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        Stories & Imaginings >> Cookies & Drabbles >>  New Year's Resolutions
        
(Message started by: Angel on Jan 1^st, 2004, 7:57pm)

Title: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 1^st, 2004, 7:57pm

Angel looked up out of the wreckage of the bookshop, and decided that this had to stop. She needed to be decisive, instead of the queen of all wibble. The collapse of the bookshop on New Year's Eve was the result of trying to make a choice about which book to purchase. The brain energy required in this simple manoevre had sucked all life out of the locality, and the TEM had moved into meatspace.
She sat down on the black sofa, and ~~yibbled~~ scribbled.

1. To Drink 50 bottles of fine wine over the course of the year
2. To stick only to good quality gin, and not debase my palate with house doubles
3. To improve my cooking, and to enjoy eating
4. to read a wide variety of fiction.
5. To extend the colour spectrum and range of my vocabulary
6. To spend at least an hour a day in a silly manner
7. To learn to snore musically
8. To travel simply for the purpose of getting out of this bl**dy country for once in a while.

Feel free to add this.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 1^st, 2004, 8:05pm

It was New Years day, and Vikki was at work, when suddenly, there was a flash of light, and a cloud of smoke! When the smoke cleared, Vikki looked round dazedly. The dozen or so lunatics who had turned up to play golf were slumped around the bar area, and in the middle sat the TEM! Vikki let out a scream and ran away and hid in the cupboard under the stairs. While she waited for rescue, she ~~yibbled~~scribbled frantically on a scrap of paper, writing her New Years Resolutions. They were as follows:
1) learn to roller skate
2) Endeavour to read at least 40 books a day
3) Train self to exist solely on Baileys
4) Kill all the golfers and bury them in the nearest bunker
5) alternate the baileys with boxes of chocolates
6) finally admit defeat and give up drabble writing

Having compiled this masterpiece, Vikki peered cautiously round the door, looking for the TEM........

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 1^st, 2004, 8:07pm

The TEM, realising he wasn't going to be fed by any yibbling on this thread, sat back to watch hoping that the New Years resolutions would continue. It wasn't his fault he had very hairy. In fact, these resolutions made him think about turning over a new leaf. maybe he could change things as well.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by LulieCat on Jan 1^st, 2004, 8:18pm

Suddenly the TEM shrieked and ran away to the back of beyond. He'd just spied Lulie coming along, waving a very large cut-throat razor. She'd heard of the hairiness of the TEM and come prepared. Finding nothing but a big hair-monster in the plug hole she pulled a notebook out of her pocket and, not having a pen handy, took the pencil that was holding her bun in place. Hair streaming all over she sucked the pencil and debated whether to bother with resolutions this year.

1. Get up five minutes earlier for work
2. Always eat breakfast
3. Be nice on a Friday
4. Learn to read on a bus
5. Disguise vodka as water, to enable niceness on a Friday.
6. Break any resolutions with glamour and style
7. Yibble more

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Pat on Jan 1^st, 2004, 8:19pm

It was the first day of the new term - January 5th - and Pat opened the office door and started turning on the computers. First her own, so that she could catch up on her GO emails, and log into the CBB. Then the other office machine that ran the overdue letters. Suddenly, with a flash of light and a loud bang, the computer exploded. When the dust cleared, past noticed with relief that it wasn't her computer that had blown, so she could still catch up on what was happening on the CBB. Then she realised with horror that the TEM was sitting on top of the wrecked computer, crowing. An added nightmarish detail was that it looked remarkedly like her line manager! Shrieking in horror, Pat dived out of the office and into the Learning Resource Centre, where she hid quivering under the stair leading to the study area.

Having had the forethought to grab a scrap of paper and a pen on her way past the issue desk, she sat and ~~yibbled~~ scribbled her New Year Resolutions:

1. get a new job
2. finish Cs Librarian
3. reminfd Vikki to get on with New Family
4. finish redecorating (YUK!)
5. zap the blasted TEM with the one of the bar code readers

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 1^st, 2004, 8:26pm

At the prospect of more food (Cookies and Bunnies) the TEM looked ecstatic, and jumped up and down for more. The encouragement to write would be just what he needed - a motivation to provide food for him. Then he remembered that he had tried to make a New Year's resolution and guiltily looked at his feet. No cloned threads stuck to them, thankfully.

