#1: After Jack Author: Identity Hunt, Location: UKPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 5:27 pm This is probably going to be a three-part drabble, though my bunny is being very argumentative and changing the plot all the time...........
"Felicity"
"Yes, Mamma?" Felicity looked at her mother, who had been staring out of the Saal window at the garden in silence for quite some time.
"Could you do me a favour and drive me to the graveyard ? I really don`t feel up to going on my own.........." Joey asked quietly.
"Of course I can; it will only take five minutes for us to get ready. Are you sure you want to go today, though ? The weather is pretty grim, and we did all go to put flowers on Papa`s grave on Christmas Eve....." Felicity `s voice trailed into silence as she saw the stricken look on her mother`s face, and felt tears flood into her own eyes.
"I know that, Flixy, but I need to go again. It really is important to me. I will be ready in five minutes" and Joey left the room to wrap up warmly against the bitter December cold.
Felicity stared worriedly at her mother walking down the hall.
This had been the family`s first Christmas since Jack`s death, and despite her fierce grief, Joey had seemed to be coping remarkably well. Freudesheim had been full to overflowing with the Maynard clan, friends and relations for Christmas Day and Boxing Day and Joey had played her part as the hostess par excellence almost as though nothing was wrong, until today, when for the first time, Felicity saw the mask slip, and utter grief and despair engulf her mother once she was alone again.
With a sigh, she went to get her coat and boots, and by the time she had driven the car from the garage to the front door, her mother was ready and waiting, clutching a huge bunch of flowers. Joey climbed into the car in silence, and the short drive to the pretty graveyard at the end of the Shelf passed quickly and mercifully uneventfully despite the icy roads. Joey got out carefully and walked slowly to the distant part of the graveyard which was Jack`s final resting place.
The mound of earth still wore a raw, new look despite the numerous bunches of flowers laid there, for the ground wasn`t settled enough for the headstone to be placed yet. Joey had gone to lay fresh flowers every week for the last six months, often accompanied by Felicity, but sometimes alone.
Joey laid her flowers tenderly, made the sign of the Cross and bent her head in silent prayer, tears flowing down her cheeks.
Felicity did likewise, till she heard her mother`s teeth chattering in the bitter cold, whereupon she linked her arm companionably through her mother`s and led her gently back to the car.
Once home, she made some hot chocolate liberally laced with brandy to warm them up. Joey clutched hers thankfully, and gradually the pinched, wan look left her face.
"I always wondered why you decided to have Papa buried in that part of the graveyard, rather than in the part dedicated to the use of the San, Mamma ?" Felicity asked curiously.
Joey sighed, opened her mouth as if to speak, then closed it firmly. Felicity had seen that look before, and she knew better than to ask any more questions at present.
"It`s a long story. I will tell you one day, but I really don`t feel up to it at the moment.
Haven`t Len and Con`s children grown ? It was so lovely to have the house full again !"
and Joey skilfully turned the subject firmly back to the just-past Christmas festivities, and their plans for the New Year.
Part Two
Almost eighteen months later, Felicity answered the insistent ringing of the telephone.
“Hi Felicity, it`s Rix !”
After the usual pleasantries had been exchanged, Felicity asked wryly “Well, and to what do we owe the honour of this rare telephone call, my dear cousin?”
Rix laughed uproariously. “Yes, there is a reason, as it happens. I`d like to visit Aunt Joey and I was wondering if it would be okay if I flew over this weekend for a few days ?”
“That would be wonderful. Mother would love to see you; you know how fond of you she is. Will you be bringing Mary-Lou and the children ?”
“I don`t think so; not this time at least. It`s more of a research visit, and the children would be much too distracting! Maybe in the summer holidays……” and their talk moved on to travel arrangements.
