Too Great a Challenge
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The CBB -> St Mildred's House

#1: Too Great a Challenge Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 11:57 am
This is a shortish (but not particularly sweet) piece set during Challenge. It may be triggering as it deals with low self esteem and disordered eating. Probably a couple more parts to conclude.

The study door closed behind Lesley Anderson, and Nancy Wilmot heaved a tremendous sigh. Hilda would have done that so much better, she thought, anxiously chewing on her already painfully short nails. I’m sure I’ve made the whole situation worse.

Now, I really must tackle those letters, she told herself, regarding the growing mass of correspondence with dismay. However, she failed to take up her pen; instead, she unlocked the bottom drawer of her borrowed desk and contemplated the contents for a second, before slamming it shut reprovingly. You’re letting the school down, a small snide voice inside her head rebuked. Tears welled up in her eyes, but she blinked them away. You’re just being stupid… lazy… weak… as usual.

You’re not cut out to be Head of anything, the voice nagged away. She remembered Matey’s earlier scornful remarks about childish behaviour, and rapidly clenched and unclenched her fists several times, fighting a fierce internal battle. Her shoulders sagged, as she gave in, opened the drawer again, and reached inside. Just a little treat… it’ll calm me down….anyway, there’s half an hour until dinner, and I didn’t really eat much at lunchtime. She looked lovingly at the enormous slab of the finest Swiss almond-milk chocolate which she held in her hand. You always let everyone down, you’re nothing but a failure… She opened first the paper, then the silver foil, smoothing it back carefully, and methodically began to divide the bar into neat even squares, before abandoning all pretence of control and frantically stuffing several squares into her mouth at once. The staff all despise you… even Kathie… Even as she chewed and swallowed, she was breaking off the next portion, pushing it in as fast as possible, wanting the familiar reassuring sweetness to drown out that awful demoralising voice. No self-control…

Last edited by Nicola on Tue May 29, 2007 8:35 pm; edited 1 time in total

#2:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 12:24 pm
Poor Nancy Crying or Very sad

*gives her a massive hug*

Thanks, Nicola

#3:  Author: Alison HLocation: Manchester PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 12:56 pm
I know all those feelings well - poor Nancy.

#4:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 1:01 pm
This is an interesting take on it, thank you Nicola.

#5:  Author: MirandaLocation: Perth, Western Australia PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 1:10 pm
Oh poor Nancy! *hugs*
She remembered Matey’s earlier scornful remarks about childish behaviour

Was this aimed at her? Matey really should have known better!

Thanks Nicola

#6:  Author: Laura VLocation: Czech Republic PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 1:11 pm
poor Nancy Sad

#7:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 3:38 pm
Poor Nancy. I know just what it feels like to need the chocolate.

#8:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 4:00 pm
Poor Nancy. It's so difficult to resist chocolate even if you know you should.

#9:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 5:09 pm
Crying or Very sad Poor Nancy.

Thanks (I think) Nicola

#10:  Author: LianeLocation: Manchester PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 6:10 pm

Thanks Nicola

#11:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 8:33 pm
Second part. Sorry for all the gloom. I needed to write something about this subject, and Nancy struck me as the right character. It struck me when I reread Challenge that she isn't treated particularly well. Everyone constantly saying how she isn't Hilda and never will be, yet expects her to fill the role.

She had a moment’s warning, no more. Her ears, always attuned to the possibility of discovery, caught the sound of a light step in the Annexe corridor. In the same instant, she thrust what remained of the chocolate into the drawer, and kicked it shut- dimly registering that Hilda would certainly have disapproved of her furniture being treated in that manner. She chewed frantically, her heart racing, and grabbed an envelope from the top of the listing heap of letters awaiting her response. Probably Rosalie… must look as though I’m dealing with the post... I mustn’t let anyone catch me like this… Feeling faintly nauseous, she tried to swallow, but the cloying sweetness made her gag. I need a drink… She mustn’t guess…

She had expected a knock to give her an extra few seconds, but the door to the Head’s study opened quietly, and Kathie Ferrars slipped in. “’lo, Nance. I thought I’d catch you here for a minute or two before Abendessen!”

Nancy stared guiltily at her closest friend, aware that her cheeks were burning with shame, and tried desperately to swallow the remains of that last choking mouthful.

“How did your chat with Lesley go?” Kathie flopped down into an armchair, and dug out her cigarette case.

Nancy leapt to her feet, and vanished into the little cloakroom which ajoined the office. There, she turned the taps full on, to disguise the noise of her spitting into the basin, and swilling her mouth out. Where are those mints? She mustn’t smell it, mustn’t guess…

“Are you all right, Nance…?” Kathie sounded anxious.

“Sorry, just getting a glass of water. Frog in my throat…” She forced herself to smile as she came back into the study and sat down again at the desk. Oh God, chocolate crumbs… she swept her hand casually over the leather surface to remove the incriminating evidence, hoping Kathie hadn’t noticed. How stupid! You should have waited until you were somewhere private. But nowhere’s private at school… She could feel the tension in every muscle of her body.

“Tough afternoon, sweetheart?” Kathie asked sympathetically.

Nancy nodded, and again her eyes filled involuntarily with tears. She stared out of the window, unable to meet her friend’s anxious gaze. If she knew what I’d just done, she wouldn’t care, she wouldn’t want anything to do with me…

#12:  Author: Alison HLocation: Manchester PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 9:11 pm
Oh poor Nancy, not even being able to talk to Kathie Crying or Very sad .

#13:  Author: XantheLocation: London PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 9:18 pm
No no no noooo Kathie would care because she loves Nancy and we must make Nancy see this AT ONCE and nobody tell me it is just fiction because that is clearly not the point and...

#14:  Author: MirandaLocation: Perth, Western Australia PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2007 2:36 am
(((((((Nancy)))))))) That horrible desperation.

OF COURSE Kathie will care and still be there for you. Please just let her comfort you!

#15:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2007 6:48 am
Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad

Oh Nancy, she's your friend. She's not going to judge you. She loves and accepts you as you are.

Thanks, Nicola

#16:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2007 8:18 am
Of course Kathie would care. But I can see how it is impossible for Nancy to see that at the moment. Sad

#17:  Author: ClareLocation: Liverpool PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2007 11:02 am
Oh poor Nancy. How horrible it must be to suffer in this way. Thanks Nicola, you're handling this brilliantly.

#18:  Author: SalLocation: Walsall / Aberystwyth PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2007 4:15 pm
Sad Poor Nancy

Thanks Nicola

#19:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Fri Jun 01, 2007 11:35 pm
Ouch. This really hurts. Poor, poor Nancy.

#20:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 5:46 pm
Poor, poor Nancy. I hope she can find someone to talk to.

#21:  Author: Ruth BLocation: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Wed Jun 06, 2007 6:51 am
Oh poor Nancy, I just want to give her a big hug!

#22:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 6:27 am
I just found this. Poor Nancy

#23:  Author: Laura VLocation: Czech Republic PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 6:22 pm
Love the insight into Nancy's thoughts. Thanks Nicola

#24:  Author: claireMLocation: rotherham PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 3:42 pm
Poor Nancy, talk to Kathie.

The CBB -> St Mildred's House

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