The CBB :: View topic - Identity Theft ?

#1: Identity Theft ? Author: Identity Hunt, Location: UK

Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 2:33 pm

A non-Secret Santa gift for Lesley, whose Real Chalet School provides me with endless entertainment.
Thanks to Lesley for letting me use ideas from RCS Very Happy

Identity Theft ?

"Mrs Maynard?"
"Speaking !"
"This is John Fisher."
"Hello John ! It must be at least six months since we last spoke ! Have you decided who is going to illustrate my new book yet ? I rather liked the last artist, but I know times and tastes change , and we do have to move with the times, don`t we............"she trailed to a halt as the silence on the other end of the phone line seemed to indicate that the matter was of rather more importnace than that of choosing a new cover artist.

"Mrs Maynard, I`m afraid I have some rather bad news to tell you" Mr Fisher said soberly
"I`m all ears, I can assure you" she said, a puzzled frown crossing her face.

"We received a parcel from Switzerland last week, and expecting it to be the first draft of " No Stopping Nancy", it was given to one of the junior readers to check, before handing it to the editor. Young Angela was only roused from strong hysterics with difficulty, and is likely to be off-work for some considerable time due to the severe shock her nerves have sustained, not to mention the head injury incurred when she fainted and fell off her swivel chair and hit her head on the desk as well as the floor."

"But this is dreadful !I am so sorry" gasped Joey , her mind racing as she desperately mentally reviewed the plot of "No Stoppping Nancy" " But I must admit I simply do not understand - Nancy was just another standard school story ! I cannot possibly imagine what could have upset young Angela so. I even read it out loud to my husband and my granddaughters, and they all seemed to enjoy it ....."

"I`m sure they did, but it wasn`t actually Your story that was the problem. You see, on the reverse of your typed sheets was another story, and that was what caused the problem. It was rather....racy" the abashed agent stammered.

"Racy ? Racy ? I have never submitted anything "racy" to my publishers, and I resent the implication that I have, Mr Fisher! Indeed, I think it is high time that I found myself another agent, who will actually work in my best interests, not denigrate my talents" The ice in Joey`s tones was chilling in the extreme, and despite all his years of experience in dealing with highly-strung writers, Mr Fisher quailed.

In Joey Maynard, he had finally met his match.

"But Mrs Maynard, I`m afraid that I have actually seen the document, and there is indeed another story appearing on the reverse of all the sheets. I thoroughly enjoyed "Nancy", and believe it to be one of the best you have ever written, but the story on the reverse is certainly not suitable for the young market you have hitherto targeted, and with which your publisher specialises. I am concerned that someone may have intercepted your parcel to the publishers, and deliberately set out to blacken your name by adding the other story to your original work. "

"But who on earth would do something like that?" Joey exclaimed, puzzled ."I certainly don`t have any enemies!"

" It seems you may have been the victim of what is described as identity theft, Mrs Maynard. I have spoken to the police here, but they say they can do nothing as the parcel originated from Switzerland, and they suggest that you contact the local police force to make further enquries."

Joey was silent for a few seconds, and then said in clipped tones"I can assure you that I will make enquiries immediately, Mr Fisher. I am most concerned, and I thank you for bringing it to my attention.
Please convey my apologies to all concerned for any upset or distress this unfortunate incident has caused. I will be certain to deliver my next draft to you in person when I visit my brother next month."

"That will be perfectly acceptable, Mrs Maynard. Please accept my apologies for having to bring the problem to your attention ! Goodbye."

"Goodbye, Mr Fisher" Joey replied somewhat absently, her fingers twirling the cord of the telephone as she perched on the edge of her desk. Five minutes passed as she gazed absently around her study, puzzling over the rather unusual conversation she had just had. Her eyes rested on the bulky outline of her desk-top computer, which Evvy had bought for her as a Christmas present last year, and which had transformed her work.
Suddenly, she leaped up.

"Philippa Maynard, I will SCRAG you !" she exclaimed , before marching to the door. She stood at the foot of the staircase and called loudly " Philippa ! Philippa ! Can you come here, please ? I`d like to talk to you!" before returning to her study.

Philppa entered apprehensively, as normally her mother`s inner sanctum was out of bounds in the mornings, when she did most of her writing.
"Yes, Mamma ? What is it?" she asked .

Philppa`s face was a picture as her mother related the conversation.
" And as I recall, I asked *you* to print out the draft for "Nancy" and parcel it up for me. Do you have any explanation for what may have happened ?" Joey asked authoritatively. "For I most certainly had nothing to do with another story appearing on the back !"

