Hacked Off!
The CBB -> Starting again at Sarres...
#1: Hacked Off! Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 11:55 am

‘Now I wonder, can I make it three for three?” The Mighty Hacker giggled as he sat in his palace, he raised a lofty hand and pointed a minion to the computer, she, a scantily clad maiden, hastened to obey her Master and the large computer screen flickered into life.

“Hmmmm,” he mused aloud, “well the Biggles one is totally destroyed, excellent, don’t know why people are interested in that anyway. But what’s this? I thought I’d closed down the CBB, why can’t I get on, there were a few fora I still had to delete…”

“Cecil? Cecil are you there, love?”

“How dare they? They’ve tried to set it up again and SHUT ME OUT!!! Don’t they know who I am? I am the Mighty Hacker, King of the Internet, nothing can withstand me, nothing c…”

“Cecil? I’ve been calling you, why didn’t you answer?”

In an instant the world collapsed, the Mighty Hacker looked round, instead of a magnificent palace he was in his small, somewhat dingy bedroom, instead of exquisite perfumes and delicious aromas there was the faint smell of cabbage cooking and a rather more powerful one of dirty socks and underwear. He looked for his scantily clad maiden before remembering that the closest he had got to that was when he’d attempted to spy on the girls when they were changing for games at school.

At the door stood a woman in her forties, somewhat careworn and kind, the type of woman that you knew would do anything for her son, who worked hard and never complained about life. He despised her.

Cecil, are you listening to me?”

“Yes Mum,” Cecil, not the Mighty Hacker, answered sulkily. He was about eighteen years old, thin, with an almost terminal case of acne that wasn’t helped by his habit of squeezing all the spots. His clothes were rumpled, as though he had slept in them, as, in fact, was the case. From his body exuded a rather strong smell of body odour as he had not washed for some days, so intent had he been on his games on the Net. He didn’t wear glasses but his eyesight was affected by bright sunlight - probably because he so rarely saw it.

“There’s a visitor for you, says she’s from the Job Centre, might have a post for you.”

“Not interested,”

“You don’t even know what it is yet!” The woman was angry, “You can’t waste your life in here, you know, you’ve got to find a job. What was wrong with the last one they found.”

“They expected me there all day,” Cecil whined, “and didn’t give me any help.”

“Of course they expected you there all day,” the woman said quickly, “it was a full time post. And they gave you all the help necessary, you were just too lazy and too interested in playing on that computer.”

“Well I don’t have any friends…”

“And just who do you think is to blame for that? You sit on that computer and hurt everyone you come across, you could join in, make friends on-line, but no, you just want to laugh at everyone. Well no more laughing, you go with this woman and try out this new job - because if you don’t I’m throwing you out and selling all this computer gear to get back some of the money for your keep.”

“You wouldn’t,”

“Watch me!”

Realising his mother meant what she said, Cecil rose and, with ill-grace allowed himself to be taken downstairs and introduced to the woman waiting in the spotless living room.

“Here he is, Ms Green,”

“Oh, please, call me Lesley,” the woman rose with a smile, she was a large woman of average height. She had dark red hair and brown eyes.

“Sorry it took so long, he was playing on his computer,”

“That’s fine, I spend quite a lot of time on my computer too.”

“There, you see Cecil, it doesn’t mean you can’t have a life. Sorry about this Lesley, but I do despair of him sometimes,”

“What’s the job, then,” Cecil put in rudely, ignoring the hand the woman had stretched out to greet him.

The woman’s eyes darkened very slightly, “Oh I think you’ll enjoy it,” she said, “we need someone of your ability. In particular we need someone with your skills on-line. My company employs more than 700 people, it is an on-line community. You won’t believe how much we’ve wanted to meet you.”

#2:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 11:59 am

Oh we do want to meet him, don't we! More than anything! Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil

#3:  Author: Mia, Location: London PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 12:00 pm

*giggles lots*

I think Cecil isn't good enough to clean all of our collective toilets to be honest.

#4:  Author: Katya, Location: Mostly Bradford PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 12:17 pm

But it would be a start while we're sharpening all the other implements. Or possibly blunting them, in fact - that's more fun... Besides, it's going to take me a while to find an armadillo with herpes in order to carry out my threat. Twisted Evil

#5:  Author: Róisín, Location: Gaillimh, Eire PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 12:20 pm

Excellent *grins evilly*

#6:  Author: Katya, Location: Mostly Bradford PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 12:28 pm

Incidentally, when you say "hacked off", I'm assuming you have something specific in mind... Twisted Evil

#7:  Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 12:41 pm

Mia wrote:
I think Cecil isn't good enough to clean all of our collective toilets to be honest.


Maybe if we used him to clean the toilets ... Evil or Very Mad

Thanks, Lesley

#8:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 1:24 pm

So long as his hair isn't so greasy it transfers the grease to the toilet!

#9:  Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 2:42 pm

Well he can prepare his own instruments of torture for starters.

And I don't want a greasy little hacker down my loo...

#10:  Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 4:54 pm

Thank you Lesley!
*doesn't want a Cecil anywhere near her*

#11:  Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 4:55 pm

I almost feel sorry for him.












I did say 'almost' Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad

#12:  Author: Kate, Location: Ireland PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 5:33 pm

Wheee! *waits for Lesley to really begin the onslaught*

#13:  Author: Kat,  PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 5:43 pm

More more more more more more! Very Happy

Ta Lesley Smile

#14:  Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 7:34 pm

Oooh!! Excellent!!!

*stands by with Lesley's chainsaw!*

#15:  Author: Liane, Location: Manchester PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 8:48 pm

fantastic Lesley thank you

#16:  Author: Rosy, Location: Gloucestershire-London-Aberystwyth PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 8:52 pm

Excellent! Cheers Lesley. Hope the little brat gets his comeuppance!

#17:  Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 10:49 pm

Good morning Cecil. Let me introduce you to this pair of rusty nail scissors.....

#18:  Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 11:50 pm

I think I may know of a blocked drain or two Cecil could start cleaning.

#19:  Author: tiffinata, Location: melbourne, australia PostPosted: Thu Apr 06, 2006 2:59 am

yes, shove him down then add the Draino.


Did I mention draino was full of caustic soda??
Twisted Evil

#20:  Author: Chalet_school_lover, Location: Gloucester PostPosted: Thu Apr 06, 2006 10:12 pm

Ooooh how fun! *giggles* Laughing Thanks Lesley!

#21:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 12:53 pm

Remember that we all want to join in with torturing him, Lesley. Don't keep all the fun for yourself.

 

The CBB -> Starting again at Sarres...


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