Sharlie Andrews part 4 aka 13 update 3/7 p19
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The CBB -> Ste Therese's House

#1: Sharlie Andrews part 4 aka 13 update 3/7 p19 Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Tue May 02, 2006 11:51 am
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Links to previous parts:

part 1. Schooldays I
part 2. Schooldays II
part 3. Uni Years I
part 4. Uni Years II
part 5. The CS and Sharlie I
part 6. The CS and Sharlie II
part 7. The CS and Sharlie III
part 8. The CS and Sharlie IV (part 7, page 2)
part9. The CS and Sharlie V (part 7, page 3)
part 10. The CS and Sharlie VI (part 8 )
part 11. A Married Woman I (part 9)
Part 12 – A Married Woman II

Snapshots from the Sharlie universe (Ste. Therese)
Snapshots II

Tra la la, ever onwards. If anyone wants a word doc, let me know and I can e-mail it (in bits admittedly as it's now too big to get out of the work system in one go Shocked )

How could I have thought I didn’t want you, I whispered to the tiny bundle that I held in my arms as we stood by the window, only vaguely aware of what was going on around us. I stared blankly out of the window into the night. It could have all been so different, I said with a sigh. I couldn’t bring myself to voice my thoughts aloud, it should have been my baby born, over there, in the same bed as its elder brother and sister. I fought the urge to cry, I wouldn’t show my grief, not now at least. I looked down at the new life in my arms and she gazed back at me with a quizzical expression as if trying to make sense of her arrival in the world. But you’re not mine, are you, I sighed. It would be so much easier if you were.
Sharlie.
I jumped at Angie’s light touch on my elbow. I’ll need to take her to check her over.
Of course
, I mumbled, reluctantly handing her over, feeling the familiar ache of parting as I did so.
Go and make yourself a brew, you look done in.

I slipped downstairs, almost grateful for the approval to leave the room. I made a quick telephone call to Elizabeth, requesting the return of my husband before retreating to the corner of the settee with a steaming mug of tea and a book that failed to hold my interest amidst the day’s events. My thoughts were broken a short while later by Angie, standing awkwardly in the doorway holding out the baby to me. I stood up, crossing over to take her.

What about… I began, cradling her in my arms.
Don’t push her, Sharlie.
But I don’t understand.
Not everyone finds it as easy as you did,
she said with a gentle laugh. Just give her time.
How long – days, weeks, months?
I said not to push her.
How is she?
Exhausted, poor thing, and feeling a bit fragile at a guess. Let her have a bath and then just let her sleep.
But what about the baby? She needs her mother.
I’ve left you some formula in the kitchen; it might be best that way for a few days. Sharlie, Kathie’s going to need your support, just be gentle with her. Right,
she said decidedly. I’d best be going. I don’t know about you but I’m shattered. Night, Sharlie, love.
Night, Angie, and thank you… for everything.


As the door clicked shut behind her I stood alone in the hall wondering what I had let myself in for and padded down to the kitchen to read the instructions on the tin of formula mile that Angie had left on the table. Catching sight of the burnt shepherd’s pie abandoned on the side, I realised that I hadn’t eaten since breakfast but I didn’t feel like anything. I glanced around to see if there was anything within easy reach that didn’t involve effort to make it but was distracted as I heard the front door open and realised that Colin must be home. We met in the hallway.

Is… is that her, he asked.
I nodded. Do you want to hold her?
It was his turn to nod and I carefully laid her in his arms. He looked down and her, then up at me. She… she’s beautiful, but it’s… it’s not the same as with our own.
I know.
We exchanged awkward glances. Colin, I…
What?
I’m not sure I could stand to not see her again. I can’t let Kathie give her up. You two were right in the first instance with your plan – if you still want to that is. And if Kathie still agrees. I know she won’t bring our baby back and she won’t replace her either, but… I just couldn’t stand to think of her with strangers or people who wouldn’t love her like we would. Colin?

He looked up at me with a smile. I was hoping you’d say that because I was struggling to work out how to. How’s Kathie?
I shrugged. I don’t think she’s even held her yet. She wouldn’t look at her when she was first born… how could you not? I should go and see how she is… I can well imagine that all she wants to do is go to sleep, but… You’ll be alright with her won’t you?
I’m not as useless as I used to be… but you can have her when she starts bawling,
he said with a laugh.

I stood up on my tiptoes, leant in and kissed him gently before running off lightly up the stairs.


Last edited by pim on Mon Jul 03, 2006 9:40 am; edited 69 times in total

#2:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Tue May 02, 2006 12:01 pm
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Aww how sweet but its going to take a while for everythign to sort itself out...

Thank you pim!

#3:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Tue May 02, 2006 4:06 pm
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Thank you Pim!
*everything crossed that it will all work out somehow*

#4:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Tue May 02, 2006 4:17 pm
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Thanks, Pim. I hope things will work out for everyone.

#5:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue May 02, 2006 6:57 pm
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Glad both Sharlie and Colin want the babe - but poor Kathie, what must she feel like? Crying or Very sad

Thanks Pim.

#6:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Tue May 02, 2006 8:33 pm
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I hope that Kathie can talk to Sharlie, and I also hope that if Sharlie and Colin keep Kathie's baby then they'll treat it and love it the same they do their own children.
Thanks Pim!

#7:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Wed May 03, 2006 9:22 am
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I gently pushed open the ajar door to my bedroom to see Kathie sitting up in bed, her knees tucked up and her arms wrapped around her legs with her chin resting on the pillow she had balanced on her knees. It was quite clear that she had been crying. Neither of us spoke as I walked over to her and sat beside her, slipping my arms around her shaking shoulders.

Where is she?
With Colin, downstairs. I can get him to bring her up if you want her.


She shook her head and the tears began to fall. I could only hold her tightly as she sobbed helplessly on my shoulder.

You’re only fit for bed, I remarked when her sobs subsided. [i]A quick bath and then bed, it’s messy business having a baby. I know that I’m certainly ready for bed even if you aren’t.
I feel like I could sleep for a week.
Doubt you’ll get much chance for that, not if your daughter’s got anything to do with it.
Don’t.
Don’t what?
Call her my daughter,
she whispered.
But she is.
She won’t be. She’ll be somebody else’s.
She’ll always be yours.
But I don’t love her. Not in the way that you did with Luke when he was born. I’m sure she’d be wonderful if she were somebody else’s baby but not mine.
She broke off. I suppose… I suppose I thought, in a funny way, that she could replace Nancy.
It’s a different kind of love.

She shrugged. I… I miss her so much. It never gets any easier and every day I miss her that little bit more. I keep trying to tell myself that I shouldn’t feel this way, that I should try and look forward, but I can’t do it. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to love my baby. It would be better if someone took her away so I could never see her again.
But…
I stopped myself, remembering what Angie had said about not pushing her.
Did you say something about bath and bed before? I nodded and she smiled. It might all look different in the morning.

After some gentle persuasion, Kathie agreed to take the baby to her room that night but knew she could come to us if she needed to. Colin had got her to take a small feed from her bottle, something I had been unable to do and wondered how long he would keep the smug look up for. Between the two of us we had just enough energy to change our bed before falling gratefully between the covers, wrapped in each other’s arms and fell asleep.

We were only too aware that an unbroken night’s sleep with a newborn was an impossibility but the first awakening still felt a little rude as we both sat bolt upright in shock.

Leave her, I muttered to Colin. Kathie will come to us if there’s a problem. He yawned in reply and we both snuggled back down.

Eventually we realised that the baby had cried herself into a tantrum and, after an urgently whispered discussion, I slipped off along the landing to see if I could help. I felt awkward about intruding as I pushed open the door to Kathie’s room. I stopped in horror upon seeing Kathie still curled up in bed but with a pillow over her head to try and block out the noise. I shook myself and picked the baby up from her crib and began to gently rock her in an attempt to calm her cries.

Shall I warm a bottle, came Colin’s anxious question from the doorway.

I nodded and he disappeared once more. My appeals to Kathie and her conscience were in vain and I conceded defeat, heading downstairs to join Colin. Once again she refused to take the bottle from me and I could have sworn a triumphant smirk crossed Colin’s face as she took it from him.

We’ll feed and sort her out and then put her back in with Kathie, said Colin decisively.
That’s a very firm decision for this time of night, I said, breaking off as Kathie swept in.
You took her, she exclaimed. You just came into my room and took her.
You ignored her
, I snapped defensively. She’d been crying almost half an hour and worked herself up into a state. I tried to get you out of bed but you just carried on with your head under the pillow pretending she doesn’t exist. Well she does and she needed you. You need to make your mind up.

I stopped suddenly, not trusting myself to continue as Kathie spun on her heel and fled back upstairs. Colin and I finished dealing with the baby in an awkward silence before returning her to her crib. Wearily, we headed back to bed to seek solace in each other’s arms.

#8:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Wed May 03, 2006 9:25 am
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Oh dear, Kathie's not being exactly reasonable is she... Confused

#9:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Wed May 03, 2006 9:37 am
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Poor everyone.

#10:  Author: TanLocation: London via Newcastle Australia PostPosted: Wed May 03, 2006 11:19 am
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Oh how sad. Poor everyone.

#11:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Wed May 03, 2006 2:02 pm
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Thanks, Pim. I look forward to seeing how things progress.

#12:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed May 03, 2006 4:14 pm
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Kathie this is not the baby's fault - don't project everything onto her. Crying or Very sad

Thanks Pim.

#13:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Wed May 03, 2006 4:26 pm
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Oh dear - the baby needs someone, be it Kathie or Sharlie and Colin, but it's all so difficult.

Thanks Pim, I hope everyhting will sort itself out.

#14:  Author: Sarah_LLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Wed May 03, 2006 8:47 pm
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Poor Kathie.

I hope the baby is named soon, I enjoy hearing all the names you give your characters Pim. Haven't you run out of girls' names though?

#15:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Wed May 03, 2006 9:54 pm
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*hugs the baby*

Poor mite, it's not her fault Sad

Thanks Pim!

#16:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Thu May 04, 2006 1:18 am
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Oh dear - and Kathie is not in a state to make a reasoned decision, and that is precisely what has to happen. It's almost as if she's scared of the baby ... poor all of them.

#17:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Thu May 04, 2006 9:17 am
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By the time the children returned the following morning there was no sign of any progress between mother and child. Colin was completely besotted with her and I couldn’t bear to think that Kathie might pursue the path of adoption and we would never see her again. The children returned exhausted and I guessed that they hadn’t got much sleep spending the night with their cousins. I was prepared for their questions but a little wary of how I would answer the more awkward ones.

Mam, can we see the baby, was Alice’s first question as the four of them tumbled through the front door.
I don’t want to, protested Luke. She’s only a baby and there’s nothing special about them. They smelled, he added with a pointed glance at the twins.
Did not, retorted Amelia. You smell, Luke.
Amelia, Luke, that’s enough,
I said sharply. Luke shrugged in reply and Amelia stuck her lower lip out, a sure sign that a sulk was coming on. Don’t sulk, Amelia.
Mam, can we see the baby,
Alice asked again.
When you’ve taken your coats and shoes off. Thank you for having them, I said to Elizabeth as they vanished off down the hall.
No problem, she said with a smile. I’ll pop over in the week and see how you’re all getting on.
That’ll be nice.
I’d best get home to see what damage my boys have caused in my absence
. I laughed and we hugged each other goodbye. Give me a shout if you need anything.
I will,
I replied as she left, wishing that she’d been able to stay a little longer so we could have talked. I had no time to think on things though with the return of the children.
Mam, can we see the baby now, asked Alice.
I don’t want to, said Luke, repeating his earlier protest.
You don’t have to.
Good.
Amelia? Sophie?
They both nodded in reply.
What’s she called, asked Alice.
Nothing yet. Auntie Kathie needs to think of a name.
She could call her Primrose, like my doll.
That’s a stupid name
, put in Luke. I don’t see why it had to be another stupid girl.
Luke!

He shrugged in reply. Too many girls in this house. Where’s da?
With the baby
.
Luke rolled his eyes. That’s a girl’s job.
No it isn’t.
Mam,
put in Alice whinily.
Okay, come on. Luke?
I suppose I’ll come and look at her,
he condescended.

I smiled at him as I led them into the living room where Colin was laid across the settee with the baby asleep on his chest. He placed a finger to his lips to halt Alice’s flow of questions as she crouched down beside them.

Shh, he said. Be quiet because we don’t want to wake her up. She’s having a hard time.
But she’s asleep, said Alice
, her eyes wide open in surprise.
Because she’s had a hard time. She’s only a very new baby and everything is new and difficult for her.
Does she do anything,
asked Luke scornfully.
She has to learn how to do things, Colin explained. We aren’t all born geniuses like you, Luke, he teased.
Luke shrugged. She’s just a girl.
Aren’t you going to see her,
I asked the twins gently as they were still both at me side, stubbornly clinging to my hands. Sophie put her free hand in her mouth and shook her head whilst Amelia cautiously went over, motioning for Sophie to join her, who did after a moment’s thought.
Were me and Sophie that small?
Smaller,
said Colin as Amelia shook her head disbelievingly. You were this big. He motioned with his hands and I struggled to reconcile my three year old twins with the tiny babies they had once been.

#18:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Thu May 04, 2006 9:22 am
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Luke is so funny! Laughing

#19:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu May 04, 2006 9:56 am
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Poor Luke lost in a world of girls!

Thank you pim.

#20:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Thu May 04, 2006 6:13 pm
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Thanks, Pim. It was lovely to see the children meeting the baby.

#21:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu May 04, 2006 7:02 pm
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Awwww! So lovely to see Colin with her - poor little babe without a name. Crying or Very sad

Thanks Pim.

#22:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Thu May 04, 2006 8:10 pm
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Awww Luke is so cute - and such a typical boy!

Thanks Pim

#23:  Author: AlexLocation: Cambs, UK PostPosted: Thu May 04, 2006 9:07 pm
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Surely there is only one name this baby can be given...?

Luke is such a typical boy, so funny with his 3 sisters! And quite reminiscent of Rix (I think) who suggested calling Sybil after the cat.

#24:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Thu May 04, 2006 11:55 pm
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Poor Luke...he is a bit besieged isn't he? And trying to reconcile the sheer littleness of the newborn with the childre they become.
Thanks Pim

#25:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2006 9:09 am
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The children were forced into an early night following their lack of sleep on the previous one. Colin and I followed suit, forgetting how hard work a newborn was. We were prepared for another broken night’s sleep, wondering if Kathie would cope differently. She still hadn’t held the baby and I couldn’t help worrying about her. Kathie seemed unable to bring herself to get up to deal with the baby again, Colin and I prompted into action by the appearance of the twins in our room, clutching their teddy bears and comfort blankets, asking us to “turn the baby off”. Colin went to fetch the baby and we agreed that it would be best for the twins to spend the night in our bed.

I toyed with the idea of allowing the twins the following morning off playgroup to recover from their broken night but they were chattering so eagerly about it over breakfast that I couldn’t bring myself to do so. I returned from dropping the children off at school and playgroup to find the baby in full throes of crying and Kathie in a not much better state.

She just won’t stop, she said despairingly to me between sobs.

I rolled my eyes, picked up the baby and walked down to the kitchen with her to try and determine the cause of her tears.

Not the nappy, no wind, I muttered half to her, half to myself. No temperature, I very much doubt you’re ill but I apologise if you are. Feed? When did Colin last give you a bottle? I don’t think he squeezed one in before work and I know I didn’t – you saw what the rabble were up to. I’d better put your bottle on, hadn’t I? You’ll have to take it from me though and I know you’re not keen on that plan but needs must. I paced back and forth across the kitchen floor as I waited for the milk to warm up. I’m sorry, I whispered. I wish I’d been here or that I’d taken you with me. But your mam has to learn sometime. She does love you, I’m sure of it, she just has a funny way of showing it at the moment. You’ll just have to bear with her while she gets used to you. She will do, I hope. I wish she’d just hold you, like this, and then she’d see how wonderful you are. Maybe… one day when you’re older you’ll understand why she feels the way she does at the moment. I wish you could talk back to me and I wish she’d give you a name. It’s nearly ready and then everything will be alright with the world again.

Kathie shrank further into the corner of the settee as I sank into the arm chair to try and convince the baby to take her bottle.

You can do it if you want, I offered. Kathie looked horrified and shook her head. You might have to if she won’t take it. She doesn’t seem to like taking it from me. I don’t know what knack Colin has but I wish he’d teach it to me. Talking of Colin, have you let her father know?
Leo? No.
Will you?
She shrugged. I suppose it’s your decision.
Yes it is,
she replied coldly.
Oh, I exclaimed with surprise and delight. She’s taking it from me.

Kathie looked up at me and then jumped up and ran from the room, stifling a sob as she did so. I hesitated for a moment, unsure what to do. I glanced down at the baby in my arms sucking contentedly on her bottle and realised my priority for the moment.

It’ll be okay, I whispered, trying to reassure myself. It will. It has to be.

#26:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2006 9:22 am
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Poor Kathie, I don't think she knows whether she wants the baby or not; what an awful decision to make, especially as Sharlie seems so keen to have her. Thanks, Pim.

#27:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2006 11:05 am
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Poor poor Kathie...and poor sharlie not knowing how to handle it for the best.

Ta pimmy!

#28:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2006 4:43 pm
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Oh dear what a mess. Sharlie's so happy that the baby's taking a bottle from her and then that reaction from Kathie...

Thanks Pim

#29:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2006 5:19 pm
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Poor, poor Kathie Crying or Very sad

I hope that something breaks (in a good way) soon.

Thanks, Pim

#30:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2006 7:41 pm
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So sad. Crying or Very sad

Thanks for this Pim - it must be very hard to write.

#31:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Fri May 05, 2006 9:47 pm
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This is really sad, the poor baby with no name Crying or Very sad

#32:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Sat May 06, 2006 5:39 pm
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Pim, this is incredible! Thank you sweetie. I can't decide who I feel most sorry for. Confused

#33:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Mon May 08, 2006 9:19 am
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LizB wrote:
I hope that something breaks (in a good way) soon.


Possibly my brain...

The week passed in a similar vein and by Friday I was nearing the end of my patience and glad of the company of my sisters for the morning.

She won’t even look at her, I said exasperatedly. I’m not even sure she’s held her yet and she won’t get up in the night with her. I don’t know what to do to try and get her take an interest; it’s like talking to the wall.
Some people need time,
Elizabeth said with a smile. Trust me, I know all about it.
Baby blues, Sharlie,
Rebecca explained in response to my puzzled expression.
I… but… I faltered.
You were lucky. I’ve never seen anyone take as easily to motherhood as you did, sighed Elizabeth. Did you never have those moments when it all got too much or you couldn’t reconcile yourself as being the mother of this… this thing in your arms?
I shook my head. I mean it was hard sometimes but… I looked round the three of them. Did you?
Elizabeth nodded. Only a little with Peter and Mark but it was so much worse with Simon. I think it might have been more to do with the operation and feeling like I’d been run over by a tractor for days. I wouldn’t change them now but I did wonder what I’d done for a while.
It’s alright, Sharlie,
put in Harriet with a laugh. I didn’t, apart from the odd moment of fear.
I… but Eliz, I’d never have guessed.

She shrugged. I learned to hide it, if only to stop the mother-in-law gossiping that I wasn’t looking after her grandsons properly. I think I definitely drew the short straw as far as mother-in-laws go, she added with a mischievous grin.
I don’t know, said Rebecca. I think Philip’s mother could have given James’ a run for her money when we were first married – all those years ago.
You have been married rather a long time, old thing,
teased Harriet.
Less of the old you, I’m still your big sister.
Harriet stuck her tongue out in reply. I’m still your little sister. Can I have a hold of baby now? You’ve had her for ages, Becca.
If you must
, sighed Rebecca, reluctantly handing baby over to Harriet.
Eliz, what can I do for Kathie, I asked.
Don’t push her.
That’s what Angie said.
Sound advice. It’ll come to her, if she keeps her that is.
That’s what I’m afraid of.
I couldn’t help myself and the whole story spilled out.
Well, said Rebecca, being the first to recover her senses. That certainly explains a few things. And you haven’t told Kathie that you and Colin are happy to take baby on? I shook my head. Don’t you think you ought to?
I know I ought to but she keeps talking about giving her up and… I couldn’t bear it. We tried not to get too attached to her but… how can you not? I can’t even bring myself to consider her going to just anyone.
You need to tell her,
Harriet urged. But the sound of it you gave Kathie the impression that you didn’t want baby so she’ll be preparing herself to say goodbye. She probably thinks there’s no point getting attached to baby if she’s going to have to give her up.
I know you’re right and I know that I need to tell her. But what if she’s decided that adoption is the best plan for her? I’m not sure I’d be able to give up a child of mine to friends to bring up. But all I really want for the moment is for her to take an interest in her daughter.
You can’t force it,
said Elizabeth. But it might come easier if you put her mind at rest. She must be all at sea at the moment.
I guess.


