CBB Advent Calender 5th December 2004
The CBB -> Cookies & Drabbles
#1: CBB Advent Calender 5th December 2004 Author: CBB Triumvirate,  PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 2:03 pm

The gods on Mount Olympus looked down from their lofty perch and laughed. Humans really were very amusing, but that of course was why they were there – purely for the amusement of these exalted beings. However, some were better than others at their job, and this one was often one of the good ones. The things she had got up to when she was young had kept them in stitches, especially when she went racing to the rescue of other children. Now she was an adult and in theory the opportunity for amusement should have been more limited. However, here she was, about to give birth to a son (for the omnipotent beings naturally knew the sex of the unborn infant), trying to dye an old dress to give it a longer lease of life. They could see that she should have asked her loyal and devoted maid Anna to at least lift the heavy bowl onto and off the shelf, but no, Miss Independent was trying to do it by herself. The looked down on the scene as Jo walked into the pantry, balancing the large bowl on her equally large bump.

As soon as she had picked up the bowl of green dye Jo knew she had made a mistake. It was far too heavy for her to lift onto the shelf, but now she was committed. Standing in front of the shelf she took a deep breath and heaved the heavy bowl upwards. To her relief she managed to just get the edge onto the shelf and after that it was easy. She gently slid it backwards so that it would be safe until the next day, when the mixture would be ready for her. Just remembering the incident made Jo laugh, even though she was about to throw out the dress that had been the cause of it all. She had succeeded in tipping the lot over herself the next day, when she had tried to lift the bowl down again, and had not been fit to be seen for weeks. The dress was now good for nothing but the dustbin, and that was where it was going – Jo had no intention of taking more to Switzerland than she needed to. Her laughter woke the gods from their doze and they too chuckled – for they knew what they had in store for one of their favourite mortals.

The next day fleet-winged Hermes was on hand when Jo began her packing. Since the gods were invisible to mere mortals no one saw him as he neatly tipped Jo into one of the great trunks standing ready. It was brilliantly done, for she landed in such a way that it was impossible for her to extricate herself. Even when Robin came running to help her she was immovable, and the gods congratulated Hermes when he rejoined them. It was only when her husband came home unexpectedly that she was pulled from the trunk, and then she had to spend the rest of the day in bed, thus spoiling the gods fun. They were totally perplexed at the way one of their favourites was molly-coddled, far more than most women, and dosed with mild drugs for the slightest thing. However, the thoughts of humans were beyond them, and they comforted themselves with the thought of the long journey Jo had ahead of her. It was the gods who made the cars she travelled in so elastic-sided, just to see how many people could be fitted into them. Though sometimes of course, they became very sensible and provided enough cars for everyone. That was the case when Jo and her family set off for the Gornetz Platz a few days later, for Jem Russell had insisted on taking two cars to the ferry. However, they had managed to ensure that the car Simone used was one of their expandable ones, and they were highly gratified when so many humans managed to squash inside it. They didn’t all have seats of course, but seeing children perched on people’s laps, and the agonised expressions on the owners of the said laps were a choice amusement, and they were disappointed when at last Joey and the children finally arrived at their new home, as the opportunity for new entertainment was then much more limited.


It is to be noted that the Gods had felt rather disgruntled during the “Canadian Years” – otherwise knows as the years of the strikes when the Gods had been campaigning for better working conditions and three mice per day. They had had to hold themselves back on many occasions and had only been able to manipulate their favourite characters in the remotest ways possible – although al the others had a sneaking suspicion that those twins had had more than a little divine intervention to make sure they were actually a pair.

Once Joey had finished showing off new twins, what could have been more acceptable than the house move, which, once again, provided so much scope for showing off? However, Switzerland had one huge drawback that the Gods in their superiority had failed to spot.

Joey threw open the windows to let in the bracing mountain air, standing with dreamy eyes, gazing up at the snowy peaks.
“I will raise up my eyes unto the hills, whence cometh my help,” she murmured dreamily.
“Shut the window for pities sake!” roared Jack Maynard from where he was huddling under the fluffy plumeaux and eyeing the sub zero morning askance.
Joey did as she was bid, having always been biddable and in her old age becoming ever more reliant on a man to make decisions for her. She ran lightly down the stairs and waltzed into the kitchen, helping herself to a glass of creamy milk and a bread twist before throwing on a large shawl and dancing out into the morning.

As she pranced around the platz, Joey’s steps took her higher and higher up the mountain, until she was standing wreathed in mists and clouds. She lifted her voice and yodelled as loud as she could, delighting in the way the sound carried for miles.

As the Gods, as everyone knows, make their homes on top of cloud shrouded mountains, it was unfortunate that the precise position Joey was stood in yodelling happened to be straight into the ear of the sleeping Artemis. Artemis had a particular dislike of Joey prior to this instance, having had to supervise over so many births, and now being awoken in this horrendous manner was simply insufferable.

“I can’t stand her! We have to get rid of her somehow,” raged Artemis, twanging a silver arrow in the direction Joey had wandered away in.
“Naughty!” reproved brother Apollo. “You can’t go around killing everyone who annoys you, you know? It just isn’t cricket!”
“But she is such a pain!” whined Artemis.
“Now now Artemis, that’s no way to talk about my own namesake and unofficial Goddaughter!” chuckled Athena.

