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Stories & Imaginings >> Cookies & Drabbles >> Witches at the CS
(Message started by: Clare on Aug 29th, 2003, 5:14pm)

Title: Witches at the CS
Post by Clare on Aug 29th, 2003, 5:14pm
OK - this was inspired by a dream. Reading a mix of Terry Pratchett and CS produces some very interesting dreams, you should honestly try it sometime  ;D Anyway, I said I'd post some of it today. I'll see how you react before I post anymore (covering my back because I'm actually stuck at the minute). It starts the week after Prefects finishes.

***

“It’s meddling that is. You know I’m not one for meddling.” Thus spoke Granny Weatherwax, who sat back with her arms folded and fixed the King and Queen of Lancre with a piercing glare. King Verence gulped, but Queen Magrat merely frowned.
     She knew this meeting wasn’t going to be easy. Oh, it had been easy enough to get Nanny Ogg and Agnes Nitt there, all she’d had to do was promise them free ale and food. Granny Weatherwax was always a challenge. Ask her directly, and she’d refuse. So Magrat had spent a whole afternoon writing a note to Granny. After eight drafts, she sent Shawn Ogg down to Granny’s cottage. Dear Granny, the note had said, I would like to advise you that Verence and I are having a meeting on Sunday with a few people, including Nanny and Agnes, about Headology. I am sure you would love to be there, but I know you are very busy person and probably won’t be able to make it. However, I thought it would be proper to let you know about our little gathering. Yours, Magrat. Granny had arrived at the Palace within five minutes of receiving the invite. Now it looked like Granny was going to be difficult.
     Nanny Ogg had sat supping beer while Magrat had poured out her tale of a lad who had popped the question to a girl while she was worried sick about him. He’d had some sort of accident, and she had gone to visit him, her head all a-whirl and come out of it engaged! He’d got her when she was vulnerable. It was a rotten trick in her opinion, and she said so. “What’s their names again?”
     “The girl is Len Maynard, and the man is Reg Entwistle” Magrat replied, glad that someone was showing an interest.
“I’ve never heard of her,” put in Agnes Nitt.
     “Me neither, she must be a foreigner,” said Nanny pulling her pipe out of her pocket.
     “Don’t you dare light that, Gytha Ogg” warned Granny Weatherwax. “Not while our little Esmerelda’s in the room”. The one-year-old Princess of Lancre looked up at the sound of her name and chuckled before returning to her educational toys.
     “Sorry Esme,” Nanny Ogg said, pocketing her pipe again. 
     “Now then, where does this Len live?” asked Granny. “I’m not familiar with the name either. And how did you find out about it Magrat? I thought you’d given up witchcraft when you married?” Her eyes narrowed.


Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Clare on Aug 29th, 2003, 5:16pm
Verence sat up. “We’ve found out about this from some contacts in Ankh Morpork. Shawn – usher them in”.

