Jo Maynard in the Year 2004 (FCS)
The CBB -> Cookies & Drabbles

#1: Jo Maynard in the Year 2004 (FCS) Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 1:04 pm


I'm setting this at the Maynards' home, Plas Gwyn.
....................................................................................

Jo Maynard looked at the mess in her kitchen, knowing that if she didn't clear it up, no-one would.

How, she wondered, did someone manage to get everything done?

The trouble was that she didn't think that Jack was pulling his weight around the house. All right, so he was running a single-doctor practice of 4,000 patients, and yes, he had to do night calls as well, but surely he ought not to grumble about having to cook dinner after he finished his evening surgery and the late calls at 9 o'clock.

She slaved away all day, too. Being Jack's receptionist was no joke, it meant that she had to be on hand in the surgery all day, and some of those patients were so ungrateful. Why, when she'd told Mrs. Jones to give her toddler some junior aspirin and plenty of fluids because the child was running a temperature, well that was sensible advice, wasn't it, it was just too bad that the little boy had had viral pneumonia. That was no reason for Mr. & Mrs. Jones to threaten to sue her.

And when she'd told young Bronwyn Thomas to wear proper clothes instead of a mini-skirt and, what did they call them now, ah, crop-top, that's it, well there was no call for Bronwyn to let loose the language that she did, or for her mother to come down on Jo like a screaming virago.

And, and here her heart sank even more, the response she got when she had called at the cottages, to find someone to do the housework for her. Fancy telling her, Jo Maynard, wife of Dr Maynard, that she had a ******* nerve expecting other women to skivvy for her. There'd simply been no need to to slam the door in her face with the remark, 'And now, if you don't mind, I'll get back to work. I'm a freelance journalist, not a maid of all work.'

.......................................................................

Ladies, the floor is yours.

 


#2:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 2:42 pm


Excellent Jennie, what a great idea! I wonder how her children have turned out?

More please!

 


#3:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 4:12 pm


Thank you, Abi, perhaps you'd like to do the next bit.

 


#4:  Author: NicciLocation: UK PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 4:17 pm


Yes, go on Ally! Or Jennie!

 


#5:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 4:24 pm


Or you, Nicci.

 


#6:  Author: NicciLocation: UK PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 4:33 pm


yes, I did rather wonder if that would be the reponse!

*starts thinking furiously, but doubts if anything will come of it*

 


#7:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 4:35 pm


Gives Nicci 'The Look.'

 


#8:  Author: NicciLocation: UK PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 5:16 pm


*barely flinches*

The HM told me that you only learn The Look at HM school. Wink

*wonders whether KB was lying* Confused

 


#9:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 6:30 pm


*giggles wildly!*
This is hysterical!!!!

 


#10:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 6:36 pm


Fun idea, is one of you going to write some more?

 


#11:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 6:55 pm


Hooray! I hoped someone would pick that up. Hilarious.

More, more!!! Laughing Wink

 


#12:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 8:09 pm


Nicci wrote:
*barely flinches*

The HM told me that you only learn The Look at HM school. Wink

*wonders whether KB was lying* Confused


As you've noticed yourself, Nicci, it doesn't have the same effect!

 


#13:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 9:06 pm


Jo sighed wearily, it was all too much. She ran some hot water into the sink and began to put in the dirty breakfast dishes, and added washing soda to the hot water. What she simply could not understand was how difficult it was nowadays to get a simple thing like washing soda. When she had asked for it in the shop, she had been told that it had gone out with the dinosaurs, did she want washing up liquid or dishwasher tablets. What on earth was a dishwasher? Surely that was another name for Anna, her faithful, devoted maid of all work. And if one had an Anna, one did not need new-fangled things such as automatic washing machines, after all, it was far better to wash clothes by hand, and then, what else did Anna have to do all day apart from the cooking, ironing, cleaning, looking after the children, baking, shopping for food, and good Heavens, Jo had given her an afternoon off every week to go and order the food in Interlaken, hadn't she? So why had the woman keeled over and died like that in the middle of polishing the floor of the Saal?

Last edited by Jennie on Thu Apr 08, 2004 8:34 pm; edited 1 time in total

 


#14:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 10:47 pm


Oh, Jennie! Now I feel like a dinosaur - I remember washing soda! that is great and I hope you have secured the film and TV rights for it!

ETA Washing soda, still have it and use it for degreasing drains!
signed PatMac aka Patmacosaurus!

 


#15:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 10:53 pm


Feel that Anna is sitting looking down on Joey......and quietly sniggering!

 


#16:  Author: ChelseaLocation: Your Imagination PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 10:58 pm


*feels Anna is probably loudly snickering

 


#17:  Author: Sarah_KLocation: St Albans PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 11:08 pm


Either snickering or getting a well deserved rest!

 


#18:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 11:14 pm


Enjoying this. Hope Anna is having a good giggle, no a loud guffaw! Laughing

Love the Patmacasaurous

 


#19:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2004 11:46 pm


*giggles, both at the story, and at PatMacosaurus!!!*

 


#20:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 8:43 am


Have to say that, while I feel sorry for Anna, I would have loved to see Joey's face when she found her - did she step over her or just nudge her with her foot?

 


#21:  Author: KathrynLocation: Melbourne/Hamilton until 11 September PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 8:57 am


She would have stepped over her, complaining that it is impossible to relay on the help these days!

 


#22:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 9:14 am


That was the image I basically had, too.

 


#23:  Author: AbiLocation: Alton, Hants PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 11:56 am


Oh Jennie!! ROFLROFLROFLROFL How marvellous! (also loved PatMacosaurous!)

 


#24:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 5:36 pm


Jo sighed again, modern life, it was just too complex and puzzling.

She remembered the last time she had done some entertaining. She had ordered all sorts of cakes from the bakers, had gone to the shop, only to find that somehow they had neglected to obtain Anna's recipe for lemon biscuits, and then when she had prepared the lot, were her guests grateful?

No, they were not. Instead of sitting in an adoring row listening open-mouthed to her tales of being the first Chalet pupil, they had carried on with conversations about their own lives. When she had attempted to bring the chat around to her favourite topic of conversation, herself, they had just looked at her blankly and carried on with their own concerns. She had suggested paper games, but they had just stared at her, and she was sure that she had heard someone snigger, and their response when she had suggested sliding on the floor on rugs was beyond belief.

What had hurt the most were the comments she had heard as they were leaving. 'Well, you'd think she could have provided some home-made cake. I'm not coming here again, not for what she put in front of us.'

Well! What manners! And they'd been wearing make-up!

................................................................................

Please feel free to add to this, everyone.


Last edited by Jennie on Thu Apr 08, 2004 8:35 pm; edited 1 time in total

 


#25:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 6:25 pm


Make up Shocked , whatever next!

 


#26:  Author: Sarah_KLocation: St Albans PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 7:06 pm


Oh dear... shop bought cakes Joey? She should have tried entertaining us, we're probably about the only people who'd have jumped at paper games Smile

 


#27:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 7:52 pm


But you must remember that we have agreed that we are all mad!!!

 


#28:  Author: RachelLocation: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 8:06 pm


I'm not mad, am I precious?

No precious, you're not mad.

See, precious, I'm not mad - and that's official!

 


#29:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 9:01 pm


I take it that you were one of the blinkered people in the poll on the subject then Rachel? The two who thought everyone else was mad, but they weren't!! Laughing Laughing

 


#30:  Author: RachelLocation: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 9:03 pm


Pat wrote:
I take it that you were one of the blinkered people in the poll on the subject then Rachel? The two who thought everyone else was mad, but they weren't!! Laughing Laughing


What do you mean, ONE of the blinkered people?

I was both of them!

 


#31:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 10:08 pm


Oh, dear. Rachel's back in force this time!!

Oh, dear, Rachel's back in force this time!!

 


#32:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2004 11:12 pm


Jennie this is wonderful - please keep writing!

Welcome back Rachel!

 


#33:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 1:48 am


Jennie this is inspired, can just see Jo getting mad with Anna for dying.

Glad I didn't cross her as a Doctors Receptionist.

More please.

 


#34:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 8:33 am


*lol* So Jo gave up entertaining CS girls after that, did she? And what did the Head think of that, I wonder?

 


#35:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 1:37 pm


Well if anyone knows you should! Wink

 


#36:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:21 pm


Ah, so is this during my HMship? I hadn't realised the fact. Laughing

 


#37:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 10:55 pm


Thank you Jennie! And wonderful to have you back Rachel!!!

 


#38:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 11:09 pm


This is great, Jennie! A judgement on her, I say!

 


#39:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 2:56 pm


I'm busy doing my punishment essay for KB, so perhaps someone else would like to do a bit of this. It is Fun CS, so anyone can join in.

 


#40:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 3:07 pm


Looking around her, she saw tha the carpets were very much in need of cleaning. there were crumbs all over the place, and it certainly looked very bad to anyone coming into the house. Jo wandered into the kitchen area, and started rooting around in various cupboards, trying to decide what she should use. Anna always kept the house immaculate, so there should be soemthing there. All she could find was a funny-looking broom with long, very stiff bristles - a besom broom she thought it was called. Trying it out on her carpets, she found that it was really very efficient, for it swept everything together, leaving the carpet spotless. however, she did think that it was a very tiring occupation, and before long her back was aching from the bending, and her arms were aching from the sweeping, and her feet were aching from the standing, and also very dirty. However, she persevered until at least the hall and lounge were clean, and then collapsed ont a kitchen chair inexhaustion.

 


#41:  Author: Sarah_KLocation: St Albans PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 3:25 pm


Very Happy Thank you Pat. Looks like Joey's going to have to learn just how hard Anna worked all those years! I'd hate to do carpets with a besom personally, far too hard for me *hugs vacuum cleaner*

 


#42:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 4:08 pm


Welcome to the real world Joey!

 


#43:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 5:49 pm


As she sat there, she began to wonder if Anna had been right when she had asked for modern equipment, a vacuum cleaner, a floor polisher, a washing machine. But, Jo thought to herself, no, I was right to say no. Traditional methods are best. Everyone knows that. There's too much fuss made about labour-saving stuff. After all, the real labour-saving thing is a maid.

She decided there and then to advertise in 'The Lady'.

Taking up her pencil, she wrote:

Help wanted for busy doctor's household. Must be prepared to use traditional methods of household management. Must be able to cook, bake and be willing to wash clothes etc. by hand.

No make-up, no mini skirts. One afternoon per week off for household shopping. Excellent wages , in region of 50GBP per week. board and lodging.

There, that should bring them running, she thought.

The word 'running' brought something to mind. Why on earth did she see a stream of people running past her house every morning? And really, what they were wearing. Skimpy little tops with bright stripes on them, and the most indecent shorts she had ever seen, skin tight, looking as though they were elasticated all over, so that they clung to the wearer's body. And the things that they had on their feet. Trainers, she thought they were called. What on earth had happened to good old gymshoes? If they were good enough for her to play netball in, they were good enough for anybody.

Her face hardened as she recalled what had happened yesterday. She had been walking down to the shop when she had encountered a couple of men running past the door. Instead of stopping as they should have done, they had carried on running, ignoring the fact that she had had to wait for them to go past before entering the shop.

That brought another thing to mind. Where had all the old shopkeepers gone? They used to be glad of the custom, and knew how to treat a valued customer, dusting the chair before she sat in it to give her order. Now she had to take a basket and serve herself. The only time that she had gone to what was now known as a check-out to place her order, she had been told in no very pleasant tones to take a basket and get what she wanted, and bring it to the desk. As she had gone to do so, she had heard mutters that sounded suspiciously like 'Lady Muck' and 'Who does she think she is? 'dinosaur' and 'went out with the Ark'. Didn't they realise that she was Mrs Maynard, wife of the Doctor. Was there no respect and service to be found anywhere. These people ought to be delighted that she had chosen to patronise their shop.

 


#44:  Author: KatLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 5:52 pm


Lol! Oh this is absolutely brilliant Jennie! When can we have some more please??!

 


#45:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 6:24 pm


*giggles wildly at Jo's feelings* I can just imagine the shopkeepers' faces when she waited for respectful treatment!

 


#46:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 6:24 pm


Not today, I've done a lot of writing on the spur of the moment, and I have to switch off soon, anyway.

Please feel free to add some of your own, I'd love to read it.

 


#47:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 6:49 pm


Lovely, Jennie! I can just see Joey in Sainsbury's on a Saturday morning with a trolley! Shocked

I think she might have to wait a long time for an answer to her advert. Laughing

 


#48:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 7:34 pm


What a lovely image, thank you!

I can't wait to see the interviews, but will anyone apply for those kind of wages?

 


#49:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 9:23 pm


Oh, oh, oh! More soon please!!!!!
Pretty please?

 


#50:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 9:33 pm


I enjoy supermarket shopping, though Oxford's Sainsburys can get extremely busy, and it's a bit cramped. I'd love to see Joey in those conditions. Wouldn't she expect someone to push the trolley for her?

 


#51:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2004 11:39 pm


Fifty quid a week with all the work and one afternoon off when she could go and do the family shop! Think the only people joey will get answering the ad will be tose after the family silver! Wink

 


#52:  Author: ChelseaLocation: Your Imagination PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 12:09 am


*loved her description of runners.

*off to go traumatise Joey's with my running

 


#53:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 12:13 am


Oh that would be good. Joey hires a thief, but doesn't realise anything is missing because she hasn't got a clue what goes where in the house, as all that is the maid's job.

 


#54:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 7:32 am


I could sooo see that happening! Laughing

 


#55:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 10:41 am


The only other people that would work those hours for that money would definitley be undesirables - or those wanting to get a foot in the door for some reason

 


#56:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 3:14 pm


Jo's mind drifted to the young people she saw round the village. Very different from the way she had brought up her children. Teenagers, she thought they called themselves. Not a nice pair of white knee-socks between them. The clothes they wore, well not so much skirts as very broad belts, and those tops they wore, exposing their well, hum, navels. The first time she'd seen one of those girls with a, well, what to call it, thing, that would do, through her navel, well, she'd asked the child if she'd had a nasty accident. She'd hardly finished telling her that if she popped along to the surgery, her husband would remove it and stitch the wound, before the girl was yelling at her and calling her things like old witch ad old bat. Why, the cheeky young madam had dared to tell her that her hairstyle, the lovely sophisticated earphones were right out of the Dark Ages, why didn't she go back to where she came from and mind her own business?
She was glad that she'd never allowed HER children to be teenagers, or let them know the facts of life, or let them know any boys but their brothers or cousins. That had saved an awful of of trouble when they were growing up. Of course it did mean that her triplets had several illegitimate children each because they didn't realise what they were doing, but well, you just don't have to acknowledge illegitimate grandchildren, do you. If more mothers took the same attititude, there'd be a lot fewer of what they called 'single mothers' these days.

 


#57:  Author: ChelseaLocation: Your Imagination PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 4:13 pm


*feels very sorry for Joey's children and grandchildren

 


#58:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 4:31 pm


Me too! Get into the modern world Jo!

 


#59:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 5:17 pm


*giggles at Jo's laissez-faire attitude to illegitimate grandchildren* I wonder who had them?

