Ditto very intrigued
Ditto have ideas who it might be - and where
Looking forward to more, jmc - thanks
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| Living a Lie (completed 07/04) http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=7630 |
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| Author: | jmc [ Mon Apr 05, 2010 2:38 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Living a Lie (completed 07/04) |
Not sure if this is in the right house or not. Mods feel free to move it. It's quite short only two or three posts. It's also not very good but my brain wouldn't let go of the idea. She glanced around as she always did as she came in the door. She wore a pair of jeans and a plain shirt. Her hair was cut short, her face tanned and showing the effects of an outdoor life. She wore no makeup but was still recognisable as the young girl she had once been. Not that there was much danger meeting anyone that she knew here, but you never knew. She knew they would be shocked to see her here now. It was not her first time here and she knew it wouldn’t be her last. There was a signal that the meeting would soon begin so she took her seat and looked around at the others as they sat in a circle. She had been shocked at her first meeting when she realised how normal most people had looked. It hadn’t been what she had expected at all. There had been curious glances her way that first time and she had almost run away as fast as she could but had forced herself to stay. She had yet to say much to anyone. But most people seemed friendly and supportive. Some of the stories that she heard from others were almost horrifying. Many of them, like her, had hidden so much from their families, friends and colleagues. She thought back to when she had left school. The whole world had been before her and she was going out to conquer it. She had had no doubts that she would succeed and she had. No one had been surprised when she had collected one honour after another. She was one of the most recognised in her field, but no one really knew her except for one person and they were the reason that she was here now. She did not want to disappoint them again. |
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| Author: | RroseSelavy [ Mon Apr 05, 2010 3:12 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie |
Ooh, interesting! Is it an AA meeting, I wonder? And who is it? Looking forward to seeing where this is heading, JMC - thanks for posting! |
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| Author: | hac61 [ Mon Apr 05, 2010 3:13 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie |
This is intriguing. I can think of several people "she" might be. And one or two options for where she is. More soon please! |
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Mon Apr 05, 2010 3:18 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie |
hac61 said Quote: This is intriguing. I can think of several people "she" might be. And one or two options for where she is. I agree. Looking forward to more. |
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| Author: | ChubbyMonkey [ Mon Apr 05, 2010 3:21 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie |
I am most intrigued! Who is she? Where is she? Who is the one other person? Thankyou - can't wait to see where this goes! |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Mon Apr 05, 2010 3:55 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie |
Another intrigued person here - have some ideas as to who it could be and what type of meeting - will be interested to see if I'm right. Thanks jmc. |
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| Author: | JB [ Mon Apr 05, 2010 4:06 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie |
Hmm. I've a few ideas too. * Eagerly awaiting the next instalment * |
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| Author: | Abi [ Mon Apr 05, 2010 4:18 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie |
Hm, also intrigued and with a few (probably all wildly inaccurate!) ideas of what could be going on... |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Mon Apr 05, 2010 4:31 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie |
Ditto very intrigued Ditto have ideas who it might be - and where Looking forward to more, jmc - thanks
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| Author: | sealpuppy [ Mon Apr 05, 2010 5:29 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie |
Ooh yes, intriguing. Outdoor life is making me think. And wonder. Looking forward to more, please! |
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| Author: | jmc [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 6:15 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie |
Going to Oxford had been the start of it all. Life there had been more difficult than she had thought. She was just one of many and it had taken her a while to adjust to being treated just the same as everyone else. She got on well with her lecturers but many of her fellow students had thought her odd to begin with. She learned to tone down her manner and gradually found a place for herself. Then her mother had died which had devastated her much more than anyone had known. When surrounded by those who had known her since she was a girl she put on a strong face and everyone had told her that they knew she would be fine because of who she was. But inside she was empty. Verity was still close to her but even Verity had not understood quite how upset and lost she had felt. Joey Maynard had told her that she would always be welcome there and that she was part of the family. And to do her justice Jo had done