We were interrupted by the sudden appearance of Kathie in the doorway.

Sorry, she muttered, shuffling around us. I thought you were in the sitting room. I was just after some coffee.
Rebecca drained the last of her tea and checked her watch. I’d better go and collect Johanna from the clutches of the mother-in-law or I’ll be in trouble.

Elizabeth and Harriet found excuses to leave and I realised that it was almost time to leave to collect the twins from playgroup.

Kathie, I said, having seen my sisters off and returned to the kitchen, baby in my arms. [i]I need to go and collect the twins from playgroup. Shall I leave baby with you or do you want me to take her?
Either or,
she shrugged in reply.
I frowned. I’ll take her and run the risk of awkward questions because I don’t think I feel happy about leaving her with you. I hated myself for saying it. We need to talk when I get back; you need to face up to a few things.

#34:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Mon May 08, 2006 9:23 am
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Oh this is so sad, I hope Kathie will open up soon. Crying or Very sad

#35:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Mon May 08, 2006 2:29 pm
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I hope Sharlie is tactful when she tackles Kathie; there's too much potential for them both to get hurt.

Thanks, Pim.

#36:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Mon May 08, 2006 7:16 pm
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Maybe it is baby blues, I don't think so though - and I think I'd be like Sharlie and want to shake Kathie! Laughing

Thanks Pim.

#37:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Mon May 08, 2006 7:44 pm
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Eeeek

Really hope Sharlie will be sensitive!

Thanks Pim

#38:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Mon May 08, 2006 7:50 pm
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Thanks, Pim. I hope that Sharlie and Kathie can sort things out.

#39:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2006 9:23 am
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Lesley wrote:
and I think I'd be like Sharlie and want to shake Kathie! Laughing


Well, bags me first... Wink

The time for talking came later that day once Alice and Luke were home from school and I could trust the four of them together without causing too much chaos. The silence that descended between Kathie and I as we perched awkwardly side by side on her bed was thick and forbidding, neither of us knowing how to being the conversation we so badly needed to have.

I’m giving her up, Kathie said eventually.
No…but, I… I protested falteringly, my hands instinctively reaching for the baby slumbering peacefully in her crib.
What else can I do? The question came helplessly.
Leave her with Colin and I. There, I’d said it.
But you said…
I know what I said then but… I said it was too soon, but now…
My hands instinctively reached out again. I can’t let you give her up. I… I’ll fight you every step of the way… I broke off with the realisation that Kathie was laughing at me. What’s so funny? And then it dawned on me that it was a relieved laughter.
I thought… she stammered, catching her breath and flinging her arms around me. I reciprocated the gesture, more in shock that anything else. When you said you didn’t think it would be a good idea for you and Colin to have her… I’ve been preparing myself to give her up, to never see her again. Do you really mean it?
Of course I do. I knew… when Angie first put her in my arms that I couldn’t bear to not see her again.
What about Colin?
Colin never thought he was in the wrong,
I said with a smile.
But the children though?
Oh I daresay Luke won’t be overly impressed, but he’s not all that fond of his own sisters.
He’s such a boy.
Isn’t he? Alice will love it, she’s already completely besotted, and the twins… well, once Amelia’s happy then Sophie will be too. We’ll be fine, Kathie, all of us…and above all she’ll always be your daughter.
Isn’t it silly how much those words still scare me? Even the idea that she’s mine is terrifying.
She’s not all that scary once you get to know her. You’ve never been scared of my children.
Because they’re yours and I can give them back.

I smiled. I always said that about my nephews and nieces. But it’s so different with your own. Don’t you have a name for her? It’s so… impersonal calling her “her” or “she” or just “baby” all the time. If you’re not careful then Alice will insist that she’s named Primrose like her doll.
Kathie stared at me, wide eyed in surprise. But she’s always had a name… Nancy. Not that I could bear to ever call her that, I’d always be thinking too much of Nancy.
So what are you going to call her then?
Can’t you guess?
Don’t be aggravating.
I’d like her to be known by her middle name – Charlotte, of course – she couldn’t be anything else. Well, once I’ve thought what she can be for short.
She stopped for a moment. Lottie.
We both peered over the edge of the crib, looked at each other and smiled. Lottie, I whispered tentatively to her and, as if on cue, her eyes opened and she looked at us both mystified. I reached over and picked her up, offering her to Kathie who shrank back.
I… I can’t.
Yes, you can,
I replied simply, offering no choice as I placed Lottie in her arms. She doesn’t bite; she doesn’t have any teeth for a start.
I… I…
she stammered.
Can’t quite express it properly?
She shook her head. I keep thinking about my mother. She never had the chance to do this with me. I… I thought having her might… I even hoped for a while that… the same thing would happen to me. It would have saved me having to decide her future. I’ve been an ass this last week, haven’t I?
Maybe a little but I think we can forgive you. It’s as much our fault. If we’d told you before…
I broke off, my attention caught by the sound of the children racing about downstairs. I wonder what they’re doing now, probably best not to ask though knowing them. Are you sure you want us to bring Lottie up with the rabble?
I always envied my friends with siblings. You can give Lottie the one thing I can’t: a family. I adore your children; I’d trust them to the ends of the earth with Lottie.
She broke off as we could plainly hear Alice shouting “Luke, you’re a mean”. Yes, even Luke, she added with a laugh.

#40:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2006 9:29 am
    —
I'm glad that Kathie has opened up to Sharlie.

#41:  Author: TanLocation: London via Newcastle Australia PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2006 9:56 am
    —
Beautiful. I had to blink away the tears though!

#42:  Author: KarryLocation: Stoke on Trent PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2006 10:14 am
    —
Crying or Very sad Poor Kathie! So glad Lottie is going to stay in the family!

#43:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2006 10:24 am
    —
Yay! Glad they managed to speak and that they're someway to a solution!

Lottie - very sweet. Thank you pim.

#44:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2006 1:05 pm
    —
Thanks, Pim. I'm glad they have sorted things out.

#45:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2006 2:06 pm
    —
That's a relief. I'm glad they're talking and that things are going to be sorted. Sharlie will be busy with five kids, though.

Thanks, Pim.

#46:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2006 5:10 pm
    —
Awwwww!!! Thank you Pimmy!!!

*hugs them all*

#47:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2006 6:45 pm
    —
Awww that's lovely - and such a tribute - not just to Nancy but to Sharlie (Charlotte) herself!

Thanks Pim.

#48:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 9:13 am
    —
It’s a well known fact that too many cooks spoil the broth but there ought to be a similar sentiment expressed somewhere about too many mothers. It was hard to let old habits die and not fly to Lottie’s every need and there were times when I questioned myself if we had all made the right decision for Lottie. I knew that I would never have been able to give up any of my children and couldn’t help but wonder if it would be better for Kathie to keep Lottie, despite her protests that she really ought to be finding work for the summer term. Although she was happier with Lottie and didn’t shy away from spending time with her there was still something not quite right but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Lottie was only three weeks old when Kathie took it upon herself to do a ring round of the agencies to see what they could offer her and a week later they found her a place in a small boarding school some two hours drive away as supply for the summer term to relieve some burdens during the examination season.

Rupert seemed to make some progress throughout February but March was a much crueller month that saw him back in hospital with all the progress undone. I wasn’t quite able to find the optimism that I had done previously although I was reluctant to become as despondent as Rupert had, if only for the children’s sake. Even Rupert seemed resigned to the fact that the progress had just been a blip. The children were becoming increasingly reluctant to go and visit him in the hospital and I hated pushing them to do it, if only so they would have some memories of their grandfather. I wanted them to be able to say the things to him that I had never been able to do so to Nan before she had died. At the same time I wasn’t sure how to comfort Colin; it was all so different from how I had lost my own father, the two situations were incomparable to me.

April saw Rupert being allowed home from hospital, the staff there not being sure what their next steps should be for him. Kathie headed off to start her new job towards the end of the month and the house suddenly seemed a lot quieter and less crowded. Lottie seemed to notice her mother’s absence a little but she was still very attached to Colin. It was Thursday when Kathie eventually telephoned to follow up the hastily scrawled card we had received a couple of days previously.

I was wondering when we’d hear from you, I said upon answering the telephone. Well, apart from that card that made next to no sense that arrived the other day,
You’ve not put Lottie to bed yet, have you?
Not quite.
I leant down the hall to see Colin dancing around the kitchen with Lottie in his arms. Colin’s crooning along to Elvis on the radio to try and get her sleepy – I hope It works, if only to shut him up.
Could you bring her to the phone?
Erm, okay. Colin,
I called softly down the hall. Could you bring Lottie, please? How’s it going, I asked, returning my attentions to Kathie.
Oh, it’s alright, nothing overwhelming. But it’s pleasant enough, I suppose.
Thank you,
I whispered to Colin as I tucked the receiver to my ear with my shoulders and took Lottie from him.
Have you got her there?
Yes, bless her, she’s not raised a single protest to Colin’s singing. I would have done.
Lottie gurgled contentedly at me in reply and I heard Kathie sigh. You okay?
Yes, I…I just don’t suppose I thought I’d miss her as much as I’ve found myself doing. Next weekend seems an awfully long time away all of a sudden.
I bit my lip, not trusting myself to say anything in reply. That was all. I guess I’d better let you get back to the bedtime routine. I’ll see you all next weekend.
Yes, take care of yourself.

#49:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 9:20 am
    —
Kathie has had such a tough life in this universe Crying or Very sad

#50:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 10:14 am
    —
Poor Kathie. Things still aren't quite right are they...

Thanks pimmy.

#51:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 11:43 am
    —
I think I share Sharlie's misgivings. Crying or Very sad

Thanks Pim.

#52:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 3:49 pm
    —
Thanks, Pim. I am wondering what is going to happen about Lottie in the future.

#53:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 3:57 pm
    —
Poor Kathie, it must be so difficult for her.

Thanks, Pim.

#54:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 6:06 pm
    —
Thanks Pim, it was good to (finally) catch up with this. Poor, poor Kathie...

Thank you Very Happy

Kathryn

#55:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Wed May 10, 2006 8:07 pm
    —
Oooh and erkle. When it was all going so well....

Thanks Pim

#56:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 9:50 am
    —
Well, erm, yes.

Kathie’s phone call had unnerved me a little, despite the ensuing letter saying that she knew it had been the right decision. Her visit was, as we all said, not quite long enough but she seemed keen enough to get back to the school on the Sunday evening. My mind was distracted when Rupert was admitted back into hospital in mid May, this time without any hope. Both Aunt Jane and Colin described him as “giving up” and it was so hard to watch. I was aware that the children’s remaining time with him would be precious but they weren’t too keen on visiting him in the hospital. I couldn’t blame them really and left them to make their own minds up about visiting in the end. Somehow we all struggled through May, fighting the exhaustion that threatened to overwhelm us. At the beginning of June the hospital simply told us “days”. Aunt Jane put on her customary brave face and kept herself busy whilst Colin threw himself into his work.

Why the long face, Rupert asked me a couple of days later.[i] Anyone would think you weren’t pleased to see me.
I managed a weak smile in reply. I can’t help but think…
We’ll have none of that, Sharlie girl. I’m the one on my last legs after all.
How can you joke about it like that?
What else can I do? May as well make the most of what I’ve got rather than moping about just wasting away to nothing. What’s that poem – Do not go gentle into that good night, rage, rage against the dying of the light. That’s me that is. I’ve had my innings, time for us old buggers to move over and let you young ‘uns get a look in.

I laughed in spite of myself. I guess we are being a little selfish wanting to keep you forever; only having you has been like a second chance with a father for me in some ways.
Well just think of all the things I’ll be able to tell your da when I track him down in the great hereafter.

I raised an eyebrow. You just watch what you tell my da about me. It’s been… too long.
And it’s been too long sine I last saw my Alice and my Luke.
I wish I could have known them.
And what would have become of your Aunt Jane then?
You always have been just what she needs. Sometimes it doesn’t bear thinking about – how different it could have all been. Anyway, I’ve got some news that I think will cheer you up – but you’re not to breathe a word to anyone, not even Colin knows yet.
I’m intrigued.
And I’m pregnant.
Never.
You’d better believe it. I only found out this morning. It’s a bit of a surprise – we’d certainly said no more after the twins!
Accidents happen.
Don’t they just. If it’s a boy we’ll call him Rupert.
What on earth do you want to go bestowing a name like that on the poor blighter for?
It’s family, isn’t it – Colin’s Colin Rupert, you’re Rupert Colin and your father was Colin Rupert…
No need to list us back to Doomsday, Sharlie girl. I’ve got the picture
.
We both started laughing until Rupert began a coughing fit. Can I do anything, I asked anxiously and he shook his head as one of the nurses suddenly bustled around us shooing me out of the way.
You’re secret’s safe with me, I heard him croak as I walked away.

Rupert passed away quietly in his sleep the following night.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightening they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray,
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

~Dylan Thomas~

#57:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 10:25 am
    —
More children...she's a sucker for punishment our Sharlie! Hope all works out with Kathie.

And good bye Rupert.

Thank you pimmy!

#58:  Author: Ruth BLocation: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 11:15 am
    —
That makes 6!! Is she trying to out do Joey?

#59:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 11:20 am
    —
She's trying to catch up with Joey, isn't she? Laughing

Sad about Rupert - especially so for Aunt Jane - but love that poem.

Thanks Pim.

#60:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 2:38 pm
    —
Sharlie's pregnant again Shocked and after twins, too! Poor thing!

Thanks, Pim.

#61:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 3:26 pm
    —
Thanks pim, I hope Sharlie can cope with another baby as well as her existing family.

Kathryn

#62:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 8:40 pm
    —
I just hope this pregnancy goes well, she is a sucker for punishment! Wink

#63:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 9:56 pm
    —
I'm glad Sharlie told Rupert about the baby before he died.
But I'm going to set up a Georgia-watch now, to make sure she can't get near them to do nasty things!

#64:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 10:25 pm
    —
Crying or Very sad Rupert was so lovely.

I do hope Sharlie has a healthy boy - Luke would be happy!

Thank you Pim

#65:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2006 9:17 am
    —
Gahh, I swear that Sharlie is trying to get me arrested for assault by suggesting things that make me want to fling my notebook at the nearest person... Anyway, onwards and upwards or something.

The telephone rang whilst Colin and I were up with Lottie, neither of us able to sleep and knowing only too well what a call at 4am could possibly mean. Colin headed downstairs to answer it, leaving me to put Lottie back to bed.

Is it… I hardly dared ask on seeing Colin in the doorway.
Father’s gone, he whispered.

We met halfway, finding each other’s comforting arms.

Let’s go back to bed, I whispered eventually, leading him over. Was that the hospital?
He nodded. He was asleep when it happened. The nurse checked on him a few hours ago and when she went back… Jane…
What about her?
She’ll be on her own.

I shook my head. She’s gone to Eliz for the night. She was collecting Simon from school this afternoon and told me then. But they wouldn’t think to call her there…
We can’t leave it until the morning. She’d never forgive us if we did.
No, you’re right.
I’ll go,
he said after an awkward silence.
I nodded and squeezed his hand. Do you want me to come with you?

He shook his head and rolled out of bed, before disappearing from the room. I lay back against the pillows, staring aimlessly at the ceiling, unable to imagine how Colin would be feeling. I had only been a child when da had died and it had been during the War when everything was so different from now. I had only been a year older or so than Alice now and I could hardly bear to think of her losing Colin. I sighed and rested my hands lightly on my stomach, trying to move my thoughts on to more pleasant things. I was already drowsy when Colin returned and on the brink of sleep.

Coo, I exclaimed, sitting bolt upright. Your feet are like ice!
Sorry
, he mumbled, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me back down.
Did you speak to her?
Yes.
And?
And what? We’ve all known he’s been dying for months now. It was just a matter of when…
He buried his head in my shoulder and wrapped his arm around my waist. I gently kissed the top of his head. I’m dreading having to tell everyone.
I’ll help, where I can that is… I still don’t know half of your friends that well.
I just want you to be there.
I always will.
Sharlie?
Yes?
How do you feel about moving?
Moving where?
Into the family home… I promised father I wouldn’t mention it to you until now. Jane’s always said it’s too big for her on her own and we’ve been bemoaning the lack of space for when Lottie moves out of sharing with us. And the house has got oodles of room for all of us and Jane and Kathie.
And one more?
Hmm? One more what?
Of us.
You’re talking riddles.
I’m not.
You are. What do you mean one more of us?
I’m pregnant, you great oaf.
B… but…
I know. It’s an accident, and hardly the best of times either, but there you go.
Are you really?

I nodded. I’ve only known a couple of days and it’s really been the worst time to tell you.
Hasn’t been much fun, has it?
I thought, if it’s a boy we could call him Rupert.
That…
He broke off. I’m going to miss him so much. He’s my only family.
What are we?
You know what I mean. Since mother died it’s always been father and I. I just can’t quite accept that I’m never going to see him again.
At least you have your pictures.
It’s never quite the same thing.
But they’re a good reminder for when you think the memory’s fading.

He tightened his grip around me a little. I suppose I should be grateful for our line of work.
Yes, you should,
I replied, closing my eyes and trying to summon up an image of my parents. But no one can take away your memories and he’ll always be your father.

I closed my eyes again and suddenly I was five years old again, running down the cobbled street home after school, my shoes stuffed with newspaper and my laces flying undone. Mam stood on the step waiting to bustle us indoors to change out of our school frocks. Da appeared in the doorway, swinging me up into his arms, the smell of factory and pub on him. Tell me about your day, my Sharlie girl.

#66:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2006 9:21 am
    —
That last paragraph bought tears to my eyes.

#67:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2006 9:24 am
    —
Poor Colin - at least knowledge of another babe on the way may help.

Thanks Pim.

#68:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2006 11:12 am
    —
Thank you pim.

#69:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2006 3:32 pm
    —
Thank pim, that was such a moving scene. I hope they can find some comfort in the baby that's on its way.

Thank you.

Kathryn

#70:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2006 7:25 pm
    —
*wibble*
Pimmy, you made me cry!
*sniffles*

#71:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri May 12, 2006 7:50 pm
    —
Thanks, Pim. I'm sorry about Rupert.

#72:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Sat May 13, 2006 12:41 am
    —
Life ends, life begins...thanks Pim.

#73:  Author: DawnLocation: Leeds, West Yorks PostPosted: Sat May 13, 2006 5:40 pm
    —
Another one who's in tears Crying or Very sad


Please Pim and Georgia can everything go smoothly for a little while?

#74:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2006 9:30 am
    —
Smoothly? Hmm. Well... I think it's a good idea.

Neither of us managed more than a fitful doze for the rest of the night but the usual objections were raised when the alarm went off. Colin rolled over and thumped it viciously into silence.

It wasn’t just a dream, he muttered, curling up against me once more.
I ran my fingers through his hair. Don’t go to work today.
I won’t. I’ll let Bill and Harry know what’s happened and leave it up to them whether they keep the shop open or not today. What about the children?
We’ll keep them at home for the day. It’s Friday after all and I’m sure one day extra for the weekend won’t do any damage.
I keep expecting it to be a mistake, you know. He was my father and you think your parents are always going to be there… immortal in some kind of way, I s’pose. And one day we won’t be here for our children, all of them
, he said, gently resting his hand on my stomach. I can’t bear to think of them without us.
When Nancy died Luke told me that he wasn’t going to grow up so I’d never die. Sometimes he can be quite thoughtful and sensitive, not where his sisters are concerned though.
Isn’t Kathie coming this weekend?
I swore in reply, having completely forgotten. Charlotte!
Sorry. I’d forgotten we were expecting her this weekend with everything that’s happened this week. I’d better forewarn her although I don’t want to put her off as she hasn’t seen Lottie for three weeks.
I wasn’t suggesting that you put her off. She needs all the time she can get with Lottie after all. About our baby though,
he said, caressing my stomach. I’d never have guessed.
I know… no symptoms and I didn’t even realise my period was late. It was only when I went to make myself a cup of tea the other day and it made me want to be sick – just like it did with the twins. It better hadn’t be twins again; one will be enough to cope with along with Lottie.
How do you feel about it?
Apprehensive,
I admitted. We always said four and, well, we’re not as young as we used to be. You’ve already passed the big 4-0 and I hit that myself next year. I know plenty of people have babies at our time of life but…
No, I understand your point but… we’ll be fine as long as we work together, won’t we?
He looked up and kissed me. We won’t be the youngest parents at the school gates but we’ll still love it as much as the others. When’s it due, you haven’t said yet.
December. I’m not sure when. I’m seeing Angie next week, maybe this time she’ll get the chance to deliver. I rather hope I won’t have to go through what I did with the twins again.
I hope you won’t either
.
I sighed. We’re going to have a screaming newborn and Lottie at the age of exploration with a new trick every day. I think it’s all too much, Colin.
I beg to differ.
You won’t be the one all day every day with them.
Maybe not, although… I could probably take things a lot easier with the shop. Bill and Harry can manage on their own and I’ll be able to spend more time at home and with the children and you.
But…
Not that we’ve in the best frame of mind to be making decisions right now. We’ve plenty of time to think about the next steps.
I know.
Mam! Da!
Alice’s call from the doorway broke our thoughts. You forgot to wake us up, we’ll be late for school.
You’re not going to school today,
said Colin.
Why?
Because, I began. We’ll explain when the others are up.
Shall I wake them,
asked Colin and I nodded in reply.

