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End of a dream
http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=4200
Author:  JellySheep [ Thu Mar 20, 2008 5:12 pm ]
Post subject:  End of a dream
"Felicity! Guess what?" cried Lucy Peters, catching up with her friend, who was trudging along a street in Interlaken in the direction of the Peters's car. It was the school holidays, and the two fourteen-year-olds had just finished their ballet class.
"Don't know. What?" responded Felicity.
"Fraeulein Bergson said I should go to London and audition for the Royal Ballet School!"
Felicity stopped dead, and Lucy's next few words passed her by.
"Felicity! Are you listening?"
"Oh - er - yes, I suppose so."
Lucy had detected a lack of enthusiasm in her friend.
"Aren't you pleased? It's what I've always wanted!"
"But it's what I've always wanted too, and nobody's sending me to London!"
"You're just jealous! Some friend you are - real friends are happy for each other!" Lucy, nettled at being met by a negative response, felt her euphoria at the news had been spoilt, and ran to meet her father, who would be a more receptive audience. Felicity trailed glumly after her.
As they drove home, Dr. Peters tried his best to include Felicity in the conversation, but it was obvious that Lucy was ignoring Felicity.

That evening, Felicity, desperate to try and salvage her dreams and her friendship, watched her family settle with their various activities, then sneaked into her mother's study to make covert use of the telephone.
"Ah, Fraeulein Bergson! I- I just wanted to ask you something... You know how you said Lucy should go and audition for the Royal Ballet School? Well, i was wondering - do you think - what if I were to try too?"
There was a silence at the other end of the line, and Felicity could feel her heart thudding.
"Felicity, Liebling, I do not think that would be a good idea. You see, these auditions, they are an ordeal. Not being chosen can be humiliating, devastating. Besides, going to London is not cheap. This is not something to be done lightly."
Felicity didn't know what to say. Somehow she stammered an apology for disturbing her teacher and put the phone down, then escaped in search of a quiet, private place to digest this. Now it was absolutely clear that there was no hope, that she would never be good enough, and all her plans and dreams for the future lay in pieces.

The next morning, Joey Maynard was surprised to meet her fourth daughter marching down the stairs, her face stormy and a large box in her hands.
"Where are you going with that?" enquired Joey.
"I'm going to ask Gaudenz to put it on his bonfire" answered Felicity, her voice bitter.
Joey investigated the box and found that it contained ballet garments and shoes, pictures of dancers and ballet books.
"Oh, no you don't. Firstly, you may decide later that you want these things, and I don't want to fork out to replace them. Secondly, if you really don't want them, they can be given to someone else who can make proper use of them - during the war we learned not to waste things. And thirdly, you really can't put nylon on a bonfire! Gaudenz would have forty fits!
Anyway, you haven't told me what's behind this. Why are you trying to get rid of these things?"
Felicity suddenly sat down on the stairs, laid her head on the box and burst into tears. Joey immediately plumped down next to her and drew her daughter into her arms.
After a few moments of wordless comforting, Joey had some suggestions to make.
"Why don't we go and shut ourselves in my study with some hot chocolate, and we can put that box in the cupboard under the stairs for the time being, until we decide what to do with it?"
Felicity nodded, biting her lip, and they set off for more comfortable surroundings.

Once they wer comfortably ensconced, Joey took the initiative.
"So why do you want to get rid of those things?"
"I'm giving up ballet. I don't want to do it any more."
"But why? We've always been a bit anxious about it, as it isn't the most secure of professions, but we thought it was what you wanted."
"Well, it was, but now it isn't. It's just not going to work and i want to make a clean break."
"Why? What's happened? I thought you were so happy with your ballet."
"Well, I don't know if you've heard, but Fraeulein Bergson said Lucy should go to London and audition for the Royal Ballet School. And then I asked Fraeulein if I could try too and she said - it wasn't worth it. I'm just not good enough."
"But, Felicity, what's wrong with just keeping up ballet as a hobby? It doesn't have to be all or nothing. And all this comparing yourself to other people - surely it's enough just to be happy with what you're doing?"
"But that's the way it is. And if it's not going anywhere, then there's no real point to it - and besides, I'd always be compared to Lucy, and not in a good way. If I don't give it up I won't be free of those comparisons, the fact that I'm just not good enough. I'd feel like a failure all the time. And besides ballet, I've lost Lucy and ballet was what we used to do together, so it would just remind me of that all the time too."
Joey was unsure what to do or say. In the end she said: "Well, you could always have a break from ballet, at least for a while. Who knows, maybe this will all blow over. We don't know whether Lucy will actually be accepted by the Royal Ballet School, and if she isn't, she'll nedd your support. It would be a pity for you to lose all the work you've put into your ballet, and all the joy you've got from it. Shall we say that we'll look at this again at the end of the holidays and you can decide whether you go back to ballet or not?"
Though she was convinced that she could never return to ballet, Felicity agreed.

