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A Single Diamond. Updated 7.8
http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=1598

Author:  Cath V-P [ Thu Nov 09, 2006 11:35 pm ]
Post subject:  A Single Diamond. Updated 7.8

Well, I've now written a significant amount of this so I thought I'd start posting. I believe it's in the right house, but if there are any concerns, Mods, please feel free to move it. I'm not quite convinced by the title, so I may change that. It's set before "Dunkirk Letter", and thank you to MaryR and Lesley for certain characters who appear under licence from their respective managements.


Nell Wilson, yawned, stretched, rolled over and crashed into the warm body lying beside her. There was a startled yelp of “Nell!”
“Oh, help, Hilda, I’m sorry – I still haven’t quite got used to you being here when I wake up.”
“So I gather,” remarked Hilda Annersley, rubbing her shoulder, and blinking sleepily at Nell. “I was having such a pleasant dream too,” she added plaintively.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Have I hurt you?”
“Not permanently!” Nell grinned at Hilda in relief at this remark, and stretched out her arm to pull Hilda towards her.
“Let’s try again, shall we? Good morning, dear one: did you sleep well?” Hilda relaxed a little and snuggled against Nell, who kissed her gently.
“Yes sweetheart, I did - mostly.” There was a pause, then Nell asked quietly,
“Are you absolutely sure about that?” At this unexpected response, Hilda glanced anxiously at Nell.
“Did I keep you awake, Nell? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to -”
“Hush, dear girl, it’s alright. But is there anything wrong? I woke up once or twice, and you were either awake as well, or very restless. It was the same the previous night too.” Nell was clearly worried, as she surveyed Hilda’s weary face, but Hilda didn’t answer her at once, just chewed at her lower lip indecisively. Then sitting up, she said abruptly and without meeting Nell’s eyes,
“Nell, I know that we originally intended to stay here a week or ten days before going to Armiford – but it’s possible that I may have to go to London sooner than that on business, by myself. I don’t know yet; I hope I won’t have to, but I can’t be sure. Would you mind?” Nell propped herself up on one elbow in surprise, shivering a little as the crisp April air hit her warm skin.
“Hilda, if it’s business, why on earth would I mind? Is it anything I can help with?”
“No, Nell. I’m sorry, but this is something I have to handle by myself. It’s not your concern – or school affairs either.” A little taken aback by Hilda’s unexpected sharpness, Nell said nothing, and Hilda turned toward her, immediately contrite.
“I’m sorry sweetheart, I didn’t mean to snap at you, but I’m just a little - concerned about something.”
“That’s alright, Hilda. But if there is anything I can do, you will ask me won’t you? And you will be careful won’t you? ” There was another short silence, then Hilda said quietly,
“If you can help me, then yes, I will tell you. And of course I’ll be careful – especially in the black-out.” Nell opened her mouth to say something more, but catching sight of Hilda’s oddly remote expression, thought better of it. Instead, she simply grasped Hilda’s arm and pulled her back down beside her.
“You’ll catch cold, sitting there like that. Besides, we don’t have to get up just yet, so why don’t you come and get warm?”

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Fri Nov 10, 2006 1:04 am ]
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Oh lovely - another slice of the Nell/Hilda, Hilda/Nell world to enjoy! A very intriguing beginning - I sense a mystery - and I'll be waiting eagerly to see how it all plays out.

Thanks, Cath

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Fri Nov 10, 2006 11:13 am ]
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Yay another piece of this lovely tale! The sense of mystery abounds... hope all is well for Hilda and Nell.

Author:  MaryR [ Fri Nov 10, 2006 1:04 pm ]
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Oh, that was so lovely, and how they cherish each other, even as they are still adjusting to their new relationship.

But you have us worrying almost immediately, my dear, as we ponder just what Hilda might have on her mind.

Thank you for beginning again so soon. :lol:

Author:  leahbelle [ Fri Nov 10, 2006 2:30 pm ]
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What a beautiful relationship they seem to have.

Author:  Lesley [ Fri Nov 10, 2006 8:06 pm ]
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Nice beginning - thanks Cath - have a feeling I know which character/s of mine you mean.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Sun Nov 12, 2006 11:53 am ]
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Thank you for the comments, and here is a little more. Mystery? Intrigue? Oh surely not! :wink:


Obediently, Hilda turned around and cuddled down against Nell with a small sigh of relief. Nell slipped her arms around Hilda, and dropped a kiss on the nape of her neck. She was just drifting into a pleasantly somnolent state, when suddenly Hilda spoke, her lovely voice sounding high and slightly desperate, and Nell abruptly lost all desire to sleep.
“Nell, you do know that I love you, don’t you?”
“Darling Hilda, of course I do. Just as I love you – for ever and always, remember.” Hilda wriggled around to face Nell.
“Yes, but if you found out – Nell, oh please do believe that I will always love you, whatever happens.” Nell propped herself up on her elbow again, regarding Hilda with deepening concern; this sudden insecurity was not like Hilda, although, now that she came to think of it, Hilda had been somehow increasingly distracted during the last few weeks, even allowing for the recent events in Guernsey. She recalled two or three occasions on which Hilda had seemed to be almost absent from the happenings around her, having to be recalled from wherever her mind was wandering by a touch or word. True, these lapses of attention did not appear to have been noticed by anyone other than her, but to Nell, who knew her Hilda so well, they were somehow shocking, and even a little frightening. She stroked Hilda’s shoulder comfortingly, and as she had done several times during the last few days, resolutely pushed away the thought that was troubling her – that Hilda’s present behaviour was oddly reminiscent of the anxiety and exhaustion that had been so evident when she had first visited Nell at the cottage last Christmas.
“Sweetheart, don’t worry so; I promise you that I will never doubt you.” At these words, Hilda relaxed, and Nell hugged her closely once more. Hilda leaned back against Nell, drawing comfort from her warm body as she slipped into a light doze. Nell however, could not sleep again; needling concerns and worries nagged at her as she lay there, reviewing the happenings of the last few weeks over and over again. As she did so, her grey eyes shadowed, and her mouth tensed; their future together no longer seemed to be as secure as she had believed it might be. ‘Whatever happens, we have had this time,” she thought determinedly as she had so often during the last month. “I can be thankful for that. And until she feels she can tell me something, I’ll not nag her. Only -” She blinked hard and swallowed; the joy of loving Hilda and being loved in return had made life so very sweet. “But she’s still here with me,” she thought. “ Just one day at a time, Nell. One day at a time.”

Author:  MaryR [ Sun Nov 12, 2006 2:43 pm ]
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How sad that Hilda feels the need to reassure Nell that whatever happens she really does love her. Clearly something quite devastating is bothering her - and has been doing so for quite some time, to judge by Nell's ruminations.

But it won't destroy her love, Hilda, no matter what this worry is, for what both of you don't yet realise is that your love for each other is strong enough for anything, anything at all. Nothing can rock this boat! You will bear each others' burdens gladly and love each other forever.

Thank you, Cath.

Author:  Lesley [ Sun Nov 12, 2006 3:02 pm ]
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Not like Hilda to be so unsure - hope she can soon confide in Nell.


Thanks Cath.

Author:  leahbelle [ Sun Nov 12, 2006 9:48 pm ]
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I hope Hilda will let Nell help her.

Author:  Josie [ Sun Nov 12, 2006 11:52 pm ]
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Thanks Cath. Good to see another drabble in this universe. :)

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Mon Nov 13, 2006 12:16 am ]
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I do hope Hilda will allow Nell to help her - and explain herself before Nell has too much more time to feel anxious about this new development. This is such a new relationship that it's natural that Nell isn't yet absolutely confident about it, however much she wants it to work, so this new 'spanner' can't help but alarm her, however much Hilda tries to avoid this.

Thanks, Cath, will look forward to watching this unfold.

Author:  Squirrel [ Mon Nov 13, 2006 12:13 pm ]
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Oh poor Hilda, and poor Nell. Things are hard. Hilda, you need to trust in Nell - she will be able to deal with it, and to help you.

Thanks Cath

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Mon Nov 13, 2006 1:13 pm ]
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Hope Hilda will soon learn that the phrase "stronger together than apart" IS her and Nell summed up perfectly.

Author:  Tara [ Mon Nov 13, 2006 2:28 pm ]
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It was such a joy to find this waiting when I was able to get back on the board - but I'm already in a serious state of wibble! Whatever is wrong to have reduced Hilda to this level of uncertainty? Each scenario I dream up is more distressing than the last, so I shall stop trying to guess and leave it to you, Cath! I do fear that Nell might have some heartbreak to go through before they come out at the other end, though. And I do so know how she feels, clinging on to the brief time of happiness they've had as a sort of talisman against whatever is to come. I was very moved by:
Quote:
She blinked hard and swallowed; the joy of loving Hilda and being loved in return had made life so very sweet. “But she’s still here with me,” she thought. “ Just one day at a time, Nell. One day at a time.”


But they are so lovely together (and always with that touch of humour - Nell clouting Hilda because she's forgotten she's there), and, although they don't fully realise it yet, they have a love which even death, much less anything else, cannot sever.

Thank you, Cath.

Edited because my quote went wrong!

Author:  Cath V-P [ Tue Nov 14, 2006 9:04 am ]
Post subject: 

Thank you for your comments....here is a little more.

“One of the nicest things about holidays is not having to do everything by that bell,” remarked Nell cheerfully at breakfast. “Don’t you agree?”
“It’s useful,” said Hilda, reaching for the butter, “but I agree, it can be too much of a good thing. It’s fun to be able to decide when we do things for a change.”
“Like choosing to get dressed after breakfast?”
“And deciding to leave the dishes until after we’ve been for the mail?”
“I wouldn’t go that far – and anyway, we don’t have to go down to the village for the mail; they deliver when it’s not winter. You’d think it would be the other way round, but presumably the view is that as it’s our mail, we’re the ones who have to make an effort!” Hilda grinned.
“You never told me that before,” she said.
“You never asked, and besides I like to surprise you - once in a while!” Nell chuckled, got up from the table and wandered over to the window, thinking as she did so that Hilda now seemed to be a little happier. “I think I might go down and check; there’s a hole in the wall just by the gate where they tuck the post.”
“In your dressing gown?”
“I’m quite decent, you know!” And on the last words, Nell was gone, the kitchen door banging behind her. Hilda refilled her coffee cup, then put it down, sighed and pushed her plate away. Now that Nell was no longer with her, her face was deeply unhappy, her mouth strained and eyes sad, as she returned to the problem that had loomed inexorably ever larger during the last few weeks.
“What on earth am I going to do?” she murmured to the empty room. “I’m going to have to tell her, and I’ll lose everything.” It had been such a beautiful three months together, filled with love and laughter, even in this difficult time of war with its consequent upheaval and uncertainty, but now – “She’ll never trust me again,” she thought despairingly. “I should have told her before, at the beginning, and now I’m going to hurt her more than if I had. I never meant to hurt her – it should be me, not Nell. Oh, God, help me please – help us.” Wearily she rested her head on her hands, praying desperately for strength, then hearing the front door open, she straightened herself and summoned up a smile. Nell came into the kitchen, clutching a small bundle of letters.
“Goodness, but that wind is keen,” she remarked, dropping the letters on the table and pausing to take a mouthful of her coffee. “Perhaps dressing first might have been a good idea. Ok, let’s have a look at these. Mine – from Joey, with photos judging by the thickness, yours from Gwynneth, mine from the Bank, mine from Vater Bär, bless him, yours from Madge, probably more about Plas Howell, mine from Robin, yours from I-don’t–know-who, but forwarded from the school, so it’s probably business. Here you are; let’s see what Vater Bär has to say.” And she sank into her chair, opening the first of her letters as she did so.

Author:  Squirrel [ Tue Nov 14, 2006 9:34 am ]
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Poor Hilda. What on earth is it that has caused her to worry so much? What on earth is this huge secret?

This was such a lovely 'family' post Cath. It is nice to see them both starting to relax again after what has been a tiring term. The banter about how much they can re-organise their day was great fun - particularly Nell's parting shot about the mail.

I wonder if she has picked up on Hilda's renewed melancholy and is just ignoring it, awaiting a better time, or if she shall find out later on. I have a funny feeling that she will have to coax the truth out of Hilda.

Thanks Cath

Author:  leahbelle [ Tue Nov 14, 2006 1:36 pm ]
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I am intruigued by Hilda's secret. I wonder what it is that's causing her so much pain?

Author:  MaryR [ Tue Nov 14, 2006 2:47 pm ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
“I’m going to have to tell her, and I’ll lose everything.” It had been such a beautiful three months together, filled with love and laughter, even in this difficult time of war... but now – “She’ll never trust me again,” she thought despairingly

She will, Hilda, she will always trust you. She will love you, and hold you, and make sense of it all for you, as you have done for her this last year. Please don't despair, whatever it is. :cry:

So very sad, Cath, and yet Nell's love offers us some hope that it will all come right....

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Tue Nov 14, 2006 3:00 pm ]
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Very curious as to Hilda's secret. Thank you for this, how do you do it?

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Tue Nov 14, 2006 3:40 pm ]
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Hilda, where has your faith gone? Of course Nell will understand when you tell her about what is preying so heavily on your mind, even though your fear that she might not is understandable - the true depths of your relationship are only just showing themselves, aren't they? But trust her here - only believe!

Thanks Cath, looking forward to seeing how this unfolds.

Author:  Lesley [ Tue Nov 14, 2006 7:13 pm ]
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The problem is that at the very beginning of a relationship you do have such doubts - you cannot believe that someone so wonderful can love you. I can understand Hilda feeling like this - and do so want to to discover quickly that she'll not lose Nell.


Thanks Cath.

Author:  Tara [ Wed Nov 15, 2006 12:55 am ]
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I have rarely been so totally at sea. I absolutely cannot think what is so very wrong.
Quote:
“I should have told her before, at the beginning, and now I’m going to hurt her more than if I had. I never meant to hurt her – it should be me, not Nell.
What should? It should be Hilda being hurt? WHY??????? And what in the universe is going to hurt Nell so much that she'll never trust her again? And what is in the business letter forwarded from the school?

Cath, please do lots of posting in the next few days, otherwise I'll have chewed my nails down to the elbow.

Apart from all that, lovely 'homey' relationship and conversation.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Wed Nov 15, 2006 12:46 pm ]
Post subject: 

Thank you....I'm sorry this is so sad. I'm not sure that this post is an improvement...

Hilda made no immediate move to pick up her letters; instead it was as if, for an instant, she was standing outside herself, observing herself almost dispassionately. Then a desperate little voice was sounding in her mind, “Oh, please God, please God, please God…” and she was herself again with nowhere to go, nowhere to hide, and everything she loved and cherished slipping like sand from her grasp. She was faintly aware of Nell reading her snippets from Herr Anserl’s letter, and her own voice replying, but all her attention was focussed on that brown envelope lying on the table top. Her hands moved aimlessly among the breakfast things, straightening a knife and spoon, sweeping crumbs onto her plate, then slowly, so slowly that it seemed as if time had stopped, she picked up the letter, and opened it. She didn’t notice Nell’s sudden silence and her careful scrutiny from across the table. At first, the words danced in front of her, then they settled down and she was able to read them. She lowered the letter, suddenly and acutely aware that it had happened, the thing that she had hoped so desperately to avoid for just a little longer, and that now nothing could ever be the same. She looked round the room that had been so safe and familiar, and knew that she would never be welcome there again. And there was Nell; now she had lost Nell too … a pang of grief so sharp that it was a physical ache pierced her.
“Hilda, darling! What’s wrong?” She shook her head; Nell was leaning over her, holding her in that safe and beloved embrace, her face concerned and questioning, her grey eyes anxious.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured, clutching at her. “I never meant to hurt you – I should have told you right at the beginning – this isn’t what I meant - here.” And she thrust the letter at Nell, who took it reluctantly, all her nagging doubts tumbling together into a single overwhelming fear.
“Do you want me to read this?’ she asked hesitantly. Hilda nodded, then gasped,
“Yes, but - oh Nell, I didn’t mean this, and I hoped I’d be able to sort something out, so it wouldn’t – or not yet, but I shouldn’t have - Nell, I’m so sorry, please forgive me.” Her voice faded into silence, and then she whispered heart-brokenly, “I didn’t want it to be this way.” At her final words, pain seared through Nell; she had been right, horribly tormentingly right. Something was most terribly wrong, and because of it, she had lost Hilda. It had been too lovely to be allowed, and now it was over. Clenching her teeth against the misery welling within her, she forced herself to look down at the paper in her hand, and read the words, as Hilda had asked of her.

Author:  Ruth B [ Wed Nov 15, 2006 1:06 pm ]
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Cath! You can't possibly leave it there!

What on earth is going on?

Author:  leahbelle [ Wed Nov 15, 2006 2:35 pm ]
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Oh, no, please don't leave us there! I need to know what the secret is!

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Wed Nov 15, 2006 3:18 pm ]
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*Please* don't make us wait too long before letting us into this secret, which they are both so sure will destroy the wonderful relationship building between them. It is indeed so sad to see. But at the same time, I love the way that in the meantime, each of them remains locked in her own separate fear - it makes for very suspenseful reading!!

Thanks Cath.

Author:  MaryR [ Wed Nov 15, 2006 6:26 pm ]
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Oh the depths of Hilda's despair, she who has so much faith and hope. That standing outside herself and looking on shows just how desperate she is. But this love is still so new and so fragile, to both of them, that they don't believe yet in the robustness of it. And it is robust, Hilda, and Nell WILL love you through it all - even if you didn't trust her enough at the beginning with whatever it is.

It wasn't too lovely to be allowed at all, both of you. It is lovely and it is allowed and you will not lose it. So there! :lol:

Thank you, Cath

Author:  Lesley [ Wed Nov 15, 2006 8:08 pm ]
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Poor Hilda :cry: Poor Nell :cry:


Cath - make it better - please?

Author:  Pat [ Wed Nov 15, 2006 8:12 pm ]
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Lesley wrote:
Poor Hilda :cry: Poor Nell :cry:


Cath - make it better - please?


:twisted: Aren't you enjoying the cliff Lesley? :twisted: Shame on you!

Author:  Lesley [ Wed Nov 15, 2006 8:14 pm ]
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Why would I do that, Pat? *Innocencesmileyitwashereaminuteago*

Author:  Pat [ Wed Nov 15, 2006 8:16 pm ]
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*rollingonthefloorsmiley* repeated!

Author:  Tara [ Wed Nov 15, 2006 10:29 pm ]
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Cath!!!!!!!!!! :shock: :shock: :shock:

That was quite deliberate, wasn't it. And I thought you were such a nice person. *Revises opinion radically and bares teeth*.

The only thing I can think of isn't (imo) important enough to cause all this anguish ...

I don't know which of them I'm more sorry for, each convinced they have lost the other, but the phrase which tugged most insistently at my heartstrings was Nell's
Quote:
It had been too lovely to be allowed, and now it was over.
No, never - but oh, I know how you feel!

We'll forgive you for the sadness, Cath, just, in your mercy, put us out of our misery soon!

Author:  Cath V-P [ Thu Nov 16, 2006 1:05 pm ]
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Tara, I am a truly delightful person! Snarls charmingly in response.... :D This may help....but then again, it may not. :wink: Oh yes: thank you Lesley.


My dear Hilda,
I would have written to you before now, but appreciate that you were understandably preoccupied with the necessary removal of your place of employment from the Channel Islands to its present location. However, I feel sure that my letter and its contents will come as no surprise to you. It is now almost seven years since Emma and I took Elizabeth into our home – time goes quickly by, does it not? – and, in accordance with our initial agreement, I am writing to enquire whether you have given some thought as to the child’s future.
I can only repeat my previous belief that the child would be better served if she were to be found an alternative home in an environment more suited to her position. I am assured that there would be little difficulty in the finding of such a home, and I am fully of the opinion that this would be better for all concerned - the apparent success of the present arrangement notwithstanding. However, should you still remain unpersuaded of this, then I will draw your attention to Elizabeth’s approaching birthday; as you will recall, the situation was to be reviewed on the occasion of this event, and I must now state plainly that, regardless of what you might wish, some alteration of the arrangement has to be made.
Circumstances are further complicated by the Government’s insistence that, in the current state of war, children should be removed from London - and indeed the major cities – as quickly as possible. Consequently, even had it not been the occasion of the child’s seventh birthday, I would still have required you to devise an alternative plan. Should you still be undecided as to the appropriate course of action, it appears to me that Elizabeth is now of an age to benefit from a more formal education and I am more than willing to place her at a suitable boarding school, should that be agreeable to you.
I must ask that you come to some decision with all haste, as I intend to close the house in London, and remove the household to Buckinghamshire as soon as is practicable. I would thus appreciate your reply before the end of this week; should this fail to be forthcoming, then I will take it upon myself to take the appropriate steps, and will acquaint you of the details as soon as is possible.
I trust that you are in the best of health and spirits. Emma joins with me in sending you her best wishes, and believe me, I am, as always,
Your affectionate brother,
John


Nell read this communication through twice without any comment, while Hilda sat with her head bent, staring at her clasped hands and waiting in utter despair for the outburst that must surely come. After what seemed an eternity, Nell let the letter fall onto the table and tried to still the maelstrom of thoughts swirling in her mind. Licking suddenly dry lips, she drew a deep breath, shook her head as if to clear it and looked at Hilda, whose arms were now wrapped around herself as if for protection, her body rigid as she braced herself to meet Nell’s scathing words. Nell opened her mouth, then closed it; what good would it do to shout? The only result of that would be to cause Hilda more hurt, and it would do nothing to answer the myriad of questions clamouring within her. Taking another deep breath, she asked carefully,
“Hilda, who is Elizabeth?”

Author:  Squirrel [ Thu Nov 16, 2006 1:34 pm ]
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Ah the important question, I would agree Nell.

I appear to have managed to miss the last post Cath, and have therefore read them both together. Poor Hilda, she seems to believe that she is to be judged, and found wanting.

In the climate of those times, and if what I am reading into this is in any way correct, then I can understand that. However, Nell is not like that. I cannot imagine her being at all judgemental in that way, regardless of the tennets of her faith. Her faith requires forgiveness, not judgement - though I would be most wary of Hilda waiting so long to tell her about the matter.

God grant Hilda the strength to put it into words.

Thanks Cath - I egerly await the next update.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Thu Nov 16, 2006 2:25 pm ]
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Who indeed is Elizabeth? The mystery deepens!! It's not surprising that Nell is experiencing such a 'maelstrom' of thoughts on reading that letter - what on earth will it portend for her own and Hilda's future?

At the same time, I have to say I've rarely seen a less caring, more unfeeling, communication between two siblings - I know John had to spell out the situation for his sister, but did he have to do so in what appears to be such a callous and calculating way? Even though we know that some of this is in response to the situation in England at the time, when children were indeed being sent out of London and other large cities with all speed, his comments are way blunter than they need have been.

Do hope that Hilda will be able to answer Nell's query, and ours soon - please don't keep us in suspense for too long, Cath.

Author:  leahbelle [ Thu Nov 16, 2006 2:27 pm ]
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Oh, dear! I'm also eagerly awaiting the next update to find out what Nell will say. I don't think Hilda needs to worry, though.

Author:  MaryR [ Thu Nov 16, 2006 3:49 pm ]
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Well, as Elder says, that was a nice, loving missive to his only sister! :shock: Cold doesn't begin to describe the words in it. Poor, poor Hilda. No wonder she feels she has come home when she is surrounded by the love that Nell has for her.

Love she quite clearly feels she is about to lose, as she sits there with her arms wrapped around herself for protection. Thank goodness Nell controlled herself - or the damage might have been extensive.

But, Cath, as Nell says, just who is Elizabeth? One can make guesses of course.....

Author:  Nell [ Thu Nov 16, 2006 4:37 pm ]
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How very interesting!

Only just found this, thanks Cath!

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Thu Nov 16, 2006 5:27 pm ]
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So glad that Hilda has a family of her heart and of choice with Nell and everyone else when her brother can be so formal with his sister. This is very powerful and touching.

Thank you

Edited for typos

Author:  Lesley [ Thu Nov 16, 2006 7:26 pm ]
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OK, well I knew this was an alternative so - I know who Elizabeth must be for this universe.

As to John - well, he's a pig anyway, I always knew that.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Fri Nov 17, 2006 11:57 am ]
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Thank you all for your responses. I will try to answer some of your concerns....in good time! James appears courtesy of MaryR who first wrote about him in "New Dreams" and the short story "Future and a Hope". Many thanks Mary.

Hilda’s eyes were suddenly immeasurably bleak, and unable to remain still any longer, she got up from her chair, avoiding Nell’s troubled gaze. Going to the window, she leaned her pale face against the glass, staring unseeingly at the view. Voices jumbled in her mind, stray words and phrases that had haunted her across the years: “We’ll come back . . . My dear, I am so sorry . . . How dare you speak of Mother . . . Just go, it’s easier . . . find a suitable family . . . be happy here in Austria . . . Auntie Hilda.”
Hilda shook her head, and the voices faded; behind her, Nell was sitting, white-faced and resolute, nursing her coffee cup, waiting patiently. Knowing her as she did, it was very evident to Hilda that Nell was prepared to wait all day if necessary for an answer that would satisfy her. And there was only one answer anyway . . . Hilda nerved herself for the inevitable, and began to say the words that would forever separate her from Nell.
“Nell, I never meant to hurt you,” she said again, hopelessly. “You have to believe me. I didn’t . . . I hoped – I don’t know what I hoped.” She fell silent and rubbed a shaking hand across her forehead, as she searched for the words that would bring her through this.
“Hilda, please tell me.” Nell’s voice was as warm and loving as ever, but there was an unfamiliar tentative note to it, that sent a dizzying wave of pain through Hilda. “Dear heaven, what am I doing to you?” she wondered miserably. Summoning up all her resources, she turned to face Nell.
“You know about James,” she said. Nell’s brows contracted in a frown at this unexpected utterance. It was a statement rather than a question, but Nell murmured “Yes” anyway, knowing as she did so that Hilda wasn’t hearing her. Instead she was speaking, quickly, almost frantically, as though she feared that if she stopped she would not be able to continue.
“Love came, out of the blue, so unexpectedly for me, turning my friend into my lover and giving me a whole unthought-of future. It was all I could have wanted, and so perfect . . . and so fragile too. We had told our families, such as they were, of our plans, that we had decided that we would be married after he returned from India. They approved; they thought we were being very sensible. Sensible!” Her voice cracked slightly on the last words and she clenched her fists to steady herself, her fingernails digging into the palms of her hands. “Two weeks before he was supposed to leave, James arrived in London as we’d arranged – it was the summer holidays, so we were able to spend all day together, just planning, and talking and laughing … and being together. You know Nell, starting to do all the little things that become part of you both, that make you a couple?” Nell nodded, her face expressionless.

Author:  MaryR [ Fri Nov 17, 2006 12:17 pm ]
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Oh God, and Hilda knows all too well what this is doing to Nell, her new lover. No wonder she is so fearful of the outcome. How do you tell your new love about a former love who meant so very much - and whose presence in her life clearly had unforeseen consequences.

One can feel the nerves of these two strong and loving women strained to the limit, one trying to explain the inexplicable, one trying to understand suddenly where she fits into all this. For would Hilda's words here not resonate within Nell as she thinks of these last three months:

Cath V-P wrote:
You know Nell, starting to do all the little things that become part of you both, that make you a couple?”

And Hilda, having to relive that love she lost... :cry:

Author:  Tara [ Fri Nov 17, 2006 1:58 pm ]
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Oh. Oh ... my ... goodness. No, not possibly?????????

I am not frequently rendered speechless, but you've managed it, Cath.

Author:  leahbelle [ Fri Nov 17, 2006 2:27 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. This an amazing drabble.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Fri Nov 17, 2006 3:39 pm ]
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Oh-oh - are developments moving in the direction I think they are? That would certainly put a different complexion on things, would it not? It's not hard to see why Hilda is so nervous of telling Nell about this, nor why Nell must be dreading what she is about to hear, which may have such an effect on this newly-blossoming relationship between them. I do hope that Hilda will be able to explain things in such a way that Nell will be able to accept.

Looking forward to the next section, Cath - please!!!

Author:  Cath V-P [ Sun Nov 19, 2006 12:00 pm ]
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Thank you for your comments; Tara, I am suitably honoured by your speechlessness! :D
And here is a little more: I hope you enjoy it


“Then, one evening, we’d been to the theatre. He’d brought me home, and … I simply didn’t want to let him go, and I knew he didn’t want to leave me either.” Soft colour briefly touched her face. “We managed to part that night, and I lay in bed weeping and wondering how I would survive while he was in India.” Her beautiful voice slowed, became softer and happier. “The next day, he was late and I was a little worried; but when he did arrive, he simply told me to put on my prettiest clothes, and pack my suitcase, because he had a special licence in his pocket, and we were going to be married that morning. And we were. I was in such a state of joy and delight that I couldn’t think straight. I packed a case and we caught a bus to a church that I can’t even remember the name of. The vicar was wonderful, and his wife and curate were our witnesses. To my complete and utter surprise, he did have a wedding ring for me – it was his grandmother’s and she had sent it to James when she died. It fitted me perfectly . . . And I was so happy, I felt as if all the angels were singing in Heaven for us.” Nell felt the prickle of tears, but resolutely drove them back. Not for anything would she have disturbed the flow of Hilda’s words, no matter what it cost her.

“Then we went to the station; he hadn’t told me where we were going, but it was soon clear that it was Oxford, where we had met – “our city”, he called it. And because it was summer, there were no undergraduates, just scholars, and dons, and we could enjoy it unhindered. He’d booked a room for us at a small hotel, and we were there until the day before he left.” Hilda fell silent, remembering the intense joy of that time. Images of that first night shone in her mind: James carrying her, laughing, into the hotel room, “It should be into our home,” he had said, “But wherever you are is my home” . . . James unpinning her hair, and burying his face in the shining brown lengths, murmuring “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that” . . . his hands moving over her slender body as it arched joyously beneath him and her sudden cry of shattered delight and amazement . . . waking beside him in a world of love and safety such as she had not known since childhood.

“We had so much love…” she whispered, remembering suddenly so many of the things they had done; climbing Shotover Hill and viewing the beloved city from that splendid vantage point, from which it had seemed small and so perfect and complete. . . Sitting for hours on the floor of Blackwell’s second-hand department, reading to one another, and leaving, laden with purchases, only when the shop closed. . . Standing on the top of St Mary’s tower, feeling the bells resound beneath them, and the breeze blowing, unexpectedly chilly for July. . . Walking across Port Meadow at sun set, then on to Godstow, and the ruined nunnery there, seen unexpectedly beautiful under moonlight, where shadows shifted and there was a eerie feeling that if they looked swiftly enough, they would catch a glimpse of what once was there. . . A sudden shower catching them unawares as they were walking down the High, and the unspoken decision that to scurry for shelter would be pointless, so they had run hand-in-hand through the rain instead, ignoring the comments of those lucky enough to be sheltering in doorways. . . Throwing bread to the omnipresent ducks at Magdalen Bridge, and then punting down the river, to the cool green shade of a willow tree, where James had produced, (from the bottom of the picnic hamper, but very carefully wrapped) a copy of Wind in the Willows that they had read together. . . James, late one evening, perching himself on the fence surrounding the Sheldonian and reciting Jabberwocky “for the edification of the gods” as he solemnly explained to a passing policeman, while Hilda leaned, weak with laughter, against the bicycle racks . . . Sunday, framed by the early Eucharist at St Mary’s and Evensong at St Giles, Hilda’s favourite church of her undergraduate days. . . Every single precious memory, polished and treasured, was suddenly with her, and through them all, James, merry and valiant and beloved. And so much laughter, so much joy, so much passion . . . “We’ll come back often, my Hilda, I promise,” he had said…

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Sun Nov 19, 2006 1:51 pm ]
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Oh, Cath that was wonderful. I think I can see what's coming next but I didn't see this bit coming. Thank God Hilda got that little bit of bliss but dreading how her family reacted... and Nell too will need strength and to be Hilda's strength before this is over.

Author:  leahbelle [ Sun Nov 19, 2006 3:31 pm ]
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Thank you, Cath.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Sun Nov 19, 2006 3:45 pm ]
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Hmm - my suspicion of where this is going deepens with each post. But if Nell has really taken in Hilda's description of this joyous special license wedding and honeymoon week in Oxford, then she too may already have an inkling of what is to come.

Thanks Cath - I will be waiting eagerly for the next instalment.

Author:  MaryR [ Sun Nov 19, 2006 5:16 pm ]
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Cath, what you have done with my James is so wonderful - and the ring... Why is there no smiley for happy tears?

What a beautiful and tender evocation of absolute, unbridled happiness. The tears were just flowing down my cheeks that Hilda had this one shining blissful time in her early life - each moment polished and treasured.

But we know it doesn't end happily! :cry: And poor Nell, listening to this hymn of love, must be wondering where she figures in all this, why Hilda has never told her, and what it means for the love she has for Hilda. But Nell, the love she bears for you is mature and steadfast - as is yours for her. Just be there for her - please!

Sorry, Cath. :oops: Getting carried away....

Author:  Tara [ Mon Nov 20, 2006 1:18 am ]
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Catharine, beautiful and moving writing will not save you after the anguish you've put me through! Just be thankful that you live on the other side of the world and that I haven't a pickaxe ready to hand. If I had, you would need to be very afraid ... :evil:

Howsomever ... that was, I will admit, a touching and luminescent evocation of that brief time of intense and unexpected happiness, and all the separate incidents of 'togetherness' were so typical.
I'm still left with lots of unanswered questions, though - and I still don't know who Elizabeth is. The obvious answer is H/J's child, but if so, why has Hilda always used her maiden name, and why did she abandon James' child to John's less-than-tender mercies? And John's remark about finding a suitable family doesn't fit, either.Do the family know they're married? Doesn't make sense yet, whether or not. Clearly there's lots more information to come.

I do so agree with Mary's remarks about the effect on Nell. How will she ever manage to feel other than second best? Explains Hilda's surprising and unexpected assurance at the start of their relationship, though.

*Nurses the suspicion that Cath is enjoying herself hugely and sharpens the pickaxe* :wink:

Author:  Identity Hunt [ Mon Nov 20, 2006 11:29 am ]
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Oh Cath !
Wail !!! :cry: :cry: :cry: :shock:
Please don`t make me overdose on chocolate in a vain attempt to cheer myself up !
More please, and put us out of our misery........

Nell will understand. Won`t she, Cath?

Author:  Ruth B [ Mon Nov 20, 2006 11:50 am ]
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That was so wonderful and so evocative Cath!

Quote:
on to Godstow, and the ruined nunnery there, seen unexpectedly beautiful under moonlight, where shadows shifted and there was a eerie feeling that if they looked swiftly enough, they would catch a glimpse of what once was there.


That is how I always feel when I go there, as if Rosamund herself will come round the corner at any minute.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Mon Nov 20, 2006 11:16 pm ]
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Isn't it a lovely morning? Nice view from up here..... oh, did you want something? What a nice sharp and shiny pickaxe you appear to be holding, Tara! Enjoying myself? What do you think?! :twisted:

Seriously, thank you for the comments - and here is some more.


Nell glanced up at her, aware that Hilda was utterly lost in her own world, an enchanted Oxford of almost eight years ago, where she and James had had their brief marriage, and which now existed only in Hilda’s memories. A cold breath of pain like a chill wind passed through her; how had Hilda been able to withstand the loss of so much that was precious and lovely from her life so soon, so shockingly? Would not everything that came later seem simply at best a make-shift substitute? “It doesn’t matter,” she said to herself fiercely. “As long as she needs me, I’m here for her. And God knows that whatever she can give me is better than anything anyone else could offer.” She resolutely pushed her sadness aside, concentrating only on the woman by the window. Hilda sensed Nell’s eyes on her and turned towards her.
“Oh Nell, it was like living in a bubble of happiness,” she murmured. Nell could say nothing, but silently yearned over Hilda’s pain. For a moment, Hilda’s eyes continued to hold that absorbed remoteness; then, like the coming of the dawn the soft light of love glowed in her face and she gazed tenderly at Nell. “It’s been like that with you too, Nell,” she said simply, and added, as if to herself, “Whatever happens now, I have been so fortunate, twice in my life.” Nell’s grey eyes suddenly sparkled with tears, and she moved to stand by Hilda, slipping an arm round her. Looking away from Nell, Hilda began to speak again, but with more difficulty, as if the words were being slowly wrenched out of her.

“We had almost two weeks together, then he left for India – alone, because we couldn’t get a passage for me, though we tried - and the world was grey – but we had had that wonderful time together, and I lived through those memories.” She paused, then continued, her voice stronger now, but flat, her face rigid with the need to hold back her tears. “Five weeks later, he was dead, and I was so alone, apart from James’s aunt, who comforted me at first. But his family didn’t know that we were married. And I couldn’t tell them. I wanted to keep that as my special secret, locked inside me forever. And I didn’t realise, you see, there were some things that I didn’t really know, and neither of us had thought – Anyway, after the first two or three terrible weeks I was feeling more and more unwell, tired and sick, but I thought that was the shock and grief. Anyway, I finally went to the doctor. It was the most tremendous shock when he told me – he told me that I was expecting a baby.” The words seemed almost to vibrate in the air, and Hilda stopped, bracing herself for Nell’s shocked exclamation. When it didn’t come, she glanced tentatively at her; Nell’s eyes were shining with tears, but she was smiling tenderly at her. “You’re not…you don’t seem…”
“ Shocked? Upset? Angry?” Nell chose her words carefully, aware that Hilda was steeling herself against some sort of outburst, and that it would take only one unwise word to destroy her. “I am all of those things, my sweetheart, but on your behalf – not mine. How on earth did you cope, beloved?”

Hilda was quiet for a long minute. “I don’t know,” she said uncertainly. “For three days, I simply walked round London. Part of me wanted to die, and the other part of me was so dazed and confused, I didn’t know what I wanted. Then I found myself on the train to Oxford, and I went to some of the places that we had been to, and finally, sitting in St Giles’ all grey and white and light-filled, I slowly realised that I had been given a most precious and unexpected gift, and that it was up to me what I did with it. I sat there for almost two hours, and at the end I had moved from black desolation to a possibility of some hope. Then I went back to London, and started to plan my - our – future.”

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Mon Nov 20, 2006 11:32 pm ]
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OK, so my guess about the outcome was correct. And I just loved Nell's reaction, too - no shock on her own behalf, merely concern for Hilda and how she could possibly cope with this new situation. And Hilda herself, once she had had time to assimilate the fact of this new life growing within her, clearly realised what a wonderful legacy her time with James would have.

But, given the period in question, the fact no-one knew they were married I can see even larger shoals looming ahead for Hilda once others discover her pregnancy. Will look forward to seeing what happened next - but I'm equally sure that Hilda will find the telling easier now that she is buoyed by Nell's very supportive reaction.

Thanks Cath.

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Mon Nov 20, 2006 11:57 pm ]
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Painful as this must have been to write I have to say I loved the rightness of this post and also the idea that they are coming full circle now. To start with Hilda was the strength as she helped Nell face what happened when she left Austria and now Nell is showing Hilda that she too can rely on her and when she needs strength Nell will give it.

Author:  Tara [ Tue Nov 21, 2006 1:29 am ]
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Quote:
“It doesn’t matter,” she said to herself fiercely. “As long as she needs me, I’m here for her. And God knows that whatever she can give me is better than anything anyone else could offer.”

That is such a tribute to Nell's love, that is only concerned to give, and is so thankful just for the existence of the loved one, and prepared to be content with whatever Hilda can give, even when it seems as if her feelings cannot be returned in the same way.

Glad Hilda was so quick with reassurance - their relationship is very new and tender, after all.

Well ... I shall wait with interest to find out what happened to make Hilda excise the whole event from her life. After all, they were married, even if the family didn't know.

*quietly puts pickaxe down and sits patiently at Cath's feet*

Author:  leahbelle [ Tue Nov 21, 2006 11:47 am ]
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This is fascinating, Cath. Thank you.

Author:  MaryR [ Tue Nov 21, 2006 4:05 pm ]
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How one yearns over this deep tragedy in Hilda's life - and one almost senses that she saw it as an impossible dream, something that didn't really happen, so quickly was it all snatched from her.

And then, to cope not only with his death but with the new life burgeoning within her, almost against her will at first - what reserves of courage! But of course, being Hilda, what else could she see this baby as but a great gift from James, something to keep the dream alive.

A makeshift substitute? :shock: I don't think so, Nell. She loves you with a mature and tender love that will never cease. You are so right when you say what she can give you is far beyond what any other could possibly give you - just hold that thought. But how very unselfish you are being - to be there for her as long as she needs you. And she will. As you needed her, and were healed.

Thank you, Cath - and you are so right: same universe, different branches indeed, but becoming more intertwined every minute. :wink:

Author:  Cath V-P [ Wed Nov 22, 2006 10:51 am ]
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Thank you for your comments. . . so Judith is what i've been tripping over. I was wondering! :D

A little more...


She sighed, moved a little away from Nell’s encircling arm, and pushed the tangle of hair back from her forehead with a weary movement.
“I knew that I needed help; I couldn’t do this by myself, so I went to see John and Emma. John’s fifteen years older than me, you know, and he was very displeased when I went to university, struck out my own path – but I thought that he would help me.” Nell frowned.
“What was his reaction?”.
“He listened very quietly, then informed me that he would need to see my marriage certificate as proof that I was legally married.”
What?!” gasped Nell, horrified. Hilda smiled sadly, twisting her hands tightly together.
“Oh, yes, and it was then that I realised two things. The first was that I didn’t have our marriage certificate; I seemed to remember James folding it and putting it in his pocket after the ceremony and I never gave it another thought until that moment. It must have gone to India with him and been lost there. And the second was that I had absolutely no idea of where we had been married, or even what the vicar’s name was. So - so John and Emma didn’t believe that we had been married; they thought – they didn’t know James, you see.”
“But they knew you!” said Nell indignantly. Hilda shrugged.
“Yes, but remember, I was so much younger than John – and John had so strenuously disapproved of all that I had done ever since going up to Oxford, that he had been waiting for something like this, I think. Anyway, they simply wouldn’t accept that I was James’s wife – after the initial uproar, they were kind – well, Emma was - in a disapproving distant way, but John made it very clear that I had utterly disgraced the family, and that the best thing I could do would be to go away quietly somewhere, have my baby and then have it adopted.” She shuddered, remembering John’s cold and disgusted rage. “He said terrible things to me at first,” she whispered. Nell bit her lip hard, choking down the furious words inside her. Eventually she was able to speak calmly,
“And what happened to change their minds?”
“That was really Emma, which was odd, because normally she agreed with everything John said. But Emma had been kind to me when I was a girl, especially after Mother - and she had been so happy when her own children were born, and remembered that, so eventually, she told him that it was wrong to force me into any decision then. She arranged a quiet place for me to stay until the baby was born, and then after that, “we would see” – John’s words; I think he hoped I would be sensible.”
“That must have taken quite a lot of courage,” said Nell thoughtfully, “especially if she wasn’t in the habit of opposing him.”
“I agree; he’s a difficult person to withstand when he’s convinced he’s right. He doesn’t usually argue – just sets your views to one side as if they’re too insignificant to be considered.” Nell pulled an expressive face at this.
“I have to say he doesn’t sound particularly pleasant, Hilda! But he did agree in the end?” Hilda nodded.
“Yes, provided I left London as soon as it could be arranged. I didn’t mind, you know; at that point, all I wanted to do was hide away from everyone and try to accept what had happened. Once things were settled, and I’d left London, I started to feel a little better, and, you know, I wasn’t desperately unhappy all the time. I saw very few people, but I didn’t mind about that then. And the villagers didn’t bother me, although I suppose that was because they thought I was no better than I should be. The vicar left me severely alone.” She smiled wryly, and a little sadly, and Nell felt a furious flame of anger scorch through her. Forcing it down, she hugged Hilda closer to her; Hilda leaned against her for almost a minute before continuing. “Emma visited me every two weeks or thereabouts, but, apart from the doctor, she was the only person I saw regularly. I don’t really remember much about that time; it felt almost as if I was living in a greyish mist, and I didn’t really care about anything, or anyone except James and our baby. I did appreciate that I was very lucky; given what John believed about me, I could so easily have found myself in some sort of hostel or asylum, and I don’t know that I would have survived that.” Nell shuddered, aware of exactly the type of place to which Hilda was alluding, and knowing that she had indeed been very fortunate to avoid that fate. Then Hilda was speaking again, her eyes tender and joyful as she recalled a blustery spring day, almost seven years before.

Author:  MaryR [ Wed Nov 22, 2006 11:32 am ]
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Poor, poor Hilda - to be so unknown by her own family, the ones above all others who should have known just what she would and wouldn't do. No wonder Nell felt that flame of pure anger at them - to see this gentle, loving, brave woman so shabbily treated. :cry:

And circumstances all mitigating against her - the marriage certificatw which James somehow had never thought she would need, her own lack of remembrance of the where and when of the marriage, because she had been living in a blissful dream world...

One can make an informed guess as to why that blustery Spring day was so happy. And it tears at my heart.

Thank you, Cath.

Author:  leahbelle [ Wed Nov 22, 2006 11:38 am ]
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Thanks, Cath. I am weeping quietly for Hilda.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Wed Nov 22, 2006 2:10 pm ]
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Poor Hilda, indeed, so bewildered by all that had happened so quickly, and then so ill-received by her brother to whom she turned for help. Of course the fact she didn't have the marriage certificate led John to doubt her story of a marriage at all, but thank goodness her sister-in-law stood by her, at least so far as she could do so.

But it's all so much in character with the mores of that age, isn't it?

Thank goodness for Nell's sympathetic responses to Hilda's predicament, too - it will make things so much easier.

Like Mary, I can guess at what happened that blustery Spring day.

Thanks Cath - am looking forward to seeing this play out.

Author:  Tara [ Thu Nov 23, 2006 12:13 am ]
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I am not weeping - I am incandescent with rage. Whatever the mix-ups with the certificate etc, to refuse to accept Hilda's word is quite unforgivable, as is the assumption that she would behave in a way that goes against all her moral codes because she has been strong enough to follow her own path instead of her brother's.

Thank goodness for Nell, who does know and trust her.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Fri Nov 24, 2006 8:12 am ]
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Thank you for your comments - yes, John was completely out of line, and sadly, he doesn't improve. But now we know who Elizabeth is....

“She was born just after dawn on the fifteenth of April,” she said simply. A wistful yearning smile touched her lips and Nell suddenly felt strangely shy of this woman whom she did not quite recognise. Hilda’s eyes shone as she remembered that morning and the joy for which she had not been prepared. “Despite everything, it was – wondrous,” she said. “When they gave her to me, I felt whole again. She was so beautiful, Nell, and she was mine. I felt strong and capable of anything, and I was determined that she would be all that James would have wanted her to be, no matter what it cost me.” She looked at Nell. “Why Nell, you’re crying,” she said wonderingly, and raised her hand to wipe away the tears that slipped down Nell’s face. Nell swallowed the lump in her throat and struggled to speak.
“Oh Hilda, that you should have had all this to bear alone” she said shakily. “How could your brother have believed that of you?”
“I suppose it all seemed so improbable to him,” replied Hilda. “I got used to it, but I was very lonely at times, Nell. And afraid too,” she added forlornly. Nell’s heart constricted within her as she thought of Hilda facing an uncertain future, grieving, fearful and alone.
“Oh, Hilda!” she said again, and then her voice failed her, so that all she could do was hold Hilda close in an effort to shut out the world that had hurt her so badly. They stood together for a long time.

Finally, Hilda stirred, lifting her head from Nell’s shoulder. She was very pale, and her eyes were dark with remembered grief and sadness. She shivered a little although the room was warm, and Nell wondered whether the strain of revealing this closely guarded secret had simply been too much for her. And there was still so much to hear and decisions to be made… However, before she could say anything to Hilda that might comfort or reassure her, Hilda drew a little away from her, her arms folding protectively across her body as she did so. Nell winced slightly, but stayed quiet; in the face of Hilda’s pain, her own unhappiness did not matter. Slowly, Hilda began to speak again of those days of mingled grief and joy, and as Nell listened, her heart ached for Hilda, and all that she had undergone.
“I named her Elizabeth Mary, after both our mothers,” she said softly. “James would have wanted it that way too.” Their eyes met; Nell nodded in instant understanding, and Hilda gave her a look of shining gratitude before continuing. “Once Emma heard that, she knew that I would never willingly part with my baby, so she worked out a scheme that might make it possible for me to keep her for at least a little longer.”
“Was this the arrangement that John wrote about?”
“Yes. They offered to care for her in their own home, either until she was old enough for boarding school, or until I came to my senses – that was how John put it anyway. It helped that their own children were already at school; the boys were both boarding, and the two girls, Celia and Elizabeth, went to local day schools, so they would have very little to do with her, even though they were at home. And their Elizabeth was six and wasn’t at all interested in a new baby in the nursery. I believe they explained her away as the child of a distant cousin who was unable to have her out in India, and of course, I paid them for her keep.” Nell thought over this information for a moment.
“The name must have caused complications!” she said. Hilda’s mouth compressed a little at this.
“It did, oh it did! John was most annoyed with me, but I had no option; as soon as I held her, I knew she was Elizabeth. Some things just can’t be changed. I suggested that they could use her second name, Mary, but John refused.” She flushed painfully; despite a belated and stiff apology that had been prompted by Emma, she had never been able to forget what John had said to her on that occasion, and the sting of it had never faded. “It was Mother’s name: John said – he said that I had disgraced her and that I had no right even to talk of her.” Nell’s eyes widened in horror and anger.
“Hilda, how dared he hurt you like that!” Hilda looked at Nell’s furious expression, and her face saddened.
“From his point of view, it was understandable but, oh Nell, I was so desperately lonely then. Mother and Father would never have treated me like that, no matter what they thought I’d done.” Nell drew Hilda close to her, cradling her head on her shoulder.
“It’s alright, darling one, don’t dwell on it. That time is gone now.” For a long minute, Hilda clung to Nell, saying nothing, then, with a little sigh, she moved away from her again and continued with her story.

Author:  Miranda [ Fri Nov 24, 2006 8:40 am ]
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Nooo poor Hilda :( To be treated like that by one's own brother! How dare he say things like that to hurt our poor Hilda so much!! :evil: The comment about her mother was the absolute pits!

Nell is coping so well - but nothing less could be expected. Her love for Hilda comes before anything. (((both of them)))

So what did they end up calling Elizabeth? Did she get a 'short'?

Thanks Cath.

Author:  MaryR [ Fri Nov 24, 2006 10:03 am ]
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That utterly shining moment when the world was made new and whole for her for a short while. Oh Hilda, you should not have had to bear all this alone - but Elizabeth will have given you beck something of James and helped you see it was not improbable or imaginary. You loved - and were loved.

And are now loved again - by someone you know you are hurting with this tale, but by someone who will now help you bear the pain, by someone who is so angry and sorrowful on your account. Turn to her, Hilda, don't shut her out.

John's words were unforgiveable - you, who loved your mother so much and ached for her for years.

Thank you, Cath - she says blindly through her tears. :cry:

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Fri Nov 24, 2006 11:29 am ]
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Reading that I have this feeling that as long as Nell is there for Hilda all is right with the world. Or at least as right as it can be in that situation.

I would, however, like to poke John repeatedly with a very big and very sharp stick.

Thank you Cath

Author:  Squirrel [ Fri Nov 24, 2006 10:24 pm ]
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Oh Cath - I've just caught up on your last several posts. I did think that there was no other explanation for Elizabeth - though I'd no idea what would have lead up to her birth. How John needs taught a lesson!

Thank you for such touching writing, and for the way that Nell is so sympathetic. But then, she wouldn't be Nell, sitting with Hilda, if she wasn't sympathetic.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Fri Nov 24, 2006 11:26 pm ]
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So now we know, and now Nell knows, the story. And being Nell, what else would she do but support Hilda, listen sympathetically and understand her grief and confusion. It's too bad that John made things so difficult (though, as I think I may have said earlier, his reaction was pretty typical of the period) - I just hope he hasn't let his disapproval of his sister spill over onto her daughter while she has been living in his house, but at least Emma was helpful.

And I'm also sure that having shared the story with Nell, Hilda will find that her burden of anxiety has also been lightened, no matter what her final decision about Elizabeth's future will be.

Very tenderly and movingly told, Cath - thank you.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Sun Nov 26, 2006 11:09 am ]
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Thank you for your responses; poor Hilda, she had such an unhappy time...

“It took me a long time to get over her birth; it hadn’t been easy, and I hadn’t been very well in the last weeks. The doctor said that losing James had obviously upset me very badly, and as grief was not the best preparation for motherhood, my health had obviously suffered as a result.” She gave a bitter little laugh. “He may not have believed that I was married, but at least he was polite about it.” Nell reached out and took Hilda’s hand; Hilda did not look directly at her, but her fingers tightened around Nell’s, as she continued talking, reliving those days of Elizabeth’s babyhood. “I spent the rest of that spring and summer – do you remember, Nell, it was that lovely summer of 1933, day after day of warmth and sunshine? - very quietly, just resting and getting ready for the autumn, and my new work. And she was either in her cradle beside me or in my arms; she was with me the whole time, and I hoarded every hour that I spent with her. I had almost five months with her – five perfect months . . .” Her voice died away as she thought of those treasured months spent with her daughter, when the ache of James’s absence could be eased only by the gurgling laughter of their baby. And such was the potency of those memories, that for a brief second it seemed to Nell almost as if she was there with Hilda as she cradled her baby in her arms, played and laughed with her, wept quietly while she slept . . . and the little one smiled enchantingly and wriggled with joy and reached up to grasp at a rattle or the small knitted sheep that Hilda was holding for her. She shook her head; the scene was gone and Hilda was talking again of those precious months.
“She didn’t deserve a mother who was always sad, so I tried so hard to laugh with her, to play and smile . . . she was so easy to love, Nell, and when she was awake it was as if the sun shone for me, but then it all changed.” The lovely light died from her face and she shivered as if touched by a chill wind. “ I had to give her to John and Emma, and leave for my new job in Austria. It was initially John’s idea; he spotted Madge’s advertisement in the Times, and persuaded me to apply for it. I did need money; I do have some investments as you know, but they didn’t allow me to stop work – and certainly not then with everything only starting to recover after the worst effects of the Depression - and I’d used all my savings. And Tyrol had the convenience for John of being far away from England, so I wouldn’t be there, permanently reminding him of what he thought I had done. Also, I think he hoped that if I was away from my baby, then I would eventually decide to ‘be sensible’; in fact I think Emma may have suggested this possibility as a way of making him accept her plan. Even while he was agreeing to it, he kept on telling me that I would ruin any further chances of marriage if I did keep my daughter – as if that would make any difference to me!”
“To be honest, I’m surprised he agreed to take the baby,” commented Nell quietly. Hilda thought this over for a minute.
“Well, he didn’t have to see her at first; she was in the nursery and they had had a good nurse for their own children who was delighted to have a new baby to care for, and then, in a way, he did become fond of her. He likes children; he was a caring father, and he was very kind to me when I was small, you know. Plus, we all knew that this arrangement was to end as soon as she was old enough for boarding school.” Hilda stopped, then sat down at the table and leaned her head wearily against her hands.
“That first term was terrible,” she whispered shakily. “I felt completely bereft. The only way I could get through it was to work so hard that I had to sleep, so I couldn’t think of her. I had had to give her to Emma and walk out of their house without her, and that haunted me all through the early days. I felt so – so empty! The one thing that comforted me was that she wasn’t crying when I left.”
“You did seem a little distant to begin with,” agreed Nell quietly, her thoughts going back to Hilda’s first term. She had been excellent at her job, and surprisingly popular with the girls, given her unassuming ways, but she had been loath to talk much about herself. She and Nell had been friendly enough, and Nell had frequently found the new English mistress to be an engaging companion, with a quietly mischievous sense of humour on occasion. But there had been moments when she had seemed disconcertingly unaware of her surroundings, something which had puzzled Nell somewhat, although she had never felt able to discuss it. And the following year, Con Stewart had arrived, and the instant rapport between Nell and Con had meant that Nell had spent less time with Hilda and their friendship had progressed more slowly. “And she was bearing all this alone,” thought Nell sadly.

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Sun Nov 26, 2006 1:06 pm ]
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So Thankful that Hilda had a doctor who was nice to her and those five wonderful months with Elizabeth before she had to give her up. But oh how could John have treated her like that?!

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Sun Nov 26, 2006 3:20 pm ]
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Lovely, though so sad at the same time, and losing little of the sadness in the telling, with the enormous 'plus' that Nell is there to listen, to encourage and to support Hilda, all without questioning why, despite their years of friendship, the latter had not told her about this earlier. And probably, at heart, realising that because of the special relationship which has grown between them, Hilda would have been afraid of losing her friendship. We know that Hilda need not have doubted what her reaction would be - but Hilda herself didn't, did she?

You ask how John could be so unkind, Wheelchairprincess - unfortunately, his reaction was typical for his generation, more particularly because Hilda could not show him a wedding certificate as proof positive that she and James had actually been legally married. I think that, had she had that elusive piece of paper, you would have seen a different reaction from John. And at least we know that once Hilda had to relinquish Elizabeth to his and Emma's care, she was well cared for in his home, and that, in the end, he had at least some affection for her.

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  MaryR [ Sun Nov 26, 2006 3:39 pm ]
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Oh, the joy for Hilda in those first months of Elizabeth's life - I had tears in my eyes. How it must have brought James back to her, how at times she must have longed for him to be there to share the joy of this child with her. But he couldn't - and so the joy and the pain where juxtaposed, bitter-sweet.

And joined by the terrible knowledge that she could not stay and rear this most beloved child. How does one give up one's child into someone else's care? :cry:

And Nell - yearning over Hilda's pain and wondering what this means for her. Also feeling guilty that she wasn't there for her at that time because of her friendship with Con. But you're there now, Nell, that is all that matters.

Thank you, Cath

Author:  leahbelle [ Sun Nov 26, 2006 5:16 pm ]
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This is so beautiful and moving, Cath. Thank you.

