Holocaust Five - How High Will We Go?
The CBB -> Cookies & Drabbles

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#1: Holocaust Five - How High Will We Go? Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2004 11:30 pm

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Just thought I would repost this bit ready for Carolyn to add to when she has recoverd from her headache.

Links to previous deaths here. No 4 was just yibble and has been deleted
part one ~ http://members.lycos.co.uk/thecbb/csholo.htm

part two ~ http://members.lycos.co.uk/thecbb/csholo2.htm

part three ~ http://members.lycos.co.uk/thecbb/csholo3.htm


The Holocaust Body Count is made up of:

00000003 - Hilda, Jem, Reg (at the end of the Xmas special, but counting in here)
00000018 - Prefects
00000004 - Joan, Gaudenz, Kathie, Nancy
00000002 - Jack and Joey
00000177 - Middles
00000012 - Mistresses on bus
00000324 - Swiss village
00000067 - Millies
00000015 - Millies staff
00000038 - Platz residents
00250582 - Interlaken residents
00000111 - CS Juniors
00000732 - Tourists
00000002 - Billy and Rachel's brother
00000002 - un-named from Thrombosis
00000025 - Boy scouts from tangled knots
00000002 - Sybil and Josette bored to death
00000004 - CBBer's (KB, Adelheid, Kirsty, and Kathryn) from Yibbling
00000001 - Crashweewee
31714637 - population of Canada
00000010 - seniors electrocuted
00000003 - seniors run over
00004048 - in crashed planes

31970818 - GRAND TOTAL!!

 

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#2:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2004 11:36 pm

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Thanks Rachel!

Though i notice the numbers made it into your sig. too!

 

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#3:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2004 11:40 pm

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Looking forward to more when Carolyn is better!

 

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#4:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2004 11:45 pm

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Chloë wrote:

Though i notice the numbers made it into your sig. too!

That was the bit I used to have under my avatar - it was too good a line to lose

 

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#5:  Author: BethC, Location: Worcester, UK Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2004 11:54 pm

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"How High Will We Go?" ??
?? You mean there's a limit?
(please may I use your smiley, Rachel? )

 

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#6:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 12:04 am

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Well evetually they'll have killed the world population and unless there are aliens lurking on the CBB...
It's a pretty amazing count so far though

 

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#7:  Author: Polly, Location: Essex Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 12:11 am

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Hope the head is better soon, Carolyn!
*sends hugs and painkillers down modem*

 

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#8:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 12:15 am

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Sarah_K wrote:

Well evetually they'll have killed the world population and unless there are aliens lurking on the CBB...

Well somebody did mention the aliens of Alpha Centauri paying a lot of attention to this board . . .

 

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#9:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 12:19 am

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Even as I wrote that post I felt it was a bad idea. Have I just condemned a lot of innocent aliens to their deaths?

 

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#10:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 12:20 am

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Oh dear i can just see the count going up and up and up

(not that i mind we get more story)

 

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#11:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 12:38 am

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So is this drabble going to end up with the whole world (and potentially lots of other worlds) dead, apart from Carolyn and Rachel, who will miraculously survive the holocaust?

 

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#12:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 1:08 am

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Sarah_K wrote:

Even as I wrote that post I felt it was a bad idea. Have I just condemned a lot of innocent aliens to their deaths?

Well, I did suggest the unmentionable might have come from there so it could be poetic justice!

 

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#13:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 3:07 am

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*sends Carolyn lots of hugs and any possible headache cure available*
(Carolyn, have you tried Lavender oil? That sometimes helps me)

 

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#14:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 3:07 am

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Sarah wrote:

So is this drabble going to end up with the whole world (and potentially lots of other worlds) dead, apart from Carolyn and Rachel, who will miraculously survive the holocaust?

That was my idea, too, Sarah!

 

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#15:  Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 12:01 pm

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Will they then set out to repopulate the world and rule it themselves?

Why do I suddenly feel glad I'll be dead....?

 

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#16:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 1:10 pm

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Abi, that's mean! (although rather amusing...)

 

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#17:  Author: Ciorstaidh, Location: London Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 1:21 pm

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**wonders whether "Kirsty" is me or the 'other' Kirsty since I was known pretty much always as "Ciorstaidh" on the other board**

I really need to catch up on the drabbles... I can't keep up with all this imagination and PBs running riot all over the board!"

 

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#18:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 1:25 pm

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It was you, Ciorstaidh. And I put in Kirsty 'cos it was quicker.

 

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#19:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 1:51 pm

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Abi wrote:

Will they then set out to repopulate the world and rule it themselves?

Well Abi, unless they have access to the very latest (not even been invented yet) science I'm not sure how Carolyn and Rachel will be able to repopulate the world by themselves.

 

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#20:  Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 1:56 pm

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*giggles* ever heard of sperm banks?

 

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#21:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 2:14 pm

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Abi wrote:

*giggles* ever heard of sperm banks?

Are they like river banks?

 

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#22:  Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 2:19 pm

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errrr, well..... why don't you do some research yourself, Rachel? I'm glad to see you have an enquiring mind..........

 

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#23:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 2:42 pm

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I looked it up in the dictionary. My dictionary didn't have sperm banks, so the closest definition I could get was "a kind of large whale"

Same thing??

Rachel the

 

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#24:  Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 2:46 pm

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Um, yeh that's the one, Rachel!

 

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#25:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 5:26 pm

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Matey dragged herself painfully away from the fire using her arms and the upper body strength she had developed during many tussles with the girls, staff and doctors. Ignoring Rosalie whom she rightly guessed would be of no help she rolled along the platz on her side until she reached the ‘other school’. Finding a stone on the floor she threw it at a window, hoping to wake someone and be given a bed. She did wake someone, the head of that establishment who wasn’t important enough to merit her name being remembered. The unimportant head came to the door, but unfortunately for Matey the sight of her was too much for the frail lady to bear and the head’s head exploded at the sight. After licking the splattered grey matter of her sore lips Matey pulled herself through the door and sank to the ground in the entrance hall, exhausted.

Back in England Madge had settled Matilda by simple dint of putting her in a dorm and forgetting which one. She then proceeded to hold a senior staff meeting at which she told the assembled staff that she was taking over as head of the school and that they would therefore all be dropping down one step in rank in order to accommodate this. At this news their blood began to boil, they argued, they protested, to no avail, Madge was adamant that as the founder and owner of the school she could do, as she liked. “And if you don’t like it you can always do the other thing,” she added somewhat ungrammatically. At this statement the old head who had been handpicked by Miss Annersley purely for her attention to grammar had reached boiling point, literally. Her blood was now at an all time high temperature, it began to simmer and finally to bubble and boil, steam was seen coming from her ears as the heat and pressure rose and finally to the amazement of the other staff her head exploded. Madge sighed and producing a tissue wiped her agenda clean. “That solves a problem then, you may all now hold the same position as before, but with me as head. Now item 2, school trips. I think that it may be an idea to curtail these for the time being as we have received a certain amount of unfortunate press. I have instead arranged for a number of visitors to come and give lectures and demonstrations to the girls. The first of these will take place on Saturday and notices will be posted in due course.”

The solitary middle wasn’t solitary any more, in fact she was suddenly one of many, the middle school being the largest section of the English branch of the school. She had questioned many of the other middles in an attempt to find out why a school in Carnbach was called the English branch and finally came to the conclusion that Wales was a myth. This decision had an unfortunate effect, as the middle decided this a strange phenomenon took place. Her decision opened up a rift in the space continuum and Wales did in fact cease to exist being swallowed by the impossibility guinea pig that lived in the rift. As a result of this the 2,903,085 people who had until that moment thought they were welsh had a sudden crisis of identity and the resultant stress made all their heads explode.

Matey had found a warm place to sleep. Noseless and legless, covered in snot, blood, brains, pus and other unmentionable stuff, a temperature of 103, sores all over the back of her head and feeling a tad unwell she had gone no further than the cloakroom where she slept covered in juniors coats.

 

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#26:  Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 5:38 pm

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Glad your feeling better!

see the graphic narration is still going strong - perhaps this thread needs a warning on it!

wanders off to find Rachel and request the next part..


*Oi, Rachel, get typing*

 

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#27:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 5:46 pm

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** Typing as fast as my fingers can fly **

The Holocaust Body Count is made up of:

00000003 - Hilda, Jem, Reg (at the end of the Xmas special, but counting in here)
00000018 - Prefects
00000004 - Joan, Gaudenz, Kathie, Nancy
00000002 - Jack and Joey
00000177 - Middles
00000012 - Mistresses on bus
00000324 - Swiss village
00000067 - Millies
00000015 - Millies staff
00000038 - Platz residents
00250582 - Interlaken residents
00000111 - CS Juniors
00000732 - Tourists
00000002 - Billy and Rachel's brother
00000002 - un-named from Thrombosis
00000025 - Boy scouts from tangled knots
00000002 - Sybil and Josette bored to death
00000004 - CBBer's (KB, Adelheid, Kirsty, and Kathryn) from Yibbling
00000001 - Crashweewee
31714637 - population of Canada
00000010 - seniors electrocuted
00000003 - seniors run over
00004048 - in crashed planes
00000002 - un-named headmistresses
02903085 - population of Wales (glad you used the same source as me Carolyn! )

34873905 - GRAND TOTAL!!

 

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#28:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 5:49 pm

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Rachel, Thanks for doing the stats, your sig needs updating!

I wanted to include the boiling point of blood but couldn't find it.

So, when will we see the next part?

 

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#29:  Author: Laura, Location: London (ish) Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 5:52 pm

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*sigh* This is really very descriptive....nasty mental images! By the way, what number was it you were aiming for at the beginning?

 

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#30:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 6:01 pm

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Laura wrote:

*sigh* This is really very descriptive....nasty mental images! By the way, what number was it you were aiming for at the beginning?

If it's that masty would all like us to stop posting this sorry tale?

The number we were originally aiming at has been passed a long time ago.

 

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#31:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 6:04 pm

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Carolyn P wrote:

Rachel, Thanks for doing the stats, your sig needs updating!

Not a prob and Done!

** Studiously ignores the rest of Carolyn's comments **



Rachel the

 

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#32:  Author: Laura, Location: London (ish) Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 6:13 pm

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I'm sorry! I take all my comments back, honest! More please though!

 

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#33:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 7:13 pm

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The whole of Wales in one fell swoop (or possibly swell foop as I first typed)!

My new theory is that Matey is going to be the only survivor, she's certainly proved resiliant so far!

(I love the emoticon Rachel!)

 

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#34:  Author: Nicci, Location: UK Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 7:37 pm

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Well, those are some nice images to eat dinner on ladies (do we have a spewy smiley?)

Rachel, is it your turn?

 

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#35:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 7:50 pm

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Hope the headache has totally gone now Carolyn. I hope it was only a headache, and that your head is not the next on the list!! That was well up to standard!

May we have the next installment please Rachel?

Last edited by Pat on Tue Jan 20, 2004 8:09 pm; edited 1 time in total

 

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#36:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 8:00 pm

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Sarah_K wrote:

The whole of Wales in one fell swoop

That should please Anne Robinson.....


Thank you Carolyn, and more soon please Rachel!!!!

 

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#37:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 8:17 pm

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Thank you Carolyn! Your headache obviously inspired! Love to see more of this please Rachel - think they may well move off Earth!

BTW they don't need sperm banks - there's always cloning - imagine, in a few hundred years thos aliens could visit an Earth with 6 billion people once more all clones of Rachel or Carolyn

 

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#38:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 8:45 pm

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Lesley wrote:

BTW they don't need sperm banks - there's always cloning - imagine, in a few hundred years thos aliens could visit an Earth with 6 billion people once more all clones of Rachel or Carolyn

Now there is an interesting idea!

 

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#39:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 8:59 pm

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*Kate Adie on cell phone, sounding extremely annoyed. *

"I REALLY don't see why we are in Wales - it's a little backwater, stuck on the edge of England. What .... yes, I know they have pretty little railways and some good mining museums and a place with a really long name, but WE are used to exciting, exotic places with real wars going on. You, know, Bam a really big explosion causing thousands of deaths." *drools*.

"Yes, I know you think that Russell woman is at the root of all this but that's preposterous. She's just that 'sweet Lady Russell' and doesn't have the spark she had when she was single. I think you have been influenced by Griffiths the continuity who wanted to come home for a choir rehearal. He keeps singing 'There's a welcome in the hillside' and it's driving me nuts!"

*Looks round at Griffiths the continuity* "Wait a minute, what's happening. He looks confused. He's muttering 'who am I?' Oh, no! I'm covered in brains - now, that's more like it! Did you get that, Jones, the camera? Oh, d**n, he's gone too. No pictures! Could we do a retake?"

PS Just hope Kate Adie is not a CS fan, lurking on the board

 

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#40:  Author: Rosie, Location: Huntingdonshire Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 9:31 pm

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She ought to be flattered! Plus, she's still alive...

 

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#41:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 10:35 pm

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Sarah_L wrote:

Abi wrote: Will they then set out to repopulate the world and rule it themselves? Well Abi, unless they have access to the very latest (not even been invented yet) science I'm not sure how Carolyn and Rachel will be able to repopulate the world by themselves.

That's what cloning is for, isn't it? *imagines a world populated by Rachels and Carolyns*

 

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#42:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 10:38 pm

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Shhh Rosie, don't draw their attention to the alive people *goes back to hiding under her desk*

 

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#43:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 10:56 pm

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Oh, poor Sarah! Would you like a ghostly huggle?

 

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#44:  Author: Rosie, Location: Huntingdonshire Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 11:11 pm

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Oops, sorry Sarah! But if I point them towards OTHER people they may not notice the rest of us....

 

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#45:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 11:12 pm

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*clings to ghostly KB*
I'm just a little nervous with Madge and the new middle so nearby...

Reminds me of the time my sister calmly told my parents that I thought Warwick was near Wales! Not that I did you understand I just told her that it was halfway down Wales in terms of North and South. They've never let me forget it though.

 

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#46:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 11:18 pm

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Rosie wrote:

She ought to be flattered! Plus, she's still alive...

Being alive is a distinct bonus on this thread!!!

 

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#47:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 11:21 pm

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Quote:

if I point them towards OTHER people they may not notice the rest of us....

True. *pushes Kate Adie in front of her*

 

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#48:  Author: Nicci, Location: UK Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 11:44 pm

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KB wrote:

Oh, poor Sarah! Would you like a ghostly huggle?

Hang on KB. Are you dead? How, when did that happen?




"Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me" - Emily Dickinson

 

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#49:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 11:52 pm

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All the Australian CBBers got wiped out as a group when Madge and whatername passed through Melbourne en route to wiping out Canada!

 

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#50:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 12:10 am

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Her name was Ethelina! For goodness sake, if you aren't all paying attention, however do you expect to get a good mark in the exam that comes later?




Oooooops!



Rachel the

 

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#51:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 12:31 am

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And just how do you think you can make us sit any old exam, young lady?!!

 

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#52:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 1:08 am

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With the promise of prizes?



Rachel the

 

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#53:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 1:26 am

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Hown about more story Madam?

 

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#54:  Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 1:29 am

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Sarah_K wrote:

Reminds me of the time my sister calmly told my parents that I thought Warwick was near Wales! Not that I did you understand I just told her that it was halfway down Wales in terms of North and South. .

Isn't it halfway? Oh dear! *Londoner goes off to check atlas*

 

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#55:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 1:38 am

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Vikki wrote:

Hown about more story Madam?

I'm not sure I understood that question. Could you perhaps provide a translation into English that will be available to me when I get up tomorrow morning? Many thanks.



Rachel the

 

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#56:  Author: Nicci, Location: UK Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 1:42 am

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RACHEL

I thought you had posted more story.




"The executioner is, I believe, very expert, and my neck is very slender"
- Anne Boleyn

 

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#57:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 1:44 am

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*suggests we lynch Rachel*

 

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#58:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 1:44 am

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Nicci wrote:

RACHEL I thought you had posted more story.

Sorry Nicci - tomorrow for sure!



