Communal and titleless FCS
The CBB -> Cookies & Drabbles

#1: Communal and titleless FCS Author: XantheLocation: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2004 9:25 pm

Miss Annersley sat in her study, gazing out over the grounds, reflecting on the latest school events. More specifically, she was thinking about the sudden adjectival deficiency which seemed to be afflicting the school, from the most Junior of Juniors right through to the Head Girl. Even the staff were not entirely immune, it seemed, as only that afternoon she had heard Kathie Ferrars describing her weekend in Basle as "frightfully s-h-i-n-y". Something must be done, and she, Hilda Annersley, bastion of Pure English in a world where people from all walks of life wrestled with SPG, was the woman to do it - none of this pathetic running to Jo Maynard, oh no, this was a job for "the autocratic headmistress"...

Donning her MA gown (very useful when you need to feel like a superhero) Miss Annersley strode out into the corridor and made her way towards Gaudenz's workshop, secure in the knowledge that he was off creosoting fences (and no, that is not a euphemism) and would thus be out of the way until Kaffee at least. Rolling up her sleeves, Miss Annersley set to work, grateful for the fact that her long friendship with Miss Wilson had led to an enhancement of her scientific knowledge, which, coupled with her own knowledge of literature, she was now busily turning to her advantage. Once she had finished building the contraption which was so central to her plans, Miss Annersley tucked it into the ample folds of her MA gown and made her way serenely back to the study. Coming through the office she heard Rosalie greeting Jo with an effusive "Oh, how s-h-i-n-y to see you!" which strengthened her resolve and ensured she put her plan into place that night once everyone was in bed.

The next morning the school routine began as usual, and a clutch of middles were to be found discussing their prep in a quite heated fashion before the entrance of their form mistress. "It was most unherbacious borders" exclaimed one damsel, who immediately clapped a hand over her mouth in shock, for that was not what she had meant to say at all...


#2:  Author: RachelLocation: Plotting in my lair PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2004 9:31 pm

"That's terribly undaffodil!" gasped out another little maiden, who then squeaked in horror and ran off to the splasheries crying.

The little girls loked around at each other, not quite daring to open their mouths and see what came out.

IN the prefects room, those young damsels were lounging, fishing out the books they required for the morning and being altogether too mature for words.
"How did you find that Latin exercise last night Lavinia?" asked Matilda.
"Oh it wasn't so glittery as all that," drawled Lavinia, then stopped and attempted to look at her own mouth.

As this casued that young lady to squint, the remaining pree's chuckled softly.
"Swallowed a dicker?" asked Matilda kindly. "Very buttercup!"


#3:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2004 9:35 pm

As she finished her sentence, Matilda stopped dead and stared at herself in horror!
"Why did I say that ?" she gasped!
"This is the most unhydrangea thing that has ever happened....."
The rest of the girls giggled wildly at Matilda's perplexed expression......


#4:  Author: XantheLocation: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2004 9:38 pm

The juniors were also having difficulties... Eloise Periera, having described something as "utterly rhododendron", was sitting in a corner crying heartbrokenly as their form-mistress came in.


#5:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2004 9:49 pm

"Good morning, girls," said Bill. "I trust you are well prepared for today's dandelion botany quiz. Question 1: Yesterday we discussed the extraction of latex rubber from Taraxacum officinale, or, since it was German day, Gemeine Kuhblume. What would you call this plant in English?"

Suddenly she realized that her adjective had given away the answer. "How Asteraceous!" she exclaimed in a puzzled fashion.


#6:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2004 10:04 pm

The preplexing use of language continued through out the following week as both English, French and German days saw the budding use of flowery language.

'Miss Ferrars was very ringelblume with me today, said Mollie with a sigh. 'I thought she would be terribly angry after I hadn't done any of her prep.'

You were lucky, though perhaps you shouldn't have spent all last evening pooring over those pictures of the San doctors. Though they were very narzisse', replied Rachel with a smile at her friend. 'You just be glad that Matey finished her glaenzen potion today, and I had opportunity to use it!.'


