Maeve does Majorca (26/03/08 p4)

Author:  KathrynW [ Mon Jun 12, 2006 2:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Maeve does Majorca (26/03/08 p4)

I'm not sure this will really work and may run out of steam but it's an idea I had ages and ages ago on the old board. I thought the bunny had gone but last night as I couldn't sleep it came back. I have never been on any Club 18-30 type holiday myself and my knowledge is entirely gleaned from late night programmes on ITV so it may be a load of rubbish :D


Maeve Bettany stepped off the plane at Palma international airport after a somewhat distressing flight. She had with her the latest Josephine M. Bettany novel to help pass the time but had been unable to concentrate due to the constant singing that seemed to come from somewhere near the back of the plane. At one point, Maeve had made the mistake from looking up from the Sudoku which she had turned to in frustration, to catch sight of wobbly, pale flesh dash past her up the aisle. Appalled, Maeve watched as the man, as indeed he seemed to be Maeve realised with embarrassment, was wrestled to the ground by the cabin crew whilst he friends cheered him on.

In the heat of Majorca, the lime green vest that Aunt Joey had knitted for her as a going away present clung uncomfortably and, thanks to the humidity, her brown hair was at least three times it's normal width. As wheeled her suitcase into the arrivals hall, she noticed a woman holding up a sign with Maeve's name written on it.

'Hiya! You must be Maeve!' A startling chirpy, if rather grating, voice hailed Maeve. 'I'm Sharon, the head rep here. The other five all arrived yesterday and are on a bit of a getting-to-know-you bender.'

Maeve was shocked into silence, these were not the clarion tones to which she had become accustomed. She had never seen or heard a woman like this before. Sharon had piles of platinum blond hair piled on top of her head in what seemed to Maeve to be a most untidy style. Her deep brown tan was set off by glossy orange lipstick and a matching orange colour on her fingernails. She was wearing a tight blue skirt, set off by a revealing orange shirt and the highest heels that Maeve had ever seen.

Sharon, however, seemed not to have noticed Maeve's stunned appearance and was able to talk with very little encouragement from Maeve.

'They'll be a briefing tomorrow morning of course before the guests arrive in the afternoon but for the rest of today, Magaluf is yours to explore. The rest of the team seem fab, you guys will have the summer of your lives. It's going to be hard work of course,' she flashed Maeve a smile revealing dazzling white teeth, 'but it will be well worth it. There's the pub crawl to look forward to, of course. And the foam party. We always like the reps to put on a bit of a show too, gives the boys an excuse to strip for us ladies!'

Sharon kept on her chatter for the whole drive to the resort while Maeve listened in growing horror. When she had declared her intention to be a tour guide, she wasn't sure this was exactly what she had in mind!

Author:  LizB [ Mon Jun 12, 2006 2:47 pm ]
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This looks fun!

Thanks, Kathryn :lol:

Author:  Mary [ Mon Jun 12, 2006 2:49 pm ]
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Am looking forward to more of this. Loving the lime green knitted top. Uncannily like Nancy Drew fashion.

Author:  Carys [ Mon Jun 12, 2006 2:52 pm ]
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Hehe poor Meave! Bet she wishes she could get on the next flight home.

Author:  Mia [ Mon Jun 12, 2006 3:17 pm ]
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*rofl* Poor Maeve!

Author:  Fatima [ Mon Jun 12, 2006 3:29 pm ]
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I absolutely love the title! Let's hope Maeve soon loosens up a little and sheds the lime green vest! Thanks, Kathryn.

Author:  Mia [ Mon Jun 12, 2006 3:36 pm ]
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Fatima wrote:
Let's hope Maeve soon loosens up a little and sheds the lime green vest!

:shock: :shock: :lol:

Author:  Alison H [ Mon Jun 12, 2006 3:37 pm ]
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:lol: Thanks Kathryn.

Author:  Alice [ Mon Jun 12, 2006 3:59 pm ]
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Brilliant, thanks Kathryn.

Author:  Róisín [ Mon Jun 12, 2006 4:24 pm ]
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*splutters* This is fabulous Kathryn! Please write more soon :D

Author:  Chair [ Mon Jun 12, 2006 5:38 pm ]
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Thanks, Róisín. This is really brilliant! I look forward to seeing what Maeve gets up to in Majorca.

Author:  nikkie [ Mon Jun 12, 2006 6:42 pm ]
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More please Kathryn

Author:  Jennie [ Mon Jun 12, 2006 6:48 pm ]
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This looks fantastic, so more please.

I looooooooved the lime-green hand-knitted vest.

Author:  Elle [ Tue Jun 13, 2006 6:13 am ]
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I think I am going to enjoy this very much!

