The CBB :: View topic - The Doctor's Wife's Tale

#1: The Doctor's Wife's Tale Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 8:39 am

I don't know why I'm here, there's nothing wrong with me, it's just a waste of money, and as for that young man who keeps asking me questions, well, I wish he'd go away and leave me alone. What I really want to do is get out of here and back to my life, my real life.

He keeps asking me how it all started, well, how to answer that one? I suppose you could say the story of my life began the moment I was born, the same as anyone else.

I was born in India, one of two non-identical twins. My brother is called Richard, though we never think of him as that, we always call him Dick. I wish I could see him, just for five minutes, just him, no-one else. There's nothing quite like that sense of being a twin, having another half.

Well, where did it begin? I was a happy little girl, living out in India. I went to a school in the hills, I was just a normal school-girl, living a happy life with the usual schoolgirl occupations.

We went home for the long holidays as usual one year when I was twelve, to find that there was new member of the family; I had a little sister, Josephine Mary. I was quite shocked by this as I'd known nothing about it, but when I saw her, my little sister, I was overwhelmed by her. She opened her eyes, looked at me and yawned, then seemed to quirk a minute eyebrow at me. I was lost. I loved her deeply and unconditionally from that day on.

I didn't have to look after her, of course, we had Ayah for that, but I saw quite a lot of her. When I went back to school, of course I wrote home every week, and sent my love to her. When she was six months old, the Headmistress sent for me.

I could see from the look on her face that it wasn't good news. She was quite nice to me, but it didn't help. My mother and father were dead. Infections can rage around India, it's so hot there. Dick was safe, I was safe, but Mummy and Daddy were dead and buried. I hardly dared to ask about the baby.

I must have gone away mentally for a few minutes, for the next thing I heard was Miss Rogers telling me,

'The people who are acting as your guardians whilst you stay in India are also looking after the baby. They've booked passage for you on ship, apparently you'll be travelling with a family going home so their nurse can help with your sister.'

I hadn't given a thought as to what would happen to us, the blow about my parents' death was so huge I couldn't really believe it.

I was overwhelmed with misery, there was too much to take in. How could my life change in such a short time? Whatt were we going to do.

I got through packing my things in a sort of numb state, able to see what was going on, but it was all so unreal that it didn't seem to be happening to me. I was sure that I'd wake up the next morning and find out that it had been a nightmare. It wasn't.

Last edited by Jennie on Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:36 pm; edited 13 times in total

#2: Author: Robin, Location: London

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 9:27 am

aha - the story of how madge became a drinker. Excellent - looking forward to this Jennie, thanks.

#3: Author: Ruth B, Location: Oxford, UK

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 10:04 am

Excellent! Madge's story. Thanks for this Jennie. Looking forward to seeing how Madge copes back in England.

#4: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 10:15 am

Oh fabulous. Looking forward to seeing Madge's side of the story. Thanks Jennie

#5: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 10:20 am

Thanks Jennie, its really good to see Madge's story Very Happy

#6: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 11:11 am

Ooh good! Looking forward to more of this Jennie.

#7: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 12:03 pm

Dick and I just clung together when we met again. It was so difficult to understand why it had happened to us, we had been such a happy family. The only good thing was Jo.

Because the Cunninghams' nurse was so busy with their three young children, I spent a lot of time looking after her. She seemed so helpless, and she would never know our parents. I decided there and then that Jo would never lack a mother's love and care in her life, not if I could do anything about it.

The voyage home was fine. Mrs Cunningham was bringing her three children back to live with relatives until they were old enough to go to school, and she was occupied with them on the journey, so Dick and I spent most of our time looking after Jo.

When we reached England, our elderly uncle met us and whipped us away to Taverton, to his house. There were maids and a nanny for Jo, so my part in her upbringing was limited.

I went to the local High School, so I was out for most of the day. I enjoyed my lessons a great deal and loved being a schoolgirl again. But when Jo was four, she caught a cold. This turned into pleuro-pneumonia as she kept running out of the house instead of staying indoors in the warm. We were lucky to keep her. This was the beginning of long bouts of poor health for her, though she often improved if we had a good summer.

There never seemed to be any shortage of money, in fact we had lots of good holidays abroad. The best one was when we went to Austria and went up into the mountains to visit a lake called the Tiernsee. There wasn't really much to do there, but there was lots of room for Jo to romp around in the meadows, and lots of long healthy walks.

I was coming to the end of my schooldays. I did well in my Higher Certificate and could have gone to Oxford, but our guardian did not approve of higher education for women, so I had to stay at home. Dick had no thought of university. His passion was for trees, so he did a forestry course, then went back to India to join their forestry service. I felt that half of me had gone with him. My one consolation about being at home was that it gave me the chance to concentrate on Jo. I suppose that was where it began, the feeling that Jo was always going to be the little sister who needed me. I guided her through her years in the Prep Deaprtment at the High School, and she did well. She still had bad bouts of illness every winter, and this was an abiding worry to me.

Dick came home on a long leave. Our guardian died whilst Dick was at home. It was such a shock. Far from being able to live a comfortable life in England, we had almost no money to live on. Our uncle had been playing the stock market with our money, and had lost almost all of it. We still had the house. I suppose I could have sold that and bought something much smaller and done all the work myself, and then found a job, but who would look after Jo if she were ill? I had no training for anything, and it wasn't as though I could cook well.

Everything seemed very bleak, I was in despair at the thoughts of the future. No money, no help, no house, no job. Then my mind drifted back to our happy summer at the Tiernsee. I suddenly realised that I could open a small school out there. With only a few pupils, I could make a decent living for us. Life out there was much cheaper, servants could be hired and the climate would be better for Jo. I knew that Therese Le Pattre was unhappy with her position as a governess, and if she put her savings into the school as well as what we could make on the house, we could manage it perfectly well.

I also knew where we could get our first pupil. There was talk in the kitchens of Taverton, and this had filtered through to the drawing rooms of some of the most influential houses. Irene Cochrane's treatment of her step-daughter, Grizel was becoming well-known. Oh, Mrs Cochrane was nice enough to the child when in company, but the poor child was growing thin and lifeless, her high spirits almost extinguished under the regime imposed on her. I had always done what I could, inviting Grizel to tea and for days out, but I couldn't do it too often because Irene would have put a stop to all of them.

So, after consulting Therese, I put the plan to Dick who finally agreed to it.

It's strange how fate operates; sometimes our intentions turn out to be something totally different.

#8: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 12:09 pm

This is written very movingly, Jennie.

Thank you.

#9: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 12:45 pm

Yay for Jennie! I'm so glad the bunnies came out to play again Wink

We really need to hear her side of the story.

Thanks, Jennie.

#10: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 3:54 pm

Yay! Was hoping when this would appear soon!

thanks Jennie! Very Happy

#11: Author: Chelsea, Location: Your Imagination

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 4:14 pm

Oh oh, I can forsee us starting to sympathise with Madge - and I was having so much fun disliking her in your drabbles.

I like how you are showing us everyone's side of the story.

#12: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:03 pm

Thank you Jennie - have been looking forward to seeing this story.

#13: Author: nikkie, Location: Cumbria

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:13 pm

Oooh this is an interesting insight into Madge
Thanks Jennie

#14: Author: joelle, Location: lancashire, england

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:18 pm

oh thank you jennie, im so glad you`re writing it from madges pov. cant wait for updates!

#15: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:40 pm

Thank you Jennie. It will be good to see what Madge thinks and feels, maybe this will be the first step for her.

#16: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 10:48 pm

lovely to see this Jennie

Sending lots of mugs of tea to help the writing along

#17: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 10:53 pm

Thanks, Jennie. I'm really enjoying this drabble so far. I always wondered how Madge took the news of her parents' death. At least she still had Dick and Jo. I'm also looking forward to reading more of this story! Me - hint? Laughing

#18: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 11:48 pm

Thanks Jennie - glad to see the bunnies have returned, but hope this time they let you get some sleep

Liz

#19: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 8:02 am

Well, we did it. There was such a rush and bustle over selling the house and packing everything up. Jo was wildly excited about the whole venture, and I could see that some hope was returning to Grizel's eyes. The poor child was thrilled to be getting away from Irene Cochrane. It's sad, isn't it, that Grizel was going to miss the servants more than her own father.
Irene was such a controller, always insistent on her own little rules.

Dick and Therese went on ahead of us to take the heavy luggage and begin to get things sorted out. I was to follow with the two girls, having a short stay in Paris so we could see some of the sights. This was intended to be a treat for Grizel who had never been abroad before. Of course, this was before the days of passenger airlines, so we travelled by train. It was a tired bunch who finally got off the train, too late to take the mountain train.

It was hard work to get the Chalet ready for the summer term, but we managed it. We actually started off with some Austrian girls as well. They were day pupils to begin with. Of course, they were nice girls, I was careful about that. I became friendly with the parents of the girls, the Maranis and the Mensches, and they were immensely helpful to me, not least because they told their friends about the school so our numbers grew. I had to take on more staff, including a matron.

The domestic staff were easy to recruit. I soon found Marie Pfeiffen and her young brother, Eigen. Marie was an excellent cook, and Eigen did the odd jobs round the school. He was only eleven, poor child, but strong and willing. He soon started to fill out on the good food that Marie cooked. I insisted that all the girls should be polite and respectful to the domestic staff, I knew some of the local people had a dreadful time with visitors who exected to be waited on hand and foot. I also knew that with me providing board and lodging, my two young employees were able to save their money to help their parents during the long winter.

The school soon settled down and we grew. Oh, there were problems: Grizel ran away; Jo made herself ill; Juliet Carrick started off badly, though she soon proved herself to be a fine girl after she had been abandoned by her dreadful parents and they had died, but I remember it as a time when I was truly alive.

I was so full of life, every new day brought a challenge, I felt as though I had never lived so fully before or since. My greatest joy at the time was the deepening of my relationship with Jo. I knew that she was the person who I would always care for the most deeply.