#7:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2004 10:44 pm

In the Staff Room consternation reigned. “This is the most unbluebell of situations” complained Miss Wilmot loudly, “Why are we suddenly unable to say even the simplest of words?”
“I think it is quite glittery,” said Miss Yolland with a grin. “My classes are becoming very floral”
“Well I like to know what I’m about to say, not to have strange words leaping out of my mouth, it is the most unassylum like of proceedings.”
“I can’t believe that we are all afflicted apart from Hilda. Has Jack got the results of the tests back yet?”
“Yes,” Rosalind Moore began to giggle, “It was so funny, he was on the telephone to Roslaie, and every other word was either a flower or a variation of impatiens, no that wasn’t what I wanted to say, a variation of digitalis, no of sun…bother this!” with this she sat down with a pfump on the nearest chair to the general amusement of all.


#8:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2004 11:01 pm

"I don’t think Jack knows Helianthus," remarked Bill in exasperation. "If this Scrophulariaceous situation isn’t cleared up pipsissewa, we’ll all go Lunaria."

"And if you ask me, Hilda's immunity is a petunia too salsify."


#9:  Author: pimLocation: St Andrews (right next to the beach) PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2004 11:44 pm

ROFL *falls off chair laughing* More please!


#10:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2004 7:52 am

Laughing More soon please, this is hysterical!


#11:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2004 10:19 am

'We really must discover what bindweed plot is behind this,' said Nell with a sigh. 'Some of us staff suffer from hayfever.'

'Oh deadly nightshade', exclaimed Miss Ferrars suddenly, 'what about the sale?' We can hardly have a flower themed sale at the present moment the girls are unoregano enough as it is, and we don't want to encourage them further.'

There was a united gasp of despair amongst the staff, as they contemplated the unfoxglove truth of this statement.

'Ahh Kathie, marguerite, you are right', said Mddle de Lachennais, with a little sigh. 'All that hard work, for nothing!'

'But its effecting the girls with flowery names far worse,' said Miss Robertson suddenly. 'I found little Bluebell Woods of the first in such a state of woe. She was awfully confused by the frequent use of her name, poor mite, she's sensitive enough about her name without any unshimmery comments.'

'There were some problems in Upper IVa as well' said Miss Wilmot with a dazzling smile at her collegues. 'I found Columbine Harvey having the outsize of rows with Mary Williams, it seems she was upset because her name hadn't been used by her form, and Poppy Harris's had!!! Don't worry I sent them to sit in the shade and cool their heels for a while, they should be back to their normal chrysanthamum selves shortly.


#12:  Author: SugarplumLocation: second star to the right! PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2004 4:55 pm

giggles .... this is so funny ! I'm feeling rather undaffodil myself today lol!


#13:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2004 5:59 pm

“Flower sale!” exclaimed Joey, butting in as usual. “But we don’t repeat sale themes. Don’t you remember the year the Robin and Inga Eriksen were such dahlia alpen-roses?”

“But that was back in the ginkgo ages, Jo,” said Nancy patiently. Suddenly she sat up. “Are you saying it’s Oenothera symptom?”

“Delphinium,” affirmed Jo.

“Now, ladies.” Bill’s voice was decisive. “We need a strategy here. What Allium do we know?

“That only Hilda can open her mouth without sprouting gladioli,” said Peggy Burnett.

“She does seem the most Ligustrum suspect,” acknowledged Bill. "On the other hand, can you see her permitting use of nouns as adjectives?"

“It does seem un-chrysanthemum. But what if she’s been used, somehow, as a trigger? She’s spent magnolia time than usual on her computer recently. What if some less than saxifrage elements have infiltrated that group she chats with? You know – the CBB?"


#14:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2004 7:52 pm

Laughing Laughing Laughing loving this!!! Have absolutely zero knowledge of flowers and therefore cannot join in!

BTW has this something to do with the fact that a comment I made on Surfeit (I was re-reading it for info) has changed from s-hiny to dandelion? Had to have been a mod to change it and it wasn't me! Laughing

(Like that Hilda has a computer!)

ETA Ah, it's something that's affecting the entire board! Have amended S-hiny!


#15:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2004 8:17 pm

'We must form a ceanothus to have a cranesbill into this lavandula situation, said Kathie Ferrars. 'It can hardly be a rosmarinus officinalis state of affairs. If we aren't careful, the whole school will break out in bellis perennis, and then where will we be? Up a eucalyptus, that's where.'