Rachel the

 

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#59:  Author: Nicci, Location: UK Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 1:47 am

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Personally, I quite like Vikki's suggestion!



"The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none" - Thomas Carlyle

 

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#60:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 1:49 am

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Thanks Nicci!!!

 

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#61:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 1:57 am

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"Eeeeeeeep!"



Rachel the

 

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#62:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 2:07 am

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More please! I want to see who is going to suffer the next horrendous death.

 

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#63:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 2:39 am

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Well, it'll be Rachel if she doesn't post more soon........

 

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#64:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 2:41 am

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*lol* Oh, poor Rachel! And it already is tomorrow, hun!

 

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#65:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 8:27 am

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RRRRAAAAACCCCCHHHHHEEEEELLLLL!!!!!


More please!

 

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#66:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 12:11 pm

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MAJOR apologies in advance!



Matilda was feeling extremely cross. Sure, she had a whole dormitory to play in, but she was the only living thing on this entire corridor, bar a cockroach that had decided to make it's home in the small bathroom connected to the dorm. After trying for some time to get out, before discovering that the door would definitely NOT open, Matilda sat down in the middle of the dorm and set up the loudest wails she could in the hopes that someone would hear and come to her rescue. The only person who heard her though was Madge herself, who smiled grimly and put her fingers in her ears to block out the sound, singing "Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala" to make sure Matilda's wails were completely drowned out.

Which is how she was found a short time later by the local vicar who had come to discuss the schools falling attendance levels at his church. Very much on her dignity, and being "Lady Russell", Madge made no sign of embarrassment, and stood gracioously to greet her visitor. He lookes slightly nervous, and beads of sweat were pouring down his face.
"How may I help you?" asked Madge once her guest was seated.
"Well, I came to discuss the girl's attendance at church on Sunday," the poor Vicar, named Engelbert, said.
"What about it? I must confess, I only arrived here yesterday, so I coouldn't say for sure what the numbers were like, but it has always been a fundamental part of attending the Chalet School to attend church every week. What exactly is the problem?" Madge was batting her eyelids at Engelbert, and making coy gestures the whole time.
Engelbert looked even more uncomfortable. "Err, well, umm, you see," he stuttered.
"Get to the point man, do!" cooed Lady Russell.
Engelbert stood up so suddenly his chair shot backwards, knocking over the little junior schol girl who had tapped timidly and entered the room. The force of the chair sent her flying so hard she unfortunately fell through a plate glass window, said window being on the fourth floor. Engelbert rushed to the window and loked down to where little Ermintruda was lying, still, grey and covered in blood.
"Oh my goodness!" cried Engelbert, totally distraught.
"Yes, irritating, isn't it? Never mind, we can get a new one." said Madge calmly.
"But she's DEAD!" cried Enggy.
"Oh HER! I thought you meant the window! Don't worry about her, plenty more where she came from! Anyway, where were we?" Madge purred and began crawling on her hands and knees towards Enggy.
Engelbert backed away slowly, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on Madge, not daring to let her out of his sight for even a minute in case she pounced. He had read about the Praying Mantis, and he felt certain this was a human version of the same.

Sadly for Engelbert, because he was looking so closely at Madge, he failed to notice a little junior school girl who had tapped timidly and stood right behind him. He tripped over her, turned a beautiful somersault (worth nine out of ten for effort, and eight out of ten for style) and followed Ermintruda out of the window, to lie, still, grey and to all appearances, decapitated.

Madge stood up, and brushed off her hands and knees.
"Did you want me Hermintruda?" she asked the little junior school girl.
"Yeth mith," replied Hermintruda who wath curthed with a lithp. "Mith Thmith thaid the would appreethiate it if you could go and thee her thometime thoon. The altho thaid, the wath not very happy becauthe thomething happened in the bikethed, thomething about Thethilia and her thithter I think."

Madge wiped the spit from her face and thanked Hermintruda, dithmithing, I mean dismissing the child with a wave of the hand.

Madge looked over her diary for the rest of the day, and decided that she could see Miss Smith at four o'clock, but not before, and scribbled a note to that effect in her diary. She then wrote a beautiful note to Miss Smith in her best handwriting, advising the other mistress of her decision. Realising it would have been better to wait until she had written the note before dismissig the junior, Madge sighed and went to the door to look for another junior to take the note. Seeing one scuttling past, Madge made a long arm and hoiked the child by the back of her collar into the room, where the child stood trembling.
"Please miss, Oi never did it to be sure!" said the little girl who came from London but thought an Oirish accent would make her more endearing. "Oi'm a good gurrrrrl Oi am!"
"And your name would be. . . ?" Madge thought this little girl looked awfully big to be a junior, but realised the child had actually put her shoes on her knees and was actually two feet taller than she appeared.
"Chloe," the girl muttered, realising she had been Rumbled. (Note with a capital R too!)
"Chloe. Chloe? No, I'm sure there is no Chloe in this school. Are you sure you are at the correct school child?"
"I've been here for the past seven years so I ought to be!" spluttered Chloe. "Oh ****," she added as she realised she had just given herself away nicely. "I mean, umm, Oi mane, begorrah?" she said hopefully.

Madge made a swift decision, one taken in absolute terror in the face of a London/Oirish girl who was attempting to pass herself off as a junior. Madge hurled a bookend at Chloe, which missed her temple by an inch. It struck exactly where Madge had planned, right between the eyes. Chloe fell to the floor, still, grey and with a bookend impaled in her forehead. "If Margot Maynard got away with it, so will I!" chuckled Madge happily, then began to wonder exactly WHY Chloe had been impersonating a junior. "Oh well, one of lifes mysteries I suppose," muttered Madge, making her way out of the school, stepping over the bodies, and grabbing her bicycle.

She pedalled down the driveway fast, and executed a neat turn at the end so that before many minutes had passed, she was rolling calmly along the sea front, drinking in the fresh air. She stopped at the Vicarage to let the housekeeper know that Engelbert had run away to join a circus, and proceeded to the hardware shop where she purchased several large sacks of lime, which h she arranged to have delivered later that day. She continued on, dropping into various shops, making the shopkeepers nervous, and finally returned to school.

She marched into the dining room, where the whole school was assembled eating lunch.
"Hands up all girls who are categorised as "large", " big" or just plain "fat"?" Madge said.
Seventeen girls slowly raised their hands. "Right you lot, stop eating, outside and start digging now," said Madge as she led the girls out to the back of the school. "I want a pit dug, right here and no complaints!"

The girls began to dig, complaining bitterly about the horrible category system in the school. 'Large' meant anything over a size eight, 'big' was a size ten, and 'fat' meant pre-menstrual with fluid retention. All seventeen girls were cursing the new headmistress long before they had dug anything that even vaguely reselmbled a pit.
Madge came out to survey their work. "Call that a pit?" she chided them. "The KG babies would be embarrassed by your efforts! Put your backs into it! No food until it's done!" Madge went back indoors, congratulating herself on her latest economy drive.

That afternoon, the sacks of lime arrived, and Madge paid the men and offered them a drink. Once she had them all legless, and had had her wicked way with them, she checked that the pit diggers had finished, and threw the drunken men into the pit, followed by the stiffening corpses of Engelbert and Ermintruda, chuicked in the contents of the sacks, and began filling in the pit.

MEANWHILE

Matey was lying sleeping peacefully in the Junior cloakroom in that other Swiss boarding school. Suddenly the silence was broken by the screams of thirty little girls who had just found their beautiful new coats that their mummies had bought for them for going away to school for the first time were now covered in blood, snot, brains, more blood, mud and Matey. They began kicking Matey for all they were worth, until she rolled along the corridor biting ankles as she went, ending up in the school kitchen.

 

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#67:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 12:15 pm

---

The Holocaust Body Count is made up of:

00000003 - Hilda, Jem, Reg (at the end of the Xmas special, but counting in here)
00000018 - Prefects
00000004 - Joan, Gaudenz, Kathie, Nancy
00000002 - Jack and Joey
00000177 - Middles
00000012 - Mistresses on bus
00000324 - Swiss village
00000067 - Millies
00000015 - Millies staff
00000038 - Platz residents
00250582 - Interlaken residents
00000111 - CS Juniors
00000732 - Tourists
00000002 - Billy and Rachel's brother
00000002 - un-named from Thrombosis
00000025 - Boy scouts from tangled knots
00000002 - Sybil and Josette bored to death
00000004 - CBBer's (KB, Adelheid, Kirsty, and Kathryn) from Yibbling
00000001 - Crashweewee
31714637 - population of Canada
00000010 - seniors electrocuted
00000003 - seniors run over
00004048 - in crashed planes
00000002 - un-named headmistresses
02903085 - population of Wales (glad you used the same source as me Carolyn! )
00000002 - Engelbert and Ermintruda
00000001 - Chloe
00000005 - MEN!

34873913 - GRAND TOTAL!!

 

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#68:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 12:47 pm

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Why were you apolgising Rachel?

 

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#69:  Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 12:49 pm

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*moans feebly*

I haven't recovered enough from that toilet cleaner to laugh like this and remain alive!

 

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#70:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 1:30 pm

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I really shouldn't read this sort of thing at work! *wipes eyes, moans (quietly so as not to attract attention)*

That was so good Rachel! It brightened my day, no end!

 

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#71:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 2:03 pm

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Carolyn P wrote:

Why were you apolgising Rachel?

Mainly because I only managed to kill 8 people today. My standards are slipping!








Also, I hadn't quite told Chloe that I was going to kill her.

I was also a little worried that the Oirish contingent might think I was making fun of them




Rachel the

 

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#72:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 2:12 pm

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I don't mind you killing Chloe, and she's dead, so no need for apologies there!!

 

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#73:  Author: Rosie, Location: Huntingdonshire Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 2:48 pm

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*giggles hysterically* But what happened to Chloe's body??

 

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#74:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 6:35 pm

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Madge is getting better at hiding the bodies isn't she!
Only 8 deaths though... I suppose the less people who die the more drabble we get though so it isn't really a bad thing...

 

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#75:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 7:24 pm

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Have i done something to upset you Rachel adn does it have anything to do with my avatar

Thanks for the last bit of story *i think *

 

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#76:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 7:38 pm

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Rachel that was wonderful! Love that Madge has suddenly become a homicidal maniac. Carolyn - it must be your turn now!

 

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#77:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 9:23 pm

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Living in hope of more

 

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#78:  Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 9:41 pm

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So- Wales is still there, but only populated by people who think it’s in England.
Q: Was anyone we know affected by this identity crisis? Noone seems to have noticed at the school....

Loved the bookend logic. Also wondering just why Chloë was imitating a middle, but will probably never know. (Unless Chloë's ghost can tell us.)

 

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#79:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 11:26 pm

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I want to read about more horrible deaths.

 

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#80:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 11:37 pm

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Please may we have more story!

 

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#81:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 11:47 pm

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Sarah_L wrote:

Abi wrote: Will they then set out to repopulate the world and rule it themselves? Well Abi, unless they have access to the very latest (not even been invented yet) science I'm not sure how Carolyn and Rachel will be able to repopulate the world by themselves.

According to Val McDermid's 'Blue Genes' that science is already available. And she wasn't talking clones.

I read nearly all of this in one go - eight deaths is a little bit underwhelming after all the mayhem that came before - but it was still hilarous though.

 

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#82:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 11:54 pm

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Whoever is next due to write a section, please can we have some more. We've got withdrawal symptoms, take pity on us.

Even one death would be appreciated

 

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#83:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 12:17 am

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It's Carolyn who's due to post the next bit Pat

 

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#84:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 1:35 am

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*giggles wildly*

But why should you ask Chloe's permission to kill her, Rachel? Carolyn didn't ask mine before she killed me (although I guessed it was coming)!

 

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#85:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 1:44 am

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Well you see I did ask CrashWeeWee if she minded if I brutally slaughtered her in a very public fashion before doing so.

Mind you, since she gave permission IN WRITING would that stand up in a court of law?

Hmmmmmmmmmm, the possibilities!

 

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#86:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 1:56 am

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I'm not sure, Rachel. You'll have to find a lawyer and ask!

 

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#87:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 1:58 am

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Do we have any lawyers on the board?

Legal secretaries?

Anyone who's ever read a law book?

Someone must have been to court once!

Ooooooooooooh - actually, I've been to court! There you go, I'll represent myself, with the assistance of Brian.

 

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#88:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 1:59 am

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Well, that could be fun!

 

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#89:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 2:01 am

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I'm sure there will be a write up in the local paper again

 

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#90:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 2:01 am

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*sigh* Again?!

 

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#91:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 4:56 am

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*howls with laughter*
Poor Chloë!!!

Thank you Rachel and where's the next bit Carolyn?

 

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#92:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 5:06 am

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Good question, Vikki! Where is the next bit, Carolyn?

 

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#93:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 6:15 am

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*Echoes KB's request* Where is Carolyn?

 

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#94:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 10:57 am

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Still waiting!! *impatiently*

 

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#95:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 11:01 am

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I'm pretty sure that Carolyn still had that headache yesterday. Hope you're feeling better today Carolyn!!

 

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#96:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 11:17 am

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*offers sympathy to Carolyn and hopes her headache improves*

 

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#97:  Author: Rebecca, Location: Kendal/Oxford Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 12:49 pm

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More please when you're feeling better, Carolyn!

*Hopes it's soon!*

 

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#98:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 12:55 pm

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OK OK, I'm recovering, it is a dull muzziness now!

KB, I did ask if you would mind appering in a drabble I just didn't say which one.

For the reord anyone who does not want to be killed off had better PM one or both of us, that way we won't have to PM anyone we decie to kill in furture. Of course maybe we won't kill anyone ever again?????

There will be more of this later, probably this evening as my files are on the laptop that D has taken to Leeds with him. Don't complain it's work and being January we need the money as no-one likes paying in Jan!

 

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#99:  Author: Ciorstaidh, Location: London Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 1:15 pm

---

KB wrote:

It was you, Ciorstaidh. And I put in Kirsty 'cos it was quicker.

LOL I need to catch up on this drabble then and find out how I died

*off to scan the archives*

 

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#100:  Author: Ciorstaidh, Location: London Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 1:20 pm

---

Rachel wrote:

Do we have any lawyers on the board? Legal secretaries? Anyone who's ever read a law book? Someone must have been to court once! Ooooooooooooh - actually, I've been to court! There you go, I'll represent myself, with the assistance of Brian.

well ii'm a law student, but you killed me, so tough cheese. I'll be on the prosecution mwah hah hah

 

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#101:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 1:28 pm

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I'm a law student too, but I'm going to be an accountant so don't ask me anything about the law!

 

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#102:  Author: Ciorstaidh, Location: London Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 1:47 pm

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oh gosh, this ISN'T a thread to be read in public! *falls of chair ungently weeping with ;aughter*

 

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#103:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 2:01 pm

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Someone on here is a paralegal who deals with accident claims but I think that might be stretching it a bit

I hereby give permission for the purposes of this drabble only to be killed.

 

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#104:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 6:51 pm

---

Rachel wrote:

Madge hurled a bookend at Chloe, which missed her temple by an inch. It struck exactly where Madge had planned, right between the eyes. Chloe fell to the floor, still, grey and with a bookend impaled in her forehead.

I have a boookend fall on my bed an wake me up last night and i got slightly worried after this Rachel!

 

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#105:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 8:07 pm

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Ooooh!! Chloë!! That's quite spooky!!!

 

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#106:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 9:23 pm

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I'll start worrying only if I hear that KB and the other Aussies have gone up in flames or Chelsea drowned in urine!

 

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#107:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 10:01 pm

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I hope for their sakes that that doesn't happen!!!

 

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#108:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 10:31 pm

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The next part is ready but I'm now wondering if I should wait until I have permission from the relevamt people before posting.

 

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#109:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 10:43 pm

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NO NO NO NO NO!

If anyone objects you can always edit them out later!

 

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#110:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 10:47 pm

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I really don't think anyone will mind. In fact, I think we'd all be honoured to be in this drabble, however horrendous our deaths are.

