The CBB :: View topic - New Dreams (Part 16) p24 Sun 01/02/09 Completed!

please don't merely summarise the next year and a half!!

“You can’t change that, nor can you change what the Abbess will do to me. After all, it was her ward I bullied.”

“Because that’s what a Head Girl does,” Mireille said simply.

"Gwynneth, don’t,” she whispered. “I’ve seen the love in your eyes for me, felt it round me like a warm blanket when you’ve tried to help me. And that love is returned, I promise. I think it grew on us unawares as we both let down our walls. I could never have survived these long, weary months without you. Along with Mother, you’ve been my greatest support, my finest pillar of wisdom.”

The Hilda I was with Nell – she’s gone forever. But Nell is still inside me and that’s what gives me strength. That, and the love I receive from all the people around me, people like you and Ellie, and that impossible woman living in her convent beside the sea.”

“You don’t have to be lonely, my fierce friend with the marshmallow centre. There would always be a home for you at the convent. I can’t bear to leave you here and know you’re missing me so much. I know how that feels. It hurts, like a wolf tearing at one’s insides.”

“So, I’m afraid I’m no longer the self-sufficient person I was, Gwynneth. Yes, I’m safe in God’s hands, but He uses my friends and my ward as ballast...."

“Ellie and I need you and love you, Gwynneth. You’re part of who we are, now. Mother also has a high regard for you. You don’t have to be lonely or alone ever again.”

....you show to us the very core of these wonderful characters and even then surprise us with their depths

Hopefully, the fact that so many people love her will feed her spirit, give her joy and renewed confidence in her new life, even if her old life still hovers over her on black wings.

PS - and the posts are never too long

Sometimes, Mother dear, I could kill you for teaching me to cry and making me so vulnerable. I want my self-control back. How else can I do my job? How else can I hide from the pain of losing Nell?

Oh, Nell, if we find the photos and deal with the culprit, will she be able to move forward again? All that has happened so far this term will leave more scars on her soul, poor child, when there are already so very many. Hopefully, the fact that so many people love her will feed her spirit, give her joy and renewed confidence in her new life, even if her old life still hovers over her on black wings.

Sorrow seemed to permeate the very air for long moments, then a soft, sweet whisper was heard: “There are moments in life when all we can bear is the sense that our loved one is near us; our wounds would wince at the touch of consoling words that would reveal the depths of our pain. (Balzac)”

When all you want is silence, holding her might help. But if you feel the need to talk, she will listen. Just as she listened to Nell and Cherry….. Their thoughts and feelings are now stored away inside her, just as yours will be. So let her be your friend when you feel alone and miserable – and when you’re happy, too…… Secrets sometimes need to be let out, but not to a living ear, only to a caring heart. Nell’s and Cherry’s hearts are tucked away inside Persephone, and they were such caring hearts. So hold her and let her remind you of your new family to whom you belong for all eternity….. Your two families now entwined forever… in your spirit.”

She wondered how her own Headmistress had felt when she took a young and motherless child under her wing and helped her with things only a mother can do for her daughter. Had she also felt unequal to the task? Yet how willingly and how beautifully she had done it, never making the young Hilda feel that she was being pitied or patronised, only loved. Her encouragement and wisdom had been, to Hilda, beacons of hope in the cold, bleak desert her life had become for a time. Could Hilda now follow suit and do all that for Ellie?

Mary,
this was utterly breathtaking in its polished profundity.

There was simply no excuse for Hilda’s behaviour. Her task was to know her heart – she knew it better now! - and to be guided always by the Spirit.

What am I without You, Lord, but a guide to my own downfall. (St Augustine)

Hilda leaned over and stroked the girl’s forehead. “Sh, go back to sleep, Meg, my dear,” she murmured. “We’ll talk in the morning. All will be well, child.”

God does not demand impossibilities. (St Augustine)”

Hope Matey added something to the tea - Hilda needs to sleep - most of this is exhaustion, pure and simple. Very pleased Matey was there.

(((((Hilda)))))

Thanks Mary

It lay there, totally neglected. On its own! Abandoned! Much like herself! Yes, Ellie loved her, Gwynneth loved her, Mother Abbess loved her – but how could they ever take away the sense of devastating abandonment Nell had left behind in Hilda’s heart? She hadn’t even waited to say farewell – simply sent a letter!

God does not demand impossibilities. (St Augustine)”

Hilda opened her eyes. “Will you be God?” she croaked, her words scarcely intelligible.
Matey smiled down into the drowned eyes, noting their desperate appeal. “If you want me to, love. Although I thought I already was God around here.”

“Oh yes, I have,” said Matey in a firm tone, shooing Hilda through the door into the Salon and seating her at the small desk in there. “Shes’s the only one who can make you see sense, and will do far more for you than going to bed will, right now, despite that headache. You need a dose – and she’s the very best dose I can come up with.”

“Let go more, love, and stop hoarding it inside. If you need an ear I’ll always have time for you. But for now, come on. Here’s a candle to light you to bed,” and Matey took her torch from her pocket....."

Only a short conversation though, Hilda, you need your sleep.

“Useless?” snorted the nun. “Listen to yourself, child. Think of all you’ve done for Ellie, all the unconditional love you’ve offered her. A mother lion roars instinctively into action when her cubs are in danger – that’s exactly what you did tonight. Nothing more and nothing less. You weren’t a Headmistress tonight, you were a mother, and yes, the two are in conflict. But you knew they would be at times, you discussed it with me before you left. Next time you will be better prepared.”

Her throat suddenly grew tight, and she swallowed before adding sorrowfully, “If I can’t have Nell, who knew most of what there was in me, both the bad and the good, then I’ll willingly have you, Mother, despite all your conniving behind my back.

Finally! I have started to read this update 4 times and got inetrupted each time until now! Am glad I was able to read it. MA is exactly that rare gift of being exactly what Hilda needs. Matey had the rare gift of being able to provide Hilda with the one person she needs even if she wasn't that person. I can't wait for MA to finally meet Matey when she goes visiting at Easter. (She is still doing that isn't she?)

Thanks Mary for the glimpses you give us

But I know you’re far too sensible to hang on to your guilt and self-blame. You’ve admitted your fault, and must now put it to one side and forget it.

offers her wisdom and hope, and teaches her where to find courage.”

Ellie is very good at hiding herself away and not revealing things. Sound familiar to you, daughter dear? Know someone else like that, do we?”

I may be a brutal and irascible Abbess but you’re a supremely pig-headed and stiff-necked Abbess

Fiona Mc wrote:

They have met already, after Hilda and Ian were involved in the car accident and MA was given special leave to visit them both.

“There would still have been God, child. Embrace your grief when it strikes, as you did tonight. Don’t close your heart to it. Let it have its way and you will be stronger for a while.”

“Until the next time…”

“Until the next time, and the one after that. And out of it is coming something so beautiful and true for God and for many people.”

When I’m wrong, I need her to tell me. When I’m unsure I need her to play Devil’s advocate. When the burden seems too great I need her to share it.

She would rather have kept Nell and never been changed

one where self-discipline is more important than disciplining others; where mercy and compassion are more important than justice; where silence is the rule rather than many words; where the community upholds the individual, so I need never feel totally alone again; where I can learn true humility and childlike trust; and where God can be the one true focus of my life.”

