The CBB :: View topic - Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 5 added 21/2)

I wonder if those will be the eyes that have never yet needed glasses, or another pair entirely.

Screamed with laughter when I read this. It's totally insane - and I love it!

Like Nanny Ogg in the Discworld series - though with her it wasn't the back of the wardrobe it was lining the cat's litter tray! :lol:

Many of them had married into the medical profession solely to enable them to procure the necessary drugs more easily, thereby upholding a laudable family tradition.

Quote:

Many of them had married into the medical profession solely to enable them to procure the necessary drugs more easily, thereby upholding a laudable family tradition.

Oh I nearly choked when I read this. Thank you for sharing this piece of insanity today, it's great.

Of course, in the olden days Jo had merely watched their reactions at she regaled them with her stories, and any failure to laugh uproariously in the right place had met with a stony glare... and a mysterious brakes failure several days later.

If she sees her solicitor daily, she will be leaving a rich solicitor and not much money to the family. Thanks for an off the wall drabble.

Please, Miss Tinsel, explain Jiminy Margaret's unusual names? Is it possible that one of the clan suffers from gender dysfunction? Or is a transvestite? (I can imagine EBD having a heart attack if she read this :shock:

)

Poor Madge! I hope she can be rescued.

Author:	Miss Tinsel [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 8:31 am ]
Post subject:	Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 5 added 21/2)
This is my first ever attempt at a drabble! I do hope I've posted in the right house. Enjoy! “Ah, no, my dear Jo,” she said as she motioned the girl to a seat. I have not bid you come here for a scolding. You are no longer a Chalet School girl.” “Oh yes, I am!” said Jo quickly, as she sat down. “I’ll never be anything else, Mademoiselle. Even when I’m an old lady with white hair, telling all my great-great-nieces and nephews all about my wicked deeds, I’ll never count myself as anything but a Chalet School girl”.( Jo Returns) As his fingers clasped the revolver with which he intended to take out his elderly relative, Jiminy Margaret Maynard again experienced the indignation he’d felt when he learned that of all the great-great-nieces and nephews, it was to his lot that the unpleasant task had fallen. They’d distributed the slips of paper with much jollity, but when the unfolded sheet had revealed the picture of the skull and crossbones with its plaited headphones, he’d known what had to follow. In fact he was better placed than most of them to do the necessary deed. His name had ensured that he’d been permanently single. He had no parents in need of his care, unlike, for example, his cousin, Margaret Margaret Margaret Maynard. She was currently nursing her mother, who was recovering from an operation. Although why Josette had felt the need to get her suffix surgically removed he didn’t know. But it was one more count against the tyrannical figure whose room in the Nursing Home he grimly approached. Arriving at reception, he noted the figure in the nurses uniform, gibbering away gently about sleeping draughts, at the side of the corridor. “Morning, Matey,” he said. They let you stay on after you torched the kitchen, then?”

Author:	Lesley [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 8:46 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge
Excellent - thanks Miss Tinsel

Author:	shazwales [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 8:48 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge
Welcome Miss Tinsel,this looks great fun,looking forward to seeing some more. Thank you

Author:	ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 11:06 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge
This looks fun!

Author:	JB [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 11:07 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge
I like this.

The CBB http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/

Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 5 added 21/2) http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=7360

Author:	Nicci [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 11:48 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge
Looking forward to more of this Miss Tinsel.

Author:	Miss Tinsel [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 3:54 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 2 added)
Thank you! Another snippet added... Matey glared at him, and brandished her box of matches aggressively in reply. Jiminy approached the desk and waited until the downtrodden being known as the receptionist made her appearance. “Ah, Mr Maynard. Come to visit your great-great Aunt? She’s in the garden supervising the planting of the new flower bed”. Jiminy walked down the corridor, through the dining room, and out into the grounds, where he found Joey pelting a mournful-looking gardener with pansies. “Their colour is wrong”, she was screaming at him; “Are you totally clueless?” “Sorry, Ma’am” the unfortunate man mumbled. “It’s just that I’ve never had to set out a whole flower bed to look like someone’s eyes before”.

Author:	cal562301 [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 3:58 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 2 added)
This is great so far. Looking forward to more.

