And now, three months later, the three of them were travelling back home. Mary Lou stared out of the window. ‘What if I do the course?’ she thought, ‘who knows what could happen in three years? We could close up Carn Beg and rent a house in or near Oxford. It is only an hour’s train ride from Paddington station and at least then Mother would have both of us for the next three years at least. After that, who knows?’
Verity, sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and saw her sister by marriage looking far more peaceful, than she had for awhile. “You’ve made a decision?” she asked softly. Mary Lou nodded, “I have an idea.” She said.
Two years later, Mary Lou stood in Carn Beg, helping Verity get ready for her wedding. Doris Carey came in. She stood wearing her Mother’s wedding dress and step mother’s veil.
“You look beautiful,” said Doris, simply beautiful.
Verity smiled up at her step mother. “I can’t believe you’re lending me your veil.”
“I told her she should,” said Mary Lou insouciantly, “I thought at least one of Mother’s daughter’s should wear it.”
Well, thank you,” said Verity feeling a little teary. “I need to go get a hanky before I start crying,” and she hurried off before her tears started to fall.
“I can’t believe Verity is getting married,” said Mary Lou, turning.
“You don’t mind do you?” asked Doris a little anxiously.
“No,” said Mary Lou simply, “Alan’s a dear. Are you sure you want to live with them, Mother? I certainly don’t mind you living with me.”
Doris caressed her daughter’s cheek, “I know. I’ll miss you, but I think it’s high time you became selfish Mary Lou. I know you would sacrifice all you want to do, because you love me, but I love you far too much to let you do something that in the end would make you miserable; just as I loved your Father too much to make him stay when he longed to go on the Cameron-Murray expedition.”
“What do you mean?” whispered Mary Lou.
“When you love someone you let them go,” said Doris with a deep breath. “I had to do the same with you Father. I know he loved me, but his job, was his first love. He couldn’t deny it or give it up and I loved him too much to allow him to give it up. If I love him I had to accept that, that was a part of him.”
“I knew he wanted to go on the Murray-Cameron expedition from the first moment he mentioned it, so I told him to go. He would have resented me if I made him stay.”
“Mary Lou, if you love someone, you will let them go and so I’m letting you go, insisting you go. Enjoy the rest of your course; go on those archaeological digs you dream so much about. I don’t know why you love digging in the dirt so much, but I know I’ll be safe and happy living with Verity and Alan.”
“Are you sure, Mother? I’m not letting you down by going? I didn’t want to abandon you the way Father did,” whispered Mary Lou, hardly daring to believe what she was hearing.
Doris smiled, “I told your Father to go, not because I didn’t love him but because I loved him too much not to let him. I didn’t want his love to turn to resentment from having to stay. I couldn’t bear that with him, and I can’t bear that for you.”
“But, I wouldn’t,” whispered Mary Lou. “How could in resent you, my own Mother. I love you.”
“Not now, perhaps, replied Doris softly, but firmly, but I know one day you will and however, much you fight it, it will eat away at you and you would look at me and feel about me differently. You wouldn’t want to, but you would.”
Mary Lou looked at her Mother, not knowing what to say. Part of her wanted to deny she would ever resent her Mother, but another part had to acknowledge that a part of her had wondered the same thing.
“I just didn’t want to leave you, like Father did,” whispered Mary Lou, her emotions in disarray. “I know he died a hero, but I was angry he left at all. I saw what it did to you and Gran.”
“Oh Mary Lou,” and Doris pulled her daughter close, “however, much I missed him, I was proud of him and I did love him, but I was also glad, I helped him find his dreams and become the man he was always meant to be.”
Mary Lou stood silent, fighting with herself- her own desires and her deep love for her Mother.
"Okay, I’ll go,” said Mary Lou suddenly, “thank you so much.” And as she left the room, she turned to look at her Mother, think there was something so gallant, so heroic about her; who no matter how hard things were, loved her family too much not to let them go, no matter how hard it was for her. She suddenly turned, “I think you’re the true hero, Mother,” and race back to give her Mother a sudden hug, before turning around again and leaving
Doris watched her go, “I will miss you Mary Lou, more than anyone will ever know,” she whispered and drew herself together before heading downstairs after her daughters.
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