#75:  Author: JenniferGLocation: Durham PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2006 10:48 am
    —
Oh, I hope this pregnancy goes smoothly for Sharlie. After that discussion re how easily she took to motherhood, it would be dreadful if something went wrong this time..

-Jennifer

#76:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2006 11:57 am
    —
Thank you pimmy.

#77:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2006 2:43 pm
    —
Thanks pim, I can well understand Sharlie's nerves. I hope everything goes okay with the pregnancy and that she can cope when the new baby comes along

Kathryn

#78:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2006 3:54 pm
    —
Thank you Pim!

(And PLEASE keep you-know-who away from this until the baby is safely born!!)

#79:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2006 5:22 pm
    —
Please please let everything go smoothly for once, Pim!

You-know-who should be satisfied with Rupert for a while at least.

Thank you

#80:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2006 7:06 pm
    —
Thanks Pim.

#81:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2006 7:52 pm
    —
Thanks, Pim. I'm glad they are continuing to talk things through.

#82:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 1:17 am
    —
I am worried about Sharlie's age..... and I don't envy her a newborn and a just about one-year-old together!

Thanks Pim.

#83:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 8:45 am
    —
You-know-who? She's not Voldemort... okay, maybe as bas as... Erm, help?

The twins were nestled sleepily between us with Alice and Luke sitting at the foot of the bed, the latter bouncing excitedly at his unexpected day off school.

Do you really mean it, that we’re not going to school today, asked Luke.
Luke, don’t bounce so hard, I groaned, suddenly feeling a little nauseous. Yes, we really mean it.
But why
, moaned Alice.
Colin and I exchanged awkward glances. Because Gramps died in the night, I said simply, knowing there was no point beating around the bush with them.

The four of them fell silent, Sophie cuddled up to me a little closer and Alice slid off the end of the bed, climbing into the scrap of space on my other side.

But I don’t want Gramps to be dead, whispered Alice, the tears falling down her face.
I kissed the top of her head. Neither do we, sweetheart.
Why do people always have to die
, asked Luke who was still at the end of the bed. Auntie Nancy died and now Gramps, I don’t want anyone else to die. He got up and went to Colin, the rest of us rearranging ourselves to squeeze him in. It’s not fair.
Has Gramps gone to heaven
, asked Amelia. Colin and I both nodded in reply. Sophie, you can talk to people in heaven. Mrs Watts at playgroup said so.
That’s silly
, said Luke stubbornly. Why talk to them when they can’t talk back?
Because sometimes it makes it better
, I said.
What about Gamma, asked Alice.
What about her, sweetheart?
Will she come and live with us? When Isobel’s Granddad died her Gran went to live with them.

I smiled. I rather think we’ll go and live with Gamma instead of Gamma coming to live with us.
Will Lottie and Auntie Kathie come too?
What makes you think they won’t?
Isobel said Auntie Kathie and Lottie should live together on their own.
Never mind what Isobel says. Lottie lives with us and Auntie Kathie lives with us in the holidays.
But Auntie Kathie’s Lottie’s mam so she should live with her.
It doesn’t always work like that, Alice. Yes, Sophie,
I asked in response to the tug at my sleeve.
Mam, is Gramps an angel now?
I bit back the urge to laugh at the image that had popped into my head of Rupert with wings and a halo. Yes, I suppose he is. He’ll always be looking after you.
And ‘Melia too?
Yes, and Amelia. And Alice, and Luke, and your da.
What about you,
asked Amelia.
Well I have my own mam and da in heaven for that.
Is Gamma going to die too
, asked Luke.
Not just yet, replied Colin.
But Gamma’s old like Gramps was.
Gramps was poorly
, explained Colin.
I’ve been poorly, protested Luke. And I’m not dead yet.
There’s a special kind of poorly,
I put in. The kind when God says it’s time for you to go to heaven.
But how do you know?
You don’t.
Just God does
, asked Alice.
Something like that, I muttered, not wishing to open a theological debate.
I think it’s time for breakfast, announced Colin suddenly. Last one washed and dressed is a smelly!
That’ll be Sophie then
, shouted Luke, leaping out of bed. Sophie’s a girl and girls smell!
Less of that Luke
, said Colin, pulling him back. Or I’ll keep you here and you can be last and the smelly.
But I’m not smelly! I’m not a girl!
No
, retorted Alice. You’re a stupid boy.
Enough
, I declared. None of you are a smelly. But go and get dressed. Now.

With varying degrees of protest the four of them made their way out of the room as Colin and I fell into each other’s arms, just as Lottie decided it was time to wake and start crying. We both laughed.

I’ll get breakfast, you can get Lottie, said Colin with a grin, leaping out of bed.

#84:  Author: TanLocation: London via Newcastle Australia PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 9:36 am
    —
[quote="pim"]You-know-who? She's not Voldemort... okay, maybe as bas as... Erm, help?

Why does that strike fear into me??

Shocked

#85:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 10:34 am
    —
Thank you pimmy.

#86:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 10:38 am
    —
Thanks, Pim. It was interesting to see how they took the news.

#87:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 11:38 am
    —
Thanks Pim.

Slightly worried that people are gossipping about Kathie and Lottie though. Very much doubt Isobel made that up on her own.

#88:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 11:47 am
    —
Thanks pim, it was really touching to see the way that Sharlie and Colin talked to the children about their grandfather's death.

Thank you!

Kathryn

#89:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 3:05 pm
    —
That was very touching, thanks, Pim.

#90:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 6:15 pm
    —
Thank you Pim! That was a lovely scene, and Sharlie and Colin handled telling the kids wonderfully!

#91:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 7:54 pm
    —
Agree, a lovely scene, and very well handled by Sharlie and Colin.

Thanks Pim.

#92:  Author: DawnLocation: Leeds, West Yorks PostPosted: Tue May 16, 2006 8:50 pm
    —
That was great Pim - very realistic

I remember when a little girl we knew died aged 4 and it was being explained to other children (not by me) that Hannah was now an angel. After deep thought, a little voice said "but Hannah was too naughty to be an angel" - try explaining that Laughing

#93:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 9:55 am
    —
Rupert’s funeral was the following Thursday and saw him buried beside his Alice and Luke. We passed the intervening days in that uncertain state of suspense that ensues between a death and the funeral, whilst trying to keep things as normal as possible for the children. Part of me wanted to protect them from the reality of the funeral, the final farewell, but we decided that it would be for the best for Alice and Luke to come, the twins still being a little too young. We had left the question of moving alone for the time being, knowing only too well that neither of us was in the right frame of mind to be thinking of such major steps. We had also decided to leave telling people about the baby until after the funeral, it simply seemed to be the right decision. It amazed me the difference that the two years had made since Nancy’s death and the greater Alice’s level of understanding about what had happened had become. I was forced to realise that I would no longer be able to protect her in the same way that I had been able to do up until now; it was so hard to let them grow up and face the world that the rest of us knew.

The funeral was well attended, so well in fact that a lot of people were unable to find a seat and were forced to crowd in at the back of the church. Colin spoke briefly about Rupert at the service and it was plain to see how hard he would find it without his father. Aunt Jane did her best to hide her grief, as she so often had done before, but my sisters and I knew better than to push her to admit her true feelings. She had asked to be the one to look after Lottie during the service, her way of coping so she wouldn’t be forced to show her emotions as the rest of us did. Colin did his best to keep his stiff upper lip throughout the service, only coming close to breaking as the earth was thrown on to the coffin, his hand tightening its grip around mine.

We moved on to the wake at a nearby pub that Rupert and Aunt Jane had often frequented where he was remembered by those who had known him, often with laughter. By the time we came to leave I realised that Colin wasn’t with us and nobody could recall having seen him for a couple of hours. I fought the urge to panic at his disappearance and Aunt Jane offered to take the children home. I found myself making my way back to the church and found Colin beside the freshly filled grave. Part of me was reluctant to intrude on his private grief, but I knew had to.

Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep, I quoted softly, standing behind him and reaching out my hand to place it on his shoulder. He turned and smiled at me.
How did you know I was here?
I didn’t. I just guessed, lucky one.
I wanted to say goodbye, without everyone staring, waiting for me to break.
They weren’t…
Shh, I know that but it was just the way it felt earlier.
Why didn’t you say something?
You’d only have worried.
I worried more when I realised that you were gone.
I’m sorry.
Don’t be. Not now. It’s not a time for sorry.
You’re right. It’s time to go home and face our future.


I slipped my hand into his outstretched one and we left the churchyard, the sun setting behind us, swathing the trees in colour.

~I have seen death too often to believe in death
It is not an ending, but a withdrawal
As one who finishes a long journey
Stills the motor, turns off the lights,
Steps from his car,
And walks up the path to the home that awaits him.

Anon~

#94:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 10:03 am
    —
Thank you pim, Colin's grief is so moving and I'm so glad that he hs Sharlie there to support him.

Thank you

Kathryn

#95:  Author: Ruth BLocation: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 10:07 am
    —
Thank you Pim. I'm all goosebumpy

#96:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 12:24 pm
    —
Thank you Pim. The last two posts were very moving, especially Sharlie's realisation that she can't shield Alice as she wants to...it's one of the hardest things to learn.

#97:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 12:45 pm
    —
Very weepy, Pim.

Thank you

#98:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 2:22 pm
    —
pim wrote:
only coming close to breaking as the earth was thrown on to the coffin


Yes, that's the worst bit of all, I think. Thanks, Pim, that was so emotional.

#99:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 7:29 pm
    —
Thanks, Pim. I hope that everything will cope after the funeral.

#100:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 7:38 pm
    —
Thank you Pim. Crying or Very sad

#101:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2006 8:07 pm
    —
Thanks Pim, the relationship between Sharlie and Colin is beautiful.

#102:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2006 9:09 am
    —
We made our way through the next weeks cautiously, almost picking our way through our grief and answering the children’s questions as we adjusted to life without Rupert. I had begun to receive rejection letters from publishers for Anna’s War. I had half expected it but it still hurt, especially as I looked at a world; that had so clearly failed to learn from its mistakes of the past. I tried to put the rejections behind me, if nothing else I still had a manuscript for Anna and Sara, but there were times when it seemed almost impossible to try and look forward when all I saw was a repeat of what had gone before. I could only wonder what sort of world my children would grow up into.

On Sunday 20 July 1969 the children were allowed to stay up late and the television set was brought out of its corner to watch Neil Armstrong take the first steps on the moon. The grainy black and white images seemed so surreal as we watched him emerge from Apollo 11 on to the surface of the moon. An new frontier for exploration had been opened up and I wondered if our children would ever have the chance to experience it as we watched a whole new world of possibilities open up before our eyes. Alice and Luke were both enthralled by it, the twins less so but only because they were so tired.

I can’t believe we just saw that, Colin remarked as we lay in bed later that night.
I rolled on to my back and stared up at the ceiling, my hands resting on my stomach. I know. My da always told me to reach for the sky and now they have done.
Maybe our children will have the chance to one day. It might become as easy as hopping over the Channel to France.
It’s an exciting future for them, whatever they choose to do. There are so many more possibilities for them then there were for us.
What do you see them doing,
he asked, gently stroking the tiny bump we were both so protective of.
Luke is going to follow in your footsteps, that much is obvious.
It might just be a passing fancy.
I expect Rupert said exactly the same thing about you.

He laughed. Yes, I rather think he did. What about the girls though?
I don’t know. I’d like to think that Alice will follow in my footsteps and teach but I don’t think she will.
I would have thought Amelia would be the one to teach – she’s bossy enough for a start!
That means nothing in teaching.
Weren’t you bossy then, Miss Andrews,
he teased.
I gasped. You horror! I was not… at least I tried not to be, maybe sometimes I was… just a little, I added with a playful punch to his arm.
You know I can’t fight you back, he wailed. It’s hardly a fair fight!
I reached over and ruffled his hair. Game, set and match to me then.
Until Christmas anyway,
he returned with a mischievous grin.

#103:  Author: EilidhLocation: Macclesfield PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2006 2:20 pm
    —
Nice to see them happy together. Thanks Pim.

#104:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2006 2:27 pm
    —
Thank you pim, they have such a lovely relationship and I really like the way you've blended in the real life bits of history.

Thank you Very Happy

Kathryn

#105:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2006 6:39 pm
    —
Thanks, Pim. I hope that a publisher will accept the book.

#106:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2006 7:16 pm
    —
Lovely Pim, thanks.

#107:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2006 8:01 pm
    —
Thank you Pim!!!

#108:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2006 9:05 am
    —
KathrynW wrote:
Thank you pim, they have such a lovely relationship and I really like the way you've blended in the real life bits of history.


That would be a resounding "Hurrah" for The Times Chronology of the Twentieth Century in the reference library... *g*

After careful consideration and many hours of discussion on the subject we had decided that we would move at the end of August, in time for the new school year and for Luke to have one last birthday in our house. The children would all still be within walking distance for school and playgroup which made life a little easier. Kathie returned for the summer holidays somewhat anxious and nervy following several interviews for permanent positions starting in September and was awaiting the outcome. She had begun to bond with Lottie a lot over the holidays and I couldn’t help but feel a little pang of jealousy over it. Lottie’s father, Leo, came to visit for a weekend and the three of them went out for the day as a family. I liked Leo, it was impossible not to, and I knew that he would do his best for Lottie and he left with a promise that he would come and visit her once a month.

Mam, post’s come, shouted Alice one morning as it hit the mat with a resounding thump, followed and surpassed by the one Alice made as she leapt off the bottom three steps. Kathie and I were in the kitchen, she giving Lottie her bottle and I making breakfast for the children.
Alice, can you bring it through, I called in reply as she appeared in the doorway, flicking through the pile of envelopes.
Da, she muttered, dropping a pile on the table. Mam, these are yours, she said, waving them at me as I took them from her. Auntie Kathie, she said, putting Kathie’s in front of her. And a postcard for me from Isobel. Is breakfast ready?
In a couple of minutes, but you can chivvy the others along.


Anything exciting, Kathie asked me as we both settled in the living room with our post, leaving the children to wreak havoc in the kitchen with their breakfast.
Doesn’t seem to be, I replied with an indulgent smile at Lottie who had just rolled over and was pulling herself up in an attempt to crawl, a huge grin on her face. She’ll be off before you know it.
Oh don’t,
wailed Kathie. I’m only too aware of how much I’m going to miss out on… not that I want to change anything, she added hastily. I’ve got a letter from Lucy and… she broke off and eagerly tore open the envelope beneath it, giving a squeal of delight as she scanned its contents.
What, I asked, looking up from Trixie’s epistle.
I’ve got a job, she exclaimed, flinging her arms around me.
Wha…where?
Just outside Manchester, girls boarding in the middle of nowhere, a couple of hours or so drive from here.
She collapsed back against the cushions. It’s such a relief after all the rejections.
You’ll still be able to come up on your free weekends to see Lottie then. I’m really pleased for you.
I’ll have a look at the particulars later. I’m too excited to think straight at the moment.


We returned our attentions to our letters for a while longer until I reached my final envelope bearing the mark of a publishing company I vaguely recalled sending Anna’s War to. I decided it was just another rejection but found myself opening it anyway to be sure.

No, I breathed as I skimmed through the letter.
No what?
My book… it’s been accepted!
I dropped the letter, my hands shaking so much as Kathie grabbed me and hugged me tightly. I can’t believe it, after all the rejections I’d given up hope. I felt the tears prickling at the back of my eyes and blinked them back frantically. We deserved good news, didn’t we?

#109:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2006 9:16 am
    —
Yay good news for both Sharlie and Kathie! Laughing
How lovely!

#110:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2006 9:35 am
    —
That's just what they both need right now, some good news. Thanks, pim.

#111:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2006 10:58 am
    —
Oh how splendid, some good news for both of them.

Thanks Pim.

#112:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2006 11:10 am
    —
Thanks, Pim. They both definitely did deserve good news!

#113:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2006 12:59 pm
    —
I have just caught up with loads of this and you have had me with tears of sadness, tears of happiness, holding my breath, catching my breath, laughing, nodding - a whole gamut of emotions.

Thank you, Pim - wonderful Very Happy

#114:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2006 2:43 pm
    —
Thanks pim, I'm so glad they both received such good news! Wonderful after everything they have both been through Very Happy

Kathryn

#115:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2006 4:20 pm
    —
Oh lovely, for both of them.

Thanks Pim. Laughing

#116:  Author: MLocation: Winchester PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2006 5:01 pm
    —
Just caught up with a couple of episodes of this. I remember being got up in what seemed like the middle of the night to see the moon landings, would have been about Luke's age I think. Hope Kathie's new school won't be too much of a shock after the Chalet

#117:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2006 9:42 pm
    —
Yay!!! Good news for both of them! Thank you Pim!

#118:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Sat May 20, 2006 1:20 pm
    —
Hurrah!

Thank you Pim, they definitely deserved good news.

#119:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sat May 20, 2006 5:19 pm
    —
*Cheers the news!*

(*reinforces anti-Georgia defenses*)

Armstrong's walk also seemed in the middle of the night to me, though it wasn't even 11 p.m. at home.... Very exciting, anyhow!

#120:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2006 8:58 am
    —
A letter from Tish in early August had reminded me of an engagement that she, Lucy and I had made five years previously and it came with the customary invitation to her parents’ house. As we were deep in the throes of packing and moving I felt I couldn’t justify the time away from home and the family. Consequently after several telephone conversations between the three of us, Tish and Lucy decided to visit the weekend of the 23rd to honour our prior engagement and make themselves useful. Samantha, who had originally offered to come and help out with the move, suddenly found herself in a mad panic with too much to do and too little time to do it in before she left to start her nurse training in London, promising a couple of days at Christmas instead.

On the afternoon of 23 August 1969, the three of us headed out into the back garden, settling ourselves on the deck chairs underneath the apple tree.

I can’t believe Samantha’s old enough to be going off to start her nurse training, I remarked, picking at the loose threads on the hem of my skirt. It doesn’t seem five minutes since… I broke off, thinking of another child who should have been at the same age, experiencing the same things as Samantha.
Time is too quick for my liking, groaned Tish. I’m sure we’re all only thirteen still. Who stole the best part of thirty years from us?
Lucy squeaked. And look at everything that’s happened in that time. In all honesty, is there much else that life can throw at us?
I hope not,
I replied, leaning back and resting my hands on my stomach, feeling the now familiar light kick of the baby. And if it does think of anything else then it can be something nice for a change.
You’ve got baby to look forward to,
pointed out Tish. Although I don’t envy you.
Neither do I,
added Lucy. I still struggle with Hannah. The thought of six is breaking my brain.
Thanks for the confidence. As if I wasn’t feeling apprehensive enough.
Oh Sharlie,
said Lucy. I didn’t mean that you wouldn’t…
No, I know. I’m sorry. I just feel a bit fragile about it all still. Anyway, Tish, keeper of the predictions – that’s why we’re here, after all. You can start.

Tish grinned and distributed the three scraps of paper that had definitely seen better days. Reading hers, she sighed. We must be getting awfully predictable in our old age. Here are Sharlie and I still staid old married women surrounded by our loving broods and husbands and Lucy well established in Cambridge and happily married to the lovely Christian.
Means I was right too then
, I remarked. Since my paper says “what Tish said”.
Lucy grinned. I was right about you two; I just underestimated Christian’s romantic intentions. So what about 1964 when your Alice will be on the brink of the terrible teens, Sharlie?
No,
I wailed. I don’t want her to grow up that quickly. I’m sure she’s no older than five still. But if I have to guess then I’ll be being ruled by my lovely family but thinking about going back to teaching since this one will be just about old enough for school. Tish will also be ruled by her family but helping out at the kids’ school with PE. And the esteemed Dr Burrows will be even more so than she already is. Tish?
I’d love to think of you going back to work, but I’m not sure I can see it. I might have found myself a sedate old lady’s hockey club and I love the idea of helping out at school. And the esteemed Dr Burrows will be so esteemed that she won’t want to talk to us anymore.
Tish, that’s a rotten stinking lie,
exclaimed an outraged Lucy as she burst out laughing. But you two will be successfully juggling home and some teaching whilst I’ll still be slaving my guts out and not getting the recognition I deserve.
What rot,
retorted Tish. I can’t wait until 23 August 1974 to see you proved wrong!

