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With stones in her pockets
http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=3657
Author:  JellySheep [ Thu Nov 29, 2007 2:39 pm ]
Post subject:  With stones in her pockets
The Dean, Sophia Aspinall, was not pleased. That wretched girl! Why hadn't they sent her down and have done with it? She had not handed in her essay, skipped a tutorial without deigning to let her tutor know or ask for another date, and had not responded to the tutor's letter. Dr. Timms had been quite irate, and now Miss Aspinall had to write a strongly-worded note for the pigeon-hole of her least favourite undergraduate.
In the college lodge, however, she was faced with a puzzle. Unlike those around it, the pigeon-hole in question looked as if it had not been emptied for some days. Intrigued, Miss Aspinall thumbed through the letters, among which was the one Dr. Timms had sent four days ago. She wondered if the student were perhaps ill in bed, which would go some way towards mitigating her behaviour in the past week, but really, she should have let someone know. Having examined the room list, the Dean set off for the staircase where her quarry's room was to be found. Once arrived, she ignored the 'Do not disturb' notice pinned to the door and rapped loudly. No answer. She tried the doorknob, which, to her surprise, turned.
An unexpected sight met the Dean's eyes. The room looked as though its inhabitant were vacating it: though the books were still neatly arranged on the shelves, the bed was stripped and there were no possessions to be seen except for a large trunk at the foot of the bed. On the desk were three envelopes, arranged in a neat row.

Dr. Prendergast looked up from her correspondence, surprised that Miss Aspinall had burst into her study without knocking.
'Principal, I've got to tell you something urgent. I think something terrible may have happened.'
Dr. Prendergast took the envelope proffered by the Dean, carefully slit it and read the contents. Her face became very grim.
'It's dated Monday. That's four days ago. Do you think...?' The question hung in the air. Both women were thinking of the front-page story in that week's Oxford Times.
'Yes, I'm very much afraid so. Everything points that way.'
With a heavy heart, Dr. Prendergast reached for the telephone and dialled the police station.
Author:  Fatima [ Thu Nov 29, 2007 2:57 pm ]
Post subject: 
:shock: Oh no! What's happened?!

Thanks JellySheep.
Author:  Lottie [ Thu Nov 29, 2007 3:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
Sadly, Oxford can be like that. The perceived pressure to succeed academically is immense, and it is very easy to feel as though you are the only stupid person amongst very many exceedingly intelligent people. Of course, the reality is that you are not at all stupid, or you wouldn't have been accpted in the first place, but it can be only too easy to lose sight of that. It can also be a very lonely place. I can readily understand how no-one has missed the girl (I'm presuming it's a girl - I haven't seen Jennie's drabble) for several days. Unfortunately it appears that it is too late to do anything to help her.

Thanks, JellySheep. Is there any more?
Author:  Liz K [ Thu Nov 29, 2007 3:39 pm ]
Post subject: 
:shock: :shock: :shock:

Who is it?

