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        Stories & Imaginings >> Cookies & Drabbles >>  Satan Versus OOAOML
        
(Message started by: Rachel on Nov 8th, 2003, 9:44pm)
Title: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 8th, 2003, 9:44pm
OK, the cast for tonights drabble are (so far)

Satan; played by a Jeremy Irons type (suave, smooth, sophisticated)

OOAOML; played by KB (OOAOHG)

Satan's Little Helper; played by Edmund Blackadder nough said)

OOAOMLs personal Angel; played by Vikki (esteemed second pree of the CBB)





OOAOML was extremely annoyed. She had made up her mind to get well at double quick time after an accident which, while admittedly ripping off both arms, both legs and half her head, had, in her opinion, been a mere scratch. To find herself dead therefore, was somewhat irritating. Especially when she had been preparing to tell the Amblance service about a new method of making sure an ambulance was on the scene of an accident within twenty seconds. OK, so OOAOs method consisted of an ambulance every thirty yeards per road, but it would work, and that was the main thing.

Mary-Lou sighed with frustration. She was in a waiting room with "Greensleeves" being piped in over a very tinny sounding tannoy system, which seemed to be on a forty-five second loop. Long enough to recognise the tune and begin huimming along,. short enough to never quite reach the end. Mary-Lou had been sat on one of those hard plastic chairs for over five hours now. It was one of those chairs beloved of beurocrats world wide. The kind that alleges to offer lumbar support until you sit in it. Then the lumbar support is a little too low down, so you slide down in the chair. Then the lumbar support seems too high, so you stretch up straight. Then the lumbar support is totally missing, to have been replaced with some kind of boulder, usually located at around mid-back height. Mary-Lou looked at her watch, looked at the numbered ticket in her hand (378) and looked at the ticket counter hanging from the ceiling, currently showing number 002. The rest of the waiting room was empty, and had been the whole time Mary-Lou had sat there.

A little voice sounded somewhere near Mary-Lou's left foot.
"Psssssst!"
OOAO looked around for the source of the voice.
"Pssssssssssssssst!"
Mary-Lou was perplexed. She copuld hear the voice clearly, but couldn't see anybody who could be speaking.
"Oh for goodness sake!" burst out an angel, sitting on Mary-Lou's foot. "Are you blind?"
OOAO looked at the little angel. It was wearing a slightly grubby robe, and it's waist length hair appeared to have been used by several generations of some rodent species as a home.
"NO WAY!" burst out Mary-Lou. "There is No Way you are an angel!"
"Why not?" asked the angel aggrieved. "I've got the robe, see?"
"And where's the halo?" demanded Mary-Lou. "Wheres the harp and heavenly chorus? Where's my cloud and my wings? And why are you so small?"
The little angel had the grace to look somewhat shame faced. "I lost them," she replied, not quite looking Mary-Lou in the eyes.
"You lost them?" repeated Mary-Lou. "You lost my halo, my harp, my cloud and my wings?"
"Nope," said the angel.
"But you just said you did!"
"Nope. I said I lost MY halo, harp, cloud and wings. You aint got none. You can tell you know. Theres an easy way of telling. YOU'RE in hell."
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by catherine on Nov 8th, 2003, 9:47pm
Oh dear!  Wonder what KB is going to have to say to this!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 8th, 2003, 9:48pm
*screams and begins to sob violently* *wails* Not only do I end up in Hell, but I only have Vikki for company and support!!!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by catherine on Nov 8th, 2003, 9:51pm
No, you have Edmund Blackadder as well!  

*Feels very sorry for KB but isn't quite brave enough to venture into Hell and save her.*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 8th, 2003, 9:53pm
*points to the word 'support' and continues to sob*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by catherine on Nov 8th, 2003, 10:00pm
*sigh*  KB, you are in Hell under the guise of OOAOML not as KB!  And if you are OOAOML, then you ought to be able to find a way out of this situation!  Suggests praying to good God for forgiveness for interfering ways and promising to do better.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 8th, 2003, 10:06pm
Mary-Lou narrowed her eyes and looked at the angel.
"OK, well, if you're telling me the truth and I'm in hell, what are you doing here?" she asked in triumph, pleased to have spotted the flaw in the angel's argument.
"Well, I work here of course!"
"But you're an ANGEL!" burst out Mary-Lou, shocked by this revelation.
"Duhhhhh! Of course I am! We all are! Haven't you ever read the Bible?"
Mary-Lou was offended. "Of course I have," she replied scornfully, and began to quote, "I will lift up my eyes unto the hills whence cometh my help."
The angel looked at Mary-Lou with interest. "Well," she said. "Go on."
"Ummmmm, what do you mean?"
"Carry it on," replied the little angel. "How does the next bit go?"
"This is ridiculous," snapped out Mary-Lou. "I demand to see someone in authority round here!"
"OK," grinned the angel.

Mary-Lou was led to a small office decorated in the least tasteful style possible. Green shag pile carpet competed with fuschia pink walls. A mahogany desk sat next to a formica bookcase. A set of bookshelves held a collection of books, tumbled onto the shelves anyhow, and interspersed by small parts of car engines, still dripping with oil. The vase on the windowsill held nothing but f*g butts, and the window itself looked out over the dustbins.
"Are you in charge?" demanded Mary-Lou of the elegant gentleman sat behind the desk, dressed in a manner very reminiscent of Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen. The man stood up and gallantly offered Mary-Lou a chair.
"I am dear lady, and you are...?"
"Mary-Louise Trelawney, and I wish to know exactly where I am and what is going on."
"Ah, Miss Trelawney! I have been looking forward to meeting you! And as to where you are, why that depends on what you would prefer it to be called. Hell, Hades, Sheol, The Eternal Grave, Purgatory, Limbo, The Netherworld, The Other World, Milton Keynes, whatever you prefer."
"Do you mean, I have died and not gone straight to Heaven? Who made this mistake? This is intolerable! I demand that this be put right immediately!"
Satan smiled gently. He did so enjoy the ones who refused to accept their new role in death. And Miss Trelawney had been noted long before as "one to watch". He snapped his fingers, and an equally suave gentleman, with an exceedingly bored expression sauntered into the room.
"Yeeeeeees?" he drawled.
"Ah, Miss Trelawney has arrived today, and needs to be shown her accomadation. Will you see to it please?"
"Yeeeeeees," drawled Satan's Little Helper, and left the room.





"Well, what are you waiting for?" asked Satan. "Run along my dear! Follow him! Go and find your room and unpack!"
"I will NOT!" declared Mary-Lou. "I will stay right here until you answer my questions satisfactorily. And I would appreciate a glass of water. I have been waiting hours without ONCE being offered a drink!"
Satan snapped his fingers, and Mary-Lou's personal angel ran from the room, to reappear staggering along with a glass the same size as herself, filled to the brim with clear fresh icy water.
Mary-Lou took a mouthful, and her expression changed to one of pain. She swallowed hastily, then placed the glass down. "I'm sorry," she said, "I can't drink this. I seem to have  touched a nerve in a tooth. Perhaps I could have a glass of water not quite so chilled?"
"Sorry my dear, no can do." replied Satan. "All our water is crystal clear and icily cold. And water is the only thing we have to drink. And we have all the dentists here, but no dentists chairs. It's so sad. So many of our guests appear to suffer the very same problem as you too. Sensitive teeth must be such a curse," smiled Satan as he picked up his own mug of tea from his desk and blew on it gently before taking a sip.
"I thought you said the nly thing to drink here is water?" asked Mary-Lou, narrowing her eyes at Satan.
"Why, so I did," replied Satan. "I must have lied."
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 8th, 2003, 10:13pm
*feeling only marginally better by Rachel's statement*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by catherine on Nov 8th, 2003, 10:16pm
*Fails to see what Rachel said to make KB feel better!*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 8th, 2003, 10:18pm

on 11/08/03 at 22:00:16, catherine wrote:
*sigh*  KB, you are in Hell under the guise of OOAOML not as KB!  And if you are OOAOML, then you ought to be able to find a way out of this situation!  Suggests praying to good God for forgiveness for interfering ways and promising to do better.


This. It means I can blame OOAOML for everything that happens to me.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by catherine on Nov 8th, 2003, 10:21pm
Well, yes, but then surely I should get some credit for pointing it out to you?

*walks off huffily*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Lesley on Nov 8th, 2003, 10:36pm
More giggles - Rachel this is excellent - how long is it going to take KB/OOAOML to realise that she's DOOOOOMED!

Lots more please!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 8th, 2003, 10:37pm

on 11/08/03 at 21:48:42, KB wrote:
*screams and begins to sob violently* *wails* Not only do I end up in Hell, but I only have Vikki for company and support!!!


