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A Gossamer of Tears
http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=8926
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Dec 30, 2010 9:41 pm ]
Post subject:  A Gossamer of Tears
And you all thought I'd be leaving you wondering! Oh, yes, it's back... Just to warn you, I don't know how frequent updates will be, at least for the forseeable future. I have exams, then coursework, then exam (whenever don't I?) and have also been suffering The Dreaded Block on and off for a while now. But every endeavour will be made to update regularly. Special thanks to Finn, who's lucky enough to be my proof-reader! Also, all constructive criticism greatly welcomed - especially of the 'please shut up now' variety if I'm getting (ha!) rather dull and boring. Um. The title is being worked on and will hopefully be improved at some point - all suggestions welcome!

Four adults were sitting around the room, smoking and drinking, in the generally relaxed atmosphere of a family who had just eaten well. It was a homely room, tastefully decorated, with the sort of furniture which put comfort before style but was able to look good and serve its purpose. On one sofa were two women, both in middle age now but still, if not beautiful, then able to attract a second glance, elegant and graceful, while seated on chairs opposite one other, with the round oak coffee table between them, were two men, one now largely grey and the other definitely following.

“Have you seen the latest patient to the San.?” asked Jem – Sir James Russell as he was otherwise known – to fill the gap in conversation. “He's really a very interesting case, I'm not sure of the diagnosis yet, but I've been consulting with a leading specialist in the area of -”

“Oh, enough shop,” yawned Joey, stretching herself out, catlike. Ever since Jack had retired she had declared herself sick of any sort of medical talk, and had got an almost complete ban in the house – in return for which she had had to promise to stop reading him her fan letters over breakfast every morning.

Silence descended again, Jem ruminating over his interesting case and the rest quite content not to talk. Without the youngest children in the house, arrangements having eventually worked out so that they were to be found at the Carnbach branch of the school, it was surprisingly quiet, lulling them all towards sleepiness.

They were at Lamorna, the house in England which was now Jack and Joey's final home, or so they hoped, and Madge and Jem had come to stay with them for a couple of nights. The two couples lived closely enough that they saw each other regularly, but just far enough away that a proper visit required one of them to stay at the others' house. At the moment, Jack was forbidden from doing any travelling beyond the nearest city, after his recent health scare, and so Madge and Jem had come to them.

Now, Madge broached the one topic she knew it better not to mention, but which nonetheless needed to be discussed.

“Is there any word from Cecilia yet?”

As Joey shook her head, Jack let out a long breath and stared wordlessly into the fire. It had been nearly five months since Cecilia had run away from the Quadrant, and since then she seemed to have vanished altogether – even though the police were treating her as a missing person in suspicious circumstances, still there had been no news.

“Even the cousins are looking out for her,” said Joey, referring to the children of her aunts, the only relatives she and Madge had except their older brother Dick. “The kids have pulled every string and contact they have and called in every favour. Nothing. She might have never existed.”

“I keep trying,” promised Jem. “I had word from my man in Australia today that he can't find any trace of her there – and even if she did run to Sybs or Josette, they'd soon let us know. After all, she can hardly be followed there with any great ease.”

“And every woman's institute in the country knows what she looks like,” laughed Madge, with an attempt at lightening the mood. “The way all the old women in that gossip, they're better than the police network and all the private detectives in the country put together.”

“That's what worries us,” admitted Jack. His face was haggard and lined, and he looked older even than his brother-in-law. The strain of not knowing yet again if his daughter was dead or alive was really starting to show, and Joey had confided in Madge that she didn't know how much longer he could go on before it finished him completely. “So many people and none of them can give us anything – or won't! Mike looked decidedly shifty last time we saw him. That's what we hope, anyway, is that somebody close to us is looking after her and just not telling us until she's ready for them to.”

“We'll find her,” promised Joey. “She must be alive, or the police would know by now. She came back last time, and she will again.”

She said it with any amount of conviction, but all hope was gone. No matter what she said, Joey knew as well as everyone present that they might never see Cecilia again, or find out what had happened to her when she ran away, and that knowledge was slowly killing both her parents.

- X -

Far away, and unaware they were discussing her, Cecilia looked up quietly at the man before her. Slowly, softly, her fingers traced his jaw and his cheeks, ran up to his hair. Then, with a gentle, teasing smile, she reached until she was stood on tiptoe and kissed him, passionate, needing.
Author:  Finn [ Thu Dec 30, 2010 9:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Passion and Pain
I'm very pleased to see the return of this! And well-chuffed that I get to find out what happens first.

Thanks, Ariel!
Author:  lexyjune [ Thu Dec 30, 2010 10:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Passion and Pain
Really pleased to see more of this. Thank you.
Author:  ivohenry [ Thu Dec 30, 2010 11:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Passion and Pain
Good to see this back - thanks.
Author:  cal562301 [ Thu Dec 30, 2010 11:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Passion and Pain
Great to have this back. More please when you have time.
Author:  Abi [ Fri Dec 31, 2010 12:59 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Passion and Pain
Also glad this is back. And wanting to know what's going on....
Author:  Julieb [ Fri Dec 31, 2010 1:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Passion and Pain
So pleased to see this back. Looking forward to more posts as and when you can do them.
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sat Jan 01, 2011 4:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Passion and Pain
Thank you nfor bringing this back Ariel. And in Australian term "You Beauty!!!"
Author:  roversgirl [ Sat Jan 01, 2011 3:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Passion and Pain
Glad to see this back although a bit worried about Cecilia! Thanks :-)
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Jan 01, 2011 9:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Passion and Pain
This bit comes with a bit of a warning - my writing skills are still incredibly rusty, so I'm afraid it isn't all that brilliant. I just hope that you'll bear with me and trust that it won't be quite so dire when I start getting back into it! Thankyou for all of the comments, I'm so heartened to know that people still want to read this universe.

How her life had changed, Cecilia reflected, since she ran away from the Quadrant. She remembered the long, lazy days of summer, the never ending hours of relaxation, laughing and joking with the boys or running around after them in exasperation. She remembered hugging Dick most nights before she went to bed, of laughing with Daphne and writing to old schoolmates.

Now there was no time for idleness. Since she had come to London she had found a job – a waitress in a small café, just off one of the main shopping streets in the city, with one other young girl and a friendly manager who occasionally looked at them a little too intently. She had insisted, ever since she got it, on paying rent, but even on her minimal wages she still had enough left for a social life, too.

Most of her friends she had met through Roger Richardson who, despite being somewhat older than her, had taken her in and introduced her round to great acclaim. Largely his circle comprised of people like himself – starting to settle down a little, one or two were engaged, but who were still trying to grow up and at the same time remain as young as possible. Being matured far beyond her years by her experiences so far, Cecilia had fitted in so well that, when they did discover she was still a teenager, most of them refused to believe it.

However, she had also met people through Carly, her fellow waitress, who had insisted on taking her out to the best dance clubs and bars in London for fashionable young women with a little money to spend. This tended to be a rowdier, looser crowd, always gaining and losing members, but equally fun and equally pleased to see her.

All in all, she was happy in London, but for the nagging worry of her family. It wasn't often that she talked about it, but every time Roger rang Ruey and the latter asked if he'd heard anything – being the main contact that they had in London – Cecilia would feel her heart leap. She knew she was being discussed, because Roger always said exactly the same thing; no, nobody by the name of 'Cecilia' or matching her description. At first, she'd cried when she heard it, but now she had become almost immune to the effects of the simple lie.

What it did mean was that she got to receive updates of how everyone was doing, especially Jack, given how he'd been when she left. Without that, she knew that she would have given in long ago and gone back to them, but knowing that they were all right, if worried about her, she found that she preferred to live anonymously for now. This, after all, had been why she came to London – to escape her past, and to escape the constraints of being Cecilia Maynard, to instead be just Cecilia.

Of course, she hadn't thought of any of that when she'd first left. In fact, for the first few hours she had just walked, down unfamiliar roads and ignoring anybody who passed, nearly getting run over twice. Her thoughts had been anywhere but on her surroundings, too lost in her own sorrow to see even passing road signs. It was only after nearly seven hours, as exhaustion finally overcame her, that she stopped and asked for directions.

From the nearest train station, she had caught the first train leaving, to London. What she would do when she reached the capital she didn't know at all, for most of the money which she was carrying on her had gone on the ticket, but she was still too numb to care. She was resourceful, and she knew all the best tricks – she would survive. If that was what she had to do, again, then that was it. At least she wouldn't be hurting people around her anymore.

It was somewhere around Reading that she suddenly remembered that she knew someone in London, someone who she could hope to put her up, at least for a couple of nights, if only she could persuade him not to tell Jack and Joey where she was. It was only to be for a week or so, until she got over the shock of the past few days, and then she would return, apologise, make amends. Then she really would stop running away. Just a few days, that was all she needed.

How she was to find the man she was pinning all of her hopes on she didn't quite know, at least until she found in her handbag a recent letter from Ruey. That young lady often wrote to her adopted sister, and scanning it feverishly, Cecilia noticed a mention of Roger's firm taking on a new project that he was heading – a sort of promotion – to build a new office block. It even mentioned enough detail that, when she stopped a passing policeman, he was able to tell her the rough location. Heart pounding, body aching from weariness and lack of food, she had somehow struggled through the confusing underground, but by then almost everything was a blur.

After that, Cecilia really didn't remember anything much. She must have found the site, but nobody on it would let her on to try and find him. In the end, one of the workers took pity on her, though, and, as he was going back anyway, took her with him to the central offices of the company. They nearly threw her out until, completely overcome from two days of just meandering and not knowing what would happen next, Cecilia collapsed into helpless tears and blurted out what of her story she could – she'd run away from home, was looking for her brother, she needed him to come and rescue her.

Thus it had been that Roger walked into the reception of his workplace, greatly wondering at why Ruey would have turned up there of all places and mildly annoyed at her for interrupting him like this, only to see a tired, dishevelled, barely recognisable Cecilia curled up on one of the chairs, staring pathetically up at him.
Author:  PaulineS [ Sat Jan 01, 2011 10:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Passion and Pain - update 01 Jan
Thank you for making Cecilia contact Roger. Hoping she stays safe.
Author:  Abi [ Sat Jan 01, 2011 10:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Passion and Pain - update 01 Jan
Glad she's with someone who can look after her and isn't in too awful a situation. Thanks, Ariel!
Author:  cal562301 [ Sat Jan 01, 2011 11:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Passion and Pain - update 01 Jan
This is great. if you think your writing is bad, I wish I could write as well as you do! If you know what I mean. :? :lol:

Glad that Cecilia has found Roger. I really hope he can help her.
Author:  shesings [ Sat Jan 01, 2011 11:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Passion and Pain - update 01 Jan
Powerful writing, Ariel, glad you are continuing with this story!
Author:  roversgirl [ Sun Jan 02, 2011 9:50 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Passion and Pain - update 01 Jan
Glad that Roger is looking out for her. Thanks :-)
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sun Jan 02, 2011 12:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Passion and Pain - update 01 Jan
Thank goodness she's safe for now. You did have me worried.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Mon Jan 03, 2011 10:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Passion and Pain - update 01 Jan
Thankyou again for all your comments! I have now settled on my title, which got me quite excited in the early hours of the morning when it finally came. I hope you approve!

His reaction, given the many ways that he could have reacted, still surprised Cecilia. The only reason she had come to him was that she simply did not have anyone else to whom she could turn, and she was expecting him to send her back to Jack and Joey and be thankful for having rid himself of the trouble. That he could be so kind, but more than that so understanding, was something she would never have believed, at least before she had experienced it for herself.

Taking her back to his house, he had sat her down with a cup of tea while he ran her a bath, and seen her safely curled up in his dressing gown, in the bed in the spare room he had hastily made up. That evening, all she had said to him was that he should not tell her parents where she was, which he had been happy to promise, at least until he'd heard her story. Then she had dropped into a blissful sleep born of true exhaustion and relief.

For a week she hid in the house, scared to go out, scared to talk to anyone, scared to do anything in case she was recognised. He could see that she meant it when she said she would just run away again if he told any of the family where she was, and so, reluctantly, he kept her secret. His reward was in the smallest of things. He was a tidy enough creature, but he was a man all the same, and he didn't have the benefit of years of Domestic Science that Cecilia did. By the end of the week, he was living in a house cleaner than he'd ever known it and eating much nicer food. He was also discovering just how much he enjoyed having a companion.

Two weeks after she arrived, suddenly it all spilled out – Giles, and having to tell Benjamin her secret, her family still not knowing so much about her. How deceitful she was, how manipulative, lying and betraying, how she couldn't bear to be around people who cared about her anymore.

Yet, when he confessed that he did care, she believed him. And when he promised that he understood, and he'd help her from now on, she believed that too. Even when she'd told him her secrets from Paris, so long ago it seemed, he'd never broken her trust.

So all at once she was looking for a job, and then she had found Princes' Cafe, and in a whirlwind of time and emotion she was working all day and getting to know the night scene, apparently settling in to life in London. She even found that she had one or two admirers, dealt with promptly by Roger, who was almost fiercely protective of her. And without noticing, she started to think of his house as home; it was only when he started to call it her home, too, that she realised she did it.

When Cecilia had first arrived Roger had had a sort of girlfriend, a young secretary who didn't see him a lot but had come out with his friends sometimes. It was on one such occasion that Cecilia got to meet her for the first and only time; previously, she learnt from one of Roger's friends, the two would have spent evenings together at Roger's house, but since Cecilia had come Roger hadn't liked to invite her back, and his girlfriend and he were having quite a lot of arguments about where else they were supposed to spend time together, and whether he should even be living unaccompanied with a young girl at all.

The young girl – suitably indignant at being referred to as such – still felt guilty when, a few days after she learnt all this, Roger announced that he was now single again. Since this was in the early hours of the morning and he, like everyone around him, was stociously drunk, this was greeted with a loud and jubilant cheer. The next morning the melancholy came, and for a month Cecilia struggled to live with him; he was depressive, bad-tempered and frequently not there for entire nights at a time. Not once, however, did he blame her for his misfortune.

It was strange to be so close to someone and not know them at all. This was the man who knew her deepest secret, something that nobody else in the world did, a man who had seen her naked (he had walked into the bathroom one morning and had found her towelling down, much to their mutual embarrassment) and who knew her routine intimately. He knew that she did still wear a little make-up, and could never find a stocking without a hole in it, just as she knew that he couldn't tie his tie correctly and never bothered to comb his hair.

Oddly, however, they were growing closer. Living together, they found that they couldn't help but get to know each other, to talk of their pasts or their views on current events, their hopes and dreams for the future. Roger, admittedly, did more of the first and the last than Cecilia, who was trying to forget her past and work out her future, but she was occasionally known to reminisce on something from her childhood, before Matt had tainted it.

The first time she slept with him was easier than she would ever have thought it could be; largely thanks to the amounts of alcohol consumed during the night, she knew, but even that couldn't explain why neither of them felt awkward about it the next morning. Or why they did it again the night after.

Here I am, thought Cecilia wryly, deftly moving food onto plates for her and Roger to eat together before they had to leave for work. Living in London, having fun and being young, a sort of boyfriend, a job of my own and independence. All I could ever wish for, in a way; except, she knew, for the wish that she woke up with every morning, and fell asleep with every night. A wish that she could find the courage to talk to her family again.
Author:  Abi [ Mon Jan 03, 2011 10:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 Jan
I hope it all works out ok for her... *wibbles*
Author:  shesings [ Mon Jan 03, 2011 10:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 Jan
Oh I hope it works out for them. Roger is so mature and good with her. And I love the title!
Author:  lexyjune [ Mon Jan 03, 2011 10:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 Jan
Thank you Ariel, this is great. So good to have it back.
Author:  Finn [ Mon Jan 03, 2011 11:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 Jan
Hurrah! And stociously is such a good word!

I love Roger's maturity as well, and his rather stoical and matter-of-fact way of dealing with her sudden appearance and her presence in his house. They make a sweet couple :)
Author:  robinette [ Tue Jan 04, 2011 12:38 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 Jan
Thanks Ariel I'm loving this! Hope everything turns out alright for her.
Author:  roversgirl [ Tue Jan 04, 2011 4:52 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 Jan
They make a very sweet couple. Hope family problems don't come between them... Thans :-)
Author:  thefrau46 [ Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:38 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 Jan
I'm not so sure that they make a very sweet couple although I do agree that Roger comes across as very caring. Why did Cecilia need alcohol the first time?
The age difference is a typical EBD one but I reallly don't like that idea that Cecilia is a teenager (albeit a very experienced one!) and Roger must be about 30 if not older!
As this is St Mildred's, I think I can add that I have never been very comfortable with the thought that Jack fell in love with Joey when she was about 13/14 - child-snatching (or worse) in my mind! Mind you that is my adult view, I didn't think anything of it when I read the CS as a child!
Sorry for this early morning rant. I am enjoying the story though. Thank you, Ariel. It's nice to see the story continuing.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Tue Jan 04, 2011 6:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 Jan
I'm enjoying reading everyone's thoughts on Roger/Cecilia - just so you know, I'm not leaving it at that, there will be full and frank discussions later on. It all comes out in the wash! So thankyou for commenting; it really is interesting to see the views people take of it. Especial thanks to Finn for all his help, as well he knows!

