Identity Hunt wrote: |
But lots more about the elusive and enigmatic Sr Catherine, please, dear Mary ! |
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At the end of that peaceful week, on the morning before New Year’s Eve, Mother Abbess stopped Hilda on her way out of the dining room after breakfast. She took her by the shoulders and searched her face. “You are looking so much better,” she crowed with delight. “I can see some colour in those cheeks of yours. Our regime seems to be working.”
Hilda smiled her affection. “It does indeed, though why you should all be so good to such a stubborn woman defeats me. Every time I see you I cause you problems.” |
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Mother Abbess winked at her. “Put it down to our saintliness.” Hilda hooted softly, but the nun ignored her and continued calmly, “As the day is so balmy for the end of December, I was wondering if you would like to venture out this afternoon, have our meeting on the beach instead of my office.” “I’d love it,” answered Hilda innocently, and Mother Abbess grinned to herself. |
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... then Hilda moved round to the passenger side. However, as she opened the door a movement from Mother Abbess caught her eye and she looked across the roof of the car – to see the nun holding out the car keys to her. She stared at them in horror, and Mother Abbess watched the colour fade from the cheeks and a defeated look appear in the eyes.
“I can’t” she whispered. “Please don’t ask me.” |
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Mother Abbess marched round the car and once more took Hilda by the shoulders. “Child, we’ve scotched most of your other fears and guilts. This remains. Get over this and then those flashbacks you’re still getting might also disappear. I suspect you’re even getting a nightmare or two, as well, aren’t you?” Hilda nodded, her mouth too dry to speak. “I know you can sit in a car – you’ve done it here.” |
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“But I bet you were scared stiff that first time,” nodded Mother Abbess. Hilda just stared at her, acknowledging the truth of those words. “Did you know Ian can’t even do that?” asked the nun abruptly. |
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And what would Ellie think of you? What kind of example would you be setting her?”
“Oh, that wasn’t fair!” whispered Hilda. Mother Abbess remained silent. She had taken a gamble. Would it work? Hilda stared at her, eyes wide with trepidation, teeth gnawing at her bottom lip. Suddenly a brief spark of amusement lit her eyes and she plucked the keys from her friend’s hand. “That was truly below the belt! |
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“Move! Now! Before I get back out and start pushing.”
Hilda turned her head. “You would, too,” she muttered. “Nag! Nag! Nag! That’s all I get from you and Pauline. I’m the most harried woman in creation.” “Humph! I haven’t started yet,” responded Mother Abbess crossly. “But if we don’t start soon we won’t have time to enjoy that beach and I, for one, need some fresh air.” |
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“I can’t!” she whispered, her knuckles turning white. |
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“I did it, Mother! I did it!” she whispered hoarsely. “I don’t know how, though. I saw that tree again, looming right in front of me – and then someone took hold of the wheel….” ... “I’m so proud of you, sweetheart,” she said eventually. “So very proud. It was you who turned the wheel, you know. Oh, I’ve no doubt prayer helped, but it was very definitely your actions which saved us, despite your terror.” |
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Hilda raised her head and smiled through her tears. “Thank you,” she whispered tremulously. “I’ve aged twenty years today but I’ll be fine now. Thank you so much for making me face up to this, as well as to everything else,” and she leaned over to kiss the nun.
“I won’t say it was my pleasure,” teased Mother Abbess softly. |
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You should try one yourself.” She eyed the nun’s grey habit thoughtfully. “Mmmm! Then again, maybe not – not really much point under that lot, is there?” |
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She crossed her legs in a way that could only be called provocative. Or so thought Mother Abbess, losing her usual charitable intent towards others. |
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“A teddy bear?” gasped the nun. “For a teenager?” |
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Hilda had said nothing about lingerie, but then of course she was not obliged to tell her everything – yet! |
Cath V-P wrote: |
It isn't HILDA"S secret life I'm worried about!!!! Where on earth did that come from?!!! |
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[Vivien] was playing way out of her league with these two women, she thought to herself. |
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The chunks of ice had melted away into that dangerous purr Mother Abbess had heard on the phone the week before. |
Identity Hunt wrote: |
...and as for Vivien realising that this is where Hilda is now most at home.....wonder will she say anything to Hilda when they speak privately ? Or will she keep her own counsel for the time being? |
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Vivien’s eyes remained steady under that blast. “You’re entering,” she stated simply. |
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Losing your friend may have re-arranged the world for you, but it has not changed your heart. You beget love wherever you go.” |
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“Of him to whom much hath been given, much will be required.” Hilda’s rich voice made music of St Luke’s text. “ |
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I can’t live just for myself any longer. I must use what is left of my life to fill the emptiness of others, to light a candle of hope for them in their darkness.”
