The CBB :: View topic - Alternative realities

#1: Alternative realities Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 8:35 pm

Blasted bunnies - why do they always attack me when the trains are delayed?? ok, not sure if this will work, where it's going or what will happen next.......... Any discworl/cs fans please feel free to pm me with ideas or suggestions!!

Deep in the library where few wander, where the stacks soar to great heights and shadows dance around the dimly lit shelves, the Librarian was humming. This was not the happy contented hum of a librarian enjoying his work but rather the anxious concerned humming of a worried librarian.

Something definitely wasn’t right. He knew that certain books could, if they got too close, create their own pamphlets, but this set of books was acting very strangely. He had checked the catalogues, the author’s biography and all the other information he could find. He could find nothing to explain it, and yet the small plastic cases containing shiny silver disks continued to appear on the shelves.

It wasn’t even as though the books were new, as far as he could tell anyway, after all this was one of the sections of the library that was multidimensional. In this library could be found every book ever written, even those not offically published. Some areas were more dangerous than others, this was a magical library after all, but the section currently causing him problems was usually one of the most benign. After all most of the authors were either dead or writing a new book every few years.

It had been going on for more than a year, slowly at first but then with more frequency, the boxes seemed to pop into existence over night. Some appeared in between the books, some at the end of the series and very occasionally between the covers of the books themselves. The neat organised shelf was now overflowing and something had to be done about it.

Continuing to hum to himself the Librarian carefully pulled the long ladder along the shelves and climbed up, being an orang-utan he really could have done this without a ladder but appearances within the library were everything and swinging from the stacks was never done during work time. With surprising care, bearing in mind the size of his large leathery hands the Librarian removed all 56 books in the series, together with the lost manuscript and the plastic boxes. He carried them all carefully through the library to the front desk.

“Oook,” he whispered softly to himself as he looked at the large pile in front of him. The books he carefully checked and lovingly placed, in the correct numerical order of course, on the shelf above the desk, usually reserved for books awaiting repair. Picking one of the plastic boxes from the top of the pile he turned it over in his hands then, very cautiously, he opened it.

The silver disk sat in the middle of the open box, no matter how hard the Librarian tried he could not remove it, nor would it turn or in fact do anything at all. He dragged his favourite blanket from the corner of the library and wrapped it round him. Sitting under the desk he settled himself down for a long hard think.

#2: Author: Lisa, Location: South Coast of England

Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 9:23 pm

This is exciting ...

I love the way you've described the library and librarian - it sounds like my idea of heaven!

sounds fun - it's never too soon to ask for more is it?! Wink

Resonant of 2001:A space Odyssey? Or am I barking up the wrong monolith??

#3: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 9:29 pm

Hmmmm.... PTerry and the CS..... interesting.

A good start.... more please.

I wonder what would happen if Susan or the Lancre girls met Hilda and Nell......

JackieJ

#4: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 10:07 pm

Oh yes! Discworld meets the CBB!!! Laughing

#5: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 10:15 pm

Bounces excitedly - 2 of my favourite series combined

PLEASE can we have Nanny Ogg, Granny Weatherwax and Tiffany in it???

#6: Re: Alternative realities Author: BethC, Location: Worcester, UK

Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 10:16 pm

Katarzyna wrote:

being an orang-utan he really could have done this without a ladder but appearances within the library were everything and swinging from the stacks was never done during work time.

Shame...

Please may we see Granny Weatherwax (and co.) soon?

LIBRARIANS RULE OOK!

#7: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 11:51 pm

Oooh!!!

This looks great!!! More soon please Kate!

#8: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 8:44 am

Yeah! Looks good - love the librarian - would be great to be able to swing from the stacks and would solve my height problem! Wonderful!

#9: Author: Bookwormsarah, Location: Cambridge, UK

Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 9:09 am

Ooooo, can we have a conversation between Gaspode and Rufus? (or Bruno, depending on when you set the CS bit) And it wouldn't be a discworld without Death. Cheery is my favourite though, so if the anxious dwarf bunny bites...? Laughing

#10: Author: Aletea as guest,

Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 11:27 am

Brilliant! Absolutely inspired and I want more NOW!!!

#11: Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge

Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 12:52 pm

*chanting*

PLEASE bring in the Watch!

#12: Author: Ray, Location: Bristol, England

Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 3:11 pm

Ray *chants and joins Xanthe in a call for The Watch*

#13: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 9:58 pm

eek - that's a lot of disc characters you all want!!

The staff and students at Quirm College for Young Ladies were all hard at work. Susan Sto-Heilt stood behind the large teachers desk on the raised platform patiently explaining for about the sixth time since she started the lesson the rules governing quadratic equations.

She sighed deeply as she finished speaking noting that at least half the girls were paying her no attention what so ever. Instead their eyes appeared riveted to a point just behind her left shoulder, where the open window looked out onto the schools extravagant landscaped gardens.

She had only taken this job as a favour to her old headmistress, she had never planned to become a maths mistress. ‘Mind you,’ she thought to herself, ‘it’s about as normal as you can get. No monsters, skeletal grandparents or talking ravens.’

“I don’t know what is so fascinating outside the window but if it doesn’t stop being so fascinating in about, shall we say 10 seconds, I will be expecting a 500 word essay from each of you on the subject.” The statement was delivered in such a way that the girls heads automatically snapped back to face the front of the class room, although Susan noticed that the eyes of one or two of the girls kept straying back towards the window.

“That’s better.” She said sharply. Picking up the chalk and duster she turned towards the board, wiped it clean and quickly drew up a series of equations which made some of the girls groan out loud. Smiling broadly she turned back to the class. “Your preparation,” she said simply.

Susan gathered up her papers and swept from the classroom. She made her way down the quiet corridors to the staff sitting room. Since joining the teaching staff she had found her ability to make her self inconspicuous to be very useful as usually the “staff baby”, a term she really didn’t like, was responsible for making coffee, fetching and carrying and, in fact, any other mundane, menial task the older staff didn’t want to do themselves.

Slipping into the room she poured her own coffee, a strange Klatchian blend favoured by the staff and made especially by one of the mistresses, before settling into the big armchair in front of the window.

‘Why am I doing this?’ She thought to herself ‘I always said I wouldn’t take up teaching, yet here I am. I should have known better, that it wasn’t going to be like school’s that I’d read about.’

#14: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 10:02 pm

Oh.... is Susan a closet CS fan.... I'd have thought there'd be far too much fluffy sentinmentality for her (that's what I think she'd say anyway). Then again, it could be interesting.

Maybe Agnes/Perdita could join the staff, I'd love to see the CS lot dealing with such a split personality.

JackieJ

#15: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 10:11 pm

Did anyone else immediatly think of Jeanne de Lachenais when the coffee was mentioned? Laughing

Love it Kate. (Death's my favourite Disc character, followed by Granny Weatherwax then Sam Vimes)

#16: Author: Nicole, Location: New Zealand

Posted: Fri Aug 20, 2004 11:38 pm

Oooh.

This is great. More please. Very Happy

*Would also love to see Granny Weatherwax, if possible*

#17: Author: keren as guest,

Posted: Sun Aug 22, 2004 7:42 am

great,
i love this series too

#18: Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge

Posted: Sun Aug 22, 2004 9:29 pm

*chanting and dancing* Very Happy

#19: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sun Aug 22, 2004 9:41 pm

Joins the chanting, dancing, cries for more and demands for every DiscWorld character imaginable Razz

#20: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 9:17 pm

Sorry about the delay but we were away showing the dogs over the weekend and then last night it told me that the word document was corrupted! Shocked

Still wrapped his blanket the Librarian made his way through library, one of the small plastic boxes clasped firmly in his hand. He made his way through the corridors of the university, the faculty would be at lunch at this time – a lengthy meal stretching from elevenses right through to teatime. Occasionally he encountered what he assumed might be students but as they rarely came into the library he couldn’t be too sure.

The High Energy Magic building, with its often exploding tower, was quiet except for a background humming which grew louder as he approached the centre of the building.

“Ook!” He exclaimed excitedly, waiving the plastic box at the skinny bespectacled wizard who sat in front of the largest machine in the room.
“Oh hello,” the wizard, who rejoiced in the name of Ponder Stibbons, replied vaguely before turning back to the machine.
“Ook!”
“Look, I’m busy, Hex is having ‘ideas’ again, I mean, why on disc does it want to connect a fishing net filled with spiders up to a broad bean field for!”
“Ook?”
“Yes, very strange!” Ponder sighed whilst glaring at the machine, “though not unusual!”
“Ook” the Librarian repeated almost hitting Ponder in the eye as he waived the plastic box.
“Well if you insist.” Ponder replied knowing full well that if he didn’t do as the Librarian requested he would probably find himself in a very difficult position – like the occasion the Bursar ended up hanging from his knees out the window with his arms knotted behind his head, simply for requesting that the Librarian stuck to the budget.

Ponder took the box carefully, well it had come out of the library and everyone knew that very strange things lurked in there. He turned it over in his hands and with extreme caution opened it. The silver disk in the middle didn’t move, explode, grow eight legs and try and take over the building.

+++ Insert Disk and Reboot+++

The words appeared suddenly on the surface of the blackboard which Hex had insisted last week was attached in place of the paper he had always used before. Ponder gasped

“What this disk?”
+++ Yes, That Disk +++
“Erm, where?” Ponder looked round the machine. Somewhere just below his left knee a seed tray shot out and caught him on the shin, the sprouting shoots were arranged with what looked like a crop circle in the middle.

Ponder carefully removed the silver disk from the box and laid it in the tray, pulling his hand away quickly as the tray shot back into the machine. Hex made a contented whirring sound.

#21: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 9:22 pm

LOL, perhaps you should get Ponder to mend your computer Shocked

.

*Waiting with bated breath for Hex to read the CD.*

#22: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 10:23 pm

Love the Librarian's response to the Bursar. Laughing

Now what is Hex going to read?

#23: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 12:06 am

Sighs happy sigh

This is great - but now I want to re read all the Pratchetts as well as all the CS (and I've just started a Neville Shute read through)

#24: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 4:09 pm

We just have to have Sam Vimes in this one, don't we, Kate?

#25: Author: Laura, Location: London (ish)

Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 4:53 pm

Ooh this is really good! And I love Vetinari too!

#26: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 6:48 pm

Dawn wrote:

(and I've just started a Neville Shute read through)

Please don't tempt me. I read 'On the Beach' in one sitting at the age of 12 and traumatised myself for weeks Shocked

#27: Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge

Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 7:37 pm

*dancing and chanting* Very Happy

#28: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 7:49 pm

Four hours later Ponder and the Librarian looked away from the screen and towards each other, their expressions of surprise would have been a mirror image of each others had one not been a large hairy orang-utan and the other a pale skinny human.