Author:  Liane [ Sun Nov 26, 2006 6:52 pm ]
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I am so close to crying!
Thank you Cath

Author:  Cath V-P [ Mon Nov 27, 2006 10:07 am ]
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Thank you. It's a bit shorter tonight.

“Things improved a little when I started to get letters; Emma wrote to me once a fortnight, and tried to tell me just how she was growing, what she was doing, but it could never be enough. And once there was a photograph, and all I could think of was how much she had changed. When Christmas came, I couldn’t wait to get back; I remember running up the stairs of their house, to the nursery, and there she was. She was sitting up, crooning to herself, she had three teeth, her hair had grown wavy, and I’d missed all of that. And the worst thing was that she didn’t know me. I’d told myself that of course she couldn’t remember me: she was too small when I’d left her, but I had hoped for something – I had to let her learn about me all over again.” Hilda closed her eyes, remembering that pain, and Nell grieved for her, so desolate and so alone.
“That was the pattern for the first terms; I missed so much of her life. All the first times – first teeth, first words, crawling. She did take her first steps for me, and that is a memory I will always treasure.”
“What did she learn to call you?” asked Nell suddenly. Hilda was silent for a moment and her expression hardened. “John insisted that she call me 'Auntie Hilda'; I couldn’t refuse really, but…”
“How dare he!” said Nell furiously. “He had no right -” She stopped as the implication of this started to become clear. “Does she not know then?” she asked slowly. Hilda’s mouth quivered, then making a great effort, she answered Nell.
“Oh, I’m used to it, now Nell,” she said forlornly. “But it still hurts. The first time I heard the nanny say, 'Go to Auntie Hilda, Elizabeth,' I felt as if I’d betrayed both her and James.” She gulped, then whispered, “She doesn’t know I’m her mother . . .” A slow tear slipped down her cheek and an appalled and coldly angry Nell caught her beloved Hilda to her; Hilda buried her face in Nell’s shoulder, sobbing desperately, her cold hands clutching at Nell’s dressing gown. Nell stroked her hair and soothed her as best she could, and finally Hilda was a little calmer. She raised her tear-wet face from Nell’s shoulder; “Nell, I’m sorry,” she began, but Nell interrupted her.
“Darling Hilda, you have nothing to be sorry for,” she said firmly, pushing the thought of John Annersley, and what she would like to say to him, to the back of her mind. She produced her handkerchief from her pocket and gently wiped away Hilda’s tears, then equally gently, she smoothed Hilda’s hair back from her forehead. “Do you think you can tell me the rest?” she asked quietly. Hilda nodded, her face white with weariness.

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Mon Nov 27, 2006 1:12 pm ]
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I love how well you have captured both Hilda's despair and hurt at John's actions and also Nell's righteous anger on Hilda's behalf here. Thank You.

Author:  MaryR [ Mon Nov 27, 2006 2:09 pm ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
. And the worst thing was that she didn’t know me. I’d told myself that of course she couldn’t remember me: she was too small when I’d left her, but I had hoped for something – I had to let her learn about me all over again.”

Oh Hilda, how could he do this to you?! :cry: And every time you saw her she had to learn you again, over and over. But maybe now she's a little older she wil remember your tender love and be glad for you. But how awful to miss all those *firsts* that a mother so looks forward to. :cry:

Cath V-P wrote:
I felt as if I’d betrayed both her and James.” She gulped, then whispered, “She doesn’t know I’m her mother . . .”

But she will, she will. Surely John has now given you the chance you have been waiting for - and you have Nell who will be a bulwark behind you. As for your beloved James, he would not consider you had betrayed him at all. You have done your utmost for his child - and suffered badly in the process.

Weeping steadily here, Cath. :cry:

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Mon Nov 27, 2006 3:02 pm ]
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Quote:
And the worst thing was that she didn’t know me.

*********************

“She doesn’t know I’m her mother . . .”



Those two phrases really do sum up all the hurts of this situation, don't they? No wonder Nell is so incandescent with rage, whilst at the same time reaching out to comfort Hilda to the best of her ability.

I agree wholeheartedly with Mary when she says that James would understand Hilda's situation and not feel betrayed by what she had to do for their daughter. At least she has been able to maintain some contact and watch her grow, at least during school holidays, rather than having been forced into giving her up into the total anonymity of adoption by unknown parents.

Surely with Nell now behind her, and forced into action by John's latest demand, Hilda will be able to rebuild her 'real' relationship with Elizabeth and do more for her than simply consign her to a boarding school.

Thanks, Cath - will be waiting patiently? to see the rest of this unfold.

Author:  Identity Hunt [ Mon Nov 27, 2006 10:34 pm ]
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Cath,
I too am waiting with bated breath to see how this will all unfold. :shock:
I am glad Nell understood, though there was no real doubt in my mind that she would :D
Poor Hilda, watching her child grow up at a distance ........

Author:  Ruth B [ Tue Nov 28, 2006 3:19 am ]
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Quote:
“She doesn’t know I’m her mother . . .”


Possibly the cruelest thing you can inflict on a mother...

Author:  leahbelle [ Tue Nov 28, 2006 2:30 pm ]
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This is heartbreaking.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Wed Nov 29, 2006 9:14 am ]
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Thank you; John's attitude is so sadly typical of the time. This is rather longer tonight - but it simply wouldn't divide....

“It did get easier, Nell. It had to; I had to find ways of dealing with it. After three terms, I managed to settle down to what my life had become reasonably calmly, and I found, to my surprise, that I was even able to enjoy some of it again. I was successful at the school and that helped a lot; I knew that if the worst came to the worst, I could provide for both of us on a daily basis at least, and I was starting to build up some savings again. My investments were performing a little better too, so I wasn’t as fearful of the future as I had been.” Nell nodded encouragingly.
“And I did develop a method of coping, particularly after the first year was over, and I’d found that I could survive and that she was safe and well cared for with John and Emma. The nanny they had then was delightful….” Her voice trailed off, and she frowned a little. “She left them two years ago, and I have to say that I’ve never really got on with her replacement: she’s always seemed somewhat humourless, but there wasn’t anything I could really put my finger on - or anything I could do about it anyway. I wasn’t paying her wage.” Nell raised an eyebrow at this.
“Actually Hilda, you probably were - or at least a large chunk of it.” Hilda looked first surprised, then thoughtful.
“Do you know Nell, that’s something I’ve never thought about? I suppose I must have been, if only indirectly, from the money I gave John.” She smiled wryly, but the smile did not reach her eyes. “I suppose I knew that if I did make too much fuss about something, they could quite easily ask me to take her away, and I couldn’t manage by myself when she was still so small.” Nell’s lips tightened ominously, but she managed to restrain herself. Unexpectedly, Hilda’s eyes lightened; Nell’s obvious anger was strangely heartening.
“I realised that I had to keep the two important things in my life completely separate, so during the terms, I pushed the thought of her to the back of my mind. I refused to think of her, and gave as much of my attention and time to the school as I possibly could; it was the only way I could deal with the situation. Then, during the holidays, I spent as much time with her as I could, although as she got older, John periodically tried to persuade me that she would be better off if I allowed what he called “a suitable family” to adopt her.” She sighed. “Since I’ve been appointed Head, he’s been more and more insistent about this – and he’s also limited my time with her. Often, their family holidays have coincided with my times in England, and I haven’t been able to join them, and twice now they’ve been away at Christmas.” Unable to restrain herself at this, Nell uttered something incredibly rude under her breath, then, slightly shamefaced, added,
“I know he’s your brother, Hilda, but really!” A thought struck her, and a number of small things that had puzzled her suddenly ceased to do so. “Last Christmas,” she said slowly, “when you came here for the first time, had you just left her in London then?” Hilda nodded unhappily.
“That was why I was so - distracted – at first. I’d had three days at John’s home, but they were going to spend Christmas with Emma’s mother and brother’s family, and you didn’t know about her, so I couldn’t say anything. It was very hard to say goodbye to her,” she added wistfully. Nell muttered something else entirely disparaging to John Annersley’s character, and then blushed as she caught Hilda’s eye.
“I’m not apologising for that!” she said. “He had no right to keep you away from your daughter – and I hope I get the chance to tell him so myself!”
“It’s alright, Nell,” replied Hilda quietly. “I find it difficult to be reasonable myself at times.” Then she added, “We did have one long summer holiday together when she was four; she’d had measles, not badly, but seriously enough to make a family holiday out of the question for her so soon afterwards, so I took her to the seaside for a month while they went away. She was shy with me for the first day, but then it was as if we’d always been together, and for that whole month, I was simply her mother, loving her and doing everything for her that I’d always wanted to. It was – it was heaven, Nell.” Tears shone in her eyes again, and with a brave reaching after self-control, she rubbed them away.
“And now, I don’t quite know what to do,” she said forlornly. “Obviously, I’ll have to make some decision, and fairly quickly too, but I don’t seem able to think clearly. I will have to go up to London, though; I can’t deal with it just by writing. I’m so sorry, Nell; I didn’t mean to do this to you. I – I do know that I’ve spoiled everything.” She sat down limply at the table again and propped her head on her hands, her thoughts tumbling chaotically through her mind. Gravely, Nell looked down at her; the effort of revealing all this after the long years of silence had plainly exhausted her, and the unmistakeable pain and despair were etched on her face. “She’s had so little of her own daughter,” she thought, remembering the delight with which Hilda had spoken of that happy month by the sea. “Just bits and scraps of time really.” Her eyes smarted with tears, and she was seized with an overwhelming desire to comfort Hilda and give her back something of what she had missed.

The room was very quiet; for a moment, Nell stared out at the garden where the mauve and white clumps of crocuses and the creamy narcissi that her mother had planted and nurtured long years before provided their usual splashes of April colour against the grey of the garden wall. A wistful smile touched her mouth and her eyes glowed with a soft light as she contemplated the results of her next action. Then she crossed swiftly to the dresser, opened a drawer, pulled out a train timetable, and studied it. She jotted a few times down on a piece of paper, then knelt down next to Hilda, and took both the cold hands in hers.
“Now,” she said, “we are going to have a cup of tea and get dressed. Then we have to catch a train.” Hilda looked at her blankly, her lovely eyes dull with despair and her face pale and tired.
“Where - where are we going Nell?” she finally asked. Nell smiled tenderly at her, all her love for this woman, apparently so fragile, yet so strong, shining in her grey eyes.
“We are going to visit your brother, Hilda. And we’re going to bring your daughter home.”

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Wed Nov 29, 2006 9:36 am ]
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I love Nell in this. And oh if only they could actually bring her home with them.

Thanks, Cath

Author:  MaryR [ Wed Nov 29, 2006 11:48 am ]
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Oh, Nell, in this moment you have repaid Hilda for every blessed thing she has ever done for you, including keeping you sane. Now she knows that she hasn't lost your love at all, that you are still a single loving unit. And I agree entirely with all your words of rage.

But poor, poor Hilda, deprived of her daughter by her brother - the one person who should have cherished her. That holiday she had with Elizabeth tore at my heartstrings. How on earth has she managed to cope with her job while feeling like this? :cry:

I know one thing - Nell will not rest until they have Elizabeth home with them in that cottage. Home! Such an evocative word....

Thank you, Cath - please bring her home.

Author:  Identity Hunt [ Wed Nov 29, 2006 1:18 pm ]
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I`m vigorously echoing Mary here, Please do bring her home, Cath !

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Wed Nov 29, 2006 1:33 pm ]
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Adding my pleas to those of the others, Cath - please *do* let them bring Hilda's daughter home!

Thank goodness that Nell has been there to listen to the telling of Hilda's sad story - this in itself can only have helped the telling - while her immediate 'call to action', and the fact that she will, naturally, be going with Hilda, will give the latter the encouragement she needs for this meeting with her brother. And thank goodness too, for Nell's immediately announcing that Elizabeth's future will be with them. Now all that remains is for satisfactory arrangements to be worked out, but at least we now know that in the end, they will be.

As for John, words still fail me - but I also realise his actions and attitudes are of his generation.

THanks, Cath

Author:  leahbelle [ Wed Nov 29, 2006 2:23 pm ]
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*echoes the others*

Pretty please, Cath!

Author:  Squirrel [ Sun Dec 03, 2006 11:00 pm ]
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What a lot you have covered over the last few posts Cath. That Man (he deserves not his name!) should be shot. To do *that* to a young mother and her daughter!

All I can say now is Go Nell! And May she and Hilda sort Him out good and proper. I look forward to seeing the reaction they receive. I only hope that Elizabeth is not too hurt when it all happens.

Thanks Cath.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:41 am ]
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[color=red]Thank you for your comments. And Elder aren't you rather tempting fate?
Quote:
all that remains is for satisfactory arrangements to be worked out
Now there's a touchingly optimistic observation if ever I read it! :wink:

The silence in the room was absolute and seemed to last forever. Hilda stared at Nell speechlessly, her eyes wide and shocked. She licked her lips and struggled to say soemthing. .Finally, she whispered,
“You’re not – joking, are you, Nell?” Nell tightened her grip on Hilda’s hands, and spoke quietly but firmly.
“Hilda, my love, I would never joke about something like that. And I’m completely serious; Elizabeth’s place is here.” Hilda drew a deep fluttering breath.
“But Nell, are you sure? It wouldn’t be easy. Have you thought -?” Nell interrupted her.
“Listen, beloved. You and I belong together, don’t we? So your daughter also belongs here; she has the right to grow up with her mother in her mother’s home.” Hilda’s face grew so white that for a moment Nell thought she was about to faint. Then making a great effort, she stammered,
“Nell - you don’t – you can’t -” Nell released her hands and tipped her chin up so that she was gazing directly into Hilda’s eyes; she spoke slowly, so that there was no possibility of a mistake.
“I mean it Hilda; remember, you and I are a family, so my home is your home. You already knew that; I told you so at Christmas, but I’m going to say it again anyway. This is our home – got it?” She smiled lovingly into Hilda’s eyes, and added, “And you don’t have to worry; I’ve left you the place in my will, so you and Elizabeth are perfectly safe, even if I happen to fall under a number 27 bus – not that I have any plans in that direction.”
“Don’t even joke about it!” Filled with compunction at the sudden terror that her joking remark had called forth, Nell immediately slipped her arms round Hilda, holding her close, and felt the tense body relax a little.
“I was dreading telling you,” Hilda whispered eventually. “I thought – I thought you would be so angry, that you wouldn’t want anything more to do with me. I wouldn’t have blamed you, you know. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you – I did – but I haven’t been able to tell anyone, ever, and I was so scared. I was so happy with James, and then I lost him so completely, and then to have to leave my baby too . . . And to find such enchanted happiness again with you was so unexpected, so marvellous.” She stopped and gazed up at Nell, her blue-grey eyes wet with tears.
“I wasn’t fair to you,” she said sadly. “I should have told you earlier, should have explained, given you a chance to think over what you wanted . . . and as it got closer to her birthday, I knew I had to tell you, but I simply didn’t dare.” She paused for a moment, then went on, determinedly. “Nell, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, you know. I mean, this wasn’t what you expected and because of it, everything will change. I do understand, and I can manage now – oh!” For Nell’s response to this was to kiss Hilda swiftly and firmly, then laying a finger across her lips, she spoke decidedly.
“Sshh, Hilda. If you keep saying things like that I shall be cross with you. Now, listen to me and understand something now and for always. The fact is that I love and need you very much; you are so much part of my life – part of me - that I don’t think I could carry on without you. Without you, I would never have been able to rebuild my life, and I would still be lost and despairing – or worse. You spoke of your unexpected happiness and it’s just the same for me. I believe . . . I truly believe that we are two halves of one whole and that we belong together.” Her voice wavered slightly and she held Hilda a little closer. “And I’ve known for the last six weeks or so that something was wrong.” Hilda’s eyes widened in surprise and Nell nodded. “It was obvious to me – it wasn’t just the strain of me dashing off at a moment’s notice in Nigel Willoughby’s boat and having to move the school again and dealing with the needs of a war situation – there was definitely something else. I wanted to talk to you, but I knew you weren’t ready, and anyway…. I was afraid.” Her voice was very quiet and carefully controlled, and Hilda stared at her. She had not known that Nell had felt like this.
“Nell! Why?” she asked in puzzlement. Nell looked away, blushing. She had hoped never to have to say the next words, but they could no longer be avoided.
“You and I . . . it isn’t exactly conventional, is it? I thought you may have decided that it wasn’t what you wanted, that you would prefer us to be just friends, and were trying to deal with that, trying to find a way to tell me. I would have accepted it, my love, but it certainly wouldn’t have been easy, so in a way, I let things drift. I’m sorry.” Hilda lifted her hand and touched Nell’s cheek gently.
“Oh, Nell, don’t ever think that! Don’t ever think that I regret anything about us – I couldn’t possibly. God has given us to each other as a lovely gift, and that is all that matters. I only wish we could be together more during term time, but I know we can’t. It’s going to be that way for the foreseeable future too – and now there’s Elizabeth as well.” Her voice dwelt lovingly on the name and Nell smiled tenderly at her.
“Dear one, if you are willing to take your chances with me, then that’s all I ask. And Elizabeth, well, she belongs here in our home, and I am asking you to bring her here to share our life.” As Nell uttered these words, in tones that permitted of no possible doubt,, Hilda could no longer hold back her tears, and she buried her face in Nell’s shoulder again, weeping quietly. For a long time, Nell held her close, as she cried away some of the pain and loneliness that had been part of her for so long.

Author:  MaryR [ Mon Dec 04, 2006 1:54 pm ]
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O, Cath - like Hilda I was weeping quietly by the time I got to the end of this. So much they mean to each other - and yet they each thought they had lost the other. But instead, they are now more truly found than they were before.

They explain their past thoughts and draw ever closer - and how beautiful that Nell has already willed her the cottage. How instantly she jumps into action, determined to make Hilda happy. Despite all the problems they both mention - of bringing Elizabeth home and of their own *unconventional* love for each other - they will survive. They have each other. Together they can face anything. When one is down, the other is the bulwark against the cold winds - and vice versa.

There is far too much here to quote, Cath, but it is such a wonderful, poignant insight into their minds and hearts. Thank you.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Mon Dec 04, 2006 2:52 pm ]
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Cath - I saw this when I first logged on this morning, but had to read it, go away and then come back to it before I could respond!

There is just so much love here, so much comfort for Hilda from Nell, which is made so much more poignant by Nell's unquestioning statement that Elizabeth belongs with them, and no-where else - and yes, I know I'm a cock-eyed optimist if I think that that move will proceed unhindered!

But Nell's overall confidence that these three belong together in life and afterwards is so heartwarming that I'm not surprised at Hilda's tears - she must be so thankful that Nell has not turned against her for her failure to 'come clean' to her earlier on. Like Mary, I am sure that in the end, their own relationship, unconventional though it may have been for that time, and their future relationship with Elizabeth, will endure and strengthen, even with the limitations which their everyday life will, and already does, inevitably place on it.

Thank you for your heartwarming account of the love between them which shines so clearly here as it also did in your earlier drabbles.

Author:  Squirrel [ Tue Dec 05, 2006 12:43 pm ]
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I hope that settles it for Hilda - she truely has been met with the love and compassion she needs. And I believe that with Nell, Hilda will be able to stand up to anything that her brother throws at her. Now I can only hope that Elizabeth will be ready for the news. I'm sure she is in for a hard time, whatever Hilda can do to ease the blow.

Thanks Cath.

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Tue Dec 05, 2006 12:55 pm ]
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I hope John isn't going to cause too many problems for Hilda, Nell and Elizabeth (although I fear this is wishful thinking) and that no one else will have a problem with it either. I suspect that Madge would be fine with it but that Joey will not. Because I believe that Madge has seen more of the world than Joey.

Author:  leahbelle [ Tue Dec 05, 2006 7:26 pm ]
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Thank you, Cath. This is so moving. My heart just weeps for Hilda.

Author:  Tara [ Wed Dec 06, 2006 1:06 am ]
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Quote:
So your daughter also belongs here; she has the right to grow up with her mother in her mother’s home
Nell has without any doubt confirmed her love for Hilda in a way that will change all their lives. But , even if John is reasonable (vain hope), how is Elizabeth going to cope with being uprooted from all she knows and being borne off to live with a mother she very imperfectly knows (who does she think is her mother, I wonder?)and a partner she doesn't know at all? Life is not going to be easy for any of them, I fear.

And Nell's support is wonderfully instantaneous and complete, but I am remembering that a few minutes before
Quote:
Nell suddenly felt strangely shy of this woman whom she did not quite recognise.
Hardly surprising that she feels she no longer quite knows her when such a major part of her life has been kept secret. I suspect they'll have to work that one through, as well.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Sun Dec 10, 2006 1:25 pm ]
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Thank you for the comments, which I very much appreciate. Sorry for the delay in posting this section; RL has been rather hectic.

Finally Hilda’s tears slowed, and once again Nell fished in her pocket for her handkerchief, remarking pensively as she did so,
“I think we could do with that cup of tea now.” Hilda gave a watery smile of agreement, and took the rather damp handkerchief. Nell looked at her appraisingly.
“Go and get dressed,” she said firmly. “I’ll make the tea.”
By an unspoken agreement, neither of them said any more about the morning’s revelations until they had both dressed and were back in the living room. They were both glad of the respite – Nell because she had so much to think through, and Hilda because she was so tired. Moreover, they were conscious of a growing sense of urgency that neither could have ascribed to any specific cause, but that was nonetheless apparent to both of them. Still, they remained largely silent until they had both finished their first cups of tea. Nell was pleased to see that Hilda appeared slightly more relaxed, although her expression was still somewhat remote and dazed.
“Hilda,” she said softly. Hilda looked up, a little warily.
“Yes, Nell?”
“I’ve been thinking, dear girl, and there are some practical things we need to discuss. To begin with, how are we going to approach your brother?” Hilda’s eyes lost their remoteness and her face grew puzzled.
“I don’t quite know,” she admitted. “You saw that letter, and he certainly intends making some sort of change, but – if he’s not satisfied with what I propose, it could be very difficult. She’s been with them since she was a baby, and I know he does feel a sense of responsibility to her.” She shrugged, and her mouth grew taut again. “It’s not her he disapproves of, you know, it’s me.”
“Yes, we’ll have to see about that,” Nell remarked vaguely. She looked at Hilda anxiously. “Hilda, if we hurry, there’s a train that we could catch just after lunch that will get us up to London by early evening. I don’t know about you, but I think that’s rather too late to go calling on anyone – to say nothing of stumbling about in that infernal blackout! I suggest that we find a room in an hotel for tonight at least, and then you can go to your brother’s home tomorrow morning.” Hilda silently considered this, then said,
“That sounds like a good idea, but Nell – you will come with me to the house won’t you?” Nell paused.
“Of course I will Hilda, but are you sure you want me there?” Hilda nodded vehemently, her face strained and worried.
“Oh yes, Nell! It might be easier, to start with at any rate – I am turning up unannounced, even though John’s written, and I don’t know what their plans are, and I don’t want to upset things, and Elizabeth might not be there, and -” Nell took her hand reassuringly.
“Sweetheart, calm down! Of course I’ll be there with you if you want me.” Hilda looked down then murmured,
“I’ll always want you Nell.” She stared at Nell almost desperately, silently begging for understanding. In turn, Nell looked at her with love, her eyes very steady.
“It will be alright, Hilda,” she said with certainty. “I don’t quite know how, but it will be alright.” Hilda closed her eyes.
“It feels so strange, Nell, to be even thinking about having her with me. It’s almost too lovely to happen, and I can’t quite believe that it will …” Her voice broke and Nell squeezed her hand.
“Don’t worry, my love, we'll work it out together.” She bit her lip, then said, “Hilda, did you ever - what about James’s family? Did you ever try to tell them about her? Ask for their help?” Hilda shook her head, her eyes shadowed again.
“There wasn’t anyone really, apart from James’s aunt. His mother was still alive then, but very fragile, and so devastated by her son’s death . . . And John’s reaction was so … frightening that I felt I couldn’t tell them. There was no certificate, no proof; they might not have believed me, and then they would have thought that James wasn’t – wasn’t the person they knew, and that would been like losing him again, and I couldn’t risk doing that to them. And his Aunt Mary was so kind to me in the days after – after he died. James adored his mother, but he had a lot in common with his aunt; they were always tremendous friends, especially after James’s older brother died. His father was already dead by then and his mother had somehow retreated into her own world. She was very dear and sweet and she loved James, and finally welcomed me, but I never felt comfortable with her.”
“Did you consider telling his aunt?”
“I know I should have done – but I didn’t dare,” Hilda whispered. “This way I at least had a chance of keeping my baby. Aunt Mary was very determined; if she had shared John’s views, then I don’t think I would have been strong enough at that time, to stand against both of them.” She sighed, then said, “I do wish I could tell her though – if she’s still alive that is. She tried to comfort me when James died, and she was so sad herself. But I suppose it’s too late now.”
“Was she his mother’s sister?” asked Nell idly.
“No, his father’s. She had a flat in north London, and, I gather, would descend on the family at intervals.” Unexpectedly, Hilda laughed, a soft clear sound of amusement. “James told me once that every family should have a woman like his aunt!” Nell stared.
“Why on earth??”
“Because the world could never have too many independent, determined, uncompromising….” Nell chuckled delightedly.
“Ah, one of those!”

Author:  Squirrel [ Sun Dec 10, 2006 1:43 pm ]
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Oh Cath, what a delightful conversation. So much has become resolved in this one short post, and there is a sense of purpose to what they do. I am so glad that Nell is with Hilda at this time - she needs a rudder to help steer her - show her what way to go. Already unsurmountable difficulties appear to have been bridged.

Now Nell and Hilda will work with purpose for what they are planning on doing - and Hilda won't have to face John without getting a good rest. Poor girl, seeing a way through, then pulling out all kinds of 'what if's'. They won't help her in the least.

It will be interesting to see how they move forwards - are they going to include James's aunt now, or is that merely a red herring? And if they do, how will that change the game play?

Thanks Cath - a lovely post.

Author:  leahbelle [ Sun Dec 10, 2006 2:05 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. That was lovely.

Author:  MaryR [ Sun Dec 10, 2006 2:46 pm ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
“Because the world could never have too many independent, determined, uncompromising….”

I wonder if James' aunt ever suspected that Hilda, whom she loved, would become one of those independent and determined women, or that she would have as a companion another of the same ilk...

How sad to see Hilda so timid about going alone to her brother's, needing the rock of Nell behind her. But how Nell rises to the occasion, determined to make this happen, for she can't bear this woman's unhappiness. No thought for herslef at all in this moment of crisis. As Hilda had had no thought for herself in Nell's crisis.

I can see many hazards on the way to bringing this beloved child home, despite Nell's optimism.

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:34 pm ]
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Quote:
“Sweetheart, calm down! Of course I’ll be there with you if you want me.” [/quote]

Hmm, yes, Hilda definitely needed that particular reassurance right at that minute, didn't she? But it *is* lovely to see how immediate, sincere and unfaltering Nell's support is for her here.

Quote:
“Because the world could never have too many independent, determined, uncompromising….” Nell chuckled delightedly. “Ah, one of those!"


Clearly, James' aunt would have been a person after both Nell's and Hilda's hearts, wouldn't she? I'll be very interested to see whether they discover if she is still alive, and, if she is, whether they will at least visit her.

Clearly the path to Elizabeth's future is not going to be obstacle free, but just by deciding that Hilda and herself must get to London with all speed, Nell is emphasising her decision that that future lies with the two of them.
Thanks Cath, will be patiently awaiting updates whenever you have time to post - I know it's a busy time for all of us.

Author:  Nell [ Mon Dec 11, 2006 1:48 pm ]
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Thank you Cath - I've just caught up with loads of this, fab!

Author:  Identity Hunt [ Tue Dec 12, 2006 12:53 am ]
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Thank you Cath !
I am so looking forward to Nell meeting Hilda`s brother and giving him her unvarnished opinion of his behaviour :twisted: :wink:

Author:  Tara [ Tue Dec 12, 2006 1:14 am ]
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The strain and hurt of all this has really rocked Hilda's confidence, hasn't it. In most other situations she could eat both John and Aunt Mary for breakfast - in the nicest possible way! (BTW Aunt Mary sounds a Good Thing, and I hope we will meet her).

Nell's strength and determination have never been needed more. I liked her response to Hilda;
Quote:
“It’s not her he disapproves of, you know, it’s me.”
“Yes, we’ll have to see about that,” Nell remarked vaguely
Loved the vagueness, and I very much look forward to her seeing about it!

It's something that John does care about Elizabeth, but that could make things even more difficult, he will have 'ideas' about what is best for her. And it will be disastrous if he has even an inkling of Hilda's relationship with Nell. Time for a wibble, I think.

Author:  calico [ Tue Dec 12, 2006 1:38 am ]
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Thank you Cath
I love your Hilda and Nell stories.

Author:  Josie [ Wed Dec 13, 2006 12:39 am ]
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Have just caught up with heaps of this. Thanks Cath. Great as ever. :)

Author:  Cath V-P [ Wed Dec 13, 2006 1:08 pm ]
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Thank you for all your comments and ideas. As ever, they are very much appreciated. Aunt Mary, Tara? I don't know; it depends on what happens in London..... :wink:

Nine o’clock that night found Nell stretched out on her bed in a hotel room in London, hands clasped behind her head as she quietly reviewed the rest of the day. On the other side of the room, Hilda was also curled up in bed; she was very still and silent, but not, Nell was convinced, asleep, or anywhere near it. That wasn’t surprising, Nell reflected – for Hilda, the world had shifted on its foundations that day. “And it hasn’t exactly been straightforward for me either,” she thought pensively, “though at least we had very few problems in getting here – which is something to be thankful for at the moment.” Despite the inconveniences imposed by war-time restrictions, the journey had been comparatively easy. They had caught the train that Nell had suggested, although it had been something of a struggle to do so, and it was not until they were on the platform in Exeter that Nell had really felt able to relax. The train had been full, so that even if either of them had wanted to talk, there had been little opportunity to do so, and the journey had passed in silence. Nell had ostensibly read for most of the time, but she was well aware of the fact that, as they neared their destination, Hilda had become increasingly tense and abstracted, totally abandoning even the pretence of reading to staring out of the window at a landscape that she did not see. Once or twice Nell had spoken to her and received no reply and once they had arrived at Paddington, it had been Nell who had seen them safely across the city to their hotel. Similarly, it had been Nell who had found the small restaurant three streets away that was recommended by the head receptionist, and, despite Hilda having eaten almost nothing at lunch, Nell had had hard work to persuade her to eat an acceptable amount at dinner. It was only when Nell had invoked the absent, albeit still awe-inspiring, Gwynneth Lloyd and threatened to force-feed her, that Hilda had picked up her fork and made a determined effort to eat at least two-thirds of her meal. She had said almost nothing throughout the meal, and that little in a purely mechanical way, so that all in all, Nell had been very thankful to return to their room after the meal. And, she thought somewhat grimly, there was still tomorrow to consider . . . At this point in her ruminating, she propped herself up on one elbow, surveying Hilda, only just visible in the shadow beyond the circle of light cast by the lamp and noting the tense stillness of her body, came to a decision.
“I know you’re not asleep,” she said firmly. “Come over here to me, sweetheart.” For a second Hilda did not move, and Nell wondered whether she had heard her words at all. Then, as she was about to repeat what she had said, Hilda left her bed, and moving almost like a sleepwalker, came over to Nell, and sat down beside her. Nell shifted herself across the bed to leave enough room, and still without saying anything, Hilda lay down and cuddled close to her, turning her face into Nell’s shoulder, searching for comfort.
“Oh Nell, please hold me,” she murmured, and Nell did as she had requested, her arms enfolding Hilda tightly in an effort to make her feel as secure and beloved as possible. There was a long, silence, then, turning her head to look at Nell, Hilda said very quietly,
“I can’t believe I’m here, and that you’re with me.” Nell reached up and smoothed back the soft brown hair that was already escaping from its ribbon.
“You are, and I am,” she replied reassuringly.
“ I keep thinking that I’m going to wake up and find that it’s a dream, that you still don’t know about Elizabeth – or that you’re going to tell me that you’ve thought about things and changed your mind.”
“Sshhh, sweetheart. You know that won’t happen, don’t you?” Hilda nodded almost imperceptibly, then turned her head into Nell’s shoulder again, seeking the comfort that only Nell could give her. Nell stroked her hair gently, and felt her relax a little.
“It will be alright, Hilda,” she said. “I know it seems as though the obstacles are insurmountable, but we’ll face them together.” Hilda looked up at her, her eyes searching Nell’s face and seeing there only love and support.
“You are so good to me, Nell,” she said softly, almost wonderingly. Not expecting this, Nell blushed.
“Well, I love you,” she said, as though that explained everything. Hilda’s mouth quivered and her face was briefly shadowed.
“Oh Nell, I wish things could have been different,” she whispered. “I worry that I’m somehow cheating you.” Nell’s eyes widened, and her mouth tightened momentarily.
“Hilda,” she asked carefully, “do you still grieve badly for James?”

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Wed Dec 13, 2006 2:27 pm ]
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I can just feel the tensions and uncertainties leaping off the page here - but is that so surprising? For Hilda, much as she loves her daughter, knows that her brother, having provided a home for her for 7 years, will have to approve of Hilda's plans for her future - and what will happen if he disapproves of what Hilda is suggesting? Quite enough to fill her with anxiety, even if she wasn't also anxious about what she is 'inflicting' on her relationship with Nell here. And for Nell herself, who has turned to and made all the arrangements for getting them to London in such a short space of time, and is now doing her utmost to comfort and strengthen Hilda - that little nugget of anxiety about whether even now her relationship with Hilda might be founded on sand is inevitable, and bound to rear its head during the night hours. Hence her question about James.

Thanks, Cath - this is all so entirely realistic - though I could have done without that mini-clifflet just when I don't know quite when I'll be able to read the next instalment! But Nell *does* need to know that, doesn't she?

Author:  leahbelle [ Wed Dec 13, 2006 2:39 pm ]
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they have such a special relationship.

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Squirrel [ Wed Dec 13, 2006 3:50 pm ]
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Oh poor Hilda. I am *so* glad that Nell is there for her, and so perceptive. I hope that this chat will ease Hilda's mind and enable her to get some sleep so that she is ready to face tomorrow.

Thanks Cath.

Author:  MaryR [ Wed Dec 13, 2006 4:35 pm ]
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I sat here and wept for Hilda that she could be so scared and worried about what is facing her - but then remembered that she is still so young. :cry: Will John be kind, will her daughter love her, will Nell go on loving her - one can feel the questions going round and round and round....

And poor Nell - still not sure about how much James still means to Hilda, especially now that she will have his daughter with her. She must feel very much second-best. Which she will almost certainly discover is not true - where Hilda loves, she loves whole-heartedly.

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Tara [ Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:45 am ]
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Quote:
“Well, I love you,” she said, as though that explained everything
As, indeed, it does. Poor Hilda, not knowing what tomorrow holds, barely knowing which way up she is, but poor, poor Nell, totally committed herself but unable, yet, to have confidence in Hilda's love for her, especially as compared with her love for James. Hilda's last remark must have chilled her soul, and she is waiting for the answer to her question with even more holding of the breath than we are!

Author:  Cath V-P [ Fri Dec 15, 2006 11:48 am ]
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Thank you for your lovely comments. Here is a little more. It is rather long, I'm afraid.

Hilda stared at her, noting the slightly anxious expression in her grey eyes and the too-careful control of her mouth.
“No, Nell,” she said immediately. “I’m sad on occasions, yes, and I do wish – of course I do – that he hadn’t sailed on that boat, caught that train, but as I told you once before, the me who lost James - that was another person. My life has moved on, in ways I couldn’t possibly have foreseen, and sometimes, it’s almost as if that terrible loss and grief happened in another existence. I treasure every moment we had together, and I do regret that he never knew about Elizabeth, never had the chance to know that we would have a child, but, no, I don’t grieve bitterly anymore.” She realised suddenly what Nell was too shy and proud to ask, and continued on bravely; it was vital that Nell understood and believed what she was saying.
“James and I had something that was so very special, so precious, and I wouldn’t be without it, but we never got the chance to spend time together, to be a couple, a family. You and I, Nell - we do have that time, we can build our life together and have a future. I never thought I’d have that happiness, and what we have between us is so valuable It’s all the little things that make up our lives together and demonstrate the importance of what we have that really matter. Working together at the school, planning the garden at the cottage, sorting out and decorating that room, arranging the books – even working out our finances: all of those things are part of how we are together, and are so very important. Even when we argue, I trust you and know that you love me, so surface disagreements don’t matter. Being with you is different, but it’s not second-best.” She reached up and stroked Nell’s face gently, her eyes shining with love for this dearest of women. “You do believe me, don’t you?” As Hilda spoke, the anxiety in Nell’s face dissolved, and for a moment her mouth quivered.
“Oh Hilda, to hear you say that is so reassuring . . ..” They held one another tightly in silence for a while, and then, gathering up her courage again, Nell asked quietly,
“Hilda, if you don’t mind me asking – do you have any keepsakes at all from that time?” Hilda smiled wistfully, and sat up.
“Of course I don’t mind you asking, Nell dear. I do have one photograph of James that I can show you - and two of Elizabeth as a baby, that I take everywhere with me. And I managed to keep my engagement ring. It’s quite valuable apparently, and John wanted me to sell it – so I let him think I had, and hid it away.” She got off the bed, crossed the room and picked up her handbag. “Here you are,” she said softly, proffering a small leather wallet to Nell.
“You’re sure you don’t mind?” asked Nell, hesitating. Hilda shook her head.
“No; I’d like you to see these– truly, I would.” Nell took the wallet and opened it slowly; inside there were two photographs. One showed a younger, much thinner Hilda sitting under an apple tree, cradling a tiny baby. Her face was sad, her eyes huge and haunted, and Nell’s heart ached at the sight of this grieving young woman who had lost so much. The other photograph was of a small dark-haired baby, sitting propped up by a cushion, staring solemnly at the camera.
“I had that taken just before I left England,” said Hilda quietly. “She was a serious little thing, even then. When she smiled, it was like the sun coming out, but she didn’t smile often. I used to worry sometimes, that because I’d been so sad and despairing before she was born, I’d somehow passed that on to her. Silly, I know,” she added wryly. Nell leaned across and gave her a swift hug.
“No, not silly, but quite understandable. What a lovely baby she was, Hilda! Is she still so serious?” Hilda considered a moment.
“Well, I know she’s a quiet child, but then I haven’t been able to see much of her in the last year, so I don’t really know . . . .” Her low lovely voice trailed off into silence, and Nell hugged her again.
“Don’t worry anymore, darling girl. It will be alright, I promise you.” Hilda looked lovingly at her.
“You’re very comforting, Nell,” she murmured. Nell smiled.
“That’s good to hear, Hilda. Tell me, does she look like you, or her father?” Again, Hilda considered the question, a soft smile touching the corners of her mouth.
“I think she favours James more, but I find it hard to be sure; it’s been rather a while since I’ve had a photo of her.” Nell silently but comprehensively cursed Hilda’s brother, then realised that Hilda was holding out another photograph and a small box. She took the photograph and looked in silence at the man whom Hilda had loved. “I can see why,” she thought. James Grant had had one of the most trustworthy faces that she had ever seen, and his merriment and courage were apparent even from a photograph. His cleancut features, dark hair and sparkling eyes were most attractive and Nell understood instantly just why it was that Hilda had been prepared to place her hand in his and accompany him halfway round the world.
“It’s the only photograph I have of him” murmured Hilda sadly, leaning against Nell. “We didn’t bother with photos much, but James gave me this just before he went to India. I just wish I had one of us together, for Elizabeth.” Nell’s eyes stung with sudden tears; she silently took Hilda’s hand, rubbing the back of it comfortingly, and after a few moments was able to speak.
“You were so very fortunate weren’t you, Hilda?” Hilda’s eyes widened in surprise at this unexpected comment, then a most beautiful smile lit up her features.
“Yes, Nell,” she replied quietly. “I have been very fortunate to be given such love, and not once but twice.” She cradled Nell’s cheek in one slender hand, then leaned forward and kissed her gently. Lost for words, Nell smiled tenderly at her, and returned the photograph. Hilda stared down at the smiling face and murmured, almost to herself,
“Sometimes it seems like the most impossible dream…” She fingered the small box as she spoke, fumbling at the catch. Then she opened it, and Nell saw a single square-cut diamond set on a delicate circle of gold.
“Hilda, that’s exquisite,” she said in a hushed tone. Hilda took the ring from the box, and considered it for a moment.
“He bought it a week after we met,” she said eventually. “He was already so sure by then.” Her voice broke suddenly and she buried her face in Nell’s shoulder, sobs shaking her. Nell said nothing, but simply held her until she was calmer. Then she placed the ring and photographs on the bedside table, and simply waited until Hilda was calm once more. After a moment of quiet, she said softly,
“You must be so tired, dear one.” Hilda gave a weary little laugh, then sighed.
“Nell, I’m absolutely exhausted,” she admitted.
“Then I suggest that it’s more than time you went to sleep. Yes,” she continued as Hilda hesitated, “you may tuck in here with me, although it’s more cramped than we’ve been used to.” Hilda turned round and snuggled herself against Nell, who slipped an arm around her, holding her securely. “Comfortable, darling one?” she enquired softly.
“Oh, yes, Nell, and so safe,” came the immediate reply.
“You always are with me, I promise. Goodnight, dear love, sleep well.” Five minutes later, Hilda’s soft even breathing told Nell that she had fallen asleep, and she cautiously sat up to look at her sleeping companion, before reaching over to switch off the lamp. “She’s been through so much, poor love,” she thought sadly. “Well, I’m here for her, and I always will be.” She lay down, and drifted into slumber, praying that the next day would see some of their anxieties resolved.

Author:  MaryR [ Fri Dec 15, 2006 12:04 pm ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
"Being with you is different, but it’s not second-best.”

Oh, Hilda, in those few words you re-assure Nell of how she is loved - for first loves don't preclude later loves at all, just make them richer.

And indeed, Hilda shows her love in the most exquisite way - by trusting Nell enough to show her the ring and the photos. How she must have yearned over the years to share these, especially Elizabeth.

Hilda is so right - love is indeed made up of all those little things that bond couples together. And by including Elizabeth in those little ploys they will become a family, a most secure and loving family. For these two women love with all their heart and soul and, as Nell says, will always keep each other safe.

Please may I be part of this little family? :wink:

Thanks, Cath - wonderful.

Author:  Squirrel [ Fri Dec 15, 2006 12:14 pm ]
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Cath, I have tears in my eyes at the end of that last post. I'm so glad that Nell is there with Hilda, and that Hilda managed to calm Nell's worries so thoroughly.

I hope that Hilda manages to get a decent rest, and Nell as well, so that they are both better prepared to face what comes with the morning.

Thank you Cath.

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Fri Dec 15, 2006 12:49 pm ]
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Cath what a wonderful post!. The emotion and the strain are very obvious and very realistic and it just reads right. And I'm with Mary, I want to be a part of this family too :wink:

Author:  Tara [ Sat Dec 16, 2006 2:02 am ]
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Comfort, safety, the intertwining of their lives in all the minutiae of daily living - that was such a lovely and loving picture of their relationship, Cath. It will sustain them through what, I'm sure, will be troubled waters ahead.

Author:  Alison H [ Tue Dec 19, 2006 10:00 am ]
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Cath, I've finally finished reading The Return and Christmas 1939 and this whole universe is wonderful - thank you so much.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Wed Jan 03, 2007 11:59 am ]
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Thank youfor your comments; now that I'm almost recovered from Christmas and new Year, it seems to be a good time to start posting again. This section is quite short....

It was not surprising that after such a tumultuous day both Hilda and Nell slept uneasily that night. Several times, Nell was disturbed by Hilda’s restlessness, as the fears and doubts that had tormented her during the day visited her dreams and disturbed her sleep; often the simple touch of Nell’s hand was sufficient to calm and reassure her, and she would slip into a more peaceful state, but once, Nell awoke to the sound of Hilda sobbing tearlessly even as she slept, and felt compelled to wake her. Shocked from a dream where she searched constantly for Elizabeth through an endless number of locked rooms in a house that seemed eerily familiar even as it changed constantly, Hilda could do nothing but sob despairingly in Nell’s arms, and she was soothed only by Nell’s repeated assurances that she was safe and loved, and that she was there for her and always would be. Eventually, Hilda was able to relax again, but Nell lay awake for a long time staring into the darkness before she slept again, and when she did, it was inevitable that the demons that inhabited the dark corners of her mind should emerge, and as black night was fading to grey, she was flung into a confused nightmare jumble of a fearful journey made in the sullen gloom of a lightless evening, of running, always running, to find Hilda who was somewhere ahead of her clutching a nameless darkhaired child, lost in a jostling crowd that was always moving eastward under a sky darkened by smoke and fire and an endless rain. And there was shouting, and tears and screaming. . . . and ringing through everything, that incongruous and terrible laughter…… She jolted awake, sweating and agonised with fear, to find Hilda curled against her, the one familiar thing in a world that was suddenly grown strange. She lay breathing rapidly for several minutes before calm returned to her; “it was a dream,” she said to herself, “it was only a dream.” But despite telling herself this, she continued to be gripped by a faint feeling of foreboding that only relaxed its hold on her as the morning came. Unable to sleep, she finally wriggled cautiously out of bed, trying not to disturb Hilda, and went to the window to raise the blackout and allow the first dawn light to enter the room. The rooftops were sharply outlined in the cold grey morning air, and she stared at them for a moment. On an opposite gable, a rakish-looking ginger cat was carefully picking his way towards an open window, his tail held stiffly aloft, while further away, various little coils and drifts of smoke eddying upwards proclaimed that London was slowly waking up. Nell leaned against the window frame, and watched the sky grow slowly brighter, uneasily aware that she was not looking forward to the events of the day. “And if I’m worried, then heaven knows what Hilda must be feeling,” she thought, and offered a swift prayer that thee day might go smoothly.
Finally she straightened up and realised that she was rather cold and stiff – there was a wicked little draught emanating from the edge of the window frame which the blackout had effectively blocked until now. She shivered and yawned and decided to go back to bed for a while; it was still too early to think about getting up properly. Turning round, she realised, with a small shock of surprise that Hilda was now lying awake too, silent and watchful, and gazing at her with an expression that she could not quite fathom. Quickly she crossed the room, and got back into bed.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you, Hilda,” she said contritely as she slipped under the bedclothes. “Try and go back to sleep, love; it’s too early to get up yet. And besides, it’s cold!” she added, as she pulled the bedclothes over herself.

Author:  MaryR [ Wed Jan 03, 2007 12:07 pm ]
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Not so short, my dear Cath, and definitely scary and sad for both of them. Poor Hilda, searching desperately for her child, and Nell lost in a whole welter of dark and frightening experiences all tangled together in her worry over Hilda.

Loved the cat - a moment of humour to start a day that will bring who knows what.

Thank you.

Author:  Tara [ Thu Jan 04, 2007 1:33 am ]
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Oh those awful 'searching' dreams, running and running and never finding. When they are all mixed up with Nell's war memories, what an overwhelming kaleidescope of fear they produce. A ghastly night for them both, and it's no wonder they're greeting the new day with foreboding, there isn't a great deal to be cheerful about. Yet it's still true for them both that the other is
Quote:
the one familiar thing in a world that was suddenly grown strange

I'm wondering about that expression of Hilda's that Nell can't quite fathom. Oh dear, this is going to be so hard for them both, I just want to hold them tight and keep them safe.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Thu Jan 04, 2007 10:35 pm ]
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It's not really surprising that the two of them should have such a disturbed night - there are so many elements causing each of them anxiety, aren't there, in particular, the uncertainties over what the new day will bring. But at the same time it is such a good thing that Nell has insisted on coming with Hilda and that, despite all the tensions, they are still able to draw comfort from each other.

Thanks, Cath - I will be looking forward to see how this unfolds.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Sun Jan 07, 2007 12:59 pm ]
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Thank you for the comments. Now the scene is shifting for a while....and thank you to Lesley for allowing me to borrow the Annersleys.

Emma Annersley was definitely intrigued by her two visitors; following the despatch of her husband’s letter several days earlier, she had been expecting the arrival of her sister-in-law, but the presence of Miss Helena Wilson was a complete shock – never before had Hilda been accompanied by a friend when visiting her brother’s family. Indeed, she had never even hinted at such a possibility so that this unusual happening caused Emma to think furiously, although her face retained its usual expression of placid calm as she welcomed her two guests to her home and explained that John was in the City until late in the afternoon, but that they would both be delighted to see Hilda at dinner that evening. By the time the initial introductions had been performed, and all three women were seated in the drawing room, Emma had realised that this Helena Wilson, with her white hair, oddly young face and steadfast grey eyes, was devoted to Hilda and clearly very protective of her. Moreover Hilda was quite obviously happy in the woman’s company, and knowing the extent of her sister-in-law’s dignified reserve, this was definitely intriguing. With all this in mind, Emma welcomed them both, but Nell in particular, with several degrees more warmth than might have been anticipated, and was keenly interested in just what this visit might mean.
Following an early breakfast and a quiet walk through the London streets, Hilda and Nell had arrived at the Annersleys’ house – part of an imposing row of terraces in a quiet London square - shortly before the middle of the morning on that chilly April day. The comparative earliness of their arrival had caused Emma to express some slight surprise and when she had enquired as to whether Hilda wished to stay with them as she had done in the past, Hilda had explained carefully that she and Nell had taken rooms at a nearby hotel, not wishing to disrupt any arrangements that Emma might have made. She and Nell Wilson had been holidaying together – Miss Wilson evidently taught at the same school as Hilda – and as they both had business in London, they had decided to travel up together. Emma listened to this careful explanation, agreed placidly that that was a good idea and most considerate of Hilda, and kept her thoughts strictly to herself, a practice that she had developed in her years of marriage to an unimaginative, albeit kind, husband, and one that she had found increasingly useful of late. Then she rang for morning tea and when it arrived, directed the conversation firmly into a discussion of family news, a description of a concert that she had attended during the previous weekend, and an enquiry as to how the second relocation of the Chalet School, from Guernsey to Armiford, might affect enrolments at the aforementioned establishment. These pleasantries dispensed with, she turned to Hilda, who was clearly growing more nervous by the moment and smiled in a way that indicated that the real point of Hilda and Nell’s visit had been reached. Then in the same assured tones in which she had earlier discussed the weather, she remarked,
“Now, Hilda, I’m sure that you would like to see your youngest niece for a short while; Elizabeth should be back from her walk by now, so I’ll ring for Nanny to bring her down.” She noted Hilda’s slight start and sharp intake of breath, and the unmistakeable flicker of anger across Helena Wilson’s face, (the woman was clearly making a heroic effort to restrain herself, Emma decided, surely a promising sign?) and, being an essentially compassionate person, hoped that that a happy outcome to a situation that had become rather difficult of late was possible. She smiled serenely, rang the bell for Nanny, and occupied herself in pouring out a second cup of tea for them all while they waited.
Three minutes later, there was the sound of footsteps crossing the tiled hall, followed by a fumbling at the door, and then Nell caught her first glimpse of Hilda’s daughter as a darkhaired little girl in a navy-blue dress with white collar and cuffs, accompanied by a tall thin woman who was presumably her nanny, came into the room.

Author:  MaryR [ Sun Jan 07, 2007 2:18 pm ]
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One can only gulp and try to stop the flow of tears at the thought of what the sight of that little girl is doing to Hilda. :cry:

I'm in two minds about Emma at the moment. She must have known Hilda was desperately longing to see her daughter - and yet she keeps her talking. :shock: And then calmly suggests it as though it was nothing out of the usual!! And why hurt Hilda by calling Elizabeth her niece? :cry:

But, on the other hand, she almost seems to welcome that anger she can see in Nell. Is she fond enough of Hilda that she WANTS her to have some support? Does she have some inkling of why they are here and is she willing to do all in her power to assist?

She won't get much chance to do anything else with Nell around, will she? :lol:

Thank you, Cath. Fingers crossed for Hilda and Nell here.

Author:  Alison H [ Sun Jan 07, 2007 2:57 pm ]
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Poor Hilda - she must have very mixed feelings here.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Sun Jan 07, 2007 10:43 pm ]
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What a mixture of emotions here. I do think that Emma genuinely wants the best outcome of the situation with Elizabeth, and will probably support Hilda's wishes, even if John opposes them. I'm glad to see the warmth of her welcome for Nell, too, as if she senses that here is a strong friend for Hilda, something which the latter will clearly need once her brother returns home and learns of the suggested plans.

But I can only guess at what Hilda's feelings must have been when Elizabeth finally came into the room.

Thanks, Cath - will look forward to seeing how this unfolds.

Author:  Tara [ Mon Jan 08, 2007 1:11 am ]
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Well, that's an intriguing post, Cath.

Emma can have no idea that Nell knows the truth, of course, so would automatically uphold the fiction - and it's true, isn't it, that Elizabeth herself doesn't know that Hilda is her mother?

Emma's reaction to her realisation of Nell's flash of anger is really interesting. She certainly seems to be on Hilda's side and just waiting for something to happen to resolve the situation. I did enjoy the way she
Quote:
kept her thoughts strictly to herself, a practice that she had developed in her years of marriage to an unimaginative, albeit kind, husband
And she clearly picks up on the closeness between Hilda and Nell, on Nell's determination to protect Hilda, and on the fact that here is someone who is strong enough to do so and to change things.

Awful situation for Hilda herself, of course. 'Your youngest niece', indeed!.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Thu Jan 11, 2007 8:55 am ]
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Thank you for the comments...here is a little more. :D

At a murmured word from her nanny, the child came hesitantly forward into the room to stand in front of Emma’s chair her eyes fixed enquiringly on her aunt’s face, and paying no attention to anyone else who might be in the room. Nell glanced anxiously towards Hilda whose chair, near the bay window and at an angle to the rest of the room, had been positioned so that it was partly screened by one of the dark green velvet curtains. It seemed highly likely that Elizabeth had not yet realised that ‘Auntie Hilda’ was there, and Nell had the sudden conviction that Emma Annersley had arranged this deliberately, although she was at a loss to account for the reason. Then Hilda leaned forward slightly, and Nell caught sight of her tense white face, her mouth trembling despite the efforts she was making to remain calm and her eyes grey and intent as she stared hungrily at her daughter, tracing the changes that four months had wrought in the child. Nell bit her lip – Hilda’s pain and love were so very evident . . .
Straightening slightly, she looked curiously at Elizabeth, searching in her for resemblances to either of her parents. The little girl was of average height and thin, and had, Nell noticed, a slight tendency to keep her head down, peering upwards at Emma rather than looking directly at her. She also kept flicking furtive little glances to her nanny, standing quietly near the door, in a way that Nell found disquieting. Unlike her mother, Elizabeth had dark brown, almost black hair, which was tied neatly back with a navy-blue ribbon, although rebellious wisps had escaped and curled around her face, and her features were a small feminine counterpart of those that Nell had seen in her father’s photograph. Then, as the child glanced swiftly round, Nell saw her face fully for the first time, and almost gasped, for there they were, Hilda’s beautiful vulnerable blue-grey eyes, set in her daughter’s face, but holding an oddly guarded expression for so young a child. Nell looked away and encountered Emma Annersley’s calm stare; both women shared a moment of silent communication, then Emma laid her hand on the child’s shoulder.
“Good morning, Elizabeth,” she said calmly. “We have an unexpected visitor today.”
“Good morning, Auntie Emma” replied the child politely. She looked fully at Nell, then caught sight of Hilda, and uttered a disbelieving cry of “Auntie Hilda!!” Nell cast a swift protective look at Hilda, as the little girl hurled herself across the room toward her mother, and then looked away – the shining joy on Hilda’s face at this meeting was too revealing, too personal for even Nell to witness. As Elizabeth flung herself on Hilda, whose arms closed tightly round her, Emma smiled slightly and addressed the child again.
“Calm down, please Elizabeth dear; Auntie Hilda and her friend will think you have no manners.” Reluctantly, Elizabeth freed herself from Hilda’s embrace and went back to stand by her aunt’s chair, her small face a little anxious. She glanced again at Nell, who smiled at her, but received no response, other than a longer, somewhat suspicious, look.
“Auntie Hilda is in London for a few days with her friend Miss Wilson,” continued Emma, “so I expect there will be plenty of time for you to see her.” Elizabeth nodded, but said nothing, fixing her eyes imploringly on Hilda. Instantly aware of this, Hilda smiled reassuringly at her, and the child relaxed a little, although her small hands were still clasped tightly together, and she cast another glance towards her nanny. Nell followed the child’s example and received an impression of an extremely neat middle-aged woman with pale brown hair and eyes, and a tightly-folded mouth. As she encountered Nell’s eyes, a flicker of something – distaste? hostility? anger? – crossed the woman’s face, then it was gone, leaving Nell slightly startled and unsure as to whether she had actually seen it. She blinked and looked at Hilda, whose whole being was so evidently fixed on her daughter. “Don’t be silly!” she chided herself, then realised that Emma was saying something to her.

Author:  Squirrel [ Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:13 am ]
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Well, no need to worry about what Elizabeth thinks of Hilda then! I'm glad she is so fond of her.

How unnatural is the way Emma seems to expect her to behave though! Oh, she's not to hug her mother, because she will be thought to lack manners...

Not sure what I think of this. It seems so cold and clinical, for what must be a normal meeting between a child, and one who has brought her up. At least it seems she has a better one with her nanny though.

Right, now Hilda and Nell - get your act's together and get her out of there!

Thanks Cath. :D

Author:  MaryR [ Thu Jan 11, 2007 1:44 pm ]
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I can't bear to watch this. Hilda is so painfully aware that she has to be careful not to reveal too much - but all she does is reveal to Nell just how much she adores her daughter. Who clearly feels the same for her *auntie Hilda*.

Just what is Emma up to? Is she worried about Hilda breaking down? Is she worried about the nanny - who seems to have taken a thorough dislike to Hilda and Nell? Is she concerned for the child? There seems to be far too much restraint and decorum here, too much constraint on this *cuckoo in the nest*.

Please allow Hilda some time alone with her daughter, Cath - she shouldn't have to do this in front of an audience. :cry: Out of her love for Hilda, Nell realises just how much they are all trespassing here.

