holocaust spawn 3
The CBB -> Cookies & Drabbles

#1:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 12:09 am


Come on Rachel, how can you restrain yourself from killing someone for this long?

 


#2:  Author: PollyLocation: Essex PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 12:16 am


Aye!

Am adding a late Aye to the list as have only just made it this far down the board!

 


#3:  Author: Lisa_TLocation: Belfast PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 12:46 am


Aye AYE AYE!!!!!

Donna sweetie- you're still alive. Watchit. The rest of us are beyond revenge! Razz Laughing

Come on! Who's gonna the next to be despatched to the great hereafter?!!!!

 


#4:  Author: RachelLocation: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 12:47 am


The three wheeled hearse screamed through the country side, scattering innocent sheep in it's wake. At one point Len wrenched the wheel hard over to ensure they successfully murdered a family of little rabbits that were attempting to cross the road. Mummy rabbit and daddy rabbit were killed outright, but the seventeen junior rabbits suffered long lingering deaths, with many shudders and twitches.

"Poor little things," said Phillipa unexpectedly.
"You think so?" asked Margot with a dangerous note in her voice. Con smirked. She knew what was coming next. This was exactly what had happened that day Vaneesa had berated Margot for cruelty to worms. Admittedly, the Maynard quads had only been three years old at the time, and everyone had all but forgotten the fourth child, but Con remembered with a happy smirk.
"Well, they were only trying to cross the road!" insisted Phillipa. Con's grin grew even wider. Things were shaping up just beautifully.
"You don't appreciate all that we are trying to do for you, is that it?" asked Margot pleasantly.
"You killed those cute wee bunny's for me?" asked Phillipa incredulously.
And that was that. margot had reached the end of her famed patience and was fed up of this conversation. As the hearse cornered on only two wheels, it was a simple matter to fling Phillipa through the open window. She stuck there for a minute, caught by her feet, but a quick chop from an ever present carving knife soon dispatched the legs the same way as the torso, and Margot looked round, licking the blade of the knife.
"Anyone else like cute bunny's?" she asked. The four mistresses shook their heads and took an instant vow of silence.

"Where are we headed?" asked Stephen in his falsetto voice.
"North!" shouted Len above the sound of "The Darkness" being played at full volume and backwards on the stereo.
"Shouldn't we be heading West?" shouted Stephen.
"Why?" screamed back Len as the stereo twitched up another notch.
"Because the - school is in the - west of England!" Stephen screeched, at which point his vocal chords ruptured. Realising a singing nun who couldn't sing was dead weight, Margot flicked the gore covered knife in Stephen's direction. He sensed it coming however, and flung himself fromthe moving vehicle.

Fortunately he had a nice soft landing as Jennie, who had been skulking along the side of the road and hoping to avoid detection, was in the exact spot that Stephen landed. Stephen looked down at the squashed form without regrets. He had enough problems already. Here he was, a full grown man, wandering the wilds of England dressed as a nun and completely unable to speak. With a glower in the direction the hears had taken, he headed off to the nearest nunnery and was enrolled on the spot.

The hears continued on it's mad journey throughout England. At one point, a large brown sign flashed past, but as they were now travelling in excess of 169 miles per hour, none of them really had time to read it.
"What did it say?" demanded Len of Con.
"What did it say?" asked Con of Margot.
"What did it say?" Margot asked Charles.
"What did it say?" Charles inquired of Mike.
"What did it say?" Mike said to Felix.
"What did it say?" requested Felix of Felicity.
"What did it say?" Felicity urged Cecil.
"What did it say?" Cecil shouted at the four mistresses.
The four mistresses shook their heads and refused to answer, so Cecil was forced to supply the answer she thought was correct.

"It said Welcome to Scotland!" Cecil bawled at Felicity.
"It said Welcome to Scotland!" Felicity yelled at Felix.
"It said Welcome to Scotland!" Felix told Mike.
"It said Welcome to Scotland!" Mike shouted to Charles.
"It said Welcome to Scotland!" Charles intimated to Margot.
"It said Welcome to Scotland!" Margot said to Con.
"It said Welcome to Scotland!" Con spake unto Len.

"It can't have!" said Len in surprise. "Scotland doesn't exist!" There was a muffled "crump" kind of sound, and billions of particles of dust whooshed up into the atmosphere as the body of land previously known as Scotland spontaneously irrupted and became the sea. Suddenly the whole gang realised they were driving across the top of the ocean waves.
"Oh B*ggerit!" shrieked Len. "Turn the hearse around and head west like I told you to in the first place!"

