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Not Letting Go
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Author:  Eleanore [ Sat Apr 09, 2011 5:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Not Letting Go

Title: Not Letting Go
Pairing: Nancy Wilmot/Kathie Ferrars
Warning: Character Death
Summary: One scene, two angles. Complete.
Notes: This could probably use some editing, but having written it I could barely stand to re-read it, much less work on it. It's not a plot I like. But the idea came to me last night, and I had to write it or else live with the scene haunting my mind for months. On a lighter note, this proves two things: firstly, that I really am prepared to kill off my most loved characters; and secondly, that I wouldn't dream of doing it without issuing a warning first.

Space
to
hide
the
actual
story
from
anyone
who
doesn't
want
so
much
as
a
glimpse
of
beloved
characters
dying.
If
I
hadn't
written
it,
I
probably
wouldn't
want
to
read
it
either.

Author:  Eleanore [ Sat Apr 09, 2011 5:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Not Letting Go

It would have been instantly fatal; even the girls could see that. But her face was untouched, and it was her face that held Nancy's focus. She had raced to the spot in an instant, the girls had never seen her move so fast, but even an instant was too late. She had dropped to her knees and taken Kathie gently into her arms, but had not moved since, nor had she uttered one word. The girls gathered round, shocked, many of them in tears; but Nancy, oblivious to them, remained as silent and still as Kathie herself.

It was a relief to the shocked girls when the school car drew up. Miss Moore, Miss Burnett and Miss Derwent, their faces pale and set, marshalled the girls into line and marched them away from the scene, back towards the school, leaving Miss Annersley and Miss Wilson to take care of Nancy.

With a silent prayer for assistance, Miss Annersley approached the unresponsive figures on the ground. Gently, softly, she called Nancy's name. She received in return a glare so fierce that she herself could never have bettered it, and she backed away at once, as Nancy's eyes returned to their contemplation of Kathie's face.

"What should we do?" Miss Annersely turned to her companion for advice.

"Leave her, Hilda," Nell advised in low tones.

"She's in such distress -" Hilda's voice trembled.

"We can't fix that, my dear." Nell's own tones were none too steady. "These are the last moments she'll ever have with Kathie on this earth. It would be cruel to take that from her."

So they stood silent, watching, waiting, until the sound of a motor heralded the imminent arrival of the ambulance from the San.

At that, Hilda returned to Nancy's side. "The ambulance is almost here, Nancy. You need to stand up now. Let Kathie go."

"No."

Hilda tried again. "You've always been so discreet, you and Kathie. Do you think she'd want you to change that now, when you're alone, without her support? We don't know who has been sent from the San with the ambulance. Kathie wouldn't want you to be hurt."

"Hurt?" Nancy's expression was incredulous. "Hurt? Kathie's... Kathie's..." Unable to say the word, it nevertheless hung unspoken in the air as she continued, "What else could hurt me after this? There isn't room for any more hurt. You think I should be discreet? Do you have any idea how much time we lost to discretion? Every minute we could have had together and didn't was a minute wasted. Do you know what I would give to have even one second of that time back?" Her eyes were fixed hungrily on Kathie's face, as though she were trying to memorize every feature.

The ambulance rounded the bend and came to a halt. Both Miss Annersley and Miss Wilson drew a breath of relief on seeing Jack Maynard himself leap out. Taking in the situation at a glance, he crouched down on Kathie's far side, observing her injuries without disturbing Nancy, and then retired for a brief word with the Heads.

"It must have been pretty well instantaneous," he told them gently. "She wouldn't have felt a thing."

"Thank you, Jack," Miss Annersley acknowledged this with a nod. "I'm sure, in time, Nancy will be able to take some comfort from that."

"Does she understand that Kathie's... gone?" he asked, his eyes on Nancy's still figure.

"She knows," Miss Wilson confirmed. "She just needed some time to say goodbye."

"I don't want to rush her, but the ambulance is blocking the road. We really do need to move Kathie now, if we can."

"I'll see to it." Miss Wilson crouched down beside Nancy. "Nancy, the ambulance is here for Kathie. It's time to let go now."

"Not yet."

"She shouldn't be lying on the ground like this," Miss Wilson said gently. "Let them take her to the ambulance, Nancy. You can stay with her the whole time, I promise."

Slowly, Nancy nodded. "But not them. I can carry her those few feet." She tried to rise, with Kathie in her arms, but her legs were cramped from kneeling and she couldn't stand. The ambulance driver was approaching with the stretcher, but Jack Maynard held up a hand to stop him, even as Nancy protested, "No! Let me do this!"