#121:  Author: TanLocation: London via Newcastle Australia PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2006 9:15 am
    —
Excellent! I can't believe the time has flown so quickly though!

Laughing

#122:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2006 9:43 am
    —
Gosh I can't believe that Samantha is old enough to go off to nurse training!

#123:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2006 9:46 am
    —
Gosh - Samantha all grown up - makes me feel old!

Here's hoping the next five years are good for them all Very Happy

#124:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2006 2:49 pm
    —
Thanks pim, that was a lovely scene with them all

Kathryn

#125:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2006 3:03 pm
    —
Thank you Pim!
(but it's making ME feel old, let alone Sharlie and co! Wink )

#126:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2006 7:46 pm
    —
Awww, that was lovely - and so good about the predictions

Thanks Pim.

#127:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2006 10:06 pm
    —
Thanks, Pim. It was nice to see them discussing the past five years and where they will be in five years' time.

#128:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2006 8:47 am
    —
We had completed our move in time for the final week of the summer holidays and it felt so strange to be saying goodbye to our house. It had been my first proper home since I had left Liverpool, evacuated as a child during the War. It was so hard to say goodbye to the house that held the memories of the last nine years. I didn’t doubt that we would be happy in the Graham family home but this house had been mine and Colin’s where we had shared the ups and downs of our first married years. Alice, Luke and Lottie had been born here; our four had taken their first steps and said their first words here. The house had seen so much – so many conflicting emotions and so many new hopes and dreams. The air hung thick and heavy as we closed the front door for the last time and walked towards our future.

The final week of the holidays was a nightmare of boxes and valiant attempts to unpack, accompanied by the children’s protests that they couldn’t find this or that toy. Kathie was nervous and jumpy as she faced her final days before going to start her new job. I was irritable and the stress of the move and the late summer heat were making pregnancy uncomfortable and nigh on unbearable. Colin did his best to pour oil on troubled waters but found it easier to take refuge in his work. We were rowing much more than normal, something that seemed to be synonymous with me being pregnant. I hated the arguments but couldn’t seem to stop myself from jumping on Colin over every little thing.

I had been wary about term starting and had wondered how Aunt Jane and I would cope together in the house, a domain that had always been our own in our respective houses. It turned out that Aunt Jane had a far better social life than any of us had ever realised and, consequently, I saw very little of her. It was odd adjusting to the new house with only Lottie for company not only because the twins were now at playgroup every morning but also because there was so much space for me to ramble about in. It took a few weeks but somehow we managed to find a routine in the mornings so that I could give over some time to working on the edits that my publishers had sent. Afternoons and evenings were given over to the whole family.

As the autumn progressed the house began to look more like our own. I was still wary about treading on Colin’s memories or getting in Aunt Jane’s way but we were all learning to live together in a house with so much past but held so much for the future. The twins turned four in October and the house was overrun with their friends. They were identical in looks but their personalities remained stark opposites – Amelia the more organised of the two, Sophie the more laid back happier to be led than to do the leading. Amelia was forever voicing her opinions, whether anyone wanted to know them or not, whereas Sophie was more inclined to wait for the opportune moment to voice hers.

Lottie was changing almost daily and, having learned to crawl, was forever getting up to mischief. Kathie visited when she could, occasionally even driving up on her free evenings to snatch a precious couple of hours with Lottie. Leo visited once a month, staying with a nearby friend for the weekend so he could spend time with Lottie. After all my early apprehensions, I felt assured now that she would never want for love and affection.

#129:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2006 10:28 am
    —
Thank you pimmy. Like the way you show them settling into new routines.

#130:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2006 11:31 am
    —
I'm glad they settled into the new home ok. Hope they are very happy there Very Happy

Thanks, Pim

#131:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2006 11:35 am
    —
Thanks, Pim. I'm glad that the move has gone ok.

#132:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2006 1:35 pm
    —
Thanks pim, what a relief to have the move out the way fairly painlessly!

Thank you Very Happy

Kathryn

#133:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2006 3:48 pm
    —
Thanks Pim, I'm glad that both of Lottie's parents love her and want to spend time with her.

#134:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2006 5:17 pm
    —
Thanks Pim, glad the move went well.

Poor Colin, escaping from the wrath of Sharlie by staying at work! Laughing

#135:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 9:23 am
    —
Lesley wrote:
Poor Colin, escaping from the wrath of Sharlie by staying at work! Laughing


Can't say I blame him, poor love Wink

Angie had made occasional mutterings that she thought I might be better off having the baby in hospital but I was adamant that I wouldn’t after everything that had happened with the twins. She agreed eventually but made me promise that is she were unhappy with anything I would go; I agreed reluctantly knowing that it was better than try to argue with Angie once her mind was made up. Alice, Luke and the twins had all been early but this one showed no sign of following suit, not helping my irritable mood. I awoke at 6am on Thursday 11 December 1969, my due date, with a pain that I knew only too well for it to be anything other than a contraction. I sat up in shock, gasping for breath and gingerly rubbing my stomach; Colin didn’t stir. I propped my pillow up and settled back against it, closing my eyes until the next contraction hit me and I reached wildly for Colin’s arm.

What, he mumbled sleepily, rolling over.
It’s started.
That’s nice,
he murmured, closing his eyes and snuggling up against me. I shook him vigorously. What?
I’m in bloody labour, you idiot.

He sat bolt upright. Why didn’t you say so before? What can I do? Do you want anything? Shall I ring Angie?
I laughed. Shh, so many questions. You don’t need to do anything for the moment. We’ll just lie here and be quiet until getting up time.
Then what?
You get the children up and ready for school and playgroup – Lottie had better go to either Eliz or Harri. Aunt Jane’s going out for the day at the same time as the children.
Oh, it’s her trip to… where’s it?
Southport.
Shall I say anything?
No, she’ll only worry and I want her to have a nice day out. She deserves it having put up with me of late.
What about Angie?
Ring her when you get back from taking the children.
What now though?
Now we just lie back and enjoy the last of the peace and quiet.


He complied after several further panicked questions and we lay talking quietly until the alarm went off. I dreaded to think of the chaos that he was causing downstairs with the children as I got Lottie ready, hampered somewhat by the contractions that were coming a little too quickly for my liking. Once Colin and the children had left I set about changing the bed sheets for the old ones that I wouldn’t object to ruining. Remembering that a bath had helped with the twins I set off to run one, only not quite making it. Colin returned to find me sitting on the bathroom floor where my legs had given way beneath me.

Sweetheart, what’s happened, he asked anxiously, his face white and shocked as he dropped to his knees beside me. I shook my head, unable to speak with the pain of the contraction.
Don’t ask stupid questions, I snapped once I had recovered the power of speech. Just ring Angie, she’ll be more use than you are. It’s all your bloody fault anyway, I muttered to his vanishing back.

Colin returned a few moments later to say that Angie was on her way and helped me to my feet and back to the bedroom.

It’s all to quick, I groaned between contractions as he ran a cold sponge over my face and neck.
Is it not supposed to be?
No, you fool.
Don’t shout at me, Sharlie, it’s only my first experience of childbirth – you’re the pro.
I’ll shout as much as I bloody well like. It’s all your bloody fault anyway.
I didn’t hear you complaining at the time.
Well I am now and you’re not coming anywhere near me ever again,
I said through clenched teeth.
Domestic?
Angie
, we exclaimed simultaneously on seeing her in the doorway.
I knocked, no one answered so I let myself in. Don’t mind, do you?
No, not at all
, I said.
So, domestic? Colin and I exchanged awkward glances. It wouldn’t be the first I’ve seen at a time like this. Cor, you look awful, she said to Colin.
What about me, I protested weakly.
You look like an old pro, Sharlie love.

I screamed in frustration in response.

#136:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 9:26 am
    —
Poor Colin, if Sharlie's not careful then he'll be demanding a divorce! Wink

#137:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 9:40 am
    —
That had me in giggles! Thanks, Pim

Here's hoping the baby arrives safely, without too much bother for Sharlie!

#138:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 9:52 am
    —
Poor Colin!

Thank you pim.

#139:  Author: Ruth BLocation: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 10:25 am
    —
Laughing Laughing Laughing

Poor Colin!!

#140:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 11:12 am
    —
Hehehe...poor Colin! Thanks pim Very Happy

Kathryn

#141:  Author: alicatLocation: Wiltshire PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 11:19 am
    —
Poor Sharlie, I remember those feelings Laughing Laughing
I am told (but I don't recall this at all so it can't be true) that while having number two my worse half asked if I was 'all right' and I told him if he would care to come close enough so I could sink my teeth into his thingummies as extra pain relief (for me, you understand) he might have some small idea of what I was feeling........very sensibly he kept well away at the other end of the birthing pool Embarassed Embarassed Embarassed

#142:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 11:45 am
    —
Thanks, Pim. I'm glad that Angie arrived in time. I'm sorry for Colin.

#143:  Author: LyanneLocation: Ipswich, England PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 2:50 pm
    —
Poor Colin! I think he is urgently needed at work today...

#144:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 4:47 pm
    —
*giggles*

Poor Colin, I don't think he was expecting that!!! Laughing Laughing

*fingers crossed for a smooth delivery! *

#145:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2006 5:47 pm
    —
Oh that is soooo true!!! I can remember, during my obsetric experience, the mothers screaming blue murder at their poor husbands/partners. Generally like this

"If you ******* think you're ******* coming anywhere ******* near me, ever again, you're ******* mental!

I leave it to your imagination what the ******* stood for! Wink

Thanks Pim.

#146:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 1:20 am
    —
Well that brought back memories!

Thanks Pim

#147:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 9:13 am
    —
Lesley wrote:
I leave it to your imagination what the ******* stood for! Wink


Nope, don't think my imagination stretches that far, being the sweet & innocent young thing that I am...

You’re doing well, Angie remarked with a glance at her watch. If there isn’t a new baby Graham with us by eleven then I’m in the wrong job.
I… but…
I faltered, squeezing Colin’s hand tightly.
What’s so wrong with that, she asked.
The contractions only started at six.
And this is your fifth. How are you doing Colin? You still look a bit green. Why don’t you go and put us a brew on? I could really do with a cuppa.
He nodded and prised his hand away from mine to go downstairs. Squeamish is he?
You could say that. I have been wondering how much use he’ll be… but it’s…nice having him here.
Most don’t want their husbands round them at a time like this.
Oh I wouldn’t voluntarily have him here; it just worked out that way.
I must say he’s doing well though.
Better than I thought he would. I’m glad you’re here though.
So am I, having missed out on the others.
Aren’t you glad you didn’t force me into hospital now?
I think I was allowed to worry after last time.
But I’m doing okay?
Yes, you’re doing fine.
I forgot how much it hurts though. It’s amazing how quickly it fades once it’s over.
So they say. Are you comfortable there?

I shifted a little and nodded. Yes, I replied with a sharp cry.
Sharlie, breathe, Angie reminded me with a gentle shake of my knee. I stared at her momentarily and exhaled slowly. Your waters just broke.
Oh.
Time to get this show on the road.
I smiled weakly. Where’s that husband of yours with my tea?
Goodness only knows. I know he’s getting better in the kitchen but there are times…
I broke off as Colin entered with a steaming mug of tea in each hand. Are times when he’s very good and does as he’s told. I broke off as another contraction hit me and as it ended I looked up to see Colin looking somewhat sheepish. What have you… I began, suddenly noticing the mugs on the floor and the tea spilling across the carpet.
I’ll get a cloth, he said.
Yes, I think you should.
Definitely squeamish,
remarked Angie dryly and I laughed. Poor love.
What about me? I’m the one suffering here
. Angie laughed and brushed my hair back from my face. Then again I can’t see what’s going on. Maybe I should have insisted that he went out for the day and had one of my sisters here instead.
You’d deprive him of seeing his youngest born?
He might still be making tea when that happens. This is just so… normal compared to the others, it’s… not disappointing but something along those lines
.

By the time Colin returned with fresh tea for he and Angie, she was telling me to concentrate on what I was doing. Colin looked panicked and seemed to be gripping my hand tighter than I was his, Angie occasionally reaching out to pat his arm comfortingly.

Very nearly there, Sharlie love, Angie said eventually, patting my knee. I struggled to focus on her and smiled weakly, gritting my teeth against the pain. One last push, was the next thing I remember her saying as I summoned up the last of my strength to follow orders. It’s… it’s a boy. I collapsed back against the pillows, feeling Colin’s arms around me before Angie placed the baby in my arms. What’s he called then?
I looked up briefly and then at Colin. We both smiled. Rupert, we said together.
Colin, I added. Rupert Colin Graham. I leant forward and kissed him, falling in love all over again.

#148:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 9:21 am
    —
Awww new baby! Very Happy

#149:  Author: KarryLocation: Stoke on Trent PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 10:13 am
    —
Why do you always write the tearjerking ones when i am surroundedby people at worK!!!?? It is very hard tio explain to people that you have tears running down your face after reading a "fictional" account of someone having a abay!

Thank you Pim!

#150:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 10:38 am
    —
Thanks pim, Colin was about as useful as a chocolate teapot there!

Lovely to see the new baby though Very Happy

Kathryn

#151:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 10:41 am
    —
Awww a little boy - Luke will be pleased! Poor Colin.

Thank you pimmy.

#152:  Author: alicatLocation: Wiltshire PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 11:28 am
    —
Pim that was lovely.
So glad Colin got to see one of his children born, I think it was barbaric that men used to be banned from that.
I know its a bit of a shock for them, poor delicate flowers that they are, especilly if they'd never really considered why labour is called labour, but it is such a wonderful wonderful feeling and I'm sure it makes them more affectionate daddies

#153:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 12:44 pm
    —
pim wrote:
Nope, don't think my imagination stretches that far, being the sweet & innocent young thing that I am...

*splutters*

Thanks, Pim. I'm glad Rupert Colin Graham has arrived safely.

I wonder what Luke will think of his baby brother Very Happy

#154:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 1:17 pm
    —
Awwwwwww!!!!! luffly!!!!

Thank you Pim! Very Happy

#155:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 2:50 pm
    —
Pim, remember - I've met you! Rolling Eyes


Lovely scene there - welcome little Rupert.

#156:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 3:06 pm
    —
I'm so glad Luke has a brother at last; but he might not be too impressed that he can't do anything exciting and is therefore as much use as another girl! Thanks, pim.

#157:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Thu May 25, 2006 5:24 pm
    —
Squeeeee! Hurrah!

Glad Colin saw at least one of his children born. And that Angie was there too.

Thank you Pim, that was lovely

#158:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 9:16 am
    —
Lesley wrote:
Pim, remember - I've met you! Rolling Eyes


In which case you'll know that I am the sweet and innocent one. It's Gee-Gee you've got to watch out for...

Now what, Colin asked once Angie had gone, taking Rupert from me.
You could change the bed, I suggested. And then I could have a nap. I’d love to sleep for a week now but I know I wouldn’t, I added, gazing over his shoulder at Rupert. It’s amazing how something that can take so much out of you at the time is so easily forgotten once it’s over.
Do you want to have a nap? I’m quite good at changing beds these days.
No, I know I wouldn’t sleep – I’d be too worried about missing anything. I wonder if Luke will be any happier with Rupert than he was with Lottie – who’s got her anyway, I quite forgot to ask.
Harri and she said she’d collect the twins from playgroup as well.
She’s too good.
I said I’d pick them up when I go and get Alice and Luke from school. Can… I mean, may I be the one to tell them or do you want to spring it on them as a surprise?
No, you tell them. I ought to let my sisters know though,
I said thoughtfully, stifling a yawn. But I think I’ll have a bath first; I feel like I haven’t washed in a week.
Nice.
I know
.

We spent the next few hours quietly enjoying the time with Rupert and talking about when the others had been so new to the world. Colin was quite adamant that he looked like Luke had done as a newborn but I wasn’t as convinced, taking the line that he didn’t really look like anyone just yet, only himself. I had just got Rupert off to sleep and laid him in the Moses basket in the front room, settling myself down on the settee, my eyes closing involuntarily, when Colin returned home with the children. I sat up quickly, blinking as Alice whirled into the room whilst I could hear Luke protesting about something in the hall. I held up my hand to stop Alice’s questions before they began.

Shh, he’s asleep, don’t wake him.
Is he in there
, she asked, pointing at the Moses basket. I nodded and she tiptoed over to look at him. He’s bigger than Lottie was, I think. Can I hold him?
Not right now, when he wakes up. What’s the matter with Luke?

Alice rolled her eyes. He got in trouble at school today.
What for?
I s’pose it was an accident but he was playing football at break and he kicked the ball and it hit Miss Jenkins in the face and he couldn’t stop laughing, even when she shouted at him. I don’t think he aimed it at her though.
I doubt he was,
I said absent mindedly as Colin walked into the room, Lottie balanced on his hip, grabbing his hair, Sophie clutching his hand and followed by Amelia and a sheepish looking Luke. Sophie whispered something to him and he nodded, crossing over to Rupert with Amelia trailing behind her. Aren’t you going too Luke?
He shrugged. It’s just a baby.
But he’s not a girl
. He shrugged again. What’s the matter?
He rubbed the back of his left leg with his right foot. Miss Jenkins made me stay in at break ‘cause she got hit in the face with a football. But it was an accident mam, an’ I did apologise but she made me stay in ‘cause I laughed whilst I was apologising. But I couldn’t help it; she did look so funny. Da says I have to apologise again in the morning, he added ruefully and Colin and I smiled at each other. Must I?
Yes, I think you must but I’m sure she’ll forgive you. Now, why don’t you come and see your new brother?
He nodded unsurely and went to his father as Amelia climbed up on to the settee beside me and put her arms around my neck.
Thank you for my brother, she whispered. I hope he’s nicer to me than Luke is. I resisted the urge to laugh. He’s very little, isn’t he? He’s littler than Grace’s baby brother.
Lottie, no
, came from Colin suddenly. Don’t grab at Rupert like that.
Lottie gurgled and grinned at him. Roo, she said, pointing.

And so the name Roo stuck.

#159:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 9:43 am
    —
Awww - that was a lovely family scene. Poor little Luke - he's made a mistake, and had to be punnished for it.

Oh and well done Lottie! Laughing

Thanks Pim

#160:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 9:56 am
    —
Lottie is so sweet. Thanks, Pim.

#161:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 11:47 am
    —
Thank you Pim, for those two posts.

#162:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 12:34 pm
    —
Thank you pimmy.

#163:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 1:40 pm
    —
Hurrah for Baby Roo Very Happy

Thanks, Pim

#164:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 2:48 pm
    —
Thanks, Pim. I'm glad that Roo has arrived safely. It's lovely that Lottie came up with the name 'Roo'. Congratulations to Colin and Sharlie!

#165:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 3:06 pm
    —
Roo is such a luffly name. Thanks pim Very Happy

Kathryn

#166:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 4:24 pm
    —
Awwwwww!!!

Thanks Pim! Does this mean we can call Sharlie 'Kanga' now? Wink

#167:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 7:27 pm
    —
Awww baby Roo. Laughing

Thanks Pim.

#168:  Author: LyanneLocation: Ipswich, England PostPosted: Fri May 26, 2006 10:52 pm
    —
That was such a 'family' scene.

#169:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2006 12:19 am
    —
*amused that Colin's been so well trained in can vs. may* Very Happy

Roo is an excellent nickname!

#170:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Tue May 30, 2006 9:55 am
    —
Vikki wrote:
Thanks Pim! Does this mean we can call Sharlie 'Kanga' now? Wink


*thinks* No.

We were both chided by Aunt Jane upon her return from Southport that we hadn’t forewarned her what to expect upon her return but she was soon won over by Roo and quite insistent that he looked like my da had done as a baby. I was too exhausted to referee the ensuing jovial argument between her and Colin, the latter still adamant that he looked like Luke had done. In the end I was sent to bed straight after the children but found it impossible to sleep with all the worries in my head. I turned the light back on and watched Roo sleeping peacefully in his crib beside my bed, wishing that I could be so calm about everything. The apprehensions I had felt during my pregnancy now hung heavy on my mind. I was as in love with him as I had been with the others but I couldn’t shake the niggling doubts at the back of my mind that it would all be too much.