The Robin came to the school at the start of our second term. Captain Humphries had been a friend of our father, and he'd been very good to Dick and me, but we'd lost touch. Then he needed somewhere to leave his little daughter, so I took her into the school and into my heart.

I was proud of my little school, it was growing rapidly and we soon needed to build another chalet. Oh, there were ups and downs, there always are with girls, but on the whole, I was very satisfied with my life and my work. I never felt lonely or that anything was missing, and I could see that I would grow old running my school with a deep sense of satisfaction.

Last edited by Jennie on Sun Sep 04, 2005 6:57 pm; edited 1 time in total

#20: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 8:13 am

"She was the one person I would always care for the most deeply."

The seeds of disaster already being sown? Crying or Very sad

Thanks, Jennie.

#21: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 9:29 am

Poor Madge! I can see why she might grow to resent Jem from taking her from the school. Sad

Thanks Jennie

#22: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 10:03 am

Thanks, Jennie. I'm really enjoying reading this from Madge's point of view.

#23: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 11:02 am

Thanks Jennie.

That stage in the books is when EBD shows Madge as fully alive and vibrant. You've captured her exactly.

#24: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 1:14 pm

I thought my life would go on in that way for ever. After all, I had good friends and the girls' activities provided me with enough entertainment to keep anyone busy. Some of the things they got up to really don't bear thinking about. I had had to employ more staff, the school was growing so quickly, but all the new arrivals seemed to settle in to our ways very quickly, apart from one dreadful matron who refused to understand the sort of school that I wanted.

The first time that I met Jem was not propitious, far from it. We were on the train, coming back from holiday. the train derailed and part of caught on fire. I managed to get the girls out, but there was this dreadful German woman, very fat, who got stuck in the window, screaming for help. I managed to pull her out, but the exertion of doing that on top of the panic I had been feeling over the girls made me faint.

I came round to find a young man bending over me. He checked that I was fine and coming round, then dashed off to help other people. Later he made sure that we had transport to a village to find somewhere to stay overnight. He had seemed kind, and I thought that that was the end of it. The servants had been talking about a young doctor from England who was buying a house and land and was going to turn it into a sanatorium for TB cases. I didn't honestly find this very interesting, I was too busy, though I did hear some nice things about him, such as that he was giving free medical treatment to the local people who could not afford it. And, what was more important to the local people, he was going to need domestic staff to help him run the place. This would be very important to them, for if they lived in, they would get their food and lodging and be able to send their money home to their families.

We tried to help out by sending money to a poor parish in Innsbruck, and by trying to help the local people. I had taken in a large St Bernard dog, Zita, mother of Jo's beloved Rufus, so her owners would not have to shoot her to save the money that they would have had to spend on feeding her.

However, this man was to play a huge part in my life, and somehow, he's the one I blame for my being here, in this clinic, being treated for something that I definitely don't suffer from.

#25: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 3:58 pm

Thank you Jennie! It's good to see this story from another perspective!

#26: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 4:01 pm

Thanks, Jennie. It's good to see Jem and Madge's first meeting and Madge's thoughts on it.

#27: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 7:32 pm

She still isn't accepting it, is she? Fascinating to see this Jennie.

Thank you.

#28: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 7:47 pm

Thanks Jennie.

Lovely to see this side of Madge.

#29: Author: Amanda M, Location: Wakefield

Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 10:24 am

It's going to be interesting to see Madge's point of view on things.

Thanks Jennie.

Star Wars

#30: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 10:53 am

Well, I met him again in circumstances that I hadn't bargained for.

The girtls were skating mad and no sooner was the ice on the Tiernsee thick enough to bear their weight than nothing would do them but to get out onto the ice. I enjoyed skating myself, so I could understand them and their delight in being out on the frozen lake, enjoying themselves in the fine, fresh air. Even the Robin was allowed to skate, we thought it was good for her. The real worries about her health hadn't started then.

The problem arose about an ice-carnival to be held on the Tiernsee. As well as skating, there would be bonfires, fireworks,and much revelry. The girls were desperate to go to it. I told them that I would consult Herr Braun to see if it would be suitable for them. The good man was horrified at the thought of our girls attending it; apparently there would be beer and a great deal of coarse jollity. Of course, I couldn't let them go to it, and told them so. I thought my forbidding it would be enough.

Some of the girls were enraged by this, so they made a plan to sneak out and attend. I need hardly say that the worst thing about this plan was that it was led by Jo, my own sister. I felt truly let down when I found out. Having sneaked out, they set about skating, fortunately far enough away from the bonfires to escape the worst of the celebrations, but in the dark, Jo tripped over a frozen branch and went flat on the ice. A young man was skating near them and going fast. We were lucky, he managed to jump over Jo. She might have had seriously damaged fingers, or even lost them. He came back to the little group who were all frozen with horror, picked Jo up, and then carried her back to school. It was the young man who had helped us, and, it turned out, the young doctor from the Sonnalpe.

Well, since he had been there, I let him continue to to treat Jo. He insisted on keeping her in bed for a week to get over the worst of the bruising, and visited every day. I began to get quite intrigued by him, but what tipped the balance for me was the way he was so nice to Jo. I began to offer him a cup of coffee to drink whilst he was giving me progress reports about my sister.

Well, one thing led to another. He was obviously a good doctor, he was from a good family and above all, he seemed to like my sister a great deal. We spent quite a bit of time together and I liked him more and more. When he asked me to marry him, I accepted immediately. We became engaged, planning to marry after a year's engagement. I wanted to make sure that the school was on a firm footing and could be left to Therese to run on a daily basis, though I had no intention of giving up my interest in it, and indeed wanted to make the important decisions myself. Jem was still building his San. He had some patients who were already responding to the treatments he offered and of course, the local people were using it as a general hospital.

I was in love with him, there was no doubt about that. We had such a lot in common, we laughed at the same things and thought the same way about so many things, and there's no denying it, he was, and still is, enormously attractive. I loved him, I was sure of that. What I hadn't really thought through were the implications of marriage to a man of Jem's type. I have to admit it, he was never unfaithful to me in thought, word or deed: I have no complaints on that score.

The real problems arose because Jem's expectations of marriage were different from mine.

#31: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 10:56 am

Thanks, Jennie. I wonder what Madge's expectations of marriage were.

#32: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 12:10 pm

Thanks Jennie.

#33: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 1:04 pm

Did she envision marriage as more of a partnership than Jem did? We've already had his thoughts - how he felt at the time that Madge should be like his own mother - indeed felt that was what all women wanted - it was only later that his opinions changed.

Very telling that, as well as Jem being a good doctor and of a good family, her paramount reason for becoming interested was that he got on well with Joey.

Thanks Jennie - this is very thought provoking.

#34: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 1:39 pm

As always, her first thoughts are for and about Joey - but if they had such different expectations, why did she not enlighten him a little, open uo to him, not let him to do all the thinking and planning for her?

Thanks, Jennie.

#35: Author: JoW, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 2:14 pm

I'm really enjoying seeing this story from all the different viewpoints, but can anyone tell me where to find the original with the account of Sybil's wedding?

#36: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 3:19 pm

It's in the Index Drabble-orum, at the top of St. Therese's house, under my name.

#37: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 3:49 pm

The wedding went off very well and I enjoyed our honeymoon, seeing all the new sights and revelling in having Jem's attention to myself. But the sad truth was that I was missing Jo more and more each day, and the Robin. By the time that we came home I couldn't wait to see them.

When we got to the top of the mountain railway I automatically turned towards the school. Jem looked a little perturbed at that, but I laughed it off.

It wasn't long before I saw I saw my two girls again. They'd not taken any harm in my absence. We were busy talking about the school one day when Jem came in. He looked quite alarmed when he saw how much I was enjoying the chatter. Later on, from things that he said, I began to realise that his idea of a wife was someone who ran the home, making it attractive for her husband. I did my best, and I have to say that I did a good job of it. But my days seemed empty in an indefinable way. There was no doubt about it, I was missing the school, working there every day. I was still carrying on giving Literature lessons to the seniors, and I have to admit, I felt more alive on those days than on any others.

I soon discovered that I was going to have a baby. Jem was thrilled, anyone would have thought that it was going to be the first baby ever born. He fussed round me a lot, insisting that I take care of myself and rest a lot of the time. One day I ventured that thought that Jo would not be pleased to be an aunt again, and I'm sure I wasn't mistaken that his jaw tightened slightly at the mention of my sister. Then from little things that he let drop, I found out that he didn't like Jo quite as much as I had thought. I think that this was the first major misunderstanding between us. I had assumed that he realised that my sister would always come first with me, before anyone else. I loved Jem, but Jo had the first place in my heart and she would never be dislodged from it.

I see now, looking back on those days, that Jem felt cheated, that he never had all my love. I've tried to rationalise it to myself but all I can manage to work out is that he didn't understand that my love for him was entirely separate from my love for Jo, a different kind of love. Perhaps that wasn't enough for him. One day he said something that still sounds sad when I remember it. 'I wish you were all mine, Madge.'

Inside myself I know that Jem's love for me has never swerved, never faltered, and I should be glad of that, but I still wish in some ways that I could turn back the clock. Yes, we've mostly been happily married, but I don't know whether my life has been as full, as rich as it was when I was starting my school and building it up on a shoestring and a prayer.

#38: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 4:07 pm

Thank you Jennie! Another most fabulous update. I'm starting to feel sorry for Madge now! It's so easy to side with the character who's account it is!

#39: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 4:21 pm

I think that the saddest thing about writing this is that they all had good intentions, but just ended up by hurting one another.

#40: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 6:27 pm

There seems to be more understanding now from Madge - she can see a little of Jem's POV re Joey. Hope this will carry on to her treatment.

Thanks Jennie.