Work that day was slow, and having completed the daily duties within the first half an hour, Carly and Cecilia were then to be found stood behind a counter, watching the one customer they had drink his coffee slowly over a newspaper, and gossiping idly. This was something that Cecilia loved about her work; it was menial and frequently demanding, often she was left exhausted after a shift, and more than once she dreamed of what she could have been had she stayed at school and tried for a career, but then she would never have met Carly. Although she was completely different to anyone Cecilia had met before, she was already one of the best friends Cecilia had ever had.

Carly was a born and bred Londoner, even down to the thin trace of a cockney accent in the way she pronounced certain words. She was tall and graceful, in a way, and she walked so elegantly in the high heels she always wore that Cecilia felt almost envious of her. Her hair was a different colour most weeks – this week a bright pink, piled high with light wisps falling around her face. Not naturally pretty, she instead used make-up to stun people into looking twice; in contrast to her hair, that day she had coloured the area around her eyes an emerald green, with black lipstick. Cecilia knew that by the next week, she would be blonde with bright red lips and a darker red eye-shadow, or her hair blackened and her face suitably whitened to contrast. In fact, it was almost a game between them for Cecilia to guess how Carly would look next.

“So, how's your man doing?” asked Carly, once they were sure that nothing needed to be wiped over again and that should he choose to come in, Michael, the owner of the café, couldn't possibly find fault with them.

“Oh, you know how it is,” sighed Cecilia, watching Carly catch a stray piece of hair and produce a hairpin from the pocket of her apron to pin it up firmly. “Grumbling about all sorts of things and not meaning any of it.”

She did not talk to many people about Roger, and most of their mutual friends were unaware that they no longer slept in separate bedrooms. As far as most people knew, they were brother and sister, living together until Cecilia felt she could be independent. It was only those who knew Roger well enough to remember that he only had one sister, Ruey, who were told the truth.

At first, Cecilia hadn't intended to tell Carly about it. That young lady was clever in the ways of life, however, and soon noticed that Cecilia was behaving differently – and with Carly, to think was to question and pester and harass until she had an answer that pleased her. But it was nice for Cecilia to have somebody to whom she could turn when she needed a friend, and to think that she and Roger had a serious enough relationship that she needn't keep it entirely secret.

“Men!” declared Carly dramatically, rolling her eyes and tossing her head, throwing up her hands in a manner which threatened to knock over the pot of sugar on the counter in front of her. “I despair of them as a race separate to our own, and wish they would just hurry up and vanish from the planet.”

“You've found a new one, then,” guessed Cecilia. It was well known that Carly would be talking about a different man every few days; most survived only as long as it took her to meet a new one.

Now, she nodded sagely but refused to say anymore on the subject, and Cecilia was wise enough to drop it. It did no good to tease Carly, but pay absolutely no attention to whatever it was and she would soon be so keen to tell you that, even if you didn't want to know, you'd have to listen. If custom continued the way it was, it was going to be a long day, and Cecilia would know all about the new man by the end of it.

“Let's gossip about you,” said Carly after a moment. Nodding to the gentleman, who had stood up to leave, she waited until the café was empty and then turned to Cecilia. “On Friday you were all misty-eyed and I can see that you're not much better this morning. So, I must ask, what's the cause of all this?”

“Thursday night,” started Cecilia, and then stopped. Her secret was precious, but she found that she just couldn't keep it to herself any longer. “Roger said that he loved me.”

“Oh darling!” Carly grabbed both her hands, holding on to her with such happiness that Cecilia suddenly realised that she really, honestly cared and was pleased for her. “You said it back, of course?”

And, blushing, Cecilia had to admit that yes, she had.
Author:  Finn [ Tue Jan 04, 2011 7:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 04 Jan
You're welcome, my pet. I love this story, and I like Carly very much indeed.
Author:  Myth Tree [ Tue Jan 04, 2011 7:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 04 Jan
Sweet- so why am I quivering and thinking 'Oh no!'

Thanks Ariel, as brilliant as ever
Author:  Abi [ Tue Jan 04, 2011 10:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 04 Jan
As lovely as this at the moment, I must admit to also being an occupant of Camp Wibble.

Thanks, Ariel. :D
Author:  abbeybufo [ Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 04 Jan
I too have a nasty suspicious mind ...

...but love your writing :D
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Wed Jan 05, 2011 12:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 04 Jan
I'm just jealous Finn gets to read this first! :D I love reading about Cecilia
Author:  KathrynW [ Wed Jan 05, 2011 3:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 04 Jan
Thank you for continuing this story...I'm also one of the wibblers and slightly worried about what Cecilia is getting herself into. Whilst I hope that Roger only has the best of intentions, I can't help feeling that this is a dangerous situation for Cecilia and I'm not convinced that she's getting into this relationship for the right reasons. I look forward to seeing where you take this!
Author:  shesings [ Wed Jan 05, 2011 3:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 04 Jan
oooh, great story but wibbkle, wibble, wibble.........
Author:  jayj [ Wed Jan 05, 2011 7:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 04 Jan
I think I'm rather suspicious of Roger too - but I'm hoping those suspicions turn out to be groundless. Thanks!
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Wed Jan 05, 2011 7:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 04 Jan
Hopefully this will provide a little bit of reassurance... or not! Thankyou for all of your comments; they really are helpful. Lots of things to think about, lots of things to plot!


Tripping through the streets that evening, she couldn't help bestowing a smile on everyone that she passed. It had been a busy day in the end – lunchtime had brought with it a rush, which had finally abated half an hour before the café was supposed to shut – and she was worn out, and rather damp, thanks to a torrential downpour on the day she had managed to leave her umbrella at home. However, knowing what she was going home to, knowing exactly how her evening would be and what she would do, she couldn't help but beam on all and sundry.

As she had known it would be, the house was empty when she returned. Now that Roger was team leader, head of something or another (he'd tried to explain several times, but given up in the end) he was frequently not back until early evening, caught up in meetings or the latest kink in the project, but she didn't mind that. It gave her time to come in, have half an hour to herself in a day, and then to start cooking so that the house would smell nice when he did return.

She always was the first one home, anyway – her work was within walking distance of the house, and Roger's was, at the moment, on the other side of the river. Therefore, she was always the one to cook, unless it was a weekend and neither of them were going out. Often they would make separate plans, Cecilia to go out with Carly and her friends while Roger was in the pub. Once, she and Carly had ventured to the theatre – Carly liked to tease her friend about her 'posh beginnings' (Cecilia had ruefully had to admit to private school, her accent gave her away, though she'd never told even Carly more than that) and had, for Cecilia's birthday, bought her theatre tickets as a joke. It had been a fantastic evening and, as they'd only be working together a short time, it was a way of firmly cementing their friendship.

Sometimes, of course, she and Roger would have a weekend alone together. He was showing her all of the famous sights of London, and discovering a few himself in the process, and it was nice to come back and have an evening together.

Cecilia duly set about preparing dinner, cleaning the kitchen and making everything homely for Roger's return. When he came back in, exhausted from the long day, she liked to watch him slump into the sofa with a newspaper until she called him to join her at the table.

They ate in relative silence, telling each other the same things as every evening, with perhaps some gossip thrown in. Cecilia mentioned that Carly had found a new young man to flirt with – the two had never met, but knew a lot about each other nevertheless – and Roger announced that one of his colleagues had had a baby son born in the night.

It was once they were settled down properly, dishes left by the sink and the rest of the bottle of wine on the coffee table before them, that Cecilia raised the topic she really wished to discuss. Since the fateful night neither of them had said those three precious words again, but now she felt ready to talk about what had happened.

“Why do you love me?” she asked suddenly.

Tilting his glass to one side and looking through it consideringly, Roger thought for a moment and then turned to her.

“Because you're funny and you're clever and you make me smile. Because waking up next to you in the mornings, it feels like the most perfect thing in the world and I can't imagine how I managed before I had you there. I don't know – I don't know why I love you and not anybody else. But I do.”

“Doesn't it - “ she stopped and collected herself. “Doesn't it bother you that after all I've done and all I've been I -”

“Yes,” he replied when she stopped again, blushing and confused. “Yes, it bothers me a lot. It wasn't so much when you were just staying here. Then when I started to notice how much I was attracted to you I thought about it a lot, and yes it does bother me. But at the end of the day I'm not much better. I've slept with other women, and done things I'm not proud of. It could never be the same as you, but – we all have a past.”

“It still bothers you, though,” she whispered.

“Yes, it does. Partly for your sake, though. I love you so much that to think of you hurting like that, to think of you going through that – well, it makes me want to hurt someone. I want to hit something, desperately want to be violent or get drunk or do anything just to stop myself from thinking about it. I can't bear the thought of what you went through.”

“I'm sorry.” Cecilia had tears in her eyes now, but she brushed them resolutely with the back of her hand and, taking a large gulp of wine, dared to ask something she really didn't think she wanted to know the answer to. “Does it bother you for you, as well?”

“Yes,” said Roger, surprisingly understanding the question instinctively. “Yes, I don't like the thought of you being with other men. That probably makes me selfish, especially after all my preaching just then about pasts and things – but yes, it does bother me. Not enough to be worth worrying about, though. I certainly won't ever let it get in the way of us, I promise you that. However I feel, and if that's a problem, it's my problem and I'll deal with it.”

“And what about me,” murmured Cecilia almost to herself. “What about if I can't love you back?” Struggling to herself, she looked up at him, fear in her eyes. “I – I loved Matt. What if -”

“No,” said Roger forcefully. “No, don't worry about that. Don't ever worry about that. When I say I love you, I mean it, completely. I'd never, ever treat you how he did. Ever. I'd never do anything to deliberately hurt you, I'd never let anyone hurt you. Please, Cecilia, don't worry about that.”

“I'll try,” she whispered, a sort of promise, curling up in his arms.
Author:  Chris [ Wed Jan 05, 2011 8:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 Jan
Ah, that was so nice. Good of Roger to be so honest too.
Author:  roversgirl [ Wed Jan 05, 2011 9:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 Jan
Slightly reassured but since this is in St Mildred's, still worried! Thanks :-)
Author:  ivohenry [ Wed Jan 05, 2011 9:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 Jan
This does seem to be reassuring, but please find some way soon of letting Jo and Jack know she's OK. How is Roger managing to keep it secret - does he never see Ruey and Roddy, or any of the others? Just a brief note posted somewhere in London in a different district would do. She must know how worried they were last time, surely she'd want them to know she's alive and well, even if not where she is.
Author:  Abi [ Thu Jan 06, 2011 1:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 Jan
They seem to work well together, though I can't help feeling that something's about to go wrong... :)
Author:  Myth Tree [ Thu Jan 06, 2011 8:47 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 Jan
Still wibbling. Even if their relationship succeeds I can't think that any member of the family will be too pleased. Rodger will be in trouble for not telling where Cecilia is at the very least.
Author:  2nd Gen Fan [ Thu Jan 06, 2011 11:43 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 Jan
I'm so pleased you've returned to this world. I'm wondering what ructions will come when the rst of the family find out, but pleased that Roger is being so honest with Cecilia.
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Thu Jan 06, 2011 12:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 Jan
Roger is certainly a lot nicer to Cecilia than Ben was. Thanks Ariel
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Jan 06, 2011 10:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 Jan
Ah, the rest of the family - all that excitement still to come! :wink: Thankyou for the comments!


The next day when she came into work, Cecilia was surprised to see someone new behind the counter. With this stranger was Michael, the owner, who looked up and smiled when he saw it was her. Instinctively wary of people she didn't know, Cecilia went into the back office to hang up her coat and bag and noticed that Carly's were missing. Casting a look of pointed interest at the woman, she said to Michael,

“Is Carly all right?”

“Oh, yes, supposed to be here by now,” he confirmed. “Running late, no doubt, I know that girl. No, no need to worry. This is Bridget – my niece. She's looking for work to fill in time until she finds her next job, so what with the New Year rush just starting up and spring and the busiest season coming, I thought you two might need a hand.”

“You must be Cecilia,” added Bridget herself, extending a hand and looking over Cecilia interestedly. Feeling uncomfortable, she shook hands and then hastened to put on her apron and turn around to fill up the salt cellars and sugar bowls. Knowledge that a third person had come to join them made her heart sink; she enjoyed the long days of chatting with Carly, and she couldn't help but fear that they would become a thing of the past.

Michael finished showing Bridget how to work the till and then called Cecilia into the office, leaving Bridget alone out front. Sitting in the office chair he shuffled some paperwork, motioned for her to shut the door, and then launched into a speech which he had evidently prepared.

“I'm sorry for not giving you more warning – Bridget's just left university and although she's got job interviews lined up it will be at least a month until she gets anything, so I said that I'd help her fill in the time. You and Carly don't need to worry about your jobs, this is only temporary. I'm due at the Portland Rd café today,” with a reference to one of the two other cafés which he owned and was secretly quite proud of, “so I'm leaving you in charge, at least until Carly arrives. I'm sure you two can be trusted to sort yourselves out. Just look after Bridget and make sure she knows what she's doing. Oh, and tell Carly I expect her to stay half an hour after closing to make up for her lateness.”

“Tell her yourself,” retorted Carly, opening the door unexpectedly. “And she'll apologise and explain that the tube got held up and there wasn't much she could do, but that she needs to go an hour early tonight anyway because she's supposed to collect her younger brother from school.”

“I don't mind,” said Cecilia hastily. “After all, I'll have Bridget to help me shut up.”

With that the arrangement seemed to be finalised. After a final few words to his niece, Michael left the three young women alone. One customer came, then three at once, and by the time they'd got through the resulting queue and half the tables were filled with people, Carly and Cecilia had realised that Bridget was going to be almost hopeless, for she was clumsier than anybody they had ever known. Friendly to the world, Carly happily chattered as they started on the cleaning tasks between customers, showing Bridget the list of what needed to be done and then applying herself to her work, telling them all the details of going to the cinema the night before with her new gentleman. Less trusting, Cecilia worked in silence, fretting at this stranger in her midst.

It was in the afternoon, once they'd all had their lunch breaks, that they really started to get to know Bridget. In contrast to the day before, there had been a brief busy period over lunch which had suddenly deadened, so that the café was empty and they were left lounging in various attitudes of boredom.

“I say!” exclaimed Carly suddenly. Cecilia was unplaiting her hair to redo it in a neater style, while Bridget ran a damp cloth along the top of the worktop pointlessly. “You must make us a promise, Bridget. We do love and respect your uncle, and he's one of the dearest bosses a soul could wish for, but you must know that in the workplace there are certain rules – and grumbling about bosses is one of them. You won't mind if we do occasionally, will you?”

“Oh, of course not,” promised Bridget, smiling benevolently. She seemed to be a rather benevolent person in general. “I'm not here to spy, honest. It was just so dreadfully dull at home all day, waiting to find a job, that I positively begged Uncle Mike to let me have something. He thought I'd be happiest here, with two people about my own age.”

“What are you hoping to be?”

“A journalist.”

Cecilia looked up so suddenly that she lost her plait and her hair fell limply down her back. Panic seized her as she stared at Bridget, the full implications of what she'd just said coming to Cecilia in waves of despair. The last thing she needed was to be in close confinement with somebody whose ideal job was to find out stories and publish them to all and sundry.

Not that she was conceited enough to think that she would ever make front page news. But there was surely a story in her; that Dr Jack Maynard, widely expected in medical circles to join his brother-in-law and mentor Sir James Russell in the honours list soon, had a daughter who had run away from the prestigious and world renowned Chalet School to be a prostitute in the streets of Paris, and who was now living in sin with her adopted brother. If that got into the press – and surely it would be worthy of a few column inches – not only would she bring shame to all those dearest to her. Worse still, they would find out where she was, and she wasn't ready for that yet.
Author:  roversgirl [ Fri Jan 07, 2011 5:06 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 Jan
Poor Cecilia. I'm sure she's overthinking things. But I do wonder if they could really trust Bridget not to talk? Thanks :-)
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Fri Jan 07, 2011 10:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 Jan
Regardless if Bridget is trustworthy, I'd be panicking too
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Fri Jan 07, 2011 7:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 Jan
Fiona Mc wrote:
Regardless if Bridget is trustworthy, I'd be panicking too


I hope that you've got a Roger of your own, then! :lol:

How she got through the rest of the afternoon she didn't know, though it was on record that she almost didn't say another word, and nothing at all that wasn't to do with work. Assuming that something was wrong between her and Roger, Carly let the matter go for now and kept Bridget occupied with other things. Grateful for the space, Cecilia tried to get her muddled thoughts in order, but as soon as she'd convinced herself that she was so unimportant it would never matter anyway, she'd turn around and see Bridget staring at her, and all of her old paranoia would come to light. Because if Bridget even suspected anything, it wouldn't take long before Carly – and therefore most other people she knew – would come to hear of her past, and the dream would be over, the illusion shattered.

What a relief it was to leave the café and start to walk home. The last hour, having said a very reluctant farewell to Carly, had been almost torture, and though Bridget tried to talk to her, she only responded with another instruction. As they were locking the door, though, she suddenly on impulse muttered something about bad news at home, and that she hadn't meant to be funny at all, she was sorry. Turning and bowing her head, she started to struggle through the crowds, not bothering about what Bridget would make of it all.