 


#60:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 5:18 pm


Has visions of Joey's grandchildren being fine proponants of 'The Teenager' I hope we get to meet them Very Happy

 


#61:  Author: NicciLocation: UK PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 10:15 pm


Jennie wrote:
As she sat there, she began to wonder if Anna had been right when she had asked for modern equipment, a vacuum cleaner, a floor polisher, a washing machine. But, Jo thought to herself, no, I was right to say no.
.


Slight quibble. I know this is all made up, but I just have to point out that in the books it was usually Anna who refused to let Joey buy the new fangled equipment. Ok, quibble over.

Otherwise, I'm loving this. And love Joey's attitude about illegitimate children! Laughing

 


#62:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 10:21 pm


We only have Joey's word for it that Anna refused modern appliances!

Love the way she shrugs off the illegitimate grandchildren.

I wonder what Jack thinks to this change in circumstances?

 


#63:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 10:23 pm


*groans laughing* *would NOT like to be one of Joey's grandchildren*

 


#64:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2004 10:26 pm


Poor Jo's girls - not told about the facts of life and children not acknowledged!

More please.

 


#65:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Sat Feb 14, 2004 4:03 am


Ohh those poor children. More soon please Exclamation

 


#66:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sun Feb 15, 2004 8:27 pm


*weeping with laughter!!!* More soon please!!!

 


#67:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 1:44 pm


Jo's mind wandered away from the teenagers to their mothers. No wonder the young people dressed so badly, considering what their mothers wore.

Why on earth did these women spend their days wearing jeans, when surely everone knew that jeans should be reserved for scrambling up mountain paths, and, if one were clever, and knew how to do up a plain straw hat with the help of a little fabric and a few clips, one could even go up a mountain wearing a dress and sandals. Well, she'd done it often enough.

As if jeans weren't bad enough, they wore those peculiar stretchy things, leggings, that's what they were called, the things that fitted immodestly tightly to the legs and buttocks, often accompanied by high heeled shoes. And why, if they weren't going out to play hockey or lacrosse, did they wear tracksuits? One of the reasons they'd chosen this place to live in was the enormous number of people wearing tracksuits. She'd fondly imagined that all these people were madly keen on various sports, which would have been so useful during the holidays when the children were home. The children would have been able to go out to play some form of sport every day, and of course, offer coaching courses in the various skills needed. Oh well, another daydream dispelled, her children showing off their superior knowledge and sporting abilities. It turned out that these women wore tracksuits every day because they were comfortable. Comfortable! What was wrong with a nice tweed skirt and a hand-knitted twin-set, might one ask!

 


#68:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 2:23 pm


*giggles wildly*

Thank you Jennie, poor Joey, how could she cope in a world where people don't regulary wear hats!

 


#69:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 2:46 pm


Poor old Joey! I bet they think she's amad old bat!

 


#70:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 4:10 pm


I think she's a mad old bat. She most definitely wouldn't approve of me - always wearing jeans or tracksuit. Only wear skirt if at work or special occasion!

 


#71:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 4:38 pm


Oh dear!!! Poor old Joey!!! Rolling Eyes

 


#72:  Author: Guest PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 4:43 pm


This is very very funny. Very Happy

 


#73:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 4:56 pm


*giggles, looks around nervously* Oh well, I'm just going to laugh because this is sooooo funny. Thank you Jennie Very Happy

 


#74:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 7:34 pm


Jennie, that was great! I'd love to have heard some of the comments Jo made upon first discovering the destruction on her fond ideals.

 


#75:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 9:12 pm


Well, it wouldn't do to stand here getting introspective, thought Jo, getting out the floor polish and dusters. Why people thought that expensive fitted carpets were better than a nicely polished floor, she could not imagine.

The things that people had in their drawing rooms nowadays. Why, they weren't content with a black and white TV, no they had to have all these new-fangled things such as plasma TVs, and PC's. In her young days, Jo reflected, a PC was a Police Constable, now it stood for Personal Computer. And all this talk of surfing the Net. How on earth could one surfboard on a piece of net? Then they had to have cable TV, what was the difference between that and plasma? Or they wanted a satellite dish, why they wanted one of those stuck on their walls Jo would never understand.

And they weren't happy with a gramophone. Here Jo's eyes grew misty. she and Jack had spent many a happy evening listening to Richard Tauber records on their grampohone, indeed they still had it, though when she had gone into a shop to buy more needles for it, the man had had the nerve to try to sell her something called a CD player. What WAS this Hi-fi stereo stuff anyway? Just one more way for people to get money out of other people's pockets.

As for the young folks, why did they have to walk round with earphones, and this peculiar tinny, scratchy noise coming from them? If that's what they were listening to, she wondered why they seemed so enthralled by it. Of course, she thought sadly, that's what comes of being the sort of person who goes to the village school.


Last edited by Jennie on Thu Apr 08, 2004 8:39 pm; edited 1 time in total

 


#76:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 9:16 pm


Applauds

I love Joey's moaning!!!

 


#77:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 9:25 pm


Of course, Jo would have no clue about [your preferred plural of Walkman]!

 


#78:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 10:12 pm


Love the way she is so aware of modern life while at the same time being so far away from actually understanding it.

 


#79:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 10:42 pm


Owwwwwwwwwww, *pulls self together long enought to type this before collapsing off into another fit of giggles*

 


#80:  Author: Sarah_KLocation: St Albans PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 11:05 pm


I love Joey's conclusion that it all comes from going to the village school, classic line! Very Happy

 


#81:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 11:23 pm


Wonderful Jennie! Laughing

 


#82:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 11:25 pm


Lovely, Jennie. this drabble is a real tonic!

 


#83:  Author: NicciLocation: UK PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2004 11:29 pm


I wonder what Joey thinks of mobiles. She must have had a nasty shock the first time she saw one, particularly if they were talking on a hands free set! Laughing Laughing Laughing

 


#84:  Author: Catherine_BLocation: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Tue Feb 17, 2004 12:23 am


*howling with laughter!*

Don't you just wish that the real EBD could read this and see how implausible her characters look in today's world? I'd love to see her face!

 


#85:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Tue Feb 17, 2004 1:47 am


Thank's Jennie, this is brilliant, love seeing Jo in the modern world and thinking that everyone should adapt to her standards rather than trying to adapt to modern times.

PS Who is/was Richard Tauber?

 


#86:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Tue Feb 17, 2004 1:56 pm


Ohh Jennie this is wonderful.. Have fond memories of trying to explain to my Gran and now my Mum some things.

Ever tried to explain why people need DVD players and videos?

 


#87:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Tue Feb 17, 2004 4:31 pm


Richard Tauber was an Austrian or German tenor. When I was a child, my parents used to listen to him singing, with a ver poor English accent, a song called 'You Are My Heart's Delight".

As the quality of the recordings wa so poor, it was no pleasure. You could probably find out about him on the net.

 


#88:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Tue Feb 17, 2004 7:39 pm


*giggles*
Thank you Jennie!! this is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO funny!!!

 


#89:  Author: ChelseaLocation: Your Imagination PostPosted: Tue Feb 17, 2004 9:01 pm


This is great Jennie.

The bit about the Village School was always under the surface in the CS (or said outright in 'Three Go').

 


#90:  Author: keren PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2004 12:10 pm


somwhow you feel a little bit sorry for her.
what she needs is the FlyLady.

Maybe she will find one neighbor who will help her out a bit.
Or a reg like boy whom she will try to helpl, and will end up explaining stuff to her?

 


#91:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2004 12:16 pm


I hope no one is suggesting that Joey has 'hot spots'! Can you see her with a bin bag doing a declutter?

 


#92:  Author: keren PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2004 9:01 am


no, I meant all the bit where she doesnt know where to start with the mess in her house,
has not routines etc.

Great to see another FlyBaby here

 


#93:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2004 9:09 am


Keren, I got pointed to Flylady via RTW's web site. Hilarious but some nuggets of really good sense in there! I have great respect for someone who can make the subject of housework really funny!

 


#94:  Author: keren PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2004 12:53 pm


What is RTWs web site.
There are lots of laughs in that site to be sure

 


#95:  Author: Sarah G-G PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2004 1:02 pm


So is this how OOAOML would have turned out if she had gone to the village school? Or Beth Chester (didn't she have to go to a village school at some point before the CS opened?)?

 


#96:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2004 4:39 pm


Seeing a teenager go past the window, Jo wondered why they all seemed to require to have one of these mobile phones clamped to their ears. She was sure that they were harmful, especially since they all seemed to use them when crossing the road. One of them was bound to get run over soon.

Modern phones, she sighed, so awkward to use. Now with a nice black bakelite instrument, with a dial, one knew where one was. There was something so satisfying about dialling, a pleasure as the dial moved back, these modern pushbutton things were just not the same.

And it was so confusing. Why, when she'd rung their bank the other day, she been put 'on hold' in spite of the fact that she'd told them that she was Mrs Maynard.

And trying to ring the electricity or gas companies, well, what had happened to people? All one got was an automated voice. she remembered with annoyance the first few times that she had rung them. She had announced who she was, then carried on speaking, only to be told that she had to press a certain button if she wanted to speak to an operator. Of course she didn't want to speak to an operator. Back on the dear old Platz, when she'd rung the electricity people, she used to be put straight through to the head of the company.

No, the telephone service certainly wasn't what it used to be.

And these mobiles as they called them, why, someone had stood by the fresh vegetables in the shop the other day, asking what to buy, and then had had the nerve to pick up the last bag of carrots, even though she, Jo, had asked him to let her pass so that she could get them. Downright bad manners, nothing more, nothing less. She understood that children even took them to school nowadays, so they could send test messages, no, not test, text messages. Well, anything written was text, wasn't it.

She just couldn't see the attraction. Still, there was one satisfaction. As carefully brought as they had been, none of her children would buy one and walk around with it clamped to his or her ear. They knew that letters were so much more graceful, she knew that they simply couldn't wait to get her weekly letters to them. the odd thing was, they all seemed to answer on one of these computer things, and print out they called, their answers. It was quite clear that graceful italic script would soon be a thing of the past. Never would she soil her fingers with operating a computer, her good old Remington was good enough for her, she'd written most of her books on that old faithful.

Here she went off into a daydream in which she was once again the acclaimed author whose next book was eagerly awaited by anxious schoolgirls. She just knew that their little faces fell if they didn't get the newest Josephine M Bettany in amongst their Christmas presents. She came to with a sigh.

Publishing just wasn't what it used to be!

 


#97:  Author: ChelseaLocation: Your Imagination PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2004 4:45 pm


LOL - I wonder if her children will get her a computer for Christmas - to drag her into the present!

 


#98:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2004 5:00 pm


Poor, dear Jo.

*discreetly hums chorus of "The times ain't what they used to be"*

 


#99:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2004 5:40 pm


*giggles* I love her being put through because she was Mrs. Maynard!

And I wonder when her last book was published, and what the reaction to it was.

 


#100:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2004 5:54 pm


Jo would never forget the shock that she had received when she had opened the letter from her publishers.

'Cannot see our way to renewing your contract,......changing tastes in literature............., falling sales,......................teenagers wanting different ideas.....................

She would never be able to understand that, why, her stirring tales of young girls beating the odds to bring about happy endings and solutions to problems were just the thing that the young people of today NEEDED. Perhaps they might not want them, but surely they needed the stirring examples provided by her heroines. Consider her 'Monica of the Fourth', why she had based Monica on herself, surely the youth of today would be enthralled by her stirring rescue of a friend from a mountain. Of course, she'd missed out the boring bits, such as her own illness afterwards, but the book had something to teach them, if only how to behave in trying situations. Then, there was her 'Primrose of St Paula's' a noble tale of ever there was one, that ought to teach girls how to react with brave silence and endurance when they were wrongly blamed for something that they had not done.

Her thoughts drifted back to the days when new girls at the Chalet School would respond with awe and admiration on hearing that she lived next door, and the overwhelming sense of privilege they clearly felt when she invited them to English Tea and allowed them to help with bathing the babies. That was how an author ought to be treated. Her books should be welcomed and placed on special displays, perhaps even used as set texts for examinations. Why, if anyone knew what sort of reading matter young girls needed to form their characters, she did.

She would never forget the way that she had helped to sort out some of the worst problems in the school's history, it was really too bad that a new Headmistress had been appointed just when the San had been changing over to a plastic surgery hospital, and both she and Jack had found themselves surplus to requirements.

The move back to Plas Gwyn, and Jack's new job had not been easy, especially with the attitude of the villagers to all her efforts to improve them.


Last edited by Jennie on Thu Apr 08, 2004 8:41 pm; edited 1 time in total

 


#101:  Author: LulieLocation: Middlesbrough PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2004 5:58 pm


Poor Joey, you can't help but feel sorry for her. She obviously can't move with the times (and most old folks do - my grandpa is around Joey's age and he's got a mobile, on the internet/email - everything. He's more modern than I am!!)

 


#102:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2004 6:25 pm


Thank you Jennie, as fabulous as always!!! Very Happy

 


#103:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2004 6:31 pm


Wow, double dose! Thanks you Jennie. *giggles, giggles some more*

 


#104:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2004 7:32 pm


Great as ever, Jennie! If Jack is still working and he's quite a bit older than her, she must be younger than me! That's scary!!!

 


#105:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2004 10:07 pm


Thank you Jennie!! That's wonderful!! More soon please!!

 


#106:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2004 10:15 pm


Thank you Jennie two brilliant episodes. My Mum is a little (emphasis the little) like Jo. She doesn't like mobiles or answerphones or anything like that.

 


#107:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2004 5:51 pm


Yes, Jo thought, they do seem to resist all my efforts to improve them, a pity really, I have so much to offer them.

She had tried to start a friendship club for the women of her own age, and the first session seemed to have gone down well, that is, all the women had sat there, apparently enthralled when she had told them all her wonderful stories about her girlhood, and growing up at the Chalet School, and her marriage. That was what made it so difficult to understand, no-one had turned up for the second meeting, even though she had told them that she was going to tell them all about her long family, with handy hints about bringing up baby in the right way.

Then there was the Village Improvement Society, that had not even managed one meeting. The only response to her posters about that had been an anonymous note through the door, telling her to get her own lawns cut and her own borders weeded before she told anyone else how to improve the village. Well, she had tried. She had approached a pensioner and offered him some gardening work, and had been appalled, dumbstruck by his response. 'With my b****y arthritis, you daft old bat? Don't you know what goes on under your nose at the b****y surgery, I'm in there regular as clockwork for pain pills. and you want me to grow your ************** vegetables for you. Daft old cow'

She had tried to start a mother and toddler club, based on her own experience of bringing up eleven children, but no-one had come. It seemed that if these women were not out at work, they were acting as paid childminders for the others. Then, really, that woman from the Council, demanding to know what her qualifications were for running a club. Jo had explained that she had brought up eleven children, and had taught her daughters to speak French by the simple meanins of renaming their dolls' house 'une maison des poupees', but to no avail, this woman wanted qualifications.

It was just typical of officialdom these days, no recognition of superior experience and status. The woman had probably been to a comprehensive school and got a certificate in social work. In Jo's day, social work had meant sewing nice flannel nighties for the poor people of Innsbruck, for which they were properly and duly grateful.


Last edited by Jennie on Thu Apr 08, 2004 8:42 pm; edited 1 time in total

 


#108:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2004 5:56 pm


Laughing She has no idea does she? Talk about thick skinned. ROFL

 


#109:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2004 6:06 pm


*wonders how anyone can be that dim*

*chuckles madly however...