     Shawn Ogg saluted smartly and turned from the room. Shawn was palace guard, butler and anything else that Verence thought a modern kingdom needed. He reappeared, followed by two wizards.
     “PRESENTING ARCHCHANCELLOR RIDCULLY AND STUDENT STIBBONS!” Shawn bellowed.
     “Shawn Ogg! If you shout like that again, I’ll slap the back of your legs for you!”
     “Sorry Mum. Just doing my job, Mum,” Shawn muttered, not quite meeting the malevolent gaze of his mother. 
     “Do it quieter in future. Gave me quite a start that did. Look, I’ve even spilt beer down the front of my best dress. Terrible waste that is. Kids today Magrat, you make sure young Esmerelda doesn’t do things like that.”
“Ahem,” said Verence. “I’m sure you want to know how we found out about this. Well, these Wizards from the Unseen University can explain it all. I believe you all met at our wedding? So there’s no need for introductions. Gentlemen?”
     Archchancellor Ridcully seemed to be under enchantment. But then again, Ponder Stibbons reasoned, he’d been like that the last time he saw Granny Weatherwax. Plus, it was Stibbons who did all the research, and the Archchancellor had only come along for the free food, and quite possibly the opportunity to see Esmerelda Weatherwax again. Stibbons pushed all these thoughts away, and cleared his throat, and prepared to launch into his explanation of why this matter needed to be dealt with swiftly.
     “In simple language Stibbons. I’m sure these people don’t want to be bothered with wizarding terms,” Ridcully said jovially.
     “Yes Archchancellor. Well your majesties and respected ladies, we accidentally created a universe a few years back. There’s a planet called Roundworld that we were particularly interested in. For most of its existence, it’s been a nuisance – freezing up, blowing up and being used for target practice by flying rocks.”
     “It’s a great place to take a weekend break in, and is excellent for team building,” Ridcully added with the air of someone reminiscing by gone times.
     “Um, yes,” agreed Stibbons reluctantly, mainly because he felt it was expected of him. “However, Roundworld has become more interesting. It’s supporting life. We’ve been observing one place for the past few months called –“ he checked his notes – “ah, the Chalet School.”
“But what’s that got to do with Len?” asked Agnes.
     “Well Len lives next door to it, and all the girls in her family have gone there. But we’ve had HEX do a background check on the place, and we have several volumes about its history. There’s a definite pattern to its history. A girl goes to the school, is set on the straight and narrow by either Joey Maynard, nee Bettany, the Head or some body called the Prefects, who seem to terrify everyone under the age of 16. If a girl shows promise – that is she is clever and/or has a wonderful career planned out – then she either gets engaged a year into her job, or has a nasty accident and becomes encaged to a doctor. Once married, they give up work and have hordes of children”.

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Clare on Aug 29th, 2003, 5:17pm
“Mr Ogg wasn’t a doctor,” Nanny Ogg said thoughtfully. “But hordes of children are a good idea. They’re so useful”. Nanny Ogg hadn’t done any housework since her eldest daughter was able to wield a feather duster. Nanny was looked after by a troupe of daughters-in-law, whose names she never bothered to learn, and they worked diligently less they should upset her and be banished to the bottom of the Ogg hierarchy. There were seventy-nine Oggs in Lancre. It was a long way to be banished.

     Stibbons coughed nervously and then continued. “We first noticed the Chalet School because the Bursar was fascinated by the reports HEX produced of its adventures. They seem to have had an extraordinary number of adventures wherever they go. At first we thought it was due to some magic influences in the area, but most of it seems down to the Maynard family and their wider family.” He held out a paperback book. “This is the account of the engagement”.
     Agnes took the book from him, which he had opened at page 195. She read aloud from the book, and he stopped her when she got to the end of page 199. When she stopped reading, Agnes turned to the front of the book, which had the title Prefects of the Chalet School. 
There was a thoughtful silence in the room, as those assembled mused on what they had just heard.
     “Meddling doesn’t seem so bad now,” Agnes said slowly. Magrat flashed her a grateful smile. “Do you know any more about Len?”
     Ponder Stibbons pulled a stack of books out of his bag. Most of them had “Chalet School” in the title. “HEX had a lot of help on these from someone called Elinor Brent-Dyer. It appears that HEX copied these books from something she called manuscripts. Our librarian had them bound and added to the library catalogue. I must admit, they have been extremely popular with the wizards at the university.”
     Ridcully decided to impress them with his knowledge, just to prove he was there for a legitimate reason. “Len is nearly 19, she’s one of triplets, and is the eldest of 11 children. She was Head Girl of the school, and is a magnificent person all round really. She’s clever, works hard, plays hard, looks after people, and is generally loved by all she meets. She’s slim, with chestnut coloured hair and violet eyes.” Typical, thought Agnes, not only does she have a perfect personality, she’s slim too! “However”, continued the Archchancellor, “she must not marry this Reg. If she does, it will have massive ramifications for the whole of Roundworld.”
     Nanny Ogg looked confused. “You mean it’s going to create extra large rams in the world if she marries this lad?”
     “No Nanny Ogg. If she marries him, then Roundworld becomes a completely predictable place – every girl will have to marry a doctor, for example. And there aren’t enough doctors to go around. There will be no sheep involved, or else we’d have sent the Bursar. He likes sheep.”
     Granny Weatherwax stood up. “Fine. We’ll do it. Agnes, go and fetch the brooms. The sooner we set off, the quicker we can get back. What?” she demanded of Stibbons.
     “You can’t fly there. We need to send you from the University. And…” he trailed off, looking at the floor.
     “What?” The tone was so sharp, it could have cut through wood.
     “You have to go incognito. You can’t look like a witch. You have to blend in.”
     The resulting argument shook so much dust from the ceiling, Magrat resolved to cancel the sweepers she had engaged to clean the Palace ceilings.
***