her best but it wasn’t the same. Whenever she was with Jo and her family she had felt she had to be strong and be the same person that the Maynards had always know. It was the same with most of her school friends and the staff from the school. Once she had almost confided in Hilda Annersley but they had been interrupted and she had never found the courage to talk to her again. Everyone expected that because of who she was she would just cope and move on with her life. The girl who had gone back to Oxford was outwardly the same girl but inside she was different and felt as though she was living a lie. Her friends, while still there for her, had moved on a bit in her absence and she found herself more alone than ever. One evening at a party she had a few drinks and had found that it made her forget her sorrows for a while. That had been the beginning of it all. After that she found herself going out more and more evenings and having a few drinks. It helped her to forget. She eventually graduated with honours from Oxford and found herself a job at the British Museum. She made a name for herself though through her attention to detail and had managed to keep herself busy with her work. She socialised mainly with people from the museum although she occasionally met up with some of her school friends. She was careful around other people to be the strong person that they knew. Whilst out she was very careful about what she drank but it wasn’t long before she found herself buying a little flask so she could have a quick pick me up when she thought she needed it. Then she was invited to go on a dig in South America. She had jumped at the chance to go and whilst there she had been too busy and at nights too tired to even think about having a drink. The team, although it had originally been her, had made some amazing discoveries. Upon her return to England there had been many press conferences and interviews and she was the talk of the town. At parties she was constantly offered drinks and she soon fell back into her old habits. Returning each night to a cold and uninviting flat only highlighted to her how alone she was. And so the pattern was set. She would go out in the field and work until she nearly dropped, but inevitably upon her return to home would find herself alone and drinking in her flat. Over the years she had had a number of relationships but the strain of hiding her drinking from her partners had led to their failure. In her work she had received accolade after accolade but in her private life she felt she was more alone than ever. Verity was wrapped up in her own life and children and although she asked her to come and visit her often, she found it too difficult. The Maynards had moved back to England but the children had grown up and were now scattered across the globe and Jo still only saw the strong headgirl. She began to drink more and now it was not just confined to the evenings. She had to have a drink in the morning and a drink at lunch. She started to drink while in the field and buried her bottles outside of the camp. She started to become known as an eccentric as she was always taking a walk away from the camp. Then she had met him. |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 6:20 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (updated 06/03) |
((((Poor Mary Lou)))) Very realistic possibility. Thanks jmc |
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| Author: | Alison H [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 6:46 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (updated 06/03) |
My thoughts exactly, Lesley. |
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| Author: | JS [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 8:16 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (updated 06/03) |
All so plausible - hope it works out for her. Thanks jmc (really nice to see another of your drabbles). |
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| Author: | di [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 9:10 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (updated 06/03) |
Looks bleak for Mary-Lou; I wonder who the mysterious man was? Thanks, jmc, I do enjoy your stories, they're so realistic. |
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| Author: | ChubbyMonkey [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 9:29 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (updated 06/03) |
How very plausible indeed - I hope that she can come to terms with herself and start to move on with her life. Thankyou for the update. |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 9:40 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (updated 06/03) |
Well I was right  but poor Mary Lou - can see how very easily it could have happened ... and now she's fallen for someone who doesn't know about her 'little secret' and she's trying to get dry? |
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 9:40 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (updated 06/03) |
Poor Mary Lou 
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| Author: | JB [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 9:45 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (updated 06/03) |
Poor Mary Lou. Who is "he" I wonder? |
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 1:09 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (updated 06/03) |
It could so easily have happened. |
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| Author: | Abi [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 9:07 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (updated 06/03) |
Poor Mary-Lou.
