Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 7:39 am
In the hall at Freudesheim a quarrel was developing between Mary-Lou and the others. Matron, Anna and Nell wanted to phone Miss Annersley and reveal that they knew about her plot, and hopefully shock her into telling them more. Mary-Lou was against this plan.
"Look here Mary-Lou," yelled Nell, "I'm in charge. I say what we shall do."
"It's a stupid plan," clarioned Mary-Lou, "Miss Annersley will see right through it at once."
"You're in charge?" asked Matron, "Who put you in charge? I certainly didn't. What makes you think you are in charge?"
"I want to phone Hilda! And who on earth did you think was in charge?"
"It's a stupid plan!"
"Well I certainly didn't think you were in charge. And even if you were you deserve to be sacked, dressing me up as a St. Bernard, what kind of a plan was that?"
"Err... I'll phone Miss Annersley shall I?" asked Anna.
"No! Its a stupid plan!"
"No! If anyone is going to phone Hilda, it will be because I am in charge."
"You are not in charge!"
"It's a stupid plan!"
"No stupider than dressing me as a St. Bernard and sending me into spy on Joey and Jack."
"That was also Miss Wilson's idea, and this plan is just as stupid."
"Where have Jack and Joey got to?" asked Anna.
"Mary-Lou, if you don't shut up, its back under the bed with you!"
"Hello?" said Anna, "Is anyone actually listening to me? Joey and Jack have vanished, but there are tracks heading over to the school."
"You can't do that! And anyway I am entitled to my opinion," shrieked Mary-Lou.
"Not when it disagrees with my opinion," snarled Nell.
"I still want to know who put you in charge" demanded Matron.
"WILL YOU SHUT UP!" Yelled Anna, but it was no use, the argument continued unabated.
Over at the school, Miss Annersley took another sip of her single malt and watched the argument on one of her monitors. There was a discreet tap at the secret door, it opened and Gaudenz walked in, a dirty shovel over his shoulder.
"Did you clean up Jack and Joey?" asked Hilda.
"Yes."
"Thank you, although obviously I will thank you properly later."
"Yes."
"Run along now."
Back at the Chalet School Gaudenz's face was flushed and sweating.
"Do you like it?" asked Miss Annersley
"Oh yes!" came the reply.
"I never expected it to be so big, did you?"
"No!"
"Well, its the most expensive gardening set I could buy, so you had better look after it."
"Yes."
"Now, there is just one more little thing I need you to do for me. Listen carefully." and Miss Annersley outlined the plan.
"With pleasure," was Gaudenz reply, as he clutched his new gardening set to his chest.
Back at Freudesheim the argument was still raging. Anna had given up trying to reason with the others, and was instead sat on a chair, smelling her empty sherry bottle. Mary-Lou and Miss Wilson were nose to nose, screaming at each other, whilst Matron occasionally added her voice to the debate. Suddenly, they were interrupted by the sound of a mighty fist hammering upon the door. Hiding the sherry bottle, Anna got up to answer it, and the others, for a wonder, ceased their arguing.
"Gaudenz!" exclaimed Anna, "What can I do for you?"
"I am searching for my schnapps," the brooding figure replied.
"Gosh," said Miss Wilson, "I have lost my gin, Matron her brandy, Anna her sherry and Mary-Lou her marbles. OW! Ok, her moonshine. Come in, tell us what you know."
Gaudenz stepped into the hall and looked around him. Before he could speak however, Mary-Lou butted in:
"Look here, I think before we start to share all out secrets, we four ought to have a little chat. Gaudenz can wait in the kitchen," and she waggled her eyebrows frenziedly at the others.
"Why?" demanded Miss Wilson.
"Because," said Mary-Lou, accompanied by more eyebrow waggling.
"Why are you... OW!" cried Miss Wilson as OOAL stamped hard on her foot, at the same time as Anna poked her in the ribs and Matron hit her on the shoulder. "Oh, all right, Gaudenz, go and wait in the kitchen. Hang on.... isn't Br...", stamp, poke, hit, "fine, I'll shut up then."
"Good." clarioned all three at once, Gaudenz winced, and headed into the kitchen.