#41: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 7:51 pm

Thanks, Jennie. It's definitely interesting seeing this from Madge's POV. I also like the way you can see how Madge looks back on things at the end of each section.

#42: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 9:03 pm

A lot of women must have felt this way after marriage in those far-off days. One had to give everything up outside the home - and in Madge's case she had such an interesting life it must have been doubly hard, having built something up from scratch and then have to try and put it on the back-burner.

As the others are saying, Jennie, all the characters have some right on their side.

#43: Author: keren, Location: Israel

Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2005 9:40 am

Saying that she was pleased that he liked Jo, struck me like a single mother with a child looking for a husband who will love and adpot the first child, while he saw jo only as a sister.

#44: Author: Amanda M, Location: Wakefield

Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2005 10:11 am

Thanks for continuing this Jennie. It's fascinating to see the story from Madge's POV.

Star Wars

#45: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 1:09 am

Oh I'm so glad the bunnies bit with this one - I was beginning to feel that Madge was being neglected, but she's not so that's good.

Poor Madge, from here it's easy to see where her marriage wen twrong, and knowing Jem's expectations of it makes it double sad.

#46: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 1:51 am

And each point of view is so reasonable - which is so sad, and so true.

#47: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 12:53 pm

Our lives went on. David was born; Jem was so proud proud to have a son that I swear that he was six inches taller for several weeks. Of course, I was much occupied in the nursery, but I still tried to give some time each week to the school.

The school grew and so did the San, meaning that Jem spent more time there. I know that I had David, but underneath my pride and satisfaction was this curious emptiness. It did seem to go away when the girls came up for the weekends and half terms, but would come back in full force when they'd returned to school. I went along with Jem's assumptions mainly because I felt that I had no choice. Married women didn't work outside the home, mothers stayed at home with their families. I accepted this outwardly, but inside I was feeling rebellious. The truth is that I was feeling only half alive. it wasn't that I didn't try, I did, but it wasn't enough. I needed more to feel fulfilled.

Our nursery expanded in a way that I hadn't envisaged. When Dick and Mollie came over from India bringing their three children, we had to agree to keep the children. The Deccan was no place for small children, too hot and too full of infection, especially considering the way our parents had died out there. So, there were four in the nursery, David, Peggy, Rix and Jackie. Jo took to all of them, thank goodness. I had worried about whether she would would feel displaced in my heart, but she didn't seem to, and of course, she had adopted the Robin as a little sister. The school's adored babyfilled up a large part of her time. She also took to David, thank goodness. That was a big relief to me. She positively seemed to adore having a little nephew.

Our lives were curiously tranquil at that time; the dark shadows had not then begun to gather over Europe, and I could not have envisaged the great changes that came about later on.

Sybil was born, she was so beautiful, I really enjoyed having such a lovely daughter. I was very busy of course, much occupied with giving nursery lessons to the others, but Rosa was a very competent nanny, so I didn't worry about my daughter, except for one thing. Jo didn't seem to like her very much. I was puzzled by this, but accepted it. She seemed to think that Sybil was going to be handful to manage right from the start. I couldn't see this, my baby was no trouble, I hardly knew I had her. She gurgled and cooed whenever she was shown off to visitors, but apart from that, she seemed happy and contented with Rosa.

The nursery expanded even more when we had to take in Jem's sister and her two daughters, Daisy and Primula. Of course, that meant that I had less time, but everything ran very smoothly.

We had one tragedy that affected us all very deeply. Captain Humphries, the Robin's father, was killed in a climbing accident. Naturally, we became her guardians. She had always fitted in well with us, though we worried a great deal about her health, whether she would develop TB. This restricted her life, but she was docile and obedient and so we managed.

It was when I was expecting our third child, the one who turned out to be Josette, that the most dramatic change came over our lives.

#48: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 1:03 pm

I'm glad this is back! Thanks Jennie Very Happy

Poor Madge - all those children! Sad

#49: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 1:08 pm

Good to see more of this - thanks Jennie Smile

Liz

#50: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 1:48 pm

Welcome back Jennie. And thanks for the post.

#51: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 2:42 pm

This is good stuff, thanks Jennie.

#52: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 2:44 pm

Thanks Jennie.

I don't think I had really thought how Madge had so little time to adjust to being married before she had such a big 'older' family. All the children, except her own, must have needed extra care as they would be missing their parents or delicate.

I can understand how she would be concerned about Jo's reaction as well. Jo was, in a way, her first child.

#53: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 7:05 pm

Thanks Jennie - and nice to see you back - so sad that Madge had so little time for her own children due to other responsibilities.

#54: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 8:19 pm

Thanks Jennie. It is good to see you back, and good to have more of this. Poor Madge, we can really begin to feel sorry for her here.

#55: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 10:24 pm

oh poor Madge...and poor Sybil and David too. I'm glad you show that Madge did love Sybil at least in the beginning. I suppose Jo must have felt somewhat displaced now her sister had her own little girl. David, being a boy, probably wasn't such a big thing to her but a girl might have brought it home.

Thanks Jennie

#56: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 11:51 pm

Thank you Jennie, this is fascinating.

#57: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 5:05 am

francesn wrote:

Especially the fact that Sybil was beautiful, whereas it is stressed do many times that Joey wasn't. Joey was jealous?

#58: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 7:46 am

A thought-provoking view of Madge and her many *children*

Thanks, Jennie.

#59: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 5:09 pm

Thanks Jennie. Glad to see this (and you!) back. Very Happy

#60: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 7:26 pm

Thanks Jennie! I love the way you're showing us so many different perspectives!

(and good to see you back!)

#61: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 12:58 pm

By this time, Sybil was beginning to show the jealousy that marred the peace and contentment of the nursery. We did our best to put a stop to it, telling her that she should not behave in that way, it was wrong. I suppose the truth was that she had so little of us. I was always busy with Daisy and Primula, and with Peggy and Rix. I felt that I had to make things up to them, Margot was so done in by her life in Australia and the loss of her sons, and of course, Peggy and Rix needed my care and attention because they were separated from Dick and Mollie. What I honestly never considered was that Sybil might just as well have been given to another family to care for, for all the love and attention she got from us. Jem was too busy to see much of her, and so was I.

Jem was also growing increasingly worried about the situation in Germany and Austria. He took it far more seriously than I did. I'd seen the reports in the newspapers and even heard some of of his speeches on the wireless, and none of them convinced me that Herr Hitler was anything but a madman. I couldn't believe that the Austrians would take him seriously or want to follow him. I suppose that living in the Tyrol was to blame for my attitude. I was far too used to the kindliness and geniality of the people who lived and worked round the Tiernsee to be able envisage them putting on black shirts and spouting nonsense. And of course, the parents of the pupils were all such nice people. They had welcomed us with open arms and with such generosity. Of course I believed that they would have more influence than the ordinary man in the street.

We knew about the poverty in the large cities, but I had always felt that the poverty we saw up in the mountains was of greater concern. Jem and I had done our best, we both employed local people as the domestic staff at the School and the San, and I honestly thought that the locals appreciated that. But then came the Plebiscite, swiftly followed by the Anschluss. Because I thought the Nazi Party was made up of madmen, and that ordinary people would see through them and reject them, I was amazed at the response. What I hadn't even begun to think about was the extraordinary power of Hitler's rhetoric. He was promising them an escape from their poverty, from the restrictions of their lives, and was giving them a scapegoat. Any ideas that that it would be a short-lived idea, soon to be laughed off the world stage were dealt a death blow on Krystallenacht.

Our little world was under threat, and we hadn't seen it coming. Our work in education and health care was going to be very little protection for us. We had believed the reassurances given to us by the parents of the girls, after all, they were people who really counted. But the Nazi machine was unstoppable.

Jem was able to move the School up to the Sonnalpe, buying a hotel next to the San and managing to sell the School buildings. It seemed that we would all be safe up there, all together. I was glad of it. It meant that I could see more of the girls, especially the Robin, and could go back to teaching some of my classes. Jo was helping out at home, busy writing her books, and seemed happy, so that made me me feel that we had done the right thing.

Then came the Peace League.

#62: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 1:12 pm

Thanks Jennie, a very interesting post

#63: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 5:18 pm

Madge isn't alone - so many people didn't think the threat was real

Thanks Jennie

Liz

#64: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 6:47 pm

Thanks Jennie Very Happy

#65: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 7:32 pm

So many thought exactly as Madge - that Hitler couldn't be taken seriously. By the time they realised otherwise it was too late.

Thanks Jennie.

#66: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 7:49 pm

Madge sounds almost resentful of the Peace League. Did she think that they could have carried on there if the girls hadn't been found out?

#67: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 12:02 pm

It will be interesting to see the next few posts. I suppose the events of Exile were in a lot of ways precipitated by the Peace League, that was what started the picnic and the boy spying on them, but I think they would have had to leave anyway, surely the Peace League was just the spark, if it hadn't been that, it would have been something else. Madge's feelings on it will be interesting, esp when she has to escape seperatly to Joey.

#68: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 1:33 pm

The girls were all indignant about the Anschluss, especially the thought that they might be forced to leave their school to go to Nazi-dominated establishments. Oh, I was pleased that they all loved their school so much and didn't want to leave it, but the very fact that they created that document and above all, signed it, meant that it put us in a very awkward position.

Half of me was proud of them; after all, that the was the way that we had been teaching them to think. The other half of me knew with a chilling certainty that the School and the San could survive in these terrible times only if we maintained the strictest neutrality, making no political comment whatsoever. It turned out that a Nazi spy, a dreadful woman who dragged her son around with her as a cover for her activities, had overheard the girls talking on the train up to the mountains. She was bound to have reported it to the 'authorities', bringing unwanted attention to us. We knew that we had to get the document off the premises. Jem, it seemed, was already making plans to get the children out of Austria, and then close down the San, taking as much equipment as he could. I would have to close the school. I had to face the fact that parents simply would not wish to send their daughters to a school in a country that was rapidly experiencing Nazification. We had lost the German and Austrian girls, their parents had acted under orders from the new government, and once the other girls had returned home, there was no chance that that their parents would send them back.