Author:  Identity Hunt [ Thu Jan 11, 2007 7:04 pm ]
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Cath,
this is so poignant and tender that it it is almost painful to read.
Thank you - more please when you get chance......

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:43 pm ]
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Oh help, I thought that the type of repressive behaviour which Emma, and, I suspect, the Nanny, are showing towards Elizabeth had disappeared before the era in which this is set - but come to think of it, I suppose that in some households, Nanny did still reign supreme in 1939. Must say I don't like either of their attitudes, and I can see that Nell doesn't, either!

But there's certainly no mistaking Elizabeth's reaction to seeing "Auntie Hilda" or vice versa - I can understand why Nell felt bound to look away at that moment, but the reunion does bode well for what she and Hilda are planning to propose, doesn't it?

Thanks Cath - I'll be waiting to see how this plays out - and I don't suppose for one moment that all will go swimmingly, will it?

Author:  Tara [ Sat Jan 13, 2007 12:46 am ]
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There is something very wrong here, isn't there. I don't at all like those 'furtive little glances' Elizabeth is giving Nanny. And why doesn't she look people in the eye? Is she frightened? She's certainly a very repressed little girl. I don't like Nanny's 'tightly-folded mouth', either - or her reaction to Nell. Are Emma's actions meant to protect Elizabeth from Nanny's displeasure, I wonder?

Whatever, E's response to Hilda is lovely and augurs well for the future. I don't quite know why I feel so glad Nell is there, but I have a strong impression that there's something nasty in the woodshed.

Author:  calico [ Sun Jan 14, 2007 3:45 am ]
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Thanks Cath
This is beautiful and very sad.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Tue Jan 16, 2007 1:32 pm ]
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All go swimmingly? Well, what do you think, Elder? :wink: And here is a very little more.

“May I offer you another cup of tea, Miss Wilson?” Nell looked down at her empty cup, and came to a swift decision. “Hope I’m doing the right thing,” she thought, “but we’ll get nowhere otherwise.” Carefully, she laid her cup and saucer down on the small table beside her and smiled politely at Emma.
“Thank you, Mrs Annersley, but I’ve just noticed the time. I’m sorry, but I will have to leave you now, as the business that has brought me to London does require my attention today, and I have an appointment with my solicitor later this morning.” She turned to Hilda. “Hilda, I expect you will want some time to talk with Mrs Annersley, so I’ll say goodbye for now and be getting along.” Hilda shot her a look of unmistakeable look of relief and gratitude as Emma said smoothly,
“If you’re certain that you can’t stay any longer, Miss Wilson, then of course, I understand, and to be frank, this is most convenient. I had mentioned the possibility of Nanny being able to have some additional free time this afternoon, and of course if Hilda is here, then she can; that is, if you don’t mind spending the afternoon with Elizabeth, Hilda?” Hilda gulped slightly, but had no time to reply as Emma continued, “And if I might ask - are you engaged this evening, Miss Wilson?” Both Nell and Hilda looked at her in slight surprise.
“Why no, I’m not,” Nell replied cautiously. Emma smiled placidly.
“Then John and I would be delighted if you would join us for dinner, with Hilda,
this evening; any friend of my sister-in-law is most welcome in this house. And please don’t worry about the blackout, we dine early these days to allow our guests to travel home safely.” Nell glanced swiftly at Hilda, whose expression of amazement was only too apparent, and looked a wordless query. In return she received a small imploring nod. She turned back to Emma, who, apparently occupied in collecting together the tea things with Elizabeth’s assistance, was nonetheless well aware of this unspoken communication. Nell smiled graciously.
“In that case Mrs Annersley, I would be delighted to accept your invitation.” She stood up. “Hilda, I’ll see you back at the hotel later this afternoon. Thank you so much for the tea, Mrs Annersley, this has been a most pleasant meeting.” She shook hands firmly with Emma, bade Hilda and Elizabeth goodbye, and was shown out by the maid.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Tue Jan 16, 2007 3:34 pm ]
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Oh dear, what veiled politeness between Nell and Emma - clearly my thought that nothing will go swimmingly is correct! I bet that underneath that seemingly composed exterior, Nell is longing to tell Emma exactly what she thinks of her, too! And what a silly way for Emma to suggest that Hilda can have Elizabeth to herself for the afternoon - but at least she can have her!

Will be interesting to see what transpires at that dinner. Hopefully things will work out in the end, though.

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Identity Hunt [ Tue Jan 16, 2007 7:38 pm ]
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There is so very much more going on here than meets the eye :shock:
Can`t wait to see what happens next, Cath !

Author:  MaryR [ Tue Jan 16, 2007 9:04 pm ]
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Poor Nell, knowing that, while she stays, the conventions would be followed by Emma, who seems to be playing her own game, whatever that is. And poor Hilda, *allowed* at last to have Elizabeth to herself.

I presume Nell has fish of her own to fry - wonder what they are....

And also wondering how the dinner will go this evening.

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Tara [ Tue Jan 16, 2007 9:49 pm ]
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I get the feeling that Emma is labouring under constraints not of her own making, and that she is strongly on Nell's side - and, presumably, Hilda's, too. Definitely intriguing, Cath - you're certainly keeping us all guessing!.

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Tue Jan 16, 2007 10:28 pm ]
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I've been away from the board for pretty much two weeks now. How nice to come back and finally "meet" Hilda's daughter. But I can't help thinking that my namesake has a hidden agenda. And Nell... she definitely does.

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Wed Jan 31, 2007 11:00 am ]
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Now that school is underway again, I can pay some more attention to this....Thank you for the comments. Nell with her own fish to fry, Mary? And Emma's hidden agenda, wheelchairprincess? Oh surely not? :wink: In the meantime - here is some more.

Nell’s first destination was a place that she knew very well - the large Victorian house in which the office of Lewis, Grafton and Woodward, Solicitors, was to be found. This firm had undertaken business first for her father and then for her and in the sad and confusing time that had followed Mr Wilson’s death, it had been old Mr Woodward’s practical support and advice that had been one of her chief supports. Since her departure for Austria, he had retired from the firm, but her business was now in the competent hands of his younger son, Ronald, whom Nell had known since she was a girl, and with whose sister she had played tennis and gone cycling when the Wilsons were in London while Nell attended the High School. It had been several years since she had seen Ronald Woodward – an occasional letter had had been all that was necessary for the smooth management of her financial affairs, although she had heard that he was now married with two children – and it was a distinct shock when her first glimpse of him as he rose from his chair revealed that he had developed a distinct paunch and a noticeable bald patch. “I hope I’ve worn a little better,” she thought in horror, then remembered the white hair that would undoubtedly startle him, and smiled wryly. “Ah well, looks aren’t everything!” And she was not surprised to see amazement flicker briefly in his eyes as he greeted her, knowing full well that only a few seconds earlier the same expression would have been apparent on her own face.
“Nell - Miss Wilson, it’s good to see you again after so long,” he said solemnly, waving her towards a chair. Nell smiled.
“Thank you, Ronald,” she replied. “And ‘Nell’ will be fine thank you. After all, it’s not really that long ago since Sylvia and I were pestering you to play tennis with us, or go out cycling.” Quite unexpectedly, Ronald Woodward chuckled.
“Heavens yes, persistent young women that you were! I used to wonder where you found the energy, and several times I sneaked up the back stairs to avoid you.” Nell laughed.
“We must have been complete nuisances! And how is Sylvia, these days? I’m afraid I’ve been a rather slack correspondent over the last few years.”
“She probably wasn’t any better,” remarked her brother shrewdly. “Oh she’s fine – has three children and lives in Leamington Spa, you know. Her husband manages one of the major banks there, so they’re both very busy these days, as you might expect.” Nell nodded.
“Good – and your family? I did hear that you had two children -”
“Four since the twins arrived last year,” he replied proudly. He gestured towards a photograph on his desk that showed a plump smiling woman, with a boy of about ten and a slightly younger girl standing beside her. “Lucy,” he said, “with Tim and Susan. They’re with Sylvia at the moment; it was that, or be evacuated separately with their schools, although Tim’s off to boarding school next year which should help a bit. Lucy and the twins are still in London, but we’ve decided that they should go to Sylvia as well.”
“That’s probably a good idea,” said Nell quietly. Her eyes darkened slightly, and she forced her mind away from the dread that overshadowed so much of life now. There was a slightly tense silence, broken by Ronald Woodward.
“Right, to business!” he said heartily, reaching for a buff folder on his desk. “Now, I understand that you’re updating your will.” Nell nodded.
“Yes,” she said. “I did write to you, about a week ago advising what I wanted. I’m sorry I couldn’t be more specific about an appointment, but I wasn’t sure when I was going to be in London, so thank you for seeing me at such short notice.” Smiling politely, the solicitor opened the folder, and took out several typewritten sheets of paper.
“That’s alright, Nell. This was comparatively straightforward, so it’s just a matter of reading and signing it. Now, you’re the major part of your estate comprises your cottage, its furnishings and your various investments, and as I understood your letter, you wished to leave almost everything, barring a few small personal bequests to one person, that is, Miss Hilda Mary Annersley.”
“Yes,” replied Nell quietly.
“So,” he continued, “you wish to leave your pearl necklace and £500 to Mary Helena Maynard, and £500 to Bridget Honora o’Ryan – both these being underage at the moment, the bequests will be paid on the occasion of their twenty-first birthdays. Then there is a separate bequest of £500 to Gwynneth Lloyd, plus -” he squinted in disbelief at the page in front of him – “and I quote, ‘the rosewood writing desk you have long coveted’. Really, Nell!” Nell’s mouth twitched.
“It’s true,” she protested. “She has!” She grinned. “Don’t worry, Ronald,” she said more seriously. “Gwynneth knows me quite well, and won’t be offended.”
“Oh well, I suppose I can’t stop you if it’s what you want,” he said resignedly.
“No more than you could beat me at tennis,” she said wickedly. For a moment he glared at her, then smiled sheepishly.
“Alright, alright, you’ve made your point! Anyway, back to business – so apart from these three bequests, everything else goes to Hilda Annersley.”
“That’s right,” Nell said firmly. “Title deeds of the house to go into her name, shares transferred, and any money in the bank paid to her – the lot.”
“Well, that’s fairly straightforward, and exactly what we’ve got written here. So all you need to do is read it, confirm that it says what you wanted, then we’ll call in a couple of stray articled clerks with too much time on their hands and have them witness your signature. Here you are.” Cheerfully, he passed the document over the desk to her, and sat back as she slowly read her way through its pages, frowning as she did so.
“All in order?” he asked as she reached the bottom of the last page and looked up.
“Well, it seems to be,” she said cautiously, “only there are so many ‘inasmuches’ ‘notwithstandings’ and ‘herewiths’ that I’m a little hard put to work out what it really says.”
“Good,” he replied. “If you can’t understand it, I’ve done my job properly!” He ignored her sudden gurgle of laughter, and went on, “Now, just let me call in two witnesses -” He caught sight of her face and stopped, “Is there a problem, Nell?” Nell shook her head, but her eyes were anxious. There was a silence, then she said,
“Can you tell me - does it matter if a person’s name is different to that written in a will?” Ronald considered the question for a moment.
“I suppose you mean a beneficiary’s name?” Nell nodded. “Not if they can substantiate the change - in fact Nell, if you stop to think about it, name change is very common, particularly for women, so no, there isn’t a real problem, as long as they can prove that they are that person named in the will.” Nell sighed with relief, but her expression remained perplexed and he eyed her curiously. “Was there something else?” he asked.

Author:  Nell [ Wed Jan 31, 2007 11:17 am ]
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Interesting - I'm assuming she's thinking about Hilda and James and now about Emma...

Thank you Cath.

Author:  Alison H [ Wed Jan 31, 2007 12:02 pm ]
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Nice that she's leaving something to Biddy.

Author:  Squirrel [ Wed Jan 31, 2007 12:07 pm ]
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Well, that was an interesting scene. What's coming next Cath?

Me Greedy and impatient? Whatever gave you that idea?

Thanks Cath.

Author:  alicat [ Wed Jan 31, 2007 12:12 pm ]
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Oh this is lovely!

I've just had a real treat and read it all in one go.

This universe is so real...and I think Emma is not quite a saint but not altogether a sinner either. perhaps she is going to be one of those women from whom the war brings some freedom.

but how is hilda going to cope with having to send Elizabeth to another school? surely it will be too hard to have her at the CS? and no, I don't think joey could cope with the truth (she's too young) and it would not be wise to tel madge, after all she is her employer....but perhaps Elizabeth could become another Russell ward? another victim of India?

maybe Dick will have known James?

Author:  MaryR [ Wed Jan 31, 2007 2:18 pm ]
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Oh, Cath, that sudden fear that maybe the name could cause problems. :cry: How loving of Nell to do this even before anything else is sorted out. A friend in a million.

That was a wonderful scene - so much fun she gets out of life, even at this difficult time. Loved the reference to ageing and the sudden remembrance that she herself now has white hair! :lol: And the desk! :lol:

Thank you.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Wed Jan 31, 2007 2:27 pm ]
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This is a most interesting scene, allowing us to learn a little more about Nell's past while she is ensuring that her wishes for the future disposal of her property are 'water-tight.' I love her reaction to the 'legalese' in which her wishes are now couched when she reads over her re-drafted will, and the lawyer's riposte that as long as she couldn't understand it, he'd done his job properly was wonderful, too.

Good to see this back, Cath - thanks.

Author:  leahbelle [ Wed Jan 31, 2007 2:40 pm ]
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I seem to have missed a lot of this since I haven't been able to access internet at home, so I've spent some quiet time at work catching up.

Thanks, Cath!

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Wed Jan 31, 2007 4:48 pm ]
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Lovely update, thanks Cath

but is that a mini cliff I spotted at the end?

Author:  Tara [ Thu Feb 01, 2007 1:41 am ]
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Welcome back, Cath!

I love these insights into Nell's past, she has such a lovely easy relationship with these people she's known since her childhood. Chuckled at their mutual shock at finding the changes of age (and trauma, in Nell's case, of course) in each other, then sobered at the reminder of the effects of the war on everyone's lives.

It's lovely that Nell has left bequests to Len, and particularly to Biddy (please, can we have a Nell/Biddy drabble sometime???). I always felt they ought to have been much closer than they ever seemed in the books.

Well now, there's an interesting question ... what on earth is Hilda's married name? Sorry if I should know James' surname, and have forgotten! I absolutely cannot imagine her as anything but Miss Annersley, I'm afraid! And what does Elizabeth get called?
I don't see a problem in Hilda acknowledging E. as her child, surprising and a bit embarrassing, but there's nothing wrong with it.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Fri Feb 02, 2007 12:10 pm ]
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Thank you - I enjoyed writing that section, and yes, there are a number of potential problems lurking aren't there? Tara, James's surname was Grant. . . and I think a Nell/Biddy drabble sounds a great idea; would you like a bunny? :wink:

Nell remained lost in thought for a moment, then came to a decision. She laid the papers down on the desk in front of her, and regarded the solicitor intently.
“This doesn’t have anything to do with the will, but I was wondering - if someone has been looking after someone else’s child in their home for several years, can they prevent the child’s mother from taking it away?” An expression of astonishment crossed Ronald Woodward’s face, then he assumed an air of caution.
“Presumably you’re referring to something that you’ve encountered through your work?”
“Well, yes,” said Nell, crossing her fingers surreptitiously, and reflecting that this was the truth, in a manner of speaking. Ronald leaned back in his chair, lacing his fingers together as he considered her question.
“It all depends on whether there has been a formal reassignment of custody. Or of course whether the mother has been deemed to be an unfit person to have charge of a child, as might happen after a divorce. But if neither of those is the case, then - and bear in mind that there are circumstances that might alter this – even if the child has been cared for by a person other than the mother for a significant number of years, her rights to custody, care and control of the child remain intact.” Nell sighed with relief, and Ronald smiled.
“Basically, Nell, if the agreement between the mother and the person caring for the child hasn’t been formalised on paper or through the courts in any way, then the mother can remove the child at any time.” At this, Nell grinned outright, and Ronald raised a cautionary hand.
“I appreciate that was what you hoped to hear, but do remember that these things can turn ugly - especially if there is any room for doubt or confusion, which might develop into legal proceedings.” Nell nodded, her eyes suddenly sober.
“Thank you, Ronald, I’ll bear that in mind.” She sat a little straighter in her chair. “Now -”
“Yes,” he said, taking the copy of the will from her. “I’ll call in the two articled clerks, and we’ll get this signed.”

Ten minutes later, Nell shut the grubby front door of the office behind her, stepped into the street and heaved a sigh of relief. A signed copy of her will was stowed carefully in her bag, and with this first business of the day successfully concluded, she felt more optimistic about the rest of her plans. She set off purposefully towards the nearest Tube station, her spirits rising with every step she took down the crowded street. Even here, in the heart of the city, it was a beautiful spring day; small clouds pushed their way across a pale blue sky and the plane trees were enveloped in a faint haze of green. Starlings bustled importantly about, bent on searching out the most suitable nest material they could find, and slender fingers of sunlight stretched down between grimy buildings, illuminating even the dingiest of alleyways with sharp clarity. Nell turned her face towards the sun, exulting happily in its welcome warmth, then caught sight of the barrage balloons tugging impatiently at their mooring cables, and shivered. The sooner they were safely out of London, the better.

Author:  leahbelle [ Fri Feb 02, 2007 12:45 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Squirrel [ Fri Feb 02, 2007 1:00 pm ]
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And so the plot thickens. I'm interested to see Nell asking about Hilda's situation - as discreetly as possible of course. It may be that they want to talk to the solicitor again before Hilda makes a definite move, but I'm sure those words of reassurance have helped Nell for now.

And I just loved the details of the birds and nature - this sounds so like Nell, from her love of both guiding and her own subject a love of nature seems natural to me. Particularly when you add in her faith as well.

Thanks Cath.

Author:  Nell [ Fri Feb 02, 2007 1:51 pm ]
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Hmmm.

Thank you Cath.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Fri Feb 02, 2007 1:58 pm ]
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The plot does indeed thicken - and I quite see Nell's need to be assured, even in a hypothetical situation, about the future of a child in this type of situation.

Considering that John and Emma are asking Hilda to make other arrangements for Elizabeth, particularly with War about to break out, and reminding her that their agreement was to cover the time until the child's 7th birthday, I just hope that they won't raise objections when they learn about what Hilda and Nell are proposing and try to insist she be sent to a boarding school.

Thanks Cath - will look forward to watching this unfold.

Author:  MaryR [ Fri Feb 02, 2007 3:05 pm ]
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That was a typical Nell scene, and she doesn't beat about the bush, does she? She is determined to get them all out of London as soon as possible, judging by that last line.

Which of course is what Hilda's brother also asked of Hilda - something sorted out for Elizabeth because she can't stay in watime London. So hopefully he wants what everyone else wants - but does he want it the way everyone else does? Or is he going to try and throw several spanners in the works? If so - he'll have Nell to deal with. :shock: And she will fight like a tiger for Hilda, her best beloved.


Thanks, Cath

Author:  Tara [ Sat Feb 03, 2007 1:23 am ]
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Cath wrote:
I think a Nell/Biddy drabble sounds a great idea; would you like a bunny?
No thanks, Cath (that's a proper fill-in, which strikes me as being an awful lot of work), I was hoping that one might come and live with you ... :roll:

It's comforting that Nell has established that Hilda has the right to take Elizabeth, and the sun and the spring morning are lovely. It's counterbalanced by those barrage balloons, though, reminding us of the continuing physical danger for them all, and by Ronald's warning that 'these things can turn ugly'. I bet they can! Once again, I am very glad that Nell is there.

Author:  calico [ Sun Feb 04, 2007 1:53 am ]
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Thanks Cath

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Mon Feb 05, 2007 12:02 am ]
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I too love the idea of a Nell/Biddy story, especially very young Biddy. And this continues to astound me.

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Cath V-P [ Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:21 pm ]
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Thank you all for the comments - especially yours wheelchairprincess. I'm glad you like it. Sorry, Tara, plot bunnies don't stay at my house; David makes them nervous.....
This is a slightly longer section - enjoy!


More soberly now, she headed towards the Tube station, her thoughts ranging over the various problems that they might encounter in the immediate future. Even if everything went smoothly, they would probably have to spend at least another day in London, possibly two - and it would take them almost a full day to reach home. “And then we’ll have to turn to and sort out a room for her, which isn’t something that we’ll feel like doing at that point – unless – maybe Sarah -” She slowed down, thinking hard, and unheeding of the irate murmurs from several hurrying individuals whom she was now hindering from attending to their lawful concerns. Then making up her mind, she crossed the road and went into the Post Office on the corner, from which she emerged ten minutes later, having successfully despatched a lengthy and expensive telegram. “That should make things a little easier,” she thought. “At least we’ll be met when we get there and Sarah won’t say anything – although it won’t stop her thinking!” A fleeting grin edged her lips at this, and heartened by the idea of Sarah’s support, she hastened down the road towards the crowded underground station where she could catch a train to Oxford Street, and her next destination of the day, Selfridge’s.
Normally, Nell disliked shopping; it involved, she had decided years before, more penance than pleasure, and so often seemed to be taken up with searching for the necessary and mundane, with scant time to devote to the purchase of the fascinating and attractive, which Nell delighted in as much as any woman. And while she did not share Hilda’s ability to stand for hours, apparently enchanted, in bookshops, she understood the attraction that brought that state of affairs about - and which could so rarely be indulged by either of them. But today, it seemed as if the gods were smiling on her; she had come in search of household linen, knitting wool and patterns, and - most difficult of all - to find a plain rug that would match the material that Hilda had chosen for curtains and cushions in the newly-arranged downstairs room, and for once she found exactly what she required in the minimum of time. Having given directions for the parcel’s despatch to Devon later that day, she was about to leave the store in search of a rather late lunch, when her eye was caught by a display of nurseryware, and prompted by an impulse that she did not altogether understand, she found herself in the unfamiliar world of the Children’s Department.
For a few moments she stood still surveying the colourful displays around her, and feeling somewhat puzzled and uneasy. What on earth was she doing here? There was a room ready for Elizabeth back at the cottage, Cherry’s room – and then her thoughts stopped abruptly. “But it isn’t Cherry’s room,” she said aloud. “Not any more; it’s Elizabeth’s.” The sudden realisation made her catch her breath in shock; it had always been Cherry’s room! She remembered the amazed joy with which Cherry had discovered her new ‘grown-up’ room on the evening before her fourteenth birthday, newly decorated in her favourite rose-pink and cream. She had hardly slept that night, until their mother had threatened to have her bed moved into Nell’s room and the door of this room locked for the next week . . . And now it would belong to Elizabeth, and that thought was unexpectedly painful. “Don’t be a dog-in-the-manger, Nell,” she scolded herself silently. “ They’re only things.” “ But they belonged to Cherry,” replied a small rebellious voice, and Nell suddenly understood why she had come here. “Of course,” she said to herself, “she needs to feel that it’s her room – and so do I.” Those items that Cherry had most valued - the pictures, the ivory dressing table set, the statue of the Madonna and Child, the pretty carved wooden boxes that had been Nell’s last gift to her, her books and music – all these could be safely stored away, perhaps to be used again when Elizabeth grew up, and Hilda and she would make the room a child’s room once more.
Feeling calmer, Nell began to prowl around the various displays, taking mental note of what was deemed to be appropriate for a seven year old girl. She rejected books and toys out of hand, although a set of seven Matrushka dolls, painted in a dark green with cream and pink flowers picked out in gold made her pause, as did a small white musical box with a pretty painted pattern of flowers on the lid. One difficulty was that she had no idea of what Elizabeth would be bringing with her from the Annersleys’ house, and a further problem was that she did not wish to give the child something that Hilda might have yearned to provide for her. “Something practical,” she muttered, and was startled to hear a voice beside her enquire politely,
“May I be of assistance, Madame?” Nell swung round to find a fair-haired sales assistant standing beside her, smiling.
“I don’t – why yes, I think you can,” she replied, thinking rapidly. “I want a present for a seven year old girl – not toys or clothes, but perhaps something for her bedroom.”
“Do you know whether the room has any particular scheme of decoration – blue, or pink perhaps?
“Oh, it’s rose-pink and cream,” replied Nell. She gazed round in search of inspiration, and just as the assistant started to say, “Have you considered -”, she caught sight of exactly what she wanted.
It was a small glazed ceramic lamp, shaped rather like a fat mushroom, standing on an irregularly shaped flat base. Its stem was a very pale green and its cap a rather darker shade of that colour, and the presence of a tiny squat chimney on one side of the cap, together with a number of small doors and windows from which the light emerged indicated that the mushroom was also a house, standing in a small garden. Flowers typically found in a cottage garden were painted on the lower part of the stem in shades of blue, white and cream, pink climbing roses surrounded the two doors and there was a suggestion of ivy on the roof. And to Nell’s delight, the house was occupied; from one of the windows emerged the head and shoulders of a pixie, peering at the outside world, while in the garden the delicate figure of a fairy clad in pale pink reached up to pick a rose, while another wearing cream was perched on the mossy stump of a tree, hugging her knees and looking at a ladybird beside her. Nell peered at it, fascinated.
“It’s charming, isn’t it?” said the assistant. “And it’s perfect as a nightlight – and much safer than candles, of course.”
“I hadn’t thought of that,” said Nell slowly, almost to herself, envisaging the small pale face of the child she had met this morning, and gazed down at the lamp, noting its soft steady light. “I’ll take it,” she said to the assistant, and catching sight of the wooden dolls again, added, “And that set of Matrushka dolls as well.”
“She’s a lucky little girl,” said the assistant approvingly, as she slipped the lamp inside its box and wrapped it carefully in brown paper, before fetching the dolls from the display.
“I hope so,” said Nell quietly. “I really do hope so.”

Author:  Ruth B [ Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:38 pm ]
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Ooh how lovely! *Keeping my fingers crossed*

I think I used to have a nightlight very similar to that!

Author:  Squirrel [ Tue Feb 06, 2007 1:31 pm ]
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Well, if Hilda has any opposition to her plans, Nell will be even more of a firm ally now. Not that she would have been anything but, but the decision has already been made, the girls room is sorted, and a gift arranged for her. And yes, it is *very* much right that both Elizabeth and Nell see the room afresh as belonging to Elizabeth and not to Cherry.

Hopefully the lamp and the dolls will make this all go well - inspired gifts, though Hilda would surely be happy to let Nell provide some of the things Hilda would have wanted to do so over all the years, they are so close that for Nell to do so, is almost like Hilda doing so. A lovely thought all the same.

Thanks Cath - but you know what I'm going to ask? More please - what's happening at the house???

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Tue Feb 06, 2007 4:37 pm ]
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Quote:
.... There was a room ready for Elizabeth back at the cottage, Cherry’s room – and then her thoughts stopped abruptly. “But it isn’t Cherry’s room,” she said aloud. “Not any more; it’s Elizabeth’s.” ..... “Of course,” she said to herself, “she needs to feel that it’s her room – and so do I.”


"And so do I" (my bolding there) - this is such a vital element for Nell here, isn't it? We know that whatever the circumstances she will welcome and love Elizabeth because of her love for Hilda. But ceding what had always been 'Cherry's room' in this way is a big step for her to make and one which reinforces her own unconditional acceptance of the child.

And I love the choice of gifts, so suitable for a seven year old - and at the same time satisfying Nell's more scientific instincts - after all, the nesting dolls, as well as being fun, are good for lessons in how things fit together, and the light shining through all those windows of the lamp can also be given a scientific application whenever Elizabeth is old enough, as well as being an immediate comfort to her in a new place. Definitely chosen with love and will be appreciated by Hilda, too.

Now, if only all the arrangements for Elizabeth's future can be settled as smoothly as Nell's day is going so far!

Thanks Cath.

Author:  MaryR [ Tue Feb 06, 2007 10:04 pm ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
“She’s a lucky little girl,” said the assistant approvingly, as she slipped the lamp inside its box and wrapped it carefully in brown paper, before fetching the dolls from the display.
“I hope so,” said Nell quietly. “I really do hope so.”

Oh, so do I, Nell! Hope so much that Hilda and you will be able to make all this work; get Elizabeth away and living safely with you both.

What a beautiful episode, Cath, revealing just how much Nell would do for Hilda, not just giving up Cherry's room but thinking how to make it appeal to Elizabeth. And how typical that she should choose a practical gift like the lamp, practical but so fairy-like, one that any child would love, especially one who surely will have inherited Hilda's vivid imagination.

Lovely. Thank you.

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Wed Feb 07, 2007 12:14 am ]
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Thank you for a lovely update but just what is happening back with Hilda?! It's not a cliff but it's almost a cliff knowing what Nell is doing but not what Hilda is.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Fri Feb 09, 2007 12:50 pm ]
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Thank you for the comments; yes Nell chose her gifts well didn't she? Have patience Squirrel and Wheelchairprincess, all will be revealed....but not in this section! :lol:

Her shopping successfully accomplished, Nell was left with just one other thing to do that afternoon, and although she was eager to get it over with, commonsense told her that she needed something to eat first. Admittedly, it was on the late side for lunch - it was almost two o’clock by the time she left Selfridges – but there was a Lyons teashop a little further down the road, where she was able to buy sandwiches and coffee and spend twenty minutes with the newspaper, although this was less relaxing than she had hoped. Norway and Denmark, she noticed uneasily, were receiving a significant amount of commentary, even though nothing untoward seemed to be happening there. She sighed, put the paper down, refilled her coffee cup and turned her attention resolutely to her next task. So much would depend on what she did now. She knew what she was looking for, and she was certain it was there – but if by some horrible mischance it wasn’t - Her eyes darkened and her mouth set grimly; no, she would not let herself think that possibility even existed. Far better to simply get on with the task at hand, than spend time worrying about it. She gulped down the rest of her coffee, slipped a shilling and sixpence under the saucer, picked up her handbag and the parcel containing the dolls and lamp, and left the teashop to catch a bus to the Strand.

“This place really needs more comfortable chairs,” mourned Nell silently as she got up and stretched for what felt like the twentieth time in an hour. Somerset House might be an architectural delight (albeit one in need of a good clean), but it was not a place where one felt encouraged to linger and that was precisely what Nell had been obliged to do. “Still, I have been most extraordinarily fortunate,” she reminded herself, turning back to her book. For she had found the entry that she sought precisely where it should have been in the first of the weighty leather-bound volumes that she had pulled from the shelf, and had stood motionless and disbelieving staring down at the words, so black and definite on the page. Three times she had read the entry, written in an admirable and precise copperplate hand, feeling a dizzying wave of relief washing over her as she did so. “Thank God,” she murmured, and had then started to fill in the form requesting a copy of an entry in the registers. Halfway through she had stopped, struck by an unexpected thought; there should be a second entry here surely? And there would be no harm in getting a copy of that as well: there was no guarantee that Hilda had the original. She had certainly not mentioned it. Swiftly, she had returned to the shelves and begun to search through the second of the volumes devoted to 1933 finding what she was looking for after a few minutes – although to her surprise it had not been precisely where she expected it. “Still, I’ve found it,” she thought, “and if there are difficulties, we’ll deal with them later. The important thing is to get the copies.” And she completed the forms and took them to the clerk, inwardly rejoicing that her search had been so successful in such a short time.
Five minutes later most of her elation had faded to be replaced with a weary cynicism. The clerk to whom she presented the forms had argued that the copies of the certificates could, and indeed should, be posted, and that the pressure of his work meant that he could not guarantee that he would be able to deal with her request immediately. Nell had been singularly unimpressed by both these arguments, pointing out that firstly, in wartime, requests of this nature were by no means unusual, and that secondly - and more tellingly as far as the clerk was concerned – that she had not, as yet observed him engaged in any activity that might remotely be construed as work. Sulkily he had conceded that, for an extra fee, he would be able to provide the copies for her by the end of the afternoon if she were willing to wait. Nell suspected strongly that the additional ten shillings would go straight into the clerk’s pocket, but did not feel disposed to query the matter, merely settling down in a straight-backed chair with a book. She had been careful to sit where the clerk could not easily overlook her, and had amused herself at intervals, by putting down her book and staring pointedly in his direction. This did not noticeably hurry the man, but Nell was gratified to see that he became visibly uneasy as time wore on, and felt suitably revenged for the backache brought about by the uncomfortable chair. Her patience was ultimately rewarded when, just before five o’clock, he had approached her with an envelope, and a scowl. Nell took the one, ignored the other and smilingly handed over the agreed-upon payment. Then she left, uneasily conscious that she had none too much time in which to make her way back to the hotel and prepare for what would undoubtedly be a challenging evening.

Author:  Alison H [ Fri Feb 09, 2007 12:56 pm ]
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It's all so much easier now that you can look at the records on-line :lol: !

Author:  Chris [ Fri Feb 09, 2007 2:06 pm ]
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Very interesting!
Just a question - why didn't Hilda think about going to find a copy of her marriage certificate years ago?

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Fri Feb 09, 2007 2:57 pm ]
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Well, no-one could ever accuse Nell of not being thorough, could they? Trust her to be the one to look for those certificates -and endure the waiting involved! (I agree, Alison - it really *is* so much easier now you can look at the records on line, isn't it?)

Sure, Hilda *might* already have Elizabeth's birth certificate, but since Nell was already at Somerset House...

And I can well imagine that she was so confused and bewildered at the time of James' death and Elizabeth's birth that the thought of getting a copy of the marriage certificate didn't cross her mind - so far as she knew, the document had been in James' wallet and that was that. Though I *am* somewhat surprised that her brother hadn't thought of it, but....!

Thanks Cath - I'm sure that this evening is going to be a challenging one, but I'm equally sure that Nell's 'ammunition' will be invaluable in the end.

Author:  MaryR [ Fri Feb 09, 2007 4:55 pm ]
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Oh, Nell, you can be so scary when you put your mind to it! That clerk really didn't stand a chance, did he? :lol:

I should imagine you're right, Elder. Hilda was in no fit state to think of such things after James died - she was too sad and ill. And I am quite sure that, since her brother didn't believe her, he would have wasted not a moment on trying to verify it. Thank God for Nell! Who must be wondering why their simple avowal of love for each other at Christmas has suddenly become so incredibly complicated and worrying.

Thank you, Cath.

Author:  Squirrel [ Fri Feb 09, 2007 5:19 pm ]
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Well done Nell - what a well spent afternoon. I'm now looking forward to the ructions which take place when Hilda's family *have* to accept her marriage. Of course, Hilda's brother wouldn't want to check to see if there was a record of such a thing - he'd just assume that Hilda was lying to escape retribution. I wonder how he will react to this. I hope Nell has the forsight to keep hold of the certificates, even if they can be replaced. And with a marriage and birth certificate, Hilda and Nell can do what they like about educating Elizabeth. All is good that way!

Thanks Cath.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Mon Feb 12, 2007 12:19 pm ]
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Thank you very much for the comments. Nell can be scary can't she? I didn't know you can look at the records online; is this recent? I was able to order a replacement birth certificate online for James last year, which we needed because the original had completely vanished, but I couldn't find a way to browse the records.... Anyway, I digress. Here is the next section; I hope you enjoy it.

When Nell finally got back to the hotel after a journey by bus and underground that had been as hot and uncomfortable as she had expected, and moreover, that had been lengthened by the bus driver pulling away just as she arrived at the bus stop, thus adding an extra ten minutes, she found Hilda pacing up and down their room, already dressed for the evening, and clearly very nervous. As Nell came in and dumped her parcels down on her bed, she rushed at her, seizing her by the shoulders and demanding wildly,
“Where on earth have you been? I thought something terrible must have happened to you. We’re going to be late – and John hates that!”
“It’s alright, Hilda,” said Nell soothingly, starting to take off her outdoor clothes. “ It won’t take me long to get ready – you know that! And don’t worry; I shall be quite presentable.” Hilda smiled uncertainly and sat down on the very edge of her bed, hands clasped tensely on her lap and ostensibly watching as Nell set about her usual lightning-speed preparations, but not, Nell realised after a few moments, really seeing her at all. “Wherever she is, she’s not here,” she thought, dropping her skirt on the floor, an action that would normally have brought about a teasing remonstrance about tidiness, but on this occasion drew no response at all. Presently, as Nell was combing and arranging her hair, Hilda seemed to become aware of her surroundings again and asked,
“Why were you so late? Was it the homeward-bound traffic?”
“Well, it certainly doesn’t make things easier, especially when everyone is heading homewards at the same time,” commented Nell through a mouthful of hairpins, “But no, I was delayed earlier in the afternoon – had to wait for something rather longer than I thought I would.”
“Was it important?” asked Hilda idly. Nell’s fingers faltered; she had been wondering how and when to broach this with Hilda – indeed she had prayed that she would be shown the right time and place, but was this it? A glance at the clock showed her that it was not – and that despite her assurances to Hilda, she would have to hurry if they were not to be late.
“Reasonably so,” she replied vaguely. “I certainly didn’t want to have to make a return visit. Now, tell me, how did you get on after I left?” As she had hoped, Hilda’s attention shifted away from her as she began to talk about the precious time she had spent with her daughter.
“She was very quiet, to start with, Nell; I suppose it was shyness – after all I haven’t seen her for nearly four months. She didn’t say very much until after her nanny had gone; then we went up to the nursery, and it started to get easier.” She paused, frowning. “I suppose I’m being silly, but I really don’t like that nanny, although she is highly qualified and experienced.” At once, the memory of that disquieting encounter in the Annersleys’ drawing room returned to Nell, and a niggle of worry tugged at her.
“Do you have any definite reason for that?” she asked, carefully keeping her face turned away from Hilda. Hilda shook her head.
“Nothing, really. It’s just that since this woman took charge of her, she’s been much quieter, harder to get at somehow. It takes me so much longer before she’s really relaxed with me.” Her voice wobbled slightly. “She never used to be like that, Nell.”
“It could be that she’s getting older,” said Nell in a matter of fact way. Hilda sighed.
“I suppose so,” she said. “I haven’t been able to spend much time with her, so it’s difficult for me to see how she’s changing. And anyway, I don’t see how that could be anything to do with her nanny, do you?”
“It could be shyness,” said Nell, avoiding Hilda’s question. “Once she’s with you all the time, I’m sure it will be different.”
“I hope so,” said Hilda wistfully. Then a gentle smile illuminated her face. “Oh Nell, we did have a lovely time together this afternoon, though; I told her stories, and we had a doll’s tea-party and rearranged the furniture in the doll’s house. Apparently, the dolls are moving to the country soon!” She laughed softly. “Then she told me a story, all about a talking cat who lives behind a door in the fireplace!” Nell chuckled in her turn.
“Definitely her mother’s daughter then!” Hilda’s eyes sparkled happily.
“She’s always enjoyed telling me stories, you know. Oh Nell, we had such a happy time. I promised I would go back tomorrow and take her for a walk to the park to see the ducks – if Emma agreed.” The lovely laughter died out of her face, and she got up to walk restlessly to the window where she stood staring out at the rooftops. There was a second of silence, then she whispered, “Sometimes I feel so jealous and angry, existing from meeting to meeting like this; I know it’s wrong, Nell, but I can’t always help it.” Nell wriggled swiftly into her dress, crossed the room in two strides and caught Hilda in her arms.
“Sweetheart, it’s not wrong! She’s your daughter and she belongs with you. And remember, it won’t be much longer before you are together.” Hilda leaned against her, comforted by that reassuring embrace.
“You always give me strength at the moments I need it, don’t you?” she murmured. Nell smiled tenderly at her beloved Hilda, kissed her gently, then stepping back said,
“Now, if you would zip me up, I would be much obliged! Then we can go forward to battle – if you think I’ll do.” Hilda did as she had been requested, then looked at Nell a sudden touch of mischief in her eyes.
“You know, you can look so incredibly respectable when you make the effort!” she remarked. Nell glared at her,
“You make it sound as if it’s a once a year event!” she said tartly, and was rewarded by Hilda’s giggle. “Believe me, respectability is all I aim for, my love. Beauty I’ll leave to you.” Hilda blushed.
“Don’t be silly, Nell!”
“I’m not, my dear. Now, let’s depart.” She picked up her coat and bag, pausing to glance in the mirror to ensure that she was as tidy as she could be. Behind her, Hilda spoke softly.
“To me Nell, you are, and always will be beautiful.”

Author:  Ruth B [ Mon Feb 12, 2007 12:33 pm ]
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Ahh! A lovely scene. Thank you Cath!

Author:  MaryR [ Mon Feb 12, 2007 2:16 pm ]
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What reassurance Nell gives her - and I'm not surprised Hilda was beside herself if John behaves like that. But Nell completes her and gives her courage when her own falters - as she did for Nell earlier.

What a lovely afternoon she had, didn't she, but she's so right. It's heart-wrenching that it happens so rarely - and just what is the this new nanny about to do? Is she going to try and scupper their plans or turn Elizabeth against her mother?

Thank you, Cath.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Mon Feb 12, 2007 2:28 pm ]
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I can well imagine that Nell will have to wait for the right moment to tell Hilda just *how* she spent her afternoon -and this certainly isn't it.

It's good to see that Hilda and Elizabeth enjoyed their time together, despite the latter's initial shyness. And like MaryR, I do wonder about this new nanny's intentions, but once Hilda is armed with those documents Nell now has in her possession......

Hope that the dinner won't become too stressful, even if they are just a little late in arriving. Once again, I look forward to seeing how this unfolds.

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Squirrel [ Mon Feb 12, 2007 8:30 pm ]
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Poor Hilda, left up in that room, waiting for Nell to arrive. With all her ghosts from the past too.

However, Nell is now with her again, and she has had the chance to share her thoughts with her. Concern about the Nanny certainly seems to be christalizing - and Nell is hiding her own concerns well, in her attempts to reassure Hilda.

I hope all goes well with this evening out, and that Nell finds the right time to produce those documents soon.

Thanks Cath.

Author:  Tara [ Tue Feb 13, 2007 12:54 am ]
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Nell is such a breath of fresh air, isn't she, cutting through all the tension and fear with her common sense and courage. I love her lightening preparations for dinner, so typical - as is dropping her skirt on the floor, of course.

I hate the fact that Hilda has to care whether John will be annoyed if they're late. Can't wait until she can tell him to s** off!

And I DO NOT LIKE that Nanny. What has she done to Elizabeth to have made her retreat into herself like that?

Author:  Cath V-P [ Wed Feb 14, 2007 1:35 pm ]
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No, I don't like this nanny either....not sure why though :wink: :D And a little more.

The clock on the ornate marble mantelpiece chimed half-past six as Hilda and Nell were ushered into the Annersleys’ drawing-room, now even more imposing with the heavy brown velvet curtains drawn and the lamps lit, than it had appeared this morning.
“Impressive,” Nell remarked in an undertone as the maid apologised for John Annersley’s absence, caused by an unexpected and urgent telephone message, and then departed to inform him of their arrival. “But not comfortable,” she added gazing round at the heavy furniture and dark watered-silk wallpaper.
“It’s not really meant to be,” said Hilda. “This, and the dining room, is the public part of the house - and John’s study of course; the morning room is much more cosy, but we won’t see that tonight.”
“Um,” said Nell, digesting this information.
She had spent the twenty minutes of the walk from the hotel in gathering information from Hilda about John Annersley’s occupation and interests; it seemed he was a lawyer, who had achieved partnership in his firm, and had also been of assistance to the government in preparing certain aspects of legislation that related to national security. Apparently, and hardly surprising given the circumstances, this was an area of his work that had increased greatly during the last eight months. He was, it appeared, fond of music and reading, although his tastes in the latter area tended towards biography and political and economic treatises, rather than novels. While the information thus garnered had not suggested that a particularly diverting evening was in store, Nell had no fears that she would be unable to meet the social demands made on her, and at any other time would have regarded the dinner as something to be got through with as much grace and dignity as possible, though not necessarily enjoyed. However, tonight would be a very different occasion; there was nothing to stop Hilda from taking Elizabeth to Devon, but it would be so much easier for everyone if they had John Annersley’s support. So it was extremely important that all should go well for both of them this evening, and that she, Nell, should make a good impression. This in itself was nerve-wracking enough, but she was also concerned about Hilda, who had become increasingly quiet and tense during this short walk.
“Hilda,” she said softly, as they neared the house. Hilda started slightly and her face whitened a little. Nell took her hand and squeezed it comfortingly. “It will be alright, you know, I’m here with you. You don’t have to do this alone. And you just keep remembering this: they can’t stop you taking Elizabeth with you. You’re her mother, and nothing will ever change that.” Hilda sighed.
“I know Nell, but they’ve looked after her since she was a baby. I owe them a great deal; to be honest, I’m not sure that I could stand against them if they didn’t agree with what I wanted.”
“Oh yes, you could,” said Nell firmly. “If you had to – but I rather think you won’t. And anyway it’s not just you in this, it’s us.” She was rewarded by a rather watery smile, then Hilda murmured,
“But Nell, what if she doesn’t want to leave them? What if she doesn’t want to come with me?” Nell’s mouth firmed.
“Hilda, let’s take this one step at a time – and the first thing to do is to demonstrate clearly that you are more than capable of looking after your daughter and that that is exactly what you are going to do. Got that?” There was a half-second of silence, then Hilda nodded, her face suddenly resolute; lifting her head a fraction higher, she marched up the wide front steps to the front door and confidently rang the bell. Behind her Nell murmured approvingly,
“That’s my girl!”

Author:  Ruth B [ Wed Feb 14, 2007 1:39 pm ]
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*fingers crossed* I do hope the dinner goes smoothly.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Wed Feb 14, 2007 1:57 pm ]
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I loved the way that Nell firstly applied herself to finding out all she could about John Annersley, and then to heartening Hilda, who is understandably nervous about Elizabeth's future. Also the contrast between these formal rooms and the more homely morning room where they had been before.

Like Ruth, I'm hoping this dinner will go smoothly. I have no serious doubts that matters will eventually be arranged to Hilda and Nell's satisfaction, but I'm realistic enough to suspect that there will be a couple of unexpected wrinkles along the way. I'll look forward to seeing the outcome.

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Squirrel [ Wed Feb 14, 2007 3:20 pm ]
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I was pleased to see that Nell was able to give Hilda the confidence she needed to begin the evening. Of course, it would be difficult, and waiting is never nice, but if she can have the confidence at the start she will be able to face whatever they throw at her.

I also hope that the meal goes well, and that John is in a good mood so that that doesn't lead to difficulties.

Thanks Cath.

Author:  MaryR [ Wed Feb 14, 2007 3:39 pm ]
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But Hilda is so right in one fear - what if Elizabeth doesn't want to go? :cry: For Hilda, her daughter's wishes would be paramount, even if she herself is hurt in the process.

Good for you, Nell. She needed to know that she is more than capable of standing up to them - she is no longer ill and grieving, as she was before when she let them dictate to her. But she also knows that with you there, she can do anything. So you just behave and mind your manners! :lol:

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Identity Hunt [ Wed Feb 14, 2007 5:25 pm ]
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I`ve just caught up with this and am breathless with anticipation of the next installment.........

Author:  Alison H [ Wed Feb 14, 2007 6:02 pm ]
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Feel sorry for Elizabeth - hope she doesn't end up caught in the middle between everyone.

Thanks Cath :D .

Author:  Tara [ Thu Feb 15, 2007 12:17 am ]
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Isn't it weird how Hilda slips back into being a rather frightened little sister in this context. The thought of Hilda the Headmistress not being able to stand up to them is laughable, but she certainly needs Nell to remind her of who she now is. And yes, Nell will need to restrain herself and make a good impression!

As for Elizabeth possibly not wanting to go ... poor little girl, but she's going to have to go somewhere, isn't she. The whole thrust of John's letter was that he was shipping her out, possibly permanently. I do rather worry what all this is doing to her.

Agog for the next instalment.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Thu Feb 15, 2007 9:08 am ]
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Thank you for your comments, and here's a little more before I dash out of the door

When John Annersley did appear in the drawing room, a scant five minutes after their arrival, Nell was taken slightly aback by the strong physical resemblance that he bore to his sister: they shared the same tall slim build, the same clear-cut features and above all, the same observant blue-grey eyes. Also, after less than ten minutes in his company, Nell had become acutely aware of certain similarities of gesture and expression that were occasionally startling, and which caused her momentarily to wonder whether Hilda and John were perhaps more alike in character than she had previously supposed. She pushed this thought aside for future consideration and applied herself to the task of establishing herself in John Annersley’s good graces.
His greeting to Hilda had been a pleasant but restrained, “Good evening, Hilda; I trust you are well?” and he had accepted her slightly faltering introduction of Nell as ‘my good friend and colleague, Helena Wilson,” without any comment other than a handshake and a courteous “Delighted to make your acquaintance”. He smiled politely at them both as he continued, “Emma will be down in a moment; she is upstairs saying “Goodnight” to our niece, whose bedtime it is.” He glanced swiftly at Hilda. “She asked me to tell you that if she were not down by the time you arrived, you might like to join her briefly in the night nursery.” At once a look of surprised delight appeared on Hilda’s face and she hastily left the room; as the door closed behind her, John sighed, then he turned to Nell.
“Forgive me, Miss - Wilson, I believe Hilda said? Domestic concerns, you know – the penalty for having to dine so early I’m afraid. Now, would you care for a small sherry?”
“Thank you,” replied Nell equally politely. “A small sherry would be very nice.” Evidently thankful for something to do, John busied himself with pouring drinks, and by the time Emma and Hilda came downstairs, he and Nell were engaged in polite conversation of the sort that Nell in which Nell was an adept. One corner of her mind noted that thankfully, Hilda now looked more like herself, although she was still very quiet and appeared slightly distracted at times. Fortunately, Emma’s cordial welcome of Nell diverted attention from this and the talk flowed easily until dinner was announced.

Over the meal, conversation centred initially on the activities of the Annersley children – although Nell gathered swiftly that two at least of the ‘children’ had left school and the third was clamouring to do so. The eldest, Edward, had taken a commission in a Guards Regiment and was currently away training, Celia was proving to be of great value to her mother in her work for the WRVS, although she was saying more and more frequently that she would like to join either the WRENS or the WAAF, and Joseph had just celebrated his eighteenth birthday.
“Joseph of course, is still relatively uninformed about his future, - and of course, he will be joining the army soon,” remarked John at this point. “He still hankers after literature, but as I’ve already informed him, the study of this will not fit him for any particularly desirable career – for a man, that is.” He smiled benignly on the three women, apparently unaware that he had said anything in the least untoward; Hilda’s lips tightened, and Nell concentrated on repressing her sudden flare of anger, while Emma looked faintly amused.
“And of course our youngest is presently holidaying with a schoolfriend in Yorkshire,” she said placidly. “Her letters have been full of the beauties of York and the fun of walking on the moors.” She turned to Nell, “Do you know Yorkshire, Miss Wilson?”
“Yes, rather well,” replied Nell, taking full advantage of the turn in conversation. “My father’s family were originally from just outside Leeds, although he moved south after qualifying, and never lived in the north again. My grandparents still lived there when I was a small child, and we spent a number of holidays with them.” Emma nodded.
“And what was your father’s occupation – if I may ask?”
“He was a solicitor, Mrs Annersley; he practiced in west London, and occasionally undertook some work for a firm in Exeter.”
“And he preferred London to Yorkshire?” Nell, recognising a fishing expedition when she met it, smiled blandly at Emma, but mindful that the aim of this evening was not only to establish her as Hilda’s most trusted friend, but also to provide unimpeachable credentials, answered calmly.
“He was offered a position in Ealing with a firm that was owned by a family friend. Eventually he became a partner.”
“So you lived in London, then?” Nell chuckled.
“Only when we had to! We spent a lot of time in a cottage on Dartmoor that was owned by my parents – that’s where I live during the holidays, and I count that my home.”
“And what about your family? Are they still in London?”
“No,” Nell shook her head, her eyes growing suddenly sombre. “Mother and Cherry, my younger sister, died within days of one another, and Father never really recovered from that. He died six months later – of heart trouble the doctor said, and it was, although I don’t think it was quite as he meant it. That was almost eleven years ago.” There was a little silence between them, then Emma reached across and patted her hand.
“I am so sorry, my dear; I didn’t mean to upset you.” Nell smiled.
“It doesn’t upset me to talk about them, Mrs Annersley; I had a very happy childhood and a very loving family – and until I was twenty-two I knew nothing other than love and security, so I was really very fortunate.”
“Yes, you were,” remarked Emma meditatively, glancing across the table at Hilda, who sat, outwardly calm, listening to John expounding his views on the war situation and crumbling her bread on her plate as he spoke.

Author:  Squirrel [ Thu Feb 15, 2007 11:06 am ]
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Well done Nell - some of that must have been terribly hard to bear. I'm so pleased that Hilda was given the chance to help with getting Elisabeth ready for bed, that was a lovely touch.

And John has reason to be uncomfortable really! Though I suppose that things will go more smoothly for all if he's not so. It's interesting to see what Hilda's nieces and nephews are up to now - though Johns views on what is an option for Joseph must have been slightly irritating for everyone.

I'm glad that Emma was able to come in and help to ease the situation here, before finding out about Nell - I hope that there is some genuine interest here as well as the 'fishing trip' Nell recognises so easily.

Thanks Cath, that was highly enjoyable.

Author:  MaryR [ Thu Feb 15, 2007 3:03 pm ]
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How awful to see the extent to which this has reduced Hilda. :cry: Thank God for Nell and her fund of common sense and her ability to keep the conversation flowing. Clearly she sees that, with John, she does indeed need to show she possesses *unimpeachablle credentials*.

I winced when I heard her comments about knowing nothing but love and security till she was 22. What a contrast with Hilda's life, and Nell knows this even as she lays emphasis on it, as though trying to get a message across. One can just feel the tense atmosphere in that room.

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Tara [ Fri Feb 16, 2007 12:16 am ]
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Hilda faltering, nervously crumbling her bread, having to be grateful for a crumb of time with her daughter, being unable to defend her nephew's love of her own discipline - what has all this reduced her to? Something very unlike herself.
Very interested by Nell's perception of the similarities between her and John, I'll be fascinated to see where that one goes.

Go, Nell, go! She's doing so well (I was so wanting her to ask for a large sherry :D ) and setting herself up in a really strong position.

I like Emma. She's doing her best for Hilda, and is very sensitive to Nell's possible distress when talking about her family. And Nell is so sane and balanced - possibly the result of that same happy, secure and loving environment, of course.

Author:  calico [ Sun Feb 18, 2007 3:56 am ]
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Thanks Cath

Author:  Cath V-P [ Mon Feb 19, 2007 11:11 am ]
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Thank you; Tara, Nell did want a large sherry, but decided on discretion instead! Here is the rest of the dinner

After dinner, coffee was provided in the drawing room, and the conversation continued, with Nell and Emma doing most of the hard work. John Annersley added several remarks, and Hilda sat quietly listening to Nell and Emma’s careful exploration of a variety of topics, until the flow of talk – Emma and Nell were discussing the undoubted benefits of a certain amount of European travel, and Hilda had relaxed sufficiently to interject a comment of two - was checked by a completely unexpected question from John. Leaning forward, he put his coffee cup down, and took advantage of a pause in the conversation to address his sister directly.
“Hilda, if I may ask - do you have any German or Austrian nationals on the staff at your school?” Taken unawares by this question, which had no apparent link with the subject at present under discussion, Hilda looked up, her expression thoughtful and slightly wary, while Nell turned towards John, suddenly alert.
“There’s only one at the moment: Herr Anserl, who teaches senior music. He’s Austrian, and left Tyrol more or less with the school. Why do you want to know, John?” she asked worriedly. Her brother frowned as he replied.
“Because there are plans that German and Austrian nationals are going to be interned in the very near future. You may want to tell him before it happens – let him make some arrangements about money and contacts -”
“Hilda!” interrupted Nell in horror. “Intern Vater Bär? But we can’t let that happen – not after all he did for us!”
“We may not have the option,” replied Hilda slowly, biting her lip. “In fact if it’s a legal necessity, I don’t think that we will.”
“But -”
“I agree, Nell, but what could we do? If it’s a requirement -”
“I don’t know Hilda, but there must be something!” And she banged her coffee cup into the saucer with considerable force. John Annersley listened to the exchange with interest; he had not expected quite this response when he made his casual inquiry. Emma was unsurprised; this Nell Wilson was very much what she had expected – to her secret satisfaction.
“Hilda,” she asked now, “who is this “Vater Bär” – Father Bear? Presumably that isn’t his name?” Despite herself, Nell uttered a delighted giggle.
“I’m sorry,” she said hastily, catching sight of John’s reproving expression, “ but I’d forgotten how it sounds in English. No: his real name is Karl Anserl. He’s taught music at the school since it was founded. We didn’t really know just how lucky we were to have him until last year – for a variety of reasons.” She suddenly fell silent, wondering how best to explain the nature of the tie between Herr Anserl and the school. She glanced at Hilda, who raised an eyebrow questioningly. Nell nodded and Hilda began to speak.
“We owe a tremendous debt to Herr Anserl,” she said quietly. “If it hadn’t been for him, Nell would never have come back to us from Austria.” There was a startled exclamation from Emma, and John sat forward in his chair, his gaze as it rested on Nell suddenly diamond-hard. “She was arrested by the Gestapo after being separated from a party of people who had to make their own way out of Austria after the Anschluss.” Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed John nodding in satisfaction, and wondered briefly at it, but continued. “Vater Bär saw her being taken into their Headquarters in Spärtz, and with the considerable aid of an American friend and someone from the British Consulate, they were able to get her out of there and across the border into Switzerland.” She hesitated. “I think they bribed someone,” she said finally, wondering at herself that she was saying this.
“Harding would,” said John Annersley very quietly. Both Nell and Hilda stared at him in utter amazement, their thoughts in chaos.
“You know Mr Harding?” said Nell finally, her mind working feverishly. She felt as though the ground was slipping away from beneath her, and so, judging by the expression on her face, did Hilda. John bowed his head slightly, acknowledging her question.
“Yes: and very useful he was to us - and to some other people as well. Personally I don’t greatly care for individuals who work alone; they’re unpredictable and demand too much. And they’re vulnerable, which can be a bit of a nuisance. But Harding – or whatever his name happens to be - gave us some very valuable information – for a price.” His mouth quirked for a moment as he caught sight of Nell’s face. “No, it wasn’t what you’re thinking. But he did demand the resources to give, shall we say, ‘assistance’ to certain unfortunate or quixotic people who fell foul of the new regime.” He glanced round at the three women, sitting in silent astonishment. “I can tell you this now; you’re never likely to meet him in the foreseeable future - and if you did see him again, Miss Wilson, you would never recognise him. He blends very well with his background.” Remembering the apparent insignificance of the man who had removed her from Leutnant Bhaer’s clutches and accompanied her from Spärtz to Innsbruck, Nell had to agree with this. John leaned forward in his chair and stared uncompromisingly at both Hilda and Nell. “And this part of the conversation has never happened,” he stated quietly. Both Hilda and Nell murmured in quick agreement and he sat back again.
“But this Herr Anserl; you say he helped you as well?”
“Yes,” replied Hilda in subdued tones. “When Nell was being taken into the Gestapo Headquarters in Spartz, Herr Anserl was outside; he caught sight of her, and went to Mr Flower, an American whose daughter was at the school and who had wealth and some influence – and contacts.”
“But it meant that Herr Anserl had to leave Austria as well,” added Nell. “It was too dangerous for him to stay; it was known that he had been employed by the School, and someone might have seen him that evening – and remembered it later.” Her voice grew sad. “He lost so much when he chose to help me.” For a fleeting and unseen moment, John Annersley’s eyes softened in the way that his sister’s did when she was moved; then he spoke gruffly.
“He’ll be alright. He’ll have to go for investigation, at least to start with, but I promise you that he’ll be back with you as soon as we can manage it.”
We?” John raised an eyebrow at his sister’s incredulous query, and Nell was struck once again by the strong family resemblance between them.
“I understood you were a lawyer?’ she chimed in. John glanced in her direction.
“That’s correct – and a government advisor on certain issues of policy. And I have other concerns as well, which, frankly, I don’t care to discuss further at the moment.” Hilda flushed and was silent again, while Nell and Emma exchanged another of those oddly communicative glances. John frowned heavily, then said abruptly,
“Which is one of the reasons, my dear Hilda, that I have to make certain changes in the running of my household. May I ask whether you have come to any decisions about the matter that I raised in my last letter to you?” Hilda shifted unhappily in her chair, all her doubts and fears flooding back into her mind; she opened her mouth, then closed it again. Emma leaned forward, catching her husband’s eye.
“I think tomorrow would be a better time to discuss this,” she said firmly. “John, you mentioned earlier that you would be working at home in the morning; perhaps Hilda would be able to see you and have a chat then.” John considered this suggestion for a moment.
“Perhaps it would be better,” he said finally. “ I must apologise Miss Wilson, for raising family concerns in this way.”
“Not at all,” replied Nell graciously. “Sometimes one must seize the moment as it happens.” She was rewarded for this artless observation by momentary, but identical, glares of suspicion from two pairs of blue-grey eyes.