"What was all that in aid of?" said Miss Wilson.
"You were about to give all our info away, and to Gaudenz, of all people!" cried Mary-Lou.
"What’s wrong with Gaudenz?"
"He's hand in glove with Miss Annersley!"
"No!"
"Of course he is, haven’t you noticed that she is always taking him somewhere to 'thank him properly' and then presenting him new gardening equipment?"
"But what about his schnapps?"
"I just don't think we should trust him right away."
"Well, what you think doesn't matter, because you are not in charge, I am." snapped Miss Wilson, and the argument started up again.
Finally, after a further 20 minutes of arguing Anna lost her temper. Seizing Miss Wilson and Mary-Lou she banged their heads together, whilst at the same time admistering a sharp kick to Matron's shin.
"Ow!"
"Enough!" yelled Anna. "From now on I am in charge!"
"But..." Miss Wilson tried to argue.
"NO! You will listen to me and you will do what I say. Anyone who wishes to argue with me will find themselves in serious trouble."
"I say..." tried Miss Wilson again. It was a big mistake. The others watched in awe, as Anna grabbed Miss Wilson, delivered a double blow to her face, a swift knee cap in the stomach, and as Miss Wilson bent over in shock, delivered another swift knee cap to her face, and then pushed her gasping to the floor.
"Anybody else wish to question my leadership qualities?" Anna's question was met with silence. "Good. Now, we are going to the kitchen to question Gaudenz, if there is anything left of him after being alone with Bruno for so long."
"What shall we do with Nell?" asked Matron.
Anna regarded Miss Wilson thoughtfully, "We had better bring her with us but..." she glared at Nell, "If you speak out of turn I will shut you up in a dark room with Mary-Lou." Mary-Lou opened her mouth to protest, and then thought better of it. Anna grinned. She was in charge now.
Still grinning, Anna led the way into the kitchen. Opening the door carefully she peered round the door, trying to see what was left of Gaudenz. To her surprise he was sat at the kitchen table drinking a cup of tea. Anna and the others walked in. Gaudnez looked at Mary-Lou who blushed.
"That wasn't a nice thing to do." he rumbled, looking over at Bruno, who once again was in the corner with his eyes crossed.
"Um.. sorry about that," said Mary-Lou, "but it was an.... um.... initiation test!"
"What?" said everybody else.
"We have them for the gang, if you pass them you can join."
"What do you have to do?" asked Matron curiously.
"Survive a disaster on a mountain, fall out with another girl who wants to be a member of the gang, and one I don't quite understand."
"Which is?"
"Talk to me for an hour..."
Matron and Anna sniggered.
Suddenly the grin snapped off Anna's face. She seized Gaudenz by the shirt and hauled him out of the chair.
"Now listen here garden boy, we know you're Hilda Annersley's pet, does she think we are stupid?"
Involuntarily, Gaudenz's eyes slid towards Nell.
"Oy!"
"Point taken," said Anna, "Why is Hilda stealing our booze? What has happened to Joey and Jack? Talk you piece of manure!"
"I don't know anything," pleaded Gaudenz.
"Wrong answer."
Gaudenz felt Anna's grip tighten around his neck, he could see spots appearing before his eyes, he realised that if he didn't tell Anna what she wanted to know he would never dig another vegetable patch in his life.
"...I'.....ll........t..ugg....can't...b.rea......t.h........."
"Anna, I think he's trying to tell us something," said Matron, who was beginning to look worried as Gaudenz turned a fetching shade of purple.
In Gaudenz's head the battle raged. Should he confess all to Anna, ot should he continue to follow Miss Annersley's orders? He thought of all her kind gifts over the years, all the gardening sets, new paintbrushes, but he was finding it harder and harder to breathe. He could hear voices speaking, but they were getting fainter and fainter, his vision blurred, everything went black, the voices stopped.
"Gaudenz!" clarrioned a voice, bringing him back to consciousness with a shudder.
"There, I told you that would work," said Matron, "her voice could raise the dead! Sorry about that Gaudenz, Anna got a bit over enthusiastic."
"Yes," said Anna, " And I will get over enthusiastic again unless you tell us what is going on."