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Clare on Aug 29th, 2003, 5:18pm
Unaware that her engagement had attracted attention outside of the Gornetz Platz, Len happily settled down with Reg to Kaffe und Kunchen. Len and her triplet sisters had left the Chalet School the day before, and Reg had suggested a shopping trip. They had spent the day in Geneva looking for an engagement ring. Len admired the gold ring with its small diamond cluster on her left hand and smiled up at her fiancé. 

     “It’s so nice to have you all to myself for once,” Reg said giving Len a quick kiss. Len could feel herself beginning to blush, and was thankful to see a pretty waitress heading in their direction bearing coffee covered with lashings of whipped cream. Really, she thought to herself, I must get used to this!
     “Len! Reg! We didn’t know you’d be here!” a familiar voice cried out. Len’s youngest triplet, Margot, dashed over to her table, closely followed by Con, the middle triplet. Reg groaned, and removed his arm from Len’s waist, and Len slipped her left hand off the table. 
     “Mind if we join you?” asked Margot, pulling a chair out. She stopped abruptly when Con elbowed her.
     “We’re sure you two would rather be alone. Anyway, we’ve got lots of shopping to do for university. See you at home Len!” Con waved, while dragging Margot out of the café.
     When they were safely outside, Margot demanded an explanation, remarking plaintively “I’m not a kid of five! There was no need to drag me out like that.”
     “Look, Margot, I know we both know Reg isn’t good enough for Len. Plus, we both feel that Len is just doing what Mamma and the Aunts expect her to do, but we’ve got to let her see that in her own time.” Seeing her sister’s eyebrows rapidly knit together, Con hurried on. “Len is too relieved Reg is OK to be thinking straight. She’ll soon realise that he’s not right for her. And if she hasn’t realised it by October, I’ll personally make sure she has no time to think about him when we’re in Oxford. But we have to let her see it for herself.”
***

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Clare on Aug 29th, 2003, 5:21pm
It was now Wednesday morning and the three witches were waiting at the Unseen University for the wizards, or more accurately, Ponder Stibbons and the Librarian, to finish their safety checks (tying balls of string together. You didn’t journey into L-space without string to guide you back). You can say what you like about Stibbons, but he did at least take things like Health and Safety seriously. Or would do, if Ankh-Morpork possessed such ideas.

     Granny Weatherwax was furious. This was not unusual. You knew something was wrong with Granny when she wasn’t sufficiently nasty enough to reduce someone to tears. But this was a new type of furious. It was as if something had really upset her dignity. She was trembling from head to foot.
     Nanny Ogg was puffing away on her pipe. Despite being told they would not help her disguise in any way, she wore her good red boots. Stibbons had refused to let Greebo, her cat, go to Roundworld, purely for the safety of all female animals on the Platz. Nanny had protested long and loud that Greebo was “just a big softy really”. Her pleas had fallen on deaf ears (well, Stibbons had just stuffed his ears with cotton wool so he wouldn’t have to listen), but if he had looked closely at Nanny Ogg, he’d have noticed she was a bit bigger around the middle. 
     Agnes Nitt was feeling slightly scared. A nagging voice inside her head told her that her disguise was totally unflattering, and unconvincing. Agnes couldn’t banish this nagging voice. They say inside every fat person there is a thin person trying to get out. Perdita was Agnes’ thin person. 
     The Librarian, who incidentally was an orangutan due to a magical accident, came to lead the witches through the library. They were to enter Roundworld through L-space, the method a kept secret by top librarians. As the Librarian wound his way through the library shelves, Perdita took over Agnes’ body. Through Agnes’ mouth she shouted, “No one is going to believe you three are NUNS!”
****

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Marianne on Aug 29th, 2003, 5:28pm
lol! But  - are you feeling all right. Did no one tell you that drugs were bad...