 

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#111:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 10:49 pm

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Maybe I should make a disclaimer, you know, any resemblance to any persons living dead...

For info the inspiration for this came from a thread in the gathering forum discussing food.


Matey was discovered by one of the cooks, but thinking her just another large rodent they threw her some scraps and then shut her in a cage, intending to keep her till they next ran out of meat.

Matilda was unhappy at being locked in a dorm, and on her escape made sure that everyone knew she was unhappy. Some staff bore the scratches for the rest of their short and woebegone lives. She was now nestled in a corner of the middles common room demanding food and refusing to move. Madge spent five minutes in the room before leaving and saying to the assembled girls “I wash my hands of her, you can do as you like.” Normally this would have put Matilda at risk, but as no-one dared cross her she was perfectly safe.

By weekend the girls were all agog to see what visitors would be brought out for their entertainment. They had eaten breakfast and had the usual Saturday morning food fight in the dining room, the staff had retired to wash the porridge out of their hair and the girls went to pull on their guide and brownie uniforms. This activity was not taken seriously by most people, but was considered to be the only way to avoid having to clean up the dining room.

There were two exceptions to this. Two girls whose only enjoyment at school was the Saturday mornings they spent cleaning the big pans that the cooks burnt the porridge in daily. These pans were filled up with fresh milk and oats each morning on top of the dregs left behind from the previous day and then heated and mixed together. Saturday was the only day they were cleaned, and these two girls, to the amazement of all the others loved the task. Cumbrian Rachel and Nina normally spent the morning up to their elbows in greasy water, with scourers and cloths, fairy liquid and scrapers and they always got the pans to a pristine state.

This morning was a little different. First of all there were more pans due to the influx of seniors from the Swiss branch. C_Rachel and Nina thought that was wonderful. The porridge was even more burnt than usual. They thought that was great. There were no volunteers to join then. They thought this was excellent. The two girls put on their aprons, their hats, their gloves, and their masks, ran the water as hot as it would go and then plunged in the first of the pans. They started scrubbing and scrapping, refilling the sinks and spooning out the gunge ready to be used in the next week’s porridge. This was when the accident happened. Nina was reaching over the scrapings bin with a fill load on her ladle when she slipped on the soapy floor. She landed head first in the scrapings from the porridge pans and sank, down, down, until she was totally covered, a slow stream of bubbles broke the thick surface and then came to a stop.

Cumbrian Rachel had not noticed the demise of her friend, covered as she was by a mountain of bubbles and hidden from view by the clouds of steam coming from the hot water she was continuing to run into the sink. The room became more and more humid as C_Rachel continued to scrub conscientiously at the largest pan. There was one little spot that she couldn’t quite reach, but never one to admit defeat, especially to a dirty pan she continued to try. In her desire to get the pan as clean as possible she finally climbed down into the bottom of the pan to reach the one spot that had been eluding her. This was to be her downfall. The cook came round the corner and seeing no girls presumed that they had finished, put the lid onto the pan and shoved it into the nearest cupboard. Unfortunately that evening Madge decided that too much money was being spent on food and decreed that from now on the school was to return to the continental breakfast of rolls and coffee. This meant that the large pan was never needed again and C_Rachel was not found until archaeologists dug up her well preserved skeleton a thousand years later. The two archaeologists who found her were puzzled at the find, skeletons from this era were not usually found inside cooking vessels, but they were not to wonder for too long as the humid conditions that had been prevelant when the pan was sealed had provided perfect breeding grounds for a simple virus that killed the archaeologists within three hours. This confirmed the tradition that this was a cursed site; a place of terrible death and seven more were killed in the rush to vacate the dig. The virus took one look at the future, and decided that whilst a killing spree would be nice it didn’t like the fluorescent look of the future and dropped dead itself of colour blindness.

 

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#112:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 10:53 pm

---

The Holocaust Body Count is made up of:

00000003 - Hilda, Jem, Reg (at the end of the Xmas special, but counting in here)
00000018 - Prefects
00000004 - Joan, Gaudenz, Kathie, Nancy
00000002 - Jack and Joey
00000177 - Middles
00000012 - Mistresses on bus
00000324 - Swiss village
00000067 - Millies
00000015 - Millies staff
00000038 - Platz residents
00250582 - Interlaken residents
00000111 - CS Juniors
00000732 - Tourists
00000002 - Billy and Rachel's brother
00000002 - un-named from Thrombosis
00000025 - Boy scouts from tangled knots
00000002 - Sybil and Josette bored to death
00000004 - CBBer's (KB, Adelheid, Kirsty, and Kathryn) from Yibbling
00000001 - Crashweewee
31714637 - population of Canada
00000010 - seniors electrocuted
00000003 - seniors run over
00004048 - in crashed planes
00000002 - un-named headmistresses
02903085 - population of Wales (glad you used the same source as me Carolyn! )
00000002 - Engelbert and Ermintruda
00000001 - Chloe
00000005 - MEN!
00000002 - C_Rachel and Nina washing pans
00000009 - archaeologists
00000001 - Virus
34873925 - GRAND TOTAL!!

 

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#113:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 10:54 pm

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So now you're killing off people who haven't yet been born? Ingeneuous!

 

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#114:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 11:21 pm

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Not only people who haven;t been born but poor defenceless viruses too!

 

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#115:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 11:26 pm

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Brilliant Carolyn!!!!!

Now, Rachel? Where's your bit?

 

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#116:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 11:47 pm

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Fantastic - more please, pretty please with cherries on top

*in my most winning manner*

 

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#117:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2004 11:55 pm

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Come on Rachel we want more please!

 

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#118:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 12:06 am

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Every time I come on here, I look for this drabble (which probably says something about me )

KIll 'em as slowly as you like, it makes the drabble last longer

Just post more often, please. It makes my day

But where do you get the ideas from? Whatever you're on, I want some

 

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#119:  Author: Nicci, Location: UK Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 12:19 am

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We're all begging for more deaths...should we be concerned by the increasing call for violence? No? Ok then...

MORE PLEASE MORE PLEASE MORE PLEASE MORE PLEASE MORE PLEASE!

 

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#120:  Author: Polly, Location: Essex Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 12:36 am

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*chortle*

Very funny, Rachel and Carolyn!! When's the next killing spree?!!!

 

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#121:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 12:42 am

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Polly wrote:

*chortle* Very funny, Rachel and Carolyn!! When's the next killing spree?!!!

Not til tomorrow if you're waiting for me!

 

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#122:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 12:57 am

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But Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaachel...........

 

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#123:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 3:30 am

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*sobs bitterly at having only been able to giggle wildly over the deaths of C_Rachel, Nina, a virus and the archaeologists* That's all? A measly twelve people? Your standards are slipping, ladies!

 

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#124:  Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 3:46 am

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*sniggers quietly* ...!
Are you going to go through all of us, eventually? I have an idea for Lesley. Revenge. Cess pit and a nice big syringe...

Uh oh. *off to find someone to hide behind*
*pitches on Vikki since she's so liddle and could be overlooked*

*contemplates offering self as operator on next Mars-bound probe in effort to escape Rachel-and-Carolyn-dominated earth..*

 

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#125:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 4:04 am

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*wonders where on earth Lisa got that idea!*

 

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#126:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 9:35 am

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I was very tempted to let the virus wipe out the entire future earth, but apparently that didn't happen.
The population stats for earth 1000 years hence might have been a little hard to come by as well.

 

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#127:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 10:27 am

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So its tomorrow - I mean today So where's the next bit Rachel You're slacking!

 

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#128:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 10:47 am

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Carolyn P wrote:

I was very tempted to let the virus wipe out the entire future earth, but apparently that didn't happen. The population stats for earth 1000 years hence might have been a little hard to come by as well.

Especially if you'd killed us all off beforehand!!

Rachel where are you??? More please etc. etc. etc.

 

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#129:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 12:29 pm

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Yes, that is a problem. If we're unable to reproduce, being dead, I'd imagine there wouldn't be a population then!

 

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#130:  Author: Nina, Location: Peterborough, UK Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 12:42 pm

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Yay! I'm in a drabble (or should that be "was in"?) There are some advantages to being weird after all

 

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#131:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 12:53 pm

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I think I'd definitely use the past tense if I were you, Nina!

 

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#132:  Author: Rebecca, Location: Kendal/Oxford Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 1:00 pm

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*chuckling madly*

The scary thing is that C_Rachel really would go that far in washing up!

 

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#133:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 1:06 pm

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Well I was wondering who to include when I the thread about washing up came to mind, and I felt I had to include it somewhere. Hope she doesn't mind.

 

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#134:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 1:11 pm

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I'm sure she won't!

 

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#135:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 1:19 pm

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*Glad Carolyn and Rachel know how to kill viruses* Perhaps they could patent their method, I know lots of people who'd be very grateful.

 

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#136:  Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 1:38 pm

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Oh, oh, oh!!! When will I learn not to read these things in a public place? I LOVED the deaths of Nina and C_Rachel!



(just did the pancake one cos it never comes up on the little thingy and I wanted to see what it looked like) ETA: darn, it didn't work. Anyone know what it looks like?

 

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#137:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 3:23 pm

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Lisa_T wrote:

*sniggers quietly* ...! Are you going to go through all of us, eventually? I have an idea for Lesley. Revenge. Cess pit and a nice big syringe... Uh oh. *off to find someone to hide behind* *pitches on Vikki since she's so liddle and could be overlooked* *contemplates offering self as operator on next Mars-bound probe in effort to escape Rachel-and-Carolyn-dominated earth..*

Just to let you know Lisa - I'll be starting the next installment of Real CS very soon!

 

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#138:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 3:33 pm

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Lesley wrote:

Just to let you know Lisa - I'll be starting the next installment of Real CS very soon!

Is that a promise Lesley. I'll be loking avidly for it from now on.

*wonders if she had better change her plans for Lesley*

Last edited by Carolyn P on Fri Jan 23, 2004 3:37 pm; edited 1 time in total

 

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#139:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 3:37 pm

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Carolyn - if I can get all my reports up to date over the weekend it'll be Monday!

 

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#140:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 3:39 pm

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Hope you do. I love the Real CS.

 

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#141:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 3:43 pm

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Carolyn, I thought you'd posted more!!!
Lesley, really looking forward to more Real CS!
More form both is great!

 

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#142:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 4:04 pm

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Rachel, I loathe, abhor, dislike, abominate and hate scrubbing out dirty pans! Phew, hope I got my little declaration in on time.

 

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#143:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 5:59 pm

---

Lesley wrote:

Just to let you know Lisa - I'll be starting the next installment of Real CS very soon!

Oooh goody, another Real CS!

 

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#144:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 7:47 pm

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Pat wrote:

Carolyn, I thought you'd posted more!!!

Not my turn!

 

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#145:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 7:59 pm

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Rachel where are you we want more drabble!

 

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#146:  Author: Rosie, Location: Huntingdonshire Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 8:13 pm

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More-mo-more more (think wedding bells)
And I always knew washing up was dangerous!

 

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#147:  Author: Polly, Location: Essex Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 8:42 pm

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Where is it? *sniffs*

 

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#148:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2004 11:50 pm

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Oooh!! More Real CS!!!!!!! (hopefully)

*wonders where Rachel is, and why we don't have any more story?*

 

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#149:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 12:05 am

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Vikki wrote:

*wonders where Rachel is, and why we don't have any more story?*

Go and look at Primrose. She has RL backlog.

 

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#150:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 12:08 am

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Aww poor Rachel

*sends big hug to Rachel*

 

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#151:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 12:36 am

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*curses RL*

 

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#152:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 7:55 am

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*also cursing RL*

And more Real CS - goody, goody, goody!

 

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#153:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 11:01 am

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should we get up an expedition to rescue Rachel from RL? Unless she's enjoying it of course.

 

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#154:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 11:53 am

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Good idea! *appoints PatMac leader*

 

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#155:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 5:39 pm

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I'll join you ladies. Which way is Hampshire?

 

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#156:  Author: Polly, Location: Essex Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 5:44 pm

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That way!

 

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#157:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 6:43 pm

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Jennie wrote:

I'll join you ladies. Which way is Hampshire?

Depends on which direction you're coming from, Jennie Form where you are, it's over there *Points*

*Get's ropes, compass, whistles and torches. Dons walking boots.* "Right everybody, you go this way KB, you look in that direction Jennie, OK Polly you go that way. I'll go the other way. Every got whistles? 3 blasts if you find her, 1 reaaaaaally long one if you fall down a pit! Meet back here at 19.00 pm CBB time. Good luck everyone!"

 

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#158:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 9:00 pm

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*glad to have such a good leader*

*heads off*

 

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#159:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 10:04 pm

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*settles down wth hot chocolate and cakes, in anticipation of the searchers' triumphant return*

 

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#160:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 10:14 pm

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*runs back and hauls Vikki up off the sofa to join in*

 

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#161:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 10:30 pm

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"WHERE ARE YOU?" I fell down a pit in RL myself (tricky place, RL) I blew my whistle till the little pea fell out but no-one came! Being a strong womean, not a spineless jelly fish, I managed to climb out again, using my rope as a lassoo and expertly lassooing a convenient tree.

Worries that everyone has gone missing! *has a cunning plan, gets mobile phone from pocket and calls mountain rescue*

 

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#162:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 10:34 pm

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Good plan, Pat!

 

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#163:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 11:15 pm

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I would have joined the search, but no one waited for me!!!!

 

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#164:  Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 11:16 pm

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*hopes search party returns soon and with Rachel*

 

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#165:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 11:16 pm

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Glad to have the HM's approval.

 

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#166:  Author: Rosie, Location: Huntingdonshire Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 11:17 pm

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Mountain Rescue are very nice people. We visited them and they put me in a full body splint that was fairly scary cos it was made from polystyrene with the air vacuumed out. They also gave me a whistle that is supposed to be the loudest in the world but I'm not allowed to try it till I get stranded on a mountain. *sulks*

 

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#167:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 11:19 pm

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*suggests Rosie finds a soundproof room*

 

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#168:  Author: Nicci, Location: UK Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 11:25 pm

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*Suggests Rosie also buys some ear plugs*

 

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#169:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 11:28 pm

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Why? If she wants to blow it, she has to live with the repercussions!

 

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#170:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 11:33 pm

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Has anyone seen anything of Rachel yet?

 

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#171:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 11:36 pm

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No, not yet.

 

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#172:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2004 11:39 pm

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She was here earlier because she PM'd me about the ent. at the gathering.

She is working hard on her college work at the moment from what she said, with deadlines next week.

 

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#173:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 12:30 am

---

Madge pinned a large notice to the notice board and went off, not waiting to see what reaction it would get.
WOULD ALL GIRLS REGISTERED AS LARGE OR BIGGER PLEASE REPORT TO THE SMALL CLASSROOM IN THE LOWER CORRIDOR AT THREE PM TODAY.

When the first of the girls saw this, she knew it did not bode well.
"What's it say?" asked Lisa T. "You know I can't read!"
"I thought you couldn't hear!" remarked Don't Call Me Victoria.
"Same thing," replied Lisa with a grin. "You might as well read it out."
Don't Call Me Victoria sighed and read it aloud, at which point seventeen damsels fell to the ground with shrieks of horror.

"Not the exercise classes again!" sobbed one.
"I swear they'll be the death of me," bawled another. Don't Call Me Victoria and Lisa grinned at each other and vowed silently to sneak into the classroom ahead of time to watch the fun.

In the staff room, trouble was brewing. It had all started over such a simple thing too. Miss MacDonald, in charge of English Literature, had decided this term to study "Lady Chatterly's Lover" with the Second Years as she felt it would make them pay attention and actually look forward to their lessons due to the rumours about all the naughty bits. As everyone who has ever read "Lady Chatterly's Lover" will know, the naughty bits are tame in comparison to such delights as "The Simpsons", so it was a cunning plan - and involved true literature for once. (Last term she had studied "100 Uses for a Dead Cat", purely because it was a favourite of hers)

Miss MacDonald had placed the study copies of "Lady C" in the staffroom, ready to be handed out in the morning lesson. Flicking through one copy shortly before the bell rang, she noticed that somebody had gone through adding additional scenes to every book. Where before the sex scenes were there, they were now in the book accompanied by dialogue (Mainly consisting of the words "Yes," and "Ohmygod!") There were also now pictures in full colour, and anatomical notes in the margins. Upon asking who was responsible, not a single member of staff had admitted to it, so Miss MacDonald had decided to shoot each member of staff in turn until somebody confessed. This technique had worked wonders with the Middles.