Roo’s first days are a blur to me, I only know that I wouldn’t have got through them without Aunt Jane who was there whenever I needed her. Colin was the one who got the children up in the morning and took them to school and playgroup. It was Aunt Jane who collected them again at the end of the day and got their tea ready before handing them to Colin for bath and bedtime. It was Aunt Jane who looked after Lottie during the day, rescuing her from the escapades that her attempts to walk got her into. It was Aunt Jane who was there for me when I cried in frustration because Roo wouldn’t feed properly or when he screamed and screamed and I couldn’t work out what was wrong with him to make it better. Colin tried to understand, tried to reassure me, tried to help but didn’t realise that there were times when I only wanted to be held without trying to talk about it.

Kathie returned for the Christmas holidays a week later complete with a wealth of tales about her new school. I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous, realising how much I missed teaching. She had found a renewed enthusiasm with life and the two of us knew that she had made the right decision for Lottie and her future with us was now assured. I thought it would hurt to hear Lottie calling her mama but it didn’t; it just seemed to be the most natural thing. She still tried to call Colin and I dada and mama but she was remembering more and more often to call us tata, her own mangled pronunciation of auntie, and ugga, her version of uncle. We all agreed that they were good measures of our unique relationship with Lottie. Kathie bore off the proofs that I had abandoned in the days leading up to Roo’s birth, hoping that she would have managed to work her way through them by the end of the holidays so I could send them back to the publishers.

Alice turned eight and Christmas passed me by in an exhausting whirl of family engagements. It was obvious that Colin was struggling through his first Christmas without his father. I wished that there was something I could do to make it better for him but I knew only too well that it simply wasn’t possible, no matter how much I wanted to. And so then the 1970s rolled around, the “Swinging Sixties” that had seen so much change in the world, and in my world, ended. I said a quiet farewell to the decade that had brought me so much whilst, at the same time, taking away so much. I could only wonder what the coming decade would bring for us all; if life had taught me one thing, it was to anticipate nothing.

#171:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Tue May 30, 2006 11:45 am
    —
Thank you pimmy, poor sharlie sounds exhausted hope things calm down slightly soon!

#172:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue May 30, 2006 12:52 pm
    —
Sharlie definitely needs a break, doesn't she?

Thanks Pim. Laughing

#173:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Tue May 30, 2006 4:09 pm
    —
Thank you pim, I'm glad that Sharlie has the support of those around her but I'm not surprised that she sounds absolutely exhausted!

Kathryn

#174:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Tue May 30, 2006 5:32 pm
    —
Poor Sharlie - she sounds shattered.

Hope she gets a break soon.

Thanks Pim

#175:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Tue May 30, 2006 6:33 pm
    —
Crying or Very sad
I think Sharlie needs a hug!

#176:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 12:32 am
    —
Poor Sharlie, no wonder she's tired! Thank goodness Aunt Jane is there... and poor Colin too, grieving for his father.

#177:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 12:39 am
    —
Thanks, Pim. I hope that Sharlie will get a break soon.

#178:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 9:17 am
    —
I struggled through the first months of the new year, the new decade, growing slowly used to Roo and his ways. I still found it difficult to cope with him and the others and was unable to shake the feeling of helplessness when I saw how much I was relying on Aunt Jane and Colin to help me. I knew there was nothing to be ashamed of in asking for help but I felt that I should be able to cope much better than I was doing. I did my best to hide the way I was feeling from my sisters but knew deep down that they could see through my protestations that everything was fine; they knew not to push me to talk though. The proofs Kathie hadn’t quite finished checking over at Christmas now lay discarded on my desk, unable to summon up the motivation to finish them. In the end it fell to Aunt Jane to do so, but I well remember the panic when I first realised that they were gone. She said she enjoyed doing them, finding it something she could do in the short bursts that was Lottie’s nap time.

Lottie’s first birthday pushed me towards a breaking point of sorts when Kathie and Leo came to take her out for the day. As I watched the three of them going out for the day as a family, I burst into inconsolable tears as I realised how much I had been missing out on being with the family whilst I had been struggling to adjust to having Roo around. Colin tried to ask what was wrong but I couldn’t quite articulate my feelings as I sat with my head in my hands sobbing helplessly. By the time Kathie and Leo returned with Lottie, the three of them exhilarated by their day at the seaside, I was feeling a little more positive after a better day with Roo and a new resolve and determination to not neglect the rest of the family. It wasn’t easy but I was stubborn enough to stick to it and try and block out the fears and niggling doubts that continued to plague me. I would cope, I just didn’t know how to yet.

I was insistent on being allowed to turn forty quietly and in a dignified manner fit for my age. Colin eventually agreed and took me out for dinner, something we hadn’t done in months. That one quiet evening with just the two of them was the gentle reminder that I needed that there was life outside of the family. The few hours liberation were wonderful, even if we did spend them mostly discussing the children, but by the end of the evening I was more anxious to get back than I thought I would be. I slept better that night than I had done since before Roo was born and not even his disturbances to my sleep could break the odd calm that had descended upon me.

You’re like a different person, Kathie remarked shortly after her arrival the following weekend. You were a sorry specimen over Lottie’s birthday.
I know
, I sighed. I’ve been terrible since Roo was born but it all fell into place this week – must be age or something.
We both laughed. I did notice you weren’t coping as well as you did with the others but I didn’t know how to approach the subject.
Probably more tactfully than I did with you.
I’m not famed for my tact. Anyway, do you want your birthday present?
I thought you’d never ask,
I replied with a grin as she handed me an envelope which I opened apprehensively. Wha… Kathie… I… I…
It’s okay – I’ve cleared it with your husband that I can whisk you away for that long weekend so we can go back to Switzerland.
But… you can’t afford this.
I can.
What have you done now?
Sold Auntie and Uncle’s house.
But Kathie…
I can’t go back. I’ve kept everything I want and put it in storage until the sale’s complete and then I’ll look for somewhere nearish to work I think. Something just big enough for me and… and sometimes Lottie, that is if you don’t mind…
Of course not. She’s your daughter, Kathie. But Switzerland… It’s been ten years since I left.
Exactly, and I thought it was time you went back.
Thank you.

#179:  Author: KarryLocation: Stoke on Trent PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 9:43 am
    —
Good for kathy! It will do Sharlie good to get away for even a few days. Thanks Pim

#180:  Author: Ruth BLocation: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 9:52 am
    —
Good for Kathie!

And Sharlie - give yourself a break! You've got 6 kids and you've just lost your father in law!

#181:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 10:55 am
    —
Yay well done Kathie and Colin for agreeing to it!!

Thank you pimbles.

#182:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 11:20 am
    —
Glad Sharlie's starting to feel better - hopefully the trip to Switzerland will put the icing on it Very Happy

#183:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 11:23 am
    —
Oh yay Sharlie's going back to the Platz!
Looking forward to catching up with some old friends! Very Happy

#184:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 12:50 pm
    —
Thanks, Pim. I'm glad that Kathie is giving Sharlie the chance to go back to Switzerland.

#185:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 3:11 pm
    —
Thank you Pim.

A weekend away is just what Sharlie needs.

#186:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 3:14 pm
    —
That was nice of Kathie. I think it's just what Sharlie needs. Thanks, Pim.

#187:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2006 7:22 pm
    —
Pleased Sharlie is feeling better - did she have post-natal depression there? Lovely gesture from Kathie - wonder what changes Sharlie will see?

Thanks Pim.

#188:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 12:07 am
    —
Oh a return to the Platz! Something to really look forward to Very Happy

Thanks pim!

Kathryn

#189:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 9:20 am
    —
Despite my excitement about the trip to Switzerland, I had to return my feet to solid ground and the daily trials and tribulations of family life. Lottie was now getting everywhere and adding to her rapidly growing vocabulary every day. Se had a slight tendency to tantrum, more through frustration that she couldn’t do all the things she thought she should be able to than anything else. She grew alarmingly like her mother with every passing day and her eyes would light up mischievously like Kathie’s. Roo was happy to sit propped up by cushions and chunder away in that baby nonsense way like a king holding his court. I dreaded to think of the twins starting school in September, wondering where the time had gone. Alice and Luke were both involved with so much that I could barely keep up with them and their whirlwind social lives.

I had been upstairs dressing Lottie and Roo the Saturday morning in June when the doorbell rang and Colin shouted up to say that it was a parcel for me. Having finished with Lottie and Roo, I made my way downstairs to see what it was.

There’s those as well, said Colin, with a nod to the pile of envelopes on the kitchen table as he took Roo from me. I leafed through the pile, selecting a couple to read quickly. Aren’t you going to open that, he asked, motioning to the box on the table.
In a moment, I replied, skimming through the neatly written letter from Hilda before discarding it on the table to turn my attentions to the box. I grinned as I opened it, removing the book it contained.
Is that…
Yes. My magnus opus. I think I dare open Robert’s letter now,
I said, flicking through the first few pages, savouring the words I had so long laboured over.
May I see?
Oh… yes.
I pushed it over to him and opened Robert’s letter, chuckling as I read it.
What’s Robert saying?
Do I want to go and speak at a conference he’s organising this summer or am I too important to speak to him now?
Will you?
I suppose so. What do you think?
I’m proud of you. You know that. I’ll start reading it properly later when this one can’t get at it
, he said, placing it back on the table safely away from Roo.
You don’t have to.
I want to
. I smiled. What did Nelda’s letter say?
Who?
Nelda
. I looked puzzled. That headmistress of yours. I saw her return address on the envelope.
Nelda?
I keep getting them mixed up. It’s easily done. They are one and the same, aren’t they? It’s the omnisicient head teacher thing.
But Nelda?
It’s a fusion of their names. And I thought you were the clever one.
I laughed. So what did Nelda want?
Hilda wrote to ask if she and Nell could come and stay for a few days in October and meet the family.
Do I have to learn the difference between them?
It would be polite to do so, don’t you think? Otherwise you’ll confuse them as much as you’ve just confused me.

He laughed and kissed me. Confuse the esteemed authoress Charlotte Andrews? I’d hope it would take more than this.
Get away with you and your “esteemed”. I’m nothing of the sort.
You are in my eyes.
You soppy old fool
, I said with a laugh knowing full well that I thought the same of him.

#190:  Author: AllyLocation: John Bettany's Cabin! PostPosted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 9:38 am
    —
You know, I think Coolynne is growing on me, bless him.

Thanks Pimmy

#191:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 11:16 am
    —
Nelda! For a Father of five Colin can be extremely silly! Very Happy

#192:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 1:24 pm
    —
Lovely - thanks Pim Very Happy

#193:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 2:14 pm
    —
Nelda! Laughing I can't wait until he meets them! Thanks, pim.

#194:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 2:27 pm
    —
Thank you pim Laughing

#195:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 3:32 pm
    —
Thank you pim, I'm looking forward to seeing Nelda Wink

Kathryn

#196:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 4:17 pm
    —
Love to see their reaction if he addresses them as such!!! Wonder if Colin knows what he's letting himself in for! Laughing

So pleased Sharlie's book was published.

Thanks Pim.

#197:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 5:09 pm
    —
Awwww luffly Colin and Sharlie

*smirks at Nelda*

#198:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Thu Jun 01, 2006 6:21 pm
    —
Thanks, Pim. I love the fact that Colin called Hilda and Nell Nelda!

#199:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 9:13 am
    —
It was an odd build up to the summer holidays globally speaking. Vietnam remained a political stalemate and the Middle East a volatile hotspot, despite peace talks. I could only watch in shock as a State of Emergency was declared to accompany the Docks Strike. I had a funny feeling that the hopes I had had for the 1970s being a decade of reconciliation and resolution were never to be. It wasn’t a world that I wanted my children growing up into. I was sure that my parents must have thought the same thing about my sisters and I back in the 1930s. I could only hope that the seemingly ever present tensions and threats simmering just below the surface would never escalate into such a situation as World War II.

Kathie and I headed to Switzerland in early August, flying to Geneva to save on the time spent travelling. We passed four glorious long days visiting old haunts and reawakening old memories thought forgotten. We avoided the Gornetz Platz, even knowing that it would be mostly empty due to the holidays, there were too many memories we wanted to leave there, preserved and untouched. I had always been wary of going back to places and the Platz, despite having been my home for so long, was no exception. We met up with Biddy one day at her new home in Lucerne where she and Eugen had moved the previous year with his new job there. It was odd to think of her no longer at Aldersnest but both she and Eugen seemed happy and settled in Lucerne.

I took up Robert’s invite to speak at his August conference with some apprehension, it having been so long since I had done anything of this description. I was complimented on Anna’s War repeatedly, Robert joking that the world now expected great things of me. At least I hoped he was joking, knowing that it was a tall order when the family came first. I stayed with Sara and it was wonderful to finally have the chance to catch up with not only her and the family, but also Anna and hers who had come over for the occasion. The three of us spent a lot of time talking and wondering where the years had gone, wondering how Soledad and Anna’s Sara had become leggy eleven year olds and when Pablo and Carlos had become riotously mischievous boys of eight and five.

The twins started school in September. Amelia displaying no nerves, dashed straight in without a backward glance, followed by Lottie wreaking havoc with her hobby horse protesting at being abandoned by Amelia. Sophie was considerably more reluctant, clinging stubbornly to my skirt and refusing to go and join Amelia. In the end, when both mine and their class teacher’s coaxing came to no avail, Amelia came back and dragged Sophie away to join the friends they already knew from playgroup leaving me to rescue Lottie from the continuing chaos she and her hobby horse were causing in the classroom. I was wary about leaving Sophie who looked so forlorn as I left but I knew that I had to do it, no matter how much I didn’t want to, sure that she would settle in after a few days. She did, of course, possibly to curb Amelia’s limitless enthusiasm.

#200:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 9:22 am
    —
Thanks pim, everyone seems to be growing up so fast!

Kathryn

#201:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 9:24 am
    —
That sounds like my twins starting school back in September, one rushing in and the other one having to be dragged in. They weren't in the same class, though, which I do think would have helped them.

Thanks, Pim.

#202:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 9:47 am
    —
Thank you pim. The time does fly doesn't it.

#203:  Author: JosieLocation: London PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 11:29 am
    —
Blimey, is it the 70's already? Time really does fly!

Thanks Pim. Glad I've finally caught up with this again. (I'm crap, I know!)

Laughing Nelda!

#204:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 7:40 pm
    —
Thank you Pim.

#205:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 8:16 pm
    —
Thanks, Pim. I'm glad they had a good time in Switzerland. I hope that Sophie and Amelia will continue to settle down well at school.

I've just had a thought - which can be dangerous for me! Could Amelia or Sophie turn evil like Georgia is?!

#206:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2006 11:24 pm
    —
Thank you Pim!!!!! Very Happy

LOL at Nelda! And I'm so glad Sharlie's come through her bad patch!

#207:  Author: GeorgiaLocation: The Lair of Doom PostPosted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 9:12 am
    —
Hi fans, have you missed me? Since Strictly Dance Fever is now over I thought I'd get back to doing what I do best: helping twinny Twisted Evil

The twins soon settled into school, leaving me with only Lottie and Roo for company during the day. Life was a little more peaceful although they both contrived to keep me continually on my toes as their explorations landed them in one muddle after another. Roo was quite determined that, despite the ten month age gap, he could do everything that Lottie could, consequently taking his first shaky steps, clutching the coffee table for support, at the beginning of October. I was disappointed to have missed the beginning, alerted by Lottie’s delighted squeals. I arrived in time for his final step before falling over, much to Lottie’s amusement. Not that Roo viewed it as a set back, mind you.

Half term was fast approaching and it would turn into one that we would remember for all the wrong reasons. Rebecca telephoned from the hospital where Claire had been rushed from her school with a case of suspected meningitis the day before the children broke up for their holiday. She had become a weekly boarder at her school the previous year when she had started working towards her O Levels which she would be due to sit at the end of this academic year.

She said she wasn’t feeling well on Monday morning, Rebecca moaned to me as I slid into the seat beside her in the hospital corridor. And I told her not to be so silly and get a move on or she’d miss the bus. I should have known something was wrong – she hates missing school. Meningitis, Sharlie, it kills people – remember that lad in Jack’s class?
But plenty of people recover from it as well
.
She shook her head. The doctor says school shouldn’t have left it this long. They thought she had flu. I’ll never forgive myself if she dies. I should have listened to her on Monday, not made her go to school.
What difference would it have made?
I’d have known. She’d have been with me, not stuck in some school San with a Matron who clearly doesn’t know her arse from her elbow.
You can’t give up hope, Becca.
I don’t intend to.
What’s the doctor said?

She shrugged. This and that, nothing that makes much sense though. I don’t think he really knows what he’s talking about.
I expect he does.

She shrugged again. I wish I knew what they were doing. It’s killing me not knowing.
Where’s Philip?
Work. I’ve left a note on the kitchen table explaining. Sarah’s at work – she picks Billy and Johanna up from school.
Jack?
No idea. I haven’t seen him for a couple of days – he’s been off with some friends.
You left Philip a note?
What else could I do?
It’s not like you and Colin – I can’t just ring up the factory and ask him to come. She stopped. I’m sorry.
Don’t be…
I began, laying my hand on her arm as one of the doctors approached.
Mrs Haughton, he asked gently.

I watched her follow him down the corridor as they stood talking intently, wondering what would come next.

The worst, in fact. Claire slipped into a coma later that day from which she never recovered, leaving this world two days later.

#208:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 10:40 am
    —
Georgia!!! That was not nice.

Bah!

#209:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 10:51 am
    —
Naughty Georgia, how could you do that?

So sad...

Kathryn

#210:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 11:11 am
    —
Crying or Very sad That was so sad.
My brother had meningitus when he was five, thankfully he made a full recovery but it still scares me to think what could have happened.

#211:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 1:59 pm
    —
One of my school friends had it, too, and happily recovered, but it took a long time. Thanks, Georgia.

#212:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 4:10 pm
    —
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
*pokes Georgia*

*sobs*

#213:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 4:46 pm
    —
Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad

Oh the what ifs and the if onlys Crying or Very sad

Georgia that was really horrible of you!

#214:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 6:44 pm
    —
Oh how terrible. Crying or Very sad

BTW this is Pim here, I don't care if she calls herself georgia - Pim's writing. Twisted Evil

Thanks Pim, I think

#215:  Author: GeorgiaLocation: The Lair of Doom PostPosted: Tue Jun 06, 2006 9:08 am
    —
Lesley wrote:
BTW this is Pim here, I don't care if she calls herself georgia - Pim's writing. Twisted Evil


Doubting my existence again, Lesley, tsk tsk. We know what happens to people who do that... Anyway, thanks for all the comlpiments, fans *preens*

It’s your fault, Rebecca said when I opened the door to her.
I… but… Becca?
Claire’s dead. If you’d never pushed for her to go to that fancy school then she’d have been at the High. She’d have been at home. She wouldn’t have been rushing for the bus and I’d have had the time to notice that something was wrong..
But Becca…
No, don’t say anything. There’s nothing you can say.
Won’t you at least come in so we can talk about it?
What’s there to say? My daughter’s dead. Imagine if it were one of yours.
And with that she turned and walked away.
Sweetheart? I turned, feeling Colin’s light touch on my shoulder.
I have to go after her.
No, don’t. You’ll only make things worse. Let her grieve – she doesn’t mean it.
How do you know?
I don’t. I’m hoping.
Claire’s dead.
I know. I heard.
It’s not right. It’s not meant to be this way. She was fifteen, Colin, only fifteen. What if it had been one of ours? I… I…
I stammered, breaking off, unsure what else to say as I felt his arms wrap protectively around me.

Rebecca wouldn’t speak to me and I heard the funeral arrangements from Aunt Jane. I tried to talk to her but in the end resigned myself to following Elizabeth and Harriet’s advice of leaving her to come to me when she was ready. It hurt to do so and I could only hope that in time she would come round. Philip and the children didn’t see it the same way as Rebecca, Sarah finding her refuge at our house.

I quandried over the funeral. Rebecca had made it quite clear that I wasn’t to be involved in any way or even go but everyone else protested that I had the right to go. Colin agreed to take the children and I would go alone, but not as part of the family. I sat at the back of the church during the service, slipping in at the last minute, trying to ignore the curious stares of those outside the family. I stood apart and alone at the burial, ready to make a quick exit home once it was over.

Why are you here?
I turned quickly at the sound of Rebecca’s sharp voice behind me. I was leaving the churchyard and we were some distance away from everyone else. I’m leaving now. I know you don’t want me here.
So why did you come?
Because Claire was my niece, Becca, and I loved her, I would have done anything for her. And I have just as much right to say goodbye to her as anyone else here. I know that you blame me because I encouraged Claire to be as much as she could. It might have happened exactly the same way if I hadn’t.
No it wouldn’t. I’ve have known.
I don’t want to argue about it. I only came to say goodbye to the intelligent, funny, vivacious niece that I knew and loved. I know you’re angry with me and you can ostracise me as much as you like but I won’t deprive the children of their Auntie Becca. They’ve seen too much death for them to lose someone else through a silly quarrel. I’m going home now to remember Claire in my own way.


