The CBB :: View topic - Holocaust spawn 2

#1: Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 6:51 pm

Carolyn P wrote:

*Getting quite worried about Rachel, she hasn't been well for a few weeks now*

I was wondering this morning about that. Has anyone heard from her - not to break any confidences but just to reassure us?

#2: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 8:04 pm

Nicci wrote:

*wonders if the strain of being HM is getting to KB*

*brisk and snappy again*

*assures Nicci that I am not*

*sneaks into Prefects' room, breaks into safe and steals film*

#3: Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough.......

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 10:51 pm

PatMac wrote:

Carolyn P wrote:

*Getting quite worried about Rachel, she hasn't been well for a few weeks now*

I was wondering this morning about that. Has anyone heard from her - not to break any confidences but just to reassure us?

I sent her an e-mail and got a reply last Tuesday, but haven't heard anything since.....

#4: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 11:00 pm

I heard from her last week, but not recently. I'll email her later, before i switch the computer off.

#5: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 11:00 pm

Looks at negatives of original film of drunken Headmistress....sniggers.

( poke

=Vikki for stealing original!)

#6: Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 11:05 pm

[quote="Vikki"][quote="PatMac"]

Carolyn P wrote:

I sent her an e-mail and got a reply last Tuesday, but haven't heard anything since.....

In approx 1.5 hours time, that will be a week. I hope she's OK. that's along while in CBB time Crying or Very sad

#7: Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough.......

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 11:38 pm

Well, she last posted at 20 to 10 on friday night. So I guess she might have been away for the wekend or something?
Rachel, if you're out there let us know you're okay, we're worried!!!

#8: Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 11:41 pm

thanks, Vikki. A weekend is feasible but a week is not, without saying she would be away. It's not like her though. I wonder if Mr Arthur Itis is cauing problems?

#9: Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough.......

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 12:07 am

I hope not, although it looks possible! Or she could be having computer problems?

#10: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 12:10 am

Anyone have a phone number and could call and check she's OK?

#11: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 12:16 am

I've just emailed her, if I don't hear in a day or so I will ring as I have got her phne number although never plucked up enough courage to use it. I've just sent her mine as well.

Will keep you informed as much I'm able, if I hear anything.

#12: Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough.......

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 12:21 am

Thanks Carolyn! I hope she's okay!

#13: Author: Nicci, Location: UK

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 12:49 am

*hopes Rachel's ok*

#14: Author: Polly, Location: Essex

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 1:06 am

*sending lots of happy and well thoughts in Rachel's direction!!!!*

#15: Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 1:14 am

*sends Rachel postive vibes to where ever she is*
It's strange when there's someone missing isn't it!

#16: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 9:03 am

Lesley wrote:

Looks at negatives of original film of drunken Headmistress....sniggers.

( poke

=Vikki for stealing original!)

*accepts original from mysterious assailant, who snuck into prefects' room and stole it from Lesley*

#17: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 4:13 pm

Nicci wrote:

*hopes Rachel's ok*

*echoes Nicci's hopes*

#18: Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough.......

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 5:14 pm

KB wrote:

Lesley wrote:

Looks at negatives of original film of drunken Headmistress....sniggers.

( poke

=Vikki for stealing original!)

*accepts original from mysterious assailant, who snuck into prefects' room and stole it from Lesley*

Erm.... KB, I have the original! I confiscated it!!!

*wishes the HM would pay attention!!!* Rolling Eyes

#19: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 5:27 pm

Rachel was posting on Completely Off Topic at 11am this morning...

#20: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 5:44 pm

I PM'd Rachel yesterday and got a reply today. she's not been well, but is recovering. Her sense of humour seems to be intact, so I'm not as worried as I was.

#21: Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 6:43 pm

thanks for the update Jennie.
Get well soon Rachel.

#22: Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 6:55 pm

*LOL!* Her sense of humour and her murderous tendencies are intact, those of you who havent already seen her lovely response to Lesley pointing out that Valentine's is the anniversrary of some massacre or other.

*still giggling*

#23: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 7:41 pm

And she emailed me with a very interesting idea with regards this thread.

Things have been bleak on the Rachel front but seem to be taking a turn for the better.

#24: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 8:02 pm

You are all lovely people to care about me - especially as I have either murdered you or am about to . . .

I don't think I should have said that . . .

Anyway, my lovely mummy decided I needed cheering up and, as an early pressie, booked a mobile chiropidist who came round to my house and did a wonderful pedicure and foot massage this morning! It was so nice, and I felt very pampered, and now my thoughts are beginning to turn murderous once more . . .

WATCH THIS SPACE TONIGHT!

#25: Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 8:28 pm

*Is unsure whether to be happy or scared that Rachel is back and in form*

#26: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 8:28 pm

Is that a promise or a threat! Twisted Evil

#27: Author: Donna, Location: Liverpool

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 8:31 pm

Glad you're feeling better Rachel (and that you have such a nice mummy! Smile

). Good to know your murderous tendencies are still around as well! Twisted Evil

#28: Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 8:33 pm

Hooray! Welcome back Rachel. We've been worried about you.
A chiropodist sounds like heaven!

#29: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 8:41 pm

Great! We've missed your murderous tendencies, Rachel! Looking forward to seeing more of them! Laughing

#30: Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 9:37 pm

Glad you're back Rachel - I was (quietly) concerned - but the board just doesn't seem the same without your own particular brand of madness.

#31: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 12:24 am

"What's that noise?" asked Con, listening intently even while she watched her siblings melt into the shadows. Con herself also faded into the chintz pattern, leaving the four mistresses stood in the middle of Pat and Steve's living room, feeling and looking afraid and vulnerable.