As no-one admitted to being the perpetrator of such a heinous crime, Miss MacDonald was compelled to shot the entire school staff, consisting of 46 mistresses and a dog, before facing the reality that if none of htme had done it, she must be the guilty one, but by refusing to admit this fact, she was obliged to shoot herself.

Madge heard the sound of the final gunshot and opened the door to the staff room. Upon seeing the bodies strewn across the room, some of which were still twitching slightly, she sighed, but cheered up again upon catching sight of her handy work in a nearby blood spattered copy of "Lady C".


As Madge was now the only mistress left in the entire school, it fell to her to take all classes in school simultaneously, so she decided to fall back on an old idea and run stand up classes in the hall. As Madge had only met the girls of this school a couple of days beforehand, she never noticed that the entire sixth form failed to turn up for her lessons.

The two sixth forms had decided it would be far more entertaining to go to town and meet up with their boyfriends - their usual occupation free lessons. The boys were thrilled to see them unexpectedly, and the whole group consisting of nearly a hundred youths, bunked off lessons and went to their usual hideout under the railway lines.

Some of the boys, in a bid to impress the girls, were currently engaged in a master graffiti project on the struts that supported the railway bridge. The girls watched, making the appropriate noises of appreciation at intermittent intervals, and the boys proudly flexed their biceps as they shook their paint cans.

What none of them realised was that the paint they were using had an unfortunate effect on metal, corroding it slowly but with no visible sign. This graffiti project had been going on for years as each new sixth form colonised the area for their passion hours. With a hideous screech of metal tearing itself away from metal, the entire structure collapsed, crushing the life out of those bright young hopes for the future. To add insult to injury, a train then proceeded to come along the tracks and plunged into the abyss, catching alight and severely killing all those aboard. Madge continued her class unaware of the drama being played out less than a mile away.

Back at the Platz, Matey was attempting to get out of the cage the school cooks had placed her in. Her struggles went on and on, for the cooks had locked the door. Eventually Matey had to claw her way out, ripping her fingernails from their beds and gouging huge chunks of flesh out in the process. As if this wasn't bad enough, she had a boil on her bum.

Last edited by Rachel on Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:09 am; edited 1 time in total

 

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#174:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 12:33 am

---

The Holocaust Body Count is made up of:

00000003 - Hilda, Jem, Reg (at the end of the Xmas special, but counting in here)
00000018 - Prefects
00000004 - Joan, Gaudenz, Kathie, Nancy
00000002 - Jack and Joey
00000177 - Middles
00000012 - Mistresses on bus
00000324 - Swiss village
00000067 - Millies
00000015 - Millies staff
00000038 - Platz residents
00250582 - Interlaken residents
00000111 - CS Juniors
00000732 - Tourists
00000002 - Billy and Rachel's brother
00000002 - un-named from Thrombosis
00000025 - Boy scouts from tangled knots
00000002 - Sybil and Josette bored to death
00000004 - CBBer's (KB, Adelheid, Kirsty, and Kathryn) from Yibbling
00000001 - Crashweewee
31714637 - population of Canada
00000010 - seniors electrocuted
00000003 - seniors run over
00004048 - in crashed planes
00000002 - un-named headmistresses
02903085 - population of Wales (glad you used the same source as me Carolyn! )
00000002 - Engelbert and Ermintruda
00000001 - Chloe
00000005 - MEN!
00000002 - C_Rachel and Nina washing pans
00000009 - archaeologists
00000001 - Virus
00000048 - 47 mistresses and a dog
00000097 - Sixth formers
00000264 - train passengers

34874334 - GRAND TOTAL!!

 

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#175:  Author: Nicci, Location: UK Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 12:38 am

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*wiping eyes*

Oh dear, oh dear. I can't take much more of this.

I loved the final comment about the boil on mateys bum. that was the absolute icing on the cake!

Thanks Rachel.

 

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#176:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 12:45 am

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You could have had more people in the train, Rachel! It looks like it was only a local, not the Inter-city to London!

 

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#177:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 12:57 am

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*weeping with laughter!!*
Thanks Rachel!!!!

*starts chanting at Carolyn*

 

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#178:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:00 am

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Did you enjoy appearing in our drabble Vikki? Did you notice how you were still alive at the end? Are you feeling happy and secure knowing you are now in the CS?

Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

 

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#179:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:01 am

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Thank you Rachel.

Carolyn?

 

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#180:  Author: Rosie, Location: Huntingdonshire Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:04 am

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Rachel, that was brilliant, though I am somewhat scared now.
PS: Can't find whistle...

 

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#181:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:05 am

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Argh!

How do I continue a school with no mistresses. And I wanted Vikki at home.

*Takes a deep breath*

OK watch this space sometime tomorrow afternoon/evening.

 

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#182:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:10 am

---

Rosie wrote:

PS: Can't find whistle...

You wont be needing that my dear. Dead girls can't blow whistles . . .



(Oh how I enjoy being evil!)

 

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#183:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:13 am

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I could always escape from the school, what with the abscence of mistresses and all!

 

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#184:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:15 am

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Carolyn P wrote:

Argh! How do I continue a school with no mistresses. And I wanted Vikki at home.

Recruit some more and expel Vikki! Simple!

 

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#185:  Author: Nicci, Location: UK Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:16 am

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Vikki wrote:

I could always escape from the school, what with the abscence of mistresses and all!

*is amused by the idea that Vikki thinks she can escape from Rachel and Carolyn*

 

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#186:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:18 am

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Sweet really though Nicci. She has so little idea of the "joys" that await her.

(Cue the mad homicidal cackling again)

 

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#187:  Author: Nicci, Location: UK Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:20 am

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*looks up 'joys'*

'Intense gladness: rapture: mirth'

*Wonders what dictionary Rachel uses*

 

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#188:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:24 am

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Rachel Dictionary Version Three defines the word "joy" as:

Quote:

a. morally bad; harmful; very unpleasant. n. evil thing, sin, harm.

Time you bought yourself a decent dictionary!

 

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#189:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:26 am

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Plea to Rachel and Carolyn, I don't mind you killing me, but could you do Nicci too, as she's taking far too much delight in the situation!!!?

 

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#190:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:29 am

---

I think Nicci is well on her way to joining.

(More evil laughter)

Join with us Nicci! Feel the power of the dark side - we can make all your dreams very unpleasant if you cross us!

(And again)

Know ye this, when the bell doth toll three times afore the cock crow at daybreak, then ye shall find the joining is complete.

Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

 

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#191:  Author: Rosie, Location: Huntingdonshire Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:29 am

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I'm not dead! I'm not dead! (Think Monty Python and the Holy Grail). Rachel, you really are scaring me now...

 

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#192:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:30 am

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Rosie wrote:

Rachel, you really are scaring me now...

Success!

 

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#193:  Author: Nicci, Location: UK Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:31 am

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Vikki wrote:

Plea to Rachel and Carolyn, I don't mind you killing me, but could you do Nicci too, as she's taking far too much delight in the situation!!!?

*splutters*

Vikki! What did I ever do to you?!

 

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#194:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:38 am

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You were gloating over the fact that Carolyn plans to kill me, and I wanted some company!!

 

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#195:  Author: Nicci, Location: UK Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:44 am

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*Quickly throws on life-jacket, crash helmet, steel-capped boots, pockets a rescue whistle, a revolver, knife and light-saber, puts on protective goggles, and awaits the attack*

Sorry Vikki, its all about self-preservation from now on...

 

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#196:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:53 am

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Well, I'd say you're probably done for anyway Nicci......

 

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#197:  Author: Nicci, Location: UK Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:56 am

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*looks unconcerned*

But I have a light-saber!

 

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#198:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:58 am

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Yes dear!!!

 

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#199:  Author: Nicci, Location: UK Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 2:03 am

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Don't roll your eyes at me, dear.

*swings light saber dangerously*

 

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#200:  Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 4:03 am

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But Nicci, a true CS Jedi would defend Vikki as well, wouldn't she?

(Of course it might not help against Carolyn & Rachel. Look what happened to Sky Lukewater the other day.)

 

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#201:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 10:24 am

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Rosie wrote:

Rachel, that was brilliant, though I am somewhat scared now. PS: Can't find whistle...

Don't blow it if you find it, Rosie! If they get into this drabble, they'll end up dead.

*wipes eyes and goes off to lie down till calmer*

 

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#202:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 11:36 am

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*giggles quietly and inanely* That was great, Rachel! I particularly liked the idea of people being severely killing people, and of Miss MacDonald having been so successful with shooting the Middles before!

Also, what did the dog teach?

 

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#203:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 11:43 am

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Love this - wonderful Rachel - Like KB I liked the line 'severely killing' - are there ways of killing that are less than severe?

Looking forward to more Carolyn!

 

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#204:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 11:44 am

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Lesley wrote:

Love this - wonderful Rachel - Like KB I liked the line 'severely killing' - are there ways of killing that are less than severe? Looking forward to more Carolyn!

Lesley, I'd say anything that Rachel doesn't come up with is less than severe!

 

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#205:  Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:02 pm

---

*now actually almost crying with laughter*

 

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#206:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 1:30 pm

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*crying with laughter*

i can't wait for the next bit Carolyn!

 

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#207:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 5:40 pm

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I've left you for now Vikki as I couldn't quite fit your demise in.

Figures very high today.

Madge dismissed the girls for lunch and then went to the study where she took out her little black book and thumbed through it. She made a number of calls, but none of the men she spoke to felt up to the challenge of teaching in the Chalet School. Suppressing a shudder she turned to the other book, the one locked in the desk drawer and only referred to when absolutely necessary. Madge drew on a pair of heavy-duty gloves and lifted the book on to the desk where it fell with a thump. She gingerly turned the pages, wincing as she read the details written there, and began the terrifying task of contacting the people whose details were included in that book, the Chalet School Old Girls.

Within the space of a few minutes she had a full staff, those girls whom she spoke to first engaging to contact their friends and organise things in their own particular way. Madge shuddered and then realised that this was the only way to keep the money rolling in, no teachers would mean no school. This task done Madge rang for the maid and asked her to inform the seniors that they should have a hobbies meeting that afternoon instead of lessons. Then she picked up a bottle of Bailey’s and retired to her own room, dropping another teapot out of the window as she passed.

The seniors had their own ideas as to what constituted hobbies, and with no sixth form around to curb their excess they put their ideas into practice. They sent the juniors to bed, the middles to Coventry and barricading themselves in the senior common room spent the rest of the day and most of the night seeing who could roll and smoke the heaviest cigarette. This led to 20 cases of smoking related deaths in later life, and two a lot sooner as the winners of the competition were squashed beneath their joint. This went unnoticed at the time, as by mid evening the entire senior school was too high to miss the pair. It was only in the morning as the fog cleared from the room that the bodies were noticed and hurriedly dropped into the handy lime pit.

The middles had decided that they were not interested in visiting Coventry and thought that if they sent one of their number then this would appease the seniors. Consequently they boxed up Nicci, addressed the label to Coventry and sent her off with a currier firm. Unfortunately they chose a currier company and Nicci spent three weeks in the back of a van parked at the company’s Basildon HQ. The van was moved when the swarm of flies it had attracted grew large enough to kill thirteen people who inhaled them whilst crossing the car park.

The box containing Nicci was delivered to Coventry, but the deliveryman was like most currier drivers and being unsure of the address, but paid by the package, tipped it into the first manhole he came across. The box split open and the contents oozed out, leaking into the pipes and polluting the water supply for the city. The authorities did not find out until it was way too late and the entire city of Coventry (304 300) was laid to rest.

Matey was unaware of what was happening in England as she struggled unsuccessfully to burst the boil on her bum. Her predicament became worse when she also developed piles.

 

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#208:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 6:16 pm

---

Yay thank you Carolyn,

*sits down for Rachel to add the next installment*

 

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#209:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 6:20 pm

---

DHL I presume
Thanks, Carolyn.

I'm actually feeling well sorry for Matey - surely it would be kinder to put her out of her misery for good - or will she be the only person left on earth by the end of this.

 

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#210:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 6:29 pm

---

Dying to see Nicci's reaction to this! Glad I don't live in Coventry!

 

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#211:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 6:30 pm

---

The Holocaust Body Count is made up of:

00000003 - Hilda, Jem, Reg (at the end of the Xmas special, but counting in here)
00000018 - Prefects
00000004 - Joan, Gaudenz, Kathie, Nancy
00000002 - Jack and Joey
00000177 - Middles
00000012 - Mistresses on bus
00000324 - Swiss village
00000067 - Millies
00000001 - Phillipe
00000015 - Millies staff
00000038 - Platz residents
00250582 - Interlaken residents
00000111 - CS Juniors
00000732 - Tourists
00000002 - Billy and Rachel's brother
00000002 - un-named from Thrombosis
00000025 - Boy scouts from tangled knots
00000002 - Sybil and Josette bored to death
00000004 - CBBer's (KB, Adelheid, Kirsty, and Kathryn) from Yibbling
00000001 - Crashweewee
31714637 - population of Canada
00000010 - seniors electrocuted
00000003 - seniors run over
00004048 - in crashed planes
00000002 - un-named headmistresses
02903085 - population of Wales (glad you used the same source as me Carolyn! )
00000002 - Engelbert and Ermintruda
00000001 - Chloe
00000005 - MEN!
00000002 - C_Rachel and Nina washing pans
00000009 - archaeologists
00000001 - Virus
00000048 - 47 mistresses and a dog
00000097 - Sixth formers
00000264 - train passengers
00000020 - smoking related
00000002 - squashed by a large joint
00000001 - Nicci in a box
00000013 - inhaling flies
00304300 - Population of Coventry

35178671 - GRAND TOTAL!!

(If I added right.)

ETA to add thoses who inhaled flies that I forgot.

DHL, I couldn't possibly comment as I have no wished to be sued. Suffice it to say I really wanted to include Vikki here but couldn't work her in to my own satisfaction!

Last edited by Carolyn P on Mon Jan 26, 2004 6:11 pm; edited 2 times in total

 

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#212:  Author: Polly, Location: Essex Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 6:39 pm

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Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee

Especially Matey's boil!!

More please!!!! *looks hopefully in Rachel's direction*

 

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#213:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 6:57 pm

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Um... I'd chant but as I live in Coventry during termtime I would appear to be dead

 

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#214:  Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 8:41 pm

---

ROFL! *curtsies* Ta kindly for the inclusion. I think. Don't Call Me Victoria, I presume you and I are (still) alive? You've not been knobbled yet, have you?

Oh, and you're absolutely right, Carolyn and Rachel. I wasn't able to read before, but now I can. Sort of like three wise monkeys, only nobody's stopped me from speaking evil yet
...hahaha!

*off to contemplate what we can do with C&R once they#ve finished exterminating the rest of us* maybe this is where 'a very silly drabble' could come in?...H'm...

 

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#215:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 9:04 pm

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Question? Were all the CS mistresses in Switzerland killed off? only I don't see Nell Wilson's name on the list.

 

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#216:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 9:10 pm

---

Lesley wrote:

Question? Were all the CS mistresses in Switzerland killed off? only I don't see Nell Wilson's name on the list.

No, they were just left behind, made redundant or fired when Madge decided to bring the school back to England.

 

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#217:  Author: Polly, Location: Essex Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 10:16 pm

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Oooooh! so what's going to happen to them then?

 

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#218:  Author: Nicci, Location: UK Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 10:32 pm

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*shudders*

Carolyn! Was it really necessary to drag my death out for 3 weeks?!

I knew I should have listened to Vikki earlier...

