Can't see 2
The CBB -> Cookies & Drabbles
#1:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 11:59 pm

*echoes Laura's post*

 

#2:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 12:04 am

*hugs PatMac*
Is Margot a secret agent or Private Investigator or... ok I can't think of anything else.
*kicks Joey for using emotional blackmail*

 

#3:  Author: Sugarplum, Location: second star to the right! PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 12:23 am

joins the queue to kick Joey in the shins

 

#4:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 8:36 am

*lines up to participate*

 

#5:  Author: Kathye, Location: Laleham PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 10:10 am

Huggles PatMac, can't kill em either ? That will be me on Monday!
Oh I hate month end reporting Evil or Very Mad

Hopefully the numbers will be nice and add up first time and we can have some more of Margots story, really enjoyed it so far V intrigued.

 

#6:  Author: Rachael,  PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 11:22 am

Ooh, just caught up on about 8 pages and am so pleased I did - I love the turn the story's taken and that we're seeing more of what's happening outside of the book Very Happy

Can't wait for Margot's status to be revealed ............. Confused Private investigator or escort?

I hope they do confront her at some point - it's very silly of them to all allow themselves to get caught up in such a subterfuge just to keep Joey happy.
Please can we have a scene where Jack and the Trips sit her down for a few gentle but home truths (and if that fails perhaps produce a wet kipper and smack her round the face with it?)

*hoping that PatMac gets on top of her work so we can have more!*

 

#7:  Author: Lisa, Location: South Coast of England PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 12:13 pm

*sends special timefreeze capsule to Patmac so she can do more story & deal with clients*

 

#8:  Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 12:20 pm

*is madly intrigued and hopes PatMac finds time soon to reveal all*

 

#9:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 12:51 pm

thanks to all for sympathy with real life. Kathye knows where I'm at. she'll be there on Monday!

Rachael, I hadn't thought of escort Twisted Evil

Will attempt to do more this evening and possibly tomorrow but sunday is out, I'm afraid.

RL seems to be hitting a lot of people at the moment Evil or Very Mad

 

#10:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 1:43 pm

Sorry about RL hitting you where it hurts, PatMac, so I won't start a chant just yet.

Reclines on drabble sofa with a cup of hot chocolate and looks longingly at the Thorntons' box.

 

#11:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 7:13 pm

Rachael wrote:

Please can we have a scene where Jack and the Trips sit her down for a few gentle but home truths (and if that fails perhaps produce a wet kipper and smack her round the face with it?)


I'm looking forward to the wet kipper scene! Very Happy

 

#12:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 7:29 pm

Jo sighed at the thought of writing more of this rather boring book. She was getting behind on Pansy and the Pirates and had the storyline for her next school story already mapped out, based on the exploits of the middles last term.

Firmly, she put thoughts of this delightful escapade away and began writing:


Chapter 14 Filling the Gaps

It is fun as your family grows to think a little ahead and imagine the little ones to come, think of the names you will give them and in which direction you will guide them. It is so heart-warming to think of their lives stretching before them, secure in a good upbringing and family values. I have done this between each of my children and, when I have had a boy, I have always known that the next could be a girl and counted my blessings in the girls I already have.

Sometimes though, God does not see fit to answer your prayers for more children and I myself have shed many a bitter tear that the quads I would have loved to have were not given to me. I planned so much for those little girls but they were not to be.

In time I came to realise that God wanted me to give that care to other poor girls who have lost their mother and have no one to guide their little feet. We welcomed a number of wards and adoptees into our family and even count two boys as members, though they were old enough to fend for themselves on a day to day basis.

This has been a blessing to us, even the one poor baby who was too young to know her surname when I rescued her from a blazing train and we did not know if we would have to pay for her upbringing, though she was obviously gently bred. As it was, she turned out to be well connected and her relatives were willing to pay well for her care which was a great help in general expenses.

These extra children have great value to your own children as they are able to see the changes which your careful training brings about and makes them realise the value of their own children. I well remember how shocked my triplets were when we befriended a sad trio of orphans who were not even using table napkins.

I advise you to be careful in your choice of children to take into your family, A dear friend of mine, Kathie, has unwisely taken on a girl with very unsuitable parents and she is very moody and causes Kathie much heartache. I do not think it was wise to take this child as she had parents who were able but unwilling to care for her and Kathie does not have the experience I have in dealing with children and allows her own an inappropriate amount of rowdy behaviour. It grieves me that she is seemingly deaf to my advice, even though I have much more experience in bringing up children.

 

#13:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 7:39 pm

Oh no, I can't believe she has brought Kathie into it. Claire seems a lovely, sensible, mature child, Joey really has no idea.

 

#14:  Author: Angel, Location: London, England PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 8:00 pm

*feels like smacking Joey*

Hasn't English Tea had any effect?

 

#15:  Author: Laura, Location: London (ish) PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 8:23 pm

*sighs* Rolling Eyes

But still....more please!

 

#16:  Author: claire, Location: SOUTH WALES PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 8:26 pm

Excellent - it always bugged me in the series that Jo got the sex of child she wanted (ok with the two F's she got an additional boy but still got the girl she 'needed to use the triplets old dresses')

 

#17:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 8:40 pm

*chuckling* Brilliant Pat... you've just given me a whole host of ideas now Very Happy *beams*

 

#18:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 9:15 pm

A bit more!

Jack and Len, strolled back through the trees, arm in arm and completely at peace with each other and life. Just before they reached the road, Jack removed his arm and turned to face Len.

He looked into her eyes and said seriously, “I know you and Con have each other and I hope you stay in touch with the others, too, but if coming home gets too much, I would understand. Reading between the lines, I know Reg doesn’t expect you to marry him. I assume you’ve talked it over and decided to go along with the charade for your mother’s sake. I presume you also know, he’s thinking of moving from the San and taking a job in America.” He sighed. “I’m sorry about all the horrid things she said when you told her you were staying on in England for a while. When she’s like that, she really gets out of control. I’m even sorrier that Margot was pushed back into the convent! We had a bitter row about that, but it was too late, Margot had gone and I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I can’t forgive your mother for that.” He turned away slightly, struggling for control. “It’s hard for me to say this but I never thought things would turn out like this when I met Joey. She seemed a lively and adventurous girl. I was young and she turned my head. Madge and Jem were all for it. Looking back, I think any nice young doctor from the san would have been welcomed just as warmly to keep the illusion of happy families. By the time I realised just how domineering she could be, we had a family and I love you all! Can you understand why I try to keep the peace? When she has one of her tempers, it affects everyone so I have to keep quiet as much as possible”

He turned back to Len and continued, “I have to stay to keep her in check with the younger children. But some day ……” his voice broke, “Some day, when the youngest are grown up, I’ll …..” He couldn’t finish the sentence.

Len took his hand. “Oh, Dad. I never realised till today that you felt this way. We love you, too! We didn’t realise till we got out into the real world just how unreal life here is. When you’re growing up, you don’t realise that the world is different for other people.” She made an effort to lighten the mood “Did you know she’s writing a book on childcare?”

Jack groaned, then laughed. “Yes she’s been full of it but I shouldn’t imagine it will ever be published, she’s read me bits and it’s all I can do not to laugh to her face.”

“Never mind, Dad” and Len grinned impishly, “I’ll buy you some brand new socks for Christmas! That should cheer you up!”

Jack chuckled. “Oh, don’t worry about that. I keep a secret stash and Anna washes them for me!”

“I’d like to tell you what I’m really doing in England” began Len

“No, replied Jack quickly. So long as you are happy, that’s all I care about. What I don’t know, I can’t let slip. Can you tell Con about this talk when you see her? I’d like her to know how I feel and to understand, if she can, why I’ve let things get to this terrible state. I must see Cecil and Phil and Geoff through. She’d get custody if I left and I must do my best for them.”

“I’ll tell her,” said Len. “I’m seeing her next week. We’d better get back or we’ll both be in trouble. You know Mum, she’ll have mountain rescue out! One thing I’ve always wanted to know, though. Did she really have those adventures like going after Grizel and saving someone from the lake – oh, and that adventure with Veta sounds so unlikely and I’ve seen Auntie Hilda bite her lip to keep from laughing.”

“Oh, there’s always a grain of truth in your mother’s tales, but she’s hyped the stories up for her school books and has come to believe what she has written. And by the way, she never called me a solid lump of comfort! Can you imagine a young man's reaction to that?”

 

#19:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 9:17 pm

Oh, dear, so much of this is Jo's delusions. Poor Jack! How awful for him!

 

#20:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 9:38 pm

So everything we know, or thought we knew, about Joey turns out to be part of her delusions. Ouch.
This is wonderful Pat, but what an awful life Jack is leading, although I think more of him for sacrificing himself for the children.

PS We still don't know wat Margot is doing.

 

#21:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 9:42 pm

I suppose we'll know when Pat's ready to tell us...

 

#22:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 9:48 pm

Right on KB!

 

#23:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 9:51 pm

However, if you feel like posting more story...

 

#24:  Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 9:59 pm

Wow I've had lots of lovely drabble to catch up on! Can we have some more soon please, really want to know about Margot!

 

#25:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 10:03 pm

Lovely PatMac - feel ever so sorry for Jack - wish something could happen to cause Joey to see herself as others see her - but she'd probably have a heart attack from the shock! Laughing

 

#26:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 10:09 pm

PatMac wrote:
And by the way, she never called me a solid lump of comfort! Can you imagine a young man's reaction to that?”


Lol! I loved this little bit!! It sounds so true!!

 

#27:  Author: Angel, Location: London, England PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 10:19 pm

I don't think I want to see Stephen's reaction to the book. And I feel so sorry for Jack. Maybe if he met a nice young woman, he'd get custody - surely the book being published would convince any sensible judge?

Jack/Anna???

 

#28:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 10:19 pm

Dear Mr Snodgrass,

I am well on the way to completion now. This next chapter may be better situated earlier in the book, but I leave that to your judgement.

Yours faithfully,

J M Maynard (Mrs)

Chapter 15 Healthcare

For any serious worries about illness you have, I urge you to call your doctor to visit. It is always better to be safe rather than sorry and I am sure he will always rather be called for a minor ailment than risk it developing into something serious.

Some children are naturally delicate, possibly from a premature birth or for some unknown reason. These children need extra care and keeping away from any source of infection as much as possible. A year in a bracing climate can certainly make a great deal of improvement in such children and I would urge you to consider making such a move if your delicate child does not thrive.

I am really concentrating here on ways of keeping your children healthy as much can be done in the way of prevention.

First of all, regular bedtimes are important. Children need their sleep and you should ensure that they get enough. If the child does not appear to be tired, a cup of hot milk will soothe her. Then all children should be left to go to sleep. They will soon learn that crying will not bring Mamma running and will go to sleep without fuss. I deplore the modern idea of keeping children up late. Even older children should have set bedtimes and be kept strictly to them. The evenings are the time when you need to recover from the day and sit quietly with your husband.

A well balanced diet is also important. This should include a good breakfast of porridge and an egg with toast, a cooked dinner and a light tea. I have no patience with faddy eaters. For their own good, my children were taught to clear their plates with no fuss. It is so difficult when children come to visit and start to fuss that they don’t like cabbage or marrow or some other healthy vegetable. I would be embarrassed if I thought my children would not eat anything they were given.

Home made bread, cakes and biscuits are far preferable to shop bought and should always be available. Similarly, I would be ashamed to serve a shop bought pie or pudding. Home made lemonade is much better and cheaper than the bottled variety. My maid has a very good recipe.

It is important that children wear sensible clothes to avoid chills. I know that there are some modern ideas that they will not get colds from being chilled but I myself had pleuro-pneumonia from standing at an open door in the icy Austrian winter when I was a child so I am not convinced. Good sturdy shoes will keep their feet warm and I would not let my girls wear ‘fashion shoes’ both for that reason and to avoid ruining their feet later. They soon learn that you will not give in when their friends with less careful mothers are wearing lightweight shoddy shoes.

Do not give in on the matter of short skirts either. It is not only indecent for girls to show so much leg, it also leaves them vulnerable to chills. I would not allow my children to wear synthetic materials. A well ironed cotton or velveteen dress is much healthier and lets the skin breath.

A nice woollen coat is an essential for the winter and, worn with a long scarf crossed over the chest and tied at the back will keep them warm on winter walks.

All children need regular exercise and I started my children on a regime of exercise every morning as soon as possible. If you put a nice sprightly record on the gramophone and get into a routine, it is quite easy. They should touch their toes and swing their arms step round the room lifting their knees up high. You may need to check that your Nursery Nurse or Governess is keeping to this routine. I had to dismiss one who was neglecting this part of my children’s welfare.

If a child is unwell, perhaps with a cold or headache, always ensure that she is put to bed immediately. You cannot be too careful and would not want to risk complications. Keep the diet light, perhaps a little bread and milk and a nice comforting drink of hot milk.

Nowadays, castor oil seems to have gone out of fashion for treating tummy ache. I think this is a symptom of mothers not being willing to insist on obedience. It does taste nasty but you have to be cruel to be kind and it nearly always stops the problem. You will only rarely have to administer a second dose.

If you keep your children carefully away from the village children, you will avoid most epidemics. Obviously, there will be the odd occasion when they will pick something up from a friend’s child but most of the childhood ailments can be delayed till they are at school and the Matron will be able to deal with it.

As your girls start to grow up, there are other issues to address. While you will naturally be sad at impending signs of womanhood taking your little girls a step nearer to adulthood, you will need to be matter of fact about it and provide the necessary equipment and a reassurance that this is just the way it is for all women and they will understand why when they are grown up.

I'm sure you will agree that it is worth a little effort to ensure that your children grow up strong and straight and a credit to you.

 

#29:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 10:25 pm

Hehe hehe he!

PatMac, I don't know how you do it, but you do it brilliantly!

 

#30:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 10:39 pm

aaaarrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhh *in pain laughing* Laughing

 

#31:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 10:40 pm

*agrees with Kat*

 

#32:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 10:47 pm

Margot stowed her laptop in the safe and picked up the phone. “Can you have my car brought round in 15 minutes please” she asked.

She walked over to her closet and took out her very smartest Armani suit. Carefully chose a blouse with just the right neckline – a tempting glimpse of cleavage but not too much. Mid height heels, she decided, I’m tall enough without the stilettos.

After showering, she put her hair up in a chignon (sexy but dignified) and used just a touch of her favourite perfume. She dressed, applied a minimum of makeup and checked her handbag. Yes, all complete. She checked the windows were locked, and left the room, being sure to set the alarm code. As she descended in the lift, she looked at herself critically in the mirror. Fine, just the image she wanted.

She nodded to the security men and walked through the doors as they opened for her. The young man outside saluted and handed her the keys. “Thanks Ian.” She said, smiling. The young man smiled back. “It’s a pleasure, Ma’am.”

Settling in to the leather seat, Margot drove off. She smiled to herself. She loved fast cars, such a sense of power. This was the best car she had had. A red Ferrari. Great!

The security on the gate was unobtrusive but effective. The barriers went down as she left and the cameras were well hidden. Outwardly a retreat for the idle rich, few knew that this once stately home was the nerve centre for the British Secret Service. Only the elite few had entry and Margot was the youngest ever to reach so high in the service.

 

#33:  Author: Angel, Location: London, England PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 10:51 pm

Wow

love the alternative version of Margot.