 


#110:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2004 6:32 pm


Fantastic. I love the way she taught them French!

Would love to have seen Joey and the Social Worker. Rolling Eyes

 


#111:  Author: gigagalLocation: London PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2004 6:38 pm


*is in fits of laughter* I'm really enjoying this!!

 


#112:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2004 7:03 pm


*wondering when we get some more*

 


#113:  Author: MarianneLocation: Bournemouth PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2004 7:09 pm


oh poor Jo! Move on my dear, move on!

 


#114:  Author: ChelseaLocation: Your Imagination PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2004 7:32 pm


Poor old Joey.

Laughing out loud at this - it is great!

 


#115:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2004 8:02 pm


*laughs out loud* Great stuff! She's never going to wake up!

 


#116:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2004 8:21 pm


PatMac wrote:
Fantastic. I love the way she taught them French!



I wish becoming in fluent in French was that easy!!!! Laughing Maybe I should have had Jo as my teacher?

 


#117:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2004 8:25 pm


*worries about pim if she thinks that is a positive thing*

 


#118:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2004 8:27 pm


It probably wouldn't be, I just wish it had been as easy as renaming my doll's house! *sighs*

Retracts statement that I should maybe have had Jo as a teacher, I would probably have ended up hating French.

 


#119:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2004 8:29 pm


*lol* You certainly would!

 


#120:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2004 1:48 am


Poor old dinosaur Jo

 


#121:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2004 12:33 pm


Susan wrote:
Poor old dinosaur Jo


Oh dear, I now have visions of Jo as a T-rex or a, a, a, oh s** it I can't spell any other dinosaurs! Laughing

 


#122:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2004 1:42 pm


Jennie - i've just managed to catch up on this - wonderful! I've been giggling madly at intervals throughout! Love the idea of the Social Worker demanding Jo has qualifications! Laughing

 


#123:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2004 1:49 pm


Jo the T-rex. Smile I wonder what Jo thinks of modern films, and books like Trainspotting. Hardly the things she'd consider suitable.

 


#124:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2004 3:37 pm


She supposed that people really weren't interested in other people any more, they seemed more concerned with what was happening on the television.

There was that funny programme she had seen bits of, the one with that poor girl who had a deformed chest, Jo was sure that that sort of thing meant that you could have an operation for b****t reduction on the National Health. And then, the way that she had cavorted, well, there was no other word for it, unless one used the term blatant hussy, with those peculiar men. One of them even claimed to be a Lord AND an ex-convict. A likely story, fancy him claiming to be a member of the British Aristocracy. Definitely not the sort of person who would ever have been invited to Pretty Maids.

Then the other television programmes she had seen when she was out paying afternoon calls. Really, these people, didn't they know that they ought to switch the thng off when someone came to call? And my dear, did they rush out to the kitchen to make a batch of scones? No, they did not. Why, she, Jo, was quite happy to sit in the kitchen whilst the lady of the house baked things for tea, but it seemed that proper entertaining was a thing of the past.

Why did people find some of these programmes entertaining? Silly quiz shows and 'Chat Shows', not to mention soap operas. Where was the singing in a soap opera? Did Procter and Gamble and Lever Brothers really pay to have these programmes put on?

Well, it was a good thing that she and Jack didn't go in for that sort of thing, no their wireless, thirty-five years old if it was a day, well that was good enough for them.


Last edited by Jennie on Thu Apr 08, 2004 8:44 pm; edited 1 time in total

 


#125:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2004 4:53 pm


Oh dear - poor Jack, having that to face when he returned home from a hard day in a modern GP surgery!

 


#126:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2004 4:55 pm


I bet Jack has a secret TV in his surgery.

 


#127:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2004 4:55 pm


*chuckling merrily to self*

 


#128:  Author: gigagalLocation: London PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2004 6:47 pm


Ye-es....It;ud be quite intereshting to know what Jack got up to in his spare time...

 


#129:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2004 6:47 pm


I wonder how Joey knew to turn the TV on!!

Poor Jack, I bet he loves watching things in secret.

 


#130:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2004 7:03 pm


Would love to hear Jack's reaction to some of this.

 


#131:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2004 8:14 pm


Yes, Jack's reaction would be very interesting!

 


#132:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2004 10:45 pm


Ooh! Yes! Jack's side of the story please!!!

 


#133:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2004 10:55 pm


Can just imagine Jack having to take a deep breath and square his shoulders before putting his key in the lock on the front door!

 


#134:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2004 11:04 pm


Wonder what Jo thinks of the modern-day divorce rate.

 


#135:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2004 2:50 am


What? You don't think Jack & Jo are soul-mates on this?

 


#136:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2004 7:57 am


Susan wrote:
Can just imagine Jack having to take a deep breath and square his shoulders before putting his key in the lock on the front door!


*lol* Probably, yes.

 


#137:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2004 2:19 pm


Kathy_S wrote:
What? You don't think Jack & Jo are soul-mates on this?


Could anyone want this Jo as a soul mate?

 


#138:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2004 2:53 pm


*shudders at the prospect* Very Happy

 


#139:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2004 3:50 pm


Kathy_S wrote:
What? You don't think Jack & Jo are soul-mates on this?


They might be.to some extent anyway, but we won't know until you tell us.

 


#140:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2004 3:53 pm


Maybe Jack is as confused in this modern world as Joey is.

 


#141:  Author: Sarah_KLocation: St Albans PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2004 6:41 pm


Maybe but as a doctor he'd have to know up-to-date techniques at least... wouldn't he Question

 


#142:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2004 7:57 pm


Well, if not I pity his patients!!!! Wink

 


#143:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Sun Feb 22, 2004 9:23 pm


Perhaps he is sent all the patients who have imagined illnesses to treat with his old-fashioned theories. Wink

 


#144:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2004 2:17 am


*worrying about Jack's abilities as a doctor* *also still giggling* Very HappyVery Happy

 


#145:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2004 4:20 am


Still as gigliacious as ever Jennie, I'm really looking forward to more, it would be interesting to see if Jack has adapted better than Joey, or if he too is living in the past.

 


#146:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2004 8:25 am


I love that word, Ellie!

 


#147:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2004 3:14 pm


I'm rather fond of it myself - I don't know where it came from though.

 


#148:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2004 6:13 pm


As you all asked so nicely.

Jack Maynard drove home as slowly as was compatible with the traffic. He heaved several heartfelt sighs, then changed the tape in the cassette player from Queen's Greatest Hits to his favourite Status Quo tape. He reminded himself yet again to put the tapes into his medical bag before he got out of the car. What would he put into the cassette player? Yes, a nice piece of Albinoni ought to do it.

His thoughts went back to Jo, his dinosaur of a wife. Hmmmmmmmm, after the way she had carried on at dinner yesterday evening, if you could call it dinner, he thought that velociraptor was perhaps the best type of dinosaur to equate her with.

Why on earth couldn't she bring herself up to date a little bit? Still stuck in the late Thirties, still pre-war in attitude. No wonder the children never came home any more, not for more than a few hours. He thought of his beloved children, well at least most of them had made successes of their lives. OK, so Len had been pregnant when she got married, but good God, the way Jo had carried on you'd have thought it was the end of the world. She'd vowed there and then never to have anything more to do with Len, which suited Len just fine. After all, she had married into the aristocracy, Marchioness of Stavely, no less, and Jo just wouldn't have fitted in with the circles Len moved in now. He thought wistfully about the last time he'd gone to stay with Len, good food, comfortable bed, warm rooms, a drink when he wanted one. Much better than the dried-up cold meat and fried carrots, yes, fried carrots, that Jo had served him a few days ago, all washed down with a glass of Adam's Ale, as Jo would insist on calling tap-water in her ghastliest, sprightliest way.

Margot, well, at least she'd tried the convent, shame she'd never got very far into her Postulancy, but at least she'd tried. Still, she was an up and coming young orthopoedic specialist in Harley Street now, nice husband, two children. And Con, well, who would have thought that the camera would have a love affair with Con? Mansion in Hollywood, five Oscars, and able to name her own terms for the films she appeared in. Mind you, on her fourth husband already. He just wished that Jo would begin to see the reality of the situation, not carry on as if they were all scarlet women. Unmarried mothers she called them, implying that they lived in high-rise council flats on state benefits with tattooed boyfriends who wore Doc Marten boots and ripped jeans.

He sighed again, and thought wistfully of Anna, who had taken great care to ensure that he had a comfortable home. He could never forget Jo's anguished wails when they had found Anna dead on the floor of the Saal, 'Oh my God, Anna's dead. Who's going to do the housework for us now?'


Last edited by Jennie on Thu Apr 08, 2004 8:46 pm; edited 1 time in total

 


#149:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2004 6:35 pm


*giggling like crazeeeeeeeee* Fabuleuse Jennie Very Happy Poor old Jack.

 


#150:  Author: KatLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2004 7:21 pm


This does just get better and better!

 


#151:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2004 8:43 pm


*lol* Fantastic stuff, Jennie! And what wonderful people the triplets have become! I hope they don't hold it against Jack that is wife is, as he put it so well, such a dinosaur!

 


#152:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2004 8:44 pm


Thanks Jennie, this is wonderful, love the idea of Joey being unable to fit in with the aristocracy, glad that Margot is doing well in medicine without being a nun, who would have expected Con to have four husbands though Shocked
And most of all, I'm really glad that Jack is fitting into the modern world rather better than Joey - I do feel sorry for him though, can't I take him away for a bit of TLC?

 


#153:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2004 8:49 pm


I bet Joey thinks she'd fit into the aristocracy perfectly. I love how the triplets have turned out. And fried carrots !!!

 


#154:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2004 8:54 pm


Side splitting as ever, Jennie! Poor Jack!

 


#155:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2004 9:04 pm


Ellie wrote:
And most of all, I'm really glad that Jack is fitting into the modern world rather better than Joey - I do feel sorry for him though, can't I take him away for a bit of TLC?


I think he gets it whenever he visits his children! Laughing

 


#156:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2004 9:04 pm


Jack bitterly regretted that he'd allowed Jo to talk him into giving Pretty Maids to the National Trust. He knew that she'd never really liked it, but at least it would have been big enough for him to see very little of her during the evenings. Her insistence on sittig with him and making 'bright, cheerful conversation' while she darned his socks! How he hated those darned socks. Anyone would think that a woman would have learned to darn properly in almost thirty-five years of marriage, but not Jo. He got more blisters from those b*****y socks than bore thinking about, lumps, bumps, loose ends of wool. The worst of it was that she insisted on doing her darning in front of what friends they had left, to try to impress them with her wifely concern. Why couldn't the woman learn to cook, if she wanted to do domestic tasks. And the last time he'd invited medical colleagues and their wives to dinner, he blanched at the thought. Ghastly food, worse wine, and Jo holding forth about the Chalet School. She had looked and sounded absolutely ridiculous, telling everyone how she had been the first pupil and would be a good Chalet School girl until the day she died. The way she had dominated the conversation, not letting anyone else get a word in edgeways, he could see his guests' eyes glazing over, no wonder they had all made excuses and left as soon as they had gulped down their cups of her execrable coffee.

He began to consider very seriously the offer that Len had made to him the last time he had been to stay with her whilst pretending to go to a medical conference. There was a small house on her husband's estate that would just suit him nicely, three bedrooms, no need for a dressing room to get away from Jo's snoring there, a good living room, decent kitchen, and a study that would hold his books and papers very nicely.


Last edited by Jennie on Thu Apr 08, 2004 8:47 pm; edited 1 time in total

 


#157:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2004 9:11 pm


So Jo snores as well? Do I sense a divorce on the horizon?

 


#158:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2004 9:53 pm


Then there were the boys. Jo had always boasted about her long family and how much she wanted all the children. Admittedly, she had wanted them all, but only so she could say she had more children than any of their friends and acquaintances. She'd always been a better mother to the girls than to the boys, at least the girls could go to the precious Chalet School, but the way she had insisted that the boys go off to prep school in England at the first possible moment!

No wonder none of the boys, well, they were men now, bothered to come to see them for more than a hour at a time. If only Jo would stop going on at them and their wives. All the boys had married well, to competent, cheerful well-mannered professional women, yet Jo had assumed that these wives would all give up their careers when they married, so they could settle down to having families. She told all of them that she had never gone out to work, but had looked after the home and family. Was that why Geoff had called Anna, 'Mama'? After one of Jo's lengthy diatribes, Stephen's wife had told Jo what she thought of her, and pointed out that Jo, far from bringing up her family, had had Anna, Rosli and a nursery governess to do the hard work for her, and taking the babies for a walk every morning did not count as child rearing. She had finished by pointing out that her mother-in-law had managed to write her books, so she could not have been over-involved in her children's lives. Julia had finished by calling Jo an interfering antedeluvian besom who should mind her own business, not other people's. The other boys' wives response to Jo had been no better.

Then there was the surgery. Why did Jo have to interfere there? The patients were complaining about her telling them what to do and how to do it. And why couldn't the stupid woman learn to use a computer? Well, at least that way, she'd never find out that he was spending his time in the evenings playing Freecell, not doing the on-line medical research that he claimed took up so much time.


Last edited by Jennie on Thu Apr 08, 2004 8:48 pm; edited 1 time in total

 


#159:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2004 10:01 pm


I'd go if I were you, Jack!

 


#160:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2004 10:46 pm


Good on Jack!

 


#161:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2004 11:59 pm


Yay Jack! Wonders why he just doesn't hammer Joey...

 


#162:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2004 12:04 am


Love the idea of Joey snoring! If I were Jack I would jump at Len's offer, but I really don't think Jo could survive in the twentieth century on her own - he might think that too and stay out of loyalty.

Thanks for posting so much today Jennie, that isn't going to stop me chanting though.

Oh, and I think I could offer Jack some TLC of the kind which he wouldn't get from his offspring.

 


#163:  Author: MandyLocation: Derry, N.Ireland PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2004 12:11 am


*thinks Jennie should bring all the family home for a holiday*

 


#164:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2004 3:05 am


*giggles*
Jennie, this is wonderful!!! Love the image of Jack playing freecell......

 


#165:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2004 5:26 am


Not soul mates after all, I guess ROFL

Love the triplets' careers!

Notes that carrots are rather nice deep fried in a tempura (by someone other than noncooking me).

 


#166:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2004 2:16 pm


Jennie, just caught up with a weeks worth of this, fantastic!

Agree that if I was Jack I would go to Len's but can see why he might feel duty-bound to stay with Joey. poor Jack!

And some more would be much appreciated -thank you!

 


#167:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2004 2:31 pm


Poor Jack. At least he'll be improving his freecell skills.

 


#168:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2004 2:47 pm


*starting a chant*

 


#169:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2004 6:05 pm


Sorry to disappoint you, but no more today as I don't have the time, and I can't see me getting any access tomorrow unless No1 son goes out for the afternoon. More on Thursday, promise!

 


#170:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2004 6:46 pm


Thank you for the last few posts Jennie, feeling sorry for everyone - even Joey!!