A young woman walked in, calling out "I'm home!" only to stop and stare at the four mistresses in her living room wearing nun's habits, which by now were a little blood and vomit spattered.
"Who," the woman asked politely, "are you?"
The mistresses looked at each other, nudging one another with their shoulders.
"You tell her!" said the first.
"No you do it!" replied the second.
"I always have to do the talking," grumbled a third.
"Get on with it!" said the fourth.
"Oh for goodness SAKE!" shouted Len in frustration as she walked over to the young woman, who happened to be Pat's daughter.

"Who are they?" demanded Lynne, Pat's daughter, in righteous indignation. "And where's my mummy?"
"They are four mistresses from the Chalet School in Switzerland. Non-named generics in this case. They haven't yet developed enough personality to gain names. Never mind. Oh, and your mummy is over here," said Len, leading Lynne round the end of the sofa to where Pat's body still lay.
"I see," said Lynne flatly. "And daddy?"
"In the loft playing with his cars," replied Len promptly.
"That'th not thtwictly twoo," said Cecil, who had decided to have a lisp to increase her cute factor.
"Yes it is Cecil. Don't argue with your elders."
"But it ithn't twoo!" insisted Cecil. "I wanted to keep him, and Margot thaid I could, tho he'th in my bag."
Len smiled indulgently at her little sister. "Don't be silly sweetie - a big man like that wouldn't fit in your bag!"
"I know," sighed Cecil. "That'th why I only cut off hith, you know. Margot thaid I could only keep the bitth I could cawwy mythelf, and the only thing I could think to keep was hith whatthit. I knew I couldn't cawwy much elthe."
Lynne fainted at this, and the mistresses spotted an opportunity for some lead roles. They leaped on her inert body and pressed a pretty chintz covered cushion over her nose, giggling softly and hoping they were doing well enough that the Maynard Offspring wouldn't turn on them.
"Hmm, not bad," mused Len, observing the Mistresses technique. "It would be even better though if you covered her mouth too."
The mistresses, blushing at this basic error, rectified their mistake and held the cushion in place until the chintz stopped twitching, then sat back waiting for praise from Len.
"Not bad - C minus" declared Len at last.

After a good nights sleep, which Cecil enlivened only a little by declaring she had to take Steve's thingy to bed with her, the Maynard Offspring were up bright and early the following morning. They piled back into the three wheeled hearse and had traveled a good hundred miles before anyone remembered the mistresses. They turned around and headed back, getting only slightly lost this time, and pulled up outside the house where three had lived and died, and played a fanfare on the horn. The noise attracted all the neighbours, who peered from behind dingy grey coloured net curtains, but no mistresses. Finally, after another mad fantasia played on the horn, the four women appeared, yawning and scratching, and pulling on their habits as they walked. They were soon chucked in the bag, and the hearse was on it's way once more!

Four hundred miles later, Len began to accept that PERHAPS she had taken a wrong turning and PERHAPS she should allow someone else to look at the map if she wouldn't stop the vehicle.

"So where are we exactly?" Len asked, a note of fear in her voice for perhaps the first time ever.
"Somewhere near Portsmouth" replied Con in little more than a whisper. "Drive fast and we might get out of here alive."
"So, what you're basically saying is, it's not safe to stop?" asked Len.
Margot looked at her sister as if she was completely and utterly cracked. "Just drive for the love of dog!" she shrieked, becoming slightly unbalanced herself in fear.
At the shriek, something stirred in the depths of Hampshire, and Len finally realised the wisdom of her siblings words. She put pedal to metal and scorched from the county so fast she didn't even realise they had left Hampshire until they hit Devon - having totally missed Dorset en route.

"Stop the hearse!" shrieked a voice - Charles.
Len slammed on the brakes, the force of inertia sending all the mistresses in the back crashing forwards, before they landed in a heap at the back once more. "Yes?" asked Len politely.
For answer, Charles pointed one skeletal finger towards a large house, marked by a suitable eerie looking sign "The Quadrant - Enter at Your Own Peril"
"Excellent!" the whole Maynard clan spoke as if with one voice.
"Let's go visit Uncle Dick and Aunt Mollie," said Len decisively, turning the wheel of the hearse and driving along the estate's long driveway. Three hours later, they pulled up outside the door.

"I brought you a present Aunt Mollie," said Felicity shyly, offering her aunt a box.
"Oh how sweet of you!" cried Mollie Bettany, a woman never particularly noted for her wisdom or sense. "What is it?" she asked, shaking the box slightly.
The whole clan watched with bated breath as Mollie peeled off the paper, and began to lift the lid of the box. As she reached this point, the tension was just too much for Charles, who had to be physically removed from the room by the four mistresses and his remaining brothers. The Maynard girls watched, poised for movement, but wanting to see their Aunt's face first.
"Pot Pourri!" cried Mollie in delight. "Mmmmm, Lavender scented too - my favourite!"
"Smell it properly Aunty Mollie," said Felicity with a frown, concerned that Mollie didn't seem to be really enjoying the full aroma.
"I am darlin', and 'tis gorgeous it smells too," Mollie was becoming vaguely Irish, something many people did when they came up against the full force of the Maynards.
"I said," insisted Felicity, "Smell. It. Properly." Each word was emphasized by a hand at the back of Mollie's head forcing her head deep into the box, ramming her face further and further into the collection of dried up hard little objects that had been spray dyed purple and coated in the cloying scent of lavender. "Can you smell it yet?" Felicity shouted, so excited now she widdled herself.
Mollie tried to answer, but only succeeded in getting a mouthful of pot pourri, which inevitably went down her throat, lodged there and choked the life from her.
"Never mind pet," said Len consolingly. "Let's give Uncle Dick HIS present now!"
Cecil clutched her bag closer to her chest, after checking that Steve's thingy - whatchooocallit, his HEAD! - was still safe in her bag, and followed her sisters through the house in search of their uncle.