I had to look facts in the face. My school was doomed, and we had to get the girls and the staff away. There were dreadful rumours about places known as Concentration Camps, and what was supposed to go on there just didn't bear thinking about.

So, we tried to hide the Peace League document in a cave. Several of the girls went out for a picnic, escorted by Jack Maynard and Jo. They were followed. It was a nightmare time, especially as they had to bring the document back with them. Then the Gestapo tried to arrest Jo. They had Jack Maynard in custody for a week.

Perhaps the shared danger ought to have brought me closer to Jem, but it didn't. He was fully occupied with making arrangements to close down the San, and I know that he found it exhausting, but he seemed to have less sympathy for my worries about Jo. In fact, every time I mentioned her, he would bring the conversation around to David and Sybil, and then bring in Margot and her two. The British Consul was making arrangements for us to have safe conduct out of Austria, so why he couldn't understand, I don't know.

Then came the shopping trip to Spartz which ended with Jack, Jo, the Robin and Nell Wilson having to run for their lives. As soon as we heard about it, we knew that they couldn't return to us, it would place too many lives in danger. So they had to walk out of Austria into Switzerland.

What I went through during our final days in Austria was terrible. I was consumed by the worry over Jo. Jem didn't seem to understand. I would wait for him to go to sleep, then slip out of bed and look through the window into the night. I always looked in the direction of Switzerland, willing Jo to have the strength to get over the border to safety. At first, Jem would get out of bed and hold me in his arms, then gently coax me back into bed, telling me that I needed my rest because of the coming baby. But he stopped doing that. When I did turn away from the window, I would see an odd look on his face, almost as though he was in pain. But I didn't know how to take that look away from him.

We managed to get away. When we got into the train in Innsbruck, I hurt so much. It was as though I was betraying Jo, leaving her to her fate, the little sister I loved so much and had promised to guard and protect all her life. I think that I felt that I might get some news of her before we left. I know it was a foolish hope, but I couldn't help it. When the train crossed the border into France, and we still knew nothing, I felt as though something had died inside me, as though a light had gone out, never to be lit again.

#69: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 2:38 pm

Thanks Jennie

Poor Madge - all she had achieved, and a lot of what she'd lived for all torn away from her. Sad

Liz

#70: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 3:13 pm

Quote:

other half of me knew with a chilling certainty that the School and the San could survive in these terrible times only if we maintained the strictest neutrality, making no political comment whatsoever.

She still didn't see the war coming, did she.

Quote:

less sympathy for my worries about Jo. In fact, every time I mentioned her, he would bring the conversation around to David and Sybil, and then bring in Margot and her two. The British Consul was making arrangements for us to have safe conduct out of Austria, so why he couldn't understand, I don't know.

It sounds as if she really didn't realise just how dangerous a situation they werer in.

Thanks Jennie. You can see how they grew apart.

#71: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 4:30 pm

But Jem had too many other worries to spare much time for Jo, didn't he? Poor Madge, in her single-mindedness. couldn't see that.

Thanks, Jennie.

#72: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:37 pm

Thanks Jennie - very interesting take on Exile - so easy to see how they could grow apart.

#73: Author: BethC, Location: Worcester, UK

Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 8:28 pm

Thanks, Jennie - we see almost nothing of Madge's views at this point in the books, and it would have been a real wrench for her. Glad she's proud in some ways of the girls' thinking for themselves.

#74: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 7:51 am

Thanks Jennie

#75: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 3:46 pm

We made the long, sad journey back to England, or rather, to Guernsey. I could see no hope of restarting the school, not in the foreseeable future, and anyway, Jem would have put his foot down over any effort on my part. the very best thing was that Jo turned up, safe and well. She and Jack had decided to get married as soon as possible, so I had all the flurry of the wedding to cope with. It was wonderful, but I knew then that things would never be the same for us again.

Once Jo was married, she would be living with her husband, not with us. Josette was born. I overruled Jem, insisting on calling her after her aunt. I could see that he didn't really want to do it, but my relief and thankfulness at having Jo back safely made me overrule him. Luckily I hit on Josette as a 'short', or I don't think I could have managed it.

After Jo was married, we didn't see much of her for the first few months. The poor child was very much occupied with running her house, and having to do all the cooking and laundry as well, so I was glad to find that Anna Pfeiffen had managed to escape from Austria, and had made her way to Jo's house. Once all the hard work was in her capable hands, of course, Jo had more time to spend with me when she wasn't busy with her new book.

I hadn't worried at all about myself when I was expecting the babies, I'd left that to Jem, but when I kne w that Jo was going to have a baby, I could hardly bear it for the worry. So much can go wrong. I'm afraid my fretting must have become obvious, because Jem got rather tight-lipped about it. Sometimes he even went as far as telling me to spend more time with our own children, and not worrying over another adult.

He was busy trying to start another San, having met the island's leading doctor. We got to know the Chesters and the Ozannes, both very nice families; it was Beth Chester's predicamant that made me realise that I could re-open the school. Jem found a place for it, at Sarres, big enough to take boarders and day girls as well, though we knew that we were going to open with very reduced numbers.

I suppose I should have noticed the warning signs then, and if I had, I might have been able to do something about the situation. The relationship between Jem and me was growing into a sort of formality, as though we were going through the motions. I had Daisy and Primula to cope with - Margot had slipped away from us, as though she had used up her last vestiges of strength in getting away from Austria. Sybil was still behaving jealously, and Jo was loud and strong in her criticism of the poor baby, the only point on which we didn't see eye to eye. Sometimes Jem would come in when we were all having tea together, and his face would seem to turn into, well, a mask, is the only way to describe it. This happened most often when Jo and I were having one of our little in-jokes, the sort of thing that most families have. I realise now that he resented it because I didn't respond to his little jokes. I ought to have cultivated them, the little things that show the intimacy between a husband and wife.

As I look back over our life together, I can see where we started to make our mistakes, and I also see where we failed each other.

#76: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 4:05 pm

Excellent post Jennie - and so sad that Madge can only recognise now the mistakes she made.

Thank you.

#77: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 4:52 pm

I can understand Madge's concern for Jo and the other motherless children. She would think her own would be all right because they were with their parents. I do think she was unwise to carry on treating Jo as a child though. It's a different point of view in that we tend to blame Jack for Jo's lack of maturity but Madge had a big hand in it in this universe.

Thank you Jennie. This is exceedingly good.

#78: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 4:56 pm

If only she'd known then, how different things could have been.

Thank Jennie - very thought provoking

#79: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 10:40 pm

It is such a shame that she didn't realise then how wrog things were going. However if she is realising now then there is still chance for thier marriage. It can't be what it once could ahve been, but it can be salvaged.
*hopes for a happy ending* Smile

#80: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 11:00 pm

Thanks, Jennie. I am learning so much about Madge and what she had to go through over the years.

#81: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 2:08 pm

The school re-opened, we were lucky to get so many staff back to work for us. We were also lucky to get local girls as day pupils. Of course, our connections with the Chester and Ozanne families helped us there. we also made the acquaintance of the Lucy family. Janie Lucy was their younger sister. I was amazed, she was so unlike her sisters who are both beautiful women. Not Janie! But she has several small children, so that that should help the school to flourish.

By this time, Jo was getting very big, she was obviously going to have a hefty baby. I was worried about this, so I asked Jem to take a look at her. He refused, saying that it was against medical etiquette and that Peter Chester was in charge. I was starting to get angry about Jem's attitude towards Jo, but I kept it hidden for the sake of peace in the house.

I know that he was tired out with trying to get things started again, and with helping to get the School ready, but I just wanted him to understand why I was so concerned about Jo. I think that he believed that now Jo was an adult, married and expecting her first child, I should accept that and leave her to get on with things. He wanted me to concentrate on our own family, but I was so used to putting Jo first, regarding her as my oldest child that it was a hard habit to break.

Now, I can see that I ought to have taken his advice and let Jo grow up fully. Part of the problem was Jack, he always treated Jo as though she were still a schoolgirl, needing to be sheltered from problems and little troubles, and I colluded with him in it.

The situation in Europe wasn't getting any better. First the Nazis occupied Poland, and then it began to seem that they were unstoppable. War was declared; the School went on to a wartime footing, growing its own vegetables. Another source of worry was whether the Nazis would start to conquer France. The Channel Islands were too close to the French coast for any of us to be safe if that happened. During this time, Jem seemed close to despair. The work and worry of trying to start again, and perhaps have to run for our lives was telling on him.

One day he came home with the news that the Chesters, Ozannes and Lucys were looking for houses on the mainland, and he was going to do the same. He was adamant about it. He was not going to let his wife and children fall into Nazi hands. I could do nothing but agree, especially when Jack said that he was going to make some enquiries as well. I was dreading the thought of having to help a hugely pregnant Jo get to the mainland.

Well, I got the shock of my life. Peter Chester came to break the news. Jo had triplets -all girls. They were early and on the small side, but strong. they were lovely, I couldn't help wanting to hold them, my baby's babies. I knew that I wouldn't be able to be aGodmother to any of them as I was n't a catholic, but inside myself it really hurt.

Then the worst happened. Fortunately, Jem had found a place to start the San - Armishire, on the Welsh border, so we had to find a place to live. Jack found a house for his family. Plas Gwyn in Howells Village, very near to where we had been offered a house for the School. That was Plas Howell, a lovely dignified house. Its owner let us have it for a school on condition that we took his half-sister as a pupil.

Jem chose a house for us that was quite a way away, the Round House. His excuse was that it was nearer the San. It had a small farm attached to it so we would be able to have a good supply of milk for the children, and all the eggs our hens would lay. It was fortunate that he had made all these arrangements, for the German Army just rolled over the French defences, and Guernsey would be next.