“Where, what, how!” was all that Ponder could manage to stammer.
“Oook” whispered the Librarian in agreement. Swallowing deeply Ponder removed the disc from the seed tray. Holding it up so that the candlelight reflected off the silver surface he turned it carefully in his hands.
“Where did the words come from?” His tone was awed. The Librarian who had been watching the reflections cast by the disc scratched his head, made a strange noise in the back of his throat and then knuckled his way to the door at speed.

Ponder was still contemplating the disk when he returned, his arms filled with narrow plastic boxes which, bearing in mind the size of an orang-utan’s arms, was a lot of boxes.
“Oook!” he exclaimed dropping the boxes onto the already overcrowded workbench sending papers, glass wear and a leftover sandwich flying.
“What all of them!”
Oook-ook. Oook”
“Hey, slow down, I only got the first part of that.” A language weren’t Ponder’s strong point, mind you nor was magic and he had managed to become not only a wizard but the youngest faculty member at the University.
“Oook-ook,” the Librarian said with exaggerated slowness.
“These were all in the library, in the same set of books.”
“Oook!” the Librarian waived his arms up and down impatiently.
“The author’s dead! Then who is writing these?”
“Oook”
“Are you sure she’s dead?”

“Ooo-oook”
“Sorry, run that past me again, she wasn’t from the disc?”
“Ook”
“Where was she from then? What are her books doing in our library?” Ponder could cope with the idea of parallel universes, L-space and other such topics in theory and so the Librarian explained.

The library of the Unseen University was connected to every other significant library not only on the Disc but, due to the temporal distortion caused when you had a high volume of books, to every other library that existed. This series of books had come from a planet called The Earth, a highly improbable place in which magic didn’t exist except in the form of trickery and the humans outnumbered every other species to the extent that they didn’t believe trolls, dwarves and other races existed. What was stranger, the Earth was spherical, there was no rim, and the planet moved through space unsupported.

The Librarian liked books from libraries on Earth, they always appeared well cared for, particularly compared to the damage he saw when wizards got hold of his books – mind you he did have a tendency to visit a certain class of library, normally the ones where they don’t let you take the books out. He liked their librarians too – they maintained a natural sense of order and above all silence.

When the Librarian finished explaining Ponder again said shakily.
“Are you sure the author’s dead?”
“Oook?”
“Well, I suppose we could check, I’ll need to inform the faculty if were going to perform the rite of Ashkente”
“Ook”
“What do you mean, no we’ll walk?”

#29: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 8:01 pm

Katarzyna wrote:

due to the temporal distortion caused when you had a high volume of books, to every other library that existed.

Ah ha! so that is how we come to have so many books in our house - some of which we both deny having seen before!

Ook!

#30: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 8:09 pm

I hope not Pat, we're running out of bookshelf space as it is. I couldn't do with any more books appearing (that said, I need to persuade Ben to get rid of two copies of his Star Trek encyclopedia, why he thinks he need's three copies of it, I don't know Confused

)

This is wonderful. Now all we need is for Death to be somewhere he's not supposed to be, Susan to be called instead and Ponder to have unwizardly feelings towards her Smile

JackieJ

#31: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 8:11 pm

Death sat at the large ornate desk in what could be loosely termed as his office. Not that he actually did his real work here but then what was difference between him and any other office based workers.

His attention was focused on what appeared to be a model of the Disc, which covered almost the whole surface area of the blotting pad in the centre of the desk. It was surrounded by what seemed to be a bubble, light from the small suns inside reflected rainbows on the surface. This was no model however, this was the Disc. Death watched everything, great cities and small villages, deep oceans and high mountains, nothing escaped him whether it be animal, vegetable or mineral.

“Tea master?” Death’s manservant, Albert, appeared in the doorway at the far end of the room. He carried the white china mug, which was decorated with the usual skull and bone motif, over to the desk.
SOMETHING’S WRONG, Death said quietly as he continued to stare at the Disc
“Wrong?” Albert frowned
YES, WATCH.

Death pointed to the Disc and Albert watched. There was no mistaking the ripple in the surface of the bubble. Tearing his eyes away from the Disc Albert looked back towards his master.
“What is it?”
I’M NOT SURE YET
“Creatures from the dungeon dimensions? Perhaps one of those parasite universes?” Albert babbled.
POSSIBLY

Death continued to stare at the Disc. Suddenly the bubble rippled again. There was a small ripping noise and a hole appeared in the bubble. Death’s eyes flared as he watched the bubble slowly mend itself.
IT’S BROKEN THROUGH
“Oh dear,” Albert sighed. “I’d better go saddle the horse.”

Death held his hand up indicating that Albert should be quiet. For a couple of minutes Death appeared to be listening and then he nodded slowly

NOT YET, PUT THE KETTLE ON, WE HAVE GUESTS.

#32: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 10:25 pm

Excellent - love this Kate! Laughing

#33: Author: Lulie, Location: Middlesbrough

Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 10:34 pm

I am so loving this! I was in a playof "Mort" and the actor we had playing Death had his voice down to a T. Actually he had his whole character down to a T!

And when I was in Lords and Ladies, our Bursar was superb! Where is the Bursar, btw? I think I need some dried frog pills.....

#34: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 11:48 pm

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease more!!!!!!!

#35: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Wed Aug 25, 2004 11:32 am

This is just fabulous - maybe you need to send a copy to TP?

PatMac wrote:

Dawn wrote:

(and I've just started a Neville Shute read through)

Please don't tempt me. I read 'On the Beach' in one sitting at the age of 12 and traumatised myself for weeks Shocked

That's the one I save for when I'm feeling really miserable (and have lots of boxes of tissues handy)!

#36: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Wed Aug 25, 2004 4:48 pm

LOL Dawn! That sounds similar to me cleaning a cupboard when I feel miserable because I can't feel any worse anyway so I might as well Crying or Very sad

Who's broken through? (sorry : WHO'S BROKEN THROUGH?)

#37: Author: Alex, Location: Manchester

Posted: Wed Aug 25, 2004 9:29 pm

LOL TP and the CS what more could a girl ask for (can see Hilda giving Vetinari a run for his money).

*Typing carefully - too much wine*

#38: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Thu Aug 26, 2004 7:41 pm

Ponder Stibbons followed the Librarian through the library with a good deal of caution, trepidation and a long iron bar.

They moved through the familiar aisles containing the magical books and then onto older works, Ephebian scrolls, engraved stone tablets and mysterious texts from the counterweight continent. Eventually they returned to books again. These books appeared to be published by the same company, all were bound in black leather with a single name embossed on the spine. There were differences however, some were extremely thin whilst others seemed to spread to three or four volumes.

As they walked through the stacks the books gradually became newer until, as with all libraries in every universe, they reached the front desk. The difference between this library and others though was the fact that there were no facilities to check the books in and out nor was there a librarian.

Across from the desk was a door and the Librarian shuffled over to it and gave a most un orang-utan like knock. Ponder was not sure what to expect when the door opened, he certainly hadn’t imagined death as an extremely elderly, grumpy old man, though when he thought about it he couldn’t see why not.

“Yes” the old man snapped and then, seeing the Librarian added ungraciously, “Oh, it’s you.”
“Oook”
“The master’s busy, he hasn’t got time for a game of chess now.”
LET THEM IN ALBERT

The voice drifted over the old man’s head and he sighed, pulling the door back for them to enter. To Ponder the room appeared huge but they quickly covered the distance to where a cloaked figure sat behind the desk. Suddenly the iron bar seemed terribly inappropriate if not a trifle insulting; he tried unsuccessfully to hide it behind his back.

TWO MORE FOR TEA ALBERT, IF YOU’D BE SO GOOD, AND CAN YOU PUT MR STIBBON’S CROW BAR IN THE UMBRELLA STAND ON YOUR WAY OUT

Ponder handed over the bar quickly as Albert passed, mumbling crossly to himself as he went.

IT’S ALWAYS NICE TO SEE YOU
Death said to the Librarian
BUT ALBERT WAS RIGHT I AM BUSY, WE SEEM TO BE HAVING A BIT OF INTERDIMENSIONAL INSTABILITY

#39: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Thu Aug 26, 2004 8:19 pm

It was dusk. High over the Ramptops an owl coasted along on the updraft, her large unblinking eyes scanning the ground below. This was her countryside.

There was a sudden ripping sound and two figures appeared on the footpath below.

The owl circled once and then headed back to the ramshackle cottage at the edge of the woods.

#40: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Thu Aug 26, 2004 8:21 pm

Like a lot of alleyways in the shades of Ankh-Morpork this alleyway had a dead end, it was one of those alleyways recommended by the Thieves Guild to new graduates starting out in their chosen profession (what the Guild often failed to tell their graduates was that it was also a favourite alleyway for Capitan Carrot of the City Guard to use when demonstrating to new recruits the art of the arrest).

Boggy Stump had carefully lured his victim into the alleyway and was in the process of exchanging goods, that is to say he was writing the necessary receipt whilst his victim emptied his trouser pockets.

Suddenly from behind him there was a ripping noise followed by a four muffled thumps. Boggy’s victim stopped searching his pockets and stared in amazement. Boggy’s already pale face blanched further, well where it wasn’t covered in large red pimples common to most 17 year olds.

“What?” he whispered hoarsely.
“Girls, three of ‘em,” his victim said cheerfully, “and a dog”
“Just girls?”
“Well, if girls falling out the sky is normal round here then yes!”
“And the dog?”
“Is very big”

#41: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Thu Aug 26, 2004 8:22 pm

Susan’s subconscious heard the ripping noise and before she was fully awake she had got out of bed, into her dressing gown and to the door of her small bedroom. Walking cautiously down the dimly lit corridors she found nothing untoward until she reached the room where the school’s healer.

Under the door a faint light spilled onto the corridor, by rights there should have been no one in the room as the healer lived in the local town and all the girls knew the room was out of bounds.

Fading into the back ground Susan did something she knew she would probably regret and slipped through the door, literally.

#42: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Thu Aug 26, 2004 8:35 pm

Ooooh, who's behind the door?

I also like the way you've expanded on the idea of L-space, 'tis very good. *wonders if she'd be able to get to Discworld if she managed to get lost in a library or 2nd hand bookshop*

Can't wait for the next bit (although I suppose I probably will have to, so I will Smile

)

JackieJ

#43: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Thu Aug 26, 2004 9:58 pm

Excellent Kate - the owl's Granny isn't it?? Definitely enjoying this - wonder who the three girls and dog are. Laughing

#44: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Thu Aug 26, 2004 10:51 pm

*chants loudly in Kate's direction!*

#45: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Thu Aug 26, 2004 11:31 pm

*should possibly have read more than the first volume of Discworld* Confused

#46: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2004 9:17 am

Kate this is fantastic...am starting toi think there might be something in the fact that the appearing figures all appear to be girls (except the dog) and who could be in the Healer's room...

Love DEATH!

#47: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2004 12:00 pm

Great

Are the girls CS? Which era? Or someone else? How would Susan get on with OOAOML?