:( :(
Author:  Jennie [ Fri Nov 30, 2007 2:19 pm ]
Post subject: 
If I am the Jennie mentioned, this must be a tragic sequel to 'Mary Lou at Oxford'.
Author:  JellySheep [ Fri Nov 30, 2007 2:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
During their walk to the police station, the Principal and the Dean said very little: their thoughts were following the same path so it would hardly be necessary. If they had been less harsh, might this not have happened? If the worst were really true, as they feared, was it their fault?
They seemed to spend an age in the waiting area by the front desk, watching the hands of the clock move slowly, slowly. The wait seemed unbearable, but at the same time they dreaded what might await them. At last a police officer appeared. Greeting them soberly, he led them to a police car. As they drove he asked a few questions, but otherwise the journey was a silent one.
Dr. Prendergast and Miss Aspinall thought that never, to the end of their lives, would they forget their visit to the morgue. Possibly the worst thing was the truly obscene stench of death, which made them want to vomit. All their degrees and eminence were as nothing, as they were filled with blind terror in the face of mortality. They were led to one of the mortuary slabs and an official turned back the sheet covering the body.
The face was bloated, swollen and discoloured from its time in the water. The fair hair was bedraggled, and though the eyes were closed, the two women knew that they were bright blue. It was her, lying there, dead. Dr. Prendergast, struggling not to vomit, could only affirm baldly that the body was indeed that of their missing student.
At last, mercifully, they were out of the morgue. Mis Aspinall was crying quietly, and they had to sit down in the entrance to try and digest the fact that one of their flock was dead. The words of the letter etched themselves more and more deeply into Dr. Prendergast's mind, and though she tried to protest to herself that she could not be held responsible for this, she could not silence the insistent voice accusing her. The letter had contained such self-loathing, such a bleak view of how others saw the writer, and it seemed that Dr. Prendergast had destroyed her by condemning and rusticating her.
Miss Aspinall's thoughts were following a different track. How could this have happened without anyone knowing? Nobody seemed to have known or cared as that young woman had made those painstakingly methodical preparations for her departure from the world. Good Lord, she had even written in her note that she was leaving her books and lecture notes for whoever could use them. Nobody had noticed that she had apparently disappeared for days. It seemed desperately sad that a person who was essentially good, if misguided, should be made to feel so unaccepted that she could no longer face living.
Once back in College, Miss Aspinall, fired by her conscience, shelved all her immediate duties and summoned all the students to an emergency meeting. It emerged that, since she had returned from rustication, the dead girl had been a mere shadow of her previous confident, self-righteous self. She had withdrawn from life, hardly daring to speak. Nobody had felt inclined to try and be friendly with her, partly because of their less than flattering memories of her, but also because they had forgotten her: they had got used to her absence during the period of her rustication, and on her return, as she spent her time shut in her room in silence, she was easily overlooked, and people gave up their luke-warm efforts at friendliness. She had no opinions, no enthusiasms, hiding behind a shell of blankness. Forgetting about her had quickly become a matter of habit.
Dr. Prendergast, in the meantime, had to book an international telephone call to Switzerland. Though the young student's actual family were dead (and her mother quite recently, which had presumably contributed to her despair) so it would not be quite as terrible as breaking the news to her real parents, it would still be a harrowing conversation.
Far away, a telephone rang...
Author:  JellySheep [ Fri Nov 30, 2007 2:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
It doesn't quite match Jennie's drabble, which has a more hopeful ending, but my speculation is that she'd built her hopes up about going back to Oxford, in a secure setting, and then found it much harder as no-one is inclined to be sympathetic.
Author:  Jennie [ Fri Nov 30, 2007 3:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
I've just felt obliged to go back and read my own drabble, and it does have a more hopeful ending, but, I can see that this is how it might have panned out when she returned.
Author:  Lottie [ Fri Nov 30, 2007 3:04 pm ]
Post subject: 
Sadly, Mary-Lou won't have been the first, nor will she be the last.

Thanks, JellySheep.
Author:  Liz K [ Fri Nov 30, 2007 3:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
:( :( :( :( :( :( :(
Author:  Fatima [ Fri Nov 30, 2007 3:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
She often was overbearing and irritating but I'd never have wanted it to end like this. :cry:

Thanks JellySheep.
Author:  Mona [ Fri Nov 30, 2007 4:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks Jellysheep.
Author:  Lottie [ Fri Nov 30, 2007 5:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
This is haunting me.

JellySheep wrote:
it would not be quite as terrible as breaking the news to her real parents, it would still be a harrowing conversation.

It's bad enough making that telephone call to people who aren't totally surprised to receive it, but I presume Mary-Lou's "family" on the Gornetz Platz are expecting everything to be fine, now. Are you going to explore the "What if?" feelings of those left behind?
Author:  Liz K [ Fri Nov 30, 2007 5:12 pm ]
Post subject: 
Lottie wrote:
Are you going to explore the "What if?" feelings of those left behind?


That might be a sad but good one.
Author:  roversgirl [ Fri Nov 30, 2007 9:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
this looks good. just wondering where I could "mary-lou at oxford"? have looked in the sally denny library and archives and no luck but maybe my eyes are missing it.
Author:  Sal [ Mon Dec 03, 2007 12:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
roversgirl wrote:
this looks good. just wondering where I could "mary-lou at oxford"? have looked in the sally denny library and archives and no luck but maybe my eyes are missing it.