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Jennie on Aug 29th, 2003, 5:30pm
Jennie thinks that Clare should stay awake for 24 hours a day, until this is all posted.

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Clare on Aug 29th, 2003, 5:41pm
*Clare raises eyes to ceiling and says, "I knew someone would say that"*

Although the term had ended the previous week, the Chalet School was not empty yet. The school was to be redecorated over the holidays, and some of the staff had stayed to make sure all books and other such paraphernalia were all tidied away. Kathie Ferrars and Nancy Wilmot were due to leave the next day for England, where they were to stay with Kathie’s Aunt. They had elected to empty the library, and were hard at it. Presently, Nancy stood up and declared her intention of fetching some lemonade. Kathie nodded her thanks and continued to pack away the junior fiction.
     She could hear a scuffling noise at the other end of the library, where the staff reference was housed. There were a few thumps and whispers, and a soft “Oook” which was accompanied with more scuffles. Kathie sat up and listened carefully. There was now a whispered conversation going on, and then a sound like a cat meowing. Giggles were abruptly cut short when a stern voice hissed “Agnes, Perdita, whichever one of you is control, stop giggling right now!” Then there was silence.
     Kathie was in a quandary. Did she sneak out of the library and get help, or did she tackle the intruders herself? She made her mind up in an instant. A popular mantra at the school was that girls should not be spineless jellyfish, and that though stiffened her resolve. Gripping the wooden box lid, Kathie stood up and resolutely called, “Who’s there? Come out!”
     Silence.
     Kathie crept forward towards the staff reference. She felt a bit nervy, because she couldn’t have imagined all those noises, when a cat padded out in front of her. Trouble was, Greebo wasn’t an ordinary cat. He just oozed sex appeal, as much as a four-legged furry creature with a trail could.
     “Wrowl” was the sound Greebo uttered as he surveyed Kathie. It was the look in his eyes that made her take a step backwards. Unfortunately for Kathie, Nancy Wilmot had left a pile of books on the floor, and she crashed to the floor with a wail, not noticing the sound of three pairs of feet running out of the library. 
     The witches pounded out of the Chalet School grounds, followed reluctantly by Greebo. Kathie Ferrars was such an attractive woman, and Greebo didn’t like being made to leave an attractive and vulnerable female. They flopped to the floor by the school fence. “I’m getting too old for this,” gasped Nanny Ogg. “Why couldn’t we bring broomsticks? We could’ve done with ‘em there.”
     “There’s no magic here,” gasped Agnes in reply. 
     “There is.” Granny Weatherwax looked around with a professional air. “I can feel it. It’s there, and it’s growing. Come on,” she said getting to her feet, “we need to find somewhere to stay.”
     “But don’t we need to find out where the Maynards live?” asked Agnes.
     “Easy. See that building there?” Nanny Ogg pointed to the building a little way from the school. “That’s the Maynards’ home. It’s got some funny foreign name, but that’s where they live. I expect we’ll be calling there a little later on, won’t we Esme?”
     “Later on. I need a cup of tea, and I want a lie down,” replied Granny eyeing a small bird speculatively.
     Agnes followed her gaze. “Granny! You can’t go Borrowing here!” Then she felt like biting her tongue out. To tell Granny not to do something was the surest way of getting her to do it.
     Luckily Nanny Ogg shared her concern. She knew Esme Weatherwax was the best person at ‘Borrowing’, but she didn’t like it all the same. Borrowing involved sharing the brain of another being, and many animals in Lancre had carried Granny’s mind without knowing on several occasions. However, to add her protests would only cause Granny’s determination to give it a go.
     “Ooh look, there’s a hotel. I’ll get us a room shall I? I’m good at speaking foreign,” Nanny gabbled. She entered the hotel, and pushed out her enormous bosom and treated the young man at the desk to a toothless grin. He smiled back, unused to nuns using their bosoms as a means of gaining attention. 
     “Bong shore,” she said.
     “Bon jour Madame,” the young lad said. He continued speaking in French, “May I help you?”
     “Si. We tres,” Nanny helpfully held up three fingers, “want a room to sleep in. Et muchos food and drink, pour favour.”
     The lad was frankly bewildered by her mix of languages, but he grasped what she wanted. He was about to ask how they would be paying when he looked into Granny Weatherwax’s eyes. All such questions disappeared at the speed a San doctor would administer sedation for a stubbed toe. He motioned for the witches to follow him and led them to a large bedroom which had three beds in. “Just ring for any help,” he said in English, repeating the phrase in French, German and Spanish before backing out of the room. 
     “These nun’s have got the right idea, wearing black. It’s an authoritative colour,” declared Nanny. Agnes merely stared accusingly at Granny.
     “Did I use magic?” Granny asked innocently, stroking her chin. “And I just thought that gentleman was being extra polite, seeing as we nuns don’t carry money.”
     Perdita warned Agnes not to say any more. Otherwise Agnes would be sleeping in the corridor. You’ve heard her snore though, thought Agnes, sleeping in the corridor of the hotel down the road was probably wiser.
     “Agnes, go and get the tea,” Granny barked.


Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Carolyn P on Aug 29th, 2003, 6:34pm
Rounds of aplause.  ;D ;D :D :D :) :) :) :) :D :D ;D ;D

Lots of my favourites all in one story. Looking forward to Granny meeting Matey, two headology practitioners set on each other.
LOL at the thought of Nanny as a nun, wonderful stuff.

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Lisa_T on Aug 29th, 2003, 8:04pm
This is brilliant! 

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by LulieCat on Aug 29th, 2003, 8:19pm
Keep writing!! This is brilliant. Reminds me of the time I was in "Lords and Ladies" (we adapted the book for the stage) and I was al three thousand bazillion elves - apart from the Elf Queen and Lord Lankin. And don't ask how I watched the stick and bucket dance while keeping a straight face, 'cos I don't know to this day. I'm giggling now, even thinking about it.   ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Ooook, where's the dried frog pills?


Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Cumbrian_Rachel on Aug 29th, 2003, 9:57pm
Do keep going - this is great!!!

Please can Death make an appearance - he's always been my favourite Discworld character - pretty please with a cherry on top  :D

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Carolyn P on Aug 29th, 2003, 10:19pm
I'd like to see carrott make an appearance. The other person that would be fun is ... drat forgotton his name, the randy dwarf who takes stepladders on dates and likes Nanny Ogg. Mind you considering my comments on another thread maybe I'd better not advise that, although I would allow my children to read TP, they have heard 'The Truth' on tape, although didn't show much interest. (we were in the car at the time) They much prefered Dr Who and the Ghosts of N Space. No taste my children.

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by BethC on Aug 29th, 2003, 10:26pm
Brilliant! Please keep going! Will Greebo meet Minette(s)?

And "Magrat" must be the one variation on "Margaret" that the Bettany/Russell/Maynard clan haven't thought of... :) 

(Carolyn P: Casanunda?)


Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Vikki on Aug 29th, 2003, 10:58pm
Clare, this is magnificent!!! More please, very soon! ;D ;D

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Jennie on Aug 30th, 2003, 9:05am
Clare, if you don't want the dreams, hang a dream-catcher over your bed. Otherwise, it's 24/7 at the keyboard for you until this thread is finished.

 

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Clare on Aug 30th, 2003, 2:36pm
Glad you like it - there'll definitely be more next week when my mum and sister go back to school. I get the house and the internet back to myself! I've got more to write and then type up yet. Death will make an appearance, but I don't know about Cassunda. Oh, and Greebo will be altering state pretty soon from cat to man  :D 

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Esmeralda on Aug 30th, 2003, 4:50pm
Esmeralda?? I didn't know that Terry Pratchett had an Esmeralda, but then again I've never read a word of his opus (is that the right word?) I don't usually read fantasy but I like this as it is grounded in some sort of (CS) reality.

