The CBB :: View topic - The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 16/07/09

PHIL: I’ve got an idea. Ladies and Gentleman! He’s cured TB! He’s saved thousands of lives! And today he is here to tell you why you should buy our new milk product!

JOEY: Half an hour, darling. Just time to snuggle up once more before we have to hump the mattress.

Bill: Well I hate to point out the obvious but you are completely unsuitable as a team leader Grizel, if you can set children on fire imagine what you would do to poor defenceless books.

Nell: Don’t be idiotic Joey! Dixie Normus is the author of this book, ‘A Tour of Lake Titicaca’. Unfortunate name though if you ask me. Oh, look here is another, this time by someone called Iwona Bangham.

Hilda coloured slightly as this name was called out, but before anything more could be said Matey interrupted crisply.

Nick: (Leaning over towards Hilda) I can prove the veracity of that claim in relation to myself.

Author:	blue1 [ 17 Apr 2009, 19:09 ]
Post subject:	The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 16/07/09
ChubbyMonkey and I came up with the idea of writing a drabble based on the Apprentice. I've written the first part and anyone is welcome to join in either by writing a character, a task or suggesting idea's for what should happen. Thanks to ChubbyMonkey who Beta read it for me. The bit in italics is taken from the BBC show "The Apprentice" to a large extent. It’s the job interview from Hell. From across the Alps the Chalet School’s tycoons of tomorrow are heading for London. Sixteen candidates have been chosen from five thousand applicants. They are here to fight it out for a dream job worth one hundred thousand pounds. But to succeed they will have to win favour with the boss…..Sir Alan Sugar. “It’s up to you. You open your bloody mouth and I’ll fire you. I’ll bloody fire you if I have to I don’t give a s**t.” Tough and to the point Sir Alan left school at sixteen selling car aerials from the back of a van. These days he’s worth more than eight hundred million pounds. Famous for computer giant Amstrad recently sold for a hundred and twenty five million, Sir Alan now controls a vast business empire. As a government advisor, he has the ear of the prime minister and today once again, he is on the hunt for an apprentice. “Don’t start telling me that you’re just like me because no one is like me. I’m unique!” He’ll put these business prospects through his punishing selection process. Sixteen candidates, twelve weeks, one job. “You’re fired, you haven’t got a bloody clue you’re fired, this was a total disaster you’re fired.” Joey Maynard: Doctor’s wife, mother of eleven, adopted relation to hundreds, author. Reason for being here: She’s Joey! Madge Russell: Doctor’s wife, mother of six, founder of the Chalet School. Reason for being here: Wants to prove that a brisk manner and charm is enough to be successful in business. Helena Wilson (Bill):Co-head of Chalet School, head of St. Mildreds, famous for sarcasm. Reason for being here: Fed up of being a forgotten shadow. Hilda Annersley: Headmistress of Chalet School, has never needed glasses, has been known to beat Bill hollow in the sarcasm stakes on occasion. Reason for being here: Believes a calm demeanour and icy eyes are all that are needed to quell your opponent. Mary Lou Trelawney: Archaeologist, champion butter-in, OOAO. Reason for being here: Overwhelming desire to prove she is the best of the Chalet School Robin Humphries: Nun, ward of the Russell’s, adopted sister to Joey. Reason for being here: Wants to prove she is not delicate. Grizel Cochrane: Music mistress, long-time friend of founding family, bitter. Reason for being here: Has a strong desire to prove you don’t need family to succeed. Matron Lloyd (Matey): Matron of the Chalet School, beloved tyrant, wiry. Reason for being here: Refuses to be intimidated by anyone! Elizaveta Helston: Ex-princess of Belsornia, mother of three, widow. Reason for being here: Has gone from riches to rags and doesn’t like it. Thekla von Stift: First student expelled from Chalet School, likes eating raw bacon, thinks herself superior to the middle classes. Reason for being here: Wants to prove to the CS she is better then them. Jack Maynard: Head of the San. in Switzerland, husband of Joey, SLOC. Reason for being here: Needs to beat Jem at something. Jem Russell: Founder of the San., original CS doctor, arrogant. Reason for being here: Misplaced chauvinism. Phil Graves: Doctor at the San in Switzerland, husband of former mistress, often overlooked. Reason for being here: Wants his time in the spotlight. Rix Bettany: Med student, nephew of Joey and Madge, gorgeous. Reason for being here: Replaced father as head of the family due to his insipidness and needs to prove himself. Gaudenz: Man of all work at the Chalet School, superhuman strength, under-appreciated. Reason for being here: Wants a life of comfort away from crazy schoolgirls. Herr Mensch: Father of founding CS girls, friendly giant, just plain nice. Reason for being here: Someone needs to be capable of mountain rescue.