Thanks Kathryn.

Author:  Josie [ Tue Jun 13, 2006 9:07 am ]
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*G* this looks fun!

Thanks Kathryn

Author:  KathrynW [ Tue Jun 13, 2006 10:53 pm ]
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Jennie wrote:
I looooooooved the lime-green hand-knitted vest.

I'm sure a helpful CBBer could make you one if you asked really nicely... :wink:

Some more :D A big thank you to Cryst for allowing me to use the idea of Joey's sexual discoveries from 'Joey Bites the Bullet'


Maeve was allowed the chance to unpack her suitcase and change into another one of Aunt Joey's creations (this time a cream sundress, again knitted, which like everything created by Joey's hand, had a hint of lime green in) before she was whisked off to the resort's main bar to meet her fellow reps.

Despite the broad daylight outside, the room was dimly lit and heavy with the acrid smell of cigarette smoke and cheap vodka – not that Maeve realised this was what she was smelling at all.


The chants seemed to be coming from a corner of the bar where 5 people of Maeve's age sat, in various states of undress.

'Come and meet the rest of the gang!' chirped Sharon.

Maeve followed, into the abyss.

'Everyone!' Sharon clapped her hands and five pairs of bleary eyes turned in her direction. 'This is your late arrival, Maeve. Maeve these are,' she gestured round the table, 'Kev, Shane, Wayne, Jodie and Vix.'

Kev was sat without a t-shirt on, displaying the numerous tattoos that adorned his upper body and Maeve thought, although she could not be sure, that under the table Shane had no trousers on. Maeve was horrified to see that Jodie and Vix were sat together, giggling, wearing nothing but their underwear.

'Anosher girlie!' screamed Vix. 'You can be on our team! We're loooosing to the smelly, stinky boysies'.

Wayne made an 'L' sign with his fingers. Unfortunately he seemed to have lost all hand-eye coordination so it came out more like a 'Z'.

'I'll leave you all to make friends,' said Sharon with a fond smile at her charges and toddled off, neatly sidestepping a pile of vomit from an earlier round of drinking.

'It'sh my turn at where we buy drinks,' mumbled Shane as he got to his feet, confirming Maeve's worst fears about the state of his trousers.

'Fancy Sex on the Beach, Mabel? Or how's about a Screaming Orgasm? You look the type.' He leered in Maeve's direction which was the only indication that he was talking to her. He attempted to wink at her but only succeeded in losing his balance in the effort and he tumbled over the table.

Maeve flushed. Thanks to some questionable literature she had found around the home of her Aunt Joey, she had been initiated into the world of sexual relations in a rather abrupt manner. She had been treated to Joey's full joy of sex lecture, complete with demonstrations (fully clothed of course) and handy hints. But, Maeve thought, Joey had never mentioned anything about having intercourse on a beach. It sounded most uncomfortable, if not unhygienic. And as for a screaming orgasm...thankfully Joey had not felt the need to demonstrate that otherwise Maeve feared the whole school would be round in a flash.

Luckily she was spared the embarrassment of having to reply as Shane, now back on his feet, seemed not to remember that he had asked her a question and he ambled towards the bar.

Author:  Alison H [ Wed Jun 14, 2006 6:44 am ]
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Well, I'm glad someone's had a "little chat" with Maeve - well done Joey!

Author:  LL [ Wed Jun 14, 2006 10:34 am ]
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*g* loving this Kathryn!

Author:  Róisín [ Wed Jun 14, 2006 10:41 am ]
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ROFL at the Zsign!

Author:  Laura V [ Wed Jun 14, 2006 11:18 am ]
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This is brilliant!
I love the chav names! And the fully clothed demonstrations in Joey's lectures!! :lol: :lol:

Author:  Chair [ Wed Jun 14, 2006 11:27 am ]
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Thanks, Kathryn. The idea of Joey giving a demonstration has made me start giggling!

Author:  LizB [ Wed Jun 14, 2006 1:10 pm ]
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*laughing like a loon*

Thanks, Kathryn

Author:  Fatima [ Wed Jun 14, 2006 3:48 pm ]
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:lol: I'm glad Maeve isn't quite the innocent I'd thought she'd be - but I imagine this is still going to be rather different from Jo's description of things! Thanks, Kathryn.

Author:  Rosy-Jess [ Wed Jun 14, 2006 4:51 pm ]
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Hehe - am looking forward to more of this. Lucky Maeve!

Author:  Jennie [ Thu Jun 15, 2006 9:19 am ]
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Thanks, this is a scream.

Author:  francesn [ Thu Jun 15, 2006 11:59 am ]
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Kathryn this is brilliant!!

Poor poor Maeve - Majorca may be a bit of a wakeup call for her.