The time until Roger came home was nightmarish, and she applied herself first to viciously cleaning the place and then to preparing dinner, wishing that Roger would come back and make it all safe again. Every second seemed to go slower and slower, until an abyss of years separated her from all reality, and time was almost suspended.

A door, the front door, clicking into place, and Roger's cheery greeting from the hallway, broke the tension, and suddenly released, Cecilia flew to him, throwing herself into his arms and squeezing as tightly as she could. Surprised, he held onto her for a long moment, then held her back to arm's length and looked her over.

“Give me a chance to make a cup of coffee,” he said, “then tell me all about it. You look like you've seen the ghosts of all the banshees coming back to haunt you.”

“Just someone new at work,” explained Cecilia, trailing after him and going back to the food she was preparing. With a heavy sigh, she diced up the rest of the vegetable and tipped it into the waiting pan. Having cleared down the worktop and wiped it over, she turned to watch him sit down at the table, then added, “I don't like her.”

“What's wrong with her?”

“She wants to be a journalist, and she's going to find out all about me and then where will I be? She mustn't know, she can't. Nobody must.”

To her horror, Roger burst out laughing, but seeing that she was on the verge of tears he stopped, set down his cup, and drew her down onto his lap, where he held her softly, stroking her hair. After a few moments, he sought out her fingers and wrapped his own around them, gently caressing her.

“Don't get into a panic,” he murmured. “Even if she does want to be a journalist – and that's only want, it's not like she has a whole newspaper behind her to start digging – she won't be interested in you. So you might have an unconventional background, but that's hardly newsworthy.”

“But mum and dad are so well known. What would people think of Josephine M. Bettany having spawned a whore for a daughter?”

“Joey Maynard has a daughter she loves very much, even when said daughter says daft things,” retorted Roger fondly. “Really, I know that it must be hard to believe, but I don't suppose it will ever come to anything.” Seeing that she was still unconvinced, he prodded her firmly in the side. “Don't go thinking, miss, that you've got all that famous a family. I bet far more people know who my father was than yours. So there!”

“Oh, I know I'm being silly – but what if she does? Even just one piece and they'd all know where I was.”

“There won't be. No newspaper would be that interested in gossip that they'd actually print it. And this all requires Bridget doing some – fairly heavy – searching on you, anyway. Nobody we know would talk to her for an article or something, and it'd be hard to find anybody to verify the story even if she did come to know of it. Just tell her if she asks that you don't talk to your family anymore and don't want to. No harm in that, is there?”

“Well -”

“Well nothing. I'm right, as always, and as always you'll just have to accept it. So, when will my dinner be ready, eh, wench?”

“Never, if you talk to me like that again!” she retorted, but all the same she went back to her cooking, heart lighter at Roger's reassurances.
Author:  roversgirl [ Fri Jan 07, 2011 9:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 07 Jan
Glad Roger's been supportive and think he's right on a lot of things. Thanks :-)
Author:  Abi [ Fri Jan 07, 2011 10:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 07 Jan
Glad Roger's been able to reassure her; he seems to be very sensible... :D
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Fri Jan 07, 2011 11:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 07 Jan
Thanks, though am wibbling. No matter how reassuring Roger is, I can't see Cecilia relaxing around Bridget
Author:  charli [ Sat Jan 08, 2011 11:50 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 07 Jan
I promised myself last night that I would catch up with this today, and I am so glad I have! It is as brilliant as always Ariel, and I can't wait for more updates. (hint hint :wink: ) Lucky lucky Finn getting to proof read this!
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Jan 08, 2011 7:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 07 Jan
Thanks all! Hint duly taken! As for Finn, I don't know about lucky, the way I bother him :lol: I do appreciate it, though, love!

Mindful of Roger's counsel, the next day Cecilia determined to go into work unafraid. After all, he was right; even if Bridget should come to know of her background there couldn't be any interest in her story – and until that came to light, she was nothing more than a waitress in a café. True her voice and mannerisms might give her away a little, but there was no reason why Bridget shouldn't assume an innocent explanation for this.

She was the first one there that morning, and she treated herself to the indulgence of making a cup of tea as she started to prepare the café in a leisurely manner. Putting out cutlery in the familiar way, cups stacked up in easy reach ready to be used, condiments laid out on each table and any stray dishes from the night before washed up. It was all exactly as it had been the day before and would be the day after: a unerring routine that she knew intimately enough to do in her sleep.

She'd just finished the last task and flipped the sign on the door to read 'Open' when Carly appeared with a jovial greeting and a plea for a hot drink. While she was still scrabbling to tie on her apron, Bridget also walked in, and to Cecilia's relief she smiled. The latter had been worried that her oddness the day before would have cooled Bridget towards her, but with this small encouragement she determined to be as normal today as if only she and Carly had been working.

“So how was last night?” she asked genially of the pair, as Carly made two more cups of tea and they waited for their first customer.

“Oh, don't ask!” declared Carly in her most melodramatic manner, rolling her eyes in such an over-exaggerated way that both women giggled. Passing one mug to Bridget, and cradling her own, she added, “I was being taken out for a walk along the river by a certain male friend of mine. Only he turned up at the house just in time to see Pete be sick right down the front of my dress.”

“Nothing wrong, I hope?” asked Cecilia quickly. She had met Carly's family a few times, and at one time Carly had even hinted that Cecilia might rather like her older brother, Johnny.

“Nothing wrong with Pete! He's been a bit funny for a couple of days, it was why I had to collect him from school yesterday, to take him to the doctor's. They think it's just a bug and did say it might get worse – he's been throwing up on and off since yesterday. Off school now, of course, though home on his own. No, he's fine, it'll pass in a couple of days; but as for the young, er, gentleman, that's another matter.”

“Didn't he like it?” asked Bridget.

“It was more the half an hour he had to wait while I found another dress that he didn't like so much. We had our walk and he was jolly nice and all that – but I don't think he shall want to see me again. Which means, ladies, that you must take me out one night soon to meet a few more men!”

The end of the conversation was heralded by the arrival of a couple, their first customers, and after that work commenced properly. Around mid-morning it started to rain, which always brought customers in, and they hardly had time to breathe for a few hours. They still managed some snatched bursts of conversation, but mostly there was too much to do to have time to chat.

It was as they were closing up for the night in the empty shop that Bridget turned to ask Cecilia if she had any plans for that evening. Thinking quickly, or trying to at any rate, she replied politely,

“Oh, I'm sure that I shall just stay in. I live with my brother, you see, and we like to be quiet during the week when we both have work.”

She could see out the corner of her eye Carly open her mouth, but for once, thankfully, tact caught up with her and she shut it again silently.

“It must be very odd not to still live with your parents,” commented Bridget innocently. “I don't know what I'd do without mum.”

“My parents are dead.” Cecilia didn't know why she'd said it, the words had been spoken almost before she realised what she was saying. Blushing, she hastily bustled the broom with which she'd been sweeping the floor – the last job she had to do – into the office and started to pull on her coat. Emerging again, she added, “I'd better go, you'll be all right to finish won't you?”

“I'm sorry,” said Bridget said quickly. “I didn't mean to upset you. I hope you don't think I was prying.”

“No problem,” Cecilia reassured her, walking purposefully over to the door. “I'll see you both tomorrow.”

Halfway down the street, and she started to hope that she'd escaped. Bridget would, hopefully, put her sudden exit down to the mention of dead parents, and she could deal with Carly next time they got a few moments alone together. That, however, proved to be sooner than she was expecting; a hand on her arm suddenly made her turn round, to see her friend, still in her apron, her hair coming down at one side from running to catch up with Cecilia.

“Why did you just lie to Bridget?” she asked.
Author:  charli [ Sat Jan 08, 2011 7:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 08 Jan
Well??? Why did she just lie? Thanks for such a quick update Ariel. :D
Author:  Abi [ Sat Jan 08, 2011 10:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 08 Jan
Poor Cecilia, feeling she has to lie about her past to protect herself. :(

Thanks, Ariel.
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sun Jan 09, 2011 3:56 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 08 Jan
That lie may cause more problems than she wants. Poor Cecilia, she really needs a break
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sun Jan 09, 2011 6:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 08 Jan
You think I would be so nice to my characters as to give them a break? You clearly don't know me at all! Thankyou for the comments, it's so heartening to know that people are still reading.

The first thing that came to her lips was a denial, but she knew better than that. Lying wouldn't fool Carly, it would only upset her and put her back up. For long seconds Cecilia was silent, the wind blowing her hair and coat out to one side, her hands buried deep in her pockets. There was a sweet buried in the corner, from the last time she'd been out at the weekend with Roger, and they'd walked around St. Paul's Cathedral eating mints and teasing each other.

“Come back to mine,” she vouchsafed at last. “We'll talk.”

“I really should be getting back to Pete,” faltered Carly but, seeing that Cecilia was quite prepared to turn and keep walking, she added hastily, “though I guess Ma will look after him all right for now. I can't stay long, though. I don't like trying to get back to the house after dark on my own.”

Silently, Cecilia stood, and after an indecisive second Carly ran back to the café to fetch her belongings and lock up. Hidden by the crowds, Cecilia watched as her friend herded Bridget out of the shop and carefully made sure that the latter went the opposite way before turning and coming back to Cecilia. Words, at that moment, seemed somewhat futile, and they walked in silence until they reached the house.

“Tea?” asked Cecilia once they were inside. Seeing that Carly was settling herself quite happily in the living room, she spent as long as she could in the kitchen, but eventually emerged holding two cups in her hand. She put them down on the table and then waved at them. “I would have done the posh teapot, but -”

“Oh, no need to stand on ceremony for me!” promised Carly. “That goes for anything, by the way. Including the truth. So, why lie to Bridget? I guess I know why you still want people to think Roger's your brother, but we had a long conversation once about whether your parents would approve him, and you were quite coy about it.”

“Actually, Roger is my brother, sort of,” corrected Cecilia, to keep away from the issue of her parents as long as she could. “Not properly, I mean, but – his dad was an astronaut, tried to fly to the moon and was never heard of again. He doesn't talk about it much. This was all when he was an adult, really, but he has a younger sister and a younger brother. My parents sort of adopted them, took them in for school holidays and stuff.”

“Weird!” laughed Carly. “Isn't it really odd to be – well, you know – with him now?”

“Having sex? Not like you to be so shy, my dear! Not really, no. Like I said, he was all but an adult, I only ever really saw him when Ruey and Roddy were at ours and he'd come and visit. They're distantly related to some very distant relations of ours, as well, so often they'd stay with them. And they're all so much older than me! No, he's not my brother in any real sense, that's just a convenient way of putting it. Bridget's not to know that, though!”

“I don't know, she strikes me as the type to have a boyfriend hidden away somewhere so that mummy won't find out about him.” Not to be diverted by idle gossip, Carly sipped her tea and then tackled the main issue. “Why lie about your parents, though? Unless you've just realised that I must have come up with every explanation under the sun for you being here and what the big mystery is, and you just don't want someone else being curious.”

Cecilia paused, thought. Right at that moment, she didn't think she could have told anybody the truth, and least of all someone she so dearly didn't want to lose. She trusted Carly, though, trusted that she wouldn't be scared off by at least a sanitised version of the truth. At the very least, she could convince Carly of something far less sensational than she knew that lady's lurid imagination would have stretched to.

“I ran away,” she shrugged. “I couldn't stand it anymore, the expectations, the nagging, the always trying to be someone else. So I ran. Not here at first, but eventually I ran out of money and had to turn up on Roger's door and beg charity. You know the rest.”

“And you couldn't tell Bridget this because she asks more questions than I do, and you really don't want to talk about it.”

Cecilia sat quietly and watched as Carly built up the story in her own mind, filled in the gaps with her own facts and invented her own characters for the drama. All through their acquaintance, she'd sensed that with Cecilia there were questions that she just couldn't ask, and though she'd had to learn what they were, she'd done her best to avoid them. It was an effort that Cecilia did appreciate, and she could see that now Carly was slotting everything neatly into place as part of the half-truth she'd been given.

“Now you know,” she said after a minute. “At the moment I'm hiding out. They don't know where I am. I'm just enjoying being free, having fun, growing up in my own way. I have Roger to look after me, and one day soon I'll get back in touch with them, at least to let them know I'm safe. But until then, I'd really rather not go into it.”

“We'd better talk about Friday night, and how you'll take me out dancing, then,” declared Carly. She may not be the most sensitive soul in the world, but even she could understand a hint that large. Gratefully, Cecilia seized on the offering, and from then on they talked about which venue they could go to this time, and who they should invite along.

It kept them happily occupied for far longer than either expected. It was only when the front door slammed shut, signalling Roger's return, that they realised just how late it was, and Carly set down her mug with a start. Before she could stand up, Roger opened the door and for a moment simply stared at them. Then, suddenly, without warning, he whitened perceptibly.
Author:  Finn [ Sun Jan 09, 2011 6:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 09 Jan
I like proofing, as I've told you countless times, you daffy idiot. And I really like this story - it's excellent! I'm just waiting for the next bit...
Author:  shesings [ Sun Jan 09, 2011 7:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 09 Jan
Oh noooo!!!!! Not Roger and Carly. please!
Author:  roversgirl [ Sun Jan 09, 2011 9:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 09 Jan
Oh no, really! That would be too bad. Hope you have time to update this very soon! Thanks! :-)
Author:  robinette [ Sun Jan 09, 2011 11:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 09 Jan
This is brilliant Ariel, please be nice to cecil she's had a pretty rough time.
Author:  Abi [ Sun Jan 09, 2011 11:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 09 Jan
Oh no, what now...? :shock:
Author:  jayj [ Mon Jan 10, 2011 12:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 09 Jan
Just caught up on lots of this and now I'm wibbling on a cliff! I hope there's some perfectly innocent explanation...
Author:  charli [ Mon Jan 10, 2011 12:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 09 Jan
:shock: :shock:
What? How does Roger know Carly?

*sailing majestically over the cliff edge*
*hopes for a soft landing!*
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Mon Jan 10, 2011 6:46 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 09 Jan
charli wrote:
:shock: :shock:
What? How does Roger know Carly?

*sailing majestically over the cliff edge*
*hopes for a soft landing!*


Not a chance with Ariel in charge.


And if Finn gets sick of proofing I'm happy to do it. Don't know how good I'll be, but at least I'd get first dibs on reading it :lol: :wink:
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Mon Jan 10, 2011 9:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 09 Jan
Well, how long did you expect me to go on without a good cliff? Thankyou for all of the comments - and I hope that this is a lesson to some of you not to assume things! :lol: Also, thanks for the display of majestic cliff jumping, I was much impressed! (And thankyou for the proofing offer - should Finn ever become sick of it, I'll remember that!)

“Carly?” he asked quietly. She had turned to look at him, and suddenly her eyes widened in recognition, and she exclaimed. It was hard to tell if it was shock, delight or horror that it most expressed, but a moment later she had jumped out of her seat and embraced him warmly, arms thrown around his neck. Even as Cecilia tried to recover from this, Carly stepped back and then audibly slapped Roger, who blinked owlishly.

“Roger,” she sighed, having completed this, and sat back down again, beaming at her friend, who stared back in stupefaction. Seeing that nobody else seemed inclined to speak, she added, to nobody in particular, “It's been a long time since I last saw you.”

“Four years,” he replied, as almost simultaneously Cecilia recovered enough to ask,

“You know each other?”

“Nope, that's how I greet all strange men.” Carly grinned, then sobered. “Well, sort of. As I said, long time, and even back then we clearly didn't know you that well at all. Sorry, Cecilia, I didn't mean to confuse you. I'm sure Roger will explain when I've gone.”

Suiting her actions to a word, this was exactly what she prepared to do, gathering up her bag and scarf and pulling on her coat. All the time Roger stood in silence, watching her like one in a dream, following every movement closely and looking so ashen that Cecilia started to really worry. Shaking herself, she automatically followed Carly to the door.

“I'll see you in work tomorrow,” said Carly gently. She pulled Cecilia into a hug and then stepped back. “It isn't really my story to tell, but we can talk about it tomorrow if you want. Night.”

“Bye,” murmured Cecilia, and prepared to shut the door. But before she could, Roger appeared, and, in a strangely unemotional voice asked,

“How's John?”

“Fine.”

Carly turned and was gone, while Cecilia moved back inside. Much as she wanted to demand the truth of Roger, she felt that she couldn't possibly sit still, and took the mugs into the kitchen, preparing to wash them up with the rest of the dishes. Silently he followed her, and sat down behind her at the kitchen table. Once she'd stopped herself shaking enough to handle the dishes safely, and without turning around, she commented,

“You seemed very familiar.”

“Yes.” Pulling himself together, he stood up and started to boil the kettle, to remove a mug from the cupboard and go through the familiar motions. “Yes, I used to know her brother.”

“Why did she hit you?”

For a long time he didn't reply. The kettle whistled merrily from his perch, and as she concentrated furiously on washing dishes, she heard him open the fridge to fetch the milk, return it and sit down again. Rhythmically, the clink of dishes and the splashing of water were the only noises, Cecilia not daring to start thinking of all the possibilities, all the things that she didn't want to hear.

