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The Long Day Closes - Short and complete for New Year's Eve
http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=5487

Author:  abbeybufo [ 31 Dec 2008, 23:53 ]
Post subject:  The Long Day Closes - Short and complete for New Year's Eve

Another year draws to an end, and I wonder what I have achieved.

Yes, I’m successful, with a string of letters after my name, but is that achievement?
Certainly I am well-known, if not pre-eminent, in my field, but what has that brought me but more work, more recognition?

When I was at school, all I wanted was to be first; to be successful; to have everyone notice me. Of course I wanted to help people too — to be like Auntie Jo and ‘butt in’ for everyone’s benefit. I didn’t realise then how unbearable that might make me; how difficult it would be to make friends in a new environment. I’d been so used to being treated as a ‘one and only’ that I began to think of myself as someone special.

Kathie Ferrars tried to tell me; tried to help me, though I didn’t realise it at the time, and she didn’t get any support from the rest of the staff. But it was too late by then; the seeds were already sown, and I was too full of myself to realise what I would seem like to new people. I even went too far in criticising the Trips; Len in particular — I was telling her off for doing what I had been doing myself; was at that very moment doing! It’s a wonder they stayed friends with me; and Len and Con were welcome faces at Oxford when they arrived just as I was starting my research.

But that’s ten years ago now, and they’re both married with children; Margot’s in South America as a medical missionary — in the very area my father’s expedition went to even longer ago. Verity and Alan are still together, no thanks to me; I only recently learnt to step back from that, and let Verity dree her own weird.

I’m alone in the world, feeling like a fledgling on the edge of its nest, at the age of 35, when most people have settled down and know what type of person they are and are comfortable with it. I don’t even like the person I now realise I’ve been!

So my New Year’s resolution? I don’t know where to start, really. Can’t ask Jo for advice, as she always encouraged me in my former ways. Never really gelled with my supervisor — hardly surprising really — so can’t expect help there.

Midnight is chiming now, I must, I will turn over a new leaf for the New Year.

I wonder if Kathie would reply if I wrote to her?

Author:  Jennie [ 01 Jan 2009, 00:02 ]
Post subject:  Re: The Long Day Closes - Short and complete for New Year's Eve

This actually makes me feel sorry for her.

I must be mellowing.

Author:  Cath V-P [ 01 Jan 2009, 05:02 ]
Post subject:  Re: The Long Day Closes - Short and complete for New Year's Eve

Acquiring that sort of self-knowledge is very painful - and to be doing so at the age of 35 and realising how alone she is makes it double so.

Thank you Ruth.

Author:  Lesley [ 01 Jan 2009, 09:22 ]
Post subject:  Re: The Long Day Closes - Short and complete for New Year's Eve

Is this really complete, Ruth? Couldn't we just see what Kathie Ferrars said when Mary Lou contacted her? Maybe?

Lovely introspective piece - and yes I was feeling sorry for her by the end.


Thank you.

Author:  BethC [ 01 Jan 2009, 10:55 ]
Post subject:  Re: The Long Day Closes - Short and complete for New Year's Eve

Thank you - wonder what prompted her to realise that? And to say that Verity & Alan are "still together" - at least she has stepped back from interference.
*also thinks a reply from Kathie would be interesting*

Author:  PaulineS [ 01 Jan 2009, 14:35 ]
Post subject:  Re: The Long Day Closes - Short and complete for New Year's Eve

Ruth this feels far from complete. Please can we have more. Kathy and Len might be able to help.

Author:  Nell [ 01 Jan 2009, 18:48 ]
Post subject:  Re: The Long Day Closes - Short and complete for New Year's Eve

Agreeing with Lesley and Pauline, I would be interested to see more of this if there was any.

Many thanks this is good.

Author:  JS [ 01 Jan 2009, 19:17 ]
Post subject:  Re: The Long Day Closes - Short and complete for New Year's Eve

'dree her own weird'?? New one on me.
Echo the feeling that there could be more?

Author:  abbeybufo [ 01 Jan 2009, 19:39 ]
Post subject:  Re: The Long Day Closes - Short and complete for New Year's Eve

JS wrote:
'dree her own weird'?? New one on me.

the definition from Wiktionary is here though I always understood it to mean 'be master of one's own fate', rather than 'submit to' it - certainly I had intended M-L to mean that she was no longer trying to run Verity's life for her.

*goes off to see if M-L's letter to Kathie and/or the reply is discoverable*

Author:  Amanda M [ 01 Jan 2009, 20:43 ]
Post subject:  Re: The Long Day Closes - Short and complete for New Year's Eve

Thanks for this story. I would also love to hear Kathie's reply, hopefully she can help guide Mary-Lou a little.

Thanks Ruth.

Author:  JB [ 01 Jan 2009, 22:37 ]
Post subject:  Re: The Long Day Closes - Short and complete for New Year's Eve

Hope you find that letter in the archives, Ruth. :)

Author:  Jennie [ 01 Jan 2009, 22:38 ]
Post subject:  Re: The Long Day Closes - Short and complete for New Year's Eve

Dree can also mean to endure one's own fate. Weird is a modern spelling of the Anglo-Saxon 'Wyrd' and one of the AS poets tells us that Fate is completely inexorable.

Author:  Cat C [ 02 Jan 2009, 00:51 ]
Post subject:  Re: The Long Day Closes - Short and complete for New Year's Eve

Gosh, I really liked that, thank you.

Is it supposed to be a diary, or more a window into her thoughts?

If it does develop further I look forward to reading it, and so interesting she feels without and in need of a mentor. Maybe Hilda might be a bt more helpful?

Author:  linda [ 04 Jan 2009, 16:58 ]
Post subject:  Re: The Long Day Closes - Short and complete for New Year's Eve

That was lovely.

It did make me feel sorry for Mary Lou that it had taken her so long to realise that she was not always right and should stop butting in. Perhaps Joey needs to take a leaf out of her book?

I too would like to see Kathie's response to a letter from ML

Thank you

Author:  Fiona Mc [ 05 Jan 2009, 00:30 ]
Post subject:  Re: The Long Day Closes - Short and complete for New Year's Eve

Thanks, though agree with everyone else that it will be hard to change at 35, though good on her for doing that

Author:  Emma A [ 05 Jan 2009, 10:27 ]
Post subject:  Re: The Long Day Closes - Short and complete for New Year's Eve

Nice to see that Mary-Lou has come to see how others see her, even if it's come late. Perhaps she can mend some fences elsewhere, and learn to grow into her new self. Hope you can find some more of this, abbeybufo.

Author:  leahbelle [ 05 Jan 2009, 14:07 ]
Post subject:  Re: The Long Day Closes - Short and complete for New Year's Eve

I really liked that. It would definitely be interesting to read Kathie's response. Thanks!

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