Gaudenz gazed weakly up at Anna, Matron and Mary-Lou, they reminded him of the three witches from Macbeth, he could see Nell slumped on the floor, a defeated look about her. How could he betray Miss Annersley? If that is they treated their own, what would they do with him when they discovered the truth? Rubbing his throat he began to recite the words Hilda had told him to say.
Gaudenz' mouth was open and he prepared to speak. He had never had so many women waiting to hear him speak. He reached up and lifted off the top of his head. He pressed the red button concealed there.
"Initiate self destruct." he said.
To the horror of the watching women smoke started to pour out of his ears. Sparks shot out of his nose, and with a final puff of smoke, Gaudenz's entire head exploded.
"Gosh," said Mary-Lou, "Does that happen to all men?"
"No, its just the effect you have on them." snapped Matron.
Anna stepped forwards and examined the remains of the robot Gaudenz, she fished out a few remaining components, and stamped on them angrily.
Nell blinked. She looked at Mary-Lou thoughtfully.
Looking up Mary-Lou saw the expression on Nell's face. Discreetly she took a step back. To her horror Miss. Wilson shuffled forwards. Mary-Lou took another step back, Miss. Wilson shuffled.
"Hang on!" Anna's voice echoed in the silent room. Seizing the robot Gaudenz she turned him over and pulled his shirt up. Matron looked horrified, Mary-Lou exited, and Nell seized the opportunity to shuffle a bit closer to Mary-Lou.
"Anna, what do you think your doing?" demanded Matron, naked robots were not her stock in trade.
"When I looked down the neck I saw something, now, if I could only get into the torso..."
"Would this help?" asked Mary-Lou proffering a large kitchen knife.
"Thanks." Anna seized the knife and plunged it into Gaudenz's back. Nell went white. She had always had a secret crush on Gaudenz, and even though he had turned out to be a robot, Nell's crush continued. Blinking rapidly she took another step nearer the fascinated Mary-Lou.
"Ah ha!" cried Anna as a large section of the torso came away, she reached into the body and began to tug.
Anna's yell of triumph as she pulled what she had discovered from robot Gaudenz's torso was drowned by an equally wild yell from Miss. Wilson, who, taking advantage of the fact that Mary-Lou was distracted by her first sighting of, admittedly a robotic, naked male torso, had flung herself upon the aforementioned damsel. Mary-Lou tried to scream, but Nell had taken the precaution of covering her mouth with her hand. With her other hand Nell seized the top of Mary-Lou's head and began tugging.
"What are you doing?" cried Matron, who actually looked like she might want to join in.
"She's a robot! She's a robot!" screeched Nell wildly.
"Really?" Matron joined in the attack.
"Destroy the robot!"
In desperation Mary-Lou sank her teeth into Nell's hand, causing Nell to remove it from her mouth.
"I AM NOT A ROBOT!" she clarioned as loud as she possibly could.
Far above, on the snowy peaks of the Alps several avalanches began to rumble their way down towards the Platz.
At the school Miss Annersley was looking at her computer screen in some concern. She had noticed that the little red light representing the functioning robot Gaudenz had gone out. This was not good news. Rising, Miss Annersley walked towards the wall, she pressed a section of wooden panel and a door opened. Walking down the passage she pondered her next move. It was annoying that Anna had got involved with Matron and Nell. Of all the people on the Platz Anna was only one bright enough to figure out the plan. Anna was the only one that Hilda feared.
The passage opened into a bright, well lit cave. Chained to the wall on the left were various people from the Platz and school, Joey, Jack (both very battered and bruised and covered with red welts), as well as the real Gaudenz, Joan Bertram and Phil Graves. On the right wall, all by themselves was chained Hilda's prize catches, including Bruno and...
Up in the Alps the avalanches began to gather force.
However Miss Annersley turned away from her prize catches, they did not interest her at the moment. Instead her grey eyes focused on the chained form of the real Gaudenz. Her eyes narrowed.
"I have no need of you anymore. Your robot has been discovered and destroyed." Reaching up Miss Annersley unchained Gaudenz and pushed him towards a door at the back of the cave.