When I’m wrong, I need her to tell me. When I’m unsure I need her to play Devil’s advocate. When the burden seems too great I need her to share it. You see how very weak I am, Mother – and how very selfish, when I still have so much. God has been so good to me, in spite of Nell’s recklessnesss, only sometimes I can’t find Him or hear Him. I couldn’t tonight.”

“Good night, my gentle daughter. Be strong and of good courage, be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed; for the Lord your God is with thee whithersoever thou goest. (Joshua 1:9)”

but once there she decided to sleep in Ellie’s bed rather than disturb her ward. She filled a hot water bottle against the cool night air and was soon deeply asleep once more, a gentle smile on her lips, Persephone cradled in the crook of one arm.

The warmth from her Headmistress’s body so close to hers gave Meg strength and she knew what she had to do. She took a deep breath. “I stole the photos,” she whispered abruptly, her eyes still on the scene outside. “I’m sorry for that…. and for bullying Ellie…. ”

She filled a hot water bottle against the cool night air and was soon deeply asleep once more, a gentle smile on her lips, Persephone cradled in the crook of one arm.

Perhaps now Hilda can get another couple of hours uninterrupted sleep. I love the picture of her cuddling Persephone. :lol:

I'm so glad you aren't doing an EBD and not showing us what goes on behind those closed study doors! Thank-you.

Hilda’s smile was gentle in the extreme and her voice was very soft. “They would, if you showed that you liked them, child. Can’t you see that it’s your own attitude that makes them keep away? You glower and frown. All it takes is a smile.”

You done good, love.

She wanted her girls to know themselves, never to tell themselves lies, never to live a mean life, but to be all that they could and should be, no matter the cost

Our task is to find out what exactly [our gifts] are and to develop them to the top of our bent, and to then use them to help us be better people, to grow in love, to find our own special and unique wisdom ... We all have our part to play in the great chorus that is life, but that doesn’t mean we have to be the best, we just have to do the best we can.

I was there, love, but your pain was so vast you weren’t hearing me.

Ah, don’t blame yourself, dear girl. You see so much that others never see, so forgive yourself this one.

. “A loving father? Like mine? Then I want no part of Him.”

And no, Hilda, you can't be expected to read hundreds of minds simultaneously....

She was to shiver a short while later when she recalled those facile words of hers about Mr and Mrs Lyall.

Poor Meg. What a sad home life she describes, but that does not excuse her behaviour towards Ellie. Hopefully Hilda will eventually be able to help her although I'm slightly worried by

Quote:

She was to shiver a short while later when she recalled those facile words of hers about Mr and Mrs Lyall.

Thank you Mary, waiting patiently for the rest of the scene

Meg lifted her head. “Can I really change? Be more like you just said?” Hilda smiled down at her and nodded. “I’m not sure I’m good enough…. Will you help me, Miss Annersley?” Her voice was a hesitant murmur, her eyes pleading.

“Each night you turn to a new page of Life’s Gifts, you think over your day and you write on that new page five things you can give thanks for from that day. It could be a good mark you received, someone’s smile, a lovely meal, a lesson or a book you enjoyed, or whatever….”

Oh, sweetheart, how gracious and loving you are. You chose just the right moment for Cherry’s photo. How movingly you speak of Cherry and myself. Don’t doubt yourself now I’m not there, lovely girl. You’re all those things you told Meg she must be. But you are so much more even than those, more than she will ever encompass. She need only take you for her example, just as Ellie has. Just as I myself always did.

life is not an option

Hilda considered her and spoke frankly. “Ellie asked me a while ago to teach her how to love. That’s what you’re asking me, too, though you don’t realise it. I can only say to you what I said to her. Kindness is all, Meg. Kindness and gentleness to those you rub up against every day. Swallow your pride ............... . Smile at people, help them in little things,....... . Be alert to the unhappiness in others. Small insignificant-seeming things, but they make this old world keep turning.”

"Life is fragile, Meg. We have to make the most of it while we have it. We have to live it bravely and with tolerance and undersanding.”
"I’m hoping I can also coax you to trust Him for all your needs, so that in time you won’t need my help. God will tax the remotest star and the last grain of sand to assist us with His power and His love.”

She was to shiver a short while later when she recalled those facile words of hers about Mr and Mrs Lyall

“I’d still rather have you than God, Miss Annersley, now that Nanny’s left me. I can’t feel God’s arms but I can feel yours around me, right here and now

You have to learn to control yourself enough to smile even when you’re bleeding inside. You have to be wide open to the hurts of others, not inflict your own hurts on them

I showed it to you because you need to remember that life is not an option. You’re given life without your permission, and it is also taken away without your permission ... Life is fragile, Meg. We have to make the most of it while we have it. We have to live it bravely and with tolerance and understanding

you may find me somewhat harsh, for I shall be trying to coax you to face yourself, to root out what needs rooting out and to go out there to others

“Heart attack, just after Meg went back to school in September. She died instantly.” Mrs Lyall sounded a little crushed by Hilda’s strong words. “The doctors think what she suffered during the war may have weakened her heart.”

Hilda was so shocked by this unfeeling remark that she found it impossible to reply. She thought of the trite words she had used to Meg a little earlier, assuring her that her parents did love her underneath it all. How wrong she had been. It beggared belief that any mother could speak of her daughter in such a manner. Without her Nanny, Meg was now truly alone....

Hilda sat up straighter. No, Meg wasn't alone - not while Hilda Annersely had life in her.

Never mind the convent needing to be praying overtime for help for Hilda and the rest here, I think there's a case to be made for MA making a compassionate journey out to Switzerland.

“I’ll deal with Ellie for the moment. In fact, I’ve got an idea or two to keep her temper in check. She needs you, yes, but it strikes me Meg needs you more right now, poor girl. Who knows? This news might just calm Ellie down, help her see that others have it as hard as she has.”

I've just realised that I hadn't - despite my good intentions - posted here after reading the last post

She saw I was having none of it, whatever it was, and so it went underground. But it’s there, like molten lava, just waiting for a spark

how to undo all the damage - that done to her and that done by her

Glad it's you and Hilda, not me, who have to sort all this out, Mary!

“Meg, what a loving child you are.” Hilda’s voice was soft and tender. “Where have you been hiding all these years?”

“No, child. What happens here stays here between these four walls.” She had some inkling of what might happen to Meg if her mother ever found out. Hilda had no desire to bring more punishment down on the girl.

That’s all that matters, in the end - the love

Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the storm subsided. Quietude laid its weightless hand on them both, soothing and healing.

We’ll all be there with our hands held out, Meg – don’t turn them away

Meg relaxed, closed her eyes and allowed the soft words to wash over her and soothe her pain. Her Headmistress’s loving arms were a safe haven. Her Headmistress’s kindly spirit was a warm blanket of sympathy and peace wrapped tight around her.

This is going to be so difficult, dear heart. Ellie will want justice for her sufferings. How do I waken some mercy in her heart for poor Meg?