Felicity and Joey were at the airport to meet him at Friday teatime, and the journey to Freudesheim was filled with reminiscences and laughter. Once home, Rix applied himself with vigour to his evening meal, prompting Joey to giggle as she told Felicity that Rix had always been renowned in the family for his appetite. “In fact, at one point, Jem was convinced you must have worms!”.
“I remember that vile medicine only too well. he exclaimed. “It was filthy stuff. I gave most of it to Aunt Madge`s aspidistra in the hallway…….”and they all fell about laughing.
Eventually they decided it was time for Rix to get some sleep after his hectic day. As she hugged him, Joey said quietly “I guessed you have come here with a purpose in mind, Rix. Felicity goes out on Saturday mornings, so I suggest you come to my study about 9.30 and we can have a private chat without her feeling left out."
“That sounds ideal to me, Aunt Joey. Good night!” and they parted till the morning.
Joey was hard at work on her new book when Rix tapped tentatively at the door. She stopped typing and drew two chairs next to the table where she had a brewing coffee percolator and a plate of biscuits waiting for him.
He sat down and shifted somewhat uncomfortably in his seat.
Joey smiled a little at his obvious discomfiture, but a shadow of concern darkened her eyes. “What is it, Rix ? Something is bothering you, and it is equally obvious that it concerns me.”
Rix swallowed nervously and spoke slowly and quietly. “I`ve been asked to undertake research into bereavement and how best for hospital staff to handle it. I`ve been working on it in my spare time since Uncle Jack……….since Uncle Jack died.”
Joey nodded reassuringly. “Well, I`m sure that it is work that is long overdue, and will be incredibly helpful to people in the future, Rix. But how does it concern me?”.
“Well, I have been trawling through enormous quantities of medical journals, looking for examples of how stillbirths and infant deaths were handled decades ago, and I found a letter which Uncle Jack had written to the British Annals of Psychiatry. I was amazed to see that he advocated methods that were at least a generation ahead of mainstream medical opinion at that time. I wondered if you could tell me if he ever discussed his ideas with you, and if you knew what was the impetus behind him writing that letter?”
Joey smiled bleakly, then heaved a deep sigh. “Rix, I can show you why he wrote that letter. Wait here for a moment.” And she exited the room, dabbing her eyes with a hankie whilst murmuring to herself “Bless the boy, Jack would have been so proud of him!”
She returned with a small box, securely locked. “This is the reason Jack wrote that letter.” And she unlocked the box and tenderly emptied its contents onto the table.
Rix was amazed to see several photographs of a very tiny baby, sheets of paper with footprints and handprints, a tiny lock of hair, a baptism certificate, a birth certificate and finally a death certificate. Rix looked at them in respectful silence, not daring to ask the questions uppermost in his mind.
Before he could say anything, Joey commented sadly “We had a very premature baby. She was born alive, and Father Gerhardt was able to baptise her . She only lived for one hour; her lungs were too underdeveloped for her to survive. There was nothing anyone could do to help her, not even Jack. He vowed there and then that he would campaign for parents who suffered similar tragedies to receive decent help and support from the medical profession, instead of the dismissive attitude of “Bad luck. Never mind, you can always try again”.
It hurts, to lose a child, Rix, it really does. We were never blessed with another baby after her. As far as the rest of the family is concerned, Phil and Geoff were our last babies. But they weren`t. And never a day goes by when I don`t think of her………….”
Rix was unable to say anything, so he simply knelt by Joey`s chair and hugged her fiercely.
Eventually he said “Uncle Jack`s campaign is bearing fruit, Aunt Joey. The mementoes you have of your baby are increasingly common everywhere. Uncle Jack was a genius. But why didn`t the Triplets ever mention anything to the rest of us ?”
“For the simple reason that they never knew, Rix. The boys were in England at school, the elder girls were boarding at the Chalet and it was term-time. The little ones were too young to realise. I was only 26 weeks pregnant when it happened, and we decided it was best to keep it to ourselves.”
“Was Uncle Jack buried in her grave?” he asked bluntly.