Author:	abbeybufo [ 17 Apr 2009, 20:07 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice"
Like the beginning Blue Good luck with the rest of it - I've never actually seen the programme itself, but I'm looking forward to this

Author:	Cryst [ 17 Apr 2009, 20:42 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice"
[quote="blue1"]...anyone is welcome to join in either by writing a character, a task or suggesting idea's for what should happen. Yea, this looks good. How about organising a craft sale, all items to be hand made by the would be apprentices. Team achieving the highest profit wins.

Author:	Liz K [ 17 Apr 2009, 21:12 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice"
Oh boy, some of the reasons for being there are brilliant, can't wait to hear more.

Author:	Elle [ 18 Apr 2009, 01:02 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice"
Excellent start!

The CBB http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/

The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 16/07/09 http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=5953

Author:	JB [ 18 Apr 2009, 10:17 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice"
Brilliant list of apprentices.

Author:	blue1 [ 18 Apr 2009, 23:02 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice"
Thank you for the suggestion more are welcome or if anyone feels like they want to write a piece they're more then welcome to do so. Again part in Italics is from the BBC show "The Apprentice" to a large extent. Week One. The entire group are sitting around in a lobby waiting to see Sir Alan. “Sir Alan will see you now” a secretary announced cutting through the animated discussion about how many grandchildren the school had at this point. “How rude! Does she know who I am?” murmured Joey to those nearest. “Oh do be quiet Joey everything doesn’t always have to be about you!” was the cutting reply she received from Bill as they all began to make their way into the boardroom. Joey opened and closed her mouth a few times genuinely puzzled that Bill could think that but just as she was about to reply she found herself in the room with Sir Alan and thought better of it. There would be time to tackle Bill later, now however it was time to introduce herself to Sir Alan and show him the lovely snaps of her lengthy family she had had taken especially for this occasion. She was just about to make her way forward when Sir Alan spoke. “Well! Nervous? Apprehensive?” A few nods off Phil Graves and Gaudenz idiots what was there to be nervous about. Again, Joey went to speak but was once again forestalled by Sir Alan. “Good you should be! For the benefit of those of you who may have been isolated on some remote platz somewhere I’ll tell you what this is about. One of you is going to end up working for me on a six-figure salary. But I tell you what the money doesn’t mean anything. I’ve been in business for forty years, your prize is working with me. Every week I’m going to set you business tasks. It’s very simple, your going to break up into two teams. You’ll go out, you’ll execute the task, you’ll come back in this boardroom, one team will win and in the losing team, one of you will get fired. This is a business boot camp. Mary Poppins I am not! I’m not going to hold your hand, I’m not going to tell you what to do. You’re own your own two feet. Now let me introduce you to Margaret Mountford. Margaret has been a colleague of mine for over twenty-five years. She’s my eyes and ears if you like and here we have Nick Hewer, just the same as Margaret he will be watching the teams and reporting back to me every move. I’ve got you the most beautiful house; actually it’s a converted factory. In my day, they used to make glass in it nowadays they convert them for posers like you to live in. You might think your going to go off now and settle in, well you’re not because business starts now. And here is what the first task is all about…………….” Details of task to follow soon.

Author:	Elle [ 19 Apr 2009, 01:31 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 18/04/09
How soon? I am looking forwards to what the task is!

Author:	shazwales [ 20 Apr 2009, 08:27 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 18/04/09
This is fun, also looking forward to what the tasks are.