“Think about it, sweetheart. You allowed her to steal your ability to think clearly and so you refused to report her, despite all my blandishments. You allowed her to steal the control over your temper that you had been working so hard to maintain and so you sliced off the end of your finger. You allowed her to steal your trust in me, after all my words and actions. You allowed her to steal your willingness to make any friends here.”

What now, one wonders? How is Tessa and will Hilda fly out to America to work her wonders there? Looking forward to more, Mary, when you're ready.

This is just like a Dickens serial in the 1860's - having to wait until the next issue. :lol:

I think I want to be Hilda when I grow up :wink:

All at once, she became aware of Ellie stirring in her arms, felt a tentative hand stroke her cheek, heard a timid whisper. “I could do it for you, ma bien-aimée, if you help me.”

Hate blinds people. Love can read the writing on the remotest star.”

Could you bury the hatchet – and then forget where you buried it?”

She trusted in Ellie’s own nature – and she trusted in the prayers that were being offered by so many for these two girls. If two or three are gathered in My name…. More than two or three were gathered together in Norfolk. Their constancy would not be denied, surely.

Could you bury the hatchet – and then forget where you buried it?”

“I know now that helping Meg does not take any of your love away from me. Persephone is my proof, non? I was silly at Christmas to be scared of losing you to Tessa. So, no, Madame, I do not mind at all. Meg needs you – just as I needed you. Just as I will always need you.”

“Unfortunately for Meg, that wasn’t the end of it, Ellie. I phoned her mother earlier, only to discover that in fact Nanny had died way back last September.”

“Sapristi! And they did not tell her the truth in all that time?” gasped Ellie, sitting up so suddenly she snapped Hilda’s head back sharply.

a seed that would be watered by yet more unimaginable anguish - and come to glorious fruition in her adult years

perhaps Hilda and I are rather boring you with this extended conversation. :oops:

Perhaps Hilda should ask Mother Abbess to come to the School with several nuns to run a retreat for the six formers for half term to aid all of them cope with the changes they are experiencing.

Anyway, petite friponne, remember how those green eyes frightened you out of your wits. What might they do to poor Meg?”

Ellie shrugged her shoulders airily. “Pouf! I have no fear of Mère!”

Hilda smiled at this adolescent volte-face. “Then you jolly well should have, flibbertigibbet. Sometimes she scares me half to death.”

perhaps Hilda and I are rather boring you with this extended conversation.

perhaps Hilda and I are rather boring you with this extended conversation. :oops:

Ellie’s sharp eyes took in the grave sadness of her guardian’s face, and she spoke with great tenderness. “You must not worry, Madame, ma bien-aimée. I will not get the feet cold. You know how stubborn I can be. And Meg will be fine now that you are on her side. Look at me! Have I not become a model of excellence, a saint even, thanks to all your oh, so kind words about my disgraceful character?”

Still round the corner there may wait
A new road or a secret gate.”
(Tolkien)

“How can I be harsh towards Meg when I have received only kindness and love from others, especially from you, Madame? Vous avez raison, it is your mercy, not your sense of justice, that will bring about the better ending for Meg, n’est-ce pas? So – I must be merciful too.”

Hilda was to be even more astounded, a little later on, as she watched a miracle take place right in front of her disbelieving eyes….

A cliff, Mary.... WIll you make us wait until after Christmas to discover the miracle?

Tears still trickling down her cheeks, Hilda sat, stunned, as the tower of hands grew.

“Miss Andrews?” she croaked.

Not knowing whether to laugh or weep, Sharlie simply said, “Quite!”

“How?”

the girls were simply consumed with terror at what was to come. The Abbess could scare the living daylights of you when you were naughty – and some people in their form had been very naughty indeed!

“Come, girls,” she said and rose from her seat. She passed quickly through the door, a ship in full sail, the young girls trotting behind, like small tugs, in her wake.

The Abbess could scare the living daylights of you when you were naughty – and some people in their form had been very naughty indeed!

In silence, she observed the snowman. In silence, the girls and Sharlie observed the Abbess. In silence, the snowman tried to observe them all, but failed dismally as his head sank ever lower.....

But not just any snowman! This one had water drip, drip, dripping off him and running in rivulets across the wooden floor in all directions.

Water, water, everwhere, and all the boards did shrink,
Water, water, everywhere, nor any drop to drink.

Water, water, everwhere, and all the boards did shrink,
Water, water, everywhere, nor any drop to drink.

Hilda wondered rather hysterically why she was thinking of Coleridge’s immortal words at such a moment. It was true they were exceedingly apt, but even so…..

I’ve never yet known you regard a person in trouble as a stranger ... For all her faults, she’s still one of yours, someone you would give your life for ... Thanks to you, Meg’s already changing, being transformed, becoming what she should be.

the real blessing here today is the advent of you into Ellie's life. This scene is the fruition of all you have taught her ...She will be another you

Building snowmen in the classroom calls for instant bed, in silence, and your most rigorous and potent cold remedies, wouldn’t you say? HA

.....In silence, she observed the snowman. In silence, the girls and Sharlie observed the Abbess. In silence, the snowman tried to observe them all, but failed dismally as his head sank ever lower.

A round dozen of wet and shaking girls stepped forward, sheer terror reflected in their eyes. They’d known the Abbess longer than the twins, after all.

First, he threatened to stand all the girls out in the snow, put hats and scarves on them and fire snowballs at them until not only their hats, but also their heads, were knocked off.

Those twins should certainly be separated (heads from bodies, perhaps?),

Hilda read the scribbled words through a veil of tears.

Her voice was, indeed, small and scared and heartbreaking.

fun and warmth and light and a sense of belonging.

And I wonder if we're going to hear any more about that dream and 'recognising Nell'????