Evacuating the children was terrible. We took all the pupils with us, naturally. The voyage was one long anxiety, as u-boats were patrolling the Channel, and we were left to wonder whether the next minute would be our last. We couldn't get places on the same boat for Jo and her triplets, so she had to come over later.

When Jem finally joined us at the Round House, he seemed to be keeping anger over something simmering away inside him. It came out later. Apparently, when he had told Jo about how she was to travel, her response had been, 'But Jem, my babies!' The cause of his anger had been that she hadn't even considered that Nigel Willoughby was risking his own life to rescue her, and his crewmen's lives as well. Nigel had three small children who would have been left fatherless if they hadn't managed to get across. I didn't understand him.

If only I had tried to see things from his point of view, we could have had a different life together.

#82: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 2:27 pm

So true - Madge did still consider Joey as her child, yet Jem was also far harder on Jo than really was warranted - a middle ground from both of them would have solved so many problems.

Thanks Jennie - most thought provoking.

#83: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 2:54 pm

A mother's first instinct is to worry for her children. Jo was quite right to do so - I would have been far more worried about my kids than the person ferrying me to the mainland. And Madge considered Jo her child, so her reactions are natural too.

#84: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 4:14 pm

Thanks, Jennie. My sympathies are with Jo as well.

#85: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 5:06 pm

Thanks Jennie - for once I think Madge and Jo were completely in the right there.

#86: Author: keren, Location: Israel

Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 7:20 pm

Here it seems that Jem did not understand Madge's and Jo's relationship at all

#87: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 7:36 pm

So interesting seeing Madge's view, and how easy it could be for misunderstandings and mistakes to be made between her and Jem, especially with regards to Jo.

#88: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 8:00 pm

From reading this, and from what I recall of the Jem drabble, one of the main problems is that Madge and Jem never really talked about how they saw Joey either before or after marriage. With Madge as her guardian and being underage when they got married, this is somehting that Madge and Jem should have discussed at length before they got married and continued to discuss after.

#89: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 11:47 pm

So many little things all adding up to increase the distance between Madge and Jem

Thanks Jennie

Liz

#90: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 5:28 am

Jo's reaction was understandable, but from Jem's pont of view, it probably seemed the last straw...

Thanks Jennie

#91: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 7:44 am

The trouble was, they both had so much to worry about they didn't try to understand each other's viewpoint.

Thanks, Jennie.

#92: Author: Amanda M, Location: Wakefield

Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 10:34 am

Just caught up with this story. I'm glad that Madge seems to be really thinking about her marriage, and where both her and Jem went wrong. It was a shame that they couldn't talk about it before their marriage got to this crisis point.

Thanks Jennie.

Star Wars

#93: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 7:33 pm

That's the tragedy of it, so many thing left unsaid.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We managed to get the school re-started and we settled in at the Round House. Our family got smaller, Daisy and the other girls had to stay with Jo because of the travelling to school. We couldn't possibly have got the petrol to drive them in every day. Besides, Jo had only Anna to help her, so the help that Robin and Daisy could give would be invaluable. I was still anxious about Jo, three babies are a lot to look after, but every time I said as much, Jem would look irritated and change the subject.

Then came a really devastating blow. Our four senior staff were all injured in a bus crash, just before the start of term. I couldn't take hold, I was expecting another baby in September. I advertised and used an agency, finally appointing a Miss Bubb. She was a disaster. She simply didn't understand, or wouldn't understand, the way we ran the school. To her, exam results were everything. All our hard work would have gone down the drain if she hadn't left.

I had very little time to deal with it. Sybil had been disobedient, and managed to scald Josette all down her front. We were so angry with her that we didn't speak to her for days. I think that that was the wrong treatment. We should have punished her, then made an end of it and forbidden anyone else to speak of it again. When Sybil was growing up, Jo kept on at her about it, even telling her that I had been a wonderful mother to her.

If only I'd realised that Sybil hadn't had wonderful parents. Most of her problems stemmed from the fact that she had very little attention from either of us. And she was labouring under the constant feelings of guilt that Jo kept stirring up inside her. No wonder she was never able to confide in us and treated us as though we were the enemy. I suppose that's why she was so adamant that she wasn't going to have her wedding spoiled by having Jo attend, or by having the triplets as bridesmaids. So we spent all the money that should have gone on their air-fares giving Sybil a designer dress and lavish reception. Then she and Hugh ran off, away from Australia. I still feel that she was ungrateful and disrespectful. And now Josette has gone. She's gone to LSE, a totally unnecessary expense. I'm sure she and John could have worked things out and got married.

You know, that's odd. My marriage has been a success on the surface yet a failure deep down where it matters, yet I still think that marriage is the best career for a woman. Where did it all go, all my pioneering spirit? I think I must have lost it over the years, sinking down into conventionality and acceptance of a woman's proper place in life.

#94: Author: BethC, Location: Worcester, UK

Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 8:48 pm

She really is starting to think now, isn't she? It's interesting to see how in some ways she can see and begin to understand, on reflection, her family's views - but in other ways there's little change.
Thanks, Jennie!

#95: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 8:55 pm

Very telling revelations there - wonder if she'll be able to answer those questions.

Thanks Jennie - this is deep.

#96: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 9:10 pm

Thank you Jennie. As Lesley said, this is very deep. It's also very realistic. I can see Madge recognising some of their mistakes - like the treatment of Sybil - but also justifying sending Robin and Daisy to Jo by saying they could be a help seems like someone clutching at straws to cover a guilt complex.

Then she recognises Sybil's resentment but blames Jo for that. As for saying Josette should have made the compromise and married John Shocked

It's the mix of feelings that is so realistic. When you first wrote Madge as alcoholic, I couldn't quite relate to it but now I can.

I'm just glad my life has not been as complicated!

#97: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 9:41 pm

Thanks, Jennie. I hope that she and Sybil will sort things out one day.

#98: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 11:22 pm

Thanks Jennie

Liz

#99: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 12:45 am

There's a very realistic recognition of what went wrong and why coupled with a refusal to accept the results. And a terrifying admission about the perceived importance of marriage...

Excellent, thank you Jennie.

#100: Author: Miss Di, Location: Newcastle, NSW

Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 3:48 am

An interesting character examination - but I still can't forgive her for abandoning Rufus.

#101: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 7:22 am

Yes, Madge, you did indeed lose your pioneering spirit.

Thanks, Jennie.

#102: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 11:14 am

If anyone were to hear or read these words of mine, they might be left with the impression that my life after I'd married was one of unrelieved gloom and misery. It wasn't. We had some very happy times, and there were long stretches where everything went well and we had fun.

Yes, we had problems. The drains went bad on us at Plas Howell so the school had to move again. Jo had to move out of Plas Gwyn because of the foundations and chose to move to nearer the school. I'm beginning to wonder if I was right to encourage her to do that. I couldn't be there very often, so it seemed sensible that one Bettany was near to it, after all, the school was our property, and it was our money that was invested in it. I missed Jo a lot and I also envied her for her closeness to the school. But perhaps I should have done something to detach her from it.

Looking back, as I'm doing now, a long painful process for me, I can see that Jo ought to have been allowed, or encouraged, to grow away from it. I had, and it hurt in some ways that whereas I was always welcomed and made much of whenever I visited, I was essentially a visitor and not an integral part of the fabric of the School's life.

We went out to Canada, Jem had been invited out there to consult over TB treatment. I enjoyed myself out there. I felt more like my old self. Something in the air, perhaps, made me feel like the old Madge Bettany, I felt more alive. I had to do my own housework, perhaps that made me feel more involved with living, and the relationship between Jem and me improved to the extent that I discovered that I was pregnant again. Jem was a different person too, more like the man I'd married. The girls went to a convent school, but we saw them often.

Perhaps I ought to have realised why these changes had come about, but I was too busy and too happy to be bothered with analysing our situation. Then it transpired that Jack Maynard would need to come out as well. Of course, Jo wanted to come with him, and I encouraged her to. Once Jem realised that her presence was inevitable, he began to retreat again. That was another warning sign that I ignored. I'm sure now that I should have agreed with him when he wanted to look for a house for Jo and Jack, but I wanted Jo with me, and our house was big enough for all of them.

When they arrived, it was just like the old days in the Tyrol. I had all my loved ones under my roof, so I was blissfully happy. I ignored the fact that Jem wasn't. With so much to do at home, especially with the arrival of my twins, Kevin and Kester, our social life grew less. We didn't go out for dinner as often, and I didn't entertain as much, but I didn't miss it. I had everyone I wanted at my dinner table every evening, that was enough for me.

Now, I realise that that was another wasted opportunity.

#103: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 11:18 am

Oh poor Madge. All my sympathy is with her at the moment. Thanks Jennie

#104: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 12:25 pm

Jo really did seem to be the sticking point for both of them, didn't she? How sad that Madge couldn't see this, and build on what was emerging once more in their marriage, instead of babying her sister yet again.

Thanks, Jennie.

#105: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 1:04 pm

It must be so hard for her, looking back and seeing the mistakes so clearly. In some ways she is very brave to do so.

#106: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 2:27 pm

So sad that she only sees this so late.

Thank you Jennie.

#107: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 5:11 pm

Such a shame that just as things are improving they go downhill again - poor Madge & Jem

Thanks Jennie

Liz

#108: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 8:24 pm

But then you have to wonder why things didn't improve when the school (and Joey) moved out to Switzerland? What went wrong then?

#109: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 1:48 am

Perhaps by then the drift had become a habit and just couldn't be halted . . .

#110: Author: Elle,

Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 2:05 pm

This is excellent. Thank you!