*sighs* so many questions, so few answers Wink

Looking forward to more of this. You've got the Discworld characters just right!

#48: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2004 12:19 pm

More would be nice, especially as you've left us several cliffs to fall over, Kate.

#49: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2004 9:34 pm

oh you have no idea how my work is suffering!! well you might do but i don't suppose you really care now do you!!

The Librarian reached forward and carefully placed the plastic box on the desk. Death picked it up in his bony fingers and opened it, taking out the silver disk.

WHAT IS IT

“A book” Ponder ventured “at least, there is a story on it.”
“Oook ook ook” The Librarian added

Death looked at the disk, rotating it in front of his eyes
I DON’T SEEM TO BE ABLE TO READ IT

“Not like that, no, but Hex can”
YOUR THINKING MACHINE
“Yes, you put the disk in the seed tray and the story comes up on the screen, the trouble is we don’t know who wrote it or where it came from”
“ook” the Librarian agreed sadly

THEY JUST APPEARED, IN THE LIBRARAY. AND YOU WANT ME TO CHECK THE AUTHOR
“Well yes, kind of, apparently she’s dead, but if she is how can she keep writing, well unless she’s a zombie, or a ghoul I suppose” Ponder was rambling “The Librarian here says she’s not from the Disc though”
REALLY
Death’s tone indicated a raised eyebrow even if the anatomy didn’t give him that option
WHERE

The Librarian explained that the author had apparently reached a great age and died sometime before the final book appeared on his shelves. Since then there had been a gap of about thirty years and then, without any warning, the disks had started to appear, slowly at first but now much more frequently.

Death listened carefully and then snapped his fingers. Around them the walls changed to reveal row upon row of ornately carved hour glasses. Some were much larger than others, the smallest only contained a small handful of sand. Every so often there would be a popping noise and one would disappear, only to be replaced almost instantly. If Ponder’s eyes had opened even a fraction wider his eyeballs would have fallen out, he’d never seen anything like this before.

EARTH YOU SAY

The blue glow in Death’s eye sockets flashed white and then deepened from their usual shade. He snapped his fingers again and the hour glasses began to shimmer, when Ponder could see the shelves clearly again they had changed into strange looking objects. Most were small and square but some had a dial and others some form of counter, every so often there would be a buzzing or ringing sound before the object would disappear.

EARTH’S LIFE TIMERS
Death held out his hand
ELINOR M BRENT-DYER
He intoned. Nothing happened.

YOUR RIGHT, SHE DOES APPEAR TO HAVE PASSED ON, THOUGH THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE WE CAN CHECK

#50: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2004 9:44 pm

Great Katarzyna! I timed that right and can go to bed happy!

#51: Author: Laura, Location: London (ish)

Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2004 9:48 pm

Which is??!

Thanks for the post! I can go to bed happy *contented sigh*

#52: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2004 9:57 pm

In the centre of the room, her head covered with the strangest looking hat that Susan had ever seen, was a woman she had never seen before. What she lost out on in height she made up for in presence, the word that appeared in Susan’s head to describe her was wiry. Over her plain navy dress she wore a white apron, the edge of which appeared sharp in the candle light.

Susan watched in fascination as the small woman cautiously made her way around the room, checking out draws and cupboards. Was this a burglar specialising in healing products?

Eventually the woman stopped and stood still in the centre of the room, slowly she turned around her eyes scanning the room as though searching for something. Eventually she faced Susan directly.

“All right” she said briskly “it’s no good trying to hide against the wall, I can see you, come forward this instant and explain what on Earth is going on”

#53: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2004 9:58 pm

The three girls stood open mouthed behind the large dog, which was beginning to growl menacingly. One of the girls held tightly onto the dog’s collar though Boggy had a feeling that if he made any wrong moves the hand would move away.

“Now then, what’s going on here?” the tall figure appeared silently round the corner of the alleyway.

“I’m being robbed!” Boggy’s victim exclaimed “Arrest him Capitan”
“Hey, it’s an official robbing, I gave you a receipt an’ everything”
“Show me” Capitan Carrot of Ankh-Morpork City Guard (night watch) sighed deeply, as much as the Guild’s were a good idea they did have their problems. “Everything seems to be in order; I suggest that we all move along”
“What about them” Boggy blurted out pointing at the girls
“What about us?” the girl with the darkest hair asked
“Aren’t you going to arrest them?”
“Now why would we want to do that?” The new voice came as a surprise to all of them except Carrot who had been patrolling with her shortly before.

“No reason” Boggy replied carefully well aware that this was a dead end alley way and that his only options to back into the jaws of the large dog behind him or to try and run past the watches own version of a guard dog.

“I suggest we all just run along.” Carrot repeated, “I’m sure we all have homes to go to.”

Needing no further prompting Boggy and his victim ran out of the alleyway carefully skirting the female officer.

“Now then,” she said smiling at the dog, who stopped growling and put his head on one side, his large slobbery sad eyed expression actually for him appeared quite attentive. “I’m not sure where you’ve come from or who you are so you had best just come along with us until we sort this out.”

#54: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2004 9:59 pm

The door to the cottage creaked open and the old woman dressed in black with a tall pointed hat on her head appeared. She walked stiffly and looked as though she was fighting some sort of internal battle with herself. Occasionally her head would turn and she would automatically put her hand up to her neck as if to stop it turning any further. She walked over to the oak tree at the end of her garden and looking up into the branches she bowed stiffly. The owl sitting on the lowest branch inclined her head gracefully, hooted once, and launched into the air.

The old woman made her way back to the cottage where she prepared a large pot of tea, laying the table for three she sat down by the fire and waited.

Sure enough, before long there was a knock at the door and she went over to answer it.

“Come in,” she said to the two ladies standing there, “I expect you could do with a cup of tea.”

#55: Author: Ray, Location: Bristol, England

Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2004 10:10 pm

I had a feeling Matey was going to be one of the drop-ins Smile

This is great, Kate, really great - can't wait to see more.

Ray * Smile

#56: Author: Nicki, Location: New Zealand

Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2004 10:17 pm

This makes me want to reread some Discworld!

More please Very Happy

#57: Author: Donna, Location: Liverpool

Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2004 10:41 pm

This is great Kate! Any chance of Rincewind? Smile

#58: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Sat Aug 28, 2004 9:38 am

Think Hilda and Nell are meeting Granny. Kate I have an idea about all these disc- will pm you, cos I'm not sure if everyone has seen it yet!

#59: Author: keren,

Posted: Sun Aug 29, 2004 9:47 am

i loved the granny bit.
(they are may favorite set of characters)
you did it so well

#60: Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge

Posted: Sun Aug 29, 2004 11:54 am

*happy dancing*

PLEASE may we have some more soon... pretty please?

#61: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Sun Aug 29, 2004 5:25 pm

Oh, please may we have a cameo by the Death of Rats? (a most underrated character IMO)

This is a fantabulous idea, Katarzyna, and very well written too.

#62: Author: Nicki, Location: New Zealand

Posted: Sun Aug 29, 2004 9:57 pm

I keep hoping for MORE of this!

Please?? Very Happy

#63: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 5:15 am

Death led them back across the study to the Library. Standing in front of the desk he again said solemnly

ELINOR M BRENT DYER

A book, bound in black with the name embossed along the spine appeared in his hand. Carefully Death placed it on the reading lectern to the side of the desk and opened the book. He flicked through carefully till he reached the final pages

AH YES he sighed SHE IS DEAD
“She’s not a ghoul or anything is she?” Ponder asked
NO, THERE’S NO POSTSCRIPT

Death closed the book and appeared to think deeply for a while before speaking again
THESE DISCS, ARE THEY ALL WRITTEN BY THE SAME PERSON
“Ook” the Librarian shrugged
“We only looked at one, there are more back at the library”

I THINK WE’D BETTER GO TAKE A LOOK

Death stalked through the library with the Librarian following at his heels, Ponder had to carry out the most undignified trot to try and keep up. Again Ponder didn’t notice where Death’s library finished and the University’s began but before long the books began to look familiar. As they passed the desk the Librarian scooped up an armful of plastic boxes without breaking stride.

Death hurried through the University. Wizards old and, well, older, flattened themselves against the wall, trying not to draw attention to themselves. Ponder could feel their accusing glares following him down the corridor as he tried to make himself as inconspicuous as possible.

Hex sat in the centre of the main room in the High Energy Magic building, humming gently to himself. Above him the spiders were at work spinning webs all round the net.

#64: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 5:18 am

Susan obediently came forward into the room becoming more visible as she did so.

“Well?” the woman demanded.
“I think,” said Susan with all the dignity of the Duchess she really was, “that perhaps you ought to be answering the questions.”
The woman opened her mouth as though to speak but something in Susan’s expression stopped her, leaving her looking much like a stranded codfish.
“Shall we start with who are you? After that we can move on to what do you think you are doing?” Susan asked politely.

The woman drew herself up to her full height, about five foot 2 inches, and said in a tone which would have been quite intimidating to someone whose grandfather wasn’t a seven foot skeleton.
“I don’t know who you are but you have no right to question me like this.”
Susan flushed a dull angry red, three white stripes standing out over each of her cheekbones.
YOUR NAME
“Gwyneth Lloyd” the woman stuttered taking a couple of steps back
“Thank you” Susan said simply, smiling politely. “Now, if you could explain what your doing here.”
“I, um, well,” the woman mumbled. “Actually, I don’t really know where here is?”

Susan sighed, it was going to be a long night. She shepherded the older woman out of the healer’s room and along the corridors to the staff room, which at 3 in the morning was empty.

“Now, why don’t you start at the beginning?” Susan encouraged
“The beginning?”
“Yes, what was the last thing you were doing before I came into the room?”
“I was doing my rounds, checking that all the girls were in bed, I’d got back to my room, opened the door and then.” She trailed off looking confused.
“Go on.”
“Well, that was it, it wasn’t my room at all, it was quite strange. I did wonder if any of the girls had been playing pranks but then I felt that there was someone watching me, and you appeared.” The woman carefully took the strange white cap off her head and laid it on the coffee table in front of her. In a small worried voice she added, “I think I might be delusional, perhaps I hit my head. Where am I”

#65: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 5:35 am

As the sound of running feet faded away in the distance the three girls turned to face each other.
“Well?” The tallest girl, whose red curls were almost a perfect colour match for the Capitan’s said shortly.
“I’m not sure,” the darkest haired girl replied cautiously.
“I think we need to find a police man,” the remaining girl said definitely and the other two nodded in agreement.

“Your luck appears to be in then,” the woman smiled as she spoke. “Perhaps some introductions would be in order.”
“Of course,” the man pulled out a tarnished shield from his pocket. “I am Capitan Carrot Ironfoundersson of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard (Night Watch).” The girls eyes opened widely, not only had they never heard of Ankh Morpork, or a city guard but they had certainly never met anyone who could pronounce brackets, not even their headmistress on her finest form.