Author:	MaryR [ Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:09 pm ]
Post subject:	New Dreams (Part 16) p24 Sun 01/02/09 Completed!
Part 16! I'm rather embarrassed. When I began this saga, Hilda and I were both 58. Now, she's still 58 and I'm three and a half years older. It's taken me that long to show you 8 months of her life. Perhaps I should just summarise the next year and a half of her recovery from grief, or we'll be here forever. .....Hilda placed an arm round Mireille again. “Matron, I’ve given permission for Mireille to visit Meg for a short while, unless she’s asleep – or upset.” Matey shook her head. “No, she’s just had a bath and gone to bed. I’ve left her reading. Come along, Mireille. This way,” and she led Mireille to the little isolation room at the end of the row of beds in the main San. She opened the door, ushered the Head Girl in. Meg was indeed in bed, but wasn’t reading. Her book had fallen on the floor and she was sitting up, hunched over, her forehead on her knees. When she looked up there were tears on her cheeks, but she gasped when she saw Mireille. Matey tut-tutted and picked up the book before handing Meg a hankie. “Here, child, wipe your tears. Mireille’s been allowed in to see you for a few minutes.” She left them to it, closing the door behind her with a distinct snap! Mireille leaned back againt the door for support, suddenly too paralysed to move. Why had she thought this was such a good idea? Suppose she did more harm than good! Meg’s eyes had gone blank with shock when she first saw the Head Girl, but the shock was soon replaced by a fierce glare as she struggled to hold on to some semblance of pride. “Come to gloat?” she hissed. Mireille shook her head. “No, to apologise…” she murmured. “After all the horrid things I said to you?” gasped Meg, honestly confused. Mireille stared at her, struck dumb by the enormity of what she was doing. She almost turned and reached for the doorknob but some inner steel kept her in place, and into her mind trickled words spoken by both the Abbess this term and by Tessa the term before. When things seem too awful and you feel nothing but panic, cultivate an appearance of calm and quiet, no matter what’s going on underneath – and eventually you will be calm. She thought of the Abbess, praying for them somewhere out there. She thought of how her Headmistress had put her back together again this evening, stiffened her sinews once and for all. She breathed in slowly, took a step away from the door, then another. With each step, a little more of her fear fell away, until time slowed down and she could feel each separate thud of her heart. She could do this! Meg was a girl in need of help, just as Ellie had been. She had let the latter down, but she would not make that mistake again. She walked across the room, took the hankie from Meg, dried her tears gently and then sat by the bed. Meg just watched her, stunned into silence. “Yes, you said some horrid things, but I think I deserved them,” said Mireille, her dark eyes steady on Meg’s tear-stained face. “I accused you of a nasty crime. And what you said about dragging you out of the room like a common criminal – you were right. I did! You were also right in saying I shouldn’t have become Head Girl.” She smiled almost mischievously at the stunned Meg. “But, you know, Meg - one can’t argue with the Abbess. She made me Head Girl, so I am Head Girl, and you and I must both accept it, hard as we might find it.” Meg frowned, totally at sea. “You’re different,” she said slowly. “If you’d spoken to me like this earlier on, I might have reacted differently. I might not, of course,” she added, with devastating honesty. Mireille nodded. “I feel different. Blame the Abbess! She put me through the wringer this evening, pointed out to me the error of all my ways.” Her eyes turned inward a moment. “I’ve never seen her like that before – and I don’t ever want to again. Jamais!” Meg grimaced, looked down at the hankie in her hand, now a crumpled and sodden ball. “Poor you! But I should imagine it was nothing compared to what she’ll do to me tomorrow.” She gulped, couldn’t help more tears trickling down her cheeks. “She threatened….. she…. threatened….. to…. expel…” A sob escaped her and she bowed her head to her knees again, covered her face with a hand. Mireille reached out and grasped Meg’s hand. “Did you apologise to her for hurting Ellie?” Meg shook her head, the tears coming faster. “Well, she didn’t really have any choice, did she? She probably wanted to make you think hard about it all. After all, you were very nasty to Ellie, and for a long while – and it was my fault as well as yours.” Meg lifted her head at that, and stared at Mireille through her tears. The latter gazed back, her expression sombre. “Well, think about it! I should have informed the Abbess straightaway, when Erica told me about it, shouldn’t I? It was firmly pointed out to me this evening that I hadn’t been fair to Ellie – or you!” “Hadn’t been fair to me?” Meg shook her head. This was just all too much for her and she failed to understand. “If I’d told the Abbess last week she could have stopped you. I allowed you to go on hurting Ellie, allowed you to go on being a bully, instead of giving Miss Annersley a chance to try and help you. After all, you must be hurting, too, to want to do such a thing to someone who has never bothered you in any way – non?” Meg laughed mirthlessly. “Oh, I enjoyed it, Mireille, believe me. I wanted to hurt her!” Meg couldn’t hide her shock, and Meg laughed again. “I’m not a nice person, Mireille, so don’t go thinking anything different. The Abbess was right when she called me vicious and spiteful. I am,” she added bleakly. “You can’t change that, nor can you change what the Abbess will do to me. After all, it was her ward I bullied.” “I might be able to – change her mind, that is – if I could persuade you to admit your faults and apologise to her, and to Ellie.” Mireille’s voice was very soft and persuasive, but Meg merely gaped at her. “You promise to do that and I promise to stand by you and help you through your punishment, no matter what it is, Meg.” She stopped for Meg had cried out and then dropped her face into her hands. Her shoulders began to shake, and bitter sobs were wrenched out of her, almost against her will. Mireille sat on the bed, placed an arm round Meg’s shoulders. Was this wretchedly unhappy girl, now reduced to a quivering jelly, really the same girl who had been so proudly insolent a few hours earlier? Mireille began to speak again, even more softly, but with some urgency. “All you have to do is be sorry for what you did, Meg, and to say so to the Abbess. If you promise never to do such a thing again, and to make reparation, she will be merciful, as she always is – even if it was Ellie you hurt. Could you do all that, if you know I will help you afterwards with whatever punishment she gives you, and try to make it easier for you? She will have to be severe, after what you handed out to Ellie, but she may not expel you if you do this.” “Why….would you….. help me…. after all I d… did?” sobbed Meg. “Because that’s what a Head Girl does,” Mireille said simply. “She helps people. But, also, Meg, there’s another thing. You never used to treat others so nastily. Okay, I know you never joined in much with others or had many friends…” She felt Meg flinch. “But you never seemed to do to anyone what you did to Ellie. Or did you?” Meg pulled her knees in closer, seemed to press her face more firmly into them. Her fingers knotted together as she tightened her arms round her legs. However, her sobs were gradually dying away under Mireille’s gentle administrations. “N…no….. I wanted to be one of them…. but they wouldn’t let me…. so I despised them… laughed at them…. made horrid comments….” “Why?” asked Mireille, but Meg only shrugged her shoulders. “Not very nice, was it? Is it any wonder you don’t have any friends? But I meant what I said, Meg. I will help you all I can, and I’m sure others would do the same, if you gave them half a chance. Smiling instead of frowning and sneering would help.” Meg still shook with the occasional sob, and kept her face hidden, as though ashamed. But Mireille was a determined lassie and didn’t give up easily. She settled herself more comfortably on the bed, pulled Meg close. Her voice was very quiet when she next spoke. “Meg, I hope you can keep secrets. Miss Annersley told us some of Ellie's story at the beginning of term. But I’m now going to tell you a little more about this girl you’ve been hurting so badly - about her and her photos. About how….No, Meg, you must listen! Don’t say anything. Keep your own secrets for the Abbess. But you must promise never to mention this to anyone at all – except Miss Annersley tomorrow. Do you promise?” Meg nodded. “Alors, listen well, mon amie…..”

Author:	PaulineS [ Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:18 pm ]
Post subject:
Mary thank you for the detailed updates. I am not supprised you have aged more than Hilda. Pleased you could start a new thread. :halo: for Meg and Mirielle.

Author:	Catherine [ Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:40 pm ]
Post subject:
I hope Mireille can get through to Meg and perhaps make a difference to what is to come. Thank you, Mary... and please don't merely summarise the next year and a half!!