#16:  Author: MarianneLocation: Lancaster PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2004 8:27 pm

LOL Laughing
this is hysterical!
more please!


#17:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2004 8:34 pm

In the study Hilda opened her desk drawer and looked at the machine in consternation. Rosalie had just left in frustration, having ended up writing down all she wished to tell the head when tall that would come out of her mouth was "Dill sage parsley daffodil harebell heather daisy geranium box delphinium"

Hilda knew that the machine had been programmed to replace one word, and one word only, the S*H*I*N*Y* word that she was so enraged at hearing everywhere, but something appered to have gone wrong with it. More and more words were now being replace with floral names, or in the occasional instance botanical terms. This was a puzzle, but as she herself did not appear to be affected she closed the drawer and ser out to wander round the school and enjoy the fun.


#18:  Author: AnnLocation: Newcastle upon Tyne, England PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2004 8:37 pm

*wonders idly if this affliction also occurs on French and German days*


#19:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2004 8:39 pm

Yes it does, have a look at Ally's post from last night! More than I could have managed.


#20:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2004 8:54 pm

Back in the staff room, tempers were rising. “Begonia!” exclaimed Biddy. “Sure, and how in the carnation do we do that?”

"My suggestion is that we split up into three teams." Bill applied her most objective science mistress voice. "Jack insists there’s no evidence of Agapanthus microbes, making Dianthus interference with transmission of impulses from brain to mouth more Lespedeza. Matey, could you and the san staff look into ways and means? Rosalie, I’d like you and everyone else with expertise in camellia communications to investigate Hilda’s contacts. And whilst this is going on, Joey has a proposal for the more Impatiens among us."

Coreopsis,” agreed Joey. “If someone has used Hilda’s hatred of overused adjectives to set this off, perhaps we could use an Alstromeria trigger. So far the girls’ language has been constrained by what they’re Forsythia with. Only those with botanical training come out with Latin jawbreakers, for example. So what if we start introducing some of the more un-daffodil plants into their vocabulary? You know how Hilda feels about slang. What price lousewort, or fleabane, or viper’s bugloss?”


#21:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2004 9:32 pm

'Well, we'll have to do something pretty cacti, the kitchen staff were late serving up euphorbia this morning, so heaven knows what will happen later today, it's the day for soapwort-changing and that means trouble in the laundry - room.
'Heaven knows what will happen when it's time for mullein, Karen was going completely deutzia at broom when all the little petals were calling for their biscuits and there weren't any.'


#22:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2004 11:57 pm

Absolutley hysterical. Wish i had more time to join in.


#23:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon May 24, 2004 8:09 am

The full seriousness of the situation was brought home to the whole school one morning when Rosebay Willowherb burst into tears in the middle of Morning Prayers.

Rosebay had been a demon when she was in the Junior forms, creating havoc, mayhem and loosestrife, but progress up the school had seen her acquire a little sense, so she was now regarded as an effulgent beacon of Upper IVA and an all-round benificent aubergine, and one who was likely to earn her remove to Inter-V.

Last edited by Jennie on Mon May 24, 2004 11:18 am; edited 1 time in total


#24:  Author: cazLocation: Cambridge PostPosted: Mon May 24, 2004 8:46 am



#25:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon May 24, 2004 11:48 am

Two members of staff abstracted her from prayers, and took her to Matey, who calmed her down by threatening her with a dose, hot milk and bed for the rest of the day.

Rosebay finally managed to hiccup out what had made her cry.
'It's all so totally lustreless,' she managed to get out. 'Miss Annersley was like an antirrhinum with me in English yesterday, just because I said bittercress instead of toadflax during our English lesson.'

'This has gone quite far enough' said Matey when she had tucked the distraught girl up in bed, and the three staff members had left the room. 'This used to be such a radiant, luciferous school, and now what do we have? Larkspur and valerian all over the place, you see, it's even affecting me. I really meant love-in-a-mist and forget-me-not.'

'Yes,' said Nancy Wilmot in a grim tone of voice. 'This floriferous language is becoming too much to cope with. We'll all be in the achimenes longiflora before long, especially when we have to contact parents or other people outside the school.