Author:  Phil [ Wed Jun 21, 2006 8:15 pm ]
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This is fantastic Kathryn! Poor Maeve.

I love Auntie Joey's sex lectures!

rofl :lol:

Author:  aitchemelle [ Wed Jun 21, 2006 9:31 pm ]
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Fabulous Kathryn! Made me giggle to myself - much to flatmates amusement! (and nearly spit out hot choc which would be less funny!)

Author:  Bride [ Wed Jun 21, 2006 10:19 pm ]
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Please may we have some more of this?

Author:  Elle [ Thu Jun 22, 2006 2:19 pm ]
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Bride wrote:
Please may we have some more of this?

*Echoes this and starts a chant!*

Author:  Jennie [ Fri Jun 23, 2006 11:56 am ]
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Joins in the chant.

Author:  Caty [ Fri Jun 23, 2006 1:58 pm ]
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more more more

(joins chant)

Author:  Liseke [ Fri Jun 23, 2006 10:12 pm ]
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Hi Kathryn

Am enjoying this! Did you get inspiration from your office drinks do?

Author:  Fatima [ Sun Jun 25, 2006 12:50 pm ]
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Please may we have some more of this Kathryn? Please?

Author:  KathrynW [ Sun Jun 25, 2006 1:32 pm ]
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How can I resist the chanting?! Am a little lacking on inspiration at the moment, hope this is okay!

And before anyone asks, this is not inspired by anything that has happened to me or any of my friends :D


Maeve woke up several hours later, unsure of where exactly she was. Her makeshift bed was not the most comfortable and there was a strange smell of rotting fish that seemed to permeate the air. Maeve finally dared to open her eyes slowly and immediately shut them again, the brightness of the the dazzling blue sky was far too much for her tender head. She wriggled around where she lay as something began to dug into her side. Where exactly was she?

Gathering all her strength she opened her eyes again and really wished she hadn't. She was lying in a large and rather full rubbish bin. She struggled into a sitting position but could not ignore the protests of her stomach and promptly threw up. Exhausted by the effort, she started to lie back down, forgetting where exactly she was sitting. As something squelched disgustingly beneath her, she realised that her priority was to get out of the skip. She staggered to a standing position, using the sides of the bin to hoist herself up. After a moment, she dropped onto the pavement, glad to feel solid ground beneath her feet.

Maeve leaned against the bin for a moment, trying to compose herself. It was at this point that she noticed that she was no longer wearing her cream dress. Instead, she seemed to be dressed as a large, yellow chicken.

Author:  Chair [ Sun Jun 25, 2006 1:43 pm ]
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Thanks, Kathryn. I wonder how Maeve is going to describe things in her letters home.

Author:  Alison H [ Sun Jun 25, 2006 1:52 pm ]
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Ugh :lol: :lol: :lol: !

Author:  Mia [ Sun Jun 25, 2006 2:22 pm ]
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*rofl* !!!!

Thanks Kathryn :lol:

Author:  Ally [ Sun Jun 25, 2006 2:53 pm ]
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Oh poor Maeve! This is fab Kathryn :D

Author:  Caty [ Sun Jun 25, 2006 4:05 pm ]
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:lol: :lol: :lol: Thanks Kathryn. Poor Maeve.

Author:  Fatima [ Sun Jun 25, 2006 4:13 pm ]
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Oh, poor Maeve, that's gross! Thanks, Kathryn.

Author:  nikkie [ Sun Jun 25, 2006 7:20 pm ]
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Thanks Kathryn :D

Author:  LizB [ Sun Jun 25, 2006 7:58 pm ]
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Fantastic! Thanks, Kathryn

Author:  Ruth B [ Sun Jun 25, 2006 10:00 pm ]
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Maeve: repeat after me: " I am not a spineless jellyfish and therefore do not get hangovers!"

Author:  Rosy-Jess [ Mon Jun 26, 2006 9:02 am ]
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*smirks* Poor Maeve

Author:  LL [ Mon Jun 26, 2006 12:32 pm ]
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*helpless giggles*
Thanks Kathryn!

Author:  Jennie [ Mon Jun 26, 2006 1:27 pm ]
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Giggles a lot. Fancy a Bettany discovering the real world.

Author:  ElKel [ Mon Jun 26, 2006 5:08 pm ]
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Ruth B wrote:

Maeve: repeat after me: " I am not a spineless jellyfish and therefore do not get hangovers!"

I'm going to send this quote to a friend who's lost weight recently - because her metabolism has changed as a result, she's now getting hangovers when she drinks too much, and she doesn't like them for some reason. . .!