The woman fished in her top and pulled out a shield on a piece of ribbon.
“Corporal Angua, the same,” She replied. “Your turn!” she prompted.

The three girls looked at each other and then back to the two officers.
“I’m Helena Maynard,” she swallowed deeply as she spoke, “these are my sisters, Constance and Margaret.”
“Look,” the one introduced as Margaret said suddenly, “What on Earth is happening, where are we, where is the school, what’s Ankh-Morpork and the City Guard?”

Carrot turned to Angua his face wrinkled into a frown
“Earth? School?”
Angua shrugged in response?
“What does the dog say?” he asked
“About the same as them, he doesn’t know where he is or what he’s doing here. His accent’s strange though, I’m having difficulty understanding him. I might need a translator.”

#66: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 5:37 am

The two women looked at each other and, with a barely noticed inclination of the head from the taller of the two women they followed into the cottage.

“Please be seated, the kettle is just on the boil”. The old woman busied herself at the fireplace whilst the two women sat down as indicated.
“Why am I thinking gingerbread cottages,” one whispered to the other who smiled in return.
“I’m not sure, but I don’t think were in Kansas anymore,” the other replied with a grin which lit up her grey blue eyes.

Tea was soon brewed and all three sat round the table in silence broken only by the ticking of the large grandfather clock in the corner of the room.

“My name is Hilda Annersley, this is my colleague Nell Wilson.”
“Esme Weatherwax, pleased to make your acquaintance. Most people call me Granny.” The old woman said shortly, “sorry to be so blunt, but I saw you arrive, can I ask what your doing here?”
“You saw us arrive!” Nell blurted out, “how, we didn’t see anyone.”
“No probably not” was the enigmatic reply
“What do you mean, what are we doing here?” Hilda asked carefully.
“Well, it’s not usual,” the old woman replied as she stood to refill the teapot, “for people to just appear, it’s possible, but it doesn’t happen very often, at least, not around here.”
“Where is exactly is around here?” Nell asked, unable to keep the sarcasm out of her voice
“Lancre of course,” the old woman replied.

Nell and Hilda looked at each other, their eyes widening.
“There’s no such place,” Nell snapped.
“I assure you madam there most certainly is,” Granny replied icily.
“Amongst other things, I am a geography teacher, and trust me, there is no such place.”
“Really?” Granny smiled
“Perhaps you would be good enough to explain where Lancre is, precisely?” Hilda asked carefully.
“It’s one of the kingdoms in the Ramtop Mountains.”
“There..” Nell began before Hilda put a hand on her arm and she subsided.

The three women sat in silence until Hilda had judged that Nell had a better grip on her temper. She then turned her attention to Granny Weatherwax and said in a calm even voice.
“This isn’t Switzerland, maybe not even Europe, perhaps you could explain where on Earth we are?”

#67: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 5:38 am

Mustrum Ridcully, Arch chancellor of Unseen University and head of wizardry throughout the Disc sat peacefully at the large billiard table, which took up most of his office and was occasionally used as his desk. He hummed quietly to himself as he detonated small explosions behind the balls watching them jump across the table scattering paperwork in all directions.

On the whole life had been fairly quiet recently, the Bursar was almost off the dried frog pills, the Dean hadn’t been possessed by anything and Recent Runes hadn’t complained about anything, well anything serious as any wizard not complaining about something would be unheard of. All in all Ridcully felt as though he could congratulate himself on a job well done. No one had even tried to kill him for weeks, or at least not seriously there was that incident with the exploding student in his wardrobe but that had all been a mistake.

He definitely wasn’t prepared for the sound of running feet, or most of the faculty bursting into his office demanding to see him at once, or the news that Death himself was stalking the corridors of the University.

“Now look chaps,” he said reasonably once he had elicited silence from the babbling group by blowing up at two of the billiard balls. “None of us are due to pop off, are we?” He stared suspiciously at some of the older faculty members. After a lot of head shaking he added, “why don’t we just pop along to the High Energy Building and see what’s going on?”

There was a great deal of sudden backing away, remembering of urgent appointments and the like until the Arch chancellor and the Bursar remained.

“Just you and me then!” Ridcully exclaimed clapping the Bursar round the shoulders
“I, erm, well,” the Bursar stuttered before he was propelled down the corridor.

#68: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 6:43 am

the line that cracked me up completely was "but they had certainly never met anyone who could pronounce brackets, not even their headmistress on her finest form."

I loved it when Susan used her 'DEATH VOICE' on Matey!

I loved it all, actually and really look forward to lots and lots more Razz

#69: Author: keren,

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 9:51 am

thanks for lots of chapters

#70: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 11:33 am

I loved the bits PatMAc pulled out and also Hilda saying I don't think we're in Kansas any more! ROFL

Wonderful! Thanks Kate!

#71: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 12:28 pm

Oooh.... that's a nice break from evil work stuff. Thank you, everything was madness.

*Wants to go back and spy on Granny, Hilda & Nell, and the Trips in Ankh Morpork*

JackieJ

#72: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 1:12 pm

I love this. Havn't read any TP for ages...the list is growing long again.

#73: Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 1:31 pm

*happy dancing*

thank you soooooooooo much: this is fab ROFL

#74: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 5:35 pm

Kate this is magnificent - love all of it, want additional episodes for all the people! Sublime!

#75: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 9:44 pm

Glad your all enjoying this - must admit it's fun to right though very confusing trying to keep your characters straight!! bit more for now...

“Where are you?” Susan repeated and the older woman nodded wearily. “Quirm, or to be more precise at the Quirm Academy for Young Ladies”
“Quirm?” she repeated vaguely in the manner reminiscent of someone who realises their geography knowledge is not quite good enough to keep up with the conversation.
“Yes, it’s one of the major towns on the Stowe Plains”
“Stowe Plains?”
“Yes”
“This is a school then?” she asked, this was familiar territory, school’s she could cope with, everything else was not registering on her mental scale at the moment.
“Oh, not just a school, the Academy is one of the finest educational institutions on the Disc”
“Disc?”
“Yes, the Disc, this planet?” Susan explained, her patience running thinner by the minute.
“I really don’t feel too well, this is very confusing.”
“I can get you some dried frog pills if you think it will help” Susan was starting to get concerned, this poor woman obviously had some form of amnesia.

“Dried frog pills?” she snapped, “there’s no such thing.”
“I assure you there are”
The woman rose from her chair with a good deal of dignity.
“Young lady, I have been a school matron for the last 30 years, I know what I am talking about when I say that there is no such medication”

Susan’s jaw dropped, she had read about school matrons in some of the books she had found at the back of her father’s library. She had never thought for a minute that they actually existed. Her own experiences in schools, both as pupil and teacher had shown that most schools, and certainly this one, had a visiting healer. Occasionally they would call for a doctor, but only if the pupil was very, very rich, and very, very sick for that matter.

Due to genetics, Susan’s memory was exceptional and a nagging feeling was begging to pull at the edges of it. Something was familiar, about this woman, her name.

“Miss Lloyd, they don’t usually call you that do they?” she asked, unsure where the question came from.
“No, usually I’m called Matey”

#76: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 9:46 pm

In the High Energy Magic building there were areas which would have put the Alchemist’s Guild to shame in terms of blown glass equipment which looked like it had been made by an elephant on speed. The Bursar trotted nervously behind the Arch Chancellor, whose staff banged on the floor with every stride he took, his eyes darting this way and that, looking for any possible escape route.

“What’s going on here?” Mustrum demanded loudly to the three figures hunched over in front of Hex’s screen.

One of the figures unfolded itself from the seat and stood up, revealing itself to be the faculty’s youngest member.

“Explain yourself man,” the Arch chancellor demanded pointing his staff threateningly.
“We’re just reading” Ponder said blandly
“What?”
“Reading, you know, books, well, not books really, these.” Ponder held up two of the metal disks which were now littered all over the workbench.

Ridcully picked up one of the disks and turned it over in his hands, then holding it up to his eyes he peered carefully at the surface. Not wanting to admit that he couldn’t read the disk, well it wouldn’t do to admit anything in front of the Faculty, he suddenly changed tack and said in his most jovial voice.

“Some of the fellows mentioned that they had seen Death stalking the corridors don’t you know!”
“Really” Ponder swallowed hard and fought the urge to look behind him where Death himself sat reading the screen.
“Silly buggers the lot of them,” Ridcully continued pointing at Death’s back, “looks to me like you got up one of your helpers in a black cloak for a bit of a joke”

The Bursar, whose mind was several minutes behind his body at the best of times had picked up some of the disks and was making rainbow reflections around the room.

REALLY
Death stood up as he spoke, the Bursar fell down backwards, concussing himself on the edge of the workbench.

“Oh, I,” Ridcully stuttered before pulling in the tattered remains of his self possession. “Who performed the Rite of Ashkente?” he demanded glaring from Ponder to the Librarian.

I DON’T HAVE TO BE SUMMONED YOU KNOW, I CAN JUST DECIDE TO TURN UP
“What, just drop in, on the off chance? That's not terribly good form”
WHY NOT
“It’s just not right!”
“Oook”
“What do you mean, you drop in on him, you’re a librarian, you do books!”
I DO BOOKS TOO, OF A SORT, ANYWAY, THE LIBRARAIN PLAYS A GOOD GAME OF CHESS
“Now really, this is ridiculous, you can’t just turn up, you’ll frighten my faculty to death!”
REALLY
“Figure of speech” Ridcully snapped “Anyway, what are you doing here.”

#77: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 9:47 pm

Last bit for now!! enjoy

“Earth?” Granny repeated shaking her head
“Yes, the planet, third from the Sun” Nell said with exaggerated patience, the sort she usually reserved for the lower third
“Oh, I see.” Granny took a loud slurp of her now lukewarm tea whilst she thought. “I’m sorry ladies, but you are not on any planet called Earth.”
“What!” both women exclaimed.
“Let me think” Granny said sitting back in her chair and staring hard at the fire. Nell looked to Hilda who shrugged her shoulders indicating that they should wait.

The clock ticked on, it’s monotonous beat the only sound in the cottage.

“I think you’d better explain who exactly you are and what you were doing just before you arrived, only I can’t get a reading off either of you.”
“A reading?” Hilda queried her eyes boring into the old woman’s.
“Yes, a reading, everyone has them, I just can’t see yours. It’s like, your not real, you don’t exist”
“Oh I’m sure that we do” Hilda replied with just a hint of ice in her voice.
“So it would appear,” Granny replied calmly, “it’s just that your not, shall we say, of this world!”

#78: Author: karry, Location: Stoke on Trent

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 10:17 pm

OOOOOH! Susan is a closet Chalet fan! Shocked

#79: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 10:23 pm

Ah! Lovely Razz

If I try to pick my favourite bits of that, I'll just have to reproduce the entire posts Shocked

Thank you for a great story that will run and run Wink

#80: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Thu Sep 02, 2004 11:15 pm

*sighs in a contented fashion*

Loads and loads of posts all in one day! Thanks Katarzyna!

