The CBB :: View topic - Rachel and the Jedi Warrior

#1: Rachel and the Jedi Warrior Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 12:29 am

Rachel strode forcefully along the very shniy corridors of her space ship, killing random people with her lightsabre just because she could. She arrived in the control room.
"Well," she demanded in icy tones learnt from years of reading the Chalet School books. "Have you discovered their secret hideout yet?"
"We think tho mithtreth," answered aminion who was not important enough to have a name. "They appear to be hiding out in Thwitherland. In the Bernethe Oberland. Thath in the alpth," he added angrily as Rachel stood with a look of amusement on her face.
"Very well, you shall be rewarded. I shall issue orders for you to have the tongue shackle removed forthwith. Go! Be gone! Remove thyself from my presence!"
He went.

Rachel threw herself into her very trendy aluminium space pilot seat, and set a course for planet earth, and the swiss alps in particular. Within about two point nine seconds, she was hovering above the location intimated to her by the tongue shackled minion. (It would have been so much easier to give him a name, but then he could have demanded royalties)

The space ship hovered menacingly, looming over the Chalet School, and causing great consternation to all the feeble minded girls. The slightly less wimpish girls took the opportunity to leg it out the back doors, steal the mistresses cars and make good their escapes. By the time anyone stopped to wonder where they could be, they had made it into France, changed their names and had joined an underground network of escapees from the CS.

In a far far galaxy, a long long time ago, someone had invented the possibility of a hyper drive that would link them to the future. After everyone scoffed at his idea, he used it to go forward in time to borrow money from himself to set up a private company with a single stakeholder. His company became mightily successful, he made a whole heap of money, and eventually was able to sell up for a vast fortune, one percent of which he remembered to put aside for when he came to borrow it from himself.

In this far, far galaxy, a young Jedi Warrior by the name of Sky Lukewater was wandering aimlessly along the street. He knew he was the best Jedi Warrior ever, but all the other Jedi's laughed and called him names. Not nice names, but not particularly nasty ones. mainly because they couldn't be bothered to spend the time involved in thinking up interesting puns on Sky's name. One bright spark came up with "Luke Skywalker" but he was laughed into oblivion.

Sky was wandering aimlessly along (yes, I know, but I lost my train of thought in the last paragraph! Shhh!) As he wandered, he thought about all his goals in life - the purposes for which he had been trained. Yet ever since he finished training six months ago, the only battles he ever got sent into seemed to involve animals of one description or another. Just as he reached this point in his thoughts, Yado, his grand instructor, popped up beside him.
"Well done have you. You with pleased very am I. Challenge ultimate the facing to up are you if see to tests been merely have point this until up tasks your all.Existence Jedi entire the to threat greatest the with battle do there and galaxy another to go to time is it now. Understand?"

Sky nodded his head. He understood. There was a job to be done and he was the Jedi to do it. Suddenly comprehension dawned. He shrieked like a girl. "Nooooooooooooo! Not Rachel the Quidditch

" he gasped. Yado nodded in turn. "Yes. Go. NOW!"

Sky ran down the street, whimpering like the born idiot he was. He reached the building where the special transport system was set up, and in less than the blink of an eye, albeit a several thousand peseto lighter eye, he was standing in the CS, being watched furtively by a bizarre little woman wearing an angel on her head. Sky stared at her in fascination. This - this was the woman he had been sent to slaughter? No problem! He whipped out his trusty lightsabre (it was a pink one) and sliced off her head.

Far overhead, he heard the horrible cakling associated with rachel the Quidditch

, and he realised he had just slain yet another innocent bystander. He really ought to learn to check people's identities first. No matter. He stalked through the schol, hunting for Rachel, not yet being bright enough to figure out that cackling from overhead usually indicated the person was above him.

After an hour opf being haunted by Rachel's cackling, he gave up. he sat on the floor and played with his lightsabre. He said "Vvvvvvvvvvv - rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - oooooooooooooooo - mmmmmmmmmm, vvvvvvvvvrrrrrrrrrrrr - oooooooooo - mmmmmmmmmmm!" as he swept it thugh the air. Rachel, watching all this on her supersonic scanners, sniggered and then decided she ought to give the poor fool a hint or else they would be stuck forever in yet another unfinished drabble.
"Oy! Up here Skitty pants!" she called through her supersonic megaphone. Sky looked up (he was in the garden by this point obviously!) and saw the huge spaceship looming over the entire platz.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ggggggggggggg hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" he said as he fell to the ground, still, grey and to all appearances in need of some fresh underwear.

Rachel used her space ships special "beam me down" facility and landed in front of Sky.
"Let battle commence," she said, swinging her lightsabre up in front of her. (This one was a rather dashing lime green, with a gold handle)

With one stroke, Rachel had slewn/slain/sledged Sky until all his body parts were smeared up and down the length of her lightsabre. A mighty cheer was heard throughout the galaxy a long long time ago and far far away. Poor Sky was never to realise the whole thing had been an elaborate set up leavig rachel the Quidditch

undisputed Queen of the Killings, and thousands of potatoes richer. (I know, she thought it was a spelling mistake too!)

Rachel boarded her space ship by means of the "Beam me up fiona!" facility, and zoomed away into the distance, to await the next epic battle.

Last edited by Rachel on Thu Jan 22, 2004 12:44 am; edited 1 time in total

#2: Author: Lulie, Location: Middlesbrough

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 12:38 am

*shrieks with laughter devil

*

Rachel, I have a very good potato cookbook, if you get bored of plain boiled, jackets, mash and chips.