"You mean I can go?" asked Gaudenz in surprise.
"Yes," replied Miss Annersley, "just so long as you go far away and never return. Leave Switzerland and never return."
Miss Annersley opened the door and ushered Gaudenz through. She shut the door firmly behind him, and locked it. She waited. Soon enough it came. A faint scream. Miss Annersley smiled.
At Freudeshiem Anna had finally restored order. Nell and Matron had apologised to Mary-Lou for suspecting her of being a robot, and after a while Mary-Lou had accepted their apologies. They then turned their attention to what it was that Anna had pulled out of the robot Gaudenz. To their surprise, and Nell's joy, it was a bottle of gin.
Nell dived crazily for the Gin, a grin of almost terrifying intensity on her face. To her dismay Anna held the bottle out of reach.
"Hold her back someone!" cried Anna, "We can't have Nell drinking the evidence."
Matron grabbed Nell round the waist.
"Why was the gin in the robot anyway?" asked Mary-Lou.
"It's simple," replied Anna, ignoring the struggling Matey and Nell, "The gin is what powers the robot."
"Gosh. But why does Miss Annersley want gin powered robots?" said Mary-Lou.
"I don't know" answered Anna, "But I intend to find out. Lets head to the School and confront Miss Annersley."
"Great. The we can find out what happened to the moonshine."
"And my brandy," said Matron dropping the struggling Nell.
Nell dived for the bottle, caught of guard Anna let it go. As if in slow motion the bottle fell towards the floor.
"NNNNnnnnooooooooo......." cried Nell trying desperately to catch the falling bottle, but she was not fast enough, the bottle smashed into millions of pieces, the precious gin spilling into the rugs and onto the floor. Nell, all appearance of sanity gone, curled herself into a tight ball and began to sob hysterically.
"My gin, my lovely gin,"
The others gathered round and tried to comfort her, Anna offered her the sherry bottle to smell, Matron offered a tiny dose and Mary-Lou offered to be quiet, but it was no good, Nell would not be consoled. Matron stood up.
"This has gone far enough. Nobody should be put through what Nell has been put through. The time for games is over. This means war."
Anna and Mary-Lou nodded in agreement.
"Lets go to the Chalet School."
Back in her study at the school Miss Annersley noted the declaration of war. She allowed herself a sinister giggle. Did the fools really think they could defeat her? Soon all Switzerland would be in her grasp and following that, the world. No more would people use 'can' instead of 'may', there would be order, not chaos, everyone would have a hanky, and she, Hilda Annersley would rule the world! Giving up completely Hilda lapsed into an evil tyrannical burst of laughter.
"Mwahahahahaha!"
That over with, she looked once more at her button filled desk, reflecting that her staff were singularly stupid in not noticing the buttons. She chose one, and pressed it.
At Freudesheim Mary-Lou blinked.
Mary-Lou frowned. Was it her imagination or had Matron started to stand more stiffly? Why had Nell Wilson stopped wriggling so much? Did Bruno's barking sound more mechanical than usual? What was that strange scar just below Anna's hairline? And where on earth was the real Gaudenz? Mary-Lou took a careful step back away from the other women. She started hard at Matron. Was that smoke coming out of her mouth?
Matron looked round, "Where has Mary-Lou got to?" she rasped.
Anna frowned. She too had spotted the smoke coming out of Matron’s mouth.
“Matron? Are you smoking?” she asked in shock.
“No.” replied Matron, trying to speak with her mouth shut.
“Yes, you are!” cried Anna.
“Well, it has been a difficult day.”
“Its coming out of your ears!”
“No its not.”
“Yes it is!”
“No it is not.”
“Look!” cried Mary-Lou pointing out of the window. Anna seized her opportunity and grabbed Matron by the head. She seized her hair and pulled frenziedly. Nothing happened. Anna pulled some more, and with a sudden ripping sound the top of Matron’s head came off, revealing that she too was a robot! Anna disabled the robot Matron rapidly.
“That’s odd,” she said, “I could have sworn it was the real Matron I accosted in the kitchen. When did she get turned into a robot?”
“Look!” cried Mary-Lou again.