#26:  Author: AlexLocation: Manchester PostPosted: Mon May 24, 2004 5:39 pm

I pronounce this drabble officially the most random ever.

I have astounding ability to kill plants just by looking at them so I better stay away for everyone elses safety!


#27:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon May 24, 2004 8:25 pm

Verbal plants can't and don't die, Alex, so please feel free to contribute.


#28:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2004 3:35 am

Nell Wilson was distinctly out-of-sorts. She thought she’d gotten the material across in that morning’s chemistry class, by dint of avoiding adjectives other than a few flowery flights of sarcasm. Botany, on the other hand, had been a nightmare. The girls’ mixture of random botanical terms with those meant to be in the lesson positively roiled her stomach.

“Why aren’t we doing something about it?” she muttered. She’d thought she’d gotten the ball rolling several times, but whenever she stepped into the staff room she found her colleagues back at square one, relating the latest nasturtiums and vowing that they were going daffodil. “It’s as though someone were hitting the reset bouttoniere.”

For the umpteenth time, she reviewed what little they knew. Blood tests showing no sign of infection. A bizarre scrambling of floral vocabulary that appeared to depend on the speaker’s background. And Hilda not at all herself, despite an apparent immunity to the current malady. “Her brain seems to have turned to kapok,” mused Nell. “And that M.A. gown fetish. Hmm, could use a bit of soapwort.”

“I feel so gorse-less!” She groaned, listening to herself. “It’s m ore like a computer vetch than anything else. Using some kind of wort-less technology. Ack! Without wires, I mean! Damasonium alisma! I wonder if one of Hilda’s on-Linum friends has that kind of expertise.”

“This is not helping! Maybe after a good night-blooming cereus. Better concentrate on what I can do at the moment. Number one: Between us, Matey and I get Hilda into a bath and a spruce-er gown. And as for botany tomorrow – I think I’ll just show a film. Harry Potter 2. The part with Professor Sprout and the mandrakes.” She smiled at the thought of leaving Longbottom once again still, grey, and...

“Earmuffs!” She exclaimed. “I wonder!”

Last edited by Kathy_S on Wed May 26, 2004 1:18 pm; edited 1 time in total


#29:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2004 3:58 am

Excellent! Go Nell!!! Laughing


#30:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Tue May 25, 2004 7:32 am

Very Happy Can't wait to see if Nell's idea works!


#31:  Author: AbiLocation: Alton, Hants PostPosted: Wed May 26, 2004 1:11 pm

*giggles wildly and hysterically* This is mad! Can't wait for more!


#32:  Author: cazLocation: Cambridge PostPosted: Wed May 26, 2004 3:09 pm

Nell started to head towards the San to consult with Matey, but the gong rang for Abendessen before she reached it. She hurried to join the other mistresses in the Speisesaal, only to find everyone struck dumb with amazement. Instead of one of Karen's luscious dishes, in front of each place was a big pile of porridge!


#33:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri May 28, 2004 2:57 pm

Matey took one look at the 'meal' that had been set in front of them, and gave tongue to her displeasure.

'This is ridiculous,' she uttered in her sternest voice. ' This school used to serve a wholesome, nourishing diet, but if this continues, we shall be down with a bad attack of pulmonaria. I intend to see that this state of affairs ceases as soon as possible.'

With that, she marched out of the Speisesaal, indignation written in every line of her tritomous back.

Last edited by Jennie on Thu Jun 03, 2004 9:26 am; edited 1 time in total


#34:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sat May 29, 2004 3:25 pm

Later that evening, Nell, Nancy and Kathie were closeted in Bill’s study. “I needed that,” sighed Kathie, finishing off a packet of TimTams. “Porridge makes me positively sycamore.”

“I can artichoke it down, but I don’t much care for it.”

“All right, ladies,” broke in Bill. “We’ve got to shake a legume. With half the school Utricularia with nerves or bilious attacks, the San staff are tied down. Jo’s bending her multiflora supply of hairpins trying to get into Hilda’s room, and Jack’s on call with a Syringa. Rosalie and the humanities faculty are columbining their efforts to investigate Hilda’s contacts. The rest is up to us.”

“But what canola we do, Nell?”