Author:  Ruth B [ Mon Feb 19, 2007 11:16 am ]
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Oh gosh! I don't know what to think of John now really.

Author:  MaryR [ Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:39 pm ]
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I had to chuckle at that last sentence. :lol:

But this means Hilda has to go through another night of uncertainty. :cry: How will she bear it? :cry: And surely Nell was all primed to wade in with all guns blazing....

On the other hand, we now see John in an unexpecterd light, with a softer centre than suspected - and certainly interests that leave one wondering just how much he knows. But I do like that "we" when it comes to Vater Bar. Will Hilda find a quiet support behind her while the school is in England?

As for Emma and Nell... hmmm! You've really got me wondering, Cath.

Author:  Squirrel [ Mon Feb 19, 2007 3:34 pm ]
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Where are we now? Cats seem to have certainly chosen to vacate their various hiding places to all extents and purposes. And what was John trying to establish with the sudden diversion? That was certainly no social chit chat. I don't know that he's the type who would just say such things from the kindness of his heart - though I suppose he may feel that as his sister has worked in a school based in the continent for some years, there was the possibility that she might be effected by it - and we have seen that he can work to protect her, if not exactly in the best of ways.

There is a bit of me that is wondering whether he was also looking to see what effect that bombshell might have on the two women! I'd say that he has certainly learned far more about the two women he has sitting in front of him now than he would have done any other way. And yet, even if he can talk because neither will see the man he was talking about, he obviously has some level of trust in them. What did he know, what was he confirming in his use of the words, and what will the outcome of it all be?

I hope that Hilda will have the strength she needs tonight. Nell will only have a little to give her during the course of the evening, and of course, neither John nor Emma knows how much Nell is aware of, and that she would have been perfectly happy to go into such details with her friend still about. I'm still interested to know what she plans on doing with the documents she has procured!

Thanks Cath.

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Mon Feb 19, 2007 9:03 pm ]
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Lots of surprises there and lots more questions raised to be added to the pile of ones waiting to be answered.

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Pat [ Mon Feb 19, 2007 10:14 pm ]
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I wondered if that was some sort of test - to see if they would admit/talk about Nell's experience. I suspect John must have had some idea of the way she was when she got to England if he knows about Harding.

Author:  Tara [ Tue Feb 20, 2007 12:25 am ]
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Well that was fascinating - and very surprising. Clearly, John is far from being as bad as we imagined, and had very definite goals in leading the conversation in this direction. Anyone who shares Hilda's expressions, whether of sympathy or anger, in this way can't be bad or negligible.

I love Nell's refusal to accept the claims of logic and legality when they conflict with those of friendship and gratitude. Just don't break any of Emma's china, Nell! Interesting that Emma is pleased to see that flash of the 'real' Nell, showing so clearly that she's a fighter, and a passionate one.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Thu Feb 22, 2007 5:15 pm ]
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I've finally had chance to catch up with these two very fascinating episodes - talk about 'the ties that bind' (yes, I know that the true context for that particular line is light years removed from this story, but somehow it fits so well here!)

There are so many interesting issues here - and I'm sure, as Tara and others are, that some of this discussion was in the nature of a test of both Hilda and Nell's reactions. It also confirmed some things which, reading between the lines, John already knew about Nell. Clearly he is not simply an everyday solicitor - he has some very interesting 'other activities' and I can quite understand his insistence that this particular conversation 'never happened.'

Yet at the same time, it all serves to show that he and Hilda share a lot of similar character traits, which is a good thing. Also a 'good thing' is Emma's clear, though unspoken, support of both Hilda and Nell - this, I suspect, bodes well for the discussion of Elizabeth's future.

A shame that Hilda now has to wait another night for that discussion to take place, but.... And if John and Emma think she will return alone in the morning, I suspect they will be in for a surprise there!

Thanks, Cath - I'm now waiting eagerly to see how the next section will play out.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Fri Feb 23, 2007 8:59 am ]
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Thank you for your comments; believe me, I was as surprised as anyone by John's hidden depths!

“Dear heaven, but that was strange.”
“What on earth are you talking about?”
“You and your brother!” Nell shook her head wryly. “You know, there were moments tonight when I was most disconcerted – seeing your eyes in his face, similar expressions, the gestures that you both use.” Hilda sat up in bed, and looked across at Nell, sitting on the edge of the other bed and brushing her hair, in some surprise.
“You’re joking, aren’t you?”
“Not at all; it was quite alarming at times. And Emma was most tremendously amused – by my reactions, I suspect!”
“I suppose we are alike,” replied Hilda meditatively. “We both take after Father, while Simon was more like Mother – in appearance anyway.” Nell’s gaze rested affectionately on Hilda.
“Oh yes indeed,” she replied feelingly. “At times tonight, it was most unsettling!” Hilda thought Nell’s comments over, then suddenly giggled.
“I must admit, there were moments when I thought you looked a little startled, and I had absolutely no idea why. Heavens, you must have been shocked!”
“Believe me, I was!” Hilda lay down again, and there was a silence. Then came the question Nell had been waiting for:
“So, how do you think it went?”
At once, all desire to laugh left Nell; she dropped her brush, got up and went over to Hilda, perching herself on the bed beside her.
“Well,” she said thoughtfully, “It wasn’t what I expected – all that business about Mr Harding or whatever-his-name-is – to say that that was surprising is putting it mildly!”
“I know,” confessed Hilda, wriggling into a sitting position, and arranging her pillows to make herself more comfortable. “I was amazed by that; John suddenly turned into somebody that I didn’t recognise. But Nell, apart from that -”
“Emma supports you,” said Nell quietly, and with utter certainty. “I’m sure she does. And for what it’s worth, I think she approves of yours truly as well.”
“She was very affable towards you,” agreed Hilda. “But then, I’ve never brought anyone with me when I’ve visited them, apart from James, and that was only once or twice when we were first engaged.”
“Not more often?” asked Nell, trying, with limited success, to keep the anger out of her voice. Hilda smiled, well aware of Nell’s feelings.
“He and John disagreed about a number of things, so it was wiser to keep them apart, especially when John found out about the India plan, and before you ask, no, he didn’t approve at all – and said so at great length on a number of occasions.”
“I see,” said Nell, taking Hilda’s hand in her own. “What did Emma think about it?” Hilda pondered for a moment.
“She didn’t approve either,” she said slowly, “But I think that was because she was concerned about me, and in particular how I would cope with the climate. She was a little more sympathetic toward the general idea, although I think she was puzzled by it. And of course, she helped me so much when Elizabeth was born.” Her lovely eyes clouded for a moment, and she paused, staring down at their interlinked hands.
“I’m sure I would have died if she hadn’t been there,” she said finally. She shivered at the memory, her face very grave and Nell sat silent, startled and horrified.
“Hilda, what happened?” she whispered. Hilda shrugged.
“The nurse we’d engaged didn’t take the care she should have, and it all nearly went very wrong. Emma arrived in the middle of things, realised what was happening, and insisted on getting the doctor immediately, which was fortunate, as I haemorrhaged badly. If I’d had to wait for him to arrive….” She looked at Nell, whose face was very still. “It took me a long time to get over it, and it was Emma’s idea then that they should take Elizabeth. I owe her a great deal, although we’ve never really talked about it, and if she thinks that what we propose will work, then that will make John feel better.”
“What you propose,” answered Nell quietly. “No Hilda, it has to be your words, not ours. They need to know that you can do this yourself – especially John. It’ll probably help that they know I’m around, but you’re the important person in this.” Hilda nodded thoughtfully.
“You’re right,” she said, her mouth firming. “I know I can look after her, but they have to be convinced of it.” Her voice was suddenly sad, “ I just wish I could convince John that James and I were married; I wouldn’t feel at such a disadvantage.”
“Wait a moment,” said Nell sharply. Praying that she was doing the right thing, she got up, retrieved her handbag and produced the envelope that she had received that afternoon. Without a word, she handed it to Hilda and began to brush her hair again. Puzzled, Hilda stared at her.
“Just show him what’s inside,” she said simply, and watched as slowly, Hilda opened the envelope, removed and unfolded a long sheet of paper. There was a minute of complete silence. Nell finished plaiting her hair for the night, and turned back towards Hilda. She had not moved, and was simply staring down at the pale green certificate that now lay across her lap; her hands were trembling, and her eyes wide with disbelief.

Author:  Alison H [ Fri Feb 23, 2007 9:55 am ]
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Glad that Hilda's got her proof - will be interesting to see how John reacts.

Author:  MaryR [ Fri Feb 23, 2007 1:02 pm ]
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Oh, Hilda, you poor thing. After all this time.... :cry:

Hopefully you now have the ammunition to make you strong enough to do this - as Nell says, it is you who have to prove that you can do it. She's just there to offer support. I love the way she is so convinced about Emma. And indeed, Emma seems to have been the heroine during Elizabeth's birth.

(((Hilda)))

But what is this nanny going to do - or what has she already done?

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Fri Feb 23, 2007 5:20 pm ]
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It will indeed be interesting to see how John reacts when he sees that particular piece of paper - thank goodness Nell has had the forethought to secure it for Hilda.

Given Emma's already friendly attitude, I think that the proposal for Elizabeth will find favour, once John & Emma can accept the definitely unusual circumstances. However, Nell is absolutely correct in her insistence that Hilda herself has to make the case for it, even though the others will realise that Nell is in the background, and in full agreement.

Like Mary, I'm rather wondering about that nanny - but surely her employers will be able to overrule anything she might try to do.

Thanks, Cath - I'm really looking forward to seeing how this will resolve itself.

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Fri Feb 23, 2007 11:59 pm ]
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Re-reading the last few posts and then this last one I am tempted to begin to believe that John will surprise Hilda and give only token protests. I think, however, that's one to file under "extremely unlikely to happen".

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Tara [ Sat Feb 24, 2007 12:40 am ]
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Quote:
No Hilda, it has to be your words, not ours. They need to know that you can do this yourself
Absolutely. John doesn't seem to know Hilda very well at all - about time he began to see some of her strength.
Also about time he began to grovel. I hope seeing that marriage certifucate will give him the shock of his life and make him realise how very badly he's treated her.

Author:  Squirrel [ Sun Feb 25, 2007 10:11 pm ]
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I am stunned into silence by the sheer emotional intensity of that talk. From the quiet general discussion, into the heart of the matter, and then on through Hildas wishes to having the possibilty of one of her greatest wishes on this issues being answered.

There is so much in this, and again, the depths of the relationship is clear, with Nell giving Hilda the support and encouragement she needs at just the right moments.

I hope that Hilda is able to 'weep a little weep' if she needs to, and then go on - without getting overly upset at herself.

Looking forwards to the continuing conversation when it comes.

Thanks Cath.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Mon Feb 26, 2007 11:19 am ]
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Thank you for your comments. There are still lots of questions to be answered aren't there? :wink:
And now for the second part of that conversation.


“How – where did this come from?’ she whispered. “Nell – did you – how did you get this?” Nell crossed the room in two steps and seized Hilda in a comforting hug.
“It’s alright, Hilda, it’s quite genuine, I promise you.”
“But where did you find it?” Nell looked down at her.
“Somerset House, my love. And the longest part of the whole business was waiting for the clerk to copy it!” Hilda smiled distractedly, and then the full meaning of what Nell had said struck her.
“Somerset House!” she gasped, pulling herself out of Nell’s embrace. “Oh God, what an idiot I’ve been - I never even thought of it! And it was there all the time, waiting for me.” At once, Nell shook her head.
“Not for at least a year, you know. It takes roughly that long for the indexes to be compiled, so even if you, or anyone else, had gone hunting there before Elizabeth was born, you wouldn’t have found anything.”
“But I could have gone afterwards; I’ve wasted so much time!” She pressed her hand hard against her mouth, and her eyes filled with tears of guilt and self-reproach. For a moment Nell let her cry, praying for the right words to answer the anguish so evident in Hilda’s appeal. Carefully, she took Hilda’s hands between her own and held them tightly.
“Listen to me, Hilda,” she said quietly. “Yes, you could have gone to Somerset House and located that certificate. But – forgive me – I’m not sure that it would have made all that much difference to John.” Hilda stared at her, bewildered and shocked.
“Why not, Nell? What do you mean? That was the thing - that he thought we weren’t married, so -” Nell laid a gentle hand on her arm and spoke softly.
“Hilda, to John, you have always been his little sister, to be looked after and protected, and I don’t think he would ever have seen you as anything else. And I may be wrong about this, but I think he’s the sort of man who idealises the women around him.” She stopped, and Hilda considered this.
“I suppose that’s true; he never said anything about it to me, but Mother’s death affected him badly – and he was very insistent that I should grow up to be like her. And he used to talk a lot about woman’s ennobling influence and unconscious power to civilise, and things like that.” Despite herself, Nell giggled.
“Rather like those books for girls that we used to be given by well-meaning aunts, you mean? Very Girls Own Paper-ish?” Hilda nodded, a fleeting smile touching her lips as she remembered some of the sentiments expressed in the books and magazines of her youth. Then she grew serious again.
“I think you’re right about him, Nell, and as you’ve seen, he is very conventional.”
“And he’d expect you to be the same, wouldn’t he? Going to university, teaching, living independently – he must have hated all that.”
“He did,” Hilda agreed. “I had to fight so hard to get there, even with Father’s support, and he never lost an opportunity to tell me that ‘good’ women didn’t do what I was doing; they stayed at home and let their fathers and brothers look after them!” Nell smiled sympathetically, and put her arm round Hilda.
“He’s very conservative isn’t he?” she said. “So marrying James so suddenly, even though you were engaged and they knew about him – I don’t think he was ever going to approve of that. I really hope I’m wrong - and I’m not clever about people like you are, so I probably am – but my guess is that he’ll be very pleased to find that his worst suspicions were wrong, but he’ll probably still be disapproving.” Hilda’s eyes clouded as Nell finished speaking and she did not reply. Instead she looked down at the certificate, at the neat black writing that proclaimed that Hilda Mary Annersley and James Edward Grant had been married by the Reverend Charles Bryce at the church of St Barnabas on the 19th July 1933.
“To see it written there, so definitely,” she said, almost to herself, in tones of soft wonder. “And the names – the church, the vicar - of course, that’s what they were; how could I have forgotten them?” Her eyes shone again with tears, but when she turned towards Nell, she was smiling.
“How can I ever thank you for this?” she whispered. “Oh Nell, I can’t begin to tell you what it means to me.” Nell gazed at her tenderly and drew Hilda closer to her.
“The important thing is that now you don’t have to worry about anyone’s disapproval,” she said softly. “Nobody can dispute your right to Elizabeth, or stop you taking her anywhere that you choose.” At her words Hilda’s eyes grew even brighter, and a faint colour touched her face.
“You’re right,” she said, her lovely voice breathless with hope. “Oh Nell, I hadn’t thought of it, but you’re right.”

Author:  Squirrel [ Mon Feb 26, 2007 11:51 am ]
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That was a lovely end to the scene Cath - thank you. Now Hilda can do what she wants with her head held high. And John can feel relieved that his sister did hold true to her values regardless of what he thought.

Looking forward to the next part.

Thanks Cath

Author:  Alison H [ Mon Feb 26, 2007 1:39 pm ]
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Hope that things work out as they're hoping.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Mon Feb 26, 2007 3:44 pm ]
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I think that Nell's assessment of John's character is remarkably accurate, given that she has only spent such a short while in his company. Yes, the existence of that vital marriage certificate will be a huge help in convincing John that Hilda and James had in fact 'done the right thing', but I think she's right to realise it won't solve everything to do with Elizabeth's future without a few more obstacles being removed.

However, if Hilda can remain cool in the face of his initial reaction and remember the other side of him revealed when the story of Nell's experiences was told (clearly, he already knew much about it from Harding) then her desire to care for Elizabeth herself will eventually prevail over her brother's conventional side. I can't imagine him being less than bewildered at least and horrified at most, by the unconventional living arrangements which are being suggested, and we do have to remember the period when this is set. On the other hand, Emma is clearly on 'their' side, and if she gives her approval - even if the suggested arrangements startle her, too, at first - John will eventually agree to them.

Now if only that Nanny - whom I mistrust implicitly - doesn't try to exert her unfavourable influence on Elizabeth herself. .....

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  MaryR [ Mon Feb 26, 2007 5:06 pm ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
[“How can I ever thank you for this?” she whispered. “Oh Nell, I can’t begin to tell you what it means to me.” Nell gazed at her tenderly and drew Hilda closer to her.

You don't need to thank her, Hilda. She knows how much you have already done for her, rescuing her from her demons. After that, she would do anything she could for you.

Cath V-P wrote:
"The important thing is that now you don’t have to worry about anyone’s disapproval,” she said softly. “Nobody can dispute your right to Elizabeth, or stop you taking her anywhere that you choose.”

And that should give Hilda the courage to stand up to John, no matter the obstacles he still places in her way. She needs to imagine him as a naughty Middle and then she would have no problem. :lol: And Nell's assessment of John should also give her courage.

Like Elder, I am still worrying about that nanny....

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Mon Feb 26, 2007 5:19 pm ]
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I love the depth and emotion in this update but I think I need to go back and re-read some of the earlier ones to see why everyone is worrying about the Nanny!

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Tara [ Tue Feb 27, 2007 1:14 am ]
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Hilda must, indeed, be kicking herself at not having thought of Somerset House - whatever the effect on John, it would have made her feel a lot better about things. Still, better late than not at all, and Nell has a lot of insight into John's character. I loved his stress on 'woman’s ennobling influence and unconscious power to civilise'! Yes, that's us! :roll:

I don't honestly think they need worry about John and Emma's reaction to their jointly taking responsibility for Elizabeth. It was totally normal at that time for unmarried female friends to live together (and is not unusual now, for that matter), and I don't imagine that many would have suspected, much less assumed, a physical relationship. It's our society, not theirs, that looks for sex under every stone!

Author:  Kathy_S [ Tue Feb 27, 2007 7:22 am ]
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*agrees with Tara -- and Nell*

I've finally caught up on reading this one! Thank you, Cath.

Author:  Identity Hunt [ Tue Feb 27, 2007 5:51 pm ]
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Cath,
I am so glad Nell has been able to get Hilda some proof positive of her short-lived marriage. I would love to see John`s discomfiture when he realises his sister had been telling the truth all along :wink:

But will Elizabeth want to leave her aunt and uncle after all this time ? How will she react to the news ?

So many things to wibble about even now !

Author:  Cath V-P [ Wed Feb 28, 2007 11:48 am ]
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Thank you for your comments; yes, it's still rather worrying isn't it?

Despite the uncertainty about what might happen during the next few days,both Nell and Hilda slept better than they had expected that night – possibly because they were both so very tired after the anxieties and activity of the last forty-eight hours – and it was only after several hours of dreamless and peaceful sleep that Hilda woke. She lay still for a few moments as the events of yesterday evening slid into her mind, then quietly, to avoid disturbing Nell, she tiptoed to the window and peered carefully around the edge of the blackout curtain to find that the first cold grey light of dawn had come. Cautiously – she had no desire to wake Nell, although how Nell could sleep like that, flat on her stomach, with her nose buried in the pillow was beyond Hilda’s comprehension - she drew one of the curtains just sufficiently to allow her to look outside, curled up in an armchair and gave herself up to dreams of a life with her daughter that she had never before now dared to contemplate. And, it was not only Elizabeth; now there was Nell, a joy and delight that she had never expected….Nell who loved her, encouraged her, supported her…. “But she could never have expected this,” said the voice of cold reason. What if this is a mistake? she thought suddenly. What if it doesn’t work? So much could go wrong; what would happen then? What would Nell do? “You don’t deserve this!” she whispered. “This isn’t what you wanted; it can’t be.” She shivered and leaned her head against the wing of the armchair, staring at the slowly lightening sky, as she tried to make some sort of sense of her troubled thoughts.
Half an hour later, Nell woke – abruptly as was her custom - with the sense that something was wrong. Squinting across the room through sleep-fogged eyes, she could just make out Hilda sitting near the window, hunched up in an armchair. She had drawn back one of the curtains and the dark shapes of the barrage balloons floating over the London skyline like great fat fish were clearly visible in the grey cold of the morning. Quietly Nell slipped out of bed, crossed the room to perch on the arm of the chair behind Hilda and put her arms around her. Hilda jumped slightly – she had been so deep in thought that she had not heard Nell approach - and then leaned back into Nell’s arms, turning her head slightly to snuggle her face into Nell’s shoulder.
“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” murmured Nell into the soft brown hair. At her words, Hilda sighed, then wriggled round to look up at Nell’s searchingly as if trying to find there the answer to something that she sought .
“This changes us, doesn’t it?” she said sadly. For a moment, Nell was silent, thinking of her answer, then she replied simply,
“Yes, you’re right, Hilda, it does.”
“I’m sorry,” came Hilda’s response, which was cut off abruptly as Nell laid a finger on her lips.
“Sshh, my love, there’s nothing to be sorry for.”
“But this wasn’t what you intended - you never bargained for this, for three rather than two.” Nell stared into Hilda’s sad anxious eyes and smiled reassuringly.
“I won’t deny that this has been a bit of a shock,” she said and Hilda’s face grew even more sombre.
“I’m sorry,” she said again. “I wish -” Nell shook her head.
“I love you, Hilda,” she began. “Remember, I promised that I would always love you, no matter what. Nothing changes that, Hilda – nothing, even though our lives might alter in ways we can’t even guess at. Don’t ever doubt that, because it’s the truth.” Hilda sighed, comforted a little by Nell’s loving reassurance.
“But things are different now, aren’t they?” she asked. Nell thought for a moment.
“Yes, they are,” she replied steadily. “And I’d be an idiot to try to pretend that they’re not. But you know Hilda, when you started telling me about - about you, and James and your daughter, there was a horrible moment when I thought I’d lost you, and all I could think was, ‘Anything, let it be anything but losing her.’ After that - ” Her voice wavered, then grew strong again. “After that, Hilda, yes, this has changed us, but we’re together and that’s the most important thing. And don’t ever think that I don’t want Elizabeth. She is your daughter, so she belongs with us.” Hilda closed her eyes, and snuggled her cheek against Nell’s shoulder, grateful beyond words for Nell’s unwavering love and support.
“I’m scared, Nell,” she said suddenly, her voice so low as to be scarcely audible. “I’ve prayed for this and yearned for it for so long - and now it’s here, and I’m terrified.”
“Why?” asked Nell gently. There was a silence, then Hilda whispered,
“ Ever since she was a baby, she’s been looked after by other people, not me. What sort of a mother will I be to her? Will she even want to be with me after all this time?” Nell felt a sudden flicker of anger at the thought of all that Hilda had been cheated of, and forced herself to hold back the furious words that crowded into her mind.
“Hilda, you are and will be a wonderful mother,” she said urgently. “That I can tell you, without any doubt at all. And Hilda, remember this; you’re not doing this alone. I’m not sure about how much help I’ll be, but I’m here too.” Hilda looked at her, all her love for this dear woman shining in her eyes.
“Nell, without you, I wouldn’t be able to think of this, let alone carry it out,” she murmured.
“Yes, you would,” replied Nell at once. “You would do just what you are doing; loving your daughter and bringing her to your home. And while there may be difficulties, I am certain that they will be overcome.” Hilda said nothing, but slipped her arms round Nell to hold her close. They sat silently for perhaps a minute, then Hilda shivered.
“I’m cold,” she said suddenly. Nell bent forward and kissed the tip of Hilda’s nose.
“Then I suggest you come back to bed and warm up,” she remarked, and pulled Hilda up from the chair. “Unless you want to sit here for another hour and freeze,” she added cheerfully. “And that seems somewhat overrated to me!”

Author:  Alison H [ Wed Feb 28, 2007 12:48 pm ]
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It's going to be strange for all of them, but I hope it's OK.

Also wondering if/when they will tell Elizabeth who her real parents are.

Author:  MaryR [ Wed Feb 28, 2007 2:27 pm ]
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What a lovely, tender snapshot of their relationship.

Of course Hilda will be worrying about it, now it's so close at hand. Isn't there a saying about being careful what you wish for as you may get it? Well, she's got it, and now she has to make it work and suddenly she's terrified. But Nell is at hand as always.

And reassures her on all counts - no, it will change but not destroy their relationship; yes, she will make a wonderful mother; yes, of course she could have done it without Nell. But it will be all the sweeter for including Nell.

Now just let Elizabeth want to come with them, Cath....please.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Wed Feb 28, 2007 3:27 pm ]
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Of course the night is always darkest before the dawn, so no wonder Hilda, waking early as she did, was prone to all those doubts and fears - who wouldn't have been in her situation? But the way that Nell reassures her, yet again, that they are both in this together, now and in the future, no matter what change it might bring to their present relationship, must have been so heartwarming.

Another one hoping that Elizabeth will want to come and live with them - frustrate any intentions that the Nanny might have of trying to derail this, please, Cath!

Author:  Squirrel [ Wed Feb 28, 2007 7:27 pm ]
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Cath - I saw this this morning but didn't have a chance to comment on it then. That was beautiful, everything seemed so natural, from the starting of the proper nights sleep, to Hilda's dawn fears, and Nell bringing comfort. I just loved the way that Nell woke up, certain that there was something up - and she was able to sort Hilda out, and make her rest some more.

Looking forwards to seeing what comes next.

Thanks Cath.

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Thu Mar 01, 2007 12:20 am ]
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That last update rings very true and brings real meaning to the phrase "it's always darkest before the dawn". Yet despite all the evidence that Nell is behind Hilda 100% I still worry that something will go wrong!

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Tara [ Thu Mar 01, 2007 1:30 am ]
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Certainly this was something that Nell didn't bargain for in committing herself to Hilda, it's no wonder that Hilda feels so afraid and unsure. They needed to have this conversation, and Hilda needed Nell's honest acknowledgement of the changes it had already made, not to mention those that lay in store for them, so that she could believe her assurance that none of it mattered in the light of the fact that they were together and loved each other - a love that would be extended to Elizabeth.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Sat Mar 03, 2007 1:14 pm ]
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Thank you for your comments., and here is the next part. And wheelchairprincess, you wrote "I still worry that something will go wrong!" Oh surely not... :lol:

“Breakfast calls, I think,” remarked Nell happily, locking the door behind them and setting off briskly towards the lift.
“You must have sharp hearing,” responded Hilda. “I can’t hear a thing!”
“Oh yes,” said Nell solemnly. “The bacon informs me that it came from an exceptionally fresh pig, while the eggs are sorry, but they’re a bit overcooked.” Hilda glanced at her.
“Any message from the toast or porridge?” Nell cocked her head to one side, and listened.
“The toast’s rather indistinct - presumably it’s because of the butter, but the porridge tells me that it’s perfectly made.” She stopped and glanced at Hilda, whose shoulders were shaking. “Is there something wrong?” Hilda shook her head, then gasped out,
“Nothing from the tea then?” Nell regarded her impassively.
“Don’t be silly, Hilda; whoever heard of a pot of tea talking to anyone?” She pushed the lift button as Hilda giggled suddenly and murmured, “Alice, pudding, pudding, Alice!”
“No, no, more like six impossible things before breakfast,” shot back Nell, “There you are, I do read books!”
“One at least, anyway,” returned Hilda cheerfully, and they both began to laugh.
“This lift’s taking a long time,” said Nell, a moment later. “It’ll be almost lunch time by the time we get there at this rate!”
“Oh it’s not that bad,” said Hilda, glancing at her watch. “And it’s only just after half-past eight. And if you hadn’t insisted on an extra hour in bed, we wouldn’t have fallen asleep again, and we would have been downstairs by now!” Nell was silent for a moment, then deciding that this was far too complicated to answer, changed the subject.
“Did you say that you would be at your brother’s house by a specific time this morning?” Hilda shook her head, as she pressed the lift button again - this time being rewarded by a distant clanking that heralded the approach of the lift.
“No, but I imagine that between half-past nine and ten would be – what on earth is the matter?” she asked in some bewilderment as a peculiar expression of alarm crossed Nell’s face and she clutched at the right side of her skirt.
“Damn!” she muttered. Realising immediately what had happened, Hilda grinned, her eyes sparkling with mischief.
“I told you to mend it properly!” she said demurely.
“I thought it would hold for today,” replied Nell crossly. “Oh bother!” She turned round carefully. “You go down to breakfast and sort out something for me, and I’ll go and mend this. It’ll only take me about five minutes.” Hilda giggled.
“I’ll tell the bacon that you’re on your way,” she said. “Nell, why don’t you pin it? It would be quicker.”
“The bacon?”
“No, nitwit, the suspender!” Nell shuddered.
“God, no! I should be haunted by Gwynneth all day if I did that!” Hilda laughed again.
“I should think that would deter you – in that case, I’ll see you downstairs.” Nell grimaced, then started cautiously back down the corridor towards their room to be halted by Hilda’s soft-voiced query.
“I thought you didn’t have any suspender elastic, Nell.” Nell grinned impishly at her.
“I don’t,” she remarked. “But you do!”

It took Nell a little longer than she had anticipated to repair the broken suspender, partly because it took her a while to thread the new elastic through the clip and partly because her sewing kit was not where she had believed it to be, and while she was happy to purloin Hilda’s spare elastic, she felt it would otherwise be wise to use her own supplies. Consequently, by the time she was finished, and had tidied the drawer that she had upended on her bed in her search for scissors, it was on the late side. “I bet everything’s cold by now,” she thought gloomily as she hurried into the dining room and slipped into her seat opposite Hilda.
“I’m sorry I was so long,” she began, picking up the teapot with one hand and her napkin with the other. Then she stopped. Something was clearly amiss; Hilda was sitting very still, both hands wrapped round her teacup, the newspaper open in front of her, and had quite clearly not noticed Nell’s arrival. Nell stared at her, and realised as she did so, that it was not only Hilda who was upset about something; the entire room was very quiet – so quiet that the sounds from the kitchen, and even the street were clearly audible – with only an occasional murmur of conversation and the clinking of cutlery breaking the silence. She looked around swiftly, then reached across the table and touched Hilda’s hand.
“Hilda! What is it?” she asked urgently. Startled, Hilda met her eyes, and Nell was horrified by the alarm she saw in Hilda’s face. “Hilda, what’s the matter?” she asked again. Hilda’s mouth constricted for a moment, then without a word, she pushed the paper across the table to Nell, who took it, wondering. Then she saw the headline, and froze; for what seemed an age, she stared at the heavy black letters, unable to believe the words she saw and willing them to say something different. With an effort, she forced herself to read the first few paragraphs of the main story, and then put the paper down. She looked at Hilda, who was now contemplating the contents of her cup, her lips carefully compressed and eyes remote. Nell drew a deep breath.
“That wasn’t what I expected,” she said flatly.

Author:  MaryR [ Sat Mar 03, 2007 1:24 pm ]
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You enjoyed that, didn't you, Cath, my dear? Leaving us all on tenterhooks for the foreseeable future. Though I'm guessing it is something to do with the war. Was it the blitzkrieg on Denmark and Norway? :cry:

That change of mood between the delightful humour and teasing of the two of them and then the black newspaper headlines was shocking. But the breakfast speaking to Nell was hilarious and as for the suspender..... :shock:

It will put Hilda's fears into perspective and she will want to get Elizabeth out of London quickly - as will John, no doubt.

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Alison H [ Sat Mar 03, 2007 2:43 pm ]
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That started off being so lovely ...

I'm also assuming that it's war news that's upset Hilda?

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Sat Mar 03, 2007 3:54 pm ]
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That first part was lovely - the bantering exchanges, the breakfast 'calling' to Nell, and the incident with the suspender (which reminded me of similar incidents in my own mis-spent youth which I won't go into here!)

But the change of mood.... clearly something to do with the War, given that the papers had those black, banner headlines and that it affected everyone in the dining room. Please don't keep us waiting too long to tell us what has happened.

And I agree with Mary R that whatever *has* happened, it will certainly strengthen John's wish to get his niece out of London as soon as possible.

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Ruth B [ Sat Mar 03, 2007 7:21 pm ]
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Elder in Ontario wrote:
And I agree with Mary R that whatever *has* happened, it will certainly strengthen John's wish to get his niece out of London as soon as possible.


I hope it isn't too late to get Elizabeth out of London...

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Sat Mar 03, 2007 7:51 pm ]
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Looks like I was right to worry. And Cath, lovely as it was to read an update the way that ended was almost cruel.

Author:  Squirrel [ Sun Mar 04, 2007 2:44 pm ]
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Oh dear, what on earth has happened now? Poor Hilda, and Nell. Will this put Hilda's app with her brother off? I mean, if it's an important war issue, and John is high up in the govt, as he seems to be, he may have to cancel all home stuff and go to work to try and solve this.

Maybe it will be possible for Hilda to take Elizabeth to the country with Nell for a 'holiday' and deal with the 'official' stuff later on. If that makes any sense.

I did love the banter though - poor Nell, but it sounds as if she needed to have dealt with it before now. Ah, how lucky we are not to need them now!

Author:  Identity Hunt [ Mon Mar 05, 2007 6:03 pm ]
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Erk........
Cath, I really need to know what that newspaper headline was, you know...... How much do I need to wibble ?

Author:  Cath V-P [ Thu Mar 08, 2007 12:16 am ]
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Thank you for your comments; I'm sorry this is a little later than I intended, but life got a bit hectic

Hilda nodded. “Everything has been about France,” she said. “The idea of them invading Denmark and Germany wasn’t really ….” Her voice faded into silence, and she took a last sip of tea that had now grown cold. Slowly, with great concentration, Nell read the front-page account of the German advance into Denmark and Norway, then folded the paper and put it down.
“Yesterday,” she said deliberately. “And very quickly by the look of things. And they are small countries that couldn’t withstand the German army as it is now. In fact, Denmark’s been completely overrun, and I don’t suppose it will be long before it’s the same with Norway.” She frowned as she finished, while Hilda put her cup down, then moved her plate to one side, following it with her cutlery arranged with mathematical precision. Nell stared at the restless hands, then reached out and clasped them between her own.
“Hilda,” she said, her voice suddenly unsteady. Hilda looked up, her face troubled, and met Nell’s fearful eyes, that mirrored her own apprehension and sadness. A silence that was heavy, yet oddly comforting, lay between them until Hilda murmured,
“This is only a beginning isn’t it, Nell? What’s going to happen next?” Nell bit her lip, and said nothing for a moment, forcing herself to think about what might be ahead of them, trying to push away the fear that rose within her.
“I think you’re right,” she said reluctantly. “This isn’t going to be over soon, and I think we need to accept that, although I wouldn’t care to speculate about just what might happen, and when.” She frowned. “If they have Denmark and Norway, then they have direct access to the North Sea. I still think France is the key, but this is - alarming.” She was quiet again, as the dread of the unknown swept over her once more. Opposite her, Hilda sat very still as the clasp of Nell’s hands tightened on her own. Then Nell whispered,
“I’m so glad you’re here, Hilda.” Startled, Hilda looked at her, but before she could begin to ask the question, Nell was continuing, very quietly. “You are so courageous Hilda, that you give me courage too.” Hilda shook her head vehemently.
“Nell, how can you say that? You’ve been so strong for me these last two days, been there for me, unfailingly when I needed it. Why, without you -”
“You would have done just what you are doing, and have always done,” interrupted Nell. “Acted with love and bravery, whatever the cost.” Hilda blushed, and Nell looked lovingly at her. “All the things that you’ve faced in your life Hilda, and you are still so loving and wise. Believe me, anything that you think I’ve done for you, is nothing compared to what you’ve given me.” Hilda smiled at her, and briefly, the outside world ceased to matter and their fears were gone.
“When we’re together, Nell, then we can be strong for one another,” she said. “No matter what happens.” Nell nodded slowly, then released her grasp on Hilda’s hands and sat back in her chair. They both looked at the folded newspaper, and then at one another.
“This will make John even more determined to get Elizabeth out of London – by any means,” Hilda said slowly.
“Which may well make him more amenable to your plans,” replied Nell, in tones that were equally measured. Hilda looked thoughtful.
“That’s quite possible, you know, although I must confess that I’m not looking forward to this meeting - regardless of anything else, he won’t be in a particularly good mood today.” Nell smiled encouragingly at her.
“Just keep remembering that in the end, he can’t stop you taking her,” she said steadily. At this reminder, Hilda’s mouth grew resolute and her eyes shone softly as she glanced at Nell, now engaged in summoning a waiter to bring them some fresh tea, and another plate of toast. She straightened slightly in her chair, and her head lifted proudly, as if in acceptance of a challenge, but she said nothing until the waiter had brought what they required. Then, as Nell was adding milk to their tea, she said,
“By this time tomorrow, we’ll be on the Exeter train.” Nell glanced at the clock,
“Heavens, so we will – if we hurry!” She took a sip of her tea, then added hastily, “Well, to make it absolutely certain, I’ll go and sort out Elizabeth’s ticket this morning, while you are dealing with your brother - and see if I can reserve seats for us as well. I rather expect the trains are going to be busy over the next few days.” She bit into her toast, then catching sight of Hilda’s face, swallowed hastily and said, “What is it?”
“I’m an idiot,” replied Hilda blinking furiously. “It’s just – I’m not used to having someone try to make things easier for me. I’ve felt so alone, for so long.”
“Not any more,’ said Nell firmly. “And never again, I promise.” They exchanged a long look of love and support, then Nell pushed the toast towards Hilda. “Here you are,” she said. “Have some, before I eat it all; remember, I missed the first part of this meal, and I have ground to make up.”
“I did save you your porridge,” remarked Hilda, looking round for the marmalade. “In that covered bowl, although I’m not sure what it will be like by now.”
“Probably rubber,” remarked Nell gloomily. She reached for the covered dish that Hilda had indicated and prodded the contents with caution. “Goodness, you could sole your shoes with this,” she commented, pushing the dish aside. “Well, despite all the compliments I paid it earlier, I think I can exist without it this morning.” Hilda giggled.
“It’s probably safer,” she agreed. “I’d stick to the toast if I were you.” Nell grinned.
“I will,” she agreed. “Besides, it would probably take me half the day to get through it, if you want to be at your brother’s house by ten, then -.” She broke off as Hilda gave a horrified gasp,
“Nell, it’s almost half-past nine!”

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Thu Mar 08, 2007 4:17 am ]
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Hmm, yes, the overrunning of Denmark and likely overrunning of Norway did make Britain more vulnerable, especially with the way things were already going in France. And clearly those headlines also revived memories which left Nell herself feeling vulnerable. But Hilda's immediate and lovingly supportive response, along with Nell's to her, only served to reinforce the special relationship which has developed between them.

I do hope that matters with John will indeed be resolved amicably and immediately, so that if Nell does manage to get those train reservations for the two of them and Elizabeth for tomorrow, they will be able to use them.

And amidst all the tension, the atmosphere was lightened almost tangibly by Nell's comments about the now cement-like porridge!

Thanks, Cath - once again, I'm looking forward to seeing how this will play out.

Author:  Kathy_S [ Thu Mar 08, 2007 4:17 am ]
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Not the best day to be late. :shock:

*hopes for the best*

Thank you, Cath.

Author:  Alison H [ Thu Mar 08, 2007 8:40 am ]
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*Also hoping for the best.*

Author:  Squirrel [ Thu Mar 08, 2007 8:45 am ]
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So we now know what was causing such consternation. I still wonder if there will be stuff for John to do with the govt, which may mean he has to postpone Hilda, but on the other hand, he may be even more impatient for her to arrive so that he can go do what he has to.

It must have been so hard for someone who has lived through such difficulties already, and knows what the Nazi's are like, to watch as Hitler has so many countries invaded. They are in for the long haul, and Hilda and Nell know it.

Hopefully this will all settle down, and John will be more amenable to Hilda taking Elizabeth with her, and that the trip to the country will go well.

Thanks Cath

Author:  MaryR [ Thu Mar 08, 2007 1:58 pm ]
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I'm so pleased that at long last Hilda has realised she has the strength for this and doesn't need Nell holding her hand - that in fact it has been her courage which has kept Nell going times.But in fact they don't owe each other anything, for in such friendship all debts are cancelled.

The news for England isn't good - and depending on France, as we know, will prove a disaster. But for the moment it gives them hope. And galvanises them into realising this will play into their hands with John.

Remember you're a Headmistress, Hilda, and used to squashing unruly Middles. :lol:

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Miranda [ Fri Mar 09, 2007 3:22 pm ]
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It was lovely to see the amount of support that each draws from the other (and indeed the support that each gives unfailingly to the other). It's wonderfully summed up in the line:

Quote:
Hilda smiled at her, and briefly, the outside world ceased to matter and their fears were gone.


Unfortunately I think the outside world will come crashing back down on them fairly soon, but as long as they can keep up those breakfast quips, nothing will have completely broken their spirits.

Thanks Cath, I've just been catching up on a lot of this and it's been captivating.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Sat Mar 10, 2007 1:52 pm ]
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Thank you for your comments. One of the interesting things about writing something like this is remembering that they can't know what we know about the course of the war - and Mary, well done on mentioning the invasion of Denmark and Norway...I meant to say tghis last time, but forgot...sorry :oops:

Both alarmed at the unexpected lateness of the hour, they finished their meal at record speed, and hastened upstairs to tidy themselves, emerging from the hotel just as the clock of the neighbouring church was chiming the three-quarters.
“I’ll need to hurry,” said Hilda, in some consternation, “especially if I’m to get there by ten.” For a moment, a hint of her earlier fears was apparent, and Nell laid a hand on her shoulder.
“Don’t worry Hilda,” she said. “Everything will work out. I know it will. Just keep telling yourself that, and you’ll be alright.” Hilda gave her a swift smile, squeezed the comforting hand, and started down the steps, stopping as a thought struck her.
“What time will I see you?” she asked.
“Oh – I’m not quite sure,” said Nell vaguely. “Probably after lunch – I’ll come back here first, but if you’re not in the room, then I’ll come to your brother’s house, shall I?”
“That would be a good idea,” returned Hilda. “I have promised Elizabeth a walk to feed the ducks this afternoon, and then there’s this morning’s meeting with John, and possibly Emma too, so I think it’s very likely that you’ll have to come hunting for me.” Nell nodded.
“I certainly will,” she said. “Oh, and Hilda – don’t make any arrangements for this evening, will you?” Hilda’s eyes narrowed in suspicion.
“Why not?” she asked cautiously, and was answered only by Nell’s most provoking smile, and a smug, “Wait and see!” Divining at once that she would get no further information at the moment, she glared in mock annoyance at Nell, bade her a swift good-bye and set off down the road. Behind her, Nell stood still and watched her until she was lost to view in the crowd - which was not until she had turned the corner; Hilda’s graceful walk and distinctive air of elegance made it easy to recognise her, even at a distance – and then, safe in the knowledge that Hilda was highly unlikely to return, and even if she did could have no possible inkling as to what she proposed to do, Nell scurried across the road and into the Post Office on the opposite corner as if she were being pursued.

Once there, she went straight to the shelves housing the various London directories and, grabbing at the first one that caught her eye, carried it over to a bench and began to leaf through it hastily, hoping that what she sought would be readily found. Unfortunately neither the first, nor the second book that she consulted yielded what she had hoped and she was, she realised, faced with the possibility of searching though all the north London directories. “There must be at least a dozen,” she thought. “And I’m not even sure that they include all the districts.” She put the Marylebone volume down beside her, and stared unseeingly at a poster stressing the dangers of careless talk. Part of her wished she had never had this idea - she was more than a little doubtful over what she hoped to do that morning, and she had an uneasy feeling that it might cause nothing but complications. Nonetheless a voice within her was whispering that it was necessary; moreover if she delayed, then the opportunity might well be permanently lost. “Although if I can’t find the address, then it’s not going to happen at all,” she thought to herself wryly, and forced herself to pick up the next book. “No joy in Marylebone – let’s see what St John’s Wood has to offer.”

By the time Nell finally left the Post Office, Hilda had reached her brother’s house and been admitted by an immaculate maid; as ever, she was overwhelmed by the oppressive formality of the Annersleys’ home even before she had handed her coat to the maid and crossed the silent hall, where the only sound was the ticking of the clock in the corner. Despite the knowledge of Nell’s unwavering support and the silent reassurance that the presence of the certificate folded in her handbag gave her, she grew increasingly nervous as she followed the maid into John’s study, where he sat at his imposing desk clearly awaiting her arrival, although not with the impatience that she had dreaded. Indeed, he was preoccupied with a telephone conversation as she came in, and for a moment seemed to regard her arrival purely as a distraction, although he swiftly concluded his business and turned his attention to her. In keeping with his usual manner toward her, his greeting was restrained and formal, and this, combined with the heavy severity of her surroundings, caused Hilda to feel increasingly anxious. After greeting her, John rang promptly for tea, and until that was dealt with, apart from a brief enquiry as to Hilda and Nell’s wellbeing, refused to discuss anything other than the morning’s news. It was not until after the maid had removed the tea tray, that John permitted the conversation to turn to the major business of their meeting. Sitting forward in his chair, he surveyed his sister, smiled impersonally at her, and drew a notepad and pen towards him.

Author:  Squirrel [ Sat Mar 10, 2007 2:05 pm ]
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Oh Cath - this post seems to have a little bit of everything in it. I'm glad that there was a last chance for Nell to impart some comfort to Hilda.

But what on earth is Nell up to?

Who is John talking to?

How will his chat with Hilda go?

It looks like you have several threads to follow up on over the next several posts Cath.

Thanks - looking forwards to the next post when you have time for it.

Author:  Alison H [ Sat Mar 10, 2007 3:38 pm ]
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Thanks Cath - this is fascinating.

It is incredibly hard for those of us who weren't around at the time trying to imagine what it must've been like in the early years of the war when the Nazis seemed to be winning and an invasion of Britain seemed imminent.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Sat Mar 10, 2007 4:44 pm ]
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You have certainly left us waiting for answers to a number of questions here, haven't you, Cath? But the key one has to be just what John is going to say to Hilda - and I've got fingers and toes crossed that when he hears her suggestions for Elizabeth's future, he will be sympathetic to them - we know Emma is likely to be so, but John is such a traditionalist.... We can only hope his anxiety about getting the child out of London, which *is* genuine (and after all he clearly knows more of what is going on at present than many others would have done at that particular stage of the War) will make him more accepting than he might otherwise have been.

As for what Nell might be up to - the mind boggles, but clearly she has it in mind to trace somebody who might have vital information affecting Hilda and Elizabeth.

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Chair [ Sun Mar 11, 2007 12:27 am ]
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I have been a very x 1000 naughty girl, and I have got extremely behind on this story. I have spent today catching up and my head is spinning, trying to remember everything that I want to comment on.

1st of all, I would like to say a great big thank you to Cath for this very moving story.

I loved the part about the mice lining up! I was giggling away at the thought of Nell refusing them entry!

I was really moved by the way that you describe Nell and Hilda's love for each other. It just seems so natural.

I really hope that Hilda can sort out things with John so that Elizabeth can come to live with Nell and Hilda.

I was annoyed to catch up on a cliff, but I look forward to reading more!

Author:  MaryR [ Sun Mar 11, 2007 6:17 pm ]
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John is conducting this chat with Hilda as though it is a board meeting. Sitting behind his desk, putting her in the inferior position? Pulling a notepad towards himself? :shock: Why isn't he on his feet to greet her like the brother he is, sitting down beside her to have a proper talk? *Grr.* This will all have its effect on Hilda, even apart from the deadening silence in the house.

And Nell is up to mischief, isn't she? Doing something else which she thinks will help Hilda and Elizabeth.... if she can find what she is looking for, of course. Fingers crossed it works. They need all the ammunition they can find.

Thanks, Cath - and wipe that grin off your face! Cliffs indeed.... :lol:

Author:  Kathy_S [ Sun Mar 11, 2007 9:21 pm ]
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It does seem as though he's going out of his way to intimidate, doesn't it, though he may be just as stiff with everyone....

And what is Nell up to?

Author:  Nell [ Mon Mar 12, 2007 11:14 pm ]
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Just caught up with loads and loads of this and I get left on a cliff like that!!!!! That's really not fair!

But fab as ever thank you Cath!

Author:  Cath V-P [ Tue Mar 13, 2007 11:29 am ]
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It was only a very little cliff.... :D Thank you for all your responses. This next is a little painful.

“Well Hilda, to business. I trust it is not too much to hope for that you have now come to some sort of sensible decision regarding Elizabeth, especially in view of the events of the last twenty-four hours?” He regarded her impassively across the polished expanse of mahogany between them, and Hilda was suddenly conscious of a smouldering resentment building inside her; she was not the child or halfwit that John seemed to think she was! She sat straighter in her chair, drew a deep breath and ignored the uneven thudding of her heart; no matter what happened, she would not allow John to overrule her.
“Yes John, I have,” she replied without a tremor. “Tomorrow, Nell and I will be taking her to Nell’s home in Devon. When we return to the Chalet School for the start of the new term, Elizabeth will be accompanying us as a pupil.” There was a few seconds’ quiet, broken only by the ponderous ticking of the clock, while John considered this. Then he laid his pen down and looked at his sister sternly.
“I’m sorry, Hilda,” he said. “I cannot agree to that.” Hilda’s sensitive mouth tightened and her eyes took on the grey tinge that denoted anger, although she still held herself in check.
“And do you have a reason for this?” she asked evenly. John smiled patiently at her, before answering.
“You clearly can’t have thought this out carefully, Hilda, although I’m glad to hear that you are at least now prepared to consider the question of school. With that in mind, I would like to draw your attention to the possibility of overseas evacuation; a number of children are being sent to Canada in the near future, and I would be delighted to sponsor an application on Elizabeth’s behalf. I have the forms here, and have looked through them, and it does seem to me an excellent solution to many of our difficulties.” Ignoring Hilda’s indignant gasp, he slid the forms across the desk towards her, frowning as she pushed them aside. He cleared his throat and continued, “Naturally, I still believe that adoption would be the best course of action, and possibly in Canada, it could -”
“No!” This time, he did acknowledge her protest, and inclining his head remarked gravely,
“Very well, then – for the moment. But you must see that the Chalet School is not the most suitable establishment for a child in Elizabeth’s – ah – position.” Hilda’s eyes sparkled dangerously, and .
“And what position would that be John?” Again, John stared at her over the desk and the two pairs of angry grey eyes locked in an unyielding battle of wills. Finally, John spoke – slowly and deliberately, as if he wanted to make himself fully understood.
“Hilda, I am sure that Mrs Russell is a considerate employer. But her first loyalty will, of course, be to her school. That being so, you must see that you, as headmistress, must be beyond reproach; the slightest hint of irregularity in your conduct and - personal life – would reflect adversely upon the school. And the mere presence of Elizabeth there, even as your so-called niece, can only cause difficulties that would be impossible for you to explain away. And should it emerge that she is in fact your daughter, then it would be an untenable position for you both. In fact, in view of the irregularity of your situation, Mrs Russell would have no option but to dismiss you - and most likely Miss Wilson as well, as being complicit in your deception.” As he concluded, Hilda winced and a wave of colour burned across her face, leaving her whiter than before, but with her resolute expression unaltered.
“I’m sorry that you feel like this, John,” she said steadily. “But I have no intention of changing my mind. And should there be any need to do so, then I will certainly acquaint Mrs Russell with the facts – all of the facts.” And with that, she removed the precious certificate from her bag, and laid it on the desk in front of John with an air of assurance that she was very far from feeling. Slowly, John took it up and read it carefully, once, then twice. He put it down and stared forbiddingly at his sister, who sat very still, facing him, her head held high and all the dignity of a queen in her bearing.
“Well, this is certainly somewhat of a surprise,” he said coldly. He got up abruptly from his chair and began to pace deliberately about the room, anger like a dark cloak almost visible about him. Hilda remained rigid, not daring to move or speak. Suddenly he swung round, crashing his fist down on the desk beside her, as the wave of fury broke from him. “How long has this been in your possession? And why have I not seen it before? Did you not realise how important this is? What it would mean?” He loomed over her, and she drew back, overwhelmed by the storm of his anger as he continued. “You almost destroy our family, don’t make any effort to do the decent thing, and then calmly produce this!” In the face of this devastating rage, Hilda was at a loss for a moment, then said in a trembling voice,
“I - I thought this would reassure you, John. After all, you thought that – that James and I -”
“Great God, what else could we think? You came here with such a preposterous story, no husband, no proof of a marriage, pregnant like a common -”
“John!” He ignored her horrified cry, the torrent of bitter words of condemnation spilling from him, “as if,” she thought suddenly, “this has been stored inside him, all these years, awaiting an opportunity.” The realisation chilled her; what would she and John be able to say to one another in the future if this was what he had felt towards her for so long?
“ - and it was all for want of a little thought and restraint. Your behaviour would have broken Mother’s heart, and I cannot imagine what Father would have thought of you.”
“Mother and Father would never have judged me as you did!”
“I judged you as any decent respectable person would - and after all, ever since you had insisted on going your own way about Oxford, something that was wholly unnecessary, we never knew what to expect of you. I was prepared to look after you as befitted your as position as my sister, but Oxford – no! What Father was thinking about to allow it, I will never understand.”
“Father has nothing to do with this,” said Hilda quietly. “Neither does my attendance at Oxford.” John glared at her, his eyes like grey stones.
“My dear Hilda, had you not wilfully and in the face of much sound advice, given to you for your own benefit, persevered in your headstrong course, then this situation could never have arisen!” Hilda clenched her teeth, trying to hold back her own fury and hurt. “It’s a good thing Nell isn’t here,” she thought suddenly. “I’d never have managed to keep her from hitting him!” And at the thought of Nell’s unwavering love and loyalty, she felt calmed and comforted, as if she were held in a warm embrace. “He can’t stop you,” came the words as clearly as if Nell were there with her, and with that it was as if a clear light shone into darkness, and she realised that John was angry not only with her, but with himself as well. Her animosity ebbed a little, and she sat forward, her face very serious and intent.
“All this is beside the point,” she said steadily. “What we are here to discuss this morning are my plans for Elizabeth.” There was a moment of tense silence, then the anger died out of John’s face, to be replaced by a sombre grief that Hilda found more disquieting than the previous rage, then that too was gone.
“You are right,” he said slowly. “I apologise for losing my temper. But of course, this does not alter the fact that your marriage took place in an unconventional and hasty manner that will always and inevitably carry with it an unsavoury association.” Hilda’s face grew paler and she closed her eyes in pain – Nell had been right, she realised in a moment of aching sadness. Finding that certificate had not altered things; John would never truly forgive her for having married James so precipitately, nor for having borne a child in such apparently flagrant disregard of convention. Then John addressed her again, and she forced herself to pay attention.

Author:  Alison H [ Tue Mar 13, 2007 11:35 am ]
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Oh dear, that didn't go well. I really hope they don't decide to send her to Canada: I'm having horrible thoughts about what might happen ... :( .

Author:  Chair [ Tue Mar 13, 2007 12:35 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. I'm sorry that things are not going well. I thought it was lovely that the thought of Nell gave her strength.

I think I am losing my sanity! I am spending lots of time away from the computer wondering what is going to happen next in this story!

Author:  MaryR [ Tue Mar 13, 2007 1:31 pm ]
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Still waters certainly run deep, don't they? :shock: For John to have been harbouring such feelings about her all this time is a nightmare for Hilda - and that remark about her mother will have hurt deep inside. Her mother would have cherished her, no matter what. But a lot of what John says are attitudes that were very prevalent at the time Hilda was in her twenties. No less damaging, even so.

