blowing. Thank you so much. Caroline - off to hunt for the tissues |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Rachel on Sep 4th, 2003, 10:19pm Hilda may be able to cope on her own but I can't! Someone pass the hankies and an emotional security blanket please! Rachel ~ soaking the keyboard |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Vikki on Sep 4th, 2003, 10:56pm That was beautifully written Lesley, thank you. Vikki *searching for something, anything, to dry her eyes on!* |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Susan on Sep 5th, 2003, 12:59am OOOHHH Lesley I can hardly see to type for tears that was beautiful. Well done. I totally agree with the part where Hilda could not take prayers the first Sunday I went back to my own church after dad'd death I couldn't join in. I could not sing the hymns I felt like Hilda it was hypocritical. I'm OK now with that but it tok weeks. I daren't tell anyone what I said to God in the meantime, yet as Carolyn said He knew it anyway. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by xanthe on Sep 5th, 2003, 9:14am *just had to resort to drying my eyes on my pyjamas* Lesley that was beautiful :'( |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Jennie on Sep 5th, 2003, 12:22pm Lesley, my keyboard and mouse are floating on the desk. A truly beautiful story. Please send tissues everyone, I've just used a whole box. |
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Title: [i][/i]Re: Tension - an aside Post by Rach on Sep 5th, 2003, 12:26pm That was so beautiful, Lesley. Thank you for sorting Hilda out, I didn't like to think of her full of bitterness and hurt and regret forever. Rach *I won't cry, I won't cry....* |
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Title: Re: [i][/i]Tension - an aside Post by Rachel on Sep 5th, 2003, 12:28pm on 09/05/03 at 12:26:20, Rach wrote:
Betcha will! |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Lisa_T on Sep 5th, 2003, 12:48pm I decided to take a dekko at the board qhile I'm at uni hacking into their system,- and if I was alone I'd be howling with the rest of you! Lesley, this is spectacular. I know you can't/ won't post any of your opus proper because of publishing issues but pretty please could you write another spin off like this? *grovelling profusely* Lisa |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Carolyn P on Sep 5th, 2003, 4:37pm Lesley that was awesome. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Chloe on Sep 5th, 2003, 5:02pm :'(was just greeted with "Oh no what are you reading?" by xan this is so well written :'( |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Lesley on Sep 5th, 2003, 9:18pm Many thanks all of you for your comments. There was only ever going to be one person who could get through to Hilda. I will be posting this onto the fiction board. (BTW Nell's letter makes me cry every time I read it!) |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Sindhu on Sep 7th, 2003, 2:19pm Oh, God Lesley- I cried so much- 'm still crying as I write this. I lost my mother when I was 9 years old and she had been bedridden for three years before that- so that practically all my memories of her are in the sick room-and she was so young- I hated God after that, I can't tell you how much and it was a very long time before I could pray or trust again. there has always been an empty spot inside but I hadn't cried for years- now I'm just sitting and crying my heart out . Thanks, Lesley, I needed that - both the cry and the final feeling that there may be something left. It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. Thanks. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Lesley on Sep 7th, 2003, 3:48pm You're welcome Sindhu - so sorry to hear about your mother - if this has helped in any way I'm pleased. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Clare on Sep 8th, 2003, 11:19am Lesley thank you. I don't think my top was meant to double up as a hanky, but I don't care. It was worth it for that beautiful story. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by CF on Sep 9th, 2003, 9:45pm I only came across this thread on Sunday and it has taken me 4 attempts to get through it all as I kept crying and couldn't see out of my contact lenses. Lesley, congratulations - it was so sad but a lovely story - things were resolved as much as they could be by the end and Miss Annersley getting Miss WIlson's ring was just so appropriate and fitting. My father died when I was 16 - he was only 44 and that was 28 years ago but I still wish he was with us. Strangely enough I just had a dream about him the other night; I dreamt he came back to us and I was just so happy but not altogether surprised when I awoke to find it wasn't true as I think after 28 years I've got used to it. |
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Title: Re: Tension - an aside Post by Rachael P on Sep 22nd, 2003, 3:25pm I just knew I'd miss out >:( by going on my hols! But lucky me for getting to read the rest of this is one fell swoop - it was absolutely wonderful - as someone said, very evocative and you really feel with Hilda's pain and inner turmoil. (I think my colleagues passing by must have thought that really, returning to work after hols doesn't require quite so much sorrow!) *Rachel - thanks for the loanof the Sanity Cow - duly returned!) |
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