Vivien wondered to herself why Hilda did not realise she had been doing exactly that all her life… |
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You beget love wherever you go. |
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And slowly it dawns on me
being lonely is: turning to You death is: a deep and joyous life darkness is: finally seeing Your light and love is: being born over and over again. |
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she combined authority and sensitivity, decisiveness and generosity, and all with such quiet charm and dignity, never losing control |
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"I can’t live just for myself any longer. I must use what is left of my life to fill the emptiness of others, to light a candle of hope for them in their darkness.”
Vivien wondered to herself why Hilda did not realise she had been doing exactly that all her life… |
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I’ve never known anyone shower people with such love as you do. |
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“But she has only known me for two weeks,” whispered Ellie. “So why should she care about me when she has known all these other girls for so much longer?” |
Kathy_S wrote: |
Lovely picture of community there.
As for Nell's presence -- surely it's a perfectly orthodox interpretation of the communion of saints? |
Lesley wrote: | ||
Sorry Kathy, am having real problems here seeing Nell as a Saint! |
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Hilda was alone in the chapel, the setting sun pouring through the stained glass windows, laying a rainbow on her hair and burnishing it. |
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...prayers came softly from all round the chapel, filling it like the fluttering wings of dragonflies... |
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Without turning her head, she reached out a trembling hand and felt Mother Abbess tuck it into her own warm one. |
Lesley wrote: | ||
Sorry Kathy, am having real problems here seeing Nell as a Saint! |
Ruth B wrote: |
That brought tears to my eyes, it was such a moving description of the true meaning of community. |
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She only hoped Nell Wilson had truly appreciated just what a treasure she had possessed in Hilda’s friendship. |
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...leaving Vivien to wonder how her Headmistress knew there was anything for which to thank her. |
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Ellie was white and tense, though there was bravery in the smile she gave Hilda. |
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Our hard, stiff lines of life with her
Are flowing curves of beauty. |
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She only hoped Nell Wilson had truly appreciated just what a treasure she had possessed in Hilda’s friendship. Picking up her knife and fork, Vivien smiled wryly. How she herself envied Nell – even if the woman was dead |
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you don’t have to earn my love. You have it freely. |
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the more you love, the more love you have. And when we love, we love each person differently, not more, not less, just differently. |
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what I have for you in my heart is unchanging and forever. Whatever your actions in the future, that love will always remain |
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I needed her as I need air and water |
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"...But with you – it happened in the blink of an eye. Before I could get to know you, I loved you.” |
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Hilda’s eyes beamed down at her, full of the love Ellie had always hoped to see in her father’s eyes, the unselfish love she had always seen in her grandmother’s. |
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“Madame, would you teach me how to love as you do?” |
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Mother Abbess had been telling tales out of school again, reflected Hilda ruefully. |
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Ellie stared at her, tears in her amazing eyes, unable to comprehend the magnitude of all this. |
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Why else feel the love that she was now experiencing, a love so sudden and so all-encompassing? |
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And, of course, it was Hilda who had lighted a candle of hope for her in the shape of a new school, a new life, new dreams. |
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Trace me a rainbow, Nell, whisper me a gentle memory, one where we were happy, for I need to be strong for so many others this day, need to do on my own what I used to do with your help. |
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Her body relaxed, her head sank lower and she slept…... oblivious to the feather-light touch of an arm on her shoulders, the butterfly kiss on her hair, the soft sigh into the silence. |
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...her thoughts scattering like shot in all directions. |
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She had known this would happen, had felt her brain split in two even as she heard the news of Tessa the day before, one half flying away to that other disaster, the one that had broken her heart... |
Lesley wrote: |
Of course Nell is there for you Hilda - but sometimes even her presence isn't enough at first. |
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I need you, Nell. I need to bounce ideas off you, have you play Devil’s Advocate. No one else will be as honest with me as you were. |
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I need to be strong for so many others this day, need to do on my own what I used to do with your help. Give me your courage, your robust common sense. |
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I need you, Nell. I need to bounce ideas off you, have you play Devil’s Advocate. No one else will be as honest with me as you were. |
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She had never pegged herself for a coward before. What on earth was wrong with her? Why could she suddenly not face Kathie? |
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“You need to go back to bed, Hilda,” said Mother Abbess sharply, when she herded her away from the others after the meal. |
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Mother Abbess saw the emotion spread across Hilda’s normally impassive face |
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The Order was giving him that strength. As it had given that same strength to her, over and over and over… |
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She burst into tears after reading your note, but such healing tears. |