His behaviour is chilling in the extreme. Even the document damns her rather than makes things better. I'm beginning to wonder if he is seriously unhinged, with all these swift changes of mood. And why *sombre grief*?

Hold Nell's love round you, Hilda, and do what you came to do. :cry:

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Squirrel [ Tue Mar 13, 2007 1:32 pm ]
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Oh dear. How *stupid* can John be??? If he wants to make a chasm between Hilda and himself he is going the right way about it. Well done Hilda in being able to understand what is what though.

I'm so sorry for her when she realises that marriage certificate or not makes no difference to John - who is still an entrenched dinosaur. He doesn't know a thing about Madge or the CS of course, and in that way his concerns are at least vaugly valid.

I also am agreeing that it is just as well that Nell is not there - I wonder how her jobs are going now.

Canada may seem like a good idea to John, but Hilda will never agree with it... It seems strange to me that he'd call her home to decide what to do with her daughter, and yet want her to follow out a previously thought out plan that he has already made, but I guess that for his culture it was perfectly understandable - except when you are dealing with someone of Hildas age, and character - and in her job.

Thanks Cath

Author:  Miranda [ Tue Mar 13, 2007 2:27 pm ]
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John just seems so wrapped up in doing what is *correct* and *conventional* that he has neither time nor inclination to consider Hilda's emotions at all. He also obviously lacks imagination and empathy, although he is not in essence a *bad* person in that he does not set out to harm anyone.

I am so glad that Hilda has Nell's presence and (invisible) support to reassure her and stregthen her in achieving something that is best for herself and Elizabeth.

I hope John's next words will be positive for Hilda, though I'm none too sure that they will be! Maybe I'll pin my hopes on Emma instead...

Thanks Cath!

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Tue Mar 13, 2007 5:52 pm ]
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Quote:
“It’s a good thing Nell isn’t here,” she thought suddenly. “I’d never have managed to keep her from hitting him!”


I must say I had to smile when I read that sentence, because I was just feeling that I'd like to haul off and hit the man myself - such is the power of your words, Cath, that I felt as if I was truly a 'fly on the wall' there.

But what a heartless diatribe from a rigid individual who appears unable to see beyond his own view of this situation - it probably is just as well that Nell isn't present at this point! I can understand his enthusiasm for the idea of Elizabeth being evacuated to Canada, especially if he is in a position to ensure that she would be able to go, but it would really have helped if he would have heard Hilda out properly before launching forth. And unfortunately, I also suspected that his reaction to the marriage certificate would be less than enthusiastic, at least in the first instance!! Such a shame that he is so hidebound in conventionality here, because we have seen that he *does* possess a softer and more compassionate side, too. But I suppose he really needed to get all that off his chest, too - as MaryR said, it's probably been festering for ages.

I must say I'm rather pinning my hopes on Emma taking a more sympathetic view both of the certificate and of Hilda's suggested plan for Elizabeth.

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Pat [ Tue Mar 13, 2007 11:06 pm ]
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I don't see thast he can force Hilda to go along with his plans. She has the docs that prove her legitimate parenthood after all. That's what probably makes things worse as far as he's concerned. That & the fact that he still believes that men should make all the decisions for the women in the family!

Author:  Kathy_S [ Wed Mar 14, 2007 3:09 am ]
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*seriously unimpressed with John*

And to think, I was softening toward him not that long ago.

Thank you, Cath.

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Wed Mar 14, 2007 5:05 pm ]
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Huge (((Hugs))) for Hilda. Hoping that she sticks to her guns and John doesn't cause too many problems for much longer.

Thanks Cath

Author:  Tara [ Thu Mar 15, 2007 1:16 am ]
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Just caught up with a large chunk of this. I howled with laughter over Nell with her talkative bacon and broken suspender (oh, the memories - and stocking seams you had to try and keep straight!) and almost forgot about the war. It was quite a shock to be plunged back into that; it's very difficult to imagine what it must have felt like to see such danger encroaching bit by bit.

Through it all, of course, is Nell's unswerving support for Hilda
Quote:
I’m not used to having someone try to make things easier for me. I’ve felt so alone, for so long.”
“Not any more,’ said Nell firmly. “And never again, I promise
which is finally helping Hilda to unearth her own resources of strength and courage.
I wondered if Nell was trying to find James's aunt ...

May I join the queue to thump John. He is still quite unaware of the fact that all this has been caused by his refusal to believe the word of his own sister - and he's still treating her like a whore! At least she is now able to stand up to him, and all the 'rights' are on her side with regard to Elizabeth. I do think she'll have problems explaining to Madge, though. It's quite a major thing to have kept secret - I should imagine Madge would be hurt that Hilda hadn't trusted her, though I'm sure she'll support her.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Fri Mar 16, 2007 12:59 pm ]
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Thank you all for your responses; John simply doesn't understand Hilda does he? I had thought he didn't have much more to say, but I was wrong.....

“I think we had better move to a discussion of the practicalities of the situation,” he said calmly, as he seated himself at his desk once more. Hilda stared at him incredulously; how was he able to dismiss such anger so easily, almost as if it had not happened, and expect her to do the same? She opened her mouth to protest, then stopped – it was better to complete their arrangements now, before any more bitter words were exchanged. Swallowing down her pain and sadness, she listened in silence and growing indignation, as it became clear that John had not forgotten his earlier proposal, although now it appeared that he was at least motivated by a concern for Elizabeth’s welfare.
“- so you see, Hilda, overseas evacuation would guarantee the child’s physical safety for the immediate future. CORB assesses the host families most carefully, and she would be placed with the people who would be most suited to care for her. The cost to you would be minimal, and you would know some peace of mind about her.” He stopped, and looked at her enquiringly.
“I’m sorry John; but no,” she replied at once. “I’m not prepared even to consider it.” A flicker of disapprobation appeared on his face, and she went on, hastily, “Nell’s cottage is up on the edge of Dartmoor, well away from anywhere that might be threatened. It’s peaceful and very beautiful too, just under the moor, and there’s plenty of space for Elizabeth to play, and although I called it a cottage, it’s really a small house, so there’s enough room -” She stopped abruptly, uneasily aware that she was starting to sound defensive, and that John might well seize on this..
“And how long does Miss Wilson envisage this arrangement lasting? It is, after all, a major commitment on her part. And what would you propose should things go awry?” Hilda moved uneasily; John had been so unpleasant to her - was he now going to denigrate Nell’s generosity?
“Nell has offered us a home for the foreseeable future,” she said carefully. “Of course, that will only be during the holidays, and I will be taking my full share of expenses.” John nodded,
“That does sound satisfactory for the moment, and indeed the immediate future,” he said reluctantly, “although you must remember that things can change extremely swiftly.”
“I had noticed,” said Hilda dryly, and added, with a sudden slight lift of her spirits. “Nell tells me that there is a train departing from Paddington shortly after nine o’clock tomorrow morning; if we catch that, we can be safely home before it gets dark, and before Elizabeth is too tired. That being so, Nell and I will call here at 7.45 for Elizabeth, and all her luggage.” She fixed her brother firmly with her most determined stare, and was strangely pleased to see that he was suddenly reluctant to meet her gaze. “I hope that will be convenient?” she said with some asperity. John was silent, tapping his pen thoughtfully on the blotter. Finally he looked up.
“Well, Hilda, I’ll not deny that it would be rather convenient if you were to take Elizabeth tomorrow. As I mentioned in my letter, I do want to close this house as soon as it can be managed and move to a place that I’ve taken just outside High Wycombe. In fact, I’ve just confirmed the provisional arrangements and we will be out of London by the end of next week.” At this calm statement, Hilda’s eyes widened; then another thought struck her.
“What about Elizabeth’s nanny? Won’t such short notice be inconvenient to her?” John smiled somewhat complacently.
“Ah, well, as it happens, we’ve been rather lucky there. Nanny Henderson has been increasingly concerned about the wellbeing of her brother’s children – apparently her sister-in-law is dead, and she would like to take charge of his household - and when I first informed her of the proposed changes in this household, she was more than happy to agree to stay on a week-to-week basis while an alternative arrangement was made, but two days ago she informed us that she would definitely have to leave by the end of the week. Anyway, now I will be able to tell her that she can leave tomorrow, or even today, if you would be willing to stay with Elizabeth this afternoon. I assume that will be convenient?” Hilda said nothing; indeed she was not aware that John required an answer. She was too taken aback by his matter-of fact revelation that her daughter’s nanny had been aware of the plans while her mother had not and the humiliation of that realisation burned deep. Surprised by her silence, John glanced at her. “Hilda?” he said sharply, and Hilda jumped slightly in her chair.
“I’m sorry, John?” she said. “I didn’t quite catch your question.” John sighed.
“I asked whether you would be willing to spend the afternoon with Elizabeth, if Nanny Henderson leaves early this afternoon. Of course, if there’s a problem -”
“No, John,” replied Hilda swiftly. “I’d be delighted to stay; I’m planning to take Elizabeth to the park after lunch, but then perhaps I could help with gathering her things together. Presumably there’s a lot to do and without her nanny, it might be difficult.”
“Thank you, Hilda, that’s very good of you. I must say, I’ll be surprised if there is a lot still to be done; Nanny Henderson has always struck me as extremely efficient, and has always seemed to me to take exemplary care of Elizabeth. There have been occasions when you would scarcely have known there was a child in the house, and certainly she has been very good and quiet when downstairs.” He smiled cheerfully at Hilda, who forced herself to respond with a non-committal “I see,” even as his words sent a faint chill through her.

Author:  Squirrel [ Fri Mar 16, 2007 1:05 pm ]
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Oh dear. I'm not sure I like the sound of those last comments about Nanny Henderson - or what that says about John! I would have thought that you would *want* to know that there was a child in the house if there was one there. I know I would constantly be worrying about them if I did not know it.

But the main thing is that Hilda has won. Elizabeth is going home with her - and if they are leaving first thing in the morning, and Hilda is spending what is left of the afternoon with her then the chances of Nanny being with Elizabeth are very much reduced. The sooner the better in more ways than one I think.

Thanks Cath - that was an eye opener, with lots in it. I'm looking forward to what comes next.

Author:  Miranda [ Fri Mar 16, 2007 1:09 pm ]
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First of all I am so very glad that John has consented to Elizabeth living with Hilda and Nell without too much fuss. But really the whole situation could have been managed so much better if he showed a little humanity every now and again...

What I'm wibbling about is the impact that this Nanny-creature has had on Elizabeth - given how much time she's been under her *influence*

But I have faith in Hilda's (and Nell's) love and ability to conquer all!! Speaking of Nell - what on earth can she be up to?

Author:  MaryR [ Fri Mar 16, 2007 1:10 pm ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
There have been occasions when you would scarcely have known there was a child in the house, and certainly she has been very good and quiet when downstairs.”

And John thinks this is good? :shock: No wonder Hilda was chilled. A lot of work needing doing there, by the sound of it. :cry:

And no wonder she felt angry and humiliated that she knew nothing of these plans while the nanny knew them all. You know, one really does wonder what John would have done with Elizabeth behind Hilda's back if she had not come to get her. It sends shivers down my spine even to think of it.

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Alison H [ Fri Mar 16, 2007 1:18 pm ]
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I'm glad she's not going to Canada: I was having horrible thoughts about the ship - the City of Benares, I think - which was sunk whilst carrying evacuees there.

Author:  Ruth B [ Fri Mar 16, 2007 1:32 pm ]
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Alison H wrote:
I'm glad she's not going to Canada: I was having horrible thoughts about the ship - the City of Benares, I think - which was sunk whilst carrying evacuees there.


I was thinking that quite a few of the evacuees stayed in Canada, so there would have been a risk of Hilda never seeing her again, but that is much worse! Eek!

Still want to slap John, however much he may be a product of his time and class.

Author:  Kathy_S [ Fri Mar 16, 2007 6:06 pm ]
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Somehow, despite the grievous emotional toll for Hilda, this all seems a bit too "easy."

*worries*

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Fri Mar 16, 2007 7:40 pm ]
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What a lot in that section, Cath, and by no means all of it designed to inspire confidence, even though at first blush it does seem as if Hilda will now be able to take Elizabeth away tomorrow without any difficulty. But the implication that this might be simply because this will be helpful in face of both Nanny wanting to leave as soon as possible, and John's need to move his household out of London immediately too is definitely there, isn't it? And one does have to wonder just *what* Nanny Henderson's treatment of Elizabeth has been - on the surface at least, it sounds as if the child has been throughly cowed by her.

While I am aware both of the fate of the City of Benares, and of the fact that a lot of children who *were* evacuated to Canada never returned to Britain, I'm also aware that there were others who were very badly treated, despite the careful 'vetting' of the homes they were sent to. So all in all, a good thing that that avenue is now closed for Elizabeth, though, like MaryR, I do wonder what her fate would have been had Hilda not responded so quickly to John's request that she make other arrangements for her.

OK, Nell, time for you to arrive from whatever errand you were bent on when you left Hilda, and for the two of you to finalise the arrangements for Elizabeth before anything else can happen.

Thanks, Cath, will wait patiently for the next bit.

Author:  calico [ Sun Mar 18, 2007 6:49 am ]
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I'm so glad Elizabeth is going with Hilda and Nell.
This is a wonderful story.
Thanks Cath

Author:  Chair [ Sun Mar 18, 2007 6:47 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. I'm pleased that Elizabeth is to go back with Hilda and Nell.

Author:  Tara [ Tue Mar 20, 2007 12:38 am ]
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Despite John's general awfulness, I do sympathise a bit with his misgivings. It is a monumental commitment for Nell, and he has no means of knowing how much more than 'just a friend' she is.
Typical of Hilda to think of the effect on the nanny of this very sudden departure. Yes, I, too, am worried about the way the nanny has treated Elizabeth - and about what this sudden dislocation of her life is going to do to her, in the short term at least.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Tue Mar 20, 2007 7:55 am ]
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Thank you for your comments. I too had horrible thoughts about the City of Benares and the fate of some of the evacuees who did get to their destinations. And that nanny, yes, well...

But she had no time at the moment to pay any more attention to this sense of unease, as, in a gesture that had a definite air of finality about it, John shuffled his papers together neatly on the blotter. He picked up his pen and began to search inside one of his desk drawers while Hilda sat watching him, wondering whether there was anything more that they would be able to say to one another. The silence that now lay between them had something of the eerie quiet that follows upon a battle, and Hilda suddenly felt a wave of exhaustion wash over her. It seemed that she had won, but fearing disappointment even now, she did not dare to allow herself to dwell on this. Instead, she waited tensely for John to make the next move, wondering what he might say or do now. Then the hush was broken as the clock on the mantelpiece cleared its throat and struck half-past eleven; Hilda looked round, faintly surprised: she had not realised it was quite so late. Then she glanced at her watch and her face cleared.
“You still do what Father did,” she said impulsively. Clearly astonished, John raised his eyes from the contemplation of his blotter, then grasped what she meant.
“Ten minutes,” he said. “It does make all the difference, and it can be very useful. Speed the parting guest for example!” Hilda smiled a little hesitantly.
“I can see that would be desirable on occasions,” she replied carefully. Surprisingly, John grinned outright.
“Well, you know, in our youth, Simon and I managed to hurry off a number of visiting clergy to early services that were not quite as early as they had thought!” Hilda’s eyes widened in astonishment
“Didn’t Father catch you?” Still smiling, John shook his head.
“There were times when we felt that he definitely approved of our activities – at least he didn’t say anything too outrageous when he caught us once, and he let us keep the half-crown that his curate slipped us after ridding him of a particularly tedious canon fifteen minutes early! Of course, this was before we moved into the Bishop’s Residence; we had to behave ourselves then.” Hilda nodded, her amusement fading; she had not been born until after her father had been made Bishop, and her memories of him had been of a man who was certainly kindly and loving, but constantly busy and with little time to spend with his small daughter. Her brothers she had never known – at least as far as John was concerned - as anything other than comparatively serious young men preoccupied with university and careers. John caught sight of her wistful expression, and changed the subject abruptly.
“Hilda,” he began in a business-like tone, and then stopped, looking, much to her surprise, somewhat uneasy. Hilda straightened in her chair, and regarded him carefully; he was tapping his pen on the edge of the blotter and seemed to be hunting for the words he needed, which was most unlike the John with whom she had dealings. Finally he turned to his pile of papers, picked up a small pasteboard book that lay on top and passed it across the table towards her. She took it curiously, realising that it was a bank book with Elizabeth’s name written across the cover.
“What is this?” she asked quietly. John turned slightly red, but answered readily enough.
“This is an account that Emma and I opened for Elizabeth when she was first here. We deposited small amounts at Christmas and for her birthday, just as we did for our own children to begin with.” Curiously, Hilda opened it and surveyed the total, then examined each separate deposit.
“John, there is more than £100 here,” she said finally. “I can see the Christmas and birthday deposits, but - where did the rest come from?” John looked a little sheepish.
“ It was Emma’s idea,” he said. “You see, to begin with, there was very little expense associated with your daughter; Nanny Cartwright was here anyway, and there was virtually nothing that needed to be bought, other than general clothing and so-on for the first few months. So, Emma suggested that we put the surplus money into a bank account to provide a little for the child’s future, and it seemed the most sensible thing to do. Of course, by the time she was three, our family really didn’t need the services of a nanny, so much of the money you sent went towards paying her salary, as it has done from then on, but for the first two years, much of the money went into that.” He gestured towards the bank book. Hilda was quiet for a moment, then said slowly,
“I can see that was a practical thing to do, and I am sure that Elizabeth will appreciate the trouble that you and Emma went to.” She stopped; she was incapable of saying any more – and what would have been the point anyway? John would never understand how painful it was to be excluded from decisions that should have been hers, so nothing would be gained by explaining this to him; besides he had meant well by Elizabeth and that was the important thing to remember. Forcing herself to smile pleasantly, she slipped the bank book into her bag, and then remembering something, took out a the folded slip of paper that her fingers had just touched. “I know you have the address of the cottage,” she said quietly. “But I’ve written it down again for you, together with the school’s address in Armiford and both the telephone numbers. So if you do need to contact me for any reason, there shouldn’t be any difficulty.” John nodded as he took the paper and placed it carefully in his wallet.
“I shall be very busy in the immediate future,” he said, “but I’m sure that Emma will want to write to Elizabeth at least, and of course when we do move out of London, I will send you the address and telephone number of the Wycombe house.” He slid his papers into a desk drawer and got up, and Hilda did likewise. “I really think that takes care of everything that we needed to discuss today,” he said frowning slightly. “I shall be away from home for several days from late this afternoon, so this could well be our last meeting for some considerable time; my days grow ever busier, and the amount of time I have to devote to my family is very limited. And I imagine that you will find that your job and other commitments will not allow you much opportunity to travel. So this will be ‘good-bye’ for a while.”
“Yes,” said Hilda slowly. Then, summoning her courage, she looked her brother firmly in the eye. “John, don’t ever think that I am ungrateful for all that you and Emma have done for me and for Elizabeth. I would have found everything so much harder if you had not agreed to look after her here, and knowing that she has been safe and well cared for has meant a great deal to me. For that, I owe you and Emma a great deal.” She stopped as John lifted his hand.
“Hilda, believe me, I wish that we had not had to do it,” he said solemnly, and even a little sadly. “But she is an endearing child, and while I could not and cannot agree with everything that you have done, I am relieved to know that you were foolish rather than wicked.” Hilda opened her mouth indignantly to reply, but John went on. “And I have one last request to make of you: that you do not tell Elizabeth of your true relationship until you and she are safely settled in Devon. I do not believe it would be of any benefit to either of you, and would only cause needless confusion and unhappiness,” he finished sternly. Swallowing down the lump in her throat, Hilda held her head high.
“As it happens, I agree with you,” she said firmly. “There will be more than enough for her to deal with during the next day or two, without burdening her further.”
“Good,” said John in relief. “Now, I apologise Hilda, but I really must leave you; I have an appointment in the city shortly. Emma should be home in about ten minutes, and I expect there are some things you want to discuss with her. I hope you all have a safe journey tomorrow.” He caught up two buff folders from the small table near the window, seized his briefcase, and opened the door. Then he turned to face his sister.
“Mother and Father would have loved her very much,” he said gruffly, and before she could respond was gone, leaving Hilda standing alone in a room that she saw through a shimmer of tears.

Edited to remove the unfinished sentence....

Author:  Squirrel [ Tue Mar 20, 2007 8:38 am ]
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Wow! There we are again with the image of John as someone who has strong affections, but doesn't always choose the right way to show them. I'm sure that Hilda needed to hear that last sentence, but John didn't have to say it, and he chose to do so. I can forgive many things for that sentence, and I'm sure that Hilda can as well - almost up to and including the reminder that he hadn't trusted her word.

The end of that interview was... Interesting. Did he wish Hilda to get up and go while he was busy tidying up everything? But why would he wish that, he still has things to say to her? At least it did bring that memory to her mind, and they were able to engage in that lovely family chat - even if Hilda feels rather excluded in some ways because she had no chance to know her father before he became the bishop, and her brothers before they had grown up.

The rest of the business is of a par with what has gone before - surprising, and reminding you that John does have a loving heart, whatever way he chooses to show it on occasion.

Thanks Cath. I look forward to seeing what comes next, and hope that all continues to go well for Hilda.

Author:  Alison H [ Tue Mar 20, 2007 8:41 am ]
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Oh good - that went much better than I was expecting.

Author:  Chair [ Tue Mar 20, 2007 11:41 am ]
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Thanks, Cath. It's good that they have sorted things out. I'm glad that Emma will keep in touch with Elizabeth.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Tue Mar 20, 2007 1:31 pm ]
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Whew - what an episode of ups and downs there, and quite a mixture of emotions, too, from both John and Hilda. A pity he allows his 'stuffed shirt' persona to rule so much of his life and attitudes, though, because when he *does* choose to unbend, he really has a warm heart underneath it.

For all his mixture of caring and disapproval, four things redeem him here: the little savings account which he and Emma set up for Elizabeth; his 'clock tampering' and its history; his very reasonable request that Hilda give her daughter time to settle into her new home in Devon before disclosing their real relationship; and lastly, and above all, his parting statement, that 'Mother and Father would have loved her very much'. If Hilda needed any real testament to John's feelings for his niece, that is certainly it - no wonder she was moved to tears.

I'm left wishing John well as he heads into what is clearly going to be a maelstrom of 'war activity', much of which will benefit others, from the hints he dropped earlier. And, of course, hoping that all will now go smoothly for Hilda as she prepares to take her daughter home.

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  MaryR [ Tue Mar 20, 2007 2:54 pm ]
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I have to admit that I don't know whether to love John or hate him. That remark about her being *foolish rather than wicked* made me gasp out loud. What a dreadful thing to say to anyone, never mind a sister whom he supposedly loves. No wonder Hilda's control over her emotions is hard.

Yes, he has done what he thought fit with the money she sent - but why were her own wishes not sought? He still makes so many demands of her, as though she has no intelligence of her own and no moral fibre. *Grr!* Thank God she has Nell to flee to for comfort - to love that is warm and accepting, not cold and officious. Despite John's last words there.

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Nell [ Tue Mar 20, 2007 7:51 pm ]
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Thanks Cath.

John certainly is an enigma isn't he!

Author:  Tara [ Wed Mar 21, 2007 12:30 am ]
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Just as I make up my mind truly to hate John, he reveals his loving and playful side again! It makes the point, too, of course, that Hilda has always been the very-much-younger sister, and he really hasn't appreciated the fact that she's now an adult, professional woman with an extremely demanding, high-profile job.
His affection for Elizabeth seems very genuine, and his last comment is lovely, but he also seems to contemplate immediate and indefinite separation from her with perfect equanimity. I rather suspect Emma will react differently.
I was struck at how apart from the rest of her family Hilda feels. The age difference, the change in their circumstances and in her father's responsibilities by the time she was old enough to notice, then her mother's death. And now she's been excluded from the life of her daughter as well. No wonder she is so thankful for the miracle of Nell's love and its total acceptance and inclusion - she has been so alone.

Author:  Identity Hunt [ Wed Mar 21, 2007 2:36 am ]
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Cath,
I have just caught up with this and wanted to say "thank you".

Just when I want to give John a good shake, he surprises me with a hint of how nice he can be when not displaying a "stiff upper lip" and suppressing his feelings, as a good English gentleman of that period would be expected to do .

Author:  Kathy_S [ Wed Mar 21, 2007 3:17 am ]
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I think Nell might still be inclined to deck him. He does care, I guess, but what a way to express it.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Mon Mar 26, 2007 1:46 pm ]
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Thank you for all your comments; I'm not too sure what I think about John myself, so it was fascinating to read all your different perspectives. I must say, I don't think he'd be easy to have about....
And here is a little more - sorry about the delay, and it is a bit short, but I do at least have an idea of what comes next... :D


Feeling oddly confused and bewildered, Hilda moved away from the desk to lean against the heavy leather armchair near the window. The dark leather was cool against her hands, and after a moment, she sat down in the chair, trying to calm the turmoil inside her. She felt very tired and unhappy: those moments when John had been so scathing and bitter had hurt her intolerably, even though he had tried to make some sort of amends later. And she had succeeded, although she found it difficult to believe; “John agreed,” she said to the empty room. “I can take her with me tomorrow.” But even saying it aloud did not make it any the more real. She simply could not seem to go beyond the needs of today – even thinking about the next day’s journey was difficult, and as for envisaging Elizabeth living with her and Nell in their home - no, she could not do it, not yet at any rate. She shivered a little, noticing for the first time that there was no fire in the study and that the sun had disappeared behind a thin layer of grey cloud. The soft chime of the grandfather clock striking the half hour was faintly audible from the hall, and almost as if on cue came the sound of the front door opening and closing, followed by a murmur of voices and swift footsteps across the tiled hall. Then the study door opened and Hilda saw her sister-in-law, still wearing her hat and gloves and carrying a large bag, bulging with parcels.
“Hilda, what are you doing in here? And when did you arrive? You must be frozen; come into my room at once and get warm. We’re just going to have tea – Celia’s here as well.” Dumbly, Hilda followed Emma into the morning room where Celia, John and Emma’s older daughter was arranging a pile of papers on her mother’s writing desk.
“Sit down and talk to Celia,” said Emma briskly. “I’ll just get rid of these parcels and see about the tea.” At the sound of her mother’s voice, Celia looked round, smiling in welcome.
“Hello, Auntie Hilda,” she said cheerfully. “How nice to see you again! I’m sorry I wasn’t here yesterday, but I had an arrangement with some friends that I couldn’t change.”
“That’s alright, Celia,” replied Hilda, slightly taken aback by her niece’s unexpected assurance. “It’s delightful so see you again,” she added, sitting down by the fire and observing the girl with some interest. The Celia she remembered from a previous visit had been awkward and rather shy, and would have waited in tongue-tied silence for her aunt to speak. Now, she had grown into an attractive young woman, brown-haired and blue-eyed like her father, and with the slender elegance that Hilda herself possessed, and was an evidently competent and able assistant to her mother. Remembering some of the comments at the previous night’s dinner, Hilda felt certain that it would not be long before Celia joined one of the Services, and that when she did so, she would find it very rewarding.
“I’ve been helping Mother with some of her organising - and some shopping,” said Celia briskly. “Did you know that Father wants us to move out of London as quickly as possible?”
“We discussed it last night at dinner,” replied Hilda carefully. “It’s going to mean a lot of work for your mother isn’t it?” Celia nodded, her face serious.
“Yes, it is, but of course, I’m going to do as much as I can to help. And it’s not as if we’re all at home at the moment; Liz will go straight back to school from her friend’s home, so we don’t have to worry about her, and Joseph will be here next week to help with some of the heavier jobs.” She frowned. “It’s a pity that Nanny has to leave us though, as it means that one of us will have to keep an eye on Elizabeth – not that she’s any trouble, but it’s still a bit of a nuisance -”
“You won’t need to worry about Elizabeth,” cut in Hilda sharply. “Either now, or in the future. Tomorrow, I will be taking her out of London to live with me.” Celia’s mouth fell open in amazement at her aunt’s words, but Hilda paid no attention to her; the shocked exclamation from the direction of the door told her that Emma had heard what she had said.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Mon Mar 26, 2007 2:39 pm ]
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Oops - you mean Emma hadn't yet heard of Hilda's plans? No, I suppose she hadn't, since she wasn't in the room when Hilda and John had that conversation the previous evening, was she?

Am intrigued by Celia's transformation - she is definitely a capable young woman now.

Please, Cath, come back soon and let us see Emma's reaction in full.
Clearly from that shocked response, she was expecting to take Elizabeth with her to their country house. But surely she won't try to throw any barriers into Hilda's plans - please?!!!

Author:  MaryR [ Mon Mar 26, 2007 3:31 pm ]
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Hilda seemed in total shock, didn't she, after that *interview* with John? Totally unable to muster any coherent thoughts or plans; not even able yet to accept that she had got what she came for.

And the return to normality and tea must have been like dropping back from another planet - they all discussing their plans and she.....well, throwing a spanner in the works, to judge by Emma's response. Are we to assume that John has been his usual misogynist self and not discussed any of this with his own wife? Grr!

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Squirrel [ Mon Mar 26, 2007 6:30 pm ]
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Well!!! Poor Hilda, left stunned at the outcome of her interview with John. And sitting there frozen as well. The conversation with Celia seems to have started off with giving Hilda food for thought - until that thoughtless statement about how they would have to look after Elizabeth, which must have felt almost grudging. No wonder Hilda jumped in as she did!

And what on earth has Emma been told by John? She knows that nanny is leaving, but does she expect that Elizabeth shall be going to Canada, or that she will be staying with them? She certainly wasn't expecting Hilda's reaction.

Thanks Cath - looking forward to seeing what comes next.

Author:  Chair [ Mon Mar 26, 2007 7:35 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. I'm sorry that John hadn't told Emma before.

Author:  Tara [ Mon Mar 26, 2007 11:24 pm ]
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I can completely understand Hilda's glazed reaction, and her inability to believe what has happened, or to envisage what it means for herself and Nell in the future. It has all taken place so quickly, she really is in shock. Which accounts for her loss of her usual tact and graciousness in her response to Celia's (admittedly rather grudging) comment! I do feel for Emma, though if she thought Elizabeth was to go to Canada anyway (and does she know about John's adoption wishes?) she must have been expecting to lose her. But she has cared for her all her life, and should have had a gentler introduction than that to the changed circumstances!
And poor little girl. I wonder who she thinks she is??? I know it was common at that time to move children around with precious little regard for their wishes, but the dislocation for her! I hope Hilda and Nell are prepared to be very patient and very loving and tolerant, they may well have a seriously mixed up small girl on their hands.

Author:  Miranda [ Tue Mar 27, 2007 5:26 pm ]
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What a shock that must have been for Celia and Emma both! And while I appreciate that it will be difficult for them to come to terms with the change (not to mention for Elizabeth herself), I don't want any of them to try and stop Hilda and Nell...

Author:  calico [ Sun Apr 01, 2007 7:48 am ]
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Thanks Cath

Author:  Cath V-P [ Tue Apr 03, 2007 1:44 pm ]
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Thank you for all your comments; perhaps this next section answers some questions...maybe not though! :lol:


Inwardly horrified at what she had so carelessly revealed, Hilda turned towards the door to find her sister-in-law standing there. Guiltily, she got to her feet, her eyes dark with worry.
“Emma, I didn’t mean to tell you like this - ” she began, but before she could say anything else, Emma interrupted her.
“So you and John sorted things out then? That’s excellent news.” She turned to her daughter. “Celia, would you be a lamb and run up to tell Nanny that I’d like to see her down here in about ten minutes? And you might want to stay with Elizabeth for a while; it must be rather boring for her with all of us having so little time for her, and I’m sure she’d enjoy a game of something - especially as we’re going to be packing everything away this afternoon.” She and Hilda watched silently as Celia reluctantly left the room; the girl had evidently sensed the unusual atmosphere, and was frankly curious, but her mother’s direct request had given her no option other than to depart. She was half way across the hall when Emma called her back. “Celia, while I remember – please don’t say anything about what you’ve just heard in front of Elizabeth; I don’t want her getting hold of any silly ideas!” Celia’s eyes widened.
“Of course not, Mother! But I’m honestly not sure -” Emma shook her head.
“Not now dear! We haven’t the time.”
“But -”
“Celia, please, I do need to talk to Nanny as soon as possible, so if you wouldn’t mind -?” With a barely audible murmur, the girl turned back towards the stairs, and they heard her footsteps grow fainter as she ran lightly up to the nursery, two floors above. There was an uneasy silence as Hilda looked anxiously at Emma once more.
“Emma, I’m so sorry,” she said earnestly, but Emma put out a reassuring hand.
“Hilda,” she said. “Believe me, this is something that I have been hoping for.” She smiled at her sister-in-law. “I gather from your comment to Celia that John has agreed to your taking Elizabeth with you, and that you will be leaving with her tomorrow.” Hilda nodded, suddenly unable to speak; Emma approved of her plans – more than that, she almost appeared to support them. For the first time, she was able to believe that she and Nell would bring Elizabeth to their home, that the life she had dreamed of with her daughter was almost within her grasp. Like the first fingers of sunlight at dawn, a glow of happiness stole over her and she was silent.
She was recalled to her surroundings by the sound of Emma sighing in relief as she sat down in the armchair nearest to the fire.
“I must say, it’s a bit chilly this morning,” she said briskly. “Is it this cold in Devon in spring?” Hilda started slightly, and sat down hurriedly in the nearest chair.
“I’m sorry Emma,” she said confusedly. “I – I didn’t quite hear you.” Emma’s lips twitched.
“I was asking you about the weather in Devon,” she said composedly. “Is it as cold there as it is here?”
“Well, it wasn’t when we left,” Hilda replied cautiously. “But I haven’t spent much time there this spring, so I’m not sure…. Of course, the wind from the moor can be very chilling, but in summer, Nell says it’s lovely with the wide blue sky and the birds singing.” She broke off uneasily.
“And the cottage?” asked Emma. “What’s that like?” Hilda smiled.
“Oh, it’s delightful. Nell calls it a cottage, although it’s actually two cottages knocked into one; that was done before Nell’s father bought it, but he made a lot of changes: new plumbing, electricity, new windows. There are three bedrooms, two large rooms downstairs and a lovely big kitchen.”
“What do you cook on?” asked Emma curiously. “An Aga?”
“I think so,” replied Hilda. “It’s a solid fuel stove, with pipes running out of the back that heat the water and two of the bedrooms. Nell did explain just how it worked, but I haven’t quite got the hang of it yet. It’s very reliable though – we don’t seem to burn things unexpectedly.”
“That’s something to be thankful for,” commented Emma feelingly. “You may not remember it, but when we first moved here, the stove was dreadful – every time the back door was open, the draught from the scullery affected the oven somehow; I haven’t forgotten the big dinner party we gave after John received his first official government work!”
“Was that the one where the cook threatened to leave?”
“Yes; in some ways I wouldn’t have minded because she was very - unpredictable – shall we say, and her food was either wonderful or inedible.” Hilda laughed suddenly.
“I do remember; I was in my first term at Oxford, and Father told me all about it in a letter. One of the maids poured the soup down the scullery sink by accident about half an hour before dinner.” Emma nodded ruefully.
“That’s right – and the cook was in such a state about the oven which had misbehaved all afternoon, that by the time I got downstairs to investigate the uproar, she’d boxed the maid’s ears, drunk two large glasses of the cooking sherry and was absolutely no use whatsoever!”
“What did you do?” asked Hilda, momentarily enthralled by this tale of impending social disaster.
“There wasn’t time to do much,” answered her sister-in-law. “I made the cook a large cup of coffee, set the housemaid to supervise her, heated five tins of Crosse and Blackwell’s cream of tomato soup, added a tablespoon of sherry – it was all that was left - and served it with a sprig of mint!” She glanced at Hilda. “John said afterwards that it was very nice, and hoped we could have it again.” She laughed again, then broke off abruptly as the door opened and a maid carrying a tea-tray came quietly into the room, followed by the neat figure of Nanny Henderson.

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Tue Apr 03, 2007 1:48 pm ]
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Nice to see more of this. I loved Emma's cooking story in this. She seems more human now.

Author:  Ruth B [ Tue Apr 03, 2007 1:51 pm ]
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Ooh, I always had faith in Emma, hopefully Hilda will relax a bit now!

Author:  Alison H [ Tue Apr 03, 2007 2:00 pm ]
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They seemed to be getting on quite well there.

Author:  Miranda [ Tue Apr 03, 2007 2:38 pm ]
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I am so pleased that Emma *seems* to be satisfied with the situation. But she hasn't made that much direct comment on it, and I can't figure out if it's because she's got nothing else to say on the topic (which is a bit surprising) or it's because she's got something hidden up her sleve.

:lol: at the cooking stories :lol:

But I don't like the ominous sound of the Nanny footsteps...

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Tue Apr 03, 2007 3:08 pm ]
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Hmm, while it's clear that Emma *does* approve of Hilda taking Elizabeth, which is wonderful, it's also clear that there is something simmering under the surface there - or is she simply establishing more details about the cottage etc. for herself so that she will be able to reassure Elizabeth about her new home, if the child herself voices any protests? And I can understand why Celia is probably feeling completely bewildered by what she heard, too.

You've definitely raised more questions than you have answered here, Cath, though I think that the eventual outcome is now assured. I'll be looking forward to seeing what Elizabeth's reaction is when she finally finds out these plans for her future.

As for Nanny - she wants 'out' anyhow, because of her own family circumstances, yet, like Miranda, I sense that all is not yet go smoothly with her.

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Squirrel [ Tue Apr 03, 2007 4:50 pm ]
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Well, that must have been a relief to Hilda, she no longer has to worry about upsetting Emma, who seems to be taking this news as if it was what she both expected and wanted - and of course, she would want to know about the provisions made for her neice - she has only brought her up since she was born after all - of course she would want to know what Hilda had planned.

I do hope that the meeting with the Nanny goes alright, though, as others have said, there appear to be questions about that.

Thanks Cath

Author:  MaryR [ Tue Apr 03, 2007 5:39 pm ]
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One could see how much it meant to Hilda to see Emma on her side - that first clear intimation that taking Elizabeth home really WAS going to happen.

But how odd that Emma makes that clear - and then keeps the conversation so very impersonal. Is she worried about being overheard? Or is she not one for being emotional about things? Or is she trying to make Hilda relax before the entrance of this nanny? Whatever the case - she sounds a rather formidable lady who takes emergencies in her stride and turns them into triumphs.

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Tara [ Tue Apr 03, 2007 10:27 pm ]
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Elder wrote:
You've definitely raised more questions than you have answered here, Cath
Yes, I agree! It's great that Emma is being so supportive and wasn't hurt at being given such unexpected news so abruptly, but I must admit that after her shocked reaction and her getting Celia out of the way so firmly, the last thing I was expecting was a discussion on the weather!
I much enjoyed Emma's cooking reminiscences, but what, exactly, is going on?
And what is Nell up to all this time?
Hope you can update soon, Cath, I'm agog.

Author:  Fiona Mc [ Wed Apr 04, 2007 6:11 am ]
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Have just caught up with this and so have had the joy of reading it straight through. I've really enjoyed it. The only problem is now I have to wait for an update like everyone else! Emma is lovely to Hilda and I'm curious as to how Elizabeth will cope at school with her Mother being the Headmistress

Author:  Kathy_S [ Thu Apr 05, 2007 4:40 am ]
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I'm not sure what to think, given the abrupt change of subject. What does Emma really think? And as for the nanny -- there seems to be some sort of miasma...

Author:  Hannah-Lou [ Wed Apr 11, 2007 2:29 pm ]
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No update yet :cry:

I am really really enjoying this story, and eagerly looking forward to seeing Elizabeth at the cottage. Hope she makes it there. I have a bad feeling about both Emma and the nasty nanny. Not to mention John. Oh dear, it's all so worrying. And what is Nell up to?

*Starts a wee small quiet chant for more*

Author:  Cath V-P [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 10:15 am ]
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Thank you for your comments; there are moments when I too am not quite sure what's happening...but here is the next update, anyway!

Emma sat up in her chair, her expression suddenly determinedly matter-of-fact.
“Ah, Nanny, do sit down,” she said briskly. “Please put the tray on the table, Agnes, we’ll see to tea ourselves.” The maid did as she had been asked, while Nanny Henderson perched herself on the edge of one of the straight-backed chairs near Emma’s Chippendale escritoire. She held herself very stiffly, and her face revealed nothing of her thoughts – not even a faint curiosity was apparent. Despite herself, Hilda moved uneasily in her chair as the familiar sense of discomfort that she always felt around this woman stole over her. “Don’t be silly!” she scolded herself silently, and forced herself to smile pleasantly at the woman who had helped to care for Elizabeth for the last eighteen months.
“Milk and sugar, Nanny?” she asked. A faint trace of surprise appeared on Miss Henderson’s face, then vanished.
“Milk and no sugar, thank you, Mrs Annersley,” she replied. Emma nodded, but said nothing until she had finished handing the teacups around. Then she turned back towards the nanny.
“I expect you’re wondering why I need to talk with you this morning,” she said pleasantly. Miss Henderson put her cup in its saucer and regarded Emma impassively.
“Presumably you have come to some sort of decision with regard to when I will be able to leave,” she replied. “And of course the arrangements that you will be making about your departure from London.” Emma frowned slightly.
“Well, yes,” she began. “I am aware that you handed in your resignation several weeks ago, and that you want to leave as soon as is practicable, but -”
“I’m sorry Mrs Annersley, but I now find that it will be impossible for me to stay after tomorrow,” interrupted Miss Henderson. “I realise that this will inconvenience you, but I really can’t remain here any longer than that.” There was an unmistakeable note of satisfaction in her voice, and Hilda glanced uneasily at Emma, whose displeasure was now clearly visible.
“Please don’t worry yourself on our account, Nanny,” she replied, in tones that grew colder and more clipped by the moment. “I can assure you that, should you choose to leave this house within the next hour, there will be no great inconvenience to us.” Miss Henderson bowed her head in apparent acceptance of Emma’s words.
“I am pleased to hear that, Mrs Annersley,” she said smoothly. “It must be very difficult these days to make satisfactory arrangements for children in such trying circumstances.” Emma drew in her breath sharply, but before she could say anything, Hilda was there before her, dignity apparent in every word, and her eyes steely with determination.
“We do appreciate your concern, but you need feel no anxiety at all as to Elizabeth’s welfare, Miss Henderson.” She fixed the other woman with an unyielding stare and continued. “Indeed, should you desire, you will be able to depart as soon as you have completed your packing. And to assuage any concerns that you may have, allow me to inform you that Elizabeth will be leaving London tomorrow morning to return to my home in Devon with me.”

Author:  Miranda [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 10:44 am ]
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psssst Cath, I think you left out Nanny's reaction :lol:

Well it is a relief to me that there is no love lost between Emma and Nanny - in the sense that at least they're not scheming with each other. But it makes me even more concerned about the effect that Nanny will have had on Elizabeth, because she seems like a thoroughly unpleasant character...

Thanks Cath

Author:  Alison H [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 10:55 am ]
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Nanny doesn't seem very nice, does she?

Author:  Hannah-Lou [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 11:31 am ]
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Yay! Chanting works! :popper: Still really enjoying this. I shall chant again soon...

*Still hopping around impatient to see Elizabeth in the cottage getting the nice presents from Nell*

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 1:40 pm ]
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Oops - I know there was an earlier reference to the fact that Nanny really did have to leave to take over one of her own family's households, but there is something in the way she makes the statement that she can't stay beyond the next day which makes me wonder...... However, if the statement was only intended to cause extra work for her present employer, both Emma's and Hilda's reactions definitely took the wind out of that little scheme, didn't they? And I, too, am glad to see that Emma clearly disliked her!

But I do share others' concerns about whether Nanny has exerted an unduly negative influence on Elizabeth - that poor child is probably going to be confused enough about the changes in her life without having to deal with any 'hangover' from Nanny's treatment.

Thanks, Cath - I'm looking forward to seeing the next bit. Oh, by the way, does Nell show up soon? Whatever her morning errands were, they seem to be taking an inordinately long time.

Author:  MaryR [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 1:40 pm ]
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Good for you, Hilda! You out-Nelled Nell there! :lol:

What a strange, eerie woman - just what is her problem? To think that she has been in charge of the little girl must fill Hilda with horror. Why hasn't Emma noticed anything?

Thank goodness Hilda confessed all to Nell, and that Nell pushed her into acting, when that letter arrived from John. One shudders to think of what might have happened to the girl.

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Squirrel [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 6:05 pm ]
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Well, *that* was an uncomfortable interview! Remind me who was the employer, the one who paid the wages, and called the tune? For it didn't seem to be the person I thought it ought to be...

Thanks Cath - what an insight into the family relations there have been going on behind closed doors. I *do* hope that Hilda is able to stand up to anything that Nanny may throw at them, and that she gets the woman out of the house with as little fuss as possible.

Author:  Sugar [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 8:59 pm ]
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Ohh an update! I'd only just caught up on wks of this and then there was a gap in posts!

There is something not quite right in Nanny but I can't work out what it is! Really glad that Emma is on Hilda's side but wondering where Nell has got to.

Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sat Apr 14, 2007 12:02 am ]
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Way to go Hilda. I wonder if Nanny has picked up on John's thoughts that Elizabeth was illegitament and therefore takes her disapproval out on Elizabeth and everyone else, for having to look after a 'supposed' illegitament child? Thanks for the update Cath, really enjoying this

Author:  Tara [ Sat Apr 14, 2007 12:24 am ]
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Yes, I'll be really interested to find out 'who' Elizabeth is in the eyes of the family - not to mention her own! Nanny was certainly prepared thoroughly to enjoy leaving them in the lurch and I'll be surprised if she exits without some barbs being scattered around.
It's good to see Hilda so much more confident and finding her true self again.

Author:  Identity Hunt [ Sat Apr 14, 2007 7:47 pm ]
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ooh, Cath !
I can`t wait to hear what Nanny has to say about this particular bombshell, and I dread to think how much damage that nasty tongue of hers could cause in such a short space of time.

I think I`m starting to wibble...... :shock:

Author:  Cath V-P [ Mon Apr 23, 2007 1:45 pm ]
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Sorry about the delay in updating this, but RL has been incredibly hectic. Still, here is a little more.....and now I know a bit more about Nanny....

There was a moment’s silence broken only by Miss Henderson’s sharp intake of breath and the slight clatter as she put her cup down on the table.
“I see,” she replied, darting a swift look at Hilda whose face remained impassive under this scrutiny. “Well, I had no idea, of course – quite the last thing really . . .” A thin smile edged her lips and was gone. “Although perhaps that isn’t quite the case of course; you probably are the most appropriate person to take charge of Elizabeth in these altered circumstances.” She gave Hilda another stabbing little glare, straightened herself almost triumphantly in the face of Emma’s speechless fury, then encountered the glacial coldness in Hilda’s eyes.
“I quite agree with you, Miss Henderson,” replied Hilda slowly, never shifting her gaze from the woman’s face. “Particularly in view of what we have heard from you this morning.” She paused, but there was no reply. Instead, the nanny’s thin lips tightened until they were almost a straight line and she glared sullenly at Hilda.
“I haven’t said anything that most right-minded people wouldn’t agree with, Miss Annersley,” she said maliciously, standing up and smoothing her skirt with a crackle of starch that immediately reminded Hilda of Gwynneth Lloyd. Beside her, Emma had also risen from her chair and was standing in the middle of the hearthrug.
“Please sit down, Miss Henderson,” she said firmly. “This conversation is not yet concluded, and I would remind you that your remarks are most unseemly.” For a moment it seemed as if Miss Henderson would ignore her employer, then reluctantly, she sat down again. As she did so, Emma glanced at Hilda, wondering a little at her sister-in-law’s strength and resolution in the face of Miss Henderson’s barbed comments. For a moment, she scrutinised her closely; aware of her regard, Hilda turned towards her and Emma raised a questioning eyebrow. Hilda nodded, and Emma sat down again. Then both women turned to Miss Henderson once more, who was by now shifting a little restlessly in her chair. For a moment neither Emma nor Hilda said anything, but simply waited. Finally Hilda nodded slowly, her eyes cold and unrelenting.
“Miss Henderson, presumably you have what you perceive to be an adequate reason for the way in which you have spoken this morning.” Miss Henderson tried to say something, but Hilda ignored her and simply continued. “ However, nothing can excuse the rudeness which you have displayed to both Mrs Annersley and me. We have no wish to hear any attempt at an explanation that you might care to offer, and under the circumstances, it would be best if you were to comply with the suggestion made earlier, that you complete your packing and leave within the next hour.”
“But – but you can’t do that -” gasped a thoroughly discomfited Miss Henderson. “This isn’t -”
“On the contrary; we most certainly can,” said Emma suddenly. “Your wages will of course be paid until the end of this month, but as my sister-in-law has indicated, your presence in this house is no longer necessary.” There was a second of silence as Miss Henderson digested this, various emotions flitting across her face as she did so. Slowly she got to her feet, her mouth hardening spitefully.
“I might have expected it,” she hissed finally, her face distorted with mingled rage and humiliation. “A family that condones such disgraceful behaviour – I’ve done my best by that child as you’ll find out, and this is how I’m treated, not even with basic courtesy! Mrs Annersley, I shall be more than happy to leave your house as soon as possible - and please don’t trouble yourself to provide me with a reference.” She glared bitterly at them both, then swung round abruptly and left the room. Hilda and Emma listened as the sound of her footsteps echoed across the hall and up the stairs.

Author:  Ruth B [ Mon Apr 23, 2007 1:53 pm ]
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So Miss Henderson has labelled the child "a bastard" and treated her accordingly? :poke: :hammer: :poke: :hammer: :poke: :hammer:

Author:  Identity Hunt [ Mon Apr 23, 2007 2:14 pm ]
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I knew she was a nasty piece of work. :poke: :banghead:

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Mon Apr 23, 2007 2:27 pm ]
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Oh-oh - that's a subtle act of malice on Nanny Henderson's part, even more so because it's one whose full effect on Elizabeth may not become evident at once. Especially coming on top of John's request that Elizabeth not be told the truth of her parentage until she has time to settle down with Hilda and Nell in Devon.

Although we know that Hilda *has* already noticed a change in the child from her previous visit, which certainly doesn't bode well, the very novelty of the move for Elizabeth may mask any negative reaction to the idea of going to live with Hilda. A pity in a way that Hilda didn't take the wind out of Nanny's sails by showing her that marriage certificate - but the damage, if damage there is, has been done in any case.

Thanks Cath - you've now got me firmly perched on the edge of my seat waiting for Elizabeth's own reaction to the idea of moving to Devon. At least we know Emma is also firmly in favour of it, and will presumably help to smooth the way.

Author:  Squirrel [ Mon Apr 23, 2007 3:10 pm ]
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What on earth did Nanny mean by that? She's a nasty peice of work, because now both Emma and Hilda will be left worrying about that. She just tells them that she has been working on Elizabeth in one way or another without hinting what.

Well done Hilda though on her skills at silencing the woman though - and Emma for backing her up. These two know that the nanny can't do anything about what they are planning, and just need to be firm and execute their plans.

I do hope that Elizabeth thrives once nasty nanny has left the home - and that Hilda (and Nell between them) will be able to sort out any insecurities/issues that Nanny may have left.

Thanks Cath.

Author:  Hannah-Lou [ Mon Apr 23, 2007 3:36 pm ]
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Yay! More story! I love this drabble. What is Nell up to though?

Author:  MaryR [ Mon Apr 23, 2007 4:43 pm ]
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Nanny's words are so veiled in allusion that they are the more chilliing for all that. She's clearly not used to having her word doubted by Emma and John and thought she could get away with this. As she has got away with her treatment of Elizabeth, whatever that might be. :cry:

Well done, Hilda, for finding the courage to stand up to her and to dismiss her. Now find Nell and get Elizabeth away - so you can get to know your daughter, and find out just what damage has been done. Because there can't be too much time left before school starts again! :cry: Oh dear!

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Fiona Mc [ Mon Apr 23, 2007 9:53 pm ]
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What on earth posessed them to hire them in the first place. Who would want someone so spiteful around in the first place even if they didn't consider Elizabeth. And Emma could have interfered because the household is esentially the woman's domain so if John became difficult she could point out the house is her role not his. Thanks for the update Cath

Author:  Kathy_S [ Tue Apr 24, 2007 4:39 am ]
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*worried for Elizabeth*

Too bad Emma couldn't have found a way to dismiss her earlier.

Author:  Miranda [ Tue Apr 24, 2007 8:14 am ]
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Quote:
Slowly she got to her feet, her mouth hardening spitefully.
“I might have expected it,” she hissed finally, her face distorted with mingled rage and humiliation.


Goodness me, what a nasty creature! Cath, you've written her so well, it's so easy to hate her!! :lol:

I'm really looking forward to actually *meeting* Elizabeth properly, and I think the sooner Hilda and Nell get her away, the more relieved I'll feel. There's a bit of wibbling going on here at the moment...

Author:  Chair [ Tue Apr 24, 2007 10:43 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. I've just caught up on the last few posts. I'm glad that Emma and Hilda stood their ground with Nanny Henderson.

Author:  Tara [ Tue Apr 24, 2007 11:35 pm ]
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If Nanny weren't so unpleasant, I'd feel sorry for her, having Hilda and Emma ranged against her. They're quite a formidable pair, and it's good to see them so in tune with each other. Emma's fury on Hilda's behalf does the heart good!
I do wonder what Nanny's interpretation of 'doing her best by' Elizabeth will turn out to be - I have a nasty feeling Ruth may have got it in one. :(
Ruth B wrote:
So Miss Henderson has labelled the child "a bastard" and treated her accordingly?

Author:  Cath V-P [ Thu Apr 26, 2007 9:29 am ]
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Thank you for your comments; we're almost at the end of this section and then we'll find out what Nell has been up to..... In the mean time, here is a little more - and I'm writing the next part as fast as I can!

For a moment Hilda and Emma stared at one another, at a loss for words. Then Emma reached forward, picked up the half-full cup of tea that Miss Henderson had abandoned and put it carefully on the tray.
“My – goodness,” she said finally.
“Yes,” replied Hilda flatly. She shivered and at once Emma seized the tongs and began to add coal to the fire.
“I’m not really cold,” said Hilda. “But that was rather alarming.” She gave a second little shiver and Emma frowned.
“I think we both need another cup of tea,” she announced briskly, carefully balancing the tongs on their little stand. Hilda nodded absently, a shade of worry darkening into her eyes. Emma glanced at her; although she seemed calm enough, she was rubbing the tips of her fingers together, a habit she had developed as a young girl and one that indicated extreme disquiet. Emma sighed.
“Hilda, I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t expect that.” Hilda looked up, startled.
“Why, Emma -” she began. Emma held up one hand, silencing her.
“No, Hilda,” she said, shaking her head. “I should have had some idea, but I certainly had no inkling that Nanny felt so strongly, or that she would be so rude to either of us. I must admit that I’m somewhat at a loss to account for it as well.”
“You haven’t noticed anything before today?” Emma considered for a moment, then,
“No, nothing – well she’s never been exactly light-hearted, but her care of Elizabeth has been exemplary, and I certainly haven’t heard any complaints, or had any myself for that matter. I didn’t expect any, mind you; she came from the agency that we’ve always used for nurses and nannies, and we’ve always been more than happy with their people. Her references were excellent, of course. Though I was rather surprised when she gave me notice, but, under the circumstances . . .” Her voice died away uncertainly, and Hilda waited, biting her lip impatiently as Emma thought about the last few weeks.
“I don’t know though,” she said thoughtfully. “She has been rather offhand since she spoke to me about leaving. I put that down to general uncertainty and concern for her brother’s family, but -”
“But it may not have been,” said Hilda quietly.
“Quite possibly, although what could have upset her, and why, I just don’t know.” Hilda’s mouth compressed into a thin line and her eyes were suddenly stormy.
“Emma, all that matters is that this hasn’t affected Elizabeth,” she said harshly. “I really don’t care about what may have upset her nanny!” Emma reached out and patted Hilda’s shoulder.
“I know,” she said soothingly. “ At the moment, Elizabeth’s needs are what matters most. And don’t worry about Miss Henderson; I expect she’s packing right now, and other than to say ‘Goodbye’, Elizabeth won’t see her again.” She glanced at the clock. “It’s almost lunchtime, so I suggest we go up and see how Celia has been getting on, and then take things from there. Apart from anything else, we need to tell Elizabeth what’s going to happen.”

Author:  Fiona Mc [ Thu Apr 26, 2007 10:29 am ]
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I'm glad Emma was puzzled about her behaviour. It shows she wasn't hiding Nanny's behaviour or not caring but I'm wondering what Elizabeth had to put up with behind closed doors she was too scared to tell and if her bahaviour has changed which John seemed to indicate with the 'you would hardly notice her there' statement I wonder why they didn't ask what was wrong. Anyway, thanks for the update

Author:  MaryR [ Thu Apr 26, 2007 1:37 pm ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
Well she’s never been exactly light-hearted, but her care of Elizabeth has been exemplary, and I certainly haven’t heard any complaints, or had any myself for that matter.

But the nanny would make very sure to conceal anything, wouldn't she? And the child herself wouldn't complain - because she wouldn't know that the nanny was wrong. She would just accept whatever her nanny meted out - and suffer accordingly, especially if it is her spirit that is suffering. She was so quiet, remember... :cry:

Emma's probably now feeling very guilty - and Hilda needs Nell, to calm and soothe her, before she does violence to herself for having left her child under such a regime.

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Thu Apr 26, 2007 1:38 pm ]
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Hmm - we could speculate for ever about what caused Nanny's recent behaviour, but as Emma so rightly points out, it's Elizabeth who is the most urgent concern at this stage. However, I'm glad to see that Emma is genuinely bewildered by Nanny's reaction.

I know we aren't out of the woods yet, in that we don't know just what Elizabeth may have had to put up with from Nanny, how that will affect her reaction to the changes which are coming to her, or indeed how she will react in any case to such a drastic change and the eventual revelations about her parentage, but we know that Emma is fully behind the move and will do all she can to ease things along.