“It was a long time ago,” he said at last. “You don't want to know.”

“Now I really do,” she retorted. Still she couldn't bear to turn around, to look at him. Scrubbing furiously at the burnt food on the bottom of the saucepan, she did her best to blink back tears. “Whatever it is, please just be honest. I have been with you, and it can't be worse than some of the things you know about me.”

“Four years.” The sadness in his voice was overwhelming, and Cecilia could see him shake his head a little out the corner of her eye. Resolutely she watched her own reflection in the window, instead. “That must make it six years since I first met John. We used to work together for a while, just chummy at first, like we all were on the site. But then we went out for a pint together a couple of times, and we started to get to know each other.

“Naturally we grew into proper friends. One night we got really drunk, and I ended up passing out on his sofa – and waking up in the morning to the sight of Ma Simons. I leave you to imagine that. Anyway, I went round a few times, I used to chat to Carly and Peter while I waited for him to be ready for whatever we'd planned that night. Ma Simons used to insist on cooking dinner for me; she said that a single man living by himself couldn't possibly be eating properly.”

“You never said that you knew her,” whispered Cecilia as he stopped again.

“I didn't – or, rather, I didn't know that Carly you worked with could possibly be John's sister. You never mentioned her family, or I might have realised.”

This was true. Before they'd become intimate, they'd had an unspoken, mutual agreement that neither needed to know very much about the other's life. Both had just found it easier to keep to themselves and not get too close. Even now, Cecilia realised with a jolt, they might live together, but they really knew very little of each other. Suddenly, she doubted that she knew anything important about Roger at all.

“She used to have a crush on me,” laughed Roger suddenly, apparently irrelevantly. “I remember John and I joking about it, and him giving me some gentle warning. She was only a young girl – still a teenager.”

At this, Cecilia stayed pointedly silent. She might behave like she was much older than she was, and she might have been through far more than most people her age, but she didn't feel any less infantilised by the tactless comment. Misunderstanding her silence, Roger suddenly asked,

“Do I detect a hint of female jealousy?”

“No, just curiosity as to the point of this little trip,” returned Cecilia, more sharply than she intended. Let him think she was jealous, if he couldn't work out the truth for himself. “And don't try and tell me you broke her heart and that was reason enough to stop seeing your friend. Anyway, Carly wouldn't have reacted like that for nothing. She gets her heart broken every other week.”

“No,” said Roger softly. “No, it wasn't her heart that I broke.”
Author:  roversgirl [ Mon Jan 10, 2011 9:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 10 Jan
Poor Cecilia and poor Roger. I think that was two cliffs in a row! thanks :-)
Author:  charli [ Mon Jan 10, 2011 9:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 10 Jan
That was totally another cliff! But luckily I was prepared this time and bought by trampoline with me! That was compulsive reading , many thanks!
Author:  Finn [ Mon Jan 10, 2011 10:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 10 Jan
I will fight for my right to proof with all the weapons at my disposal - a fountain pen and half a bottle of gin! Bring it on!

Thanks, Ariel - I love all the cliffs! I think I shall have to start taking a leaf out of your book - torturing readers is fun! ;)
Author:  robinette [ Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 10 Jan
I feel sorry for all of them, thanks Ariel
Author:  Abi [ Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 10 Jan
Oh dear....

Thanks Ariel :)
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Tue Jan 11, 2011 10:53 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 10 Jan
Ariel, Ariel, where for art thou Ariel :lol:

Please don't make us wait for too long. Thanks
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Tue Jan 11, 2011 10:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 10 Jan
I'm not actually supposed to post an update today, as I haven't written the corresponding one, but... I'll be kind!

Without warning, he stood up and moved into the living room, shuffling a little, a confused man. Cecilia stayed by the sink and, once sure he was gone, dabbed at her eyes with the back of her hand. Somehow, she even got through the rest of the washing up without breaking anything, and then she stopped. Part of her, a large part of her that had made her run away in the first place, wanted to start cooking, to overwhelm herself in ordinary, domestic chores until Roger had time to compose himself and they could carry on as if nothing had happened. She needed to maintain the fragile veneer of normality she'd built around herself.

Yet she knew that the little voice, now it was there, wouldn't stop talking. It would keep her awake at night, whispering to her, making her wonder more and more. She would have to face Carly again. She would have to know the truth, by accident or design, it was going to be foisted on her. Silently, she cursed herself for having brought Carly back to the house. She never had before; it was Roger's house, she was only staying there temporarily, and even now she called it home she still didn't like to let her friends invade his space. She should have waited until Bridget left and the café was empty and then they could have talked there.

She hadn't, though, and now she here she was. Almost against her will she found herself in the living room, watching Roger sit on the sofa and stare into space. There was still time to forget it, to tell herself it was nothing, to carry on with life as it had been before and could be again. A comment about dinner, some indication that she wasn't thinking of it, and she knew he would never raise the subject. She didn't have to do it, she didn't have to know about a past she'd rather didn't disturb her.

Silently, she sat down on the sofa next to him.

“Did you ever hear of my girlfriend who died?” At her nod, he nodded too. “I know I never told you all, but Ruey wrote, and I got back letters from Joey and Jack, and Len and Con. She was – she was run over one morning. I saw her the night before, and then suddenly, she wasn't there. Marita was her name, I don't know if anyone ever told you that.”

“You must have been really upset,” said Cecilia gently, when she saw that he wasn't going to say anything else. “I'm sorry.”

“Not that upset,” he replied. He was still just staring out into the space, eyes unfocused as if he didn't even realise who she was. “But, you see, I met her through John. I – she – when I met her, she was so in love. With John. They were so happy together, you could see it just by looking at them. They had that look, of people who will always be together and love each other, like nothing could ever separate them.”

“So what happened?” whispered Cecilia, ice creeping around her heart slowly. Without blinking, he transferred his stare to her, and suddenly she realised that she wished he hadn't at all. It was unnerving, so piercing and yet unseeing.

“I wanted her,” he said simply. “I wanted her for myself, and yet she was with John, my friend. Would you believe me if I said that I tried not to? Probably not. I did all the tempting, you see. One night, I let it be known to her that I liked her, begged her not to tell John. For months I tempted her, made her come to me instead. Slowly, I was the one she started to look at in that way. She had such beautiful eyes, the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen.”

“You took her.” For all her self-control that she was trying to exert, Cecilia couldn't stop the quaver of her voice, could only hide her shaking hands in her lap so that he might not see. This was the honourable, good man that she'd fallen in love with. He wouldn't do something bad. He couldn't.

“Yes, I took her. I broke John's heart. He never forgave me. Of course, that was the end of our friendship, the day that she told him she was leaving him for me. I'd expected him to shout, to hit me maybe. He didn't. He just said that if that was what she had to do to be happy, he would try to understand.”

“It must have been awful when she died,” murmured Cecilia suddenly, slipping her hand into his own. She, of all people, should know what you would do for love, out of love. She knew what it was to give up a life for love, come what may. “You must have hurt so badly.”

“Nope.” Shaking his hand free, Roger took a shaky drink from his mug of coffee. He had been staring at her, but now he turned back to the wall again, still emotionless, still staring. “You think I loved her. I didn't. No, I wanted her, I lusted after her, and I did what I had to to fulfil my lust. That was all. I never cared about her, she was just another beautiful woman, an incredibly attractive one. And just before she died she started to realise that, started to see that I didn't have any feelings for her, I'd taken her away from the man she loved only for my own pleasure.”

“Not you,” whispered Cecilia, stricken. She wanted, longed to feel emotion, instead of the blank, horrific emptiness as she looked at Roger – her Roger – and saw only a very different man. He turned with such ferocity that she started back, shocked at what she saw on his face.

“How do you not see a bus coming towards you?”

It was all that he needed to say. Her hand over her mouth as she tried desperately to hold in the feeling that suddenly flooded her, she stared at him, whimpered, not wanting to cry, not wanting to be angry at him, not wanting this. She wanted to go back three hours, to not invite Carly, to not have to know this.

“The last time I saw them all was at the funeral. John was crying, in front of all those people, he would have been ashamed to do that otherwise. Carly was, too; crying for the sister she could have had. None of them said a word, just looked at me as they walked past. I'd only gone to the funeral as a convention, I only grieved for her selfishly, grieving for myself really.”

Suddenly his voice wavered and broke, he tried to reach out for her, but she stood up, evaded his embrace. There were tears, damp on her cheeks and blurring her sight. She felt as if she was dying, her stomach contracted painfully, her heart beating so heavily it was all she could hear. Nothing was real anymore, nothing could be real, she knew it couldn't, knew this couldn't be happening.

Because in front of her, looking at her for comfort, trying to say something to her, was Matt.
Author:  roversgirl [ Tue Jan 11, 2011 10:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 11 Jan
Poor Roger and poor Cecilia. I hope she realises that people can change. Thanks.
Author:  Abi [ Tue Jan 11, 2011 10:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 11 Jan
Oh, poor Cecilia, just when she was starting to feel safe and secure. :(

Thanks, Ariel. :D
Author:  charli [ Wed Jan 12, 2011 1:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 11 Jan
roversgirl wrote:
Poor Roger and poor Cecilia. I hope she realises that people can change. Thanks.

I hope so too!

Thanks for a quick update Ariel. very much appreciated. :D
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Wed Jan 12, 2011 12:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 11 Jan
Oh Cecilia :cry:
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Wed Jan 12, 2011 9:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 11 Jan
Er, small language warning for this one!

It was nearly an hour before Roger dared to venture upstairs to the bedroom, whence Cecilia had fled. First he had to compose himself, and then to give her time to become more composed as well. Naturally it had been a shock, he understood that, especially with the way that he'd told her. Seeing Carly so suddenly had jolted him back to the past, and to that time, and he hadn't thought about what he was saying. He hadn't meant to upset Cecilia, he'd thought that it was so far in the past that she wouldn't be this upset.

Swinging the door open softly, he watched her, hunched into a ball on the bed, and did his best not to smile. It was wholly inappropriate to the situation, he knew, but even when she was unhappy, just seeing her was enough to make him happy. Coming forwards, he sat down next to her feet, and hesitatingly he placed a hand on her leg.

“I'm sorry I made you cry,” he murmured. “I didn't mean to. All that stuff, it's so long in the past. It was just seeing her again, so suddenly, it was such a shock. I'm sorry.”

The eyes she turned to him smouldered with resentment, fear and anger, hurt and betrayal. Shocked, he was overwhelmed with a sudden memory, of her looking like that before; it had been in Freudesheim. She'd been telling him of when they took her baby away. If he'd made her feel even a small part of how she'd felt just recounting that time of her life then he knew he'd driven her away forever.

“You used her,” whispered Cecilia hoarsely.

“Yes,” he replied, honestly. “Yes, I did. But I was young then, I was heedless and thoughtless and selfish and I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't ever think she'd – Look, Marita was a long time ago, and a long time away from the person I am now. Don't you think I've learnt from that? Don't you think I've changed, vowed that I'll never make the same mistake again?”

“Don't you think,” retorted Cecilia, sitting up and trying to brush the tear stains from her cheeks with a handkerchief she'd taken from his drawer, “that I've learnt my lesson about trusting men who use women for their bodies?”

“I'm not like him,” said Roger at once, flatly. “I'm not and you know I'm not. I would never – never -”

“He told me he loved me, too. He used to say it to me and I used to feel so special. Just like I do with you. Only I'd convinced myself that you were different, because you meant it, and you'd always let me feel this way about you. Are all men the same? Are you all just incapable of feelings, of love?”

Roger took a deep breath, tried to stop his hands from shaking. Firmly, he told himself not to think of himself like that. He knew that it was a long time ago, he knew that he'd changed so much since then. He knew that Cecilia would feel like this, of course she would; she was wary of anyone, waiting to be hurt all over again. The only reason that she could trust him, and love him, was because he knew her secret and he'd kept it for her, he'd proved himself that way. Once she'd had time to take in the news, to appreciate that everybody did things they regretted, then they could talk and then he could explain properly.

“Look,” he said at last, seeing that she was waiting for a response. “I understand how you feel, I do. I understand why you're upset. It's a shock, I know that. But you have to see that it isn't like that – I am not like that. It's hard for you, here in London, and you must have felt really alone sometimes, especially at the moment when something like this happens.” He paused, trying to marshal his thoughts. “Perhaps if you talked to someone, got help -”

“You're the problem here,” she interrupted fiercely, standing up. “You're the bastard and the liar and the one who doesn't care about anyone else. Don't turn this onto me, don't make this about me. It isn't me who needs help.”

“Cecilia -” he started again, but by now she was visibly trembling, all hint of tears banished. Drawing herself up to her full height, she gave him such a look as silenced him instantly and made him bow his head, not able to look at her. To his surprise he was blushing, ashamed and not knowing why. At last, he whispered, “I'm sorry.”

“So am I,” she replied clearly. “I think it would be best if I moved back into the other room. I need some time alone, to think. I need to try and work out if you're still the man I thought you were. And time to find somewhere else to live, if that's what I decide to do.”

“No,” he begged, suddenly confused and not knowing when he'd lost all power in the situation. To his vague surprise he realised, somewhere in the back of his conscious, that he was crying. “No, don't say that. Of course you need to think but you don't need to leave me, we can talk about it, I can explain, I -”

“I'll stay until I find somewhere else,” promised Cecilia in a hard voice. “We'll see what happens before then. Now I'm going to make up the other bed. I want to spend my evening alone.”

She turned and left the room.
Author:  roversgirl [ Wed Jan 12, 2011 9:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 12 Jan
I understand her trust issues but do feel that she could try to recognise that he's changed. Thanks.
Author:  Abi [ Wed Jan 12, 2011 10:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 12 Jan
I think Roger's going to have to give her some space - if he tries to force things there's no way she'll be able to trust him again.

Thanks, Ariel. :D
Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Wed Jan 12, 2011 10:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 12 Jan
Given her previous experience with Matt, Cecilia's immediate reaction to Roger's explanation is sad, but not at all unexpected - no wonder that she feels he's now simply another man who has betrayed her trust. She needs time to try to come to terms with the revelation, but I hope that in the end she will come to understand that Roger really *has* changed, and is not just *saying* that he has.

Thanks, CM.
Author:  Finn [ Wed Jan 12, 2011 10:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 12 Jan
Oh, I do love this story! I'm on tenterhooks along with everyone else now - better check my inbox for more proofing material!

*giggles evilly*
Author:  jayj [ Wed Jan 12, 2011 11:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 12 Jan
Hmm, but has Roger changed?

This makes me uneasy:

Quote:
“No,” he begged, suddenly confused and not knowing when he'd lost all power in the situation.


There's something about his use of the word 'power' in reference to this situation, and their relationship more generally, that unsettles me, and I think it points to a complete imbalance in their relationship. Because power was what it was all about with his former girlfriend too. And yes, he might actually care for Cecilia in a way that he didn't care for Marita, but I'm not sure that means he's changed.

But perhaps Cecilia's a tougher cookie than Marita? I certainly hope so!
Author:  Myth Tree [ Wed Jan 12, 2011 11:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 12 Jan
To be honest I think Cecilia definately needs more time to recover from her past. She may have drifted into this relationship a bit quickly, she needs to discover her own strength.

Am 'enjoying' this and hope Roger and Cecilia can see where the problem might be and take appropriate steps.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Jan 13, 2011 6:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 12 Jan
Thankyou, everyone - as I said, I love reading everyone's views about the relationship! But now, for a little change of scene and pace...

The next day in the café was awkward for all concerned. Bridget could sense the atmosphere surrounding her two colleagues, but was uncertain as to whether she could do anything about it, and so she recoursed to telling them excitedly of the interview she had been invited to in a few day's time, in the fervent hope that the bliss of ignorance would remain hers. Not knowing what Roger had said once she left, Carly didn't like to bring up the subject with Cecilia, and, indeed, had no opportunity to find out, since Bridget was with them, and so they were left to listen to Bridget and try to behave as ordinarily as possible.

Around the end of the afternoon, when trade was slow and the time until closing was dragging past, Carly glanced across at her friend and then subtly motioned for Bridget to join her at the other end of the counter. Carefully keeping her voice low, she started to murmur something and, aware that they didn't think they could be heard, Cecilia eavesdropped unashamedly. She was in such a bad mood, and she knew they would be talking about her, so she told herself that her behaviour, which once she would have scorned, was entirely vindicated.

“Look, why don't you take a break,” suggested Carly. “I'm sure we can cope.” Seeing Bridget about to protest, she slid her eyes pointedly towards Cecilia's stiff back and added, “I need to talk to someone.”

“A cup of coffee would be nice,” pontificated Bridget, just slightly too loudly. Cecilia hunched over on herself, grumpily telling herself that she didn't want to talk to Carly and that young lady had no right to say such things.

Waiting until Bridget had sat down at the other end of the café with her drink, Carly sauntered over and started to wipe down the worktop, next to the coffee machine which Cecilia was cleaning. But, seeing her friend's face, she decided that rather than the casual chatter she'd planned, the best thing would be to jump in with what she wanted to say.

“He told you, didn't he?” At the grudging nod she received, Carly tried to touch Cecilia's arm, but Cecilia jerked away pointedly. “Honey, I'm sorry. Believe me, I wouldn't have had you know it for anything.”

