Shrek saves the Chalet School!
The CBB -> Cookies & Drabbles

#1: Shrek saves the Chalet School! Author: LisaLocation: South Coast of England PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 8:06 pm


Just a bit of fun, I fancied something a bit different, but don't know if it will work!

************


As the mouse approached the clearing, its whiskers trembling in trepidation and its little sensitive nose quivering at the stench that came from the surrounding swamp, it pondered the gravity of the message it was bearing. It knew it was highly honoured to be charged with the responsibility of rendering the blip in Happy Ever After Land harmless.

As it approached the round door in the small hut, it heard grunts from within, and could hear the strains of a Scottish voice shouting at someone. Just as the mouse reached the door step, the door flew open and a protesting grey donkey backed out, talking nineteen to the dozen:

“Hey, don’t blame me, Shrek, I’m just the annoying talking sidekick, and I – hey! What have we here? A cute little mouse! Come on in to our house, mouse!” and with that the donkey brayed at its own wittiness and charged back in the hut, ushering the mouse in before it.

“Dorn-kee!” bellowed the Scottish ogre, “this is ma hoose! Tek that moose oot!” Looking frantically round, the mouse spied a table with a piece of rag hanging over the edge, and scampered up it until it was level with the ogre’s face. Shivering in fear, the rodent noted the bloodshot eyes, with gunge gathered in the corners, and when the ogre opened its mouth the mouse fell back in a faint from the stench of foul breath. Surely this couldn’t be the ogre he had been sent to seek? About to turn and run, the mouse stopped short as the ogre suddenly slammed his hand down on its tail, a new look coming into his eyes.

“But perhaps a snack, eh, Donkey?!”

“Aw, Shrek, I don’t think you should. Look, it’s such a cute little thing, and it seems to have a message for you, I – Shrek! Spit it out! It’s saying something!”

Indeed there were some pitiful shrieks issuing from the mouth of the mouse, and reluctantly Shrek spat out the tiny creature, grumbling that it was all bones anyway.

“Prince – Prince Jack sent me,” gasped out the mouse before passing out into a clean faint.

 


#2:  Author: XantheLocation: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 8:11 pm


Lisa, dear, sweet, fluffy thing... may we have some more, please?

 


#3:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 8:12 pm


Ahhh, poor little mousie, I do hope he recovers.

 


#4:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 8:35 pm


Oooh"!!!
*intrigued*
More please Lisa!!!

 


#5:  Author: LisaLocation: South Coast of England PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 8:52 pm


Ten minutes later, the mouse regained consciousness, and sat quivering over a thimble of nettle tea brought to him by Mrs Shrek. For an ogre, she was quite attractive, but the mouse didn’t like the way his two hosts watched him with hungry eyes. Finishing the tea with a gulp, he stood and bowed.

“Sir Shrek, Lady Shrek, erm… Donkey. I have been commissioned to issue you with a message of prime importance from Prince Jack of Happy Ever After Land -”

“What’s that gotta do we’ me?” demanded Shrek. “I just wanna settle down to married life –”

“Hey Shrek, you da man!” shrieked Donkey, leaping up and down in excitement, “a new adventure for Shrek and Donkey! It’ll be just like old times!”

“Let the mouse speak,” spoke Shrek’s wife, and the mouse turned its attention to her.

“Princess Fiona, honoured to make your acquaintance,” said the mouse humbly. “I am Reggie Mouse. I live in the Enchanted Chalet in Happy Ever After Land, but worrying things are happening there, and Prince Jack –”

“No! The answer is no!” bellowed Shrek, but his wife simpered alongside him and placed a hand on his arm.

“Hear him out, Shrek. I want to know what is happening. Reggie – do you mean to say you live in the Enchanted Chalet, where everyone lives happily ever after, either becoming a teacher or marrying and having a dozen children?”

“Yes, Madam,” acquiesced the mouse, “but an evil Queen has cast her spell over the Chalet, and the girls are beginning to resist the happy ever after storylines. Prince Jack and Princess Josephine need a hero to save the day and return the genre to its proper working order.”

“Oh, Shrek, the Enchanted Chalet!” sighed Fiona. “How I loved to read of that place when I was young! We must help!”

“But you didn’t marry a doctor – or become a teacher,” objected donkey, “you is an ogre!”

“Well, exactly, but I wasn’t always you know. Now Reggie, what do Prince & Princess J want from us?”

“There is no time to lose,” replied the mouse urgently. “I will tell you on the way.”

“We are not going, and that’s my final word on the matter!” insisted Shrek.

Fifteen minutes later they were packed, and the party of two ogres, a donkey and a mouse made their way out of the clearing to the deep, dark woods, intent on saving the Enchanted Chalet from extinction.

 


#6:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 8:57 pm


Brilliant!! LOL!!

 


#7:  Author: GemLocation: Saltash, Cornwall (holidays), Aberystwyth (termtime from September) PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 8:57 pm


*suffocating with laughter*

 


#8:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 9:07 pm


Love the premise!
Quote:
An evil Queen has cast her spell over the Chalet, and the girls are beginning to resist the happy ever after storylines. Prince Jack and Princess Josephine need a hero to save the day and return the genre to its proper working order.

*looking forward to the details*

 


#9:  Author: Amanda MLocation: Wakefield PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 9:10 pm


Oh, this has got to be good ROFL ROFL

Star Wars

 


#10:  Author: catherineLocation: York PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 9:18 pm


Lisa, this is great!! More please!! I can picture it all happening!!

Genius!