Well! I like that!!! And after I've been backing you for all I'm worth as well!!! :'( :'( :'(
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by catherine on Nov 8th, 2003, 10:40pm
You surely didn't think she'd be satisfied with just you, Vikki?  After all, OOAOML thinks herself an important person and would need a bevy of angels before she'd be satisfied!  ;)
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 8th, 2003, 10:46pm
Mary-Lou attempted to storm from the office, but was somewhat hampered by her personal angel which had anchored itself onto her shoe and was now busily engaged in biting and eating her toenails. She limped from the office instead, and was greeted by the somewhat slimy figure of Satan's Little Helper stood next to a Sinclair C5.
"Please get in, and keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle at all times," he drawled. Clambering on the back of the 'vehicle', he pushed off with his feet, and the C5 began to move at the staggering speed of a snail.
"Where are we going?" asked Mary-Lou, bored already by the journey.
"Just down this road, quick hop along the M25, and then we'll be there." replied SLH.
Nineteen hours later that had prgressed precisely one mile along the M25.
"This is ridiculous!" snarled Mary-Lou.
"No, ridiculous is the sight of a badger attempting to tap dance whilst wearing flares. THIS is merely annoying." replied SLH.
"Wouldn't it be quicker to get out and walk?" asked Mary-Lou.
"Yes, which is why you can't." said SLH.
"Ridiculous! Of course I can!" said OOAO, attempting to suit her actions to her words. The minute she moved her leg over the side of the C5, a gap appeared in traffic, and SLH maneuvered the vehicle out into a stream of fast moving traffic, where they rapidly became a cross between a mobile chicane and a rolling road block.

A mere ten weeks later, their journey reached it's end. Mary-Lou got out and stretched her cramped muscles, glad of a reprieve from the company of SLH and her obnoxious personal angel.
"Through that door please," requested SLH in a smarmy voice overlaid with a thin veneer of disdain.
OOAO went through the door and came face to face with Satan. In his office.
"Ten Weeks just to get back HERE?" screeched OOAO, in her best KB voice.
"Well, it got you out the way for a while, and let you experience one of my greatest achievements in the history of causing pain and suffering," smiled Satan.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Trish on Nov 8th, 2003, 10:48pm
I was in hysterics as soon as I read the title (knowing exactly where it came from), let alone now that I've read it!

more please!

(Ooops cross posted. I'm not THAT impatient, not quite anyway)
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by xanthe on Nov 8th, 2003, 11:03pm
*giggling*

Oh dear, sometimes I worry about Rachel...and then I just give in to the urge to laugh like a total loony.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 8th, 2003, 11:16pm
"Now, take a seat my dear," said Satan.
Mary-Lou moved across the room towards a chair and was about to lower herself down when Satan's voice cut in.
"No! Sorry, not that one dear girl."
Mary-Lou crossed the room to a second chair where this exchange was repeated. Giving Satan a curious look, Mary-Lou went to the third and last chair the room boasted, where once again Satan told her "not that chair".
"Well which chair can I sit in?"
"Any chair you like," replied Satan promptly.
Marching back to the first chair, Mary-Lou made a move to sit, and was stopped by Satan saying, "Not that chair."
"But you SAID," began Mary-Lou in injured tones.
"I did," replied Satan. "And technically I was correct. You can sit in any chair you like, but you may not."

Mary-Lou stormed over to the desk, and glared at Satan, who began to feel slightly uncomfortable under the unblinking gaze fixed upon him. He tried to give a laugh, which came out more like the noise a constipated gerbil makes, and waved Mary-Lou to a chair that appeared immediately bhind her. "You may sit there," he said quickly, trying to get the basilisk glare to leave Mary-Lou's face.
She sat down and said in her most pompous tones "[i[Thank[/i] you."

Satan pulled out a file from his desk drawer, which squeaked irritatingly. He glanced at the file, pulled out the drawer, replaced the file and pulled out a second file, closing the drawer. He glanced over this file, opened the squeaky drawer, replaced the folder, and pulled out a third. When he had repeated this process for twenty minutes, and Mary-Lou's teeth were on edge once more waiting for the squeak, she could hold back no longer.
"What are you doing" she yelled at him.
"Just checking your file dear girl!" replied Satan in surprise, having expected a young lady of mary-Lou's intellect to realise this.
"But there must be at least a hundred files there!" said Mary-Lou with a sense of bewilderment.
"Three thousand, eight hundred and sixty nine. Point three. And a half. And all yours." replied Satan calmly.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 8th, 2003, 11:17pm

on 11/08/03 at 23:03:57, xanthe wrote:
*giggling*

Oh dear, sometimes I worry about Rachel...and then I just give in to the urge to laugh like a total loony.


Xanthe! What do you mean sometimes you worry about Rachel? I worry about her all the time!! ;)
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Lesley on Nov 8th, 2003, 11:20pm
Wonderful - totally agree about M25 as regularly have sense of humour failure on the damn thing!

More, more, more!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 8th, 2003, 11:24pm
Still not sure why I was lumbered with the role of KB/OOAOML's personal angel? Not happy about the toenail biting scene!! >:(
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by xanthe on Nov 8th, 2003, 11:24pm
*wondering what noise a constipated gerbil DOES make*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 8th, 2003, 11:30pm
Probably a cross between a squeak and a grunt Xanthe!!! ;)
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by xanthe on Nov 8th, 2003, 11:33pm
Thanks for that Vikki, I can now appreciate Rachel's mistresspiece more fully!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 8th, 2003, 11:35pm
Happy to help!!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 8th, 2003, 11:44pm
After a long pause, mary-Lou attempted to ask in a nonchalant way, "So, what does my file say about me?"
"Nothing, paper can't talk," replied Satan, giving her another of his feeble smiles and receiving a OOAOHG glare in response.
Getting down to business, Satan whirled around in his "executive leather swivell chair" and switched on his computer. Tapping buttons rapidly he pulled up a computer file titled "Trekawney, Mary-Lou"
He scanned the document for a few moments before speaking.
"According to this, mary-Lou is a delightful girl, a help to those around her, modest, generous and self-sacrificing. Her one vice appears to be sleeping in occasionally, but as this is offset by her staying up late at night to take care of old people and small fluffy animals, it can't really count against her."
Mary-Lou bristled with pride at these words. "I knew there had been a mistake!" she said at last, her head almost swelling with self admiration. "So when does 'Mary-Lou' get her one way ticket to Heaven?" she asked almost chortling.
"She's already there," replied Satan. "Were you not listening? I said Trekawney, not Trelawney."
"Well, I did hear, but I thought you'd made a typo," came Mary-Lou's reply.
"I am SPEAKING to you! How can I have a typo in a conversation?? Were you this awkward when you were alive?"
Mary-Lou was truly shocked by this question. "Not at all! I was just like that other Mary-Lou! I helped everyone I met, and took responsibilities upon my own shoulders, I ran round after people making their lives easier!"
"Hmmmmm," came the elucidating response from Satan. "Perhaps. And how did others view this behaviour?"
"They all loved me! I was their best headgirl ever! I was a true Chalet School girl, and one of the few people who could be relied upon to always come up with the answers." mary-Lou's pride was gushing forth now, and Satan looked at her thoughtfully. One side of Mary-Lou's head had begun to bulge in an interesting way. As she continued speaking and telling him all her wonderful habits and history, the bulge became larger and larger, until finally the other side of her head, in an attempt to catch up, also bulged out. The sudden enlargening of her head caused Mary-Lou's head to fall forwards into her lap, the weight being too great for her neck to carry.
"What's going on?" cried mary-Lou, using her hand to grasp her hair and lift her head up.
"I think you have a little case of "swollen headedness" replied Satan calmly. "Don't worry, nothing we can't fix." Raising his voice he called "Oh Satan's Little Helperrrrrrrrrrr!"

SLH entered the room and looked balefully at his master. "Yeth Marthter?" he Igored at Satan.
"Lose the Igor voice and take Miss Trelawney to have her head fixed would you?" Satan bestowed a dazzling smile on SLH and turned away from Mary-Lou to sink fathoms deep in his latest Terry Pratchett book, which he had a sneaking suspicion SLH was reading behind his back.

Mary-Lou, holding her head in her hands, followed SLH through the door and back into the C5.
"Not again!" she pleaded, but the only reply from SLH was ""Please get in, and keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle at all times."
Mary-Lou climbed slowly into the C5, and they began their journey.
"Where are we going this time?" asked Mary-Lou.
"Just down this road, quick hop along the M25, and then we'll be there." replied SLH.

The C5 was stationary on the M25 once more. OOAOs head was definitely reducing in size by now and she was able to look on the other people making their journeys with curiosity. Glancing at a small moped, mary-Lou saw a girl sitting there with tears running down her face, the bike obvioously not moving since it was clamped into place.
"Who's she?" whispered Mary-Lou.
"Lesley," came the short reply.
"But why's she just sitting there?" queried Mary-Lou.
"Because she has to stay there until she finishes her story, but she can't finish her story until she gets home, and she can't get home until she can make the bike move, and the bike wont move until the story is written, and she can't write the story because she has no paper." came the slightly longer reply.
"You mean she has to stay there forever asked Mary-Lou in shocked tones. "That's disgraceful!"
"No, disgraceful is an adjective meaning contemptible, degrading, dishonourable, embarassing, humiliating, ignominious, shameful. This is fun!"
Twelve weeks later, Mary-Lou arrived back at Satan's office.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 8th, 2003, 11:50pm
*now giggling like an idiot again!!*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Carolyn P on Nov 8th, 2003, 11:57pm
Giggling away.
You sure have an inventive brain.