Can you write the spin off with Margot as 007??

 

#34:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 10:55 pm

Fab! Margot the spy - love it!!! Very Happy

 

#35:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 11:01 pm

Wow Patmac where do I start? This is developing more and more. Jack is such a hero of mine anyway and here he is so...Jack! The scenes with him and Len are wonderful and so touching and bring a degree of story and pace to what is otherwise just a very funny idea. The bits with Margot are a hoot, and yet in some ways realisitic, I would have thought someone with the trips language skills, and especaily Margot personality would be ideal for that job.

Please write more and more of this as RL allows.

 

#36:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 11:45 pm

Yay!!! Thanks PatMac!! Big huggles! More please!!!

 

#37:  Author: Senji, Location: Cambridge, UK PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 11:55 pm

Chalet School Spy Twisted Evil Smile

 

#38:  Author: Kathryn, Location: Melbourne/Hamilton until 11 September PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 12:04 am

Drabbles are doing strange things to me! Particularly this one.
I've just been reading Summer Term (GGBP ed's out!). The scene where Joey is asking Jack if they can take Marie-Claire with them had me thinking of the drabble-version Jack who says one thing to agree with Joey but is really thinking another such as, 'Not another one. Jeez, Joey don't we have enough kids in the place without you collecting more strays!'

Who else has had this happen to them when reading the proper CS?

 

#39:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 12:16 am

No more story tonight, I'm afraid. I want a little wander round other people's drabbles before I go to bed, but just to share with you that right till I wrote that last bit, I din't know what Margot was going to do! 3 dratted plot bunnies all going at once, all wanting something different and the only reason she isn't an arms dealer (I think that might not be a home reared bunny Twisted Evil ) is out of respect for Jack! Night, night all!

 

#40:  Author: Jay,  PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 1:09 am

Night night PatMac! Thanks for some wonderful bits today. Feel so sorry for Jack, can appreciate the sacrifice he's making. Looking forward to when Len tells Con (& Margot) about their chat.

And more side-splittingly amusing chapters of Joey's book please!

 

#41:  Author: Lisa, Location: South Coast of England PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 12:02 pm

Thanks for more wonderful posts, PatMac! Please can we see some more of the publishers?
Jack is wonderful, I always suspected it!.... Cool

 

#42:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 12:56 pm

I keep getting Len, Con and Margot's donig confused with those in Jennie's drabbles. Every time I read either drabble, I have to repeat to myself what they are doing in that particular drabble, otherwise I get all mixed up. Confused Great stuff Pat!

 

#43:  Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 2:29 pm

That was wonderful PatMac! Loved the bit where Koey talked of how she had got ill from standing outside in Austria-I'd always thought that was really strange in the book!

 

#44:  Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 2:52 pm

*applauds PatMac wildly*

This is BRILLIANT Pat! I love Margot! *giggles quietly to self*

 

#45:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 3:16 pm

Brilliant, PatMac. I love the way that you're interleaving the book with the reality of the situation.

 

#46:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 4:29 pm

I LOVE Margot the spy Very Happy

Just caught up the last few bits and I'm not so sure Jack wouldn't get custody, if they could prove how out of touch Joey is with the real world... maybe. Jack's lovely anyway and I'm glad he talked to Len.

Thanks for all this PatMac

 

#47:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 4:34 pm

I've just caught up with this.

I love the scenes between Jack and Len, poor Jack but at least he is thinking of his children. Margot the spy is fantasic!!!

 

#48:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 6:23 pm

Hooray for Margot! A success at last!

 

#49:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 7:26 pm

So this is what I miss when I decide to have an early night, thanks Pat, this is great, and I'm sure that Margot would be absolutely suited to her job (It would be interesting to read some of her adventures at a later date).

 

#50:  Author: Laura, Location: London (ish) PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 8:38 pm

Kathryn wrote:
Drabbles are doing strange things to me! Particularly this one.
I've just been reading Summer Term (GGBP ed's out!). The scene where Joey is asking Jack if they can take Marie-Claire with them had me thinking of the drabble-version Jack who says one thing to agree with Joey but is really thinking another such as, 'Not another one. Jeez, Joey don't we have enough kids in the place without you collecting more strays!'

Who else has had this happen to them when reading the proper CS?


I was reading a genius at the chalet school and after reading the drabble with Mary-Lou and Veryity thought: "What? Mary-Lou's in this?? But she's DEAD!"

More please PatMac! Loving it to bits!

 

#51:  Author: claire, Location: SOUTH WALES PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 8:38 pm

This is great, loved Joey's opinion of the health of her children (though feel really sorry for the kids) Margot as a spy - I like it, and as Carolyn said handy with the languages, maybe thats what the CS really is a cover for

 

#52:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 8:40 pm

Like the idea of the CS as a spy school. Razz

 

#53:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 9:04 pm

For those who are hoping for more tonight, it is extremely unlikely. I'm tired and going to watch an hour of gardening programmes!

those who think Jack would get custody are forgetting that he is Catholic and would not divorce and stay in the church. Believe me, I'm not going there! Controversial as all get out! Also a bit close to home!

No one has asked what Len is doing though there are some clues that she is not at uni?

Those who find difficulty differentiating between Jennie's 2004 and this, I'm not surprised. Watch this space.

See you all tomorrow.

 

#54:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 9:29 pm

Enjoy your gardening programmes Pat, hope you have a nice chill out. *looking forward to tomorrow and watching this space so much my eyes are starting to hurt Smile*

 

#55:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 9:47 pm

Thank you for your latest posts PatMac - really, really enjoying this drabble!

 

#56:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 10:32 pm

*hopes PatMac will post lots tomorrow for us!!*

 

#57:  Author: Sugarplum, Location: second star to the right! PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 11:53 pm

OHHHHHHH I am PMSL ...... LOL this is just the best tonic to a bad day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SmileSmileSmile
quietly requests morrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

#58:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 11:56 pm

PatMac wrote:

No one has asked what Len is doing though there are some clues that she is not at uni?

Those who find difficulty differentiating between Jennie's 2004 and this, I'm not surprised. Watch this space.

See you all tomorrow.


When are you going to tell us what Len is doing Pat?
And are you and Jennie going to link your drabbles in some way?

 

#59:  Author: Kathye, Location: Laleham PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 12:09 am

It just keeps getting better PatMac, can't believe this is only the first one you've done, got any ideas for the next ??

 

#60:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 12:58 am

Ideas, yes. This sort of light stuff I'm finding fun to do but I have a rather serious looking baby small sparkling purple leaf not ready to leave the nest yet and I'll have to see whether he matures enough to do a real story! I'll probably keep with the humour for a while. I'm a bit left brained and analytical normally so this is probably doing me a lot of good. Laughing (that's my excuse anyway Wink )

 

#61:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 1:53 am

It's doing us all a lot of good too. Very Happy

 

#62:  Author: Tassie_Ellen, Location: Tasmania, Australia PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 3:40 am

Yay for Margot! Really enjoying this, PatMac. I loved the bits with Len and Jack, and will admit to wondering what Len is doing with her life... Shocked

looking forward to more tomorrow when you've had a good night's sleep! ZZZZ

 

#63:  Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 4:07 am

I have just caught up with this too. Thanks Pat it is fantastic. Lov it all. Looking forward to more soon.

 

#64:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 12:00 pm

Waiting patiently to find out what Len is up to!

 

#65:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 2:00 pm

Also waiting patiently, but not sure how long my patience will last Wink

 

#66:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 2:43 pm

Probably no more until Monday, but we'll all wait patiently, won't we, girls?

 

#67:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 3:38 pm

*waits as patiently as a patient thing* Very Happy

 

#68:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 3:42 pm

Are you playing patience as well?

 

#69:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 3:47 pm

Much as I would love to I'm not. Uni have very rudely I think not installed patience on to the library PCs, Laughing I would never do any work in here if they did!

 

#70:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 4:20 pm

Well done on your thousand posts Pim! You must be one of the quickest to get there. Do your library computers have minesweeper - that's my weakness?

 

#71:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 4:25 pm

Arrghh minesweeper, I got addicted to that a couple of weeks ago (once I read the instructions properly) and now I can't stop. Though pinball is fun when I'm home Very Happy

 

#72:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 7:08 pm

I've got minesweeper on my laptop but I can't play it properly without a proper mouse, I've only got one of those pad thingies which is absolutely rubbish for getting fast times. I discovered yahoo games instead Very Happy

 

#73:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 7:37 pm

Another little interlude

Len packed her suitcase ready to return to England. The week had gone fairly smoothly, she thought. Her mother had paraded her to her friends and she had caught the winks and rolling eyes from Biddy when her mother went on and on about how she should have the old playpen from Freudesheim. It had been a revelation to Len that her mother’s friends did think she was out of date. “I suppose,” she mused “they are stuck with her as their husbands work at the san and she is the boss’s wife.”

She had long ago learned to tune out the petty nagging about setting a date for her return home. She had made the dutiful replies to how her mother relied on her to look after Con and make sure she didn’t get into any scrapes.

This new book sounded horrendous. Len, quite frankly couldn’t see it being published but if it was ….. Len shuddered.

It had been such a relief to hear that her father knew Reg was moving to America. She had worried about the effect on his career when they eventually had to tell her parents they had broken off their engagement 2 years previously. Now they could go ahead and make it public. Since Reg had told her about Moira and his plans to move, they had both felt more relaxed and she enjoyed exchanging an occasional email about the way their lives were shaping. She was so glad that they would now be together in Boston.

“Strange,” she thought. “None of realised just how difficult Dad has found Mum. I know he had to calm her down at times and that he used to comfort us when she had been in a temper. But he never let on that he wasn’t happy. I think Margot will feel better knowing he didn’t agree with Mum”

The door burst open and her mother entered the room at her usual headlong pace, with a pile of packages in her arms. “Now, have you checked that you packed everything, Len? Are your slippers in? Did you put tissue between the folds of your dresses? Did you get your toothbrush from the bathroom?” Not waiting for an answer, she continued, “Here’s a nice new twinset for the spring that I’ve knitted for you. Real wool, remember to handwash it in pure soap and lay it on a towel to dry so it keeps it’s shape. It’s a nice pink one. And there’s another one for Con in her favourite lime green, I’ve got you some new vests as well. I noticed you didn’t have any and you really should wear them. You’ll catch your death of cold in the London damp. Now make sure you have a clean hankie in your coat and you’d better take one of my scarves. You’ll be cold otherwise.”

Jo paused for breath and Len hastily put the extra things in her suitcase and slammed the lid. “Thanks Mother, I’ll be seeing Con next week and I’ll give it to her then. And thanks for the twin set, too. I’ve got everything now and I’ll miss the train if I don’t go soon.”

 

#74:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 7:40 pm

Whay hey for the Lime Green twin set, I hope they are ceremonially burned!

Thank you Pat Very Happy

 

#75:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 7:42 pm

Laughing Brilliant Pat. Oh poor Len getting saddled with THAT!

 

#76:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 7:59 pm

Excellent PatMac - why on Earth don't they do something about that woman! hammer

 

#77:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 8:23 pm

What can they do? They're stuck with her. For eternity.

 

#78:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 8:34 pm

Oh not for eternity surely? That would be too cruel!!!!

 

#79:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 9:04 pm

I'm not sure whether a lime green twin set or a pink one is worse... on second thoughts there both as bad as each other!

 

#80:  Author: Laura, Location: London (ish) PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 9:05 pm

*gasps at mental image of Joey wafting around the platz trying to be helpful for the rest of eternity!*

Ahh, but I do feel sorry for her. But only along the lines of 'poor, demented, senile old woman...' Rolling Eyes

 

#81:  Author: claire, Location: SOUTH WALES PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 9:41 pm

I feel sorry for Jo now even her friends don't like her

 

#82:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 10:04 pm

But she thinks they do, so she's actually perfectly happy!

 

#83:  Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 11:36 pm

Oh gosh poor Len having to cope with Joey! Can't wait to see what she tells Con and Margot when they meet up!

 

#84:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 11:39 pm

Will we hear about that meeting Pat?

 

#85:  Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 1:50 am

Excellent Pat. Looking forward to the meeting between the triplets.

 

#86:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 1:05 pm

Ooh yes please, I'd love to read that Very Happy

 

#87:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 3:20 pm

Also longing to see the triplets together. Lime green twinsets! Uuuuurrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

#88:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 6:18 pm

Len ran down the stairs, singing. Today, she would see Con and Margot. Tony was already in the car and had stowed her luggage, so she just checked that her handbag had her passport and wallet and, slamming the door as she went, hurried down the drive to the car.

As Tony set off through the traffic, he glanced across and smiled. His girl looked as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. God almighty! That woman had enough to answer for. Poor Len had been so serious and responsible when he first met her. She had finished her degree in Oxford and was wrestling with the horrific thought of going home to be pushed into a loveless marriage with someone totally unsuitable.

Looking for a job, she had answered an advert for a company which wrote computer games as she had found an interest in programming while at college and the logic involved intrigued her. Len found she had a flair for adventure games and, realising this, Tony, who owned the fledgling company had offered her a partnership, pointing out that it was a job she could continue when she went home. Working together, they became close and Tony gradually heard the story of her upbringing.

When he heard the story of her family background and the way he thought she was being bullied into doing her mother’s every wish, he felt helpless for she was becoming very precious to him.

The next time Margot happened to be in London, he had managed to get a moment or two with her alone. She was in total agreement, which relieved his mind and she took the initiative to talk seriously to Len about where her sense of duty was leading her.

Despite her hurt, Margot had never told Len or Con the things her mother had said to her when she wanted to give up her supposed vocation. The tale shocked Len and they shared quite a few tears as Len slowly came to realise that she had been manipulated by her supposedly perfect mother.

Being a strong character, despite her upbringing, Len set about dealing with the situation. She rang Reg and it was with mixed feelings that she realised he felt as trapped as she did but had continued the engagement rather than renege on his promise. They concocted a plan to keep the facts from her parents till Reg could find another job and agreed that they would each consider themselves free.

Later that summer, Reg came to London and, over a more relaxed dinner than they had ever had before, exchanged the whole story of how they came to be in this predicament. It was on this visit that Reg met Moira, who was one of Tony’s friends from university. Seeing their love blossom had freed Len to accept Tony’s proposal of marriage. Now, at last, it looked as if Len would, at last be able to marry her love and business partner.

At Heathrow, Tony accompanied Len to the check in and they embraced. “I’ll see you in New York next week, Tony.” Len laughed, “It’s not long and, once Con and Margot have heard what I have to tell them about the visit home, we’ll decide how to handle keeping in touch with Dad. Then we can go ahead with the negotiations for the sale of the new game and you and I can go home and get the wedding sorted. Oh, I’m so relieved!”

“Not any more relieved than I am, darling. I know you had to work this through for yourself and I’m so sorry that you may have to break with your mother to marry me.”

“Well, I’m definitely not!” declared Len. “Now I know we can count on Dad, I don’t care if I never see her again. Now I must go or I’ll miss my flight. I’ll call you every day darling!”

