Patmac and the aliens
The CBB -> Cookies & Drabbles
#1: Patmac and the aliens Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 8:14 pm

Patmac and Her husband had finished their packing. The cases were lined up in the hall waiting to load into the car the next morning and they sat down with a last glass of wine with a sigh of relief, for the holiday was a welcome break from their hectic life. They would be on their way early the next day in the hopes of missing the worst of the traffic.
In orbit around Earth was a spaceship invisible to any radar. The being inside had been studying Earth people and culture for some time and had now received instructions to obtain two of the planet’s inhabitants for closer examination. Much discussion had gone on as to how this was to be done, for it was clear that the culture was far enough advanced that anyone taken would be missed within a very short time. They had discovered however, that Patmac and her husband were not expected anywhere and were just touring, intending to find overnight accommodation wherever they ended up. This they decided made the couple ideal and they laid their plans accordingly. In the early hours of the morning a small saucer-shaped craft slipped away from the mother-ship and fell into a descending orbit around the planet finally hovering over Huddersfield as it was getting light. Very little was stirring and they moved carefully across the town until they found the house they wanted. Then they settled quietly down in the back garden. Nothing had shown on radar, so sign that they were there. They had activated the cloaking devise and now the only way they could be discovered was if someone actually walked into them. The house was in darkness and they were sure they would be able to extract the two humans without fuss. However, the atmosphere of the planet was poisonous tot hem and they spent some time suiting up before opening the hatch and venturing out into the garden.
Inside the house the alarm clock rang out just after the space craft landed. The lights did not show at first since they slept at the front of the house and by the time the bathroom light came on the aliens were busy suiting up. They couple ate a quick breakfast and then went out to the car, loading the cases quickly and were off just a few minutes before the aliens ventured outside. Thus when the small group gained entry to the house they found it empty and the birds flown. Patmac had been quite correct when she had posted that they were going away on holiday and had not been abducted by aliens.

 

#2:  Author: catherine, Location: York PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 8:30 pm

ROFL Pat!! ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

 

#3:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 8:30 pm

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

Like it! Thanks Pat.

 

#4:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 8:53 pm

I love the fact that Patmac was right!

So who will they abduct instead, who eklse lives in Yorkshire??? Twisted Evil Twisted Evil

 

#5:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 8:53 pm

However, the aliens had not given up the hope of picking them up. Finding the birds had flown they activated their locator equipment and took to the skies again. They picked the car up as it headed down the M62 towards the M6 and Devon, but the volume of traffic on the road stopped them form trying anything for the time being. They watched as the car slowed almost to a halt on the M6 and fumed at the delay.
“We’ll get it in the neck if we don’t get them soon,” muttered the leader, whose unpronounceable name translated as Pigface. “Arse end of the Universe has no patience and we don’t want to end up smeared over the floor!”
This was a distinct possibility and they all turned a delicate shade of sickly blue at the thought. However, they had no choice but to wait until the car reached the country roads in Devon before they could strike. Then they swooped on their prey and the surprised humans were transported aloft before they knew what was happening.

 

#6:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 10:04 pm

Poor Pat, Alan and Mac (they have taken him, haven;'t they?) Laughing

 

#7:  Author: catherine, Location: York PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 10:13 pm

Pat - you have an amazing imagination!!

 

#8:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 10:24 pm

Pat, what on earth does my evil ex want with poor PatMac & Co?!?!?

Looking forward to more!

 

#9:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 10:26 pm

Don't know yet Rachel!!! Just felt like giving him a starring role as an alien!!!!

 

#10:  Author: Gem, Location: Saltash, Cornwall (holidays), Aberystwyth (termtime from September) PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 10:41 pm

Devon???!!!! Eek!!!!

ROFL, Pat! Wonderful *g*

 

#11:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 10:45 pm

Don't worry Gem!! They won't cross the border!!

 

#12:  Author: Gem, Location: Saltash, Cornwall (holidays), Aberystwyth (termtime from September) PostPosted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 10:59 pm

Phew!! Good to know, as I'm only twenty minutes away from Devon!

(Although, if the aliens could include David Duchovny, I wouldn't be completely against being abducted...)

 

#13:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Aug 14, 2004 4:42 pm

Do the aliens realise just who they're taking on?

 

#14:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sat Aug 14, 2004 4:47 pm

*giggles*

Wonderful Pat Very Happy

 

#15:  Author: Alex, Location: Manchester PostPosted: Sun Aug 15, 2004 8:07 pm

ROTFL! Laughing There are a lot of really bizarre drabbles around at the moment!

 

#16:  Author: Kelly, Location: Auckland, New Zealand PostPosted: Sun Aug 15, 2004 10:28 pm

Wonderful.
THis is so funny.

Continuing the chant . . .

 

#17:  Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 1:03 am

*chuckles wildly*


So glad you took up the challenge on this one!!! PatMac's post BEGGED to be drabbled!

 

#18:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:18 pm

When they arrived on board the alien craft they were astounded at the sight that met them. The beings in front of them were much smaller than humans and bright blue. They looked rather like some sort of rodent, with a receding lower jaw and buck teeth. They had long thin scraggly ears that hung down over their shoulders and a crest of spiky purple hair that ran up over the top of the head. They were obviously wearing some sort of uniform for all their clothes were the same shocking pink that almost hurt the eyes to look at.
“Welcome,” said one of them, they thought possible it was the leader but it was impossible to tell. “We will keep you only a few days and then you will be able to continue with your lives.” He made a slight gesture and Pat ?& Alan were taken away down a corridor to a room full of machines that whirred and flashed lights, like an old-fashioned SF B movie. They were thrust into a glass case and knew no more, as the aliens flooded it with a sleep gas.
Arse End came in as they slumped to the floor. “Good,” he said. “Now we can get going.” He rubbed his hands with glee at the prospect, while the other aliens looked rather sick. They had seen his experiments before and had no wish to repeat the experience.
Pat and Alan were both strapped down to different pieces of equipment and the flashing lights began to speed up and clunkings and whirrings echoed around the room. Their bodies jerked and twitched though they remained unconscious. Then the internal examination began. Their bodies were split open down the length of the torso and Arse End almost buried his head inside them in his eagerness to examine the internal workings of the human body. Eventually he was satisfied and the opening was repaired with no visible sign of its existence. The two humans were disconnected and returned to the glass cage at their own speed and the aliens left the room.