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Lesley on Aug 30th, 2003, 5:01pm
Grannie Weatherwax's first name is Esmerelda and the baby princess is named after her - although due to an unfortunate occurrance her full name is Esmerelda Margaret Note Spelling of Lancre!

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Esmeralda on Aug 30th, 2003, 5:08pm
What a mouthful!  Thanks for the info, Lesley, I've never heard of any other Esmeralda except in the context of the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Clare on Aug 30th, 2003, 8:45pm
At the school, Matron was applying an ice pack to Kathie’s elbow.

     “That cat! You should have seen the look in its eyes Matron. It was almost human! But there were people in there, I heard them by the staff reference,” she said, struggling to move away from Matron. Jack Maynard came over bearing a cup of milk with something in it. 
     “Well whoever it is has gone now. You don’t have to worry about it. Now drink this, and you’ll be as fit as a fiddle going home tomorrow,” Jack said sternly.
     “No! I’ve only bumped my elbow, I’m fine!”
     “Kathie, you don’t want to be ill when you get home do you? It would worry your Auntie. Now drink.”
     Kathie grimaced as she swallowed the milk. “You’re a terror Jack Maynard. Happy now?”
     “Yes, now you go to sleep. My eldest three are already hard at work in the library, so it gives Joey and I some quiet time. Just send them back when they’ve finished Matey.”
     When Kathie had finally fallen asleep, Matron asked if he believed Kathie’s story. Running a hand through his hair, Jack shrugged. “She wouldn’t lie, so she must have heard something. But the kid’s been working flat out and needs a rest. Tell Nancy Wilmot she’s to make sure she has a proper rest this summer. Did she hit her head by the way? I just wondered at the cat remark.”
     “No, she just banged her elbow and bit her tongue.”
     “OK. Anyway, if anyone feels like taking a stroll around the library now, my three will make them regret it pretty quickly.” With a wave, Jack disappeared down the stairs and headed home.

****


Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Clare on Aug 30th, 2003, 8:46pm
Agnes took her time over the tea. Firstly, there were so many cakes, she got distracted and nearly forgot what she’d been sent for. Secondly, there didn’t seem to be much in the way of tea. However, there was a drink that had a positive featherbed of whipped cream on the top. She ordered two pots of tea, and one of the cream drinks, which she found out was coffee, and several cakes. Perdita’s taunts about Agnes being fat were completely ignored.

     When she returned to the room, Nanny was smoking her pipe, and Granny looked as though she was in deep thought. Greebo was prowling round the room, looking for a way out. He could hear other animals outside, and wanted to be out there.
     “Ooh cakes!” enthused Nanny, removing her pipe. “I’ve always said you have to try foreign food, haven’t I Esme?” Greebo sat up and took notice of proceedings. He was rewarded with a chocolate éclair.
     Granny accepted the tea and a cream bun from Agnes, which she ate carefully. She had decided to lay plans. From the Sunday evening until late Wednesday morning they had learned all about the Chalet School and the world they were in. They had also been told how nuns should look and behave. This was worrying her.
     “I’ve decided to change some details,” she announced. Nanny and Agnes exchanged looks. This was now Granny Weatherwax’s job, and everyone would bend to her will. “I’ve been thinking about these nuns. Well they’re not as bad as I thought they’d be, although they should really wear pointy hats. It gets you so much more respect in Lancre. Anyway, we are getting a lot of respect from people here, but we’re not completely safe in our disguise.”
     “How’s that Esme?” Nanny asked through a mouth of cake.
     “You for a start,” Granny said. Nanny didn’t take offence. Granny was looking forward to her task if she could afford to be nasty. “Remember Gytha, you’re supposed to be a quiet, devout person. But I think that’s too hard to pull off, so you’re a novice nun from now on. So if you do forget yourself, it’s not too big a problem.”
     Agnes looked at from one witch to another in horror. She had spent a lot of time learning about nuns, while Nanny had been nosing into how Joey Maynard ran her large family. Granny had appeared to sleep through most of the talks, but it looked as though she hadn’t missed anything. As usual.
     “Erm, are you forgetting that novice nuns are supposed to be young?” 
     “I am young!” protested Nanny Ogg. “At heart mind you, and you mark this piece of advice young Agnes, you’re only as old as you feel. And I feel 25!” Nanny sat back and propped her feet up on the table.
     “Unfortunately nuns, novice or not, don’t wear red boots,” said Granny Weatherwax. “Nor do they sing, whistle or hum the Hedgehog song Gytha. Do you hear me?”
     “Yes Esme.”
     “Right, this is what we’re going to do….”
******