*About to go and have a lie down due to that last remark!*

 


#171:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 10:34 am


Maybe more today instead then... *hopeful*

 


#172:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 2:05 pm


An Interlude

Len Maynard, or as she was now known, The Most Noble The Marchioness of Staveley looked up from the letter she was writing. Her thoughts turned to her parents. She felt so sorry for her father, stuck in an indissoluble marriage to her mother. She wished desperately that her father would come to live in the Rookery, it was such a convenient size of house for her father, and she would be able to make sure that he ate properly, and of course, she wanted her children to know their maternal grandfather.

Here her thoughts hardened. But NOT their maternal grandmother. The way her mother had carried on when she discovered that Len, now known as Helena, was pregnant when she had married. All those lectures about Chastity and the Chalet School, someone ought to write a book with that title, she thought with a rare flash of humour. Well, rare when thinking about her mother.

Why couldn't she bring herself up to date? Why not buy a washing machine, a fridge, a microwave, a vacuum cleaner, in fact all the modern labour-saving devices? Stupidity and stubbornness, that's why. And her persistence in darning dad's socks - more darn than sock, and all as badly done as the rest.

Well, she'd just have to send another invitation to another medical conference, just so her father could get some peace and decent food, and sleep in a comfortable bed.

She would never forgive her mother for referring to her as an unmarried mother, she wasn't. OK so she and Jonathan had jumped the gun a little, but so what? From the moment they'd set eyes on each other at Oxford, they'd known that there would never be anyone else for either of them. She'd given Reg his marching orders immediately, and what a storm that had caused on the Platz, with her mother shrieking down the phone at her, and writing those awful letters.

No sooner had that blown over, than a film director had seen Con, given her a screen test, and cast her in the film that had propelled Con to the heights of stardom. Mamma had written more vile letters to Len, more shrieking phone calls, telling Len that as she was the responsible one, she should have stopped it. Yeah, Mamma, just like one can stop the sun rising in the morning. Then after Margot had qualified and gone into the Convent, well of course, it was all Len's fault that Margot had left her postulancy, of course it was, Len had been brought up to be the responsible one. Never mind that Margot had been told that her medical degree would not be used by the Order, what were wanted were strong backs and arms to do heavy housework and the cooking needed for the people who were using the convent in increasing numbers because they wanted a retreat from the world. Margot had realised that she had been deceived, and had walked out. All Len's fault, of course. What had the letter said? 'If you had not behaved in such a deplorable way, and set such a bad example to your sisters, Con would never have gone to Hollywood, and Margot would still be where she should be, in the Convent. I refuse to acknowledge you as my daughter from now on, and I utterly refuse to acknowledge the results of your unchaste and lascivious behaviour'. Clearly this had been meant to wound Len, instead there had come a wonderful feeling of relief. She and Jon had thrown a party to celebrate.


Last edited by Jennie on Thu Apr 08, 2004 8:50 pm; edited 1 time in total

 


#173:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 2:16 pm


Poor old Len, decided Joey needs a good old hammer But love the idea of a disowning party!

 


#174:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 2:44 pm


*furious at how Joey behaved*

 


#175:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 4:02 pm


*hopes Len gave Jo as good as she got!*

 


#176:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 6:08 pm


I hope Jo won't need one of her near death experiences to come to her senses!

 


#177:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 7:14 pm


*not sure if Jo has any senses to come to*

 


#178:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 7:48 pm


Lovely, Jenny. Once again, we say - poor Jack! Crying or Very sad

 


#179:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 8:13 pm


Nice comeback, Sarah!

And I hope Jo realises how lonely she will become in her old age. It would be interesting to see how Madge is coping and if she is still a stick-in-the-mud.

 


#180:  Author: KatLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 9:54 pm


Lol, I love this!

Think it would be brilliant if Jack just went and lived with Len - and left Joey all on her own... would be interesting to see how she'd cope. Make up an excuse as to where he's gone? 'Important out of country medical conferences that are going to last sometime' maybe?

*sniggers*

 


#181:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 9:55 pm


Her excuse would certainly have to cover her own pride - and it would be completely obvious to everyone what had really happened!

 


#182:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 9:58 pm


Thanks Jennie, love the idea of Len having a party to celebrate Joey disowning her - so typical of Jo to put all the responsibilty for everything onto Len though.

 


#183:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 11:47 pm


Poor Len.Glad she has a happy marriage though and someone she could laugh with.

 


#184:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 11:57 pm


Much better than Reg.

 


#185:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 12:06 am


Thank you Jennie - good to know that Len is happy - also love the idea of a 'disowning' party! Laughing

 


#186:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 2:50 pm


In the privacy of her Hollywood mansion, Con Maynard, or Connie Morgan as she was now known, put down the telephone receiver looking very thoughtful. Mm, she thought, yes, I can manage it, after all, what do I employ all this office staff for, if not to be able to make up convincing documents when needed?

She had been quite alarmed by Len's phone call about their father. It was typical of Len , no Helena now, to take the weight of the world on her shoulders in this way. Poor Dad, Con longed to be able to go back to the UK to see him, but that simply wasn't an option, not with the Dragon likely to be lurking.

She thought about her mother with real rancour. Stupid woman. So, OK, Con had gone to Oxford, and what a shock that had been. The freedom, the lack of supervision, the feeling small because of finding out what the other girls were wearing. Con would never forget the pitying glances from some of the older girls when she had thoughtlessly walked into the laundry room and they had seen her underwear. Big interlock knickers were DEFINITELY not the sort of things that they wore. And the rest of her clothes weren't much better either. Hand-knitted twinsets and stout tweed skirts were not the latest fashion according to these girls, far from it. One of them had actually asked her if she'd been brought up in an orphanage, and the nuns had clothed her from the charity box. Con reddened at the memory of it.

Then, the opening of a new world. A film producer had seen her walking down a street in Oxford, and had offered her a film test. She'd gone, just out of curiosity, and it seemed that the camera loved her. It hadn't hurt that she could act a little.

What HAD hurt was the Dragon's response to this. The sobs, the shrieks, the bilious attacks, the headaches, the threatened nervous breakdown. Even worse than that was what Len had had to endure. Darling Len, so happy with Jonathan and their three children. It had been just like a fairy tale, they had looked at each other and you could just see them falling in love there and then. Len had been very quick to send the ring back to Reg, more shrieks and turmoil from the Dragon.

Con rested her chin in her cupped hands and thought of the last abusive letter she had had from her maternal parent, for call her Mamma or Mum or Mother she would not do. After that, there was no way that she was going to write, phone or in any way contact her mother again. Everyone knew that Hollywood marriages never lasted for very long, unless you were Paul Newman, that is. This hadn't influenced Jo's thinking in the slightest, not when Con had written to her about the divorce. In fact, Con pondered, one of the best things about her life as it was, was the fact that her mother didn't want to hear from her ever again.

Con got up, and went into her secretary's office to give orders for the creation of realistic-looking documents inviting Dr John Maynard, renowned TB specialist to come to California for a lengthy series of seminars at which he would be expected to contribute a paper on the Care of TB Patients in the Swiss Alps. Yes, that should give Dad a decent holiday from you know who, she thought with a cheeky grin.

 


#187:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 3:14 pm


Jenny this is fantastic. I have just caught up on loads. Love Len's disownment party. The last scene with Con is pure joy. I have just had a horrible morning trying to convince an engineer we have a fault he can't find and needed cheering up, reading Con's scene actually made me laugh out loud.

More please as soon as it's convenient.

 


#188:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 4:44 pm


Thank you Jenny, love seeing Con in Hollywood - I hope her plans come to fruition.

 


#189:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 4:57 pm


This just goes on getting better and funnier!!!

 


#190:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 5:03 pm


Yay Jennie, this does get better Very Happy Gool old Con, Jack deserbes a good holiday Smile

*has a bizarre image of Jo as a dragon now*

 


#191:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 5:37 pm


Margot Maynard graciously shook hands with her last patient of the day, ushered him out into the waiting room, and then returned to sit behind her desk. Earlier that day she had had a phone call from her sister Helena. She had hated to hear the note of worry in Len's voice, and she wanted to do anything that she could to help her father to get out of his present predicament. If only the mad old bat would even make an attempt to live in the real world. Instead she was fossilised in the late 1920's, you couldn't even call it a time warp, not with any accuracy, anyway.

She heaved a sigh, but knew she would never change her mind - never again would she see her mother or allow her mother to have any access to her two precious children.

Her mind drifted back to her entry to the Convent. She had honestly thought that she had a vocation, and she had tried. her Mother of course, had been all for it. Well, they do say that converts are worse, but at least she might have made the effort to come to the ceremony when she had been received. But no, Auntie Madge wasn't feeling well, so off Mother had gone, haring off to her sister's bedside. After all, it wasn't as though Auntie Madge had anyone to take care of her, only her husband, her oldest son David who was a doctor, Ailie who was a trained nurse, and any number of staff from the San, but no, Jo Maynard was convinced that she was indispensible. Margot had heard from Ailie, apparently Jo had almost bothered Auntie Madge into a nervous breakdown, and it had taken the combined force of Jem and David to get Jo to go home and give Madge some peace. So, she had missed Margot being Received. Then had come the postulancy, and the discovery that the order was changing its focus from medical aid to the more profitable line in running retreats for rich women who liked to fancy that their nerves were in shreds. Even then, Margot's medical skills would not be called for, instead she was kept occupied in changing beds and polishing floors for these rich hypochondriacs who thought that a fortnight in a small room with clean linen sheets every day, and the best food that a French lay-sister who had trained in the Ritz kitchens could produce was roughing it for the good of their souls.

The scenes, the appalling shrieks, the threats of nervous trouble, even the moral and emotional blackmail implied in the dramatic announcement, 'I'm probably going to have to have an operation, the doctor says it's because of all the nervous tension I've been going through.'

But Margot had left the convent. The only way to escape her mother had been to fly out to see Con. Con had been so horrified by the way that Margot looked, she had coddled and cossetted her until Margot could face the day without tears. Then, they had had a ball, shopping, eating out at Spago, more shopping on Rodeo Drive, dates with film stars and movie moguls, it had been one of the best, and certainly the most luxurious times of Margot's life.

Then back to the UK to stay with Helena. There she had been able to play with her nephew and niece, walk in the tranquillity of the park, and even help by working in the gift shop that sold souvenirs to the tourists who thronged the house and grounds in the summer.

It was Dad, darling Dad who had put her back on the medical track. He had had a quiet word with one of his old friends from his early days in medicine, and had gor her a Registrar's position in an orthopoedic department. That was all Dad could do to help, but the thought that he had cared enough was enough.

Margot made up her mind, if Dad needed money, she was the one to give it, she'd already told Len that she'd pay for his air fare and anything else he needed when he was off on this phony medical conference in America.

The first thing to get him was some new socks, without darns! Then some more shopping, yes, Dad was going to America looking as though HE had a million dollars, and she, Margot, wasn't going to take No for an answer.


Last edited by Jennie on Thu Apr 08, 2004 8:53 pm; edited 1 time in total

 


#192:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 5:53 pm


Mrs Stephen Maynard: I don't want to talk about my mother-in-law, in fact, if I never hear her mentioned again, it will be too soon.

Mrs Michael Maynard: Don't mention that evil old witch to me, thank you.

Mrs Charles Maynard: Her, she's not welcome here, and we're all much happier that way.

Mrs Felix Maynard: Don't mention that b****y woman in this house again. Stupid old ***.

Mrs Geoffrey Maynard: I don't think you really want to hear my opinion of my husband's mother. It's unprintable. We pefer not to think about her, thank you.

Jonathan, Marquis of Staveley: Helena's mother? Not here, not ever!

Dr Andrew Marshall: Margot's mother? That woman could keep the whole Royal College of Psychiatrists occupied for years!!


When telephoned, all four of Connie Morgan's spouses uttered words to the effect: Con's mother. Believe me, you really do not want to go there!

Mr Alan Prendergast: Felicity's mother, no thank you.

Mr Adrian Fisher: Cecil's mother? If she's coming here, I'm off! I may love Cecil, but that's too much to ask anyone to bear!

Captain Francis Rattigan: Phil's mother? I'll have a word with the Guardhouse, make sure she doesn't manage to get onto the base. Phil's not going through all that again, not if I have anything to do with it.

 


#193:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 6:51 pm


Poor poor Jo, not one of her children and in-laws cares about her. I'm not sorry really.

 


#194:  Author: claireLocation: SOUTH WALES PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 8:32 pm


Loved all the spouses reactions - especially Phil's husband (although want to know what happened last time)

 


#195:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 8:36 pm


*laughing helplessly*

 


#196:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 9:12 pm


*joins in helpless laughing*

And what about Marie-Claire and Erica? And the Richardsons?

 


#197:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 9:45 pm


I loved those reactions Jennie, has Jo actually fallen out with all her children for one reason or another, or is it just that they can't stand the person she has become?

 


#198:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 9:50 pm


The latter, I'd imagine, Ellie, although specific circumstances probably made them snap. I'd love to know whether the children agree with their partners.

 


#199:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 9:55 pm


Judging by the trips, I would say they do.

 


#200:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 9:56 pm


Wonderful Jennie - thank you! Laughing

 


#201:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 10:44 pm


*Looking forward to more*

 


#202:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 10:56 pm


Hooray for the trips! Hope Jack has a superb hol in California.

Superb, hysterical. I love it, Jennie!

 


#203:  Author: AngelLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 11:06 pm


This is wonderful.

Thank you.

 


#204:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2004 11:55 pm


Go Jennie!!! WE need more!!!!

 


#205:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 3:38 pm


PHONE CALLS FROM THE EDGE

( The phone calls given below are from one or the other of the Maynard offspring to another of the same. Likewise, the call may be from the husband/wife of one of the Maynard children. No, it's not a guessing game, just perm any one from 22.)

'Did you hear? That mad old bat is writing a book about bringing up children. Apparently, her publishers wrote and asked, actually ASKED her to do it.'

'I don't believe you. What does she know about bringing up children? Is that maid of theirs, Anna, that's it, is she dictating the book from the other side?'

......................

'I don't believe you, what SHE knows about bringing up children in the modern world could be printed on a pinhead with space left over.'

............................................

'I'm not telling anyone that she's related to me, not likely. Theory and practice out of the Ark.'

...........................................................................................
'She actually thought that calling a dolls' house Une Maison des Poupees meant that she was teaching us French!'

............................................................
'Don't mention her, not after what she did to my wife.'

..................................................................

'No, I'm not giving up my job so I can have a baby every year. I don't care what You did, I'm not going to.'

...............................................................................

'My children are not illegitimate, Mother, they do not live in a Council flat.'

........................................................................................

'You'll never believe what she did to my wife. She criticised everything she did, everything she cooked, how she ran the house, how she dealt with the children. Then she really started nagging about the size of our family. Why haven't you settled down to having a long family the way I did? Because we don't have an Anna, a Rosli and a nursery governess to do all the work, like you did.'

........................................................

It was always the same old thing, time after time. 'If I could find fulfilment in being at home with my children, AND find time to run the house and write my books, why can't you stay at home as I did?'

..................................................................................

I know our marriage is an equal partnership darling, but please, just do as I say this time. If anyone asks you if you are related to your mother when this damn book of hers comes out, just deny, please, for my sake?