Thanks, Cath - will look forward to the ending of this section - and to finding out what Nell has been up to during the interim!

Author:  Chair [ Thu Apr 26, 2007 9:00 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. I hope that Nanny won't cause any more trouble at the last minute.

Author:  Tara [ Thu Apr 26, 2007 11:32 pm ]
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Quote:
And don’t worry about Miss Henderson; I expect she’s packing right now, and other than to say ‘Goodbye’, Elizabeth won’t see her again.”
Now why does that make me worry quite a lot?
Fascinating to see Hilda's mannerisms, but disturbed that they indicate 'extreme disquiet'.

Waiting for the next instalment - I want to meet Elizabeth properly!

Author:  RoseCloke [ Fri Apr 27, 2007 8:29 pm ]
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Wahhh!!! I've read all the way through your whole series just waiting until I could post :D This is fantastic and I can't wait to read the next part. I love the way Hilda and Nell support each other so that together they're one whole. I also love what little has been seen of Elizabeth, although I'm rather worried about what Nanny could possibly have said to her :shock:

Waiting on tenderhooks,

Rose :D

Author:  Cath V-P [ Sun Apr 29, 2007 12:30 pm ]
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Thank you all for your comments, and Rosecloke, thank you for your kind words. Here is the next part, which may clarify a few things - but then again, may not.... :D

The nursery was, Hilda had long ago decided, one of the most pleasant rooms in the Annersley house. Light and airy, it was decorated in white and soft yellow, with dark crimson curtains that cast a soft glow of warmth on chilly evenings. Two large and comfortable armchairs were drawn up near the brightly patterned rag rug in front of the fireplace, and several sets of shelves housed a varied collection of books, toys, and games assembled over the years by the Annersley children. A frieze of cheerful yellow ducks marched its way around the room and several pictures of nursery-rhyme characters also adorned the walls. A large table near the window was just the right size to allow painting and modelling to be carried out, and there was a welcoming pile of cushions in one corner where a small child could curl up with a favourite book or toy – or simply dream dreams. It was a delightful room, and one which Hilda had never entered without feeling welcomed and comforted, and even today, anxious as she was to be with her daughter, she still paused in the doorway to appreciate it.
Neither Elizabeth nor Celia noticed the door opening; they were both engrossed in the game they were playing. As Hilda shut the door, she heard Elizabeth say happily,
“All the way down Celia!” and Celia groaned theatrically.
“You’re too good at this, Elizabeth!” she remarked moving her small wooden counter reluctantly down the painted snake on the board. Then she caught sight of her mother and aunt and got up hastily.
“Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in,” she said, smiling down at her small cousin. “We were busy.”
“You appear to be losing,” her mother commented dryly. Celia grinned.
“Elizabeth’s too good for me,’ she remarked cheerfully. “She’s won two games already.” She glanced at her mother. “Do you still need me? Or can – oops, sorry Auntie Hilda! - may I go and sort out my shopping?”
“Certainly, and you have some letters as well. They’re on the hall table,” replied her mother. “Oh,and Celia, you might do one thing for me; ask Agnes to have the trunk brought down as soon as possible, please.”
“Alright – and then I’ll be in my room if you need me.”
“Thank you, dear. Remember, lunch in half an hour!” Celia acknowledged her mother’s last words, then, with a smile in Elizabeth’s direction, departed. Emma and Hilda waited until the door had closed behind her, then turned to Elizabeth, sitting silently on the hearthrug and watching them intently.
“Nanny not here, Elizabeth?” asked Emma. Elizabeth shook her head, then said,
“She came back when Celia and I were playing the first game, but she didn’t stay. I think she’s in her room now.”
“That’s alright; we wanted to have a little talk with you, before we spoke to Nanny, so suppose you come over here and be comfortable.” As she finished, Emma sat down in the armchair nearest to the window. Hilda took the other one, smiling lovingly at Elizabeth as she did so. The little girl stopped piling up the counters from the game and glanced at both women in turn. Then she scrambled up from the rug, and went to stand by Hilda’s chair; Hilda slipped her arm round her, and was instantly aware of the tenseness of the slim little body.
“Don’t worry,” she said softly. “No one is cross with you and you haven’t been naughty.” Elizabeth peeped at her from under her eyelids, but said nothing. Hilda hugged her a little more closely, and felt her relax slightly.
“Now,” said Emma, clearing her throat, ‘to business.” She surveyed her niece and sister-in-law and smiled reassuringly at both of them. “Elizabeth,” she continued, “you’re old enough to understand that some things have changed since last September.” Elizabeth nodded solemnly,
“Lots of children have gone away out of the towns, and some of their daddies too. It’s because of the war.”
“That’s right,” said Emma encouragingly. “Well, now your Uncle John and I have to leave our house and move out of London, because Uncle John has to work in a new place. And because Joseph and Celia will soon be in the Army like Edward, the house we’re going to will be much smaller, and we won’t have as many servants – only Mrs Lewis will be coming with us. So we’ve decided to make a change about where you live as well.” Elizabeth’s eyes widened and she stared at her aunt.
“Will I be going to school now?” she asked unexpectedly. Both Hilda and Emma stared at her.
“What gave you that idea?” said Hilda. Elizabeth looked down at the floor and muttered something that sounded like, “Nanny said I would have to as soon as she left.” Hilda’s mouth tightened as she looked at the downbent dark head, and the glint in Emma’s eyes did not bode well for any future interview she might have with Miss Henderson.
“Well, one day you will be going to school,” said Hilda gently. “But at the moment, the important thing is that we have decided that I’m going to look after you now.” There was a choked little gasp of “Auntie Hilda!” then Elizabeth was staring speechlessly at Hilda, who smiled tenderly at her, and waited for her to say something. The little girl was silent for almost a minute, then asked,
“Will Nanny be there too?” Hilda shook her head.
“No, Nanny is leaving today; she’s going to look after her brother’s family,” she said firmly. Elizabeth thought this over for a moment, again in silence, her face suddenly very white and her eyes oddly fearful.
“Will – will it be just you and me, Auntie Hilda?” she said hesitantly. At this, a fierce pain gripped Hilda, almost as if her heart were being relentlessly squeezed; what was the matter here? Why did Elizabeth seem so fearful - did she not want to be with Hilda? Was she making a mistake in taking her away like this? With a great effort, she managed to steady her voice and replied carefully,
“No, Elizabeth; do you remember the lady whom you met yesterday? Miss Wilson?” Elizabeth nodded cautiously. “Well, she and I have a house in a village in Devon, and you will be living there with us. Would you like me to tell you about it?” Elizabeth nodded again, the fear gone from her eyes and the hint of a smile appearing on her solemn face.
“Why don’t we do that over lunch,” suggested Emma. “Elizabeth, would you like to have lunch downstairs today with Auntie Hilda and Celia and me?” A look of delight flitted over the child’s face.
“Yes, please, Auntie Emma!”
“Well, run and wash your hands then, and make yourself tidy. After lunch we’ll be coming back here to do some packing. Celia’s promised to help, so it will get done very quickly.” She waited until the door had closed behind Elizabeth, before turning to Hilda.
“Don’t worry, Hilda,” she said quickly and quietly. “Once she’s out of London and settled with you and your friend, I’m sure everything will be alright.”
“I hope so,” replied Hilda soberly. She got up, and went towards the door. “I’m not sure she quite understood what we were saying to her, but -”
“You’ll probably find that once she’s heard more about your home and met Miss Wilson again, she’ll be more enthusiastic,’ Emma said cheerfully, then, catching sight of Hilda’s suddenly stricken face continued hastily, “And talking of Miss Wilson, are you expecting her to call here after lunch?” Momentarily distracted by Emma’s question, Hilda thought for a moment.
“I think so,” she said. “She said she might be back at the hotel by lunch-time, but that if I wasn’t there, she would come here. I’m not sure where she’s gone, so I don’t know exactly how long she’ll be.”
“Well, I certainly look forward to meeting her again,” remarked Emma amiably, leading the way downstairs.

Author:  Chair [ Sun Apr 29, 2007 12:37 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. It's good that Elizabeth has agreed to live with Hilda and Nell. I was worried that she would disagree.

Author:  Miranda [ Sun Apr 29, 2007 1:27 pm ]
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I do like the description of the nursery! It does sound like a wonderfully welcoming and happy room - which gives me some small grains of optimism with regards to Elizabeth.

Although then I am quickly downcast by her tenseness with Hilda and her odd Nanny-related questions...

But I am really rather liking Emma - to think how suspicious of her I was at first! (unless of course Cath is luring us into a false sense of security about her - but I don't think I can believe that...)

And I am getting seriously curious about what Nell's up to!!

Author:  Squirrel [ Sun Apr 29, 2007 2:36 pm ]
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What's going on here? What has Nanny been saying that had such a guarded look on ELizabeths face when she thought that she was to be with Hilda on her own? Thank goodness that Nell will also be there - I can't imagine how Hilda would have felt if Elizabeth had reacted in fear altogether if she had been proposing that it would just be her and Elizabeth, for of course, that has been what she wanted all along.

Thanks Cath - a lovely scene, with lots of 'food for thought' with it. What's coming next? Lunch, or finding out what Nell has been up to?

Author:  Alison H [ Sun Apr 29, 2007 2:39 pm ]
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Glad that Elizabeth seems happy about Nell being around, but still very curious about a lot of other things ...

Author:  MaryR [ Sun Apr 29, 2007 3:29 pm ]
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I'm surprised, with all one is learning about Nanny, that she allowed the nursery to stay so pleasant and welcoming! For she has clearly been doing a lot of damage behind closed doors. :cry: First of all to suggest to the girl that she might be sent off to school - like an unwanted package perhaps? :shock: Grr! I can see why Elizabeth would be afraid of that, but hopefully she doesn't feel that she is being sent away from the Annersly household because she has not been a good girl. I wouldn't put it past the nanny to hint at that either...

But, oh dear, why the sudden fear at being alone with Hilda, when she has always adored being with this gentle, loving and devoted *aunt*? It is obvious she loves Hilda in the way she goes to stand beside her, so why would the advent of Miss Wilson seem like a good thing to her?

Lots of mysteries still, Cath. :lol:

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Sun Apr 29, 2007 6:39 pm ]
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Hmm, I take your suggestion that this bit would muddy as many waters as it cleared, Cath!! But I did love the very matter of fact way in which Emma told Elizabeth about what would be happening and why - she really treated her as an equal, with no hint of talking down to a mere child. I must admit that Elizabeth's initial reaction rather alarmed me - one does have to wonder what poison Nanny has been instilling into her young mind, (including, clearly, a hint that school was to be in the nature of a punishment for her) although it could equally well simply be that the child was worried, as any young child would be, by the prospect of such a drastic change in her living arrangements. Hopefully, the explanations she will get during lunch, and the reassurance she can clearly feel coming from Emma, will do their work, as, of course, will time. But I can also understand why Hilda allows her own doubts to surface, even briefly.

I'm looking forward to seeing what happens when Nell finally arrives. I'm also wondering whether we will be 'flies on the wall' when Emma has that final interview with Nanny - please?!!

Thanks Cath - I can see that all will be well in the end, but not without some bumps along the way.

Author:  Pat [ Sun Apr 29, 2007 8:03 pm ]
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I'm wondering what her reaction will be when she finds out who Aunty Hilda reaaly is. And if Nanny has stuck her oar in there too.

Author:  RoseCloke [ Sun Apr 29, 2007 9:45 pm ]
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Another great part :D I really like the way Elizabeth's character is panning out, although you have a talent for lining up as many questions as you answer! :D I wonder exactly what Nanny has told Elizabeth...

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Sun Apr 29, 2007 10:43 pm ]
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Lots of mysteries and lots of little hints and tantalizing bits to think about there. Thanks Cath.

Author:  Tara [ Mon Apr 30, 2007 12:23 am ]
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Life is never simple, is it. Here is Hilda, on the brink of realising her dearest wish - and having to worry about whether Elizabeth really wants to be with her or not, and whether she's made a dreadful mistake! Strikes me we have a lot to learn about yet, Elizabeth's reactions are certainly puzzling.
Nell is sure to bring a breath of fresh air with her when she returns. And I'm not impatient to learn what she's been up to, no, not me ... *whistles nonchalantly*

Author:  Kathy_S [ Mon Apr 30, 2007 2:08 am ]
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Very mysterious!

Thank you, Cath.

Author:  Hannah-Lou [ Mon Apr 30, 2007 4:40 pm ]
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Still loving this story :D . Thanks for the update. Please can we find out soon what Nell is up to? :?:

Author:  Cath V-P [ Tue May 01, 2007 8:00 am ]
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Thank you for your comments. And alright, Hannah-Lou and Tara, (two days is a long time to be nonchalantly whistling!) I shall put you out of your misery - partially! I hope there'll be another update before the weekend, but that depends - there are two rehearsals and two performances left of South Pacific - and a party! - but we are in a new venue....

The subject of Hilda and Emma’s conversation sat down on the bench at the end of the station platform, and contemplated her morning as she waited for her train. She had certainly not expected everything to go smoothly, and she had been prepared for some of the difficulties she had encountered – but there had been at least completely unexpected revelation that might cause unforeseen difficulties, although she could not deny that the possible consequences might be extremely helpful in the short term. Still, despite this she could not deny that the morning had been successful. She had accomplished what she had set out to do, and it seemed as if things might work out as she
had hoped. But nonetheless, she was uneasy; how would Hilda respond to this? What would she say when Nell told her? In her own mind, Nell was convinced of the rightness of what she had done – she had no doubts about that – but she was wondering now whether she should have acted more cautiously. She had prayed for guidance and believed that she had received it, but what if Hilda did not see things in the light that she did? After all, it was barely two days since Hilda had told her of the existence of her daughter, and with that, the whole basis of their life together had changed – and Nell was uncomfortably aware that their future depended on what happened in the next few days and how they dealt with it. Perhaps she had been too precipitate? “Maybe I should have written,” she said to herself, “But how could I have explained it in a letter? And anyway, there’s no time for that.” She realised that she had uttered this last thought aloud and felt herself turn pink as the middle-aged woman beside her shifted smartly to the other end of the bench, putting her heavy shopping basket firmly between them as further protection.
“I - I beg your pardon,” Nell stammered, but received no response other than a glacial stare.

After the unpromising start, her search through the directories in the Post Office had finally yielded four possibilities. Fortunately three of them were at least reasonably close together and could be reached by the underground, while the fourth was further away and would involve at least one bus journey. “”It’s probably that one,” thought Nell gloomily as she hurried down the stairs at the station. “Oh well, if it is and I’m short of time, I can always take a taxi!” However, as it had turned out, this had not been necessary.
The first two addresses on Nell’s list had been quickly disposed of; careful enquiry had revealed that the first one was that of a middle-aged woman who worked in a government office and was in the process of moving nearer to her job, while the second belonged to a man who was ‘something in the city on Mondays to Wednesdays’ according to his cleaning lady. Heroically resisting the impulse to discover precisely what the gentleman in question became on the other four days of the week, Nell sought out the third address – a large flat in St John’s Wood – hoping that this would be the one she wanted.
Rather to Nell’s surprise, she was immediately admitted by a stern-faced maid, who ignoring her proffered card, showed her into a small room off the hallway with the unexpected remark,
“If you’ll please wait here, Miss Grant will be ready for you soon. Unfortunately, one or two of the earlier appointments were late, so it may be some time before she can see you.” Then before a somewhat bemused Nell could say anything in reply, she had disappeared into the hall again, carefully closing the door behind her.
Left to herself, Nell glanced rapidly around the room seeking some clue as to the reason behind the maid’s remarks, but there was nothing to be gained from her immediate surroundings. The room was exquisitely neat, but furnished more in the style of a waiting room or office than a living-room, even down to the pile of magazines on the highly-polished table. Nell frowned thoughtfully, then sat down to await the maid’s return; despite everything, she was becoming convinced that she had arrived at the right address.

Author:  MaryR [ Tue May 01, 2007 10:55 am ]
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Miss Grant? A relation of James? His aunt, perhaps, who helped Hilda so much after James' death, or some other relation.... :?: No, I shall stop wondering and leave Nell to her sleuthing. :lol:

But how typical of Nell. All action - and then think afterwards. :lol: But what she has done for Hilda in the two days since she was told about Elizabeth has been magnificent and Hilda has so appreciated it - so why worry now. As she says to herself here, however, things have already changed in their very new relationship with the advent of Hilda's daughter and they both need to go carefully - so what is she up to that might cause untold damage?

More mysteries, Cath? :lol:

Author:  Ruth B [ Tue May 01, 2007 11:46 am ]
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Hmm, I have a glimmer of an idea, but the earlier glimmer was completely wrong, so this one probably is too.

Quote:
Heroically resisting the impulse to discover precisely what the gentleman in question became on the other four days of the week,


:lol:

Author:  Chair [ Tue May 01, 2007 11:53 am ]
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Thanks, Cath. I am curious to find out whom Nell has gone to see.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Tue May 01, 2007 1:14 pm ]
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OH ho - the plot thickens - again! I'm leaning towards my own suspcions of where Nell was headed in this sleuthing, and certainly the name 'Miss Grant' sounds familiar. However, we will perforce have to be patient - no doubt all will be revealed in Nell's (and Cath's) own sweet time.

Thanks, Cath - whenever South Pacific allows......!

Author:  Nell [ Tue May 01, 2007 10:08 pm ]
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How interesting and intriguing. Thanks Cath.

Author:  Tara [ Wed May 02, 2007 2:51 pm ]
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Cath, thank you for posting in the middle of South Pacific (which I hope is going swimmingly), it's really noble of you ...

... but is this supposed to make anything better?? :evil:

What, exactly is going on? I'd thought Nell was going to winkle out the aunt, but I'd also assumed she was older - and what is this Miss Grant???? Then there's that lovely comment:
Quote:
there had been at least [one?] completely unexpected revelation that might cause unforeseen difficulties, although she could not deny that the possible consequences might be extremely helpful in the short term.

Please? Far be it from me to accuse you of obfuscation ... :D

Loved the ruminations on what the city gent became on the other four days of the week, and Nell's startling her fellow-traveller by her apparently mad behaviour.

ETA the serious point that Nell is very aware that they are at a crucial point in their new relationship, and that the whole of their future together hangs on how they handle it. Biting nails.

Author:  Josie [ Wed May 02, 2007 10:49 pm ]
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Am also wondering who Nell's gone to see. Thanks Cath. Was nice to finally catch up with this again. :)

Author:  Miranda [ Thu May 03, 2007 8:57 am ]
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Quote:
“If you’ll please wait here, Miss Grant will be ready for you soon. Unfortunately, one or two of the earlier appointments were late, so it may be some time before she can see you.”


I wonder what on earth this lady is involved in?

Looking forward to the mystery being revealed :)

Author:  Cath V-P [ Fri May 04, 2007 8:21 am ]
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Thank you everyone. Obfuscate? Me? As if I would.... :D This next will reveal a little more about Miss Grant (appearing here with the permission of her management, MaryR Creations Ltd) and it's probably the last post until after the weekend. As we're in a new venue (Tempus Two winery in the Hunter Valley), we've had to reset a fair amount - it will either be excellent or a disaster :? :D

Nell was not left alone to ponder the matter for long; scarcely five minutes after her arrival, the maid reappeared, looking slightly more welcoming.
“Miss Grant will see you now,” she said briskly, and led the way into a large airy living-room dominated by a large desk and a Chesterfield sofa of imposing dimensions. A thin grey-haired woman who appeared to be in her early sixties was seated behind the desk, riffling through a folder of papers with one hand and holding a fountain pen poised above a notepad with the other.
“I’m sorry, I don’t appear to have your information to hand,” she began, glancing up at Nell. Then, taking in the details of Nell’s appearance she dropped the folder and got up hastily. “Good heavens, I must apologise; there’s clearly been a mistake – this is my morning for writing references and suchlike for my girls - my maid evidently mistook you for the last person on my list, although how in the world she could – I do beg your pardon!”
“Please don’t worry, Miss Grant,” said Nell smiling politely and holding out her hand as she advanced towards her. “I’m afraid that any confusion is my fault for calling unannounced. I do apologise for intruding on you like this, and thank you for seeing me.”
“Not at all,” replied Miss Grant, shaking Nell’s hand vigorously and sitting down again. “Although as I don’t have any idea of your business this morning, your thanks may be somewhat premature; I assume you’re not collecting for something?” she finished suspiciously. Hanging determinedly onto her politest smile, Nell shook her head gave her card to Miss Grant, who scanned it swiftly, but made no acknowledgement other than to raise a questioning eyebrow. Hoping that she was not about to make an almighty fool of herself – or worse - Nell cleared her throat.
“No, Miss Grant. I’ve come to see you about something that might be of personal interest to you.” Miss Grant said nothing, but inclined her head in acknowledgement; her eyes were suddenly sharp and diamond-bright, assessing Nell who shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other before continuing, “My name is Helena Wilson, and I’m a friend and colleague of someone whom I believe you knew several years ago: a Miss Hilda Annersley.” She stopped as Miss Grant drew in her breath sharply and dropped her pen onto the pad with a little splutter of ink. Slowly, she fixed Nell with a penetrating stare, strangely and disquietingly reminiscent of Hilda at her most awe-inspiring and Nell looked back, outwardly unperturbed, although the intensity of Miss Grant’s hazel eyes was almost painful. There was a brief silence as they locked eyes, then Miss Grant sighed, looking down at her hands.
“There’s a name I haven’t heard for a long time. Hilda ….” She sat silently at her desk for a moment, the fingers of her right hand tracing the edge of the folder, her face shadowed and a little wistful. Nell said nothing, though inwardly she rejoiced that so far she was correct. She stood waiting patiently until Miss Grant emerged from her thoughts, and addressed her once more.
“So, Miss ...Wilson, and how is Hilda? I lost touch with her rather abruptly several years ago, you know, and really didn’t expect to hear from her again. To be honest, your visit today is definitely somewhat of a surprise.” Her mouth compressed slightly as she said this, and more than ever, Nell wished for some of Hilda’s intuitive gift of words; “Please, let me say it properly,” she prayed. Still, there was no turning back now, and a voice inside her was adamant that she was right in what she was trying to do.
“Hilda is quite well, thank you,” she said gently. Miss Grant nodded brusquely and steepled her fingers under her chin.
“Good; now, as there’s no sense in beating about the bush, Miss Wilson, perhaps you might care to tell me precisely what is the reason behind this visit? And why have you come rather than Hilda – unwilling to face me, is she?” Abruptly, Nell stopped smiling and her eyes darkened angrily.
“Hilda doesn’t know that I’m here Miss Grant, but I felt that there was something that you needed to know about.” And before she could change her mind, she fished in her bag, and held out one of the results of her enquiries at Somerset House. Miss Grant took it, frowning fiercely and glanced down over the page, stiffening as she realised what she was reading.

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Fri May 04, 2007 10:53 am ]
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I think I'm going to quite like Miss Grant. Thanks Cath, hope South Pacific goes well.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Fri May 04, 2007 1:38 pm ]
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Well, clearly Nell has found the right 'Miss Grant', which is a start. Equally clearly, we will still have to wait for all to be fully revealed, and probably spend the weekend biting our fingernails before we learn the lady's reaction to that piece of paper! Oh well, a weekend of suspense won't kill us!!!

Thanks, Cath - hope South Pacific goes well again.

Author:  MaryR [ Fri May 04, 2007 3:38 pm ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
Slowly, she fixed Nell with a penetrating stare, strangely and disquietingly reminiscent of Hilda at her most awe-inspiring and Nell looked back, outwardly unperturbed, although the intensity of Miss Grant’s hazel eyes was almost painful

Which is really quite amazing as we are talking about somone totally unrelated to Hilda - but someone whom Hilda loved immeasurably. They would have been so alike in many ways to have the mutual respect they had for each other.

A fascinating meeting - and a formidable lady. Who will surely get on well with Nell, another formidable lady, after that little burst of temper.

Hopefully Nell can show her how maligned Hilda was - and rope her in to help with this undertaking. After all, Miss Grant must already know what a formidable lady Hilda is. Three such should do well together.

Thanks, Cath.
MaryR Creations Ltd :lol: :mrgreen:

Author:  Chair [ Fri May 04, 2007 4:35 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. I wonder how Miss Grant will react.

Author:  Tara [ Fri May 04, 2007 11:44 pm ]
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Ah, this is what I was hoping for! I liked the sound of Miss Grant from the beginning, and she promises to be quite splendid. I'm sure she and Nell will prove to be kindred spirits, and she will be such a support to Hilda.

But - sorry if I have a suspicious mind - I have a feeling we don't know the whole story yet. What is this new revelation which is going to be helpful in the short term but cause future difficulties? And is this certificate one of the two we know about, or something different?
Hurry back, Cath!

Hope South Pacific was a triumph in its new venue.

Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sat May 05, 2007 12:53 am ]
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You've now got me impatiently waiting for Miss Grant's reaction. Please let me know soon.

Author:  Miranda [ Sat May 05, 2007 11:37 am ]
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And me! :lol:

Though I do have *some* faith in this Miss Grant - given she is so Hilda-like!

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Sat May 05, 2007 11:55 am ]
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I just sat and re-read this entire drabble and now I'm even more impatient to know what's going to happen next.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Wed May 09, 2007 1:35 pm ]
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Thank you for all your comments and good wishes. Yes, it went well: two sell-out shows and favourable reviews.... and normal service will now be resumed! :D I'm pleased you like Miss Grant...I think she has Possibilities.

Married! Good Lord!”
“I assume that you didn’t know then,” remarked Nell ingenuously. Miss Grant snorted.
“No, I most certainly did not! I had no idea; neither of us did. If I had, I would never have allowed – well, I don’t know.” She looked at the certificate again, sadness creeping into her face. “A fortnight before James sailed; that was all they had. But…” She paused, and regarded Nell with a look of sudden suspicion. “Why now, Miss Wilson? Why are you here now, after all these years?” Her mouth twisted cynically. “What do you want – or think you can get - from me?” At this Nell felt her face redden with anger and embarrassment, but managed to restrain herself. Ill-chosen words would only cause disaster.
“I don’t want anything from you,” she said quietly. “At least, not in the way you mean.” Miss Grant darted another of those searching glances at her but said nothing, simply waiting for her to continue. “But you are right, Miss Grant; there is a reason for my arrival here today.” She held out a second envelope to the older woman and again, Miss Grant found herself perusing a certificate. This time, however, there was an appreciable silence before she lowered the paper and stared intently at Nell, who tried not to flinch.
“I see,” she said thoughtfully. “A daughter, according to this. Well, well.” She reached for her pen and copied down the details on the certificate, then sat pondering the certificate again. Nell tried to glean some clue from her expression, but Miss Grant’s face remained impassive. Finally, she slipped the certificate back into its envelope, rang the bell for the maid, then turned to Nell.
“Quite clearly, we need to discuss this in some detail; I propose to take my morning tea now, and suggest that you make yourself comfortable and join me. I foresee that this may take some time to resolve - if such a thing is indeed possible this morning.” Her tones were very dry, almost sarcastic, but Nell suddenly found that she was not offended; did not this woman, as Nell herself did, turn to sarcasm and biting wit when unsure or threatened? And Nell’s news would certainly disturb even if it might delight…
Relieved that the first words of explanation were over, and she had not been asked to leave, Nell did as she had been bidden, and by the time she had given her coat to the maid, and washed her hands, Miss Grant was seated by the fire, morning tea neatly arranged on a small table. She said nothing further about Nell’s revelations until they were both supplied with tea and biscuits, then asked directly,
“So, just what are you able to tell me about this situation, Miss Wilson? I assume that if Hilda has no idea that you are here, then she has no plans to inform me of the existence of my great-niece?” For a moment, Nell glimpsed a flicker of pain in Miss Grant’s eyes, and once more silently berated John Annersley for the behaviour that had instilled such terror in his vulnerable and grieving sister. “If she hadn’t been so scared, she would have told her,” she thought savagely, and wondered how best to make Miss Grant understand just what had happened, and why. “Please, don’t let me make it worse,” she prayed. She was acutely aware that Miss Grant was awaiting an answer to her questions, and began to frame a reply.

Author:  Fiona Mc [ Wed May 09, 2007 1:42 pm ]
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Yay an update. Am really enjoying this and hope Nell can sort things out

Author:  Alison H [ Wed May 09, 2007 2:04 pm ]
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Glad that Nell's started to explain things.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Wed May 09, 2007 3:21 pm ]
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Oh boy - Nell is going to need every ounce of tact she possesses, plus, I think, an 'injection' of Hilda's own, to explain things satisfactorily here, isn't she. But at least she realises it, and knows just how much is riding on her handling of this situation, especially since Hilda doesn't yet know just what she is up to.

However, I have faith that she can do this, and that Miss Grant, once fully apprised of things, will indeed provide the support for Hilda and acknowledgement of Elizabeth's existence, which is clearly what Nell is bent on.

Thanks Cath - I'm so glad I found this now, because it will be much later this evening before I can get back on here. I look forward to being 'present' at this conversation in due course.

Author:  Chair [ Wed May 09, 2007 5:06 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. I wonder what Nell will say.

Author:  Elbee [ Wed May 09, 2007 6:48 pm ]
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Thanks Cath, this is getting gripping....

Author:  MaryR [ Wed May 09, 2007 7:40 pm ]
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Oh, yes, indeed, Nell, John has a great deal to answer for. Hilda would have gone straight to James aunt when she found she was pregnant, but how could she take the chance of losing the respect of someone she loved? :cry:

Oh, I suspect Nell and this tart woman are going to get on wonderfully well together, and make common cause against Hilda as they try to help. Aftter Hilda has forgiven Nell for interfering! :lol:

Thanks, Cath

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Wed May 09, 2007 7:58 pm ]
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I think I like this Miss Grant although there was a line or two there that made me worry a bit. This drabble gets better and better.

Author:  RoseCloke [ Wed May 09, 2007 10:00 pm ]
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This is fantastic, as usual :) I wonder if Miss Grant and the Annersleys will ever meet? I can imagine her having a few sharp words with John Annersley :D

Author:  Tara [ Fri May 11, 2007 12:29 am ]
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Nell isn't particularly renowned for her tact and diplomacy, and she'll need both to deal with the hurt and anger of this formidable woman! She's already shown unusual restraint, however, and her realisation of how important this is for Hilda will give her the ability to communicate in the way she needs to. Her own love and respect for Hilda will be obvious, and make their own impact, too.
She and Miss Grant are clearly sisters under the skin, and I was intrigued by the insight into both of them:
Quote:
did not this woman, as Nell herself did, turn to sarcasm and biting wit when unsure or threatened
Very interesting.

Thank you, Cath, looking forward to more.

Author:  Miranda [ Fri May 11, 2007 2:31 am ]
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I hope Nell can frame an appropriate response, because I can definitely see these two getting on well if the matters they were dealing with weren't quite so sensitive.

Good luck Nell!

Author:  Cath V-P [ Sat May 12, 2007 2:20 pm ]
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Thank you for your comments. Nell and tact, hmm, we'll see.... :D

“Hilda and I have been colleagues and friends for almost seven years,” she said hesitantly. “And we share a home at the edge of Dartmoor.” She was aware of Miss Grant’s eyes flickering over her momentarily, and lifted her head a little higher. “But I had never heard her speak a word about James until one weekend last summer, and even then it was as much as she could do to tell me about her engagement; she said nothing about her marriage or her daughter until two days ago.”
“That must have been a great shock for you,” commented Miss Grant. Nell met her eyes unflinchingly.
“Yes, it was at first,” she said honestly. “But afterwards, it didn’t really matter.” Miss Grant lifted her eyebrows questioningly, and Nell bit her lip. “I already knew there was something wrong,” she said very quietly. “And I’d imagined all sorts of things, awful things, so - well, when it wasn’t, then what did it matter?” She stopped abruptly, embarrassed by the confusion of what she had said, unaware that Miss Grant was regarding her with complete understanding.
“ Anyway,” she went on, as the silence threatened to stretch out uncomfortably, “she did tell me, and afterwards it was clear that we had to come to London as quickly as possible. So here we are.” Miss Grant frowned.
“ Did she mention me at all? Or anything about the family?” Nell nodded.
“Yes, she did, Miss Grant. She told me how kind you were after the news about James came, and she did say that she wished she had been able to tell you everything. To be honest, I don’t think she believes you’re still alive.” Miss Grant snorted.
“Hmph!” Almost seventy I may be -” Nell glanced at her, astonished; she would have set the lady down as sixty-three at the most – “but I have no intention of resigning my lot on earth for at least another twenty years! Too much to be done, my dear, to have time for dying!” Faced with this forthright remark, Nell had to force down the sudden urge to giggle, and carried on hurriedly.
“Anyway, Hilda told me enough about you to make it possible for me to find your address; I thought that you both needed to know about each other, so – so I looked in the district directories and - I came.” She stopped, as if she had run out of words and took a sip of her tea. Apart from the faint hum of traffic outside and the slipping of coals in the fire, the room was quiet. Then,
“She was perfect for James, you know,” Miss Grant said with a sigh. “I thought that from the moment I met her – so serene and loving, intelligent and a sense of humour to boot. I had absolutely no doubts about them; they were so suited to one another. I’m not given to flights of fancy, you know, but there was something - sparkling – about them.” She sighed again.
“Why didn’t she come to me, Miss Wilson?” Her voice was suddenly sad, and Nell answered her at once.
“She was scared,” she said bluntly, and Miss Grant winced. There was no easy way to tell this, so Nell carried on quickly. “She found out about the baby and went to her older brother and his wife. They - he refused to believe that she had been married because she didn’t have the marriage certificate as proof. Eventually he agreed to help her, but he’s never altered his belief, and I believe that initially he was very unpleasant to her.”
“I see,” said Miss Grant grimly.
“She was scared,” repeated Nell a little desperately; she had to make Miss Grant understand that Hilda had not wilfully ignored her. “She told me that you were a lady of very decided views – and she was terrified that you might believe, as her brother did, that she and James hadn’t been married. She thought you might even have supported him in his plans. If you had done that, well, she knew that she wasn’t strong enough to withstand you both at that time. She was so scared that her baby would be taken from her that she didn’t dare take any risks . . and I don’t think there was anyone who would listen to her and give her comfort.” Miss Grant closed her eyes and sighed.
“Poor child,” she said sadly. “All that time, fearful and grieving, and with it all hidden inside her, I’ll be bound . . . the world can be very hard on the sensitive, loving souls like Hilda.” She stared into the fire for a moment, then turned back toward Nell.
“So tell me, Miss Wilson, exactly how has Hilda coped all this time? And what else do you wish to tell me?”

Author:  RoseCloke [ Sat May 12, 2007 2:26 pm ]
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Yay! I get first comment :D

I loved how understanding Miss Grant was - it would have been awful if she'd rejected Hilda. I like the way Nell's doing some of the things that Hilda should have done the first time round (getting the certificates, seeing Miss Grant), as if she's tying up loose ends for her so that they can build their life together without things hanging over both of them :)

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Sat May 12, 2007 3:16 pm ]
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Quote:
She stopped abruptly, embarrassed by the confusion of what she had said, unaware that Miss Grant was regarding her with complete understanding.

"I had absolutely no doubts about them; they were so suited to one another. I’m not given to flights of fancy, you know, but there was something - sparkling – about them.” She sighed again.

“Poor child,” she said sadly. “All that time, fearful and grieving, and with it all hidden inside her, I’ll be bound . . . the world can be very hard on the sensitive, loving souls like Hilda.”


I could have quoted so much of this, but I think the three I've picked really do cut to the heart of the matter here.

Well done, Nell - firstly for having the perseverance to track Miss Grant down, and secondly for having the courage - and yes, tact, too - to be able to relate what had happened in such an honest and straight forward way.

And I really do like this Miss Grant, and her understanding not only of Hilda, but of the quandary into which the news of Elizabeth must first have thrust Nell - and her clear understanding of the latter's sense of relief at hearing the truth of what had been worrying Hilda for so long. I foresee a wholehearted ally for all three principals here - and I'm sure that Emma, too, will be delighted with that.

Thanks Cath - I know you've only just posted this bit, but I'll be eagerly awaiting the conclusion of the interview.

Author:  Chair [ Sat May 12, 2007 3:22 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. I wonder what Nell is going to tell Miss Grant.

Author:  Alison H [ Sat May 12, 2007 3:33 pm ]
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At least Miss Grant seems willing to listen. It must be a pretty big shock for her, hearing all this.

Author:  MaryR [ Sat May 12, 2007 7:55 pm ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
“She was perfect for James, you know,” Miss Grant said with a sigh. “I thought that from the moment I met her – so serene and loving, intelligent and a sense of humour to boot. I had absolutely no doubts about them; they were so suited to one another. I’m not given to flights of fancy, you know, but there was something - sparkling – about them.” She sighed again.

What a perfect description of what they had.

Miss Grant is a feisty lady who already sees more than perhaps Nell is ready for her to see. And one senses that Hilda was correct - that she would indeed at that time have been unable to fight for her child against them both. So stored it all up in her heart and suffered.

Loved the line about there being too much to do to die yet. :lol:

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Josie [ Sun May 13, 2007 10:14 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. I do like Miss Grant from what we've seen here. Poor woman - thinking Hilda had just ignored her.

Author:  Tara [ Sun May 13, 2007 11:41 pm ]
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Nell did really well there in explaining how Hilda felt, and how understandable it is that she felt she would be unable to withstand the combined weight of the family, and would lose her baby. What damage John's ... the word that comes to mind is 'vulgar'... presuppositions have done.
Miss Grant is clearly both understanding and perceptive - she sees straight to the heart of what Nell cannot tell her, and recognises the love. She is also great fun:
Quote:
I have no intention of resigning my lot on earth for at least another twenty years! Too much to be done, my dear, to have time for dying!
Lovely!

Author:  linda [ Mon May 14, 2007 12:18 am ]
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I've just found this tonight and read the whole thing from Page 1. I'm really enjoying seeing a very different side to Hilda. Nell is just so supportive and doing so much to help her.

I hope Hilda is able to take Elizabeth to meet Miss Grant. I also hope that the dreadful judgemental nanny has not really treated Elizabeth too badly. I'm wondering how she wil react when she finds out the Auntie Hilda is really her mother. Will she be angry that she was deceived all these years?

Author:  Kathy_S [ Mon May 14, 2007 1:28 am ]
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Oh, good -- helpful communication between Nell & Miss Grant seems well and truly opened.

Author:  Identity Hunt [ Mon May 14, 2007 11:56 am ]
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I do so like Miss Grant !
What a delightful yet formidable lady !

Thank you, Cath, I am loving this.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Wed May 16, 2007 1:16 pm ]
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What lovely comments; thank you so much! And thank you linda for having the patience to read from the start - and for your response. On to the next part - I've decided to split the original post as it was just a bit too unwieldy....

Nell hesitated; she knew what she wanted to say, but was not sure that she could make herself clear to Miss Grant. Finally she plunged in,
“As I told you I’m a colleague of Hilda’s; we both work at the Chalet School which is due to reopen near Armiford very soon. I’m Senior Mistress, Hilda is Head Mistress.” Miss Grant raised an eyebrow.
“Young for that, aren’t you – even with that hair?” Nell looked at her levelly.
“We’re good at our jobs, Miss Grant – especially Hilda. She’s worked at the School for the last seven years, and was offered the Headship three years ago. There was no question at the time but that she was the perfect person for the job. And the trust that our employer has shown in her has been amply repaid - under very difficult circumstances at times. The School was opened almost ten years ago in the Tyrol; after the Anschluss, we had to leave Austria in rather a hurry -”
“I can see that you would,” commented Miss Grant drily. Nell hurried on, not wishing to answer any questions that might be forthcoming about that departure.
“ – and we reopened last year in Guernsey, three days before war was declared.”
“That was rather unfortunate timing!” Nell nodded, her lips compressed. She and Hilda had grown steadily more uneasy throughout that first term in Guernsey, both privately convinced that a mistake had been made; Hilda, at least, had voiced a little of her disquiet to the Russells, only to have her words dismissed – although events had subsequently shown her concerns to be more than justified.
“It was,” she replied carefully. “Anyway, the school has now been moved to a large house near Armiford, and after all this upheaval, we hope that things will go smoothly - or as smoothly as is possible at the moment. And without Hilda’s leadership, it would all have been very different.” Miss Grant smiled approvingly.
“Yes, from what I knew of her, I can imagine that she would be excellent in dealing with both the mundane and the unusual,” she said thoughtfully.
“Far better than I would be,” replied Nell ruefully. “I’m too hasty-tempered. Hilda takes the time to find out why the girls do things before passing judgement, but I’m rather too swift to make up my mind.”
“It’s a hard lesson to learn,” responded Miss Grant. Nell went pink, and the old lady chuckled. “I know, I know, I’m like that myself – can cause you a lot of problems can’t it?”
“Yes, it can,” commented Nell feelingly. Miss Grant glanced at her, her hazel eyes very bright and acute.
‘You’ll do well enough,” she said firmly. “Hilda will keep you from too many disasters – and you’ll keep her from dwelling too much on the things she can’t help.” She chuckled again at Nell’s startled expression. “I may be getting on in years, Miss Wilson, but I still retain the use of my eyes and my wits!”
“Oh, that’s something I would never doubt,” Nell assured her, suddenly feeling that she was getting the measure of this rather formidable woman, and understanding just why Hilda had found her so appealing. She sat back in her chair, sipping her tea and feeling more at ease. Miss Grant said nothing for a moment, but drank her tea in silence. She replaced the cup in the saucer, then said,
“I assume that there has been some change in circumstances, and that is why you are here?” Nell nodded, putting her own cup down.
“You’re correct, Miss Grant, things have changed.” Miss Grant glanced at her, but all that she said was, “Please go on.” Picking her words carefully, Nell did so.
“Elizabeth has been cared for by John Annersley and his wife in their London house since she was a small baby, with Hilda paying them a yearly amount to do so. As far as I can gather, this was Mrs Annersley’s suggestion, and Mr Annersley was initially reluctant to agree to it. However, finally he did so, with the proviso that something new would have to be devised when Elizabeth was seven.” Miss Grant’s mouth was a straight line, and Nell continued rather uncertainly. “Hilda hasn’t been able to spend much time with Elizabeth since she left England to work in Austria – the job was John Annersley’s idea, and of course teaching positions were hard to come by at that time,” she added hastily. “Now that Elizabeth is almost seven – her birthday is next week – Mr Annersley is insistent that some decision as to her future must be made, if not by Hilda, then by him. Besides, he’s adamant that she has to leave London, for her own safety, if for no other reason. Apparently, he has grown fond of her, despite never altering his opinion of Hilda. And he’s closing his home for the duration, and moving his family out of London.” Miss Grant frowned.
“So he thinks that we’re in for something serious, does he? Well, I wouldn’t be surprised to find that he’s right.” Nell nodded.
“Hilda had a letter from her brother two days ago, demanding a response by the end of the week. Of course, we came to town at once, and settled things; we’ll be taking Elizabeth down to Devon tomorrow. She’ll live with us from now on,” she concluded defiantly.

Author:  Alison H [ Wed May 16, 2007 2:09 pm ]
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I like Miss Grant :D .

Author:  MaryR [ Wed May 16, 2007 2:23 pm ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
"Yes, from what I knew of her, I can imagine that she would be excellent in dealing with both the mundane and the unusual,” she said thoughtfully.
“Far better than I would be,” replied Nell ruefully. “I’m too hasty-tempered. Hilda takes the time to find out why the girls do things before passing judgement, but I’m rather too swift to make up my mind.”
“It’s a hard lesson to learn,” responded Miss Grant. Nell went pink, and the old lady chuckled. “I know, I know, I’m like that myself – can cause you a lot of problems can’t it?”
“Yes, it can,” commented Nell feelingly. Miss Grant glanced at her, her hazel eyes very bright and acute.
‘You’ll do well enough,” she said firmly. “Hilda will keep you from too many disasters – and you’ll keep her from dwelling too much on the things she can’t help.”

Apologies for quoting all that, but what a wonderful summing up of their relationship. And how astute this woman is. I'm quite sure she is one who will accept their love without a moment's qualm.

Now I wonder what Nell has really come for? Of course Miss Grant wouldn't know what John had been up to all this time so Nell has indeed to inform her, but what else? Cannot help speculating....

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Chair [ Wed May 16, 2007 6:04 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. It's interesting to see them understand each other.

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Wed May 16, 2007 7:33 pm ]
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I really am going to like Miss Grant. And I can see Hilda having problems if she ever finds both Nell and Miss Grant ganging up on her!

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Wed May 16, 2007 8:20 pm ]
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That piece which MaryR quoted really does sum up the relationship between Hilda and Nell so wonderfully. It also shows just how astute Miss Grant is that she has formed that opinion just from what she recalls of Hilda and from listening to what Nell is telling her. I really, really like her, and am confident that here is someone who will indeed accept their love without any hesitation. I also think she will show herself a strong ally in their plans for Elizabeth's future - but of course we'll have to wait and see how all this is going to unfold. Like MaryR, I'm wondering just what Nell really hopes to get out of this meeting - apart from informing Miss Grant, of course.

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Sal [ Wed May 16, 2007 8:27 pm ]
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Thank you very much this is great, I'm really glad Nell has managed to get Mrs Grant onside although like everyone else I wonder why.

Author:  Fiona Mc [ Wed May 16, 2007 11:45 pm ]
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Am loving Miss Grant, very astute lady and I would guess she is picking up on things Nell is leaving unsaid

Author:  Kathy_S [ Thu May 17, 2007 3:13 am ]
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I do like Miss Grant's attitude here. :) It makes it almost surprising that Nell sounds so defensive about taking Elizabeth to Devon.

Thank you, Cath.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Fri May 18, 2007 12:42 pm ]
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Thank you for appreciating Miss Grant; she and Nell have a lot to say to one another...

Miss Grant regarded her levelly for a long moment. Then,
“I see,” was all she said, and Nell had the definite impression that Miss Grant saw rather more than those words suggested; she felt herself blush under that intense scrutiny, but refused to look away. Then to Nell’s surprise, she said, “I suppose her brother has always wanted her to give the child up?” Taken unawares, Nell found herself answering, “Yes, he has,” before quite realising what she was doing. She stopped abruptly. Miss Grant sniffed.
“Don’t worry, Miss Wilson. I met the John Annersleys at James and Hilda’s engagement party and at least once afterwards; an eminently respectable man as I recall, so the slightest hint of any irregularity would have been anathema to him.” Nell regarded Miss Grant seriously, her grey eyes thoughtful.
“Well, you know he never believed that Hilda and James were married, and that belief coloured everything as far as he was concerned,” she said. “He thought -,”
“Hmph!” said Miss Grant forcefully. “I can well imagine what he thought! Squalid little mind of the man!” At this plain speaking, that so echoed her own ideas, Nell was unable to restrain a grin of delight. Miss Grant caught her eye. “Poor Hilda,” she said sadly. “All that grief and despair, and then that too.” Nell’s smile faded and she said nothing; she still found it difficult to contemplate, much less speak about what Hilda had endured without becoming furiously angry. “I wonder what prompted him to agree?” Miss Grant murmured. Nell shrugged.
“I suppose Mrs Annersley persuaded him,” she replied. “I think she must have had a difficult time of it – wanting to do the best she could for Hilda, and support her husband too. But he did consent to her plan, and he does seem to have kept his side of bargain, even though he has frequently suggested that Hilda should have her daughter adopted by a ‘suitable family’.” Miss Grant snorted.
“I can just imagine it!” Then her eyes grew wistful. “Tell me Miss Wilson, what is she like?” Nell smiled.
“Well, I’ve only seen her once,” she said. “But she’s tall for her age and quite thin; I imagine she’ll be tall and slim like Hilda when she’s grown up. And she has Hilda’s eyes. But her hair is very dark and a little wavy, and she has her father’s features. Hilda showed me a photograph of him, and that was very clear, even from one short meeting. But as to what she’s like herself - I don’t know. She seems to be on fairly formal terms with her aunt Emma at least, and of course she has had a nanny.” She paused, thinking over what she had learned during the last two days. “I might be wrong,” she went on a little uncertainly, “but I think she’s had quite a solitary childhood so far. She was very quiet, but I don’t know whether that’s the sort of child she is, or whether she’s learned to be so because of her upbringing. There was a change of nanny about two years ago, and Hilda has never been enthusiastic about the replacement. The Annersleys have been pleased enough with her, so that was that - although as Hilda was probably paying the major part of her salary, she should have been consulted at the very least!” Her voice scaled upwards indignantly, and Miss Grant’s lips twitched.
“Quite so – and I should say that you and I have rather similar points of view on a number of issues,” she remarked, offering Nell the biscuits again. Nell shifted uncomfortably in her chair, then caught sight of the reassuring twinkle in Miss Grant’s eyes.
“It’s certainly probable,” she said, accepting a second biscuit and nibbling it cautiously; the first had been of a consistency that Nell had previously associated only with granite. Miss Grant stirred her tea meditatively, and Nell watched her out of the corner of her eye, as she appeared to be thinking something over.
“So,” she said eventually, putting her cup down, “how has Hilda coped with this situation over the years?” Nell hesitated – so far Miss Grant had accepted Nell’s explanations in a friendly enough spirit, accepting the words as they came even if she was aware there was more to the situation than was being acknowledged, but somehow, this question asked for more from her. To answer it honestly and fully, Nell would have to reveal more than she really wanted to – and yet, Miss Grant had clearly cared about Hilda, and deserved to know how bravely and lovingly Hilda had remade her life.
“At the start, I think she simply went from day to day,” she said quietly. ‘Then she had to leave Elizabeth with her brother when she went to Austria. That was when I first knew her.” Miss Grant nodded.
“How old was the baby then?”
“Five months,” said Nell slowly. Miss Grant’s mouth set in a thin angry line. “That shouldn’t have been necessary,” she said shortly, and Nell winced.
“Hilda didn’t make the decision lightly,” she said indignantly. “Her brother saw the advertisement for the job, and persuaded her to apply - and she needed the money to pay them. And if you think she found it easy to leave her daughter behind - ” Miss Grant raised her hand.
“I’m sorry Miss Wilson; that isn’t what I meant. I know that Hilda would have done everything she could for her child, no matter how much it might have cost her.” She glanced at Nell’s face and sighed. “But it could have been so different . . .”
“I know,” said Nell. “Every day that she’s been parted from her daughter has hurt her, especially as John Annersley has insisted that Elizabeth should know her as her aunt rather than her mother. But she has so much love and courage, and faith too, and you know, I could never have survived such hurt and loss, and remained so – so loving and serene in the way she has. So many people love her, and she has the gift of drawing them to her, because of who and what she is.” She stopped, then said shakily, “And all the time, this was a part of her and she didn’t even have anyone to talk to, or share it with -” Her throat ached as the words choked her and she fell silent. Miss Grant leaned forward and laid her hand on Nell’s shoulder.
“And now she has you,” she said, in a surprisingly gentle voice. “And together, you will share the burdens and the joys, won’t you?” Nell nodded, still speechless, and turned her head aside, blinking furiously. Miss Grant waited until she was calmer, then said quietly,
“Thank you for what you’ve told me, Miss Wilson; I understand it wasn’t easy for you, but I do appreciate what you’ve done this morning.” Then, with the swift change of subject that Nell was starting to recognise as typical of her, she remarked briskly,
“So you’re taking her down to Devon. And what happens when you two have to return to the school?” Nell blinked in some amazement.
“Why – she’ll come with us as a pupil,” she said at once. Then aware of the unspoken question she added coldly, “Yes, we can afford it.” Surprisingly, the old lady grinned at this slight touch of hauteur.
“I’m sure you can,” she said soothingly. Then she sat back in her chair and proceeded to lob a small bombshell into the conversation.
“That’s all well and good, Miss Wilson. But you clearly have no idea of the problem that you’ve now posed me!”

Author:  Alison H [ Fri May 18, 2007 12:45 pm ]
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Oh, not another cliff!

Author:  Karry [ Fri May 18, 2007 12:46 pm ]
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what? What?? What problem???

You can't leave it there!

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Fri May 18, 2007 12:53 pm ]
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Oops - now what?! I suspect Miss Grant's intentions are of the best but will have to wait and see, of course.

But before that, what a brilliant interchange between these two. Clearly Miss Grant appreciates all of Nell's frankness, and equally clearly, they both have Hilda's best interests at heart and aren't wasting time on the 'if-only' aspect. One thing's for sure, Hilda and Nell have a staunch ally. And I just loved Miss Grant's comments on John Annersley!!

Thanks Cath.

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Fri May 18, 2007 4:31 pm ]
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*wibbles slightly at the sound of the problem*

Granite biscuits and the twinkle in Miss Grant's eye were the two things that jumped out at me most there.

Thanks Cath

Author:  Sal [ Fri May 18, 2007 4:43 pm ]
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Oh no *Wibbling horribly*
Still liking Miss Grant though and I've just discovered there is more of this in the archives...
*Sal skips away happily to the archives ignoring the large and depressing law books scattered all over her desk*
Thanks Cath :)

Author:  linda [ Fri May 18, 2007 9:31 pm ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
“That’s all well and good, Miss Wilson. But you clearly have no idea of the problem that you’ve now posed me!”


Oh dear! What's waiting in the wings now? I can't wait for the next post.

Author:  Chair [ Fri May 18, 2007 11:43 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. I wonder what the problem is.

Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sat May 19, 2007 9:50 am ]
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Cathy I can't believe you have dropped us at that cliff like that. Please update quickly before I expire of curiosity. Please

Author:  MaryR [ Sat May 19, 2007 10:27 am ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
She glanced at Nell’s face and sighed. “But it could have been so different . . .”

Ah, but then if so, where would that have left Nell and the Chalet School? :cry: So many paths life takes us on, and not always the one we wanted - but who's to say which is the one that will ask the best of us?

Such a wonderful combination this woman and Nell will make, how well they already understand each other, and I can envisage Miss Grant trying to make up for what Hilda has lost. Nell details so well the courage and steadfastness that Hilda brought to her loss and grief.

I wonder - is Miss Grant concerned about her will? Is she worried about how she was never there for Hilda once her first grief was over? Has she too many irons in the fire to be able to offer help? I could go on but I shall stop offering silly guesses and wait patiently. :lol:

Thank you, Cath

Author:  ibarhis [ Sat May 19, 2007 11:27 am ]
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If we are talking about guesses, I'm guessing that Miss Grant has something to do with the fact that Elizabeth doesn't show up in the books... which seems a bit obvious but well... ok... Elizabeth has been poisoned against Hilda by demon nanny and in desperation Nell goes back to Miss Grant who arranges .... something...

Author:  calico [ Sun May 20, 2007 8:57 am ]
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Thanks Cath
This is fabulous. I'm so enjoying it!

Author:  Cath V-P [ Sun May 20, 2007 1:52 pm ]
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Well, thank you for your comments...it was only a tiny cliff! :D . Mary, you were the nearest in your guess about the will..... Anyway here is an explanation - ther is a second part to follow, but I haven't quite written it to the exacting specifications of the voice as yet..

Nell stared at her in complete astonishment. “What on earth on you talking about?” she gasped finally. The old lady’s eyes twinkled.
“That shocked you, didn’t it?” Suddenly aware that she looked less than intelligent, Nell shut her mouth and did her best to pull her scattered wits together.
“I’m not quite sure that I know what you mean,” she began cautiously. “I assume you’re referring to money, but there isn’t a problem there for us; we have quite enough between us. We both have our salary, and then we were left various amounts by our families – not huge but enough to make life comfortable for us -” She stopped as Miss Grant held up her hand, and a faint idea of what was coming crossed her mind.
“Of course, Hilda would not have known,” she said reflectively. “And from what you tell me, no idea of inheritance ever occurred to her.” Nell sat forward, as the suspicion hardened into certainty. “Mrs Grant – James’s mother - had an annuity that of course ended when she died,” Miss Grant continued. “And James had a small income from a trust that his father had set up early in his marriage when his sons were young. An astute man, my younger brother; he rapidly became aware that his wife had no idea about money! Anyway, there was a house, which was sold when my sister-in-law died, and the monies from that and some stocks and shares were all aggregated. And the trust was concluded, because James and his brother were both dead. The amount of money involved is quite significant.” She glanced at Nell, who was sitting very still, listening intently, then said slowly. “And of course as Hilda was legally married to James, she would have been quite entitled to draw on at least some of the money.” Nell gulped, as the ramifications of what Miss Grant was telling her suddenly became clear.
“But nobody knew about their marriage – or Elizabeth,” she said finally. “And so the estate must have been administered as though - as though -”
“As though I were the only remaining member of the family,” cut in Miss Grant smoothly. “Which as we now know is not the case - and hasn’t been the case for the last seven years.” Nell stared at her, appalled by the spectre of the legal complications that this suggested.
“Heavens – Jarndyce and Jarndyce!” she said weakly.
Bleak House? Exactly! You’re well-read.” Despite the shock of the moment, Nell laughed.
“Hilda found I’d never read it and in an unguarded moment, bet me a box of my favourite dark chocolates that I never would. She lost.” Miss Grant’s eyes twinkled.
“Somehow I am not surprised! Now, let me have a moment to think.” She caught up pen and paper and proceeded to jot down some notes, frowning furiously the while. Nell quietly consumed her tea and attempted once more to subjugate her biscuit, thinking over all that Miss Grant had said to her, and wondering for what felt like the hundredth time that morning whether she had done the right thing in coming here. Had she foolishly disturbed something best left alone? What if Hilda’s fears had been right and this autocratic old lady wanted to wrest Elizabeth away from her? That would cause irreparable harm to them all…. Then her common sense reasserted itself: Miss Grant might be a lady of definite views and a certain eccentricity, but she clearly approved of, and indeed was fond of Hilda, and besides, she could not burden herself with a child – not at her age, and not in wartime London. And Nell had a shrewd suspicion that Miss Grant was extremely happy with her life as it was now ordered – no, although the discovery of this unknown great-niece had undoubtedly delighted her, she would not welcome any profound disturbance of her present existence.
At this point, her thoughts were interrupted; Miss Grant laid down her pen and sat back in her chair with a nod of satisfaction. “That should answer all the problems; I shall obviously have to talk to my solicitor, but that’s merely a formality.” Nell felt a twinge of compassion for the hapless individual who dealt with Miss Mary Grant’s business and financial affairs – she somehow doubted that this lady was easy to deal with, no matter how charming she might be when she wished it. Her father’s comment, uttered years before sounded in her mind: “For sheer business acumen and practicality, commend me to these fiercely independent elderly ladies – but Lord, they can be difficult!” She was recalled to her present surroundings to hear Miss Grant remarking tartly, “Of course, if you have any better ideas, I would be delighted to hear them!” Nell started, suddenly aware that so far she had blithely ignored what Miss Grant had been saying.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Sun May 20, 2007 2:37 pm ]
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All right, I can wait for this to play out, thanks to the hints about Miss Grant's will - (thank you, MaryR and Cath!) - but I think the outcome will be extremely beneficial to all concerned. Nell's foresight in obtaining the copy of Hilda's marriage certificate will doubtless provide the 'proof' which Miss Grant's lawyer must, of course, seek before rewriting his client's Will in the terms she requests and at which I can guess, but will wait for Cath to confirm.