Once again, Bill wished there were more science staff available. “As you know, something is affecting our language, and now, Karen’s cookery. Since Medicago test results argue against germination and poisons, the most likely culprit is transmission of waves from a culprit or culprits to our brains. I suspect either electromarigold radiation, or sound waves of a frequency so hyacinth we don’t perceive it as sound." She reached into the cupboard and donned a helmet that appeared to incorporate pink fluffy earmuffs, swim goggles, and a television aerial.


#35:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sat May 29, 2004 5:33 pm

Oh lovely!!! Laughing Laughing Laughing Please someone continue - this is wonderful - I think you are all really clever with the botanical references!

(Evil Hilda!!! Evil or Very Mad )


#36:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sat May 29, 2004 7:05 pm

Two stranded codfish goggled back, uncertain whether to dissolve laughing or call for Jack.

Bill snapped up the visor. “Snapdragon out of it, you two! I’ve not lost my petals! The idea is that we eliminate one Potentilla input at a time. If at any point I make sensitive plant, we have a clue.”

“Right, first the sound waves. Ready?” They nodded.

She flipped one switch, and the earmuffs began to glow a startling shade of magenta. “You have been Alyssium-ated,” she intoned. “Resistance is fritillary.”

Perceiving her audience rocking with laughter, she turned off the earmuffs and raised her eyebrow. “Was it something I said?”

“Not perceived Aralia-ly, then.”

“OK, now we dial Verbascum wavelengths. I can only do cinquefoil nanometer increments, though.” She pushed a button and reached for a dial.

Suddenly, with a massive burst of static, the aerial began to spark. Grabbing a tea-towel, Kathie yanked off the helmet, while Nancy helped Bill into a chair. “Here, drink this.” Kathie poured out another cup of tea. “Nell, are you all Wrightia?”

“Oh, woad is me,” that lady cried ruefully. “Guess it needs a fuchsia adjustments. What was the exponent in Planck’s constant again?”


#37:  Author: patmacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sat May 29, 2004 8:20 pm

*Rockroseing with laughter* Just what I needed!


#38:  Author: cazLocation: Cambridge PostPosted: Mon May 31, 2004 2:46 pm

Nancy began to scribble some calculations on the back of an envelope.

"It seems very lily-of-the-valley that it might be something we sweet-pea. I mean with our irises." She gestured impatiently to her eyes.

Kathie and Bill looked round vaguely.

"Perhaps it's out of cyclamen. That is, out of the violet-isible range." Bill suggested.


Meanwhile Joey, with her hair hanging down her back and hair-pins in her mouth finally slipped the lock to Miss Annersley's study. Having previously ensured that Matey would keep Hilda busy visiting the most affected girls in the San, she opened the door confidently. She approached the desk but stared in astonishment at the pile of essays which Hilda had meant to mark that evening. They were all most unaccountably covered in small sparkling purple leaves.


#39:  Author: Rachael PostPosted: Tue Jun 01, 2004 3:34 pm

LOL!! This drabble is inspired!! Laughing

Joey let out a low whistle and sank into the nearest chair.
"Yucca!" she artichoked, her irises wide open as she gazed at the small sparkling purple leaves which appeared to be nonchalantly chewing the fronds of the nearest essay.
"How ever am I going to explain this to the rest of the azaleas?"
Shaking her daisy she reached across for the phone and daffodiled the direct line to the staff room.


#40:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2004 11:58 pm

“That yew, Peggy? You’ll never guess what turniped up in Hilda’s study! The same small sparkling purple leaves that’ve been making alfalfa of my manuscripts! Do you s’pose they’re related to our speech im-petal-mints?”

“Shut your flytrap a minute and listen, Joey. Matey’s been hirta! Beaned with a bottle of her own Salvia, and the girls say Hilda did it! It’s not clear whether she’s on the Lamium or suffering from Artemesia, but we need you on the search party. No, she can’t have gotten fir.”


Geum, Miss Wilson, it was so madwort! At first I thought it was just my feverfew, but I heard Matey, I mean Matron, tell Miss Annersley her M.A. gown was pepperomia-ed with oatmeal and that she’d stitchworted a lovage new one. But then Miss Annersley became violet! She went plumb loco-weed!"

“Oh, Miss Wilson, is Matey deadnettle?”