Author:	Fiona Mc [ 20 Apr 2009, 11:15 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 18/04/09
Thanks, am really enjoying this. Hoping Joey doesn't win

Author:	ChubbyMonkey [ 20 Apr 2009, 22:12 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 18/04/09
SIR ALAN: Your task is simple. It’s all about milk. Each team has been provided with a van full of milk cartons from two new companies just starting up in the industry. You have to go out there and sell as much as you can by the close of trading today. The team that makes the profit is the winner, and from the losing team one of you will get fired. Men, you’re on one team with Robin and Thekla. The remaining ladies, you make up the other team. Nick will watch over the ladies only team, Margaret you’re with the other team. Go. NARRATOR: The two teams must first sit down and decide on a team name and a leader for the task. For the girls, this doesn’t seem to be a problem. Cut to the woman’s team, sat around a table, with Nick lurking in the background. MADGE: Well, I was the first leader of the Chalet School, so I think that I should be leader on this task. HILDA: I was the longest serving head! JOEY: Ladies, please. Let’s have a vote. All those who want Madge to be leader? Motion carried. Now we need a team name. I suggest ‘Team Maynard’. BILL: Joey, don’t be flippant. I think ‘Chalet’ would be a good name. MARY-LOU: Well, it encapsulates us nicely. All agreed? Good. Then I suggest that we go and get started. MADGE: Excuse me, I’m team leader. We need to agree on a strategy first. JOEY: Oh, we can do that in the car. Come on, let’s go! She jumps up, quickly followed by at least half the team. Madge shakes her head but follows the others. Cut to the mixed team, all trying to talk at once. THEKLA: My father was an officer! Clearly I am the best person to lead this task. JEM: I think you’ll find that I run a very successful Sanatorium while still travelling around the world to give famous talks. I’m no stranger to pressure. JACK: If it comes to that, I run a San. too. GAUDENZ: This is a no smoking building, can I request you put your pipe out? JACK: Confound it, old chap! Can’t a man do anything in peace? Anyway, I vote Jem for leader. HERR MENSCH: Seconded. PHIL GRAVES: Motioned carried. JEM: Good! Now, for team name, it obviously has to be ‘San.’ THEKLA: Excuse me, but that is a stupid name. Show Margaret rolling her eyes at them all arguing. Cut to Team Chalet. They are climbing slowly in the back of a van to look at the cartons of milk displayed there. Joey picks up a carton and looks at it doubtfully. JOEY: It doesn’t look very rich and creamy. Are you sure that it’s proper milk? MADGE: As long as it doesn’t reek of those awful onions we used to have to put up with in the herdsmen’s huts. BILL: Well, there’s only one way to find out if we can sell it. At Madge’s instruction the women congregate in a circle slightly away from the van, while Nick prowls the outside, gripping his clipboard, his eyes darting far too often towards Hilda. MADGE: We need a strategy. We’ve got a pitch at Camden Market. I vote that half of the team go there. The other half need to find a suitable place to set up – they’ve provided those helpful little boxes you put around your neck to help sell. JOEY: I’ll take Griselda, Veta and Mary-Lou to do that, if you like? MADGE: Fine. Where will you set up? JOEY: We could try one of the underground stations… Kings Cross, maybe? People are bound to want milk, after all those stuffy compartments. You just don’t get decent train rides nowadays. MADGE: That sounds good. Do you want to sort your milk out and take the other van, then? Bill, Hilda and Matey, we’ll get to Camden Market, because the sooner we start selling, the more money we can make! MARY-LOU: Small question, but how much do we charge a carton? NICK: The base cost was 50 pence a carton. MADGE: In that case, shall we aim for £1 a carton? I don’t know if it’s still as expensive, Hilda, but I remember with horror the amount of tobacco we used to have to get to bribe the herdsmen. Cut to shot of Team San. Jack and Jem are inspecting the milk critically. Gaudenz, Phil Graves and Herr Mensch stand to one side, talking quietly to themselves. The Robin stands just underneath the van, waiting to hear what Jack and Jem will say. Thekla stands aloofly to one side. JEM: We didn’t cure TB with this. JACK: No. I bet it would never cover up the taste of a dose of that little something to keep Joey quiet when she needs it. I dread to think of the state of my marriage if we used stuff like this. JEM: Shocking state of affairs. What do you think? JACK: I almost want to object to it on moral grounds – good milk made our girls what they are. How they expect us to be associated with this tosh is beyond me. JEM: A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. Or should that be ‘has to’? Anyway, Hilda can swallow me later. Point is, we aren’t going to win standing here. JACK: I don’t know. The only way the other team will sell is by Matey forcing customers to buy it with that look of hers. JEM: How about if I take Thekla, Robin and Phil with me to the market? Then you’ve got Gaudenz, who I’m sure is more than equal to carrying a few boxes of milk around. Then you can just walk around a bit, try and find a suitable place. Cut to image of Team Chalet trying to set up their stall. NARRATOR: Team Chalet arrive at the location of their stand first, and start to set up. Hilda has already cut her finger trying to set up the trestle table and had to be tended to by Matey. Meanwhile, Team San. arrive just in time to see Team Chalet start selling, having got lost en route. MATEY: Excuse me, sir, would you allow me just to save you from a serious illness? Excuse me, madam, have you been feeling unwell recently? MADGE: (in an undertone to Hilda) I don’t think Matey’s selling technique is quite right… Should someone say something? HILDA: If you’re brave enough. MADGE: Maybe not. HILDA: Do you think that Nick is staring at me a lot? NARRATOR: At the opposite end of the market, Team San. has eventually set up, with just four hours left until they go into the boardroom. There are some problems with one particular team member, however. THEKLA: I’m not demeaning myself by selling milk. JEM: Fine! Why don’t you sit at the back and keep an eye on the costing, then? THEKLA: If you insist. JEM: Right. Good. Robin, why don’t you go and help her? You can make sure we have enough milk on display; I don’t want you to over exert yourself, your health has to come first. ROBIN: Yes Uncle Jem. JEM: Excellent. Now, Phil, let’s start selling. PHIL: I’ve got an idea. Ladies and Gentleman! He’s cured TB! He’s saved thousands of lives! And today he is here to tell you why you should buy our new milk product!