He decided to make himself properly green and hairy, and went off to scare someone else, and nibble on the yibbles. Scribbles were completely indigestible, unfortunately.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Pat on Jan 1^st, 2004, 8:30pm

Feeling very brave, pat crept out from under the stairs and peared round the corner. The TEM was still where she had left it, so she ran up to the desk, picked up the bar code reader and aimed it at the head of the TEM. The red light hit bang on target, and the TEM disappeared. Pat heaved a sigh of relief, and ran to log into the CBB for a bit of sanity.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 1^st, 2004, 8:36pm

The TEM was not a happy threadmonster. Not only had he been shot at with a harmless red light, but he'd been rendered invisible.

He decided to delete a thread

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Pat on Jan 1^st, 2004, 8:39pm

He looked arounf the CBB, trying to decide which thread to eat. Should it be Angels' new one, he wondered, or the New Year's Day one, perhaps. After all, Rachel hadn't added her bit yet, and that would seriously upset the CBBers. Yes, perhaps that would be the best one to choose. It looked pretty tasty, too.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 1^st, 2004, 8:45pm

Vikki peered cautiously round the door, and frowned! Had it gone?
There was a rumbling noise, and she shot back into her hidey hole, and decided to add another resolution. Since the TEM seemed to be getting more powerful, it seemed a godd idea not to feed it, so she added;
7) Do NOT carry on with New Family!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Pat on Jan 1^st, 2004, 8:48pm

The TEM peared into Vikki's hidey-hole in perplexity. Why had she decided not to carry on with New Family? After all, if he did eat it, she had it saved and could re-post it!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 1^st, 2004, 8:54pm

Vikki was confused about the TEM's wonderings, as she wasn't writing a drabble called New Friends!!!!!!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by LulieCat on Jan 1^st, 2004, 8:54pm

Having made her resolutions Lulie strolled into work on the 5th Jan, feeling surprisingly calm and relaxed. Hearing her boss's footsteps coming down the stairs she decided not to push things and dived into the disabled toilet to avoid him. Unfortunately he met the Vice Principal just outside the toilet door, so Lulie was forced to turn the light on. She just managed to choke back a scream of horror. Sitting comfortably in the ceiling hoist was the TEM, a red spot in the centre of its head that bore an alarming resemblence to an infra red light. He was grinning inanely and had the remains of a thread hanging out of the corner of its mouth.

*rescue me somebody pleeeeeaaaaase. I spend far too much time in the disabled toilet as it is ;) :'(*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 1^st, 2004, 9:16pm

Angel felt herself being picked up off her sofa by hairy hands, and forcibly dragged into starbucks.

Promising God that she'd read 50 books this year, she found that the TEM let her go, and was quite polite. She found Luliecat being forcefed chocolate there, that being the only way the TEM understood to calm people down, and thunk rapidly.

Fortunately she had her marshmallows, and so was able to offer the TEM a hot drink, and therefore persuade him to sit down and talk for a bit.

--------

Please feel free to keep adding to this - it's very funny so far. New Year's Resolutions seem to keep him happy.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 1^st, 2004, 9:19pm

Rachel staggered randomly around the shattered remnants of her life, wondering at what point "Let's blow up the house!" had become such a good idea.

She brandished the badger in the direction of a vague shadow, which attempted to dematerialise in front of her, but failed abysmally and ended up in the somewhat embarassing (to a TEM) position of blending in with the plaid blankets that had landed on one of the heaps of slightly steaming rubble.

At this point, in direct accordance to the narrative rules, as laid down by that esteemed gentleman Mr Pratchett, a solitary flaming wheel rolled out of a cloud of dust, past Rachel and on down the street.

Rachel, as easily distracted as ever, watched its progress with fascination before turning back to the TEM.

It, realising this was THE Rachel he was dealing with had vanished with a snigger while her attention wandered, leaving her to scrabble around amongst the debris until she found what she was looking for: a lipstick and a tablecloth.

Using the lipstick, Rachel scribbled down her New Years Resolutions on the tablecloth.

