Why do most of my drabbles seem to end up here?
Anyway, this was
inspired by Sunglass' post in 'Trained to Instant Obedience' about
Sinister!Jem and his hold over Joey. I should probably say that the lyrics
- in italics - are from a song called 'She Loves His Hands' by Judie
Tzuke, so insert all the copyright things here. Also, this is a very
sensitive issue - why are my plot bunnies always difficult? - so please
don't read if you are at all upset/offended by abuse.Er, enjoy?
- X -
It’s late at night, she cries herself to sleep
With her eyes shut tight, she hides under the sheets
She could still smell him on her pillow and in the duvet, an intrinsic part of her bedroom at Die Rosen. Everywhere she looked she saw only him, the forbidden kisses, the snatched moments of intimacy, the precious seconds when he was hers, and not Madge’s. She clung to them, needed them, to get her through that time when she was away, and couldn’t see him, couldn’t be in his arms. She needed him, and if it meant giving him to Madge for most of the time so that she could have him occasionally, she would do so. She would do anything for him.
He only comes when they’re all alone
Her life is his, it is not her own
It took all of her efforts to keep the secret, to not change her behaviour when she was away from him. By half term she was always ready to lie, curled up in bed, and ignore the whole world until she was in his arms again. But she couldn’t, she had to force herself onwards. He had told her that if she couldn’t be grown up about it, couldn’t keep behaving normally so that no-one else would know, he would have to stop, would have to leave her. She couldn’t bear that. She needed him.
She loves his hands but she hates this little girl
She loves his hands but she hates this little girl
It had started long before he had married Madge. All of the times that she got into scrapes, and he was there, her hero; all of the times he rushed her home and saw her into bed; all the times that he stayed behind, insisted that he could look after her himself, touched her cheeks or played with her hair, told her that she was special. But she would always remember most the first night that she stayed at Die Rosen.
It’s another time, she believes her fate has changed
She’s in love with love then the nightmare starts again
Madge had gone to bed early with a headache. She and Jem were alone in the parlour, and he had come and sat next to her, slipped an arm around her shoulders. She told him how much she loved him, how much she missed him now she was stuck at school without him. They all assumed that it was Madge she wanted, Madge she missed. They didn’t know, they couldn’t. She promised that she would do anything for him, promised that she would always be his, no matter what else happened. And then she kissed him, and he had felt so perfect, and she had known that she was out of control, but she loved it.
It’s all so clear in the light of day
This daddy’s girl doesn’t know how to play
Tonight she was alone, and could only remember falling asleep in his arms. He had felt so secure, so warm and right. She had felt so safe. And when she woke up in the morning he had gone, but it didn’t matter, because he had been there. So, like then, she cuddled her memories to her heart, choked back her tears and thought of what had been. Memories were always going to be what she was left with, nothing more.
She loves his hands but she hates this little girl
She loves his hands but she hates this little girl
Memories of his caress, as he ran a finger lightly along one cheek. Memories of his deep, commanding voice as he whispered nothings in her ear, murmured against her skin. Memories of his scent when he came late at night, and Madge was already asleep, and she could smell on him the San., and the mint of his toothpaste, and his desperation to be with her. Memories of his handsome face as he smiled, as he lay next to her and made her promises for the future, his fingers linked with hers. Memories of his kiss, his taste, the first thing she woke up thinking about.
He only comes when they’re all alone
Her life is his, it is not her own
But now she had displeased him. The duvet was cold without him, and she couldn’t be comforted, no matter how many memories she conjured. She needed him here with her, looking after her, telling her that everything would be ok and that he would forgive her. She had grown up for him. She had grown her hair, because he loved to run his fingers through it, and she had stopped dreading the future, because her future was up here with him. One small mistake, one thing she had done wrong, and he punished her by taking everything away. If she could only see him alone, apologise for her sins.
She loves his hands but she hates this little girl
She loves his hands but she hates this little girl
She heard a board creak on the landing, coming closer to her door. Her heart began to race. Maybe he had forgiven her, maybe he had come to make her happy again, to make sure that she was ok. She sat up in bed, and there he was, silhouetted in the door by the moon through her open window. And she knew that everything would be perfect now. He was coming to her, and he would be lying next to her, and they could be alone for just a few minutes. That was all that she asked for, all that she needed.
She loves his hands
.
. Jem is being so selfish here:
having his cake and eating it, too. Not blaming Joey quite so much, but
really, promising to marry someone who's in love with you when you're
deeply in love with someone else is really not on - so dishonest. I can
only imagine how deeply upset and betrayed Madge will feel if she finds
out.
I never really read this part of
the series much - once ten years ago doesn't leave you with a very good
memory. I'm also really sorry if I'm confusing people, I don't mean to be.
I can never write coherently. 
. The
dark hair and the red hair are both on the Bettany side so no clues there.
. 
).