Author:	shazwales [ 20 Apr 2009, 22:33 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 20/04/09
Thanks ChubbyMonkey . Brilliant update!

Author:	Fiona Mc [ 21 Apr 2009, 07:44 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 20/04/09
Quote: PHIL: I’ve got an idea. Ladies and Gentleman! He’s cured TB! He’s saved thousands of lives! And today he is here to tell you why you should buy our new milk product! Love Phil's idea. Hope Hilda isn't being stared at as the potential "You're fired" Thanks

Author:	jmc [ 21 Apr 2009, 10:41 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 20/04/09
Although I have never watched the Apprentice I am really enjoying this. I am hoping that the girl's team will do better as I think Jem and a few of the other men will become almost unbearable if they win.

Author:	ChubbyMonkey [ 24 Apr 2009, 14:41 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 20/04/09
NARRATOR: While Team San. have their selling technique firmly in place, the same cannot be said for their opponents. Joey, Grizel, Elisaveta and Mary-Lou have gone to King’s Cross underground station, with the intention of selling their milk to thirsty commuters. Cut to shot of the four girls stood in a circle at the entrance, each with a tray of milk. JOEY: Excuse me, madam, could I interest you in buying some milk? I could show you some pictures of my family – my eldest daughter… MARY-LOU: Excuse me, you’re looking rather peaky. You know, some milk would help. GRIZEL: You look to be the athletic type, sir, could I interest you in some very healthy milk? JOEY: Oh, hang it all, this isn’t working. Here, Mary-Lou, you have the loudest voice. Try and attract some attention. MARY-LOU: There is a princess among us! There is an instant silence across the station, but for a woman on her mobile telephone. MARY-LOU: I’d like you all to meet Princess Elisaveta of Belsornia. RANDOM COMMUTER: You made that country up! ELISAVETA: Actually, it was taken over during the war when I was forced to flee to America. My husband died in the war fighting for your country, which is why I have to try and sell milk. Please help me. There is a rush on the stall, people grabbing at cartons indiscriminately, thrusting notes and coins at the overwhelmed sellers. Milk is sprayed up Mary-Lou’s clothes, and Joey faints in horror. People continue to trample her. Cut to shot of the four men, stood on a street corner, unpacking their boxes of milk. One cardboard box is dripping milk, and when Jack opens it he discovers that all of the cartons have exploded. JACK: I think that we’ve got a problem. All of this milk has exploded. HERR MENSCH: That would be my fault, I’ve packed them all wrong. I forgot about that. The mädchen will have to buy something else instead. GAUDENZ: We still have the two boxes I was forced to carry. I’m not just a handyman you know. JACK: Ah, well, we still have these two boxes. Shall we start selling? They start to open the other boxes, displaying their wares. Herr Mensch takes a carton and opens it, drinking deeply. He spits out the offending liquid with a guttural growl. HERR MENSCH: That is disgusting. We couldn’t possibly sell that. Throw it away! He picks up one box and dumps it in a nearby bin, followed by another. Now all of the milk that they had to sell his gone. He shrugs at Jack, who is staring at him furiously. Gaudenz gives a resigned sigh and begins to trudge down the street. NARRATOR: While Team San. begin to head back to the house, Team Chalet have all congregated at the market, where selling is going well. JOEY: We have the money here. Nick, do you want it? Nick sidles up and takes the money from Joey, noting it down on his clipboard. He retreats back to where Hilda is stood away from the rest of the group, smoking. Madge is looking at her sister, startled. MADGE: What on earth happened to your forehead? MARY-LOU: with a giggle She fainted when we were rushed by a crowd desperate for milk. MADGE: Only at the Chalet school… There is a squeal from Hilda, and they all spin around to see Nick looking furtive. Madge raises her eyebrows, but Hilda only smiles aloofly, stubs out her cigarette and goes back to selling. Cut to shot of Team San., who have now finished selling and are packing up. JEM: That was a good days selling. Well done, everyone. THEKLA: I didn’t see the other team doing much selling. JEM: Oh, I had a call from Dr Jack. Apparently Herr Mensch threw all of their milk away, so they just went back to the house. Shall we go back and join them? In the background, Margaret face palms. NARRATOR: As Team San. reach home, Team Chalet are told to pack up the three cartons of milk remaining, as trading for the day is closed. Both teams head back, exultant at their results. But is this misplaced confidence?