1) Stop blowing up the house.
2) Put a leash on the badger.
3) Tell the CBBers all about Travel Kittens (TM)
4) Consider finishing the Advent Drabbles
5) Abandon "Con" as a lost cause
6) Find a cardboard box to live in
7) Teach the cats to tapdance
8) Stop trying to squeeze into clothes that are really too small
9) Stop yibbling and possibly resign from the CBB

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 1^st, 2004, 9:22pm

The TEM sat in Starbucks with his laptop and surveyed the cookies and drabbles section, like a child with a box of chocolates, trying to decide which one would be tastiest......

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by LulieCat on Jan 1^st, 2004, 9:25pm

Wiping a dribble of chocolate from her chin, Lulie smiled at the TEM rather nervously. She studied the lists of resolutions that Angel had pushed onto her lap under the table, so the TEM wouldn't see them. Picking out her own, she once more destroyed her hairstyle in the quest for a pencil and scribbled out her seventh resolution, changing it to

7. Scribble more.

Satisfied she stuffed a chocolate/marshamllow sandwich in her mouth and looked innocent, resolving to stay in starbucks and away from the CBB, which was obviously a bad influence.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Pat on Jan 1^st, 2004, 9:43pm

on 01/01/04 at 20:54:02, Vikki wrote:

Vikki was confused about the TEM's wonderings, as she wasn't writing a drabble called New Friends!!!!!!

Who said you were?

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 1^st, 2004, 9:48pm

Pat - I can see that 'modified post' at the bottom as well as anyone, you know.

Well she isn't doing New anything now.

Back to the Big Green TEM
-----------

Lulie wandered out of Starbucks unhindered, arm in arm with angel. The TEM was glued to his seat by the presence of some gingerbread syrup for the time being, and he was pretending to be a cat, and washing himself...

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Esmeralda on Jan 1^st, 2004, 9:52pm

Esmeralda stumbled into the office at three minutes past six. Still bleary eyed and less than half awake - it had definitely NOT been a good idea to finish off the bottle of red wine the night before, especially as the bottle had still been three quarters full - she completely failed to notice the hairy grren monster sitting in her chair. Knowing that the factories would son be clamouring for the morning reports, she dropped her bag onto the floor and sat down in front of the computer.
The TEM, suffreing the full brunt of Emeralda’s not inconsiderable weight, found it’s innards being squashed out of her. She screamed, but like a dog whistle, her voice was far too high pitched to be audible to humans, and soon all that remained was a matted gooey hairy mess.
The reports finally completed. Esmeralda rose from her chair in search of black coffee, vaguely aware that her bum felt warm and damp. She rubed her hand over the massively protruding body part, ans looked curiously at the sticky blue substance which adhered to her palm, but even as she began to wonder the substance disappeared, her nether appendage felt dry once more, and the matted hairy mess vanished from the chair, as the TEM began the process of sucking it’s innards back to their rightful place as she reconstructed herself, vowing to make sure that her future victims were not too insensible, not to say senseless, to even notice her presence. Vowing that this would be victim would come in for special treatment later, she whisked herself back through hyperspace to lick herself clean.
Esmeralda blinked several times, and decided she needed coffe even more than ever, seated in the canteen she dug an old chewed biro out of her pocket, and began to ~~yibble~~scribble on the back of a Tesco till receipt.
“New Years Resolutions.
1. Leave unfinished bottles of red wine unfinished.
2. Go to bed earlier instead of staying up on the CBB.
3.
4.
5.
6.”
She decided that thinking up resolutions four to six was far too much trouble for that time of morning, and yawning loudly, ambled back to the office for a rest.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 1^st, 2004, 10:04pm

Orlando (the TEM) grinned, and decided that She was going to prove that girls had more fun.

She'd sucked up New Family in order to pay them back for being treated like that. So much for Lulie and Angel pretending to be nice to her. She didn't know what to do now.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Esmeralda on Jan 1^st, 2004, 10:11pm

on 01/01/04 at 22:04:02, Angel wrote:

Orlando (the TEM) grinned, and decided that She was going to prove that girls had more fun.