 

#89:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 7:33 pm

Oh lovely! I'm so pleased for Len. Fancy feeling she had to marry someone out of a sense of duty! fume

Lesley poke Joey

 

#90:  Author: claire, Location: SOUTH WALES PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 8:21 pm

I'm glad Len's marrying for love (and Reg too)

 

#91:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 8:52 pm

*very happy for Len* Very Happy

 

#92:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 9:23 pm

*starting the chant......*

 

#93:  Author: BethC, Location: Worcester, UK PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 10:13 pm

*joining in with the chant*
*increasing volume*
*and again*

 

#94:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 10:18 pm

more
more
more
more
more

This is good, and I'm pleased that the trips are finaly getting their lives sorted.

 

#95:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 10:37 pm

Joey Maynard went back into her study after walking to the station with Len. She sighed with satisfaction. Len would come home this summer, she was sure. A little petulance about the chalet was natural after all as she hadn’t seen it but Joey was sure she would come round. She’d send some snaps and draw a little plan of the rooms. It was such a ducky little chalet and would do them till they had a few children. The biggest bedroom would make a lovely nursery with room for at least three cots and there was a little room which would do for Reg’s dressing room. She fell to planning which furniture she would give them and where it would go. There’d be wedding presents too so they’d soon have a lovely little home.

“I know,” she muttered, “I’ll get Jack to invite Reg to tea next Sunday and I can tell him about it. He’ll be so pleased.” She lost herself in a pleasant daydream of Len in her little chalet, her babies round her, listening to her mother spin words of wisdom.

After a few minutes, she thought of Con and her face darkened. She would insist that Con came home when Len did. She couldn’t stay in London without her sister. What would people think. Con didn’t seem to take to any of the doctors at the san, which was odd. Unnatural even. Never mind, there was a promising new doctor in the children’s ward. A little older than Reg, perhaps but that might be all to the good. Con would need a firm hand. “I wish I had insisted on them both coming home after Oxford!” she said to herself, “but Jack was so unreasonable about Margot, even though I was right, that I gave in. I’ll never make that mistake again!”

And with determination, she settled to write the last chapter of her book.

 

#96:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 10:43 pm

Still living in her own little delusory world, isn't she? Thanks PatMac.

 

#97:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 10:48 pm

I wonder what will happen when Joey tries to make Con come home. How will she even be able to get in touch with her?

 

#98:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 11:12 pm

PatMac, can you hear our chant?

 

#99:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 11:17 pm

Yes, Vikki! the whole country heard your chant. The dogs barked, the cats ran up trees, children cried in their little cots and the police barracaded themselves in the cells!

Naah! I'm just psychic Twisted Evil

 

#100:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 11:17 pm

hammer Joey - just because I can!

Thank you PatMac!

 

#101:  Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 12:36 am

The last chapter? Sad

 

#102:  Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 1:29 am

A firm hand for Con?

GRRRR that woman is a complete nightmare! And worse, completely believable!

Joey hammer Catherine

 

#103:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 1:32 am

hammer Joey, honestly I still don't get how she can be so 40 watts!!!!

 

#104:  Author: Chelsea, Location: Your Imagination PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 1:37 am

*is glad that Len found someone so very nice.

Is anyone else getting this and "Joey in 2004" mixed up?

 

#105:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 2:54 am

Thanks Pat, I'm glad that at least Jack was reasonable about Margot, and that Reg and Len have both found someone they really love.
I do hope that Joey doesn't manage tp spoil things for any of her children.

 

#106:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 10:04 am

Don't worry Ellie. I'm in no mood to let her win anything!

 

#107:  Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 10:11 am

Thanks PatMac! I'm glad Len has found someone she really loves, is happy and isn't stressing over Joey!More soon please Very Happy

 

#108:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 1:07 pm

Will Jo Maynard ever learn not to interfere in her children's lives?

 

#109:  Author: Caroline OSullivan, Location: Reading, Berkshire, UK PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 1:16 pm

Jennie wrote:
Quote:
Will Jo Maynard ever learn not to interfere in her children's lives?


No Exclamation I think that might be near impossible Very Happy

 

#110:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 1:18 pm

I have to agree with you, Caroline.

 

#111:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 4:17 pm

I don't think I want to see the fall out if Joey does realise. I think she's safer in her day dream!

 

#112:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 4:43 pm

Yes, wrap her up in a cocoon of them and put her in a cupboard!

 

#113:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 4:44 pm

Oooh, the fallout would be good.

 

#114:  Author: Chelsea, Location: Your Imagination PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 4:49 pm

*also fears the fallout when/if Joey realises how out to lunch she is.

 

#115:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 9:56 pm

She thinks that everyone's wrong but her, so how will she ever realise?

 

#116:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 11:55 pm

What will the next chapter be on Pat?

 

#117:  Author: Tassie_Ellen, Location: Tasmania, Australia PostPosted: Tue Mar 02, 2004 7:36 am

Thanks, PatMac, have just caught up on the last couple of posts. Good for Len and Reg, going quietly after their own kinds of happiness!

Ellen *wanting MORE, but realising that as it's only early morning where PatMac is there may be a bit of a wait, goes off to cook tea for Tom and Emily*

 

#118:  Author: Guest,  PostPosted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 5:41 pm

PatMac, we're back on our own proper board now, so please post the next bits.

Please, please, please, please, please, please.

 

#119:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 5:48 pm

The post above this was mine, the board suddenly threw me off. Hope it's just teething troubles.

 

#120:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 6:29 pm

I do hope this board doesn't develop any quirks or problems.

 

#121:  Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 6:32 pm

Pat can we have some more please? Very Happy
Did you post any on Yahoo?

 

#122: more drabble Author: patxmac,  PostPosted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 7:44 pm

Just got in from work. Still ecstatic that we are home! Should post more later tonight. No time now as have to play suburban housewife and pick Alan up from the station and have some tea.

 

#123:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 9:52 pm

Len, Con and Margot sat by the pool sipping long cold drinks. Many appreciative glances came their way for they were good looking and obviously sisters despite differences in colouring and build. The triplets, however were not taking notice of the attention they were receiving. They had decided to have a council of war to decide once and for all what to do about their difficult relationship with their mother.

The first evening had been spent relaxing in the Isis Restaurant, catching up on one another’s news. Con had been on a very successful book signing tour and had finished with clinching a deal to sell the film rights of her latest book for a figure which made her feel very secure for her future.

Len was expecting to sell her latest software game for a very good sum which would ensure the future of the company she owned with Tony and enable them to concentrate on the games they both enjoyed and drop the bread and butter work, designing web sites for commercial clients.

Margot was, as usual, having fun confounding the more senior members of her department by her quick mind and innovative methods of gathering information and dealing with the opposition. It was a matter of some annoyance to some of the older hands that she was producing results which could not be ignored and was slated to be promoted over their heads.

By mutual agreement, they had decided that the issue of their mother would have to be resolved quickly. Len’s news that a book on childcare, written in her married name was about to be published, forced the issue.

“What do you think, Len?” queried Margot, “You were back there last week. Will it really be published?”

Len thought for a moment and then replied, hesitantly, “It certainly looks like it. Those old publishers of hers actually asked her to do it. I wouldn’t really worry because there are other Maynard’s about and I’m sure no one would guess it’s us but you know how she name drops and boasts about us – as if she produced triplets on demand so, to speak! I know someone is bound to guess about me, even if you two have taken different names for your work.”

Con blushed. “I wasn’t going to share this yet but I have met someone I think I want to settle down with. No, don’t groan! I know I’ve played the field and I’ve had a great time doing it but ….. this is different. He’s asked me to marry him and I certainly won’t do that under an assumed name.”

Margot looked thoughtful. “In a way,” she said slowly “I could just stay out of sight. They think I’m safely immured in a convent, I changed my name to avoid being discovered by accident but …. I do miss not being ‘me’ so to speak. And…. and …” her eyes filled with tears, “I’d love to see Dad again.”

Len put her arm round Margot’s shoulder. “He’d love to see you, you know, but he’s stuck till the younger kids are grown up. He does take that responsibility seriously you know.”

Con sat up straight. “Let’s think what we should do. It’s coming to a head now. You are getting married Len, and Reg is off to the States to Moira. I can’t go on forever pretending I’m extending my studies, I’m not going home to be married off to a doctor. Remember Auntie Hilda ‘Strong women, not spineless jellyfish’. We need to plan.

 

#124:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 9:58 pm

Great Pat. Starting chanting already!! Laughing
Looking forward to seeing what they decide.

 

#125:  Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 9:59 pm

Oh my goodness! This is so good, PatMac. And it's lovely to have more - thank you Smile It seems rapidly to be becoming SCS rather than FCS though. I'm feeling lots of sympathy for the Triplets, and I ope they manage to sort everything out OK with Joey.

*blowing kisses*

 

#126:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 10:18 pm

Thank you PatMac!

 

#127:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 10:57 pm

Thank you Pat!!!

Good for them, stand up to the woman, and help Jack!!

 

#128:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 10:59 pm

Oh good, it looks like a confrontation will soon be happening!

 

#129:  Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 11:11 pm

Thanks PatMac! I wonder who it is that Con has found!

 

#130:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sat Mar 13, 2004 1:05 am

*chants at PatMac for more story please!!!*

 

#131:  Author: Chelsea, Location: Your Imagination PostPosted: Sat Mar 13, 2004 1:20 am

Thanks PatMac! Love to see what the trips come up with as a plan.

 

#132:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Sat Mar 13, 2004 2:36 am

Fabulous, Pat! I can't wait to see the showdown!

 

#133:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Sat Mar 13, 2004 2:41 am

Fab-u-leuse Pat! *eagerly awaiting the next part and sets up camp to do so*

 

#134:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans PostPosted: Sat Mar 13, 2004 3:43 am

Wonderful Pat!
I hope they can come up with an idea soon.

 

#135:  Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US PostPosted: Sat Mar 13, 2004 4:29 am

The trips could produce their own book Cool

Naah, they wouldn't be that mean.

 

#136:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Sat Mar 13, 2004 5:40 am

Jo wouldn't take any notice! But would be interesting if they tried it - just one copy to leave around the house for her to see...

 

#137:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sat Mar 13, 2004 11:37 am

Perhaps each Maynard could write a chapter?

I hope there is more soon!

 

#138:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Mar 13, 2004 12:15 pm

Longing for more of this, PatMac.

 

#139:  Author: Guest,  PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 2:26 am

Thank you PatMac for lots of story. Glad to see the triplets living their own lives. Hope their plan works out.

 

#140:  Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 2:28 am

Sorry that post above was me. Forgot I seem to need to log in each time my internet cuts out even though I have automatic log in checked.

 

#141:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 4:14 pm

Len, looked thoughtful. “I have an idea. It’s so crazy that I can’t believe it would work. First though, are we agreed that a confrontation would be useless, besides being scary?”

Receiving emphatic nods, she continued, “You know how Mum can kid herself that things are different from reality. Like when she tells stories about her schooldays and there’s just a nugget of truth which she has embroidered?”

“And she believes the School is just like it was in her days.” Margot chipped in, “You know, daft things like curtseying to the head and Matey giving caster oil to all and sundry, and country dancing on Saturdays. Oh, and lots of things like that.”

“Yes, and she still believes I’m studying at 25! She’s never asked any details, she just sees it as a phase I’m going through, and she just didn’t listen when I told her I don’t intend to come back to the platz eventually! I just couldn’t get through. Go on, Len, what is your idea?”

Len, signalled to a waiter and the others sat back while she ordered another round of iced drinks, impatient as they were, it was hot and they were glad of the cool liquid.

“It’s not strictly honest but it could be kinder than tipping her over the edge.” Len began, “I’m not having her organising my wedding and making awful remarks about my in-laws like she did at David’s wedding! It’s something Anna said when I was home last week. When I gave her the gin, I said, put it away and don’t let Mum see it and she said ‘She wouldn’t see it if I left it on the table. She only sees things as she thinks they are.’ Then she added, and I didn’t understand it then but I think she was giving me a hint, ‘Don’t worry about upsetting her, she gets over things she doesn’t like very quickly, you know.’

If I wrote to her, once Reg has got away, and said we had broken off the engagement and I’m not coming home again, she’d rationalise it very quickly into something acceptable.”

“I see!” Con replied, frowning in concentration, “You mean that time would go by, like it has over the last few years and she’ll just continue to think it will all come right for her.” Her face lightened. “Do you know, it would work! We could get Dad away with a phoney medical conference every so often. It would work for the boys too. Steven is already saying he’s not going home again – she’s never got over him refusing to go to medical school you know and she goes on at him something awful.”

Len grinned, “I’ve heard him on the subject! Long and often.”

Margot had been listening carefully. “I’m in the clear anyway.” She chipped in, “You’re right you know, she must know somewhere deep down that the sort of convent that never has any contact with family doesn’t exist now but she’s never queried it.”

“Tell you what,” exclaimed Con, let’s both get married really quickly, we’ll get Dad away for a conference so he can come to the weddings and the older boys could come, too. They’d keep it quiet. I really want to get my name changed before that dratted book comes out in case she mentions us by name! I’d never live it down.”

And so it was decided.

 

#142:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 4:20 pm

Oh lovely, Pat! Jo so blinded to reality that she's almost gaga, isn't she?!!

 

#143:  Author: Chelsea, Location: Your Imagination PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 5:12 pm

*hopes the plan works as planned.

*hopes for more story.

 

#144:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 5:27 pm

Nooo! You can't just stop there!

Hehe, this is brilliant though - more please asap! Very Happy

 

#145:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 5:56 pm

I hope their plan works, it does sound like it might. Either that or Joey will actually work out what's going on.

 

#146:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 6:10 pm

Actually feeling quite sorry for Jo - imagine only being able to exist in a world where everything went exactly as you planned it??? Quite gaga!

More please PatMac - even though I sense it's near the end!

 

#147:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 6:47 pm

Chapter 17 Conclusion

Dear Reader,

I feel that, with our shared journey through this little book, we have become friends. I do hope you feel the same way and will keep my little handbook beside you as you fulfil the greatest ambition a woman can have – to guide her little ones in the right paths to become a credit to their mother and the joy and pride of her later life..

As I have experienced the admiration and affection for my advice from my closest friends, I can already feel your appreciation of my experience and feel a warm glow as I contemplate the many little girls who will grow up to be a pride to their mothers as a result of my efforts.

I do not need your thanks, I have my reward in the love and obedience from my own children. I would like to share with you, my friends (for I already consider you as such) that within the next few months, two of my three triplets will be returning home to marry and be near their dear Mamma as they start the great adventure of motherhood. I will achieve the pinnacle of my ambition when this happens and I am able to guide my beloved daughters in their stumbling steps at bringing up their children, as I have done for you.

As for my boys, they well know their mother’s expectations in their choice of bride and, although none of them, so far, have followed their father’s footsteps and so are unlikely to live nearby, I stand ready and proud to do my duty to their wives and ensure that their precious little ones have the guidance they need to grow up to be a credit to me as their grandmother.

I hope you will take my words to heart and become mothers, beloved and needed by your darling children.

 

#148:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 6:49 pm

Lovely PatMac, real dramatic irony.

 

#149:  Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 7:01 pm

Laughing Joey's soooooooo deluded!!!!!!!
Will there be more soon? (I know you just posted but I'm impatient!)

 

#150:  Author: Chelsea, Location: Your Imagination PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 7:23 pm

*wonders what will happen when the plan is put into action.

 

#151:  Author: claire, Location: SOUTH WALES PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 8:07 pm

Excellent - can't wait for the reviews as well, hope the triplets plan comes off

 

#152:  Author: Kelly, Location: Auckland, New Zealand PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 8:18 pm

Wow that that lovely PatMac. I needed a laugh as well, so thank you. I can't wait for the next installment!!