I turned and walked from the churchyard back to the car, choking back the tears that threatened to overwhelm me, only giving in as I sank into the driver’s seat, resting my head on the steering wheel.

~I’ll believe then that you are dead
Only when the hills and flickering rivers,
The wind roaring from North and South West,
When the cutting winter frost and the dews
That lay on the grass today and yesterday –
When all these are swallowed and fade away.

B. W. Vilakazi, from “Then I’ll Believe” ~

#216:  Author: KarryLocation: Stoke on Trent PostPosted: Tue Jun 06, 2006 10:03 am
    —
Why, when I saw Georgia's post, did I read this at work? It is very hard to explain to people why you are getting upset over something like this!!!!

Crying or Very sad

#217:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Tue Jun 06, 2006 10:31 am
    —
Poor Becca. Glad Sharlie went well anyway but hope Becca can stop blaming her.

Ta pim.

#218:  Author: Ruth BLocation: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Tue Jun 06, 2006 10:50 am
    —
Poor poor Sharlie!

#219:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Tue Jun 06, 2006 10:59 am
    —
I hope Becca stops blaming Sharlie soon... Confused

#220:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Tue Jun 06, 2006 1:38 pm
    —
Waaah!!!!!

PLEASE let Becca come round soon! I know she's hurting, but it's NOT Sharlie's fault.....

#221:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Tue Jun 06, 2006 2:23 pm
    —
Poor Becca, to lose her daughter so young. No wonder she's hitting out at anyone who happens to seem in any way connected to her loss. I just hope she can get to grips with it all soon, though, as it's making things so difficult for Sharlie. Thanks, pim.

#222:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Tue Jun 06, 2006 5:08 pm
    —
Thank you pim/Georgia. What a terrible situation.

Kathryn

#223:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Jun 06, 2006 7:08 pm
    —
Poor Sharlie, Becca is just deflecting the guilt she feels in not listening when Claire told her she felt unwell, to Sharlie.

Hope she gets over it soon.

Thanks Pim.

#224:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed Jun 07, 2006 12:52 am
    —
Poor Becca, feeling so angry and sad and taking it out on Sharlie because, for the moment, it helps. Sometimes the hardest thing is accepting that, possibly, there was nothing anyone could have done.

#225:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Wed Jun 07, 2006 9:07 am
    —
I, err, apologise for my twin's intervention. She's like that. I think the sulks over Dance Fever are wearing off... Rolling Eyes

Things remained frosty between Rebecca and I but I knew that she had to be left to make the first steps in her own time. I just hoped that it wouldn’t take her too long; I missed my elder sister. Elizabeth and Harriet refused to get involved saying that it was our quarrel to resolve. I missed having Rebecca to talk to and share my worries with; we had often bickered as children, and even as adults, but never to this extent. But the world continued in spite of us, days becoming weeks and, slowly, those weeks becoming a month and then more as the dark days of December drew in.

I can’t take any more of this.
Lovely to see you too, Sarah
, I replied with a puzzled expression as she swept past me into the hall, flinging her coat unceremoniously on to the stairs as she did so. Shouldn’t you be at work?
They sent me home. I can’t think straight and I’ve been neither use nor ornament.
Tea?
In a minute. Although I’d be interested to see if you can resolve something without a cup of tea.
Cheeky brat! What’s the matter Sarah?
Auntie Sharlie, you have to talk to mam and set things straight before it ruins Christmas. I know you said you’d wait for her to make the first move but she’s too stubborn to admit that she was wrong. Auntie Eliz and Aunt Harri are too stubborn to get involved ‘cause “it’s your quarrel”. And you’re too stubborn to back down on your decision. One of you has got to give. And you’re the most reasonable. Why are you all so stubborn?
Family flaw, I’m afraid. And when did you get so grown up?
I’m 21, Auntie Sharlie. I grew up a long time ago.
So you are. I always forget how grown up you are.
Will you talk to her? Please, I don’t want to spoil Christmas – especially not for Billy and Johanna. They need to know that life doesn’t stop because someone dies.
I’ll do my best. She may not listen though.
She won’t if you go with such a defeatist attitude. Auntie Sharlie?
What?
What does mam mean when she says that she let Claire down like Bridgie? Is that Auntie Bridgie who died in the war?
I nodded. I don’t understand.
She drowned down at the docks when we went to scatter mam’s ashes. Aunt Harri was upset so we were comforting her and when we turned round again Bridgie had run off. We think she slipped and fell into the water; we didn’t get to her until it was too late.
I sank down to sit on the stairs, my legs weak and shaky at the memory.
I didn’t know. Mam never said. She just said that she died during the War.
It’s not the sort of thing you drop into polite conversation.
I suppose not,
she said, sitting beside me. I put my arm around her and she cuddled up against me as she used to as a child. I broke up with Tom last night.
I thought you two were going to get married, live happily ever after and have babies.
We were. But he couldn’t cope with Claire dying and I didn’t want to carry him when I was grieving myself. I’m glad I realised that it wouldn’t work now and not when it was too late. It means I can move into the flat with Jenny and Kirsty in the new year like we planned with a clear conscience. Mam keeps trying to talk me out of it, of course, I suppose it’s only natural after Claire…
She broke off. You will talk to her, won’t you?
I’ve said I will.
I really miss her, you know. All those years sharing a room… It feels so empty without her. I can’t imagine it ever getting any easier, but it must do, mustn’t it?
I’m not sure about easier. I think we just get better at putting a brave face on it.
I’m scared that I’ll forget her. That one day I’ll wake up and I won’t remember her anymore. I want to do something… I want to be something that Claire would be proud of me for.
She was always proud of you.
But she knew that there was something more than this. And I’m going after that something, for me and for Claire.

#226:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Jun 07, 2006 9:39 am
    —
Sarah is very wise, a credit to her family. Hope Sharlie can make a difference.

Thanks Pim.

#227:  Author: JosieLocation: London PostPosted: Wed Jun 07, 2006 10:45 am
    —
Want to give Sarah a huge hug.

Hope Sharlie manages to get through to Becca.

Thanks Pim Smile

#228:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Wed Jun 07, 2006 10:52 am
    —
Well done Sarh - very wise and go for it! I'm sure Claire would be proud.

Thank you pim.

#229:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Wed Jun 07, 2006 11:32 am
    —
Awww Sarah is lovely!
Hope Becca will listen to Sharlie!

#230:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Wed Jun 07, 2006 11:54 am
    —
Thanks, Pim. I'm sorry for what has happened to Claire. I'm feeling guilty about Georgia turning up as I mentioned her in my last post - sorry! I'm glad that Sarah has such a good head on her shoulders.

#231:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Wed Jun 07, 2006 2:57 pm
    —
Sarah is wise beyond her years.

Thanks pim.

Kathryn

#232:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Wed Jun 07, 2006 3:16 pm
    —
Thank goodness there's one of them with some sense. Let's hope she's convinced Sharlie to talk to Rebecca now, as it really should be sorted out before Christmas. Goodness knows it will be hard enough without extra stress and strain. Thanks, Pim.

#233:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 8:50 am
    —
Rebecca and I managed to put things straight in time for Christmas. It wasn’t a pleasant conversation in places as we both picked our way through the oft painful memories of childhood. Home truths we had always guarded, never to be aired were reluctantly brought up. There were tears, and laughter, as we talked of times past, repressed and forgotten, told time and again as part of family legend. We passed through the memories of the cobbled back streets where we grew up, the Welsh village evacuation that was so idyllic for one of us yet so hard for the other, the return to Liverpool, my departures to pastures new – Cornwall, London, Switzerland – before returning to Liverpool. We emerged at the end of that long afternoon feeling as though a great weight had been lifted from our shoulders, and also wiser in ourselves and those around us. We would indulge in sisterly bickering again but we would never quarrel in this way.

Christmas was a difficult time for us all with Claire’s absence to add to Rupert’s but we muddled through somehow. The New Year arrived with no progress in Vietnam and an increasingly tense situation on the home front. 1971 opened to strikes and the added confusion brought by decimalisation in time for Lottie’s second birthday. An emergency warning of nuclear attack was broadcast by mistake in the States and it worried me as to how easily it could have been true. The children kept me busy enough that the news often passed me by, although I saw enough to know that I still didn’t like what was happening – especially when the Education Secretary, one Margaret Thatcher, ended free milk for school children. I had her earmarked as one to keep my eye on.

Hilda and Nell had visited in March, a visit put off in the aftermath of Claire’s death. They remained the same as ever, if a little feistier in the freedom afforded by retirement. They brought a wealth of stories from old friends that they had had the chance to catch up with and also of the adventures they had undergone since retiring – including Hilda’s indignance at Nell having dragged her to the bingo during a trip to Brighton, Nell being quite insistent that it was one of those things that had to be done in retirement and old age. The children adored them both and Colin refrained from referring to either of them as Nelda, which was a relief to me although he later admitted that he had come close on numerous occasions. They said little about the school that added to the fragments I had already gleaned from Biddy and Hilary. There was becoming increasingly less demand for the San and numbers were falling at the school. It was all so different from how I’d grown up. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to part with any of my children so far.

Summer came and went. Kathie and Leo took Lottie away together for a few days on the south coast before he returned to work and she and Lottie came down to Devon to join us for the remainder of our fortnight’s holiday. It was the sort of idyllic family holiday I had often dreamed of as a child with endless perfect summer days spent by the sea. The children and Kathie returned to school and I found myself once more with only Lottie and Roo for company, not that they gave me a minute’s peace! They got on well together, although it was quite clear that Lottie was in charge.

Caroline and Lewis’daughter, Julie Caroline, arrived in November, a sister for Philip as David and Louise announced that they were expecting their fifth the following year. They both hoped it would be the long awaited boy to round off the family. Louise declared that it didn’t matter either way – this one would be the last, the final member of the next generation as Caroline and Lewis had already said that they certainly didn’t want another. I often wondered what my parents and Aunt Carol and Uncle Charlie would make of their grandchildren. I hoped that they would be as proud of them as we were.

#234:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 10:29 am
    —
Margaret Thatcher. Milk Snathcher!!!
Thanks Pim, glad Sharlie and Becca managed to put their differences behind them!

#235:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 11:04 am
    —
Thank you pim, that was absolutely fascinating Very Happy

Kathryn

#236:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 11:23 am
    —
Thank you pimmy!

#237:  Author: KarryLocation: Stoke on Trent PostPosted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 11:31 am
    —
Pimmy wrote
Quote:
especially when the Education Secretary, one Margaret Thatcher, ended free milk for school children. I had her earmarked as one to keep my eye on.


Margaret thatcher - Milk Snatcher! I well remember chanting that in my youthful days as a Young Socialist!

So glad the sisters have made things up!

#238:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 2:23 pm
    —
pim wrote:
There was becoming increasingly less demand for the San and numbers were falling at the school.


That line made me feel so sad, thinking about the worry of the staff as numbers fell and they worry about keeping the school open.

Thanks, Pim.

#239:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 5:54 pm
    —
Pleased to see Hilda and Nell enjoying themselves. So pleased Sharlie and Becca managed to make up - life's too short.

Thanks Sharlie - rather worrying that I can remember exactly what I was doing in 1971 - and it wasn't worrying about nuclear war, milk or Vietnam. Rolling Eyes

#240:  Author: RóisínLocation: Galway, Eire PostPosted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 5:57 pm
    —
Thanks Pim.

#241:  Author: JosieLocation: London PostPosted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 9:22 pm
    —
Thanks Pim.

*g* at the Bingo Very Happy

Glad they made up.

#242:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Fri Jun 09, 2006 8:52 am
    —
Josie wrote:
*g* at the Bingo Very Happy


Nell was rather insistent on that...

1972 started badly from a political perspective as the national coal strike began, leading to a state of emergency being declared in February. I couldn’t help but wonder where it would all end. I could understand why they were doing it but at times I felt so far removed from the experiences of my childhood that I felt there had to be another way around it. I had become too settled in our middle class existence through my determination that our children would never have to live as we had done.

Samantha turned 21 in January, an event marked by her party in Cambridge. I could hardly believe that she had grown up so quickly. London living suited her and she loved nursing; I could well believe that she was a success with all her patients.

You make me feel so old, all grown up like this, joked Tish.
You are, Auntie Tish, she returned with a laugh.
Thanks ever so much, Samantha.
It’s weird, you know,
she mused. My mother was only my age when I was born but I don’t even want to think about anything like that just yet.
Well don’t then,
said Lucy. You leave it as long as you want – I did and managed the best of both worlds.
You’re my inspiration,
grinned Samantha. Auntie Sharlie and Auntie Tish gave it all up to become staid old married women – apart from Auntie Sharlie’s book, of course.
And goodness knows that took me long enough
, I laughed.
You did insist on having all those children, remarked Tish.
I wouldn’t change any of them. Only they’re not allowed to grow up as quickly as you’ve done, young lady.
Don’t get all reminiscent on me about my baby days, Auntie Sharlie.
Someone has to.

She sighed. I’ve heard too many times today how proud my parents would be and what a shame it is they’re not here, and Auntie Nic too. But I’ve got you three.
Next best thing
, asked Tish with a grin.
No, the best thing, you three and Uncle Lawrie. You’ve always been there for me – and goodness knows where I’d have ended up if you hadn’t. What I’m trying to say is… thank you, for everything. I love you all more than you’ll ever know.

She got no further as Louisa, now eleven and the spitting image of Nicole, bounded over to whisk Samantha away to blow out the candles on her cake.

They grow up far too quickly, I commented to Colin, with a glance over at Alice and Louisa who were chatting intently about something. I’ve grown up far too quickly. It’s hard to believe that Annie was only 21 when Samantha was born. Could you imagine if…
If what?
The baby I lost, at university… she’d be 21 now.
Oh sweetheart…
No, I’m okay. It’s funny what little things make me think about her though. In a funny way I’m glad. I have enough trouble reconciling Alice having just turned ten. It’s a shame we can’t always keep them as tinies.
You know Samantha was the first child I ever really had anything to do with. I’d always been a bit apathetic towards children before then but I saw you with her and…
Are you about to get soppy on me?
Probably.
Save it for later then.
Okay.
I believe this one belongs to you,
Samantha said suddenly from behind us. I turned around to see her holding Lottie who had clearly been crying over something.
Oh Lottie-chen, I said, taking her from Samantha. What happened?
She was trying to prove she was just as good as the boys.
She would
, grinned Colin.
No lasting damage though is my considered nurse’s opinion.
Nurse S’manfa made it better
, mumbled Lottie from my shoulder.
Did she now, I replied with a smile at “Nurse S’manfa”. She’s a very good nurse.

Samantha flushed pink and reached out to give Lottie’s hand a squeeze. How I wished that Annie and Mark could see her now.

#243:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Fri Jun 09, 2006 10:57 am
    —
Samantha's life has been so full of tragedy that I'm glad she's managed to put it behind her and not dwell on the past.
Thanks Pim.

#244:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri Jun 09, 2006 2:17 pm
    —
Awww, that's so lovely!


Thanks Pim.

NB
Feb 1972 - we moved from a seventh floor flat to a house - there was no power so lifts didn't work - everything went down the stairs - the removal men were fantastic! Oh, carpets went over the side - they bounced back to the second floor!

#245:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Fri Jun 09, 2006 3:01 pm
    —
Thank you pim, that was lovely. And Lottie is so sweet Very Happy

Kathryn

#246:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Fri Jun 09, 2006 3:48 pm
    —
Lovely and Samantha is great.

Thank you pim.

#247:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Fri Jun 09, 2006 4:59 pm
    —
Just done a big catch up. It's amazing how quickly time flies in your universe!

Thank you Pim

#248:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Sat Jun 10, 2006 4:01 pm
    —
Thanks, Pim. Samantha has definitely grown up fast!

#249:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 8:38 pm
    —
Wow!!!
Where did all those years go?

Pim, I've been reading those last few posts and fighting back tears. Such a gamut of emotions for all of them!

#250:  Author: AllyLocation: John Bettany's Cabin! PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 9:09 pm
    —
Samantha is lovely, thank you Pim and Rolling Eyes at G.

#251:  Author: JosieGLocation: Yorkshire Dales PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 10:55 pm
    —
Hi Pim,

I've spent my weekend catching up on all of this, I've read from A married woman! It's great, and I am hooked once more.

Thanks!

#252:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 9:15 am
    —
Vikki wrote:
Where did all those years go?


The same place that the last 7 years have gone I would have thought. I can't be 25, I'm only 18, I am, I am!!!

Life returned to its usual vague semblance of normal on our return home. The children were all growing up much faster than we would have liked them to though. We saw little of Alice and Luke, now ten and eight, between their various social activities, having lost Alice to the world of Guiding, dancing and music, and Luke to football, cricket and swimming. Alice was the bright one, naturally good at everything, the one her teachers had to continually push to stop her becoming bored. Luke was the creative, dreamy one who had inherited his father’s artistic leanings, liking nothing better than to spend his free time either in Colin’s dark room or roaming around outdoors with his camera. They had both inherited Colin’s fair hair and the Andrews blue eyes. There were times when I had to shake myself over Alice, the dream of the blonde child just beyond my reach continued to haunt me. The twins at six remained identical, dark like me also with the Andrews blue eyes. They had both found their feet in school – Amelia the leader always with something to say, Sophie the one who tended to be led but had a quiet, self assured way of putting her point across in a way that made people stop and listen to her.

Lottie turned three, a jolly little bundle who looked so startlingly like her mother she could never have been mistaken for one of ours. I was taking advantage of my last few months with her exclusively to myself as she would be starting playgroup three mornings a week come September. I often wondered how she would deal with her unusual familial situation when she was older but it was a thought I tended to push to the back of my mind. Roo has celebrated his second birthday at Christmas and was more than a handful with his mischievous streak. He was a good natured soul as a rule, although developing a tendency to tantrum at inopportune moments – almost as if he could sense them! Luke was a little more resigned towards Roo than he was his sisters although Alice usually did a good job of making him toe the line. The only real squabbles arose between the twins. On reflection, it could have been much worse.

At the end of summer term it hit me that not only would I have to part with Lottie come September but Alice would be entering her final year at primary school. I couldn’t believe how quickly the years had gone by and knew that we needed to make plans for her secondary education. Her teacher seemed to think that she would sail almost effortlessly through the 11+ and both Colin and I agreed that it would be the most sensible course of action for her to take. I thought back to the scholarship examination I had taken and the nerves that had accompanied it and for a moment I worried about putting Alice through that. But then had I not taken that I exam then there was every chance that I wouldn’t be where I was now. I remembered how mam hadn’t been keen on me sitting the scholarship and I didn’t want to be the same for Alice.

David and Louise’s long awaited son, Charles David – to be known as Charlie like his grandfather – arrived in mid May much to David’s delight and Louise’s relief. At times it was hard to believe how far they had come since the rushed wedding fourteen years previously and Louise’s subsequent miscarriage. We had all been so sceptical about their chances for a long lasting future together but I was pleased to stand corrected. We all knew that it hadn’t been easy for them but they had both found the determination to make it work.

The summer flashed by in a haze of endlessly sunny days. We took up Trixie’s invitation to join her and the family for a week in Cornwall before spending a week at Tish’s parents’ house with her family and Lucy, Christian and Hannah. Trixie’s family had all grown up so fast and I couldn’t believe that 18 year old Christopher, all set for university in the autumn, was the same person as the four year old child I had so often run around Trixie’s house with to look for monsters to lock in cupboards. I wanted to hold time still, to keep them all as children a little while longer but I knew we couldn’t keep them that way; one day we would have to let go of their hands and let them go, just as our parents had done for us. Would have done, I’m sure.

#253:  Author: LyanneLocation: Ipswich, England PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 9:36 am
    —
I know what Sharlie means - my nephew is in his last year at primary & it only seems the other day I took him for his first day at preschool.

#254:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 10:11 am
    —
Thanks Pim.

#255:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 10:54 am
    —
It's scary how first time flies past...thank you pim!

Kathryn

#256:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 10:58 am
    —
Time flies so fast, it seems like only yesterday that I was 16 and in my first year of college, and now I'm 21 and graduating from uni! Shocked

#257:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 7:56 pm
    —
Thanks, Pim. I wonder where Alice will decide to go to school.

I am surprised when children over 10 that I have known since they were babies reach the age that I was when they were born. I hope that makes sense!

#258:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2006 8:31 pm
    —
So true - life flies past while you're busy doing something else!

Thanks Pim.