“I’ll tell you,” said a clear voice, and there, standing before them was none other than Miss Annersley.
Nell sat up. “Hilda! How on earth did you escape?”
“Look! Avalanche!” cried Mary-Lou.
The women turned as one and stared out of the window.
“She’s right, damn her pesky clarion tones!” cried Nell, who seemed to be returning to normal.
“What’s it got to do with my clarion tones?” demanded Mary-Lou.
“They have triggered off an avalanche!”
“What shall we do?” said Anna.
“Mary-Lou, get outside and clarion as loud as you have ever clarioned, that might break up the avalanche. The rest off us, we need to find a plumeaux and bury our heads in them,” ordered Hilda.
“Why is she giving me orders?” snapped Mary-Lou.
“Just do it,” snarled Nell, “I will explain once the avalanche has been averted. Now go!”
Rushing outside Mary-Lou opened her mouth. Inside Freudeshiem the others buried their heads beneath the plumeaux and waited to see what would happen.
“AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” The clarion call rang out, birds took flight, goats fled, windows cracked, and the avalanche shattered, raining down as the lightest of snow.
Mary-Lou rushed back in “I did it! I did it! I saved the day yet again! All hail Mary-Lou! I am the best! The greatest! Bow down and worship me!”
“Thank you Mary-Lou,” said Anna firmly, “but before we all worship at your feet, I think we deserve an explanation.” She glared at Nell and Hilda, “Also, where is the real Matron?”
“it’s a long story,” said Nell, “And I’m not sure we have enough time, especially as we need to rescue Matron.”
“But they need to understand,” said Hilda.
“Of course we need to understand!” spat Anna, “Why are you here? Why is Nell acting like you are not the enemy and where is Matron?”
“Matron was switched with a robot in those few seconds that she was alone in the kitchen when we came into the hall to phone Miss Annersley,” said Nell.
“Who you now seem to be in league with!” cried Anna, searching desperately for something to use as a weapon.
“No!” said Nell, “I am not in league with Miss Annersley at the Chalet School, but I am in league with this Miss Annersley.”
“They are one and the same!” yelled Mary-Lou.
“They are not.” Replied Nell calmly. “The Miss Annersley at the Chalet School is not the real Miss Annersley. The real Miss Annersley stands before you and has been a prisoner of the fake Miss Annersley for some months now.”
“So who is the fake Miss Annersley?” asked Anna in shock.
“It’s a long story,” sighed the real Miss Annersley, and she swayed slightly on her feet.
“Hilda, sit down, I’ll tell it,” said the now totally normal Miss Wilson.
“I am feeling a little weak, that would be a good idea.”
“It all began back in England,” said Miss Wilson, “When we were on the Island. Hilda and I were approached by MI5, who were concerned that alcohol supplies in the area were disappearing. The centre of activity appeared to be the Chalet School. Of course both Hilda and I were shocked, but we agreed to help find the thieves. MI5 explained that I would have to assume a new persona in order to lull the gang into a false sense of security, and Hilda was asked to infiltrate them.”
“That’s why Nell was forced to assume the identity of gin addled moron,” said Miss Annersley.
“You mean you were never drunk?” asked Mary-Lou in surprise.
“Well, sometimes I had to be, just to keep people convinced, but I didn’t enjoy it, honest.” Insisted Miss Wilson, slightly too vehemently.
Anna raised her eyebrows.
“Anyway,” continued Nell, “When the school moved out to the Platz MI5 notified us that the gang had followed, we were liasing with the Swiss government, when Hilda suddenly vanished, and was replaced by the fake Miss Annersley. At that point my job became far more dangerous, I did not know if the fake Hilda knew my drunkenness was an act or not. Hilda and I had discovered that the fake Miss Annersley was planning on taking over the world, using alcohol powered robots, but we did not know who was helping her.”
“What about Matron?” demanded Anna, “And who is the fake Miss Annersley? Is she a robot?”
“Matron is alive and well, and in a cave with the other people who were recreated as robots. As for the fake Miss Annersley, she is not a robot, she is real person!”
“Well who is it?” demanded Mary-Lou.