Very Happy

#111: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2005 10:35 pm

Feeling very sorry for Madge and for Jem

This series of the same events from different perspectives is fascinating Jennie - each time you make us understand why the character behaved as they did and leave us feeling sympathy for them. Every person behaved (most of the time) in the way they believed to be right and with the best of intentions - yet the long term results were so often destructive for themselves and/or others

#112: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 11:38 am

Well, our time in Canada came to an end, so we returned to the Round House. I must admit it hurt a little when Jo's twins were made far more of at the school than mine were. I did begin to wonder whether I was important to anyone but Jo.

Jem was busy putting his new treatments into practice, coming home tired every evening, and often retreating into his study to write articles for medical journals. That left me alone to occupy myself with my own affairs. Fortunately, I still had administrative work to deal with, the school took up a considerable amount of my time, but it wasn't the same. I was beginning to feel as though I had become a back number.

I was thrilled in one way that Jo's books were not only getting published but also making steady sales. With her growing family, the money was needed: although the girls would get a free education at the Chalet School, the boys would have to be paid for at good prep schools and then following their father to Downside.

There was another move on the cards for the School. We had to move off the island, but Plas Howell was going to be sold. Ernest Howell had returned from his war service as a chaplain, only to relaise that he couldn't afford to keep the place up properly, not even on the rent we paid. Big houses are all very well, but they eat money, especially when taxes are so high.

Jem was made a baronet for his services to medicine. I was thrilled by this, though I pretended to be embarrassed whenever anyone called me Lady Russell. It's a shame in some ways that the women don't get any recognition for the way that they have to run the houses and bring up the families whilst the men are busy making their mark.

Life seemed fairly grey through these years, until I found something that would help me to get through the days. It started so innocuously, just a glass of sherry before lunch and another one before dinner. At first it seemed such a little thing just to help me through the daily round of running the house and the farm, and being nice to distinguished visitors, but I came to look forward to it more and more. Then, as time went on, we started to have a glass of wine with dinner, and that helped during the evenings.

I found some excitement when it was decided to move the school abroad again. There was no chance of returning to Austria, no parents in their right minds would dream of sending theor girls to a school in a country that still had a strong Communist presence. So we looked around and finally found somewhere in Switzerland, high up in the Bernese Oberland. Of course, the impetus for this move came when Jem wanted to open another San in the mountains abroad. We found two places on the Gornetz Platz. At one end was a large building that would make a good San and at the other was a large hotel that we could easily convert into a school.

I suppose that was my chance, and I missed it. I could have gone out there, found somewhere for the family to live, taken up the reins as Headmistress again, and perhaps have started to live again. Hilda Annersley could have stayed in Wales as Head of Glendower House, whilst I returned to the life I missed so much.

But I didn't. By this time, I was living in a curious state of inertia, getting through the days, but not fully involved in anything. So Jack and Jo were to go out to the Platz, not us. I wish now that I had seized my chance, I wouldn't be sitting her staring at the walls of this hospital room. It would have meant that I really lived again, not spent my days going through the motions whilst feeling empty inside.

#113: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 12:48 pm

Poor Madge - feeling distanced and isolated

#114: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 12:48 pm

Oh poor Madge! Crying or Very sad

Thanks Jennie

Liz

#115: Author: Amanda M, Location: Wakefield

Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 2:59 pm

Poor Madge it must have been so hard for her feeling so numb.

Thanks Jennie.

Star Wars

#116: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 3:17 pm

Thanks, Jennie. It's a pity Madge couldn't have taken over as Headmistress again. Maybe then we would have seen more of Glendower House.

#117: Author: Gem, Location: Saltash/Aberystwyth

Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 3:48 pm

Just caught up on this, Jennie - thank you! It's fascinating to see how Madge changed over the years.

#118: Author: Alison H, Location: Manchester

Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 5:19 pm

Jennie wrote:

I must admit it hurt a little when Jo's twins were made far more of at the school than mine were. I did begin to wonder whether I was important to anyone but Jo.

Poor Madge - I'd never thought of that before but it's so true.

#119: Author: Lyanne, Location: Ipswich, England

Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 6:54 pm

Alison H wrote

Quote:

Jennie wrote:
I must admit it hurt a little when Jo's twins were made far more of at the school than mine were. I did begin to wonder whether I was important to anyone but Jo.

Poor Madge - I'd never thought of that before but it's so true.

Particularly when Jo is always having babies, and has already done a multiple birth. Madge has only one boy till the twins are born, and there is a sizeable gap between Ailie and Kevin and Kester.

#120: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 7:16 pm

I always thought it such a shame that they were sidelined so much. In fact all the Russells were.

Thanks Jennie

#121: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 7:38 pm

Thanks Jennie - this is so interesting seeing Madge's own thoughts on this - you'll forgive me though if I just say I'm glad she didn't take over in Switzerland! Laughing

#122: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 8:34 pm

It might have been the best thing for her if she had gone out to the Platz. This is a tale of missed opportunities as much as anything, and devastatingly sad to write.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once most of the staff and girls had gone off to Switzerland, I pulled myself together a little. I wanted to to build the school up again, after all, it had to be a viable proposition to survive. This gave me quite a lot of things to do, planning the strategy and placing advertisements, but I definitely felt that Dolly Edwards didn't really want me to visit the school much, except on ceremonial days such as Prizegiving and the Christmas play.

Of course, I had insisted that Sybil go off to Switzerland, and Josette went too, as soon as she was old enough. Jem would have been happier for them to stay at Glendower House, but I wanted them to have the experience of living in the Alps. After all, that had been one of the happiest times of my life, at the beginning, that is.

By now, Jem and I spoke only about the necessities of life. We exchanged polite conversation, he consulted me about various things, I did the same for him. What we never did was communicate. That's one of the saddest things of all. If only one of us had tried. I still loved Jem then, and I still do now, but our lives have been damaged by our inability to reveal what we really thought and felt. A screen of politeness is no substitute for a real display of feeling.

It goes without saying that I missed Jo so much that it was almost unbearable. Dick and Mollie had returned from India long before the school went out to the Platz; they were making a decent living out of the Quadrant, a family property that Dick had inherited. But even my twin couldn't make up for the emptiness that I felt with Jo living abroad. In many ways it's my fault. I think that Jem was trying to get through to me, suggesting that we had a holiday by ourselves, but I insisted on taking the children. Perhaps, if I'd listened, we wouldn't be here now.

When Jem came to visit me the other evening, he told me that he was working for two days a week as a volunteer doctor in a families' clinic in one of the poorer areas of Melbourne. I couldn't respond to this with any interest, yet in a way, that's how he began. I felt jealous that he could use his abilities and training, and I was stuck here.

If I could get out of here, I'd like to go back to the Tiernsee, get a chalet and start all over again. Just a few girls to teach and look after, that would suit me. The middles would stop me getting bored, I'm sure of that.

The problem is that I've spent my life doing what I thought I had to. When we were left poor, I had to support Jo, so I started a school. When I married Jem, I thought I had to be a good wife and mother. I'm beginning to wonder when I'll ever do anything because I want to, not because I feel I have to.

It's all still such a mess.

#123: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 9:27 pm

Thanks, Jennie. Poor Madge.

#124: Author: Lyanne, Location: Ipswich, England

Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 9:33 pm

Quote:

I'm beginning to wonder when I'll ever do anything because I want to, not because I feel I have to.

does she know what she wants to do? The idea about starting again in the Tiernsee just sounds as though she wants to repeat what worked in the past.

#125: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 9:50 pm

This is the last one for this evening, and none tomorrow, I'm afraid as Andrew has the day off.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Then came the news, Jem had been invited out to Australia to consult on the provision of chest and TB medicine out there. I wanted him to go alone and leave me in the UK. Sybil was leaving school by then, and we had promised to send her to the School of Art Needlework in London. Josette, who had a lot of brains, was also going to university, to LSE to read Economics. But Jem overruled me. I think now that he wanted us to go out there together so we could rebuild out marriage, but I refused to see that. After a lot of telegrams and letters, we found that we could have an apartment owned by Emerence Hope's parents, so we'd certainly be living in luxury.

I couldn't face the challenge of being alone with Jem. I refused to go unless the girls went with us. I know it was a cowardly thing to do, but I couldn't bear the thought of being alone with him and discovering that we had nothing to hold us together. I carried on about being lonely, so Jem gave in to me. We told the girls that they were to come with us. I felt dreadful at first, as though I were cheating the girls of what they had worked hard for, but I ignored their tears. Jem eventually settled it by telling them that they were going with us, and no more arguments.

We sailed on a lovely liner, in first-class accommodation. It was just like being in a floating hotel. There were plenty of activities to take part in., so the girls had something to take the edge off their restlessness. One day, when I'd been walking round the deck, I felt very thirsty, so I popped into the bar to get some orange juice. One of the men who dined at the sametable as us offered to get me a drink, telling me that he knew just the thing for a thirst on a hot day. He brought back a gin and tonic. I'd never actually had gin before, so it was new to me. I'd never been a spirits' drinker, brandy in our Christmas cake and the odd hot toddy for a cold was the extent of my acquaintance, but this drink was lovely. I sipped it cautiously at first, but soon found that I had finished the whole glass of it. When he offered me another, I accepted. We sat sipping and chatting, and by the time I had finished the second, I felt better about everything and ready to cope with anything that the day brought.

The best thing about it was that it looked as though I was sipping a glass of water. It seemed so innocuous, just something that would help me to get through the day. After all, I was a very controlled person, so it couldn't do me any harm, now could it?

#126: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 10:37 pm

Thanks Jennie, a feasible explanation then - though still just as dreadful for the girls - but at least she recognises now that it was the wrong decision. So sad to see the slow descent.

Thanks Jennie.

#127: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 12:42 am

Oh, Madge, all that time . . . and the screen of politeness. Presumably, they were afraid to try, in case the other showed them them that there was nothing left but politeness . . .

Just so sad. Crying or Very sad

#128: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 12:52 am

Incredibly sad and believable. Especially how she came to try the gin. It is such an easy road to slip down.