But thank you madam for including me
*drops to floor in graceful curtsey*

 

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#219:  Author: BethC, Location: Worcester, UK Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 11:05 pm

---

Quote:

The authorities did not find out until it was way too late and the entire city of Coventry (304 300) was laid to rest.

Yes! At last!
* grew up quite near Coventry but luckily not too near *

Oops, was going to phone brother (at uni in Coventry) tonight but forgot - too late now...

 

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#220:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 11:09 pm

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Please may we have more!

 

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#221:  Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 11:16 pm

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Yes PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE may we have some more

 

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#222:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2004 11:49 pm

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Please Rachel post the next installment. Pretty please??

 

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#223:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 12:15 am

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It's no use pleading with Rachel! That's counter-productive! When you're ready. love!

 

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#224:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 12:38 am

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Carolyn, you're getting as wholesale as Rachel. Brilliant!

I'm a little worried about Madge, do you think she might be going a little peculiar?

 

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#225:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 2:18 am

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*giggles at that busy post*

And what do you mean 'going', Pat?

 

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#226:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 2:25 am

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Phew!! A reprieve!!! Thanks Carolyn!! *mops eyes*
*wonders where Rachel's got to!!!*

 

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#227:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 2:43 am

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*offers Vikki a hanky*

 

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#228:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 3:35 am

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*accepts gratefully!*

 

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#229:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 4:32 am

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*offers a glass of water*

 

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#230:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 10:27 am

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KB wrote:

And what do you mean 'going', Pat?

You know me, KB - always willing to see the best in everyone.

 

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#231:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 10:35 am

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Rachel? Where are you?

 

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#232:  Author: Rebecca, Location: Kendal/Oxford Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 11:57 am

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We need more deaths!

 

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#233:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 1:50 pm

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Patmac, if you're always willing to see the best in everyone, is this quite the right board for you? Most of the really good stuff comes from seeing the worst in the characters. As Mother Superior said in 'Sister Act' 'Try to blend in'

 

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#234:  Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 3:06 pm

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Oh wow, I've just cuaght up with this - hadn't read it for a while. Now my whole body aches I've laughed so much!

 

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#235:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 4:38 pm

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I feel sorry for all those people in Coventry, in fact all those who have suffered terrible deaths that weren't their fault. So who's next for the chop???

 

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#236:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 6:07 pm

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Jennie wrote:

Patmac, if you're always willing to see the best in everyone, is this quite the right board for you?

Really Jennie, I hadn't noticed?

ETA Come on, Rachel, more mayhem as soon as you've time, please. We need a daily dose

 

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#237:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 6:17 pm

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Rebecca wrote:

We need more deaths!

Are you volenteering to be killed off then?

 

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#238:  Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 11:27 pm

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*looking mournful cos there is no gratuitous violence to help her out of the slough-of-essay-related-despond*

 

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#239:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 11:32 pm

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Where's the next bit?

 

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#240:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 11:44 pm

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Pat wrote:

Where's the next bit?

When Rachel has the time. Gee you are an impatient lot aren't you.

 

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#241:  Author: Polly, Location: Essex Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 11:48 pm

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Waaaahhhhhh!
There isn't any more yet! How am I ever going to get to sleep, without my dose of death and mayhem!?!?!

 

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#242:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2004 11:58 pm

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Us? Impatient? Doesn't sound like anyone I know Carolyn?

 

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#243:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 12:46 am

---

Everybody ready? Here we go!


In Switzerland, a whole crowd of women had booked into a Gasthaus on the Gornetz Platz to hold an indignation meeting. Rosalie had sacked them all wholesale before doing a runner with the cash. The CS-ex-mistresses, or CSex for short, had decided to meet together to see if there was any way to gain revenge on those reposnsible for their downfall.
"After all," argued Bill Wilson, "We are all perfect mistresses. Yes, one or ten of us have a slight drinking problem, but nothing we couldn't overcome if we wanted to!"
"Speak for yourself," said Miss Charlesworth sotto voce, as she swigged from a bottle concealed in a brown paper bag.
"Yes," continued Bill. "A few of us smoke too much, and some of us even enjoy slightly more exotic cigarettes, but that's hardly a crime is it?"
"Technically?" asked Miss Derwent.
"And maybe some of us have been known to enjoy the odd romp in the pine woods which were always out of bounds to students, but that's hardly a reason to condemn us, is it?" cried Bill, really getting into her stride now.
"Choke her off someone, do!" said Len Maynard standing in the doorway.

Margot took Len at her word and throttled Bill Wilson. Con watched in amusement as Bill's face turned a delicate shade of puce, and chortled at the bubbles of spit that appeared at the corner of Bill's mouth. Once Bill's eyeballs popped Len remarked that she thought Margot could put her down now, which Margot did with great reluctance.

The other mistresses stared in fear as the rest of The Maynard Offspring entered the room. The sight of all eleven of them standing in a line was more reminiscent of the scene in a body snatchers workshop than the Von Trapps, but the effect was just as scary.

"Are-- Are you going to sing?" whispered Miss Lawrence who was by way of a nervous disposition where anything connected to music was concerned. "Please God tell me you aren't going to sing?"

With a good deal of malicious pleasure, the Maynard Elevenect (What is the collective word for eleven??) sang in various keys "Nooooo, nooooo, noooooooo, nooooooooooooo, noooooooooo! We shan't sing we shan't sing we shall not shall not siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!" which Cecil finished off with a splendid tap dance solo. Miss Lawrence's fragile nerves couldn't take it. She grappbed the nearest mistress, Miss Derwent, and beat herself to death against the other woman, who also ended up beaten to death through no fault of her own.

Len raised an eyebrow at the remaining mistresses.
"So," she drawled, having watched far too many bad B movies. "Are you going to listen to our plan and fall in with us, or do I have to set Phillipa on to you all?" Phillipa gnashed her teeth happily in the direction of the mistresses who all immediately offered to fall in with whatever possible plans the Maynard Offspring might have.

Len rapidly outlined the plan she and her siblings had come up with, and the CSex groaned inwardly as they realised the amount of work they had let themselves in for. Len's plan was to return to England, kidnap Madge and take over the school. Obviously such a large crowd of them travelling together would attract unwelcome attentionm, and possibly yet another court case, so Len had come up with the idea for them to travel ostensibly as a group of singing nuns. As long as they all wore habits, and carried a few guitars, they should get away with it.

Miss Nalder cast a glance in the direction of the Maynard males, but Len quenched her with a withering look.
"Yes, them too. They'll just look like ugly nuns. Now get to work and start sewing!"

The CSex were forced to sit in a circle stitching hems. Every five minutes, one or other of the Maynards would walk arounf the circle and pitch in on some unfortunate and rip out all thier stitches and tell them to start over. the satisfaction they all got from this was immense, but Len put a stop to it when she saw just how excited Stephen was becoming over stitch sizes. many a bitter tear was shed over those seams, and many a mistress would have stopped sewing if she dared, but the Maynard offspring stood over them until the work was done. They all put their nun's habit's on, and were instantly transformed from a disparate group of people into a collection of 43 nuns about to embark on a singing tour.

They made their way by unknown means to Berne to catch a train as the town of Interlaken had never recovered. They managed by dint of shoving several innocents from the moving train to gain an entire carriage to themselves, at which point Len began laying out more details of the plan. They all listened intently, the CSex beginning to enjoy this adventure. It made a change from teaching, would get them back to the UK where they could sign on the dole, and was letting them escape from limbo back into the drabble.

With a screech of metal, the train ground to a halt.
"Where are we?" asked Stephen in a falsetto voice.
"France," squeaked Mike, following his brother's lead. "I saw the sign for the border only a few minutes ago!"
"What do you think is happening?" asked Felix, going up yet another octave.
"No idea!" Geoff's voice was so high it was giving local dogs a headache.
" " Charles had gone through the range of sound available to the human ear and out the other side. When nobody replied, he looked first insulted, and then proud, recognizing that this was about the longest sentence anyone had ever bothered writing about him ever. He resolved to try this tactic again if he felt he was being neglected.

"Nothing for it then Ladies," said Len hitching up her skirt. She jumped from the train and ran along the track to where the driver was stood shaking his head.
"What's wrong? Why have we stopped?" she asked in her prettily accented French.
"Stupid thing ran straight in front of me - I didn't stand a chance of stopping," the driver replied gloomily. Peering past him, Len could just see a pair of legs sticking out from under the train and surmised correctly that the train had juts run over a woman in red sparkly shoes. Guessing equally correctly that they would be delayed sometime by this, she began to make ehr way more slowly back to her carriage, pausing only to sneexe occasionally. Various other passengers who had climbed down to take a lok said "Bless you" and she nodded in recognition of their good wishes.

Unfortunately Len had a very unique kind of cold. It was a special strain found only in the chalet schol, that developed within approximately five seconds of a person feeling a coolness in the temperature, and swiftly followed by bronchitis, pneumonia and near death. Fortunately for Len, many years of living in the Chalet School had given her a certain immunity to the bug, so it's only effect was to make her sneeze.

Sadly for the population of France, they had developed no such immunity, and as the Chalet School had never been located in France, not a soul had had a chance to develop any kind of resistance. Within an hour, the entire nation was sneezing and spluttering; huge gobbets of snot were flying around the country and as there was nobody capable of singing "The Red Sarafan" they all died. The only people left alive in all of France were those sitting in a railway carriage waiting for the train to move.

MEANWHILE

Matey was feeling fed up. She felt that life was really being unfair to her right now, and resolved to do something about it. Summoning up superhuman reserve strengths, she made her way to the Outhouse at the San (yes, we have mentioned it before people! keep up!) She crawled inside, getting splinters in her hands as she did so. The splinters went deep into her flesh where they started an infection and very soon Matey found herself with pus filled pustules which oozed all the way down her arms.

 

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#244:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 12:50 am

---

The Holocaust Body Count is made up of:

00000003 - Hilda, Jem, Reg (at the end of the Xmas special, but counting in here)
00000018 - Prefects
00000004 - Joan, Gaudenz, Kathie, Nancy
00000002 - Jack and Joey
00000177 - Middles
00000012 - Mistresses on bus
00000324 - Swiss village
00000067 - Millies
00000001 - Phillipe
00000015 - Millies staff
00000038 - Platz residents
00250582 - Interlaken residents
00000111 - CS Juniors
00000732 - Tourists
00000002 - Billy and Rachel's brother
00000002 - un-named from Thrombosis
00000025 - Boy scouts from tangled knots
00000002 - Sybil and Josette bored to death
00000004 - CBBer's (KB, Adelheid, Kirsty, and Kathryn) from Yibbling
00000001 - Crashweewee
31714637 - population of Canada
00000010 - seniors electrocuted
00000003 - seniors run over
00004048 - in crashed planes
00000002 - un-named headmistresses
02903085 - population of Wales (glad you used the same source as me Carolyn! )
00000002 - Engelbert and Ermintruda
00000001 - Chloe
00000005 - MEN!
00000002 - C_Rachel and Nina washing pans
00000009 - archaeologists
00000001 - Virus
00000048 - 47 mistresses and a dog
00000097 - Sixth formers
00000264 - train passengers
00000020 - smoking related
00000002 - squashed by a large joint
00000001 - Nicci in a box
00000013 - inhaling flies
00304300 - Population of Coventry
00000001 - Bill Wilson
00000002 - Miss Lawrence & Miss Derwent
00000001 - Body under train
60180529 - Population of France

95359204 - GRAND TOTAL!!

 

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#245:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 1:02 am

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Is the body under the train going to turn out to be someone we know?

 

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#246:  Author: Nicci, Location: UK Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 1:04 am

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Am I going mad or have we seen the description of the red sparkly shoes before?

 

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#247:  Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 1:09 am

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Hurrah!

*cheers loudly*

thank you lovely Rachel

 

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#248:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 1:46 am

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Ding Dong the witch is dead Although of cpurse Dorothy has the shpes now... what happened to ToTo?

(Red sparkly shoes=Oz I believe Nicci)

 

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#249:  Author: Nicci, Location: UK Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 1:49 am

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Sarah_K wrote:

Ding Dong the witch is dead Although of cpurse Dorothy has the shpes now... what happened to ToTo? (Red sparkly shoes=Oz I believe Nicci)

I know Sarah, that was my intial thought. but then I'm convinced I've read it somewhere in this drabble *really starting to question my sanity*

 

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#250:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 1:55 am

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Sorry Nicci I don't remember them coming up before but that means precisely nothing. Anyway I'm dead so I woudln't listen to me if I were you

 

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#251:  Author: Nicci, Location: UK Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 2:09 am

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Sarah_K wrote:

Anyway I'm dead so I woudln't listen to me if I were you

yeah, me too

 

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#252:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 5:10 am

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*moans weakly!!*
Than k you Rachel!!!
Carolyn, where's the next bit please?

 

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#253:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 5:38 am

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Thank you for that Rachel

 

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#254:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 8:35 am

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*giggles madly at the lasted part, particularly at the description of the cold*

 

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#255:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 8:50 am

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That was great, Rachel! By the time this drabble is finished will we be sated by the carnage? I see no signs of it yet!

I can't comment on each good bit or my post will be as long as Rachel's but I have just noticed for the first time that the CS cold is like a 'male cold' followed by bronchitis, pneumonia and near death.

 

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#256:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 9:32 am

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So how many CBB members are there still to kill off?

 

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#257:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 10:07 am

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Most of us are still alive, KB. At least for the time being!

 

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#258:  Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 11:56 am

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*soaks up pool of tears made by excessive laughter with towel*

Oh dear, how long until the entire population of the world is wiped out?

 

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#259:  Author: Rebecca, Location: Kendal/Oxford Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 1:03 pm

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Fantastic! Even more fatalities!

The 100,000,000 mark is growing ever closer...

 

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#260:  Author: Donna, Location: Liverpool Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 1:21 pm

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*wipes tears of laughter away*

I knew it would be a mistake to read this in school. All the year 10 kids in the class now think I'm very strange!

 

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#261:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 2:13 pm

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They probably thought you were strange before anyway, Donna!!

 

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#262:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 4:09 pm

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Loved the singing Maynards - Thank you Rachel, I really don't know how you and Carolyn manage to keep this upday after day - how many different ways are there of killing people?

 

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#263:  Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 4:16 pm

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Well, no-one's died of laughing yet.... or have they and I've just forgotten (this is quite possible!).

Donna - you'll get used to it after a few years.

 

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#264:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 5:05 pm

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Abi, please don't put ideas into Rachel's head. It might happen to you next.
Loving this Rachel, it's making having a cold more cheerful.

 

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#265:  Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 7:52 pm

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ROFL! I get it. This is part of Rachel's mission. Country by country, C&R will wipe out entire populatons. I'm sure there's an official word for it but cant' remember. Then Rachel will finally be able to put her plans into effect.

Doesn't that prospect well, worry you a little?!

 

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#266:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 7:54 pm

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Is 'genocide' the word you were looking for Lisa?

 

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#267:  Author: Donna, Location: Liverpool Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 8:10 pm

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Vikki wrote:

They probably thought you were strange before anyway, Donna!!

probably! maybe I should introduce them to you Vikki, to demonstrate how normal I really am?!

 

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#268:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 8:16 pm

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Not sure that'd work dearie!!!!

 

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#269:  Author: Polly, Location: Essex Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 8:24 pm

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Hee hee hee *ROFL*

More , more, more, please!!!! This is sublime!!!!!

 

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#270:  Author: Donna, Location: Liverpool Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 8:34 pm

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Vikki wrote:

Not sure that'd work dearie!!!!

If you say so dear.

hey, am i yibbling?! *excited*

oops, nearly forgot - any chance of any more horrific, blood and guts dripping deaths, Carolyn/Rachel?

 

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#271:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 8:36 pm

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Yes, you're yibbling Donna!!
Yay! Another one corrupted!!!

 

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#272:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 8:39 pm

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More please Carolyn/Rachel - loving this!

 

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#273:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 8:41 pm

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Moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooore please

*close to falling of chair with laughter*

 

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#274:  Author: Donna, Location: Liverpool Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 8:41 pm

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Yay for me the yibbler! now maybe I'll get a decent post total!