Author:	Elder in Ontario [ Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:50 pm ]
Post subject:
My goodness - Mireille is showing reserves of steel, determination and compassion which almost rival Hilda's in their intensity. I know she has gone through a very rapid maturing process in the space of a very short time, but she is certainly showing how well she has learned her lesson. And having, through her gentle, but unyielding persistence, brought Meg to a more reasonable frame of mind, her next move, telling Meg something of Ellie's story, may well be the most valuable thing she can do. I really think that this knowledge, together with Mireille's reassurance that so long as apologies to both Hilda and Ellie are forthcoming, she will personally stand by Meg and help her, will quite possibly provide a much-needed turning point for the younger girl. And Mireille's work this night will, I am sure, make Hilda's task on the morrow much easier than it would otherwise have been. Once again, we have been privileged to be 'flies on the wall' at another vital interview, thanks to your descriptive powers. And you people your story with such rich characters and experiences that I'm always surprised to realise just how short a period of time has actually elapsed since the start of ND. Thank you for all this - I shall be looking forward to more before long!

Author:	abbeybufo [ Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:53 pm ]
Post subject:
Catherine wrote: please don't merely summarise the next year and a half!! echoes Catherine We want to hear as much as Hilda will tell you - though of course it would be nice not to be kept waiting too long between posts Thanks Mary, as always

The CBB http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/

New Dreams (Part 16) p24 Sun 01/02/09 Completed! http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=4863

Author:	MHE [ Thu Aug 07, 2008 9:14 pm ]
Post subject:
Wow, what a post. Thank you Mary.

Author:	Lesley [ Thu Aug 07, 2008 10:22 pm ]
Post subject:
Very very impressed with Mirelle - I don't think even Tessa could have done so much. Thanks Mary

Author:	Identity Hunt [ Fri Aug 08, 2008 7:17 am ]
Post subject:
Mireille is showing such maturity - she is becoming an outstanding Head Girl, one of whom Hilda can be justly proud......

Author:	Ruth B [ Fri Aug 08, 2008 10:43 am ]
Post subject:
Quote: “You can’t change that, nor can you change what the Abbess will do to me. After all, it was her ward I bullied.” Hmm. Hopefully at some point Meg will realise that Miss Annersley would have acted like that regardless of who she was bullying.

Author:	Celia [ Fri Aug 08, 2008 6:17 pm ]
Post subject:
Thanks for the lovely long post Mary, Mireille is certainly fulfiling Hilda's expectations. Hopefully Meg will eventually be duly grateful for so much care and understanding.

Author:	JosieG [ Fri Aug 08, 2008 6:59 pm ]
Post subject:
Wow, that was excellent Mary. Thankyou very much! Mireille is doing such a good job here, the way she is dealing with Meg shows maturity beyond her years.

Author:	jacey [ Fri Aug 08, 2008 8:48 pm ]
Post subject:
Mireille has matured very quickly. Hilda's doing, too. Perhaps Meg isn't as inured to kindness as she appeared. Don't dare to summarise Mary! I want to know every little detail! And why stop after a year and a half of Hilda's life? By the same token, don't pressure yourself. We can try to wait patiently for updates.

Author:	linda [ Fri Aug 08, 2008 10:56 pm ]
Post subject:
How Mireille has matured over the past few hours. Quote: “Because that’s what a Head Girl does,” Mireille said simply. That says it all! It seems that Mireille has managed to get through to Meg by showing her some gentle kindness and offering to stand by her once she has admitted her sins, where the previous approach only made Meg dig her heels in more. Perhaps now that Mireille has broken through, by telling Meg a little of Ellie's story, she can make her see the full extent of her sins - and - maybe, just maybe, the photos may be found. Thank you Mary - please don't just summarise the rest of the story. We will wait patiently for the next instalment.

Author:	di [ Sat Aug 09, 2008 11:25 am ]
Post subject:
I don't know how I managed to miss all the past posts but have just spent a glorious hour catching up. I've said it before, I know, but your gift of writing is amazing. I was quaking in the hall with the girls and in the study when Hilda spoke with Meg. I wanted her to carry on searching in the Music Room for the photographs as I'm sure that they are there! Perhaps Mireille's words to Meg will give her the courage to tell Hilda where they are. Thank you, Mary for such a powerful story and please, please don't summarise the rest of Hilda's life at School.

Author:	leahbelle [ Sat Aug 09, 2008 5:23 pm ]
Post subject:
Wow, Mireille is coping with this extremely well. Thanks, Mary - and please don't summarise anything!!