Look in the Index Drabble-orum (in St Therese) under Jennie
Author:  Jennie [ Mon Dec 03, 2007 2:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
To be honest, I'd almost forgotten that I'd written it.
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Thu Dec 06, 2007 8:43 am ]
Post subject: 
Thanks Jellysheep
Author:  JellySheep [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 7:23 pm ]
Post subject: 
Dr. Prendergast was not looking forward to the arrival of the visitors from Switzerland, who were coming to see her before the funeral on the morrow. Though Mrs. Maynard and Miss Annersley had sounded perfectly pleasant on the phone (as far as could be expected, given the circumstances), actually meeting them would be hard. Even though they had said it wasn't her fault and they didn't blame her, she still felt responsible and their presence would keep that fresh in her mind. She also knew that the Proctors intended to investigate this death, and dreaded the comdemnation she might face. She envied Catholics their confessors, and wished there were somebody she could talk to, someone who could reassure her and take away the burden of guilt. True, there was Sophia Aspinall, and together they had been able to talk about how haunted they were by remorse and regret. But because they were both implicated, they knew that there was an element of self-interest behind their efforts at reassurance.
There was the sound of feet outside: there was no avoiding this encounter. Miss Aspinall, pale and tense, ushered in the group, one man and four women. Dr. Prendergast noticed that the man, Dr. Jack Maynard, refused to acknowledge the tall woman who kept giving him despairing sidelong glances. Something was evidently wrong here.
Though normally skilled with language, none of the words the two academics could summon seemed enough. "Mrs. Maynard, I really cannot say how sorry I am - we are. If we had only known this might happen, we would never have taken such draconian measures. I don't think we will ever forgive ourselves."
"I don't think I will either - forgive myself, that is" replied Mrs. Maynard dully. She looked as if her current state of despair were uncharacteristic: she seemed the kind of woman who would normally be full of energy and enthusiasm, but now she appeared broken and mournful. "It probably wouldn't have come to this if we'd given her a wider perspective, beyond the absolutes and rules we live by at school, opened her eyes to how other people look at things, different codes of behaviour. I suppose we hadn't realised just how deeply ingrained it was, that she would feel so strongly about it that she would try to impose her way of life on other people."
As Dr. Maynard joined the conversation, seeing the matter from a medical angle made him lose the sneer which had hovered around his face, and become more animated. "I think that there is an element of psychological dysfunction here as well. To me it seems that she may have had a form of, or something related to, something called obsessive-compulsive neurosis. " This term was obviously unfamiliar to the others, and Dr. Maynard warmed to his subject as he explained. "It's not a well-known concept. It usually expresses itself through rituals and processes like excessive washing, but basically it centres around a need for a person's world to match their idea of how things should be. Usually people are able to reconcile themselves with things as they are, but obsessives don't seem to be able to cope without trying to impose what they see as order. i think that the fairly rigid regime of the chalet School helped cement a very absolute world-view, and the fact that people don't tend to challenge the norms there (or if they do, they don't get very far) means that there isn't much awareness that there are different views, different ways of living out there and they could be just as valid."
"Jack" broke in the eldest of the women, a flush rising along her cheekbones, "I don't think you can blame the School for having the ideals and ethos it does. if we weren't certain about what we believe in, then everything would collapse and we would have anarchy."
"Hilda, I'm not trying to blame the School, though I think it would be helpful to have more open debate in the Sixths at least. I'm just trying to unravel why things happened the way they have. Though while we're on the subject of the School, what have you told the girls about all this?"
"The truth, of course" she responded. "You know that we've never tried to soften this kind of thing. Of course, we didn't tell the younger ones everything, but we're not going to pretend this was an accident if that's what you're suggesting. The Seniors know, and the Middles and Juniors will know more when they're old enough to deal with it properly. Of course, it wasn't easy, but we had to - otherwise all sorts of rumours would have emerged, which would probably have been worse, and the girls wouldn't trust us any more."
Dr. Prendergast did her best to bring the conversation back to the point, from which they had rather strayed, and calm the obvious tension between Dr. Maynard and the women. Then Mrs. Maynard spoke up, in an uncharacteristically timid way.
"In the letter she sent me she said she couldn't bear the way everyone seemed to have rejected her, and condemned her, and it made her feel like a pariah. That's what really got to me - the isolation she must have been feeling. She said that she felt as if everyone thought she was unacceptable, and she couldn't pretend all the time to be something she wasn't. It's so tragic because she really was a good person, just misunderstood, and she really didn't deserve it."
"That's what I'll never be able to forget" said Miss Aspinall, wringing her hands. " I thought it was something that would settle given a little time, as they got used to each other again. I didn't want to interfere: maybe I should have."
"I don't think it would have helped if you had" put in Hilda Annersley, trying to reassure her. "It would probably only have made them resentful. No, I think what was needed was someone sympathetic to talk to, somebody who could have helped her to feel that not everyone was writing her off, or just tolerating her at arm's length. Perhaps it would have been better still if she could have moved to another university and had a fresh start, without everyone judging her by the past. I daresay that it would have been difficult, given the difference in syllabi, but it would have been ideal, especially if she could have been persuaded that she wasn't being thrown out in disgrace but helped."
Dr. Prendergast sighed. "Unfortunately it's all rather 'if only'. All we can do now is try and keep anything like this from happening again. The S.C.R. have resolved to be vigilant in the future, especially with those who may not seem appealing to us. We also intend to make an effort to ease the new undergraduates into their new life, tell them about being open to others' different ways of doing things, both things they disapprove of and people who may disapprove of them. We will ask our new students' schools to help by preparing them for the shock of going from being important figures and top in everything to being just one among many."
"That's the kind of thing we plan to do with the Sixths before they leave, whether to university or some other future" continued Miss Annersley. "I remember when I came up, feeling that everyone else was infinitely cleverer than I was, that I was here under false pretences and it was only a matter of time before I was found out, and it was a horrible, shameful shock, like you say. I'm sure that girls who go from prefectships to junior posts in employment must have a difficult time adjusting too."
"Now, about tomorrow" began Dr. Prendergast resolutely. "We have made most of the arrangements already, I know, but are you still happy with them? If the word 'happy' can really be used in the circumstances, that is."
"I have spoken to all the students" broke in Miss Aspinall. "Some of them seemed reluctant: they thought it would be hypocritical when they hadn't liked her, but in the end they realised that this tragedy was at least partly their fault and that attending the funeral and making their peace with that poor girl was the least they could do. I think they will be more careful in future to make sure nobody becomes so excluded."
The conversation turned to practical matters, such as the College tea which was to follow the funeral, and the suggestion that a memorial of some kind might be installed in the College, as well as the stained-glass window which was to be put into the School's chapel, so that this tragedy might not go unremembered but would hopefully not be repeated.
Author:  PaulineS [ Fri Dec 14, 2007 11:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
JellySheep wrote:
"Hilda, I'm not trying to blame the School, though I think it would be helpful to have more open debate in the Sixths at least.