“Nonsense, dear, she’ll be all-heal-ed in no time. With that much Salvia on her injury, it won’t even be sorrel tomorrow. Now, take this nice hot milkweed and get some sleep.”


#41:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Mon Jun 07, 2004 5:47 am

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

Please, those of botanical mind, keep writing this!


#42:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2004 1:59 pm

Agrees completely with Lesley.


#43:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sun Jun 13, 2004 5:35 am

Where have all the communal drabblers gone?

*feels abandoned and un-lovaged* Crying or Very sad


#44:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sun Jun 13, 2004 1:29 pm

I'll bring my books over tomorrow to help me with some plant names.


#45:  Author: CiorstaidhLocation: London PostPosted: Sun Jun 13, 2004 2:24 pm

This is inspired... however, since I can kill spider plants, I'd better stay away, I think Embarassed


#46:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Jun 14, 2004 9:46 am

After hitting Matey over the henbane with a bottle of her own salvia, Hilda had quickly made her viburnum lantana back to her officinalis.

Opening the door, she was astilbed by the sight of Jo Maynard turnipping the knotgrasses of the machine which she had cornpoppied out of the things in Gaudenz's Shea Tree.

'What do you think you are dogbaning in my orpine, may I aspic, Jo' quercumed Hilda in an Allium Ascalonium voice.


#47:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Mon Jun 14, 2004 11:16 am

Oh no now Hida's been affected too....


#48:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Mon Jun 14, 2004 8:25 pm

It'sgetting worse!!! We'll see triffids next!


#49:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2004 6:41 am

Thank you, Jennie Very Happy

“Why, waitziana for you, Hilda,” laughed Joey. “I say, your Radiola doesn’t seem to be working valerian well.”

“Josephine Mary betony!” began Hilda.

Monarda, silly,” corrected Joey. “and me the mother of a longifolia family!"

“Such chicory,” spluttered Hilda, advancing on Joey. “How dare you call me Psyllium?”

Somewhat concerned, Jo looked up from the apparatus and eyed the headmistress. "Is Erythrina problematica, Hilda? You don’t sound quite your celosia.”

Slowly it penetrated. What had happened to the headmistress’ perfect English? Idly Joey twiddled the knob again.

Hilda’s face contorted. “Stop that this bloodroot-y minute!” Suddenly she pulled a pair of secateurs from under her M.A. gown and grabbed Jo by one of her braids. “I think you and I shall take a little campion trip together, Joey-baobab,” she hissed. “We need to sea-heath someone.”


#50:  Author: cazLocation: Cambridge PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2004 9:36 am


*scared by Hilda*


#51:  Author: AnnLocation: Newcastle upon Tyne, England PostPosted: Tue Jun 15, 2004 5:14 pm

ROFL Joey-baobab!
*falls off chair*


#52:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Wed Jun 16, 2004 2:24 pm

OH!!! Wonderful! Who is Hilda taking Joey to see???? Laughing


#53:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2004 10:25 am

Hilda marjoramed Jo out of the officinalis and down the coreopsis to the Stiff Sedge, where the rest of the Misopates Orontium looked at them with gaping mouths.

'She foxgloved you, then Joey?' did she, asked Nell.

'Yes.' restharrowed Jo. 'She did.' After all, there was no denying it.

'Now, Ara Maculata,' said Hilda, 'this has begoniad on for rumex longifolia enough. I am the persimmon who is reseda for this, so I shall end it. But first, I shall take our spikenard here to see a certain person who is a regular stickelwort in matricaria of licorice.'

With that, she dragged Jo out of the school and onto the wide expanse of the Gornetz Platz.


#54:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2004 10:36 am

Thanks Jennie - though I have to say that the increasingly botanical language gets me rather confused...


#55:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2004 11:33 am

All you need to do is to go to the library and find a Concise British Flora. Otherwise, I use John Lust's 'The Herb Book'. you nan chase the references in them, if you want to.


#56:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2004 6:13 pm

Who is Hilda taking Joey to??? Laughing


#57:  Author: MarianneLocation: Lancaster PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2004 9:03 pm

hurrah! splendid!


#58:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Mon Jun 21, 2004 8:18 pm

Jennie this is fantastic. Well done.