It was a struggle, but the momentum of the hearse kept it going fast enough that it successfully made it back to dry land. Once they were safe however, Len pulled the handbrake, forcing Mike to stop the vehicle.
"Whatchoo do that for?" he demanded, gazing in trepidation at his sister.
"I shall drive from here on," Len was at her stateliest. "And if you don't like it - get out!" As this last was said as Len accelerated from nought to a hundred in roughly the blink of an eye, nobody decided to take her up on her kind offer, much to her secret regret. Suddenly Margot shouted "Take a right!" Yanking the steering wheel with all her might, len made the turn, and came face to face with a woman standing in the road. With a scream of brakes, Len stopped the hearse a mere two inches from the womans body.
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww," groaned the younger MO who had hoped for a little more blood and carnage on this journey.
Len climbed from the hearse and stood nose to nose with the woman, who was stood with a notepad and was muttering under her breath.
"Make it purple, pink and blue, no, red and gold, no lime green and gold, add a new button, take away the old buttons, change the board, add a board, replace the board, make it purple pink and blue, no red and gold, no lime green and gold" The woman stared at Len with eyes that were obviously drowning in tregedy. The unasked question begged for an answer - an answer Len was only too happy to supply. Without wasting any more time or energy, Len whipped out her handy garotte and dispatched Liss to the place with no websites, where she rested happily in eternal peace.

"Couldn't we just have run her over?" asked Cecil in a sulky tone of voice.


Meanwhile, matey was getting excited. She had also developed chronic incontinence.

 


#5:  Author: RachelLocation: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 12:49 am


The Holocaust Body Count is made up of:

00000003 - Hilda, Jem, Reg (at the end of the Xmas special, but counting in here)
00000018 - Prefects
00000004 - Joan, Gaudenz, Kathie, Nancy
00000002 - Jack and Joey
00000177 - Middles
00000012 - Mistresses on bus
00000324 - Swiss village
00000067 - Millies
00000001 - Phillipe
00000015 - Millies staff
00000038 - Platz residents
00250582 - Interlaken residents
00000111 - CS Juniors
00000732 - Tourists
00000002 - Billy and Rachel's brother
00000002 - un-named from Thrombosis
00000025 - Boy scouts from tangled knots
00000002 - Sybil and Josette bored to death
00000004 - CBBer's (KB, Adelheid, Kirsty, and Kathryn) from Yibbling
00000001 - Crashweewee
31714637 - population of Canada
00000010 - seniors electrocuted
00000003 - seniors run over
00004048 - in crashed planes
00000002 - un-named headmistresses
02903085 - population of Wales (glad you used the same source as me Carolyn! )
00000002 - Engelbert and Ermintruda
00000001 - Chloe
00000005 - MEN!
00000002 - C_Rachel and Nina washing pans
00000009 - archaeologists
00000001 - Virus
00000048 - 47 mistresses and a dog
00000097 - Sixth formers
00000264 - train passengers
00000020 - smoking related
00000002 - squashed by a large joint
00000001 - Nicci in a box
00000013 - inhaling flies
00304300 - Population of Coventry
00000001 - Bill Wilson
00000002 - Miss Lawrence & Miss Derwent
00000001 - Body under train
60180529 - Population of France
00000017 - girls whose faces didn't fit, shredded
00000002 - tongue lashed by Mary-Lou
00000001 - Xanthe, trampled and crushed by Brownies
00000004 - mistresses during "I-Spy"
00000023 - hit by Chunnel train
00000001 - Miss Smith impaled on a railway sleeper
00000001 - LisaT
00000001 - Peggy Bettany
00000002 - From Embarassment
00000001 - From Contortions
00000001 - Geoff Maynard, not ladylike
00000001 - Tourist, slain by Shakespeare
21516273 - Population of London, plus commuters, plus tourists
00000001 - Vikki, death by Baileys
00133626 - Population of Windsor
00000019 - lickle bunnies
00000001 - Vaneesa (the Maynard quad!)
00000001 - Phillipa
00000001 - Jennie
05062011 - Population of Scotland
00000001 - LISS!!!!!!

122,071,193 - GRAND TOTAL!!


Last edited by Rachel on Wed Feb 04, 2004 12:58 am; edited 1 time in total

 


#6:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 12:55 am


Well up to standard, Rachel. As imaginative and gory as ever! Poor naive little me keeps thinking you'll run out of ways to kill people Laughing

Glad you got back on the board again! Did you beat it into submission or did it relent?

 


#7:  Author: RachelLocation: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 12:57 am


I threatened it with a very big kick Very Happy

 


#8:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 12:59 am


Poor Liss! Very Happy

 


#9:  Author: Lisa_TLocation: Belfast PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 1:01 am


*LOL!* ROFLROFLROFLROFL

Poor poor Liss! LOL!

*starts chanting for Carolyn*
*hands round suitable weapons- nice noisy ones, so we can use them for chanting*

 


#10:  Author: RachelLocation: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 1:04 am


<snigger> and isn't my avatar caption appropriate right now!

 


#11:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 1:12 am


I love the way Liss has gone!

 


#12:  Author: Jay PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 1:20 am


Yey! I get to haunt the CBB. Rachel obliterated Scotland and killed me! Thanks Rachel.

 


#13:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 1:27 am


ROFL ROFL ROFL Loved the fourth quad idea! Great deaths too.

 


#14:  Author: NicciLocation: UK PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 2:16 am


Thanks Caroyln and Rachel.