#259:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 9:09 am
    —
The return to school in September left the house too quiet with Lottie now at playgroup three mornings a week. All the good intentions I’d had of now being able to settle down to some work or keeping up to speed with the housework were thwarted by Roo’s demands on my attention. I came to accept that my good intentions would have to wait until he started playgroup the following year. At the same time I suddenly found myself quite alone. I had always been surrounded by friends at school, then university, then at the Chalet School but I’d let things slide since getting married and having the children. There were other mothers that I would chat to in the morning as we dropped the children off or in the afternoon as we stood waiting at the school gates but no one that I would have really classified as a friend in the way of Tish or Lucy or Trixie or Kathie. I decided that I would have to try and make more of an effort with my fellow mums and in doing so met Eve whose little boy, Johnnie, was in Alice’s class. Alice was a little unimpressed to begin with as she wasn’t overly fond of Johnnie but soon came round to the idea when I explained that just because I was friends with Eve didn’t mean that she had to be friends with Johnnie.

Alice was working hard for her 11+ which she would sit in January and she was often snappy and irritable as a consequence. She knew that she was being unreasonable but we knew that we needed to be patient with her. All things considered it was an immense relief when she received the results and knew that she had passed with flying colours and would, consequently, be starting at the girls’ grammar school in September. I remembered how proud mam had been when I had got my scholarship and now I knew exactly how she had felt. I only wished that she and da had been here to share that overwhelming sense of pride with me. At the same time though I couldn’t imagine parting with Alice to boarding school. I knew that it had been different for me – we were in the middle of a war and had been evacuated already so boarding school would have made little difference but all the same I knew I wouldn’t have been willing to part with her, with any of them.

The world was a funny place during the early months of 1973. Britain joined the EC and a ceasefire was finally negotiated in Vietnam. Even so, there were still problems everywhere one looked. There were further strikes by workers and increased tension in Ireland, whilst the “Cod War” continued over Iceland over fishing rights and the Middle East continued to concern me. There were positive gestures between East and West following the SALT agreements on nuclear weapons the previous year. Britain opened an embassy in East Germany in April and I began to feel a little more positive about the future in that respect. Colin could never quite understand the level of my interest in politics but he admitted that he had never really understood it anyway. Although I knew that id the situation ever presented itself he would be at the front of the crowd with his camera to capture a moment in history.

I tried to cling on to the summer holidays knowing that September would see me having to let Roo go to attend playgroup. We had ten days in Devon near Taverton so we could catch up with Simon and the twins, who were now twelve. It didn’t seem that long since Peggy had died and I could never quite reconcile that she wouldn’t be there when we went to visit. She would never be forgotten though, certainly not so long as Molly continued to look like her and Jonno kept up his love of sport. I knew that she would be proud of them and only wished that she could share it with them. We spent the remainder of our fortnight’s break at Tish’s parents’ house catching up and catching the sun. I wanted those days to last forever so that I wouldn’t have to hurry up and face the empty house now they had all grown so far.

#260:  Author: JosieLocation: London PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 9:56 am
    —
Thanks Pim. Can't believe Alice is taking her 11+ already! Laughing

#261:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 10:46 am
    —
Ditto! And the house really will seem empty with Roo at playgroup!

Thanks pim!

#262:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 11:23 am
    —
Thanks, Pim. I'm glad that Sharlie has made a friend in Eve.

#263:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 2:05 pm
    —
Thank you Pim!
Poor Sharlie, a major bout ofd empty nest syndrome there!

#264:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 2:09 pm
    —
Poor Sharlie, finding out that she has few friends nearby. I hope Eve is nice. Thanks, pim.

#265:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 3:29 pm
    —
Poor Sharlie, it must seem like quite a lonely life to her. Thanks pim Very Happy

Kathryn

#266:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 8:02 pm
    —
Hope Sharlie can make some friends - she will feel lonely.

Thanks Pim.

#267:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 1:47 am
    —
Thank you Pim; I've just caught up with this, and the sense of time passing so swiftly is so right.

#268:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 9:23 am
    —
Well, as ye olde song from The Ziegfeld Follies of 1936 goes... time marches on. And it does indeed.

It was the silence that got to me the most on Roo’s mornings at playgroup. I had become so used to never having a moment to myself that I wasn’t sure what to do with myself – after all there’s only so much housework a person can do! Once I had acclimatised myself to having my own time I learned to manage it effectively- finally being able to make a good start on the mountain of books I had piled over the years and never got around to reading. I remember the nerves I had on Alice’s first day at grammar school, waving her and Isobel off down the road to catch their bus. I think my nerves were greater than hers as she soon settled in, relishing the new challenges presented to her. Luke had started his final year at primary school and the same decisions would have to be made about the future of his education that we had had to make about Alice twelve months earlier. It seemed so hard to believe how quickly they were all growing up, no matter how much we wanted to keep them children a little while longer.

1974 started badly on the home political front with continued strikes and the declaration of a state of emergency over the energy crisis. The five day working week was finally reinstated in March after it had been reduced to three the previous December because of the energy crisis. The General Election following Heath’s resignation was hardly helpful as Harold Wilson stepped in to form a minority Labour government. I had always voted Labour, a little part of me believing that, somewhere along the lines they would help the people like me. I often felt guilty that I had come so far when so many hadn’t and would never know the comforts that I did. Colin was never short of work meaning that we could continue in the lifestyle that we had become accustomed to. There were so many times that I could scarcely recall where I had come from, it was all so different now.

Luke had passed his 11+ with an ease that we hadn’t expected him to, being not as academically inclined as Alice. He would be starting at the boys’ grammar school in September. He retained the early interest that he had shown in photography and both Colin and I were quite certain that Graham and Son would continue as such. Lottie was due to start school in September and we had explained the familial situation at length to the school who assured us that they didn’t consider it to be a problem and would keep an extra eye on Lottie to make sure it didn’t interfere with her education or friendships. I wasn’t convinced that the other parents would take it as easily as the school but we had always accepted that there would be criticisms to be faced. Kathie often bemoaned the fact that Lottie shouldn’t be old enough to be starting school – one I bemoaned myself so often.

We had managed to acquire a pet rabbit that summer. Technically it belonged to the twins as they had been the ones who had pleaded for it until Colin and I gave in. Flossie, therefore would become my new companion when term started in September. Colin decided that having Flossie was the first step towards us getting a dog but I kept my foot down against that for the time being, saying that we would reconsider when Roo was a little older. Somehow that didn’t stop a small ginger kitten adopting us that autumn to the point that we couldn’t help but adopt it after tireless investigations into its origins proved fruitless. So the peace and quiet I had long anticipated had only been a pipe dream now Ginger and Flossie were here to occupy my attentions. I had often talked of going back to teaching, at least part time, once Roo started school but events would eventually provide me with an alternative outlet for my energies.

#269:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 11:08 am
    —
Ohhh what does Sharlie mean by that last sentence? Shocked

#270:  Author: Ruth BLocation: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 11:46 am
    —
*hmm, intruiging*

#271:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 3:13 pm
    —
Thanks pim, what's Sharlie up to now?

Kathryn

#272:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 4:00 pm
    —
*also intrigued by the last bit*

Thanks, Pim.

#273:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 7:51 pm
    —
I want a three day working week! *scowls*

Thanks Pim - fascinating to see this.

#274:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 10:59 pm
    —
Curiouser and curiouser.......

Thanks Pim!

#275:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 9:22 am
    —
That summer Tish issued an invitation to Lucy and I as a reminder of a date we had made five summers previously and, after our family holiday in South Wales we made our way to Tish’s parents home for a long weekend. August 23rd fell on a Friday and we took the children to the beach, sending them off to play together as Tish pulled the predictions we had made five years previously from her handbag.

Has it really been five years, asked Lucy, casting an anxious glance over to where Hannah was being given a piggy back across the shoreline by Luke.
I’m afraid so, sighed Tish.
Hannah was… how’s she grown up so much?
A question I ask so often about my own,
I said. I can’t believe that Alice is already at secondary school and Luke’s going in September. It makes me feel so old.
Tish groaned. Don’t talk to me about old. Tessie did a school project on the War last term and the way she was going on you’d think it was back in the Dark Ages!
Talking of the Dark Ages,
put in Lucy. Where did we think we’d be now five years ago?
Tish grinned and handed out the papers. I’ll go first before you two brow beat me into it over the fact that it was all my idea in the first place. Well, I said that: I might have found myself a sedate old lady’s hockey club and I love the idea of helping out at school, the esteemed Dr Burrows will be so esteemed that she won’t want to talk to us anymore, and Sharlie I’d love to think of you going back to work, but I’m not sure I can see it. Well, I was half right about myself with my sedate old ladies’ hockey club, not got round to going and helping at school yet – Mike doesn’t want his old mum helping out at his school in case I cramp his style! Lucy is still speaking to us but very esteemed these days. And Sharlie, well… you’ll go back one day.
Thanks,
I said with a grin. So from me: I’ll be being ruled by my lovely family but thinking about going back to teaching since Roo will be just about old enough for school, Tish will also be ruled by her family but helping out at the kids’ school with PE, and the esteemed Dr Burrows will be even more so than she already is. I’m definitely ruled by the family and the book got a bit in the way of going back to work. Tish you’re still ruled by your family – especially young Mike by the sounds of things! And Luce, you’re definitely more esteemed.
Get away with you’re esteemed
, Lucy retorted, blushing. So, I said: you two will be successfully juggling home and some teaching whilst I’ll still be slaving my guts out and not getting the recognition I deserve. I guess I wasn’t quite right about you two and whilst I’m definitely still slaving my guts out the recognition is quite nice. Five years time, you two? Golly, Sharlie, your Alice will be nearly 18 then.
I wailed. She can’t be. I’m not old enough to have a daughter that age, surely?!
They both laughed. I think you’ll find you are, grinned Lucy. How old’s your niece Sarah these days?
25, I sighed. [i]And she’ll be even older in five years time. Whereas, I’ll hopefully be back in teaching. Tish will still be playing sedate old ladies’ hockey and being ruled even more by her children and the esteemed Dr Burrows will be impossible to pin down as she dashes around the world being dreadfully important. Luce?
Maybe not dreadfully important but hopefully a little important – I’m getting there. You two will still be ruled by your families and I think Sharlie might be teaching again but I’m not sure about Tish – despite her protests to the contrary I think she actually likes being a kept woman!
Well it does have some advantages,
Tish laughed. Well, I’ll be chained to the kitchen sink and allowed out to play hockey. Sharlie will be trying to do four million things at once and Lucy will be a world renowned expert. And I’ll see you both on 23 August 1979 to find out!

#276:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 11:26 am
    —
I do love their tradition of predictions!

Thank you pim.

#277:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 1:56 pm
    —
Can't believe it's another five years on - love the predictions.

Thanks Pim.

#278:  Author: JosieLocation: London PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 2:46 pm
    —
*G* Lovely.

*looks forward to next 5 years.*
Thanks Pim.

#279:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 3:46 pm
    —
It's such a lovely way to mark the passing of time, thank you pim Very Happy

Kathryn

#280:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 9:58 pm
    —
Thanks Pimmy!
Still can't believe how much time has passed!
How long is this now Pim? (word/page wise I mean)

#281:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 10:28 pm
    —
Thanks, Pim. I always love seeing if the predictions have come true.

#282:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Fri Jun 16, 2006 8:39 am
    —
Vikki wrote:
How long is this now Pim? (word/page wise I mean)


Too many!!! Word wise I hit the 300,000 mark last month *cries* Page wise handwritten it's well over 600, typed somewhat less. *cries more*

Once term started again in September I had mornings to myself and I soon managed to get myself into a routine of productivity in order be able to give Roo my full attention in the afternoon and then be on hand for homework in the evenings. My life was governed by the large timetable pinned to the kitchen wall to remind me where the children would be and when I could collect them or drop them off. I was glad of Aunt Jane’s help and often found it hard not to take her for granted. Lottie had settled in at school and into that phase of changing best friends most weeks so I could never keep up with who she was talking about. I learned to ignore the mutterings from some of the other mothers in the playground, it was something I was used to doing. I didn’t care what they thought – Lottie was happy and that was the important thing.

We eased our way into 1975 and life continued much as it always did. In June Colin and I took a long weekend to Geneva where Julia’s Charlotte was getting married. I hated the thought of leaving the children but knew that they would be in good hands with Aunt Jane and my sisters. Charlotte, now 22, was marrying someone who she had met through her work as a secretary at the hospital.

I’m not old enough to have a daughter married, Julia wailed to Anna and I at the reception.
It’ll be Anna-Claire and Sara next, I said teasingly.
Oh don’t, groaned Anna. Sara’s still only just 17and is already completely boy crazy. You still have all this to look forward to, Sharlie.
I think Alice is too sensible at the moment – always got her nose in a book.
Ahh, but she’s only 13,
put in Julia. But when I think back to the years that we were teenagers, Sharlie, and I’m glad that our children haven’t had to suffer the way that we did. I tried to tell Charlotte that she was too young to be getting married, that she should go and live a little first before settling down with Olivier.
But she’s happy,
protested Anna as we all glanced over to the happy couple.
I know she is, sighed Julia. But I wanted her to make so much more of the freedom that she had. I suppose I’m being selfish but I think of all the years I missed out on… I am happy for her, don’t get me wrong – only I had such good plans for her. Maybe it will be different with Anna-Claire.
I think she and Sara are planning to take over the world for a few years before they settle down to anything,
laughed Anna as we looked over to where Anna-Claire and Sara were talking animatedly to Soledad.
Looks like they’ve got Soledad roped in, I remarked. Where is Sara anyway?
Talking to your husband,
said Anna, pointing and waving to them. I hope Esther’s okay; Sara said she wasn’t here because she wasn’t well but wouldn’t elaborate on the subject.
She’s not said anything else to me,
I said thoughtfully. I guess Sara knows.
Tante marraine.

I jumped, feeling an arm slide around my waist and a gentle kiss on my cheek, turning to see Charlotte grinning at me, her other arm tucked through Olivier’s. Oh, Charlotte, you made me jump!
Sorry
, she said with a grin. I wanted to introduce you to Olivier. Olivier this is Sharlie, my Tante Marraine – maman’s friend, the one who wrote tante Anna’s story, you remember?
He nodded. I’m pleased to meet you, he said, proffering his hand which I shook.
Likewise.
You must come and stay with us soon, tante marraine. I haven’t seen you in far too long – you must bring your children too.
I’ll do my best but it’s hard work trying to plan around six children!
Well we shall come to you then, non?

I laughed. Okay then. I’m pleased to see you so happy, Charlotte.
I always will be with Olivier – like maman and papa, I hope
. She paused and smiled at me. I am a survivor’s child, ergo I survive.

***
Back on Tuesday, skiving on Monday!

#283:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Fri Jun 16, 2006 9:24 am
    —
Thank you pim, lovely to see them all so happy Very Happy

Kathryn

#284:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Fri Jun 16, 2006 9:26 am
    —
Enjoy the weekend!

Lovely to see sarlie with old friends!

#285:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri Jun 16, 2006 10:02 am
    —
Awww, that's lovely,

Thanks Pim.

#286:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Fri Jun 16, 2006 1:52 pm
    —
Nice to see them all so happy.

Thank you Pim

#287:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Fri Jun 16, 2006 7:23 pm
    —
Thank you Pim! A lovely wedding, and EEK on the length..........

#288:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri Jun 16, 2006 8:16 pm
    —
Thanks, Pim. I'm glad that Charlotte has found happiness.

#289:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 9:07 am
    —
Back to work, alas and woe...

Esther’s absence at Charlotte’s wedding became obvious when Sara telephoned with the news of her death in early August. Colin and I headed to London for the funeral a few days later, taking up Trixie’s invitation to stay and leave the children with her for that day. The funeral service was short, only a few words at the crematorium.

I thought against cremation, Sara confessed afterwards. You know what happened during the war… but she was insistent – she didn’t want any religion brought into it and this was the simplest solution.
I didn’t know she’d been ill.
Typical Mutti, she didn’t want anyone to know. She was so used to fighting alone – only this time the fighting was too much for her. Robert suddenly looks so much older without her.
I know
, I said with a sigh. I almost didn’t recognise him.
I think they kept each other young. I’m glad I’ve still got him though; it doesn’t make me feel so alone. I know I’ve got Pedro and the children but Mutti and Tante Rebekka were my only links with my past. Here
, she said, fumbling in her pocket and pulling out an envelope. She left this for you. I’m going to check on Robert.

I watched her disappear amongst the other guests before looking down at the envelope I held in my hands, carefully opening it.

Dear Sharlie,

There is a clause in my will which leaves my war years to you. I know I always said that they were mine and that they would remain that way but when faced with death perspectives change. I know I can trust you with them; I saw the wonderful work you did with Anna’s and then, I must confess, that I realised I ought to leave mine to you. I didn’t want anything doing in my lifetime because… well, for many reasons which I won’t go into. But I suppose once I am gone it won’t be so important to people where I came from.

How many years has it been since we met? I remember you as the nervous first year, anxious to live up to the expectations of her scholarship donors. I remember you the following year when you hit on my weak spot for your special subject. Your first year had been a little hit and miss but you were so passionate about tackling your special subject that I knew I couldn’t deny you it. I’m glad I didn’t – you and Robert have helped me to come to terms with my past in more ways than you will ever know. I remain eternally grateful that your scholarship donors chose you.

I know that I should have told you about my illness but it was my choice and I couldn’t bear the fuss. I leave my love with you, Colin and the children. And, above all, never forget and make sure that your children never forget.

With love, Esther.


Esther left me her war years,
I said to Colin as we were on the Underground heading back to Trixie’s.
What do you mean?
Like Anna.
Another book?

I nodded. I know I’ve been talking about going back to teaching but I want to do this for Esther. And for Sara.
Good for you.
I’ll have the time to work once Roo starts school next month and… well, I need the challenge.
And I’m sure you’ll rise admirably to it.
I only hope I can do Esther the justice she thinks I can.
I know you can,
he said, squeezing my hand tightly. This is our stop.

#290:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 9:56 am
    —
How poignant. Thank you pimmy.

#291:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 10:58 am
    —
Crying or Very sad Thanks Pim.

#292:  Author: JosieLocation: London PostPosted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 2:40 pm
    —
Lovely Pim. And a lovely tribute from Sharlie, going back to teaching.

#293:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 3:11 pm
    —
Lovely but sad. Thanks pim.

Kathryn

#294:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 6:34 pm
    —
Thanks, Pim. I'm sorry to hear about Esther.

#295:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 7:12 pm
    —
Sad about Esther, but so good that she wrote to Sharlie and left her war years for her.

Thanks Pim.

#296:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 10:17 pm
    —
Crying or Very sad
Beautiful letter.

Thank you, Pim.

#297:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 9:01 am
    —
It was an odd relief I felt when school started and I was left with an empty house all to myself. I doubt it would not have been had it not been for Esther and I was glad to have the work to do. Between that and the housework I was kept busy enough to not notice the silence that descended once the morning school run was over. I was still sure that I would go back to teaching once I had finished Esther’s story but for the moment she required my full attention. It gave me the chance to stay in more regular contact with Robert and Sara than I otherwise would have done although I was conscious of treading on memories Sara wouldn’t want reawakened of the Kindertransport and her early years in Nazi Germany. She was more forthcoming on the subject than I had anticipated as it was something we had never really discussed since that first trip to Poland all those years ago. I was glad of Aunt Jane at this point as well; she was always there and willing to help out where she could – usually when I had forgotten to do something being so engrossed in my work.

Aunt Jane was quite ill over Christmas of 1976and entered the New Year a much frailer version of herself. For the first time I truly realised how old she was and it shook me. When we would lose Aunt Jane, I would lose all the links to my parents and my past. I would sit with her for hours making her tell me stories of her childhood and of my da, who I now only remembered as a hazy shadow in my early years. I remembered the things he had taught me but it had been many years since I had been able to recall his face. It was the same with mam, although there was now no one who could tell me about her. I wished that I knew more so I could tell the children. I wished I could help them more when they brought home family tree and history projects. I had given a history to Anna, I would give one to Esther but I couldn’t give on to my own parents. I had never taken the children to the docks to show them where I talked to mam. I had never taken them to Dunkirk to da’s grave. I hadn’t even been myself since we were first married.

If it was hard to share a family past with my own children then it was harder for Lottie. She understood that Colin and I weren’t her parents and that Kathie and Leo were. She saw them both regularly, sometimes together, sometimes not. There had never been anything formal, quite simply Lottie lived with us and was one of the family. It was a bizarre variation on a theme of boarding school which she took in her stride. There were often tears when she didn’t understand or when she only wanted one or the other of her own parents. It was Sophie who knew intuitively when Lottie was feeling that way and was able to stop the tears. The twins would be nine in October and Sophie was slowly growing more confident in herself. She remained much quieter than Amelia but people were more inclined to listen to Sophie. Alice and Luke were both settled at their grammar schools and involved in as much as they possibly could be to the point that I sometimes felt that I hadn’t seen them for weeks on end. Alice would start working towards her O levels in the autumn and had spent a tricky time working out exactly what she wanted to continue with.