 


#11:  Author: AnnLocation: Newcastle upon Tyne, England PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 9:20 pm


*wonders who the evil Queen is (I have my suspicions...)*

 


#12:  Author: Lisa_TLocation: Belfast PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 9:52 pm


*g* all of us,probably!!!

Lisa this is splendiferous. Much more woulod be appreciated!

 


#13:  Author: Guest PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 10:20 pm


Ann, I think I know who you mean, and I thought of it, but thought it was a bit mean, so I've invented 'someone' else!


*************

They got into a comfortable stride, with the mouse perched on Donkey’s head. The latter objected to this vehemently:

“Why is it us donkeys that are always beasts of burden?” he complained. “I don’t see you riding on Shrek. Tho’ that’s probably because of the smell. Whoo! Does he hum! This is so much fun – ”

“Donkey, shut up! If we have to go, I wanna hear about this place. Mouse! What’s the gen?”

Reggie reared up self-importantly, and cleared his mousey throat.

“What do you know of the Enchanted Chalet?” he enquired.

“Oh,” breathed Fiona, clasping her hands to her voluptuous green bosom, “I know, I know! The Enchanted Chalet is in Happy Ever After land, but moves around different locations. Each location offers the Chalet a new aspect of happiness and beauty. Let me see – it has been in the mountains, in lush hillsides, next to the sea, near lakes …”

“Yes yes,” said the mouse impatiently, “we know that. What else have you heard?”

“In The Enchanted Chalet all the girls grow up to become perfect, beautiful and accomplished young women – not spineless jellyfish. Any flaws in their characters are ironed put within a couple of weeks, or at least by the end of the first term. Then they become true Chaletians. It’s wonderful – a world of respect, love and happiness.”

“What is this Chalet, anyway?” demanded Shrek, intrigued at last despite himself. “Some kind of swamp?”

“Sort of,” answered his wife. “It’s a school for young ladies.”

“Wa-hey!” brayed Donkey, bounding up and down with so much energy that the mouse flew off his head and landed upside down on a toadstool. “We are coming to rescue the lad-ees! And as you, Shrek, is a married ogre, that leaves all the more for me!”

Fiona reached down, and picked up the mouse. “Come on, then, Reggie. Tell us the story,” she said, as she replaced the mouse on his perch.

“The real story,” began Reggie solemnly, “once upon a time Queen Margaret of Far Far Away – a cousin of yours I believe, Princess Fiona - created the Enchanted Chalet as a haven for the young ladies of this world, to keep them safe and to train them to live happily ever after. In the neighbouring country of Real Life, Queen Tapda allowed this to happen as it was important that a balance was maintained, and there would always be a steady supply of fair maidens, virgins and damsels in distress. For many years, all went well, but gradually the girls began to refuse to be damsels in distress, scorning the support of men in favour for their own strength of character. There was also a dearth of virgins, thanks to the numbers of eligible doctors at the local San. Queen Tapda called an emergency meeting with Queen Madge, complaining that the Enchanted Chalet was encroaching on her world. The two Queens came to an agreement that the Enchanted Chalet must retain its character or the Queen Tapda could claim it as her own.”

Fiona gasped, and interrupted Reggie. “But then - then the girls would become drug-takers, skivers and unpleasant! There might be failures, discipline issues and … teenage pregnancies!” she cried in horror.

“Exactly,” Reggie nodded with great gravity. “But it’s worse than that. Queen Madge knew she had to stay on the right side of Queen Tapda, and offered her own sister as a paragon of virtue – to produce many children and live always by the schoolgirl code.”

“Ah, Princess Josephine,” nodded Fiona knowingly. “She was the first Chalet school girl, you know. Surely she hasn’t failed?”

“Well, it goes back to the Christening of Prince and Princess J’s fifteenth child. Rosalie was having a bilious attack and overlooked sending an invitation to Queen Tapda. The day of the Christening arrived and everyone was having a lovely time, eating luscious creamy concoctions made by Anna and talking about how marvellous the Princess was, when there was a flash and Queen Tapda appeared! She was furious at not being invited and caused the babies (of which there were many) to cry.”

“No!” cried Fiona and Shrek simultaneously, the latter’s disgust of babies showing whilst Fiona appreciated the real seriousness of the situation – Chalet babies never cried, filled their nappies or vomited.

“She issued a curse,” went on Reggie in a doom-laden tone. “She said that this child would become the downfall of the Enchanted Chalet, and that when the time came, the Enchanted Chalet would move into the Land of Real Life, and stay there for good! The Js decided to lock their child in a tower with a variety of handicrafts to keep the youngster occupied. The parents felt that by feeding their offspring a diet of girls’own books there would never be the opportunity for rebellion.”

“So what went wrong? Gee, you tell a long tale!” muttered Donkey.

“The plan went horribly awry,” groaned the mouse, wringing its paws in anguish, “the youngster escaped, and the Js didn’t notice for several years because they were so busy. Now nobody knows what has happened to the cursed one. It is suspected that the child has assumed a disguise, and is living nearby.”

Princess Fiona thought rapidly. “What year would the child be in?”

The mouse calculated. “Probably Upper IV A. But –”

“Then I have a plan. A cunning plan!” exclaimed Fiona. I will join Upper IV A and identify the child!”

“But why do you think she would be in the school?” asked Shrek.

“Oh, she wouldn’t be able to resist,” replied Fiona dismissively, “all girls of school age in Happy Ever After Land are drawn to the Enchanted Chalet – its part of the enchantment.”

“Wouldn’t the Js recognise their own daughter?” cried Donkey incredulously.