*wonders where the Maynards could be heading next*

 


#15:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 6:39 am


ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

Wonderful! So that's Wales and Scotland gone, only England left - and London and Windsor are destroyed already!

Next please Carolyn!

 


#16:  Author: PollyLocation: Essex PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 10:32 am


ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

Thanx Rachel, that really cheered me up on this grey day!!! More please Carolyn!! Twisted Evil

 


#17:  Author: KatarzynaLocation: Preston, Lancashire PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 10:44 am


Carolyn, oh Carolyn.... with this horrible wet weather it would be much better to spend your day in front of the pc writing than doing anything else wouldn't it.

Sits down and waits eagerly for next installment - which hopefully won't take to long!

I'm no good at subtle hints!

 


#18:  Author: AbiLocation: Alton, Hants PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 5:10 pm


Oh my goodness! It's too painful i don't think I can paught nayn more haaahhaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! heeeheeeeee! owwww it hurts..!!!!!! frc

 


#19:  Author: ChloëLocation: London: when away from home planet! PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 5:23 pm


Rachel wrote:
00000019 - lickle bunnies

122,071,193 - GRAND TOTAL!!


May i please just saw is that it couldn't you have killed off more of the things!

But a good total none the less

More please!

 


#20:  Author: edithLocation: Shropshire/Powys/my own mind! PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 5:43 pm


I've FINALLY caught up!
Phew! I'm getting very worried...

 


#21:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 6:33 pm


Carolyn! Where are you? megaphone megaphone You had Steve in fits of laughter last night, BTW!

 


#22:  Author: Catherine_BLocation: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 7:19 pm


Oh, oh, Rachel! I started reading your post at work, then realised that the smirk on my face was rapidly spreading into a grin and barely-supressed giggles - I had to close the CBB before I fell off my chair laughing!!!

Laughing Laughing Laughing

 


#23:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 7:21 pm


Owww! I'm in pain from laughing so hard! I'm soooo glad I have the internet in my room, as I'd hate to read that at an internet cafe! I hope Liss sees it - have you PMed it to tell her of her sad demise?

 


#24:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 9:17 pm


Pat, I'm glad Steve enjoyed it, tell me more about him (PM) and maybe the pair of you will have a starring role.

I've been in school all day today, and will be tomorrow, so more, well, depends on how long D needs this for tomorrow night (I have been warned.). I sort of know where I'm going to obliterate, I just haven't worked out how, and the who will be interesting...

 


#25:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 9:19 pm


*sobs bitterly* I was so sure there was more!!!

Whose turn is it anyway?

 


#26:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 9:22 pm


Mine, I'm afraid. RL has delayed, and may delay. School placement on Wednesdy and Thursday.

 


#27:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 9:22 pm


*hoping for a daily dose of mayhem soon* Wink

ETA Sorry Carolyn. We posted at the same minute and I didn't intend to nag!

 


#28:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 9:32 pm


hope RL lets Carolyn go soon so we get more deaths...

love the way we are all becoming increasingly bloodthirsty! Laughing

 


#29:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 10:33 pm


Wonder if Rachaels village will be safe with this bloodthirsty lot.

 


#30:  Author: ChloëLocation: London: when away from home planet! PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 10:54 pm


Hey we're not that bad

 


#31:  Author: Catherine_BLocation: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 11:45 pm


We're not the ones doing the killing, Carolyn!

 


#32:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 11:50 pm


No, you're just enjoying it and egging us on to more, just as bad!!



The Maynard siblings continued their drive towards the Carnbach branch of the school. Landing in Folkstone, passing London and Windsor and ending up in the ocean where Scotland used to be they were now driving through the rain and approaching Carlisle.

“Are we nearly there yet?” asked Cecil, fulfilling her role as the youngest remaining sibling.
“Yes, we will be there in two shakes of a dogs tail,” replied Con, as she passed Cecil two dogs to try this out on. Cecil didn’t like dogs, a result of being forced to ride on Bruno as a child, so she stuffed the pair into a handy trunk and placed it in the back of the hearse. The car had now left the M6 and was speeding through the city, leaving astounded onlookers wondering what on earth was going on. No one rang the police simply because no one wanted to be arrested for being drunk. They must be drunk to think they saw that!

A certain inhabitant of Carlisle was Susan. She was a sensible young lady, and as such when she saw the hearse bearing down on her knew that she wasn’t drunk. She looked closely, and then in fear turned and fled. The inhabitants of the vehicle saw this and emitted a cheer, PREY, and on the run. Susan ran straight into the town centre, but the hearse followed her, she ran across a huge pedestrian area, and was still followed. Susan felt her heart beat in terror as she ran down a small street, past the Tullie House museum and into the castle precincts. The hears was still following her, toying with her almost, she stood on the parade ground and the car circled her, almost lazily, the Maynard siblings hanging out of the windows grinning while they bickered over whose turn it was.
“You did the last one,” Con said,
“I’m the eldest,” Len countered,
“I’m a bo…bootiful girl who deserves a chance,” added Mike, changing his original idea quickly.
“I’m a nun,” Margot pointed to her habit, but then the rest did the same.
“I haven’t had a turn yet,” Cecil pouted.