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Clare on Aug 30th, 2003, 8:49pm
A week later, the three witches sat outside a café and discussed what they had found out during their time in Roundworld. They had each done different things, with differing amounts of success. Agnes had been sent to tail Reg around the San, and although she had been successful to a degree, she had kept getting called to people’s bedsides.

     “I did hear some interesting things about him though,” Agnes said. As youngest witch, she was first to report back. The others wanted to enjoy their tea while it was hot. “A number of the lady patients were saying he’s ever so polite to them, but then there’s days when he has a huge black scowl, and they feel a bit scared of him then. They said he was really moody before his engagement, as though he was afraid she’d say no. But in the staff room, all he does is brag about it. There was another young doctor there, and they nearly had a fight over it. The young fellow said Reg was too old for Len, and he said she was only marrying him because her parents had put pressure on her to say yes. Reg was in a bad temper for three days after that. Apparently he gets like that a lot.” Thankful her report was over, Agnes sipped her creamy coffee. 
     “How is he with Jack Maynard?” asked Granny, who was gazing up at the sky.
     “Very polite, in fact he seems almost scared to talk to him. Almost in case he says anything that might make him tell Len she is not to marry him.”
     “Is it my turn now?” asked Nanny, who was stroking Greebo on her lap. Nanny had spent the week in the café, talking to people as they passed her. She had learned an awful lot, and had an hour with Con and Margot the day before. There was something about Nanny Ogg that made you open up and tell her everything. 
     “Yes Gytha, it’s your turn.”
     “Well, the people round here are delighted Len’s engaged, of course, but some think she’s a bit young. Most of them say she’s older than her years anyway, but there’s a big gap between her and Reg. Some of the locals don’t like Reg too much, but they don’t see him much outside of the San. But Len’s sisters – now that was a revelation!” Nanny sat back, smoking triumphantly on her pipe.
     Granny stopped looking at the sky, while Agnes wiped coffee spills from her dress. 
     “They’re not happy. They think Len’s wasting herself on Reg. They don’t want her to throw all her dreams away on him, which she’ll have to do in these parts. Trouble is, that’s what her mother wants, cos Margot heard her tellin’ someone on the phone. Said she was looking forward to having Len back up here for keeps, and when she had kids, she could give her the best advice on how to bring them up. Said that Len could always look after her younger siblings, should she and Jack need to go somewhere in a hurry.”
     “That’s shocking!” said Agnes.
     “Con’s just worried that Len will regret it within a few years, and she won’t enjoy university because she’ll be tied to the one man. Con and Margot think he should have waited for a better time to pop the question too, they think Len said yes without thinking because she felt so sorry for him.” Nanny scratched Greebo around the ears. “I think it’s a crying waste. No wonder we’re here to stop it. Margot said Len’s obliged to follow in a long line of fine head girls who gave up everything for their men.” 
     Granny nodded. “I know, I heard them debating that one.”
     “What do you mean, ‘you heard’ Esme?” Nanny asked, cocking an eyebrow.
     “I Borrowed the mind of their dog. I’ve been lying next to his kennel for the most part of the week, hidden by the bushes. I’ve learned as much as you both have, and a bit more.”
     Agnes was horrified that Granny had gone Borrowing, but Granny always loved a challenge. She knew that Granny was secretly elated that she had managed Borrowing on Roundworld, and it would be hard to get her to stop talking about it when they returned to Discworld.
     Nanny knew this too, and was proud of her friend for having achieved it. “So what else did you find out then?” she asked.
     “Len’s feeling confused.”
     “What?!” it came from both witches at once.
     “She can feel her sisters’ disapproval, and her parents approval. Then she knows how her life will pan out when she’s finished learnin’. Oh, and now Reg is officially a different kind of man, and the poor girl can’t handle it without feeling embarrassed.”
     “And you could tell this simply through Borrowing a dog’s mind?” asked Agnes in awe.
     Granny would have loved to say ‘yes’. Nanny would have done. But she was too honest. “No,” she said reluctantly. “Len had a cry when she took Bruno for a walk. And then she said ‘I wish you could talk Bruno, I’m sure you could tell me what to do.’ Bruno just licked her hand, and we turned back for home.”
     “Do you think we should pay a visit to the Maynards tomorrow?” asked Nanny.
     “No, we’re going to meet the Triplets.”
*******