 

#153:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 9:34 pm

Joey is really in a dreamworld isn't she, how sad.

 

#154:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 9:55 pm

Thanks PatMac! How sad.

 

#155:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 12:01 am

Any chance of more soon PatMac? Wink

 

#156:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 3:34 am

Oh, oh, oh *giggles madly*

 

#157:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 8:44 am

God, I feel nauseous after that last part! But I have to say that I agree with Len.

 

#158:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 10:53 am

Poor Joey, she really has no idea. I like the Triplets plan, and at least they are trying to help the others!!

 

#159:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 11:54 am

Oh dear poor Joey! Do hope the triplets plan works and they can get Jack away fro the weddings...

 

#160:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 1:45 pm

I can't wait to hear what happens when the book is published!

 

#161:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 9:19 pm

Mr Snodgrass always called at the tobacconists for his cigars on the way to work. Although he still felt a twinge of nostalgia for the old days when he was treated with the respect he deserved, he was nevertheless a creature of habit and still frequented the same shop by the office.

Not an observant man, he had, however, noticed that the usual girl with pink hair and many piercings had been missing for a week or so. The spotty youth who had taken her place did not seem to know where anything was. This inadequacy was not helped by the fact that he was obviously deaf, wearing two earpieces attached to a device clipped to his belt. A strange rhythmic ‘tsk, tsk, tsk’ sounded from the earpieces and Mr Snodgrass thought it a pity that the youth could not afford to get the hearing aid adjusted. He also had a strange tic, nodding his head in rhythm with the strange noises.

Today, however, the usual girl was back. She was putting on weight, he noticed, the result of too much junk food no doubt.

Mr Snodgrass was a polite man and he had strongly disliked having to explain which cigars he wanted every day for the past week. “How are you?” he asked, “have you been unwell or on holiday?”

The girl grinned and patted her swelling stomach. “Hadn’t you noticed, luv?” she exclaimed, “I’m having a baby and I’ve had the morning sickness real rotten!”

Instinctively, Mr Snodgrass’s eyes went to her left hand which was bare. “Oh,” he spluttered, “I really didn’t know.”

“I’ll be glad to give up work soon and once it’s born, I’ll get a flat from the council and be able to stay at home.”

Mr Snodgrass murmured something in the lines of congratulations and left the shop. As he climbed the stairs, he was thinking about the poor girl, unmarried and no one to guide her ways. “When we get Mrs Maynard’s book published” he decided, “I’ll give the poor girl a copy. Poor soul, she could do with the help.”

Doris handed Mr Snodgrass his post and he went to his room to open it. A nice fat package from Switzerland met his eye. With trembling hands, he opened the envelope and – there it was! The last chapter. Rushing to Mr Butterworth’s office, completely forgetting his dignity he laid the manuscript reverently on the desk and said “It’s done! Let’s get this to press quickly. At last we have the book that will make our names famous.”

 

#162:  Author: Chelsea, Location: Your Imagination PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 9:24 pm

Thanks for that bit.

*wonders what the girls reaction would be upon presentation of a copy of the book.

*loved the description of the 'hearing aids'

 

#163:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 9:25 pm

The book was duly brought out by Jo's admiring publishers. The back cover contained the following information:

I DON’T SEE WHAT ALL THE FUSS IS ABOUT!

A TREASURY OF WISDOM FROM THE PEN OF ONE OF OUR MOST

FAMOUS AUTHORS - JOSEPHINE MARY BETTANY

BY THE DISTINGUISHED AUTHOR OF ‘NANCY MEETS A NAZI’, ‘GIPSY JOCELYN’ and ‘A ROYALIST SOLDIER MAID’

Josephine M Bettany, (Mrs. John Maynard in private life) has produced a short volume full of handy hints and tips for the rearing of children in the modern world.

No young mother or young woman who is contemplating the holy state of matrimony should be without this volume full of the wisdom distilled from Mrs. Maynard’s experience of bringing up a large family.

In addition to the sterling worth of her advice on the correct upbringing of children, the discerning reader will also garner much sage counsel from this book on the best manner of household management. Mrs. Maynard displays her tender care for the continuing education of her nursery staff, and gives much thought to how best to ensure that household staff are fully involved in the care of the family’s youngest members.

The discriminating reader will also fully appreciate the author’s precepts on the best way to care for one’s husband once the family has been blessed by the advent of its own diminutive cherub.

This book is definitely not to be missed!

 

#164:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 9:28 pm

From ‘The Guardian’

I DON’T SEE WHAT ALL THE FUSS IS ABOUT!

Anyone who picks up this latest volume by Josephine M Bettany will, after reading the first chapter, come to the conclusion that the author is attempting to update her drearily outdated style and subject matter by writing a work of comic fiction.

The publishers of this short book refer frequently to the discerning reader: it takes little discernment to discover that the author is not only not living in the 21st, or even the 20th century, but in a small timeless cocoon of late Victorianism.

The modern woman who is concerned with obtaining a place in a good day-nursery will ask herself where she is to find the maid, the nursery maid and other staff to take the hard labour of child-rearing from her hands. Does the ‘Distinguished Author’ have the slightest glimmering of the trials and tribulations which face modern women? It would appear not!

In addition to a lamentable lack of awareness of modern life and society, the author blithely assures us that we should find time to mother her daughters’ homesick school friends. As if. The book is, I can declare with the utmost lack of fear of contradiction, a testament or perhaps monument would be the apter phrase, to the outdated and outworn snobbery which we have so thankfully discarded.

The truly horrifying aspect of this short volume is the blithe assumption that the offspring who deserve the best of the mother’s (or should I say maid;s and nursery maid’s care) are the precious daughters of the family, whilst the sons are dismissed early to prep and public school in a distant country, and whose sole use is to enable their sisters to understand something of the masculine mind.

I will conclude by offering two pieces of advice. The first, to the author, is to bring herself up to date.

The second is to anyone who contemplates the purchase of this volume.

WASTE NO TIME IN READING IT!

 

#165:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 9:30 pm

DAILY EXPRESS BOOK REVIEW COLUMN

I Can’t See What All The Fuss Is About! - Josephine M Bettany

I’ve just been reading the latest effusion from Josephine M Bettany. What a hoot! Or so I thought until I realized that this woman, who hasn’t had a decent book published in donkey’s years was actually serious!

The author has given us, the modern parent, such pearls of wisdom as ensuring that our husbands sleep in his dressing room for several months after the birth of a baby. Well, Josephine, where do we find the dressing room?

We are also advised to ensure that our nursery-maids do all the hard work, whilst Mother has a freshly fed and washed baby for half an hour every afternoon. An excellent way to bond with one’s children.

I could barely contain myself when reading the advice to be kind to the poor people of the district, by giving them some food. Hm, where do I get the maid who’ll find it as easy to bake ten fruit cakes as one?

Anyone who wants to roll in the aisles MUST read the chapter on how to cultivate suitable friends for one’s daughters. Presumably the boys are thrown to the lions or the wolves of the Prep/Public School system, no need to worry about them. The boys, let ‘em sink or swim, just make sure your girls don’t mix with the real world, don’t find out what’s going on this globe of ours and above all, make sure that they remain in total ignorance of their bodies and their functions.

For a woman who prides herself on being the loving, devoted mother of eleven children, give or take a few adoptees, Ms Bettany appears to be one of the most selfish beings ever to tread this earth of ours. I can honestly say that I’m glad she’s not a neighbour of mine, our humble establishment clearly wouldn’t be good enough for her. Still, I’m not going to spend any sleepless night worrying that we’re not the right sort for this woman. In fact, if we were, I’d definitely start worrying about us as a family.

This woman is so far to the Right of Dr Spock, it just isn’t true.

My last words on the topic: if you want a good laugh, wait until the library stocks the book, or you can find it in a remaindered bookshop. Just don’t waste your hard-earned cash on this snobbish, out-dated rubbish.

 

#166:  Author: Chelsea, Location: Your Imagination PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 9:46 pm

ROFL - those reviews are great Jennie!!

 

#167:  Author: claire, Location: SOUTH WALES PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 9:54 pm

excellent Jennie - wonder what snodgrass & co will think when reading the reviews

 

#168:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 10:01 pm

Fabulous reviews Jennie!!! Laughing

May we see some reaction from both the publishers and the author?

 

#169:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 10:04 pm

I think PatMac is the person to ask for that, Lesley.

 

#170:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 10:07 pm

Thanks, Jennie! As you may have guessed from the speed of those reviews, Jennie and I have had this waiting for the new board. Now we think it's back to FCS and lets hear from some more publications.

 

#171:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 10:08 pm

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

That was great! Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

Jennie have any publications treated it as a comical book at all?

Patmac are we see more of the family reatcion?

 

#172:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 10:34 pm

I don't know at the moment. I'm a bit up to my eyes with RL but who knows when a small sparkling purple leaf will nibble .....

 

#173:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 11:02 pm

Wonderful reviews! Just hysterical. I'd love to see Joey's response... please Very Happy *smiles nicely*

 

#174:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2004 11:32 pm

I can't wait to see the responses of the Maynard Offspring! Laughing

 

#175:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Tue Mar 16, 2004 12:10 am

Ohhhhhhhh *picks self up from floor moaning weakly with laughter*

 

#176:  Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle PostPosted: Tue Mar 16, 2004 2:21 am

Jennie those reviews are just fantastic. Looking forward to more.

 

#177:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Tue Mar 16, 2004 2:51 am

Gret posts Patmac and Jennie, I'm really enjoying this drabble, though I own to feeling a little sorry for the publishers - but how will Joey react to the reviews? Will they manage to pierce her bubble?
And the children, and Jack, and Hilda and, oh so many questions

 

#178:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Tue Mar 16, 2004 4:42 am

*giggling wildly*
More soon please!!!!!

 

#179:  Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Tue Mar 16, 2004 10:15 am

Those posts were so funny PatMac and Jennie Laughing
Can we have some reaction from the triplets soon please?

 

#180:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Tue Mar 16, 2004 11:03 am

fantastic! *giggling at the reviews...*

 

#181:  Author: keren as guest,  PostPosted: Tue Mar 16, 2004 11:57 am

yesterday I read a jeffrey archer short story that really reminded me of this.
it was called "henry's Hiccup"

 

#182:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Tue Mar 16, 2004 1:04 pm

Now I want to see Joey's reaction to the reviews. Please?

 

#183:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Tue Mar 16, 2004 5:37 pm

Please feel free to write it, Sarah. PatMac has thrown it open as FCS, so perhaps we might be able to see what you think Jo's response ought to be.

 

#184:  Author: Rachael,  PostPosted: Tue Mar 16, 2004 5:44 pm

Oh, this is fabulous!!

Absolutely hysterical reviews!!
*am awaiting Joey's reaction ....*

Jennie - you'd have loved the book reviews at the Gathering - Lulie is typing them up so they'll be included on the G site ...

 

#185:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Tue Mar 16, 2004 6:41 pm

*chants for someone to post some more!!!*

 

#186:  Author: Sugarplum, Location: second star to the right! PostPosted: Wed Mar 17, 2004 1:13 am

This is hysterical ...... loved the reviews Jenny Smile
More please PatMac! (or Jennie)

 

#187:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Wed Mar 17, 2004 3:28 am

Having had 16 hours working today (shared, I hasten to add by my Number 2), I just checked in to unwind before seeking my well earned rest. It may be some days before I can even begin to think of getting back into it and would love someone else to contribute.

come on, where's the mad imagination of the board?

 

#188:  Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Wed Mar 17, 2004 11:59 pm

*shaking with laughter*

just read this whole thing - BRILLIANT!!!!!!!

 

#189:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Mar 18, 2004 10:28 pm

Bygone Girls Journal

Mrs maynard has shown another side to her writings with this wonderful evocation of historic methods of child-rearing. We would recommend this book to all our readers, and believe that they will find the style both humorous and very enlightening. The methods described should not, of course, be taken as a serious depiction of the best methods for this day and age, though for those who are researching the history of the subject, it should provide a valuable resource. We would add that neither of us believe that Mrs Maynard is truly serious, and that agree that this book is an extremely funny skit on the plethora of child-care books currently on the market.
Annabel and Caroline

 

#190:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Mar 18, 2004 10:30 pm

ROFL ROFL ROFL , Pat Very apt!

 

#191:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Thu Mar 18, 2004 11:00 pm

ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL

I'd buy the book on the strength of these reviews just for the fun of it!

Last edited by pim on Thu Mar 18, 2004 11:02 pm; edited 1 time in total

 

#192:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Thu Mar 18, 2004 11:01 pm

Oh, dear, I'm sure Jo would have had hopes when she began to read that review...

 

#193:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Mar 18, 2004 11:24 pm

Do hope you appreciated it, KB! Was it straight laced enough? Laughing

 

#194:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Thu Mar 18, 2004 11:32 pm

Naughty Pat! Laughing

 

#195:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Mar 18, 2004 11:34 pm

Who, me?!! Naughty?!!! They'll never come here to read it!!

 

#196:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Thu Mar 18, 2004 11:40 pm

You'd better hope not if you want Librarian published!!! Laughing

 

#197:  Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Thu Mar 18, 2004 11:45 pm

*Giggles*
Never thought you could be so cheeky Pat Laughing

 

#198:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Mar 18, 2004 11:47 pm

Len looked at the book lying on the table in front of her with a sort of fear - fear at what she would find, and fear at the reaction of her friends. Also before were the reviews of the book, and she was puzzled at the reviewers reactions, which were not quite what she had expected, though she would have been hard-pressed to say what that was. Hesitantly she picked up the book, holding it as if it might suddenly bite her, and turned to the first page. As she read, her face reflected the gammut of emotions that ran through her. First was horror, for it confirmed her worst nightmares, then as she read further, she felt disbelief that even her mother could write this and believe it - for she certainly believed every word she had written. This was meant to be serious. Then at last Len's sense of humour pushed its way forward, and she began to grin, then to chuckle, and before long she was holding her sides as she laughed and laughed, sliding weakly off her chair and onto the floor, as tears of mirth ran down her cheeks.

 

#199:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Thu Mar 18, 2004 11:48 pm

*chortling at a wonderful mental image* Priceless!

 

#200:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Thu Mar 18, 2004 11:53 pm

Wonderful! Love the reaction - now what about the Staff's reaction - especially Hilda, Nell and Matey - seem to remember they were insulted in the book.

 

#201:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Mar 18, 2004 11:54 pm

It's been thrown open, and You're the Hilda expert, Lesley! would any of us dare to usurp your crown?! Laughing

 

#202:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 12:03 am

Love the review Pat, and I'm glad to see that Len reacted with laughter, but even so, Exclamation

 

#203:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 12:07 am

Pat wrote:
It's been thrown open, and You're the Hilda expert, Lesley! would any of us dare to usurp your crown?! Laughing


Hmmmm, not too sure about that - while I can write Hilda and Nell, no problem, and you may even be able to get a nice Matey out of me (I can do it - honest!) - I don't know if I can manage a totally deluded Joey - one who will be unaffected by anything Hilda et al could throw at her - will have to think about it! Laughing

 

#204:  Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 12:13 am

*g* Looking forward to hearing the reactions of other people!

 

#205:  Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 3:37 am

Loved the review and Len's reaction.