[/b]


Last edited by Jennie on Thu Apr 08, 2004 8:55 pm; edited 2 times in total

 


#206:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 3:42 pm


Fabuleuse Jennie! *pulls self together just long enough to type before resuming helpless giggling* Laughing

 


#207:  Author: Sarah_KLocation: St Albans PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 4:38 pm


*giggles madly*
She's alienated the whole lot of them, that takes talent. I loved the reactions of the various spouses, absolutely hysterical, and their views on her book are great too.
*goes off into fits of giggles again*

 


#208:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 5:36 pm


Jo Maynard looked out of the window of her living room. she noticed that the woman from next door was unloading lots of supermarket carrier bags from the boot of her car. Jo sighed for the days when she had only to go into any shop and leave her order for delivery later, such a help it had been.

Mind you, food these days, it was hardly recognisable, and some of the things that were on offer, ready-made dishes that came in foil containers. She would never feed Jack on any of the pre-packed stuff. No, what kept her Jack healthy and strong was plenty of the sort of food that she'd always served. Lots of cabbage and boiled potatoes, a really well-cooked joint of meat, no rare meat, Jo liked it well done. Take their last dinner party, she had served up just the sort of food that Jack liked, and followed it with a firm favourite of theirs, bread and butter pudding. Their guests had been so appreciative, and, of course, they had been so fascinated by her tales from the Chalet School that they had hardly said a word!
It was such a pity that all their guests had been doctors and their wives, that meant that they had had to leave early as their locum cover was so expensive. Still, she knew that they had all had a good time, and the next time that she and Jack invited them, she would be able to tell them some more of her enthralling tales, perhaps those from the time they had been forced to escape from Austria. These women who had been to English boarding schools didn't know they were alive, and the schools can't have been much good. They didn't seem to feel the same way about their schools as she still felt about the Chalet School.

Jo stood there for a moment. She hoped that Jack wasn't going to go away to one of his medical conferences again any time soon. He always seemed to put on weight when he went to one of them, it must be all the unsuitable food they put in front of them at these do's. I mean, Jo thought to herself, continental food is good, but when in England, eat the way the English have always done. Mind you, she wouldn't object to a nice box of Swiss chocolates, they were always so nice. It seemed a long time since Jack had made one of his little romantic gestures such as a box of chocolates, perhaps she ought to do something to try to revive the um, well, more, er, physical side of their marriage. Perhaps a pair of sheer stockings might do it, after all, good sturdy durable lisle stockings were getting hard to come by. And perhaps a new corset might do the trick, men liked a little show of nice new underwear, and her cotton briefs were getting a bit discoloured. Yes, she'd get some new ones.

Her thoughts strayed to the underwear she had see her daugters and daughters-in-law getting out of their washing machines. Well a body could die from pneumonia going out in those things. When Len, Con and Margot had gone off to university, she'd made sure that they had been well stocked up with the sort of underwear a 'gentlewoman' would wear, good locknit vests and knickers, stout cotton petticoats and sturdy bras, all of a quality to last them for three years.

Her thoughts hardened as she considered those three. Len an unmarried mother, living with heaven knows who in some sort of rented housing, Con, well, she prayed for Con's soul, but see her again she would not, living the life of a woman of easy virtue, and Margot, she could never forgive her for leaving that convent. She had been so proud to have a daughter as a postulant in a convent, and she had been so encouraging, and how did Margot repay her?

As for her sons' wives, well it was about time that they got their priorities right and settled down to having proper families. When she was their age, she was already the proud Mamma of five children, AND she'd had to manage with only Anna to help her during the War.

 


#209:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 5:42 pm


Two lovely posts! I'm rocking with laughter.

btw CAN you still get lisle stockings??? I do hope not!

 


#210:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 5:44 pm


Who cares? I don't.

 


#211:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 5:46 pm


What are lisle stockings? I love Jo - she's giving me so much laughter. Very Happy

 


#212:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 5:53 pm


Lisle stockings, the bane of the lives of Sixities school girls. They were made from a fairly thick thread, think forty/fifty denier, and they used to look wonderful Rolling Eyes in the chocolate brown shade that were regulation for my school. The thread originated in Lille, in France.

They used to bag and sag, just the thing for us sophisticates with our back-combed hair.

 


#213:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 6:28 pm


*weeps gently with laughter* Oh, the poor neighbours!

 


#214:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 6:31 pm


MORE PHONE CALLS

'The trips are going to send Dad out to California to stay with Con, another 'Medical Conference.'

'Thanks for letting us know, When? Right, we'll be off on a duty visit to the parents-in law then.'

'Thanks, we'll put Foot and Mouth warnings up.'

'Thank heavens you told us, I'm off on manoeuvres then so I'll make sure that Phil goes away too.'

'I think I can arrange some holiday then, thanks for letting me know.'

'I'll be on a field trip that week, so I'm fireproof.'

'Not in this house, she's not staying here, never again. I had enough of he the last time your father was away.'

'Oh God, I know Dad needs the break, but why does she always have to land on us whan he's away? Two years since she stayed with us? Well, it doesn't feel like it, I can tell you. It still feels more like yesterday.'

 


#215:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 6:33 pm


*lol* That's great! Who is the poor sufferer who has to end up with Jo?

 


#216:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 6:47 pm


The way it's going, I'd say Jo will be left with her own company. Unless she travels all around the country, finding every one of her children away, in which case she could have happy chats with fellow train/coach passengers.

 


#217:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 7:35 pm


Thanks Jennie, looks like Joey's going to have a pretty lonesome time - I love her idea of good food, and the way her perception of the dinner party was so different to Jack's.

 


#218:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 7:36 pm


*helpless with laughter*

 


#219:  Author: Sarah_KLocation: St Albans PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 8:24 pm


Oh dear, who's left with her then? Or what if she goes to Jem and Madge or one of her old friends...

 


#220:  Author: claireLocation: SOUTH WALES PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 8:26 pm


Excellent, who can the victim be this time? Love the underwear part too, can just imagine the triplets faithfully taking the underwear and then wearing skimpy, normal stuff - probably the reason the underwear Jo brought them lasted so long

 


#221:  Author: gigagalLocation: London PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 9:13 pm


I actually find myself feeling genuinely sorry for Jo...

 


#222:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 9:27 pm


So do I! I'd hate my kids to run like that!!

 


#223:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 9:29 pm


But I'm sure that you would never be so uunreasonable Pat.

 


#224:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 9:41 pm


No, never!! Even my son in law speaks to me!!! Twisted Evil

 


#225:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 9:56 pm


Fantastic Jennie! Love the different perception Jo has to the rest of the world! Laughing

 


#226:  Author: claireLocation: SOUTH WALES PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 10:14 pm


Now Pat's made me look at this from a mothers point of view and I feel sorry for Jo (hope I never get that out of touch with my kids)

 


#227:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 10:44 pm


*weeping with laughter!*
Thank you Jennie!!!

 


#228:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2004 10:50 pm


That was excellent Jennie and it is so touching that the trips care so deeply for Jack.

Hee hee, would love to see Joey trying to get onto the army base.




Am I the only person having a little trouble keeping these two drabbles separate?

 


#229:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 2:40 am


Fantastic Jennie - so hysterical. Just the thing to cheer a person up after a dose of RL.

 


#230:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 10:59 am


Jennie, I've pm'd you but it keeps sitting in my outbox and does not want to go! Grrrr so you've either got 3 copies in your inbox or none at all. Try pming me your email if you haven't got them. I'm sending and receiving other pms so it's not a general problem - just your box Crying or Very sad

ps now it's happening with other people so the board seems to be giving me a hard time!


Last edited by PatMac on Sat Feb 28, 2004 11:23 am; edited 1 time in total

 


#231:  Author: LauraLocation: London (ish) PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 11:01 am


This is absolutely hilarious (have just read the whole thing through) but feel SO sorry for Joey! (and Jack, because presumably the villagers discuss his evil wife to his face etc, and he gets a bad reputation because of her!) But who ends up with Joey when Jack goes away?

And why hasn't Jack administered her with a lethal dose yet??!

 


#232:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 3:10 pm


Jo looked at the evelope with dismay. It was quite clearly an invitation to yet another medical conference, heaven knew where it would be. Well, if Jack was off on one of his little jollies, she would be off on one of hers. She knew that most of her children, ungrateful triplets apart, would all love to have a visit from her, so that made it difficult to choose which one to stay with this time. They were all so keen to offer her hospitality, and she knew that they loved it when she rolled up to their front doors in her trusty Morris Traveller.

Hmm, she'd beter put the names in a hat, and draw one out, then write tactful letters to the others, explaining why she wasn't going to be staying with them. she hated to disappoint them in this way, but, it just couldn't be helped.

 


#233:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 3:33 pm


ROFL, Laughing How can Jo have aboslutely no idea!?!? ROFL ROFLROFLROFLROFL

 


#234:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 3:37 pm


*Falls of my chair weeping with laughter*

Please please let Joey get a comeuppance of some sort, nothing too horrid, but she does need to get an idea of reality. It was lovely to hear how the triplets were getting on, so who is the unlucky soul?

Jennie, is writing this being theraputic? Wink

 


#235:  Author: claireLocation: SOUTH WALES PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 3:53 pm


In some ways though it's nice her kids love her enough to protect her from finding out they don't actually LIKE her

 


#236:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 4:18 pm


I wonder which unlucky child will get drawn out of the hat.

 


#237:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 5:43 pm


Jo thought deeply. Yes, Marie-Claire, she'd drop into stay with her for a few weeks.

Better write first, though, so M-C and her husband could get their bed ready for Jo, they knew she couldn't sleep in a single bed. Then of course, they'd need time to get a new set of bedlinen and blankets, why they'd expected her to sleep under a plumeau in the summmer she just couldn't think.

Yes, M-C and her husband were just the thing, they had that lovely haberdashery shop near them where she could get the sort of female underneaths that she liked.

And of course, it would give M-C time to arrange for a holiday from work, it wa a shame she had so little holiday in that job of hers, but, well, she did owe it to Jo to give up time to cossett her. After all, if Jo hadn't rescued her, she might have had to go into an orphanage, or even worse, have been adopted by someone totally unsuitable, and who didn't live on the Platz, and who couldn't get her educated at the Chalet School.

 


#238:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 5:44 pm


ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

Thank you Jennie! Love the idea that Jo has no idea how her children feel!

More please!

 


#239:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 6:55 pm


Oh I bet M/C has had a worse time of it than anyone, I bet Joey loved reminding her of the sacrifices she made for her.

*Felling very sorry for M/C*

 


#240:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 6:59 pm


ROFL

Poor, poor M/C

 


#241:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 8:21 pm


Poor Marie Claire!!!

 


#242:  Author: Sarah_KLocation: St Albans PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 8:58 pm


Oh dear... poor Marie Claire (although it's thoughtful of Joey to give them warning enough to make up an excuse I suppose...)

 


#243:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 9:02 pm


*Wondering what excuse M/C will come up with Wink and how many names Jo will have to pull out of the hat before she finds a taker?*

*Also wondering if the time has come to cease the nostalgia for the Morris Traveller I had in the 60's Crying or Very sad *

 


#244:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 9:08 pm


Suggest Marie Claire and husband suddenly discover they are going on a six week cruise of the carribean!

 


#245:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 9:26 pm


Lesley wrote:
Suggest Marie Claire and husband suddenly discover they are going on a six week cruise of the carribean!


*hopes perhaps someone can suggest she comes to see me then I can have the excuse for a cruise Razz *

 


#246:  Author: claireLocation: SOUTH WALES PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 9:39 pm


Poor Marie-Claire, getting it drummed it that she has to be grateful to Jo (whereas the other Maynards know it was an accident of birth they got Jo as a mother), can't wait to see her reaction

 


#247:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 10:05 pm


Poor kid, youngest and expected to be grateful for bing adopted.
Hope she manages to get out of it somehow.

 


#248:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 10:08 pm


Also feeling sorry for Marie Claire, if she gets so little time off from her job, she'd would hardly choose to spending her free time running after Joey would she?

 


#249:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Sat Feb 28, 2004 11:51 pm


I guess there's probably a reason why Marie Claire has let Joey think she gets so little time off work. Wink

 


#250:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 12:23 am


I wonder what her job is, and what Joey thinks her job is.

 


#251:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 2:36 am


Feeling really sorry for Marie Claire. Hope she can come up with a good excuse.

 


#252:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 4:05 pm


Marie-Claire opened the envelope with a feeling of impending dread suffusing her entire body. She quickly read the first two paragraphs, and all colour immediately left her face.

'Darling, are you all right?' asked her husband.

'Far from it,' she managed to reply. 'It's my mother, she says she's coming here in three weeks' time, to stay for a month. I really don't think I can bear it, no, it's not that I don't think I can bear it, I know I can't.'

'Well, in that case, she's not coming here, I'm not having you upset again, not like last time.'

'But...'

'Yes, I know she adopted you and brought you up, but, good God, the woman's got to learn that you can't spend your entire life being grateful for that. There's no two ways about it, she is not coming here. When does she plan to arrive? Right, I'll write to her from the office. As it happens, I've got to go to a conference the first week of her visit, You can come with me, we'll pay the extra for your food and accommodation, after all, it won't be any trouble now you're on maternity leave. You haven't told her about the baby have you? Good, we don't want any of her advice, or any of those ghastly things that she knits. I'll make all the arrangements, don't worry about a thing.'

 


#253:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 4:25 pm


that's one rejection - how many more! Serve her right!

 


#254:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 4:51 pm


Looking forward to all the different excuses that the Maynard offspring come up with - how many will it take before Joey gets the message? Twisted Evil

 


#255:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 5:33 pm


There's a lot of Maynard offspring, so there'll be a lot of different excuses, so Joey really should get the message. Wink

 


#256:  Author: Sarah_KLocation: St Albans PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 6:26 pm


Yay for M-C's husband (and for them not telling Joey about the baby) Do you think Joey will realise if she gets lots of rejections? Or will she remain as oblivious as before?

 


#257:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 7:08 pm


I've just read all of this, it's so funny! I wonder how many other grandchildren Joey doesn't know she has!

 


#258:  Author: claireLocation: SOUTH WALES PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 8:22 pm


Marie-Claire has to hide from Jo now, if she's on mat leave she's either very big (although Jo may not have noticed) or have a newborn - they tend to not let themselves be overlooked

 


#259:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 8:51 pm


Totally ROFL Poor, poor Marie-Claire!

 


#260:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 9:18 pm


More please Jennie!!!!!
*chanting*

 


#261:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 9:58 pm


Jennie
Jennie
Jennie

Great
Great
Great

Jennie
Jennie
Jennie

More
More
More

Jennie
Jennie
Jennie

Please
Please
Please

 


#262:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Sun Feb 29, 2004 11:17 pm


Now that's what I call a chant!

 


#263:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 5:20 pm


Jo opened the envelope, it looked quite official then her jaw dropped in amazement. Well, of all the nerve, it was from Marie-Claire's husband, Jean. And written at the office, obviously dictated to his secretary, and then signed by him. What cheek, when they knew she wanted to come to stay. Both going away as he had a long trip and Marie-Claire was going with him?

Well, this was no way to repay her for all she had done for that girl! If Jean were away, it would have been a wonderful opportunity for Marie-Claire to give Jo some of the pampering that she deserved. Obviously, Jean was influencing Marie-Claire against her, that had to be the only reason that the selfish pair were going away instead of looking after her.