All the while this was going on the soldiers in the barracks were silently steeling into the armoury. When Cecil finally threw one of her special knives into Susan’s nose, going straight through her brain and killing her instantly, they were ready. This was something they could not stand for. However they were acting on false information. The number plate on the car was a local one, and the soldiers presumed that this was an attack by the citizens of Carlisle on the barracks. As the hearse headed out of town the soldiers fired, and fired and fired.
“That’ll teach ‘em,” commented the CO, “They won’t mess with us again,”
“I don’t think they will mess with anyone, Sarge,” piped up a cheeky corporal, “We seem to have wiped out the entire town,”
“The army never does things by halves lad, now come and have some grub, all this firing makes me hungry.”

The hearse had left the M6 again and was driving down the A6. They had driven over Shap Fell, thinking it a mere pimple compared to the Alps and entered Kendal. This caused a problem. Mike spotted it first, “Haven’t we gone past here before?” he asked as they drove passed a pram shop for the seventh time.
“Don’t be silly,” replied Len, the autocrat, “We’re following the road, how could we have been here before.
“I think he might be right, I’m sure I’ve seen that carpark before,” ventured Cecil timidly.
The Maynard siblings had been caught on Kendal’s One Way System. They drove round several more times before Len was finally convinced. Mike felt himself getting slightly dizzy, and Cecil felt even worse. Eventually they stopped the car and Cecil climbed out and leaning over a wall threw up, copiously, all over a poor student, Rebecca who had come home for the weekend from Oxford. Cecil heaved and heaved with such force that Rebecca could not get up and she sank to the ground under the weight and smell of the carroty gunk, finally perishing as the acid it contained melted her away to nothing.

Once Cecil was feeling better they continued their journey, down the A6 until they reached Carnforth where they decided to get back onto the motorway, having extremely good reasons for avoiding driving through Lancaster. They passed Preston without incident, despite being tempted by a large sign saying “Kate lives here come and kill me horribly,” and finally approached Manchester.
“We come off here somewhere, M56, I think, it must be before that large bridge we can see in the distance,” Len was navigating with the map upside down again, and they turned onto the M62 just before the Therwell Viaduct. No-one dared correct Len and they drove through Manchester and on over Blackstone Edge and Saddleworth moor and into Yorkshire. It was raining.

Mike eventually managed to turn off the motorway without Len noticing and drove along the A roads into Doncaster. Dull grey place he thought, although no-one could see much through all the rain. This was Len called a halt for the night.
“Stop, Margot go to that house and ask if we can stay the night, as singing nun’s of course,”
Margot returned a few minutes later, “They are called Pat and Steve and say we would be very welcome if we will refrain from singing.” The four mistresses giggled at that but were soon quietened by a look from Len.
“Hurumph, well as it’s raining it will have to do.” They all trooped in. The couple looked a little surprised as Margot hadn’t actually said how many were in her party, but as Steve had preached a sermon on generosity the previous Sunday he thought this would be a good opportunity to put into practise what he had said. Pat wasn’t as sure, but happily provided each member of the party with a book to read.
“Please shelve them correctly when you’ve finished,” she said, taking her life in her hands.
“Are you a librarian by any chance?” asked Con.
“Why yes, are you as well, how lovely…” Pat dried up as she saw the look on Con’s face.
“No, I hate and detest books, especially poetry books and especially in libraries, but most of all I loathe Librarians. I have something special for you, watch this,”
Con went to the extensive book shelves and slowly and methodically moved books from each shelf and mixed them up thoroughly, taking delight in the chaos she was creating. Pat on the other hand was growing whiter and whiter, her hand up to her mouth, breath coming in gasps, eventually this was too much and she choked on her horror at the chaos Con had created.

Once Pat was out of the way the Maynard siblings turned to look for their host. He had left the room before Con had begun on the books and they couldn’t find him anywhere, until Felix and Felicity noticed the loft access. They signalled to the others and one by one all crept up the steps. Inside Steve was sat gazing at 7000 Lledo models, small die cast vintage trucks. Each one was just inches long, and as Len picked one up she was seized with a wicked idea.
“You can’t touch me, I’m wearing my RAF Search and Rescue invulnerability boots,” he said with a easy grin.
“Huh,” Len thought this a feeble offering and tried to pick him up. Her arms seemed to hit a force field. She tried again. The same thing happened.
“Told you,” Steve relaxed, he thought that he was safe now.
“Cecil, deal with the boots will you,” ordered Len.
Cecil selected a heavy duty carving knife, one she had inherited from her namesake Aunt and aimed carefully. The knife flew through the air and took off both of Steve’s legs, and therefore the boots. Len walked calmly towards him and picked him up, flinging him over her shoulder and then laying him on top of one of the Lledo display cases that Felix had knocked over.
“I’m going to try a little experiment, I want to know hoe many of these tiny models my brothers can force up your nose. They like playing with toy cars despite their age, and as you do too it will be fun.”
The girls counted ten models before the die cast vans finally pierced his brain and killed him.