#81: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2004 12:05 am

Wonderful Kate!!!! Any chance of a teeny bit more?

#82: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2004 5:07 am

Marvellous - sorry, but it is!! Like Pat I love all the scenes. Thanks Kate.

#83: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2004 12:12 pm

karry wrote:

OOOOOH! Susan is a closet Chalet fan! Shocked

Ha.... I knew it.....

Sorry, little bit of jubilation there.

Please, may we have some more?

JackieJ

#84: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2004 9:52 pm

ok you only get a little bit more for now though - i have a mega busy weekend so don't know if i will get anymore written till i get back to work on monday (that sounds terrible doesn't it!!)

Sir Samuel Vimes, Commander in Chief of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard, was tired. They said that crime didn’t sleep, but crime had nothing on babies as Sam was finding out. He head nodded forwards and eventually, very slowly, going a little lower with each snore came to rest on the stack of paperwork in front of him.

The life of a guard was ingrained in him and so when Carrot tried sometime later to wake him up by shaking him he hadn’t even opened his eyes before he had pinned the young Captain to the wall on the far side of his office, with his large hand around his neck.

“Sorry Carrot,” he apologised, backing away and releasing his hold.
“Thank you Sir,” Carrot choked out whilst rubbing his neck.
“Did you want something?” Vimes asked vaguely, his brain screaming at him that all it wanted to do right now was close down and sleep for about a year.
“Yes Sir, we have picked up some foreigners, oh, and their dog.”
“Foreigners?”
“Yes Sir”
“How foreign?” Vimes raised an eyebrow.

Ankh-Morpork had opened it’s doors to all comers and rumour had it that it now boasted the largest population of dwarves on the disc. On top of that there was a growing Troll population, the undead’s numbers were on the increase but as yet the city did not have many humans from other cities. Ok, they came to visit but most of them went home again, some of them even still alive.

“Well,” Carrot said carefully, “They say that they are from somewhere called Switzerland.”
“Is that on the Counter-weight continent?”
“No idea,” Carrot shrugged.
“Show them in.” Vimes sighed, looked like a nice nap was off the agenda at present.

#85: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Fri Sep 03, 2004 10:14 pm

*Love Sam's respose to be awoken! Laughing

*

Thank you Kate! Kiss

#86: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Sep 04, 2004 3:44 pm

Thanks, Kate. It just wouldn't be the same without Sam Vimes. I love the way that they're all spread out around the Disc. Any chance of seeing Matey versus Angua's mother?

#87: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Sun Sep 05, 2004 7:50 pm

Better still, Matey deciding that the Baroness needs a good tub...... that would be funny.

Will we see Sybil?

JackieJ

#88: Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle

Posted: Tue Sep 07, 2004 12:20 pm

Kare this is a wonderfully written drabble. I am not familiar with the Discworld books but you make the story so easy to follow. As I don't know the Discworld characters I can't ask for scenes between specific characters but I would like to see some more, when you have a chance.

#89: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2004 1:22 pm

Wonderful
Fabulous
Stunning
Can't wait for the next bit Very Happy

#90: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2004 10:43 pm

apologies for spreeing

have just got back from casualty (Chris's thumb which he broke a month ago was causing him so much pain they said I'd better take him back for a check up) - to cheer Chris up while we were waiting for the orthopedic specialist I told him about this and he said you MUST include *music with rocks in*

#91: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Sep 11, 2004 4:21 pm

And don't forget 'The Truth' is out there!

#92: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sat Sep 11, 2004 7:36 pm

Katarzyna wrote:

...humans from other cities. Ok, they came to visit but most of them went home again, some of them even still alive.

I smiled, I laughed ..... and at this point I choked with laughter!

Really good, please continue.

#93: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Sat Sep 11, 2004 9:31 pm

Granny Weatherwax hadn’t said anything since her last dramatic statement, simply sat staring at the far wall of the cottage.

Nell, whose patience was never in great supply, took up the cups from the table and walked over to the large stone sink. She stared out the window over the garden and towards the wood. The largest of the moons was almost full and the whole scene lit up in it’s pale light.

A movement at the edge of the scene caught her eye, she watched with growing amazement at what she was seeing. Into her field of vision had flown three broomsticks, on top of each sat a person shaped object each topped by a large pointy hat. The three brooms descended in the clearing at the end of the garden and their riders began to make their way towards the cottage.

“Wotcha!” a voice exclaimed loudly pushing the door open with force enough to bang it against the wall.
“Ah, you’re here finally!” There was an edge to Granny’s voice. As she spoke she pulled her eyes away from the spot on the wall. “Put the kettle on Agnes.”

The youngest and most definitely largest of the three newcomers busied herself at the fireplace whilst the oldest took a seat at the table, well that is to say she pushed the seat away from the table, sat on it and rested backwards with her feet up on the table. Patting several pockets in the dress she wore before she fished out a pipe and a pouch of evil smelling tobacco.

The third woman, whose blond hair ran wild around her head and made Hilda Annersley’s hands itch for a hairbrush and a pair of regulation school ribbons, started to off load the bags she was carrying, eventually she also removed the sling containing an extremely young child.

“Ooooh! You’ve bought Esme, and here’s me just lit up and can’t give her a cuddle!”
“Now that we are all here!” Granny said loudly, “Perhaps some introductions are in order”

#94: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Sat Sep 11, 2004 9:32 pm

“Were reading,” Ponder explained, “come and see, we’ve just put a new disk in.”

Hauling the Busar to his feet and propelling him forward Ridcully joined the others around Hex’s blackboard. Ponder tapped a few times on the keyboard and then the words began to glow on the surface.

“Oh my!” Ridcully exclaimed, “what sort of story is this?”
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, A CHILDREN’S STORY
“Now that I can believe!” Ridcully turned his eyes back to the board.

They read in silence and, as they didn’t have eyes in the back of their head didn’t notice the shimmer in the air at the back of the lab. So engrossed in the story they never heard the ripping sound. In fact, it wasn’t until the voice which said, quite clearly,

“I don’t know what you think you are doing in here at this hour.”

#95: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Sat Sep 11, 2004 9:33 pm

Susan stared open mouthed at the small woman in front of her. Her memory wasn’t just gently nagging anymore, instead it was starting to run riot inside her head.

“Matey, Matron Lloyd!” She said out loud her face paling so the marks on her cheeks stood out.
“Yes, what of it?”
“I, well, I’m not really sure how to say this, but,” Susan paused
“Spit it out girl, what ever it is your prattling on about!”
“Well, it’s just, your fictional”
“I’m what?”
“Fictional, from a book, well a few books actually” Susan started to laugh, “why me?” She asked the room in general
“Don’t be ridiculous, I am not fictional, if I was how on Earth could I be stood here having this conversation with you!” What started off as a confident statement was faltering badly by the end, recovering slightly she added, “what do you mean why me?”
“Oh, nothing particularly, it’s just this sort of thing tends to happen to me, any minute now the rat and the raven will turn up”

Matey started to back slowly away from Susan, who was, in her professional opinion not only slightly disturbed but possibly a psychopath, after all, what had she been talking about, Discs, Quirm, Fictional characters and now rats and ravens.

#96: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Sat Sep 11, 2004 9:34 pm

The three girls sat huddled on the bench in the watch house’s waiting room, behind the desk the strangest person they’d ever seen. Obviously female, well judging by the eyeshadow and earrings, though the beard was causing them some confusion, she was seated on a stool behind the desk, her legs dangling a long way from the floor.

Margot couldn’t help but stare, which was making the officer extremely uncomfortable. Eventually she snapped.
“Haven’t you ever seen a dwarf before?”
“I, well, erm, no” Margot stuttered blushing deeply
“What never? Where have you been living?”

“Switzerland” Margot replied promptly, which was met by an extremely blank look from the dwarf.
“Never heard of it, is it on the Counter-weight continent?”
“The what?” Len asked
“Counter-weight continent, you know, the one underneath, that stops us tipping over”
“Don’t be ridiculous, there’s no such thing” Len replied decisively. “Everyone over lower third knows that their continents, Europe, the Americas, Asia, Africa and Australiasia.”
“Never heard of them,” the dwarf snapped
“Don’t worry,” Margot said consolingly, “I’m no good at geography either!”

The door sprung open and Carrot stood gleaming in the doorway.
“Everything alright Cheri?” he asked the dwarf, who nodded in return, turning to the three girls he added. “This way ladies, the Commander wants to see you.”

#97: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Sat Sep 11, 2004 9:34 pm

“Sisters,” Granny continued formally, the mode of address catching Magrat’s attention immediately. Despite the sisterhood of witchcraft Granny never used that term, probably because it reminded her of her own sister. “We have visitors, may I introduce you to Hilda Annersley and Nell Wilson, who I believe are school mistresses, though I believe quite senior ones.”

Nell’s mouth dropped open, other than saying she taught geography she hadn’t told the old woman anything else. Hilda drew herself up to her full height.

“Very good,” she replied icily, “Head mistresses in fact, and you four are, I believe, witches, some more senior than others.”
“I see you practice headology too,” Granny said calmly, “these are Gytha Ogg, Magrat Garlik and Agnes Nitt.”
“Otherwise known as Nanny, Her Majesty and Perdita” the one introduced as Gytha interrupted.
“Her Majesty?” Hilda asked with a raised eyebrow
“Yes, and the baby’s Esme.”

#98: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Sat Sep 11, 2004 9:35 pm

The voice commanded authority and the group hovering over Hex turned from their reading.

A young woman stood in the centre of the room, hands on her hips, her two blond plaits gleamed in the candle light.

“Well!” She demanded.
“Do you realise who your addressing?” Ridcully strode through the workbenches as he spoke. The girl looked the Arch Chancellor up and down her expression clearly showing that she wasn’t impressed with what she saw.
“I didn’t realise it was Halloween.” Her tone spoke volumes
“Hollow what?” Ridcully asked stopping suddenly in the aisle.
“Well, you are dressed up as, let me see, three wizards, a skeleton and some form of ape. As to who I am addressing, well I don’t know but I really doubt that you have permission to be in the school at all.”
“School?” Ridcully queried, “young lady, this is no school, it’s a university, The Unseen University if you please!”
“Don’t be ridiculous, this in the chemistry laboratory of the Chalet School Switzerland.”

The girl stared defiantly at the five intruders four of which who despite the fact they knew they were right found themselves feeling sheepish under the glare.

MARY-LOU TRELAWNEY?

The girl opened her mouth as if to respond and the shut suddenly, her eyes widened and she paled visibly. Swallowing drily she nodded.
The tall black cloaked skeleton shook his head.

OH DEAR

#99: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Sat Sep 11, 2004 9:39 pm

It takes Death himself to shut Mary-Lou up!!!