“Well, no – they have 18 children of their own, plus 6 adoptees and the rest of the school to contend with. They can’t be expected to know which are really their own. Besides, it’s all one happy family you know. No-one feels left out,” explained Fiona. “Reggie mouse, we will save the Enchanted Chalet!”

 


#14:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 10:24 pm


Definitely want more of this! Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

 


#15:  Author: catherineLocation: York PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 10:26 pm


I wonder how the girls will react to having an ogre amongst them?!! Or is Fiona going to transform herself into a normal girl?!! More please!

 


#16:  Author: GemLocation: Saltash, Cornwall (holidays), Aberystwyth (termtime from September) PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 10:26 pm


Ditto Lesley's post! *starts chant*

 


#17:  Author: CharlotteLocation: Casterton, Kirkby Lonsdale PostPosted: Sun Jul 25, 2004 10:45 pm


Joins chant noisily! Trumpet Guitar piano megaphone drummer

 


#18:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 12:37 am


Trumpet drummer popper hammer Guitar Trumpet drummer piano Guitar popper piano megaphone
*Adds more noise to the chant*

 


#19:  Author: NicoleLocation: New Zealand PostPosted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 5:54 am


Definitly want more of this!!

*chants loudly so she can be heard above the music*

 


#20:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 10:22 am


More, please, lots more.

 


#21:  Author: LisaLocation: South Coast of England PostPosted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 11:24 am


“Are we nearly there yet?” demanded Donkey.

“No!” chorused the group, but at that moment, they stepped into a faerie ring and were magically and instantly transported to Happy Ever After Land. Looking around, they saw the beautiful white peak of the Jungfrau rearing its head.

“Ah,” nodded the mouse sagely. “The Tirol years. Again. This way, up this slope!” he squeaked and the party climbed the steep slope towards a picturesque chalet that appeared in a shimmer ahead of them.

“Bend your knees as you climb!” trilled Fiona. Shrek stole a sidelong glance at her and saw to his consternation that she was really enjoying this. Donkey also seemed entranced by the atmosphere and was skipping towards the chalet talking non-stop as usual.

“Ooh, I hope there are bread twists for tea! And then an hour of prep, good character-building stuff. Ooh, I can’t wait to slip into my velveTEEN!”

“Donkey! Pull yourself together, you ass. We gotta keep a clear head here. Stop a minute, all of you!” yelled Shrek.

“Let’s sit here, under this leafy tree, alongside the lake,” suggested Fiona. “No, wait! You mustn’t sit on the bare ground, you may catch a chill!”

“Now I’m really worried,” cried Shrek. “Fiona, you’re an ogre. Sit doon and listen up. Now what is the plan? Fiona my dear, to me you are beautiful, but I think you’d stand out in Upper IV A. How will you fit in?”

“Oh Chalet girls are kind and open hearted; they will accept me despite my appearance,” said Fiona confidently.

“Well, girl, these are lad-ees, and you is an ogre!” retorted Donkey succinctly. “I know these ladees will be NICE an’ all, but Shrek is right. You HAVE to smarten up yourself, get a nose job or sumpin’. And liposuction, and a haircut, and –”

“OK, Donkey,” sighed Fiona in resignation, “I know I’m not likely to get on the cover of Cosmo, so I do have a couple of tricks up my sleeve. When I was cursed –” she glanced at Shrek in true, modest Chalet girl confusion – “I mean blessed, there were some provisos. Namely, I could return to my Princess human state if it was to perform some great self-sacrificing deed.”

“Self-sacrificing? What does THAT mean?” worried Shrek, but Fiona waved her hand dismissively.

“Just that I’m giving of my time to help others – as all true Chaletians do!” she giggled. There was a flash and the figure of Fiona was suddenly thrown up into the air, slowly revolved and, her face suffused with ecstasy, she quivered, threw her head back and was transformed into an attractive young girl with scrubbed clean skin, perfect teeth and a mane of hair that would reach down to her knees if loosened from its intricate arrangement of knots. Smoothing down her attractive and well-fitting uniform, Fiona was the very image of a Chalet School girl.

“Wa-hey!” brayed Donkey. “Let the fun begin!”

 


#22:  Author: Lisa_TLocation: Belfast PostPosted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 11:32 am


*snickering* wonderful wonderful wonderful!

But isn't the Jungfau in Switzerland? 'Course, it could be in the Tirol too.. *very poor knowledge of geography*

More please, Lisa!

 


#23:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 11:37 am


Yes the Jungfrau is in Switzerland. It looms over Interlaken & Joey has a wonderful view of it from her Salon window.

 


#24:  Author: Guest PostPosted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 11:54 am


Lisa_T wrote:
*snickering* wonderful wonderful wonderful!

But isn't the Jungfau in Switzerland?


Ah. Yes. Glad you noticed that - it was a deliberate test! (As genres are being inverted left right and centre) Erm, blame the mouse!

 


#25:  Author: catherineLocation: York PostPosted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 12:26 pm


This is brilliant, Lisa. Please keep going!


(Maybe it could become Shrek 3 ......................!!!!!)

 


#26:  Author: Amanda MLocation: Wakefield PostPosted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 12:57 pm


This is wonderful - can't wait for the next bit Laughing

Star Wars

 


#27:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 3:49 pm


This is a terrific satire, Lisa, more please.

 


#28:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 4:56 pm


Brilliant Lisa!!!!

Lots and lots more please!!!

 


#29:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 6:22 pm


Wonderful!

*Waiting*

 


#30:  Author: GemLocation: Saltash, Cornwall (holidays), Aberystwyth (termtime from September) PostPosted: Mon Jul 26, 2004 7:03 pm


Wonderful! Love the reminder to bend knees a little with each step (does that actually work?? I've never found it a great deal easier!)

