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The CBB -> St Agnes' House

#1: The Little Spy - complete Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 4:23 pm
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I don’t know why my mother is so angry about it. She has spent hours teaching me, making sure I hold my arm straight enough, testing me so I don’t forget and say ‘Gruss Gott’ instead. And now, when I say it to the Herr Doktor and Fraulein Bettany and the ladies from the school she is angry with me. They are important people, the doktors and the school, I thought they would be impressed, but they look angry too.

I don’t pay much attention as mother scolds me. She scolds me so many times that it is nothing new, but then she grabs my arm and gives me a shake as she tells me to listen. I am to follow them and find out anything I can. If I do as she says then she could get lots of money. She likes to have money. When she gets money she scolds me less, but then it runs out and she gets angry again. She comes with me a little way – then there is a big rock, which she cannot climb. She tells me I must climb it and then follow them. I do not think I can get over the rock. It is not easy to climb, but she grabs me and pushes me towards it. I slip a little as I climb. She slaps my legs, and pushes me up. Eventually I am at the top, my knee is grazed and bleeding, but she tells me that a little scratch does not matter when we could get a big reward. I do not see how we will get a big reward from following them. But she tells me I must and says that if they catch me, or if I can’t find out what they are doing she will give me such a beating I won’t sit down for a week. She means it. She has done it before.

I have to run to catch up with the ladies and the Herr Doktor, but they are talking and laughing and it is easy to find them again. When they stop walking and sit down, I find a place behind a rock to sit and watch them. They open their baskets and take out a picnic lunch. I am hungry, but I have no food with me. I pick some grass and chew on it, but it does not help me. I am used to being hungry, but it is worse when I am watching them eat – see the size of that crumb she drops – I would not waste a piece of good bread like that.

I wish I could go home, but if I go now without finding out anything my mother will not give me anything to eat and I will still be hungry, so I stay. After a while they run off in different directions. What am I to do – I cannot follow them all at once. The Herr Doktor, the one who once beat me for hurting a kitten, is left behind, then he runs off too. They have left the rest of the food behind and I cannot resist it. They have had enough, they will not miss it. Making sure they are all out of sight I run out and grab some food and drink and hurry back to my hiding place just in time. I wait until they have gone off again before I eat anything, just in case they hear me. The food is good – so good – I have never tasted anything as good as this and I am envious that they should be able to eat so well and have so much happiness. I do not often have something to laugh about and here they come again, laughing and calling to each other.

Now I have eaten I feel a bit better and I remember my instructions. I decide that this time I will follow some of them when they go off and watch what they do. I can see one of the girls, the young one from the Doktor’s house, has some papers in her pocket. Mother gets paid good money for pieces of paper, so I decide to follow them. If I am lucky she will drop the papers, they are already hanging out of her pocket, and then I can pick them up and go home and Mother will be pleased with me.

Carefully keeping behind bushes, so nobody sees me I follow her and an older girl and watch where they go. Suddenly the small one disappears. I feel a shiver go down my spine. Is she a demon? Then as the one who is left says something and turns, I see that there is a crack in the rock. I go close and look inside – I can see nothing, but I can hear their footsteps and voices. I do not want to go in, but I must be brave. This could be important for the glorious future Mother says we have been promised, so, my heartbeat echoing in my ears, I follow.

It is very dark inside the crack and I shiver once more. The girls have a torch and I can see the light ahead of me, so I follow very quietly. I keep my eyes on the light, and don’t see a small stone in my path and I stumble slightly. The light goes off. They have heard me. I squeeze myself against the wall and hold my breath, hoping they will not see or hear me, hoping they will not come to find me. At last they move on, but they are no longer using the light and the idea of following them in the dark, when I don’t know what might hide and jump out at me is too much for me and I turn around, resisting the urge to close my eyes so I can’t see if anything horrible comes. Keeping one hand on the wall to find my way I start to go back the way I came. I hear a voice muttering and realise it is my own, saying the prayers I used to know well and thought I had forgotten. I stop myself. Mother has told me we do not say prayers now.

It seems like forever before I stumble back out into the light. I can hear someone else coming and duck quickly out of sight behind a bush. It is the Fraulein from the Doktor’s house. She goes through the gap in the rock, but I cannot follow. Not even for the great Reich can I bring myself to go back into the darkness. I dash away the tears of shame and resolve at least to wait here. They must come out again. I creep out of my hiding place and stand by the crack, listening for the sound of their voices.

I hear hurried footsteps. They are coming. Hurriedly I get back behind the bush and watch. One person, the tall Fraulein, comes out of the gap, but the other two are not with her. She starts calling and looking around. I duck down, but it is too late. She has seen me. With an exclamation she pounces on me and pulls me out from behind the bush. She is speaking to me in her own language and I do not understand, although I can see fear and anger mixed on her face. Then she switches to German and starts asking me questions.

I tell her all I saw – that the Fraulein went into the mountain, but did not come out. She shakes me and I cry out with fear as I tell her again, and now she believes me. She orders me to go with her and, not knowing what else to do, I follow.

She takes me back to the others, and I am asked questions again. I cannot be brave any longer and I cry as the Herr Doktor asks me. I tell him the same as I told her. I wonder if he is going to beat me, but he does not. He turns and talks to the others and I cannot understand what he is saying. But then everything is packed up and, taking me with them, they go back to the gap in the rock. There is more discussion when they get there. I don’t want to go into the rock. They look at me and I know they are talking of me. Then they tell me that I will stay here with one of the Fraulein. I am glad not to go in there again and I sit down on the ground for I am so tired now. To my surprise they cover me gently with a coat to keep me warm. I did not expect that kindness. I never expect any kindness, but especially from these people my mother says I should hate. It confuses me. They have always spoken kindly to me. Even though the Herr Doktor beat me once it was not as hard as some of the beatings I have had at home. I can understand why they are angry with me now, but I cannot understand why they are still being kind. I find I cannot hate them even though I know I should. My mind whirls and I am glad to fall asleep.