“It makes little difference,” replied Cecilia sullenly. Much as she was trying to be reasonable, she found that she couldn't stop part of herself from blaming Carly for her having had to discover that side of Roger. If only she hadn't questioned Cecilia's past, she wouldn't even have been in the house in the first place and none of this would have happened. “What's done is done. It can’t be changed, can it?”

“Don't blame him completely,” said Carly, in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. “Much as I hate to say it, Johnny wasn't exactly the best partner in the world. Often he'd leave her alone at our house so he could go down the pub or something; he wasn't always some attentive, love-struck teenager figure.”

“Doesn't excuse Roger,” replied Cecilia, wringing out her cloth with such vehemence that she nearly ripped it and then starting to attack the sink. “Trust me, he was almost too honest. The bare facts would have done. I didn't think he was a saint, but -”

She broke off, and for all her hardened, uncaring exterior, when she glanced up Carly could see the pain in her eyes. Realising just what this would mean to someone who had no-one else, who was reliant on Roger to keep her and look after her, who was so very tied to him not just emotionally but practically too, she slipped out a gentle hand and brushed Cecilia's fingers.

“You can always come and stay at ours,” she promised, in the same undertone they'd been using throughout the conversation. “There's room on my floor, or the sofa if Pete doesn't have one of his smelly friends needing a bed for the night, and Ma wouldn't mind, I know.”

“That's kind of you,” said Cecilia, and for the first time that day she almost managed a smile. “But I couldn't possibly impose and also – well, I have the spare room in the house for now. I'd like to get out if I could, but nice as you all are, it's rather frying pan to fire, isn't it? I need to be somewhere where I'm not reminded of him at all, or at least where I wouldn't only hear the negative things. I want to try and remember the man I love, as well. Oh, I don't know, it's just all such a muddle.”

“I understand,” was all that Carly vouchsafed. “But if it gets really unbearable there, you're to promise that you'll come to me.”

“Promise.”

“Good.” Carly beamed down on her friend. For a miracle, Cecilia smiled back; she was suddenly aware that, for the first time since she'd run away, she had someone other than Roger to care for her and look after her and make sure she was all right. Not that she had long to think about it. Brightening, Carly hastily changed the topic of conversation. “You are coming out Friday, still, aren't you?”

“Yes, I am,” smiled Cecilia, little realising the further shock that awaited her.
Author:  ivohenry [ Thu Jan 13, 2011 7:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 Jan
Oh no - another cliff!! Don't keep us hanging by our fingertips too long, please!
Author:  roversgirl [ Thu Jan 13, 2011 7:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 Jan
Is this drabble going to be a record for cliffs? I assume she's going to run into someone from the CS. Thanks for the update and I do hope Carly makes her see sense eventually.
Author:  Abi [ Thu Jan 13, 2011 10:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 Jan
Ariel!!! Put it back...please? :shock:
Author:  abbeybufo [ Thu Jan 13, 2011 11:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 Jan
Help! I missed it - what's happened????

Ariel please come and put it back :shock: :shock: :shock:
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Fri Jan 14, 2011 1:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 Jan
Sorry about the confusion over the last one! Finn, being a darling, had to re-write large parts for me, so thank him for that update! I was just too tired last night, taking it down temporarily seemed like the simplest option. Would another update help you to forgive me? :mrgreen:

As nothing happened to avert it, Friday night did indeed go ahead as planned. Usually, Cecilia would have accompanied Carly back from work and both would have got ready together at Carly's house; Cecilia had explained her reluctance to bring back even one friend to Roger's house, and if they went to Carly's, Pete was always happy to bring them cups of tea as they got ready, in return for Cecilia helping him with his homework.

Tonight, however, they both agreed that it would be far easier to get ready at Roger's house. It was completely coincidental, of course, that they were going to somewhere much nearer there than usual. There were, Carly promised, quite a crowd of them who should be turning up. She knew a couple of young men on her street, who knew a few women, who would invite a few friends, and so it went. Most people knew each other well enough, and as a general rule Cecilia would know them all by sight, at least. There was no reason that tonight should be any different.

Taking some pity on him, Cecilia had at least warned Roger that she planned on bringing Carly back, and, eager to please in any way he could, he'd instantly agreed that he'd stay out for as long as they wanted the house. Wordlessly, Cecilia had shrugged, as the only thanks she would give. Ever since that night, the atmosphere between them had been tense, Cecilia hardly speaking and Roger doing everything he could think of to please her in any small way.

Once the two women were suitably dressed up, with hair done smartly and make-up in spades, they left to walk to the agreed meeting venue, laughing at the catcalls they got along the way. Even so early into an evening, Cecilia could feel herself lightening, the worry lifting from her shoulders. She'd been doing a lot of soul-searching in the past days – too much, in fact – and, as Carly had known would be the case, a night to forget it all was exactly what she needed.

The live band on that night was starting to get a very good reputation, and as they started to collect more of their group together, Cecilia proposed that she and Carly have the first dance. It was still very early in terms of night life, and there was an empty area around the stage, on which a little known musician was playing a few songs before the main entertainment turned up. Together they started to dance, wiggling hips and throwing hands up in the air, making each other laugh trying to outdo each other with flamboyant, overdone moves.

An hour later and most people that they were expecting had turned up, some had joined them in dancing, as had other patrons of the bar, and the dance floor was starting to become very crowded. Worn out, Cecilia laughingly extracted herself – leaving Carly to be snapped eagerly up by a handsome young gentleman – and went to the bar to beg a glass of water to help cool her. While she was standing, one of her friends approached, and they began to catch up.

They were joined a couple of minutes later by another young woman, who was introduced as Deborah, and who laughingly shook Cecilia's hand. But for just a second she froze, and gave Cecilia an odd enough look that it troubled that lady, who turned back to the bar resolutely. Their mutual friend, seeing that they could be company for each other now, left to speak to somebody else she'd just spotted, and Cecilia snuck a look at Deborah again as she waited for her drink.

There was definitely something familiar about her, Cecilia thought, as she racked her brains for where they might have seen each other before. It disquieted her to feel so certain that this was someone who she should know and couldn't place; they could be anyone, and it might mean nothing, but it could also be someone she really didn't want to meet. There were too many of them in her life.

Sipping her water and trying to stay calm, she desperately searched her mind for something to say, as Deborah seemed equally lost for words, but before anything suitable came to mind, Deborah started the conversation.

“So, how come you know Emily?” she asked, nodding at their mutual friend, who beamed and waved back, but refused to come back over, to the discomfort of both women.

“Oh, um, just through a friend,” said Cecilia awkwardly. “And you?”

“Same,” said Deborah. “I haven't been in London long.”

“Me neither.”

Conversation stopped again. Someone came and Deborah ordered a drink. It would have been the ideal opportunity to part, but instead she surveyed the crowd, then looked at Cecilia again. Unable to shake the feeling that she knew her from somewhere, she asked carefully,

“So what brought you here?”

“Oh, nothing special. I just needed somewhere to go, and this was as good as anywhere,” replied Cecilia easily. It was the answer she gave to anyone who asked. “What about you?”

“Work. I'm here on my own at the moment, but I'm looking for a house for my sister, Charlie. Her husband wants to try and run for Parliament, especially as they've now got Millie. So they want to move to the capital.”

Ice ran down Cecilia's spine as she suddenly had a horrible feeling of exactly where she'd seen Deborah before, and realised that this was possibly one of the worst things that could happen. Carefully keeping her hands wrapped around her cold glass, so that Deborah wouldn't see them shaking, she tried to calm her racing mind, to think of something to say. Desperately, she took a deep breath, and when nothing presented itself, tumbled out,

“That sounds really interesting. They must all be so excited.”

“Well, Charlie says that Chas – her husband – is, but she's not so sure about moving.” Deborah paused, and looked straight at Cecilia. The latter watched the same realisation dawn on Deborah's face, but by then it was too late. She tried to turn, but already Deborah was speaking, and she was forced to hear the words she so desperately didn't want to. “You're Cecilia! Chas' sister, who ran away. Aren't you?”
Author:  jayj [ Fri Jan 14, 2011 1:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 Jan reposted + update 14 Jan
Eeek!

Well, on the bright side, at least Deborah's come out and said it directly to Cecilia, rather than running off to Chas with the news. So maybe Cecilia can persuade her to keep quiet?
Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Fri Jan 14, 2011 4:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 Jan reposted + update 14 Jan
Yikes - just the sort of recognition Cecilia really wanted - not!!! But I'm also glad Deborah blurted out the fact she knew her directly and didn't simply run off to Chas and Charlie with the information.

Thanks CM, I'm really enjoying this and looking forward to more.
Author:  charli [ Fri Jan 14, 2011 5:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 Jan reposted + update 14 Jan
Oh wow! :shock:
Two great updates. I wonder what will happen now with Deborah?!
Author:  2nd Gen Fan [ Fri Jan 14, 2011 5:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 Jan reposted + update 14 Jan
At least Cecilia knows she has been recognosed, so she can think about how to handle things.
Author:  roversgirl [ Fri Jan 14, 2011 7:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 Jan reposted + update 14 Jan
Echoing the remarks that at least she knows she's been found and can try to handle it herself. Thanks! :-)
Author:  Abi [ Sat Jan 15, 2011 12:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 Jan reposted + update 14 Jan
Oh dear; poor Cecilia. Hope Deborah's nice and will keep it to herself.
Author:  Myth Tree [ Sat Jan 15, 2011 10:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 Jan reposted + update 14 Jan
I'm sorry but I disagree. I hope that Deborah does tell the family that at least she met Cecilia and that she's alright.

I'm a bit biassed- one of my daughters did a disappearing act when she was 18 and for months we heard nothing and it was heart-breaking not knowing if she was ok. I'd have killed just for someone to come and say they'd seen her and she was doing alright, even if she didn't want to talk to us herself or reveal her exact whereabouts. It was a nightmarish six months that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Jan 15, 2011 9:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 Jan reposted + update 14 Jan
Myth Tree - I'm so sorry that that had happened to you. I do hope that you don't mind my writing about it? I really don't mean to offend anyone with my writing, and please do say if you find any or all of it inappropriate.

I also just wanted to note that at the end of 'Finding Redemption' there were some comments asking me to tie in Cecilia's story to Charlie's - I know that this isn't quite the same, but this is what I was told to write, so I hope that this meets the request!

Thankyou for all of your comments.

“I -” Cecilia tried to find words, stopped herself from stammering helplessly and took a deep breath. She could see Carly, having eventually escaped her enthusiastic young suitor, coming towards them. Everything seemed to have slowed down, time didn't seem real any longer. All the noise from the crush of people was distant, as if she was listening through water, and in front of her Deborah's face loomed unnaturally large. “I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean,” she managed at last.

“Hey!” beamed Carly from behind them, breathing heavily but beaming at the wonderful atmosphere from the crowds enjoying the entertainment. “This is where you're hiding! You need to save me, that man is a creep of the highest order. Carly,” she added, extending a hand.

“Deborah,” replied the named, shaking it firmly. She was trying to smile, but the look in her eyes was unmistakeable. Turning back to Cecilia, she added tightly, “I'll be sure to give Chas your love.”

Turning, she started to go. Cecilia looked at Carly, shook her head to indicate to her friend that now really wasn't a good time for all the questions she could sense Carly wanted to ask, and tried to follow Deborah. Skirting people, frankly pushing past them in some cases, not even bothering with a murmured apology as she did, she did her best to keep Deborah in her sight, follow her, try and think of just what she could say should she catch her prey up.

It was only once they both got out onto the street that Cecilia managed to catch Deborah's arm, forcing her to turn around. Silently, the two women looked at each other, Cecilia desperate, pleading, Deborah scornful and haughty. It was only when Deborah, after a long moment, turned to go again that Cecilia suddenly found the words to speak.

“Please,” she begged. “Please just – just listen to me first. Please?”

It was her instinct to turn and keep walking, but Deborah was fair at heart, and so after a silent deliberation, she nodded. There was a nearby bench, and Cecilia motioned to it. Together, they sat down – neither realising that they were outside a pub, and by rights shouldn't have been there – and Cecilia took a deep breath. Once, she would have been unable to find the words, but now that she was over the worst of her panic, she found that what she wanted to say came more easily.

“I know what you must think of me, and I know how horrible I've been. But, I promise, I am going to get in touch with them soon. Really I am. Only – it's so hard, and I don't know what to say and I just wanted a little bit of time. Can't you understand?”

“You had a loving home and you ran away once. Why go back if you were just going to bolt again?”

Deborah was genuinely curious about this strange girl. She knew a little of Cecilia's story from Charlie, and of course had been one of the first people Charlie called in the immediate frenzy surrounding Cecilia's sudden disappearance. Her first thought had been to do her duty by ringing Charlie and then trying to avoid the fuss – she liked a simple life, and it wasn't as if Cecilia was more than a name and a picture on the wall in Charlie's house (which is where she'd recognised the face from, she realised triumphantly) to her. Something about her, though, was compelling, making Deborah want to hear her out before she decided what to do.

“I – I didn't exactly have a lot of choice about going back before,” admitted Cecilia, then stopped. That wasn't wholly true. It had just been the only preferable alternative to the life that she'd had then. “Did Chas ever tell you what I did when I ran away the first time?”

Wordlessly, Deborah shook her head.

“I left to be with the man I loved. Only, he wasn't who I thought, and he ended up selling me. I was a prostitute. So, you see, I sort of had to go back, and I did want to, then. Everyone tried so hard, and I know that they love me and want me there, I really do. But no matter what, I'll always be the family secret – don't you see? It's not like anyone can just forget all of that. I just needed to get away for a while, clear my head, work out who I was.”

“Are you still -” Deborah gestured her hands vaguely, but, seeing that Cecilia wasn't going to acknowledge what she meant even if she did understand, and being a blunt person, said aloud after a momentary pause, “selling yourself?”

“Oh no,” said Cecilia quickly. “No – not at all. Again, I don't know if Chas told you, but we have – well, I guess adopted brother is the closes we can get. Roger. He's been letting me stay with him so far, he looks after me, and I have a job with Carly. I nearly rang my mum the other day, I miss them all so badly. I'm just waiting a little while longer, until I'm really sure that I'm ready to talk to them again.”

“You're safe?” asked Deborah, to be sure. When Cecilia nodded, she exhaled, trying to make up her mind. It wasn't just Cecilia's family that she was being asked to deceive; it was Charlie, too, and she didn't have secrets from her sisters. In the end, she sighed, and went with her instinct. “All right, look. I won't say anything for a month, as long as you give me your address and promise me that you won't go off again.”

“I promise,” replied Cecilia instantly. “I've got too much to keep me here.” Not caring to explain just what – or, rather, who – was keeping her in London, she ferreted in her bag for a stray piece of paper, took the pen that Deborah handed her, and scribbled for a minute. “There's my address, and the place I work. Call in to either, if you want, make sure I'm not lying. And – and thankyou. I just need some time. I will tell them, honest.”

“A month,” repeated Deborah, standing up and tucking the paper carefully into her pocket. “Then I really will tell Charlie – I don't like lying to her. But while you're safe, well, you are an adult, I guess that it's your life. I'll be calling in soon.”

Cecilia had stood up with her, and now she pulled the smaller woman into a hug, and smiled when she pulled away. Purposefully, she started to walk down the street, but turned back, and shouted,

“You looked like you needed a hug!”

With that she was gone, leaving behind her a rather startled Cecilia, not sure whether to laugh or cry. Then Carly appeared to pull her back inside, and she had to set her mind to trying to be as sociable as possible and fend off the advances of a particularly insistent young man.
Author:  Myth Tree [ Sat Jan 15, 2011 10:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 15 Jan
Your writing doesn't offend me at all Ariel- otherwise I wouldn't look forward so much to each new episode. It's well writen and true.

I was just fed up of the shock horror that her family might find out she's ok. I know it's all about Cecilia but I didn't want people to forget that she has got a caring family who are confused and miserable too.

I just hope she can have a happy ending. I did- my daughter lives a minutes walk away with her partner and my gorgeous grandson.
Author:  janetbrown23 [ Sat Jan 15, 2011 10:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 15 Jan
Unfortunately it doesn't always end happily. My eldest girl left a week after she was 18, she is 42 now and I have seen her a couple of times since and have no idea where she is now. I'm glad it all came right for you in the end Myth Tree.

I AM, however really enjoying your story Ariel so keep it up and let us have some more update soon.
Author:  Abi [ Sun Jan 16, 2011 12:43 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 15 Jan
Thanks, Ariel. I'm glad for Cecilia that Deborah agreed to her request, but of course it must be horrible for her family, not knowing what's happened to her.
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sun Jan 16, 2011 11:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 15 Jan
I don't know why Cecilia couldn't at least send a postcard that says, I'm safe and need time to think. Anything to at least put their mind at rest. And a postcard would at least not have her address on it

The family were happy to let live with Dick for awhile, so I can't see their would be a problem with her staying with Roger anyway.
Author:  Finn [ Sun Jan 16, 2011 2:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 15 Jan
Young people can be stupid and blind (I should know, I was young once! ;) ) and don't necessarily realise the implications of their actions. I think it likely that Cecilia fears that if she made any contact that would end up with Jack or someone tracking her down. It's irrational, but it makes sense.