“Yes.” Joey replied.
“Well, don`t you think that they will find out one day ? Is the baby never to have a mention on a headstone?”
Joey sat back and regarded him thoughtfully. “I expect they will find out one day. And I would like my baby`s brief existence to be honoured on a headstone. But after all this time it is difficult to know what to do for the best…………..”
“You need to think of Felicity, though.” Rix urged. “She is the one who lives with you and cares for you, and she is going to be the one who has to……………..”
“Make all the arrangements and deal with the aftermath when I die, you mean ? You`re right, Rix, but I don`t know how to go about telling her.”
“Leave the box there. I`ll go and meet her at the station and tell her you need to discuss some business with her. She`ll be a little prepared for it then, and she really does need to know. It will be a dreadful shock for her otherwise.
To be honest, you also need someone to be able to talk to about the baby now that Uncle Jack has gone.” Rix advised.
Joey gave a watery smile. “I`m sure you are right, Rix. Thank you. It is time for Felicity to know, at least.”
Rix kissed his aunt lovingly and left her to her thoughts.
Part Three
Years later again, the family was gathered together in the Saal, where the fire was burning brightly and casting shadows flickering across the walls as the afternoon light slowly gave way to dusk.
“Mamma always loved to see the children admiring the Christmas tree, didn`t she ?” Felicity remarked with a sad smile as she gazed affectionately at the crowd of children looking at the enormous and lovingly decorated fir tree which dominated the room. They now included great grandchildren of Joey , and only the youngest ones had enjoyed that Christmas; Joey`s childrena nd grandchildren were grieving the bitter loss of Joey, who had died peacefull on the morning of Christmas Eve. Felicity had spent hours on the phone, contacting her brothers and sisters, cousins and friends, many of whom were now gathered at freudesheim.
The funeral was due to take place on the 28th December, and as joey had predicted, the bulk of the funeral arrangements had fallen upon Felicity, for whom the days had sped past in whirl of activity, leaving her only the private time alone in her bed to cry and grieve for the mother whom she loved so much.
The lengthy task of getting the younger members of the extended family bathed an dsettled in bed finally over, the Maynard adults sighed thankfully and sat at the dinner table for supper. By common consent, all the other relatives and friends staying at Freudesheim had left the immediate family on their own together for this evening. No-one really felt like eating, but Felicity had obviously taken pains over the meal, and everyone attempted to eat something . Nobody wanted to risk upsetting her unnecessarily ,as it had become apparent to everyone that Joey had in latter years become closest to Felicity, and she would miss their mother the most, especially as Felicity would be left at freudesheim on her own now.
Stephen cleared his throat and raised the question that many of them had been so curious to ask, but had found the tact and self-restraint NOT to do so……………..
“Does anyone have any idea why Papa was buried where he was ? After all, as Chief of the San, and an important local figure, it would have been more fitting for him to have been buried in the Sanatorium Staff section of the graveyard, with a prominent memorial. Why Mother insisted on a plain wooden cross defeats me. I did wonder whether she was beginning to lose her marbles when she made that decision!” he remarked rather pompously.
It was Len, seeing Felicity`s face darken with anger and starting to rise purposefully from her chair, who leapt into the breach.
“She may well have been overcome with grief, but she most certainly was in full possession of her faculties until she died, which is far more than I can say for you, brother dear ! Of all the self-important, pompous, overbearing, thoughtless, arrogant…..”
“Windbags, you certainlt take the biscuit!” Con chimed in, seeing that Len was about to call her brother something much much worse.
Len, her face flushed and indignant, turned to Felicity, who had raised a smile at her sisters` comments. “Flixy, in the last few years, you were closer to mamma than any of us. She told me she had left you detailed funeral instructions which she trusted you to follow to the letter, and I know she did so because she knew she could trust you completely. Do you know why Papa was buried there ? We all have wondered, but none of us wanted to ask her because she so obviously didn`t want to discuss it.”
