The CBB :: View topic - CBB Advent Calendar 24th December 2004

CBB Advent Calendar 24th December 2004

#1: CBB Advent Calendar 24th December 2004 Author: CBB Triumvirate,

Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2004 12:07 am

There are still three things to guess at in this story, but by the end, if you survive that far, you should also know our identities.(If you haven't already guessed)

Voices were heard chanting in the KG.
“Two and two is four. Two and three is five. Two and four is six. Two and five is seven. Two and six is—“
“Half a crown!” cackled the classroom assistant. “Oh, that joke used to make us weep with laughter in the good old days. Why aren’t you laughing children?” the CA demanded suddenly.
The KG children well used to the sudden swings in their assistant teachers behaviour dutifully chuckled.

Later in the staffroom Miss Phillips, the KG teacher held forth on the inappropriateness of classroom assistants who failed to uphold her authority and enticed the students to revolt.
“After all,” she wound up bitterly, “we all know they are revolting enough already!”

At yet another clichéd pun being trotted out, all the other staff rolled their eyes and grimaced.

Miss Phillips looked around the room in silence, her lips pressed firmly together. “I see,” she said at last. “I hope you realise this means war?”

She stalked from the room on those words, leaving the rest of the staff giggling like lunatics. They stopped laughing when they say her next, for she was carrying an alpenstock, in itself not an incongruous object to carry in the Alps, but Miss Phillips carried it like a weapon. In the wrong hands an alpenstock could indeed cause havoc, and this was to be proved before many minutes had passed. Miss Phillips had found the hapless CA in the Staff Room on her return and accosted her in front of everyone there.
“You stand accused of enticing children to revolt,” she cried. “How do you plead?”
“What?” the CA, new that term, though an Old Girl of the school, had no idea of the danger in which she stood. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
Miss Phillips hefted the alpenstock suggestively and asked her question again. When she failed to gain an acceptable answer, Miss P swung her weapon in a glittering arch. The pointed end bit cleanly into the CA’s skull and she dropped like a stone.
A small voice, coming in the direction of the embroidery Mistress, counted “One,” as Miss Phillips stalked from the room.
“You really must be careful my dear. Especially at this time of the month, when Miss Phillips is so unpredictable. Even a body count can be quite lethal then you know.”
The Mistress went white and vowed to keep her counting to herself (this time).

Meanwhile Miss Phillips was stalking the school, looking for victims. The death of the nameless CA had eased the tension inside her a little, but not enough to help. She needed more, and more she would have. The KG kids were in the playground, skipping, playing hopscotch and various ball games traditional in the school, but dead or dying in the outside world. When Miss Phillips first appeared they cheered to see her, but then she started swinging her alpenstock, and the cheers turned to screams. By the time she left the playground, the count had risen to twenty-one, and the place was slippery with blood.

Old Gaudenz was the next victim, innocently walking through the school grounds he used to tend so lovingly, swiftly followed by his replacement. Before long the word went around the school that it might be a good idea to keep well away from the rampaging mistress. When PMT struck her this way no one was safe.

Rosalie Dene, still working 32 hours a day even though long comatose and confined to a bed that was conveniently placed next to her desk watched the carnage on the CCTV. She knew that once Miss Phillips reached her she would be helpless, but maybe something would stop the mistress in her tracks before she reached Rosalie’s lair. Rosalie knew without a doubt that the KG mistress would head towards the office, she always did and so far Rosalie had escaped each time. Would her luck hold she wondered?

Miss Phillips barely noticed when the prefect burst into tears, strategically placed below the heavy bust of their founder, which would have fallen on Miss Phillips at the press of a button. That is if she had stopped to comfort the girl or to enquire about the cause of her malaise. As she only swung the alpenstock adding another to the body count as the hapless prefect was caught on the back swing. Rosalie cursed as she saw this, but was not unduly dismayed, that was only a first line defense after all.

Miss Phillips continued along the corridor, grinning with satisfaction as she heard the screams and the doors slamming as all tried to flee from her path. They all knew where she was heading. A small junior got in her way, but Miss Phillips stepped on Rosie without breaking stride, and the junior never drew another breath as the weight of the teacher squashed the life out of her. Another junior, Xani escaped only by the skin of her teeth and by being always prepared, as the teacher bore down on her she flung chocolate into the teacher’s path and ran as fast as she could while the mistress gorged on the chocolate.