I don't condone Cecilia's behaviour, but I do understand it, I think :)

Thanks, Ariel
Author:  jayj [ Sun Jan 16, 2011 2:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 15 Jan
I wonder if the fact she's been involved with Roger is going to make her even less likely/willing to get back in touch with her family - after all, I imagine it'd be a little tricky to explain the nature of their relationship without resorting to lies and deception?
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sun Jan 16, 2011 3:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 15 Jan
Thankyou for your comments - and especially the reassurance with regards to my writing. As this issue has been raised I will just say that, as I'm actually writing a few updates ahead of posting, this does get discussed more later on in the story. So I shall add no more now, except that I hope that, when it is posted, it helps to explain things from Cecilia's point of view a little more. Also, the kittens in this update are to cheer up Finn and brighten his day, by special request - I hope it does the same for others, too!

Since the night out – some five days since – Cecilia had heard nothing from Deborah, but each passing day made her worry more. Every time she was at home and the phone rang, she jumped and refused to answer it, convinced it would be her mother, or Chas. She was also worrying about what would happen if Deborah did turn up again.

The start to the day had, itself, been not entirely right, for she was late to arrive at the café, and yet still was the only one there; aside, of course, from Michael, who had chosen that morning to call in on them and was distinctly unimpressed. Even as she hung up her coat and started to bustle around preparing things he lectured her, and when Carly barrelled through the door and tumbled wetly – it had just started to pour with rain – into the office ten minutes later, he was even more scathing. As for Bridget, nothing at all was said about her absence.

Once Michael had left, eventually, the two girls stared at one another for a moment, and then burst into helpless laughter. It was left to Carly to mimic him as she wiped down the tables, and Cecilia snorted into the pot of tea she brewed for them. Without a third presence, they quickly found themselves slipping into their old ways – indefinably different, somehow, to working with Bridget. Even when they were serving customers, Cecilia felt more light-hearted and carefree, whenever she glanced across at Carly only to see her discreetly contort her face into Michael when he was being disapproving.

Things at home were still tense, especially since she'd started leaving a newspaper open on the table every day, pointedly at the small ads, with rooms to rent circled. She knew in her heart that, as things were, she would never leave; at first, she'd been fully resolved to, but even then her heart had faltered at the thought, and now that she was more used to feeling a lump in her throat every time she looked at Roger, she found she was almost as upset at the thought of not seeing him.

Bridget had joined them at lunchtime, a box under her arm from which strange mewlings emerged. Placing it on a table, she revealed two kittens, and started for the office where she'd left her apron. There were only a few customers, it was a slow day, and they stared with almost as great an interest as Carly and Cecilia, the former of whom positively leaned over the counter to see the visitors.

“Miffy and Mopsy,” introduced Bridget as she emerged, seeing their interest. “My sister's kittens. They had to go and be immunised against all sorts today, and I said I'd do it. But my sister, Katy, should be along in an hour or so, to pick them up. I hope that you don't mind!”

“Oh, but they're adorable,” squealed Carly, already preparing a tiny saucer of milk to slip into the small box for them to enjoy. “Do they allow cuddles?”

Seeing as there really was no work to do, Bridget and Carly went into raptures over the small animals, leaving Cecilia behind the counter in some semblance of formality. After her childhood, she couldn't help being more of a dog person, and two minutes later she was pleased she had hung back, for the door opened and Deborah came in, shaking off her umbrella behind her.

“Oh, good,” she beamed, “I did get the right place!” Casting a strange look at the two other waitresses, both holding a kitten and talking excitedly, she raised her eyebrows at Cecilia, then laughed pleasantly. “I can't stop, I need to get to the dentist – horrible man – but I left work early enough to come and stop in. I just wanted to let you know that I haven't told anyone.”

“Thankyou,” smiled Cecilia softly. Clearing her throat awkwardly, she added, “There's some stuff going on at the moment that I need to sort out, but once I've done that I am going to ring, I promise. Well – the stuff involves the person I live with, so if it goes badly I might even be forced to go back to them.”

The two women stared levelly at each other, Cecilia doing her best to look open and honest and Deborah considering her. Then she smiled, and said gaily,

“I promised you a month, and I'll stick to that. What you do in it is up to you, my dear! I didn't come to poke and pry, and I don't want loads of gossip to spread to Charlie. Just want to make sure that you're all right.”

“And that I'd given you the right details,” guessed Cecilia shrewdly. “You know, I wasn't lying about my address, either, if you want to come over some time. Seeing as we're sort of family now, we should probably get to know each other.”

They had been talking quietly enough that they couldn't be overheard, Deborah guessing that Cecilia might not want her colleagues knowing her business. Just then, however, Carly came over to enquire what was wrong, and Bridget spirited the kittens into the office until her sister should arrive, and they were forced to end the conversation.

“I'll come over, maybe one day next week,” promised Deborah. “Say Thursday?”

Cecilia agreed, and they parted amicably, Deborah with a grimace at the mention of the dentist when Cecilia wished her luck with a laugh. Even knowing that now she was living on borrowed time, she couldn't help feeling that she should like to be Deborah's friend, more than just because they came close to being related. The friends that she might have in London were nice enough, but there weren't a lot of them, and she still missed the company of her school days, and always having five or six people to be truly close to.

Brushing off Carly's enquiries with a laugh and a promise that it was nothing, just someone she'd once half known from school who was looking for new people as she'd only moved to London recently, she busied herself in trying to find cleaning to do. Half an hour later, she was firmly excluded from the conversation between Bridget and Carly about the joys and delights of kittens, and free to turn her mind back to Roger, and what she was to do next.
Author:  Finn [ Sun Jan 16, 2011 4:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 16 Jan
My dreams last night were pretty much chock-full of cats and kittens. It was so odd. There were at least fifteen, and also a small shark and a tiny terrapin.

All of this is irrelevant, however. Thank you for the update! I'm glad Deborah is keeping an eye on C and that C is starting to make some decisions for herself.

Keep up the good work! :D
Author:  roversgirl [ Sun Jan 16, 2011 9:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 16 Jan
It sounds like Cecilia's making some progress. Thanks! :-)
Author:  Abi [ Sun Jan 16, 2011 10:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 16 Jan
Hope she manages to sort things out with Roger - and everything else, too.
Author:  Myth Tree [ Mon Jan 17, 2011 9:26 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 16 Jan
Deborah certainly has a good head on her shoulders. The one months grace is a sensible idea. It means Cecilia has to move on as she has a deadline.
When there's something you know you should do but don't want too, it gets harder and harder to take the first step. Especially if it involves someone who you, sometimes mistakenly, expect to 'go off the deep end'.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Mon Jan 17, 2011 8:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 16 Jan
Thankyou, once again, for all of your comments - a story is what its readers make it, and you certainly make it very interesting to write!

That evening, she resolved to sit down and talk to Roger, to try and explain to him how she felt and how she saw the situation now. Aside from anything else, he was starting to almost smother her in kindness, and she at the very least wanted to warn him to stop, relax, and not spend the whole time trying to impress her. She had also made her decision, and she felt it only fair to tell him what it was.

For the first time since That Evening, as she thought of it, when she got back she cooked for two people, instead of just herself. Carefully, she had selected one of Roger's favourite meals, and had stopped on her way back to the house to buy a bottle of wine for them to share. She wanted it to be a nice evening to remember, for both of them. It was, after all, to be the turning point of their relationship.

As she cooked, Cecilia had the radio on, but she preferred to muse on her own thoughts. Since coming to London, she had changed so much that even she had noticed how different she was; even two or three months ago, she wasn't sure that she could have coped with something like this, that she wouldn't just have run straight back to her parents and hidden away. Now, though, she thought with a tiny smile, she had to start growing up.

The trouble was that she knew – had known even that night, though she had refused to admit it – that any problems were caused more by her. As Roger himself had once said to her, a past was a past, and it couldn't be changed. Nobody should have to suffer forever more because of previous mistakes. Also, she knew in her heart that he had changed, that he wasn't just saying that to try and manipulate her. If she had learnt one thing in her short life so far, it was how to tell a genuinely good man from one who certainly wasn't.

It was her past that had caused this rift between them, and little as she wanted to remember it, and let it rule her even now, she found that she couldn't help being suspicious, of wondering if she wasn't just being naïve. Somehow, it had been so easy to slide into a relationship with Roger, to take the easy route and not think about it too deeply. She had almost been acting until this point, playing at living the fairy tale she'd always imagined for herself. This was real life, though; far easier than the life she had had, of course, but fraught with problems and complications all the same.

Before she could learn to trust any man, she needed to expunge Matt from her life; she had known that for a long time. What she hadn't realised until this was that it was something she still needed to do. That Evening, Roger had been reaching out to her, asking her for comfort and to help him cope with something he regretted; she, after all, was a master at that, or should be. Instead, she had let him down, and hurt him deeply, by being selfish, seeing only her wants and her emotions. What made it so much worse, though, was that he understood completely. If he had been angry, had shouted back, she would have been able to understand that. It scared her, because he must feel such love for her to be able to do that.

His return home interrupted her thoughts, and she turned to greet him with a smile. Taken aback, it took a second for him to rearrange his features from the look of shock, and she turned back to her saucepan with a thrill of delight. Wary of undoing whatever change had been wrought in her, he quietly went about making a drink, and it was only when he turned to leave that she spoke.

“I'm making us dinner – I – I hope that you don't mind. I wanted us to sit down and talk.”

“No – that would be lovely,” he promised at once. Again he turned to go, to leave her alone until she was ready for him, but he hesitated in the doorway, and then carefully asked, “Do you mind me asking why?”

“Why tonight or why talk? No, don't answer that,” she added, as she saw that he didn't appreciate her flippancy. “I just had a visit today from someone. I met her the other night, purely by chance, only it's made me realise that we need to sort things out. I might have to leave soon, you see.”

At once he was concerned, and she could see that he wanted to ask more, but was restraining himself from prying. If nothing else, she admired his effort. For a moment she was silent, as she concentrated on a particularly tricky part of the cooking, then she turned to him, and explained,

“She knows me, you see. At the moment, I have a month's grace, but then she's going to tell mum and dad where I am. You know Charlie, Chas' wife? It's her sister. I've seen a picture of her a couple of times when I've visited Chas, and heard Charlie talk about her. So – well, she's going to tell them if I don't soon. And you know what mum and dad are like.”

“Do you want to stay?” asked Roger. “I could understand if you were ready to go home now.”

“This is home,” said Cecilia simply. “I want to stay here – here as in this house, not just in London.”

“Then you'll stay,” he promised. Abandoning her cooking, she threw herself into his arms and hugged him fiercely, nearly upsetting the drink he was holding.

“I'm sorry I've been such a pain for the past couple of weeks,” she murmured against his neck. He kissed the top of her head, a silent promise that all was forgiven.
Author:  Rafaella [ Mon Jan 17, 2011 8:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 Jan
Great. :D
Author:  jayj [ Mon Jan 17, 2011 8:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 Jan
Lovely. However, I'm starting to feel anxious - I'm not sure that I trust Ariel to keep things all happy and fluffy!
Author:  roversgirl [ Mon Jan 17, 2011 9:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 Jan
I'm glad that they managed to sort themseleves out - although I suspect they need to talk things through a bit more! Not sure how Jack and Joey will take their relationship though. Thanks! :-)
Author:  2nd Gen Fan [ Mon Jan 17, 2011 9:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 Jan
So pleased that Roger and Cecilia have made up. Though I suppose this moves us closer to the reactions of the rest of the family....
Author:  Abi [ Mon Jan 17, 2011 11:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 Jan
I'm glad Cecilia's been able to sort this out, though I don't suppose it will be all plain sailing even now. Hope it gives her the courage to talk to her family, too.

Thanks, Ariel. :D
Author:  robinette [ Mon Jan 17, 2011 11:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 Jan
This is brilliant Ariel, I hope things go well for cecillia and that she doesn't have to leave home. Glad she's sorted them out and hopefully the realising shes only got a month will spur her to contact her family.
Author:  charli [ Tue Jan 18, 2011 12:32 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 16 Jan
Finn wrote:
My dreams last night were pretty much chock-full of cats and kittens. It was so odd. There were at least fifteen, and also a small shark and a tiny terrapin.

:shock: :shock: :shock: :lol: How bizarre!


jayj wrote:
Lovely. However, I'm starting to feel anxious - I'm not sure that I trust Ariel to keep things all happy and fluffy!


Me neither! :D

Two updates for me tonight Ariel! I love the kittens :D I hope things are ok now between Roger and Cecilia ?
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Tue Jan 18, 2011 6:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 Jan
Thankyou for the comments! :D As for Roger and Cecilia - well, we'll have to see where it all goes next, won't we?

Over the meal they really got very little proper talking done; they told each other gossip from the days that they'd missed in not talking to each other, rapturised over how wonderful the other was, and generally behaved as a pair of star-struck lovers in the first flushes of youth. They nestled hands across the table as often as they could while still eating, and hardly stopped smiling. The only topic of conversation which they carefully kept off of, except for their relationship, was that of Deborah.

It was after the meal that they had the discussion they really needed. Bringing in the last two glasses of wine which could be squeezed from the bottle, Cecilia handed one to her beloved, kissed him softly and snuggled down next to him. Carefully resting her head against his shoulder, she slipped a hand into his and whispered,

“I'm sorry that I let you down.”

“You haven't,” he promised gently. “Hearing all of that must have been a shock, and I can understand why you reacted the way that you did. I'm just so glad that now you know – after I told you, I was so afraid that you'd leave me.”

“I couldn't,” said Cecilia. She paused, swallowed. It was so nice while they were both happy, relaxed, contented. Dare she launch into her prepared speech? Dare she not? In the end, she squeaked out as much of it as she could. “I think that one of the problems was that it's the first real time that I've had to think about our relationship. It's been so easy, you know, just to shrug and say that it was happening and I didn't need to think about any more.”

“I'm sorry that that's how it's been,” he replied. “Perhaps I should have talked to you more about it all, and given you the chance to think it all through. It just all happened so suddenly – one morning, I woke up next to you, and that was it really. There wasn't anything else to be done.”

“Are you saying,” demanded Cecilia in mock indignation, “that you're only going out with me because it was the easiest option?”

“No,” he replied equably, taking a drink of wine and then nudging her so that she lay back down against his chest again, whence she had sat up from previously. “As well you know, miss. I am merely saying that once we'd acknowledged our feelings in that way, there wasn't another course of action that would have made us happy, really, is there?”

“You're not just using me for my body?”

“Nope,” he promised quickly. He could see that even Cecilia was surprised by the question, and he didn't want to give her a chance to dwell on what it might say about herself that she'd asked it. “Look, back then, with Marita, I was young, foolish, arrogant even. The whole world was mine for the taking and what did other people matter compared to that? I'd loved before, but all that happened was that my heart was broken. Now I'm older, and I'm wiser. And even if I am still sometimes too arrogant, too selfish – well, I do love you. No matter what you believe, or the man you think I am, believe that. Then you'll know that I could never hurt you.”

Together they sat in a companionable silence. Slowly, Cecilia was starting to realise that the reason she hadn't thought about their relationship in so much detail before now wasn't complacency, nor laziness – it was just, simply, that she wanted it like this and so she didn't need to think about it any more. She was happy. For now, at least.

“Are we all right now?” asked Roger at length, stroking her thigh ever so gently, almost unconsciously. If they'd had an open fire, it would have been the perfect scene, two young people wholly in love, together, blessed. Nothing else – from the noise outside to the light bulb flickering occasionally above them to even the past – seemed to matter so much as the fact that right at that moment they had each other.

There was something that mattered more, however; far, far more than all of that. Far more than them, and what they might become and how they might feel. There was something that mattered more than anything else, and something that Cecilia desperately needed to say. She swallowed around the words in her throat, swallowed down her fear and uncertainty. Then she took a deep breath and dispelled all her resolve.

“Yes,” she said meekly. “Yes, we are.”

Trying to lock away the hatred that she felt for herself, she smiled, took a mouthful of wine to calm herself and then shut her eyes, leaning against him. Vouchsafed that she might go to bed soon. Tried her very hardest to keep up the charade of normality that she had to maintain now more than ever. She couldn't say it. Not yet.
Author:  jayj [ Tue Jan 18, 2011 6:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 18 Jan
ChubbyMonkey wrote:
She couldn't say it. Not yet.


What???

I do have a suspicion what it might be, but I'm probably wrong...
Author:  roversgirl [ Tue Jan 18, 2011 9:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 18 Jan
CM, that is ANOTHER cliff... :-( are you setting out to break records? Glad they've talked things through but now hope she explains the rest. Thanks :-)
Author:  Abi [ Tue Jan 18, 2011 9:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 18 Jan
Oh dear; wonder what's in her mind now...

Thanks Ariel. :D
Author:  Rafaella [ Tue Jan 18, 2011 10:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 18 Jan
Is Cecilia going to be busy???
Author:  charli [ Wed Jan 19, 2011 12:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 18 Jan
:shock: :shock: What? What can't she say? Come back Ariel!
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Wed Jan 19, 2011 8:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 18 Jan
How can I be even attempting to break records for cliffs after the magnificent Lesley, pray? In any case - patience is good for the soul, you know. Thankyou, once again, for all of the comments; as promised, a little more of a reflective piece now.

