You people have a lot to answer for, you know that? Well, since madness seems wanted, madness is what you get, for as long as my PBs condescend to supply.
The title, obviously, is partly inspired by Lesley's 'A Surfeit of Rach(a)els' but as far as I know will not be a spoof of that epic. I think, but you never know...
Enjoy the ride.
***
“Where are we going now, Doctor?” Rose Tyler asked.
The Doctor grinned at her. “The DQ. It’s time for you to meet some really interesting aliens.”
Rose eyed him warily. “You think? Weren’t the Cybermen and Daleks interesting enough?”
“Daleks, heh. Wait ‘til you meet the Vidiians. And the Borg. And the Talaxians- Actually, forget the Talaxians.”
Rose looked up. “Why? What do they do?”
The Doctor started wandering around the TARDIS, jabbing at random controls with his finger. “Do? Nothing. Not a single little thing. Very nice people, the Talaxians.”
Rose looked puzzled. “Then why-”
The Doctor rolled his eyes. “Honestly, Rose. Haven’t you learnt anything? It’s very simple. Talaxians can’t cook. I refuse to have anything to do with anyone who can’t cook. Mind,” he added thoughtfully, “I didn’t particularly enjoy Kazon Eye Stew the last time I was in the vicinity, but the Vidiians are really very- Ah!”
“What’s happened?”
“Not a thing!” the Doctor responded, moving around the TARDIS with the grace and enthusiasm of a giant grasshopper. “We’ve arrived, that’s all.”
“H’mmm,” said Rose, peering cautiously around the door.
The sight that met her eyes did not look especially alien. It didn’t even look dangerous. It was not, however, a sight that an inner-city council estate girl was accustomed to seeing.
“It’s green!” Rose called out to the Doctor who was complimenting the TARDIS on yet another safe landing.
“That’s nice!” the Doctor called back, somewhat absently. A pause. “Hang on. Did you say green?”
“Yeah.”
The Doctor’s head poked out of the TARDIS door, just above Rose’s. “Aw, that’s alright! I thought for a minute we ended up in a Borg cube. But not this time, eh? Not this time. The old girl did her job right.” The Doctor slipped out of the TARDIS, ignoring Rose’s alarmed squeaks, and took a deep breath. “Lovely, that. Nice fresh air.” He grinned and smacked his lips, then frowned. “Well, what are you standing there for? Come on!”
Rose sighed. “Yes, Doctor,” and followed him out onto the rolling hills of what looked suspiciously like a golf course.
*
Several hills- or holes- away, two men were strolling along. They were both tall, and both wore the green-topped uniform of a Starfleet Medic or Science officer, but there the resemblance ended. One had olive skin, dark eyes, and very little in the way of hair. His grumpy expression was almost habitual. The other had blonde hair, fair skin, bright blue eyes, and a smile that melted the heart of even a starship captain. Despite a rocky start, Voyager’s duo of holographic doctors were rapidly starting up a friendship.
Not, of course, that it had started that way. No, initially they’d been very suspicious of each other. Jack had kept talking about someone called Joey (he couldn’t remember anything other than the name) and a disease called TB. The Doc, on the other hand, had been mortally offended by the fact that Captain Janeway had apparently taken a shine to the new doctor, but on being reassured that he still had the position of CMO, he’d relaxed.
And besides, it had been funny watching B’Elanna vent her temper on someone else for a change. He didn’t think he’d ever forget the look on Jack’s face the day the other hologram had soothingly told the nearly five months pregnant Chief Engineer that she should go to bed with some hot milk and a little dose, regardless of the fact that Voyager had just emerged from yet another space battle. B’Elanna had stared at Jack in disbelief, and then erupted- threatening, among other things, to turn Jack into a milk cow that she could dump in “that bloody simulation of Tom’s.”
The Doc hadn’t dared ask whether B’Elanna meant the Fair Haven sim or the Chalet School one. From the look on her face, he rather fancied she meant the former. He also knew she wasn’t above suggesting to one of the locals that a nice roast beef dinner would be just the thing. It had been almost as entertaining watching Jack’s face go from curiously condescending to slightly panicked, as he realised that B’Elanna was perfectly capable of doing everything she said. Needless to add, the new Doctor Maynard had kept well out of the Chief Engineer’s way ever since.
“Ah!” sighed the Doctor in satisfaction. “What more could a hologram ask, eh? Nice photonic sunshine, a good tee time, and a friend to share it with. It’s been a good afternoon, hasn’t it?”
Jack bent down to retrieve his ball before grinning back. “Certainly has. Now, are you coming to the School with me? Apparently half the Middles are down with Chicken Pox.”
The Doc frowned. “School? Middles? Chicken pox?” He’d been enjoying the golf so much he’d completely forgotten that the course had been laid out behind the San in the Chalet School sim. Or rather, he’d remembered it was a sim, and that their real life was on Voyager. Jack had apparently forgotten.
Their real life was on Voyager, the Doctor opened his mouth to say. He shut it again.
Wasn’t it?
TBC.
)