“Clever girl that one, a future Head girl if she survives,” thought Rosalie as she switched camera’s to follow the progress of her nemesis through the school. Rosalie and Miss Phillips had a history; a terrible history and they were still tied together in many people’s minds. Not any more, their struggle for independence had been a bloody one, and many staff and pupils had died in the wars.

Body by bloody body Miss Phillips made her way closer and closer to the lair. Inside Rosalie watched, seemingly helpless, wondering who would perish next, and if this time her nemesis would reach her. She saw the current Head Girl, Liss killed as she got into Miss P’s way and was pushed under a convenient tube train. Feeling a little left out RacRosalie swung the cameras and picked a victim. Pim, hmm she would do, and as the poor girl walked down the corridor a trapdoor suddenly opened up underneath her and she fell into the pit of frogs. You may not think it is possible to drown in frogs, but Pim sound found out that it is. Miss Phillips stalked closer and closer to the lair. Rosalel watched, constantly on her metal. Hurriedly she used her metal third leg to push another button, but Miss Phillips was on her guard, she had walked near to the witch’s lair before and knew about the pit of piranhas and the fog of despair. She was well armed, having laid aside the alpenstock and grabbed a carving knife on her way through the kitchen, a carving knife was better to satisfy the blood lust, closer to hear the last gurgle.

Outside the office, sorry, the lair was one lone girl. Standing alone by the door her eyes lit up when she spied the KG mistress creeping down the corridor.
“Oh, have you come to kill me?” she questioned innocently, hope springing up in her eyes.
The KG mistress actually stopped, this was a new one. She eyed the girl warily.
“Who are you, where do you come from and why are you here?” she asked.
“I’m Kate, from Preston and I’m here because this is the best school in the world,” stated the girl brightly, “and because they let me bring my dogs, most schools don’t,” she added confidentially.
“I’m not going to kill you then. I only kill southerners, and people from Yorkshire, oh anyone silly enough to live in-between and think the midlands is a place, and Welsh and Scottish people. And maybe Australians and Canadians, and American’s, but they don’t count do they.”
Kate’s face fell, but she nodded in agreement with this.
“I suppose you want to go in there?” she nodded towards the door.
“You first,” Miss Phillips was acutely aware that this was the furthest she had got in many years and that Rachel, sorry, Rosalie would be expecting her. She was not going to be the first to walk through the door.

The door swung open of it’s own accord, the sharp blade embedded in the frame neatly slicing Kate’s head off as it went past her noiselessly. It fell to the floor with a thunk. Miss Phillips picked it up and tossed it through the door in front of her. It was neatly caught by Vikki the flying monkey who feasted on the brain before giving the skull to Nancy Wilmot (just to get another CS name in there) for her collection. It was unfortunate that she chose this brain to feast upon as she caught CJD from it and died after a lingering death some years later.

Miss Phillips and R eyed each other across the room. This was showdown. Gem passing the window looked in, and was fried to a cinder by the heat emanating from their stares, even Hilda Annersley with her eyes that had never needed glasses had never been able to stare R down, but Miss Phillips was doing it, or at least trying and saints can’t do more, although it is unlikely they would be foolish enough to try. The deadly stare was broken in a unexpected way as a Lime Green Woman whizzed by. The two combatants both stopped in honour of her and thrust money into her hands saying “Please may we buy your book, please, please” and the Lime Green woman took the money with glee before passing on her way unhindered, the only person not to be harmed by the two as they both longed for her book and thought that killing her may just delay publication.

Once the Lime Green concoction had disappeared, money in hand the two faced each other again.
“Oh, blow this, lets have some chocolate,” suggested Miss Phillips.
“Yeah, ok, and how about a drink, shall I open the wine?” asked Rachel/Rosalie.
The two sat down on the bed and surrounded themselves with chocolate, this was much more fun that killing people, “Apart from those we simply have to,” added Rachel
“Of course,” replied the KG mistress idly pressing a button on the control panel and smirking as she saw the effect on the middles common room.
“Oh look, the poor dears are locked in and I do believe the walls are about to squash them, still Ann, Catherine, Pat, Gay Lambert, Pat, the Emperor Zhark, Jackie, Jacynth Hardy, Lulie, Nina, Amanda,Dawn who squeezed in at the last minute, Ellie, Miss Di, Emma, all come from Yorkshire so it has to happen at some point.”
Rachel looked up from the scene of carnage on the monitor, “I suppose, but some of them aren’t really Yorkshire, they are Tyneside and Lincolnshire,”
“Still on the wrong side of the Penines,” Miss Phillips answered, and then as an afterthought continued, “But what about Pat, I know she lives in Yorkshire, but well, she is Pat and she has been a big help.”
Rachel looked at the monitors, “Depends, you could run down there and let her out while I eat the rest of the chocolate.”
There was no choice for Miss Phillips, “Nah, she does live in Yorkshire, pass me a Tim Tam will you?”
“Have a whole box if you like, we can eat while we watch the fun, I think they have already made themselves as small as possible, now it gets a squeeze.”
“Serves them right,” replied Carolyn as she took another biscuit and settled back with a drink to watch the fun.