#32: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 12:26 am

00000003 - Hilda, Jem, Reg (at the end of the Xmas special, but counting in here)
00000018 - Prefects
00000004 - Joan, Gaudenz, Kathie, Nancy
00000002 - Jack and Joey
00000177 - Middles
00000012 - Mistresses on bus
00000324 - Swiss village
00000067 - Millies
00000001 - Phillipe
00000015 - Millies staff
00000038 - Platz residents
00250582 - Interlaken residents
00000111 - CS Juniors
00000732 - Tourists
00000002 - Billy and Rachel's brother
00000002 - un-named from Thrombosis
00000025 - Boy scouts from tangled knots
00000002 - Sybil and Josette bored to death
00000004 - CBBer's (KB, Adelheid, Kirsty, and Kathryn) from Yibbling
00000001 - Crashweewee
31714637 - population of Canada
00000010 - seniors electrocuted
00000003 - seniors run over
00004048 - in crashed planes
00000002 - un-named headmistresses
02903085 - population of Wales (glad you used the same source as me Carolyn! )
00000002 - Engelbert and Ermintruda
00000001 - Chloe
00000005 - MEN!
00000002 - C_Rachel and Nina washing pans
00000009 - archaeologists
00000001 - Virus
00000048 - 47 mistresses and a dog
00000097 - Sixth formers
00000264 - train passengers
00000020 - smoking related
00000002 - squashed by a large joint
00000001 - Nicci in a box
00000013 - inhaling flies
00304300 - Population of Coventry
00000001 - Bill Wilson
00000002 - Miss Lawrence & Miss Derwent
00000001 - Body under train
60180529 - Population of France
00000017 - girls whose faces didn't fit, shredded
00000002 - tongue lashed by Mary-Lou
00000001 - Xanthe, trampled and crushed by Brownies
00000004 - mistresses during "I-Spy"
00000023 - hit by Chunnel train
00000001 - Miss Smith impaled on a railway sleeper
00000001 - LisaT
00000001 - Peggy Bettany
00000002 - From Embarassment
00000001 - From Contortions
00000001 - Geoff Maynard, not ladylike
00000001 - Tourist, slain by Shakespeare
21516273 - Population of London, plus commuters, plus tourists
00000001 - Vikki, death by Baileys
00133626 - Population of Windsor
00000019 - lickle bunnies
00000001 - Vaneesa (the Maynard quad!)
00000001 - Phillipa
00000001 - Jennie
05062011 - Population of Scotland
00000001 - LISS!!!!!!
00000001 - Susan
00100734 - Population of Carlisle
00000001 - Rebecca
00000002 - Pat and Steve
00000001 - Lynne (death by Chintz)
00000001 - Mollie Bettany (death by Pot Pourri)

122,171933 - GRAND TOTAL!!

#33: Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 12:38 am

Rachel the Quidditch

is back!

#34: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 12:38 am

Thank you Rachel...I think!

I suppose I now have to think of something suitable for Dick!

And only two deaths, very restrained, are you still feeling unwell? A little Con like still?

#35: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 12:43 am

Thank you Rachel - we've missed you!

#36: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 12:43 am

Just thought I would ease myself back in gently Wink

And you can leave Dick to me if you like - I have more than enough plans bubbling round to kill him off easily enough Laughing

#37: Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 1:01 am

Oh it is good to have more Rachel madness Twisted Evil

I particularly like the death by pot pourii, horrid stuff!

#38: Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 1:02 am

Rachel wrote:

Cecil clutched her bag closer to her chest, after checking that Steve's thingy - whatchooocallit, his HEAD! - was still safe in her bag

So was anybody's mind not in the gutter until that line? ROFL

#39: Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 3:18 am

Catherine_B wrote:

Rachel wrote:

Cecil clutched her bag closer to her chest, after checking that Steve's thingy - whatchooocallit, his HEAD! - was still safe in her bag

So was anybody's mind not in the gutter until that line? ROFL

NO Comment Exclamation

Welcome back Rachel - and with a good intalment too.

#40: Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 8:36 am

Death and Mayhem are back, Hooray! Twisted Evil

What have you got against Pat's family, Rachel? Shocked

'Death by pot purri' and 'Death by chintz' sounds sounds like a couple of good book titles. You could expand them into a series.

btw We're glad to have you back as well as the death and mayhem. Glad you are feeling on form.

#41: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 9:02 am

Ow, ow, ow! These stories should come with a warning note! Rachel, it's great to see you back! But are you sure you're feeling all right, dear? Even for easing yourself in, two is very small!

#42: Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet!

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 10:07 am

Glad you're back and feeling better Rachel! More story please!

#43: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 10:30 am

I realised after I went to bed last night that I forgot to update you all on Matey! So here's the aside:

MEANWHILE

Matey rubbed her eyes tiredly, unfortunately rubbing some tiny grains of dirt in. The dirt sat under the eyelids and festered.

#44: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 10:32 am

Ah, thank you. I thought there was something missing. Would it also be possible to have a running commentary on her condition, like the one we have on the death toll? I'd like to know if there's anything left to be injured in some way.