Waiting now to see reactions from the other's.

 

#206:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 9:54 am

Lesley wrote:
Hmmmm, not too sure about that - while I can write Hilda and Nell, no problem, and you may even be able to get a nice Matey out of me (I can do it - honest!) - I don't know if I can manage a totally deluded Joey - one who will be unaffected by anything Hilda et al could throw at her - will have to think about it! Laughing


But you don't have to do Joey - just Hilda! And I love Len's reaction! I wonder if all the kids will find it funny, or if some will be angry.

 

#207:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 10:13 am

Lesley wrote:
You'd better hope not if you want Librarian published!!! Laughing


If they ever ventured here, how would they know it was me?

 

#208:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 10:19 am

Because, my love, it's listed in the News and Views section, under CS Abbreviations and Terms.

 

#209:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 10:32 am

They avoid this like a bad smell, though!

 

#210:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 10:34 am

Now, that's true! *wonders if A&C research their authors* Wink

 

#211:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 10:37 am

Pat!!! *Giggles like a giggler dishing out the giggler treatment*

That was wonderful, both the review and Len's reaction. Will you be writing more about the triplets reactions???

I wonder how the book would be reviewed here Twisted Evil

 

#212:  Author: Rachael,  PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 1:20 pm

*also giggling madly although some of aforesaid giggling can be attributed to Carolyn's description of giggling Laughing *

Looking forward to more reviews folks!

 

#213:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 1:31 pm

And more reactions!

 

#214:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 2:32 pm

This is sooooo funny

Joins in the clamour for more reviews and reactions

 

#215:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 5:25 pm

Well as some people suggested I write this - here goes - it's rather long - sorry!

A calm “come in,” was the response to the angry knock on the Head’s Study door. Nell Wilson stalked in, her grey eyes flat and narrowed. She made to speak but a glance from her friend kept her silent. Miss Annersley was involved in reading a small hard backed book, and merely pointed the Head of St Mildred’s to the window seat.

“Wait, Nell,” she said softly, “I just want to finish this. I’m expecting another visitor any minute!”

Nell Wilson sat, aware that the book her friend was reading was the same one that she had clutched in her own hands. There was another angry knock on the door, Miss Annersley raised her head, “Come in, Gywnneth,” she said, showing a degree of clairvoyance unusual even for her.

Matey entered the room and stalked up to sit in one of the seats opposite the Head, she also held in her hand a copy of the same book. Miss Annersley finished reading and looked up, her glance taking in both her friends,

“I gather you have read this latest, effort, by our esteemed neighbour?” The Head’s tones dripped sarcasm, not normally a trait associated with her.

“Of course we’ve read it, Hilda, why on Earth do you think we’re here?” Nell Wilson burst out, Matey nodded agreement.

“The pertinent paragraph, I believe, is this one,” Miss Annersley read from the book

“The school you choose for your darling girls will, of course, be the one you attended and where you became a legend in your time, and having kept in close touch with both staff and girls, your children will be welcomed and already be on good terms with the headmistress who will be delighted at her welcome into your family as she will, poor soul, have no children of her own. Do not neglect the Matron, either. A little flattery and attention will endear her to you and then to your daughters. Women who take this position are often frustrated with lack of family of their own. By cultivating her company, however tiresome, you will be doing her a favour as well as helping your dear girls.”

She looked up, “Somewhat disparaging for all three of us,” she said.

“I had no idea that was her true feeling toward us!” Matron Lloyd sounded quite shocked, of all the Staff she had been the one to cling longest to the notion that Josephine Bettany/Maynard was a good person, neither Hilda nor Nell had held onto that idea for longer than their first term. But they had tolerated her continual disruptive presence due to their loyalty toward the School and Madge Russell.

“The point is, Hilda,” burst out Nell, “What are we going to do about it?”

Miss Annersley smiled, “I think, Nell, that we may be able to use the current worries with regard to safety and security, to, how shall I put it, rid us of this damned woman, completely!”

A few days later, bored and wanting to speak to someone about her new book, Joey Maynard decided to ring Hilda Annersley, “After all," she thought, "I’m sure Hilda and the others cannot wait to praise me, although, obviously, they haven’t my experience when it comes to raising children, I’m sure they’ll find it useful. If any of them ever manage to find a doctor who will take them!”

She lifted the receiver of the telephone giving her direct access to the Headmistress, expecting to hear Hilda’s voice. Instead there was an ugly drone on the line. She tried pressing the buttons, to no avail. The line was obviously dead.

“How strange!” she thought, she lifted the normal telephone and dialled the School number, instead of being answered by Miss Dene, Joey was surprised to discover a mechanical voice, ‘We’re sorry, but all our lines are busy at the moment, please dial again later.’ “How very strange!” she thought, "never mind, I’ll pop over, they always love my visiting!”

A short time late Joey reached the gate between Freudeshiem’s gardens and the School grounds and was astounded to discover that the gate had been replaced by a six foot high fence and no gate.

“What on Earth is Hilda thinking,” she thought, “Fancy having a new fence built and not arranging for the gate! She must be getting forgetful in her old age!” She walked around to the road, to take the more formal entrance to the School, contemplating mentioning this to Hilda and to sundry other members of Staff - they would find it so amusing!

At the main entrance to the School was a new innovation. A proper gatehouse with resident security guards. On the whole Joey felt she approved of this - after all these girls must be protected from the more undesirable elements in the world creeping in - she had been astounded that the girls were now allowed to speak of boys, and when still only 17 years old! It was just not done! She walked up to the security man,

“I’m Mrs Maynard, from Freudesheim,” she announced grandly,

“Who’s that then?” the guard was instantly suspicious, “I’ll need to see your pass!”

Joey stiffened, “Pass? I do not require a pass!” she stalked up and slipped beneath the barrier, “I’m Joey Maynard, the most beloved ex-pupil of this establishment!”

In one of the dormitories overlooking the front gate, three women watched silently. They saw a woman with excessively black hair, done in a style at least 30 years out of date, attempt to get past the barrier. She was stopped immediately by two security men who eventually picked her up and carried her back outside. The woman then tried attacking the men, raining feeble blows down on their heads until one of them stretched out and grasped both her wrists.

The woman then tried kicking, the second security guard grasped her ankles and they held her wriggling and screaming for some minutes. A third guard had obviously called for help because, a short time later, a police car arrived. The woman was placed under arrest and taken away in handcuffs.

“That’s it then!” Nell Wilson said with satisfaction,

Hilda Annersley nodded, “Yes, Madge is more than happy with all the changes we’ve made, she even asked if we could take some photos for her!”

“You think Joey wi-hic-ll try again, Hilda?” Matey had recovered from her fit of giggles, with only the occasional hiccup to show for it.

“Certain to,” returned the Head, “She never listens to anyone!”

“Excellent,” Nell beamed, “I’ll start selling tickets!”

Last edited by Lesley on Sat Mar 20, 2004 2:53 am; edited 2 times in total

 

#216:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 5:36 pm

Terrific, Lesley, couldn't be better!

 

#217:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 5:50 pm

*Picks herself up off the floor*

Thank you Lesley that was fabulous, and what a sensible thing for the school to do. I wonder who else they might want to exclude.

 

#218:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 6:16 pm

wonderful, thank you Lesley!!

Laughing

 

#219:  Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 6:31 pm

Laughing Thanks Lesley!
*Wish I could get tickets to a viewing*

 

#220:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 7:19 pm

*Picks self up*

Thanks Lesley, that was so so so so so so so funny.

Loved the idea of Madge asking for Photo's,

 

#221:  Author: Chelsea, Location: Your Imagination PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 8:10 pm

That was brilliant Lesley - can we get tickets from BIll?

 

#222:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 8:38 pm

Would absolutely love to hear Liss read that aloud!!!

Wonderful, Lesley! Thank you! Knew you were the person to write that!

 

#223:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 8:42 pm

ROFL

*slides elegantly off chair* Fantastic!

 

#224:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2004 11:13 pm

*weeps with laughter!*
Thank you all!! Those were all brilliant!!!

 

#225:  Author: Sugarplum, Location: second star to the right! PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 2:49 am

collapses with hysteria...........imagine Jo being locked out and actually hated by the staff! And actually believing every word she wrote!!!!!!!!

 

#226:  Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 2:53 am

Lesley that was absolutley fantastic. Jo deserves all she gets.

 

#227:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 2:57 am

Thanks Lesley, that was hilarious, and sooooo good to see Joey getting the treatment she deserves, though I don't know whatelse she could have expected, knowing that Hilda et al must have read her true opinion of them.
How could any one be so self centred as to not consider the effects of her words on others?

 

#228:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 3:42 am

Brilliant Lesley
*slides gently to the floor giggling wildly*

I'd like a ticket from Nell... or some of those photos for Madge... or both Very Happy

 

#229:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 6:47 am

*also wants a ticket* Brilliant, Lesley! So what will Jo try next time?

 

#230:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 10:19 am

Hilarious, Lesley! I expect she'll ring Madge next?

 

#231:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 10:39 am

With her 'one phone call', perhaps?

 

#232:  Author: Rachael,  PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 12:06 pm

ROFL ROFL ROFL
ROFLMAO

Oh! Oh! Only just found this and it's inspired!!

Superlative, Lesley!!
Quite agree that this was the only action Hilda et al could take!!

*sniggering*
Twisted Evil

 

#233:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 1:42 pm

Can I, no May I have the catering concession?

 

#234:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 2:57 pm

Joey’s diary

I don’t know what the world is coming to. Hilda Annersley, who I have consistently supported as Head Mistress of my precious school, has been revealed as a snake in the grass.

I have been subjected to great indignities and arrested for attempting to enter the premises of MY OWN SCHOOL. If it wasn’t for me, the school would not be in existence! It was founded for my benefit by my sister (who is acting strangely at the moment, I wonder if senility has set in?) and they have no right to keep me out.

I blame that Nell Wilson. She has never expressed her gratitude for the time I got her out of Austria at the beginning of the war and was most rude when I advised her to use hair dye to cover up that ridiculous white hair.

When I think of all I have done for them! They have had the benefit of my advice at every turn and how do they treat me!!! I’ve opened sales, written plays, had the brats of new girls here to tea. I have never stinted my efforts to help them.

Another disappointment today was that I didn’t get any letters of appreciation from Len or Con, though I sent them signed copies of my book a week ago. This is not behaviour I am used to by my precious girls. I really expected to hear.

I think I will have an early night. Jack rang to say he would be staying at the san again tonight, I think we got a crossed line because I could hear lots of nasty modern music in the background and people laughing and singing. I will complain to the phone company in the morning.

 

#235:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 3:12 pm

Excellent post - thanks PatMac! Oh dear - Joey doesn't consider anything outside her own world!!

 

#236:  Author: Chelsea, Location: Your Imagination PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 3:43 pm

Lovely PatMac.

I wonder if Josephine M. Maynard has read this drabble yet!

 

#237:  Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 4:39 pm

*laughs helplessly at all the additions to this* Hionaestluy, Joey is so stupid!

 

#238:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 4:56 pm

Wonderful, PatMac. Can't wait for another diary entry.

Also very suspicious of the Josephine M Bettany who has just become our latest member.

 

#239:  Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 4:58 pm

*giggling helplessly*

 

#240:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 5:09 pm

Oh wow! This is brilliant. And Jack was drinking away his embarrassment in the pub wasn't he?

 

#241:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 5:22 pm

I think Jack will take the fifth on that!

 

#242:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 5:22 pm

Can't blame him really, can we?

 

#243:  Author: Janet, Location: Ferndown, Dorset PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 5:27 pm

This drabble is so clever and very, very funny!!

Thank you for putting a big smile on my face everyone!

 

#244:  Author: Rachael,  PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 5:28 pm

Inspird again!!

LOL! Would have loved to see Nell's face when Joey suggested hair dye!!

 

#245:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 5:29 pm

*giggling madly* Brilliant, cheered me up no end Smile

 

#246:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 6:33 pm

Thank you Pat. Jeoy's self assurance takes my breath away!!

Doesn't look like JMM has found this, or perhaps she's collapsed from the reaction!?

 

#247:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 7:39 pm

That was so funny, and notice what joey let slip, her feelings about all the new girls!!!

 

#248:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 7:44 pm

I've been looking for posts from JMM on this and Jennies 2004 drabble. Where are you Mrs Maynard, come and stand up for yourself!

 

#249:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 7:56 pm

I've been wondering just who she is and why she's registered under that name. I think it may be a longer standing member, and that's what is intregueing me.

 

#250:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 8:23 pm

Brats of new girls? Oh dear Joey, your halo's slipping! Is Jack out partying? Very Happy seems ssensible to me.

 

#251:  Author: claire, Location: SOUTH WALES PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 9:16 pm

excellent - and good on Jack for escaping - even of only for a few hours

 

#252:  Author: Cumbrian Rachel, Location: near High Wycombe PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 12:06 am

I've only just found this - absolutely marvellous! I've been chuckling away to myself for the last hour or so while I've been reading it! The other computer room users are thinking I'm a little mad...

 

#253:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 1:08 am

Cumbrian Rachel wrote:
The other computer room users are thinking I'm a little mad...


They only "think"? You must be a very good actress!

 

#254:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 1:19 am

Great diary entry Patmac, I'm sure that's exactly what Joey would write.
But whatever is Jack doing????

 

#255:  Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 2:58 am

love the diary entry. This is a brilliant drabble

 

#256:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 7:04 am

God, she's so blind! 'My own school' indeed!

 

#257:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 1:44 pm

Loved the bit about the school being founded for her benefit!! I'd assumed that JMM had joined specifically to respond to this! I think she's an established member too!

 

#258:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 2:39 pm

Mr Snodgrass and Mr Butterworth were having an important meeting. Mr Snodgrass was obviously agitated as he was chewing his cigar to shreds and kept taking his glasses off and polishing them on the end of his tie.

Mr Butterworth was pacing up and down, causing the light fitting of the room below to swing like a pendulum. As he did not normally stray from his leather chair once he had arrived in the office, this was also a sign of great agitation.

The subject of conversation was a letter with a Los Angeles postmark. The agitation was caused by the stark choice between bankruptcy and wealth. Or rather, between how to make the choice of wealth while keeping their reputation. Bankruptcy was an option which had been discarded at the beginning of the conversation.

“We could” said Mr Snodgrass indistinctly as he removed shredded tobacco from his mouth, “say that we knew this would be a comical book from the beginning.”

“But what about our press release? We were completely serious in that!” Mr Butterworth turned on his heel half way across the room, causing the light fitting below to begin swinging in a circle.

“All part of the joke, we did it to get the reviewers to give it publicity. Remember, no publicity is bad publicity and sales have not been that bad – even if it was for the wrong reasons. We could even come out of this looking clever.”

“Hmmm …..” and Mr Butterworth turned again and the light below changed direction.

By this time the 3 clerks in the Accountants’ office below were transfixed. All work had been abandoned and they were watching with horrified fascination as their lampshade swung even more violently.

“And how are we going to manage to persuade Mrs Maynard that this is a good idea?”

“Hmmm ….” Mr Snodgrass mused as he took yet another cigar from his case and discarded the soggy chewed end of the last one.

 

#259:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 2:45 pm

Lovely, PatMac, but do they have the ghost of a chance of persuading Jo?