#59:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Tue Jun 22, 2004 7:02 am

“Excuse me, Hilda,” squeaked Joey. “You’re making me a bit nervosa. Miss Everett always said that secateurs should be carried with blades pointed towards the groundsel. What if you slippery elm?”

Hilda, still grasping Jo by the hair, pulled her forward relentlessly, but lowered the secateurs slightly. “Wort of honor you won’t do anything fool’s-parsley?”

“Cross my hearts-ease,” gasped Jo. “I’ll be a regular Angelica archangelica


After a moment’s paralysis, the exhausted staff began to react.

“After her!”

“Johnny-jump-up! If we don’t speedwell, we’re going to lose her!”

“Hold your horseweed! Remember, she has a hosta. I mean, a hostage. We’ve got to be Carya-ful.”

Wrightia! Biddy, see if you can keep an iris on her from behind the privet hedge, while the rest of us creeper around the Backhousia . We need to know which way she arrow-heads. Thank tree-of-heaven for the full moon!


#60:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Tue Jun 22, 2004 6:02 pm

Wonderful - any more? Laughing


#61:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sat Jul 10, 2004 6:53 am

Joey stumbled up still another narrow, winding trail, Hilda stalking silently behind. “I say, Hilda, mightn’t we take a short rest-harrow? I’m out of baby’s-breath.”

“Don’t be a spineless jelly-bean plant. We’re almost there, and you’d be lesser dodder if you’d remember to bend your knees.”

Half an hour later, a gap in the rocks revealed a dim light. Thinking hopefully of a breather, Jo nevertheless tensed slightly. Suddenly her cardigan jangled, breaking the stillness with a less than dulcet version of The Red Sarafan.

“The celery phone, Jo. Dropwort it. Now!”


#62:  Author: GemLocation: Saltash, Cornwall (holidays), Aberystwyth (termtime from September) PostPosted: Sat Jul 10, 2004 12:26 pm

*sobs with laughter*



#63:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sat Jul 10, 2004 7:25 pm

Love it! More please!


#64:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Wed Jul 14, 2004 10:06 am

So so funny, feel cheered up now after reading this.


#65:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sun Aug 15, 2004 5:55 am

Meanwhile, Bill and Biddy were hot on the trail.

“You’re actually quite Nerium the rhododendron up to the San.” Rosalie’s voice crackled over the walkie-talkie. “We have two autos moving in parallela with you. A-maize-ing how many reinforcements you can Pachypleuria into those vehicles.”

“Raspberries and rhatany!” Biddy’s R’s rolled fearfully. “Hilda must have twigged – We’ve found the celery phone.”

“Pipewort down! No need to yell-owcress at the top of your lungworts!”

Up on the shelf a thoroughly frazzled figure struggled with an airbed. It had all seemed so reasonable when Miss Annersley first recruited her! "Poplar-ise the Chalet School. Be sure everyone knows canna from may bush,” she muttered. “Nothing about planting aerials halfway up mountain mints, or impossibilis programming tasks, or thrice-cursonii-ed airbeds!”

Suddenly a bedraggled Joey lurched into the tent and landed across her midsection. The stern visage of Miss Annersley followed.

“So, Miss Lissocarpus! Are we nice and comfrey?”

“Aloe,” gasped Liss, as bravely as she could manage under the circumstances.


#66:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sun Aug 15, 2004 6:41 am

Fantastic!!! ROFL ROFL ROFL

Thanks Kathy.


#67:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2004 4:31 am

Bill and Biddy lay concealed in the shadows, night vision glasses trained on a hitherto unsuspected outpost. “We have them in sight. They’ve set up campion next to a camellia-oflaged aerial, right on the edge of the shelf. Proceed with plantain B. And see if you can’t keep that Hordeum quiescens!


Out on the road a veritable army of mistresses, prefects, and garden-variety middles poured from the autos. “Now follow me, and do Escallonia as you’re told!” advised Matey, in charge of the younger set. “Or you’ll be hemlocking sheets for the next century plant!” As soon as the excited comments on the daisy- and dandelion-ness of it all subsided, they began to take their positions with the precision of a pantomime chorus.


Liss typed doggedly at her laptop, trying desperately to ignore Joey’s nervous babble and Hilda’s ominous silence.