Philippa`s face paled. She gulped nervously and quavered "Yes, I think I know what has happened. I am so sorry Mamma ! When Mike was home last, he showed me how to use all the functions on your wonderful new computer that you said you were too old to learn about. He taught me all about bulletin boards, and the Internet, and I..." she stopped, seeing the obvious confusion of her mother, whose technological prowess stopped at the telphone and word processor function on her shiny new computer. "I think it`s just easier if I show you !" and she suited action to the word.

Several hours later, when an irate Anna marched in demanding to know why they hadn`t gone to the Speisesaal for their lunch, despite her having rung the gong three times, Joey reluctantly left the computer where she had been reading avidly.

"I`m sorry, Anna, I was rather absorbed in something" . She apologised.
Anna murmured something under her breath about new-fangled inventions, and marched back to the kitchen.

Joey and Philippa linked arms as they walked to the dining-room, where the delicious aroma of Anna`s lunch was irresistible and they tucked in without further ado.

" So which of the stories on CBB did you print out by mistake on the back of "Nancy"?" Joey asked curiously.

Philippa explained, and Joey nearly choked when she heard the plot line.
"Goodness ! No wonder the publishers thought it was "racy" ! The thought of Nell Wilson and Hilda Annersley zooming around on motorbikes is definitely a bit much for the desperately respectable firm of "Chivers, Smithers and Grunge!" I simply must read it after lunch Smile

I suppose I need to get myself a user name now, don`t I ?"

Philippa nodded, making a silent vow *never* to let her mother enter the confines of St Hild`s Sitting Room and to PM the moderators to block any attempt of her mother`s to do so. Her mother really wasn`t ready for any more shocks to her system today !

#2: Author: Kathye, Location: Laleham

Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 2:38 pm

Excellent

#3: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 3:00 pm

Super! *my new favourite word after the man in a superman t-shirt at the cafe I buy lunch in*

#4: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 5:43 pm

Oh well done, Identity Hunt. Fantastic! Laughing

Thank you.

#5: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 6:02 pm

This was wonderful, Identity Hunt - I had to laugh at it, despite the distress caused to the publisher's assistant.

I must confess to some sympathy with Joey's inability to comprehend anything except the word processing function on her new computer - I always maintain I've been dragged kicking and screaming into the computer age and many elements and programmes remain a closed book to me!

#6: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 8:40 pm

Awww thank you! Laughing

I didn't realise, when you asked me to look through it, that it was a present to me!

Last edited by Lesley on Fri Dec 09, 2005 8:50 pm; edited 1 time in total

#7: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 8:48 pm

That is lovely, brought a real smile to my face. Thanks for posting it.

#8: Author: Michelle, Location: Near London

Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 9:03 pm

Oh, what fun! Yes, you better had keep Joey out of St Hild's! I went in there for the first time today, so I can think of certain things certain people wouldn't want her knowing.

Michelle

#9: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 9:16 pm

That was marvellous! Well done Identity Hunt!

#10: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 9:23 pm

Thanks, Identity Hunt. That was great. I'm glad Phil owned up and Joey wasn't too cross.

#11: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 9:55 pm

That was sooo funny!
Thank you!

#12: Author: flitterwit, Location: london

Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 11:35 pm

Oooohh! Identity theft! Smile

This makes perfect logical sense. Why am I liking this little drabble? Brilliant. Especially this bit:

Quote:

I am concerned that someone may have intercepted your parcel to the publishers, and deliberately set out to blacken your name by adding the other story to your original work.

Joey discovers Joey-bashing. Shocked

The mind truly boggles!! She's really not ready to see certain things written about her today. If she ever does, certain people can get ready for a black eye. Or maybe she'll be indifferent to it for who cares at the end of the day.

#13: Author: Rosy, Location: Gloucestershire-London-Aberystwyth

Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 11:39 pm

*snorts with laughter and sniggers wildy*

Excellent. Nicely done! Thankyou!

#14: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 8:22 am

Very funny! I love the way it was several hours before they could drag themselves away to have lunch!

#15: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 12:35 pm

Hilarious. There are some things that Jo definitely should never set eyes on.

#16: Author: Chalet_school_lover, Location: Gloucester

Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 8:55 pm

Hehe! That was great! Thank you so much for posting that! It made me giggle to myself! Very Happy

The CBB -> Ste Therese's House

output generated using printer-friendly topic mod, All times are GMT

Page 1 of 1