*joins in waiting*

 


#31:  Author: Guest PostPosted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 12:23 pm


Gem, I don't think it makes it easier to walk as such, but it saves strain on the calf muscles, so you reap the benefits afterwards (allegedly!)

Glad you're enjoying it!

***********
The Enchanted Chalet shimmered from a distance, but up close it became gradually more substantial until it was made of real wood. As the little party approached, a young maiden clad in the same garments as Fiona came tripping along out of a small gate set in the fence.

“Bye bye, Auntie Joey!” she called happily, “See you next week! Thank you for a smash- er, lovely time!”

Donkey and Shrek slipped behind a tree and watched as Fiona approached the girl.

“Hello,” she said hesitantly. “I’m new, and I don’t know where to go.”

“Oh!” exclaimed the girl, then a radiant smile broke over her face and she offered her arm. “Well, I was new too a week ago, but now I feel I’ve been here for ever. Everyone is so friendly and welcoming. Come with me, I’ll take you to Matron,” and with that, the two girls linked arms and skipped across the lush lawn towards the door set attractively in the chalet.

“Time I left,” remarked Reggie mouse. “I’ll keep an eye on things inside, and report back to you. Where will you stay?”

“What?” cried Donkey in disgust. “You mean we gotta be holed up somewheres with all these young ladees around? It’s not fair!”

“Look, Donkey,” Shrek explained patiently, “the sooner Fiona fixes this problem, the sooner I kin get back to ma lovely swamp, and settle down to married life. That place looks good,” he indicated a games shed with shuttered windows, freshly painted a bright white.

“Good? Positively palatial!” gasped Donkey. “What is it?”

“Just a storage shed,” said Reggie, as he scurried across the grass towards it. “It’s never used, but it’s useful when girls want to run away or lock one another in. It’s clean and tidy of course, and happy endings always follow even if someone is locked in and has to miss an important game.” The mouse scampered up to a window which was in excellent repair but nevertheless had a small gap. The mouse pushed his nose in, twitched it, and the catch came loose. “Ta-da!” he announced.

Shrek opened the window and reached inside. His stubby arms did not reach to the door, so without further ado he smashed the glass to get more room.

“No, Shrek!” shrieked the mouse in alarm. But it was too late. Almost immediately two figures came hurrying across the gardens. One was an oldish man, the gardener, and his young helper trotted alongside.

“Now, what are you doing?” asked the gardener sternly, but with a twinkle in his eye because he liked mischief, as long as it wasn’t malicious. “Oh whoopsie! We’ve had a bit if an accident, haven’t we?”
“Why is he so ugly?” demanded the boy. “And green?”

“Ah well,” smiled the gardener. “Once, long, long ago a little boy grew up in fairy tale land.” He nodded approvingly as boy, donkey, mouse and ogre immediately settled down with expressions of rapt attention to listen to the old man’s story. “The boy loved to travel, and roamed the country side. He learned how to live off the land, recognising wild vegetables, seeds, berries and nuts and he slept in the forests. One day he awoke to see an ugly green monster – ”

“Like him!” cried Donkey galloping in circles in excitement.

“Like him,” acknowledged the man, “approaching him through the glade. The boy hid his fear and addressed the creature who said he was an ogre under an enchantment. He said he could only be released if he found someone with great knowledge to work in the gardens of the Enchanted Chalet in Happy Ever After Land. That boy was me.” He finished and sat silently staring off into the distance. There was an awkward silence, then Donkey cleared his throat.

“Err – ” he began, then looked to Shrek for help. Shrek rolled his eyes, then busied himself with picking and eating the contents of his nose.

“Well?” demanded the boy. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

 


#32:  Author: LisaLocation: South Coast of England PostPosted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 12:27 pm


Gah! Grr! Evil or Very Mad Growl!

*mutters unspeakable things at computer for logging her out again*

 


#33:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 12:34 pm


Wonderful Lisa. Looking forward to the next part.

 


#34:  Author: LauraLocation: London (ish) PostPosted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 12:35 pm


Oooh this is so good! Very Happy

But who's the new girl? Hmm. I've no idea.

More please!

 


#35:  Author: CharlotteLocation: Casterton, Kirkby Lonsdale PostPosted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 12:36 pm


yey!!! Very Happy

 


#36:  Author: LisaLocation: South Coast of England PostPosted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 12:56 pm


She's no-one significant really Laura - unless you can think of someone you'd like her to be! I'm trying to give a stereotypical view of all new girls etc!

*********

“Did that donkey just talk?” stammered the old man. He fell down in a faint. The boy sighed.

“Can someone just tell me what’s going on?” he pleaded.

“Shrek? Mousie? No? Then I’ll oblige!” said Donkey, pleased to be centre of attention. He swung his head from side to side as he summarised the story so far: “I’m a talking donkey, he’s a friendly ogre, we’ve come here on a quest to save the Enchanted Chalet….” his voice trailed off as Shrek picked him up by the scruff of the neck and shook him. “Hey! OK, forget I said that bit, too much information!”

“What quest?” enquired the boy. “Please tell me, I’m so bored here in Happy Ever After Land, there’s nothing to do except help the gardener, doff my cap to the girls and once a year there’s the excitement of setting out the trestle tables for the Sale. Can I help? Why is the Chalet in danger?”

The old man stirred and groaned, and Shrek leapt up. “Meet us back in the shed after you’ve dealt with him,” he said to the boy. Then he and Donkey sprang through the window into the shed. The gardener awoke.

“What happened?” he said.

“You hit your head on the window and broke it,” the boy improvised rapidly. “You’ve been hallucinating I think.”