Wonder what Lesely will make of her ordeal, although she probably feels like that every time she travels the M25.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by xanthe on Nov 9th, 2003, 12:00am
*Worried about the cruelty to Lesley that seems to be a recurring feature of so many drabbles*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 9th, 2003, 12:03am
*giggles hysterically and hopes Lesley will see this soon* So do we get lots of snapshots of CBB members in this story? *hopeful as none of them can be me*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Carolyn P on Nov 9th, 2003, 12:03am
I wouldn't worry Xanthe. I get the feeling that this particular thread will end up being cruel to rather a lot of us.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 9th, 2003, 12:07am
Well, misery loves company!! ;)
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 9th, 2003, 12:35am
Mary-Lou marched up to the desk, and Satan looked up in a vague way. "Oh, yes, Miss Trelawney!" He beamed at Mary-Lou who did not return the smile.
"Listen you, what is going on here? Why do I keep being driven round the M25 and ending up back here?"
Satan's smile faded a little. "It's a little tricky," he began. "We looked at your file when we saw you were due to arrive, and attempted to find a case worker for you. The problem was, most people here haven't been sufficiently evil to warrant having to take care of you. In fact, when we entered all the dat on the spreadsheet to find the most suitable person to take care of you, the computer crashed and started weeping. Which although not totally unusual, made life a little awkward. Then we ran a sweepstake, and the loser had to look after you. Unfortunately, when we announced the name, Xanthe, that pompous chappie upstairs sent a messenger saying that in view of recent developments, Xanthe had qualified for a place upstairs. We tried again, but with the same results. It appears that looking after you wipes out every bad thing a person ever did in their lives! So you see," he finished, "we couldn't afford to let anyone actually take care of you."
"What about her?" asked Mary-Lou, indicating by a wave of her foot the little angel currently snoring on her foot.
"Oh she is past redemption. Sadly, she is also totally inept, bumbling, bungling, clumsy, gauche, incompetent, inexpert, maladroit, unskillful and unskilled."
"Why? What's wrong with her? Maybe I could help?" asked Mary-Lou, brightening up at the possibility of helping out.
"NOOOOOOOO!" shrieked the angel, who it turned out had been faking the snoring.
"NO!" cried Satan. "She hasn't been evil enough for THAT  fate!"
"So what am I supposed to do down here? Isn't there anything I can do to pass the time?"
"Not until you have passed the induction course," replied Satan gently, putting on a pair of half moon reading glasses. "It appears your induction course is almost ready for you now actually." He raised his voice and gave his famous cry of "Oh Satan's Little Helperrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"
SLF wandered in to the room in a vague way. "Wassupppp?" he asked.
Satan sighed. It was so hard to get the staff these days.
"Miss Trelawney is due at her induction course. Would you mind...?"
SLH held open the door from the office and indicated that Mary-Lou should follow him and climb aboard the C5.
"No way Jose! Uh-uh! Nix! Nada! Nope!" said mary-Lou. "I'd rather take a bus!"
A bus drew up.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 9th, 2003, 12:40am
*laughing hysterically at these wonderful mental images, but worried now that OOAOML will try to help her personal angel and ML, ie. me, will be completely alone*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Lesley on Nov 9th, 2003, 1:11am
*Giggling hysterically!*

Love the idea of being trapped on the M25 - can't see me on a moped though!

Do get most of my inspiration for Real CS when driving so suppose it's good for something!

More please - and how about some others, so far just KB, Vikki, Xanthe and me!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 9th, 2003, 1:12am
Glad you're enjoying it like the rest of us, Lesley. And I do hope that won't be your eternal fate! :o :o :o
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 9th, 2003, 1:27am
The door of the bus swung open,. "Get in" said a grumpy voice.
Mary-Lou climbed aboard and looked down the rows of seats. Every seat appeared to be occupied. By llamas. mary-Lou looked at the bus driver. "Errr, excuse me, there appear to be llamas on this bus."
"You have a problem with that?" asked Lisa in haughty tones.
"Surely it's not very hygenic to expect me to travel on a bus with llamas?" expostulated mary-Lou.
"I'm sure they wont mind the smell," replied Lisa. "Anyway, I can't turf them off the bus. Satan's orders,"
"What on earth have you done to be cursed to having to drive llamas through eternity?" queried Mary-Lou.
Lisa looked embarassed. Mary-Lou looked quizzical. Lisa still looked embarassed. Mary-Lou looked at her watch. "Oh alright!" burst out Lisa. "If you want to know, it's your fault!"
"My fault?"
"Yes yours!"
"But I've nly just met you!" cried Mary-Lou, stung by the injustice of being blamed for anothers troubles.
"I wrote about you," muttered Lisa darkly. "I turned you into a llama."
"Ahhh! I see!" exclaimed Mary-Lou. "And this is your punishment for being so cruel and unkind?"
"NO, this is my punishment for turning you back again," growled Lisa as she slammed the bus door and moved off at such a speed that Mary-Lou lost her footing and sat down in a steaming pile of Llama presents.

Mary-Lou thought about Lisa's fate for the duration of the bus journey. She had plenty of time to think as Lisa took the now familiar M25 route. At last Mary-Lou realised she had worked out how to help Lisa. Walking down the bus, Mary-Lou touched Lisa's arm.
"Can't you read?" asked Lisa with a vigorous pointing at the sign above her head.

"Do not attempt to speak to the driver of this bus when it is stationary. Do not attempt to make contact with the driver of this bus unless you want the aroma of llama presents to linger on you forever. Do not attempt to get off this bus. Do not attempt to read this sign without permission. Do not forget that you are not allowed to do anything helpful. Do not attempt this at home."

"Oh never mind all that!" began Mary-Lou impatiently. She had worked out how she could speak to Satan on her return to his office, and arrange that Lisa should  be permitted to spend time with Mary-Lou, until such time as the "llama incident" as Mary-Lou thought of it should be forgotten. That way, the two girls could become friends, exchange holiday snaps and laugh over the llama story. Just as Mary-Lou opened her mouth, a knock was heard on the door of the bus. Lisa opened the door.

"Special message for Lisa T. Sign here, here and here," said the little angel who flashed his butt and offered Lisa a pen. Lisa signed on the angels bum, and vanished.
"What happened?" asked Mary-Lou.
"She got her remove, thanks to you," grinned the cheeky cherub.
"You mean because I was prepared to forgive her, God forgave her too? How wonderful!"
"Nah missus, because you wanted to be friends, she reached the point of too much punishments for her crimes. She gets to go to Heaven, with a time share option in the caribbean as compensation."
Flashing his bum once more, the cherub vanished.
"Hey! Wait a minute! What about me? How do I get back to Satan now?"
A quiet voice from just outside the bus said "Please get in, and keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle at all times."
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 9th, 2003, 1:30am
Hooray for Lisa making it to heaven! But what about the poor llamas?
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Trish on Nov 9th, 2003, 1:36am
*collapses with laughter*

I'm very very thankful that you have given in to your plot bunny today (or night as the case may be) and are being so prolific  :D
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 9th, 2003, 1:54am
*wondering how on earth Rachel comes up with this stuff!!*
*can't help being glad she does*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 9th, 2003, 2:22am
Satan was stood waiting for Mary-Lou this time.
"Right, through there and get started," he said, indicating a tiny door Mary-Lou had previously not noticed.
She went throught the door and was confronted with the sight of a room, about two hundred thousand feet square, ten foot in height, filled from floor to ceiling with cages, rows and rows of cages. In each cage was a pair of bunnies.
"What on earth...?" began OOAO.
"Plot bunnies!" replied Satan happily. "Ever cage contains a breeding pair, but these are no ordinary plot bunnies. These are a special strain perfected by one of our best consultants, Carolyn. She's a genius that girl," said Satan with a fond smile of remembrance.
"Your job is to dispatch a bunny to every person on this list, and you have to meet the quoto of at least five per minute."
"But what's so special about these bunnies?" asked Mary-Lou. "Why are they a special strain?"
"Ah, that's the genius aspect," chuckled Satan in glee. "They look and act like ordinary plot bunnies, right up to the point they are actiated. Then they become Yibbling Bunnies! The recipient posts prolifically all through the night, thinking they are contributing worthy comments to drabbles, but in fact, all they can write is Yibbles!"
"My god, you're mad!" cried Mary-Lou.
"Mad: berserk, bonkers, crazed, crazy, daft, delirious, demented, deranged, distracted, dotty, fanatical, frenzied, insane, lunatic, maniacal, manic, nutty, off your head, out of your mind, posessed, potty, psychotic, round the bend, touched, unbalanced, unhinged, unstable. Yup, that's me," replied Satan. "Now, be a good girl and get dispatching!"