 

#260:  Author: Laura, Location: London (ish) PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 2:46 pm

More please! Just caught up on 6 pages - this is hilarious! Very Happy

But poor Joey...! (never thought I'd have to say that!)

 

#261:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 2:46 pm

Try to persuade Mrs Maynard that it's a ggod idea? Talk about setting themselves an impossible task Exclamation
Love to see them try though.........(hint hint)

 

#262:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 2:55 pm

“Money!” exclaimed Mr Butterworth. “Money and flattery.”

Mr Snodgrass’s face brightened. “Of course!” he exclaimed. “If we can handle this right, she comes out looking clever and also makes a lot of money. Now how do we approach this?” and he lit his cigar and sank back in the chair feeling considerably less agitated now they had found a way out. Handling Mrs Maynard was a considerably easier proposition than going bankrupt!

Mr Butterworth came back to his seat and also settled to think.

Gradually, the light below stopped swinging and the clerks crept back to their desks and started work again, with an occasional glance upwards to check that the mysterious swinging had not restarted.

 

#263:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 2:58 pm

Says a lot for Snodgrass and Butterworth as a dynamic publishing firm.

 

#264:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 4:42 pm

“Somehow, we have to persuade her that it is all her idea. We have to plant in her mind the idea that she knew all along that it was a joke and went along with it willingly.” Mr Butterworth was thinking aloud.

“How about,” replied Mr Snodgrass, “if she can come to believe that this was her idea all along? I don’t care how supercilious she gets with us so long as she agrees to the plan. After all we’ve coped before. Remember that plot about 3 girls with the same name who all had red hair! She wanted to write a thriller and it was so absurd. We persuaded her that she had second thoughts, rather than that it was awful.”

“Let’s write a letter. I think we’d better draft it rather than call Doris in for dictation.” And Mr Butterworth drew a pad of lined paper towards him and took the top off his fountain pen in preparation.

“Let’s lay it on thick.” remarked Mr Snodgrass, “We won’t get through otherwise.”

 

#265:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 4:46 pm

They obviously know their dearly beloved author!

 

#266:  Author: Cumbrian Rachel, Location: near High Wycombe PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 5:21 pm

Rachel wrote:
Cumbrian Rachel wrote:
The other computer room users are thinking I'm a little mad...


They only "think"? You must be a very good actress!


Um... The computer room is virtually deserted and the other person using it also seems to be indulging in random chuckles over their choice of websites!

And what about the 'little'?!

 

#267:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 6:33 pm

This just keeps getting better and better Smile Talk about cheering people up - PatMac, you are a GENIUS!!!!

 

#268:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 7:37 pm

*giggles madly, looks around library nervously, remembers it's nearly closing time anyway* Hilarious, love the publishers!

 

#269:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 9:19 pm

Wonderful! Thanks PatMac - love to see letter to Joey! Laughing

 

#270:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 9:42 pm

This is wonderful...wonder how jopey will react.

 

#271:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 10:05 pm

Two hours later:

“I’ll read it out.” Said Mr Butterworth, tiredly. The waste paper basket was overflowing with crumpled sheets and they had finally agreed on a draft letter.


Dear Mrs Maynard,

We have great pleasure in telling you that your clever scheme for making the reviewers look complete fools has worked! Very few authors manage to do that and certainly we can’t think of one who has done it so thoroughly. We have to admit that, almost to the last chapter, you fooled us and we are not easily taken in. It was only when we remembered your comments about reviewers last year that we realised what you had done. Do you recall, after ‘Susan Starts School’ was launched and you warned us you would one day get your revenge. So clever of you!

"that should take care of her ego!"

You will be particularly pleased to hear that the Daily Express Reviewer, Vera Dickens-Smythe, completely misunderstood. You may remember how caustic she was about ‘Ginnie Goes for Gold’ when it first came out. Well, this time she will have to eat Humble Pie. The only reviewer who came anywhere near to seeing through your clever satire was from the Guardian but her small mind could not make the leap.

“Nice touch, mentioning Vera.” Approved Mr Snodgrass, “Mrs Maynard can’t stand the woman – called her common and ill educated, as I remember.”

I cannot think of a single other writer who has made such a radical change of genre successfully. Writing satire is a skill which very few authors possess. So many authors attempt it and fail and we do believe, from our long experience that the talent verges on genius.

“That’s another nice touch.” Mr Snodgrass smiled “We’ll need to lay it on with a trowel.”

I am sure you will be thrilled to hear that we have had an offer for the film rights to ‘I Don’t Know What All the Fuss is About’. This is a signal honour, as I am sure you will agree, and extremely lucrative as well.

You will recall that your standard contract with us assigns the film rights of your books to us with a royalty to be paid to you if the rights are bought from us. You have been such a loyal client over the years and we are so pleased for you that we are proposing to increase the level of payment as a sign of our esteem and gratitude and in recognition of your exceptional talent.

This means you should receive a payment of around of $250,000 dollars if the deal goes through, and, depending on negotiations, we may be able to increase this sum and also still hold the rights to video and DVD sales to be negotiated at a later stage in the proceedings. These should exceed the film rights and there may be other merchandising rights. In fact, if all goes well, you should be able to pick and choose what you write in the future without the need to produce a book each year. I know this has been a strain at times with your busy life and devotion to family and school and means that there is no further pressure. You can let your muse speak as and when you feel inspired. Although we would be disappointed if you decided to write no more books at all, we would understand that the financial freedom you would enjoy would make you independent and we would accept your decision.

“That leaves plenty to increase the offer if needs be.” Said Mr Snodgrass. “I think you are right to offer a lower amount first. She always haggles over payments. I hope she does retire.”

“Well, she’ll have to.” Responded Mr Butterworth, “We certainly will!”

We know you well enough to understand that you will probably not want to be involved in the publicity events and would be quite happy to negotiate with the film company to ensure that your wishes for a private life are respected.

We look forward to hearing from you in the near future and we will go forward with the negotiations promptly.

Yours faithfully

“Good thing we had that antiquated contract! the bit about film was almost a joke in those days and no one ever queried it.” Exclaimed Mr Butterworth, “I’m sure the fact that it’s going to happen anyway will make her see sense. She won’t want to look a fool.”

He reached for the intercom. “Doris, we have an urgent letter to be typed.”

 

#272:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 10:08 pm

Hmmm! And Joey will accept that at face value? Wonderful PatMac! Laughing

 

#273:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 10:14 pm

Laughing That was wonderful...can't wait for Joey and the family's reaction.

 

#274:  Author: Chelsea, Location: Your Imagination PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 10:22 pm

That was wonderful, PatMac. I'm looking forward to Joey's reaction..

 

#275:  Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 10:31 pm

*snickering helplessly* Mr. Green

 

#276:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 11:36 pm

*giggling wildly and hoping for more!*

 

#277:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:22 am

*giggles* *splutters* *slides of chair shaking with laughter with a resounding thud*

 

#278:  Author: Sugarplum, Location: second star to the right! PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:35 am

Laughing Laughing Laughing
Oh my godness I am in stitches ...... film rights to her books! Can u imagine the film to this... It would win best comedy at the BAFTAS!

 

#279:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:47 am

feeling extremely sorry for the family at the prospect of the book being turned into a film
More please

 

#280:  Author: Jay,  PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 2:05 am

Agreeing completely with Ellie. But it's hysterical nevertheless - more please!

 

#281:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 7:31 am

Glorious, PatMac! I'm intrigued to know whether she will accept it, or if the reviews will make her a little suspicious...

 

#282:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:11 pm

I'm certainly eager to find out what comes next.

 

#283:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 2:40 pm

I had thought that if the "weren't you clever to write such a satirical book" approach hadn't been used, the next most obvious one as far as Joey is concerned would be "Hey look, some film makers want to turn your book into an informative documentary!" Wonder which Joey would have believed?

Hurry up PatMac - let's see what Joey does next! Please!

 

#284:  Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 3:27 pm

*cheers wildly at PatMac, the publishers, and anyone else who wants a cheer* This is wonderful! They know Joey so well!

*chants for more*

 

#285:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 6:05 pm

Wonderful, PatMac, longing to discover how or whether Jo takes the bait.

 

#286:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 6:29 pm

Joey’s Diary

I had a strange letter today from my publishers. It appears that my little book on child care has been taken as funny! I can’t understand why but as a funny book it is worth more than as a serious one. Strange that and I’ll have to think about it. Why would anyone think it funny. I really wonder what the world is coming to.

Still, Mr Butterworth and Mr Snodgrass are being very generous in their offer of royalties for the film rights and it is a lot of money. Dear Mr Butterworth and Mr Snodgrass think I am a genius which is nice. About time someone recognised my talents.

It could mean I could retire from writing school stories and they really have become a chore. I’ve written about 60 or so and it is difficult to think of new plots for them. I have been afraid of becoming repetitive like that Brent-Dyer woman did. I think I would rather stop now than risk that. Perhaps some day they will be classics and sell for a lot of money. Sales have been falling off over the last few years. I think it’s the television that causes that. Mothers don’t check what their children are reading.

Perhaps I could get even more money, they usually agree to increase the advances when I insist, and then there’s something called video and DVD (whatever they are) which will bring in more.

I wish I could talk it over with Jack but he’s off at a conference now . It must be an important one because he has gone to America. It took me ages to darn all his socks so he had plenty to take.

I think I’ll sleep on this letter and reply in the morning. I know what Jack will say anyway. He’ll say it’s my decision and so it is.

Madge still hasn’t returned my calls and she knows how upset I am about the attitude of those ingrates at the school. How odd!

I’m really please that I put one over on that dreadful woman from the Express. She really should not be writing reviews. She even splits infinitives. She probably went to a village school.

Really I have been quite clever to write satire. Not many people can. Wait till I tell Kathie and Bridget! Won’t they laugh when they hear it was satire.

 

#287:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 7:38 pm

Ooooh, she's fallen for it! Can't wait to see what happens next.
And I loved the line about not wanting to become as repetitive as the Brent Dyer woman!

 

#288:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 7:59 pm

Excellent - love the line about EBD. Wonder what Madge is thinking - she obviously has no time for her sister and backed up the School- anyone care to write it?

 

#289:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 8:45 pm

I guess A & C won't want this then?

 

#290:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 8:47 pm

Er, PatMac, I don't think it's quite their style. sorry and all that.

 

#291:  Author: claire, Location: SOUTH WALES PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 8:47 pm

Excellent she's come round completely - and very neat tie in with EBD

 

#292:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 9:09 pm

Jennie wrote:
Er, PatMac, I don't think it's quite their style. sorry and all that.


Since they refused 2 Old Girls, I wouldn't give it to them if they begged Rolling Eyes

 

#293:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 9:14 pm

Must admit I can't understand them refusing KB's work - it is so exactly as one of the very best of EBD's own work. She has the stylr perfectly yet with a new and thoroughly absorbing plot.

At least i could understand them rejecting mine - EBD would not have written my Headmistress!

Almost makes you want to consider forming your own publishing company for all our best work!

 

#294:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 9:21 pm

Lesley, I had already thought of that as an option - but I wouldn't want to go into something as huge as that alone.

If other people were volunteering however, I might be seriously interested in being involved!

 

#295:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 9:25 pm

Is there a market apart form the faithful here? Or are most EBD fans only interested in the nostalgia of the canon? (That's a serious question by the way.)

 

#296:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 9:38 pm

Yes, just search for other GO writers on the net, and you'll discover that there's a big market out there.

 

#297:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 11:06 pm

Hmmmm!

 

#298:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 11:10 pm

I'd thought of that as well, not that I've got anything to publish, but some things I've read on here deserve to become proper books

 

#299:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 11:23 pm

There might be other GO authors being collected, but is there a large enough audience for our type of writing?

I think KB said GGB do a run of around 2500 and I would have thought that was probably te minimum to cover overheads...and with CS there may be issued over copyright nad using the characters locations etc, it would need looking into very carefully.

However with Headmistress and Con and other possibilities it may be worth researching.

 

#300:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 11:49 pm

Lesley wrote:
Must admit I can't understand them refusing KB's work - it is so exactly as one of the very best of EBD's own work. She has the stylr perfectly yet with a new and thoroughly absorbing plot.


Embarassed Embarassed Embarassed Thanks, Lesley... Embarassed Embarassed Embarassed

(And everyone else...)

 

#301:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Tue Mar 23, 2004 9:00 am

We all agree with Lesley, KB.

 

#302:  Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US PostPosted: Tue Mar 23, 2004 10:12 am

PatMac wrote:
We all agree with Lesley, KB.

We certainly do.

And PatMac- This sequence with the editors is hilarious! I do hope Jo accepts the contract. With a little haggling, of course. And if she convinces herself she knew it was satire all the time ... maybe it will be the best thing possible for the kids Laughing

 

#303:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Tue Mar 23, 2004 10:12 am

Putting in my word of support too! I was very surprised when you said they wouldn't take it, KB. It's so much in keeping with the rest.

 

#304:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Tue Mar 23, 2004 10:53 am

Thanks again. Embarassed

*feels we should return the thread to its rightful owner*

 

#305:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Tue Mar 23, 2004 8:50 pm

*Rightful owner* threw it open long ago and agrees with previous postings.

More phone calls from the edge (with acknowledgements to Jennie for title)

Len
“What do you mean, a film? That book as a film? Who on earth would want it?”

Con
“Calm down. It’s going to be a comedy! They’ll change our names and everything.”

Len
“How on earth did that happen? Mum will never agree!”

Con
“I left the book on the sofa where I’d thrown it in disgust and found Jay collapsed in a heap on the floor, sobbing with laughter. When he sobered up, he reckoned he’s met people like Mum before, though I dread to think where! He thinks, with the right handling, she’ll persuade herself it was all her idea. Then I remembered the old publishers – you remember, in those really shabby offices. Jay found someone who knew of them and reckoned they were on their uppers and would do anything for money! He checked and Mum’s sales are doing a nose dive.

We talked about it and, if it works, it will get us all off the hook and make a load of money for Jay, and enough for Mum to stop writing those antiquated books. You’re not really upset are you?”

Len
“If it works, it would be the biggest laugh since Veta told us the real story of her supposed rescue. Can I let Margot in on it?”

Con
“Of course! I didn’t want to tell anyone till I had some idea that it would really come off. Thank God for antiquated contracts – she’s been with those publishers for so long she never thought of film rights being lucrative.”

 

#306:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Tue Mar 23, 2004 8:58 pm

Excellent PatMac - and may we please hear the real story of the rescue from Veta? Laughing

 

#307:  Author: claire, Location: SOUTH WALES PostPosted: Tue Mar 23, 2004 9:02 pm

please, please, PLEASE tell us 'Veta's version

 

#308:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Tue Mar 23, 2004 9:04 pm

ROFL!!!! Oh please, oh please, oh please can we hear Veta's version?

 

#309:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Tue Mar 23, 2004 9:05 pm

I think that might be another drabble! Twisted Evil

 

#310:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Tue Mar 23, 2004 9:05 pm

Oooh, I'm very intrigued about Veta now........And glad that it does look like the family is going to escape with their reputation intact.
More please.

 

#311:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Tue Mar 23, 2004 9:10 pm

Looking forward to Veta's drabble!

 

#312:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Tue Mar 23, 2004 10:36 pm

You can't throw in a wonderful idea like that and then not tell us. Veta please.