The old man accepted the explanation at once. “Help me to Matron, and I’ll take a dose,” he said, and leaning on his assistant he limped into the Chalet. Reggie seized the chance to dart in the open door, then he went off in search of Fiona.

 


#37:  Author: CharlotteLocation: Casterton, Kirkby Lonsdale PostPosted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 12:59 pm


more already? I like this -regular posting! Very Happy
please continue...Smile

 


#38:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 1:17 pm


Love this, more please Lisa!

 


#39:  Author: LauraLocation: London (ish) PostPosted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 1:23 pm


Loving the frequent posting!

And don't you just find yourself sitting here reading them with the characters accents?!

 


#40:  Author: GemLocation: Saltash, Cornwall (holidays), Aberystwyth (termtime from September) PostPosted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 2:09 pm


I do now, Laura! *g*

 


#41:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 3:06 pm


More, more, more, please.

 


#42:  Author: Sarah_KLocation: St Albans/Leicester PostPosted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 3:39 pm


Very Happy I'm loving this Lisa and looking forward to more of your lovely regular posts Wink

 


#43:  Author: patmacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 3:50 pm


This is great. I only just found it so I'm all caught up now.

*Spreads blanket on ground and settles down to wait for more*

 


#44:  Author: LauraLocation: London (ish) PostPosted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 4:11 pm


*brings eyeballs on sticks (Shrek-style gormet) and earwax candles (in case we have to wait after sunset!*

 


#45:  Author: Amanda MLocation: Wakefield PostPosted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 10:12 pm


This is really good - can't wait for the next bit.

Star Wars

 


#46:  Author: catherineLocation: York PostPosted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 10:22 pm


This is fabulous, Lisa. I don't know how you're doing it but please keep at it!!

 


#47:  Author: NicoleLocation: New Zealand PostPosted: Wed Jul 28, 2004 5:47 am


I'm loving this!!

More please!!

 


#48:  Author: LisaLocation: South Coast of England PostPosted: Wed Jul 28, 2004 10:52 am


Gee, thanks all Embarassed I didn't know if this would work, but after seeing Shrek 2 it occurred to me that the whole stereotypical happy ever after genre thing would be humorous if challenged in this way! I know also a number of us have said how we love the 'escape' of the CS series, in a perfect school where everyone is noce and there are no bullies etc! By the way, this is a kind of holistic view of the CS, so expect all sorts of characters that wouldn't have co-existed!


Laura said:
Quote:
*brings eyeballs on sticks (Shrek-style gormet) and earwax candles (in case we have to wait after sunset!*

ROFL - very good!

Also, I'm really pleased you're hearing the voices! So am I, but I haven't been very good at conveying them. I have realised how visual Shrek is, so I hope you can use your imaginations (if you've seen the films!) to fill in (particularly with Donkey!)

**********

Reggie knew the school corridors well, and he was soon crouching outside Miss Annersley’s office, his little nose quivering as he listened to the conversation inside. He fought hard to control his guilt at being so shameful as to eavesdrop, knowing this was to save the Enchanted Chalet, but felt a very dishonourable and miserable mouse. He heard the deep beautiful strains of the Head’s voice from within:

“Well, Fiona O’Greshek, we have a rule not to take new girls at this point in the term, or indeed in this particular term, but I think just this once we’ll make an exception. I’m sure Queen Madge will understand. It is rather odd that your trunk and admission letter has gone missing, but I’m sure Rosalie will be able to remedy the matter. She is very capable, and an excellent example of what to do if you don’t marry and have lots of children. Or you could always teach, of course. Now, do you remember my words to you at the start of this interview?”

Reggie heard a deep intake of breath, and then Fiona’s voice coming tremulously:

“Oh, yes, Miss Annersley – to love and serve God and my fellow man, to be obedient and modest with a view to marrying a fine doctor and producing plenty of future Chalet School pupils, and above all, to be a true Chalet School girl!”

With a shock, Reggie sat back on his haunches and preened his whiskers. Fiona had already fallen under the enchantment! Was it too late to find the cursed child of Prince and Princess J? Had time for the Enchanted Chalet run out?

 


#49:  Author: GemLocation: Saltash, Cornwall (holidays), Aberystwyth (termtime from September) PostPosted: Wed Jul 28, 2004 12:00 pm


LOL!

Wonderful, Lisa!

 


#50:  Author: Lisa_TLocation: Belfast PostPosted: Wed Jul 28, 2004 3:14 pm


oh, I wish we could have this done by DreamWorks. Anyone have any contacts..?
*takes some of those unpleasant sounding gourmet foods and sits to wait*

 


#51:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Wed Jul 28, 2004 3:17 pm


ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

Love Miss Annersley's interview! Don't think Fiona has sucumbed!

 


#52:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Thu Jul 29, 2004 12:29 am


There is only one word to describe this FANTASTIC!!!!

 


#53:  Author: LisaLocation: South Coast of England PostPosted: Thu Jul 29, 2004 10:21 am


Embarassed So kind!

*********

Well, of course not. This was Happy Ever After Land after all. Reggie jumped back in alarm as the door opened and Fiona curtsied her way out of the door.

“Fiona!” hissed Reggie. She looked around wildly. “Down here! It’s me, Reggie. Snap out of it!”

“Oh, Reggie, of course,” gasped Fiona, “she’s so – so inspirational!”

“Fiona!” said Reggie sternly, “don’t forget why you’re here! You have to go into the school and identify the curséd one. We MUST halt Queen Tapda’s curse, or the Chalet will be no more!”