I can see how easy it is to slip into politeness within the marriage as well and neither of them would realise how the other felt.

Crying or Very sad

#129: Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under

Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 1:23 am

Gosh. Jennie I'm so glad you've written this as I can now better understand the dreadful Madge we first met at Sybil's wedding.

"That sweet woman Lady Russell" was in part engendered by the glasses of sherry and wine! A mild alcoholic haze??

#130: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 9:53 am

how sad

Thanks Jennie

Liz

#131: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 10:55 am

Poor, poor Madge. As Sophoife said, it's so easy now to see why Madge becomes the women she does when you see it from her side.

Thank you Jennie!

#132: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 1:40 pm

Now I understand why Sybil and Josette had to give up on their dreams and accompany Madge - thankyou Jennie, as others have said, it is all making sense now

Although I can't imagine EBD thinking it through to this depth Wink

Quote:

I couldn't bear the thought of being alone with him and discovering that we had nothing to hold us together

that's just so sad and so true for so many people in RL as well

#133: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 4:55 pm

It all makes so much sense. Poor Madge

#134: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 5:20 pm

Thanks Jennie.

This is so sad, and so feasible. A slow ceasing of communication, a lack of understanding onboth sides, a fear of things breaking apart, a politness that takes the place of emotion. So sad.

#135: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2005 7:50 pm

Poor madge you can so see how these things unfolded and why she would want the company of her daughters. Thanks Jennie

#136: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2005 12:26 pm

Thanks, Jennie. I can see Madge's point of view but I still feel sorry for Sybil and Josette.

#137: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2005 2:11 pm

We soon settled in to the apartment, though I was worried at first by having no live-in help. Still, it meant that there was no-one around to see what I was doing, and the maid who came in for the day was very well trained.

The aprtment was luxurious and well-appointed, and I soon saw that we would be able to entertain there. I thought that if the girls found some nice friends, it might make up for being dragged out here. Our arrival in Melbourne had been put into the social columns of the newspapers, and Jem was frequently mentioned. We received calls from all sorts of people, some of whom were impressed by the title, so we were invited out a lot. Of course, I didn't see much of Jem, he was here to work, but I wanted to take the opportunity to have a social life.

It was enjoyable to be part of a lively social scene, and it covered up my need for a drink. I had honestly thought that I would be able to give up the gin and tonic habit once we were back on dry land and I was no longer cooped up on a ship with Jem. I couldn't, but going out a lot helped me to be able to get a few drinks without anyone commenting. Everyone else was drinking.

I also thought that it would be a good chance to introduce the girls to society to take their minds off the courses that they hadn't been able to do. Both girls enjoyed going out and making friends. I was quite happy for them to do this, as we were mixing with the best of Melbourne society. But Josette was clearly pining for something to occupy her mind, even though she had met a nice young man called John. So we allowed her to begin a degree course in Economics at Victoria University. She did seem happier, but continued to go out with John.

What I liked about him was that he was a man of the old-fashioned sort. He was ten years' older than Josette, so he had very firm views about things, and one of these things was working wives. His wife would be occupied with home and family, not with a job. I was very satisfied with that state of affairs.

I was less happy with the young man that Sybil began to go out with. His name was Hugh Lyall. Admittedly he was rich and led a good life. Both of his parents were dead, and I can only think that it was owing to that that he had developed alarming habits of independent thought. He was freeer and easier than I liked. He often disputed things that we said. I didn't like being argued with, and I soon made sure that Jem didn't either. When it began to look as though things were getting serious between Hugh and Sybil, I started to drop hints about fortune-hunting. Hugh soon backed off and Sybil began to look a little wilted.

At one party we met a nice young man called Peter who had just finished his medical training. I encouraged him for all I was worth, and I soon realised that he wanted to marry Sybil. He had just obtained a position in a hospital in a small outback town, and of course, if they had married, Sybil would have gone to live there as well. What made me so keen on this was that Sybil was beginning to show us, her parents, less deference and obedience. It was quite clear that she still resented having been dragged out here, as she put it, and having me choose suitable clothes for her. She actually wanted a dress allowance so she could shop for herself, but I soon put a stop to that.

My drinking? Well, I was still finding that a couple of gins during the day gave me the strength to go on, and a couple in the evening made that time of day bearable, but I was in control of it, so there was no need for me, or anyone else, to worry about it.

The real trouble didn't begin until Sybil met Hugh again. Somehow, she must have patched things up with him, because they got engaged. Then the furore over the wedding preparations began.

Naturally, I had assumed that since we were paying for the wedding, I would organise everything. I knew what sort of wedding I wanted Sybil to have, so I began to tell her what would happen. The first thing that I stressed was that it would be a fairly quiet affair. Most of the money would be spent on air-fares for her Aunt Jo and the triplets, so the girls could be her bridesmaids. Of course, Josette would be chief bridesmaid, but I definitely wanted the triplets there in the wedding procession. And then, how on earth was I going to get through the wedding without Jo's support?

I was astounded at the scene that followed. It seemed that madam Sybil had no intention of having the triplets as her bridesmaids, and she threatened to marry Hugh in a register office if Jo were to be present. I reminded her of what she owed her Aunt, but she was adamant. No Aunt Jo at the wedding. After a lot of arguments, I let this lie, after all, it would be easy to seem to give in to Sybil and make the arrangements behind her back. So I changed the subject to the wedding dress.

I had seen a nice little shop that did a good range of dresses, and they were all reasonably priced. Sybil almost threw a tantrum. She had decided that she was going to have her dress designed and made for her. I agreed to that and mentioned that it would be easy to buy some white satin and have the dress made up at our usual dressmaker. Another fit of temper. Sybil wanted a proper dress designer, and to have the dress made up by the designer's workshop. And she didn't want white satin. The whole of the run-up to the wedding was a terrible battle. I knew best, but Sybil simply refused to see that. After one immense argument, she dared to storm out. I was extremely upset by this, so I had a nice large gin to help me to cool down. Of course, I poured it all out to Jem when he came home, stressing how upset I was about the whole thing. He agreed with me, naturally. I had calmed down by then, so I was able to show him the material that I had chosen for the bridesmaids' dresses, a lovely dark gold material that would suit the triplets beautifully.

I had made sure that Jem was going to speak quite firmly to Sybil, telling her that she would have to accept our decisions with a good grace, and be an obedient daughter. Parents know best. Then she walked in with Hugh. Jem began to tell Sybil about our decision. We had both thought that once Hugh had seen he reasonableness of our point of view, he would bring Sybil round to our way of thinking.

We were astounded. Hugh had the nerve to inform us, quite calmly, that unless Sybil had her own way about the wedding, he would pay for everything, church, dresses, reception, flowers, cars, the lot. He also managed to insinuate that our arrangements would lead to a shabby little day. And he was also very, very definite on one point. Mrs Josephine Maynard would not be present at the wedding and her triplet daughters would not even be in the congregation, never mind the bridal procession. Otherwise, he and Sybil would marry in a quiet register office ceremony, and be damned to us. We were forced to agree to everything that Sybil wanted. Hugh's cousin was the editor of a large, influential newspaper. The story behind the wedding might be leaked, and what would people say about us if it got out?

So, we made all the arrangements as Sybil and Hugh wanted. I managed to endure this with the help of a few decent-sized gins every day. I knew that I could and would cut back as soon as the ordeal was over, but I needed the help they gave me to get over the feeling of rejection that I was experiencing. How could my daughter do this to me? I wasn't even allowed my way over the bridesmaid's dress, Hugh and Sybil chose it together. Of course, I did my best, pointing out which styles would be best, and trying to bring down the cost of the overly-extravagent menu that Sybil and Hugh chose for the reception, but I was ignored. In fact, she often didn't even tell me when she had an appointment to make arrangements, I found out about them later.

I wasn't pleased about all this. Josette was comfort to me. She and John were engaged by this time, and I was looking forward to her having a traditional wedding, with everything arranged by us, followed by a traditional marriage, with my daughter turning to me for advice over everything, and settling down to give me some grandchildren as soon as possible. It was only that that kept me going. I did drop a few large hints about her not going to university any more, but that was the only bone of contention between us. She did bring home some friends from her course, but I never felt the need to be any more than barely courteous to them - they weren't the sort she would be associating with after she was married. I did make an effort to hold some nice tea-parties, with suitable young women and their mothers, but unfortunately, the conversation kept swinging round to Sybil and Hugh's wedding, and I was constantly having to grit my teeth and smile as they chattered on.

It was only the thought that I could drink a nice long gin and tonic that kept me going through all this dreadful time. Everyone needs some support from someone or something, and I chose the gin bottle instead of listening, a drink instead of reforging relationships.

#138: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2005 3:35 pm

poor Madge - athough her attempts to control Sybils wedding have tempered my sympathy somewhat.

#139: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2005 4:56 pm

Thanks Jennie - so sad, seeing Madge's descent to alcoholism.

#140: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2005 5:08 pm

Poor Madge!

Quote:

What I liked about him was that he was a man of the old-fashioned sort. He was ten years' older than Josette, so he had very firm views about things, and one of these things was working wives. His wife would be occupied with home and family, not with a job. I was very satisfied with that state of affairs.

She was unhappy herself but wanted to put her daughter in the same situation. I think she was very disturbed in her mind, even at that stage.

Thanks Jennie. I am hoping for a happy ending, if the bunny permits. Wink

PS but not just yet, please. This is so good!

#141: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2005 7:10 pm

Thanks Jennie

It's nearly come full circle hasn't it. I hope they can work it all out.

#142: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2005 7:42 pm

Thanks, Jennie. It's interesting to see the way Madge started drinking.

#143: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2005 10:07 pm

Thanks Jennie.

Poor Madge - and what a shame nobody recognised her turning to alcohol and helped her sooner.

Liz

#144: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 1:24 am

Thanks Jennie. Great as always.