Nice one, Angel.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 1^st, 2004, 10:18pm

*Sees Tissue Box*
*receives PM from Vikki*
*puts 2 and 2 together*

No, Rachel, not that Orlando.

-------------

The TEM was very scared. A very strange woman was coming towards her, and she really didn't know what to do.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 1^st, 2004, 10:33pm

Darn and buggrit! Millenium hand and fish!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 1^st, 2004, 10:47pm

Orlando was very very scared. In her panic, she looked for a thread to chew on, thinking that comfort eating was probably the best way to cope.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Pat on Jan 1^st, 2004, 10:53pm

The Hugs thread looked very tempting, and she peared at it speculatively.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Abi on Jan 1^st, 2004, 11:03pm

Then she tasted it experimentally, spluttered, and leapt backwards! Someone had plastered it with that revolting stuff that stops you biting your nails.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 1^st, 2004, 11:35pm

Earlier that evening, anybody looking in the right place could have seen Vikki wandering around the board, painting the threads from a ten gallon can of 'Stop'n'Grow'.............................

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Abi on Jan 1^st, 2004, 11:39pm

She had also covered herself in it just in case the TEM decided a CBB-er would make a tasty change to its diet.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 1^st, 2004, 11:57pm

Vikki set up a special booth to paint any CBBer who felt the need of protection...

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 1^st, 2004, 11:58pm

Rachel, getting completely the wrong end of the stick as always, had painted herself in "Asda's Finest Marinade"

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Abi on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 12:03am

Orlando sniffed appreciatively. She was sure she could smell her favourite...... Asda's Finest Marinade. Yes, there was a girl....

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by LulieCat on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 12:04am

Orlando's normally insensitive nose twitched. It was getting whacking great nostril-fuls of a delicious honey and mustard scent. Drooling over cookies and drabbles alike She shambled off to track down the source (or should that be marinade?)

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 12:05am

Rachel jumped up and down in excitement.
"Orlandoooooooooo" she called, making sure she had on her best wonderbra, and for a wonder, it was the right way round.

"ORLANDOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Abi on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 12:07am

Orlando lumbered towards Rachel, who suddenly realised who Orlando really was......................

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 12:12am

Rachel squeaked some more as she saw it was THE Orlando Bloom, currently doing substitute drabble for some other Orlando whom Rachel had never heard of anyway.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by LulieCat on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 12:15am

Orlando chuckled as She hid round a corner and pulled her Orlando Bloom mask off. It was fun teasing Rachel, she could be so gullible when it came to film stars in tights.

But there was still that marinadey smell tickling Orlando's nostrils. Humming to Herself She pulled the mask back on and carried on.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 12:17am

Rachel pounced, dragging Orlando back into her ~~lair~~ room.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by LulieCat on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 12:21am

A drip of Asdas Finest Marinade fell from Rachel onto Orlando. Realising that this was the source of the smell, Orlando licked Her lips and opened her mouth wide, sharp teeth glinting...

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 12:27am

Rachel moved in for the kill and french kissed Orlando Bloom to death

::) We can all have our little fantasies!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 12:31am

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!!
*shakes head*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 12:37am

Hey!

I'm desperate and prepared to admit it!

;)

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 10:57am

Orlando panicked. It was one thing to be teasing this mad woman, it was another to find himself stood, trying to ram a skewer through her while she was roasting over a fire slowly, so she could turn her over.

She'd died from the shock when the full body mask had falled off, but Orlando wasn't sure anyone would believe her. In panic she'd looked around the kitchen. There was a massive open fire, and she decided to roast Rachel over it, and then turn her into pies for Asda.

Meanwhile Vikki and Angel were have a confab about how to rescue Rachel, little realising that she was dead, and about half roasted.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 11:24am

Fortunately Rachel had sold her soul to Horace some time earlier (round about the time of "Con" onfact ;) ) and wasn't completely dead. There was still a spark of life in her, enough to keep her going until such time as she could be brought back from the brink by someone singing "The Red Sarafan".

Hurry Up Guys please!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 11:57am

The TEM carved off a few choice pieces, and placed them into the pie. Rachel really was quite a juicy young lady. Some of the bones had gone to make bonemeal, and the rest had gone to pad out the pork sausages. They were distributed all over the world.