#3: Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 1:37 am

*Fends off dog who jumped to see why I was making strange noises ROFL

I'd would definitely describe that as letting your imagine run riot - how do you come up with such hilarious stuff?

#4: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 1:38 am

*doubles up and sobs with laughter*

So who was the innocent bystander with the angel on her head?

#5: Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 1:41 am

Are you sure you want to know the answer to that question?!
ROFL

(I thought the second smilie would be appropriate!)

#6: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 1:42 am

Ummm, it was actually Matey - you know all the references to her angel's wings caps in the books? I just thought I would take it that logical step further Wink

#7: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 1:55 am

Oh, yes, of course! *giggles again*

#8: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 1:56 am

You know, if you keep giggling like that, people might mistake you for a homicidal maniac.

Just a word of warning like.

#9: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 2:01 am

I thought they already did! hammer

#10: Author: Chelsea, Location: Your Imagination

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 2:38 am

Trivia Time:

How many times did a character say "Beam me up, Scotty" in Star Trek?

#11: Author: Cathy, Location: Australia

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 4:29 am

I'm weak from laughing (a true chalet school girl). It can be awkward working in an open plan office sometimes. I've just had to explain my giggles to five different people. Now they all think I'm nuts ...

#12: Author: Chelsea, Location: Your Imagination

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 4:40 am

Think or know Wink

#13: Author: Cathy, Location: Australia

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 4:50 am

Chelsea wrote:

Think or know Wink

Yes well, you may have a point there.
jester

#14: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 5:00 am

Oh, Chelsea, that's mean!

#15: Author: Rachael,

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 10:12 am

Absolutely brilliant, Rachel! ROFL

Very impressed that you knocked that out in half an hour!

#16: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 10:57 am

Oh dear, have sprayed blackcurrant squash all over the keyboard.... again!

really must learn not to read Rachel drabbles when there are others in the office - am receiving extremely strange looks!

*off to clean the keyboard before it gets too sticky"

#17: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 11:12 am

Katarzyna wrote:

really must learn not to read Rachel drabbles when there are others in the office - am receiving extremely strange looks!

No, it's definitely not a good idea!

#18: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 11:24 am

Chelsea wrote:

Trivia Time:

How many times did a character say "Beam me up, Scotty" in Star Trek?

None!! No0one ever said that!! Very Happy

#19: Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 12:56 pm

*is getting interested looks from people in the library*
It's never good to laugh out loud in a 'silent area'.

ROFL

#20: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 1:07 pm

Rachel, that was wonderful! Star Wars

Been taking inspiration from the smilies have you??

Wonder if I will ever recover from the giggles Exclamation

#21: Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough.......

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 2:19 pm

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
*lies on the floor groaning weakly!!!*

Oh Rachel! That was wonderful!!! ROFL

#22: Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet!

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 6:40 pm

Rachel this is soooooooooooooooooo funny!

#23: Author: Chelsea, Location: Your Imagination

Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 11:00 pm

KB wrote:

Oh, Chelsea, that's mean!

Well, being that the CBB has been likened to an insane asylum, I just figured that most of us are! I meant it as a compliment - honest!

#24: Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 3:03 am

Rachel that was really hysterical. Glad I didn't read that at work Laughing

#25: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 7:09 am

Chelsea wrote:

KB wrote:

Oh, Chelsea, that's mean!

Well, being that the CBB has been likened to an insane asylum, I just figured that most of us are! I meant it as a compliment - honest!

Well, all right then.

#26: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 7:18 am

Rachel!!!! Laughing

Wonderful - love the whole thing - especially the killing of the character with an angel on her head and the Jedi Master Yado! You've managed to merge two of my favourite series and totally 'Rachelfy' both of them!

Last edited by Lesley on Sat Jan 24, 2004 10:34 pm; edited 1 time in total

#27: Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 3:33 pm

Rachel is there going to be any more of this? Please?

#28: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 9:20 pm

*joins in the hope that there will be*

#29: Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 9:33 pm

*guggling weakly*

thank you Rachel Very Happy

#30: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 9:36 pm

*offers Xan a glass of water*

#31: Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 9:43 pm

*thanks KB and sips the water carefully*

#32: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 10:08 pm

You're very welcome.

#33: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 10:31 pm

Abi wrote:

Rachel is there going to be any more of this? Please?

NOT A CHANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#34: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 10:37 pm

*beep* Wrong answer, Rachel! Liss, confiscate her smileys!

#35: Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 11:23 pm

That was hilarious. Whatever you're on, Rachel, I want some!

#36: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 11:25 pm

Are you sure, Pat?

#37: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 11:51 pm

PatMac wrote:

That was hilarious. Whatever you're on, Rachel, I want some!

I'm on four hours sleep a night, two horrible children, a huge menagerie, lots of Diet Dr Pepper, not enough sensible food, a nice combination of medications and a brain which is uniquely my own Wink

#38: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 11:46 am

Well, could you do that again and give us more of this?

#39: Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants

Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 4:11 pm

Plizz, Rachel, plizz plizz plizz!! I need therapy. I need sleep. No hang on that's wrong. I need more story! That's it! More story! Please?

#40: Author: Nicole, Location: New Zealand

Posted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 8:24 am

Rachel - what are you like!! ROFL

Nice to know we can still depend on you for our fix of inspired lunacy Very Happy

#41: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 3:27 pm

A real hoot, Rachel. Laughing

The CBB -> Cookies & Drabbles

output generated using printer-friendly topic mod, All times are GMT + 1 Hour

Page 1 of 1