"Nancy," Miss Wilson's voice was calm and matter-of-fact. "Let Hilda help you up. Walk up and down a bit, get your legs working again." Seeing Nancy about to refuse, she added, "I'll take Kathie until you're ready to carry her."

"I can't -"

"Let me hold her, Nancy. I won't let her go."

Taking a deep breath, Nancy nodded. Gently, lovingly, her hand reached up to close Kathie's eyes, then Kathie was tenderly transferred from Nancy's arms to Nell's.

Nancy's legs were badly cramped and it took both Miss Annersley and Jack Maynard to support her. As they moved her away, the stretcher bearer made to approach once more.

"Don't." Miss Wilson's command rang out and stopped him in his tracks. Nancy's head turned on the word, but Miss Wilson met her gaze reassuringly. "I have her, Nancy. No one's going to take her but you. You have my word."

It seemed to Miss Wilson simultaneously both like hours and like no time at all till Nancy was crouching down to take Kathie back into the arms in which she belonged. A few short feet to the ambulance, then Nancy was seated inside with Kathie cradled against her.

"Go with her, Nell," Miss Annersley murmured. "She's going to need you."

"Not in the ambulance," Miss Wilson replied softly. "We can follow in the car. Give them these last few minutes alone."

Just for a moment, as they stood watching the ambulance prepare to depart, Miss Wilson clasped her friend's hand, a small measure of comfort but one which meant everything.

Author:  Eleanore [ Sat Apr 09, 2011 5:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Not Letting Go

It would have been instantly fatal; even the girls could see that. But her face was untouched, and it was her face that held Kathie's focus. She had raced to the spot in an instant, the girls had never seen her move so fast, but even an instant was too late. She had dropped to her knees and taken Nancy protectively into her arms, rocking her like an infant. The girls gathered round, shocked, many of them in tears; but Kathie, oblivious to them, was murmuring love words and reassurances into Nancy's ear.

It was a relief to the shocked girls when the school car drew up. Miss Moore, Miss Burnett and Miss Derwent, their faces pale and set, marshalled the girls into line and marched them away from the scene, back towards the school, leaving Miss Annersley and Miss Wilson to take care of Kathie.

With a silent prayer for assistance, and thankful for the support of her co-Head, standing in the background, Miss Annersley approached the two figures on the ground. Gently, softly, she called Kathie's name.

Kathie turned her face towards Miss Annersley, seemingly in relief for the chance to talk, but her hand never left off stroking Nancy's hair, and her arms tightened around her friend. "She's still so pretty," Kathie said, tracing her finger gently across Nancy's features. "She was always so pretty. She never liked me saying that, I think it embarrassed her, but it was true. It is true. I never dreamt I'd end up with someone this pretty. And sweet. It was almost impossible to argue with her." She looked down at Nancy fondly. "Although I'm going to do my best to argue with you this time, love, if you don't wake up soon."

"Kathie," Miss Annersley tried again. "Kathie, it's too late, Nancy's -"

But Kathie hastened to interrupt, not ready to hear the finality of the spoken word. "We're going away together for Christmas, you know," she confided to her Headmistress. "We've never spent Christmas Day together before, I always felt I ought to spend it with my aunt and uncle. And Nancy never complained, never begrudged me that time with them. 'Christmas is for family,' she always told me. But she's my family too, more than anyone else, so this year I thought I'd surprise her. I booked a cottage - for the whole Christmas holiday, it would have been just the two of us. I haven't told her yet, though. Did I tell you it was going to be a surprise? She liked - likes surprises." Kathie's voice was artificially bright, but even as she spoke the tears were rolling unchecked down her cheeks.

"I've been imagining the look on her face when I'd tell her about the cottage," Kathie continued rapidly, desperate to hold off the silence and its tragic burden of truth. "She'd have been thrilled - I can't think why I never did it before. It was stupid of me. But I'm making up for it this year. I think she'll be pleased. You will be pleased, won't you, Nance?" she appealed to the still form in her arms. "Hilda, you think she'll be pleased, don't you?"

"I'm sure she would have been." Miss Annersley sent an appealing glance towards Miss Wilson, who moved closer in response but had no more idea than her colleague of what to say.

"Although you'll have to hurry up and get well, Nance, or they won't let me take you anywhere. Are you sleeping, love?" She looked into Nancy's eyes, then gently closed them and dropped a kiss on her forehead. "That's right, my precious girl, you rest, there'll be plenty of time to tell you everything once you're better. It's going to be the best Christmas ever, Nance. I've got so many plans, it'll be perfect. You'll love it, I know." Her voice dropped to a murmur, inaudible to the two Heads, as she continued to confide future plans to Nancy.