As the school holidays continued, it was a difficult time for Felicity. Without Lucy, she was lonely, and their acrimonious split added to her misery. Ballet was such a central part of her life that it left a big emptiness. Without the pictures of dancers that had adorned them, her bedroom walls looked strangely bare, and she was at a loss for what to do with the time that she would have spent practising. At times she would find herself unconsciously doing odd steps or poses, and then it would come crashing in on her that this was something which was no longer part of her life. It felt at times as if she had been shut out of a place where she had been at home : even though she had made the decision to stop dancing, it seemed as if she could not have done anything else.

At the end of the holidays, joey and Felicity were discussing ballet again. Joey had had an idea.
"Felicity, even if you couldn't become a ballet dancer, would you consider being a ballet teacher? Your father and I would be keener on that anyway, as it's a longer and more reliable career. What do you think?"
Felicity was torn. Part of her wanted to find a way of using the ballet which had become so deeply ingrained in her. But the other part saw this as a poor second, in which she would always be reminded of the fact that she wasn't quite good enough.
"No, Mamma. I think it would be better if I try and find a completely new way. Perhaps go to university, or some other training. After all, ballet isn't the only thing in the world."

Joey sighed at this; it was a pity to see her daughter leaving behind something that had made her happy. However, if she couldn't reconcile Felicity with ballet, there was something she might be able to do. The following day, she sought out Lucy Peters. Lucy had long since calmed down after her spat with Felicity, and had been feeling lonely. It did not take long for Joey to persuade her to make amends. It was an immense challenge for Felicity to try and encourage Lucy, as it seemed that every reminder of Lucy's possible success rubbed salt in her wounds. But by the time Lucy set off for London, their friendship had been patched up, though it was not quite as close as before. When the news came through that Lucy had been accepted, Felicity knew that this was the beginning of a gradual drifting apart between the two of them: distance in miles and the barriers around her wounds would see to that. She had to see to her own future, make new friends and find a new path to follow.

[/u]
Author:  abbeybufo [ Thu Mar 20, 2008 5:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
Interesting, JellySheep, looking forward to more :D
Author:  Mona [ Thu Mar 20, 2008 5:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
Oh poor Felicity! I'll be interested to see what she decides to do.

Thanks JellySheep!
Author:  Lesley [ Thu Mar 20, 2008 7:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
Poor Felicity - Joey was lovely there - the idea about being a ballet teacher is reasonable - but how about expanding it into dance in general? Or choreography? Sad she has lost the close friendship with Lucy - hope she can make other friends.


Thanks JS
Author:  Elbee [ Thu Mar 20, 2008 9:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks Jellysheep, that was very moving.
Author:  La Petite Em [ Thu Mar 20, 2008 11:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
I loved that- I went through exactly the same thing with Felicity and changed my thoughts to acting! Will we be seeing more soon?
Author:  Miss Di [ Fri Mar 21, 2008 3:12 am ]
Post subject: 
Poor Flixy.

My niece stopped taking ballet because she was told she was getting too tall. Several years later she's started taking lessons again (with the Sydney Dance Company) and is happy with it as a hobby.
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sun Mar 23, 2008 12:11 am ]
Post subject: 
Poor Felicity and Lucy. I wonder how much it will affect their friendship and hope they're able to get past it all
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