#45: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 10:35 am

Ummmmmmm, I think her eyelashes are still relatively intact.

#46: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 10:37 am

Good, good. What about her ear hair?

#47: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 10:43 am

I *think* it got frizzled in a tragic perming accident before we even opened the story, but I would need to check with Carolyn.

#48: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 1:58 pm

*starts chanting at Carolyn for more*

#49: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 2:17 pm

*idly wondering whether or not i could dash up to Lancaster during my lunch hour and check that Carolyn is chained to her PC writing more drabble*

Please Carolyn, can we have some more................ or i might just have to stop idly wondering and come and visit!!

#50: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 2:22 pm

I'm sure you could just about make it Kate!

#51: Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 2:58 pm

We need some sort of web cam function, so we can check on drabble writers.

#52: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 3:12 pm

Umm! Lynne is 29, and I cannot remember the last time she called us mummy & daddy! She's lived in italy for the last 5/6 years, and spent 5/6 months last year touring Oz and NZ!!! Still, I'm sure she'll be touched at your concern for her Rachel!!

#53: Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 3:18 pm

Oh Rachel! ROFL

I loved the death by Pot Pourri! That was brilliant.

*staggers off still sobbing slightly with laughter*

Oh how I have missed this!

#54: Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 3:58 pm

Great to see you being as inventive as ever Rachel, what could you possibly have in store for Dick?
And I notce that even the murderous Maynards are scared of being in your neighbourhood, you're reputation has spread far and wide.

#55: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:30 pm

*starts chanting vigorously at Carolyn*

#56: Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:35 pm

*joins in the chant*

#57: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 9:25 pm

I have just informed Lynne of her death, and I'm afraid she was rather indignant! tongue

You see, she goes to Kick-boxing, and felt that her death was not feasible, given this skill! devil

#58: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 10:10 pm

Pat wrote:

I have just informed Lynne of her death, and I'm afraid she was rather indignant! tongue

You see, she goes to Kick-boxing, and felt that her death was not feasible, given this skill! devil

Pat!!! I'm giggling away at you informing your daughter that she's been brutally murdered in an on-line Chalet School story! (Visions of Pat's daughter summoning the men in white coats for her obviously insane mother!)

BTW Where's the next installment?

#59: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 10:35 pm

Pat wrote:

I have just informed Lynne of her death, and I'm afraid she was rather indignant! tongue

You see, she goes to Kick-boxing, and felt that her death was not feasible, given this skill! devil

But she is obviously not familiar with the Offspring!

And I think in the circumstances she would refer to you as mummy and daddy - this IS a CS story after all!

#60: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 10:39 pm

Dear Rachel, Have you checked the Bruno thread yet? Twisted Evil

#61: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 10:42 pm

Glad you're feeling better, Rachel.

#62: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 11:10 pm

Nope not the next bit just thought I'd tell you I'm accompanying yr 2 on thier school trip tomorrow and hoping for inspiration. Don't hold your breath til tomorrow evening or you will spoil all Rachel's and my fun!! Twisted Evil

#63: Author: Donna, Location: Liverpool

Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 11:14 pm

Thank you Rachel! That was brilliant! Very Happy

#64: Author: Polly, Location: Essex

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 12:21 am

Thank you Rachel!!!! Caught up from Monday!! Now I can go to bed happy and settled, as I have had my daily dose of murder and mayhem!!!! Very Happy

#65: Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 3:17 am

Hope you had a good day out Carolyn.

#66: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 6:28 am

And post more when you get back!

#67: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 1:35 pm

yes praying for inspiration to strike

#68: Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly!

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 5:46 pm

rolling ofl. Ouf, my sides hurt.

Hope you had a good trip Carolyn and found *plenty* of inspiration Very Happy

#69: Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough.......

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 7:34 pm

*moans weakly!*
Rachel, it's so good to have you back! We've missed you loads!!!

Pat, I'd have loved to have seen Lynne's face when you told her!!! And have you told Steve that his 'thingy' is in Cecil's bag? Wink

Carolyn, more please!!! Very Happy

#70: Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 9:20 pm

Yes I was wondering about Steve and the thingy myself.. ROFL

#71: Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 9:28 pm

Please give a detailed report of Steve's reaction to the story of his 'thingy' Pat. Very Happy

#72: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 10:08 pm

Hmm, well inspiration did strike...but I was hoping to let Rachel see this first as it's...well actually quite short and only one death, but I feel to go further and kill more will loose the impact of this one so I'm not really sure what to do.

#73: Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough.......

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 10:34 pm

Please post it Carolyn!!!

#74: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 10:34 pm

Steve hasn't read it!!

#75: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 10:40 pm

Madge realised that she had made a mistake. The reason the OG address book had to be handles with tongs and thick hide gloves was that the OG’s themselves were unspeakable and even a simple list of their names and addresses had been known to have unfortunate effects on the unwary. True the school was functioning, and some lessons were being taught, the girls were beginning to conform to Mary-Lou’s expectations of them and Madge had a glimmer of hope. That is before she realised one thing, she had effectively put herself out of a job. The OG’s ran the school, the girls, the domestic staff and did it without any reference to Madge at all. She might as well not exist.

She wondered along the corridors looking into the classes as she went. The girls were looking hard at work, heads bent over books, writing away, in every class, all sat in the same position, all moving their hands in the same way, all turning the pages simultaneously, all blinking at the same time. The OG’s had quelled the rebellion stirring in the heart of the school and now they were all proper chalet girls once more.

Madge realised something had happened to the girls…PING

Madge swallowed hard…GULP!