Love that Granny and Hilda both practice headology! Laughing

Thanks Kate.

#100: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sat Sep 11, 2004 10:59 pm

Yay! What else can I say? Except ... you know ..... more, please!

#101: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Sun Sep 12, 2004 2:38 am

Wow, Kate!

*feels almost guilty asking for more after all this, but does it anyway*

#102: Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge

Posted: Sun Sep 12, 2004 11:23 am

*doing the happy drabble dance*

Thank you Kate Very Happy

#103: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sun Sep 12, 2004 11:29 am

Kom susser Tod! Well done, Death, someone's shut OOAO up for ever.

Last edited by Jennie on Tue Sep 14, 2004 4:25 pm; edited 1 time in total

#104: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Sun Sep 12, 2004 4:34 pm

Brilliant Kate!!

Incidentally, this drabble has inspired me to finish reading the discworld books!

I bought them all last year, and went through the first 9 very quickly, but then I got stuck on 'Moving Pictures' and couldn't get past it! You've removed that block for me! Thank you hunny!

#105: Author: Laura, Location: London (ish)

Posted: Sun Sep 12, 2004 5:56 pm

Wow loooads of story!

I feel kinda mean asking for more now...but it would be lovely! Very Happy

#106: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Sun Sep 12, 2004 11:22 pm

Vikki wrote:

That's definitely one I don't re-read very often Wink

#107: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Sun Sep 12, 2004 11:34 pm

Phew! Glad it wasn't just me!

Not sure what it was about that one, but it just left me cold! I've finally finished it now though, thank goodness!

#108: Author: Donna, Location: Liverpool

Posted: Sun Sep 12, 2004 11:39 pm

You bought them all?

*feels sorry for Vikki's credit card* Smile

I actually like Moving Pictures, but I'm obviously in the minority! I do find with Pterry's books that you have to be in the right frame of mind sometimes - I gave up on Maskerade the first time I tried to read it. Tried again a year later (and having just seen Phantom of the Opera!) and it was brilliant. Re-read it again after reading the book of Phantom, and it made even more sense and I'd now class it as a favourite! Smile

Great drabble by the way Kate - looking forward to more updates! Wink

#109: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Tue Sep 14, 2004 2:06 pm

Ooooh.... just caught up.... and please may we have some more.

:lol:This was all so funny. And we get Agnes (wonder if Plato'll drop in, I can see him having palpitations at someone able to sing in harmony with herself). Vaguely worried what Granny's up to though, she's no-where near as bad tempered as normal *hides behind computer desk with a willow reinforced pointy hat on for extra protection*. Plus LOL at Death shutting OOAOML up. Laughing

Moving Pictures isn't one I read too often, although it does have the Laddie and Gaspode moments in, and Ginger picking up the Librarian.

Ben's favourite discworld quote is that 'The Truth shall make ye Fred!'

We must catch up on books though, Not got Monstrous Regiment or Hatful of Sky yet.

JackieJ

#110: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2004 8:10 pm

Glad your all enjoying this - only a short bit today cos the disk has gone and corrupted 2 more parts, which i am going to try and re-write on sunday (showing in Darlington tomorrow). Slightly worried that someone will report me to TP for borrowing the characters!

Matey watched in silence from where she had backed herself into the wall as Susan stood with her hands on her hips in the centre of the room.

“Grandfather.” She said loudly in a true school mistress voice, “I need you.”

After several minutes of impatient waiting, in which Susan’s foot had tapped against the polished wooden floor, she tried again.

“GRANDFATHER, get yourself down here right now,” she demanded. At first nothing happened then a scrabbling noise could be heard from outside the staff room window. Susan flung back the curtains and opened the window.

“You!” she exclaimed, “Where is he this time?” Matey couldn’t see what Susan was talking to from her current position and so, cautiously, she began to skirt around the wall towards the window.
“Busy” came the reply, but Matey could still not see the speaker.
“So he sent you?” Susan’s tone held a great deal of sarcasm and still very little patience.
“Yes, and the horse.”

Matey had finally drawn level with Susan and peered over the young woman’s shoulder.
“A raven!” she gasped looking down at the beady eyed bird sitting on the window sill.
“Yes,” the raven replied.
“Your talking,” Matey shook her head as though trying to clear away what she was seeing and hearing.
“Yes, were highly intelligent creatures,” the bird began to preen
“Look,” Susan grabbed the bird in her hand and held it to eye level, “Where is my Grandfather?”
“Ankh-Morpork, the University to be precise.”
“Oh no,” Susan groaned, “Wizards, why doesn’t it surprise me that this has something to do with Wizards.”

#111: Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle

Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2004 8:28 pm

Thank you Kate - would have loved to have seen Matey's face at that point.

Have a good day tomorrow.

#112: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2004 8:37 pm

Excellent bit, Kate. Laughing

for corrupting your disk.

#113: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2004 8:38 pm

Brilliant Kate!!

But may I poke your disk for being rotten and corrupting the next two bits??

#114: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Fri Sep 17, 2004 9:24 pm

Donna wrote:

I actually like Moving Pictures, but I'm obviously in the minority!

But such a select minority Wink

I liked it too.

Loving the drabble and hoping for more (insert a winsome, appealing, irresistable smiley).

#115: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 12:05 am

Katarzyna wrote:

Respectfully points out it's now Tuesday

and I need cheering up

#116: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 9:38 pm

hey guess what! it's Saturday now..................ok i'll be kind (you just all have to thank my boss for going away on Friday for the day!!

“Oh dear?” Ridcully’s eyebrows rose as he spoke, his head turning from the dumbstruck Mary Lou towards Death, “oh dear?” he repeated.

Ponder’s eyes had gone wide at the sound of Mary-Lou’s name and his head swivelled between the young woman and Hex, who still humming away to himself.
“but….” He stuttered “is she, I mean, we were, but,”
“Ook,” the Librarian nodded gravely

“Look,” Mary Lou’s essential level of non nonsense common sense was slowly returning. “I still don’t know what you people are doing here, or who you are, but if you could all just go away.”
“My dear young lady, where exactly would you like is to go? Three of us live here after all!”
“You don’t,” she replied stubbornly, her chin jutting forwards and her blue eyes glinting, “I should know, I’ve been at this school since I was 12!”
“Now listen to me young lady,” Ridcully began, “I don’t know where exactly your school is, but this isn’t it.”
Mary Lou glanced round the room slowly
“Odd, it looks just like Bill’s lab after the sixth have been working in it!”

Ponder’s head had been turning between Mary Lou and Hex during this conversation, as though watching an extremely interesting tennis match. Shaking his head he walked over to Hex, carefully he removed the disk.
“She’s still here.”
“Well obviously!” Mary Lou snapped
“But,”
“Ook” the Librarian patted Ponder on the shoulder.

OH DEAR

“Stop saying that!” Ridcully exclaimed, “or at least provide some sort of explanation.”

I THINK WE MAY HAVE JUST DISCOVERED THE INTERDIMENSIONAL INSTABILITY

“You mean,” Ridcully turned and glared at the youngest faculty member, who in turn glared at Hex. Neither were brave enough to glare at the Librarian, that sort of thing would only end in trouble.

HOW MANY OF THE DISKS HAVE WE LOOKED AT MR STIBBONS

“Erm,” Ponder scratched his head, then removed his glasses wiping them nervously on the edge of his robe, “three, or maybe four.”

#117: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 9:39 pm

The three girls filed into the Commander’s office behind Carrot.

“Take a seat,” Sam Vimes indicated the three seats opposite the desk, into which they fell mutely. “Now,” he continued, “I understand that you were found wondering the shades.”
“The where?” Margot asked.
“The Shades, one of the dead end alleyways off Cockerbill Street.” Vimes read from the piece of paper on the desk in front of him, “says here that your not from Ankh-Morpork, but from somewhere called, Swit-zer-land.”
“Switzerland, yes, the Gornetz Platz to be exact.” Len snapped,
“Gornetz Platz, is that in Uberwald?” Vimes asked.
“Uberwald?” Len looked to her sisters who shrugged, “not really, but it’s probably somewhere close to there.”
“We have several officers from that region, perhaps one of them has heard of Swit-zer-land.”

“Look,” Con said wearily, “if you could just let us use the phone I am sure that Papa will send someone to collect us.”
“Phone?” Sam looked blankly from the three girls to Carrot, who shrugged.
“Yes, a telephone, you must have one.”
“Erm, well no” Vimes looked embarrassed, “never heard of one of them.”
“You are joking!” Margot exclaimed, “Everyone has a phone these days. I mean, this is the middle of the twentieth century!”
“The what century?” Carrot asked
“Twentieth,” Len repeated, “1955 to be precise.”

Carrot and Vimes looked at each other, clearly something strange was happening here that they didn’t understand but no matter what neither was prepared to admit it in front of these girls.

“Where’s Bruno?” Margot asked suddenly after realising that the large St Bernard hadn’t followed them into the room.
“Oh, Sergeant Angua has taken him for a walk.” Carrot said carefully, raising his eyebrows at the Commander.
“Very good, perhaps if we all have some tea and wait for them to comeback.”

#118: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 9:39 pm

“Her majesty!” Nell repeated almost to herself.
“Actually I prefer Magrat to be honest, the title isn’t important.” Magrat sighed, for her being a queen would always take second place to being a witch, particularly in Granny’s eyes.

“So, you two school teachers, what are you doing in these parts?” Nanny asked.
“To be honest I really don’t know,” Hilda said frankly, “One minute we were walking along the Alm discussing next term’s arrangements, the next minute, well, everything seemed to blur and we fell onto the path.”
“Up on the moor,” Granny explained.
“In the gnarly bit?” Agnes asked.
“Gnarly?” Hilda asked raising her eyebrows in disapproval at the word.
“Yes, gnarly, you know, kind of where it gets bunched up and….” Agnes trailed off after catching sight of Hilda’s face.
“Indeed,” Hilda said primly, “so the countryside up there is deceptive, easy to get lost in?”
“Yep, just that,” Nanny said nodding

“I don’t know if any of you have noticed something odd about our visitors.” It hadn’t appeared that Granny had been paying attention to the conversation as she was focus entirely upon her Goddaughter, currently reclining across her knee and gurgling quietly. Nell and Hilda suddenly found themselves the focus of the other witches undivided attentions, whilst Granny went back to staring at the baby.

“Oh bugger!” Nanny exclaimed after several uncomfortable minutes of silence.
“Indeed,” Granny replied, “strange isn’t it.”

Magrat and Agnes gave up staring at Hilda and Nell and looked at each other, Agnes’ shrug was barely perceptible. The older witches would play on the fact that they couldn’t work it out for hours before they gave in and told them.