Artemis gave Athena one of her famous “looks”.
“She may be your Goddaughter, but she aint named after you! None of them are named after you! Who in their right mind is going to name their brat ‘Athena’ in this day and age, unless they are a writer of soppy romance novels?” Artemis was not renowned for her tact when she was in a strop.

Since this is not the drabble dealing with death and mayhem caused by pmt, we will gloss over the details of the strop. As it is of course a drabble dealing with death and mayhem we will tell of the plot that Artemis hatched, or rather of it’s execution. Aretmis the hunter was determined to get her prey, but like all good hunters she knew that the joy, the thrill is also in the chase, she didn’t want it to be too easy. That was why she never demurred when Apollo and Athena told her to leave Joey alone; doing it secretly was all part of the fun.

Over the next few years it seemed as if Joey had a charmed life, charmed especially by Artemis as she was more fertile than ever, and Artemis was present and smiling at all the births. They never guessed, not when she did it this way. Even Jack was getting suspicious when despite a hysterectomy Joey got pregnant again, but there was no denying it, she was blessed with a special fertility. By the time she was 60 and still giving birth Joey had 58 children and Jack slept in a separate room. All the children were Jack’s though, blood tests proved it. He didn’t know how, or why, but he was sure. Freudesheim had become part of the school when the Maynards ran out of money, and they were now on staff, Jack working two jobs, at the school and at the san.

The school staff had changed, Len was now head and 20 of her sisters were employed in various positions, from Con who was head of the English department, to June who was the school washer upper. Margot was the school nun and her friend Francie Wilford was the mistress in charge of doctor studies. All of the staff were old girls, Emmerance Hope teaching divinity, Julie Lucy was the school lawyer, the cook was now Mary-Lou Trelawney and her friend Naomi Elton taught art.

Artemis was behind all this. Joey was hers now, and hers alone. Artemis was waiting, this time her prey would come, she was sure. This was the secret, make the prey come to the hunter. Joey was not pregnant, she was not nursing. This was the first occasion in a very long time that she had been able to go out for a walk alone. Artemis watched in wonder, yes, this was what she had expected. The woman had returned to the scene of her crime against the gods. Not only returned, but was about to repeat the offence. Joey stood on the hillside and looked around, then straightening she lifted her head, her hands and began to yodel. Artemis had had enough; she lifted her bow and aimed. Straight and true the arrow flew. It hit Joey.

Artemis watched in amazement. Joey was still alive. Not only that but she was looking good, looking younger, beginning to smile and sing. A bluebird alighted on her shoulder, flowers sprang from beneath her feet as she skipped over the lush green grass (unusual itself in November) Snarling Artemis reached into her quiver. Taking out the arrows she examined them closely, that was when she found the note.

“My dear sister, Joey only has 11 children, don’t be so silly, we don’t want the entire world knowing where we live or we will never get rid of the TV reality shows. I have exchanged your arrows for some I borrowed from Cupid. He will make sure that Jack and Joey remain in love, thanks to your true aim.
Your everlasting brother, Apollo”

 

#2:  Author: Kate, Location: Ireland PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 2:34 pm

Jack Maynard
plumeaux
"my own namesake and unofficial Goddaughter"

??

 

#3:  Author: Gem, Location: Saltash, Cornwall (holidays), Aberystwyth (termtime from September) PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 3:14 pm

Jo Maynard
green dye
"namesake and unofficial Goddaughter"

 

#4:  Author: Mihiri, Location: surrey england PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 3:28 pm

Jem Russell
green dye
Joey Maynard was hers and hers alone

 

#5:  Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 5:05 pm

Jo Maynard

cupid's arrows

'I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills'

 

#6:  Author: Amanda M, Location: Wakefield PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 5:09 pm

Jack Maynard
Green dye
"It just isn’t cricket!”

Star Wars

 

#7:  Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 7:03 pm

Anna
Glass of creamy milk
'I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills'

 

#8:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 8:12 pm

Lots of different ideas tonight, how about:

Julie Lucy
Gornetz platz
Don't be so silly

 

#9:  Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 8:34 pm

Q: With all the fun of green dye and expandable cars, whatever did they want with three mice a day? Laughing A perpetual jumping-onto-chairs-and-screaming contest, perhaps? Or is it true that the gods are cats?

Robin
trunk
not renowned for her tact

 

#10:  Author: ellend, Location: Bow, London PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 10:56 pm

How about

Julie Lucy

Bowl of green dye

'my own namesake and unofficial Goddaughter'


Ellen

PS: Triumverate, I'm very impressed with your abilities to to provide such varied and amusing drabbles. Do you have a life outside CBB?

 

#11:  Author: Helen P, Location: Cheshire PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 11:30 pm

Joey Maynard
Greek gods
"Joey had a charmed life"

 

#12:  Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 11:57 pm

Robin
Bracing mountain air
"we have to get rid of her somehow"

Liz

 

#13:  Author: CBB Triumvirate,  PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 12:00 am

ellend wrote:

PS: Triumverate, I'm very impressed with your abilities to to provide such varied and amusing drabbles. Do you have a life outside CBB?


Yes of course we do - lots of it. You can't spend all day on here, can you? Shocked Laughing

 

#14:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 12:14 am

Well I for one don't care to answer that question!!!

 

#15:  Author: CBB Triumvirate,  PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 12:14 am

This is the answer tod today's drabble:

Francie Wilford
A bowl of green dye
‘My own namesake and unofficial Goddaughter’

 

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