With one relationship in her life starting to settle down again for a short time, at least, Cecilia turned her attention to her parents, her family. She had spent most of her time away thinking of them – especially because, even though Roger was happy to pass on news when he got it, he relied on Ruey and she wasn't the world's best correspondent. Much of the time she reassured herself with the thought that she would have heard of any sort of emergency, or particularly significant piece of news, by now. Ruey, of course, didn't know where she was though; and she still fretted that there should be something she'd want to know, should have heard, that she hadn't.

At some point soon, she was going to have to be back in touch, as well. Instinctively, she knew that Deborah had meant what she said; one month, no more. Wheedling clearly wouldn't do any good with that young lady, and Cecilia didn't know if she would have done anyway. Part of her knew that it was probably for the best; she felt dreadful knowing that her parents would be worrying about her, and she desperately wanted them back in her life, too.

The trouble, she freely acknowledged, was that she wanted them back on her terms. She wanted the paragons of understanding and love who would hold her and tell her that it was all all right, that they understood, that they didn't mind that she was living in sin with Roger. She wanted them to be there in the darker hours, but to step back when she felt better, to be content just watching her grow up and start to live her own life, as she wanted.

They wouldn't. Even just thinking about them brought with it a cloying nostalgia that threatened to make her scream in frustration. Her father, she knew, might just be brought around to the idea of the life that she had now, given time. As for Joey; well, she shuddered to think what her mother would make of it all. There was the shame, not just of Roger, but of her daughter, her baby, being a waitress. It could almost be worse than her previous career, Cecilia added to herself, wryly. At least then she hadn't really had much of a choice; the social embarrassment caused by the fact that she'd chosen to be in such a lowly job could positively finish off Joey.

As for the rest of it – well, there were worse things happened at sea, as Mike so often said, and given time she was sure that they'd come round to it. The time that it would take, however, would be hellish. If she did get back in touch, they would march her back to Lamorna straight off, and her mornings would become endless rounds of tea with posh ladies in the area, and sitting quietly in the corner sewing, waiting to go slowly and steadily mad.

Of course, she might never see Roger again. She couldn't imagine either of her parents being overly pleased that she'd fallen in love again anyway, but to a member of the family would just be a shock too far. It would cause so many difficulties for the Richardsons, too, and she didn't know if she could bear to bring that on them – especially after Roger's kindness. He would, of course, be excommunicated right away; the loyalties of his siblings must surely be tested, almost to breaking point. The only way that she could go back to them was if they never found out about Roger; and that would mean not having him anymore, something that she just couldn't do.

Many times she'd thought of ringing someone else, who could pass on a message without giving her away, but there was nobody in her family she could really trust. Even before she met Deborah, she had considered Charles. He knew what it was to have Joey being constantly overbearing – even though she only did it for the best of reasons – and she thought she could trust him not to give her away. But then she hit the problem of what message to give. If she only said that she was safe, fine, they would assume the worst, that she had been coerced into giving it in the hope that they'd stop searching. It could be even more worrying than not knowing anything at all.

It was the same with her Auntie Madge, another person she'd thought of in the long, dark hours when the clock chimed each hour and she still couldn't sleep. Perhaps easier would be to write to Mike, but a letter like that could be traced more easily. They would all be sure to tell Joey, too; and she couldn't be sure that once her mother had a sniff of her, she wouldn't start behaving like her precious St. Bernards and keep tracking until Cecilia was found. Despairing though she was, she knew that to take one small step on the path of reconciling with her parents would invariably mean walking the whole thing, whatever consequences would be waiting at the end of it.

What she needed right now, though, more than anything, was just a hug. She just wanted Joey to put her arms around her and hold her and tell her it would be all right. Whatever flaws she might have, after all, Joey was still her mother, and still the only person who could make her believe that. And surely, if they had forgiven her all that had passed so far, if they still loved her after all of that, they could forgive her this, too. Despite the icy dread creeping round her heart that this would be too much, that they couldn't possibly take her back again after this, after everything she'd done, she was convinced, utterly convinced, that even if they did the wrong thing, they'd do it because they loved her.

Monotonously, she stood up, went into the kitchen, cradled it to her ear. Paused a few seconds and just listened to the numbing dial-tone. Even dialled the first three numbers. But her heart failed, and she hung up with a frustrated scream that reverberated around the empty house.
Author:  Chris [ Wed Jan 19, 2011 9:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 19 Jan
Poor girl! just dial - putting it off won't help.
Author:  Abi [ Wed Jan 19, 2011 11:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 19 Jan
I can't help feeling that she's rather over-worrying... Roger may be a Maynard ward, but he was already practically an adult by the time that happened, so I don't think any of them would see that as weird. And at least they know he's a good guy! And they've already been faced with so much of what's happened to Cecilia, that I think they'd just be glad to find her, no matter what she's doing.

Of course, this is Ariel, so maybe not.... :D
Author:  roversgirl [ Thu Jan 20, 2011 5:49 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 19 Jan
I also think they'd just be glad to hear from her! But I do agree that they might struggle with the idea of Roger... Thanks :-)
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Thu Jan 20, 2011 10:44 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 19 Jan
But then Roger hasn't been her brother much at all. Cecilia was 4 or 5 when she met the Richardsons and Roger was 16 and didn't spend all his holidays with the Maynards. I hope Cecilia is over worrying, but somehow I don't thing so. Thanks for the update
Author:  hac61 [ Thu Jan 20, 2011 2:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 19 Jan
Roger is not a blood relative, after all. They are only "related" by his being a ward of her parents.

Legally, and to my mind, morally, that is not a problem.

Sleeping with him before marriage, that's a different question.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Jan 20, 2011 8:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 19 Jan
I know that I always say it - but really, thankyou for your comments. I've just started tentatively exploring a bit of something unexpected for this, and all the debate is fascinating, and helping me along. It's really interesting to see what other people think; I try not to let my own views interrupt the narrative, but suffice to say they are quite different to some!

Also, I want to give a warning at the start of this: please don't read if you dislike implied sexual intimacy, or may be upset by references to this, especially dubcon.

She had been alone for most of the day, after Roger had announced that he was going to watch a rugby match with a few of his work friends, and might even have a couple of drinks afterwards. At first, she'd been tempted to see if Carly wanted to go shopping, or something similar, but in the end she settled on a quiet day. During the morning she'd kept busy by doing the cleaning that was needed, tidying up and dusting. For a little time she stood in the doorway of the bedroom she was still sleeping in and debated whether to move her things back into Roger's bedroom; something inside her rebelled against the idea, however, and in the end she shook her head and walked away. She got as far as the sofa, where she started to think of her parents instead. After the disappointment of not finding the courage to take that step either, she turned to the kitchen, and cooking.

“Proper little housewife, aren't you,” grinned Roger, as he came in during the late afternoon, not obviously worse for wear but for the small stagger as he walked over to her. Sliding his arms around her waist, he kissed her fondly, then continued to hold her and watch as she stirred the cake mix, pretending to concentrate hard.

They spent a lovely evening, teasing each other, delighting just in hugging and kissing each other, in holding hands and simply enjoying each other's company. Together, they enjoyed the meal Cecilia had cooked, and together they curled up and talked for a little while before bed; nonsense, sheer philosophical nonsense, as Cecilia termed it at one point, the sort of thing that was an indulgence in a busy life with little time to spend alone.

It was as the clock hands toiled ever onwards, Roger stretched and declared that he was going to bed. Pulling Cecilia up, he let her fall into his arms and held her close to him, breathing in her scent and recognising the comforting, familiar feeling of her head tucked against his shoulder. Softly, he tipped her head up, and kissed her as gently as he could with such rising passion.

“Do you want to come with me?” he asked tenderly. The way that Cecilia froze slightly in his arms gave him all the answer he needed, and he nodded, resting his chin against the top of her head with a sigh.

“Just not tonight,” she promised quietly, wriggling more firmly against him as if she hoped to keep him just with this simple action, a small child putting their faith in the simple fact that they were in need. “Soon, I promise. Not yet, though.”

Roger didn't say much more, but he kissed her again before he went into his own bedroom, and as she was climbing into bed and wondering if she had really offended him, he appeared in the doorway to add that he loved her, and hoped that she slept well. It was the reassurance that Cecilia thought she'd needed, but when he'd disappeared she realised that in fact it only made her feel worse. Alone and still in the dark, she could no longer escape the fact that she was lying to him, still, that she was hiding something from him and he must come to know of it and then he would blame her, hate her even.

An hour went by, and then another, and still she tossed and turned, the sheets becoming tangled and damp around her, the constant ticking of her clock making her want to scream in frustration. Every second that passed was another second that she wouldn't get back, another second that she was lying to so many people and hurting them in so many ways, and suddenly she couldn't bear it any longer, she had to escape, to get away from the constant solitude, the darkening voice of her thoughts.

Padding across the cold floor, she opened her bedroom door with a creak, stole across the hallway and then swung open the door to Roger's room. Desperately seeking a cuddle, a reassurance that the world was right and it was all in her own head, she thought nothing of sliding under the covers next to him, burrowing through until she was against his bare skin. Sleepily, he shifted, muttered something and then sat up enough to loom over her. Wordlessly, he kissed her, and she pulled him down to hold her close, so that she wasn't alone.

It was only when she felt him fumble, half asleep, that she realised he had misunderstood completely, thought she had come for something entirely different. Little did she want that sort of intimacy, especially with all of her thoughts still going around and around, with all of the memories of Paris just waiting to creep out of the shadowy recesses of her mind where they usually lurked, half forgotten. All that she'd wanted was a hug, a refuge from the nightmare that her life had become all over again.

Instead he was moving softly, tangling his fingers through her hair, kissing her forehead and her cheeks, her closed eyes, bare skin brushing bare skin, breathing as rhythmic as his motions. All that she had to do was say a simple word, one word, and she knew that he would stop right away, would apologise for his misunderstanding, go quietly back to sleep. But if she said it – and her heart stopped momentarily at the thought – she would lose him.

Surely she would lose him, she must. This hellish night would be over as sunlight stained through the sky and another day started; but if she said it now, he would never have her back in his bed again. He would see her as someone who didn't care about him, who thought that side of their relationship over. After all, she couldn't be sure even now that he wasn't just using her for her body – and, oh, how horrible that thought was with him so close, just over her, kissing her, touching her. If he was, she had to let him, she didn't have a choice. If she didn't, he would leave her, and she would be completely alone.

“No,” she breathed at last, but by then he'd already finished, curled back up into sleep with one arm draped over her hips, loosely holding her to him.
Author:  jayj [ Thu Jan 20, 2011 9:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 20 Jan
Poor Cecilia! I can kind of see how Roger misread the situation, but still, what a horrible, one-sided encounter! How is she ever going to be able to have a normal relationship with him again?

Whatever's troubling her, she needs to deal with it sooner rather than later, because this really isn't a good situation!
Author:  Abi [ Thu Jan 20, 2011 9:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 20 Jan
Poor Cecilia. :(
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Fri Jan 21, 2011 9:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 20 Jan
I hope that I haven't put too many people off with that last post! I'll just extend the warning to say that obviously there will be references to it through the text. Thankyou for commenting.

To her surprise, Cecilia found that the next morning her hope did almost come true and the night before seemed to fade into a nightmare. The speed with which she had to wash and eat breakfast before she walked to work left little time for speculation, and with a great effort of will, any thoughts which might have troubled her she pushed to the back of her mind. At least, she reflected, there was relief in the fact that Roger seemed to have assumed that this meant a return to their normal relationship, and had started to behave as ever.

Work was harder, and if they hadn't been busy she didn't know if she could have faced the whole day. Carly was still as friendly as ever, but it was clear that she was starting to grow closer to Bridget, and would expect Cecilia to do the same if the equilibrium in their relationship was to be maintained. To her surprise, she found that she didn't much care. Friends would always come and go, even those you thought best of all, reliable forever; what was losing one more to all of the ones she had lost already?

Briefly she toyed with the idea of writing to Daphne, who had been so accommodating before, had understood and forgiven. It only brought back memories of the summer, though, and sitting atop the grassy knoll as Benjamin poured out his heart and had it broken at her hand. That was something she still couldn't bear to think of; was she, she had asked herself so many times, just as bad as the man who'd broken her heart, to do the same in turn? No, better to think of something else instead. Not her family, she had thought about them too much already, there was nothing new to try and clear her jumbled thoughts. Nor Roger. She couldn't think of him right now.

Then, suddenly, it was the end of the day, and she'd hardly said anything; but this seemed to be all that was expected of her now. Ever since Bridget had joined, she'd been more withdrawn, more lonesome. The coming of the third person had taken Carly away from her a little, and each day the rift only grew in her mind. But despair she wouldn't; Bridget was awaiting the results of her interview and might leave any day now, she would soon forget the problem with Roger, and life would go on as usual.

It wouldn't, though; how could it? As if she could forget that night. All week she tried, struggled. She tried not to think of his sleepy groans against her ear, of his warm breath tickling her. She tried not to think of the way his hands explored the so familiar parts of her body with the ease of an owner, a master in control. Every time that she looked at him, she tried not to think that she had used him, with the numbing certainty that she was no better like this than she had been as a whore on the streets.

How could she ever be better, she asked herself dully, when she could use a man so good, so kind, as Roger? For that was what she had done. Of that she was certain. She had used him to get what she wanted; if she wanted a hug, she would use his body to manipulate him into giving her one. She would do what she evidently did best – lie still and not complain. Once, she even managed to bring on a burst of tears, with the realisation that if she had to do all of that just to manipulate him into giving a hug, she had no hope of ever persuading him to do more. The very fact that she could think of trying to use him again, though, upset her so much that she had to let it go, to close off that part of her mind.

Not thinking, not speaking, it was something she was good at. When she was around her family, she didn't think of any of the things that had gone wrong in her short life already. She didn't think of Matt, of her time in Paris, of the baby that would have been growing up now – walking, maybe even able to call her mummy. She didn't think of lying, of the sudden pain that seeing a picture of one of her siblings as an infant could bring, making her heart stop and her breath catch. Around Roger, she didn't think of her family, of everything that she had left behind seemingly to be with him.

It was only at night, lying in the dark next to the occasionally shifting figure, that she allowed herself to think of it all. Sometimes, she spoke to Matt, listened to him laugh and praise her for learning so many tricks under him. 'See,' he would say to her, voice in her head as clear as if he'd been the one sharing her bed, 'I'll never really leave you, will I, not when you're such a good girl for me.'

So long had she held him off, hummed to herself at night when he threatened to come back and torment her, that she'd almost forgotten what it was to lie awake and hear him. When he was whispering, insinuating, she wondered if she was going mad, if it was normal to hear the voices of the dead, or if even now he was controlling her and making sure that she couldn't escape, couldn't forget him. No longer was having Roger there, holding her, enough to keep her safe, and if even he couldn't, then surely nobody could.

In fact, so wrapped up was she in keeping all of her secrets unspoken, of not talking to Matt – when, at times, she longed to ask him what to do next, to turn to him for comfort and help, as she always had – and of acting as normally as possible, that a whole week passed in a blur of monotony and emotion. Then, once again, it was Saturday morning, and she was kissing Roger goodbye as he went out to the rugby, and curling up on the sofa with a hot drink to plan what cleaning most needed to be done that day, and waiting for the nightmare to happen again.
Author:  roversgirl [ Sat Jan 22, 2011 7:55 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 21 Jan
Poor Cecilia. She really needs to talk to Roger... Thanks :-)
Author:  Myth Tree [ Sat Jan 22, 2011 10:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 21 Jan
Oh, poor girl. Hope she doesn't run away again- its a repetitive behaviour. Each time she works it through she'll get stronger.
Author:  charli [ Sat Jan 22, 2011 4:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 21 Jan
Poor Cecilia, she sounds so confused :(
Author:  jayj [ Sat Jan 22, 2011 6:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 21 Jan
Oh, she really is in such a mess. I hope she can find someone to talk to - alas, I feel Roger's not really the person for that, because he's part of the problem and she's already mentally so distant from him. And she's placed an unnecessary barrier between herself and Carly, almost as if she's rejecting her friend before her friend has a chance to reject her.

I hope you get her out of this in one piece, Ariel!
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Jan 22, 2011 9:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 21 Jan
jayj wrote:
I hope you get her out of this in one piece, Ariel!


Should I be worried that there's a threat in there somewhere? :lol: Thankyou for the comments. We'll see how Cecilia goes on; I'm sure that she'll tell me in her own good time!

This rather self-pitying train of thought was interrupted by a loud jangle at the doorbell. Heaving herself up and straightening her clothes, trying to make herself look at least semi-presentable, she went to open the door, curious as to who would be calling on her at this time. Pausing a second, she tried to still her shaking hands – even now she still expected it to be Jack stood on the other side, waiting for her – and then swung it back, to be confronted with Deborah.

“Hey stranger,” she grinned. Numbly, Cecilia stood back to admit her, and Deborah came into the hallway and started to shrug off her coat, adding, “I'm sorry that I didn't make it before, work got hectic, but I thought that I'd better pop in now and catch up with you. I have news, too.”