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Rachel on Aug 30th, 2003, 11:15pm
Bravo! As a TP fan this is luffly! But I think Casanunda should definitely get at least a small mention - maybe he would be a perfect match for one of the CS staff who can't catch a doctor? And Corporal Carrott could arrest Reg for being a complete **** - I'm sure there's something in the Ankh-Morpork ordinances somewhere he could use!

Rachel ~ eagerly awaiting next installment and wondering whether to go read CS or TP now!


Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by xanthe on Sep 1st, 2003, 9:41am
*applauds wildly*

Clare this is fantastic!  hurrah!


Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Jennie on Sep 1st, 2003, 9:49am
What I'm really looking forward to is a confrontation between Jo Maynard on the one side and Granny Weatherwax/Gytha Ogg on the other.

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D


Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Rachel on Sep 1st, 2003, 10:56am
And Greebo (in man form) seducing half the mistresses!

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Emily the Strange on Sep 1st, 2003, 11:13am
Will Greebo the Man have one eye? I think human females may be a little bit fussier about things like that!

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Jennie on Sep 1st, 2003, 11:34am
Perhaps he could wear an eye-patch, or Granny Ogg could soon conjure up a glass eye! (probably by stealing, oops! I meant borrowing one from someone else.)

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Lesley on Sep 1st, 2003, 12:30pm

on 09/01/03 at 11:13:48, Emily the Strange wrote:
 
 
Will Greebo the Man have one eye? I think human females may be a little bit fussier about things like that!

It'll just make him a man of mystery - the CS mistresses will eat him up!
 

(Lesley going now to take a cold shower!)


Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Vikki on Sep 1st, 2003, 4:03pm
I'm slightly at sea here having only read the first five discworlds so far, but I'm still enjoying this immensely! More please! ;)

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Dorothy on Sep 1st, 2003, 7:37pm

on 09/01/03 at 16:03:36, Vikki wrote:

I'm slightly at sea here having only read the first five discworlds so far, but I'm still enjoying this immensely! More please! ;)

I'm definitely at sea because I've never geard of Discworlds never mind read them.

Dorothy


Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by xanthe on Sep 30th, 2003, 7:41pm
*bumping this back up as a not-tremendously-subtle-hint to Clare*  ;D

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Nina on Sep 30th, 2003, 7:58pm
This is wonderful!

Only last night I was trying to explain L space to my mum - I swear I've been there sometimes LOL   ??? How else do you explain a ten minute visit to the library that took three hours?

Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by Jennie on Oct 2nd, 2003, 5:11pm
I've never tried to understand L-space, I know I can't cope with it.

But I definitely want some more of this. Oh to be Granny Ogg, and rule the family so effortlessly, or to have Granny Weatherwax's knowledge of headology!


Title: Re: Witches at the CS
Post by edith on Oct 3rd, 2003, 11:00am
L space is easy I can't remember the equation though

its something like
knowledge=power=energy=matter or something like that.
Yay for the discworld/cs crossover though.

Ooh just remembered Monstorous regiment is out today!!! the new discworld novel!


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