Fiona sobered considerably at the mouse’s words. “And that would be a true tragedy,” she said, wringing her hands. “I must report to Matron now, who will put me in my dormy, give me a glass of hot milk then bade me sleep until tomorrow. Then I join class Upper IV A. Isn’t it amazing that I should be placed in that very class? Almost too good to be true?” and with that, Fiona trotted off contentedly down the corridor, to the awaiting Matron who had slipped something into her milk to help her new charge have an undisturbed night’s sleep after her long journey.

Back in the games shed, Shrek surveyed his new temporary home in disgust.

“Not even a spider,” he mourned, inspecting the clean surroundings. “What am I gonna do fer snacks? Thought this was meant to be a storage shed! Why is it so clean?”

“Hey, Shrek! This is the Enchanted Chalet! What did you expect?”

“I didn’t expect to be dragged out here!” cried Shrek, irritated. “I’m supposed to be living with ma wife, in my lovely swamp, scaring the occasional small child or fairy tale character. Instead I’m on a fool’s errand – “

“Ah, Shrek! Are you softening?” purred Donkey, “we havin’ a grand adventure, man! Here comes the boy back!”

There was a grating sound and the door shook as the boy turned a large key in the rusty padlock. He strode in confidently, carrying a large flat package wrapped in brown paper. Shutting the door behind him, he squatted on the floor and proceeded to unwrap the parcel.

“Weel?” demanded Shrek. “Has the old guy recovered?”

“Oh, him!” sighed the boy. “He’s always fainting. He really should have retired years ago, but the school keeps him on and he’ll work till he drops. Or goes to stay in the San.” He glanced away towards the large white building up on a hill some distance away. “Then the school will sponsor a bed in memory of him. He will be venerated and die peaceful and content, and future patients will benefit. That’s the way it is here.”

“Are ye not happy with that?” asked Shrek gently, but was drowned out by Donkey braying loudly.

“Woo-hoo! Who is THAT handsome creature?” he pranced up and down, looking at the shiny thing the boy had unwrapped.

“Donkey, that’s your own reflection, “ sighed Shrek as the lad lifted the pane of glass and expertly positioned it in the gaping window frame. “That was fast work boy!”

“That’s the way it’s done here,” repeated the boy resignedly. “Everything is repaired immediately to avoid injury.”

“It’s too good to be true!” cried Donkey.

“Aye – “ began Shrek, until he realised Donkey was still talking about his own reflection. He sighed and shook his head. “Well, boy, what do we call you?”

“Joseph. Or Joe will do. I’m kep on as the gardener’s assistant, probably to replace him when he goes. It’s a soft enough life but there’s no excitement here.”

“But, Joe, you got all them lad-ees around!” shouted Donkey, who had finally torn himself away from the window.

“What good is that, when I’m not a doctor?” asked Joe. “No, a lad like me – I’m working class you know – has to remain content with his life. The ladies at the Chalet are kind to me, and I owe it to them to work faithfully, as Old Sid has over the years. Anyway, enough about me. I want to hear about this quest!”

 


#54:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Jul 29, 2004 1:48 pm


Even more hilarious.

Joins PatMac on the blanket and starts unpacking picnic food.

 


#55:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Thu Jul 29, 2004 8:20 pm


Brings along assorted alcoholic drinks, to pass away the time!

 


#56:  Author: catherineLocation: York PostPosted: Thu Jul 29, 2004 9:16 pm


Donkey is just hilarious!!!

Superb, Lisa!!

 


#57:  Author: Catherine_BLocation: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Thu Jul 29, 2004 10:36 pm


This is classic. Can't wait for more - how is Fiona O'Greshek (love the name!) going to find Upper IVA?!

 


#58:  Author: CharlotteLocation: Casterton, Kirkby Lonsdale PostPosted: Thu Jul 29, 2004 10:54 pm


WONDERFUL!!! wow!! yey!!! lovely!!!!!!!!!!
more please!!

 


#59:  Author: Lisa_TLocation: Belfast PostPosted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 1:29 am


More to the point, what will Upper IVa think of Fiona?! And will she still turn into an ogre at night?!

 


#60:  Author: LauraLocation: London (ish) PostPosted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 1:50 pm


Lisa what on earth were you doing up at 2.30 am?

By the way, the board clock is an hour wrong, right? Please confirm for me that my clock IS right... Confused

 


#61:  Author: CharlotteLocation: Casterton, Kirkby Lonsdale PostPosted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 2:21 pm


I think so... its 3;20 ish here...

absolutly Great, can we have more???? Very Happy

 


#62:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 4:00 pm


I think this is really good, but would someone please let me have a potted guide to 'Shrek'?

 


#63:  Author: LauraLocation: London (ish) PostPosted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 5:16 pm


Have you not seen it????!

Green Ogre (Shrek) lives lonesome in swamp (anti social). Fairytale creatures show, Donkey (donkey) is released in mishap (he can talk) and runs away, Shrek saves him from evil officials who want to take him to a place for fairytale creatures. Befriends... all fairytale creatures then turn up in Shrek's swamp - Shrek decides to do something about it and goes to see Lord Farquad (sp?!) Events lead to Shrek and Donkey's going off to meet the Princess (to rescue her for Farquad in exchange for removal of fairytale creatures) - she is locked in a tower guarded by a dragon. They rescue her, dragon falls in love with donkey. Is discovered (by donkey) that actually the princess turns into an ogre by night etc... curse is 'take true love's form'. Events lead to Fiona (the princess) being handed over to Farquad, fairytale creatures cleared from swamp. BUT when they are going to marry (F and F) (which she isnt happy about) Shrek bursts in at last minute, after advice from donkey; disrupts wedding, dragon eats Farquad, shrek marries Fiona. all ends happily ever after.... Very Happy

 


#64:  Author: Lisa_TLocation: Belfast PostPosted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 6:53 pm


Was it me you were talking to Laura re the time? 2.30 is early on the board. I have yibbled on the board (and msn) until 4am and after- and I'm not the only one to do so! Laughing

 


#65:  Author: LauraLocation: London (ish) PostPosted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 7:10 pm


You people worry me so!