Madge sniffed…SNHHHHH!

Madge stood stock still and looked into the eyes of the huge python gliding down the corridor towards her… “ “

Madge remained in a daze as the python enveloped her, slowly crushing her bones until her ribs cracked one by one…CRRRRAAACK!

Madge disappeared into the huge snake’s mouth as it displaced it’s jaws to accommodate her bulk, first her head, then body, legs and finally feet giving one last feeble twitch as they were seen for the last time...HISSSSSSSSS.

***************

“There you are fluffy, you naughty snake. Back to your vivarium immediately! Oh, I see you’ve found lunch, I wonder who it was?” With this last question forever unanswered Mary-Lou ushered her pet back to it’s home and went back to running the Chalet School.

#76: Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 10:52 pm

'Fluffy the snake' Shocked

I'm sure calling a snake 'fluffy' counts as deviant behaviour!

And what is wrong with the chalet girls?

Well, 'Another one bites the dust'

#77: Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough.......

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 10:53 pm

*giggle*
Thank you Carolyn!!!
Maybe Fluffy could get food poisoning? Wink

#78: Author: Donna, Location: Liverpool

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 10:54 pm

*runs away in horror at the thought of OOAOML running the CS*

*just about finds time to thank Carolyn and ask Rachel for more*

Very Happy

#79: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 10:55 pm

PatMac wrote:

'Fluffy the snake' Shocked

I'm sure calling a snake 'fluffy' counts as deviant behaviour!

And what is wrong with the chalet girls?

Well, 'Another one bites the dust'

Fluffy/deviant...well it is Mary-Lou's pet!

Chalet Girls...They have been taken in hand by the Old Girls!

#80: Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 11:00 pm

Carolyn P wrote:

Chalet Girls...They have been taken in hand by the Old Girls!

OH, I thought they had killed them and turned them into zombies to save on the food.

#81: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 11:01 pm

#82: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 11:19 pm

Wonderful! We now have the set up of Maynards V Mary Lou!!!

Can't wait. Twisted Evil

#83: Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 11:43 pm

The idea of OOAOML and the other OGs in charge of the school is almost as terrifying as the Maynard offspring... almost Twisted Evil

#84: Author: Nina, Location: Peterborough, UK

Posted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 11:52 pm

PatMac wrote:

'Fluffy the snake' Shocked

I'm sure calling a snake 'fluffy' counts as deviant behaviour!

perhaps I won't tell my friend that! Her family has a snake called Fluffy - I thought they were the only people mad enough ... snake

#85: Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 12:05 am

Personally, I'm getting visions of Liss eating Madge...which is really quite worrying.. Embarassed

#86: Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 12:12 am

Well, Liss is the chair of the board of governors, so she must have removed Madge in some way ...

#87: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 12:24 am

<sigh>

I knew you lot weren't paying attention!

Sarah, in this drabble, Liss was garrotted several pages ago.

And the next installment of this drabble (from me) will be posted on Saturday, in celebration of the St. Valentines Day Massacre.

#88: Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 12:26 am

I knew Liss was dead in this drabble, I was meaning on the CBB, Liss seems to have completed a successful coup d'etat against Madge. Razz

#89: Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 12:27 am

*offended* Please Miss Witch, I was paying attention. I only mentioned about Liss cos Carolyn calle dthe snake Fluffy!

#90: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 2:19 am

Go, Mary-Lou! Go, Fluffy!

*Giggles over death of the death-dealer*

Rather worried about the synchronized school girls though.

ETA to express amazement that Rachel could resist Friday the 13th. Almost expected a 48 hr frenzy, "Friday the 13th Meets the St. Valentine's Day Massacre."

#91: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 7:51 am

Could someone give us an update on Matey? I'm rather worried about her.

#92: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 9:20 am

Duh! Knew I'd forgotten something, that school trip was tireing so I went to bed early.

Matey now has conjunctivitis and her eyelashes are all matted and yellow.

Last edited by Carolyn P on Fri Feb 13, 2004 5:11 pm; edited 1 time in total

#93: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 9:26 am

Ah, thank you. *happy now*

#94: Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly!

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 11:58 am

Owwwwwwwww I ache from silent laughing.

*Mental note to self to avoid drabbles board when procrastinating*

#95: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 1:12 pm

pim wrote:

Owwwwwwwww I ache from silent laughing.

*Mental note to self to avoid drabbles board when procrastinating*

But this is such a helpful place for procrastinating.

#96: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 2:00 pm

Which is worse, OOAO calling her pet python 'Fluffy' or Death in Terry Pratchett calling his horse Binky?

#97: Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly!

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 4:10 pm

Carolyn P wrote:

pim wrote:

Owwwwwwwww I ache from silent laughing.

*Mental note to self to avoid drabbles board when procrastinating*

But this is such a helpful place for procrastinating.

But I wasn't *supposed* to be procrastinating... Although I'm sure that's what the library is there for really... What do you mean I'm meant to *work* in there?

#98: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 4:29 pm

Pim you're never supposed to procrastinate it just part of life and happens!

#99: Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet!

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 4:41 pm

i just caught up more soon please!

#100: Author: Nicci, Location: UK

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 9:18 pm

I'm laughing so much it hurts. Must say I didn't expect Madge's demise to happen so soon.
More please!

#101: Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 9:21 pm

*Shaking* Need my fix. *Shaking more violently* Need my fix, NOW!

Seriously, I desperately need an early night! Please post more soon!

#102: Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 3:42 am

Have to go and read something else now or I will have nightmares.