“I suggest we go and confront her,” said the real Hilda, “And then all will be revealed.”
“About time,” muttered Anna.
So the intrepid crew set off for the final show down with the fake Miss Annersley. In case she sent out any robots to stop then they armed themselves with a variety of weapons in order to defend themselves. Anna took a plate of lemon biscuits, Mary-Lou took several hardback copies of the latest Josephine M Bettany, although she also planned to use her voice if necessary, Nell took an empty bottle of gin, Hilda took nothing, but the look in her steely grey eyes was weapon enough.
Sure enough, the fake Miss Annersley, using her secret cameras, knew they were coming, and sent out her best robots in defence. They were no match for them. Anna decapitated the robot Phil Graves with a biscuit, Mary-Lou took out the robot Joan Bertram, and Hilda and Nell seemed to take unnecessary pleasure in dispatching the robots Joey and Jack.
Arm in arm they marched towards Hilda’s study. Opening the door the saw the fake Miss Annersley stood behind the desk, looking worried. As the entered the room the fake Miss Annersley raised a gun and shot Miss Wilson in the chest. Miss Wilson collapsed onto the study floor, still, grey and to all appearances dead.
“NO!” cried the real Miss Annersley, as she knelt beside Nell’s body.
“Yes!” cried the fake Miss Annersley, “You thought you could defeat me! You fools! How wrong you were! And now you will suffer the ultimate punishment! Attack my robots! Attack!”
To the horror of Miss Annersley, both Anna and Mary-Lou snapped to attention, their faces assuming a robotic expression, they turned as one to face her. The two robots marched towards Hilda and the corpse like Nell. The robot Anna reached towards Hilda, her expression blank. Then she winked. Swinging round Anna and Mary-Lou seized the fake Miss Annersley.
“What are you doing? Obey me! Obey me! I am the Master! I am in charge!”
“Not this argument again,” groaned Mary-Lou, as she and Anna tied up the fake Miss Annersley. They heard a noise behind them, turning they saw to their surprise Nell, sitting up and apparently unhurt.
“How on earth did you survive that shot?” asked Mary-Lou in surprise.
Nell reached into her blouse and pulled out a hipflask. It was badly dented. Angrily she turned to Hilda and said, “I think it is time we unmasked the fake Miss Annersley.”
Hilda marched over to the trussed up fake, she seized the top of their head and began to pull. Anna and Mary-Lou watched in awe as the top of the fakes head began to stretch. With a loud pop, the rubber mask came off, revealing the true identity of the megalomaniac beneath.
It was Sir James Russell.
The four women stared in shock.
“Why? Sir James? Why?” gasped Miss Annersley.
“I wanted a world full of order, not chaos,” replied Sir James, “I wanted people to be instantly obedient, I wanted hankies available on demand, I wanted to rule the world, but all in all I wanted to be a Chalet girl. Do you not realise what hell it was watching those shiny, smiley faces, going off having adventures, but all doing as they were told. I wanted it too, and I would have got it if it hadn’t been for you meddling staff and kid.”
“Well you have failed!” cried Nell in triumph, “MI5 are on their way to arrest you and take you away to somewhere where there are no chalet girls.”
Sir James sagged in horror, as the four women, once more arm in arm skipped out of the study.
“So Anna,” said Hilda, “How did you know that there was a robot made in you image?”
“I found it,” replied Anna, “I was a little intoxicated at the time and assumed it was a gift from Jack to help me with my work, but after it tried to assassinate me I had to reprogram it. Half the work at Freudesheim is now done by the robot, whilst I go shopping with the wages.”
“What about you Mary-Lou?” asked Nell, “How did you know about the robot you?”
“I didn’t,” smirked Mary-Lou, “I just assumed that somebody as important in the school as me would naturally have had a robot clone made. And I was right.”
“You should have left her under the bed,” hissed Miss Annersley.
“We could always put her back?” suggested Nell.
The triumphant four walked down the corridor into the sunset, “Anyone fancy a gin and tonic?” asked Nell.
Back in the study Sir James used his nose to press a red button on his desk. Sitting back, an evil grin on his face he waited…
The End
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