Author:	ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 4:03 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 2 added)
I wonder if those will be the eyes that have never yet needed glasses, or another pair entirely.

Author:	Miss Tinsel [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 4:10 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 2 added)
ChubbyMonkey wrote: I wonder if those will be the eyes that have never yet needed glasses, or another pair entirely. Ah, these are the limpid pools belonging to the lady herself....

Author:	sealpuppy [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 6:57 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 2 added)
Screamed with laughter when I read this. It's totally insane - and I love it!

Author:	linda [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 8:08 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 2 added)
Brilliant, I can't wait to read more of this!

Author:	Miss Tinsel [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 8:12 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 2 added)
sealpuppy wrote: :D Screamed with laughter when I read this. It's totally insane - and I love it! Good! Writing it is very addictive And thanks Linda, and everyone else who's posted! Here's part 3... “Call yourself a gardener? Yes, Jiminy, what is it?” For Jo had caught sight of her great-great-nephew, and was eyeing him speculatively. “Come to hear some more of my stories, eh? Well don’t stand there dithering – let’s go to my room”. Jiminy followed his elderly relative with what appeared, outwardly, to be a meek and compliant air. Inwardly he was chopping her into little bits and feeding her to his python. When they reached her salon his first action – though he hated himself for it – was to scrutinize the dressing table and its five photographs. “”Nope – you didn’t even make the running” she snarled, in that oh-so-famous voice of hers. The identity of the relatives featured in those photographs, and the sequencing of the pictures, was, as all the younger Maynards knew, a meticulously accurate reflection of the state of Jo’s affections – and testamentary dispensations – at any given moment in time. The correlation was exact, and the consideration of who deserved to be rewarded and who should be shoved into obscurity at the back of her wardrobe* consumed a great deal of Jo’s time and mental energy. Her daily appointments with her solicitor ensured that the money went to those in favour, the biggest slice going to the subject of the photo in the prime position. Numbers two-four received a fair amount, carefully graded, but if you weren’t in the top five at all you could forget it. Many a longed for dream – of a beach-house, say, or a yacht, or open-heart surgery – had been shattered through an ill-timed phonecall while she was napping, or a less-than-enthusiastic response to one of her many hilarious anecdotes involving hairbrushes. Jiminy sighed. *This wasn’t just a metaphor. Several over-zealous relatives had perished there.

Author:	ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 8:17 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 3 added)
I do like her system! Thanks for the updates

Author:	Miss Tinsel [ Sun Feb 21, 2010 7:16 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 4 added)
PaulineS wrote: If she sees her solicitor daily, she will be leaving a rich solicitor and not much money to the family. Thanks for an off the wall drabble. Hmm...true...unless she has some hold over the solicitor.. Well, here is part 5...oh deary me..... As Jo connected the final electrode to Jiminy’s chest, there was a timid tap at the door. The receptionist entered the room, curtseying frantically as she did so. “Please, Mrs Maynard, your sister is asking if she could be allowed to come down from the attic for a while... It has been three months.” “Has she finished writing the play yet?” “I don’t think so. But she’s done the big scene where you make your final entrance”. “I see. And the lyrics for my eleventh solo…have those been re-drafted?” An expression of anxiety passed over the receptionist’s face. “Well, not completely. She’s acted on some of the feedback you pushed under the door, but I believe she’s struggling to find a Christmassy-sounding word that rhymes with charismatic.” “I see.” Jo paused, her eyes like two pansy-shaped pieces of flint. “You will kindly inform her that until that script is finished she stays where she is.” “Yes, of course, Mrs Maynard.” “Really!” Jo spat the word, goldenly, as the receptionist scurried off; “Just how hard is it to write a five-hour monologue?”

Author:	Lesley [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 9:07 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 3 added)
Like Nanny Ogg in the Discworld series - though with her it wasn't the back of the wardrobe it was lining the cat's litter tray! Thanks Miss Tinsel

Author:	Abi [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 9:09 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 3 added)
Love the wardrobe part! And the pansies part. And the will-photos part. Actually, loving all of this! Thanks Miss Tinsel!

Author:	Nicci [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 9:26 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 3 added)
Oh how I'd love to have a system like that when I'm old and waiting to pop my clogs Keep all the family on their toes! Can't wait for more.