Author:	MaryR [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 4:49 pm ]
Post subject:
You want another umpteen parts? Gluttons for punishment, all of you. But many, many thanks for the encouragement. Matey, meanwhile, after closing the door on the two girls, had stalked back to Hilda, who was sitting waiting in the little dispensary. Matey was not amused by what had happened. “Was that wise, Hilda, after all Mireille has done?” she asked sharply, giving Hilda a black look as though she were an errant schoolgirl herself. Hilda rested her head on her hand and looked in some amusement at the tetchy lady before her. “My, we are worked up, aren't we? Was it wise? Yes, I think so. She had good and valid reasons for wanting to beard the dragon in its den – although she was also very frightened. She’s learned such a hard lesson today that I have no fears of her upsetting any apple cart. Somehow, I feel she’s held in God’s hands right now, doing His work. She thinks very deeply, Gwynneth, and is able to put herself in another’s shoes, a gift not given to many. She’s sorry for Meg, would you believe, and has offered to stand by her if I let her back into school. Now, how’s that for a girl whom very few people wanted me to promote to Head Girl?” She raised her eyebrows and Matey sank into her own chair, yielding to reason. She held up her hands. “Okay, I was wrong. You and she both seem to have thought things through carefully, and, yes. I would believe it of Mireille, actually. Ever since she’s been in the Fifth form, she’s been in the habit of visiting any of my patients who aren’t infectious and keeping them amused. She’s a very loving child, but I hadn’t realised just how much she had grown into her post, even after last night’s concert. Do you want her to report to you afterwards?” Hilda shook her head. “No, let it be between them. I think it’s probably better if I don’t know what they talked about when I see Meg tomorrow. I’d rather Meg feels she can trust Mireille to keep her secrets. People are going to be most surprised to discover just what a superb Head Girl Mireille will prove to be, long before the end of her term of office.” “All down to you, love. You were the one who believed in her – though you must have doubted your own decision this afternoon. You gave her the belief that she could do it, and she’s doing it. You fought almost the whole staff to get her appointed. That staff meeting proved to me just how much you’ve found yourself again….” Hilda closed her eyes as though in pain. “No, I haven’t, Gwynneth,” she whispered, recalling the depth of her anguish a little earlier. “I can’t recover what no longer exists. I’m someone who’s learning to live with the person I have now become, someone who has lost the best part of themselves and has somehow to go on, alone and impaired. The Hilda I was with Nell – she’s gone forever. But Nell is still inside me and that’s what gives me strength. That, and the love I receive from all the people around me, people like you and Ellie, and that impossible woman living in her convent beside the sea.” Matey watched the white face, waiting for its owner to return to her. Hilda was right. She was different! She was stronger, much stronger, even though she didn't see that – and yet she was a great deal more open and vulnerable than she used to be. Then, with sudden and breath-taking shock, Matey recognised a great truth; recognised that she now loved, very deeply, this gentle, reserved yet gracious woman before her. Over the years she had developed a great affection for both Hilda and Nell, had admired them for their dedication and their care for their girls. But Hilda’s anguished need had broken through her colleague’s taciturnity. Matey had had to delve way down into her heart to find words to help Hilda make sense of her vast grief and loneliness. Joey would always be Matey’s one ewe lamb, but she didn’t love her in the same strangely intense way that she now respected and loved Hilda – loved her for her enormous courage and her gentle compassion and vast humility. Grief had revealed the true strength and beauty of Hilda’s character, and she fully deserved the esteem she was held in by Mother Abbess, that impossible woman Hilda had just mentioned. Matey found she was seeing Hilda through a veil of tears. Where had they come from? She never cried. Or she hadn’t, until Hilda’s agonised grief had called the tears forth a time or two. Hilda had, almost unnoticed, lodged deep in her heart, beside her sister Lilian, and how she would miss her when she entered the convent, miss the quiet moments of their new and deeper communication. A new loneliness would now be her lot from that time on, she feared. All at once she was aware of a hand taking hers. She rubbed away her tears with the other hand and discovered Hilda on her knees before her, eyes soft with a love of her own. Matey swallowed, tried to speak, but shook her head at the impossibility of it. Hilda lifted a hand and stroked the worn cheek with great tenderness. “Gwynneth, don’t,” she whispered. “I’ve seen the love in your eyes for me, felt it round me like a warm blanket when you’ve tried to help me. And that love is returned, I promise. I think it grew on us unawares as we both let down our walls. I could never have survived these long, weary months without you. Along with Mother, you’ve been my greatest support, my finest pillar of wisdom.” Her own eyes were damp as she smiled mistily at the school tyrant. “You don’t have to be lonely, my fierce friend with the marshmallow centre. There would always be a home for you at the convent. I can’t bear to leave you here and know you’re missing me so much. I know how that feels. It hurts, like a wolf tearing at one’s insides.” Matey held on to Hilda’s hand as though her life depended on it, her throat still too tight for speech. Never before, in all her life, had anyone told Gwynneth Lloyd that they loved her. Her family had never mentioned the word, just expressed their love through action. And she had never allowed a man to get anywhere near the soft heart hidden beneath her crusty exterior. Not even Joey had ever told her she loved her. Now – here was Hilda opening up once more and laying bare both their hearts with her usual courage and sensitivity. Matey’s lips trembled. “Hilda, I….” She stopped, shook her head. Hilda sat on the floor, laid her arms on Matey’s knees, looked up into the wet blue eyes and grimaced. “I’m only sorry that Nell and I shut you out. We all joined the school at more or less the same time, but, somehow, the closeness she and I developed meant that we had so little left for you, and that was wrong.” Her lovely voice was tender, regretful. “But we were all so busy…” “I wouldn’t have let you in, Hilda.” Matey finally found some words. “I never really wanted to be close to anyone. I was perfectly content with my work, and then going home to Lilian and her family in the holidays. When Lilian died, my heart closed up even more. Now, you’ve crept inside, somehow, and given it a good shake-up with your loneliness and sorrow, and your bravery. I find now that I want to give. The more you hurt, the more I seem to find to give to you.” “And to Ellie,” whispered Hilda. “You’ve given to Ellie as no one else has, not even Vivien. Ellie loves you almost as much as I do. The way she hugged you tonight brought tears to my eyes. She’s so natural with you. I’m sure it gave the other girls quite a shock to see their revered Matey treated like a favourite aunt!” She stroked the cheek again. “Will you forgive Nell and me? Will you go on loving me? And bullying me? I need you, Gwynneth. ” Matey cupped Hilda’s face with her hands. “You don’t need me, love. You don’t need anyone. You’re strong and brave. Your hand is safe and secure in God’s hand. Besides, you have Ellie and Mother Abbess.” Hilda’s hand circled one of Matey’s wrists. “I need you as well, Gwynneth.” Her eyes grew distant, haunted. “After my mother died, and again when I lost my fiancé, I taught myself to need no one, to keep my real face from the world, to store my hurts inside, never to give my heart again. Then I met Nell…. but when she died, I packed it all away inside once again, couldn’t face the unbearable pain. Mother Abbess, however, was having none of it. She hacked away until the walls tumbled. She taught me to show my need, to ask for help. Even now, I find it hard, but Ellie, in her own fashion, has carried on Mother’s work and teases out my innermost feelings….. She stared ahead for long moments, then focused back on Matey, her eyes warm again. “So, I’m afraid I’m no longer the self-sufficient person I was, Gwynneth. Yes, I’m safe in God’s hands, but He uses my friends and my ward as ballast. Look how you saved me tonight. In your love for me, you knew exactly what you had to do to pull me back from the brink. No one else except Nell could have done that. There hasn’t been a cry of mine you haven’t heard and tended since Nell died. I know, if I come to you, I will receive just what I need for that moment. Even when I don’t come, you seem to know, anyway, and appear as if by magic. You may not be able to take away my pain, but you shoulder it with me and it becomes easier, more bearable. A true Simon….” Despite herself, tears leaked from Matey’s eyes at the gratitude and love she saw in Hilda’s eyes and heard in her voice. She was telling nothing but the truth. Hilda knelt up and took the older, smaller woman in her arms and laughed softly. “We make a fine pair, don’t we, both of us immured in our separate cells? Mother Abbess taught me to weep, and now I seem to have taught you.” Her lovely voice was smooth as velvet. “Ellie and I need you and love you, Gwynneth. You’re part of who we are, now. Mother also has a high regard for you. You don’t have to be lonely or alone ever again.”

Author:	Emma A [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 4:56 pm ]
Post subject:
I don't normally cry at drabbles, but that last post had me tearing up. So lovely. Thank-you, Mary.

Author:	Lesley [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 5:03 pm ]
Post subject:
Thank you Mary.

Author:	Celia [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 6:28 pm ]
Post subject:
Such a lovely gentle and emotional scene Mary. No wonder Gwynneth cried,hearing someone speak of their love for her at long last. So like Hilda to suggest they might both go to the convent rather than leave 'matey' alone at the school. Another deeply moving piece of writing Mary. Thank you.

Author:	PaulineS [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 6:59 pm ]
Post subject:
((((Gwynneth))) ((((Hilda)))) Mary I am pleased they can express they feelings and provide comfort for each other. I hope Gwynneth can find peace and friendship at the convent as well.

Author:	Identity Hunt [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 7:24 pm ]
Post subject:
I am so glad that Gwynneth realises that she does have someone else to love, and to love her, even though Lilian is long gone to eternal rest and Joey perpetually"busy" ! What a heart-warming scene you have given us, Mary !

Author:	abbeybufo [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 7:29 pm ]
Post subject:
Thank you Mary - that was beautiful - so pleased Gwynneth can love and be loved here.

Author:	linda [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 7:45 pm ]
Post subject:
Mary, it is a good job I am alone at the moment as tears are streaming down my face! My SLOC would think I'd totally lost my marbles if he was here!!!! Quote: "Gwynneth, don’t,” she whispered. “I’ve seen the love in your eyes for me, felt it round me like a warm blanket when you’ve tried to help me. And that love is returned, I promise. I think it grew on us unawares as we both let down our walls. I could never have survived these long, weary months without you. Along with Mother, you’ve been my greatest support, my finest pillar of wisdom.” That was a most wonderful, beautiful and moving post. How wonderful that Hilda and Matey have finally opened up to each other and realise how much their mutual love for each other has grown and developed through the trials and losses they have both suffered. Thank you Mary.

