The CBB :: View topic - You are cordially invited to a wedding . . .

You are cordially invited to a wedding . . .

#1: You are cordially invited to a wedding . . . Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 12:07 am

Rachel and Orlando gazed deep into each others eyes, sighing with happiness and making the type of noises more usually associated with expiring bunny rabbits. As she realised the fire engine they were travelling in was likely to crash if someone didn't start paying attention to steering, Rachel sat on Orlando's knee so she could steer while Orlando operated the foot controls. (Rachel has quite short legs in case you hadn't noticed).

Orlando cleared his throat. "Darling," he started.
"Got a cold?" enquired Rachel kindly, rooting through her handbag and pulling out an extremely old and extremely sticky packet of lockets. "Here you go."
Orlando took one carefully, and cautiously dropped it out of the window when Rachel wasn't looking.

"Darling," he siad again.
"Yes sweetcheeks?" replied Rachel adoringly.
"Let's get hitched." Orlando proposed.
"What a solid lump of comfort you are!" responded Rachel who had read her Chalet School books as a good girl should and therefore knew the correct responses in a romantic situation.
"Ummmmm, so is that a yes or no?" enquired Orlando uncertainly, not having read any Chalet School books.
"When shall we do it?" asked Rachel quickly, worried in case Orlando tried to wriggle out of it now.
"Straight away!" replied Orlando promptly, scared that he might fail to get the woman of his dreams to marry him.
"What about bridesmaids?" asked Rachel.
"Who do you want?" Orlando replied.
"Kathye, Liss, RLH, Vikki and Rachael. And Carolyn as a little lisping flower girl. They're going to wear pink, purple and orange polkadots."
"Sounds divine," smiled Orlando, who only had eyes for his fiancee.
"And Aunty Pat is going to stand in as a surrogate mother of the bride."
"Where's your real mother?" Orlando asked gently, fearful of stirring bad memories.
"Spurning me with a vengeance. She wouldn't believe that you could ever love me as truly madly and deeply as I love you, so she refuses to be involved." Rachel sniffed slightly, and Orlando offered her a tissue.

Rachel took the tissue and lovingly folded it and added it to the crap already in her handbag.
"I shall keep it forever as a momentoe of this day," she promised Orlando and wiping her nose on her sleeve. Orlando's smile slipped fractionally, but he realised that in every relationship there are things about the other person you wont like, but it is the things you DO like that are important. He may not have read Chalet School, but he HAD read Sue Barton.

Three days later, everything was arranged. The five bridesmaids looked adorable in their frocks, and RLH was proudly holding his bouquet of flowers. Carolyn looked slightly put out at wearing nylon net, but it was marginally better than the alternative suggestion of wearing her birthday suit. She carried a basket of rose petals and was mentally counting her way through the forthcoming ceremony.

Rachel appeared, hand in hand with MS and FS who were giving their mother away gladly, carrying a sheaf of white roses. She was wearing what could only be described as a frock. It had a bodice and a skirt, therefore it had to be a frock. It was long and vaguely white, therefore it had to be a wedding frock.

The group made their way to the mini-bus Rachel had hired to take them all to the wedding. As all the bridesmaids clambered in, hauling Aunty Pat in behind them, they glanced around looking for the driver.
"Buckle up!" called Rachel cheerfully as she climbed in to the drivers seat and started revving the engine.
"You can not drive!" insisted Pat.
"I can too! I passed my test!" replied Rachel.
"But you are the bride! Surely it is highly irregular . . . " Pat's voice tailed off as she realised who she was talking to. "Oh fine. Drive!" she snapped.

Ten minutes and forty-five miles later, the group staggered out of the mini-bus, many clutching discreet paper bags and looking around for a handy litter bin.

"Sort yourselves out guys! We're here!" trilled Rachel, smoothing the worst of the creases from her frock, incidentally wiping a beautiful streak of oil right down the centre.

The wedding party made it's way haphazardly down the aisle towards the impeccably dressed Orlando Bloom. He was a vision of beauty and a joy forever. His eyes lit up as he spotted his bride striding down the aisle towards him, calling "Cooo-eee! Handsome!" His elf ears pricked up at the sound, and his eyes, already litten up, glowed. He swaggered somewhat, which is always permissable in a pirate, and he took Rachel's hand in his own preparatory to saying their vows.

For the occasion, Rachel and Orlando had written their own vows. The ceremony began.