Author:	cal562301 [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 10:31 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 3 added)
Loving this. Thanks.

Author:	ammonite [ Sat Feb 20, 2010 10:34 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 3 added)
This is great, thanks.

Author:	jmc [ Sun Feb 21, 2010 8:07 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 3 added)
Does she actually have anything to leave them all though? Wonder how far some of them have gone to get their picture up.

Author:	Miss Tinsel [ Sun Feb 21, 2010 9:25 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 3 added)
Lesley wrote: Like Nanny Ogg in the Discworld series - though with her it wasn't the back of the wardrobe it was lining the cat's litter tray! Yes, but Nanny Ogg is a much nicer tyrant! I think she does have money to leave, yes...will have to explain how in future instalments Thanks to everyone who's posted - nice it seems to have struck some kind of chord! Part 4 coming up... “Don’t stand there wool-gathering. Sit” Her voice was every bit as golden as he’d remembered it: hard and possessed of only superficial appeal. He sat as he was bidden, and she hooked him up to the various pieces of equipment designed to monitor his physiological responses to the “tales of her wicked deeds”. Over the years the equipment had become ever more sophisticated, designed to counteract the fact that the younger generation of Maynards had become increasingly adept at finding ways to register false readings. Of course, in the olden days Jo had merely watched their reactions at she regaled them with her stories, and any failure to laugh uproariously in the right place had met with a stony glare... and a mysterious brakes failure several weeks later. Now, though, things were different, and the younger Maynards had had to resort to ingesting various combinations of drugs in order to produce just the right amount of pupil dilation; the right quickening of the heartbeat (indicating an appropriate degree of hilarity and enjoyment) at the crucial moment. Many of them had married into the medical profession solely to enable them to procure the necessary drugs more easily, thereby upholding a laudable family tradition.

Author:	JB [ Sun Feb 21, 2010 9:50 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 3 added)
Splutter. How very efficient of Jo. This is wonderful.

Author:	ammonite [ Sun Feb 21, 2010 10:58 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 4 added)
Brilliant. I'm glad I wasn't holding a drink just then!

Author:	Lesley [ Sun Feb 21, 2010 11:18 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 4 added)
Love it!

Author:	cal562301 [ Sun Feb 21, 2010 11:20 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 4 added)
Wonderful!

Author:	Kacca [ Sun Feb 21, 2010 11:32 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 4 added)
Quote: Many of them had married into the medical profession solely to enable them to procure the necessary drugs more easily, thereby upholding a laudable family tradition. Oh I nearly choked when I read this. Thank you for sharing this piece of insanity today, it's great.

Author:	ChubbyMonkey [ Sun Feb 21, 2010 1:19 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 4 added)
Well - they're all being very cunning!

Author:	Abi [ Sun Feb 21, 2010 2:29 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 4 added)
Kacca wrote: Quote: Many of them had married into the medical profession solely to enable them to procure the necessary drugs more easily, thereby upholding a laudable family tradition. Oh I nearly choked when I read this. Thank you for sharing this piece of insanity today, it's great. Me too!

Author:	sealpuppy [ Sun Feb 21, 2010 3:14 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 3 added)
Miss Tinsel wrote: Of course, in the olden days Jo had merely watched their reactions at she regaled them with her stories, and any failure to laugh uproariously in the right place had met with a stony glare... and a mysterious brakes failure several days later. This universe's Joey is top of my Hero List! Much more fun than canon. (And blimey, I thought my own drabble was insane, but this is seriously disturbed!)

Author:	Nicci [ Sun Feb 21, 2010 3:35 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 4 added)
Oh MORE of this PLEASE!

Author:	shazwales [ Sun Feb 21, 2010 4:29 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 4 added)
Totally crazy and wonderful Thank you.

Author:	PaulineS [ Sun Feb 21, 2010 4:59 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 4 added)
If she sees her solicitor daily, she will be leaving a rich solicitor and not much money to the family. Thanks for an off the wall drabble.

Author:	shesings [ Sun Feb 21, 2010 5:06 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 4 added)

Author:	Lesley [ Sun Feb 21, 2010 7:21 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Jiminy Margaret Maynard’s Revenge (part 5 added 21/2)
Poor Madge! Still she's the one responsible for Joey's upbringing,