Author:	Elder in Ontario [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 9:24 pm ]
Post subject:
It was probably just as well that when I first saw this a couple of hours ago, I immediately had to go and get on with something here - even if I could have seen the keyboard for tears, I couldn't have posted then if my life had depended on it. This is such a beautiful description of the way in which the affection between Hilda and Matey, which always existed, however little they might have realised it, has deepened and strengthened in the time since Nell's death. There are so many wonderful statements contained in the piece that I'm challenged to quote just a few, but I think these I have picked say it all: Quote: The Hilda I was with Nell – she’s gone forever. But Nell is still inside me and that’s what gives me strength. That, and the love I receive from all the people around me, people like you and Ellie, and that impossible woman living in her convent beside the sea.” “You don’t have to be lonely, my fierce friend with the marshmallow centre. There would always be a home for you at the convent. I can’t bear to leave you here and know you’re missing me so much. I know how that feels. It hurts, like a wolf tearing at one’s insides.” “So, I’m afraid I’m no longer the self-sufficient person I was, Gwynneth. Yes, I’m safe in God’s hands, but He uses my friends and my ward as ballast...." “Ellie and I need you and love you, Gwynneth. You’re part of who we are, now. Mother also has a high regard for you. You don’t have to be lonely or alone ever again.” Once again we have been privileged to share some amazing revelations and to be moved by them. Thank you, Mary.

Author:	MHE [ Mon Aug 11, 2008 12:08 am ]
Post subject:
Thank you Mary, from another who read through her tears.

Author:	di [ Mon Aug 11, 2008 9:20 am ]
Post subject:
Yet again words fail me. My heart went out to Gwynneth; allowing herself to feel all the emotions she's kept pent up for so many years. Whilst she can never replace Nell in Hilda's heart she now has her own secure place along with Ellie - and how like Hilda to recognise the loneliness Gwynneth would feel if left at the School on her own. I only hope Mother Superior has enough space for her - and all the others who probably feel much the same about Hilda!! Thank you, Mary, for yet again sharing your gift with us.

Author:	Fiona Mc [ Mon Aug 11, 2008 10:30 am ]
Post subject:
I'm so glad Matey and Hilda were able to talk like that. Matey has been a tower of strength for Hilda since Nell died. Thanks Mary

Author:	Luisa [ Mon Aug 11, 2008 12:31 pm ]
Post subject:
You've done it again - and in the office, too!

Author:	leahbelle [ Mon Aug 11, 2008 3:12 pm ]
Post subject:
I'm so glad they're there for each other. What a emotive scene - thank you!