Thank you for the story though Carolyn.

#103: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 8:10 am

*sigh* No more today?

#104: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 9:30 am

Echoes KB's sigh - looking forward to Rachel's next installment.

#105: Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 11:03 am

Happy birthday to Rachel.

#106: Author: Polly, Location: Essex

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 12:21 pm

More more more please!!! and Happy birthday Rachel!!!! Very Happy

#107: Author: Nicci, Location: UK

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 12:45 pm

Happy Birthday, Rachel the Quidditch

But don't think that just because its your birthday we don't expect you to write any drabble. Because we do! Twisted Evil

#108: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 1:17 pm

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL!!!!!

birthday cake

#109: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 1:21 pm

Suppose I can say it here as well

Happy Birthday Rachel

popper

Now can we have the massacre please! Quidditch

#110: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 1:48 pm

Happy Birthday Rachel!! birthday cake

May we have lots and lots more please?! Mr. Green

#111: Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 3:28 pm

Happy Birthday Rachel! Heart

Plizz may we have more drabble, seeing someone killed might cheer me up a bit...

#112: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 4:48 pm

Wondering whether Rachel has been celebrating her birthday since midnight.

#113: Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 4:50 pm

If she has I guess there's not much hope of more story...!

#114: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 7:11 pm

I want a Valentine's Day massacre! Crying or Very sad

#115: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 7:24 pm

Happy Birthday Rachel

piano

*Huggles KB*

There there dear, I'm sure Rachel won't disappoint her fans ~ unless she has had an unfortunate accident witha carving knife.

#116: Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 7:29 pm

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RACHEL!!!! What did you do to celebrate the anniversary? Wink

#117: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 7:44 pm

Ally wrote:

*Huggles KB*

There there dear, I'm sure Rachel won't disappoint her fans ~ unless she has had an unfortunate accident witha carving knife.

Thank you, Ally. *huggles back*

#118: Author: Donna, Location: Liverpool

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 7:58 pm

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! popper

Hope you have been enjoying yourself today - preferably by killing many more people! Wink

#119: Author: BethC, Location: Worcester, UK

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 9:43 pm

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RACHEL!

piano

as an incentive to post more killings & torture just as soon as birthday celebrations are over!

#120: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 10:30 pm

Rachel, are you around yet, I want some death and destruction before I go to bed, and I'm all bathed and in my jammies ready for my bedtime story.

#121: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 10:35 pm

She said on Surfeit that she'd be over here after Jonathon Creek was finished - 10pm?

#122: Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 10:40 pm

#123: Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 10:46 pm

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL

Guitar

Looking forward to anothe massacre.

#124: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 11:47 pm

Thanks for all the nice birthday messages!

Are you all ready for this next installment?

#125: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 11:55 pm

Of course we are! Don't be idiotic, Rachel!!

#126: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 12:03 am

Very glad I brought the compuer up to bed if Rachel is going to tease.

#127: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 12:04 am

<snigger> thought there was no harm in checking!

*****************************************

The Maynard Offspring wandered round the Quadrant, wondering where Uncle Dick had got to. They knew he was at home, but as they walked round and round the building, they seemed unable to locate him. Using their long established private hand signals, Con indicated that she and Mike would begin circling the building counter clockwise in an effort to flush their errant uncle from wherever he was. This tactic was soon rewarded. As Len and the rest moved clockwise through the large house, Dick soon came into view of Con and Mike. He was hurrying through the building himself, pausing now and again to listen and assess exactly where his "beloved" relatives had got to before moving on once more.
"Found you," said Con in a dangerous voice.
"Urk!" said Dick.
"That's not very friendly of you, you know," said Mike in injured tones.
"We only wanted to see you," added Cecil as the other group caught up. Dick was now trapped between the two groups like a testicle caught between two bricks. His prognosis was almost as bad.
"Errr, Ummmm, HELP!" shrieked Dick like the girlie he was so soon to become.
"Just out of curiosity Uncle Dick, who exactly are you calling to?" asked Margot, always fascinated by the way different people behaved when faced with imminent pain and suffering.
"M-Mollie?" hazarded Dick, having failed on his forty-seven journeys through the house to see his dead wife still stuffed with Pot Pourri.
"She's dead."
"Ummm, Peggy?"
"Keep up! She WAS at school, but now she's dead."
"Errr, t'other one, wassername - Bride!"
"Oooooh, good call Uncle! See to it!" snapped Len to the two F's who chuckled with glee and raced off filled with importance to murder their cousin (which they did by grabbing a handy poker en route to the girl's room which they then rammed somewhere pokers should never be rammed. Bride died with a most surprised look on her face)
"Anyone else?" asked Len politely of her uncle.
"Umm, yes, I mean, the boy type! Rex!"
"Would that be your son Rix, otherwise known as Richard?" enquired Len even more politely.
"Yup, him, that's the one!"
"Too late!" Len nodded to Cecil who went off and found her big cousin, and killed him by the simple method of saying "Wanna see what I got in me bag cuz?" When Rix peered into the bag, his bowels turned to water, his insides turned to jelly, and the whole lot came shooting out at such velocity, it left a minor dent in the plasterboard wall. Cecil trotted back to her family satisfied with a job well done.
Len turned once more to her uncle.