Author:	shazwales [ 24 Apr 2009, 16:11 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 24/04/09
Brilliant Thank you

Author:	Fiona Mc [ 26 Apr 2009, 08:59 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 24/04/09
Thank you, this is brillant. Somehow I can't see Herr Mensch surviving if his team loses and am wondering what Hilda is up to

Author:	Abi [ 04 May 2009, 17:54 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 24/04/09
giggle Though I've only seen one episode of The Apprentice this is v v funny!

Author:	Phil [ 06 May 2009, 18:52 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 24/04/09
Brilliant! More Please!

Author:	Fiona Mc [ 07 May 2009, 06:53 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 24/04/09
Is it too soon to start a chant!!??

Author:	ChubbyMonkey [ 12 May 2009, 12:17 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 24/04/09
Sorry for the delay in updates, Blue and I have both been quite busy at the moment. Anyway, hope that you all enjoy! - X - Both teams are stood in the lobby outside the boardroom, the women sitting on the sofas against the wall, while the men stand talking. There is the sound of a telephone ringing, and the women start to stand up. FRANCIS: Sir Alan will see you now. All surge forwards, although Dr Jem holds the door open until everybody else has gone in before entering himself. He stands next to Dr Jack; Margaret and Nick are already seated, Nick directly opposite Hilda. After a few seconds Sir Alan slips elegantly through the door at the back of the room and sits in the throne of the room, looking them all over. SIR ALAN: So, I bet that you all had fun today selling my milk. VARIOUS: Yes, Sir Alan. SIR ALAN: Good. Right then, ladies. Team name? JOEY: After some debate, we settled on ‘Chalet’ as our name. SIR ALAN: Team leader? MADGE: I was team leader on this occasion. SIR ALAN: What do we think, good team leader? JOEY: She was absolutely ripping. MADGE: Joey, I’ve warned you about your language before. Joey subsides, duly squashed, and Hilda steps forwards slightly. HILDA: I think that she was a good leader, especially with the strong personalities in our team. SIR ALAN: Very well. Now, San., I believe, is your name? Team leader? JEM: Me, Sir Alan. SIR ALAN: What did you think of him? Good? JACK: As excellent as ever. THEKLA: I think he could have been far better. HERR MENSCH: A Mädchen should not be so disrespectful to her elders. SIR ALAN: Right, thankyou, we’ll have no sexism. Nick, would you like to give me figures for Chalet? NICK: Well, Chalet managed to sell all but three of their cartons and so made a profit of £582.92. SIR ALAN: Margaret? MARGARET: San. didn’t do nearly so well. What little they did manage to sell made them a profit of £132.54. SIR ALAN: I see. We appear to have a clear winner, then. Chalet, you’ll be going back to the luxury house that I’ve hired for you, and will get the chance to be the first to explore it. I’ve also hired the world famous Nina Rutherford to come and play for you while you unpack. MADGE: Thankyou very much Sir Alan. The members of Chalet stand up, pushing chairs in and straightening skirts. Jem, stood on the edge of the group, leans across and kisses Madge’s cheek softly, while Joey murmurs audibly to Jack. JOEY: Bet that it isn’t as nice as Freudesheim. Sir Alan waits for Chalet to leave before he speaks again. Nick winks at Hilda as she turns back to hold the door for Mary-Lou. Margaret notices and rolls her eyes. Jack grins at Hilda, apparently relaxed. Soon, only San. is left in the boardroom. SIR ALAN: Right, well, here we are. I think that you’d all better go and have a talk and come back to let me know just why you failed this task so miserably. I’ll see you back here tomorrow morning, where one of you will get fired.