Hour after hour passed with Mary-Lou collecting newborn plot bunnies from each breeding pair and parcelling it off to a list marked "serial drabblers". She was concerned by the frequency some names came up, and worried over the fate of the bunnies. A tiny noise from the far corner of the room drew her attention, and she scurried off in pursuit of it. As she reached the far end of the room, the noise came from a tiny cage on the floor. Inside was a girl.
"Who on earth are YOU?" demanded OOAO.
"Carolyn!" came the whispered reply. "Help me! Please!"
"You poor thing," said Mary-Lou, and reached down to unfasten the cage.
Carolyn stepped out shakily, having been unable to use her legs for the past five millenia.
"Thank you so much.." she started. Then she stared in horror. "But you're... you're Mary-Lou!" she gasped out at last.
"that's right," grinned OOAo, pleased to see her fame had spread before her. "Now, let me help you..."
A "ping" noise above their heads made both girls look up. It was the cheeky cherub again. He blew a raspberry at OOAO and waved at Carolyn. "You've made the grade," he informed her. "You've got a new job waiting upstairs, tending to the plot bunnies who come in exhausted and beaten to within an inch of their lives by the drabblers. Poor little things," he continued. "All they need is a little love and care, which I'm sure you'll manage." he told Carolyn.
"Yes! Yes!" she shrieked, relieved to find she was to gain her release from OOAO's friendship.
"Hokelly dokelly," replied the cherub, and whizzed off upwards, dragging Carolyn behind him.

Satan ran into the room, and looked unhappily at where Carolyn and the Cherub were just vanishing.
"Would you STOP doing that!" he shouted at Mary-Lou, shaken for once out of his calm demeanour.
"Doing what?" asked Mary-Lou, hurt by his reactions. "I was only trying to help!"
"THAT'S the problem," groaned Satan. "Every time you help them, him upstairs takes them away. There's going to be nobody left down here at this rate! except you and me," he added with a shudder.
Mary-Lou looked perplexedly as he left the room, muttering under his breath. What was wrong with trying to help? It was what she was best at after all! Resolving to have a chat with Satan soon about his issues, Mary-Lou got back to work with the bunnies.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Lesley on Nov 9th, 2003, 8:29am
More and more giggles - please continue Rachel!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by catherine on Nov 9th, 2003, 9:37am
Rachel - you're crackers!  Keep it coming!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 9th, 2003, 10:06am
Rachel, this is fantastic! So who is OOAOML going to help next?
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Lisa_T on Nov 9th, 2003, 12:55pm
*hysterics* Off to recieve my wings and halo!  ;D
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Abi on Nov 9th, 2003, 1:30pm
Oh my gosh! This is hilarious! What happens when Mary-Lou tries to help Satan himself though?
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by xanthe on Nov 9th, 2003, 3:44pm
*giggling helplessly*

I'm glad OOAOML didn't manage even to get near me - thanks Rachel!  ;D
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Carolyn P on Nov 9th, 2003, 4:48pm
*polishing my wings and halo*
*Thanks Mary-Lou*

A little disturbed by having to care for so many pb's, especially the special yibbling kind, it might start me off yibbling as well.


Great stuff, more tonight please as I'm hoping to have a nice relaxing evening.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by LulieCat on Nov 9th, 2003, 6:55pm
Oh this is rib ticklingly, diaphram achingly hilarious *tries to insert new blue icon and fails*

I love Satan in this. For some reason I imagine him to look like a more dapper version of my dear daddy-kins. I think that's cos I have been described as the Devil's daughter on more than one occasion  ;D ;D

Can't wait to see what happens next.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 9th, 2003, 7:48pm
[This has been cleared by Xanthe first! I'm not that bad, honest!]


Mary-Lou worked on through the hours, packing and posting yibble bunnies to the drabblers on the hit list. The work was simple enough, and not exactly taxing on the old brain cells, but Mary-Lou found it quite nice to be able to do something requiring little thought as it left her free to think about the situation she had found herself in. The hours passed undisturbed, until eventually Mary-Lou lost all track of time. She could have been packing and posting bunnies for hours, weeks, months or years. Nothing broke into her routine, and nothing changed within the room to mark the passage of time.

At last, the door opened, and OOAO looked hopefully towards it. Maybe Satan was coming to tell her they had discovered this was all a mistake after all!
But no. Coming into the room was a young woman bearing a slightly shamefaced look.
"How do you do?" enquired Mary-Lou holding out her hand. "Mary-Louise Trelawney.
"Xanthe" muttered the newcomer.
"But I thought you got called 'upstairs'!" replied Mary-Lou.
"I did," muttered Xanthe. "But now I'm back."
"Why? What did you do?" asked Mary-Lou in genuine curiosity.
"Well it wasn't my fault! Not really!"
"What wasn't?" Mary-Lou was on the edge of her hyppothetical chair in suspense. This was the most exciting thing to have happened since Carolyn got the call upstairs.
Xanthe looked at Mary-Lou. She knew well enough that OOAO wouldn't stop asking questions until she got at the whole story, so it made as much sense to tell her now than to put up with her banging on and on and on for weeks on end.

"It all started really a long time ago when I was at Uni," began Xanthe.
"University." corrected Mary-Lou.
Xanthe gave Mary-Lou one of her twee smiles that she thought made her look like "Xanther the Terrible" but in fact made her look more like a Victorian Schoolgirl Magazing heroine. Cute.
"Anyway," continued Xanthe in exaggerated politeness. "When I found out I was upstairs, it occurred to me that I would have a bit more freedom of movement. You see, all the hauntings get done from the department up there. So I applied to be a haunter, and was approved. Then I went after my ex-DoS. She was a horrible woman!" So I used my poltergeist powers to poke her brain until it slid out her ears and gave her a fitty-collapsy moment. It was great," chuckled Xanthe remembering. "She lay on the floor gibbering like an idiot until someonw came along to scream at her. Well, she got over it, and went back to work. Then I cam along and poked her brain some more. It was hard work!" continued Xanthe defensively. "It was so small, it was really hard to poke! But I suceeded, and made her brain go all slidy outways again. Then everyone said she was unfit to be a Dos, and chucked her out the Uni. She lost her house, her car, her money and her cat. She ended up sleeping on the streets with a small mongrel dog selling the "Big Issue". Oh, it was great!"
"But that's awful!" burst out Mary-Lou, unable to listen in silence any longer. "That poor woman! She didn't deserve that! Nobody would!"
"Sod that!" cried Xanthe. "It's no more than she tried to do to me!"
"Did she suceed?" asked OOAO.
"No" muttered Xanthe, sulky again now. "I had too many powerful friends in interesting places for her to get away with it."
"Well, I think the best thing for you to do is apologise to her immediately," recommended Mary-Lou.
"Sha'n't" said Xanthe.
"That's disgraceful," said OOAO in disapproving tones.
"Disgraceful, contemptible, degrading, dishonourable, embarrassing, humiliating, ignominious, shameful, shaming, wicked. All the qualitites I like best," said Satan, drifting into the room. "Well doen Xanthe. You go top of the class, and win the weekend in Minehead by way of a prize."

Xanthe left the room, presumably to pack for her weekend away in Minehead, leaving Satan and Mary-Lou to look at one another.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 9th, 2003, 7:57pm
Brilliant Rachel! Shame Xanthe can't really do that to her mean DoS!!! :o
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Carolyn P on Nov 9th, 2003, 8:16pm
Bet Xanthe was pleased at the opportunity to do that, even if it was just in a drabble.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Lesley on Nov 9th, 2003, 8:58pm
Excellent Rachel - and good for Xanthe - *thinks it's worth being in Hell if she can do that to the woman!*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 9th, 2003, 10:07pm
Satan swallowed nervously. He wasn't sure why, but he felt rather more uncomfortable than he liked to be when around this self-assured young woman. And being Satan, he liked to be pretty uncomfortable! He indicated that Mary-Lou should accompany him from the YB room along a short corridor.

The two walked together in silence. Mary-Lou waiting for an apology, and Satan just desperately hoping OOAO wouldn't open her mouth and start feeling sorry for anyone else in his domain. They reached another door, which Satan opened and ushered ML inside, before he closed the door and scuttled off down the corridor, leaving ML to look in bemusement at her new surroundings.

A figure rose from a low armchair facing the fire. "Hullo Mary-Lou" said the girl.
"Hullo," replied Mary-Lou. "Where am I now?"
"Daddy's private sitting room. I'm Loohooooley, normally known as Lulie."
"How do you do?" asked ML, always aware that her own manners were impeccable, despite everyone else allowing their own to slip quite terribly.
Lulie sighed, and smoothed down her frock, once a gorgeous red velvet, now faded to a kind of "off-pink-something-the-cat-slept-on" frock. "Daddy said you might as well come in here and keep me company for a bit. Too many YBs have ended up in the wrong hands since you started working there."
"What do you mean?" demanded ML. "I merely noticed that some people were receiving up to a hundred YBs in one night! I thought it would be better to spread them around a little. That's all," she finished defensively.
"But it wasn't allright," responded Lulie. "Daddy was furious. One of his best PR reps started receiving YBs every day! "Harry Potter and the Yibble Bunnies" sold only four copies! JK was furious, and demanded her soul back from Daddy."