Miss Annersley rose to her feet and joined Miss Wilson, both women placing terrific strain on themselves to keep their own grief in check.

"What do we do, Hilda?"

"I don't think there's anything we can do at the moment, Nell. She knows the truth, you can see it, but she's just not ready to face it."

"She's going to have to face it soon; I can hear the ambulance." Miss Wilson's tone was bleak.

Kathie's ears had also caught the sound of the approaching motor, and her voice rose again. "I can hear the ambulance, Nance, they're nearly here, you'll be alright now, everything's going to be fine now, my darling." She continued her reassurances all through the process of getting Nancy transferred into the ambulance, and then looked at the doctor hopefully.

"We'll take care of her now, Kathie," Jack Maynard told her gently, shooting a significant glance at Hilda and Nell, who moved forward to stand one on either side of the young mistress.

"She's in safe hands. Leave us to look after her now."

Kathie nodded, watching in silence as the ambulance pulled away, then turning to Hilda and Nell, desperation in her voice. "She'll be alright now, won't she? Hilda? Nell?" The sympathetic silence that answered her question was hateful to her, and she rushed into speech once more. "They'll look after her at the San, won't they? They'll help her. Make her one of their miraculous recoveries. She'll be fine, won't she? Tell me she'll be fine. Tell me, Hilda. She'll be fine. Nell, tell me." She dropped to her knees. "Oh, please God, tell me. Tell me."

Their own tears flowing as freely as Kathie's, Hilda and Nell knelt beside her and held her as she wept.

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Apr 09, 2011 6:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Not Letting Go

:cry: :cry: :cry:

That was so tenderly written, and I felt like I was there with Hilda and Nell. But what happened?

Thankyou!

Author:  Lesley [ Sat Apr 09, 2011 6:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Not Letting Go

Eleanore - I have tears in my eyes - and I know just how much that must have cost you.

(((Eleanore)))


Thank you

Author:  jayj [ Sat Apr 09, 2011 7:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Not Letting Go

Powerfully written! I can't really say thank you, because you've just done away with Nancy AND Kathie and that's not really something you should be thanked for :?

But anyway, very well done, and very neatly exploring their different characters. The Kathie one makes me cry a little bit more than the Nancy one, for some reason - I think it's probably because her grief's expressed in words, rather than actions, and that's more immediately heart-rending, for me, and it's a nice detail how she keeps slipping back and forwards between the tenses in how she refers to Nancy as she can't work out if she can even dare to let go of her. That said, though, when Nancy insists on carrying the body, that's incredibly devastating too.

But really, both pieces are very very sad. And so, I hope that to make up for killing them off you're going to write them lots of happy times elsewhere...?

Author:  Abi [ Sat Apr 09, 2011 9:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Not Letting Go

:cry: :cry: :cry: That was very moving, especially the way the difference between their characters showed. Thanks for this.

Author:  robinette [ Sat Apr 09, 2011 10:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Not Letting Go

That was so very sad but so delicately written

jayj wrote:
But really, both pieces are very very sad. And so, I hope that to make up for killing them off you're going to write them lots of happy times elsewhere...?


I agree with jayj, hopefully you'll write lots of happy times of them to makeup for this!

Author:  Beecharmer [ Sun Apr 10, 2011 12:32 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Not Letting Go

sob !
:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

So amazingly well written I don't know where to start. Both characters just so perfectly right for who they are, just so perfectly shows how they differ but still love each other equally strongly. The discussion of the Christmas cottage just absolutely ... I have no words. Amazingly well done.

I'm glad to have read this, I can see why you had to get that out of your head, I also hope this now leaves more room for happier updates another time.

What with you and midge turning Nancy and Kathy into vampires I am now going to have a horrible nights sleep however :-(

But it's worth it, that was a very powerful couple of scenes.

Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sun Apr 10, 2011 5:46 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Not Letting Go

Oh Eleanore :(

Author:  Vick [ Sun Apr 10, 2011 9:32 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Not Letting Go

:( Thanks Eleanore

Author:  shesings [ Sun Apr 10, 2011 10:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Not Letting Go

Oh, that was so sad but so tenderly written!

Author:  Eleanore [ Sun Apr 10, 2011 10:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Not Letting Go

Thanks for the encouragement over this one, everyone. I don't suppose it's any easier to read than it was to write, if you love the characters, so I appreciate everyone who made it through to the end - hugs to all of you.

Author:  brie [ Wed Apr 13, 2011 4:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Not Letting Go

Thanks. This is so sad, and somehow seeing it from both points of view and seeing how they both react so differently just makes it even more upsetting. Very powerful and beautifully written. Thanks

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