Author:	shazwales [ 12 May 2009, 18:02 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 12/05/09
Thank you Chubbymonkey and Blue, can we vote for who gets fired? if so i'm voting off Herr Mensch for being too nice but also sexist.Thekla because i never liked her and all the rest for being sycophants.

Author:	ChubbyMonkey [ 12 May 2009, 18:26 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 12/05/09
Feel free to vote away!

Author:	BethC [ 12 May 2009, 19:22 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 12/05/09
Loving the Nick/Hilda thing!

Author:	moiser30 [ 12 May 2009, 20:35 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 12/05/09
This is so funny. I vote for Thekla since I don't like how she spoke out to Jem.

Author:	Fiona Mc [ 13 May 2009, 04:54 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 12/05/09
Although I love Herr Mensch, I vote him because he threw all the milk away. And the team need Thekla who doesn't agree with everything but can offer a different point of view

Author:	Becky [ 13 May 2009, 13:53 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 12/05/09
This is really great, thanks blue and ChubbyMonkey Looking forward to hearing who gets fired...

Author:	ChubbyMonkey [ 14 May 2009, 08:31 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 12/05/09
It's still very early in the morning, so please excuse any mistakes. I hope that you all agree with the decision - X - Team San sit in the boardroom, lined up across the chairs. Jack and Jem are talking animatedly, until Margaret leans over and says something in a quiet undertone. Once there is order restored, Sir Alan enters. SIR ALAN: Right, then, straight down to business. You lost yesterday, and I want to know why. James, perhaps you’d like to tell me. JACK: If I may interrupt, Sir Alan, it is in fact ‘Sir James’. JEM: Thankyou. Well, Alan, I think that we clearly underpriced our milk, so that even if we sold the same as Chalet we couldn’t have made the same profit. NICK: But you didn’t sell the same as Chalet. Stefan threw a lot of your milk away because he didn’t think it was up to quality. SIR ALAN: What? Why on earth did you do that? HERR MENSCH: I couldn’t possibly sell such a ridiculous product. Where was the rich creaminess? Where the slight hint of garlic? It would be an insult to my name to try and kill people with that nonsense! JEM: quickly I think that we all had some blame in this matter. SIR ALAN: I think not. Anyway, Thekla, let’s move on to you. I’ve heard that you weren’t very co-operative in this matter. THEKLA: Excuse me, I will not be spoken to in this fashion. I am of a far higher class than a peasant, and you should address me as such. SIR ALAN: Oi! I’m the one in charge in this boardroom, if you don’t like it you can get out. So, Sir James, is it true that she wasn’t wholly supportive? SIR JAMES: Well, Sir Alan, I think it would be fair to say that she put in less work than some other members of the team. SIR ALAN: Like you, maybe, Cecilia? I heard that you were fairly useless. All of the men turn to look at Robin, who is struggling to hold back tears as she is unused to anything but kind words and petting, though she is not spoilt. This is clearly going too far; in perfect unison the entire time, then men look at Sir Alan, remove a pipe from their jacket pocket, cross one leg, light the pipe, inhale from it and then exhale the smoke in his direction. They look as if, were they not the gentle, caring souls they are, they would throw him out of the window. SIR ALAN: This is a non-smoking building, put that stuff away now before I fire the whole damn bunch of you. Do you know what, I’m sick of looking at so many gormless people; Sir James, which two are you bringing back in with you. SIR JAMES: I think that it would be best for Herr Mensch