"So what now?" asked Mary-Lou when she was fed up of standing looking at Lulie's frock. She had been unable to think of a single thing to say in response to Lulie's news. Surely it was a good thing to save people from Satan and allow them to gain their souls back? Surely JK wouldn't mind not being a successful author anymore? It was probably as well that OOAO was unaware that Satan had struck a new bargain with JK, who would now begin work on a series of books with a main character called Catherine, who had to do battle against the evil Mary-Lou.

Lulie looked at Mary-Lou. OOAOs reputation was spreading throughout hell, and Lulie was considering asking ML to do something for her. It was something Daddy really would NOT approve of, but Lulie felt she would have to ask before she asked ML to help her personally.
"I've got a 'friend'," said Lulie carefully at length. "He's been here a while, and he could really do with some help."
Mary-Lou perked up. Helping people was her speciality!
"How can I help him?" asked ML.
"Well, it's a little tricky," said Lulie slowly. "You see, it's a little awkward too. I used to date him," she added with a blush.
"Ahhh! Say no more," said ML with a knowing wink at the embarassed Lulie. "You broke up and want to get back together again?"
"No!" cried Lulie. "I just want you to help him!"
"But I don't understand," said ML, settling herself in a chair and waiting for Lulie to unburden her soul and tell all to Mary-Lou.
Lulie gritted her teeth. This would be humiliating, but if it finally got rid of her ex, it might just be worth it.
"Right, just listen, and don't speak! My ex annoys the knickers off me. He thinks it's great down here, because it's exactly opposite what his mum expected for him. He's here because we dated. But he got soooooo boring after a millenium, always going on about getting one up on his mother. But I thought maybe you could help him to get away to where he belongs? Upstairs with the happy clappy lot?"
Mary-Lou reached over and took Lulie's hand. "Of course I will," she said warmly. Lulie brightened up, and visibly grinned at a popping noise from behind the curtains. Going over to the curtains, she moved them back to reveal nobody standing there."It worked!" chuckled Lulie. The ex had been stood behind the curtains, but had now obviously been taken upstairs as soon as ML had agreed to help.
"Oh, I'm so glad I was able to help you!" said Mary-Lou.

A look of panic crossed Lulie's face. "NO! NO! You didn't help me! You helped him! Not me, No, not at all!"
"But I did" argued Mary-Lou happily. "You wanted him helped, so it helped you too!"
The cheeky cherub appeared, closely followed by the sniggering seraphim.
"Come along Lulie," the pair cackled. "upstairs please, right away."

As she was dragged away 'upstairs', Lulie's screams echoed along the corridors, and throughout the halls of hell.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by catherine on Nov 9th, 2003, 10:14pm
*giggle*  I wondered how long it would be before I got a mention!  

Feeling very sorry for Lulie................
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 9th, 2003, 10:34pm
Oh, poor, poor Lulie! And I'm sure she was happy being down there with her Daddy, too...
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by xanthe on Nov 9th, 2003, 11:07pm
*giggling*

thank you Rachel!!!!!!! what a gem... what a stroke of literary genius...

;D
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 9th, 2003, 11:13pm
Do you think Ann and Clarissa would be interested in publishing this one? ;) ;D
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by xanthe on Nov 9th, 2003, 11:16pm
Um, can't say I think it's REALLY be their style...
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 9th, 2003, 11:40pm
Do you think not? I could always ask them? :o
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by xanthe on Nov 9th, 2003, 11:41pm
Yes, yes, you could do that... much as I could try and get a ghosty to try and poke my DoS into fitty-collapsyness...  ;)
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 9th, 2003, 11:53pm
Well, it might give them a laugh at any rate! ;)
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by xanthe on Nov 9th, 2003, 11:56pm
A laugh...or of course, heart failure...
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 10th, 2003, 12:02am
Aww come on! It's not that bad! ;)
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 10th, 2003, 12:04am
Satan wept. He bawled, howled, sobbed and whimpered. He couldn't believe what Mary-Lou had just done. Beating his head upon his mahogony desk, he cried until his eyes turned even redder than normal. He had dashed along the corridor to his sitting room when he heard Lulie's shrieks, and had been just in time to see her feet disappear upwards.

ML watched Satan in fascination. The tears which fell from his eyes turned into steam as soon as they touched his skin, giving him the appearance of one who was about to spontaneously combust.

Satan continued crying, reaching that pathetic hiccupping stage where he wasn't really crying anymore but wasn't ready to stop either. Satan's Little Helper marched into the office glaring at ML.
"Master, you really must stop this now. It can't be helped. She's gone."
"I know that you idiot," snarled Satan. "And it's all her fault!" he added, indicating ML with a savage nod of the head.
"But I wanted to help," wailed ML. "Why is that so bad?"
"Because in YOU it's the worst thing ever. It is the most evil thing that can happen to anyone. It is so bad, it wipes out EVERY other bad thing they have ever done! My own daughter," finished Satan with a groan. Looking at SLH he muttered, "Take her away. Keep her away. I don't want to see her again."

SLh happily gripped ML by the arm and dragged her from Satan's office.
"Well, you've certainly got his goat, scuse the pun," said SLH once they were out of earshot of the office.
"So what do I do now? Do I have to go and look after the bunnies again?" asked ML.
"Badness, no!" exclaimed SLH. "That is one of the most privileged jobs! Only the people in the top fifteen rankings get privileged jobs like that! No, Hitler has been  moved to that job now. You have to come with me, while I see if I can find somewhere round here for you to go."
"I see," replied ML calmly. Inside she was thinking what an interesting place Hell really was, and it was a pity she hadn't known a little more about the inner workings before getting here. She felt sure it would be so mush easier to help people if she understood the system.

"So, if you don't mind my asking, why are you here?" asked ML eventually.
SLH gave a sniggering chuckle. "I asked to come here," he said at last.
"You did?" asked ML. "Why did you do that?"
"Because I couldn't stand the idea of having to wear the wings and a halo all the time. I mean, have you looked at my face? Where on earth would they ever manage to find a halo to suit that nose?" he asked her, wibbling his rather large nose from side to side.
"But surely you have to do something bad to end up here?" questioned ML, stunned at the idea of somebody choosing to come here of their own free will.
"Oh, well, I did. You see," SLH clarified, "when I worked out that only the bad guys come here, I knew I had to do something to prove I was serious about my choice so I..."
"So you what?"
"I burnt my sister's books." replied SLH, with a small smile of rememberance playing on his face.
"Couldn't she just buy some new ones and forgive you?" asked ML, always trying to find the solution.
With a snigger, SLH replied. "Not these ones. You see, they were quite old books. In fact, they were first editions. With dustwrappers. Signed by the authoress. With copies of the original handwritten drafts taped inside."
ML was shocked. How could you burn her books? She must have been devastated!"
"She was a bit pissy certainly," replied SLH. "Daddy said he would get her some new ones, and even track down the authoress, but Lulie didn't want that. She wanted the originals back."

ML was onto his last comments in a flash. "You're Lulie's brother!" she cried.
"No! Really? Am I? Oh thank you so much for letting me know!" said SLH with his most sarcastic drawl. "Actually, I think I may have noticed prior to this conversation, if only from the fact that Satan always call's me 'Son' in private."
"Oh, I'm sure Lulie will forgive you now!" cried ML. "After all, she has gone to the place of ultimate love and forgiveness. She wont deny you the chance of happiness."
"But I'm happy right here, Miss Doesn't-Know-When-To-Butt-Out. I already told you, the wings and halo wouldnt suit me!"
MLs face took on it's famous look. The one that meant she was so certain she was right that she was no longer bothering to listen to the other person.
"I know what we'll do," she said confidentaially to SLH. "We'll just ask your dad to contact him upstairs and have a quick word with Lulie, and as soon as she forgives you, everything will be fine."
Mary-Lou beamed broadly at SLH, who had gone pale with fright. Before he could frame a response to Mary-Lou's plan, a voice came from above them.

"All heard and dealt with. Forgiveness granted. You've got your remove SLH!"

Lulie's voice could be heard faintly, almost as an echo; "If I have to suffer, why shouldn't he?"
Mary-Lou watched as the form of SLH was dragged upwards, on a current of swift moving sparkly air, and smiled happily. She did so enjoy helping other people.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by xanthe on Nov 10th, 2003, 12:08am
*giggling weakly*

Rachel, I don't know how you do it, but please don't stop!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 10th, 2003, 12:14am
*chuckle*
More please Rachel!! ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Lesley on Nov 10th, 2003, 12:22am
LOLOLOL  Is Hell going to end up with just OOAOML and Satan? Or perhaps he'll earn redemption too!