She'd have to have a good long think before she replied, it would take some time to work out just the right phrases to show her indignation and hurt. But not too long a delay, not if she wanted her emotional blackmail to be effective enough to stop Marie-Claire going away instead of looking after her adoptive mother. She thought longingly of the cups of tea in bed, received graciously, but with just a hint that the service might be a little prompter on the next day, the tasty light lunches, the teas, and then of course the dinners that M-C ought to be lovingly preparing for her. Well, if that's how the girl felt, she'd go to one of the others.

Looking at her other letters, she noticed that all of her children had written to her, except for those triplets of hers. The less said about them, the better! No doubt the others were all longing for her to come to visit them. Gratifying, that a little note written to each of them that she was going to stay with M-C should make them all write in such haste, clearly they all of them wanted her, and were putting in their bids for her visit. Provoking a little jealousy was no bad thing, she mused.

She opened all the letters and withdrew their contents, putting them into a neat pile. She'd read them all quickly, then put them into two piles, no , three piles. Yes, no, and maybe, according to what entertainment they were going to offer her. A walk in the Park was clearly no match for tea at a good hotel, and of course, the preferred houses were those with pianos so someone could accompany her whilst she held them enthralled with the beauty of her voice.

With a little sigh of pleasurable anticipation she settled down to read all her letters. Half an hour later, she sat with an expression of dazed disbelief on her face. Not one, not ONE of her children was going to be at home to welcome her on a month's visit. This had to be more than coincidence, no, it couldn't be, it was coincidence, it had to be. After all, hadn't she been the best of mothers, wisely guiding her children into their adult lives, well, the girls anyway, the boys were best left to their housemasters, weren't they? And she'd given them so much helpful advice on how to run a home, and welcome visitors, and the proper way for a gentlewoman to dress, it couldn't possibly be the case that none of them wanted her, could it?

==============================


Last edited by Jennie on Mon Mar 01, 2004 5:24 pm; edited 1 time in total

 


#264:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 5:22 pm


That's it ladies, I think any more would be superfluous.

 


#265:  Author: ChelseaLocation: Your Imagination PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 5:30 pm


*wonders what Joey will do now?

 


#266:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 5:32 pm


Well, she could appear in a drabble that you write, Chelsea, or she can carry on as she has done for years. The possibilities are endless.

 


#267:  Author: ChelseaLocation: Your Imagination PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 5:35 pm


Sorry, the board is acting up. I actually posted that BEFORE your post about it being the end. I didn't mean it to sound like I wanted more, after you said that there was none. Embarassed Embarassed

 


#268:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 5:37 pm


But, but, there are still so many other things I wanted to know - as you said, the possibilities are endless.
Although thats actually not a bad way to leave a story.
Thank you Jennie, and well done.

*Leads applause*

 


#269:  Author: Caroline OSullivanLocation: Reading, Berkshire, UK PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 5:40 pm


Joins in applause. Thank you Jennie. Joey has made me both laugh and cry in this drabble. The sad thing is that I could see it happening Rolling Eyes

 


#270:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 5:48 pm


*applauds madly* Poor, poor Jo. ABsolutely fabuleuse Jennie Very Happy

 


#271:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 6:32 pm


This has been great Jennie, wish I had discovered it sooner than yesterday though!

 


#272:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 6:52 pm


Jennie!!!!!!

You ended on a cliff!! That's mean!!! Crying or Very sad

 


#273:  Author: Sarah_KLocation: St Albans PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 7:19 pm


*applauds*
Brilliant Jennie, well done to Joey's children and lets just imagine a happy world in which Joey realises what she's done and apologises...

 


#274:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 7:21 pm


Well done Jennie! Lovely way to end it. I think their communications must have been working overtime!

 


#275:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 8:40 pm


I don't think they needed to communicate their reactions!!! It was instinctive!!!

 


#276:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 9:40 pm


Well, this drabble started out as FCs, for anyone to contribute to. I think that I've taken it as far as I want to, but if anyone else wants to write some more of it, please feel free to do so.

Thank you for all your appreciative comments, I've enjoyed writing it, and hope that it has given you a lot of pleasure.

 


#277:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 9:56 pm


Thank you so much for this Jennie - there was even a tiny little hint at the end that maybe Joey was starting to realise the truth!

Wonderful! Laughing

 


#278:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Mon Mar 01, 2004 11:54 pm


Oh no, this is over. It can't be, I've loved this Jennie. Crying or Very sad Very Happy

 


#279:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 1:58 am


Thanks for the end of the story Jennie. Sorry for late reply but couldn't get into the board on the Monday or Tuesday before the 'interlude'!

Hope Jo has begun to realise the error of her ways.

 


#280:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 5:31 am


*joins in with enthusiastic applause* Fantastic stuff! I love Joey's drop, and her quick justification that it couldn't possibly be her fault! Laughing

 


#281:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sun Mar 14, 2004 11:59 am


Thank you Jennie, Good for them, sticking up for themselves!!

 


#282:  Author: XantheLocation: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Thu Mar 18, 2004 1:53 am


Jennie that was wonderful ROFL

 


#283:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 5:18 pm


MORE PHONE CALLS FROM THE EDGE

'Just had a copy of the Dragon's book. She sent it to me. You've never read such rubbish in your life. I loved the reviews of it, they were spot-on.'

'I've just had a call from Con. Our dearest Mamma dared to send her a copy of the latest effusion. Con says it's rubbish. Mind you, she did say it was accurate, Anna and Rosli were the ones who mostly brought us up.'

'Stephen, it's Julia. That bloody book your mother's just written. Someone asked me if we were related to her. I flatly denied it. One of the girls in the office bought a copy, and she read some of it aloud to everyone. I don't see how we're going to get any work done at all this afternoon, everyone's laughing so much.'

'The real trouble, darling, is that the fellows in the Mess know she's your mother. They've seen and heard her. Now this bloody book of hers. I've only just lived down the time she told the CO all about her beloved Chalet School. Now this. I may have to resign my commission.'

'Margot? It's Con. I've just had Solly on the phone. He wants to know if anyone has bought the film rights of Mamma's latest. He thinks it might make a howling good comedy. Probably get an Oscar. When's Dad's flight? I want to be sure to meet him.'

'Sam Smith from the Daily Express? Sorry, I've never heard of you. Related to Josephine M Bettany, who us? You must be joking.'


'Hello, oh, you're from The Times wanting a quote from me about the childcare book by Josephine M Maynard. I'm sorry, you've got a wrong number. I mean, yes, I've heard of her, she wrote those old-fashioned girls' stories, didn't she? No, she's no relation of ours. Yes, I know our surname is the same, but there must be thousands of Maynards out there. No, and now this converstion is over.'

'My mother, Josephine M Maynard, the authoress of the latest comic sensation? Sorry, I don't know her, and from what I've read about the book in the newspapers, I don't want to.'

'The Marquis and Marchioness of Stavely have absolutely no comment to make about the book written by Mrs Maynard. Please do not telephone again.'

'No, I don't want to comment about the damned book. It's eleven o'clock at night, and I've several important operations to perform tomorrow morning. Don't call again, I need my sleep, and frankly, I prefer my patients to be operated on by someone who's had some sleep, not spent the night answering inane questions about her mother's latest outdated attempt to get back into print.'

 


#284:  Author: XantheLocation: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 5:22 pm


*snickering wildly*

thank you Jennie Mr. Green

 


#285:  Author: ChelseaLocation: Your Imagination PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 5:24 pm


Ouch.

Thanks Jennie.

 


#286:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 5:28 pm


eek! *falls off chair giggling* Oh dear, oh dear

 


#287:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 5:29 pm


OOh, we got a little bit more. Thanks Jennie!

 


#288:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 7:04 pm


Phone call from Jack Maynard to his sons.

'I'm sorry, I didn't realise what she was doing. She babbles on so much I hardly ever bother to listen to her.

I'm going out to California to stay with Con, I really feel I need a rest from everything. I'll see you all when I get back.

I'm seriously thinking of taking up Len's offer to let me have a house on Jon's estate. It won't be large, but it will be big enough for each of you to come to stay in turn, and I know Len's three will enjoy having their cousins to play with.

I can only apologise, I can't do any more, and I really don't know how much more I can stand.

No, don't worry about me, I just need a decent break, that's all.

 


#289:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 7:36 pm


Jennie, I've only just caught up with this. Wonderful, great, thanks.

 


#290:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 7:37 pm


Laughing Laughing Laughing Wonderful! Thanks Jennie! Laughing Laughing Laughing

 


#291:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 7:47 pm


Love the phone calls! Can you imagine! The papers going through the telephone directory calling everyone called Maynard!

 


#292:  Author: Sarah_KLocation: St Albans PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 8:21 pm


*giggles*
Poor Maynards and Poor poor Jack.
*falls off chair*

 


#293:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 9:18 pm


*glad Jack is going on his holidays but hopes Joey may eventually see the light*

 


#294:  Author: claireLocation: SOUTH WALES PostPosted: Sat Mar 20, 2004 9:19 pm


Love Jack's admittence that he just switches off when Jo goes on about the school

 


#295:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 2:33 am


thanks for more story Jennie, love the conversations. Can imagine the papers doing that.

 


#296:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 7:01 am


*doubts Joey will ever get the hint (although I'd love to see her reaction to the reviews!) but I hope Jack gets away*

 


#297:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 3:38 pm


Jo Maynard stared at the newspapers in disbelief. Where were the favourable, no, flattering reviews? Didn't these stupid critics realise just how much wisdom there was in the book? Why on earth couldn't they see just how right she was in her methods of child-rearing?

An awful thought struck her. Jack had gone off on one of his conferences, all the children were away, and she was here by herself. Then an even worse idea came galloping into her mind. Jack hadn't been quite such a solid lump of comfort in the years since they'd returned to the UK. In fact, when she thought about it, she could swear that, more than once, he hadn't been listening to a word that she was saying.

She decided that this just wasn't good enough. No good Chalet Girl would take this lying down. She'd make a list, that's what she'd do.

First, get on to her publishers, and then lay down the law to them about her book. It was a serious work, offering wise, lucid, up-to-date advice. Just because that's how she'd done things over thirty years ago, was no reason to suppose that it was any the less valid and relevant today. After all, standards are standards.

Second. Contact all the children and let them know just how hurt she was by their disloyalty. That would soon have them arriving on her doorstep, feeling ashamed of themselves, and begging, yes, positively entreating her to go to stay with them. She'd make it clear of course, that they'd have to change their dreadful rackety lives for the sort of thing that she knew was acceptable.

Third. Third. Third. And here a little voice spoke in the depths of her mind, a voice that she refused to listen to.


Last edited by Jennie on Thu Apr 08, 2004 9:01 pm; edited 1 time in total

 


#298:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 3:40 pm


Dreadful rackety lives? I think they have better lives than Joey has ever had!

 


#299:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 3:51 pm


Jennie - you wrote more. Thank you so much, I'm so glad that you gave us those reactions.
I think the children's response to her letters is going to make her listen to the third suggestion, well maybe.

 


#300:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 4:07 pm


The third....what's the third???

 


#301:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 4:09 pm


The third was what she planning to do when she was interupted by the little voice in her mind that she was refusing to listen to.

There may be more, later, probably not today, but perhaps tomorrow evening.

 


#302:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 4:21 pm


Jennie wrote:
The third was what she planning to do when she was interupted by the little voice in her mind that she was refusing to listen to.

There may be more, later, probably not today, but perhaps tomorrow evening.


Yes, but you didn't say what it was!!!!

 


#303:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 4:22 pm


Might it be a little tiny voice of approaching reality?

 


#304:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 4:28 pm


Jennie wrote:
Might it be a little tiny voice of approaching reality?


OK....I'm being thick today. Yes, of course.

 


#305:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 10:33 pm


Thank you Jennie! Laughing

 


#306:  Author: XantheLocation: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 10:35 pm


Thank you Jennie Mr. Green

 


#307:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 10:41 pm


'Approaching reality' seems to be converging on Joey from all directions!

 


#308:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2004 11:46 pm


*giggles*
Thank you Jennie!!!!!!
More please!!!!

 


#309:  Author: KBLocation: Melbourne, Australia PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 7:07 am


Great stuff, Jennie! It will be interesting to see how Joey copes with all the responses she's sure to get.

 


#310:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 1:15 pm


Looking forward to this evening when there might be more.

 


#311:  Author: LauraLocation: London (ish) PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 8:43 pm


*hint hint!*

Jennie this is hysterical! Am sitting here giggling...!

 


#312:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 9:08 pm


Inspiration has deserted me for the moment, sorry. I'll try to do some tomorrow.

I've just spent a long day in London tramping round the Pre-Raphaelite exhibition at Tate Britain, and I'm exhausted. Please forgive me, but I just can't get my head together this evening.

 


#313:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 9:20 pm


Put your feet up, Jennie. Have some of this hot chocolate and relax.
there's nothing more tiring than Art Galleries. Have you been to the Lady Lever Gallery at Port Sunlight? They've got an amazing number of pre-Raphaelite paintings. Well worth the trip.

 


#314:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 9:59 pm


No, bu I'll put it on my list. Thanks for the tip.

 


#315:  Author: LulieLocation: Middlesbrough PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 10:25 pm


Pre-Raphaelite exhibition - lucky lucky you, Jennie. It's my favourite period of art.

I also have never managed to make the Lever gallery at Port Sunlight, but it's on my list of places to visit.

Cragside in Northumberland has a lot of pre-Raph art, and rooms decorated by Morris as well.

 


#316:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 10:27 pm


I can see that I'll be travelling all over the country searching for P-R art.

 


#317:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 10:58 pm


Lulie wrote:
Cragside in Northumberland has a lot of pre-Raph art, and rooms decorated by Morris as well.


that's a superb place all round. Love it, haven't been for years *puts it on list of places to go again*

 


#318:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 22, 2004 10:59 pm


adds another gallery to the list.

 


#319:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 5:32 pm


Looking at the letter from her publishers, Jo wondered what on earth they were writing to her for. She had a good mind to take the train down to London to see them and give them a piece of her mind.

Well, the nerve of it. First they commission her to write a book about bringing up a family, then when it's published, the critics savage it, and now her publishers are writing to her. Well, it had better be a huge apology, couched in suitably crawling terms. Fancy exposing a novelist of such great public esteem such as herself to public ridicule.

She opened the letter. Hmm, this was a good get out for them. Her book was a satire, was it? Hmm. it might be just as well to pretend that they'd fooled her. But there was no way she was going to be fobbed off with the sum that they had offered her. She'd write and tell them that she wanted more.

She decided on the least sum of money that she would accept, then wrote to them, telling them of her decision.

On the way back from posting her letter, Jo mused pleasantly about what she would be able to do with the money whan she received it. A London flat, perhaps? Or, buy Pretty Maids back from the National Trust. Certainly, with all that money in her bank account, she would be able to boast about it in the Village.

Or would it be better to go out to Hollywood and become a script-writer for the films?

Well, A Hundred and Twenty-Five Thousand would go a long way in America, after all, it was only a British colony really, and they really ought to be glad and grateful that a Chalet School girl wanted to go out there and show them the meaning of real class.

 


#320:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 7:23 pm


Hilarious

 


#321:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 9:27 pm


Wonderful Jennie! Love the bit about America only being a British Colony - this Jo would think that! Laughing

 


#322:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 10:21 pm


Jennie wrote:
I can see that I'll be travelling all over the country searching for P-R art.