and Thekla to return with me. SIR ALAN: Right, go outside, compose yourself, and I’ll see you in a few minutes once we’ve had a chat. They all file out, Jack and Jem talking once again. In the lobby, the others collect their suitcases and leave. Jem looks at the two left behind with him. JEM: I’m sorry, it’s just business. HERR MENSCH: still smoking I am sure that we are all old enough to understand that you had to bring someone back. JEM: No hard feelings, whatever happens? HERR MENSCH: No hard feelings. Just then the phone rings, and they all flow back to the boardroom. When the lobby is empty, a voice automatically rings out. FRANCIS: Sir Alan will see you now. In the boardroom the three take their seats, all looking straight at Sir Alan, who plays on his seat like a small, bored child. SIR ALAN: Thekla, tell me just why I shouldn’t fire you. THEKLA: Sir Alan, I am the daughter of a noble man and – SIR ALAN: Yeah, yeah I know all that, you went on about it enough in your application. What business sense have you got, though? THEKLA: Well, Sir Alan, I worked undercover throughout the war doing important work, and was officially, if secretly, recognised by our rulers for it afterwards. That involved managing a huge team of people in very stressful situations. I then went on to run my own large chain of beauty stores across three different countries. SIR ALAN: The problem with you, Thekla, is that I don’t know why you’re here, if you’re so accomplished. THEKLA: I wish to prove to the Chalet people that I am better than them, as I always said that I would be. SIR ALAN: O-kay. Now, Sir James, what about you? Why didn’t you manage your team better? JEM: I believe that I did the best that I could, in the circumstances. This is still the first round, Sir Alan. And, to be quite honest, if you do fire me I’d be quite pleased; I only came to look after Madge and I have a new vaccine to cure cancer that I’d far rather be working on. SIR ALAN: I don’t know which one of you is worse! You who threw away most of the product and clearly have as much business sense as a three-year-old, you who claims to be able to solve cancer or you who won the war single-handed. JEM: Ex – SIR ALAN: Shut up, I’m talking now. I don’t particularly like any of you, and none of you have given me any reason to suppose that you can win this, but on balance, Stefan, you destroyed the chance of your team even competing in this task and so, you’re fired. The camera extends along his arm and finger, pointing to Herr Mensch, who stands up with a relieved smile as if to ask ‘that’s it?’. The other two stand with him, ignoring the fact that Sir Alan has not given them permission to go. Cut to a shot of Herr Mensch walking out, carrying his case, towards a waiting taxi. In the taxi, he talks easily. HERR MENSCH: It is of no concern to me that I lost. They’ll regret it when they need someone to be rescued from a mountain. Cut to an artistic shot of London, before showing the inside of the apartment, and everyone sat around discussing who will come back. MADGE: I just hope Jem makes it, I’ve made him his favourite dinner. JOEY: darning one of Jack’s socks He’ll be fine. I hope that beastly Thekla goes. MADGE: in a long suffering voice Language. JACK: No, I think it will be Thekla who goes. ROBIN: Me, I think Sir Alan should be fired. There is general laughter until the door opens. Jem walks in, followed by Thekla. There are general cheers, and everyone crowds around to hug Jem, while Thekla walks stiffly past them all. NARRATOR: One job, now fifteen candidates remain. Sir Alan’s search for his Chalet School Apprentice has begun!

Author:	Fiona Mc [ 14 May 2009, 08:49 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 12/05/09
Thanks this is fabulous. Can't wait to see there next task and what happens next