More please Rachel!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 10th, 2003, 12:31am
*giggle* Oh, that will be fun! What will OOAO do when she's the only one there, with no one to help?! And how will she ever redeem Hitler?
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 10th, 2003, 12:41am
Mary-Lou wandered around, looking for somewhere to go. Occasionally she came across some of Satan's minions, and would rush over to them, but as soon as she opened her mouth, they all went "pop" and disappeared in a rush of sparkly dust. This was getting extremely frustrating.  As she continued her ramble through the halls of hell, she picked up various items that she thought might come in useful later on. A loud yawn from her foot region reminded her of the existence of her own personal angel, who up until now, she had competely and utterly forgotten about.

ML looked at the little angel on her foot. It looked back sourly. "What do you want?" it asked her.
"I don't know quite what to do next," admitted Mary-Lou.
"Well, that room over there would be a good place to start," said the little angel, pointing to a room marked "alternatives".
"Why? What's in there?" asked ML.
"Altenatives, obviously." replied the angel rolling her eyes.

ML opened the door cautiously and peeped in. It appeared to be empty, apart from a large mirror. ML walked slowly over to the mirror and looked in. Her reflection looked back and blew a raspberry.
"What is this?" asked ML suspiciously.
"It's a mirror." replied the angel. "M-i-r-r-o-r. You know, You look in it and see yourself. Mirror." The angel couldn't believe someone as old as ML had survived this long without knowing what a mirror was.
"i can see that," replied ML haughtily. "Only I didn't blow a raspberry at myself, but my reflection did."
"That's because it's an alternative. You could have blown a raspberry at yourself."
"Oh, I see," said ML, enchanted at the idea.
She looked into it for a long time, enjoying ewatching all the alternative's she could do rather than just standing there and looking at herself.
The angel quickly grew bored. "listen," she said. "there's more to it."
Mary-Lou listened with great attention. Eventually she nodded her head.
"So, In an alternative world, I wouldn't even be me?" she said at last.
"Yup, that's it, got it in ten," replied the little angel.
"So, who would I be?" asked ML.
"Take a look and find out." suggested the angel wickedly. She knew what was coming.

Mary-Lou carefully looked in the mirror, waiting to see who else she could have been. The mirror twitched and shimmered, before eventually the reflection changed.
"Who's that?" whispered ML.
"Her name's KB," replied the angel with a grin. "She shares many of your qualities, but just stays the other side of evil. You landed this side, she landed the other."
Mary-L:ou continued watching, fascinated. The reflection looked almost real. Maybe because it now was real.

KB stepped out of the mirror. "Thank goodness for that!" she exclaimed. "I thought I was never going tto be remembered! I thought I was going to spend the rest of eternity being Mary-Lou!"
The angel gave a small snigger, being very careful to stay away from the mirror to avoid haveing her reflection caught in it.
"Oh no you don't!" said KB, grasping the angel firmly by it's waist length hair. She held the wriggling and biting creature directly in front of the mirror, where the reflection contorted for a moment or two until it became a different girl. Falling forward out of the mirror came Vikki.
""Yay!" said Vikki from the floor.
KB looked at Vikki and sniggered. The angel had certainly seen an alternative version of herself, allowing Vikki to escape, but the angel hadn't been able to picture an alternative any larger than herself. Vikki therefore was exactly three inches high.
"What are you laughing about?" asked Vikki, hastily pushing her hair back from her face.
KB choked back a laugh. "Nothing at all," she answered primly. She picked Vikki up, much to that lady's disgust, and held her in the palm of one hand.

Mary-Lou watched all this in awe.
"She's so cute!" she said, putting out a hand to touch Vikki.
Vikki bit Mary-Lou. "Do it again and I'll take flesh," she warned.
Mary-Lou withdrew her hand with a frown. "I only wanted to ..."
"Yes!" shrieked KB and Vikki as they disappeared in a puff of dust.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by xanthe on Nov 10th, 2003, 12:45am
*giggling appreciatively*

so who's left in Hell now then?

*slightly confused*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 10th, 2003, 12:47am
Hooray for us, Vikki! We're saved!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 10th, 2003, 12:55am
Yay, thank goodness! (although I wish I was a bit taller than three inches!)
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 10th, 2003, 12:58am
Actually, I think it's perfect. *considers Vikki is posting too much and so puts her into an ice-cream container with a few holes punched in the lid*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 10th, 2003, 1:04am
*has a tiny computer in her pocket, so calmly carries on posting from inside the ice cream tub!*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Trish on Nov 10th, 2003, 4:14am
*applauds wildly*

I now have an image of KB taking a 3 inch Vikki everywhere with her like a pet.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 10th, 2003, 4:23am
As Trish put it: "I shall pet her and love her and call her Georg[ina]"
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Trish on Nov 10th, 2003, 4:31am
Heh. I thought of that line too but I thought I'd be nice and not say it. *angelic smile*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Kathryn on Nov 10th, 2003, 4:34am

on 11/10/03 at 00:47:01, KB wrote:
Hooray for us, Vikki! We're saved!

You sure?? You are in hell remember!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by LulieCat on Nov 10th, 2003, 8:18am
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I like Hell, it's lovely and warm, especially in the winter. *Sobs* and I thought I'd got rid of the ex. I didn't want to follow him *sobs again* Wings and a halo don't go with 'cat-sat-on-velvet' either. *folds arms and taps foot*
Still, at least slimy Big Brother Blackadder gets to suffer too. Every cloud in Heaven has a silver lining.


I LOVE this, Rachel, even if I didn't see it before I went to bed. It's certainly THE way to start the day. BTW, how did you know that I generally look a bit faded-tangled-cat-sat-on, however hard I try? The telepathy is s-p-o-o-k-y!

P.S. Hass anybody ever noticed that Satan is an anagram of Santa? Just thought I'd throw that into the melting pot.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 10th, 2003, 8:46am

on 11/10/03 at 04:31:34, Trish wrote:
Heh. I thought of that line too but I thought I'd be nice and not say it. *angelic smile*


I knew there was someone! Thanks, Trish. I'll just attribute it to you in my earlier post.

And Kathryn, we were in hell, but as OOAOML helped us, we're now in Heaven.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 10th, 2003, 9:03am
Lulie ~ ever seen The Simpsons? If you have, think of the dog and you'll get the reason for your "brother's" name  ;)


KB ~ all I have to say is  "For now". Think of the example of "Xanthe who Came Back".
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by xanthe on Nov 10th, 2003, 11:24am
*hoping to escape again and not entirely sure why fully justified brain-poking got her relegated...*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 10th, 2003, 1:20pm
Because you enjoyed it entirely too much and therefore require a dose of OOAOML to reduce your crime. For some reason, don't ask me why, I'm getting a lovely vision of you skipping through the halls of hell dressed in floaty yellow chiffon, attended by gambolling lambs and frolicking kittens  . . .

Xanthe the Terrible? Nah, Xanthe the Terrible-Taste-In-Clothes? Yup, look out for her in a future installment    ;D
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Jennie on Nov 10th, 2003, 1:43pm
This is terrific Rachel, I 'm typing through streaming eyes, and my laughter has just woken the cat.

Is it time to lay bets on whether OOAOML will beat the Devil?  I think she could defeat even him, so my money's on her to win.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Abi on Nov 10th, 2003, 3:39pm
Perhaps Mary-Lou will actually become Satan herself?
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Jennie on Nov 10th, 2003, 4:23pm
Please, please, NO!!!!
Just think of a universe where OOAOML has so much power!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 10th, 2003, 6:32pm
Rachel ~ loving the image of Xanthe!
KB and Trish ~  :P :P :P
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by xanthe on Nov 10th, 2003, 8:35pm
*squawks indignantly*

chiffon!??!  yellow??!!??  floaty!!?!!?!!

*too stunned to come up with a proper reply*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by LulieCat on Nov 10th, 2003, 9:59pm
Please don't let That Irritating Helping Person anywhere near my Daddy or I will get my REVENGE (and I'll set Slimy Big Bro on you too  :P )

P.S. I'd forgotten about the Simpsons! We tend to call SLH 'Annoying Slimy Thing That's Slimier Than A Convention Of Snot Bugs', or Ed if we're in a hurry. OK, so Daddy does call him 'Son' on occasion, but I know I'm his favourite cos I'm so much more glam!!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 10th, 2003, 10:34pm
(I seem to recognise your tag line Lulie ;) )

Mary-Lou and her irritating PA wandered out of the mirror room and off once again through the many halls of hell. Mary-Lou found the route they were taking somewhat confusing, as all hallways looked the same to her untrained eyes. The Personal Angel was quick to correct her.
"Oh not at all! Look at the floor; in this hallway it is made netirely of compacted cow dung. The last one was made of compacted sheeps eyeballs. And this one," she added as Mary-Lou entered a new passage way with a squelch, "is made entirely from staurday night vomit.
"Oh" said ML faintly. "So where should we go little angel?" she asked.
The PA gave ML another of her special sour looks. "Call me 'little angel' again and I'll rip your toe off. I can take you! Any day! You and your mother!"
"Now now, calm down, I'm sure I didn't mean any offence!" replied ML hastily. Her vapid opinion of angels was going downhill as fast as a moose on rollerskates.