 

#19:  Author: Lulie, Location: Middlesbrough PostPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:34 pm

Poor PatMac and Alan. I dread to think of the lasting efeccts that may occur after being internally examined by AEOTU.

*eeebles quietly*

 

#20:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:50 pm

Pat and Alan felt a bit woozy when they came round and also a bit sore, but other wise perfectly all right. The space craft landed them back near their car and unloaded them unceremoniously. It was when they were taking off again that disaster struck. They were very near to the Cornish border and a group of Piskies were visiting their Devon cousins. The saw the alien craft and swiftly came to the conclusion that it was going to go no further. Piskies are magical creatures, never seen by humankind, and they have powers all their own. when those powers are combined, as was the case that night, then they are formidable indeed. The space craft rocked and tumbled about the sky as the Piskies manoeuvred it and the aliens tried to regain control. Eventually it hurtled at full speed straight for Plymouth Sound where it splashed into the water, sending a mighty fountain into the air, and disintegrated, throwing the bodies of the aliens out into the cold waters, never to be seen again.

 

#21:  Author: Lulie, Location: Middlesbrough PostPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:55 pm

Hooray for Cornish Piskies!! Though I would have preferred Arse End to have been left to the mercy of the CBB! Oh well, at least he's gone forever in the deep blue sea Laughing

 

#22:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair PostPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2004 4:12 pm

Lulie wrote:
Oh well, at least he's gone forever in the deep blue sea Laughing


If only!


Pat, this was brilliant - when are you going to write the repercussions for Patmac after her lovely internal examination?

(Oh gawd help us - just had a Vikki-istic type thought!)

 

#23:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2004 6:44 pm

Poor PatMac and Alan - still at least the aliens were dealt with! Laughing

 

#24:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2004 7:52 pm

Rachel wrote:
Lulie wrote:
Oh well, at least he's gone forever in the deep blue sea Laughing


If only!


Lulie wanted me to land them on the CBB, but I thought it safer to dispose of them this way, seeing who the boss was!!!

 

#25:  Author: Rosie, Location: Huntingdonshire/Bangor PostPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2004 9:50 pm

Rachel wrote:

Pat, this was brilliant - when are you going to write the repercussions for Patmac after her lovely internal examination?

(Oh gawd help us - just had a Vikki-istic type thought!)


Me too......
And Pat, this was VERY funny!!

 

#26:  Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 2:20 am

Rachel wrote:
Lulie wrote:
Oh well, at least he's gone forever in the deep blue sea Laughing


If only!


Pat, this was brilliant - when are you going to write the repercussions for Patmac after her lovely internal examination?

(Oh gawd help us - just had a Vikki-istic type thought!)



*looks confused*
Am I being unfairly maligned again?

 

#27:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 6:20 am

No, I'm sure it's all very fair, Vikki. Wink

 

#28:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 8:50 pm

Also we all knew exactly what Rachel meant!!! Twisted Evil Rolling Eyes

 

#29:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair PostPosted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 9:50 pm

Vikki wrote:
Rachel wrote:
Lulie wrote:
Oh well, at least he's gone forever in the deep blue sea Laughing

If only!
Pat, this was brilliant - when are you going to write the repercussions for Patmac after her lovely internal examination?
(Oh gawd help us - just had a Vikki-istic type thought!)

*looks confused*
Am I being unfairly maligned again?


Never sweetie!

Not a single person here would say it was unfair . . .

 

#30:  Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 12:19 am

Well, being the sweet little innocent that I am, I STILL don't know what the thaought was that you had......

 

#31:  Author: Rosie, Location: Huntingdonshire/Bangor PostPosted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 2:13 am

*snorts* Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

 

#32:  Author: Kelly, Location: Auckland, New Zealand PostPosted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 2:29 am

*giggles*
( Very Happy come on Vikki, I'm sure you know what they mean! Wink)
Even *I* got it!!

 

#33:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 8:45 am

Hi, We're back! ROFL ROFL ROFL poke ---> Pat

 

#34:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 12:59 pm

As they came more fully to their senses the couple looked at each other.
“Was that a dream?” asked Pat.
“If it was it was the clearest one I’ve ever had,” Alan replied. “What did they do to us?”
“No idea, but I feel as if I hit something hard and had all the wind knocked out of me!”
Alan had a quickly checked his body but could find nothing wrong, no scars, no blood stains, nothing to give any hint as to what had happened. Pat was the same, though of course they should have been feeling the after-effects of a major operation. The wonder of it was that they felt only very shaken and they were able to continue their holiday as if nothing had happened, except for the loss of a full day.
The loss of the spacecraft was keenly felt on the home planet. They were fully stretched and had no spare craft to take over surveillance of Earth. The Piskies were now warned and were keeping an eye open for further incursions, but nothing more was heard form those particular aliens ever again.

 

#35:  Author: Ciorstaidh, Location: London PostPosted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 9:48 pm

Silly season is out in force - well done, Pat!

 

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