 

#313:  Author: Sugarplum, Location: second star to the right! PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 1:31 am

LOL ....... I bet the real version was nothing like Joey's embellished version!!!! I wonder how tame it really was ??

 

#314:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 1:51 am

*waits eagerly to hear the real version!!!*

 

#315:  Author: KB, Location: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 7:15 am

*would also love to hear the real version and bets it's not as dramatic as we've been led to believe* Laughing

 

#316:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 11:10 am

PatMac wrote:
I think that might be another drabble! Twisted Evil


Looking forward to Pat writing this new drabble!

 

#317:  Author: keren,  PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 12:28 pm

Lesley wrote:
Must admit I can't understand them refusing KB's work - it is so exactly as one of the very best of EBD's own work. She has the stylr perfectly yet with a new and thoroughly absorbing plot.

At least i could understand them rejecting mine - EBD would not have written my Headmistress!

Almost makes you want to consider forming your own publishing company for all our best work!


So if I want to read headmistress, is it possible now?

 

#318:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 12:48 pm

Lesley's offered it to Bettany Press.

 

#319:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 7:07 pm

Thank you Pat, I would love to see the film myself Very Happy

I love it when drabbles produce more drabbles!!

 

#320:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 7:12 pm

I've just been hoist by my own petard in not thinking this through sufficently. It is set in around 1963 and CDs and DVDs were the dreams of SciFi writers at that time!

Never mind, this is supposed to be light entertainment! Perhaps we are in a parallel universe Razz

I was brought round to reality when I worked out the value of the price offered for the film - it was a LOT of money in those days and hope the film company recover their money - especially since Con stands to benefit via her future husband!


Dear Messrs Snodgrass and Butterworth

Thank you for your letter regarding the film rights to my latest book, ‘I Don’t Know What the Fuss is All About’.

I decided to write it as satire because I felt this was the best way to get my points across. I was much impressed by the works of Voltaire in my school days and have long wished to emulate him in my small way. This seemed the best opportunity offered so far.

The thought of a wider audience is very appealing but I do think that the return on my hard work needs to be addressed. My husband tells me that $250,000 dollars is much less in sterling since the devaluation of the pound (and what a disgrace that was, but only to be expected of that dreadful Stafford Cripps, a Labour Chancellor of course, what else could one expect) and I should perhaps be asking for at least £120,000 from the film rights. I would be grateful if you could give the figures in pounds from now on.

My husband agrees that the strain of writing a new book each year is becoming too much for me and I would certainly like to explore new options for the future. I am much encouraged by my venture into satire and feel I have a talent for it. Perhaps we could discuss that when this issue is resolved.

If you can obtain £120,000 for me, I shall certainly be happy for you to sell the film rights. I would be happy for the sort of people who go to the cinema to be given my message in a language they can understand.

Yours faithfully

Josephine M Maynard

 

#321:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 7:14 pm

Isn't she lovely!! Thanks Pat. Wonder who they'll find to star in the film!!

 

#322:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 7:38 pm

Wonderful! Thanks Pat!

Would still like to see her getting the message that she's upset people though! Laughing

 

#323:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 7:47 pm

rofl! brilliant Pat *g*

 

#324:  Author: Laura, Location: London (ish) PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 7:50 pm

Woo! Pretty please can we hear Veta's side of the story??! (new drabble if neccessary!)

More please! Very Happy

 

#325:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 9:10 pm

"Patience is a virtue, have it if you can, found seldom in a woman and never in a man"

Attributed to my Mum! No idea where she got it and not very modern PC

Apologies to any sensitive males Very Happy

ETA: doesn't half annoy people though Twisted Evil

 

#326:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 10:47 pm

I keep wondering if Con will play the role of Joey in the film version - and win an Oscar for it too!

Guess we wont know until Patmac writes it . . .




Ohhh, I am getting GOOD at subtle!

 

#327:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Wed Mar 24, 2004 11:30 pm

Rachel wrote:
I keep wondering if Con will play the role of Joey in the film version - and win an Oscar for it too!

Guess we wont know until Patmac writes it . . .




Ohhh, I am getting GOOD at subtle!


Good effort, till the last comment. Do keep trying, you are getting there.

Wink

 

#328:  Author: Tassie_Ellen, Location: Tasmania, Australia PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 11:47 am

PatMac, Jennie and everyone else who has contributed to this - IT'S FANTASTIC!!!

Having cleaned the spluttered tea off my monitor and wiped my streaming eyes, and TRIED to explain to Tom why I'm having mild hysterics as I read this, now I'm ready for MORE PLEASE Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes

 

#329:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 12:48 pm

Is Con the romantic novelist or the four-timed married actress in this drabble?

 

#330:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 5:19 pm

Either, choose for yourself. (With apologies to PatMac, it's just that the two drabbles seem to be tangled up together.)

Perhaps you'd better ask PatMac, now I come to think of it.

 

#331:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 7:25 pm

I'm not sure that Jennie and I have any idea who is writing what now!

Not that it matters Laughing

 

#332:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 9:42 pm

Joey’s diary

I’m quite excited about this film business. I wonder who will play me. I can’t remember when I last went to the cinema. It must have been when we were in Wales – Henry V, I think. Jack used to take me during the war. I remember we saw Brief Encounter and Mrs Miniver. Then it all got rather busy and I don’t really remember going again.

I’ve written to all the children about it and am waiting for replies. I’m sure they will be excited.

Biddy is going a little strange. I wonder if she has a problem. When I told her about the book being satire (which she had not guessed judging from her reaction) she got quite hysterical and I had some difficulty in calming her down.

I’ve written to the publishers to suggest they could negotiate for more money. I’m not sure they understand how valuable this could be. After all, they thought I was writing this as a serious book. I wonder if they are really up to this level of work. I might think of looking for another publisher if I can get the contract terminated – then again, I could be an independently wealthy woman from this so I might not want to write any more.

Anna has been a little odd recently. Her speech is sometimes a little slurred. I know that can be the sign of a stroke. I’ve not been a doctor’s wife all these years for nothing. I think I will get Jack to check her over when he gets home from America. It would be just too much to cope with to have her ill when I’m dealing with film rights.

 

#333:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 10:04 pm

Giggles - So Joey still can't see the gin on the kitchen table then.
I would have loved to have been there when Joey told Bidy it was satire!
Looking forward to more

 

#334:  Author: Sugarplum, Location: second star to the right! PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 10:53 pm

Poor Jo is still living in a bubble then........ She might be a doctors wife but she can't see the nose on her face !!

More please .......

 

#335:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 11:02 pm

Biddy obviously couldn't hide ehr reaction if even Jo picked it up!! Laughing

 

#336:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 11:47 pm

The crossover effect of these drabbles is hilarious!

Jo is a doctors wife who can't spot her maid keeled over dead in the Saal? Or no, wait, Jo can't spot that her maid is completely and utterly blotto. Or Jo can't spot that she has become a dinosaur.

That's the donkey!

 

#337:  Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 11:44 am

ROFL ow, ow, ow I HURT from laughing ROFL

 

#338:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 1:02 pm

Another hugely comic post, PatMac. Poor Jo, will she ever see things clearly? I'll try to do a bit more of mine, later on, but I'm getting it all mixed up mentally with this one.

 

#339:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 1:08 pm

Looking forward to yours Jennie. I don't mind the mixing up, I love these two drabbles. Always give me a laugh!

 

#340:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 1:10 pm

Thank you for those few kind words.

 

#341:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 1:28 pm

Well, it's only what you deserve. Smile Writing humour can be the hardest thing to do, whatever Jo believes about satire!

 

#342:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 1:49 pm

I find the best way to write humour is to be absolutely deadpan about it, and pretend that the character is being serious.

 

#343:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 4:21 pm

Thank you for the letter. I love the confusion over the stories, just shows how good they both are!! Very Happy

 

#344:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 4:24 pm

Both really great fun - just what the doctor ordered

 

#345:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 5:59 pm

Until you strain your muscles fwith laughing. I've been in danger of that from this drabble.

 

#346:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 10:52 pm

*Chants for more!!!!!*

 

#347:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 10:57 pm

Loved the last post - giggling over Biddy's reaction, and Jo's inability to see that Anna'a drunk!

 

#348:  Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 11:29 pm

PatMac wrote:
My husband tells me that $250,000 dollars is much less in sterling since the devaluation of the pound (and what a disgrace that was, but only to be expected of that dreadful Stafford Cripps, a Labour Chancellor of course, what else could one expect) and I should perhaps be asking for at least £120,000 from the film rights.


I'm shocked at Jack's economics Rolling Eyes If the pound devalues, that means that each dollar buys more pounds - so $250,000 is more valuable than previously!

 

#349:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 5:19 pm

Perhaps Jack has his reasons. After all, the more money Jo gets, the less he has to spend on her.

 

#350:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 10:53 pm

London

Mr Snodgrass burst into Mr Butterworth’s office, his glasses all askew and waving a piece of paper.

“What’s the matter?” He asked, rising to his feet.

“It’s …. It’s … that woman!” spluttered Mr Snodgrass.

“Not ……?” and Mr Butterworth blanched, visibly. “what has she done, not causing trouble about the film rights is she?”

“No, no. she’s been to all the papers and told them she’s moving to Hollywood and is going to write a book on marriage and eliminate divorce in Hollywood by her advice to the stars!” Mr Snodgrass sank into a chair and passed the paper to Mr Butterworth.

“Good grief! She’s mad.” Exclaimed Mr Butterworth as he scanned the press cuttings which were lurid in the extreme as the story had been picked up by all the tabloids.

He began to pace and the light in the office below started swinging. This time, the more nervous of the clerks below rushed out of the office, vowing never to return.

“Let’s think about this.” Said Mr Butterworth thoughtfully. “We’ve got the contract for the screen play. We still hold the rights to the merchandising and we haven’t yet released her from her contract. All this publicity could increase the takings on this stupid business.” He sat down again. “I dread to think what her children are thinking at this moment. But we’ve got everything tied up tight.”

“What if the papers start ringing us – they’ve only to get hold of one of her other books and they’ll know we’re the publishers!” Mr Snodgrass looked more agitated than ever.

“I know, let’s bring forward our plans. Close down the office. Have the mail redirected and all calls put through to an agency. Let’s do it now! Work out what we have to pay Doris in redundancy, double it and close the office today. Apart from anything else, I don’t want any calls from HER.”

 

#351:  Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 10:58 pm

Hurrah! Thank you Pat Mr. Green

 

#352:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 12:23 am

Love the last line!!! Wonderful! Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

 

#353:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 12:42 am

Yay!
love this drabble!

 

#354:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 12:51 am

“Dad, you’ve got to do something to stop her! She’s ruining my marriage. My wife’s gone home to her mother. I’m having to leave the answerphone on all the time. Can’t you do anything?”

“I’m so sorry Charles but she’s not listening to me at all. I’ve tried everything. I even told her the money isn’t really much because of devaluation! I even told her it’s worth less than it really is. She hasn’t got a clue about what money will buy – you remember when she threw a tantrum because I said we couldn’t afford yet another holiday home. And do you remember that idea of having a chauffeur after she got another speeding fine and lost her licence! I told her they have gangsters and she’ll get shot! She’s never listened to me and it’s got worse lately. I’ve said I won’t go with her but she just brushed it aside, she suggested I could make lots of money as a plastic surgeon in Hollywood! She’s been reading magazines about the place and is quite seduced by the glamour of it all. She says if I won’t leave the san, she’ll go by herself – the trouble is, I think she’s capable of it in her present mood!”

 

#355:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 1:51 am

Think Jack should just let her go!

Thanks PacMac!

 

#356:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 2:50 am

Knows that Jack should let her go! He'd be far better off!

 

#357:  Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 4:17 am

But isn't Con there in Hollywood, after all the divorces?
No, wrong drabble.... I think...um....
Still immensely amused by the idea that the trips thought up the satire dodge.

 

#358:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 10:08 am

Please don't look for continuity in this anyone. I think any semblance of that went many pages ago and Jennie and I are just sparking one another off.

I think I 'had a cunning plan' a few weeks ago but it went the way of all Baldrick's plans Wink

 

#359:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 10:34 am

Doesn't matter Patmac - we love all that both you and Jennie are writing! Laughing

 

#360:  Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 10:46 am

Yay *cheers Pat on and encourages the PBs*

 

#361:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 12:14 pm

Continuity? Who cares as long as it's this amusing. More please.

 

#362:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 2:48 pm

There isn't any continuity now, so it's a good job that you don't care, Ellie.

PatMac and I seem to be writing a dual-threaded drabble, and loving every moment of it.

 

#363:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 5:06 pm

Definitely thinks Jack would be better off letting Jo go on her own

(And I'd look after him Wink )

 

#364:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 6:37 pm

MORE MORE MORE!!!!
*Chants loud enough to b e heard in BOTH threads!!!!*

 

#365:  Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 7:38 pm

Ah, so Jack did have a reason for misleading Joey about the pound-dollar exchange rate! Twisted Evil

 

#366:  Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US PostPosted: Mon Mar 29, 2004 3:50 am

Not too worried about continuity... just trying to predict the fallout. Can't wait to see Joey in Hollywood!

Also, of course, I'm rooting for everyone to live happily (well, maybe a tad delusionally in some cases) ever after Mr. Green .

 

#367:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Mon Mar 29, 2004 11:55 am

*Looking forward to seeing Joey in Hollywood* Some of the big actors seem to be influenced by cranks anyway, so maybe Joey will be successful there.

 

#368:  Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2004 4:08 pm

Some how I seemed to have missed reading this this last week.

It is fantastic so, so funny. PatMac and Jennie you are both brilliant.

Thank you so much. Looking forward to the next bit!

 

#369:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2004 5:22 pm

Joey Maynard was incensed! How dare that slip of a girl At Peninsular and Orient cheek her like that. There must be ships going to Los Angeles.
“Very well,” she muttered to herself, “They won’t get my custom! I’ll go elsewhere.”

She went into the salon to think. Really, Anna was getting very slack. The fire needed building up. Never mind, Once she had organised the move, she’d give Anna notice. After all, she wouldn’t exactly fit in Hollywood with her peasant ways.

Ringing the bell for Anna, she sat on the sofa and waited. No Anna came. Now in a thoroughly bad mood (which would have become a bilious attack if Jack had been home), she stalked off to her study and opened her notepad and pen.

This needed planning. Jack was going to be of no help. He seemed to think his work at the san was more important than her career. Huh! She’d show him. Now, which other shipping companies should she consider? Her mind was a blank. After a few minutes she got up and went to the bookcase in the corner and, carefully removing a large book, she got out the sherry hidden behind it. Odd, she was sure there was more in there yesterday! Carefully pouring a generous amount into a glass, she hid the bottle once more behind the book.

It was on her third glass that inspiration struck. Thomas Cook! They would know and be able to organise everything. After some trouble with directory enquiries, she had the number. Pouring another glass and checking that there was another bottle behind the third volume of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, she dialled the number.

After explaining to the girl on the other end of the line and being assured that there were absolutely no passenger ships to Los Angeles now, she asked how she was expected to travel and also how she should ship her furniture and furnishings.

“Oh, that’s really easy.” Said the young girl, relieved that she had a question she could answer. “Nowadays people get everything packed in one big container. It’s really secure and it all travels together from your house to your new house. It’s sealed at customs in Europe and not opened again till it reaches your new house. They are really big and will hold everything so nothing can go astray.”