Come on you great lump, even I can see it, or rather I can’t, which is the point the ever present voice of Perdita sounded in Agnes’ head.
“Really,” Agnes said out loud, “Seeing as your part of me you might as well share the information.”
Look at them, I mean properly, as a witch. Agnes resumed staring, suddenly she gasped out loud, Oh and finally Perdita said sarcastically

“They’ve got no auras, their not real!” Agnes blurted out. “Oh shut up, stop gloating” she said to herself.

#119: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 10:59 pm

Fascinating!

*thinks Diskworld may deserve another look*
(I've only read the first one. It didn't jump out as something I HAD to read more of, but this does.)

#120: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 12:24 am

Oh dear - will Hilda or Nell take issuewith them not being 'real'?

Love this Kate, and Kathy? The Discworld novels are addictive and improve as the series progresses. The later ones are definitely better - but you probably need to have read some of the earlier ones as background.

#121: Author: keren,

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 10:57 am

Kathy_S wrote:

Fascinating!

*thinks Diskworld may deserve another look*
(I've only read the first one. It didn't jump out as something I HAD to read more of, but this does.)

I didnt like the first one, but there are a few sets of characters.
I like the ones with the witches in, and the ones about the Guard

#122: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 8:07 pm

“Do you mean to say,” the volume of Ridcully’s voice rose, “that each time these clowns,” he waved his hands towards the Librarian and Ponder, “put one of those disks in that machine,” they watched Ridcully’s hand move to indicate Hex, “one of them appeared?” He pointed at Mary-Lou in his anger a small bolt of lightening escaped from his finger but earthed itself safely in the wall behind her left shoulder.

YES

“So there could be three or four of these, young ladies,” his eyebrows rose, “wandering round my university?”

MAYBE

“Oh Gods, the faculty” Ridcully exclaimed heading towards the door, his staff thrust out in front of him

BUT PROBABLY NOT

Ridcully stopped in his tracks
“Probably not! What do you mean, probably not?”

THEY ARE PROBABLY NOT WANDERING ROUND YOUR UNIVERSITY, THEY COULD WELL BE ANYWHERE ON THE DISC

#123: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 8:07 pm

Sergeant Angua, for the sake of things, had picked up Bruno’s lead and led him through the station and into Hide Park. She hadn’t needed the lead, he’d told her himself he’d have been more than willing to follow her, in that kind of crazed whine that a dog makes when faced with a situation that it knows it’s not going to win, you’d have got the same reaction from him if he knew he was going to have to have a bath, or his nails trimmed.

She led the St Bernard across the park to the benches set in the shade of some of the park’s oldest trees, whose leaves, after years of Ankh-Morpork’s specialised smoke were a kind of yucky brown colour. She sat down with Bruno next to her, his big droopy jowled face watching carefully, kind of part anticipation part fixated horror. Part of any dog’s genetic make up lets it know when it’s faced with another canine and some small synapses in the dogs brain had said that this human was also a dog to be reckoned with.

“Where are you?” Angua muttered to herself as she stared into the bushes. There was a rustling in the undergrowth, Bruno’s hackles began to rise. The dog didn’t so much walk out of the bush so much as saunter, it’s whole body stating that whilst it might only be a small scruffy terrier it was at least as big as the biggest dog on the park, which at that moment happened to be Bruno.

With a giant bark Bruno lept forwards towards the small dog growling menacingly, teeth bared.

“No!” The voice was human but for some reason it seemed to come from the dog. “Bad Dog!” it continued. Confused Bruno stopped, the growl moving to the back of his throat and gradually sounding more like an apologetic purr than a growl.

“Ah, there you are Gaspode,” Angua addressed the dog
“Yeah, got your message, this ‘im?”
“Yes, found him in the shades, with three girls. They seem confused about where they are from, do you reckon you can find out from the dog?”
“Can’t you do it?”
“No,” Angua blushed as she spoke, the dog appeared to raise one of it’s shaggy eyebrows. “Language problem, I can’t break through the accent.”

Gaspode walked towards the now extremely confused St Bernard.
“Down!” he commanded and Bruno’s 15 stone frame hit the floor with obedience which would have startled his owners.

Nose to nose Gaspode stared deeply into the bigger dog’s eyes until they began to water. There followed a conversation between the two dogs consisting of growls, barks and whines, the growls and barks coming from Gaspode the whines from Bruno.

“Well,” Angua said eventually when they appeared to have finished.
“He’s not exactly well endowed,” Gaspode explained
“Really, he looked quite” Angua blushed again
“Not that endowed,” again the small mongrel raised an eyebrow, “in the brain department, he’s not exactly thick, very noble and brave but not given much to original thought. Knew a collie like that once, could follow simply commands but think for himself, no way.”
“Gaspode!” Angua exclaimed, “don’t get sidetracked.”
“Well sorry I’m sure, it’s not like I’m being paid to translate.”
“Get on with it,” the words came out of Angua’s mouth as a growl
“Okay, okay, didn’t realise it was that time of the month!”
“Gaspode!” the tone had a warning of fangs in it.
“He says he’s from Swit-zer-land, which is all mountains and snow, he doesn’t know how he got in the city.”
“But where is Swit-zer-land.”
“He doesn’t know, he just knows it’s home.”
“And who are the girls?”
“They are the children of his,” Gaspode shuddered and then whispered, “Master and mistress.”

#124: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 8:08 pm

Susan made her way through the school’s corridors, Matey trailing along behind her in a state of nervous shock. After all normally ravens, in fact, any birds didn’t talk, at least not any of the ones she had met. Eventually they reached the small side door which lead out onto the school’s playing field.

There, in the moons light stood a horse, it’s white coat gleaming. It nickered softly to Susan as she approached.

“Hello Binky,” she said patting his neck.
“Binky!” Matey said out loud,
“Yes,” Susan replied as she swung herself up onto the horse’s back.
“Binky! Surely you couldn’t call such a horse Binky.”
“It’s my grandfathers, or at least, Binky goes with the job.” Susan pulled Matey up behind her. “Hold tight” she instructed as Binky began to walk forwards.

Matey, her arms gripping Susan’s waist, felt the movement of the horse under her and then a strange feeling from the air around her. She looked down. Susan had been waiting for this and her hand shot out to grab Matey’s arm as she slid sideways.

“I told you to hold tight!” she said as she pulled Matey back to a sitting position.
“I think you should have told me not to look down either,” Matey snapped back. “Horses don’t usually go up in the air.”
“No, not usually, however, this isn’t really a usual horse.”
“Obviously,” Matey surveyed the ground beneath them, “Your grandfather must have quite an unusual job to get a horse like this.”
“You wouldn’t believe it!” Susan muttered.
“Oh, I think after this evening I am going to suspend my own personal beliefs, at least until I either wake up or get over this concussion.”

Susan didn’t reply and they rode on in silence, the only sound around them the soft clip-clop of Binky’s hooves pushing aside the air as they landed on it.

#125: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 8:09 pm

Hilda’s face took on an extremely frosty expression as she stared at the overly large witch. Agnes, who had always been prone to blushing began to feel herself flush and eventually she hung her head.

“So,” Nanny said eventually, “If they aren’t real what are they?”
“Demons?” Magrat suggested backing away slightly.
“Nope, though I am sure that some of their pupils would think otherwise.” Nell gave Granny a slight grin as she said this.
“Well they aren’t elves, haven’t got the glamour.” Magrat continued earning herself a steely eyed glare from Hilda.
“They aren’t, you know,” Agnes suggested timidly, “un-dead.”
“Oh come on girl, use your head, of course they aren’t un-dead,” Granny’s glare was almost as impressive as Hilda’s.

Hilda and Nell felt very uncomfortable at being the centre of attention, the two younger witches stared at them, as though in doing so the answer would come to them.

“I feel like an algebra problem!” Nell whispered to Hilda, “If they stare at us hard enough the answer will come to them.”
“Well it’s not though they can cheat and look up the answers in the back of the book.” Hilda replied.

“So what are they?” Agnes eventually gave in and asked Granny.
“Not a clue,” she replied cheerfully, “anyone want more tea.”

Agnes and Magrat stood staring open mouthed at the oldest witch whereas Nanny laughed out right before adding.
“More tea is always useful, three sugars if you don’t mind, I have a feeling it’s going to be a long night.”

Granny busied herself at the sink, fishing out the newts from the kettle as the water poured from the pump. Nanny, refilled her pipe and lent back in her chair, closing her eyes as she blew smoke rings up towards the ceiling.

Hilda and Nell looked at each other. Nell’s eyebrows raised in response to which Hilda shrugged indicating that perhaps they should just play along for a while.

Magrat had beckoned Agnes over to one side on the pretence of changing the baby.
“What’s going on?” Agnes whispered
“No idea, Granny knows something I’m sure, but she isn’t going to share.”
“No,” Agnes said glumly, “she’ll make sure that we all suffer first.”
“Oh I wouldn’t call it suffering, not exactly anyway.”
“I would, she’ll gloat too.”
“Probably,” Magrat replied calmly, “but then we have to humour the elderly!”

“I heard that Magrat Garlick” Granny didn’t even turn from the fire where she had been settling the kettle.

#126: Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 8:13 pm

*happy dancing*

thank you Kate

Mexican Wave

#127: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 8:25 pm

Oh lovely!!! Laughing

Love Matey's response to finding Binky can fly, love Bruno being described as thick and as for the witches with Hilda and Nell - wonderful!

Thanks Kate - hysterical!

#128: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 8:58 pm

Another Laddie, brilliant. And should we start taking bets on whether Granny or Hilda is going to break first?

This is giggly Kate, thank you.

JackieJ

#129: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 9:34 pm

That was great...don't know what I want next, more witches or more guards!! I dont know

#130: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 10:28 pm

Kate, that's wonderful!!!
More soon please!

#131: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 3:35 am

Thank you, Kate!
Very much enjoying this! Mr. Green

#132: Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle

Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 10:23 am

Thank you Kate - nice to see new parts of this.

#133: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Fri Oct 01, 2004 2:05 am

more drabble - yay

Jumping

thank you Kate

Jumping

#134: Author: keren1,

Posted: Fri Oct 01, 2004 6:14 am

thanks for lots of new epsiodes

#135: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 10:17 pm

There was a brief knock on the door before it was energetically flung open and the large St Bernard bounced into the room, followed more slowly by Angua. The big dog bounded over to the three girls sat primly in the seats opposite the desk. With one leap the dog landed, two of the chairs fell and the third simply collapsed under the combined weight of girl and dog.

“Get off me!” Len snapped from somewhere under the pile and the officers watched as the three girls seemed to fight themselves, the dogs and the furniture to get to their feet. Bruno, still ecstatic at being reunited with his owners bayed enthusiastically and hen set to washing every spare inch of bare flesh he could swipe his overly large tongue over.