 

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#275:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 8:47 pm

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It is a skill which requires regular practice though Donna!!!

 

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#276:  Author: Donna, Location: Liverpool Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 8:54 pm

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well, I'll do my very best.

*curtsies to the Queen of Yibbling and thanks her for the advice*

 

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#277:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 9:00 pm

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I'm flattered Donna, but KB is the Queen of Yibblers, not me!!!

 

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#278:  Author: Donna, Location: Liverpool Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 9:29 pm

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I do beg your pardon, Your Highness

*scuttles off to apologise to (or hide from) KB as well*

 

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#279:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 9:41 pm

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*huggles Donna!!*

 

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#280:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 9:44 pm

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Vikki wrote:

I'm flattered Donna, but KB is the Queen of Yibblers, not me!!!

No you'rew the princess of yibblers

 

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#281:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 10:46 pm

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Hmm, I've just done something rather nasty to Xanthe. Wonder if I should re write it?

 

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#282:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 10:54 pm

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Carolyn P wrote:

Hmm, I've just done something rather nasty to Xanthe. Wonder if I should re write it?

Aw! Carolyn! don't worry about it. We'll huggle her after we stop laughing whatever it is.

 

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#283:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 11:00 pm

---

Carolyn P wrote:

Hmm, I've just done something rather nasty to Xanthe. Wonder if I should re write it?

I know i'll get in trouble for this but,

No don't re-write it post it post it!

(still love you loads Xan )

 

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#284:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 11:14 pm

---

Matey looked at her arms and wondered what else could possible go wrong. As she pulled herself as upright as possible for a woman whose legs have fallen off, her arms began to split into spaghetti thin strips from her elbows down. “Now how will I press the button?” she wondered.

At Glendower house the old girls had arrived to take over the teaching. This was great if you specialised in maths and science, as no old girls of any note were keen on those subjects and so nameless women who everyone ignored taught them. By Saturday things were settling down once more and the Old Girls were fast sorting out the wheat from the chaff. The chaff, or those pupils that the Old Girls thought would never be ‘Proper Chalet Girls’ were speedily disposed of in the usual way. This meant that seventeen girls whose faces didn’t quite fit were shredded in the industrial shredder kept for the purpose in the office.

Saturday morning saw the first Guide and Brownie meetings that had been held for quite some time. All the girls were enrolled, but somehow actual meetings never quite got arranged. Today was different. Mary-Lou was there. Guides and Brownies were all trig and trim as they paraded in the hall at 10:30 am. They stood in long straight lines whilst Mary-Lou inspected them. Those unfortunate enough to have a crooked skirt, a missing button or horror of horrors an un-ironed neckerchief were told to stand out. They were then subject to a fifteen-minute tongue lashing by Mary-Lou at her most sarcastic. Two of the more sensitive ones were unable to stand this and dropped dead on the spot. Mary-Lou was not steered by this and carried on until she was sure that the girls had learned their lesson and would be suitable attired from now on.

After the review Mary-Lou sent the Brownies out on a walk with orders not to come back until they had something interesting to tell her. The brownies were a little put out at this, but as they were accompanied by Barbara Chester and Maeve Bettany decided they had better comply. They had marched smartly down the drive and into the town centre when they did see something interesting. A girl, watching a local netball match from the sidelines. They could see from the way she watched that she played herself and was enjoying the match. What interested them most was her T-shirt. It had a large Velcro panel and moveable letters. They could see that it currently said “I’m a yibbling Owl” At this point the girl noticed them and came over saying, “Brownies, what fun! I hoped I’d find some whilst I was here. I’m Xanthe by the way.” This was her last mistake. The Brownies swarmed. Xanthe was buried under a horde of brownies all trying to move her letters around and write different things on her chest. By the time the two adults had pulled them off, one by one, and then done so again and again as they sneaked back on there was a crumpled figure on the floor and the slogan now read “Attack of the killer Brownies”

In slight horror, not at the death but at the brownies lack of reaction to it Barbara and Maeve marched them back to school. Once there the brownies gathered impatiently around Mary-Lou and told her what had happened. She nodded and said “Yes, I thin k that may count as interesting, now cut along and get changed before lunch.”
“Mary-Lou, er, don’t you think they should show a little emotion, they did trample and crush that young woman to death after all?”
“Nonsense, we are bringing up strong young women, not jellyfish. They are fine, you wouldn’t want wibbly wrecks now would you?”
“No Mary-Lou” chorused the pair, knowing that their fate was to agree with Mary-Lou always.

Matey had solved the problem of the button. Throwing herself forward she landed squarely on the sample pad. She toppled backwards and her head hit the button, depressing it.

 

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#285:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 11:34 pm

---

Having this wonderful thought of a similar fate happening to Xanthe at the gathering!

Carolyn that was hilarious!!!

 

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#286:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2004 11:45 pm

---

Here we go again:

The Holocaust Body Count is made up of:

00000003 - Hilda, Jem, Reg (at the end of the Xmas special, but counting in here)
00000018 - Prefects
00000004 - Joan, Gaudenz, Kathie, Nancy
00000002 - Jack and Joey
00000177 - Middles
00000012 - Mistresses on bus
00000324 - Swiss village
00000067 - Millies
00000001 - Phillipe
00000015 - Millies staff
00000038 - Platz residents
00250582 - Interlaken residents
00000111 - CS Juniors
00000732 - Tourists
00000002 - Billy and Rachel's brother
00000002 - un-named from Thrombosis
00000025 - Boy scouts from tangled knots
00000002 - Sybil and Josette bored to death
00000004 - CBBer's (KB, Adelheid, Kirsty, and Kathryn) from Yibbling
00000001 - Crashweewee
31714637 - population of Canada
00000010 - seniors electrocuted
00000003 - seniors run over
00004048 - in crashed planes
00000002 - un-named headmistresses
02903085 - population of Wales (glad you used the same source as me Carolyn! )
00000002 - Engelbert and Ermintruda
00000001 - Chloe
00000005 - MEN!
00000002 - C_Rachel and Nina washing pans
00000009 - archaeologists
00000001 - Virus
00000048 - 47 mistresses and a dog
00000097 - Sixth formers
00000264 - train passengers
00000020 - smoking related
00000002 - squashed by a large joint
00000001 - Nicci in a box
00000013 - inhaling flies
00304300 - Population of Coventry
00000001 - Bill Wilson
00000002 - Miss Lawrence & Miss Derwent
00000001 - Body under train
60180529 - Population of France
00000017 - girls whose faces didn't fit, shredded
00000002 - tongue lashed by Mary-Lou
00000001 - Xanthe, trampled and crushed by Brownies

95359224 - GRAND TOTAL!!

 

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#287:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 12:06 am

---

I really wanted an early night but couldn't go till I had my bedtime story!

Huggles as promised to Xanthe (sorry Xanthe, hope you don't mind the full protective clothing I'm wearing. Blood is so difficult to get out of white blouses!).

I love Matey's prgamatic approach to whatever falls off.

 

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#288:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 12:10 am

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Sounds like most brownies I know!

 

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#289:  Author: Polly, Location: Essex Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 12:28 am

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*giggles so violently she gets hiccups!!*
More more more more more, please!
Thank you!

 

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#290:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 12:59 am

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Poor Xanthe *huggles* but at least she has the satisfaction of knowing that the Brownies aren't spineless jellyfish.

 

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#291:  Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 1:22 am

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*laughing so hard she is in danger of waking up the neighbours!*

 

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#292:  Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 2:27 am

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Poor, poor Xan! Oh well. Let's be philosophic about it. At least there'll be even more strawberry jam for the Sale.

Actually, on second thoughts, they must be swimming in the stuff by now!

Donna, congrats on the yibbling. Maybe if you work really really hard (forget the brats-oops, little dears - isn't 'brat' on the Index?!) you might even catch up with Vikki and KB.

OK, I know that's wishful thinking!

 

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#293:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 3:15 am

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*huggles Xan in between fits of laughter!!!*
Carolyn, that was brilliant!! Absolutely inspired!!!

Now for Rachel's bit.........

 

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#294:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 4:28 am

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*sigh* So few deaths. You've fallen beneath your standards.

And did I miss a Rachel part?

 

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#295:  Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 4:26 pm

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heee heeeeeeee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee heeeeeeee heeeeeeeeeeeee heeeeeeeeeeeeeee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Oh, this is beautiful.............pure art.


ETA: Oooooh did I make it go all long? HELP! (or was it like that befopre and i didn't notice?)

 

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#296:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 4:51 pm

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Abi wrote:

Oooooh did I make it go all long? HELP! (or was it like that befopre and i didn't notice?)

It was the extra long heee's that did it. Somehow they occasionaly through width of the page. I've taken a few out to make it easier to read. It sometimes happend with www's as well.

 

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#297:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 5:48 pm

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Another hilarious installment!

 

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#298:  Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 7:07 pm

---

ouch

 

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#299:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 7:31 pm

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Xanthe wrote:

ouch

Sorry, are you in any pain dear?

Seemed an appropriate way for you to go.

*Off to trawl through the threads for more ideas.

 

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#300:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 8:08 pm

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Steve considers the current grand total a little pathetic, and feels sure you could have tried a little harder!

 

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#301:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 8:26 pm

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Pat wrote:

Steve considers the current grand total a little pathetic, and feels sure you could have tried a little harder!

He considers 95 million a little pathetic?

*Pat's husband a rather scary individual!*

 

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#302:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 8:29 pm

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*doubts if Pat's husband could think of quicker ways to kill 95 million people*

 

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#303:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 8:33 pm

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I'm never going to look at Brownies in the same way again

 

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#304:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 8:38 pm

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He suggests that about 60m Chinese could be wiped out by the chicken flu, for a start!!

ETA: if Lesley thinks Steve sounds rather scary, she ought to try living with him!!! (He suggested I posted that BTW!!)

 

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#305:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 10:40 pm

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Pat wrote:

He suggests that about 60m Chinese could be wiped out by the chicken flu, for a start!!

A little obvious isn't it?

D suggested a nuclear power station explosion triggered by a drunk driver, but I think even that is a little sane.

 

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#306:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 11:06 pm

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No lets have a complete pandemic with the avian influenza - the last big one was in 1918 and was responsible for more deaths than the whole of WW1!

If it really took hold it could wipe out a quarter of the world's population - 1.25 billion - maybe more - and would reach everywhere really quickly due to air travel!

*Thinks Pat is very brave!*

 

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#307:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 11:26 pm

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I think you are all treading on very thin ice...

 

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#308:  Author: Rebecca, Location: Kendal/Oxford Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2004 11:59 pm

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I don't know about anyone else, but I'm pretty much resigned to being killed off in some foul, gruesome way. The ice was never thick to start with!

(More, please!)

 

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#309:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 12:03 am

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Please Rachel, can I have my bedtime story soon?

 

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#310:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 12:13 am

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There's always tidal waves in highly built up areas like New York or Hong Kong!

 

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#311:  Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 12:23 am

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I always thought the 1918 epidemic was Spanish flu, Lesley? I suppose nothing stops it from being Spanish avian 'flu, but let's not split hairs!

And Pat, I thought for a moment that Steve was the name of your small sparkling purple leaf!

 

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#312:  Author: Polly, Location: Essex Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 12:35 am

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Where's the next bit?!!!! No bedtime reading!! *sniff*

 

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#313:  Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 12:48 am

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So, will Xanthe wear (or bring) this so-famous shirt to the Gathering? Possibly not advisable....

 

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#314:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 2:19 am

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Lisa_T wrote:

And Pat, I thought for a moment that Steve was the name of your small sparkling purple leaf!

*wonders how Pat's hubby will react to that!!!*

Xanthe wrote:

ouch

*huggles Xanthe!!*

 

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#315:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 5:53 pm

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More please!!!

And how did this get so far down teh list...

 

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#316:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 6:39 pm

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Nell wrote:

More please!!! And how did this get so far down teh list...

Because there's been no more story. Yet ...

 

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#317:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 6:40 pm

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I think it has to do with Rachel not having posted the next bit yet!!!!

 

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#318:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 6:42 pm

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Please may we have some more!

 

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#319:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 6:44 pm

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I wonder if RL has kidnapped Rachel?

 

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#320:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 6:59 pm

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RL wouldn't be able to deal with Rachel!

 

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#321:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 7:18 pm

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I would have thought, after two whole days, there would have been more of this...

 

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#322:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 9:38 pm

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Is that a hint KB?

 

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#323:  Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 9:43 pm

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KB does a woonderful line in subtle hints, Sarah. Get used to it!

 

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#324:  Author: Nicci, Location: UK Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 10:03 pm

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Ooh, poor Xanthe.
...Nevermind. She should have known better than to start talking to Carolyn and Rachels creations!

So, when can we have some more deaths?

 

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#325:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 10:14 pm

---

Lisa_T wrote:

I always thought the 1918 epidemic was Spanish flu, Lesley? I suppose nothing stops it from being Spanish avian 'flu, but let's not split hairs!

Lisa - influenza epidemic in 1918 is now thought to have originated in an army camp in France! The reason why it was called Spanish flu is because during WW1 all the countries involved in the war put an absolute ban on reporting the hugenumbers of people dying due to the epidemic. Spain, being neutral, could report without problems and the flu was originally thought to have originated there. Later all the fighters in the war owned up that they had horrendous nos of deaths too!

ahem, sorry about that! Rachel, Carolyn please come back and add to this!

 

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#326:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 10:46 pm

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Rachel, where are you?? Please come and post soon. Has college been horrendous this week 'cos you've been v. quiet.? Hope not.
*sending holocaust writing huggles*


BTW, Rachel and I did wonder a few days ago if anyone minded the title of this drabble. Hope we haven't offended anyone.

 

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#327:  Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 10:55 pm

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I did know about the death toll being higher than WWI itself, but that's about it. Did you research it for Headmistress, Lesley?

 

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#328:  Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 10:58 pm

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Just saw the comment about the holocaust. I only realised myself today (which is disgraceful given that HMDay was in Belfast this year) but I don't see why people should mind. It's a word, after all, and can be applied in many different contexts. You and Rachel have uh, certainly managed to go for genocide!

 

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#329:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2004 11:49 pm

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I think, if it was going to become an issue, it would already be one, Carolyn!

 

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#330:  Author: BethC, Location: Worcester, UK Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 12:09 am

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*looks around for chant to join*
*can't find it so starts new one to tune of "Dogtanian" (no idea why that's in my head!):
"One for all and all for one, CBBers are always ready,
Chanting all the time for MORE - join in, everybody!" (yes, I know, but ready/body was the rhyme in the real thing!) *

*slightly worried about Rachel as she hasn't killed/maimed/tortured anyone for three days - hope all's well, Rachel!*
* sends to *

 

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#331:  Author: Rosie, Location: Huntingdonshire Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 12:20 am

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Ooh, nice new chant! *tries to join in but gets all tongue-twisted and decides to leave it to people who seem to know what they're doing*

 

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#332:  Author: Polly, Location: Essex Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 12:22 am

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Oh crikey!! (sorry for the slang - have paid fine in chocloate coins!) I remember 'Dogtanian' went it was first shown - must be about 1985/86!!!

I'll join in the chant, as I can't get the tune out of my head now, thanx!!!!

Raaaaaaaaccccccchhhhhhhheeeeeeellllllllllll!!!!!! More please!

 

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#333:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 12:27 am

---

Apologies to all you gore freaks out there - RL certainly has been attempting to lure me away from the CBB - and last night I had a nice little skid in my car on the ice/snow and wrote off a wheel. Fortunately not the car! Today being the day of my big college review, I could really have done without that last night!

However, college was great, I may even finish the course on schedule, and my car is fine again. My bank balance is slightly lower, so I bought a digital cameral to cheer myself up.

So now on with the promises - tomorrow I will write you all some lovely painful deaths, possibly featuring fountains of blood - mainly because I like that phrase.

Now, I wonder who would look pretty with a fountain of blood spouting from every orifice? Off to mosy round the board and do some research.