Oooh - can I come with you please?

Love the idea of Joey thinking she's fooling the publishers by pretending to be fooled (well, I know what I mean) and the idea of America as a British colony

 


#323:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 12:04 am


It just proves she didn't take anything in when she went to Canada!

 


#324:  Author: KathrynLocation: Melbourne/Hamilton until 11 September PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 12:35 am


Jennie wrote:
Well, A Hundred and Twenty-Five Thousand would go a long way in America, after all, it was only a British colony really, and they really ought to be glad and grateful that a Chalet School girl wanted to go out there and show them the meaning of real class.


Oh dear, Joey's in for a bit of a surprise. Shocked She deserves it! Evil or Very Mad

 


#325:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 1:24 pm


'Well,' she thought, 'if it only meant that I could buy a nice house out there, one of those big Hollywood mansions, that would do me fine.

It would certainly outdo Co....., no, I won't say her name. she's a disgrace to the noble names of Maynard and Bettany. On her fourth husband, indeed. She should have taken her example from Jack and me, well over thirty years of marital fidelity and devotion. Why, I bet she, the Scarlet Woman of Hollywood, never ever sat down and darned her husband's socks in the evenings. Show your husband how much you care about him, and talk to him, communication and keeping up to date with the latest trends, that's the thing to keep a marriage fresh and growing. Why, she and Jack were still as much in love as ever, he still thought of her as the bright young woman he had married.'


For a moment her thoughts stopped and then she had a blinding flash of inspiration.
'That's it, I'll write a book on how to have and keep a successful marriage. Now, if I take my fortune out to Hollywood, I can write the book AND make a good living as a marriage guidance counsellor to the stars. Jack could come with me, after all, he can practice medicine anywhere. perhaps I could give us a holiday out there first. Poor Jack, he's never even dreamed of having a holiday in California, it would be such a treat for him.'

 


#326:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 1:32 pm


How little she knows!!

 


#327:  Author: XantheLocation: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 1:32 pm


ROFL *speechles with laughter* ROFL

 


#328:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 1:33 pm


A book on marriage. Oh good, what a stroke of inspiration for Jo (and Jennie). Very Happy

 


#329:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 1:48 pm


I'm hoping PatMac will collaborate with me on that one.

 


#330:  Author: RachelLocation: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 2:02 pm


I am so glad Joey has another book in mind now! Even if her current publishers don't want it, I'm sure RTW Enterprises could make use of the MSS

Wink

 


#331:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 2:07 pm


Er, Rachel, I might publish it myself.

 


#332:  Author: RachelLocation: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 2:16 pm


But I'm taking over the world! I am going to be President, Prime Minister and Empress of the Outer Galaxies. All dictators have to start somewhere!

Wink

 


#333:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 2:18 pm


And I remember that you wouldn't let me join because my name isn't Rach(a)el.

 


#334:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 4:24 pm


*giggles*

These threads are wonderfully confusing!!!

*Wonders why Rachel is aiming so low Wink *

 


#335:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 4:28 pm


OMG! I would so love to read that book

 


#336:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 5:54 pm


Jo pressed the buttons that would connect her telephone to that of her publishers.

As soon as she had Mr Snodgrass on the line she noticed the wary note in his voice. This alerted her to another possibility. she decided to try it out.

'Oh, Mr Snodgrass, I've just written to you, but I thought I would let you know in person that it's quite all right to sell the film rights to my book, however, I have been thinking, I really cannot agree to the sum which I have notified you about. I really think, on mature consideration, that Two Hundred Thousand pounds would be a better recompense for me.'

'Oh, well,' and here Mr Snodgrass gave thanks to any Divinity who happened to be eavesdropping on the conversation, 'I suppose that we could manage that, Mrs Maynard. Of course, there will be royalties on top of that, you know.'

'I am aware of that, Mr Snodgrass, I expect that you will send the cheques in the usual way.'

She then dropped her bombshell. 'I am informing you of my future intentions so that you will be prepared to enter the er 'bidding war', I believe it's called. Since my childcare book is such a success, I have decided to write another of my little books on How to have a happy and enduring marriage. I shall require the cheque for the film rights as soon as possible. I intend to go to live and work in Hollywood.

I shall be nicely placed there to be able to oversee the filming of my book, perhaps I shall even write the script, and I shall also act as a marriage guidance counsellor to the film stars out there. And, of course, I shall be ideally placed to write and sell the scripts for the films of my other books.'

Mr Snodgrass was unable to speak for a few moments, the very enormity of the idea took his breath away more effectively than the large cigars which he was accustomed to smoke.

He managed to stammer 'Oh, what a good idea, Mrs Maynard.' whilst secretly thinking that at least the old vampire would be off his back and he need never see her again. After all, she was so out of touch that she didn't realise just how much he and his partner were going to make out of the film rights, and as for 200 grand setting her up in Hollywood, well, he hoped it would. At least she'd be out of the country and as for him, he was going to take his share of the money and run.

These thoughts were so beautiful that he hardly heard what his 'distinguished client' was saying.
'..............can reasonably expect to get an Oscar in the next couple of years.'

'Yes indeed', he thought to himself, 'that's as likely as me becoming the next Queen of Sheba.' but his client was burbling on with too much enthusiasm to notice his lack of response.

 


#337:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 7:03 pm


Jennie wrote:
I'm hoping PatMac will collaborate with me on that one.


OMG

 


#338:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 7:40 pm


What's the matter Pat? Surely that's right up your street! Twisted Evil devil

 


#339:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 9:53 pm


Oh Pat, please do (collaborate) - I really, really, really want to read this book.

 


#340:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 10:16 pm


I expect we will do it! It will be a laugh.

*just wondering if it's possible to merge the 2 existing threads as they are merging of their own accord. Rolling Eyes *

they do say great minds think alike, hey Jennie Wink

 


#341:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 11:40 pm


*chants for more*

 


#342:  Author: XantheLocation: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 10:41 am


*joins the chant*

 


#343:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 11:42 am


I think they are merging themselves!!!!

*Adds to the chant*

 


#344:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 6:14 pm


Jo put the phone down and sighed happily. she allowed herself to drift happily away into daydreams of her new life.

She and Jack together in a Hollywood mansion, living a life of luxury. she would be able to swim in her own pool every day instead of having to share the public pool with all sorts of people who really ought not to be allowed into the building, never mind into the water. Why, only the week before she had been told to get out of a roped-off lane, and when she had protested, had been told it was reserved for someone training for the Olympics. A likely story. As if someone with an accent like that would be training to participate in the Olympic Games!

She could just see it now, the stars flocking to her door to ask for her extremely expensive advice on how to overcome problems with their marriages, there would be far fewer divorces, so the lawyers would be far poorer. She made a mental note to herself to find out how much these lawyers were being paid per hour, so she could charge the same sort of money.

In between these appointments, she'd work on her screenplays for when her books were filmed, and Jack would really appreciate her again.

She decided to sit down and write to all her children, to tell them what she had decided.

 


#345:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 6:33 pm


A FEW DAYS LATER

Further Phone Calls:-

I know she won't have written to you, Helena, but you are my sister-in-law, and I think you really need to know this. Your Mother is going to Hollywood, she says. She's going to get two hundred grand for the film rights to her new book, and she fondly imagines that she'll be able to buy a mansion with that. she's going to set up as a marriage guidance counsellor to the stars, and write film scripts for when they film her other books.

Yes, I know, but you know as well as I do, she just doesn't live in the same world that we do; did I say world? I really meant universe.

.....................................................................................

Yes Phil, we got the same sort of letter. Do something? What can we do? When was anyone ever able to stop your mother doing whatever she chose? Phil, how on earth can we be expected to make your mother see sense? We all know that she has only the vaguest grasp of reality.

.....................................................................................

Con, is Dad there? Put him on, please. Look Dad, I know this will come as an awful shock to you, but it's mother's latest. Yes, she actually phoned all the newspapers and told them what she planned to do. she gave a press conference. What do mean, stop her. We didn't know she was planning to do it.

.....................................................................................

Look Dad, it's like this, If Phil's *********** mother carries on the way she's going, I'm going to have to resign my commission. Life's getting absolutely intolerable in the Mess. Phil hardly dare put her head out of doors nowadays. What I thought was........

.....................................................................................

Oh God, we had those damned reporters ringing us all yesterday evening. We're going to have to change our number and go ex-directory. We keep denying that she's anything to do with us, but I can tell that they don't believe us any more.

....................................................................................

She may be your mother, Charles, but I really can't stand any more of this. I'm going home to Mother for a few weeks. It's not that, Charles, but I really do have to get this book into my publisher's. You know I'm coming up for tenure next year, and if this book gets published, well, it means that we'll be able to afford a better house.
.....................................................................................

Stephen, she's your mother, not mine. I refuse to take any more flak over this situation. Let your father deal with it. he married her, he kept her in that damned cocoon, let him take the fall-out. Stephen, if I had my way over this, your mother would be eaten by a man-eating shark. No, you're right, it wouldn't be fair to the shark, it would give it chronic indigestion.

 


#346:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 6:46 pm


*Giggles wildly*

Thank you Jennie Very Happy

 


#347:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 7:06 pm


loved the lines about the shark!

 


#348:  Author: XantheLocation: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 8:07 pm


Thank you Jennie Mr. Green

*feeling rather sorry for Jo*

 


#349:  Author: gigagalLocation: London PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 8:15 pm


Aaah, that was hilarious!! Chronic indigestion!

 


#350:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 9:08 pm


Fabulous Jennie! Laughing Laughing Laughing Really want something to burst Joey's bubble!!!!

 


#351:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 9:15 pm


Lesley wrote:
Fabulous Jennie! Laughing Laughing Laughing Really want something to burst Joey's bubble!!!!


Me too - but not just yet, please!!! Just more story!

 


#352:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2004 9:49 pm


You know, reading this, anyone would think Jennie didn't like Jo.......l Rolling Eyes

 


#353:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 12:27 am


Vikki wrote:
You know, reading this, anyone would think Jennie didn't like Jo.......l Rolling Eyes


Can't think where you got that idea from, Vikki! Wink

 


#354:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 12:43 am


It's just a feeling I get.......... Rolling Eyes

 


#355:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 2:23 pm


Wherever from, Vikki?

 


#356:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 2:57 pm


Peninsular and Orient Line? My name is Maynard, Jo Maynard. (with apologies to Cubby Broccoli)

Before you ask, yes, I am the author of the latest hit satire. Now, what I want from you are some details about sailings to America, Los Angeles to be exact. What do you mean, you don't go to Los Angeles? Well, how am I to transport myself, my husband and my household goods to Los Angeles if you don't go there? I do feel that I deserve a little consideration here.

Now look here, young woman, I don't like to be accused of being behind the times. I don't believe this, how can you have stopped sailing for Los Angeles thirty years ago? What do you mean, try a cargo vessel. Are you suggesting that I travel to America in the hold of a ship? Perhaps you'd like me to book myself a luxury container.

Rest assured, young lady, I shall be writing to the Chairman of the Board of P & O, with a stiffly-worded complaint about you and your attitude.

I call this level of service a disgrace, an absolute disgrace.'


Last edited by Jennie on Thu Apr 08, 2004 9:05 pm; edited 1 time in total

 


#357:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 3:00 pm


Wonderful!! *Visions of Jack sealing Jo up in a box and setting her adrift in a cargo vessel bound for a round the world trip!!!*

 


#358:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 3:11 pm


Can imagine Jo setting up home in a container!

 


#359:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 5:03 pm


Knowing Jo she would probably arrive at her destination..........if a little late Very Happy

 


#360:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 8:44 pm


I am loving these two threads, even if I do keep confusing them. They are a wonderful release after working on assignments and practice exam questions.


Hope Kack does send Jo by cargo!!! Laughing

 


#361:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sun Mar 28, 2004 11:48 pm


MORE MORE MORE!!!!

*bringing the chant over to this thread*

 


#362:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Mon Mar 29, 2004 2:07 am


Well, Grizel came back from New Zealand by Cargo, though I can quite see that it wouldn't be good enough for Joey with her currently inflated sense of self.
More. Please.

 


#363:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Mon Mar 29, 2004 12:02 pm


I loved Jo's use of P&O's full name. Very Happy

 


#364:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2004 3:58 pm


'Well, that was that settled' thought Jo Maynard with a sigh of satisfaction.
'I shall be going off to Los Angeles, whether Jack wants to come with me or not. Thomas Cook are really most obliging, not like Peninsular and Orient. Now that the container is booked, and since the men will be arriving soon to pack it, so I don't have to bother at all, I can just sit back and enjoy myself.'

'Really, I never thought that I'd be glad to see the back of dear old England. Still, it's not my England any longer. I'm afraid it's gone downhill far too rapidly for my liking, no household help, terrible clothes, these dreadful mobile phones, and really, people just don't know their place any more.'

'It will all be so different when I'm in Hollywood. I'm sure that I'll soon be what do they call it now? Ah yes, Hollywood Royalty. I'm looking forward to seeing people treating me with the respect due to distinguished author, and of course, when I've solved the marital problems of the big stars, everyone will want to know me. Why, they might even make a film of my life.'

 


#365:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2004 4:08 pm


Joey is in for such a shock...thanks Jennie!

 


#366:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2004 4:38 pm


Giggles wildly, thank you Jennie Very Happy

 


#367:  Author: SionedLocation: Manchester / Anglesey PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 12:06 am


Have only just read this drabble and i think it's great! Kept me giggling...something I needed! Looking forward to more,
Sioned (joining in with the chant)

 


#368:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 12:11 am


Jenny I had missed so much of this its is superb, Really funny. More soon please.

 


#369:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 1:19 pm


So will Jo bump into Jack in California?

 


#370:  Author: XantheLocation: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 1:22 pm


Jennie? Jennie? *sigh* *sits to wait for some more drabble*

 


#371:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 7:34 pm


*Giggles* Thank you Jennie!

 


#372:  Author: claireLocation: SOUTH WALES PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 8:05 pm


Boy is Jo in for a rude awakening

 


#373:  Author: pimLocation: the place where public transport doesn't work properly! PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 8:40 pm


MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE. Please.

 


#374:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 9:50 pm


And then just a little bit more Very Happy

 


#375:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2004 11:37 pm


what? still no more?

 


#376:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 11:05 am


it would appear not! More please?

 


#377:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 11:36 am


Please, please, please???

 


#378:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 1:49 pm


I don't have internet access from Tuesday evening until Thursday mornings, sorry that you've had to wait. I did try to persuade No1 son that he really needed to go out yesterday, but he didn't take the industrial strength hints.

......................................................................................

Jo Maynard looked around her denuded house. so what if all the furniture had come from Pretty Maids, she was leaving the house for Jack, and he could jolly well buy new stuff for himself. She, Jo Maynard, succesful satirical author, future script-writer and Marriage Guidance Counsellor to the stars needed this impressive old furniture to give her a good start in Hollywood.

She drifted off into a dream world in which people such as Robert de Niro, Nicholas Cage, Harrison Ford and Nicole Kidman were queueing up for her services, only to be rudely awoken by the sound of a crowd of cheering people outside.

Fondly imagining that they had gathered to wish her a fond farewell, after all, she had tried to do so much for them, she opened the window to speak to them.