Dick was by now on the point of passing out, reasoning that this was guranteed to distract his niece's and nephew's from him, and allow him to make an escape at leisure. As he did the whole raising a hand to his brow, rolling his eyes and muttering about feeling most peculiar, he became aware of the whole Offspring grinning at him in a manner more suited to a bunch of pirhanas. "HHHHHHEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPP!" Dick now yelled at the full pitch of his excellent lungs, his last chance to make a manly noise. One of the generic mistresses, determined to make her mark and deserve a name, came dashing through from the kitchen area of the house armed only with a spoon. The way she used that spoon was talked about for years afterward, but not by Dick who became the owner of the most ironic name in history. Unfortunately, the blood loss incurred from his horrific injury by the spoon meant that he lived only long enough to be aware that although he was a man, he had failed to be the main character of a story ever.

The Maynard Offspring, three generic mistresses, and Miss Kreboppel made their way back to the hearse, slaying Maeve and Maurice on the way. Maeve had attempted to bargain her way to life, but had failed in the very simple challenge laid down by her cousins.
"Pronounce your name right first time and you can live," Len challenged.
Maeve considered for a moment before hurling herself headfirst into the coal cellar, breaking her neck. Maurice, bland enough to be of interest only because of his status as a twin, followed suit, not being interesting enough to even come up with an original means of killing himself.

This meant there was only one Bettany child left alive, but as none of the Maynard's could remember the child's name at this moment in time, they decided to take her along with them for the time being.

The hearse was on it's way once more, and with the distance between Devon and Wales not being huge, they were all confident of getting to the English CS this time. To their utter surprise, they found themselves driving along an unfamiliar road, yet again, and Len actually drew the hearsse to a stop outside a wire fenced compound. All thriteen people in the hearse, plus Steve's head, looked at the signs posted on the fence.
"HMP Real Chalet School. Protected by Dogs, Electric Fences and Middles. For visiting information, contact Warden Green."

"What is this place?" asked Miss Kreboppel, thrilled to have a name of her very own now.
"It's a maximum security prison by the looks of things," remarked Charles, who knew all about these kinds of establishments after his long years spent in Youth Custody centres.
"So it's not the English Branch of the CS?" Miss Kreboppel asked.
"Does it LOOK like the English branch?" Margot asked in exasperation.
"Well, how would I know if it looked like the English branch when I haven't seen the English branch having never been in England before?" argued Miss Kreboppel.
There was a little 'spluch' noise and Miss Kreboppel keeled over sideways in the hearse.
"She was soooooooo annoying!" complained one of the other generic mistresses, amidst the round of applause.
"Well I suppose there is one way of finding out where exactly we are," said Con sensibly. "Let's go find Warden Green and ASK!"

The hearse followed the fence round until they came to a gatehouse. The nice young man on the gate, who's name badge identified him as one J Coates, attempted to keep them out, but after seeing what Cecil was carrying in her cute pink handbag, he decided that they ought to be on the inside of the fence and let them all in.

They drove through the grounds of the prison, which seemed very pleasant. There were several large buildings, and a number of smaller cottage type buildings which Len leeringly remarked must be for overnight visits. The whole group in the car made the appropriate "wahey!" and "Gettinthere!" sounds accompanied by the usual arm gestures, and they drew up outside a nice building marked "Warden's Quarters".

"Why quarters?" asked Mike. "Why not 'half', third' or 'seven eighths'?"
Mike shut up however once the doorbell had been rung, and the group listened in interest to the sounds of several tons of hardware being withdrawn on the other side of the door.
"Yes? What do you want?" asked Warden Green from ehind a huge metal portculllis affair. She was wearing full body armor, including a Kevlar jacket, and was pointing what appeared to be a trout at them.
"Are you the warden or are we at the 'special' unit?" Margot asked.
"I'm the warden. The 'specials' wear flippers and bobble hats." replied Warden Green.
"Ok, well maybe you would tell us where we are please. We were looking for the English branch of the CS that is in what was once rumoured to be Wales, but isn't any more. Are we anywhere near?"
"No." repleid Warden Green. "This is Australia."
"But we've already DONE Australia!" whined Felicity who wanted her tea. "Len, you keep taking us on the wrong roads, and now we're in the wrong fllipping continent!"
"The less you talk about continence the better young Felicity!" said Con unkindly, mentioning Felicity's lack of toilet training despite her age.
Felicity shut up and stayed silent, letting Len, Con and Warden Green discuss where exactly Len had gone wrong on her journey from Devon. At last Len said she understood, although in reality she had only been listening with half an ear.
"Why half? Why not 'third', 'quarter' or 'nineteen twenty-fifths'?" asked Mike who really did believe this to be wit of the highest form.
Margot administered a swift slap to her brother, and beamed happily at Warden Green. "Perhaps you could come with us and show us the way?" Margot suggested. Immediately Warden Green's face took on a blank look.
"So sorry, can't help I'm afraid. There's only me and the trout to run this place and neither of us can be spared."
"Oh, I'm sure I can run the place for a day or two without you," commented the trout who up to now had kept quiet.
"No, no, no you can't," insisted Warden Green, becoming terrified at the mere idea of having to leave the safe haven of her quarters and walk through the compound.
"Take her out," Len instructed Con. Con whipped a pistol from her knickers and shot Lesley's head through the portcullis .
"I meant," explained Len patiently, "that you should take her out of the house and bring her with us."
"You should have said so then!" replied an indignant Con.
"Never mind," sighed Len. "I'm sure I'll remember what she said about how to get there."

So back into the hearse again, and back to the gate they went, where they had an awful lot more trouble getting out than they had getting in. Eventually they decided it would be so much simpler to just kill the guard on the gates, which they did by getting one of the generic mistresses, an older lady in her nineties, to flash her boobs. The shock killed them both, so yet another body was decanted from the hearse, and they rolled over the guard and on their way.