#145: Author: Miss Di, Location: Newcastle, NSW

Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 4:31 am

It was a very quick descent from a couple of sherries to a bottle of gin a day! Very sad

#146: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:58 am

The run up to Sybil's wedding was absolutely hectic, all the details needed to be checked and rechecked, and of course it all fell on my shoulders. By this time, I was really needing a drink to help me through the days. It's no small matter to organise a wedding that will be attended by the cream of a city's society.

Fortunately, the day dawned, but Sybil's behaviour almost ruined it for me. My big day, the day my oldest daughter got married was spoiled by her selfish behaviour. First she used most of the hot water, then I found her anointing herself with some sort of lotion. I definitely disapprove of that sort of thing and said so. She almost threw me out of her room, so I made my exit whilst I still had some of my dignity left.

I knew I should have put my foot down about the dress and the hairstyle. They were both far to sophisticated for such a young girl. After all, Sybil was only twenty-two, far too young to know what suited her. When I went into her room to look at her her hairstyle, it was done in an elaborate upswept style, far too old-looking. I said so, but the hairdresser was unsympathetic, and Sybil seemed absolutely unconcerned by my opinion.

The biggest shock of all came just before we left for the church. I had expected Sybil to come to her senses and realise all we had done for her, but instead of clinging to us, half wanting to get married, half wanting to stay with her family, she actually dared to challenge us to tell her that we loved her and valued her.

She reminded us that we had broken our word to her, and was actually defiant. Jem was obviously taken aback by this, but seemed to agree with her. I don't know why.

I do know why, I'm just fooling myself here, telling myself that I was right, always right, that I was a wonderful mother to Sybil. Now I'm telling myself the truth, I have to admit it. Most of Sybil's problems with jealousy and attention-seeking were caused by the fact that we had very little time for her. Rix tormented her and we did nothing to stop it, but told her that she was wrong when she retaliated.

Now we were paying for it, but I had to cling on to my old way of thinking because I felt that there was nothing else I could do. Oh, I did say I loved her and valued her, but that was because she threatened to walk up the aisle without us, that she would send the car away, and I wouldn't be welcome at the wedding. That would have been far to much of a scandal for me to weather, it would have been the talk of Melbourne, and reported in the papers.

I intend to draw a veil over what happened at the wedding, I just can't face up to what I did on that day. And the following morning; I made a fool of myself. I just didn't realise how deeply her resentment went, and I never realised that Hugh had no intention of sinking into his proper place as our respectful son-in-law.

I think that the discovery that they had sailed off the England was what tipped me over the edge into a full-blown alcoholic.

There, I've said it. I'm an alcoholic. What is it that people have to say when they go to one of those meetings? Ah, that's it.

'I'm Madge, and I'm an alcoholic.'

You know, now I've admitted it to myself, I actually feel better.

#147: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 12:07 pm

Well done, Madge, for admitting it to yourself.

Thanks Jennie.

Liz

#148: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 12:13 pm

I went most of the way through that, tutting to myself that she still hadn't got it and then right at the end - Hooray! she's made the first step to recovery.

Thanks Jennie

#149: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 4:35 pm

Thanks, Jennie. I'm glad Madge has admitted to herself that she is an alcoholic.

#150: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:35 pm

I admit it now. The more I depended on a bottle of gin, the more I felt that I needed to control every aspect of our lives. I suppose I was desperate to feel that I controlled something. If I couldn't control my drinking, I could control the family.

I could see that I was making Josette desperately unhappy, and Jem, but I couldn't stop myself doing it. Somehow, all that mattered was the next glass of gin. I wish that I'd never had my first sip. I realise that I've lost so much. I know Jem still loves me, he tells me so whenever he visits, but I've sacrificed the love and respect that my daughters had for me. I doubt if I'll ever see them again, and if I'm going to be honest, I know I don't deserve to.

Why was I so desperate for Josette to marry so young, and to someone like John? I wish I knew, I wish I could explain it to myself. All those arrangements that I made, insisted on, from the wedding dress to the menu for the reception. I suppose they're all undone now, Josette has gone off to London. I wonder if she'll ever bump into Sybil, and if she does, what will that meeting be like?

I suppose the three oldest children will know about me by now, the drinking, this clinic, and I do wonder what they'll think of me. I hope Ailie and the twins don't know, they're still too young to be worried with this.

I suppose Jem did the best thing, putting me in here, what alternative did he have?

There are so many questions hanging over my life, and, at the moment, so few answers that I can give. I feel ashamed of myself, especially when I told Josette that she wasn't going off to London, she was to stay here and get married.

The problems seem beyond solution at the moment, it wrenches my heart every time I see Jem with that desperately worried look on his face, but I feel helpless to comfort him. I think alcoholism is a very selfish disease to get, I mean, it made me selfish. All I wanted to do was get things, decisions, out of the way so I could I could have my next drink.

My thoughts go rolling round, I feel trapped in them and in memories of the past. I think someone, a philosopher, once wrote that we keep making the same mistakes, living the same life, until we come to a proper realisation of where we went wrong.

All I can do now is co-operate with my treatment. I still think that my doctor is too young, perhaps someone who knew what it was like during those terrible war years might be better. I'd like to see Jo again. She must be worried about me, but then, she's like me, plenty of time on her hands, what with Anna and Rosli to do all the hard work for her.

Still, I'm forced to face up to it. A lot of the problems in my marriage were my own fault. If I hadn't loved Jo so obsessively, put her first, I might have been able to forge a real partnership with Jem.

So here we are, approaching the evening of our lives. Jem will be retiring soon, and what are we going to do then? Is it too late to make a real marriage out of it, or should we call it a day. If I get out of here soon, can we go forward together, or are we going to lapse back into being polite strangers?

The chief question that I have to ask myself is this: is my marriage worth working for and fighting for? I think it might be, time will tell. I know this, I'm going to put up a fight for it. If I can win that battle, the rest will be easy.

THE END

#151: Author: Kim, Location: Tipperary, Ireland

Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:40 pm

Jennie, this was a wonderful drabble. In hindsight it is always easier to see how things happened rather than realised it as it is happening. Poor Madge. I hope you'll write the story of her life after her discharge?

#152: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 7:52 pm

At the moment, it feels very much as though this is my last drabble. I'm totally empty of inspiration. I simply don't know when the PB's will bit again.

#153: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:07 pm

(((Madge))) Crying or Very sad

I feel so sorry for her.. but it's so good that she's finally realised that she needs the treatment

Thanks Jennie, this has been really good !

#154: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:09 pm

Thanks for a hopeful ending Jennie. Madge is probably right in feeling that she wants an older person to treat her, and it sounds as if she is now willing to agree to treatment. Thank you for all these stories, they fill out the story so well, telling it from all points of view has been a real eye opener.

#155: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 8:26 pm

Thank you Jennie. It's been so amazing to read the different points of view of each of the characters. Every time I read one of your characters I have sole empathy for that person, until I read someone elses pov and my allegiance changes.
Thank you for this rollercoaster ride of emotions!

What's next??

#156: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 10:35 pm

Thank you for that Jennie

I'm so glad Madge finally admitted her alcoholism to herself, and also that the faults in her marriage and the relationship with her children were at least partly due to her way of thinking, and acting.

#157: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:32 pm

Thank you Jennie

I am glad Madge has faced herself and is now able to face the future.

Liz

#158: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:27 am

It's been a lovely drabble Jennie - in fact a lovely series of drabbles. Thank you.

#159: Author: Eilidh, Location: Macclesfield

Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 8:01 am

Thanks Jennie. I have really enjoyed these drabbles.

*would also like to see what happens next*

#160: Author: RroseSelavy, Location: Oxford, UK

Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:09 pm

Thanks Jennie. I loved reading this series Very Happy

Don't worry about being devoid of inspiration (not surprised after such a huge drabble-fest!) - that was a great place to end it.

#161: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:15 pm

Thanks, Jennie. The ending was just right. I would love to hear Jack's point of view, if it would be possible, please?

#162: Author: Amanda M, Location: Wakefield

Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 5:28 pm

That ending was just right. Hopefully Madge will be able to rebuild her relationships with Jem and her children, and face the future with a more open and determined mind. (Although I can't help wondering how she'll take the news off David's lifestyle Confused

)

Thanks for a wonderful series of drabbles Jennie.

Star Wars

#163: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 5:42 pm

That was lovely, Jennie, thank you. But it would be great to hear what happened once Madge finished her treatment...

#164: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 6:09 pm

Thank you Jennie for a wonderful series of drabbles - I think you deserve a break, but I'm sure the bunnies will be after you again once you've had a rest! Laughing

#165: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 7:39 pm

Perfect ending, Jennie. Thanks. I've loved your Maynard universe. Thanks for sharing. Kiss

#166: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 12:39 am

This was just wonderful, Jennie and ended so well . . . have a lovely rest!

#167: Author: Lyanne, Location: Ipswich, England

Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2005 2:41 pm

Thank you Jennie, I'm not surprised you are feeling drained.

#168: Author: Elle,

Posted: Thu Oct 13, 2005 6:42 am

Well done! They were superb, thank you very much.

Hope the bunnies bite again soon...

Very Happy

#169: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2005 12:28 am

Thankyou Jennie for such a thought provoking series of drabbles

My father expected that he would be paying for our wedding and that it would therefore be "his type of wedding" - we said (probably too bluntly) that we were paying for it and were doing it as we wanted

#170: Author: Carola, Location: ...trying to get back to Nepal

Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 6:01 pm

I've just read this drabble through in one sitting and it's just excellent. But....Madge as an alcoholic? New one on me, and an interesting way of exploring the character further. Although I'm clearly really slow in coming in on this one, was there anything in the original books which set you thinking of her in this way, or was it pure inspiration?
Thanks for the great drabble...I'm off to read some more!

The CBB -> Ste Therese's House

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