“Right, lets see if there are any beds in this place, and tomorrow we will carry on towards Carnbach.” Len gave the orders again.

Matey was sat in a puddle and developed nappy rash.


Last edited by Carolyn P on Thu Feb 05, 2004 9:25 am; edited 1 time in total

 


#33:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 11:59 pm


ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

Really, really, really want to see Pat's reaction to this!

 


#34:  Author: Catherine_BLocation: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 11:59 pm


Unspeakably grim. Thank you, Carolyn!

 


#35:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 12:04 am


Steve's watching TV at the moment! That was great! Didn't any of you twig that the information was provided?

 


#36:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 12:05 am


Pat and Syeve do have an inkling, but I'm hoping to see their reaction before I go to bed. (and D is begging for the computer now as well.)

 


#37:  Author: Sarah_KLocation: St Albans PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 12:09 am


Wonderful Carolyn! A whole heap of wonderfully grusome deaths and lots of new ghosts for us dead people to play with!
*welcome Susan, Rebecca, Pat, Steve and the whole of Carlisle to the hordes of dead people haunting this thread*

 


#38:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 12:12 am


00000003 - Hilda, Jem, Reg (at the end of the Xmas special, but counting in here)
00000018 - Prefects
00000004 - Joan, Gaudenz, Kathie, Nancy
00000002 - Jack and Joey
00000177 - Middles
00000012 - Mistresses on bus
00000324 - Swiss village
00000067 - Millies
00000001 - Phillipe
00000015 - Millies staff
00000038 - Platz residents
00250582 - Interlaken residents
00000111 - CS Juniors
00000732 - Tourists
00000002 - Billy and Rachel's brother
00000002 - un-named from Thrombosis
00000025 - Boy scouts from tangled knots
00000002 - Sybil and Josette bored to death
00000004 - CBBer's (KB, Adelheid, Kirsty, and Kathryn) from Yibbling
00000001 - Crashweewee
31714637 - population of Canada
00000010 - seniors electrocuted
00000003 - seniors run over
00004048 - in crashed planes
00000002 - un-named headmistresses
02903085 - population of Wales (glad you used the same source as me Carolyn! )
00000002 - Engelbert and Ermintruda
00000001 - Chloe
00000005 - MEN!
00000002 - C_Rachel and Nina washing pans
00000009 - archaeologists
00000001 - Virus
00000048 - 47 mistresses and a dog
00000097 - Sixth formers
00000264 - train passengers
00000020 - smoking related
00000002 - squashed by a large joint
00000001 - Nicci in a box
00000013 - inhaling flies
00304300 - Population of Coventry
00000001 - Bill Wilson
00000002 - Miss Lawrence & Miss Derwent
00000001 - Body under train
60180529 - Population of France
00000017 - girls whose faces didn't fit, shredded
00000002 - tongue lashed by Mary-Lou
00000001 - Xanthe, trampled and crushed by Brownies
00000004 - mistresses during "I-Spy"
00000023 - hit by Chunnel train
00000001 - Miss Smith impaled on a railway sleeper
00000001 - LisaT
00000001 - Peggy Bettany
00000002 - From Embarassment
00000001 - From Contortions
00000001 - Geoff Maynard, not ladylike
00000001 - Tourist, slain by Shakespeare
21516273 - Population of London, plus commuters, plus tourists
00000001 - Vikki, death by Baileys
00133626 - Population of Windsor
00000019 - lickle bunnies
00000001 - Vaneesa (the Maynard quad!)
00000001 - Phillipa
00000001 - Jennie
05062011 - Population of Scotland
00000001 - LISS!!!!!!
00000001 - Susan
00100734 - Population of Carlisle
00000001 - Rebecca
00000002 - Pat and Steve

122,171931 - GRAND TOTAL!!

These totals are getting as long and difficult as the actual drabbles. Evil or Very Mad

 


#39:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 12:15 am


Don't you just copy and paste, and add the new total? Much easier than thinking up ghastly deaths!

 


#40:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 12:20 am


Pat wrote:
Don't you just copy and paste, and add the new total? Much easier than thinking up ghastly deaths!


Yes, but it includes hunting out pop stats, and the adding up isn't easy, it has to be manually as we are above the display on most calcs, and than means pen and paper to keep my columns straight, and yes it is simple arith, but with large figures it's easy to make a mistake.

Has Steve seen this yet? Confused

 


#41:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 12:28 am


Wow! I can't believe how many folks have been killed off in a mere week! Not to mention how.

*sings chorus of Advent Drabble Carol*
(silently, given public computer room)
*wonders if verses need altering -- especially the part about Carolyn's innocence*

 


#42:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 12:28 am


Pat wrote:
Steve's watching TV at the moment! That was great! Didn't any of you twig that the information was provided?