A small voice was heard to squeak, “But my Newcastle is in Australia.”
Another voice replied from the darkness, “At least you are dead, last time was awful, I was left alive all alone to face a world full of evil Matey’s, just count your blessings.”

#2: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2004 12:15 am

*sobs with laughter!!!*

*writhes hysterically on floor!*

#3: Author: Kirsty, Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2004 12:27 am

*shrieks with laughter, disturbing my parents*

What a lovely way to end the Advent drabbles. Laughing

Nancy Wilmot
a carving knife
"Two & six is half a crown"

Happy Holidays to all & thank you Triumvirate for all the work you have put into these.

#4: Author: Sugarplum, Location: second star to the right!

Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2004 12:31 am

oh how hysterically funny ...I have laughed so much I have given myself stitch.
*writes a note to avoid CC at certain times and not to do counting in class!!* Laughing

Well the triumverate - absolutely wonderful - have a lovely xmas!

#5: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2004 12:35 am

Not sure how much I should be insulted at not being included in the Yorkshire lot
Very Happy

Nancy Wilmot
Alpenstock
eyes that had never needed glasses

#6: Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle

Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2004 12:36 am

Thanking goodness Cumbria is on the 'right' side of the Pennines.

Glad I knew the identities of the Triumvirate before tonight!

suppose tonights three are not

Gaudenz

alpenstock

'two and six is half a crown'

Hope you all have a Happy and Peaceful Christmas.

#7: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2004 2:12 am

Thank you - magnificent. Nice to see my guesses about the three were correct!

#8: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2004 5:16 am

Rosalie Dene
chocolate
Two and six is half a crown.

Thank you, O Triumvires, for all the Advent treats! Mr. Green

Trying hard to conform to the not counting designation, but, um, I seem to count two compressed (or possibly folded, in the case of Patmac) Pats from Yorkshire, leaving the identity of triumvir #3 a trifle ambiguous. *has suspicions, but could be way off, given fabulous record in this guessing game.* (Still can’t believe I failed to recognize my own Rufus suggestion. Confused

)

#9: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2004 8:38 am

Very clever and extremely funny.

Thank you Triumvirate!

ROFL

#10: Author: Amanda M, Location: Wakefield

Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2004 9:11 am

That was fantastic - thank you Triumvirate.
Guesses for today are:

Gaudenz
chocolate
"Two and six is half a crown"

Have a merry Christmas - you deserve it.

Star Wars

#11: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2004 11:44 am

Thank you! I finally got to die!! at least i think i did? did I?

Mind you not sure about my brain giving Vikki CJD - or are you trying to say I'm a mad cow??? Wink

Thanks for the entertianing advent calendar.

Happy Christmas everyone!!

#12: Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge

Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2004 11:45 am

*giggling really RATHER hard*

#13: Author: Gem, Location: Saltash, Cornwall (holidays), Aberystwyth (termtime from September)

Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2004 1:46 pm

Brilliant!

#14: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2004 2:26 pm

Thank you sooooooo much that was wonderful!!!

I think that was my selection but as I can't remember them I can't be sure!! (does that mean I have to die too??)

Merry Christmas too you all!

#15: Re: CBB Advent Calendar 24th December 2004 Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2004 8:10 pm

CBB Triumvirate wrote:

...still Ann, Catherine, Pat, Gay Lambert, Pat, the Emperor Zhark, Jackie, Jacynth Hardy, Lulie, Nina, Amanda, Ellie, Miss Di, Emma, all come from Yorkshire so it has to happen at some point.”
Rachel looked up from the scene of carnage on the monitor, “I suppose, but some of them aren’t really Yorkshire, they are Tyneside and Lincolnshire,”

This is the first time I have ever appeared in a drabble *honoured* and it's only because I've been wrongly labelled a Yorkshire/Tynesider! I'm a West Midlander and proud of it! Oh, and Emperor Zhark is very alarmed at being virtually killed off by people he's never met!

Gaudenz
An alpenstock
"two and six is half a crown"

#16: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2004 9:10 pm

I think this is where I realise I've finally been accepted. I've been killed in a drabble.