I continue to like Miss Grant immensely as well as the developing relationship between Nell and herself - and I giggled wildly at the latter's sudden recall of her own father's comment about elderly female clients!!

But I should imagine both Hilda and Emma are beginning to wonder where on earth Nell is and what she's up to!!!

Thanks, Cath - will be looking forward to the rest!

Author:  Chair [ Sun May 20, 2007 2:38 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. I am now wondering what Miss Grant has been saying.

Author:  Alison H [ Sun May 20, 2007 3:03 pm ]
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Miss Grant is wonderful!

Author:  Squirrel [ Sun May 20, 2007 3:24 pm ]
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Cath, I have the biggest grin on my face after reading that little lot. What a lot has happened with Nell and Miss Grant. I *do* like her as a character, so strightforward, so determined, and with such firm views of what is *right*. No, while I am sure she would welcome the chance to get to know Elizabeth, she would never remove her from her Mothers side, unless it prove to be the right thing for all concerned.

I'm looking forward to see what happens next for all concerned.

Thanks Cath.

Author:  MaryR [ Sun May 20, 2007 3:49 pm ]
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Well! John Annersley has more to be forgiven him than we realised.
Hilda's life could have been so very different. :cry:

But what a fantastic woman, and how generous that she is clearly about to give up what was thought was rightfully hers. And such a wonderful conversation between these two, who will surely become lifelong friends, so alike are they in outlook. And no, Nell, she won't do anything of those things you fear. But Hilda might be on your case, of course... :twisted:

Loved the line about Nell subduing that biscuit! :lol:

Thanks, Cath - am assuming that we don't need to worry about what Nell has missed!

Author:  Elbee [ Sun May 20, 2007 9:20 pm ]
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I hope any legal complications are solved more quickly than Jarndyce and Jarndyce!

Thanks Cath, I'm enjoying this conversation between two such formidable ladies!

Author:  Identity Hunt [ Mon May 21, 2007 6:32 am ]
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Cath,
I am hard-pressed to say who will come out on top of this conversation- for once, I think Nell has utterly met her match in the delightful Miss Grant :lol:

Wonderful, thank you !

Author:  Kathy_S [ Mon May 21, 2007 10:31 pm ]
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They are a pair. :D

*Would like to see them teach John a thing or two....* :twisted:

Author:  Sal [ Mon May 21, 2007 10:47 pm ]
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Kathy_S wrote:
*Would like to see them teach John a thing or two....* :twisted:


*Agrees*

Seriously another great scene with two very determined ladies, I'm glad Hilda has them on her side.

Thanks Cath

Author:  Cath V-P [ Tue May 22, 2007 10:40 am ]
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I'm so glad you've enjoyed this. Here's the final part of this meeting; it's a little long, but never mind....

“I –I’m sorry,” she said, turning pink with embarrassment. “I’m afraid I was rather rude.” The old lady snorted.
“Just so,” she replied cuttingly, then satisfied that Nell was paying attention to her, continued. “ As you’ve not been listening to what I was saying, I’ll begin again. For the last seven – almost eight years really, matters have been dealt with under the assumption that I was and am the sole survivor of this particular branch of the family. This could have been disastrous, but fortunately, I have a more than adequate income of my own, so haven’t needed to use any of the money that came from the estate of my brother when it was wound up at his wife’s death. That has simply been reinvested and overseen by both my solicitor and myself. Now the situation is different; firstly, as James’s widow, Hilda should have been receiving at least some of the dividends and interest from the estate, and secondly, the capital should have remained in trust for James’s daughter until she comes of age.” Nell nodded, then said diffidently,
“But won’t it cost a lot of time and money to have the whole thing re-adminstered?” Miss Grant inclined her head, acknowledging Nell’s question.
“Just so: and with that in mind and to keep things simple, we will calculate the sum to date that would have been paid to Hilda had she been receiving an annuity similar to that of James’s mother and pay her this. Then she will go on receiving an annual sum in the future.”
“She may not accept that,” began Nell slowly.
“Then she’s a fool if she doesn’t,” remarked Miss Grant forthrightly. Nell bristled.
“Hilda’s no fool,” she said shortly. “But her independence means a great deal to her, and I won’t hear her criticised for that.” She glared at Miss Grant as she spoke, then went on, “Besides, I’m not altogether sure that she would think it exactly appropriate anyway.” Miss Grant considered this observation.
“I think I see what you mean – and I apologise if I criticised her unduly - but I shall make my proposal anyway. Remember, James would have wanted her to have the money – and it is also her legal right. Besides, it will make things easier for you both – and if she really is stiff-necked about it, then I shall ensure that the money is set aside for Elizabeth. That’s only reasonable.” She paused and looked at Nell a little anxiously, her fingers drumming the arm of her chair as she did so and Nell realised that despite her outward air of assurance, Miss Grant was deeply worried about this wholly unlooked-for situation.
“Well - that does sound sensible,” she said finally, and was rewarded by a sharp nod of approval.
“Of course it does. And of course, there is still the question of Elizabeth to be considered.” I rather think that the most straightforward thing will be to set the trust going again so to speak, so that matters revert to what they were before my sister-in-law’s death. And I shall of course alter my will to reflect this new development.” Nell nodded; this seemed straightforward enough, although she did wonder about the legal niceties of this process. Still, something would clearly have to be done; in one way of course, it would not have mattered, either to herself, or to Hilda, but Nell recognised the justice that would have Elizabeth receive her inheritance and applauded it.
“It sounds a good idea - but won’t it all take rather a long time?” she asked dubiously. Miss Grant smiled, a little grimly. “Don’t worry,” she replied briskly. “I have an extremely capable solicitor whom I’ve trained to do just as I require and with the maximum despatch.” Nell choked back a sudden giggle at this splendid observation, and managed to maintain what she hoped was an impassive air, although the fierce little look that Miss Grant sent in her direction suggested that she had not been wholly successful. “You’ll find it’s quite the best way, my dear,” she said firmly. “Avoids any nonsense and fiddle-faddle!” Fortunately for Nell, she was saved from having to respond to this sentiment by the opportune appearance of the maid, who announced that the final appointment of the morning had arrived - considerably late, but eager to speak to Miss Grant.
“You’ll excuse me while I deal with this, won’t you Miss Wilson?” said Miss Grant, getting up swiftly. “This is one of the girls whom I particularly wanted to see - she made a splendid effort in getting this job, best thing for her, but she will need a bit of encouragement. Her family’s not the support it could be….” She left the room, still talking, and Nell sighed deeply, thankful for a few minutes alone in which to gather her thoughts.

The carriage clock on the mantelpiece had just finished striking the hour when Miss Grant returned, smiling broadly.
“Most satisfying; I’ve known this child since she was twelve, and if anyone had told me then that I’d be able to recommend her for a clerk’s job, I’d have had difficulty believing them. Not her fault, poor child, nor yet her mother’s - the usual thing, father out of work, too many children, dreadful housing. How some of these families survive from week to week is beyond me, but they do.” She glanced at Nell. “You haven’t heard a word of that, have you? What’s the matter?” Nell bit her lip, her eyes dark and worried.
“It’s nothing,” she said hastily. Miss Grant raised an eyebrow and Nell squirmed under the quizzical gaze.
“Really, it’s nothing,” she said a little more emphatically. Miss Grant snorted.
“Hmph! I haven’t lost the use of my eyes and ears as yet, young woman!” Her voice softened. “You’re worried about telling Hilda about this morning aren’t you?” Nell fell silent, feeling the telltale colour creeping into her face. Miss Grant nodded, “I thought so. My dear, you’ve done a very courageous thing in coming here this morning, and I do appreciate it - how much you’ve no idea. To find that Hilda and James were married, and that they had a child. A family again…” She shook her head, her eyes suddenly very bright. “You did the right thing, Helena Wilson, and I’m sure your Hilda will agree. And if there’s anything I can do to help, then you only have to ask.” Surprised, and touched by Miss Grant’s words, Nell turned towards her.
“Thank you for listening to me,” she replied. “I wouldn’t have been surprised if you’d asked me to leave - but you didn’t.” Miss Grant grinned.
“Oh, I’d never do that,” she said cheerfully. “Too much natural curiosity, my dear!” Nell giggled.
“I do know what you mean,” she replied demurely; then a thought struck her, and she was silent for a second. “Miss Grant – you said that if you could help in any way, you would. Well, there is something . . .”

Author:  Squirrel [ Tue May 22, 2007 11:03 am ]
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Cath V-P wrote:

“Then she’s a fool if she doesn’t,” remarked Miss Grant forthrightly. Nell bristled.
“Hilda’s no fool,” she said shortly. “But her independence means a great deal to her, and I won’t hear her criticised for that.” ...


“It sounds a good idea - but won’t it all take rather a long time?” she asked dubiously. Miss Grant smiled, a little grimly. “Don’t worry,” she replied briskly. “I have an extremely capable solicitor whom I’ve trained to do just as I require and with the maximum despatch.” Nell choked back a sudden giggle at this splendid observation...

“You’re worried about telling Hilda about this morning aren’t you?” Nell fell silent, feeling the telltale colour creeping into her face. Miss Grant nodded, “I thought so. My dear, you’ve done a very courageous thing in coming here this morning, and I do appreciate it - how much you’ve no idea. To find that Hilda and James were married, and that they had a child. A family again…” She shook her head, her eyes suddenly very bright. “You did the right thing, Helena Wilson, and I’m sure your Hilda will agree.


Oh Cath! I've quoted far too much here, and yet, I could have done so much more. The middle section here had me giggling - particularly in the light of what Nell's fathers views were shown as being in the previous section.

And such love and comfort and understanding in Miss Grant's finishing sentences. Of course, I just love Nell's hot catting to the defense of Hilda, when Miss Grant doesn't understand why she might not accept the money in itself.

I also enjoyed that extra glimpse into Miss Grants character - the people she works with are so special to her obviously.

Thanks Cath. That was lovely.

Author:  MaryR [ Tue May 22, 2007 11:07 am ]
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And of course there is the inevitable cliff, my dear! :twisted: Rogue!

But that was so lovely and so full of Nell's sort of humour. As for the *nonsense and fiddle-faddle* :rofl: :rofl: She can certainly give Nell a run for her money, can't she, Miss Grant? And she is secretly utterly delighted to have this unlooked-for ready made family.

I can see why Nell would think Hilda would not want to accept this money - but it is from James, whom she loved, and it is for her daughter, whom she also loves. So, she must bite the bullet and give in gracefully - as I am sure she will, after telling Nell exactly what she thinks of her for her high-handedness. :lol:

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Chair [ Tue May 22, 2007 11:16 am ]
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Thanks, Cath. It's lovely that Miss Grant has got a family again. I can't wait to find out what she is going to say next.

Author:  Alison H [ Tue May 22, 2007 12:46 pm ]
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Eek, another cliff!

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Tue May 22, 2007 1:55 pm ]
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Despite the overwhelmingly serious content of this whole conversation, I remain highly amused by the level of verbal 'ping pong' between these two, something which I'm sure both of them will remember with affection for many years to come.

Like MaryR, I'm sure that Hilda will accept Nell's actions in going to see Miss Grant, and the ultimate outcome of that meeting - both moral and financial - in the spirit with which they were taken, though she may certainly give her her unvarnished opinion of what she's done first!! But the bottom line is, that even if Hilda doesn't feel she can accept the money for herself, she would certainly accept that Elizabeth should benefit from what is rightfully hers, in due course.

I could make an educated guess about where Nell would like Miss Grant's help at this minute, but I'll contain my soul in patience until this is revealed - and I could be wrong anyhow.

Thanks Cath - I'll be waiting eagerly for the next bit.

Author:  Identity Hunt [ Tue May 22, 2007 2:00 pm ]
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Cath,
now I am utterly desperate to know what will happen next ! :shock:
I`m sure this isn`t good for my nerves, you know ! :lol:

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Tue May 22, 2007 10:21 pm ]
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not a cliff again?!

Author:  Fiona Mc [ Wed May 23, 2007 12:23 am ]
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Cathy why are you doing this to us???? Don't leave us hanging like this too long please

Author:  Cath V-P [ Wed May 23, 2007 12:26 am ]
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Don't worry, I won't... :lol:

Author:  Cath V-P [ Thu May 24, 2007 11:08 am ]
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And I haven't - here's the next part. :D Thank you for your comments; I hope you enjoy it.

When Nell finally returned to the Annersleys’ house, it was almost the middle of the afternoon; after the encounter with Miss Grant, she had not felt like seeking out Hilda straightaway, but instead had bought buns and apples and found the nearest relatively deserted park. Once there, she had sat on a bench under the plane trees, attended by an eager crowd of pigeons, eaten her lunch and allowed her mind to wander over the morning’s happenings. That she had succeeded beyond her wildest dreams was readily apparent; not only had Miss Grant accepted her story, but she had immediately set to work to ensure that the proposed financial arrangements should be in place as quickly as possible - although Nell had a sneaking suspicion that this would not be as straightforward or as swift as Miss Grant seemed to anticipate, and she most definitely did not envy the solicitor his job! Then there was Miss Grant herself; Nell freely admitted that she had not known what to expect of her: Hilda had clearly been very fond of her, but her anxiety over what ‘Aunt Mary’ might have believed and wanted had been definitely worrying. So to find that Miss Mary Grant wholeheartedly supported Hilda was heartening, to say the least, but to be welcomed so warmly for herself, and not merely as Hilda’s friend and champion was something that Nell had not expected, and it came as a delightful surprise.
However, this did not detract from the difficulty that she now faced; the problem had nagged at her at intervals throughout the morning and although she had been able to put it off in the face of more demanding concerns, that was no longer possible. She finished the second of the buns, shook the crumbs out of the bag over the attendant birds, and set herself seriously to consider just what she would tell Hilda – and when. “I can’t just wait until she gets the first letter from the solicitor,” she said to herself. “I’ve got to say something, but how do I do it? I can’t exactly announce ‘You’ll never believe who I saw this morning!’” Restlessly, she got up and began to walk around the little lake, eyed beadily by the ever-optimistic ducks. What if Hilda was angry with her? Or worse, hurt? Uneasily, Nell owned to herself that Hilda might see what she had done as unwarranted interference, and she really couldn’t blame her if she did…. Then hard on the heels of that thought came another - what if Hilda felt that she couldn’t trust her? That would be the end of everything. Then her common sense came to her aid. She truly believed that she had done the right thing, and nothing had so far suggested otherwise. “I’ll just have to keep on believing that, won’t I?” she said to the ducks, who unsurprisingly did not reply. “And hope that I’ll be given the right words at the right time.” She looked at her watch, and gasped; it was more than time that she found out how Hilda was faring.

It was apparent from the slightly harried air of the maid who admitted Nell, and then left her waiting in the hall, that not all was just as it should be in the Annersley household. Footsteps scurried about on an upstairs landing, and through the open door of the study, she could hear Emma Annersley who was evidently speaking on the telephone. Not wishing to eavesdrop – Emma’s voice was somewhat penetrating – Nell moved away to examine an indistinct oil painting that hung in the darkest corner of the hall. It turned out to be a mediocre still-life painted predominantly in sombre shades of dark green and maroon, and Nell thought, eminently suited to its surroundings. “Though why anyone would want a picture of what looks like six beetroot all with high blood pressure hanging in their hall, I really don’t know,” she mused. “Unless it was painted by a beloved family member, and even then I’ d probably be tempted to shove it in the attic and bring it out on state occasions!” She grinned to herself, and then noticed of a large trunk labelled ‘HENDERSON: SHEFFIELD’ standing near the bottom of the stairs. A movement on the landing attracted her attention; the nanny whom she had glimpsed briefly on the previous day was standing at the head of the staircase staring down at her, and Nell suddenly had the unnerving sensation that she was being regarded with the utmost disapproval. She drew herself up, her eyes fixed on the thin-featured woman, and even as she did so, the nanny’s lip curled in an unmistakeable gesture of distaste. Her pale brown eyes flickered contemptuously over Nell, but she said nothing. Nell stood still, watching her walk down the stairs, but the woman gave no indication that she was aware of Nell’s scrutiny. As she reached the foot of the stairs, she glanced at Nell with another of those unpleasant little looks. Then, without a word, she walked into the study, shutting the door behind her. Nell remained in the hallway staring in bewilderment at the now-closed door; evidently the nanny’s hostility yesterday had not been the product of her own imagination as she had persuaded herself. An unpleasant thought nudged at the edge of her mind – had Hilda also been the recipient of this woman’s enmity? And what about Elizabeth?

Author:  Alison H [ Thu May 24, 2007 11:25 am ]
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Hope Hilda doesn't think Nell was interfering - but I'm sure she won't.

Author:  MaryR [ Thu May 24, 2007 2:13 pm ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
“Though why anyone would want a picture of what looks like six beetroot all with high blood pressure hanging in their hall, I really don’t know,” she mused.

*chokes over coffee* What a typical Nell comment! :rofl:

Poor Nell! Don't worry, Nell - she'll give you some grief but she won't stop trusting you. After all, she's feeling guilty enough that she never told you about Elizabeth. You did the right thing - and found an unexpected friendship..

But this nanny is gruesome. And one has to ask why she should have taken against Nell. She doesn't know her or anything about her. Is she just lumping her together with Hilda, who she sees as the lowest of the low? :cry: :poke:

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Thu May 24, 2007 3:28 pm ]
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Well, that very satisfying meeting with Miss Grant may be over, but there are certainly plenty of elements to keep us guessing, aren't there? It's completely understandable that Nell would be nervous of Hilda's reaction to what she has done - but even if Hilda's initial reaction is irritation or even anger, I'm sure that she will realise, on reflection that Nell had acted with the best of intentions.

Like MaryR - I choked into my coffee at Nell's comment on that picture when I read this. *What* a typically Nell reaction!

As for the Nanny - clearly she is a nasty piece of work - neither Hilda nor Nell were mistaken in their first impression there. But I'll be waiting with some trepidation to see whether her baleful influence has created problems with Elizabeth - firstly, no child should be as subdued as both John and Emma have noticed she has become since this Nanny arrived, and secondly, I do wonder whether, in the short time since she has known the plan for the child, she has contrived to set her against the idea. Help!!

Thanks, Cath. Please don't keep us in suspense for too long.

Author:  Chair [ Thu May 24, 2007 3:32 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. I'm sorry that the Nanny was so hostile.

Author:  Kathy_S [ Thu May 24, 2007 3:57 pm ]
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FionaMc wrote:
Don't leave us hanging like this too long please

Cath V-P wrote:
Don't worry, I won't... :lol:

Cath V-P wrote:
And I haven't - here's the next part. :D

Yes you have! At least with regard to
Nell wrote:
“Miss Grant – you said that if you could help in any way, you would. Well, there is something . . .”

That nanny is VERY worrisome.
:rofl: beetroots with high blood pressure...

Thank you, Cath.

Author:  RoseCloke [ Thu May 24, 2007 5:26 pm ]
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This is great, thanks Cath :D Can we look forward to a Nell/Nanny confrontation before the latter leaves?

Author:  Sal [ Thu May 24, 2007 10:24 pm ]
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Thanks Cath, echoes everyone else with regard to the beetroot with high blood pressure :lol:

Author:  Cath V-P [ Fri May 25, 2007 12:20 pm ]
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Thank you for your comments; I'm glad you liked it. Kathy, I do apologise for a little extra hanging... :lol: And here is some more - story that is, not hanging!

Suddenly there was a soft cough beside her and a voice said, “Miss Wilson?” Nell started slightly and turned round.
“I’m sorry,” she said to the maid, who was now holding open the door to the room opposite the study. Then unable to restrain herself, she asked, “I presume that’s Nanny’s trunk by the stairs?” The maid’s face showed a slight touch of surprise, but she immediately replied, “Oh yes, that belongs to Nanny Henderson, Miss.” Nell’s gaze shifted to the trunk, and the maid answered her unspoken question. “Yes, she’s leaving later today, to return to her family in Sheffield.” Although the girl’s voice was carefully expressionless, Nell was conscious that this departure from the household was viewed with satisfaction by at least one person.
“Was this a sudden decision?” she asked, feeling her way carefully. The maid shook her head.
“Oh no, Miss, it’s been talked about for a while, but now that little Miss Elizabeth is definitely being sent away, Nanny decided to go today because she isn’t needed any more.”
“Elizabeth isn’t being sent away,” said Nell sharply. “Her – aunt – is taking her to live with her in the country.” Her eyes narrowed. “Just where did you get the idea that she was being sent away?” The maid flushed and shifted awkwardly from one foot to another.
“Well, you see, Nanny said she wasn’t really - and what with the house being closed so soon, we thought -”
“I see,” said Nell, frowning. “Well, I think Nanny must have got hold of the wrong idea, possibly from something she misheard. It’s very easy to do that, especially if the conversation isn’t intended for your ears.” The maid’s face was crimson by now, and Nell took pity on her embarrassment. “It’s much better that Elizabeth should leave London if it can be arranged, and that is exactly what is happening. From now on, she will be living with Miss Annersley - perhaps you’d say that if anyone else mentions it,” she concluded gently.
“Oh, yes, Miss Wilson” said the maid nodding fervently.
“Good,” said Nell. “Tell me, is Miss Annersley upstairs?”
“No Miss: she’s taken Miss Elizabeth for a walk, and Mrs Annersley asked that you wait in here for her to be able to come to you.”
And with that, Nell was ushered into a small pretty morning room that bore the unmistakeable signs of being Emma Annersley’s private sanctum. She sat down to wait; after about three minutes, she grew tired of sitting idly and started looking for something to read. A copy of the Times lay folded neatly on the small table near the door and Nell got up to collect it. In doing so she caught sight of a number of photographs, carefully arranged on a bureau, and paused to examine two of them more closely. The first was a family group which had clearly been taken shortly after the birth of John and Emma’s first child; Emma was seated in a chair, holding the baby, behind her stood an older couple whom Nell assumed to be Bishop and Mrs Annersley, if the likeness between John and his father were anything to go by and a young Hilda was beside Emma’s chair. John Annersley was not there; Nell did some hasty counting and realised that he would have been in the army, probably in France, when his eldest child was born. She studied the photograph closely, biting her lip; this was probably the last picture taken of Hilda before her mother died and before her world changed irrevocably. The second photograph bore out this supposition; again, it showed Emma and a baby, but this time John was standing behind her chair and a solemn-faced toddler – Edward - was leaning against his mother. Bishop Annersley was not present, and on the other side of Emma, somehow seeming to be a little apart from the group was Hilda. Nell winced a little; the contrast between the serenely happy child of the first photograph and the unsmiling girl with shuttered eyes and a wary expression was painful.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Fri May 25, 2007 1:13 pm ]
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Oh-oh - so Nanny has been spreading her 'poison' below stairs, while, I suspect, maintaining enough appearances before her employers that they have not seen anything wrong, apart from noticing Elizabeth's quieter demeanour. An useful little encounter with the maid, which has enabled Nell to at least set the record straight regarding the child's future even if she still had to maintain the story of her 'aunt' and not her 'mother'.

I hope that Elizabeth and Hilda have been enjoying their walk together, and that Emma will soon be free to talk to Nell - preferably before the other two return?

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Chair [ Fri May 25, 2007 5:49 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. I'm glad that Nell set the maid straight on what will be happening.

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Fri May 25, 2007 7:54 pm ]
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Two lovely updates there. And I loved the photographs, I could see them.

Author:  Sal [ Fri May 25, 2007 11:50 pm ]
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Those photos showed such a lot about the devastating effect the sudden harsh changes had on Hilda's life.

Thanks Cath

Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sat May 26, 2007 2:34 am ]
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Thanks Cathy as always you have me intrigued

Author:  Miranda [ Sat May 26, 2007 11:23 am ]
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Like Emma, I could *see* the photos as you described them. Thanks Cath - but I'm still worried about what that nasty nanny has done to poor Elizabeth... And I do hope Hilda and Nell's conversation goes well!

Author:  MaryR [ Sat May 26, 2007 1:36 pm ]
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There seems to be some confusion among the household staff as to what exactly IS happening to Elizabeth - but no doubt at all as to their opinion of the nanny. How could Emma let such a quietly malevolent person stay in charge of the nursery? :shock: One does indeed fear for what she has done to this little girl, and how Hilda will cope with it.

Poor Hilda - traumatised beyond belief at the loss of her mother and all her settled happiness. :cry:

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Jennie [ Sat May 26, 2007 5:06 pm ]
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For some odd reason, I haven't commented on this before, but now I think about it, it's becoming clear how easy it would have been for Nanny Henderson to poison Elizabeth's mind, and make the child believe that no-one would believe her if she said anything about how the nanny treated her, and that is why Elizabeth is so unnaturally good.

Author:  dackel [ Sun May 27, 2007 6:08 pm ]
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This is great, as ever, thanks, Cath!

I can't imagine Hilda minding Nell doing something that shows how much she cares, not only about Hilda, but about Elizabeth, too. Please don't keep us hanging on too long... :D

Author:  Cath V-P [ Mon May 28, 2007 9:26 am ]
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Thank you for your comments. Yes, the nanny is definitely unpleasant.... I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long.... :wink:

“Sometimes a photograph can say a great deal,” said a voice behind her. Nell swung round; Emma Annersley was standing in the doorway, regarding her thoughtfully, her blue eyes steady. Nell shrugged.
“Her world was shattered, wasn’t it?” she said. Emma picked up the second photograph from the bureau and stared at it for a moment.
“Sometimes I think we failed with Hilda,” she said sadly. “When I first knew John, she was just eleven and the most delightful child. Then John and I were married – in rather a hurry, because of course it was mid-1916, and John was due to leave for France. I’m afraid I didn’t pay much attention to Hilda or get to know her as I should have done. And well, then their mother died and Edward was very young,, so I didn’t really have the time to give to her then. And when I did, it was too late – she had somehow hidden away inside herself.” Nell nodded thoughtfully, realising again just how isolated Hilda must have been at this time, and a deep sadness filled her on behalf of that grieving girl. “I was so lucky,” she thought, remembering her own secure and happy girlhood. Beside her, Emma continued, almost as if to herself.
“John and I never felt that we really knew her after that … and then she wanted to go to Oxford. Their father supported her and John couldn’t see why. Neither could I, to be honest; it seemed so unnecessary. It caused rather a rift you know.” She was silent for a moment and Nell realised just how fortunate she had been to have the full support of her family when she was growing up. No wonder Hilda found life so hard; everything that she valued had only come to her after a struggle. Suddenly she realised that Emma was speaking again, and understood that she was trying to explain something….and also to apologise.
“John was very worried when he heard that she wanted to join James in India; he really didn’t think her health was up to it, and we couldn’t see why James wouldn’t stay here. The whole thing seemed - well, rather a waste, if you must know, after all, doctors were needed here. So we supported the plan that he would go out first, and see exactly what it was like; we hoped he would change his mind when he got there. Then he died in that accident, and when Hilda came to us, it really seemed the culmination of everything.” She frowned, her eyes very grave. “I think that part of the reason John was angry was because he had been fond of Hilda when she was a child. It must have seemed as of he had failed their parents as well, and of course there was no certificate, no proof and she was so sad and confused. I know now we made a deeply regrettable mistake, but we were so certain at the time ….” She rubbed her finger thoughtfully along the frame of the photograph, then put it down.
“So you do accept that they were married?” said Nell, trying to keep her voice steady – she did not want to risk offending Emma. Emma sighed,
“Yes – and now that John’s seen the certificate, we can be absolutely sure of it.” She was suddenly very busy altering the position of three of the photographs and didn’t quite meet Nell’s silently accusing gaze.
“I suppose I can see how it happened,” said Nell slowly, trying not to reveal her burning anger – that it should have been a piece of paper and not the knowledge of what Hilda herself was that decided things! “But I still think you should have trusted her!” she burst out. Emma said nothing, but the sudden embarrassed reddening of her face, showed that Nell’s comment had hit home.
“I – suppose we should have done,” she said finally, and Nell felt an unexpected twinge of compassion for her: she had had to balance the demands of her husband, with the desperate need of her young sister-in-law, and her own conscience. It could not have been easy.
“Don’t worry,” she heard herself saying, “I think it will all work out.” Emma sighed again, her lips compressed together and turned towards Nell.
“I do hope so,” she said. “Frankly, John says that the chief thing is to get Elizabeth out of London; he thinks we’re all on borrowed time here.” Nell shivered as the possibilities that haunted her crept from the shadows of her mind once more.
“Well,” she said resolutely, refusing to pay attention to them, “that’s something that’s already been decided.” Emma’s mouth twitched a little.
“So I’ve gathered,” she said drily. Despite everything, Nell smiled.
“Hilda’s probably told you this already,” she said. “But we’re going back to Devon. I – we have a cottage on the edge of Dartmoor. Elizabeth will be safe there.” Emma raised an interrogative eyebrow.
“Your cottage, I assume, Miss Wilson?” Nell shook her head and looked at Emma. Her grey eyes were very steady.
“No, Mrs Annersley, it belongs to both of us. I made sure of that, and should anything happen to me, then it belongs outright to Hilda.” Emma considered this for a moment, then crossed the room and rang the bell. She glanced at Nell.
“May I offer you some tea, Miss Wilson?” Nell inclined her head graciously, and sat down in the armchair nearest to the fire.
“That would be most welcome, Mrs Annersley.”

Author:  Alison H [ Mon May 28, 2007 9:37 am ]
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Emma's obviously been doing a lot of thinking. Thanks Cath :D .

Author:  Fiona Mc [ Mon May 28, 2007 9:56 am ]
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Poor Hilda for going through all of that-a marriage certificate shouldn't have been the reason they accepted the truth but do feel sorry for Emma as it would have been so hard being the buffer/go between between the two. Poor Hilda-she's raised in my estimation of her and no wonder she has so much compassion for everyone

Author:  Miranda [ Mon May 28, 2007 12:23 pm ]
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Emma is certainly coming to terms with a lot of the past here, and she is showing a lot of courage in being able to admit that she did treat Hilda wrongly.

I'm glad that this visit will help to break down barriers between Hilda and Emma - and I hope they'll be good friends in future :D

Thanks Cath

Author:  MaryR [ Mon May 28, 2007 12:53 pm ]
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Fiona Mc wrote:
Poor Hilda-she's raised in my estimation of her and no wonder she has so much compassion for everyone

Which is of course exactly what I was aiming for, Fiona, when I created James in my short drabble and then had Hilda confess a lot more to MA in ND. :cry: But Cath, in your wonderful, inimitable way, you have taken it so much further and showed Hilda losing not only a husband but the father of her child, and then the horror of not being believed by the people who should have loved her the most.

Oh, yes, Nell, you have the right to be totally angry on her behalf. They should indeed have trusted her - but, on Emma's own admission, no one knew her as they should have done after her mother's death. And clearly her battle to get to Oxford alienated them all. What a sad and lonely life was hers in the midst of her family, laying the foundations for the tightly controlled and very private person she became.

Bless you, Nell, for showing Emma just what Hilda means to you, with that shot about the cottage now being in both your names. Emma must surely realise that from now on she will have no more say in Elizabeth's upbringing, that she is dealing with two formidable women.

A wonderful section, Cath. Thank you.

.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Mon May 28, 2007 2:08 pm ]
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So much of what happened to Hilda in those first, shall we say 25 years of her life, up to Elizabeth's birth, was almost a natural result of the times and customs of the period, for people of her 'class' wasn't it? The struggle for university education, the 'shame' which John clearly felt when she arrived at his home pregnant and with no formal proof that she and James had ever been married - all that fits the mould.

But what has never fitted the mould was the idea that no one took the trouble to help Hilda come to terms with her mother's death, although all Emma's explanations to Nell here definitely help us to see why that happened. No one, least of all an impressionable young teenager, half child, half woman, deserved that. But I can also understand that some of John's later reaction was, indeed, tempered by regret that he had so much lost touch with his sister after their mother's death, as Emma suggests.

I do think that that teenage experience was probably at the root of Hilda's instinctive empathy for others in so many ways, not least in dealing with any child faced with the prospect of a similar bereavement, as is clear from at least one of the books.

I am really glad that Emma feels she can be so frank with Nell - and kudos to Nell for restraining her natural anger as she learns more about what had transpired, too. Emma was really 'between a rock and a hard place' - much as she might have wanted to help her young sister-in-law at the time, she was obliged to accept her husband's ruling on what should be done, although I also think that she was the catalyst in the eventual solution, too.

Whatever John may do in the future, I'm pretty sure that Emma will remain in touch with Hilda, Nell and Elizabeth. And she must surely understand after this conversation, that Nell will go to the ends of the earth for Hilda, and by extension, for Elizabeth, too.

I seem to have written a book here - apologies if anyone thinks I've gone on for too long! But thank you Cath for providing so much food for thought.

Author:  Sal [ Mon May 28, 2007 3:13 pm ]
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Mary and Elder's comments have left me berefit of things to say so I'll simply say thanks Cath, instead.

Author:  Chair [ Mon May 28, 2007 4:46 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. When I see 'Mrs Annersley', I keep misreading it as 'Miss Annersley'. The reason for this is that I am so used to seeing those words in the books.

Author:  Nell [ Mon May 28, 2007 6:58 pm ]
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Just caught up on this again! :oops:

Still enjoying it and I love Miss Grant!

Author:  Kat [ Mon May 28, 2007 7:57 pm ]
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I've spent my afternoon/evening reading this from the beginning, Cath - and it has me hooked!

Thank you... and please post lots more soon!

Oh, and please could you let Nanny have a dressing down by Nell and/or Hilda? Pretty please? The old witch deserves it!

Author:  linda [ Tue May 29, 2007 12:20 am ]
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Miss Grant is lovely, but how is Nell going to tell Hilda what she has done? Will Hilda understand her motives? What has nanny said to Elizabeth? and how will she react when she finds out that Auntie Hilda is really her mother? :? :? :? :?

So many questions - Cath, I'm holding my breath, please don't make me wait too long for your next post. :D

Author:  Cath V-P [ Wed May 30, 2007 8:32 am ]
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Thank you for your comments everyone, especially elder and Mary. Kat, I agree about nanny being a witch, and chair, typing Mrs Annersley is most strange!
I'd just like to say at this point that I did not invent James Grant or his Aunt Mary; they are the creations of MaryR and appear first in Mary's story A Future and a Hope which can be found in the archive. Similarly, John and Emma Annersley were created by Lesley in Hilda Annersley, Headmistress. Both Mary and Lesley have very kindly allowed me to use these creations in my story, and I am extremely grateful to them.


By unspoken agreement, both she and Emma avoided any more discussion of Hilda’s plans for the moment, and over tea – Nell was delighted to find that Emma was as big a devotee to Earl Grey as she was herself - the two women conversed amicably on topics such as the benefits of boarding school for the obstreperous young, the shortages of certain foods and other items that were already becoming apparent, and the latest London plays and concerts. They discovered that they shared similar tastes in music, and Nell confessed, somewhat shame-facedly, to frequently finding it difficult to sit through a play and keep her mind on the performance.
“I’ve never quite got round to mentioning that to Hilda,” she said. “Although I suspect she knows!” Emma chuckled,
“My dear, if she’s anything like John, then I’m certain she knows. They are quite similar in some ways!” Nell’s eyes twinkled at this.
“You’re probably right,” she said resignedly. “Although I must admit that I don’t anticipate that problem this evening.” She smiled at Emma’s enquiring look. “I’ve managed to get hold of tickets for King Lear at the Old Vic; I know that Hilda’s been wanting to see it ever since she read the reviews.” Emma nodded.
“You should both enjoy it; Gielgud is superb. Of course a number of theatres have been closed since the war began, so it’s as well to make the most of your opportunities. If I may ask - what are you doing about dinner?” Nell smiled again.
“I’ve booked a table at a small restaurant I know that used to be quite good; it’s about twenty minutes away from the theatre, and the performance doesn’t start until eight, so we have time to eat.” Emma smiled in perfect comprehension.
“That sounds an excellent plan, Miss Wilson. I expect you will be very busy when you return to Dartmoor, so perhaps it’s as well for you to have an evening like this now.”
“Yes,” agreed Nell. “Although we won’t be there long, as we have to be back at school by the eighteenth of April - we reopen for the summer term on the twenty-third.”
“That’s rather late isn’t it?” commented Emma. “My Elizabeth has to be in Harrogate by the sixteenth for the start of her term.”
“Well, we have just moved the school,” Nell replied swiftly. “And it seemed better to begin this term slightly later, but with affairs in better order. Hilda’s already seen the place, though I haven’t, and the school things were all arriving last week. Mrs Russell has been able to hire some help, so when we arrive, the heavy unpacking and some organising will have been done, although there’ll be a lot of last minute stuff to deal with. And as we don’t have pupils entering for the public examinations this year, there isn’t quite so much pressure on us. So it seemed better to start term a few days later.” Emma nodded.
“That sounds very sensible, Miss Wilson. I do hope it all goes smoothly.” Nell grinned.
“It will be a miracle if it does, you know, but we’ll get by!” Emma smiled at this cheerful remark and was about to reply, when her attention was suddenly distracted by the sound of the front door opening, followed by footsteps and two or three heavy thumps indicative of something solid being brought slowly down the front steps. Nell’s thoughts turned instantly to the trunk standing in the hall, and she turned to address Emma, only to find that the latter had gone to the window where she was peering cautiously out into the street looking this way and that. In the silence, the sound of a single pair of feet walking past the door was clearly audible, followed by the sound of the front door closing. Emma continued to watch the street for another minute, then gave a relieved sigh.
“Thank goodness,” she murmured to herself, before returning to her chair and picking up her cup again. “I’m sorry, Miss Wilson, what were you saying?” she asked, darting an uneasy glance in Nell’s direction. Nell’s grey eyes were very non-committal.
“I assume that was Nanny Henderson departing,” she said calmly. Emma shifted awkwardly in her chair,
“Yes it was,” she replied briefly. Nell nodded.
“I encountered her in the hall earlier, Mrs Annersley, and she did not appear particularly friendly - in fact, she was extremely unpleasant.” Emma turned pink with embarrassment.
“Oh dear, Miss Wilson, I am sorry,” she began, but Nell waved the apology away.
“That doesn’t really matter, but you know, Mrs Annersley, I do rather wonder just what provoked such hostility.” There was an unmistakeable challenge in her voice, and Emma sighed.
“I suppose you should know,” she began slowly. “I’d hoped not to have to discuss this any further, but in view of the circumstances, I’d better tell you.”

Author:  Alison H [ Wed May 30, 2007 8:54 am ]
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They were getting on so well then ... and what's Emma going to tell Nell now?

Author:  Miranda [ Wed May 30, 2007 9:07 am ]
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Tell us... tell us what? This next post (i hope) will be VERY interesting...

I do like the fact that Nell and Emma are getting along so well together :D

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Wed May 30, 2007 1:34 pm ]
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Tell us what?! Sounds kind of ominous but I do like Emma is this.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Wed May 30, 2007 1:46 pm ]
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Oh-oh! Like Miranda, I wonder what disclosures Emma is about to make regarding Nanny. Clearly, however Emma is perceptive enough to see that Nell already realises that there has been a problem and concerned enough for Elizabeth's future well being to see that frankness will pay off. I suspect that the story may well cause her, Emma, some embarrassment, but at least, if there is any 'fall out' once Elizabeth is with them, it's as well for Nell to be armed with the true fact.

I could hazard some guesses, but will wait patiently for all to be revealed in due course. Meantime, it's good to see all the positive aspects to this meeting between the two of them - and I'm quite sure it bodes well for the future.

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  MaryR [ Wed May 30, 2007 7:22 pm ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
and Nell confessed, somewhat shame-facedly, to frequently finding it difficult to sit through a play and keep her mind on the performance.
“I’ve never quite got round to mentioning that to Hilda,” she said. “Although I suspect she knows!”

You'd better believe it, Nell! :lol: But then I suppose there are things she suffers for love of you, as well, and that you know all about.

A fascinating little conversation, showing Nell and Emma drawing nearer. But I had to laugh at Emma, the mistress of the house, hiding behind the curtain to watch the Nanny leaving. This nanny gets more sinister by the minute. So do hurry up and relieve our minds, Cath. :mrgreen:

Author:  Chair [ Wed May 30, 2007 7:26 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. I wonder what Emma is going to tell Nell.

Author:  Fiona Mc [ Thu May 31, 2007 1:41 am ]
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I have been waiting for this and am slowly expiring of curiosity here to find out Nanny's story, though like others am hazarding several guesses

Author:  Sal [ Thu May 31, 2007 5:51 pm ]
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Definately sounds ominious I'm sitting waiting on the edge of my seat. Thanks Cath :)

Author:  linda [ Fri Jun 01, 2007 12:16 am ]
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Oooh....... what's happened now? This sounds really ominous. I hope nanny has not upset Elizabeth or poisoned her mind against Nell.

Author:  Kathy_S [ Fri Jun 01, 2007 3:32 am ]
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So many cliffs!

How will Hilda react to Nell's activities? For what little detail did Nell ask Miss Grant's assistance? And of course, the nanny... and Elizabeth....

What next?

(Thank you, Cath :).)

Author:  Cath V-P [ Fri Jun 01, 2007 9:43 am ]
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Sometimes I wonder that myself, Kathy! I hope this will start to answer one or two questions - although maybe not... :lol: Thank you all for your comments, btw!

Nell sat back in her chair and waited; Emma stared into the fire, her face thoughtful.
“We were always lucky with our nannies,” she said abruptly. “We had three over the years, each one better than the last, and all employed from the same registry. When Elizabeth came to us, our nanny was delighted; our youngest child was six, and starting to outgrow her – but the arrival of Hilda’s baby meant that her job was assured for at least another six and a half years.”
“Presumably, that was when the arrangement between Hilda and yourselves would change,” said Nell.
“Exactly,” said Emma, colouring slightly at Nell’s evident knowledge of the circumstances that had surrounded Elizabeth’s presence in the Annersley household. “Anyway, just after Elizabeth’s fifth birthday, Nanny Howard developed rheumatic fever; we knew she wouldn’t be able to come back for a while, and as it turned out although she did recover quite well, she was left with heart problems. So we had to find another nanny to replace her.”
“And you chose Miss Henderson.” Emma nodded.
“Well, not exactly chose – that is, she was the temporary replacement for Nanny Howard, so when it became clear that our nanny wouldn’t be able to come back – and sadly, the poor woman hasn’t made much of a recovery at all – it seemed the most obvious thing to keep Miss Henderson on in her place.”
“I see,” said Nell. “But what did Hilda say about this? I mean, it did affect her child most of all.” Emma blushed,
“Well, we weren’t able to discuss it with her for a while,” she replied. Ignoring Nell’s exclamation of “What?” she hurried on, “The thing was that this happened almost two years ago, and of course things in Austria then -”
“I see,” said Nell, suddenly enlightened. “The Anschluss.”
“Yes, so we decided to wait until she was home in summer; I intended to write, but then of course, there was the business with the school and – and -” She looked at Nell unhappily.
“Don’t worry,” said Nell quietly. “Yes, I can see it would have been difficult then: and presumably by the time she did get back and you were able to discuss it with her, Miss Henderson had been here for a while and things were nicely settled.”
“Exactly,’ said Emma, almost eagerly. “And she’d come from that same registry as our other nannies, her references were excellent, and it was all going well. Anyway Hilda and I had a talk about it, and it all seemed to work out nicely - and besides we were all aware that the situation would alter again in less than two years.”
“So there wasn’t any point in making another change,” said Nell blandly. Emma darted an uneasy look at her.
“Quite,” she said finally. Nell frowned.
“Tell me,” she said. “What did Elizabeth think of it?” Emma stared at her in astonishment.
“Elizabeth? Well, I don’t - she – I think she accepted it quite happily. We explained it all carefully – that Nanny Howard was ill and had to go away, and so Nanny Henderson would be here instead. She didn’t say very much about it at all, and Hilda was very reasonable – and it did go well to begin with. Nanny Henderson wasn’t as cheerful and generally pleasant as Nanny Howard, but she seemed to be very conscientious, and we didn’t have any complaints.”
“But something changed,” said Nell thoughtfully. Emma did not reply, but sat silently pleating the fabric of her skirt. Suddenly, there was an air of constraint about her, and Nell was intrigued.
“The registry also supplied the monthly nurses,” she said after a moment of two and Nell nodded encouragingly, although she was puzzled by the apparent change of subject. There was another silence, then, Emma murmured, “Miss Wilson, has Hilda ever told you anything about – about Elizabeth’s birth?” Her face reddened slightly as she spoke and Nell realised that for Emma Annersley, the world of the physical was something to be kept extremely private; to speak of it to a comparative stranger was not easy for her.
“Yes, she has,” she replied briskly. Emma sighed with relief.
“Well then, I don’t need go into detail, other than to say that she had a very bad time, and was very lucky to recover.”
“She told me that if it hadn’t been for you, she would have died,” commented Nell. Emma brushed this observation aside, although she was clearly pleased by it.
“That may be so, but the problem would never have arisen in the first place if the nurse had looked after her properly.”
“Wasn’t she experienced?” asked Nell, puzzled.
“Oh yes; she came highly recommended,” said Emma. “I hadn’t been able to engage the nurse whom I’d used previously, but her references were good, and not just those from the registry – she had letters of recommendation from several families.”
“Then what on earth went wrong?” Emma’s mouth twisted slightly, and her eyes were suddenly very cold.
“She was disgusted by what she believed Hilda to be,” she said slowly. Nell’s eyes darkened ominously as Emma continued. “Because of that, she made very little attempt to care for her as she should have done, and yes, Hilda almost died because of that negligence. And I blame myself for that, because I employed the woman.”

Author:  Alison H [ Fri Jun 01, 2007 9:50 am ]
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Oh poor Hilda - but Emma shouldn't be blaming herself, if the midwife came highly recommended and had good references.

Author:  Miranda [ Fri Jun 01, 2007 10:48 am ]
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What a disgusting attitude to have when you've (potentially) got someone's life in your hands! I'm just glad that Emma was able to take care of Hilda, and essentially save her life.

Author:  MaryR [ Fri Jun 01, 2007 2:41 pm ]
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So I now ask myself did this nurse, who was so neglecful of Hilda at Elizabeth's birth, pass on her own prejudices to the nanny, who was from the same registry. :cry: And has this nanny made Elizabeth suffer, because of those same prejudices? John Annersley, with his non-aceeptance of Hilda's marriage, set in train far more than he thought - and everyone else has suffered the consequences.

I may be wrong, of course, Cath. :oops:

John and Emma also let Hilda down by not including her in their discussions about her own child's welfare. They seem to have done this all through Elizabeth's short life. No wonder Nell is on the verge of aplopexy half the time. :evil: Poor, poor Hilda.

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Sal [ Fri Jun 01, 2007 3:07 pm ]
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Poor Hilda and poor Elizabeth so much suffering because there was no proof of the marriage :(

Thanks Cath

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Fri Jun 01, 2007 7:06 pm ]
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MaryR has posed pretty well the same questions as I had myself about this sad tale which Emma is relaying. But given that Nanny Howard had been with the family for a long time before she had to be replaced at such short notice by Nanny Henderson, it's not impossible that Hilda's supposedly 'unwed mother' status was simply a matter of record at the Registry, and would have been shared with anyone new who was going to take care of the child - more's the pity, but we *are* talking about the 1930s.

As for the midwife - her negligence was reprehensible and criminal, and I'm waiting to see whether Emma or the doctor reported this to the registry - Hilda certainly could have died....

The fact that Hilda wasn't consulted about Nanny Howard's replacement at the time is in some ways understandable given what was happening with the school. In that case perhaps Emma should have been more vigilant about keeping an eye on Nanny Henderson than I suspect she was doing, but I can see she was also under her husband's authority and if Nanny ensured that Elizabeth's presence didn't impinge on the rest of the household......!

Poor Hilda, poor Elizabeth, and yes, poor Emma, whose heart was clearly with her sister-in-law in all of this but whose position as John's wife made it impossible for her to show it too clearly. John's refusal to accept tbe fact of Hilda's marriage really did set up a nasty sequence of events, didn't it? And no wonder Nell is at explosion point, either.

Thanks,Cath - I'll be looking forward to the rest of this part.

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Fri Jun 01, 2007 7:33 pm ]
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That part raises lots of questions but it seems everyone else has already asked them. So I'll just say thank you!

Author:  Tara [ Sat Jun 02, 2007 12:18 am ]
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Goodness, a lot has happened since I was last able to be on the board.
There's a lot of evil-mindedness going on here, isn't there. Presumably the nurse who was so negligent has passed on her suppositions to Nanny Henderson. I don't really blame Emma for what happened, it was difficult to contact Hilda, and no-one would have thought of consulting the child herself at that time. I feel incandescent enough, I should imagine Nell is about to burst. I wonder whether ther will be any ramifications to all this when Elizabeth is generally known as Hilda's child? Gossip is a very powerful and spready thing.

Many thanks, Cath. I can't comment in detail, I'm too behind, but I love Misss Grant and have greatly appreciated the relationship between both her and Nell and Emma and Nell. I wonder how Hilda is going to react to all that's happened?

Author:  Chair [ Sat Jun 02, 2007 12:34 am ]
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Thanks, Cath. I'm sorry that the midwife was so horrible as well as Nanny Henderson.

Author:  Kathy_S [ Sat Jun 02, 2007 12:43 am ]
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That's appalling :shock: I hope the midwife lost her license (?correct term?) over this....

Author:  Fiona Mc [ Mon Jun 04, 2007 9:50 pm ]
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Oh poor Emma and poor Hilda and poor Elizabeth. That's so much to live with

Author:  calico [ Sun Jun 10, 2007 8:45 am ]
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This is great!
Thanks Cath

Author:  Tara [ Sat Jun 16, 2007 12:09 am ]
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I was hoping you'd have had a chance to update, Cath, as I'm off on holiday tomorrow, and two weeks without my fix is not to be borne!
However, it'll have to be endured, so see you soon - think what fun I'll have catching up!

Author:  Cath V-P [ Tue Jun 19, 2007 8:09 am ]
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Sorry everyone, and especially Tara! Life has been very busy (among other things, my sister-in-law arrived from the UK on Saturday and is staying for a fortnight) but I have managed an update....
More will follow! :D


Nell gritted her teeth, trying to control the white-hot fury surging within her; while it might make her feel better, berating Emma would serve no good purpose and anyway, it was unnecessary - she evidently judged herself to be at fault. Nell had no wish to add to that burden, although she could not altogether dispel the feeling that Emma could have been more sympathetic in her dealings with Hilda. Very carefully, she locked her hands together in her lap to stop their slight trembling and tried to stay calm.
“You weren’t to blame for what she thought,” she said quietly. “And anyway her opinions should not have affected her professional behaviour.” Emma’s mouth compressed into a thin line, and she shook her head.
“No, I should have kept a closer watch on her; then I could have acted earlier.” Nell was silent, then,
“What did you do?” she asked. Emma frowned.
“I replaced her immediately, of course, but the damage had been done by then. Hilda had a dreadful time, and was very weak and ill for weeks afterwards. Both the doctor and I complained in the strongest terms to the registry, so the nurse lost her job with them. And I believe she then found herself unable to get another position – certainly nothing that her qualifications would have entitled her to, but without a reference from her last job, it was hopeless.”
“She deserved it,” said Nell fiercely. “She betrayed a trust – she was totally unfitted for her job. If Hilda had died -” The enormity of it choked her, and for a moment, she could not go on. “Her behaviour was inexcusable,” she said harshly. Emma nodded, and there was a heavy silence in the room. A moment later, Nell glanced up, puzzled. “But - what has this to do with Elizabeth’s nanny?” she began. Then with a sickening jolt of realisation, she understood. “They knew one another didn’t they? From the same registry, you said, so of course they would.” Emma nodded slowly.
“You’re right; they did. I never thought of it myself, as it had been almost five years. And from the registry’s point of view, she was long gone, but -”
“ But two year?” whispered Nell, horrified, her face whitening. “Two years here, believing and thinking -?”
“No, oh no!” replied Emma hurriedly. “No, nothing like that!” She stopped, discomfited by the piercing intentness of Nell’s eyes, then continued determinedly. “As I said, everything was satisfactory to begin with - in fact for well over a year, as far as I know. Then it seems that Miss Henderson received a letter forwarded by the registry, from a friend with whom she’d lost touch some time before.”
“The nurse,” breathed Nell, her eyes suddenly very bright.
“Yes,” replied Emma. “Apparently, after the registry let her go, it had taken her over six months to get another job; there were more than enough applicants for every position that came up, and without a recent reference, she didn’t stand a chance. Finally, she managed to get herself taken on as a stewardess on one of the shipping lines, but working third-class, not first. Anyway, she spent the next few years travelling backwards and forwards to India, until finally she married one of the junior officers and returned to make a home in England. When she got back, she decided to try to contact one or two old friends, using her married name.”
“So when she wrote, nobody at the registry would be aware of who she was,” said Nell slowly.
“Exactly,” returned Emma. “In fact, they were very helpful and forwarded her letters just as she requested,” she added wryly.
“And Miss Henderson wrote back, and at some point, she must have realised just who her friend was working for,” continued Nell.
“It took longer than you might have expected,” said Emma. “They exchanged letters for a few weeks and I’ve never insisted that the servants’ correspondence is sent ‘care of’ - except in the case of the very young maids of course – so it wasn’t until they were able to meet on one of Miss Henderson’s free days that the name ‘Annersley’ was mentioned.”
“And it’s unusual,” said Nell at once. Emma nodded.
“It does rather stand out! Anyway, once the connection was made, that was that.” Nell winced, and her mouth tightened.
“Presumably, Miss Henderson was angry on her friend’s behalf – but why on earth didn’t she say something, or - or leave if she felt that strongly?” Emma shrugged.
“I don’t pretend to understand exactly why she acted as she did, but yes, she was extremely angry, partly because she did feel that her friend had been badly treated, but also because she felt she had been deceived.”

Author:  Alison H [ Tue Jun 19, 2007 9:09 am ]
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Oh dear. It was hardly Emma's fault, though - even though she used the same registry, she wasn't to know that the nanny and the midwife would know each other.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Tue Jun 19, 2007 2:48 pm ]
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Oh dear, a tangled knot indeed, and one can understand why Nell is so incensed on Hilda's behalf - though doing a good job of concealing it. Luckily, she does realise that Emma herself is upset about what has happened, both at Elizabeth's birth and with Nanny, which is a help. After all, she certainly wasn't to know that the nurse and Nanny had been friends, and the agency would have acted in all innocence there, too, especially since the nurse wrote under her married name which they wouldn't recognise.

The fact that Nanny's attitude to Elizabeth only changed after she and the nurse actually met may, we can hope, mean that her altered treatment of the child hasn't been going on for too long.

Thanks, Cath, will be looking forward to more when you have chance - meantime, enjoy your sister-in-law's visit.

Author:  Jennie [ Wed Jun 20, 2007 12:28 pm ]
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What a mess for anyone to sort out. I'm looking forward to more of this.

Author:  linda [ Wed Jun 20, 2007 9:26 pm ]
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Jennie wrote:
What a mess for anyone to sort out. I'm looking forward to more of this.


As you say Jennie, what a terrible mess. How could the diabolical woman blame Elizabeth for what happened to her friend, and why did people at that time treat children of single parents as though they were second class!! :(

Enjoy your time with your visitors, Cath, but do take pity on your poor readers!!!!

Author:  Kathy_S [ Wed Jun 20, 2007 10:04 pm ]
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*wonders just how recently Emma found out about all this*

Thank you, Cath!

Author:  ibarhis [ Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:08 pm ]
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Women were being institutionalised for having illegitimate children!

Author:  Sal [ Thu Jun 21, 2007 11:44 pm ]
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That's really appalling, :poke: the nanny.

Thanks Cath

Author:  Tan [ Fri Jun 22, 2007 10:40 pm ]
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Wow. I just caught up on this - I had read all the posts up until Christmas. I agree with :poke: of the nurse and nanny though!

Author:  Cath V-P [ Wed Jun 27, 2007 12:29 pm ]
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Thank you for your comments. It would have been very difficult for them - and the nanny really is unpleasant.....I'm sorry this update has been delayed but we've been very busy over the last few days and I just couldn't get the writing finished.