'So you're off are you?' a voice from the crowd asked.

When she graciously replied that she was, a woman at the front of the crowd yelled, 'Well thank God for that. Three cheers!'

The crowd immediately broke out into loud yells and whoops of joy, broken only by Jo slamming the window. She was almost in tears, but quickly stopped herself from crying. It was typical of these people, she thought, village educated, ignorant, mannerless. Why she had bothered to try to improve them and broaden their horizons, she simply couldn't imagine.

She decided to go out into the drive to check whether the container had been properly packed according to her exacting standards.

The door of the container stood open. Fortunately she was shielded from the view of the rabble outside the house, so she had a good look into the container. She noticed that one or two small pieces of furniture had not been placed exactly as she had instructed, and went into the container to amend and improve the situation.

Noticing an ill-balanced packing case a little further in, she proceeded to wriggle her way through to it.

Just then, the removal men returned from having a tea-break at the local cafe, as none of them had wished to drink the tea which Jo had imperially and grudgingly offered to make.

As there was nothing left in the house to move, and seeing no sign of the woman who had made their job far more difficult than it should have been, they slammed the door of the container and locked it with a security key. The only key that would unlock the door was on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, in Los Angeles!

 


#379:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 1:52 pm


Fantastic Jennie and the two threads merge once more!!

 


#380:  Author: KatLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 1:57 pm


Lol! Brilliant... and I seem completely denuded of all sympathy for Jo... funny that! Wink

More please! When you're able that is Smile

 


#381:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 2:58 pm


*giggles at Joey's fate*

Thank you Jennie Very Happy

 


#382:  Author: XantheLocation: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 3:01 pm


*squeaks*

you're not actually going to bump her off are you?

 


#383:  Author: RachelLocation: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 5:11 pm


** wonders if Xan was asking in a spirit of great hope or misplaced concern **



I love the way Joey has been shut in the box in both threads! I get confused over which one I ought to reply to first but have eventually decided praise for one is praise for both Wink


Can't wait to see what happens en voyage!

 


#384:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 5:15 pm


Aha! I have something extra-special planned for Joey, I've just got to write it.

 


#385:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 5:48 pm


And that makes two of us!

 


#386:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 8:17 pm


*wonders what Jennie and PatMac have planned????*

 


#387:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 8:52 pm


I hope we find out soon!

 


#388:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 9:16 pm


Love the two threads and the way they work.

 


#389:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 10:13 pm


Loving this - what could be better than joey locked in a container box? Two Joeys locked in container boxes!!!

 


#390:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 11:21 pm


*waiting to see what will happen to this Joey*

 


#391:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2004 11:22 pm


Brilliant Jennie, can't wait to see your version of an extra special event for Joey

 


#392:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2004 4:21 pm


The container moved slowly in the sluggish currents of the Sargasso Sea, its sides now draped with the rusty red seaweed that gave the Sea its name.

Its only occupant sat disconsolately inside on a comfortable armchair, wishing for the journey to end.

'We ought to be in Los Angeles by now.' she thought. 'I could really do with something decent to eat.

What she did not realise was that her container had come loose from its moorings on the deck of the freighter during a massive storm, and she had been drifting on the wide Sargasso Sea for the best part of a fortnight.

She was considerably thinner than she had been, as her rations had consisted of biscuits and bottled water - even her vengeful thoughts towards Jack had balked at emptying the bacon and meat from the larder and putting it into the container.

She was positively alarmed when her container began to shake and rock violently, and loud booming noises penetrated the heavy steel of its walls.

'Perhaps it's a twenty-one gun salute to welcome me to LA.' she thought hopefully.

 


#393:  Author: KatLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2004 4:23 pm


Lol! Very wishful thinking by Joey!

 


#394:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2004 4:37 pm


Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

Oh please write more soon, Jennie - dying to see Joey's fate!!!

 


#395:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2004 4:45 pm


One of the shells being fired at the container by the USN Avenger skimmed it so closely that it blew off the inspection hatch situated on the upper surface.

Seeing the unusual sight of daylight, Jo decided to climb onto a table and look out, clearly expecting to see a gathering of delighted fans on the dockside. As she heaved herself upwards to look out, she was astonished to discover that she was surrounded on all sides by the ocean, and even worse, a very large battleship was bearing down on her. She quickly removed her lime-green cardigan and began to wave it frantically in the air.

A keen-eyed lookout noticed this and quickly informed the senior officers on board. It may just have been a coincidence, but his life was made a misery for him for the rest of that patrol, he got all the worst jobs to do, was put on permanent night watch, found that his possessions mysteriously disappeared, and was generally so unpopular with the rest of his shipmates that he ran off the ship when they eventually reached their home port, crying loudly for his mummy.

 


#396:  Author: XantheLocation: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2004 4:53 pm


Thank you Jennie Mr. Green

 


#397:  Author: KatLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2004 4:56 pm


Lol! Aww bless the poor man - he wasn't to know that a demented old cucumber was in the container!

 


#398:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2004 6:40 pm


Love it!

Look at this if you think it unlikely!

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2001/06/0619_seacargo.html

 


#399:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2004 7:01 pm


Excellent reference PatMac!

 


#400:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Fri Apr 02, 2004 11:54 pm


Grin!
Thank you Jennie!!!

 


#401:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2004 1:13 pm


What a fate....will be be more soon?

 


#402:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2004 1:17 pm


'Well', thought Jo Maynard to herself. 'I just can't understand this. Why on earth have they locked me in this cell deep down in the hull of this damned battleship?

They seemed so charming yesterday evening at dinner, even if I did have to have a glass of that fizzy stuff, what was it they called it? Coca-Cola, that's it. Apparently all American Battleships are what they call 'dry'. Funny term for it, especially when you consider that ships are meant to be wet on the outside anyway. Still I suppose they can't be expected to be as good as our Navy, they just don't have the traditions behind them. They looked positively blank when I mentioned Trafalgar Day.

'Still, they seemed so interested when I told them all about the dear old Chalet School and how I will always be a Chalet Girl until the day I die. I wonder what made them decide to put me down here? It was only when I told them that I was a famous author, and that I was going to Hollywood to be a marriage guidance counsellor to the stars, and I'd be writng the scripts of my books that they started to glance at one another in the most peculiar way. What on earth is one of those Green Card things that they were on about? Honestly, anyone would think from the looks on their faces that I wasn't going to take up residence in one of our colonies. I could almost swear that they thought I was an undesirable alien.'

 


#403:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2004 1:27 pm


Oh wonderful!!! Thank you Jennie, that's such a delicious fate! ROFL

 


#404:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2004 2:34 pm


Feels slight pity for the US Navy and the security services!

 


#405:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2004 3:31 pm


Oooh Joey versus the US Navy, I wonder who will win???

Thanks Jennie Very Happy

 


#406:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2004 4:48 pm


The US navy doesn't stand a chance!

Thanks Jennie.

 


#407:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2004 4:50 pm


Sounds more like Joey vs. the INS (Immigration & Naturalization Service). And from what I've heard of them ... actually, they may deserve a good Joeying Very Happy .

 


#408:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2004 4:53 pm


You'll just have to wait and see.

 


#409:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2004 5:42 pm


More more more!!






















Please?

 


#410:  Author: claireLocation: SOUTH WALES PostPosted: Sat Apr 03, 2004 8:24 pm


Just caught up, exceelent as always

 


#411:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Sun Apr 04, 2004 6:19 pm


I'd forgotten about the immigration issues. Wonder how Joey will like being deported?

 


#412:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sun Apr 04, 2004 6:48 pm


Jennie, get back here and post, please

Kathy_S LOL about INS!

 


#413:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 10:01 am


Jo sat disconsolately in the most cramped seat in Tourist Class. TOURIST CLASS, for HER.

The INS agent charged with getting her back to the UK without causing any further problems for The USA had point-blank refused to listen to her when she had tried to tell him all about the wonderful world of the Chalet School and how she had been its first pupil.

The man's words had been seared onto her consciousness. 'This is the real world, lady. Why don't you grow up and get wise?'

Then he had had the nerve to put on some earphones and watch the in-flight movie instead of listening to her. so she had had to sit here in the most abominable discomfort, cramped in next to the window, unsable even to wriggle to get comfortable.
'Oh well,' she thought, 'At least I'll get a proper welcome when I get back to dear old England. I'll just have to go back to Jack. He ought to be home by now from that silly conference of his. He'll be glad to see me back.'

Her thoughts drifted back to landing in the USA. Instead of the adulatory welcome in LA that she had been expecting, she had been removed from the destroyer in handcuffs, as an illegal immigrant, and in Florida, of all places.

 


#414:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 10:06 am


ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

*Loving Joey's adventure*

Thank you Jennie

 


#415:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 10:11 am


She remembered the grilling that she had been forced to endure. She had told them and told them that no, she didn't have a passport, it was at home at Plas Gwyn. She had told them and told them that she had been rescued by a destroyer after being accidentally trapped in the container which was transporting her household goods to LA. She had told them and told them that she was better known as Josephine M. Bettany and was a distinguished author of books for young girls of the right sort.

She had actually been kept in a prison whilst her story had been checked.
What she really couldn't understand was why none of her children seemed to have heard of her. They all denied her existence, saying that they didn't know who the USA was talking about. Well, when she got home, the first thing she was going to do was to visit all her children, even Len, and she was going to give them what for, denying that she was their mother. She was willing to bet anything that it was their husbands and wives who had put them up to it. she had never liked or trusted any of them. It would have been much better if they had let her choose their brides and grooms for them. Nice doctors for the girls, and nurses or teachers for the boys, and she would of course have helped them all settle down nicely on the Platz, near her, so she could tell them how to bring up their long families properly.

 


#416:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 10:25 am


The INS agent who had lost the draw for the honour, HONOUR? of bringing her home, sighed with relief when he saw the Please Fasten Your Seatbelts sign come on. Thank God it was nearly over.

He'd met some people in his time with the INS, but never one like this. Fossil wasn't the word for it. Thank the Lord he'd been able to get into contact with his opposite number in the UK, and someone would be there to meet the plane and take this woman off his hands. He conceded that the job hadn't been ALL bad. He'd been wanting to see that movie for ages, and, in recognition of the terrible nature of the job he was doing, he'd been given two days in London to recover. That meant that he could do some sight-seeing and buy his wife a nice gift for her birthday. Floris soaps she wanted, and a nice blouse from Liberty's. He'd buy some nice gifts for the kids from Hamley's, that big toyshop. And he'd be able to get to all these places he'd read about, Westminster Abbey and Buckingham Palace. Too bad he wouldn't be able to make it to Stratford- upon -Avon, but hey, they had theatres in London, and he'd get to the Barbican if he could. Now that WAS literature, give him William Shakespeare, not the sort of book that this old, well, words failed him, seemed to think was the real thing. Ah, they'd landed. Well, he'd soon be rid of her Majesty here. It was just that this ten-minute wait whilst everyone else got off the plane was going to be one of the longest ten minutes of his life.


Last edited by Jennie on Thu Apr 08, 2004 9:10 pm; edited 1 time in total

 


#417:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 10:39 am


'What DO you mean, my good man?' demanded Jo Maynard in her most irate tone of voice.

'Don't you know who I am? I'm Josephine M Bettany, the distinguished authoress. I am also Mrs Jack Maynard, wife of Doctor Maynard, the distinguished TB specialist'

'What do you mean, prove it? I have already informed you that my passport was inadvertantly left behind when the careless men from the container company shut me into that dreadful container. I have told you that you will find it at Plas Gwyn, my home in Wales.

'No reply from my house, of course there must be a reply. The house is up for sale and there's no sign of my husband?

'Of course the Marchioness of Stavely is my daughter, she'll tell you who I am.'

'I don't believe you, you must have been telephoning the wrong Maynards. Did you call the numbers that I gave you?

'Of course the house is empty. I've told you several times that I had everything packed into a container and shipped off to America. Yes, and I've also told you times without number that the wretched US Navy destroyer refused to take my container on tow and take us to Los Angeles.'

'What do you mean, no-one to vouch for me? I tell you, I'm a British citizen. I shall appeal to her Majesty.'

'Deporting me, deporting me? Where on earth do you think I'm going to go? Not your business? Of course it's your business. This is a gross injustice. How can I possible be a stateless person?

'Don't you know who I am?'


THE END

 


#418:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 11:56 am


Oh lovely!!! Is she going to be shipped from place to place with no home?

 


#419:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 12:08 pm


I almost feel sorry for poor Joey.

 


#420:  Author: PatMacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 1:10 pm


Superb! What a fate for her. Tremendous ending, Jennie!

 


#421:  Author: KatLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 2:03 pm


Lol! Brilliant ending Jennie. Really enjoyed this - was so much fun to read!

*Goes off chuckling to self... Very Happy*

 


#422:  Author: XantheLocation: London/Cambridge PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 2:28 pm


Shocked *speechless* Shocked

Jennie that was superb!

 


#423:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 3:23 pm


Yay!!!!
Jennie, you have to write another drabble soon!!!

 


#424:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 4:42 pm


Thank you Jennie Very Happy

What a great fate for Joey!!!

Sorry its ended Crying or Very sad

 


#425:  Author: LesleyLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 7:11 pm


Thank you Jennie! Laughing Now have visions of Joey being treated like those ships full of radioactive waste and refused entry to all ports - consigned to travelling the seven seas for the rest of her life!!!!!


Jennie - I hope you have a new drabble planned soon!

 


#426:  Author: EllieLocation: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 7:28 pm


Thank you Jennie, super ending, and totally unexpected. I did see something on tv once about a chap who had been living in an airport for about three years - perhaps Joey will end up like that, pity all the poor travellers though.
Thanks again, that was a really enjoyable and funny read.

 


#427:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 8:39 pm


That was marvellous Jennie, what a brilliant ending....and what a fate!

 


#428:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2004 12:48 am


Thank you Jennie - this is an absolutley fantastic story. Have really love reading it. The ending is just what Jo deserves, Can imagine her being shunted all over the place - and just missing her family by seconds or passing in transit.

Well done. Looking forward to the next one!

 


#429:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2004 10:08 am


It gives her family the ideal excuse to disown her!!

 


#430:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2004 10:24 am


Do they NEED one Pat? Wink

 


#431:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2004 8:32 pm


No, it's not more drabble, I've ended it twice already.

Just a request for some kind Mod to archive it please.

 


#432:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2004 8:50 pm


Erm Liss hasn't got us archiving here yet, hope you have it all in word or somehting just in case.

 


#433:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Apr 09, 2004 3:15 pm


No I don't. I'll take it off onto disk tomorrow.

 


#434:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 8:05 am


Keep forgetting to bring my disks over, so I'm posting this to avoid Prunella taking it until I get over my senior moments.

 


#435:  Author: VikkiLocation: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough....... PostPosted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 1:23 pm


It's okay Jennie, Prunella isn't enabled in C&D. (I don't think, anyway!)

 


#436:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Redcar PostPosted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 1:47 pm


Nope, she's not active here. Imagine the fuss if some of these great drabbles got deleted.

 


#437:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 7:13 pm


Pheeeeeeeeeew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 




The CBB -> Cookies & Drabbles


output generated using printer-friendly topic mod, All times are GMT + 1 Hour

Page 1 of 1

Powered by phpBB 2.0.6 © 2001,2002 phpBB Group