"Do you Orlando, promise to dress as a pirate and buckle your swashes?"
"I do."
"Do you Rachel promise to try to remember to use a tissue when blowing your nose?"
"I do."
"Do you Orlando promise not to accept any further roles in movies unless Rachel is cast as your leading lady?"
"I do."
"Do you Rachel promise to wipe the dribble from your chin every time you look at Orlando?"
"I do."
"Do you Orlando promise to remember to wear a belt in future?"
"I - hang on, that wasn't what we wrote!" Orlando exclaimed.
"I know" replied the priest, "but your trousers just fell down."
"OK, I do."
"Do you Orlando promise to love Rachel forever, and to spurn any interlopers who claim that you love them equally?"
"I DO!" Orlando declaimed, casting a furtive glance over his shoulder at a weeping hysterical bridesmaid.
"Do you Rachel promise to take care of Orlando's EVERY need?" asked the priest with a very suggestive wink.
"I do," replied Rachel with an equally suggestive wink.
"I therefore pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss your bride," said the priest to Orlando.
Three hours later the priest tapped Orlando on the shoulder. "You may wish to come up for air," he murmured gently, but Orlando shrugged him off and continued with his embrace.

The reception was a riotous affair. Neither the bride nor groom put in an appearance after having taken literally Vikki's snidey "get a room!" comment. Kathye's Moominpapa promisesd some entertainment in the form of playing back the wedding video. Much to his embarrassment however, it transpired that he hadn't taken any footage of the wedding, and instead the cassette he played showed him playing the ghostbusters themetune, singing along and doing a very creative version of the original dance moves. Kathye had the grace to hang her head in shame, but Moominpapa callously legged it out the nearest available exit, which unfortunately for him was a third storey window. Over an open sewer. Which was blocked.

The happy couple enjoyed a ten year honeymoon in the carribbean, and returned with a squad of nineteen children.

#2: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 12:20 am

*throws birdseed* (the lucky kind that's replaced rice at ecosensitive weddings)
*blows bubbles* (from one of those little bottles decorated with ribbons and wedding bells)
*thoughtfully reserves water balloons until happy couple is outside*

Last edited by Kathy_S on Mon Apr 26, 2004 12:21 am; edited 1 time in total

#3: Author: Vikki, Location: Possibly in hell! It's certainly hot enough.......

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 12:20 am

*empties tisssue box, in attempt to staunch the hysterical tears of laughter!!!*

#4: Author: Rachael,

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 8:12 am

ROFLMAO

That was brilliant RTW - thank you!!!
Oh and many congratulations to you and Orlando!!! Laughing

#5: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 8:21 am

Brilliant, Rachel. Your dream man at last!

#6: Author: pim, Location: the place where public transport doesn't work properly!

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 8:33 am

*slides of chair giggling* Congrats to Rachel and Orlando!

Love the bit about him having read Sue Barton...

#7: Author: Cumbrian Rachel, Location: near High Wycombe

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 8:54 am

*chuckling away*
a lovely follow up to Carolyn's drabble! Very Happy

*contemplating throwing shoes as that seems to be a traditional EBD thing to do!*

#8: Author: Sugarplum, Location: second star to the right!

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 9:39 am

hilarious !!!!!!!!!!! what more can I say
Congratulations to the happy couple
ROFL!

#9: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 10:12 am

Congrats Rachel!
Loved the wedding scene was so funny!

#10: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 11:40 am

I take it that was the serious version? When may we have the SF one?

#11: Author: PatMac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 12:26 pm

I loved the way your kids gave you away! Lots of little gems of throwaway lines in there to savour on a second reading Wink

Great Rachel. May all your dreams come true (the nice ones that is!)

#12: Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 1:22 pm

*snickering wildly* ROFL

#13: Author: Sarah_L, Location: Redcar

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 1:50 pm

I wonder how the children turned out. Laughing

#14: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 2:08 pm

Congratulations RTW and Orlando!!!

Throws confetti! And eats cake!

#15: Author: Rachel, Location: Plotting in my lair; sometimes in Hampshire, England, UK, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 2:37 pm

Pat wrote:

I take it that was the serious version? When may we have the SF one?

Whenever you write it! This is supposed to be one third of the wedding drabbles remember - you and Kathye both said you were going to write a version!

#16: Author: Liss, Location: Harrow, London

Posted: Mon Apr 26, 2004 4:12 pm

*weeps*

#17: Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle

Posted: Tue Apr 27, 2004 12:17 am

Rachel this is really really funny!

#18: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Tue Apr 27, 2004 4:26 am

Wonderful!!! Love the vows.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

popper

#19: Author: Chloë, Location: London: when away from home planet!

Posted: Tue Apr 27, 2004 7:39 am

Classic Rachel!

#20: Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Tue Apr 27, 2004 11:27 pm

*Giggles madly* Brilliant Rachel, and I didn't even realise there were two weddings - I only saw Pat's version last night.

The CBB -> Cookies & Drabbles

output generated using printer-friendly topic mod, All times are GMT + 1 Hour

Page 1 of 1