Meanwhile, Angel had started her violin practice, and had discovered a copy of the Red Sarafan in her music book. And She Murdered it...

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by LulieCat on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 12:29pm

Horrified at the mass distribution of Rachel Lulie quickly PMed all the CBBers and several other worldwide mad friends, asking them to go shopping for pies/sausages/bonemeal. It was easy to identify the correct products as the TEM had brand-named them 'Asda Orlando Specials'. Then she dashed across to Angel and turned her music the right way up.

Sighing with relief at a job well done, Lulie went off to consume vast quantites of home made leek and potato soup, glad that it was vegetablearian and didn't contain Rachel.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 12:39pm

UNfortunately, some of them had been delivered to the White House...

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 5:43pm

However, as the collective voices of the CBBers rang out in 'The Red Sarafan', with Xanthe's (hope Xan doesn't mind, but I don't know what voice range anyone else has for sure!!!) soprano ringing above the other voices, the assorted parts of Rachel, linked by her incredibly strong life force, began to draw together, linking up into human form once more!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 6:21pm

Rachel was devastated at being brought back at that precise moment.

Orlando Bloom had been shopping in Asda and had been poised ready to enjoy a succulent "Asda Orlando Special".

Once her body was fully formed once again, Rachel dashed out and away, knowing now exactly where Orlando Bloom was living and determined to get back there before he had time to ~~flee~~ move.

Vikki shrieked after her "But you're nekkid!" to which rachel called over her shoulder, "If I don't mind, why should you?"

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 7:16pm

Orlando Bloom was horrified when he saw this naked madwoman racing towards him........

..............the more so, because Xan had gotten the second verse slightly wrong, meaning that Rachel's left leg was connected to her right hip and vice versa.....

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 7:33pm

...and a green hairy, female TEM had locked itself onto him...

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by LulieCat on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 8:07pm

Struggling madly, Orlando B managed to remove himself from the green hairy clutches of the TEM. Thanking every God he knew of, including Peter Jackson, that he'd got fit prancing up and down mountains in New Zealand, OB ran off, out of Asda and down the street. He resolved to be a true STAR from now on and shop in Harrods.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Sadly he didn't realise that where one CBBer was, there they all are, and he ran directly into the clutches of Lulie, Vikki and Angel, all coated in Stop 'n' Grow. Thanks to the stray green hairs stuck to his god-likebody, the girls mistook OB for the TEM, shrieked in unison and, flinging a plumeau over his head, carted OB off to the CBB lair.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 9:59pm

Rachel, unable to follow was left sobbing, as she watched OB disappearing under a duvet with three of the CBBers.

She swore revenge...

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Pat on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 10:08pm

on 01/02/04 at 00:17:46, Rachel wrote:

Rachel pounced, dragging Orlando back into her ~~lair~~ room.

I had a wonderful picture of Shelob wrapping Frodo in her web then!! 8oo

Guess what I saw today!!!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by LulieCat on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 10:31pm

*wibbles at the thought of Rachel's revenge*
*rememebers that I'm under a duvet woth Orlando Bloom and cease to care :P*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 2^nd, 2004, 10:35pm

Orlando had been doing some promo work, and had his long blond wig on, which Angel duly extracted and started to brush lovingly.

The others weren't nearly so weird, and pretty soon Orlando was forgetting the trauma, and asked what was going on - who the strange woman and hairy thing actually were.

Luliecat and Vikki cuddled up to him, and started to explain. Angel merely cast a disillusionment charm over the scene, and carried on.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 3^rd, 2004, 12:11am

** Rachel sits sobbing over the computer - even her fantasies don't work out right **

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 3^rd, 2004, 12:24am

awwwwww!!! Poor Rachel! *huggles*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 3^rd, 2004, 12:36am

Won't somebody write me a happy ending?

<sniffle>

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Abi on Jan 3^rd, 2004, 12:40am

Rachel sadly walked away as the others grew more and more chummy. But even as she turned her back on them she gasped. Coming towards her with a welcoming smile on his face was Orlando Bloom himself - in person!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 3^rd, 2004, 1:06am

** Begins to smile through her tears **

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Lisa_T on Jan 3^rd, 2004, 8:09pm

*chokes on hysterics*
You lot are seriously BONKERS (will the censor allow that? let's see..) Poor Rachel. Poor POOR Rachel!