“Well, did you learn anything?” Sam asked once a semblance of order had been returned to the room.
“Not much to be honest,” Angua replied, “They are definitely from Swit-zer-land but apart from it being in a mountainous area I couldn’t get any other information about it’s location.”
“I still think it sounds Uberwaldish,” Sam declared, “they have so many hamlets, villages and even castles that think they are countries it’s probably one of them.”
“Excuse me,” Margot interrupted, “Switzerland is certainly not the size of a hamlet or a village.”
“Anyway,” Con continued, “you must have heard of it, it’s one of the most important countries in the world”
“It is?” Carrot asked blankly
“Of course,” Len continued, “It’s famous for so many different reasons, not just because the school is there.”

The room fell silent, well as silent as you can get with six people and a large, and now panting and drooling, dog in it. Angua, Carrot and Sam looked at each other blankly, Angua’s shrug was barely perceptible. Eventually Sam cleared his voice.
“Capitan,”
“Yes sir?” Carrot saluted smartly glad that someone at last was giving orders.
“Run along and send a Clacks will you?”
“Yes sir”
“Where to?” Angua asked
“Uberwald,” the Commander replied firmly, “to all towns, villages, in fact every Clacks station en route as well.”
“To say what?” Carrot got out his note book.
“Well”, Sam faltered and turned to the three girls, “I…”

“Is a Clacks like a telegram?” Len asked
“A what agram?”
“A telegram, you know, it’s like when you send a message, only the person at the other end is so out of date they don’t even have a telephone.”
“Err” Sam looked to his officers for support, when none was forthcoming he continued, “I suppose it is really. What would you say in one of these telegram things?”
“Well, I suppose in this case.” Len thought for a minute. “To Dr and Mrs J Maynard, Freudeshiem, Gornetz Platz, Switzerland stop Triplets safe in,” she paused, “where are we?”
“Anchor more pork I think they said” Con shrugged
“Anchor more pork stop,” Len continued, “Please arrange to collect at earliest convenience stop, they you put your name, who ever you are.”
“Right,” Sam frowned, “what are the stops for?”
“Its like a full stop, you know, grammar and punctuation” Len explained.
“No, who are they?”

#136: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 10:17 pm

“What anywhere?” Ponder repeated in shock

YES, ANYWHERE

“Excuse me but what are you talking about?” Mary-Lou interrupted, bored at having been out of the conversation for over a minute.
“Well miss,” Ponder began, “It’s like this. The Librarian,” he pointed to where the orang-utan was trying to make himself inconspicuous by crawling under a desk to avoid Ridcully’s anger, “found some disks,” he held up the disk to show her, “in the library, amongst some old books.”
“And?” Mary-Lou tapped her foot
“We put them into Hex,” he waved expansively towards the machine, a soft smile coming over his face similar to that of a doting parent talking of their favourite child, “and these amazing stories came up on the board.”
“Stories?”
“Yes, well, they are definitely stories, and based around a school, in fact,” Ponder paused before adding quietly, “you were in one of them!”
“Sorry?”
“One of the stories was about you, well not really about you, you were in it though.”
“Not really about me?”
“Oook,” the librarian offered from beneath the desk.
“Carry on.” Mary-Lou requested with icy politeness.
“Well that’s it really, we read a couple of stories but the Librarian didn’t think they fitted with what the author had originally written,” Ponder paused before admitting, “I haven’t actually read the original books.”
“Original books?”
“Yes, a series, it’s quite long apparently, the Librarian has read them but I don’t think anyone else on the Disc has,” Ponder was babbling by now.
“Ook oook,” the Librarian shook his head violently

WHO HAS?
“Ook”
OH I SEE, WELL I CAN’T SAY I’M SURPRISED

“Anyway,” Ponder continued, “we went to check who was writing them, and the author is apparently dead, which means that the stories are out of control.”
“How can a story be out of control?”
“Don’t ask,” Ridcully said with a shudder. “Just trust him on this one.”
“Then we were reading another story and you appeared, just like that. One minute you weren’t there the next you were.”
“Obviously!” Mary-Lou stood with her hands on her hips, “so what now?”

“Now, we work out how to get rid of you?” Ridcully exclaimed
“Get rid of me?” Mary-Lou’s voice rose.
“Yes, you obviously shouldn’t be here, you have to be sent back.”
“How?” Mary-Lou’s voice held a challenging note.
“I have some ideas.” Ridcully lied, “However, I’m open to alternative suggestions.”
“What about the others?” Ponder asked
“What others?” Mary-Lou asked
“Other characters, we think that each time we read one of the disks a character crossed over.”
“Character?”
“Yes,” Ponder blindly ignored the anger rising in Mary-Lou’s voice, “We really should round them up and get rid of them all together.”

“Good point, but we don’t even know where they are.” Ridcully turned towards Death, “any ideas?”

MANY

#137: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 10:18 pm

The cottage stood in the middle of a large garden, looking to all intents and purposes like any conventional country cottage. However, most cottages didn’t just suddenly appear out of the night black sky around you nor could they only be visited by air.

Binky set down on the grass and trotted towards the back of the cottage, Matey looked around her, for some reason the whole place seemed wrong, the gardens were very pretty, there was even an ornamental pond, but nothing felt alive, no birdsong, no rustling of wind in the trees.

Susan swung down off Binky’s back and indicated that Matey should do likewise. With as much dignity as any five foot person wearing a nurses outfit can dismount from a large horse she lent forwards and then slid gently down. Binky nickered softly to Susan before walking over to the stable block at the back of the house, Matey gasped as he walked through the door, literally.

“This way,” Susan said briefly over her shoulder as she headed towards the back door of the cottage. Matey pulled her starched skirts straight and followed.
“Who lives here?” she asked
“My grandfather,” Susan replied, “he works from home.” As she pushed open the back door of the cottage Matey was hit by a blast of warm air and the smell of frying sausages.

“Get back, I warn you” a loud voice sounded from behind the door. “I’m fully armed.”
“Probably with a frying pan!” Susan muttered to Matey before adding out loud, “Albert, it’s me.”
“You!” A small elderly man stuck his head round the door, “why?” he asked suspiciously.
“I was looking for grandfather.”
“He’s not here,” Albert snapped, “anyway whose she,” he pointed at Matey.
“Albert this is Gwyneth Lloyd, otherwise known as Matey, Matey, this is Alberto Malich, otherwise known as Albert.” Susan said formally.
“Pleased to meet you” Matey said politely extending her hand
“Charmed, I’m sure,” Albert replied sarcastically, “anyone for breakfast whilst we wait for the master to turn up?”

#138: Author: Katarzyna, Location: Preston, Lancashire

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 10:19 pm

Two cups of tea later and the patience of the younger witches was wearing thin.

“Look,” Magrat said breaking the long and heavy silence, “I know the rest of you don’t have families and the like but I have to get Esme back home.”
“True, and it doesn’t look like were going to resolve anything sitting around here.” Agnes agreed, having grown truly bored of watching Nanny’s smoke rings rise to the ceiling where the gathered smoke had formed itself into a thick blanket between the warped timbers.

“Fair enough,” Nanny said rising to her feet, “What about them two?” she pointed to Hilda and Nell.
“I’m sure that there is a bed and breakfast or something that can put us up.” Hilda suggested.
“Nope,” Nanny said cheerfully, “there’s the inn though.”
“Nonsense,” Magrat replied as she scooped up toys, nappies and other baby paraphernalia. “There’s plenty of room at the castle, they can come with me.”
“Are you sure?” Granny asked
“Positive,” Magrat replied without thinking
“Even though you don’t know what they are?” Granny smirked as she spoke.
“I’m sure that the guards will protect us.” Magrat said haughtily
“What our Shaun?” Nanny tapped out the remains of the ask from the bowl of her pipe.

Nanny was proud of the fact that her youngest son was such a responsible and well employed
member of the royal household. He was in fact extremely well employed, holding down jobs which, in a larger kingdom which had a more affluent monarchy, would usually have been done be a team of people, not to mention a standing army.

“There is more than just Shaun to protect us,” Magrat tried to sound as though she meant it but save for Hilda and Nell the others knew she didn’t.
“Perhaps I’ll come along with you,” Granny suggested, “Just to have a word with young Verence.”
“Verence?” Nell whispered to Agnes.
“The king,” Agnes whispered back.

They walked in the moonlight through the woods and along the pathway that led into the town of Lancre, a few of the houses still had lights in the window. Occasionally Hilda had the uneasy feeling that there were things lurking in the tree line or in the long grass at the side of the path, for some reason though it appeared that after watching for a minute or so they slunk away.

The castle itself was in darkness save for the burning torches on either side of the giant doorway. As they approached a much smaller door opened to one side and the solitary figure of Shaun Ogg stepped out onto the path.

“Halt,” he demanded.
“It’s just us,” Magrat continued to walk towards the door as she identified herself.
“Sorry your Majesty,” he stood to one side to let them go past. “Hello Mistress Weatherwax, Mum.”
“Your up guarding late,” his mother said, “Remind me to speak to Verence about your hours.”
“It’s all right mum.”
“Well maybe I’ll talk to him about overtime then.”
“Where is the King?” Magrat asked
“In his study, there was a Clacks earlier from Ankh-Morepork that doesn’t seem to make any sense, he went to look at the maps for somewhere called Swit-zer-land.”

#139: Author: Lesley, Location: Rochester, Kent

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 10:24 pm

Lovely to see more of this Kate! Can really picture all the characters.

Currently re-reading Maskerade! Laughing

#140: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 7:39 am

Great, more of this. Thanks, Kate.

#141: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 9:24 am

Wonderful, now does this mean they will start to put two and two together...

#142: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 9:31 am

Nell wrote:

Wonderful, now does this mean they will start to put two and two together...

.... and make six and a half?

Lovely! You've really got the characters right. thank you.

#143: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 9:57 am

PatMac wrote:

Nell wrote:

Wonderful, now does this mean they will start to put two and two together...

.... and make six and a half?

That was my thought!! Laughing

#144: Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge

Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 10:20 am

Hurrah hurrah! *leaping enthusiastically*

Thanks Kate Very Happy

#145: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 12:20 pm

Thank you Kate, this is wonderful.

*waits to see how this will unwravel*

JackieJ

#146: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 3:36 pm

The real problem is that the CS people who have crossed over won't know a thing about computers!

#147: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 4:36 pm

Quote:

“I have some ideas.” Ridcully lied, “However, I’m open to alternative suggestions.”

just such a classic Ridcully statement, this is just so brilliant Kate

#148: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 4:41 pm

Wow!!! Kate, you HAVE been busy!!!

lots of lovely shiny posts!

#149: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 10:37 pm

Thank you, Kate!

*puzzles over the situation*
*wonders just which versions of the EBD characters are where*
*looks forward to MORE*

#150: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 12:18 pm

It would help, wouldn't it, Kathy?

BTW: that was a hint, Kate.

#151: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 1:59 pm

Just had the pleasure of reading all so far in one go..... and can't wait to carry on reading! My two favourite things all joined up *sighs* - heaven!

Thank you Katarzyna!

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