(it has been noted that you yibble but don't post story....! Laughing )

 


#66:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Jul 31, 2004 3:52 pm


No, I haven't seen Shrek, but thanks for the outline.

 


#67:  Author: RosieLocation: Huntingdonshire/Bangor PostPosted: Sun Aug 01, 2004 12:09 am


Cracking soundtrack....

 


#68:  Author: LauraLocation: London (ish) PostPosted: Sun Aug 01, 2004 8:30 am


the second one's soundtrack is quite good too - guess what I received from amazon yesterday?!

 


#69:  Author: LisaLocation: South Coast of England PostPosted: Mon Aug 09, 2004 8:04 pm


Sorry - I have neglected Shrek for a while! Here is a little bit to keep you going!

**********


“Whaddya say, Donkey?” asked Shrek, “We could do with someone on the inside, so to speak.”

Donkey gazed at Shrek with huge eyes and a quivering lip. Tears wobbled on the verge of falling. “Are you asking me to talk, Shrek? You askin’ for my opinion at last? Oh my, oh my! The donkey has a chance, the donkey has a ch- “

“No, you’re right,” observed Shrek. He turned to Joe and seated himself on a big packing case which contained spare hockey balls. “Right o laddie, it’s like this…”

The next morning, Fiona awoke with a shock to the sound of a loud clanging bell. She reached out lazily for Shrek, but immediately her hand contacted with empty air and she fell with a heavy thump. Within seconds, three heads appeared around the cubicle curtains, all brows furrowed with concern.

“Gosh! Are you OK?” demanded a leggy individual with long plaits swinging either side of her head.

Fiona blinked at them, wondering where she was for a moment. Then she rapidly recalled the events of the preceding few days and she threw an anxious glance toward the window. Fortunately, at this time of year, the sun rose early.

“You’d better hurry,” spoke the plaited one, “you’re on second bath, after – “ she scurried from the cubicle, consulted a list and then returned promptly, “Tom!”

A tall and boyish looking girl appeared with a fretsaw in one hand, a piece of sandpaper in the other and half a dozen nails in her mouth. She mumbled something incoherent, then took long manly strides towards the door.

A thin girl of about 14, with sensitive, mobile and delicate features screwed up her face and spoke.

“Hello! I’m Joey!” she stuck out her hand, yanked Fiona to her feet and then put her hands on her hips. “Christopher Columbus, you’re a queer creature. Quick now! Tom is back – she has taken 32 seconds, the creature! Matey will be talking to her. You’d better dash!” and with these wise words, Fiona fled to the bathrooms.

 


#70:  Author: GemLocation: Saltash, Cornwall (holidays), Aberystwyth (termtime from September) PostPosted: Mon Aug 09, 2004 8:10 pm


Thank you, Lisa! *giggles wildly*

*not sure about this new Joey...*

 


#71:  Author: catherineLocation: York PostPosted: Mon Aug 09, 2004 8:14 pm


Hoorah!! More Shrek!!


Thanks Lisa!! Very Happy

 


#72:  Author: LulieLocation: Middlesbrough PostPosted: Mon Aug 09, 2004 8:24 pm


*giggles madly*

32 seconds to have a bath. Oh my!!!

 


#73:  Author: JackieJLocation: Kingston upon Hull PostPosted: Mon Aug 09, 2004 8:42 pm


Okay.... does this mean that there's two Joey's in this Enchanted Chalet land..... if so......

*runs away to eeble in a corner*

JackieJ

BTW.... I'm liking it, 'tis good Very Happy

 


#74:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Mon Aug 09, 2004 9:47 pm


Thank you for the update Lisa, takes me nearly 32 second to get to the bathroom never mind have a bath.

 


#75:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Tue Aug 10, 2004 4:20 am


Takes me 32 seconds to register that alarm clock is ringing!

Thanks Lisa! Laughing

 


#76:  Author: LisaLocation: South Coast of England PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 2:31 pm


OK, this has become completely random! I've got two contradictory storylines going through my head! Oh well, let's just sit back and see where it takes us!

***********

As Fiona took her place in the Speisesaal for Fruhstuck she was the recipient of much information from her pigtailed-adorned room mate.

“That’s the head girl!” hissed her new friend. “She’s OK – I mean, smashing – I mean, Oh gosh! There goes all my money for the fines box! Anyway, her name’s Jo.”

Fiona frowned as she considered that there were rather a lot of Jo’s, Joeys and Josephines in this land. Something was nagging at her mind, but the land of Happy Ever After was working its magic on her and rendering her apathetic and rather woolly. A bell suddenly tinkled, and all eyes swivelled to the dais where a number of pretty surprisingly young and attractive mistresses were presiding. The musical voice of Miss Annersley rang out into the room as she gave instructions for the morning walk.

Caught up in the frenzy of excitement of clearing away dishes and preparing for a walk, Fiona did not have time to think.

“Partner me!” insisted her new friend, Mary-Lou. “We’re only doing a short stroll this morning – just 10 miles up the mountain and back. We’re all jolly fit you know, and any girl who can’t keep up will be well and truly ragged until she becomes fitter or has an accident and has to stay in the San. It keeps things jolly well balanced.”