We braved the cross channel ferry that summer and took the children to Brittany for a fortnight, relying on my now rusty French to get us around. Alice, who had passed her end of year exam with 92%, refused to help out, clamming up whenever she was asked anything. Luke has more enthusiasm, even thought it was widely agreed that languages were not his forte, art and maths he excelled in, however. We took a detour home via Dunkirk, Colin sensing my need to visit. It was nice to finally be able to introduce the children to him and carthatic to apologise for staying away so long. The ribbon Colin had tied to the cross on our previous visit was long gone and I wondered what had become of the old woman we had seen that time.

#298:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 9:23 am
    —
Thank you pim. What a sense of time passing.

#299:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 12:18 pm
    —
Thanks, Pim. I am :shocked: at the thought that Alice is about to start her O levels - the years are flying by! It's good that they had a chance to go to Dunkirk.

#300:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 4:52 pm
    —
Thank you pim, that was very poignant

#301:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 5:27 pm
    —
Time marching on - and Aunt Jane will be next?

Thanks Pim.

#302:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 7:46 pm
    —
Pim they were beautiful posts, but I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes!
Can I send my tissue bill to you? Wink

Thank you hunny!

#303:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 7:53 pm
    —
I can't get over how old the twins are! How the time is flying. Thanks, Pim.

#304:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 1:12 am
    —
That was very poignant Pim, and I know just how Kathie feels about her parents. Crying or Very sad

#305:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 9:17 am
    —
No Vikki, you can NOT send me your bills - this is the NHS I work for, mon chou! Wink And Lesley must be psychic (and I so can't spell that...).

Aunt Jane died quite suddenly that November, she had had a heart attack in her sleep. I had only realised there was something wrong when she still wasn’t up on my return from the school run. My sisters came round that afternoon and we sat, lost in our memories until it was time to collect the children. It would take a while to adjust to her absence after seven years of living with her. She had played such a huge role in my life since mam had died that I didn’t want to think of her not being there anymore. Colin left work early to collect the twins, Lottie and Roo from school and break the news to them. There were tears, as we’d anticipated, despite Roo’s protestations that he wasn’t crying because “only girls cried”. The twins sought their solace in each other and I was faced with Lottie’s questions as she tried to make sense of it all. Colin told Luke when he went to collect him from football practice and I Alice on collecting her from Guides. It was hardest on Alice, as the eldest she had been closest to Aunt Jane and it would take her some time to reconcile herself to her absence.

The funeral was a simple service and cremation a few days later for family only from Lottie and Roo up to Rebecca and Philip. The wake afterwards was an eye opener to all aspects of Aunt Jane’s life with everyone so keen to share their memories with us. I knew so much by the end of the afternoon that I was terrified of forgetting it all. I had seen her as Jane Graham, née Andrews, for the person she had been rather than simply my Aunt Jane who had become like a mother to me over the years. It never ceased to amaze me how far we had come since that first meeting on Lime Street station after mam’s death in 1943. That afternoon I would never have imagined that she would come to mean so much to us all; only when Bridget died did the Aunt Jane we knew and loved begin to shine through. She had supported us all through so much that I didn’t want to think of her as gone.

The following Saturday the whole family departed en masse to scatter Aunt Jane’s ashes on the beach near Caldy, a spot she and Rupert had loved. Colin and I had once spent a couple of happy days there with them when Alice had been a baby. Even as I threw my handful of ashes to the wind, I still couldn’t quite believe that she was gone, sure she would be waiting for us when we got home. But she wasn’t, as the niggling voice in the back of my mind reminded me, the one I tried so hard to ignore. I don’t think I ever fully accepted that she was gone, continually expecting her to be there. I couldn’t bear the thought of going into her room and sorting through her things as it would be yet another reminder that she was gone and I didn’t want to believe that she was. I didn’t want to remove the little reminders of her presence – her cardigan on the back of a kitchen chair, her hairbrush in the bathroom, her reading glasses on top of the piano, a note on the hall table saying that she would be back soon.

Rebecca, Harriet and Elizabeth came to help me sort through her things a few weeks later. Her will had been quite specific about what was to go where and who would get what. By the end of that afternoon it was hard to see all her things in bags labelled with their destinations. It seemed so little to show for a life. I hated moving her things out of her room, leaving it cold and bare as though she had never been there. It was yet another occasion on which I was glad of Rupert and Colin’s profession. She could never be forgotten with the numerous pictures of her. In that way, at least, she would always be with us.

~Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
whatever we were to each other
that we still are
call me by my old familiar name
speak to me in the easy way
which you always used
put no difference in your tone
wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together
pray smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
without the trace of a shadow in it
Life means all that it ever meant
it is the same as it ever was
there is unbroken continuity
why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you
somewhere very near
just around the corner
All is well

Henry Scott Holland~

#306:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 9:24 am
    —
Poor Sharlie. Thanks, Pim.

#307:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 9:56 am
    —
Thank you pim.

#308:  Author: AliceLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 10:49 am
    —
Thanks Pim. Seven years since Ruperts death...

#309:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 11:10 am
    —
Crying or Very sad That was so sad.
I can't believe how quickly time is moving though...

#310:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 12:58 pm
    —
Thanks, Pim. Crying or Very sad That was such a moving poem.

#311:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 6:21 pm
    —
So sad - at least, for her, it was a quick death. Even though it was a shock for the family. Even Roo will have some memories of her.

Thanks Pim.

#312:  Author: JosieLocation: London PostPosted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 10:47 pm
    —
R.I.P. Aunt Jane. Sad

Thanks Pim.

#313:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 9:09 am
    —
Christmas was hard, it being our first without Aunt Jane but we muddled through somehow. It had been the turn of the twins to take the 11+ this time giving a hint of things to come in examination season. Amelia complained long and loud throughout only stopping when Sophie declared that she had had enough of her whingeing. Sophie preferred to get cross about it quietly in her room, occasionally disturbing the peace as a book was flung against the wall. We needn’t have worried about either of them as the both passed admirably, Sophie a little smug that she had beaten Amelia by a mere 3%. They would be joining Alice at her school come September, that young lady having started working towards the O-levels she would take the following year. She was hoping to stay on to the school’s sixth form to take her A-levels before going on to university, currently swithering between a number of subjects.

Sarah became the first of the next generation to get married in April. She had met her husband, one Spencer Wilson, through the work she had been doing as a sideline to promote meningitis awareness in the area. He was a widower, two years older than her, whose first wife had died of meningitis when their son, Davey, now a five, was only a year old. I knew Rebecca had had reservations about their relationship but she had admitted that she would always have reservations about such things. I knew the feeling only too well, sure that no one would ever match up to the ideals I had set for my own children. Rebecca spent the run up to the wedding bemoaning the fact that she was sure she wasn’t old enough to have a daughter getting married. It seemed no time at all since it had been Elizabeth, Harriet and I sharing our doubts about Rebecca and Philip.

The wedding took place on a rare sunny April day with Philip looking every inch the proud father as he walked Sarah down the aisle. I never expected to cry at weddings and, on feeling myself welling up as they exchanged their vows, I realised I had come out without a hanky and had to appeal to Colin for his. Rebecca looked so calm and self assured that day that no one would ever suspect that she had been a complete nervous wreck that morning, only sedated after several large mugs of tea.

Following the success of our Brittany holiday the year before, we headed back to France for our summer holidays where Luke’s misadventures with the French language made it all the more memorable. Nobody is quite sure how sending him to the campsite shop for a packet of butter resulted in a set of oars for a dinghy we didn’t own nor how a tennis ball translated to a baguette but Luke was always quick to point out that he had only got 43% in his end of year exam. His teacher had always been quick to praise his enthusiasm for the subject, however, and we had to agree. Alice was rather aloof for the duration of the holiday, preferring to mooch off by herself of with the friends she had made. Colin and I resigned ourselves to the opinion that she was being a teenager and that she was growing up so we would have to learn to let her go a little.

The twins started at the grammar school in the September and Alice grudgingly agreed to walk them to the bus stop on the first day on the premise that they could walk with their own friends after that. Sophie and Amelia were quick to agree to it, declaring that, even on their first day, they’d rather have walked with their friends rather than with their elder sister tagging along. It felt strange only having Lottie and Roo on the school run, not to mention quieter. By October I had managed a complete manuscript of Esther’s story that had been approved by Robert and Sara before I had sent it on to various publishers. Now I was once more playing the dreadful waiting game to see if anyone would accept it.

#314:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 9:25 am
    —
It must be odd to see the children so grown up. I still have moments of shock when I find that my eldest daughter is now 13 and almost as tall as me! Thanks, Pim.

#315:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 9:48 am
    —
ta pimmy!

#316:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 10:37 am
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Thank you pim Very Happy

#317:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 10:59 am
    —
Sarah's wedding sounded lovely!

#318:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 5:26 pm
    —
Thanks, Pim. The time is flying by so fast, I wouldn't be surprised if Roo is leaving school very soon! I'm glad that Sarah's wedding went well.

#319:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 6:38 pm
    —
Good luck with the book, Sharlie!

Thanks Pim.

#320:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 11:14 pm
    —
Thank you Pim!!!
Aunt Jane's death had me blubbing again, and the wedding was lovely!

#321:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 9:21 am
    —
It was the most immense sense of relief when the company who had published Anna’s War wrote back in the January of 1978 to say that they would take on Follow in my footsteps, Esther’s story. I had the usual list of edits and changes that needed to be done and would occupy my free time for the next few months. It certainly helped to take the edge off the quietness of the house. The children were all so involved in so much that I kept track by the large timetable pinned to the kitchen wall and daily reminders scribbled on a notebook so that Colin and I knew who to collect from where and when. Alice was working hard towards her O-levels which she would sit in the summer and Luke similarly so for his the following year. His interest in photography has never waned and his only ambition was to follow in Colin’s footsteps as part of Graham and Son. We had both put our foot down about him staying on at school to take his A-levels as something to fall back on but university was his choice. Colin wouldn’t allow him to abandon his education at 16 saying like his own father had done.

Jack followed in his elder sister’s footsteps that May by marrying his long term girlfriend, Abigail Leighton. Rebecca’s despair at the rate at which her children had grown up was similar to that she had displayed at Sarah’s wedding the previous year. Her woe was compounded when Jack and Abigail announced that summer that Rebecca and Philip would become grandparents the following January. It was quite clear that neither of them could wait to become grandparents as they both pointed out that it had been a long time since there had been a baby in the family, David and Louise’s Charley now six clearly no longer falling into that category.

The summer was broken by Alice’s O level results, which she had sailed through with straights As, except in maths where she had battled hard to achieve her C. I was so proud of her I thought I might burst from it, only brought back down to earth by Luke’s declaration that I wasn’t to expect as much from him the following summer. Alice became much more bearable to have in the house once her results were out and she knew that she could continue into the sixth form to take her A levels in history, English literature and music. As I waved them all off on the first day back at school in September I felt the sinking realisation that the following year decisions would have to be made about Lottie’s secondary education, a fact I didn’t mention to Kathie quite yet given that she was much worse than me at disbelieving how much Lottie had grown up.

A letter from Switzerland in late September brought Julia’s news that Charlotte had made she and Michel grandparents with the arrival of baby Eléonore Julia. I couldn’t quite get my head around the fact that one of my friends was now a grandmother. It seemed like only yesterday that I had met Julia in that Grenoble hotel. I owed so much to her knowing full well that without her I would never have met Anna or become such friends with Esther or had the opportunity to work with Robert. It had been Julia who had sparked my interest in the subject of the Shoah which had formed such a huge part of my life. When I received my copy of Follow in my footsteps a little over a month later the dedication may have been to Esther, Robert and Sara but I knew that it was Julia I really had to thank. I had been disheartened by the recent political gains made by the National Front and I had to wonder where it would all end, hoping fervently that history would not repeat itself.

#322:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 9:24 am
    —
Thank you pim Very Happy

#323:  Author: AliceLocation: London, England PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 12:44 pm
    —
I'm glad Alic got good O-level results. Thanks Pim.

#324:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 12:44 pm
    —
merci buckets pimmy!

#325:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 5:02 pm
    —
Thank you Pim!!
Well done Alice!

#326:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 7:15 pm
    —
Pleased for Sharlie and Alice.

Thanks Pim.

#327:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 7:45 pm
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Thanks, Pim. That's great news about Alice!

#328:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2006 9:13 am
    —
Robert Stewart died on 15 November 1978 after a short illness. Sara rang to let me know before I found out from the newspapers, a handful of which carried an obituary. It had come not completely unexpectedly but still laving a huge gap in my life now that my mentor was gone. The funeral was a surreal experience, as was the ensuing memorial service given at the university for him. I had known, obviously, how well respected he had been in his field of research but even that couldn’t prepare me for the sheer volume of people at the memorial service and Sara’s sentiments were the same. Sara, Anna and I closed ranks a little that day, Sara not really feeling up to conversing with the masses about her stepfather. Soledad, Pablo and Carlos, now 19, 16 and 14 respectively, made up for their mother’s silence, moving effortlessly between the various people present.

His death, however, had made my mind firmly up that I was returning to teaching. I had prevaricated over making a final decision whilst I had been working on Follow in my footsteps but now I was reminded why I had gone into teaching in the first place. I wanted to educate the next generation so that they could avoid the mistakes that mine had made. Colin and I discussed the situation at length, concluding that I would see what I could get come the following September. I was nervous at the thought of returning to work, sure I had forgotten everything I had ever known about teaching as it had been eighteen years since I had last been in a class room.

At the other end of life, Rebecca and Philip became grandparents on 23 January 1979 when Jack’s wife, Abigail, gave birth to their daughter, Olivia May. All Rebecca’s protestations that she wasn’t old enough to be a nan faded away and both she and Philip were completely besotted with and doted on baby Olivia. Jack was the proud father and would talk about Olivia for hours on end to anyone who would listen, and even to those who wouldn’t. Sarah announced a few months later that Rebecca and Philip would have to get used to being grandparents as she and Spencer were expecting their first the following February.

3 May 1979.

Dear Sharlie,

Read the enclosed and try not to faint! Yes, that is my Christopher getting married in September. I’m sure these things aren’t meant to be happening to me just yet! Only five minutes ago he was off to university and now here he is, 25 and getting married. Suzanne is lovely though and I thoroughly approve – I always have done since the first time Christopher brought her to meet Paul and I. She certainly has got Christopher toeing the line and I don’t doubt she’ll keep him on the straight and narrow – maybe now I can stop worrying about him! Do say you’ll come, it seems such an age since we last saw you and Christopher has already said that he’ll be most put out it his Auntie Sharlie doesn’t come. And so will I, I hasten to add! So no excuses, young lady – I shall need you for moral support and encouragement that I’m not turning into a doddery old bat just yet!

With much love, Trixie.


Luke sat his O levels that summer term and passed much better than anyone had expected him to do, electing to take art, maths and geography in the sixth form. After several months of dithering Alice had plumped on reading history for her degree and was now making mutterings about various universities. Her teachers all agreed that she was bright enough for Oxbridge and she had appealed to Lucy’s considered opinion on the subject. Lottie was due to enter her final year at primary school in September and we had agreed that she would take her 11+. I hadn’t found anything new with regard to going back to teaching but I had somehow been roped into helping with the Brownie pack that the girls had attended by their Brown Owl.

#329:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2006 9:16 am
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I can't believe Lottie's ready to take her 11+! Thanks, Pim.

#330:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2006 10:50 am
    —
I'm glad that Luke did well in his A levels, I could imagine him finding it difficult to live up to Alice's academic perfomences.

#331:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2006 1:53 pm
    —
Thanks, Sharlie. Well done to Luke!

#332:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2006 2:20 pm
    —
Thanks pim, it's good to see Sharlie deciding to go back to teaching

#333:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2006 2:44 pm
    —
Thanks pim - remind me how old is Sharlie now?

#334:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2006 3:36 pm
    —
Thank you Pim!!!
*watches the years flying past rapidly!*

#335:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2006 7:19 pm
    —
Wonder what Kathie thinks about Lottie getting old enough to take her 11+?

Thanks Pim.

#336:  Author: Ruth BLocation: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2006 11:36 pm
    —
Indeed, we haven't heard from Kathy for ages!

#337:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Wed Jun 28, 2006 1:40 am
    —
Golly time flies in this universe.

Thanks you Pim

#338:  Author: pimLocation: Hemel Hempstead PostPosted: Wed Jun 28, 2006 8:40 am
    —
Ruth B wrote:
Indeed, we haven't heard from Kathy for ages!


She's like that, just flits in and out as it suits... Oh and Smelly, Sharlie is... *counts on fingers* Well, she was born in 1930 and, err, oh yes, this is 1979. So, um *counts on fingers again* 49.

August saw the keeping of a date that had become almost second nature to Lucy, Tish and I. We rounded off our holiday on the Norfolk Broads where the twins, Lottie and Roo had played at Swallows and Amazons most of the time, with a few days at Tish’s parents home. August 23 fell on a Thursday, a clear skied and sunny day and we all headed for the beach, the children promptly disowning us upon arrival to go off by themselves in search of adventure.

Doesn’t time fly when you’re having fun, sighed Tish as we scanned the beach in search of the children, eventually spotting them standing outside the café chatting to another group.
I followed Tish’s sigh. Not so much children anymore, not even Lottie and Roo. I can’t even remember being that young – well I mean I can but not as well as I used to be able to. I’m still always glad that they’re not going through what we did at that age. I often look at the state of the world and wonder but at least they’re safe and there isn’t a war raging all around them like it was for us. I can really appreciate my mam’s reluctance to have us evacuated now – I know I wouldn’t let them go without a fight.
And boarding school,
put in Lucy. My parents sent us all off without a second thought – there’s no way I’d do that to Hannah. I mean I loved St Monica’s but I just don’t think I could let Hannah go just yet.
Kathie and I discussed it for Lottie but I’d hate it. She’s as much one of ours as Alice, Luke, the twins and Roo. Now, before I get overly maudlin and reflective – where are we at, Tish?

Tish grinned and laughed as she looked at her paper. Me – chained to the kitchen sink and allowed out to play my sedate old ladies’ hockey, sounds about right! Sharlie is still trying to do everything at once and Lucy is practically a world expert.
Lucy stuck her tongue out in reply. My importance is growing slowly but surely! Sharlie’s not quite back in teaching and Tish remains the kept woman – and you are both quite clearly still ruled by your beloved families! Sharlie?
Well we pinned down the dreadfully important Dr Burrows, Tish continues to play sedate old ladies’ hockey and I’m going to be a Snowy Owl, which I appreciate isn’t quite a teacher but I’m working on that!
1984 girlies,
suggested Tish, a thoughtful expression on her face. Good grief, Sharlie, your Alice will have graduated by then!
No
, I cried. She can’t! I won’t let her – she’s not to grow up anymore!
Lucy laughed. You poor love. So, obviously, Sharlie will be despairing about growing old – more so than Tish, who is our chief bemoaner of the passing of time. I think we’ll be much as we are now only a little older and a little greyer.
Don’t mention grey hairs,
groaned Tish. I’ve got more than my fair share these days – my boys take great delight in pointing them out to me, Tessie’s a bit more tactful, thank goodness! And I think I agree with Lucy’s summary.
I third it,
I added. But I will be back in teaching by then – I’m quite determined.
1984 then,
grinned Tish. I’ll see you here.

#339:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Wed Jun 28, 2006 8:56 am
    —
Thanks pim, can't believe it's almost the 1980's now!

#340:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Wed Jun 28, 2006 9:05 am
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Nor can I, Kathryn! Thanks, Pim.

#341:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Wed Jun 28, 2006 10:12 am
    —
I have just realised that Sharlie is the same age as my Gran! Shocked
I love Sharlie, Tish's and Lucy's reunion's!

#342:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Wed Jun 28, 2006 10:14 am
    —
Thanks pimmy - so she's 50 in 1980 then...

#343:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent PostPosted: Wed Jun 28, 2006 12:08 pm
    —
Thanks, Sharlie. Did Colin keep his 50th quiet, or is he having his 50th soon? I will have been born by 1984. The time is going very fast!

#344:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Jun 28, 2006 1:59 pm
    —
Thanks Pim - the time just gallops by, doesn't it?

#345:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Wed Jun 28, 2006 9:56 pm
    —
Good grief!!
So, Sharlie is 76 this year then? Very scary thought!

Thanks Pims!

#346:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Thu Jun 29, 2006 12:07 am
    —
I got very confused when I read Vikki's post and thought I'd missed 25years or so of Sharlie Shocked

But yes then I found the update. Thank you Pim - it's lovely to see them all together.



The CBB -> Ste Therese's House


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