 

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#334:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 12:36 am

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Lisa_T wrote:

I did know about the death toll being higher than WWI itself, but that's about it. Did you research it for Headmistress, Lesley?

Partly - I wanted to marry up dates for Hilda's mother! But also one of the places I work had a lecture from a professor on the 1918 flu!

Rachel - looking forward to the post - are you OK - it's not nice when you skid!

 

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#335:  Author: Polly, Location: Essex Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 12:39 am

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I'm glad your car did not come off too badly, Rachel. Hope you are OK, and looking forward to the next installment!

 

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#336:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 12:43 am

---

I was absolutely fine after my heart stopped doing the quickstep fandango! I was really annoyed though as I know all about turning into a skid etc and taking your foot off the break - but it all happened so fast there was no TIME to do any of those things!

I'm just grateful it was only a kerb that I hit and not another vehicle - or worse - a person.



ETA: I just realised the irony of that last sentence in this drabble - but thought I'd leave it anyway!

 

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#337:  Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 1:40 am

---

Have just read all 17 pages of this so far. My brain is reeling. It has really cheered me up ( should you really say that with all those deaths?)
Very very funny, off to bed in a real good mood - consodering I have a course tomorrow.

Glad you are OK after your skid, Rachel, they are horrible.

 

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#338:  Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 3:12 am

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Quote:

Partly - I wanted to marry up dates for Hilda's mother! But also one of the places I work had a lecture from a professor on the 1918 flu!

I realised that myself when I realised that was probably where you got your estimate for Hilda's DOB.

 

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#339:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 6:54 am

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*runs across to huggle Rachel and refrains from chanting*

 

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#340:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 9:49 am

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Rachel, sending huggles down the modem. RL stinks sometimes. Love the way you buy the camera when the bank is low!! Have fun with it, I love ours.

Look forward to all the mayhem.

KB, we hadn't thought before, HMD made us think about it too.

 

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#341:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 9:50 am

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Poor Rachel! I'm glad it wasn't worse. I'm glad college is going OK and wish you a very successful College Review.

 

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#342:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 12:50 pm

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*dashes over to huggle Rachel!!*
I'm glad it wasn't worse honey!!

*settles down to a patient, chant free wait!*

 

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#343:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 1:11 pm

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If we're going to be patient and not chant we might as well be comfortable...

*conjures up squishy sofa, supplies of chocolate, widescreen tv, books, tea, coffee and anyhting else that might be wanted*

 

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#344:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 7:14 pm

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Glad you're ok Rachel, i hope we get a chance of more story soon though too

 

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#345:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 8:58 pm

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*produces big jugs of hot chocolate, and a film to watch while we wait!!*

 

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#346:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 9:00 pm

---

The Maynard Offspring decided that as the train had been stationary for over forty-eight hours, it would be acceptable to complain to the management about the shoddy service on French railways. It took this long to come to the decision mainly because the entire group had become embroiled in one of those games of "I-Spy". Felicity had stumped them all for well over three hours with "something beginning with m and e". Many and varied the guesses had been, but nobody came anywhere near. Felicity refused to accept "I give in!" as an acceptable alternative, and it was only after four of the mistresses had killed themselves by gnawing on their own wrists that Len threatened to disown Felicity if she didn't tell them. As being one of the Maynard Offspring was the most important aspect of Felicity's life, she caved in pretty quickly!

The whole group climbed out of the train and began walking to find someone to complain to. They passed by numerous bodies without comment - the Chalet School bred them tough - but when they eventually reached a train station also filled with bodies, Len said "This really isn't good enough!" before signalling them all to follow her.

She made them walk all the way to Calais, arguing that if everyone was really dead, as they appeared to be, they could at least walk to England through the Channel Tunnel. This turned out to be rather a bad decision for the remaining mistresses. As CS mistresses, they were supposed to show fortitude and courage at all times, but nothing had prepared them to confront and survive an encounter with a high speed train. Splat. The remnants of 23 mistresses landed half a mile down the track. Len daintily shook her habit to get the globbets of the late Kathie Robertson off.

The much reduced group - now comprising only 5 mistresses and the eleven Maynard Offspring - walked for hours through the Chunnel, eventually arriving in Folkestone just as the sun came up. Len did an emotional address to the group about being back in their Motherland, which was spoilt somewhat by Miss Smith's insistence that certain members of the Maynard Offspring couldn't claim England as their home country as they had been born elsewhere.
"In fact," continued Miss Smith, warming to her theme, "only Stephen, Charles and Mike can claim to be thoroughly English. The rest of you are just a hodge podge-" The mistress stopped talking inorder to look at the railway sleeper that had just been thrust through her abdomen by young Phillipa.
"Nobody calls me podgy!" she remarked with dignity. Con attempted to control her sniggers long enough to explain what "hodge-podge" actually meant.

Madge was really getting into her element. The lime pits were working beautifully, and she was certain that this time they would not have to come up with some feeble reason like drains to explain a hasty removal from the area. Reading through various reports on her desk, Madge frowned as she came across one labelled "Don't Call Me Victoria". Touching a bell on her desk, Madge requested that Don't Call me Victoria should be brought to her study. Immediately.

Quaking at the knees, Don't Call Me Victoria knocked on the door and entered in response to Madge's cheerful "Whatcha Want?"
"You asked to see me Madam?" Don't Call Me Victoria gasped out.
"Ah, yes, Victoria isn't it? Yes. Victoria, I'm very sorry to have to do this. It is not a deicision I take lightly at any time Victoria, and especially so in your case. However, Victoria, I have reviewed your crime sheet, I mean school record - Pay attention Victoria! - and I have decided, Victoria, that the Chalet School can no longer keep you here. Victoria? Did you hear what I said child?"

Don't Call Me Victoria suddenly realised a response was being sought from her; failing to pay attention to written words was one of her biggest failings, second only to failing to pay attention to spoken ones.
"Yes," she said firmly.

"Then please repeat word for word Victoria what I just told you?" madge requested sweetly.
Don't Call Me Victoria did a beautiful impression of a stranded cod fish moments before the fisherman thrusts in the knife and twists to remove fishy guts and things, but failed to come up with the correct answer.
"I see," said Madge. "Victoria, that was your last possible chance - you are now officially expelled."
Don't Call Me Victoria left the room, trying to hide her glee. She had done it! She had become so bad the school couldn't keep her! She ran to find her fellow criminal Lisa to break the good news before dashing off to pack her scanty belongings and run down the drive and away from the school forever.

An official summons now came for LisaT. She too knocked on the door, and entered when she judged she had allowed enough time for a response.
"You wished to see me Madam?" she asked politely.
"Ah, yes, LisaT isn't it?" said Madge, smiling brightly at the girl. "Yes, bad news I'm afraid. You see, I have been reviewing policies in the school, and apparently you don't conform to our standards."
LisaT bristled. "Is this because I can't hear quite so well as other people?" she demanded angrily.
"Can't you?" asked Madge in interest. "I'll have to make a note of that. Anyway, the reason you aren't conforming is because you refuse yto join in midnight story telling sessions. Now these have always been a fundamental part of being a true Chalet School girl, and if you don't join in, you will never be a true CS girl."

"So you're expelling me then? Just like that? After years of getting good grades, behaving in lessons, helping others wherever possible? I can't believe you're expelling me!" LisaT was well in her stride at this point, and looked set to continue for hours.
"Not at all!" replied Madge, shocked, when she could get a word in edgeways. "Non-conformists go in the lime pit!" and with that Madge signalled to someone who had entered the room behind LisaT. The un-named person stuck a hypodermic syringe in LisaT's neck. Within seconds, her whole body had swollen to three times it's normal size, and then with a satisfying "Spluch" noise, LisaT exploded, with blood spouting and spurting in all directions. Madge nodded, "Chuck her in the lime pit would you?" she asked with one of her dazzling smiles, before turning to make a telephone call to her interior decorator once more.

MEANWHILE

Matey was feeling hungry. By her reckoning, it must have been at least three weeks since she last had a decent meal. Looking around, there was a distinct lack of decent meals. There were plenty of rat droppings though.

 

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#347:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 9:02 pm

---

The Holocaust Body Count is made up of:

00000003 - Hilda, Jem, Reg (at the end of the Xmas special, but counting in here)
00000018 - Prefects
00000004 - Joan, Gaudenz, Kathie, Nancy
00000002 - Jack and Joey
00000177 - Middles
00000012 - Mistresses on bus
00000324 - Swiss village
00000067 - Millies
00000001 - Phillipe
00000015 - Millies staff
00000038 - Platz residents
00250582 - Interlaken residents
00000111 - CS Juniors
00000732 - Tourists
00000002 - Billy and Rachel's brother
00000002 - un-named from Thrombosis
00000025 - Boy scouts from tangled knots
00000002 - Sybil and Josette bored to death
00000004 - CBBer's (KB, Adelheid, Kirsty, and Kathryn) from Yibbling
00000001 - Crashweewee
31714637 - population of Canada
00000010 - seniors electrocuted
00000003 - seniors run over
00004048 - in crashed planes
00000002 - un-named headmistresses
02903085 - population of Wales (glad you used the same source as me Carolyn! )
00000002 - Engelbert and Ermintruda
00000001 - Chloe
00000005 - MEN!
00000002 - C_Rachel and Nina washing pans
00000009 - archaeologists
00000001 - Virus
00000048 - 47 mistresses and a dog
00000097 - Sixth formers
00000264 - train passengers
00000020 - smoking related
00000002 - squashed by a large joint
00000001 - Nicci in a box
00000013 - inhaling flies
00304300 - Population of Coventry
00000001 - Bill Wilson
00000002 - Miss Lawrence & Miss Derwent
00000001 - Body under train
60180529 - Population of France
00000017 - girls whose faces didn't fit, shredded
00000002 - tongue lashed by Mary-Lou
00000001 - Xanthe, trampled and crushed by Brownies
00000004 - mistresses during "I-Spy"
00000023 - hit by Chunnel train
00000001 - Miss Smith impaled on a railway sleeper
00000001 - LisaT

95359253 - GRAND TOTAL!!

Last edited by Rachel on Fri Jan 30, 2004 9:54 pm; edited 1 time in total

 

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#348:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 9:50 pm

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Most inventive *giggles* I should think the interior decorator is making a fortune. I think your list has one missing - unless Lisa T survived the explosion?

 

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#349:  Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 11:01 pm

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*giggling* What have I done to be murdered? It was supposed to be Vikki *grumble* And did you have to make me sound like Mary-Lou?!

*off to think of something seriously nasty for Rachel the Witch*

 

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#350:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 11:24 pm

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Lisa_T wrote:

What have I done to be murdered?

You continue to use this board.

Quote:

It was supposed to be Vikki

Patience my love, patience!

Quote:

And did you have to make me sound like Mary-Lou?!

Yes.

Quote:

*off to think of something seriously nasty for Rachel the Witch*

<snigger> as evil as this drabble?

 

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#351:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 11:27 pm

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Lisa, I think Carolyn has already laid claim to doing away with me, but she needed me at home, which is why Rachel has expelled me!!!

Rachel, that was great!!
Carolyn, where's your bit?

 

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#352:  Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 11:35 pm

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Oh, thank you, Victoria(!)

 

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#353:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 11:46 pm

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Isn't it time for a more widespread slaughter? it's a while since you finished off France!

 

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#354:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 11:48 pm

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France was wiped out only two posts ago!

Pat, I think it may be time for you to seek professional help sweetie - your bloodlust is becoming worse than mine!!!

 

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#355:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2004 12:11 am

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Lisa_T wrote:

Oh, thank you, Victoria(!)

*throws a pillow at Lisa!!*

 

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#356:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2004 12:54 am

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Hmm, now Vikki is home, or at least on the way, mayhem, chaos, and maybe a sprinkling of death.

 

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#357:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2004 12:57 am

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Carolyn P wrote:

Hmm, now Vikki is home, or at least on the way, mayhem, chaos, and maybe a sprinkling of death.

Looking forward to that Carolyn!

 

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#358:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2004 1:13 am

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Carolyn P wrote:

Hmm, now Vikki is home, or at least on the way, mayhem, chaos, and maybe a sprinkling of death.

 

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#359:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2004 1:15 am

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Rachel wrote:

France was wiped out only two posts ago! Pat, I think it may be time for you to seek professional help sweetie - your bloodlust is becoming worse than mine!!!

That ain't possible Rachel!!
BTW go check the Bruno thread dear! You're bewitching very effectivel there!

 

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#360:  Author: Polly, Location: Essex Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2004 1:01 pm

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Urgggghhhh! Rat dropping!!!!!!

Loving it!! More please!!!!!

 

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#361:  Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2004 8:06 pm

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Carolyn! Isn't it your turn? Come on!
Oh, do me a favour. Kill Vikki very nastily. And it'd be even nicer if you could do something to your pardner in crime too, but I s'pose that's asking too much!

 

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#362:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2004 9:21 pm

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Yes more please - great stuff from both of you - sorry about the wheel Rachel, I've written off a few myself, and had one overtake me, but it ain't funny when it happens. Sending huggles.

 

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#363:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2004 12:08 am

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Well I might just oblige with Vikki, but most certainly not with Rachel, that would mean I'd have to finish this alone, sh'e hardly going to continue if she is dead...although I have a inkling that she might feature in my next episode.

 

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#364:  Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2004 12:21 am

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She could always be a ghost writer, Carolyn....

 

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#365:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2004 12:28 am

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Not sure I dare take the risk!

 

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#366:  Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2004 12:29 am

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Given the kinds of things Rachel gets up to, I'm not surprised!!

 

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#367:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2004 12:32 am

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So when will we have your next bit Carolyn?

 

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#368:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2004 12:42 am

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Later tomorrow. Finishing Con and Margot has priority.

 

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#369:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2004 1:16 am

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That's fine by me. I'm loving Con and Margot.

 

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#370:  Author: Emma, Location: Lichfield Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2004 1:17 am

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I'm loving them all at the moment!!

 

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#371:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2004 4:07 am

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Lisa_T wrote:

Carolyn! Isn't it your turn? Come on! Oh, do me a favour. Kill Vikki very nastily. And it'd be even nicer if you could do something to your pardner in crime too, but I s'pose that's asking too much!

*scowls at Lisa!!!*
And I thought you were my friend!!!!!

 

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#372:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2004 12:29 pm

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I can't wait for more of this!

 

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#373:  Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2004 4:53 pm

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Vikki:

Quote:

*scowls at Lisa!!!* And I thought you were my friend!!!!!

Oh, I am. But given the context of this drabble I don't see why I should have been knobbled first!
*hands Vikki a nice soothing gottle of gaileys..*

 

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#374:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2004 6:09 pm

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Lisa_T wrote:

But given the context of this drabble I don't see why I should have been knobbled first!

At least you're not looking over your shoulder for mad Madge all the time! You can just laugh at the rest of us!

 

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#375:  Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2004 6:27 pm

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How true! There are some advantages to being dead.
*goes off looking for the other ghosts*

 

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#376:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2004 9:26 pm

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You should find a few in Wales. Or France maybe.

 

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#377:  Author: Polly, Location: Essex Posted: Sun Feb 01, 2004 11:28 pm

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Or Coventry and Canada!!!

 

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#378:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 12:03 am

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The way this is going, the whole world will be populated only by ghosts and Carolyn and Rachel. Won't the ghosts have fun haunting those two?

 

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#379:  Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 1:09 am

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Seems an awful long tine since anyone added to this

 

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#380:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 1:10 am

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*wonders what Carolyn is doing.....*

 

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#381:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 8:35 am

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thinks Carolyn must be very busy. Poor Carolyn. *Hugs.*

 

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#382:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 12:38 pm

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Two whole pages of yibbling and no new story.

 

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#383:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 2:41 pm

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Thank you Patmac, I am, but it's slowly improving for a month or so.

This rambles a lot, but has a lot of deaths.