*vows to avoid any kind of marinade in it, just in case*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 4^th, 2004, 1:25am

Lisa, are you only just realising this? ;)

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by KB on Jan 4^th, 2004, 8:32am

*also only just discovering this for the first time*
*shakes head slowly*
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 4^th, 2004, 9:10pm

*wonders why KB is shaking her head* ???

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Abi on Jan 4^th, 2004, 10:29pm

*snorts and thinks that if KB had been here she would have joined in* ;)

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by KB on Jan 5^th, 2004, 1:21am

Me, yibble?! Hah! *jealous that I wasn't here to join in*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 5^th, 2004, 10:52am

Excuse me!

I said I was beginning to smile through my tears - that was NOT permission to stop writing nice things about myself and <swoon> Orlando Bloom!

Rachel ~ off to gaze adoringly at her calendar once again.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by LauraT on Jan 5^th, 2004, 11:14am

Can you imagine how traumatised he would be if he actaully read this?! And Rachel, does your 'nice young man' know about your obsession!?

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 5^th, 2004, 11:53am

on 01/05/04 at 11:14:28, LauraT wrote:

Can you imagine how traumatised he would be if he actaully read this?!

I like to think he would be flattered by the attention ;)

Quote:

And Rachel, does your 'nice young man' know about your obsession!?

Ummmmmmmmmmmm, he does actually! ;) Maybe because I keep saying "Orlando!" and swooning ;) (And no, said young man, who isn't quite "mine" yet and may never be knowing the kind of success rate I have with nice young men, doesn't resemble Orlando in any way whatsoever.)

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 5^th, 2004, 2:13pm

*wonders if the obsession with Orlando may be directly connected to the success rate with young men!*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 5^th, 2004, 3:53pm

Given that it is now six and a half years since I walked on on the Arse-end of the Universe (aka my ex husband!) and I have been on my own for, oh, six and a half years, I think I am entitled to fantasise about a particularly fine looking, fit young man like Orlando Bloom!

Of course, if anyone could point me in the direction of a whole bath of eligible young men, I would be extrememly grateful and possibly ready to give up my fantasies.

Nah, doubt it! I'll stick with Orlando!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 5^th, 2004, 4:20pm

on 01/05/04 at 15:53:52, Rachel wrote:

Of course, if anyone could point me in the direction of a whole bath of eligible young men,

This conjures up a very interesting mental image........ ;)
(Oh, and Rachel, I adore your nickname for your ex!!!! Have you called him that to his face yet?)

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by LauraT on Jan 5^th, 2004, 4:50pm

Please do! And tell us the reaction! Ooh nearly 200 posts! How exciting! ;D

OMG I only just noticed that the board alternates between purple and white. Has it always done that?! ???

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 5^th, 2004, 4:57pm

*grins at Laura*
Yes it has my dear! ;D

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 5^th, 2004, 9:46pm

8oo 8oo 8oo

Of course, I meant to write " a whole BATCH of eligible young men " but I will happily settle for a bath full. Ooooooooooh! Mmmmmmmmmm - a bath filled with Orlando Bloom! Need a lie down in a darkened room to cure the wobbly kneed feeling ths image brings! <swoon>

(And yes, Arse-end of the Universe does know this is his name - he prefers this one to the alternative that I only use on the phone when the kiddies can't hear me.)

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 5^th, 2004, 10:09pm

So, what's his other name then?

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 5^th, 2004, 10:19pm

I don't know how much of it the censor will permit! Here goes nothing:

f**king Bastard Son of the Devil Woman Incarnate

ETA: Wow - censor has obviously MET him!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Pat on Jan 5^th, 2004, 10:24pm

Do I get the impression your ex upset you a little, Rachel? ;D

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 5^th, 2004, 10:25pm

*giggles*
I can see why you don't use it in front of the kids!!
Can I assume that you don't like his mum either?

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 5^th, 2004, 10:34pm

His mother hated me from the moment we met - and the feeling was reciprocated!