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| Author: | Nightwing [ Tue Apr 06, 2010 9:23 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (updated 06/03) |
I love your stories jmc - pleased to see a new one, and hope it's going to have a happy ending! |
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| Author: | jmc [ Wed Apr 07, 2010 2:45 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (updated 06/03) |
Thanks for all the lovely comments. Going to Oxford had been the start of it all. Life there had been more difficult than she had thought. She was just one of many and it had taken her a while to adjust to being treated just the same as everyone else. She got on well with her lecturers but many of her fellow students had thought her odd to begin with. She learned to tone down her manner and gradually found a place for herself. Then her mother had died which had devastated her much more than anyone had known. When surrounded by those who had known her since she was a girl she put on a strong face and everyone had told her that they knew she would be fine because of who she was. But inside she was empty. Verity was still close to her but even Verity had not understood quite how upset and lost she had felt. Joey Maynard had told her that she would always be welcome there and that she was part of the family. And to do her justice Jo had done her best but it wasn’t the same. Whenever she was with Jo and her family she had felt she had to be strong and be the same person that the Maynards had always know. It was the same with most of her school friends and the staff from the school. Once she had almost confided in Hilda Annersley but they had been interrupted and she had never found the courage to talk to her again. Everyone expected that because of who she was she would just cope and move on with her life. The girl who had gone back to Oxford was outwardly the same girl but inside she was different and felt as though she was living a lie. Her friends, while still there for her, had moved on a bit in her absence and she found herself more alone than ever. One evening at a party she had a few drinks and had found that it made her forget her sorrows for a while. That had been the beginning of it all. After that she found herself going out more and more evenings and having a few drinks. It helped her to forget. She eventually graduated with honours from Oxford and found herself a job at the British Museum. She made a name for herself though through her attention to detail and had managed to keep herself busy with her work. She socialised mainly with people from the museum although she occasionally met up with some of her school friends. She was careful around other people to be the strong person that they knew. Whilst out she was very careful about what she drank but it wasn’t long before she found herself buying a little flask so she could have a quick pick me up when she thought she needed it. Then she was invited to go on a dig in South America. She had jumped at the chance to go and whilst there she had been too busy and at nights too tired to even think about having a drink. The team, although it had originally been her, had made some amazing discoveries. Upon her return to England there had been many press conferences and interviews and she was the talk of the town. At parties she was constantly offered drinks and she soon fell back into her old habits. Returning each night to a cold and uninviting flat only highlighted to her how alone she was. And so the pattern was set. She would go out in the field and work until she nearly dropped, but inevitably upon her return to home would find herself alone and drinking in her flat. Over the years she had had a number of relationships but the strain of hiding her drinking from her partners had led to their failure. In her work she had received accolade after accolade but in her private life she felt she was more alone than ever. Verity was wrapped up in her own life and children and although she asked her to come and visit her often, she found it too difficult. The Maynards had moved back to England but the children had grown up and were now scattered across the globe and Jo still only saw the strong headgirl. She began to drink more and now it was not just confined to the evenings. She had to have a drink in the morning and a drink at lunch. She started to drink while in the field and buried her bottles outside of the camp. She started to become known as an eccentric as she was always taking a walk away from the camp. Then she had met him. He came into her life at a fundraiser in London and they had immediately connected. After the fundraiser they had gone out for coffee and had talked until the early hours of the morning. He was a widower whose wife had died in a car accident. Mary-Lou had found herself telling him of her mother’s death and how everyone had expected her to react and her had told her that his friends and family had done the same. They met up every night whilst he was in town and when he left he promised to return again soon. She had found herself thinking about him constantly. When he returned the next month they had spent as much time as they could together. He had made her feel whole again. When she was with him she didn’t feel empty. He listened to her and eventually helped her to open up about herself. She started to cut back on her drinking and started to feel better about herself. They got engaged and a few moths later were married in a small ceremony. She remembered how Joey had berated her for not letting her know. The first few years were blissful. She stayed in England most of the time with only short trips away. She had felt energetic and happy in a way that she had not known for a long time. For years she had maintained that she didn’t want children and was happy being an aunt to Verity’s children, but after a school reunion where she had listened to so many people talking about their families, children and even some of their grandchildren, she suddenly realised that she didn’t have all of this. The old empty feeling had returned and she had felt as though she was a failure and started drinking again. At first it was just a glass with dinner but then it was two or three glasses and then a drink afterwards as well. They had started to argue a lot and he told her that she had a problem and that she needed to deal with it. When all the arguments and fights had become too much she had left and signed on for a long expedition. The hurt on his face when she had walked out that door had been almost been enough to make her stop but then she thought back to how he told her that she had a problem. She knew that she liked a drink or too but she also knew that she could stop anytime she wanted