Continuing their wandering journey, they eventually came to something ML recognised.
"The M25!" she cried. For the first time ever someone was pleased to see the sight of the M25 with it's jumbled mass of non-moving traffic.
"Oh, how lovely to see it again," continued ML.
"Don't get too carried away," said the PA. "It'll still be here in the next century, and so will you."
"Oh no," replied ML with utmost certainty. "I'm sure I will have ascended to the glorious reward above by then."
The only reply to this was a muffled sniggering from the PA.

ML walked down and through the motionless traffic on the four lane motorway. Inside each vehicle was at least one person, occasionally two, but never more. "Commuters," spat out the PA in disgust.
"Oh look!" cried ML in delight. "There's Lesley!"
"You can't help her," said the PA in gloomy tones. "Noboddy can. She has to stay there until her story is finished as you know, and there is no way she can finish it there!"
"Yes there is!" responded ML scampering over to where Lesley was still sitting, drearily sobbing the words "and then Hilda, . .  . then Hilda. . . . Hilda . . . " before moaning a little and going back over the same words.
"She's been like this for the last fifty nine years" said the PA happily. It was amazing how much pleasure the angel got from other people's sufferings.
Ml approached Lesley cautiously, and put out a hand.
"Lesley?" she asked quietly.
Lesley looked at Mary-Lou.
"And then Hilda. . . . and Mary-Lou . . . .and Bill . . ." her voice trailed away.
"Will this help?" asked ML, handing Lesley a scrap of paper that she had picked up during her earlier travels, along with the chewed end of a pencil.
Lesley took the paper and pencil with trembling hands and slowly wrote the words "and they all lived happily ever after."
The clamp fell off the moped, and Lesley drove straight up the golden dust route to Heaven.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 11th, 2003, 12:42am
Aw, wasn't that sweet of Mary-Lou? And won't Satan be unhappy. I wonder if he'll try to get revenge or just break down and sob again...
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 11th, 2003, 1:48am
Awwww, so glad Lesley finally got off the M25, could almost like OOAO for that!!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 11th, 2003, 3:38am
*slaps Vikki's cheek to wake her up out of the hysteria that has clearly got a strong hold on her*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Kathryn on Nov 11th, 2003, 3:47am
*adds a bucket of icy water to guarantee Vikki's return to normality...well, as normal as can be expected!*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 11th, 2003, 4:10am
Hey!! I said ALMOST!!!

*goes off to find a towel and some ice for her cheek!!*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Kathryn on Nov 11th, 2003, 4:18am
Well, we had to guarantee that you wouldn't feel sorry for OOAO and our measures seem to have done that.

*hands a hairdryer and a cup of hot chocolate to Vikki*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 11th, 2003, 4:23am
*drinks hot chocolate but spills some due to uncontrollable shivering fit!*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Kathryn on Nov 11th, 2003, 4:28am
*hands Vikki the bucket of water again to douse the scalded part...and a chocolate bar to prevent any accidents happening again in relation to hot choccy*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 11th, 2003, 4:36am
Thanks Kathryn, but the bucket's empty, you've already tipped it over me, remember? ::)
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Kathryn on Nov 11th, 2003, 4:44am
Ahh...but having thought ahead (and seeing what has happened elsewhere) I'd already refilled the bucket. So you are wet once again ;D
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 11th, 2003, 4:46am
*grabs garden hose, aims at Kathryn, turns it on!!* ;) :P
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Kathryn on Nov 11th, 2003, 4:50am
Humpf! Just cos I'm being helpful and preventing you gettiing friendly with OOAO and avoiding burns I get soaked. Ungrateful.....and about KB, she slapped you?!

*grabs the super-soaker from behind the tree and returns fire ;D*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 11th, 2003, 4:56am
*suggests to Kathryn that they both go looking for KB and give her a good drenching....* ;D
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Lesley on Nov 11th, 2003, 5:04am
*Oh!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you! OOAOML!!!*

Does this mean I can stop writing then?

More please Rachel!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 11th, 2003, 5:36am
*pops head out of her hiding place*

No, Lesley, it does not!!!

*gets a mouthful of water from Kathryn's supersoaker before I can retreat again*

*burble, gurgle, splutter*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Kathryn on Nov 11th, 2003, 7:35am
Bullseye!

Where are you hiding again?

*Kathryn going off to refill super-soaker. Hey, the weather is getting warmer so I need to be prepared!*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by xanthe on Nov 11th, 2003, 10:37am
*watches the water-fight from a safe distance*

it's anyting BUT warm here today *muffled sob* and it was foggy when I went across for lecture this morning...
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 11th, 2003, 2:19pm
*offers Xanthe a big fluffy jumper to keep her warm!*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by xanthe on Nov 11th, 2003, 2:24pm
*thanks Vikki for the jumper and adds it to the layers of clothing*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rosalie on Nov 11th, 2003, 4:09pm
I take it "there was lots of fog" isn't considered a good enough excuse to skip lectures then? Not sure I want to go to uni anymore... It was a very nasty fog last night though, I was driving home (well my sister was - worse!) in it and someone had seemed to have stolen the road!
PS: what's the crazy blue smiley for anyway?
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 11th, 2003, 4:21pm
The blue smiley is 'rolling on the floor laughing' but it doesn't work if you click on it! You have to type in 8 o o , but without the spaces!!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by LulieCat on Nov 11th, 2003, 5:48pm

on 11/10/03 at 22:34:04, Rachel wrote:
(I seem to recognise your tag line Lulie ;) )


It just seemed to fit me sooooooooo well  ;)

Thanks Rach(el)  :-*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by xanthe on Nov 11th, 2003, 5:51pm

on 11/11/03 at 16:09:50, Rosalie wrote:
I take it "there was lots of fog" isn't considered a good enough excuse to skip lectures then?


Um, I suspect not... especially given that my college is RIGHT opposite the History faculty... mind you, lectures aren't actually compulsory here...
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Carolyn P on Nov 11th, 2003, 9:35pm
8oo 8oo 8oo

Just about sums up my feelings on reading straight through this.

How about ome more soon Rachel.

(now to see if the code for ROTFL worked)

Yeah, thanks Vikki
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 11th, 2003, 9:47pm
Glad to help! Liss explained it over in the Having a Problem section, so I thought I'd spread the word!!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Trish on Nov 12th, 2003, 6:55am
Thanks Vikki! 8oo

*Takes up the chant*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Susan on Nov 13th, 2003, 1:28am
Rachel this is soooooo funny.  More soon please. 8oo

Yes it definitley works.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Katarzyna on Nov 13th, 2003, 10:07am
*memo to self  -  do not read anything written by rachel whilst sat at work insane fits of giggling only make think you are madder than they thought you were*

MORE PLEASE !!!!!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 13th, 2003, 12:47pm
There will be more of this later today hopefully, but I have been a poorly bunny and not fit to do anythig let alone write complete gibberish!

Although, being unwell does allow lots of time for lying around like a stinking fish and contemplating the Advent Drabbles (snigger)
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Katarzyna on Nov 13th, 2003, 12:55pm
Hope your PB's are all running round taking care of you so that you feel better soon!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 13th, 2003, 10:04pm
*hopes Rachel's better, and wonders if it's later today yet* ;)
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 13th, 2003, 10:41pm
A howl was heard throughout the halls of hell. Satan was moaning in anguish. "How many more?" he wondered, contemplating how many of his best minions had been taken out by one female.

Mary-Lou heard the howling with composure. "Probably has toothache" she thought to herself, and made a mental note to think about this problem later. As she continued her wanderings, she spotted a sparkly light in the distance. Figuring it was better to have somewhere to walk instead of wandering randomly, she set her course for the light.

Arriving there, she heard a squeak of terror from near the ground. Looking down, she saw KB, now only three inches high.
"What on earth happened?" gasped out ML. "I thought you went to heaven?"
"We did," snapped out KB, "Then she had to go and open her mouth, didn't she!"
"She who?" enquired ML.
"Her who's foot you're leaning on," replied KB.
Mary-Lou looked up, and up and up some more. Waaaaaay up high, she could just make out a face.
"Who on earth is it?" asked ML.
"Vikki!"
Vikki was easily thirty feet tall now. ML declined to make a guess at her weight, thinking that she had enough to worry about with these two.
"But what happened?" demanded ML. "I saw you leave! You went upstairs! What on earth did you do to get sent back?"
"Told you - it's her fault!" was the only reply KB would give before tucking her head on her chest and refusing to speak any more.
"Right," said ML. "I've had just about enough of this! Vikki, sit down immediately and tell me what happened!"
Vikki sat.