A mile down the road, the hearse developed a puncture. They all piled out, and stood round the vehicle confirming for themselves that it was a puncture.
"It's a puncture," said Len to Con.
"It's a puncture," said Con to Margot.
"It's a puncture," said Margot to Mike.
"I sodding know that - I can sodding see you know!" replied Mike. Unfortunately, the hearse didn't have a spare, so the group decided the best way to solve this problem would be to have Cecil as the smallest and cutest to stand in the road with her little pink handbag, looking vulnerable and appealing. Obviously this worked, and a smarmy man screeched to a halt and asked her what the problem was.
"Our wheel is broke and we haven't got a spare," explained Cecil, forgetting once again to lisp.
"Oh I'm sure I can sort this for you," the oily, poisonous,smarmy git of an investigator type man said.
"Excellent!" cried Len leaping out of the bushes at the side of the road.
"Oh," said Connor, disappointment in his voice that he wouldn't get the chance to be a true hero rescuing a helpless little girl after all.
Twenty minutes later, the hearse bumped it's way into Dorset, and took a left. The group all smiled at each other; thrilled to be back in England but also pleased that the evil, slimy, obnoxious, cad Tony Connor had stopped yelling at last.
"It was his own fault," murmured Con apropos of nothing apprently.
"What do you mean?" demanded Charles who felt annoyed that it took so long to get a speaking part in this installment. "I mean, what exactly do you mean it was his own fault, exactly?" he added determined to go for broke now that he was speaking.
"He offered to sort our spare - is it anyone elses fault that we took him literally and wrapped him round the wheel as a spare tyre?"
"Shut up!" commanded Len suddenly. "Can you see that sign over there? Read what it says!"
They all looked, and after reading the sign they all cheered loudly. It said:

"Welcome to England. The other bit of England. The bit of England you never knew was England on account of you thinking it was actually Wales. But it's not. This is definitely England. Wales no longer exists. It never existed. What's Wales anyway? Ha ha ha. Yup, defintely Welcome to England . . . still."

MEANWHILE

Matey was crooning to herself as she knitted littel white garments. At least, they had started life as little white garments, but were now more of the blood red, pus yellow, snot green and something brown variety. Matey winced as she felt her stomach contract for the twentieth time in the last five minutes.

#128: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 12:06 am

#129: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 12:12 am

Is there more? Was hoping for a millions style masacre!!

Love whay you did to Connor, but thought you had Dick's character perfectly.

#130: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 12:13 am

I take it that Con reads Roald Dahl then?! Laughing

#131: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 12:14 am

Carolyn P wrote:

Is there more? Was hoping for a millions style masacre!!

I opted for quality over quantity today Wink

#132: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 12:16 am

Yes!! I've been killed by Rachel! Love it - more please!

(BTW did you kill Jackie/Noel Bettany?)

#133: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 12:31 am

Nope - and I forgot he was a boy too. The Maynard Offspring have him down as a girl.

#134: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 12:35 am

So there are two Bettany kids living, Jackie and Daphne. Which have the offspring taken with them?

There are also Ailie, Kevin and Kester Russell somewhere in the world.

Hmm, will think about this.
Twisted Evil

#135: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 1:40 am

Ooooh, now even drabble characters are being wiped out.

Chuckles malevolently over demise of Tony the Scumbag.

Feeling rather sorry for the poor twin who couldn't even die originally, though. And Lesley, as victim of a misinterpreted idiom. (Then again, at least it was quick this way. Who knows what could have happened on the drive from Australia to not-Wales.)

#136: Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly!

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 3:03 am

*rubs hands together gleefully at the bloodshed* Hmm, thinking about it Maurice was rather bland wasn't he...?

#137: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 9:18 am

*giggles madly* Fantastic stuff! I'm so glad we got some good death today!

#138: Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 3:04 pm

*giggles wildly* LOVED the death of Maeve!!

#139: Author: Rebecca, Location: Kendal/Oxford

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 5:41 pm

Oh, I've been missing my doses of blood, gore and deaths - thank you Rachel!

#140: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 5:49 pm

Do we think it's time to chant for Carolyn yet?

#141: Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 6:06 pm

Just caught up. Very satisfying to see the end of Tony Twisted Evil

I wonder how many wrong turns Len can take?

More, Carolyn, please.

#142: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 6:13 pm

Hmm. *checks the atlas* Looks like South America is still there. Oh, and Africa also appears to still exist. And Russia hasn't been destroyed yet...

#143: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 7:52 pm

I think quite a few CBBers who are expecting to escape may be in for a shock tonight.

Off for a few hours to give D some 'puter time, make and have dinner, and give you time to ponder who might meet thier end tonight!

#144: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 7:54 pm

*suddenly very, very glad I'm already dead*

#145: Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly!

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 8:35 pm

*pondering* Carolyn, do you fancy killing me off so I don't have to go to double French tomorrow?

#146: Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 8:37 pm

I'm afraid your death here in no way influences your life in other spheres.

#147: Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly!

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 8:50 pm

It would be a novel excuse not to go though! I can just see myself explaining it to my tutors.

#148: Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 8:57 pm

I hope the massacre is not too late for me Crying or Very sad

I have to be in work early tomorrow.

#149: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 9:03 pm

Knowing what comes in Carolyn's installment, I would say it was worth staying up for!

<snigger>

#150: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 10:21 pm

Glad it's not possible to be killed twice!

The CBB -> Cookies & Drabbles

output generated using printer-friendly topic mod, All times are GMT + 1 Hour

Page 1 of 1