Another Xmas drabble
The CBB -> Cookies & Drabbles

#1: Another Xmas drabble Author: CBB Secret Santa PostPosted: Wed Dec 22, 2004 6:49 pm


Father Christmas (to be known henceforth as Santa as it is quicker to type) looked at his watch. He had made it! Despite the fact that each year he had more and more houses to deliver to, he had, thanks to his turbo powered hyper light drive, managed to cover the whole world, or the whole of those parts of the world which believed in him, in 23 hours and fifty four minutes. Except for this final house. He had left this house until last because he knew it would be the most awkward.
The chimneys were extremely thin, so thin in fact that they contained the skeletised remains of a trapped chimney boy.
Thanks to the database on the micro chip which had been implanted in his brain, Santa had been able to identify the boy easily, he remembered that the boy had been one of the greediest children he had ever known, that he had not been satisfied with his own rations, but he had bullied and stolen from his young colleagues, and helped himself liberally to the food from the kitchens who's chimney's he had swept.
By the time Santa arrived at this house, he was always so ****** off that all he could think was that the boy had met a well deserved fate.
He only wished that the wretch had been considerate enough to find another chimney in which to expire, rather than this one.
The lady of the house had also discovered the chimney’s grizzly secret and had added to the ossary when her wretched, un-named domestic assistants expired from overwork. (You didn’t think Anna did everything herself did you?)
the bones made it even more difficult for him to squeeze down the chimney himself.
He stripped off his long red cloak (TM @ COCA COLA) so as to reduce his own bulk, and clad only in his thermal long johns and his thermal vest, he manoeuvred himself through the opening, just in case anyone was watching, before he turned on his portable transporter and zapped himself into the fire place. The new fangled device had made life so much easier for Santa, he could scarcely remember how he had managed without it, even in the 19th and early part of the 20th century when childhood was a privilege only granted to the upper strata’s of society. It was a pity he could not get it transport his sack as well, especially in this house, where there were so many children, but for once the sack had fallen down the chimney quite easily, dislodging only one bone from the chimney boys little finger.
Santa's own arrival, however, was rather more fraught. As he had squeezed his own, not inconsiderable bulk, through the top of the chimney, he had, unknowingly, managed to alter the settings on his transporter. It was only a small deviation, but enough to send Santa off course. Instead of the fireplace, he found himself sitting in the middle of a large bass drum. Or what had once been a large bass drum. It was now a metal cylinder with loose bits of skin flapping from the edges. Santa swore prolifically in the low tones which carry less far than a whisper, knowing that the lady of the house would not appreciate such language. He now had to return to his sleigh and replace the drum, it was not part of his remit to destroy the possessions of the children on his list, as much as he would have liked to, on occasion.
It would have been simple enough for him to adjust the zapper and return to the roof, had he had adequate light to do so, but the room was very dimly lit by a candle lamp and he had to struggle to read the dials, but eventually, he made it.
He begin to rummage through the contents of his sleigh, now very much depleted since it contained only the emergency presents for those children who had been born during his journey, and those he had inadvertently overlooked. Then he rummaged again. The awful truth dawned on him. He had no spare drums. He stood stroking his beard like the absent minded professor that he was, in real life, before inspiration struck.
He grabbed a package and zapped himself back down the chimney, not bothering to attempt to make the first part of his entrance manually this time, and quickly disposed of his replacement present.
He zapped himself out again and arrived back at his sleigh with barely a microsecond to spare before his conveyance was turned into a pumpkin, zapped the transporter again (oddly, although it wouldn't transport the sack down a chimney, it would transport Santa, the reindeer, and the sleigh back to the North Pole) and made his escape.
In the morning Len Maynard was puzzled and dumbfounded, not to mention more than a little displeased, to find that her drum kit had been replaced with a cello. Strangely, her parents and siblings, although equally puzzled, were actually rather pleased by the turn of events.

 


#2:  Author: LyanneLocation: Ipswich, England PostPosted: Wed Dec 22, 2004 7:04 pm


poor len! every good girl should have a drum kit

 


#3:  Author: patmacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Wed Dec 22, 2004 7:06 pm


I chuckled all the way through that! I loved the ossary!

 


#4:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Wed Dec 22, 2004 7:39 pm


LOLOL

Love this, is it for anyone in particular Santa?

 


#5:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Wed Dec 22, 2004 8:20 pm


Lovely Santa. Thanks for the giggle!

 


#6:  Author: MihiriLocation: surrey england PostPosted: Wed Dec 22, 2004 10:21 pm


That made me laugh. Thanks santa

 


#7:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Wed Dec 22, 2004 10:42 pm


Hehehehehehehehehe ROFL Laughing

Errrmmm,

Father Christmas (aka a snowman Embarassed )
A candle lamp
A drum

Wink

 


#8:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Wed Dec 22, 2004 11:58 pm


Thank you for a very funny story Santa.

 




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