"It wasn't really my fault," she began. "really KB started it."
"Did not!"
"Did too! Anyway, she started saying how nice it was that I was so small - dinky she called me! She went on and on and on about how I was now a pocket sized prefect, and the "friend you can take anywhere", which I objected to. Apparently, physical fighting is frowned upon up there, so when I bit KB and she tried to pull my arms off, we got summonsed. We had to see the big boss guy, and he said we were a pair of ... well, lets just say I didn't think he would know those kind of words, and if he did I didn't expect to hear him use them! The end of the day, he said if KB thought it so nice to be small, she could be, at which point I unfortunately sniggered, which made him a tad cross, so he said I could be tall. And this is how you find us!" wound up Vikki.
Mary-Lou looked at her thoughtfully. Finally she spoke. "There's one thing you havent told me. "
Vikki looked at her nervously. "What's that then?"
"You haven't told me how you ended up back here!"
"Ummm, well, it's a bit embarassing really."
"Do tell," cooed ML in her sweetest voice.
"We kind of had the same fight all over again, but with the roles reversed. Him up there said we had better come down here until we could behave in a manner more appropriate to our surroundings."

"For two pins I'd knock your heads together!" said Mary-Lou at last. "What's the point in me helping people if they are going to undo all my hard work? Well, I think the best thing you pair can do now is help me out down here. I have decided," Mary-Lou continued pompously, "to set up a kind of agency, whereby all those sent here get a chance to leave. I'm sure it will be ripping good fun!"
Vikki sniggered, which due to her size sounded a little like a roll of thunder, which made KB titter. KB's tittering sounded cute and silvery and almost fairylike, which made ML smile fondly at her. "You shall be my special little helper," she told the unfortunate HG.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 13th, 2003, 10:49pm
"Is there a plan then?" asked Viki, when she was fed up of watching ML hold KB in the palm of her hand and trying to coax the HG to perform some fairy like movements. ML looked up at Vikki, "of course there is!" she replied. "We help people!"
"Well which people do you have in mind?" asked Vikki, totally bored of the whole situation.
"All of them!" replied ML in surprise.
"No way Jose!" said Vikki.
"No? Why not? Surely everyone deserves a chance to earn redemption and to go to the eternal grace?"
"Nope, not all." said Vikki in tones of finality.
KB jumped up and down in ML's hand. "She's right, much as I hate to admit it." she squeaked.
A cold look came over ML's face. "I think I know what I am talking about here! Aftrer all, 'I will lift up my eyes unto the hills whence cometh my help', remember?"
Vikki looked at KB, who bit ML hard.
ML squeaked and dropped KB onto the ground, where she immediately ran and hid in the groove of Vikki's shoe. "What was that for?" she cried, "and where's my wee fairy gone?"
"Firstly, she's not a fairy!" snapped Vikki. "She's the HG, she's almost the opposite of you, but not quite so evil, and she has a name! Use it!"
"What's your second point?" asked ML sulkily. She wasn't too sure of ehr fairy's name, but didn't want to admit that.
"The second point is, not everyone deserves to get their remove upstairs! Some people are beyond it! And if you can't see that, maybe you are beyond it!"
As Vikki finished speaking, ML noticed that she appeared to be reducing in size. Within a minute, Vikki and KB were both stood in front of ML at their proper sizes.
"Awwwwww, I liked you as a fairy!" said ML, not too surprised to see the sparkly dust appear and whisk both Vikki and KB upwards, whilst a voice could be heard saying "And No Fighting This Time!"
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 13th, 2003, 11:12pm
8oo 8oo 8oo

Oh Rachel!! Thank you!
I'm aching from laughing so much!!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 13th, 2003, 11:42pm
Rachel, that was fantastic! Vikki, it seems that we compliment each other very well! Oh, and I quite liked being the size of a fairy. At least I could stop having to diet!!!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Lisa_T on Nov 14th, 2003, 1:51am
Do you mean compliment or complement? ;D
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 14th, 2003, 1:54am
Both, of course, Lisa!! ;)
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 14th, 2003, 1:56am
Yes, I mean both. Thank you for picking that up. Now put it down again and walk away!!! ;)
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Lisa_T on Nov 14th, 2003, 1:59am
Well if your normal conversation is a sample of you 'complimenting' each other, I'd hate to hear you being insulting... ;)
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 14th, 2003, 2:01am
Well, that could be arranged!
KB, what do you reckon? Shall we insult Lisa, so she can see first hand? ;)
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 14th, 2003, 2:03am
*directs Lisa to the many compliments I send Vikki's way*

This, to name just one:

Quote:
*admires so many things about Vikki that I can't possibly list them all here*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Lisa_T on Nov 14th, 2003, 2:05am
That could be just the exception that proves the rule... ;D
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 14th, 2003, 2:05am
*blushes all over again at KB's extravagant compliments!!*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 14th, 2003, 2:06am
*decides that it's best to ignore Lisa, who is just prodding for a response, and goes back to writing*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 14th, 2003, 2:09am
*decides that it really is time to go to bed!! Night night girls!!* :-* :-*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Nov 14th, 2003, 2:12am
Good idea, Vikki. Nighty-night!
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Jennie on Nov 14th, 2003, 11:56am
Wonderful Rachel, please write some more as soon as possible.
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by xanthe on Nov 14th, 2003, 3:43pm
*giggling*

more please Rachel  ;D
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 14th, 2003, 11:02pm
Satan was now mind numbingly furious. He had gone past mere anger and was now at the "hysterical laughter rather than screaming" phase. With a shudder, he pulled out his most feared weapon. An inter-office memo.



MEMO: TO all departments of Hell
SUBJECT: Reduced numbers

All members of hell are obliged to attend a meeting in coference room Z52-A in exactly one hour. The subject to be discussed affects every one of you, and attendance is mandatory. Failure to appear at this meeting will result in you being handed over to Miss Trelawney.

SIGNED: Horace P. SATAN



Being Hell, as soon as Satan had signed his full name, the memo arrived in the hands of every person currently in Hell, including KB and Vikki who hadn't quite left the warm area on their  journey upstairs.
"Wonder what that's all about?" mused Vikki.
"Wonder how many will dare be a no-show!" sniggered KB.

One hour later, conference room Z52-A was full. This was Satan's favourite conference room, featuring chintz armchairs and geometric wallpaper. He stalked up to the podium and stood there, breathing heavily, and surveying all those in front of him. Anger was breaking through his usual calm demeanour, and the suggestion of a pair of horns could just be seen peeking through his hair. He glared, and drew a breath to begin his rant, which unfortunately came out for him more like a hamster fart as he spotted Mary-Lou sitting in the front row smiling up at him, and even giving him a small wave of encouragement.
"There will now be a five minute recess. Tea and coffee are available at the back of the room," said Satan in a whisper of a voice.
With wild cheers, all the minions and workers of hell stampeded for the back of the room, except ML, who Satan called to.
"Err, Miss Trelawney, I wonder if you would care to undertake a little job right now?" he asked her.
Beaming as ever, ML cheerfully agreed.
"There's a whole bunch of new arrivals in waiting room C, could you please go and make sure they are processed correctly?"
Mary-Lou agreed instantly. Finally! Finally her talents for organisation were being recognised!
Satan read the names from a list. "Esmeralda, sent here for not writing drabbles fast enough apparently, Jennie, for being plotting world domination in conjunction with others, Rachael P, for pure madness, Ray, for living in a lump of cheese and Susan, for encouraging all of the above. I'm sure you'll cope," Satan added faintly as ML rushed off with nary a backward glance.

"Right!" he roared at the thronged mass at the back of the room, the moment ML had left. "Back in your seats NOW!"
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Vikki on Nov 14th, 2003, 11:07pm
*chuckles!!*
Glad that more CBBers are being included in this!! ;)
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Catherine_B on Nov 14th, 2003, 11:18pm
*laughs out loud at the thought of Satan's first name being Horace*

*pouts slightly at not being included in the latest delivery of CBBers to Hell and wonders what she could do to get in on the trick!*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by xanthe on Nov 14th, 2003, 11:26pm
*giggling*

more PLEASE Rachel!!!!!!!

*snickers* Horace...
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Rachel on Nov 14th, 2003, 11:29pm

on 11/14/03 at 23:18:40, Catherine_B wrote:
*pouts slightly at not being included in the latest delivery of CBBers to Hell and wonders what she could do to get in on the trick!*



Don't worry, I haven't forgotten you . . .      ::)
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by KB on Today at 12:17am
*giggles* Can't wait to see what Horace has to say. And does that mean Esmeralda, Jennie, Rachael P, Ray and Susan are going to Heaven?
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by xanthe on Today at 12:19am
*starts singing "Oh you'll never get to heaven..." while she wiats for some more drabble*
Title: Re: Satan Versus OOAOML
Post by Susan on Today at 2:14am
OOOOOOOHHHHHH  I got mentioned in a drabble.
Please post more soon Rachel - I want to know what I'm getting up too. (It's got to be better than making tea and putting flowers in water).


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