to. Once out in the field though she kept seeing the hurt look on his face and began to drink more heavily than before. She had even gone so far as to pay the locals to smuggle her bottles every couple of days. She had spent more and more time alone and had come to detest herself more every passing day. Her colleagues were careful not to talk to about her when she was around but she became aware that there was much talk about her behind her back. Longing for another drink she had made her way to the outskirts of the camp one day and raised a bottle shakily to her lips. As she did so she caught sight of her reflection in the side. She had let the liquid slide down her throat and then stumbled back to her tent where she looked at her reflection in a mirror. She had looked like a crazy woman. Her hair had been sticking out in all directions and her eyes were bloodshot and looked crazy. She had resolved there and then to stop. But it hadn’t been that easy. She was still alone. She had driven away the only man she had ever really loved. Over the next few weeks she had tried hard to cut back. She stopped having a drink in the morning and threw herself into her work. She kept as busy as she knew how and there was a manic energy about her. The nights were hard though and had found herself drinking most nights when she couldn’t sleep. In the morning she always hated herself that little bit more. It had taken her all her courage but one day she a realised that she couldn’t do this alone so had grabbed a sheet of paper and simply written, “I need help. Please help me.” She had then posted it off before she could change her mind. The expedition was ending and the camp had been in the process of being packed up. No reply had come yet to her letter and she dreaded her return to England and the empty life that now awaited her. On the day before they were due to leave a reply had finally come. She looked at the bottle sitting next to her bed and picked it up to have some before she opened the letter. She stared it for a long time before finally putting it down again. The letter when opened contained a single sentence. “I’ll be waiting.” And he had been. The next few months had been difficult and she had failed on so many occasions but he had been there for her the whole time. She had checked into a clinic but had never spoken at any of the sessions. When she had her feet on the road to recovery it had been he who suggested that she go to the meetings and he had even offered to go with her. She had not had a single drink now for three weeks. As she looked around at the others sitting near her she thought about how hard it had been for them to tell their stories. She had been luckier than many of them in that her drinking had not completely ruined her life. She knew now that although she might never drink again she would always long for it. She remembering how he had told her that it wasn’t enough that she was doing this for him. She had to want to do this for herself. With an inward gulp she stood up and spoke what were the hardest words of her life. “Hello, I’m Mary-Lou and I’m an alcoholic.” |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Wed Apr 07, 2010 5:53 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (completed 07/04) |
Well done Mary Lou - so pleased she managed to get to that point before she lost everything. Thanks jmc |
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| Author: | Alison H [ Wed Apr 07, 2010 6:42 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (completed 07/04) |
I know that failure feeling well, but it must be very hard for someone like Mary-Lou who was always the leader at school. Glad she's been able to seek help. Thanks jmc - sad but very plausible. |
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| Author: | JB [ Wed Apr 07, 2010 8:37 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (completed 07/04) |
Thanks, jmc. It could have so easily have happened. |
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| Author: | di [ Wed Apr 07, 2010 8:57 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (completed 07/04) |
How easy it is to fall in to the grips of addiction and so often it is the high flyers who succumb. I can see how Mary-Lou could easily fall in to this category and how hard it would be for her to ask for help. After all, at school it was she who gave out advise [quite often without being asked!] so I can imagine her reluctance in admitting she had a problem and needed help. Pleased she got there in the end and that 'he' stood by her. Thanks, jmc. |
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Wed Apr 07, 2010 9:01 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (completed 07/04) |
Very glad Mary Lou was able to climb out of the abyss she was in |
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| Author: | ChubbyMonkey [ Wed Apr 07, 2010 9:06 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (completed 07/04) |
I'm pleased that she was able to start to come to terms with her problem, with someone there to help her. Thankyou! |
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| Author: | RroseSelavy [ Wed Apr 07, 2010 9:22 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (completed 07/04) |
Thanks jmc. That was beautifully written - so much feeling in so few words. |
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| Author: | Abi [ Wed Apr 07, 2010 6:47 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (completed 07/04) |
So glad she had the strength to try to help herself, and someone to help her. Thanks jmc. |
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| Author: | Miss Di [ Thu Apr 08, 2010 12:59 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (completed 07/04) |
That was very powerful. Thank you. |
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| Author: | Chris S [ Thu Apr 08, 2010 1:53 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (completed 07/04) |
Thanks Jmc. This must be happening to so many people these days. Not just those addicted to drink, but also those trying to give up smoking, drugs and gambling. In most cases they don't have to stand up and admit their addiction, but in all cases they know it's the right decision to stop. |
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| Author: | MaryR [ Thu Apr 08, 2010 3:49 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (completed 07/04) |
So glad she found all the inner courage we knew she had. Thanks, jmc |
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| Author: | shazwales [ Fri Apr 09, 2010 2:28 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Living a Lie (completed 07/04) |
It must have been so difficult for her! Thanks jmc |
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