Nell stared at her.
“Deceived? How?” Emma’s mouth tightened.
“She believed that we misrepresented matters to her. Had she known about Elizabeth, then she would not have taken the position here; because she did, she feels insulted.” The puzzlement on Nell’s face did not alter, and Emma gave a small wintry smile. “Miss Henderson, has always, according to her own estimate, lived a most blameless and respectable life; she feels that coming here as Elizabeth’s nanny has somehow jeopardised that, and is accordingly resentful.” Nell drew in her breath sharply, and Emma laid a hand on her arm. “I do sympathise with your feelings,” she said quietly. “ Had I had any idea of this, she would not have been in the house five minutes.” Nell frowned.
“So how long was she here after she had this enlightening encounter with her friend?” Emma paused, her face reddening a little.
“I believe – possibly the last six months,” she said reluctantly. “But there really was nothing noticeably different about her behaviour, so even though she resented the situation as she saw it, she presumably decided to continue as normal – and latterly, she was definitely making plans for her departure, so I don’t believe that anything untoward would have occurred.”
Nell was silent; Emma’s reasoning sounded plausible, but with the impression of the disturbing encounter with Nanny Henderson still fresh in her mind, Nell was not satisfied. The thought that this woman had had undisputed charge of Elizabeth for so long was deeply disquieting although Emma seems to think there was no major cause for concern.
“Six months is a long time,” Nell began carefully, then stopped. If Emma really did believe that little harm had been done, then Nell’s observations were unlikely to change her mind, and might only annoy her. Besides, Nell still needed to find out a little more about Miss Henderson’s departure. With this in mind, she smiled at Emma reassuringly, “I’m sure everything will be alright,” she said. “But I was wondering just how much Hilda knew about all this?”
“Well, she was certainly very much shocked and surprised by Miss Henderson’s remarks to us this morning,” replied Emma promptly. “The woman was insolent in the extreme and made it plain that she held both of us in contempt.” Nell’s eyes sparkled angrily, and her mouth hardened. Emma continued hurriedly with her explanation. “I did not allow Miss Henderson to have anything more to do with either Hilda or Elizabeth after that; there would certainly have been more unpleasantness and that would have served no practical purpose. I saw her myself, and it was during this interview that she gave me to understand the reasons for her attitude.”
“I presume she was somewhat displeased,” commented Nell dryly. Emma’s mouth twitched.
“That’s putting it mildly! She was in the most dreadful temper, refused to listen to anything that I said and exhibited quite appalling maliciousness. I gave her her cheque, and arranged for a taxi to take her to the station.”
“So that’s that,” said Nell thoughtfully.
“Not quite,” said Emma slowly. She straightened herself in her chair and gave Nell a very searching look. “Miss Wilson, I do feel I should warn you that there is a possibility that she will try to make trouble for Hilda – and maybe also for you.” Nell’s eyes widened at this, and Emma nodded grimly. “I’m afraid so,” she continued. “She is aware of where you both work, and she did imply that she would be communicating with Mrs Russell to express her shock and disgust at the notion of Hilda being employed as a Headmistress.” She stopped, slightly taken aback by the scorching anger suddenly apparent in Nell’s face.
“Just let her try!” burst out Nell furiously and Emma hastened to reassure her.
“I did tell her that to pursue such an unwise course would certainly result in her being sued for libel, and I hope that this will restrain her. It may well have been simply the result of speaking in anger – but I do feel that you should know that she has uttered this threat.” Nell struggled against her overwhelming fury for a moment, and finally managed a polite “Thank you Mrs Annersley,” before falling silent again. In the quietness, the sound of the front door opening was clearly audible and Emma looked up.
“Ah, I think that’s Hilda back with Elizabeth,” she said.

Author:  Kathy_S [ Wed Jun 27, 2007 12:51 pm ]
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So, Emma seems to have done her best. But, uh, oh. Though no doubt Hilda & Nell will rout her in the end, things could become very unpleasant if nanny starts strewing rumors among parents etc..

Author:  Alison H [ Wed Jun 27, 2007 12:53 pm ]
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It's all very awkward, isn't it?

Thanks Cath.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Wed Jun 27, 2007 1:26 pm ]
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Oh dear, to misuse a quotation, we do know that 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' - no matter what the context, don't we? Whether Nanny will actually carry out her threats and attempt to cause trouble, or whether she's all bluster and no action does, of course, remain to be seen - but at least Nell now knows the that the threat exists and can be on the lookout.

Like Kathy S, I have no doubt that Hilda and Nell are quite capable of routing her in the end, but there is certainly potential for much unpleasantness first. Meantime, both Emma and Nell, and particularly Nell, do need to compose themselves if Hilda isn't to sense trouble immediately she walks into the room.

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Jennie [ Wed Jun 27, 2007 1:59 pm ]
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What a dreadful person to be working as a nanny.

And of course, Hilda just has to bring her marrriage certificate into court, and bang, she'll get damages.

Author:  Chair [ Wed Jun 27, 2007 5:04 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. I hope that the Nanny won't take things too far.

Author:  Tan [ Wed Jun 27, 2007 5:17 pm ]
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Hmm. Pretty much as I suspected. Hopefully she won't do too much damage. Mind you, I think it would be fascinating to see her try and raise these issues with Madge - who is quite capable of putting her in her place.

Author:  Sal [ Wed Jun 27, 2007 6:35 pm ]
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Tan wrote:
Hmm. Pretty much as I suspected. Hopefully she won't do too much damage. Mind you, I think it would be fascinating to see her try and raise these issues with Madge - who is quite capable of putting her in her place.


Yes.

Thanks Cath

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Sat Jun 30, 2007 12:01 am ]
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Those were a nice couple of updates to come home from holiday too. Thanks Cath.

Author:  MaryR [ Sat Jun 30, 2007 3:29 pm ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
“She is aware of where you both work, and she did imply that she would be communicating with Mrs Russell to express her shock and disgust at the notion of Hilda being employed as a Headmistress."

It's a good job she doesn't know about Nell and Hilda being lovers, or her hatred would really know no bounds. :cry: But Nell is so right to be concerned at the length of time this woman has had charge of Elizabeth while having such views. What will this all do to Hilda when Nell tells her - if she tells her? She will be devastated. But Nell must tell her, for Hilda needs to be forewarned and forearmed here.

And one dreads to think of the trouble this woman could cause, not with Madge but with the parents, even if there is that certificate. One can hardly go round showing it to all and sundry. Oh dear.....

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Lyanne [ Sat Jun 30, 2007 3:49 pm ]
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I think Hilda & Nell should pre-empt anything Nanny could say & talk to Madge, showing her the marriage cert. Better that it all come out in the open now than after nasty rumours are going round

Author:  Rosalin [ Thu Jul 05, 2007 10:43 pm ]
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Wow. I've just read this from the begining and it's been quite a rollercoaster.

I loved your portrayal of Nell and Hilda's relationship. I wasn't really sure about it at the start but you've convinced me.

I loved Miss Grant, all though I didn't understand what she was doing with the girls, was I meant to?

I really sympathised with Emma Annersley (and found I was attributing a lot of what she did to Hilda as my brain kept turning Mrs Annersley into Miss Annersley). She certainly had lots of divided loyalties to deal with.

And John Annersley. I started off heartily disliking him, then alternately warming and cooling towards him. My conclusion seems to be that he's a fairly complex man and a bit of an enigma but certainly not the nasty character he appears to be at first glance. Very well writen in other words.

Thank you for an extremely enjoyable evening, looking foward to finding out how things progress. 8)

Author:  Cath V-P [ Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:21 am ]
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Thank you all for your comments, and Rosalin, thank you for having read it all and commenting so appreciatively. To answer your question, Miss Grant is involved in welfare work - as a volunteer - with teenage girls in a poor area of London. There will be some mention of this later.
Sorry it's been a little while since updates - I will try to write a little faster now.
Mods, I have two, maybe three posts to go and then I will have reached the start of Part 2 of this. Is it possible to avoid stating a new thread until then? Smiles hopefully... :D


At once, Nell looked towards the door; Emma was correct, as Hilda’s voice could indeed be heard from the hall telling Elizabeth to go up to the nursery.
“I think you’ll find Celia there. Ask her to help you tidy your hair; I’ll be up in a moment, but first I need to speak to Aunt Emma.” Quickly, Nell turned towards Emma.
“Mrs Annersley, does Hilda know about Miss Henderson’s threat?” she asked urgently, but before Emma had a chance to reply the door opened.
“Emma, we’re back,” said Hilda as she came in. “I hope I managed to take enough time – why, Nell, when did you get here?” She smiled cheerfully round at both Emma and Nell, taking off her coat and gloves as she did so. Nell glanced swiftly at Emma and the latter gave an infinitesimal shake of her head, and frown, which Nell immediately comprehended.
“I’ve been here about an hour,” she said. “I must have just missed you – but Mrs Annersley has entertained me very well with tea. I don’t suppose you’ve had yours yet?” Hilda shook her head,
“No, Elizabeth wanted to take me on her favourite walk, which involved the park and then the longest way back past a house, where she informed me, a Very Splendid Cat lives.” Nell chuckled.
“And does he?”
“She,” corrected Hilda. “Yes she did, a gorgeously fluffy black and white girl with the most imposing white whiskers and an air of ‘See how beautiful I am,’ about her!”
“Trust a cat to be aware of her own importance,” commented Nell feelingly. “I take it Elizabeth had to stop and talk?” Hilda nodded.
“Oh yes - she had to say goodbye to the cat, and tell her that she was going away to the country, just in case she wondered where she was! And by the time we’d done that it was getting much colder, so we came back.” She held out her hands to the fire. “You know, although it’s April, it’s more like winter this afternoon than spring. I hadn’t realised how chilly it was going to be today.” She looked at Nell. “What about you Nell? Did you get the tickets for tomorrow?”
“Oh yes,” Nell replied, “And I reserved seats as well - but from what the booking clerk said, we really do need to be there at least twenty minutes before the train leaves to be certain of getting them.” Hilda frowned.
“That means we’ll have to be at Paddington by quarter past eight then. So we’ll need to be here at about half past seven. Is that convenient for you, Emma?”
“Don’t worry,” put in her sister-in-law reassuringly. “Celia dealt with practically all Elizabeth’s packing while you were out; there are just a few oddments to go into her trunk, and a small case with her overnight things, and she’s all ready.” Hilda’s face cleared.
“That was very helpful of Celia,” she said. “ She really is a blessing, Emma.”
“I know,” Emma replied. “I shall miss her very much when she goes into whichever it is of the Services that she chooses - I think myself it will be the WAAF.”
“Is that likely to be soon?” asked Hilda. “John didn’t mention anything on the last few occasions we spoke.”
“We’ve tried not to think about it too much,” said Emma quietly, “But she’s over age, and a number of her friends have already joined, so it’s silly to think that she won’t. But still it’s difficult -” She stopped, and Hilda and Nell looked at her sympathetically. “Anyway,” she went on, “that’s by the by. I can certainly have Elizabeth ready by half-past seven tomorrow, and I think it’s probably a good thing that you’ll be in a hurry. In my experience, protracted farewells are not desirable, especially for the young. Oh, and I’ll see that she goes to bed early tonight as well.”
“Keep everything as normal as possible, in fact,” said Nell suddenly.
“Exactly,” said Emma, “although I’d be the first to agree that it’s not!” She got up. “I’ll go and see how Elizabeth and Celia are doing.” She was opening the door when Hilda’s softly-spoken question halted her.
“So may I assume that Miss Henderson has now left, Emma?” Slowly, Emma turned, her hand on the door handle.
“Yes, she has,” she said, her expression suddenly guarded. “I saw her briefly, gave her her money and that was that.” Hilda’s eyes were suddenly bright and very intent.
“And there was no unpleasantness, Emma? Not even after this morning?”

Author:  Alison H [ Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:41 am ]
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I assume she'll tell Hilda exactly what Miss Henderson said ...

Author:  Fiona Mc [ Fri Jul 06, 2007 10:12 am ]
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I love your descriptions about the cat and Elizabeth's adoration of it. :D Hope everything gets sorted out with everything.

Author:  Rosalin [ Fri Jul 06, 2007 10:18 am ]
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Thanks for the explaination Cath. And for the update.

I wonder how much Emma will tell Hilda.

Author:  Jennie [ Fri Jul 06, 2007 11:36 am ]
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Thanks, Cath. I wonder what Nell is going to do with that information.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Fri Jul 06, 2007 1:19 pm ]
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It's good to see Emma being so calm, cool and efficient there - and how wise she is about there not being time for protracted farewells the next morning. Since Hilda has now asked about Nanny Henderson, I wonder if Nell is about to tell Hilda all she has learned from Emma right now.

Thanks Cath - I will be waiting with all the patience I can muster for the next little bit to play out.

Author:  Kathy_S [ Fri Jul 06, 2007 4:29 pm ]
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I love the cat. :)
*thinks H&N&E deserve a cat not named Minette*

___
In indexer-not-really-a-mod-hat: The length is getting uncomfortably close to a point at which the software will require it to be split or start losing pieces, but at the moment it's enough under the record kb for a single archived piece that I'm guessing it will be OK. I've saved a back-up to my computer as of Elder's last post just in case, but recommend extreme care in backing up the last bits....

Author:  MaryR [ Fri Jul 06, 2007 9:00 pm ]
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How lovely for Hilda to have that delightful time with her daughter and be able to put to one side for a few hours all her worries. One can imagine her just spending time gazing at Elizabeth, trying to learn her anew.

But she knew there would be trouble with the nanny, didn't she? Witness her question. It's nagging away at her. And Nell surely must tell her as soon as possible all that has been happening or she will not be prepared.

Thanks, Cath

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Fri Jul 06, 2007 10:21 pm ]
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Love the description of the walk. And Hilda's last question is so telling it makes me wonder how the next will be handled.

Author:  linda [ Fri Jul 06, 2007 11:02 pm ]
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Lovely description of the walk and the cat. I wonder if Nell will tell Hilda what Emma has told her about the situation with Nanny Henderson.

Looking forward to the next instalment.Thanks Cath

Author:  Chair [ Fri Jul 06, 2007 11:39 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. I hope they have a good time in the evening.

Author:  Sal [ Sat Jul 07, 2007 7:16 pm ]
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Thanks Cath,

The cat sounds wonderful

Author:  calico [ Sun Jul 08, 2007 7:48 am ]
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Thanks Cath
I can't wait for the three of them to get safely home.

Author:  Josie [ Thu Jul 12, 2007 10:29 pm ]
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Have just caught up with this yet again - seem to have missed heaps - and it's all as fab as ever, Cath. Thanks. :D

The description of the cat in the last post was lovely, and that Nanny is a horrible piece of work. Somehow doubt I'm the only one who's relishing the possibility of seeing her going head-to-head with Nell now that Emma's spilled the beans!

Author:  Cath V-P [ Sat Jul 14, 2007 2:26 pm ]
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Thank you for your comments. The cat also says thank you, and agrees that she is wonderful! :lol: This next bit is rather long, but does answer some of your questions.

Emma stiffened slightly, and Hilda’s eyes narrowed. “Emma?” she said even more softly, but in the unmistakeable tone of one who will be answered, no matter what. Nell held her breath, awaiting Emma’s response, and hoping that she would not try to minimise matters to Hilda. Her own actions of this morning were suddenly at the forefront of her mind; if Emma tried to evade Hilda’s queries, this would make everything else doubly difficult, and the risk of damaging Hilda’s trust in her would be so much the greater. She sat very still, and to her great relief, after a moment more, Emma replied.
“ You’re right, Hilda,” she admitted reluctantly. “It was a very difficult interview as she was extremely spiteful and unpleasant.” Hilda nodded, as though Emma was confirming something that was of no surprise to her.
“And did she tell you anything that explained her attitude?” Emma bit her lip, and stared at Hilda consideringly, as if trying to work out how much to say to her. Finally, she sighed and came back into the room to resume her seat opposite Hilda.
“I’m sorry, Hilda,” she said quietly. “I wasn’t going to tell you, but I do see that would have been a mistake. You need to know – and to be prepared for any possible outcome,” she added. Hilda’s mouth tightened at this ominous conclusion, and her hands locked together in her lap. She was aware that Nell had got quietly to her feet and was now standing behind her chair, her hands resting on her shoulders, and the comfort of that light touch was reassuring beyond words. Emma’s gaze flickered over them, and her face relaxed momentarily.
“Put simply,” she said steadily, “for approximately the last six months Miss Henderson has known you to be Elizabeth’s mother and believes you to be unmarried.” Hilda gasped, and Nell felt her body tense in shock, but Emma hurried on, not giving her time to speak. “Believe me, Hilda, I had no idea of this - had I done so, she would not have remained here for another day.” Hilda nodded, slightly dazed; even though she had expected something like this, to hear it confirmed was still a shock. She moistened her lips.
“She – what did she do?” she asked very quietly.
“Well, she was horrified, and not to put too fine a point on it, she was deeply disgusted; she gave me to understand that she had been misled by us, and that had she known, she would never have consented to come here, to a situation that she saw as completely disgraceful and that somehow reflected adversely on her.” Hilda winced, and Nell’s grip on her shoulders tightened a little. Then Hilda straightened herself, her face hardening and assuming an icy inner remoteness familiar to both Emma and Nell; restlessly, she shifted forward, shrugging away Nell’s hands. Suddenly unsure, Nell stepped back as Hilda got up to face Emma, staring unblinkingly at her sister-in-law and Nell caught a brief glimpse of the cold greyness of her eyes. “Hilda, please don’t shut me out,” she pleaded silently, but Hilda did not so much as glance in her direction.
“So,” she said icily, “and just how did Miss Henderson come by this information? I presume that nobody in this house -” Horrified, Emma interrupted her.
“Hilda, no!” she said urgently. “You can’t think that!” She laid her hand on Hilda’s arm, but Hilda took no notice and Emma sighed. “Hilda, it was the nurse,” she said sadly.
“The nurse?” Emma nodded.
“Yes, the first one, the one I replaced.” Hilda flinched, a memory of pain and fear flickering in her eyes, and once more that afternoon, Nell found herself overwhelmed by furious anger, followed by the desire to wrap her arms around Hilda and protect her. Nothing – nothing should ever have brought that look to Hilda’s face. She bit back the words trembling on her tongue and forced herself to remain quiet; this was not her battle – not yet. Still, “she looks so alone,” she thought, then realised that Emma was hastily explaining, her words almost falling over themselves.
“They were friends, Hilda and they lost touch - the nurse went to India as a stewardess after things – well afterwards, and when she came back here permanently, she got Miss Henderson’s address from the registry using her married name. And even after that, it was a while before the connection was made, and then she still looked after Elizabeth very competently, I’m certain. It was the worst sort of ill-chance that it happened, but that’s all it was, I assure you.” She stopped suddenly; Hilda was not listening, but was staring blankly at the window, and Emma had the odd feeling that she was not really present in the room at all. “Hilda?” she said tentatively, and Hilda blinked as if emerging from a vaguely unpleasant dream. Nell stirred uneasily, and moved closer to Hilda, to be there for her as a comforting presence if nothing else.
“Don’t worry, Emma,” Hilda said wearily. “I see how it happened, and it was nobody’s fault really. But there is one thing: you mentioned a ‘possible outcome’; what did you mean exactly? Did she threaten something unpleasant?” Emma gulped.
“Hilda, I’m so sorry,” she said again. “I told her that she was completely mistaken, but I’m certain that she didn’t believe me. She just repeated that she would never have come here had she known - and then, well then she indicated that she was going to contact Mrs Russell and complain about you.” Hilda went white and she sat down limply in the nearest chair.
“She couldn’t,” she whispered disbelievingly, covering her face with her hands. “Oh,she couldn’t.” There was a second of silence, then Nell caught Emma’s eye, looked questioningly at the door, and the latter nodded and left the room quietly. Immediately, Nell knelt down by Hilda and put her arms around her.
“Darling Hilda, she wouldn’t dare,” she said vehemently. “And even if she did, Madge would never listen to anything so - so nonsensical, and just plain wrong!” Hilda shuddered,
“But it would sound so sordid,” she whispered. “Nell, I’d feel besmirched, as if everything was spoiled.” Nell murmured something under her breath that was extremely derogatory to Miss Henderson and seized Hilda’s hands in her own.
“Look at me, Hilda,” she said compellingly. With a sharp intake of breath, Hilda raised her head and Nell gazed steadily into the blue-grey eyes. “Hilda,” she said softly. “Nothing that you have ever done could cause you to feel in any way degraded - and I’d like to see anyone say otherwise. The same can’t be said for that wretched woman with her nasty grubby mind.” Despite everything a small smile touched Hilda’s mouth; Nell was so staunch in her defence, so unhesitatingly loyal and loving.
“Thank you, Nell,” she said shakily. Nell smiled tenderly into her eyes.
“Your life is a shining example of love and sacrifice,” she said softly. “And everyone who knows you will agree with that.” Hilda blushed and bit her lip.
“You’re very comforting, Nell. Without your strength, I don’t know what I’d do.” Nell shook her head.
“No, Hilda,” she said firmly. “You’re strong inside, where it counts. Don’t ever doubt that.” She clasped Hilda’s hands more tightly. “With your loving faith and steadfastness, you have all the strength that you need. But if it helps, then know that I will always be here for you.” For a moment, they held one another, each grateful for the loving support that the other gave, then Hilda moved reluctantly away from Nell.
“It’s getting late,” she said. “And I know Emma wants Elizabeth to have a quiet evening - so do I for that matter, as it will make tomorrow easier for all of us – so I suppose we’d better think about heading back to the hotel and doing likewise.” She sighed.
“That sounds like a good idea,” said Nell. She looked carefully at Hilda. “It’s been a very difficult day hasn’t it?” Hilda closed her eyes for a moment. “Nell, I can’t begin to tell you,” she said. “I will, of course, but at the moment, all I can think about is that tomorrow we’ll be going home with Elizabeth.”
“I know,” replied Nell gently, her eyes shining at Hilda’s words. “We’ll be safely out of London. But there is still this evening – and I do have some tentative plans if you’re not too tired.”

Edited because I omitted to finish a sentence..... :oops:

Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sat Jul 14, 2007 2:38 pm ]
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Poor Hilda. That must have made her relive those awful days after Elizabeth was born. Nell was such a fantastic friend there to her.
Thanks Cath

Author:  Kathy_S [ Sat Jul 14, 2007 3:21 pm ]
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Difficult scene for all of them, but it's much the best that now Hilda knows, and that Nell was there so she knows Nell knows. It could have become very awkward between the two of them.

Thank you, Cath.

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Sat Jul 14, 2007 6:07 pm ]
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What could have been a difficult post to read was made all the more easier to read by the feeling and reminder of just how *right* for each other H and N are.

Thanks Cath

Author:  MaryR [ Sat Jul 14, 2007 7:04 pm ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
"Your life is a shining example of love and sacrifice,” she said softly

You are so right, Nell, and Madge will think the same when she hears. She will trust Hilda even without the certificate.

But how Nell aches for Hilda in that conversation, and dreads that she will pull away. And how Hilda ached, as she remembered that bitter-sweet birth. But she trusts Nell, and knows she needs her strength, just as Nell has needed Hilda's. They were made to uphold each other.

How sad that this had to come after such a lovely afternoon with her daughter, when she must have pictured a future filled with love now that at last she has Elizabeth. :cry:

And Nell still has to confess all she has been doing this day. I wonder what she has planned for tonight...

Thank you, Cath

Author:  Chair [ Sun Jul 15, 2007 6:49 pm ]
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Thanks, Cath. I'm glad that Nell was there for Hilda.

Author:  linda [ Sun Jul 15, 2007 11:35 pm ]
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Thanks Cath.

What a difficult situation for Hilda, but hopefully Nell will be able to convince her things will turn out OK. I wonder what Nell's plans for the evening will turn out to be.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Mon Jul 16, 2007 1:47 am ]
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This is all very difficult for Hilda, who must be really shocked by this news, even though she needed to be told.

But I am filled with admiration for the way in which Emma clearly decided that Hilda was entitled to no less than the truth, even though that might cause Hilda to question her (Emma's) judgement. She was very frank, even though she must have known she risked incurring her sister-in-law's anger. And hard though it must have been for Hilda to listen to all this, it's equally clear that Emma's sympathies are entirely with her - we need have no fear that she might try to say anything to Elizabeth on the child's last evening with her, which might make the child upset. As for Madge Russell placing any credence on any complaint Nanny might be tempted to make, it just wouldn't happen, so as a 'scare tactic' it's a non-starter.

But above all, I'm glad that Nell is there for Hilda and will continue to help both her and Elizabeth to the nth degree.

Thanks, Cath, I'm really looking forward to seeing the rest of this play out, and also to learning Hilda's reactions when she learns what Nell has been up to over the course of this very eventful day!!

Author:  Identity Hunt [ Mon Jul 16, 2007 5:55 am ]
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Cath,
I am enjoying this so very much :)

What a blow for Hilda after a lovely day with her daughter.

If that vile woman contacts Madge, I hope (and know) that Madge will give her unvarnished opinion at such perfidious , sneaking, underhanded mischief-making. And Nell will make her life hell, to boot.......

Author:  Cath V-P [ Fri Jul 20, 2007 12:52 pm ]
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Thank you all for your comments - And here is some more....

“Plans?” queried Hilda, a faint spark of interest kindling in her face “What do they involve?” Nell shook her head.
“Oh no, my dear, you’ll find out when it’s time, and not before.” She got up, pulling Hilda to her feet as well. “Come on: you’ll want to say goodbye to Elizabeth and tell her about tomorrow morning.” Hilda started towards the door, then stopped.
“Aren’t you coming too?” Nell smiled gently.
“No, Hilda not today – you’re the important person as far as she’s concerned. There’s plenty of time for me to get to know her after tomorrow.” Hilda’s eyes shone softly but she said nothing as she left the room. Nell listened to the swift light footsteps cross the hall and run effortlessly up the stairs and sighed. “Three days,” she murmured aloud, shaking her head in disbelief. Three days ago she had been unaware of Elizabeth’s existence, and in that time her world – their world - had been remade in ways that she would never have thought possible. The speed with which it had happened had been almost frightening, and she had not really had the time to consider much beyond the immediate future - the important thing had been to support Hilda in her efforts to bring Elizabeth home. And that battle was won; tomorrow, they would be leaving London with Hilda’s treasured daughter to begin their life together. But now, Nell knew, it was not as simple as that; this had been simply the beginning, and there were so many other things to be considered, so much that might be difficult – and also so many unexpected delights. Not for the first time, the little voices of doubt and worry jangled in her mind; so many ‘What ifs…’ “But it’s worth it,” she thought determinedly, “No matter what happens, what we can have together is worth it.” And she settled down with the newspaper, to await Hilda’s return, uneasily aware that they did not have too much time if they were not to be late for dinner.

However, she need not have worried; she had barely read her way beyond the first two pages when the door opened and Hilda, accompanied by Emma, and a girl whom Nell assumed to be Hilda’s niece, Celia, came in. All three were smiling, and Celia at least was laughing.
“That’s the first time I’ve ever heard anyone volunteer to go to bed early to make tomorrow arrive sooner,” she proclaimed. Emma chuckled.
“You have a very short memory, my dear - all four of you did it regularly on Christmas Eve when you were children.” Then as Nell got up, she continued, “Celia, may I introduce Miss Wilson, Aunt Hilda’s friend, with whom she and Elizabeth will be making their home in future. Miss Wilson, my daughter, Celia.” Nell held out her hand, noting with some amusement the resemblance that Celia bore to her aunt.
“How do you do Celia? I’m delighted to meet you.” Celia smiled in response and took Nell’s hand.
“Hello Miss Wilson. Mother mentioned you this morning when we were sorting Elizabeth’s things. You’re Auntie Hilda’s Deputy aren’t you?”
“Only in name,” interposed Hilda quietly. “We really share the job.” Nell grinned.
“But you have the casting vote, don’t forget!” Celia giggled rather uncertainly, then fell silent.
“Well, the packing is done,” said Emma firmly. “And we are going to have a quiet evening here, so it might be as well for you to go before the light starts to fade”
“That’s a good idea,” said Nell hastily before Hilda could say anything. “This evening we’re …..” She suddenly remembered her earlier words to Hilda, and her voice trailed off in confusion, but Emma gave her none of them any chance to comment.
“So we’ll see you at about half-past seven then,” she said, shepherding them out into the hall. “Everything will be ready.” And two minutes later, Hilda and Nell found themselves outside in the street and somewhat unsure as to quite how they had got there.

“Your sister-in-law’s efficient,” Nell remarked finally, as they turned into the street where the hotel stood.
“She always was,” replied Hilda absently. She had said almost nothing after saying goodbye to Emma and Celia, and Nell had refrained from talking herself, sensing that Hilda was mulling something over in her mind. Now she glanced at Hilda, and said nothing more until, as they approached the reception desk, she pulled the room key from her bag, and pressed it into Hilda’s hand.
“You go on up; I’ll check where there are any letters for us at the desk.”

Much to Nell’s relief, there was a letter for her – the theatre tickets that she had managed to obtain had been delivered by hand that morning. Stowing them carefully in her bag and rejoicing that they would not now have to brave the queues at the box office, Nell took the stairs to their at a smart pace that certainly got her there faster than the somewhat elderly lift would have done. She opened the door to find Hilda kneeling in front of her suitcase, rummaging through its contents.
“Looking for something?” queried Nell behind her. Hilda jumped.
“Oh, Nell,” she said distractedly. “Yes, I’m sure I put another pair of evening stockings in, but, I don’t seem to -”
“On the chair by the window,” said Nell crossing the room, shedding her coat and gloves as she did so and kicking off her shoes, one of which promptly slid under the bed. Hilda looked at the chair, on which reposed the stockings and bit her lip.
“So I did,” she said blankly. Nell looked at her, and sat down on the edge of the bed.
“Is there something wrong Hilda?” she asked tentatively. Hilda sat back on her heels, looking seriously at Nell over the lid of her open suitcase.
“I’m going to have to speak to Madge,” she said abruptly. Nell nodded, starting to take down her hair with one hand and undo her collar with the other. “I knew I would have to, but - well, I was hoping to be able to choose my time. Now I feel I have to say something as quickly as possible – and it was going so well,” she finished miserably. Nell stopped what she was doing and crouched down beside her.
“Hilda, it is still going well,” she said urgently. “Think how far you’ve come, just in two days! I agree, you will have to say something to Madge, but you always intended that.” Hilda said nothing, then turned miserable eyes to Nell.
“But what if Madge thinks that there is – is something, and the that nanny -”
“Hilda, Madge has far more sense than to give any credibility to anything that poisonous witch might say! Think how long she’s known you.”
“But that’s just it,” said Hilda unhappily. “All the time she’s known me, and now suddenly this is sprung on her. I couldn’t blame her if she did think - did think -”
“She won’t think anything of the sort,” interrupted Nell firmly. “I don’t say she won’t regret that you felt you had to keep silence, but she will understand exactly why you did. And she certainly won’t think anything discreditable of you! Good Lord, not even Jem would think anything like that, and heaven knows he doesn’t exactly overwork his brain!” At this totally unexpected conclusion, Hilda smiled fleetingly and reached round to give Nell a swift hug.
“Do you know just how comforting you can be?” she asked unsteadily. Nell smiled.
“You’ve mentioned it before,” she said softly, dropping a kiss on the tip of Hilda’s nose. Then she caught sight of her small travel clock and her eyes widened. “I don’t want to hurry you Hilda, but if we don’t leave soon then we’ll miss – well, we’ll miss part of what I’ve organised planned for this evening.” Hilda surveyed her through suddenly narrowed eyes.
“When are you going to tell me? And what about dinner?” Nell grinned.
“Oh, I think I’ll let events unfold,” she said impishly. “But I do promise that dinner comes first!”

Author:  Ruth B [ Fri Jul 20, 2007 12:58 pm ]
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Lovely scene there. Thanks Cath

Author:  MaryR [ Fri Jul 20, 2007 2:50 pm ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
“No matter what happens, what we can have together is worth it"

Even if it is going to be different from what you expected, what you can have together is indeed still worth it all, Nell. Thr trouble is, it has all happened in such a short time that your heads are both still spinning with all the ramifications - and all the nastiness from others over what should be such a happy time.

Poor Hilda, so determined to do the right thing, so frightened that Madge will think the worst, so guilty that she hadn't told her anything before. But why would she, when it was such a very private nature?

Take her out and take her mind off it, Nell, whatever your plans.

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Fri Jul 20, 2007 3:22 pm ]
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It really is no wonder that both their heads are spinning, given the events of the day, indeed of the last few days. And Hilda wouldn't be Hilda if she weren't now prey to doubts about how Madge, as her employer, at least, might react to the news which she has to give her.

Thank goodness for Nell's down to earth reactions, which will do so much to reassure Hilda, even if she can't fully believe in them until she has, in fact, been in touch with Madge and had her reactions 'from the horse's mouth' so to speak. And thank goodness for Emma's calm, and efficient way of assuring them that all would be ready at 7:30 am next morning, too.

Finally, thank goodness for Nell's firm plans for this evening, which will, despite everything, allow them a much needed period of relaxation and enjoyment as well as taking Hilda's mind off events for a few hours - both of them need it. But I'm still waiting curiously to see what Hilda's reactions will be when Nell hands her that so-vital piece of paper she worked so hard to get for her this morning - was it *really* only this morning? It seems a year past!!


Thanks, Cath.

Author:  Rosalin [ Fri Jul 20, 2007 4:48 pm ]
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I do hope Madge is understanding. I think she would be, but you can never tell in drabbles as it's the writer's vision of the character that counts.

I'm glad Elizabeth is looking foward to tomorrow so much that she went to bed early. It's a good sign that she's so excited.

Thanks Cath.

Author:  Sugar [ Fri Jul 20, 2007 8:43 pm ]
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Thanks Cath- great to see more of this. I hope Madge is sympathetic and understanding.

Author:  Tara [ Fri Jul 20, 2007 9:52 pm ]
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I can't believe this has all happened in three days, either! No wonder neither of them is quite sure which way up they are. I'm so glad that Hilda didn't, in the end, push Nell away - the assurance that she will tell her all about it, even if she can't quite at the moment, understandably brought a shine to Nell's eyes.
I'm sure Madge will be sympathetic, when she's recovered from the shock, but it's not a nice prospect, it would, indeed, leave one feeling bismirched, it's hardly surprising that Hilda is distracted.
Nell's plans to take her out (and out of herself) are so wise - and this is such a lovely picture of her:
Quote:
Nell nodded, starting to take down her hair with one hand and undo her collar with the other

And we're soon going to meet Elizabeth properly!!

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Fri Jul 20, 2007 11:10 pm ]
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three days?! Three days?! THREE days?! How can all of this have taken place over just three days. It's enough to make my head spin so no wonder H and N are all shook up.

Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sat Jul 21, 2007 10:29 am ]
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I can't believe all this took just three days to happen but that always seems to be life and Cath I'm now hanging out for a few things: one Hilda telling Madge and Two Nell telling Hilda about her meeting with James' Great Aunt.

Author:  Squirrel [ Sat Jul 21, 2007 11:50 am ]
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Sheesht - hope that Hilda and Nell have a good evening out.

Thanks Cath - I'm glad that things are starting to run smoothly for Hilda and Nell and Elizabeth. I hope that things continue that way - and that Hildas conversation with Madge goes well.

Author:  Alison H [ Sun Jul 22, 2007 1:11 am ]
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Thanks Cath.

She does right to tell Madge before anyone else can give the Russells any other version of events - hope Madge will be sympathetic.

Author:  Kathy_S [ Wed Jul 25, 2007 2:33 am ]
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Nell is a real bulwark here: reassurance, superior distraction for the evening, and just her presence.

Thank you, Cath.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Sun Jul 29, 2007 3:02 pm ]
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Thank you everyone; yes, this has been a very busy three days... :D
And on to the evening!

As Nell had promised, dinner did come first, at a small restaurant that she had discovered several years previously and had returned to on a number of occasions since then, delighted both by the food and by the fact that it was presided over by a diminutive and determined Frenchwoman, who told her customers precisely what they would eat and why. She approved of Nell, partly because she happily complied with Madame’s instructions over her meals, and partly because she spoke fluent French, although Madame complained bitterly about her accent. That evening, Nell was greeted as always, if not with open arms, then at least with a grim smile and a slight tilt of Madame’s head.
“That’s positively fulsome for her,” muttered Nell as she slid into her seat. “I haven’t been here for a while, but it all looks just the same,” she added, glancing rapidly round the room, and catching the eye of a waiter with whom Madame was concluding a rapid and emphatic conversation. As Nell acknowledged him, the man gave an expressive shrug and disappeared into the kitchen. “Definitely unchanged,” remarked Nell with satisfaction as the waiter reappeared remarkable swiftly with two dishes of soup that he placed carefully before them. Hilda stared at them, puzzled.
“But Nell, we haven’t ordered,” she began, and Nell’s mouth twitched.
“We don’t here,” she said solemnly. Her face relaxed into laughter. “Madame decides what will be best for us and sends it out.” Hilda’s eyes widened.
“But – how does she know -”
“I have no idea,” said Nell. “But I’ve never known her make a mistake; it’s uncanny - I think she must be a witch!”
“Where is she from?” asked Hilda picking up her spoon and tasting the soup cautiously. “This is very good, Nell!”
“She’s from Normandy – hence the prevalence of apples and cream that you’ll find in the food. I believe her late husband was from somewhere in the Burgundy region, and he contributed the beef and wine aspects of the menu. And you’re right, this is good.”
“Onion - but this is definitely sweeter than I’ve known it,” said Hilda thoughtfully.
“Oh that’s because it’s got apple cider in it,” said Nell casually. Hilda glanced at her sharply.
“That’s impressive; I couldn’t have done that.” Nell grinned.
“Actually Hilda, I know that because I glimpsed the menu once – not I might add, because I can identify any alcoholic drink at ten paces!” Hilda smiled serenely.
“Oh, I would never have supposed that, Nell!” Nell started to say something then thought better of it and applied herself to her soup.

The rest of the meal lived up to the standard set by the first course, and filet au boeuf with steamed potatoes and a green salad followed by a tarte Normande demonstrated that Nell’s faith in Madame’s culinary skills was not misplaced. Moreover, as the meal proceeded, and the tensions and worries of the day began to seem less immediate, Nell was delighted to see Hilda gradually relax, a faint colour stealing into her face and the sombre expression in her eyes slowly diminishing, and by the time their coffee was served, she was starting to believe that the evening would be a success.
“And we both need this,” she thought as she drained her cup and requested the bill.

Once outside the restaurant, Nell hailed a passing taxi - the restaurant was just on the edge of Soho and she did not feel too comfortable with the idea of walking down to Waterloo Road, even though it was still comparatively early in the evening. Besides, she did not want to run the risk of missing any of the performance, and the art of walking in the blackout was still something of a danger to those who practised it. “Although I’m not sure that this is really much safer than walking,” she murmured to Hilda as the taxi drew away from the kerb with a worrying disregard for the lack of visibility ahead.
“Quite so,” commented Hilda. “And have you decided to tell me where we’re going now? I assume it’s not back to the hotel?”
“No, it’s not,” replied Nell cheerfully. “But you will find out very soon!” She stifled a chuckle; despite the darkened interior of the taxi, Nell could quite clearly envisage the expression of extreme patience that would undoubtedly have appeared on Hilda’s face – if the eloquent silence of her companion were anything to go by at any rate!
Ten minutes later, the taxi drew up outside the theatre with what Nell could have sworn was a flourish. Restraining a grin, she paid the driver while Hilda got out to stand for a moment staring around in puzzlement; then as she realised where they were, an incredulous delight swept over her.
“Nell,” she breathed. “This - surely this is the Old Vic?”
“Why, so it is,’ said Nell teasingly. “Come on!” She seized Hilda’s arm and started towards the nearest entrance.
“But Nell -”
“We’re cutting it a bit fine,” said Nell. “The curtain goes up in less than ten minutes, and there’s still quite a crowd out here.” Thus urged on, a still-bemused Hilda followed Nell into the foyer, where they joined the queue making its way into the stalls. It was not until Nell had handed their tickets to the usher that she was able to talk coherently once more.
“But Nell, King Lear! How on earth did you manage it? How did you know that I wanted to see it?” Nell grinned impishly as she followed the usher past the rapidly-filling rows.
“Let’s see now. Perhaps it was the fact that you read me three reviews in detail, one after the other? And insisted on showing me four pictures of Gielgud as Lear?”
“The reviews all said that his performance was wonderful, even better than the first time he played the part!” Nell chuckled softly at this sudden defensiveness, but refrained from comment until they were seated.
“And of course, his wistful romantic appearance had nothing whatsoever to do with it?” she enquired. Hilda glared at her.
“Pure aesthetic appreciation,” she said loftily. Nell’s mouth twitched.
“You mean like Con and Errol Flynn?” she said pointedly. “I must admit, I preferred Basil Rathbone myself. More style somehow!” Hilda choked.
“I didn’t know you’d seen Robin Hood,” she remarked. Nell’s mouth tautened for a moment.
“Oh, I spent a lot of time at the cinema last year,” she said in an elaborately casual tone. Hilda glanced at her, her eyes warm with understanding.
“It can help you to forget for a little while,” she agreed, taking Nell’s hand gently.

Author:  Alison H [ Sun Jul 29, 2007 3:24 pm ]
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Nell is being wonderful here.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Sun Jul 29, 2007 3:35 pm ]
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OH that's lovely - and so many little details there of what is clearly turning into a delightful evening for the two of them. And I did gurgle at the description of the taxi driver's pulling away from the kerb - clearly I have been in too many London taxis in my time!!!

But all in all, it's turning into just the evening Nell had planned, to enable Hilda to rest and relax after all she's gone through and to gain strength for the next step on this journey, now with Elizabeth. And I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed ' being there' with them, thanks to your vivid descriptions, Cath.

Thank you

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Sun Jul 29, 2007 3:39 pm ]
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Wonderful Nell and that does sound like a great restaurant. I do now want to go to the theatre though.

Author:  Tan [ Sun Jul 29, 2007 3:59 pm ]
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Yay! The Old Vic (I used to work just down the road from it and SLOC works almost alongside).

Nice to see another update, and I hope that Hilda can forget for a little while ...

Author:  Kathy_S [ Sun Jul 29, 2007 6:18 pm ]
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Sounds like just the evening out for Hilda. :D

*giggles at comparison with Con*

Thank you, Cath.

Author:  Rosalin [ Sun Jul 29, 2007 9:42 pm ]
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Glad the evening out is going well. Hopefully it will be a tonic for Hilda.

I'm now feeling quite hungry after the food descriptions.

Thanks Cath.

Author:  Identity Hunt [ Mon Jul 30, 2007 9:38 am ]
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How lovely, Cath !
I, too, have a very soft spot for Basil Rathbone - we have all his Sherlock Holmes appearances :lol:

Author:  MaryR [ Mon Jul 30, 2007 7:02 pm ]
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Poor Nell, to have the relaxing evening remind her of all she had suffered. :cry: But she has her reward in the evident enjoyment Hilda is taking in the evening and the softening of her anxiety.

Come on, Nell - of course you can smell the wine in that soup! :rofl: And I loved your teasing of Hilda sighing over Guilgud's "wistful romantic appaearence" , even if she did get round it by calling it "pure aesthetic appreciation." Right, Hilda. :lol:

But Hilda knows this whole evening is offered out of love, and that she has much to thank Nell for.

Thanks, Cath

Author:  Tara [ Mon Jul 30, 2007 11:34 pm ]
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What a lovely evening, great food, a theatrical treat, the usual delightful teasing banter covering such depth of devotion and understanding ... and those little chilling reminders, in the reality of trying to get around in the blackout, and in Nell's sudden haunted memories, of the fact that there is a war outside.

Of course Hilda will 'appreciate' Gielgud and, yes, Rathbone is rather more Nell's style, come to think of it!

Thanks, Cath.

Author:  jonty [ Tue Jul 31, 2007 6:47 pm ]
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I've just had the loveliest couple of hours reading this from start to finish! It's a wonderful story, Cath, and I love all the little details that make it so real. Am worried about what happens to Elizabeth, though, since she doesn't appear in any of the books. Maybe EBD simply forgot to mention her???

Cath V-P wrote:
“Let’s see now. Perhaps it was the fact that you read me three reviews in detail, one after the other? And insisted on showing me four pictures of Gielgud as Lear?”
“The reviews all said that his performance was wonderful, even better than the first time he played the part!”


Am jealous of them both - imagine getting to watch Gielgud play Lear. Thanks Cath.

Author:  Josie [ Wed Aug 01, 2007 1:00 am ]
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Aw, what a lovely evening out so far. The proprietress of the restaurant sounds fab!

Poor Hilda though. *mutters rude words under breath about the Mrs. Henderson* Of course Madge will understand.

Loved this line...
Quote:
“That’s the first time I’ve ever heard anyone volunteer to go to bed early to make tomorrow arrive sooner,” she proclaimed.

I sooo remember doing that when I was a kid!

Thanks Cath.

Author:  Cath V-P [ Tue Aug 07, 2007 8:17 am ]
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Thank you for your comments..don't worry jonty, I do know what happens to Elizabeth.... :D
This will be the final post in this part - I have a lot of part 2 written, but there is a short story nagging at me, so I may post that first and then return to this...


Walking to the taxi rank after the end of the performance, Nell was only too aware that Hilda was still lost in the world of the play that she had inhabited for the last three hours. From the moment the curtain had risen on Kent, Gloucester and Edmund, both women been caught up in the terrible and unstoppable impetus of Lear’s tragic decision, and Hilda at least had been enthralled by Gielgud’s characteristic intense and brooding romanticism. For her part, Nell was not quite so enraptured, but she did appreciate the beauty and resonance of the actor’s voice as he made the well-known words his own – and was also impressed by the sheer physical grace that he brought to the role. The interval, with its sudden noise and the brightening of the house lights, came as something of a shock, and it was a relief when the theatre darkened again and the play resumed. And when the curtain came down on the desolation of the final scene, Hilda had sat dazed and overwhelmed, unable even to applaud. Nell had shepherded her silently from the theatre, cutting through the crowd in the foyer towards the doors. It was only after they were in the darkness outside, away from the bewildering and noisy throng, that Hilda emerged fully from her reverie; blinking as if she were waking from a dream, she shook her head, sighed softly and took Nell’s arm.
“That was truly remarkable,” she said softly. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything more compelling – that moment when he held Cordelia’s body willing her not to be dead. All that despair and madness, ending in death.”
“I agree,” said Nell, sighing a little. “It’s exhausting to watch isn’t it?”
“It is – but it was so magnificent. What did you think of it?” asked Hilda. “I know Shakespeare isn’t your favourite.” Nell squeezed her hand gently.
“I do appreciate it when it’s as good a production as tonight’s,” she replied. “Although I have to say that I thought Gielgud might be a bit too romantic as Lear – but he wasn’t, not really.”
“He was glorious!” said Hilda dreamily. Nell snorted.
“Don’t swoon on the pavement, Hilda – ouch, that was uncalled for!”
“So was your comment, you wretched woman! I hope your ankle is bruised! And stop laughing!”
By now, they had arrived at the cab rank, and eyed the queue waiting patiently for a very limited supply of taxis.
“I don’t know about you,” said Nell thoughtfully, “but I can think of better ways to spend the time than standing here in the dark, waiting hopefully for the arrival of a mythical vehicle.”
“I agree,” said Hilda immediately. “But getting lost also seems to me to be a vastly overrated pastime. Do you know which way to go if we use the Underground?”
“Oh ye of little faith! Have you forgotten that I used to live in London?”
“So did I, but I wouldn’t care to try to find my way around it these days - and if you say anything about the advantages of being a Guide Captain, I’ll – I’ll steal your compass!”
“Such threats,” murmured Nell. “Of course I know how to get back. We go via Piccadilly and then change – it’s not very far on either. What about it?”
“Well, it sounds alright,” said Hilda cautiously. “But I was really wondering whether you know where the nearest station is. It is very dark out here.” Nell reached out and tucked * Hilda's hand through her arm.
"Is that better?" Hilda nodded automatically, even though Nell couldn't see her.
"Yes - it's not that the dark bothers me, but I can't quite get used to the lack of light in cities."
"I do know what you mean," said Nell. She suddenly wriggled. “Goodness, I’m stiff – those weren’t the most comfortable seats in the world. I feel as if I’ve been folded in half.”
“That I should like to see,” interjected Hilda dryly. Nell snorted.
“Baggage! And I bet you were just as uncomfortable.” Hilda smiled serenely.
“As it happens, no. I’m obviously more suitably designed for that type of seating than some I could name!” She ignored Nell’s gasp of outrage and continued blithely, “And of course I was engrossed in the play – again, unlike some others!” She paused for a moment, then continued, “Although considering that some of the others probably haven’t seen Lear before, then I would have expected them to be paying a good deal more attention than was the case.”
“If you were so engrossed, how would you have known that they weren’t?” enquired Nell pointedly. “And it might come as a surprise to you, but I have seen Lear once before, you know,” she continued. “And I’ve never forgotten it.” She was aware of Hilda’s small shock of surprise, even though she couldn’t see her face and grinned in the darkness.
“It was the first time I’d seen Shakespeare performed rather than just reading it,” she continued dreamily. “I was still at the Convent, and we were studying King Lear for the Cambridge examinations. A local theatre announced that there would be a production of the play, and after much soul searching, Reverend Mother decided that the examination classes could attend a matinee.”
“Did you enjoy it?” asked Hilda. Nell choked back a gurgle of laughter.
“Oh yes,” she replied. “Looking back, I don’t think it was a particularly outstanding production, but it had some memorable moments - especially when Gloucester appeared, bleeding dramatically from his eyes as per instructions, staggered about the stage for a few moments, took a wrong turn and fell neatly into the orchestra pit.” Hilda gasped at this unexpected conclusion.
“What happened to him?” This time, Nell could not restrain her giggles.
“Well, there was the most impressive crash, we all heard several words that were new to us – well, I assume that they were; they were certainly new to me! They hauled him out frothing at the mouth, but with nothing more serious than a sprained ankle and a lot of bruises – apparently he’d spent a lengthy lunchtime in the local pub followed by refreshing sips in the dressing room during the performance and as a consequence he had absolutely no sense of direction - but he was at least completely relaxed when he hit the floor.” There was a silence, then Hilda remarked, with a suspicious wobble in her voice,
“Why am I not surprised to hear that you witnessed this?” Nell glared at her, even though the darkness made this a completely pointless gesture.
“The upshot was that we were all rapidly marched back to the convent, and Reverend Mother decided that there would be no more visits to the theatre. A pity really: I’m sure we’d all have forgotten it much faster if she hadn’t made so much fuss about it. In fact, she and Father had a bit of an altercation about the whole affair, as she tried to ban daygirls from attending any form of theatre during term-time, and that did not sit well with him at all.”
“Who won?” enquired Hilda, fascinated by this glimpse into Nell’s school-days.
“Oh, Father did,” came back the immediate answer. “Reverend Mother wrote to him about the dangers of external influences ‘unsettling one’s Faith’ and his response to that was that if all it took was one performance of Shakespeare, then it was a fairly poor excuse for a Faith. I think that may have been one of the reasons he decided to let me leave the Convent; he was rather unorthodox about some things,” she added thoughtfully.
“It must be a family characteristic,” replied Hilda demurely. Beside her, Nell drew a deep breath
“If you don’t behave, I’ll run away and hide,” she threatened. “And what will you do then, may I ask?” Hilda laughed.
“Go back to the hotel and wait for you - I’ve got the room key!” Nell opened her mouth to reply, then stopped, suddenly aware of a faint far-away rumble.
“We must be near the station,” she said peering into the darkness ahead where she could just make out the dim blur of the sign for Waterloo Road. “Thank goodness – I think I’ve had enough of wandering around in the dark for a while. It’s full of things and I’m not quite sure what I’m going to bump into next – oh, ouch, bother it, I’m sorry!” There was a brief silence, broken when Hilda remarked pensively,
“I think that’s the first time I’ve heard someone apologise to a post box,” and then suddenly she and Nell were both laughing uncontrollably, unable to say anything else or even take the few steps that would bring them to the stairway down into the station.
“Come on,” said Nell finally, choking down her laughter. “Otherwise we’ll miss the last train, and I don’t think I could face walking back.”
“Too many unsuspecting post boxes,” murmured Hilda as she reached for the handrail at the top of the stairs. Nell glanced at her, saw the happiness in her eyes, the faint colour in her face, and forgot the retort she had been about to utter, for the woman hurrying down the steps beside her was so evidently not worried and unhappy as she had been earlier in the day – even this dim light was sufficient to reveal that. Nell felt suddenly jubilant as if she had been given an unexpected gift; this evening had been a success for both of them, a joyous shining interlude after all the turmoil of the last few days, the memory of which would sustain them throughout whatever awaited them. “It’s worth it,” she thought determinedly, as she had a few hours earlier. “No matter how difficult things might be, it will be worth it.” And with an encouraging smile at Hilda, she turned towards the platform.

*Edited to add a small amount that I had managed to omit. :oops:

Author:  Alison H [ Tue Aug 07, 2007 8:57 am ]
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They're brilliant together - thanks Cath.

Author:  jonty [ Tue Aug 07, 2007 9:47 am ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
“Well, there was the most impressive crash, we all heard several words that were new to us – well, I assume that they were; they were certainly new to me! They hauled him out frothing at the mouth, but with nothing more serious than a sprained ankle and a lot of bruises – apparently he’d spent a lengthy lunchtime in the local pub followed by refreshing sips in the dressing room during the performance and as a consequence he had absolutely no sense of direction - but he was at least completely relaxed when he hit the floor.”


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: What an image!! And Nell tells it so well! Thanks Cath.

Author:  Rosalin [ Tue Aug 07, 2007 10:28 am ]
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Too many brilliant exchanges to quote. I loved their whole conversation.

It's nice that they've got this evening to look back on if things ahead get tough.

Thanks Cath. Looking foward to reading whatever you post next.

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Tue Aug 07, 2007 10:46 am ]
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Lovely post and a great description of the play.

Author:  MaryR [ Tue Aug 07, 2007 12:28 pm ]
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Cath V-P wrote:
It’s worth it,” she thought determinedly, as she had a few hours earlier. “No matter how difficult things might be, it will be worth it.”

Things will never be too difficult for the pair of you, Nell. You'll work it out between you. But how happy you have made her this evening - your idiocy and unconventionality helping that along of course. :lol: Apologising to a post-box, indeed. :lol: Mind you, have been there myself! :shock:

Hilda is beginning to see just where you get your unothodox and cavalier attitude to life from. And probably feels just a tad envious that her own upbringing was so much more conventional and so much less fun.

Thanks, Cath - a wonderful ending to this part.

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Tue Aug 07, 2007 1:17 pm ]
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Apologising to a post box indeed - reminds me of the time I apologised to a tree!

A lovely interlude, quite apart from the play itself - we learn new things about Nell all the time, don't we? I loved her description of that earlier 'encounter' with a performance of Lear.

The net result of all of it is just what Dr. Nell had ordered for Hilda, isn't it - the latter is now completely relaxed after the stresses of the day. :) Please allow them to get safely back to their hotel without any alarums and excursions - we do know this is already war-time England.

Thanks, Cath - I'll be looking forward to both the short story you are promising us, and the continuation of this.

Author:  Kathy_S [ Tue Aug 07, 2007 4:02 pm ]
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Fabulous evening. :mrgreen:

The banter is lovely as usual, but I especially enjoyed the window into Nell's past, particularly her father's attitude. :D

Thank you, Cath.

Author:  Tara [ Tue Aug 07, 2007 11:33 pm ]
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Quote:
I can think of better ways to spend the time than standing here in the dark, waiting hopefully for the arrival of a mythical vehicle.”
“I agree,” said Hilda immediately. “But getting lost also seems to me to be a vastly overrated pastime.
:D And so much more ...
Nell has succeeded brilliantly in taking Hilda's mind right off her worries and stress; that was a wonderful evening.
Really enjoyed a further glimpse of Nell's father, he's such a fun and feisty individual, not to mention being full of good sense. That particular acorn certainly hasn't fallen far from the tree.

Did you notice there's a tiny bit missing, Cath, just before the bit about the seats? May we have it, please, even if it's only a few words?

Looking forward to Part Two, and to the short story if that comes first.

Author:  linda [ Tue Aug 07, 2007 11:49 pm ]
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Apologising to a post box - what a wonderful picture. :lol: :lol: :lol: Of course, haven't we all been there. And the actor falling into the orchestra pit!! Fabulous!! :lol: :lol:

How clever Nell is, her carefully planned evening has helped Hilda to relax after a very stressful day.

Very much looking forward to Part 2.

Thank you Cath

Author:  Cath V-P [ Wed Aug 08, 2007 12:53 am ]
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Thank you Tara - no, I hadn't noticed... I must have had an interrupted thought while writing. :oops: :oops:
It is now put right!

Author:  Fiona Mc [ Wed Aug 08, 2007 8:22 am ]
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That was so lovely. Thanks Cath

Author:  Squirrel [ Fri Aug 10, 2007 10:42 pm ]
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Oh Fantastic Cath! I'll be looking forwards to the next bit when you post it - and your short story too - we'll be spoiled with all of this choice!

I'm glad to see that Hilda and Nell are both fairly happy at this point, and that for the moment the worst of the difficulties have been resolved.

Author:  calico [ Sun Aug 12, 2007 9:07 am ]
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Thanks Cath

This is lovely.

Author:  Nell [ Thu Aug 16, 2007 10:01 pm ]
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Lovely thank you - just caught up with this bit and looking forward to more.

Author:  Elbee [ Mon Aug 20, 2007 3:05 pm ]
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What a lovely scene after the earlier tensions. Thanks, Cath.

Author:  di [ Fri Jan 18, 2008 7:31 pm ]
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Have just read this and have to say, Cath, that it is a delightful story. I do so admire Nell, she takes every thing in her stride, doesn't she. I hope that when Elizabeth gets to know her she will love Nell just as much as her mother does. Looking forward to part 2.

Author:  Fi [ Fri Jan 18, 2008 10:51 pm ]
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Have just found this thanks to Diallen bringing it back up the list. What a wonderful sequel to Christmas 1939; I thoroughly enjoyed it. I love the way Nell supports Hilda with such subtlety and tact when around John and Emma. I especially enjoyed meeting Mary Grant - what a force to be reckoned with. I hope she makes further appearances in part 2.

I understand that life has been a bit hectic and stressful of late, but I am really looking forward to Part 2 when you feel ready.

Thanks Cath.

Author:  Shander [ Sat Jan 19, 2008 11:21 pm ]
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thanks for bumping this back up.
I really enjoyed and I've been wondering what had happened to it.

Author:  JellySheep [ Fri Mar 07, 2008 7:46 pm ]
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This is a great drabble. Maybe I wouldn't have thought it would happen that way, but if it did, then this is a really good portrayal - it's very moving.

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