The S.C.R. have resolved to be vigilant in the future, especially with those who may not seem appealing to us. We also intend to make an effort to ease the new undergraduates into their new life, tell them about being open to others' different ways of doing things, both things they disapprove of and people who may disapprove of them. We will ask our new students' schools to help by preparing them for the shock of going from being important figures and top in everything to being just one among many."
"That's the kind of thing we plan to do with the Sixths before they leave, whether to university or some other future" continued Miss Annersley. "I remember when I came up, feeling that everyone else was infinitely cleverer than I was, that I was here under false pretences and it was only a matter of time before I was found out, and it was a horrible, shameful shock, like you say. I'm sure that girls who go from prefectships to junior posts in employment must have a difficult time adjusting too.".



The problems of adjusting to University are still a problem today, I wish schools would prepare their six formers for being one of many instead of the leaders
Author:  Carolyn P [ Sat Dec 15, 2007 12:06 am ]
Post subject: 
Chilling, but sounds so probable.
Author:  Lottie [ Sat Dec 15, 2007 2:41 am ]
Post subject: 
At least both the college and school authorities are trying to make something positive come from the tragedy; but I doubt whether any of the people involved will ever really be able to put it behind them. It will always be there, waiting to pop up at odd moments when they're least expecting it.

I wish I'd spotted this, and read it earlier this evening - it's not the best thing for me to read just before going to bed.

Thanks for going on with it, JellySheep. I imagine you're having a hard time writing it.
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sat Dec 15, 2007 9:55 am ]
Post subject: 
Jellysheep, thanks. This must be a difficult thing to write and yet you do it so well
Author:  Jennie [ Sat Dec 15, 2007 1:49 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thank you for this, Jelly sheep. At least they are trying to make a different approach now.
Author:  keren [ Sun Dec 16, 2007 11:49 am ]
Post subject: 
Where is the drabble that this is a continuation of?
Author:  Jennie [ Mon Jan 07, 2008 4:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
In the Index Drabble-orum, under Jennie.

Is there any more of this, please?
Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Fri Jan 11, 2008 2:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
Chilling but very good. Is there any more to come?
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