He was an evil man who shouldn't be allowed to live IMNSHO, but unfortunately I am not yet President, Prime Minister or Empress of the Outer Galaxies (I'm working on it!) so he has been permitted to live.

I'm just glad he was included in the Holocaust drabble!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 5^th, 2004, 10:38pm

Which we are still waiting to read, Rachel, you windup merchant!!!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 5^th, 2004, 10:41pm

Hey - is it my fault you lot are all so slow you can't beat the TEM to it?

I wish you could have seen the scene when Joey and Plato were dirty dancing inthe school hall - one of the best bits ever in a drabble!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 5^th, 2004, 11:25pm

*pokes Rachel, Hard!!!*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 5^th, 2004, 11:32pm

Are you sure it has been eaten by the TEM and isn't just lurking round about page three or something?

It was a masterpiece of writing as far as I am concerned!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by KB on Jan 5^th, 2004, 11:50pm

*unceremoniously abducts Rachel's entire menagerie*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 5^th, 2004, 11:52pm

You can't!

I cross bred them all with homing pigeons, so you'll never get them to stay with you.

"Here Travel Kitten (TM) Travel Kitten (TM) Travel Kitten (TM)!"

** Listens to the happy squeaks of Travel Kittens (TM) coming home to roost **

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by KB on Jan 6^th, 2004, 12:08am

*locks cage door very firmly*
*lets the Travel Kittens return but keeps the rest*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 6^th, 2004, 12:43am

*is glad KB is being strict with Rachel!*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by KB on Jan 6^th, 2004, 12:45am

Well, someone has to!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 6^th, 2004, 1:57am

*admits KB has a point*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by KB on Jan 6^th, 2004, 2:02am

*chokes out* Another agreement?

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 6^th, 2004, 2:27am

I know, I know!
*groans*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by KB on Jan 6^th, 2004, 2:34am

*wibbles in fear*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 6^th, 2004, 9:24am

** Sniggers as she activates the "Bizarre Badger Self Destruct" mechanism **

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 6^th, 2004, 5:43pm

*drags KB to safety, and then takes pity and resues Rachel from her own folly*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 6^th, 2004, 8:30pm

Angel exited the duvet, to find that the TEM was eating it. Orlando the TEM been rendered very very hungry by all the yibbling on the thread, and was looking at other contenders for munchies. The first target was the yibblers themselves.
In a daring feat of self-sacrifice, Angel grabbed Orlando Bloom and threw him into Rachel's safe-keeping, hastily casting an irresistability charm on her, in order to keep Mr Bloom fully occupied. the TEM was more interested in what she could do with LulieCat, KB and Vikki, and ignored Angel - the disillusionment charm was apparently still working.

In actual fact, it wasn't any sacrifice, handing over Mr Bloom. For some two years now, emanating from Angel's room the sighs of 'Ahhhhhhragorn' could be heard drifting from her happier dreams.

---------
Hint: If you want to save Lulie, KB and Vikki, you better start resolving things...

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 6^th, 2004, 8:36pm

Help, help, somebody please post some resolutions and save us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 6^th, 2004, 8:45pm

The TEM scented possibilities for yibbling here, and focused her attention on the thread. She propelled the worst offenders into Starbucks, and tied them to a chair, making them watch the TEM drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows, whipped cream and flakes of chocolate on top. Orlando swore that this improved their taste when it came to eating profiles.

As for threads - with Angel sighing over her (wedded and occupied) king, there was a strong chance that she wouldn't try and rescue them. Rachel was safely away from any thought of yibbling. Nothing to remind her of promises already made... Nothing to provoke her conscience.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by KB on Jan 7^th, 2004, 12:56am

Hey, when did I get so unceremoniously shoved into this story? >:(

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Katarzyna on Jan 7^th, 2004, 10:27am

Katarzyna had come into work on the 5th January after a pleasant break determined that this year she would get on with her work rather than spending too much time surfing on the net.