Madge sighed as she realised that she had unleashed a horror on the school. Old Girls were snooping into every corner. Only that morning she had pushed Peggy Bettany into the lime pit when she found her niece inspecting it too closely and trying to lift out an arm without dissolving herself. Madge had pushed Peggy in and luckily the girl had landed on the body bits sticking out, dragging them back under as she sank. Madge wondered what would happen next. She turned back to her desk and began the tedious task of planning for the stupid literature lessons she was reputed to be so good at giving to the sixths. The fact that there were no more sixths didn’t bother her, she had simply promoted some of the fifths to prefect hood and made them sixth formers. They would now have to listen to her teach.

She began the lesson by reading the juicer bits from various banned novels, and then set the girls to work with a dictionary, defining the more obscure terms. On reading some of the definitions, things that sounded anatomically impossible two of them passed out immediately from embarrassment, whilst another died after braking her neck, left leg nose and right elbow trying to contort into one of the positions mentioned. Madge shook her heads, this current generation of Chalet girls just didn’t seem to have the staying power of previous generations.

Meanwhile the Maynard offspring were consulting about the best way of reaching Carnbach. They had dismissed the mistresses’ suggestions of train, plane or automobile, and were now arguing the merits of screeching down the lanes on a three-wheeled hearse or arriving in a large blue double-decker bus. The decided on the hearse as Len was sure that a blue double-decker bus would prove too find and may be too conspicuous. “We must remember to be ladylike, and being conspicuous is most certainly not ladylike.”
“Erm, Len, we can’t be ladylike,” pointed out Geoff. Stephen tried to silence him, but too late, Len had whipped a pistol from her knickers and fired a round directly between his eyes. Blowing the smoke away from the tip she looked at Stephen, Charles, Mike and Felix, “Are you going to be ladylike?” she asked.
“Most certainly Len,” they chorused.
“Lets go, we’ve wasted too much time her as it is. We have to get to the school before Auntie Madge gets away?” Len was in command and determined.

They found a hearse in the car park and piled in, driving by a somewhat obscure route, going at Con’s insistence into London, driving through the crowds and into Westminster Abbey itself. The hearse wobbled Mike drove it up the steps and careered into the abbey, doing a handbrake turn into poets corner, the four mistresses turning green as they clung on tightly, and the ten remaining Maynard Offspring whooping and laughing as they saw what Con had in mind. She took and axe and proceeded to smash every memorial in the place, “Why would I want to be a poet,” she shouted as she lifted a bust of Shakespeare above her head and threw it at a convenient tourist, slaying him on the spot. Her anger had given her voice an extra edge, and as she shouted she hit a note out of range of hearing, but which echoed through the Abbey, shaking the very foundations, and congealing the brains of all who were within it’s range. The sound carried on, amplified by echo and space, and within minutes all of London had been affected. The only people unaffected were the Maynard Offspring who were used to Con’s voice, and the four mistress who were protected by virtue of being CS mistresses and possibly vital for the continuation of the story.
Con brushed the dust of her hands and climbed back into the hearse. “I’m rather thirsty after that, do you think we could find a drink somewhere, preferably outside of the city, London is such a noisy place?”
Mike grinned, “I know just the place, a friend of mine works as a bar steward up near Windsor, at a golf club, will that do?”
“One of your friends, hmm, well lets check her out first,” Len was cautious.
“How do you know it’s a girl?”
“If it’s one of your friends it has to be female.”
Mike grinned in recognition of this truth and drove them out of the now silent Abbey, through streets of people with congealed brains and out along the main road to Windsor. He found the place he was looking for easily enough, recognised it by the pipeline running into the grounds marked, ‘Baileys line, staff use only.’
“That was one of Vikki’s innovations,” he said as he pointed it out.

Ten minutes later they were all stood at the bar, Len having disposed of the couple that objected that they weren’t members in her usual manner. “I must get some more ammunition,” she reminded herself as she returned the gun to its usual hiding place.
Vikki glanced at Len, not fazed by the incident as Mike had told her all about his unusual family.
“May I get you a drink?” she asked
“Kaffee und Kuchen all round I think,” Len eyed her carefully, this girl seemed efficient, but would she cope with this.
“Certainly, will that be with featherbeds of whipped cream?”
Len was impressed. She was even more impressed when Coffee and delectable cakes were served only a few minutes later. She was not impressed however when Vikki sat down next to Mike and began to chat, and chat, and chat, and chat, and chat, and chat, and chat, and chat, and chat, and chat until Len wondered what on earth she could find to say.
“Enough,” she shouted at last and the chat ceased, and then started again before Len was able to continue.
Len was not about to take this kind of treatment from a mere Non-Maynard and signalled for the other Maynard off spring to follow her. They crept out of the bar and held a quick whispered conference. A mutter, a nod, and a wink later it was all sorted. They ran into the bar, grabbed Vikki, and refusing to listen to the chatter that was still continuing carried her through the bar and down the stairs into the tap room where the pipe marked Baileys had it’s end. Stephen ripped the tap off with a couple of twists of a monkey wrench he found laying around and Vikki was stuffed headfirst into the pipe. The Maynards watched fascinated as they could see the build up of liquid behind her, and hear the chatter still just audible. The pipe began to swell, and swell, a huge bubble was forming and the pressure was building. The hum of chatter ceased, and them there was an explosion as the pipe burst, sending Vikki a mile in the air, before she obeyed the force of gravity and landed in the town, covering an area of a square mile. The Maynards finished their drinks and left, driving their three-wheeled hearse through a river of Baileys. Margot scooped some up, and tasted it, “Interesting, it tastes just like the coffee that Mademoiselle used to make.” They drove away, and the pipe continued to shoot out Bailey’s into the air, until Windsor was no more and southern England had an unusual geographical feature, a lake of Baileys.

Matey ate the rat droppings as she watched the machine work. She now had a sore throat.

 

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#384:  Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 2:41 pm

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*emits a long-drawn-out moan of laughter that draws the attention of the rather nice young man sitting next to me in the library*

 

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#385:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 3:11 pm

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Hope you were 'Ladylike' Abi, or Len will be after you!

The Holocaust Body Count is made up of:

00000003 - Hilda, Jem, Reg (at the end of the Xmas special, but counting in here)
00000018 - Prefects
00000004 - Joan, Gaudenz, Kathie, Nancy
00000002 - Jack and Joey
00000177 - Middles
00000012 - Mistresses on bus
00000324 - Swiss village
00000067 - Millies
00000001 - Phillipe
00000015 - Millies staff
00000038 - Platz residents
00250582 - Interlaken residents
00000111 - CS Juniors
00000732 - Tourists
00000002 - Billy and Rachel's brother
00000002 - un-named from Thrombosis
00000025 - Boy scouts from tangled knots
00000002 - Sybil and Josette bored to death
00000004 - CBBer's (KB, Adelheid, Kirsty, and Kathryn) from Yibbling
00000001 - Crashweewee
31714637 - population of Canada
00000010 - seniors electrocuted
00000003 - seniors run over
00004048 - in crashed planes
00000002 - un-named headmistresses
02903085 - population of Wales (glad you used the same source as me Carolyn! )
00000002 - Engelbert and Ermintruda
00000001 - Chloe
00000005 - MEN!
00000002 - C_Rachel and Nina washing pans
00000009 - archaeologists
00000001 - Virus
00000048 - 47 mistresses and a dog
00000097 - Sixth formers
00000264 - train passengers
00000020 - smoking related
00000002 - squashed by a large joint
00000001 - Nicci in a box
00000013 - inhaling flies
00304300 - Population of Coventry
00000001 - Bill Wilson
00000002 - Miss Lawrence & Miss Derwent
00000001 - Body under train
60180529 - Population of France
00000017 - girls whose faces didn't fit, shredded
00000002 - tongue lashed by Mary-Lou
00000001 - Xanthe, trampled and crushed by Brownies
00000004 - mistresses during "I-Spy"
00000023 - hit by Chunnel train
00000001 - Miss Smith impaled on a railway sleeper
00000001 - LisaT
00000001 - Peggy Bettany
00000002 - From Embarassment
00000001 - From Contortions
00000001 - Geoff Maynard, not ladylike
00000001 - Tourist, slain by Shakespeare
21516273 - Population of London, plus commuters, plus tourists
00000001 - Vikki, death by Baileys
00133626 - Population of Windsor


117009159 - GRAND TOTAL!!

 

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#386:  Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 3:16 pm

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Ohhhhhhhh my goodness! The last post was supposed to be before the next bit so I've only just read it!!

Sadly the nice boy has gone

 

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#387:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 3:43 pm

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Oka-ay.......

Thank you Carolyn!! (I think!!) I guess there are worse ways to die, and at least I took the whole of Windsor with me!!
*wonders if the queen was in residence at the castle at the time?*

 

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#388:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 3:49 pm

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*hopes the Queen wasn't in residence, as if she's now dead the Maynard Offsrping might be tempted to take over*

 

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#389:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 4:05 pm

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But it'd look so cool on the body count........

 

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#390:  Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 4:07 pm

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It'd be much more fun to see Tony Blair on there, or George W. Bush. (Completely OT but WHAT is all that about them being nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize???????????????????????????)

 

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#391:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 4:15 pm

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What pillock was responsible for that?

 

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#392:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 4:24 pm

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It was some Norweigan politician. Thankfully, it doesn't mean anything. Anyone can be nominated, and there are hundreds of nominations. Hitler was nominated in the past. They've got no chance of winning.

 

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#393:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 4:35 pm

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Sarah_L wrote:

It was some Norweigan politician. Thankfully, it doesn't mean anything. Anyone can be nominated, and there are hundreds of nominations. Hitler was nominated in the past. They've got no chance of winning.

We hope! How about if the Queen was there and Tony Blair had gone to see her? Would that do? Since they weren't mentioned, I assume it didn't happen?

Thank you Carolyn. Most satisfying

 

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#394:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 5:05 pm

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Depending on the time of year, the Quenn was either in Windsor or London! Either way she's dead! Christmas time she'd be at Sandrigham, and summer in Balmoral, and therefore safe - so far!!!

 

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#395:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 5:08 pm

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Then her demise should be noted in the body count!!!!!

 

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#396:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 5:12 pm

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I vote that we write a very well considered letter to the Nobel Prize committee, pointing out that GWB and TB have caused more deaths in the past year than anyone else.

Also, nice one, Carolyn.

 

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#397:  Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 5:23 pm

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the deaths are really coming thick and fast now aren't they - are we all meant to die before the gathering?

Do you think it's too early to start chanting at Rachel the ??

 

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#398:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 5:35 pm

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Jennie wrote:

I vote that we write a very well considered letter to the Nobel Prize committee, pointing out that GWB and TB have caused more deaths in the past year than anyone else. Also, nice one, Carolyn.

Well, possibly not as many as Rachel and Carolyn......

 

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#399:  Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 7:53 pm

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*giggles hysterically* Thank you, Carolyn. That was lovely. I liked the bit about 'chat and chat and chat and...'- so typical of our cheif yibbler. Welcome to ghostdom, Vikki!
When are you going to extinguish KB?!

I thought for a moment you were going to have the Abbey explode and all the dead people in it (there are rather a lot, even before you got started) being flung everywhere...yeuch.

 

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#400:  Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet! Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 8:00 pm

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this is great more please!

 

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#401:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 8:02 pm

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I thought KB had bought it a long time ago!!!! I loved the endless chat too!!!

 

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#402:  Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 8:12 pm

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Was she? I can't remember seeing her listed and surely Carol;yn and Rachel would not have consigned her death to anonymity?

 

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#403:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 8:30 pm

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All the Aussie members were in a bar or something in Melbourne, and got taken out together by Madge and the child!!

 

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#404:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 8:38 pm

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$ Cbb'ers were named and listed in the body count, and have been there all along. Death by yibbling, KB was typing that fast she started combusted. Honestly do you people read anything we write!
*Shakes head and wonders if it is worth continuing this if no one reads the thing properly.*

 

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#405:  Author: Donna, Location: Liverpool Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 8:45 pm

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*tip for the future - never try to swallow two nurofen while reading the Holocaust drabble*

thank you Carolyn

so did we decide if it was too early to chant for Rachel the ?

ETA would like to point out that *I* knew that KB was extinguished with death by yibbling, and that even if no-one else reads it properly, I do and would like some more. please?

 

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#406:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 9:08 pm

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Everywhere I go, writers have been kidnapped by the RL monster

 

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#407:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 10:20 pm

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Wonderful! Marvellous! Hysterical! This is sooooo good.

Rachellllllll where are youuuuuuu?

 

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#408:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 11:35 pm

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Over here Lesley. Where are you?

 

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#409:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2004 11:58 pm

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If you're here, Rachel, why isn't there some more of Holocaust? You are falling down in your duty to the rest of us!!!

 

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#410:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 12:11 am

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I'm trying to decide who to kill next. So many people to choose from . . .

 

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#411:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 12:15 am

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It's not like you to be so hesitant!

 

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#412:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 12:18 am

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Ah but you see I'm about to write a really good death - and I want to make sure it goes to someone who really deserves it.

There are just so many candidates

 

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#413:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 12:24 am

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Just kill them all.

 

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#414:  Author: Rosie, Location: Huntingdonshire Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 12:35 am

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Neep! *wibbles* Death by Baileys... What a way to go! Oww. My fingers hurt too much to type!

 

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#415:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 12:37 am

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Sarah_L wrote:

Just kill them all.

Now my dear, you do realise statements like that draw attention to yourself, don't you?

And in case you hadn't noticed - we're getting there

 

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#416:  Author: Polly, Location: Essex Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 12:39 am

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More, more, more, please!!! V v funny, and I love the little Matey asides at the end. Who is going to be squadged next?!!!!!

 

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#417:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 12:43 am

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Thank you Carolyn - hilarious! Hard luck on being dead Vikki, but death by Bailey's can't be a bad way to go.

 

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#418:  Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 1:55 am

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I have a suggestion! *smirk* Donna- just 'cos she's been so smug over knowing about KB!!!!!

*runs to hide*

 

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#419:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 4:21 am

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I don't mind who you kill Rachel, as long as you hurry up and do it!!!!!!

 

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#420:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 4:25 am

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I second Vikki's motion. All in favour say "Aye"

 

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#421:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 5:14 am

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Aye.

(I'm glad we don't have the three word post rule anymore)

 

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#422:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 6:29 am

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Aye!

(Just post more sooooon!)

 

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#423:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 11:02 am

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Aye

and no I'm not drawing attention to myself or volunteering as a candidate because by my reackoning all of us in London are now dead already by virtue of Con's voice....

 

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#424:  Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 11:16 am

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Eye, oops I mean Aye!

Was hoping that Rachel would have managed to beat RL into submission and that there might be a next installment.

*wondering whether I am the only one eagerly anticipating the method of my own destruction!*

 

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#425:  Author: Donna, Location: Liverpool Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 11:27 am

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PatMac wrote:

I second Vikki's motion. All in favour say "Aye"

Aye! (Glad you're seconding Vikki's motion and not Lisa_T's though!)

and Lisa, I can't help it if I'm just more observant than you are!

 

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#426:  Author: Rebecca, Location: Kendal/Oxford Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 11:31 am

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(with gusto)

AYE!!!

 

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#427:  Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 11:51 am

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Aye! Kill! Kill! Kill!

 

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#428:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 5:40 pm

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Hey! Rachel!! where's our story?

 

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#429:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 5:44 pm

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putting her hand up to signify aye, but not wanting to draw Rachel's attention to herself.

 

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#430:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia Posted: Tue Feb 03, 2004 7:26 pm

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Lisa_T wrote:

I have a suggestion! *smirk* Donna- just 'cos she's been so smug over knowing about KB!!!!! *runs to hide*

I would like to point out (smugly) that I knew about me, too. However you can't kill me because you already have!

Rachel and Carolyn, I have just wiped tears from my eyes. Thank you so much for this story! I love it!

 

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#431:  Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK Posted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 12:01 am

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*joins KB in wiping away tears of laughter!*

I love the murderous yibbling on this thread almost as much as the story itself. Almost... but not quite as much. I WANT MORE DEATHS!

 

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