Perhaps the unidentified squelchy things in the skip were all the previous tour reps who didn't go to the Chalet School and who therefore proved themselves spineless their first night in the resort? Just a thought :lol:

Author:  Fatima [ Thu Jul 27, 2006 6:43 am ]
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Please, Kathryn, may we have some more?

Author:  MaryR [ Thu Jul 27, 2006 10:41 am ]
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Kathryn, have just discovered this and giggled all the way through, especially Maeve finding herself in with the rubbish. :lol:

Thank you.

Author:  KathrynW [ Thu Jul 27, 2006 10:32 pm ]
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Well I have been watching ITV's repeats of the classic fly on the wall series 'Club Reps' so hopefully inspiration may strike soon....

I had rather forgotten about this I have to say :oops:

Author:  Fatima [ Fri Jul 28, 2006 4:31 am ]
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Sending mountains of bunny food, chocolate and gin in the hope that inspiration strikes again...

Author:  Helen P [ Fri Jul 28, 2006 10:26 am ]
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Ooh, I have only just found this and it is fab! :lol: :lol:

Looking forward to more when inspiration strikes!

Author:  LizB [ Sat Jul 29, 2006 1:55 pm ]
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*adding to the bunny food*

Anybody feel like a chant?

Author:  ElKel [ Sat Jul 29, 2006 3:40 pm ]
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A chant sounds like a good idea (ooh, I've never chanted before!). Given the theme of the drabble, does anyone know any appropriate rugby songs we could use? :wink:

Author:  alicat [ Thu Aug 03, 2006 8:42 am ]
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How about this one:

Four and twenty Chaletians
Came down the mountain track
And when the ball was over
They had to climb right back

Singing etc etc

Miss Wilson led the merry band
All eager for her gin
And before the dancing started
She was eager to begin

Author:  Mia [ Sun Mar 25, 2007 8:46 pm ]
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*cheekily uses the new house to beg for more of this!* :wink:

Author:  KathrynW [ Mon Jun 11, 2007 9:55 am ]
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Inspired by the thread in N&V, if anyone wants to pick this up and run with it please feel very free! Or we can open it up to everyone and you can all let your imaginations run wild :D

I haven't updated for nearly a year now and am so busy with exams and the like that I don't think I'm going to get the chance anytime soon!

Author:  leahbelle [ Mon Jun 25, 2007 3:59 pm ]
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Poor Maeve! How horrible for her!!!

Author:  Róisín [ Sun Dec 09, 2007 12:58 pm ]
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I just read this all the way through again and laughed so much :lol: Thanks for writing it *scatters bunny food*

Author:  KathrynW [ Wed Mar 26, 2008 11:47 am ]
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Last night I was struck by inspiration so I've actually written some more of's only been 2 years or so!

Gradually the world began to stop spinning and Maeve's eyes began to adjust to the bright sunshine of the Majorcan morning. Suddenly Maeve was aware of a noise behind her coming from beside the bin. It sounded like some sort of animal…a cat maybe. Maeve staggered round the bin, holding onto the side for dear life. It was no cat lying there but a man. A vaguely familiar man. A man who appeared to be wearing what remained of the cream dress that Auntie Joey had knitted for her.

Maeve tried to speak but her mouth felt like it was full of sand; she could only stand and squint at the prostrate figure before her.

'What...?' she finally managed to say. Complete sentences seemed far too much of a challenge.



The man manoeuvred himself into a sitting position. It was then that Maeve saw the tattoo on his arm.

'Maeve + Shane

Somewhere in the depths of her brain, a distant memory began to stir. There had definitely been a tattoo parlour involved somewhere during the course of the evening. Although that did not explain how she had ended up in the chicken suit while Shane looked surprisingly comfortable in her knitwear.

Shane staggered to his feet.

'Where the bloody hell are we?' he croaked out. All Maeve could do was shrug her shoulders in answer. The spectre of a giant chicken shrugging their shoulders was too much for him and it was his turn to throw up in the handy bin.

Author:  PaulineS [ Wed Mar 26, 2008 1:30 pm ]
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Hope inspiration continues.

Hope they can find some safe liquid soon.

Author:  roversgirl [ Wed Mar 26, 2008 5:20 pm ]
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Hope you continue to be inspired :)

Author:  Rebecca [ Wed Mar 26, 2008 7:45 pm ]
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I'd love to see some more of this!

Author:  Elle [ Wed Mar 26, 2008 11:02 pm ]
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Glad to see this back.

Author:  leahbelle [ Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:24 pm ]
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I hope inspiration strikes again soon!

Author:  jilianb [ Wed Jul 16, 2008 5:02 pm ]
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Giggling madly :lol: :lol:

Excellent Kathryn. I've just found this but please can we have some more.

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