The sound as they come out of the rock wakes me. It is getting dark now and I am cold. I do not protest when they take me with them. I do not want to be out on the mountain on my own. I do not want to go back and tell my mother I have failed. They take me back to the Doktor’s house. I am afraid of what my mother will say. I wish we had never seen them today. I wish I had never followed them. I am scared of what will happen next. Will they punish me? Will they take me back to my mother? I know she will punish me. I forget my pride and start to cry.

It is late when I am taken back to my mother. She says she has been worried about me, but when Doktor Russell has gone she shakes me and scolds me for being caught. She wants to know if I found out anything. I say there was nothing, they were just going for a picnic, but she does not believe me. She starts to beat me. So I tell her about the paper and the hole in the rock.

She shakes me again for not telling her straight away and sends me to bed. I am glad I had the food from the picnic and some pie at the Doktor’s house or I would be very hungry. I lie awake thinking about how kind they were to me at the Doktor’s house. I did not deserve it.

When I wake in the morning my mother has gone to Spartz. When she comes back there is a soldier with her. I do not like the way my mother looks at him. He wants to talk to me. He says it is very important. He has already given my mother some money for what I said, and he says there will be a lot more if I can take him to the hole in the rock. I do not want to go. But I have no choice. The soldier has some other men waiting outside the house and I start to lead them up the mountain. When we are past the big rock I pause a moment. I have an idea. I start to walk again, but I do not go to where the picnic was. I take them the wrong way. I know where there is another cave in the mountain not far away and I take them there instead. I hug the secret to myself. They look in the cave and find nothing, but they are still pleased with me. My mother will get the money and cigarettes and be pleased. I have repaid the kindness shown to me. Everything will be good for everyone.

I do not see them again. My mother goes often into Spartz to see the soldier and one day she tells me he is coming to live in the Herr Doktors house now it is empty and she is going to live with him. I am not going to live there with her. She tells me I am old enough to look after myself. The soldier wants her, but does not want me. She does not want me either. I do not cry. I am not sorry that she will not be there to beat me any more. I make my way down the mountain to Seespitz and then to Spartz. For a few days I steal food and sleep in a doorway. Then I am caught by the innkeeper. Herr Borkel says he will give me a bed and food if I will help with jobs around the inn. He tells me sadly that his nephew, who helped him, has had to go away, so I can help in his place.

I never forget that day on the mountain. When I look back it stands out as a crossroads in my life. It is the day that I stopped being a Nazi. It is the day that later leads me to join the resistance. It is the day that changes my life.

#2: Author: Alison H, Location: Manchester

Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 4:32 pm
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Poor Hermann - he can only've been about 9 or so at the time and I don't suppose he had a clue what was really going on. Thanks Liz Very Happy

#3: Author: leahbelle, Location: Kilmarnock

Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 4:51 pm
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Poor Hermann. I never really appreciated how awful things must have been for him til now. Thanks!

#4: Author: Kat, Location: Kingston

Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 4:54 pm
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*hugs Hermann*

Thank you for posting it, Liz!

#5: Author: Aquabird, Location: North Lanarkshire, Scotland

Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 5:05 pm
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Poor Hermann. At least he got away from his mother eventually. Thanks Liz.

#6: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 8:07 pm
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Poor little lad - good for him.

Thanks Liz.

#7: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 8:58 pm
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Oh the poor kid! (That woman has no right to call herself a mother!!!!)
Thanks Liz.

#8: Author: Elle, Location: Peterborough

Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 10:32 pm
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Wow. That was brilliant. Thank you.

#9: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 10:52 pm
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What a great twist on Hermann's story. Thanks Liz.

#10: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 10:52 pm
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What a thoughtful and heart-wrenching piece. Poor little boy. But as positive an outcome for him as could be hoped for.

Thanks, Liz.

#11: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:34 am
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Lovely, thanks Liz! Very Happy

#12: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 12:25 pm
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That was great Liz. Poor little lad.

#13: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 12:36 pm
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Thank you Liz, very good - poor little boy.

#14: Author: RuthY, Location: Anyone's guess

Posted: Wed Aug 30, 2006 10:46 am
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poor hermann, what a shame.

Thanks Liz

#15: Author: BethC, Location: Worcester, UK

Posted: Thu Aug 31, 2006 9:51 pm
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Thanks, Liz - I could really see that happening.

#16: Author: wheelchairprincess, Location: Oxfordshire, UK

Posted: Fri Sep 01, 2006 1:09 pm
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I could really see that happening and how very CS for him to redeem himself like that! Thank you for writing it.

#17: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2006 1:46 am
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Thank you Liz.

I'd never even thought about what drove Hermann to the spying Embarassed

-- and the ending of this version is particularly fine.

#18: Author: Chelsea, Location: Your Imagination

Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2006 4:24 pm
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The poor wee lad.

That was a lovely tale.

#19: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Mon Sep 18, 2006 8:32 pm
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Poor kid. Crying or Very sad

#20: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 10:33 am
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Thank you Liz, that was so well written it made me cry (again ). I'm so pleased that the day on the mountain made Hermann choose to join the resistance.

#21: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 11:16 am
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Poor Hermann. Thanks Liz.

The CBB -> St Agnes' House

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