The procession left by the side door, and passed by a small games storage hut on the lawn. Again, Fiona felt something nagging at her, and she stared at the hut curiously, but her attention was drawn back by a tall girl who was chattering away confidently in French.

“Gosh, I’ll never pick it up!” exclaimed Fiona, impressed by the girl’s fluency.

“Oh, that’s Len!” shrugged Mary-Lou, “she has spent time in Canada, and besides, she and her 10 siblings all chatter away in French, German, Italian and a number of dialects like natives. You’ll soon pick it up – unless you’re really dense.”

Not sure whether she should be cheered or not by this, Fiona was startled to hear a tiny squeaky voice calling her name. She looked around frantically, and eventually glanced down at her feet. To her surprise, she saw a tiny mouse perched there.

“Girls, look! A mouse!” she yelled, before Reggie (for it was he) could speak. There was an immediate chorus of shrieks and yells. Mademoiselle was instantly on the scene, and dealt round sharp words to nip all the hysterics in the bud. A small girl with angelic eyes set in a dreamy face framed by soft black hair appeared white and drawn, and sank to the ground in a silent flutter. At once, three mistresses surrounded her and bore her off. Craning her head to see what was happening, Miss Ferrars spotted Fiona’s anxious face and explained.

“That’s Robin. She’s very delicate. She will need some of Matron’s doses and at least a week’s complete bed rest. Oh, snap out if it, Emerence! It was only a mouse!”

In the confusion, Fiona saw that the mouse has scurried away and was sitting trembling under a nearby bush. Taking advantage of the chaos, Fiona slipped away from the group, and camouflaged herself behind the greenery.

“Fiona!” shrieked Reggie in desperation, “we’re too late! It’s already happening!”

 


#77:  Author: JackieJLocation: Kingston upon Hull PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 3:26 pm


*gives up trying to keep track of the characters, as obviously anyone who's made a big splash in the CS world will be there*

Thank you Lisa, was very nearly giggling over that (just managed not too, at work)

Please may we have some more?

JackieJ

 


#78:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 4:50 pm


*How many Jo's?"

Excellent, love it!

Thanks Lisa.

 


#79:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Sun Aug 15, 2004 10:55 pm


*giggles wildly*

More soon please Lisa!

 


#80:  Author: LisaLocation: South Coast of England PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 11:05 am


Here is a short post which is mostly for my benefit (!) to remind me of what is supposed to be happening in the story! But I can blame any Lisa-isms on the enchantment!!

*********

Fiona blinked in confusion.
“What do you mean?” she demanded. “I am trying to stay in line and bend my knees– “

“No!” interrupted Reggie urgently. “You were supposed to identify the missing cursed child of the Js!” He saw the bewildered look on the ogre-cum-schoolgirl’s face and patiently elaborated. “The J’s 15th child was cursed at the christening by Queen Tapda to bring an end to the Enchanted Chalet’s Happy Ever After storylines. The Js tried to keep their child safe in a tower, but after escaping the cursed one has gone missing and is living incognito in the Chalet.”

“Ah!” cried Fiona, “oh yes, I remember now. She may not realise her destiny but could be bringing about the downfall of the Enchanted Chalet by corrupting the storylines!”

“But it appears there are further complications as a symptom of the developments of the curse!” cried the mouse in agitation. “Characters are beginning to multiply. All sense of chronology has gone and we are getting serious contradictions occurring: children older than their mothers! Four versions of the same girl, but at different stages. And yet, some of the magic of the Enchanted Chalet is as strong as ever. It has affected you! Fiona, it is of paramount importance that you find this pupil!”

 


#81:  Author: LisaLocation: South Coast of England PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 11:30 am


Back in the hut, Shrek had passed a comfortable night, and was complaining about it bitterly.

“Never hav I been so comfortable,” he groaned to Donkey. “The hut was warm and dry, no Fiona to perfume the air with her ogre-aroma, there were no draughts and the spare guide tents were soft and completely bug-free.” He sighed. “No tasty midnight snacks.”

“Shrek, man, you have a problem,” retorted Donkey. “Hoo-ee, your breath STINKS! Don’t sigh all over me like that again.” He sidled up to Shrek, and looked up at him adoringly. “Hey buddy! This is like a survival trip. We can bond!”

“No bonding, Donkey!” yelled Shrek, jumping up hurriedly.” He lifted his eyes to the heavens and shook his head. “What hav I done to deserve – “

He stopped suddenly as the door opened slowly. He and Donkey exchanged big-eyed glances, and took up defensive positions. Joseph put his head round the corner.

“Morning – hey, Shrek, why are you holding that hockey stick? And where’s Donkey?”

Shrek lowered the weapon and sat down heavily. “Oh, it’s just you, boy. Donkey, you can come out now!”

Donkey emerged from behind the door, a cobweb caught over his ear and a spider swinging ridiculously in front of his nose. “Ah – I, gee!” he began, a little shame-faced, but then rapidly regained his composure. “I had to man and defend the exits!” he blustered. “You never know wh– hey! Why is you two staring at me! Get away!” Donkey recoiled in horror as the other two advanced on him, both with unfathomable expressions on their faces.

 


#82:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 5:48 pm


Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

Excellent - reminded me of the story too, Lisa!

 


#83:  Author: CharlotteLocation: Casterton, Kirkby Lonsdale PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 9:57 pm


Yey!
just catching up with this!!
YEY! more please!?!!

 


#84:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 9:56 am


Thank you Lisa. This is a wonderfully funny story. Hope you are managing to sort your plot lines.

 




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