As she approached her desk there was a humming noise coming from her computer
'odd' she thought to herself 'I can't have left the computer on' She sat down and switched on the monitor to reveal the following list of resolutions

1. Try and do at least 6 hours work to 1 hours surfing
2. Spending afternoon's writing drabbles is not an effective use of work time - stop it!
3. Avoid yibbling, joining in every multiple author story giong etc

Despite trying to delete the list the best she could do was to minimise them into the bottom left hand corner of the screen.
'oh well' she thought to herself as she looked at the pile of post sitting on the edge of the desk 'I will start once i have caught up with the board'.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 7^th, 2004, 10:52pm

on 01/07/04 at 00:56:11, KB wrote:

Hey, when did I get so unceremoniously shoved into this story? >:(

You yibbled. On this thread.

----------

Kat realised that it wasn't a sensible thing to have done. One minute she was happily perusing her favourite stories, the next she realised that her intray was over-flowing, her boss was on the phone, and she had a bright green thread monster perched on her chair, complete with what remained of one or two threads pouring out of her mouth.

Kat did what any sensible woman would have done - ignored it.

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 7^th, 2004, 10:56pm

Rachel thought she heard the sound of threads being munched but thought "Sod that! Let someone else go sort it out!" and carried on with what she had been doing before being so rudely interrupted by the ill-mannered TEM

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 7^th, 2004, 11:32pm

In fact, it had something to do with being permanently attached to Mr Bloom, in all the right places...

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by KB on Jan 8^th, 2004, 5:28am

on 01/07/04 at 22:52:04, Angel wrote:

You yibbled. On this thread.

Well, but... but.... but..... *dissolves in tears*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 8^th, 2004, 9:23am

** Kindly but firmly shoves KB towards the Tissue Box **

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by KB on Jan 8^th, 2004, 9:32am

*appreciates Rachel's concern* (presumably that the floor doesn't get wet and slippery)

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 8^th, 2004, 10:21am

Not at all! Just repaying a favour from last summer ;)

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by KB on Jan 8^th, 2004, 10:56am

*thinks Rachel has an almost obscenely long memory*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 8^th, 2004, 11:01am

Not at all - I was cross bred with an elephant.

It would explain sooooooo much!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by KB on Jan 8^th, 2004, 11:09am

*decides tact might be the way to go at this point*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Pat on Jan 8^th, 2004, 11:12am

on 01/08/04 at 11:01:09, Rachel wrote:

Not at all - I was cross bred with an elephant.

I couldn't see a trunk in your photo, Rachel!! Was the hat hiding the huge ears?!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by KB on Jan 8^th, 2004, 11:14am

Or else she has a darned good plastic surgeon!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 8^th, 2004, 11:16am

on 01/08/04 at 11:14:33, KB wrote:

Or else she has a darned good plastic surgeon!

Thankyou - I'm actually self-taught ;D

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by KB on Jan 8^th, 2004, 11:22am

*thinks the more squeamish on the more should have looked away for that post*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 8^th, 2004, 11:41am

Not at all! I mean, it isn't as if I was offering to demonstrate my skill at the Gathering in March - although if thngs slow down and we need something to fill the time . . .

Would be a wonderful reason to bring my collection of knives too ::)

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by KB on Jan 8^th, 2004, 11:45am

*wonders if 'No Knives' should be added to the list of rules for the Gathering*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Katarzyna on Jan 8^th, 2004, 11:53am

on 01/08/04 at 11:16:04, Rachel wrote:

Thankyou - I'm actually self-taught ;D

*having visions of Rachel as an Igorina* :D

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 8^th, 2004, 8:36pm

*pops over to the Gathering thread, and pins up a very large notice saying "Strictly No Knives Allowed"*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Angel on Jan 8^th, 2004, 9:15pm

*abandons thread to yibblers*

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Rachel on Jan 8^th, 2004, 10:32pm

** In accordance with the "Squatters Rights Guide to Home Decor", brings in a whole pile of milk crates to be used as multi purpose furniture **

Just nipping out to find a dog!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Vikki on Jan 9^th, 2004, 1:38am

Oh god!! Thread squatters!!

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by Esmeralda on Jan 9^th, 2004, 1:40am

Maybe they'll keep the TEM away...

Title: Re: New Year's Resolutions
Post by KB on Jan 9^th, 2004, 3:44am

*forced to doubt it*