Joey was delighted. She could fly to Los Angeles (1st class of course) and find a mansion. All her goods would travel by sea and she could stay in a hotel till they arrived.

With no delay she set everything in motion and then went for a nap. It was so tiring, having to organise everything herself.

The next day, Joey received a phone call from the company who would provide the container, pack all her goods and ship it to Los Angeles – all without her having to lift a finger. Somewhat bewildered by the thought of a box big enough to contain all her furniture, Joey asked what size this would be.

“I think 40 foot long by 9 foot 6 inches would be big enough.” The representative replied.

“Goodness,” replied Joey, “you could live in one of those!”

The man laughed. “I don’t think you’d want to. There are no windows!”

 

#370:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2004 8:16 pm

*giggles*

Perhaps she should try!!!

Love the way these threads are merging ever closer!!!

 

#371:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2004 10:20 pm

Joey in the container...pleasssssse! Laughing

 

#372:  Author: Jay,  PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2004 10:37 pm

Oooh, yes please! "Mamma's stuck in a box!" Laughing

 

#373:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2004 10:41 pm

Liking that idea a lot!!!!!!!
ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

 

#374:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2004 11:16 pm

Oh, yes, Joey and the container - a must read storyline

 

#375:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 1:23 pm

I think her family would appreciate that.

 

#376:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 2:11 pm

I would so love to see Joey travelling to LA in a container - lack of a lavatory shouldn't bother her since she went through the "Chalet School of Bladder Control"

 

#377:  Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 4:04 pm

Having just discovered this, I've spent most of the afternoon reading it and not doing the garden as planned Sad AND NOW I find I've got to read all of Jennie's too. What a pity!! Big huggles to the authors (and I don't mean Jo) Twisted Evil

 

#378:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 5:00 pm

I didn't have a vision of Jo travelling in the container, but having to live in it when she found she couldn't afford a house in LA!!!

 

#379:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 5:33 pm

The school was still behind barricades, Biddie and Kathy had unexpectedly gone away without telling her – and after all she had done for them – so there was no one but Anna to witness the exodus.

Although Joey didn’t know it, Anna had long ago wired an extension to the phone in Joey’s study and had laid her plans as she eavesdropped. She called Jack and he agreed that she should take whatever she could to a small chalet up near the San which he would live in, with Anna to care for him, once Joey had gone. Every night, secure in the knowledge that Joey was sleeping soundly, thanks to the sherry (which Anna was careful to replenish each day), Anna, Hilda Annersley and Nell Wilson moved a car load of Jack’s belongings to the new chalet. One night they engaged the services of two of the doctors in a hired truck and moved all Jack’s furniture from his study and dressing room.

The day before the removal men came, Anna was not to be found. Joey, searching for her discovered that all her belongings were gone.

“Well, how inconsiderate!” she exclaimed, “I was going to pay her an extra week’s salary as well as her notice. Oh, well, at least I’m spared her tears when I go.”

 

#380:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 6:05 pm

Lol! Love the idea of Nell, Hilda and Hilda furtively scurrying around the house taking all of Jack's belongings!!

Keep it up PatMac - I'm thoroughly enjoying this!

PS More please!!

 

#381:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 7:32 pm

Wonderful!!! Joey living in a box!

 

#382:  Author: claire, Location: SOUTH WALES PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 8:10 pm

this just keeps getting better and better

 

#383:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 8:13 pm

and Joey hasn't noticed jack's stuff missing!!!!!!! Laughing

 

#384:  Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 8:42 pm

*chuckles madly and decides to demand MORE*

 

#385:  Author: Guest,  PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 8:43 pm

This is absolutely hilarious! Laughing Laughing I've just read it all in one go...it took a while Shocked Looking forward to the next installment!

 

#386:  Author: Sioned, Location: Manchester / Anglesey PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 8:44 pm

Oops that was me...sorry must remember to log in x

 

#387:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 9:48 pm

*giggling* Thanks Pat Very Happy

Good for Anna!!! and I hope Jack has a Dressing Room in his new chalet!!! Wink

 

#388:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 10:24 pm

With no Jo he won't need a dressing room, will he?!! Laughing

 

#389:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 11:48 pm

Pat wrote:
With no Jo he won't need a dressing room, will he?!! Laughing



But where will Ally live if Jack has no dressing room? Wink



More please!!!!!!

 

#390:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 12:50 am

*giggles* I would love to see a film of this[i] drabble, I can just imagaine everyone scurrying around moving all Jack's possessions in the middle of the night.
*Hoping to see the next bit soon*

 

#391:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 7:33 am

The day dawned. Joey had all her own luggage packed as she would follow the lorry and catch a flight to London where she would connect with a flight to Los Angeles.

The men arrived and speedily packed the container. Joey signed the form and went back into the house. The men sat on the lawn drinking coffee which Joey had graciously made for them.

“Just one more check. It’s a bit far too come back for anything I’ve forgotten.” She thought and wandered into the kitchen and saw the tin of Earl Grey tea. “I’ll bet I won’t be able to get that in America. I’ll pop it in the container before the men leave.”

To think was to act. She ran out of the door, taking a torch as it was dark inside the container which still stood open on the drive with the ramp down. She went inside, noting that all the furniture and boxes were well strapped down and looked for a gap to wedge the tin.

Suddenly it went completely dark. There was a loud clanging noise and the sound of bolts being drawn across the bars on the doors at the back. The sound of a motor starting came distantly to her ears and, as the lorry lumbered out onto the road, Joey was thrown onto the sofa, which was just behind her.

Joey Maynard would travel cargo after all!

 

#392:  Author: Kathryn, Location: Melbourne/Hamilton until 11 September PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 10:04 am

He he. Justly deserved Very Happy

 

#393:  Author: Cumbrian Rachel, Location: near High Wycombe PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 11:03 am

ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
Fantastic!!! Joey in a box! I love it!

 

#394:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 11:39 am

Will the oxygen supply last out?

 

#395:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 1:28 pm

Do you really care?

 

#396:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 3:00 pm

*Wondering if the two Joeys will meet in LA?*

Imagine the scrap over who actually wrote the book!!!

 

#397:  Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 3:03 pm

*chanting softly*

(ooh look, it says crescendo there...)

 

#398:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 5:47 pm

Gradually, the rocking of the lorry soothed Joey and she fell asleep. It was several hours later when she woke with a start as the container started a different movement, not exactly rocking, more a gentle sway. She could no longer hear the lorry’s engine.

“Drat that this is so soundproof.” She exclaimed once she had got her bearings. “I wonder if hammering on the door will work.” Suiting action to words, she looked for something to hammer with but was thrown back onto the sofa as the container clunked down with a slight bump.

Leaping to her feet she hunted for something solid to hammer with but was distracted by another bump, this time from overhead. She continued to hunt but could find nothing. What she did find, however was her stock of Swiss chocolate and biscuits, a case of sherry and some bottled water (packed in case the American water tasted funny). With a cry of relief, she redoubled her efforts and was rewarded by finding the camping equipment, including the little spirit stove and kettle.

She had a drink of the water and a small piece of chocolate and continued to hunt. Then she heard a slight thrumming noise and a little vibration through the soles of her shoes.

Eventually, she found her walking stick and set to work with a will, banging on the door of the container till her arms ached.

But no one came to her rescue.

 

#399:  Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 5:50 pm

*has reached the crescendo and keeps on chanting* Wink

 

#400:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 7:33 pm

I can hear you Xan, no need for a crescendo!

As the enormous container ship sailed slowly across the Atlantic, heading South West, the crew were relaxed but alert. They had sailed this route many times before and, while the sea was known to them all as a treacherous mistress, they knew that with modern navigational aids, up to date charts and radio contact with coastguards when in reach of shore and with head office when not, they were as safe as they could be.

Regular watches were kept and the journey was uneventful till, one evening, the Radio Officer received a message that storms and high seas were ahead of them. Quickly working out an alternative course to avoid the storm, the 1st Officer gave his orders.

We’ll have to go west of our planned course, he told the crew on watch and just south of Bermuda, then we can go east again and round Puerto Rico, that way we can avoid the storm. The last thing we want to do is to lose containers in a high wind.

The first mate crossed himself “Jesus, Mary, have mercy on my soul!” he exclaimed, his normally swarthy features blanching. “We will go into the Bermuda Triangle!”

 

#401:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 7:36 pm

Oh wonderful - is Joey about to be kidnapped by aliens????? Laughing

Fantastic PatMac!

 

#402:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 7:55 pm

This is great! I love the image of Joey setting up her camping equipment in the middle of a container ship!!!

So when do we get to read about the storm? Wink

 

#403:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 7:57 pm

Wow!!!! Thank you PatMac!!! this is brilliant!!!!

 

#404:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 8:08 pm

Joey, meanwhile, was settling down to a boring existence which involved some water, lots of sherry, some chocolate and biscuits and the occasional cup of Earl Grey tea. “What an adventure. Wait till the children here about this. I might even get a book out of it!”

She spent most of her time on the sofa, imagining her reception in Hollywood and how impressed everyone would be when they heard her story.

Occasionally, she felt a little itch, deep inside her head, but she shrugged it off and went back to the sherry and the dreaming.

 

#405:  Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 8:10 pm

Thank you Pat Mr. Green

 

#406:  Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 8:16 pm

A little itch deep inside her head? Blasted fleas get everywhere!

 

#407:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 8:25 pm

Meanwhile, back in cyberspace a CBBer named Pat had reversed a drabble having VERY far reaching affects – specifically 4.5 light years.

 

#408:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 8:50 pm

I'm wondering what is coming next.

 

#409:  Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 9:12 pm

Alpha Centauri ???!!

 

#410:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 9:14 pm

Pat....so much today, thanks a lot.

Now why the itch and what effect are you having?

 

#411:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 9:27 pm

The ship sailed on.

 

#412:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 9:32 pm

PATMAC!!!!!!!!!!!!
You call that a proper post?????????

 

#413:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 9:34 pm

Yep!

Joey drank some more sherry and rubbed her head where the itch was increasing.

 

#414:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 9:36 pm

*looks sternly at PatMac!!!!*

 

#415:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 9:38 pm

The 1st mate prayed....

 

#416:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 9:55 pm

ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

 

#417:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 10:07 pm

Far above the earth, a spaceship hovered......

 

#418:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 10:46 pm

Careful - i am known to take revenge!! Ask RTW & Carolyn!!!

 

#419:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 10:47 pm

(the following transcription of an alien conversation has translation courtesy of Babelfish).

“This earthling is surely one of us.” thought a vaguely humanoid figure,
“My theory of life being transmitted by space spores is vindicated. Arrhenius was right as well. Only such a happening could account for such a creature who goes by the name of Joey Maynard. Most earthlings are weak and stupidly sentimental. Only Joey Maynard has shown itself to be devoid of this thing they call altruism. It’s genes have reverted to their intended functions.”

“Look,” interjected one of it’s colleagues, “It has an atrophied telepathic ability. See it rub it’s cranium. It must be sensing our communications. Shall we try to communicate. If we all concentrate on it, it must sense us.”

 

#420:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 10:48 pm

And?

 

#421:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 10:49 pm

PATMAC!! GET YOUR BACKSIDE BACK HERE AND POST SOME MORE!!!!
I DON'T CARE HOW TIDDLED YOU ARE!!!!!!

 

#422:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 10:52 pm

Next sentence please, Patmac

 

#423:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 10:52 pm

On the ship, tension was rising. The Captain had been called to the Bridge. Although a thoroughly modern man (which had earned him his nickname of Milly), he was not insensitive to the superstitions of his crew. He took his time and dressed in his full dress uniform.

One must reassure the superstitious sailors with authority!

The ship turned - oh so slowly, south and west of Bermuda.

 

#424:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 10:57 pm

you may NOT leave it there! stop getting drunk and post some more!

 

#425:  Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 10:59 pm

PatMac!!!!!!!

How can you expect us to behave nicely if you do not set a good example by providing us with lots of drabble???

 

#426:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 11:00 pm

7 vaguely humanoid figures concentrated.

In the container, steaming slowly and majestically SW, a change was taking place.

The entity known as Joey Maynard rubbed her head again. Her eyes slowly changed shape and the long black plaits fell to the floor.

She suddenly realised that her destiny lay ahead of her. No more darning socks. No more ungrateful people rejecting her advice. No more squalling brats.

 

#427:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 11:02 pm

I DO hope you don't plan to leave it there Granny PatMac!!! Shocked


What EXACTLY have you been drinking tonight???

 

#428:  Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 11:02 pm

yes?

 

#429:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 11:03 pm

The compass suddenly swung round in a complete circle, the radio emitted a squawk and went dead.

All the crew dropped to the floor, grey, still and apparently …..

 

#430:  Author: Sugarplum, Location: second star to the right! PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 11:04 pm

would u care to enlighten us on Jo's destiny please PatMac Question

please ??

 

#431:  Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 11:05 pm

YARGH!

Come on, you can't leave it there! More - quickly! Laughing

 

#432:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 11:05 pm

The correct phrase is: to all appearances... Twisted Evil

 

#433:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 11:07 pm

Slowly the spaceship descended into the atmosphere.

A container was gently displaced from the ship.

The door opened and a green elongated, vaguely humanoid form emerged and rose to the spaceship.

“At least I’ll get a book out of this” it thought


the end

 

#434:  Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 11:09 pm

*splutters!!!!!!!*

Grannie Pat!!!!!!!!!!! What are you on???????????

 

#435:  Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 11:12 pm

PatMac! Shocked *speechless* Shocked

 

#436:  Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 11:20 pm

*picks herself off the floor*

*wipes away the tears*

Oh PatMac thank you!!!! Please keep drinking, but also posting!!!

 

#437:  Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2004 12:59 am

*Well!!!!*
And when do we get part 2?

How many & what type of bottle do you require sending in order to enable production of part 2?

 

#438:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2004 11:15 am

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow! What were you drinking PatMAc?????

 

#439:  Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2004 11:26 am

ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL
ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

 

#440:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2004 11:33 am

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

What were you drinking/smokeing last night!!!

That was fabulous!!!

 

#441:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2004 12:40 pm

*stutters incoherently* PatMac! I want what you've been taking!

That was absoltuely brilliant!!! Very Happy And bizarre... but still, brilliant!

Thank you!!!!!

 

#442:  Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2004 1:55 pm

*Takes stately bow*

It was a rather nice bottle of Australian wine. Alan sent me a text saying he'd been kinapped by students and forced to go out drinking (!) and, as it was already opened, I drank the lot myself.

They did send me a box of choccies because I couldn't join them Wink

 

#443:  Author: Sugarplum, Location: second star to the right! PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2004 11:50 pm

*thinks students should kidnap Mr PatMac more often if we getting giigles like that * Wink

Is there are more wine in the rack Pat ???

 

#444:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2004 4:59 pm

PatMac and I think that YOU should be sending the bottles to US.

I'll leave you to guess why.

 

#445:  Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2004 5:14 pm

The End? What do you mean, The End????

*needs to read the book Jo gets out of it*

 

#446:  Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar PostPosted: Sun Apr 04, 2004 6:22 pm

I don't want this to be the end.

 

#447:  Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 11:32 am

Thank you PatMac (and Australian Wines) what a fantastic story.

Would also like to see part 2.

 

#448:  Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2004 12:32 am

*giggles quietly to herself*
What a perfect ending, although part two would be greatly appreciated Very Happy

 

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