Author:	MaryR [ Wed Aug 13, 2008 8:03 pm ]
Post subject:
With thanks to Cath VP for my own lovely copy of the book mentioned below.... .....“We make a fine pair, don’t we, both of us immured in our separate cells? Mother Abbess taught me to weep, and now I seem to have taught you.” Hilda's lovely voice was smooth as velvet. “Ellie and I need you and love you, Gwynneth. You’re part of who we are, now. Mother also has a high regard for you. You don’t have to be lonely or alone ever again.” Matey placed her own arms round Hilda’s slight figure and they tightened convulsively as she fought her tears. Hilda understood and knelt there patiently until Matey pulled away and blew her nose. Hilda sank back on her heels and smiled at her friend. “Who’d believe it if they saw it? The tartar, weeping!!” said Matey in a choked voice. She reached out a hand to touch Hilda’s shoulder. “Bless you, love. I think, unknowingly, I’ve needed those words for a long while. I’m so pleased that Nell appreciated how very lucky she was to find you, and to walk beside you for so long.” Hilda opened her mouth to deny it, but Matey forestalled her. “Bed! Now! Before you fall down! I can’t believe I let you talk and talk like this when you’re so tired. And as you ate not one mouthful at supper I’ll bring you some hot milk.” Rightly suspecting Matey’s embarrassment, Hilda yielded gracefully. “I’ll go but, if you love me, Gwynneth, then no hot milk, please!” She grimaced. “You could make Ellie and me some tea, though. Don’t look like that – you know I’ll have to spend some time with her. Poor Vivien must be worn out.” “She’ll cope,” remarked Matey, almost herself again. “I’ll bring you your tea, but please try and get Ellie to sleep soon. It’s been a weekend and a half where she’s concerned. You too.” Hilda’s eyes grew sad. “Not sure I will sleep though, Gwynneth. Why do I persist in feeling there’s so much more I could have done?” “There isn’t,” replied Matey, bluntly. “So put it to one side for now, if you can. Your guilt as well. What do you want me to do about Mireille?” Hilda pondered. “She’s been in there a long time, so something’s happening. Meg hasn’t ejected her, anyway, which is all to the good! Just send her to bed when she’s finished and tell her I’ll pop in to see her later.” Matey bristled. “Hilda, you need to….,” but a hand was laid over her lips. “Sh! Stop worrying about me and look after Meg. I’ll see you as well, perhaps, before I go to bed,” and with a last squeeze of Matey’s shoulder Hilda rose to her feet and slipped from the room, without further ado. Matey watched her go and experienced unaccustomed warmth in her heart. How did Hilda make one feel so very special? Was it that great gentleness of hers? Matey blew her nose once more, and decided to make a round of the dormitories. That should jolt her out of this sentimental mood of hers! Hilda, meanwhile, quickly descended the front stairs and went towards the Annexe. Distant chatter and laughter from staff room and senior common rooms scarcely disturbed the quietness all around her and she found herself hurrying so she could be with Ellie – and distract herself. Silence allowed too many thoughts to scurry around inside. In her own room she divested herself of her jacket and slipped a warm cardigan on over her dress, before going to her wardrobe and removing a paper bag from the back which she placed on her bed. Giving it a pat, she moved across through the bathroom to the other room, where she stopped in the doorway and smiled tenderly at the scene there. Ellie was in her pyjamas, black hair braided and tied back. She was curled up on the bed, sketching rapidly in a large book, her face intent and serious. Vivien Knowles was sitting beside her, propped up against the pillows and reading softly from a book on her lap. Perching on the wooden end of the bed was a whole row of tiny origami birds, fashioned from all the colours of the rainbow. Vivien had been busy! On the floor by the bed was a box. In it, Hilda could see stacks of paper and several pairs of scissors. Peeping over the edge of the box was what appeared to be the end of a long string of multi-coloured hankies. Hilda grinned as she recalled Mother Abbess draping them round her shoulders like a chain of office. In one corner of the box a magic wand stood upright, next to a pack of rather large playing cards. A box of tricks, indeed, Vivien. The words of the story caught Hilda’s attention, but she listened with only half an ear. so absorbed was she in watching her ward: ……he forgot to be hungry and lonely any more and curled up in some delicious wood shavings in a basket outside the grocery shop. Early in the morning he was still curled up in a ball, one paw clasping his nose, when he was roused from a delicious dream by an infernal noise, a noise so tremendous that it sounded as if several houses were collapsing and all the china and saucepans in them were being hurled about by a giant. The Fur Person sprang up without even opening his eyes and vanished behind the grocery shop. When he was able to open his eyes, he crept back to see if there was anything left of the world, but just then there was another crash and bang. However, he saw that this earthquake was merely the dustmen emptying the rubbish bins. So, like any Gentleman Cat who has just been badly scared (Fifth Commandment: “When frightened, look bored,”) he sat very erect and still and did some yoga exercises to calm himself down. This meant sitting with his paws tucked in and forcing himself to think of nothing at all; it was quite hard to do…. Hilda’s breath caught in her throat at the surge of love which rose up and overwhelmed her. The scene before her was so much better than she had hoped, and she remained silent, storing it all away. She would willingly have stayed there forever, imprinting each separate moment on her heart, but Ellie turned her head to say something to Vivien, and saw her guardian. Immediately, her notebook went one way, the pencil the other, as Ellie scrambled off the bed and flew across the room into Hilda’s outstretched arms. “But you have been so long, Madame,” she complained into Hilda’s shoulder. “I know, petite, I know. Miss Knowles has been very good to you, though, I’m sure,” warned Hilda in a very no-nonsense voice. Ellie raised her head. “She has been so very kind, Madame, une vraie magicienne, and we made birds and did….” She faltered to a stop when Hilda’s weary face registered with her. “But my photos, they are still missing, non?” Hilda’s eyes were steadfast, encouraging, as she regarded her ward. “Yes, child, they’re still missing. We’ve searched everywhere and asked everyone.” She felt Ellie trembling. “Don’t despair yet, Ellie. I suspect tomorrow may bring better news. Will you go on trusting me to do the best I can?” She decided to say nothing of Mireille’s role for the moment. Ellie searched the loving eyes, then nodded, before burying her face once more in Hilda’s shoulder. The latter stroked the silky braids and watched Vivien gather up her belongings, ready to depart. “Vivien, there aren’t enough words to express my gratitude,” she said, her voice husky with emotion. She was aware of Ellie’s presence but she couldn’t bring herself to be formal to someone who had given up her whole evening to this young girl. “Don’t, Hilda. No words are necessary. You look exhausted and should be in bed.” Ellie lifted her face to search her guardian’s face again. “Ellie is fine. We’ve been enjoying ourselves doing magic tricks – poor Matron Lloyd got most confused – and then we made those birds. Ellie managed quite well for someone with only one good hand. Ellie, my dear, would you like me to leave the book for you to finish?” Ellie turned and nodded, while Hilda examined the book in Vivien’s hand. “I hope you’ll lend it to me afterwards, Ellie. It’s not one I know, though I enjoyed what I heard.” Vivien looked down at the green cover with its line drawing of a black and white cat sprawled on a cushion. “It’s by May Sarton, called The Fur Person - absolute perfection for anyone who likes cats. Ellie was sketching her ideas of it as I read it to her.” She eyed the girl’s mournful features and made a decision. “I’m not going to lend it to you after all, Ellie, mon petit chou. I’ll make you a present of it, instead. It’s yours from now on.” “Vivien, you mustn’t….” began Hilda, but Vivien shook her head, scrabbled in her box and produced a pen. She set down her box, opened the cover of the book, wrote quickly inside it and held out the book to Ellie, who took it with a trembling hand. She looked down and read the words Vivien had written in French there: For my friend Ellie, who adores cats as much as I do. I’ve so enjoyed sharing this charming story with you, and now I hand it on to you to share with Polly and Patch, and with any other little cats you may come across, until such time as you have a Fur Person of your very own to cherish. Your partner in crime, Vivien Knowles. A tear dripped on the page. “Ellie?” whispered Hilda anxiously. She too had read the words and been very moved. Ellie shook her head, released herself from Hilda’s arms amd went to Vivien. She bent slightly to kiss the small woman on the cheek, and Hilda saw the light that blossomed in the brown eyes. “Why are you so good to me?” croaked Ellie, asking the question she had asked of Vivien once before. “I love you, child,” replied Vivien simply, and reached out to tug one of the thick braids. Ellie stared at her non-plussed. Another tear welled up, only to trickle down her cheek. Vivien rubbed it away with a gentle thumb and cupped the damp cheek. “Don’t cry, Ellie, chérie. I’ve been a very lonely person until recently, because of things that have happened in my life.” Vivien’s voice was very soft. “Coming here has changed all that. I’ve found people who I’ve begun to care for very deeply, people like you and your guardian, people who allow me into their hearts. If we care for people we like to offer them small gifts. I’m happier than I’ve been for a very long time, just as you are.” She paused and glanced over at Hilda. “And we both owe our happiness to our Headmistress, non?” Ellie nodded and flew back to Hilda, who gathered her close to her heart. She controlled herself sufficiently to stem her tears but, as she looked over at Vivien, she shrugged. Words were beyond her. Why did people insist on ascribing their happiness to her? She was nothing special! Vivien understood. She picked up her box and moved close to them to whisper, “Bonne nuit, les deux. Dormez bien et faîtes de beaux rêves.” She kissed Ellie’s damp cheek, pressed Hilda’s arm comfortingly. The latter found her voice, albeit a very husky one. “If you drop in on Matron she’ll tell you what’s been happening. All I can say, Vivien, is….” “I meant every word,” interrupted Vivien. “I need no thanks for looking after Ellie. It will always be my pleasure to stand her friend.” After another gentle kiss on Ellie’s cheek she quietly left the room. “Elle est si gentille, Madame,” whispered Ellie into Hilda’s sweater. Hilda laid her cheek against Ellie. “Yes, my wee flipperling, she is one of the kindest and most loving people I know. We are so blessed to have her here. Just as I am blessed to have found you. God is very good, my darling.” She felt Ellie trembling violently against her and held her more tightly. Ellie clung to her and Hilda could feel the storm building in the slight figure in her arms....

Author:	PaulineS [ Wed Aug 13, 2008 8:14 pm ]
Post subject:
Thank you Mary Two lovely and comforting scenes with Hilda being pivotal in each. Hilda and Matey both find it difficult to accept compliments, as do you, but this is beautifully written.

Author:	Elder in Ontario [ Wed Aug 13, 2008 8:22 pm ]
Post subject:
Another lovely, lovely scene, and, despite all the emotions engendered, it is also a very tranquil one as these three people recognise the love and admiration they have for one another. Indeed, in the space of these past two posts, four people, whose lives have often been filled with loneliness, have come to realise that they have found new found hope, joy, love and companionship with each other. Despite all the sorrows of the past, and the very real pain of the present, which is still never far away, at least for Hilda and Ellie, these scenes hold such comfort, as well as so much promise for the future - and we are all irresistibly drawn into the circle of that comfort through the strength of your writing. Thank you, Mary, for once again allowing us to be part of this experience.

Author:	Lesley [ Wed Aug 13, 2008 9:14 pm ]
Post subject:
Awwwwww, so lovely, so gentle. Thank you Mary.

Author:	abbeybufo [ Wed Aug 13, 2008 9:19 pm ]
Post subject:
Beautiful again Mary and very moving as always - you show to us the very core of these wonderful characters and even then surprise us with their depths Thank you Mary