Felicity nodded, flushing a little. She had been dreading this moment, and had rehearsed what she was going to say a hundred times. “Yes, I do know. Mamma told me the year after Papa had died. In a nutshell, after Phil and Geoff were born, we all thought they were the last Maynard children. We were wrong. When Phil was recovering from polio, Mamma became pregnant again. One day, when Anna and Rosli were busy, she decided to carry Phil upstairs for a nap by herself.. She lost her balance, and being Mamma, she made sure to protect Phil from harm, and bore the brunt of the fall all the way down the front stairs.”
Felicity stopped, seeing a look of sheer horror and sadness cross Phil`s face.
“Phil, it wasn`t your fault ! Mamma told me often that papa had warned her repeatedly not to carry you when you were wearing your callipers, that it was much too dangerous for her when she was pregnant, but she said she felt he was fussing and that she could manage perfectly well.
She never forgave herself for what happened. The fall caused her to go into very premature labour when she was only 26 weeks pregnant, and the baby, though born alive, died only an hour after she was born. Most of us were at school, and Cecil, Phil and Geoff were too small to realise what had happened.
The baby was buried in the plot where Papa was later buried, and of course, this is where Mamma wanted to be buried too.”
Her brothers and sisters were speechless for a moment, then a perfect maelstrom of noise and questions broke out. The only one who was silent was Stephen, mentally wishing he could have held his tongue. It was Len who noticed he was sitting alone; the others having almost imperceptibly moved away from him as if in order to distance themselves from his remarks. She felt her anger dissipate and she walked over and hugged him while Felicity and the rest were comforting Phil, who was in floods of uncharacteristic tears.
“Phil, Mamma was so sure you would react like this that she deliberately didn1t want anyone to be told, but she knew that sooner or later, we would have to know, when we saw the headstone that she planned for her and Papa and the baby. She asked me to give you this.” and Felicity passed a letter in Joey`s characteristic writing.. Phil took it gratefully and began to read the reassuring words of comfort her mother had so lovingly written for her
“There is a letter for the rest of us, too. Charles, would you read it ?” Felicity asked quietly.
My darling children –
I am so sorry that your father and I felt we couldn `t share our grief over the death of our little girl, your baby sister whom you never knew.
We tried so hard, so many times, to pluck up enough courage to tell you all, but each time our courage failed us.
We were desperately afraid that our precious Philippa would feel in some way responsible, which of course is utter rubbish ! The only person at fault, the only person to blame was myself, for being pig-headed and stupid, refusing to heed wise advice.
The baby and I paid a terrible price for my folly, but it was worst of all for Papa. He had always tried so hard to protect us all from harm, and he felt so deeply that he had failed.
He was utterly heartbroken over her death. He chose the burial plot and had to see to the funeral and attend it alone, as I developed complications after the birth and was ill in the San for a fortnight. He asked me to promise solemnly that I would ensure he was buried with her, and I did. I know many of you thought I was being wildly eccentric to say the least, but perhaps you will now agree I had good cause to do as I did.
Please always remember that Papa valued being your father much much more than he valued being Head of the San, even though it may not have seemed like it sometimes whilst you were all growing up.
I will leave it to Phil to let you know what the baby`s name is.
I hope and pray that none of you will ever have to endure what Papa and I did.
With all my love,
Adieu
Mamma.
“Phil….could you bear to tell us ?” Felicity asked tentatively.
Philippa, her eyes full of tears, but with a genuine smile lighting up her face, said quietly “Our baby sister`s name was Natalie Philippa Maynard !”
#2: Author: Róisín, Location: Gaillimh, EirePosted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 6:42 pm Ooh I remember this the first time round but missed out on some of it. Glad to see it back - thanks
#3: Author: Susan, Location: CarlislePosted: Mon Apr 10, 2006 1:23 am Lovely drabble - the Maynard family at their best.