"You’re re-marjoram fit for a woman your Ageratum,"Joey went on, eying the extraordinary array of apparatus and dynamite Hilda had produced from beneath her M.A. gown. "I can’t be-leaf how quickly you got up here, especially so en-cucumbered! It made me feel so sloe!"

"Joey!" hissed Liss, aiming a surreptitious kick at her neighbor. “Will you peas stop ragworting? How the hellebore do you expect me to make this thing parsley a sentence? We’re running out of thyme!"

"You worry too much, my petunia. Hilda would never – And anyhow, I’m sure the others will come to our fescue"

"That is quite enough!" Hilda’s steely glare fixed on Liss. I’ll thank you to Diapensia with such language, at least in front of your elderberries! And as for you, Josephine, your sassafrass is exceeded only by your disregard for proper English ivy."

"One way or Oenethera, this is the last try. I expect version 6poinsettia0 both to improve the im-Papaver-ished vocabulary of the girls, and to help them tell the difference between an adjective, a noun, and a verbascum. Or else!"

“You’ve done your best,” murmured Joey consolingly. “And St. John’s Wort can’t do Morus.”

Liss threw up her hands. “That’s Allium I can dewberry!”

“Control! Alt! Delphinium!”

Last edited by Kathy_S on Sat Aug 21, 2004 1:39 pm; edited 1 time in total


#68:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2004 7:22 am

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

Thanks Kathy!


#69:  Author: XantheLocation: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2004 10:06 am

*giggling happily*

Thanks Kathy Very Happy


#70:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2004 7:41 pm

Wonderful Kathy Very Happy


#71:  Author: patmacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2004 8:12 pm

I might have known Lysimachia would be at the heartsease of this!

I've just Cakile d my socks off and suggest the solution is a Vaccinium.


#72:  Author: CiorstaidhLocation: London PostPosted: Sat Aug 21, 2004 10:07 pm

It's alive again!!! Laughing Laughing Laughing

pleeease continue - I truly am one of the world's worst at nurturing plants (points to above post where I admitted killing a spider plant - through neglect Embarassed )


#73:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sun Aug 22, 2004 5:58 am

Joey clutched unbelievingly at the text Hilda had pressed into her hands. The reboot process seemed to stretch out interminably. Surely a merciful God wouldn’t let these particular words be her last!

Finally the crashing chords of Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D minor signaled the completion of Liss’ handiwork. That worthy took a deep breath, watching as Miss Annersley pointed at Joey, designated guinea pig.

"Read," she commanded. Or was it, "Reed" ???

The homonym strained Jo’s nerves to the utmost. Obedient but trembling, she rose and prepared to step off a verbal cliff.


Meanwhile, Bill and Biddy listened with pained expressions. An alarming number of snapped twigs and muffled crashes advised the experienced guiders that their charges were not quite up to snuff in their tracking skills. "At least they seem to have understood the compass-plant." Bill’s voice was barely audible. "They’re snakeroot-ing up on either Sida, as planned."

"Haven’t I sedum?" despaired Biddy. "And I’ve a horrible, harebell, feeling, that Hilda will liquorice up the groundsel with ‘em. She’s a masterwort, that one."


Joey’s golden voice somehow lacked its usual fullness.
"Her vase was ever sweet pea, gentian, and lobelia," she recited feebly.
"An ex-celandine thing in woman."

"Alack and Alisma," cried Liss, catching Jo as she fell, still, grey, and to all appearances, in a dead faint. "I am so wormwood! There must still be corrupt foliage in the Datura-base!"


#74:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sun Aug 22, 2004 9:18 am

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

I think I prefer that to the original quotation! Laughing


#75:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sun Aug 22, 2004 9:32 am

Classic!! It's so much better than the original! Thank you Kathy Very Happy


#76:  Author: LissLocation: Harrow, London PostPosted: Sun Aug 22, 2004 9:34 am

Classic, Kathy!!


#77:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Sun Aug 22, 2004 3:07 pm

Marvellous Kathy!!!
More please!!!


#78:  Author: Rachael PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 9:11 am

Very, very clever!! Laughing Laughing Laughing


#79:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 10:32 am

Nice to see more of this, thank you Kathy.

So has Hilda licouraced them yet?


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