Yes Pat, I gathered that you must have provided the info - but it's still rather unusual to read of your own deaths! Laughing

 


#43:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 1:03 am


Steve has pointed out that it was actually a close miss, since we live in Doncaster (15 miles away!). I did say we did, and it's under my avatar!!!
A little tale to illustrate:
A vicar and his friend were playing golf. The friend missed a very short putt, and swore "Damn, missed!" The vicar frowned. At the next hole, another near miss, and the same "Damn, missed!" "Really," said the vicar, "If you continue to use that language God will strike you down." at the next hole, another near miss, and the same "Damn, missed!" Out of the blue came a bolt of lightning. The vicar vanished in a cloud of smoke, and a great voice boomed from heaven "Damn, missed!"

 


#44:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 1:14 am


How on earrth do you manage to keep coming up with such bizarre methods of killing people? Annd make it so funny at the same time?
How many people are left in the world now?
Please keep going until you've exterminated the entire human race.


ps you could use excel for adding up your totals.

 


#45:  Author: PollyLocation: Essex PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 2:01 am


*chortles loudly*
Just the thing for the last drabble before going to bed! I always save this til last!!!
*going to bed with a smile on my face!* ROFL ROFL ROFL Very Happy

 


#46:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 5:27 am


Oh, dear, oh dear. I feel rather sorry for Kate. How could they possibly have resisted her sign?

*mops streaming eyes*

 


#47:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 9:23 am


KB wrote:
Oh, dear, oh dear. I feel rather sorry for Kate. How could they possibly have resisted her sign?

*mops streaming eyes*

Possibly too obvious for them to respond too!!!

 


#48:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 9:23 am


KB wrote:
Oh, dear, oh dear. I feel rather sorry for Kate. How could they possibly have resisted her sign?

*mops streaming eyes*


I had to do it, she's offered to let me kill her and suggested ways. I have said she will meet her demise, but when....

 


#49:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 9:24 am


Well, I'm glad it will happen eventually. And what about your own demise, Carolyn, dear?

 


#50:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 9:27 am


Noyice how the Maynard siblings (remnants) had good reason to avoid Lancaster...


Pat tell steve that due to the wonders of edit, it is now Doncaster and tongue

 


#51:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 9:30 am


Yes, I had noticed that. *wonders if Rachel will also respect it*

 


#52:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 9:44 am


Phew! They went within 8 miles of my house! Rolling Eyes How scary!

Hilarious Laughing Very Happy Razz

 


#53:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 9:49 am


He knew youi'd change it! The near miss story is his, by the way!! He laughed a lot when he read it, but had to do it silently, as Lynne had already gone to bed.

 


#54:  Author: KatarzynaLocation: Preston, Lancashire PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 11:06 am


KB wrote:
Well, I'm glad it will happen eventually


I am so pleased that you wish to see me die KB!!

trying not to laugh out loud after reading this - my colleague keeps looking at me with raised eyebrows

waiting eagerly for next installment

 


#55:  Author: AbiLocation: Alton, Hants PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 11:15 am


Oh dear me! ROFL Poor REbecca, what an awful way to die!

*wipes away tears of laughter*

 


#56:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 12:42 pm


Kate And Abi I'm watching eagerly for your respective demises

*is that a word*

Yeah - more please...

 


#57:  Author: RebeccaLocation: Kendal/Oxford PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 1:06 pm


Abi wrote:
Oh dear me! ROFL Poor Rebecca, what an awful way to die!

*wipes away tears of laughter*


I was about to say 'I'll live' but that's pretty much redundant now! There should be a vomiting smiley but I think a combination of these two works: vampire bawling

Carolyn P wrote:
they drove passed a pram shop for the seventh time.
“Don’t be silly,” replied Len, the autocrat, “We’re following the road, how could we have been here before.
“I think he might be right, I’m sure I’ve seen that carpark before,” ventured Cecil timidly.
The Maynard siblings had been caught on Kendal’s One Way System.


Yay! It's Babyworld! And a scarily accurate picture of Kendal's traffic... There was me naively assuming they were avoiding Lancaster because of its one way system (I hate driving in Lancaster!).

Anyway, now I can safely join in with the chants for:

MORE PLEASE!

knowing I'm safe from further harm.

 


#58:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 1:08 pm


If you really want to get lost, try driving round Lyon!! It's impossible to find your way out the other side!

 


#59:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 4:47 pm


Rebecca wrote:
Yay! It's Babyworld! And a scarily accurate picture of Kendal's traffic... There was me naively assuming they were avoiding Lancaster because of its one way system (I hate driving in Lancaster!).


You'd never guess I was writing about my own part of the world in this episode would you?? Laughing

I almost had them in a traffic jam, 'cos there is one on Kendal's One way system almost every time I go there, Lancaster is much easier to navigate! Wink

 


#60:  Author: KatarzynaLocation: Preston, Lancashire PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 4:56 pm


We did nearly get stuck in Kendal's one way system on Sunday!

I think Lancaster's one way system is worse - i go to the same show on Torrisholme park each year and every time forget what lane i need to be in after the sainsbury's bend and wind up somewhere near Morecambe.

Going the other way I nearly always get in the wrong lane and end up going round twice before i get it right!