*celebrates*

*Has no guesses*

JackieJ

#17: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Sun Dec 26, 2004 10:27 pm

Just realised we never gave the answers to this. If anyone wants to know it was:

Rosalie Dene
An Alpenstock
'Two and Six is half a crown'

I think most people guess that I was led astray by Rachel and Pat to form the CBB Triumvirate.

Dawn, no idea how I missed you out of that list of people from the wrong/other side of the pennines, is you location shown because although I know it I may have forgotten and I went through the memberlist to include as many people as possible. I will rectify this and go and squash you in there now!

Katarzyna, as you well know I'm implying no such thing! Laughing

To be honest Vikki didn't die in the first version, then I decided I wanted to have some more deaths and went back to see where I could insert some and just took the opportunity! Laughing

Thanks to everyone who gave us the original suggestions, we did have a few that were not used as there were more than 24, but we took the ones we did use at random. Oh, and my fcs stiory a few months back called AAaaaarrrrggghhh! was the start of one of these that I decided stood on its own and so posted! For anyone who wants to know we split each drabble into three and all did some starts, middles and ends.

#18: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sun Dec 26, 2004 10:36 pm

It was a great series and I couldn't see the joins Wink

I'm glad I guessed the 3 component members, even if you did kill t'other Pat off and confuse some folk.

Thank you for a superb set of drabbles!

#19: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2004 1:27 am

these really have been great - I know I suggested something, but haven't a clue what it was Embarassed

a mega

THANKYOU

for all your hard work

and thanks for squeezing me in!

#20: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2004 3:05 pm

Thank you to Lesley, Rachel and Carolyn. A real treat in the run-up to Christmas.

#21: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2004 3:13 pm

Not me Jennie - much as I'd have loved to be a part of this - I wasn't! The third member was one the other two (reluctantly) killed off. Laughing

#22: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2004 7:49 pm

Carolyn P wrote:

I think most people guess that I was led astray by Rachel and Pat to form the CBB Triumvirate.

Do you know, my memory differs a little on this point! I remember being asked if I would like to join the other two in this, so if anyone was led astray, it was me!

Oh, and Lesley, I think the reluctance in killing me off was not very real!!! After all, remember the original holocaust?!!

#23: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2004 9:15 pm

Jennie wrote:

Thank you to Lesley, Rachel and Carolyn. A real treat in the run-up to Christmas.

Er, Jennie, it was me, Rachel and Pat. That was why I said that they led me astray to form the trium... and would Lesely really do to Hilda some of the things we did???

Pat, of course you led me astray, after all last year I wrote sensible and serious starts to advent drabbles, but not this year. Wink

Next years advent is already in the planning stages, and some of you may find yourselves contributing in various ways!!!

#24: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2004 10:44 pm

Carolyn P wrote:

Next years advent is already in the planning stages, and some of you may find yourselves contributing in various ways!!!

*wibbles* Contributing by being killed off (again)?

#25: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2004 11:20 pm

Ann wrote:

Carolyn P wrote:

Next years advent is already in the planning stages, and some of you may find yourselves contributing in various ways!!!

*wibbles* Contributing by being killed off (again)?

Death in an Advent Drabble? What can you be thinking of Ann? I think your imagination may be running away with you just a little! We don't do death and destruction! Happy Angel

#26: Re: CBB Advent Calendar 24th December 2004 Author: Miss Di, Location: Newcastle, NSW

Posted: Tue Dec 28, 2004 1:11 am

Ann wrote:

This is the first time I have ever appeared in a drabble *honoured* and it's only because I've been wrongly labelled a Yorkshire/Tynesider!

Yes - wot she said! I have also been enjoying the advent drabbles even while being stunned at the body count.

I wonder if being squashed will squeeze away some of those post Chistmas kilos?

#27: Author: Mihiri, Location: surrey england

Posted: Tue Dec 28, 2004 9:01 pm

Thanks very much Carolyn, Rachel and Pat. Has been lovely, amusing etc to have these to read each day

#28: Author: Helen P, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 10:20 pm

I want to add my thanks to Rachel, Carolyn and Pat too! The advent drabbles have been wonderful and I miss them now - roll on next December!

Even on the days when I had no time at all, just before Christmas, with all three (delightful Wink

) children under my feet, I still found time to log on every day for the express purpose of checking the day's advent drabble!

You all did a fantastic job, and I never guessed that each one was written by all three of you - as patmac said further up, you really couldn't see the joins!

The CBB -> Cookies & Drabbles

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