Author:	ChubbyMonkey [ 18 May 2009, 21:37 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 14/05/09
Again, profuse apologies for the delay in updates! - X - EPISODE TWO The standard opening to an episode plays. As the Narrator speaks, a montage of clips from the previous show play. NARRATOR: Last week, on the Apprentice: the teams were told that they must make money by selling milk. Madge lead for Team Chalet and Sir James for Team San. Team Chalet got off to a good start, and business was brisk at the stall, while the sub-team were mobbed in people’s eagerness. However, Team San. weren’t as lucky. Although their stall did good business, Stefan decided to throw away their product, which cost the team dearly. In the boardroom, Sir Alan got straight to the heart of the matter; although he was unimpressed with all three candidates, it was Stefan who was fired. Now the teams must face their next challenge. Cut to a shot of an empty hallway, all of the candidates still in bed. The telephone rings shrilly, and it is Joey who dives out of her door to answer it. She picks it up, looking as fresh as if she hadn’t just awoken. FRANCIS (V.O.): Good morning, this is Francis for Sir Alan’s office. Sir Alan will meet you at Foyles book shop. The cars will be with you in half an hour. JOEY: Half an hour, everyone. She pokes her head through various doors at the apparently sleepy occupants, even though the camera crew must have got in somehow. She ends up back at her own bedroom. She can just be heard to speak through the doorway. JOEY: Half an hour, darling. Just time to snuggle up once more before we have to hump the mattress. There are general shots of the chaos of people trying hurriedly to get ready, and then the cars pulling in, in unison despite having travelled through heavy London traffic. The contestants file out neatly and slide into their seats. In the car. JOEY: If it’s to do with books then we’ll be fine. MADGE: I doubt that, we’ll never drag you out of the bookshop. JOEY: Rot. MADGE: Joey, how many times? LANGUAGE! There is a shot of Foyles book shop, Sir Alan standing in the entrance with Nick and Margaret on either side. He holds his hands out as the teams arrive, watching as they assemble themselves in front of him. SIR ALAN: Welcome to possibly the most famous bookshop in the world. It houses a fine selection of books, from genuine rare first copies to the most modern of new releases. Your task today is all about books. You will be given a box of books; your job is to sell them. The team that makes the most money will be the winner, the team who doesn’t will lose, and one of you will get fired. Now, I want to shake things up a little bit; so, Elizaveta and Mary-Lou, please make your way to Team San. Gaudenz and Phil, please go over to Team Chalet. The named individuals move across. Sir Alan nods and leaves them, while Nick and Margaret begin to watch like hungry vultures circling prey.

Author:	Fiona Mc [ 19 May 2009, 00:10 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 18/05/09
Thanks, this is fabulous. I'm curious to see how the changes will affect the team. Also loveing the way Jack is bowing and scraping to Jem all the time

Author:	Lesley [ 19 May 2009, 05:44 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 14/05/09
ChubbyMonkey wrote: JOEY: Half an hour, darling. Just time to snuggle up once more before we have to hump the mattress. Sorry - mind in the gutter there!

Author:	Cat C [ 19 May 2009, 10:19 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 18/05/09
You weren't the only one Lesley... I wonder if this is going to be like the recent bric-abrac episode where they have to identify the really valuable books to make money.

Author:	blue1 [ 19 May 2009, 14:57 ]
Post subject:	Re: The Chalet School Does "The Apprentice" updated 18/05/09
Just a short update for the moment. More to follow and soon I promise. Joins ChubbyMonkey in apologising for the delay in updates. Assignments and exams have not been kind. Team Chalet are all standing in a circle, once again arguing over who should be team leader. That is all except Hilda who at a look from Nick calmly ordered Gaudenz and Phil to go collect the box of books while she supervises. Hilda quickly disappears and Nick follows. Joey: Well I think I should be team leader this time after all I am a published author. Grizel: Oh Jo do stop that awful rot about you being an author, I’m sick of it. Just because you can write books doesn’t mean you can sell them. I think I should be team leader. Bill: Well I hate to point out the obvious but you are completely unsuitable as a team leader Grizel, if you can set children on fire imagine what you would do to poor defenceless books. Now I think I should be team leader this time. This task clearly requires a scientific mind. Hilda has returned quickly followed by Nick who is looking decidedly red and flustered. Hilda: Nell don’t be ridiculous I’m obviously the best person for the job and while you were all here arguing I’ve sent Gaudenz and Phil to get our books. Ah here they are now. Any objections? She stares at the group with her piercing blue-grey eyes. (Eyes that have never yet needed glasses.) Joey gulps, Grizels shifts from one foot to the other and Matey finds somewhere else to look. Team Chalet: No. In an undertone. Bill: I hate when she does that it’s not fair. Meanwhile Team San. have got off to a slightly better start. Jack: Now Jem you are going to be team leader again this week right? After all you really should be in charge. Mary Lou: Uncle Jack, I... Jack: In a moment Mary Lou, Jem and I discussing important business. Go and wait over there. Jem: Well of course I would be delighted to be team leader again this week but don’t you want a shot at it Jack after all its up to us to show the women-folk how to do it properly. Madge already knows I can take charge, what about Joey? Jack: In that case I would be delighted. Ok. Team San. Listen up it has been decided that I am going to be team leader this week. Thekla: It has? Great first we get Sir James and now we are landed with another chauvinistic pig. I don’t know if this is worth it. Mary-Lou: But Uncle Jack.. Jack: Not now Mary Lou. First we are going to go get our books so team follow me. In the background Margaret is scribbling away furiously with a frown on her face.