 


#61:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 5:12 pm


Katarzyna wrote:
KB wrote:
Well, I'm glad it will happen eventually


I am so pleased that you wish to see me die KB!!


I was just glad to see that you got such a good role, Kat! Wink

 


#62:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 5:18 pm


Katarzyna wrote:
I think Lancaster's one way system is worse - i go to the same show on Torrisholme park each year and every time forget what lane i need to be in after the sainsbury's bend and wind up somewhere near Morecambe.


That's partly cos well, either Ryelands park, or Cross Hill at Torrisholme (not sure which you mean) are both too minor to appear on the road signs, a clear map should make it obvious, coming back it doesn't reall matter which way you go as you can head for the M6 at J33 or J34 and so go either way, although from there J34 would save going through the town at all.

 


#63:  Author: ChloëLocation: London: when away from home planet! PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 6:44 pm


Yay thanks Carolyn as good as ever Very Happy

 


#64:  Author: MarianneLocation: Bournemouth PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 7:59 pm


Ah Lancaster! lol! I know the Sainsbury thing Kat!

 


#65:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 8:09 pm


Marianne wrote:
Ah Lancaster! lol! I know the Sainsbury thing Kat!


It's not that bad!!

Listen, two lanes go onto the bridge,a new one goes across to the lights for J34, Kirkby Lonsdale and various villages to the north and the third existing lane goes around the one way system again.

On the bridge there are three lanes, two for Morecambe, that eventually merge into one, and the third, the right hand one for the A6 north towards Carnforth and Kendal ect.

 


#66:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2004 11:24 pm


Exactely Carolyn, its all perfectly simple. In three years I hardly ever got lost in the one way system - that might be cos I didn't have a car to drive though.

Brings back memories - the thing I remeber most is how long the buses take to go round the one way system, if I missed one in the morning at one end of town I'd walk and catch it at the other cos it took so long!!

 


#67:  Author: PollyLocation: Essex PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 12:47 am


Oh! Sad There isn't any more! What am I going to do for my bedtime reading? Crying or Very sad

 


#68:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 12:51 am


* Crying or Very sad Echoes Polly's sentiments*

 


#69:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 3:29 am


*joins the folorn echoes!!*


Rachel and Carolyn, thank you both for two wonderful parts!!!
Rachel, I can't believe you killed Liss!!!!! And Carolyn, I think you might be taking over as our resident evil genius!!!!


Now, I need to chant at Rachel, don't I?

 


#70:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 4:42 am


And I need to join in - I can't go too many days without this story.

 


#71:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 8:17 am


Well, we need to start chanting at someone!

 


#72:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 9:07 am


Yeah! Let's chant at anyone!

 


#73:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 9:26 am


All right then! *chants at PatMac*

 


#74:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 9:31 am


I think Rachel may be tied up with RL again. She wasn't around at al yesterday, was she?

 


#75:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 9:36 am


Well, that's just darned inconsiderate of her, isn't it? Laughing

 


#76:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 10:01 am


Don't be rotten KB!

Vikki, I'm not sure I want to be a resident evil genious...but if defending Lancaster's One Way System makes you think that, then your definition of evil may be a tad different to mine!

 


#77:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 10:02 am


Why, just 'cause she didn't warn us that we should prepare ourselves for such deprivation? Crying or Very sad

 


#78:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 10:16 am


KB wrote:
All right then! *chants at PatMac*

*chants right back at KB*

 


#79:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 10:16 am


Sometimes you don't have that option! As I know!

 


#80:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 10:20 am


PatMac wrote:
KB wrote:
All right then! *chants at PatMac*

*chants right back at KB*


Well, that's rather unoriginal of you, isn't it?

 


#81:  Author: AbiLocation: Alton, Hants PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 10:26 am


WHAT??????? No more story???????? What's happening? Argh I'm so traumatised I can't even type right. I keep having to hit 'delete'.

*chants at everyone indiscriminately*

 


#82:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 10:33 am


Aw, poor Abi! *breaks through chanting to huggle the traumatised CBBer*

 


#83:  Author: AbiLocation: Alton, Hants PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 10:37 am


*accidentally chants in KB's ear, then stops and thanks her for the huggle*

 


#84:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 10:38 am


You're welcome. *thankful I put in earplugs earlier*

 


#85:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 12:19 pm


Isn't it a pity your ear plugs fell out earlier KB? Razz

 


#86:  Author: AbiLocation: Alton, Hants PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 12:21 pm


*gets a nice doctor to gently massage KB's ear* Wink

 


#87:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 12:25 pm


*wonders who the 'nice' doctor is*

 


#88:  Author: AbiLocation: Alton, Hants PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 12:29 pm


Not Reg

 


#89:  Author: RachelLocation: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 2:23 pm


I've been rather unwell for the past few days - too unwell to even use the computer at all yesterday!!!

Wonderful ear infection, laryngitis and various other lickle problems haven't helped too much in the "let's find creative ways of killing people" stakes, but as I am beginning to feel better, I will put what I choose to call my brain in gear and try to write some more of this this evening - as long as you can contain yourselves until then?

I find it much easier to kill people in the dark!

 


#90:  Author: AbiLocation: Alton, Hants PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 2:26 pm


*huggles Rachel* Glad you're feeling better now. I'll have to wait till tomorrow to read your bit though Sad

 


#91:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 2:41 pm


Hope you continue to improve Rachel. Sorry you've been so poorly. Don't post unless you really feel well enough, though.

 


#92:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 3:27 pm


*Huggles Rachel*

Don't hurry on our behalf and then make your recovery worse. Take all the time you need.

 


#93:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 4:20 pm


Poor Rachel. I do hope our chanting didn't make things worse!

Take care, lots of huggles and throat sweets on their way!

 


#94:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 7:20 pm


*huggles for Rachel*

And I have no problem with this doctor!

 


#95:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 9:43 pm


Hope you're feeling better Rachel. Smile

 


#96:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2004 9:46 pm


*sends Rachel get well huggles, and leaves a timtam for her for when she posts!*

 


#97:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 12:20 am


That's a good idea Vikki.
*Leaves a packet od caramel Tim Tams*

 


#98:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 12:22 am


A WHOLE packet? Carolyn! Such extravagance!! Wink

 


#99:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 12:25 am


I know, I must be even kinder than usual tonight.

 


#100:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 6:24 am


*considers sneaking in and 'borrowing' one*

 


#101:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 4:03 pm


Hope you're feeling better Rachel, and not suffering from eating too many Tim-Tams.

 


#102:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 6:12 pm


KB wrote:
*considers sneaking in and 'borrowing' one*


*passes KB a packet of timtams!*

 


#103:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 6:42 pm


Ooh, thank you! Nummy! *digs in*

 


#104:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 7:41 pm


*reminds self to go to Tescos before the Gathering!*

 


#105:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 7:43 pm


*lol* Good idea!

 


#106:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2004 7:46 pm


There was a celebrity Weakest Link on tonight, and when \magnus Magnusson was voted off, he suggested that if Anne Robinson had gone on Mastermind, her specialist subject would have been The History of Broomsticks! Rachel has a rival for Queen of Qitches!! Very Happy

 


#107:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2004 1:02 am


Poor Rachel must still be feeling grotty. Huggles to Rachel.

 


#108:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2004 3:20 am


Have just managed to catch up with this. Nearly laughed self sick.
Carolyn did you do a search on Carlisle or have you been here?

Hope you are feeling better Rachel.

 


#109:  Author: AbiLocation: Alton, Hants PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2004 4:02 pm


Is Rachel still ill? *sends more huggles just in case*

 


#110:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2004 4:44 pm


*joins in the sending of huggles*

 


#111:  Author: NicciLocation: UK PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2004 5:27 pm


*sends a crate of huggles in a variety of colours, textures and size*

*sneaks in a bottle of wine for Rachel whilst no one's looking*

 


#112:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2004 8:32 pm


*goes looking for Rachel!!!!!*

 


#113:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2004 8:33 pm


*finds the bottle of wine and looks around suspiciously*

 


#114:  Author: ChloëLocation: London: when away from home planet! PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2004 8:45 pm


Rachel i hope you feel better soon!

 


#115:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2004 9:20 pm


Susan wrote:
Have just managed to catch up with this. Nearly laughed self sick.
Carolyn did you do a search on Carlisle or have you been here?

Hope you are feeling better Rachel.


I live in Lancaster so I've been to Carlisle quite a few times.

I hope Rachel is feeling better soon as well.

 


#116:  Author: DonnaLocation: Liverpool PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2004 11:28 pm


*pops in to leave huggles and chocolate for Rachel*

*finds KB in a corner clutching an empty wine bottle and singing "A wizard's staff has a knob on the end"*

*wonders if the senior mistress should be alerted*

Razz

 


#117:  Author: PollyLocation: Essex PostPosted: Sun Feb 08, 2004 11:59 pm


Yes!!! Especially as she has started singing The Hedgehog Song now!!!! Shocked Shocked Shocked

 


#118:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 6:49 am


ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

*Awaiting the Headmistress' response with interest!*

 


#119:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 7:47 am


*swipes bottle at blurry forms on edge of vision* Go 'way! It's my RDO!

 


#120:  Author: KathrynLocation: Melbourne/Hamilton until 11 September PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 8:55 am


Uh huh but does that explain this!

 


#121:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 8:55 am


*Takes photo of drunken Headmistress for future use.*

 


#122:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 9:03 am


Kathryn wrote:
Uh huh but does that explain this!


Explain what?!

 


#123:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 4:05 pm


*confiscates Lesley's photo of the drunken KB*
























*tucks it away for later use!!*

 


#124:  Author: NicciLocation: UK PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 4:13 pm


*wonders if the strain of being HM is getting to KB*

 


#125:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 6:38 pm


*Takes another set of photos and locks them away in the prefects safe*


*Getting quite worried about Rachel, she hasn't been well for a few weeks now*

 




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