Automatically taking Deborah's coat for her and going to make the requested cup of tea, Cecilia turned over in her head just what the news could be. It must be something to do with her family for otherwise Deborah wouldn't have mentioned it in such a significant way. Perhaps she had gone back on her promise and told Charlie already – Cecilia was sure that it hadn't been a month, it couldn't have been, but then Deborah could have accidentally given the game away.

“It's nice to see you,” she managed, as she brought the teapot into the living room. Deborah had perched herself in the chair, and so Cecilia sat back down on the sofa and started to pour out the tea. “So what's this news then?”

“Well, it hasn't been officially announced yet – that's how Charlie refers to your family grapevine, you know – but apparently Chas is going to ring in the next couple of days and tell them all, so I thought I'd tell you now. Charlie's pregnant again!”

Deborah's delight was evident, but Cecilia's reaction to the news was a small frown, almost as if she was trying to work out a tricky problem. She had been largely absent through most of Millie's life, hadn't even known her until she was a toddler, and had only seen her once. There was nothing to suggest that it would be any different if Charles produced a second niece or nephew for her.

“You'll get to be Auntie Cecil,” prodded Deborah, clearly caught up in her own rapture at the chance to be an aunt a second time over.

“No, I shan't,” returned Cecilia shortly, the use of her childhood nickname making her shudder imperceptibly. It had been a long time since she'd last been called that, her family had all been very careful not to since her request that it be changed. Suddenly, and without warning, she dissolved into tears.

“Oh, no, I've been insensitive, haven't I?” gasped Deborah at once, moving to sit beside Cecilia and put an arm around her. “Here, have my hanky – clean this morning, honest.”

“I'm sorry,” sniffed Cecilia. But any more that she might have said was lost by a second ring at the doorbell.

When she returned to the room, still evidently on the verge of tears but slightly more composed, behind her was Carly, who looked momentarily confused when she saw Deborah. Then her face cleared and she beamed. Sliding easily into the now vacated chair, she waved vaguely at Cecilia's offer of a drink and turned to the guest.

“Sorry for intruding, thought I'd come and see my ship-mate. I recognise you from the other night – Maria, wasn't it?”

“Deborah.”

“And I'm Carly,” she finished, holding out her hand and shaking the offered one enthusiastically. Politely waiting a moment until her host had sat down again, she then proceeded to explain, “I just wanted to see if you were free for a bit of shopping in the centre, but I've probably left it a bit late now, and I didn't realise that you had visitors. Sorry.”

It was Carly's breeziness, and the evident concern which had brought her here on a precious day off, that really finished Cecilia's resolve, and she started to cry properly, curling in on herself. Confronted with the two cheerful, friendly people, perhaps the only two truly light-hearted people in her life, she found that she simply couldn't lie anymore.

“I've been so bad,” she choked. “I've been so bad and now he's going to leave me and it's all going to be over and you said I was going to be an Auntie but I'm not because they won't let me near the baby because – because look at me!”

She finished with a pathetic whimper, that made Deborah long to reach out and hug her. Carly, who was closer to her, did stand up and come to kneel in front of Cecilia, reaching over the barrier of her legs, which she had pulled up to hide her face, to take her hands gently. Glancing at Deborah, who shrugged slightly, she said,

“Cecilia! Please don't cry! Come on – you're making us feel all awkward, and I know you don't want that. Whatever it is, we can sort it; we're your friends, we'll look after you. Only, you've sort of got to tell us what's wrong first.”

“It's Roger,” Cecilia tumbled out. Now that she'd resolved to say it aloud, she found that she couldn't stop herself, that suddenly she needed to speak and tell them and make them see who she was, whatever they might think of her afterwards. Maybe they could help her, and at the very least she could stop lying. “I've done something awful. I – I've used him, and he thinks it's all right and it's not - and how do I tell him that?”
Author:  jayj [ Sat Jan 22, 2011 9:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 22 Jan
ChubbyMonkey wrote:
Should I be worried that there's a threat in there somewhere?


No threat was intended, but maybe it's something worth bearing in mind just in case you decide to do something really horrible to her? :D

Anyway, I was hoping that either Deborah or Carly would come to the rescue, and look! there they both are! and let's hope they can talk some sense into her...
Author:  Abi [ Sat Jan 22, 2011 11:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 22 Jan
I do hope they can help her to sort things out a bit...

Thanks Ariel. :D
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sun Jan 23, 2011 3:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 22 Jan
Poor Cecilia, she really needs to talk about everything to someone and I don't think she's a terrible person simply because she's struggling wih everything. I think it's so understandable. Thanks Ariel
Author:  shazwales [ Sun Jan 23, 2011 5:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 22 Jan
I think it's now Cecilia is going to realise that she has got friends,who like her for herself.Hoping you're not planning any nasty 'cliffs' for her?.
Author:  charli [ Sun Jan 23, 2011 3:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 22 Jan
Thanks Ariel, i hope Cecilia feels she can trust Carly and Deborah.
Am I safe from any cliffs for a bit, or are there more to come?
*suspects there are more and goes to collect trampoline*
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sun Jan 23, 2011 7:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 22 Jan
Thankyou for your comments! As for cliffs - would I do such a thing? *angelic smile*

It was dark, and warm, and Cecilia felt drowsy. Beside her, Roger gave tiny, contented snores, his back warm against her own, twitching now and then. Whatever bliss he was experiencing in sleep, however, was not her own, and even though her body seemed perfectly content just to be still, her mind raced around and around, the repetitive tick of the clock next to her the only focal point in the sea of her thoughts.

Over and over she replayed all the things that the two women had said to her that afternoon. Naturally, Deborah had urged her repeatedly to go back to her family, to turn to them for love and support; Carly, on the other hand, had tried to convince her that it didn't matter, and that everyone dodged the exact truth in a relationship now and then. Apparently, she was being stupid anyway, as Carly said he must have consented to it so how could it be using him?

Then out had tumbled her past, and Carly had learnt just what she had run away from, the first time and the second. It wasn't, she had tried to reason, a lie in and of itself – when she'd run away with Matt, it really had been for the reasons that she'd said. She'd just not mentioned the stay with her family again in between. To her surprise, Carly seemed to take it all in her stride, her only comment being to mutter darkly that she had once been a girl guide and they all had secrets they'd rather not share.

Cecilia had said other things, too, things that she shouldn't have said but which couldn't be kept silent any longer. Why she'd been so desperate for Roger to come back to her, why she needed him and why she couldn't go home. And then she'd cried a lot more, and it had been all that they could do to bring her back to some semblance of normality before Roger himself returned. Of course, they'd left soon afterwards, Carly furtively and Deborah with a reminder that she could always call Charlie, at the very least, if she needed someone.

How hard it had been, how hard it was, to don her fake smile and push away all of the dark thoughts that threatened to loom and overcrowd her, to give Roger a normal evening so that the evidence of her crying could be explained away as Deborah talking of her family to her. It was only now, as the rest of the world slept, that she could give in and try and reason it all out again.

Softly, she slid out of bed to use the bathroom, but on returning she found that she couldn't bring herself to go back into the bedroom yet. She was going to go down and try lying on the sofa to think, but almost unconsciously she found herself at the top of the stairs, sat with her head against the wall, eyes shut happily. Her whole mind was blank, suddenly, everything around her so peaceful and calm. Without the muddying, confusing swirl of thoughts, she found that she could hear the voice that she really needed, the only person who could help her.

“Matt,” she whispered, so gently, almost imperceptible. Her hot head felt cooler, the weight of her worries lighter with him there. Without opening her eyes, she sensed a sort of presence at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at her, but she found that she couldn't stretch out her fingers to him, couldn't move at all. “Please help me.”

Sitting as still as she could, she just let herself talk to him, tell him everything as logically as she could. If she'd thought about it during the day, in the harsh sunlight, she would have been convinced she would be utterly terrified at the thought of Matt coming to her again, but now, the silky coat of darkness over them, she could see so clearly that he was the one that she needed, wanted even. Hadn't he always understood?

She didn't even need to speak aloud; just thinking, he seemed to understand, to help her to see things in a different way. He was calm, soothing; he listened without interrupting and spoke when she got lost and confused, brought her back to all the things she needed to siphon from her mind. Gradually, she felt the release of sleep creeping over her, and she smiled, thanked him for coming to her that night. On the brink of consciousness, for a fleeting second, she felt him hold her hand and smile, just like he used to when they were in love. Then he was gone, and she slept at long last.


More than two hours later, Roger ventured out of the bedroom, only to find her curled up, one hand on the banister and head lolling against the wall, smiling contentedly to herself. With sleep still misting his own eyes, he assumed that she must have been sleep walking and, making a mental note to make sure she was all right in the morning, lifted her up into his arms. Careful not to wake her, he carried her back to the bedroom, laid her down on the bed.

Like a father tenderly watching over his child, he pulled the duvet up around her and made sure she was warm, then slipped in beside her and held her as close as he dared, determined to keep her safe for the rest of the night. Already nearly asleep again, his last thought was of how perfectly she fitted against him; he never knew that for the rest of the long hours until dawn, she dreamt only of Matt, of all the things she hadn't dared to dream for so long.
Author:  jayj [ Sun Jan 23, 2011 8:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 23 Jan
Hmmm, I'm starting to feel sorry for Roger here, possibly because I can see a lot of myself in him (not the non-consensual sex thing, of course, nor the stealing other people's girlfriends thing...oh, and I don't snore... but a lot of other things) and I've been in that situation where the person you're with is not telling you the whole truth about what they're feeling, and it's really not very nice when you find out you've been deceived into thinking things are alright when they're not...

So I don't think she's being fair to him, letting him believe in a kind of normality that doesn't exist - but of course, she knows that. What a mess! Maybe, for both their sakes, she needs to get away from him?
Author:  Abi [ Sun Jan 23, 2011 10:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 23 Jan
Feeling sorry for both of them... If only there was someone who could advise Cecilia well - Deborah and Carly are nice, but they're only seeing the situation from their own points of view.

Thanks Ariel. :D
Author:  roversgirl [ Mon Jan 24, 2011 5:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 23 Jan
I think Cecilia needs to be honest and stop the rest. This could get quite dangerous. Thanks :-)
Author:  KathrynW [ Mon Jan 24, 2011 4:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 22 Jan
I do think this is a very interesting drabble and is raising some difficult questions about issues like consent to which there is probably no easy answer.

I still think that Cecilia needs to get out of this 'relationship' ASAP & get some professional help. She doesn't seem to have dealt with any of the issues that caused her to runaway in the first place let alone to help her deal with the trauma that she's been through. She's at risk of getting into a very dangerous cycle and until she realises that no man (be it Jack, Matt, Roger or anyone else) can 'save' her then she will find it impossible to break that cycle.

Sorry, I will get off my high horse now...

Also,

ChubbyMonkey wrote:
Like a father tenderly watching over his child, he pulled the duvet up around her and made sure she was warm, then slipped in beside her and held her as close as he dared, determined to keep her safe for the rest of the night.


Ick!! This to me sums up all that is wrong in their relationship.

Thank you.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Mon Jan 24, 2011 7:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 23 Jan
I know I always say it and that it always sounds woefully inadequate, but thankyou for taking the time to comment. This is a difficult drabble to write in more ways than one, and reading all of the different opinions makes me think of it in new ways all the time. Also just to reassure you that there is some actual plot development coming up in the near future!

Emerging from the confusion as dream and reality blended into one and for that fleeting second, as with every morning, the imaginations of the unconscious were real, Cecilia's first realisation was of the downy warmth she was encased in. The pillow, which had irritated her with its scratchiness the night before, now felt soft and welcoming, the duvet enveloped her perfectly. Every instinct was telling her just to lie still, to appreciate the bliss that was perfect comfort.

Roger turned to look at her – clearly he'd awoken much earlier, for he was sat up reading his book – and stroked the top of her arm softly, with all the gentle motion of a tiger sashaying between trees as it followed prey. Putting down the latest thriller that he was enjoying, he rolled over so that he could lie and wrap his arms around her under the cocoon, kiss her shoulder and the side of her head. Sleepily, she smiled, nestled back ever so slightly into him.

“How are you this morning?” he asked, but the concern in his voice turned the generical nature of the term into a genuine question.

“Perfect,” whispered Cecilia softly.

For a few minutes they just lay like this, two people in their own world, the tolling of the nearby church bells drowned out by their breathing, their closeness. Cecilia shut her eyes again, twitched her hand under the pillow a little, concentrated on how wonderful it was to breathe evenly, to lie somewhere between sleep and wakefulness in the most perfect Garden of Babylon. Then,

“Do you remember last night?”

“No,” said Cecilia carefully, wondering what had happened. At once she was more awake, alert to the possible danger, mind already racing over things. She remembered not being able to sleep, and getting up, in a distant way as one might remember a dream. After that, she found that all that came were the dreams she'd had, of castles and large gardens and being chased.

“I found you in the hallway,” Roger explained, carefully. “You were asleep at the top of the stairs. Do you remember anything?”

“No,” promised Cecilia again. Then, searing as a flame, all at once she remembered the sensation of a brush against her hand, the content that he had brought to her. The light that was Matt. She shut her eyes again, to hide the panic in them, desperately trying to recall more of his visit.

“Well, I wouldn't worry,” said Roger. “It's been an emotional couple of days, you're bound to feel the effects at some point. I don't know if you remember, but Joey did once tell me that you were known to sleepwalk now and then.”

“I do – remember,” breathed Cecilia, overwhelming relief at such a simple explanation. Of course, it had just been a dream, nothing to worry over, nothing to explain. There was no reason for Roger to be suspicious, no reason for her to think of it any more.

She rolled over and kissed him softly, smiled at him. Without words he sat back up again, reached for his book, and then pulled her close so that she could lie with her head on his lap as he read, and stroked her hair softly. It was perfectly nice, with just enough light coming through the curtains, and she shut her eyes, intent on dozing off again.

Instead, she found that she was thinking about the night before. Even if she had dreamt it all, it still wasn't normal, she still didn't want Matt to be talking to her. When he'd died, he'd left her life forever, she was free of him and that would never change. So if he was coming back, if she was remembering him touching her – did that make her delusional?

It must have been a dream, she told herself firmly, a vivid one. After all, she was curled up in bed next to Roger, she could smile, she didn't need to feel a pang of guilt just for leaving her room because she knew that she'd have to face her family again. Here, nobody reminded her of her past, made her feel as if she must always be apologising for what she had done. Here, she was herself.

She mustn't let Matt trouble her again, that was all. If she thought of him, she must put him firmly out of her mind, and if anything like last night happened again she would remind herself that she was only dreaming, sleepwalking like she used to. She must keep her mind on practical things; she had enough worries in the life that she knew to be real, she didn't need to start inventing more for herself.

“Do you think I should ring mum?” she asked Roger suddenly. He lowered his book a little and frowned at her.

“I think that you should do what you think is best,” he said in a distracted voice, before immersing himself again in his literature. It was far from satisfactory, and Cecilia knew that she couldn't expect more of him, he wouldn't get too involved in the situation, he said that it needed to be her decision. But for the life of her, she couldn't help hearing a faint echo of Matt's voice, telling her quite firmly that she didn't need her family, was better off without them in her life.
Author:  roversgirl [ Mon Jan 24, 2011 8:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 24 Jan
I didn't realise that Matt had died and agree that Cecilia needs some help before she can have a "normal" relationship with Roger. This is interetsing. Thanks :-)
Author:  jayj [ Mon Jan 24, 2011 9:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 24 Jan
Joining the chorus that's saying she needs to get help from somewhere. Poor Cecilia!
Author:  Abi [ Mon Jan 24, 2011 10:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 24 Jan
Also agreeing... and the relationship with Roger really doesn't seem to be helpful at the moment. :(
Author:  shesings [ Mon Jan 24, 2011 10:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 24 Jan
Poor Cecilia! She does need someone trustworthy, discreet and disinterested to listen to her, talk to her and help her see things clearly.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Tue Jan 25, 2011 8:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 24 Jan
shesings wrote:
She does need someone trustworthy, discreet and disinterested to listen to her, talk to her and help her see things clearly.


Your wish, madame, is my command! At long last we seem to have left angst behind and returned to something which I believe is conventially known as a plot - thanks for sticking with it!

Charlie was quietly pottering around the kitchen baking – or, at least, she was trying to. Ever since Millie had discovered the joys of making as much mess as possible with as many different ingredients, cooking hadn't been quite the same. She was optimistically making a cake for when several of her good friends, including two women with husbands already in parliament, visited the next day for high afternoon tea. In the corner of the kitchen, Millie was supposedly making fairy cakes with the extra cake mix, though whether they would look anything like any fairy cakes ever made in the history of mankind before remained to be seen.

They had just finished mixing all of the ingredients together, and Charlie was ferreting in the cupboard for her baking trays and tins, while Millie picked up some of her mix, let it dribble through her fingers, licked them off and then flung herself down with such vigour that the remnants of mix remaining on her hands splattered across the opposite wall. Knowing what Charlie would say, she quickly ran over and turned on the tap, washing her hands and the window.

“What mischief are you up to now?” demanded Charlie, emerging from the cupboard. “Look, here's your tin. I'll just butter it for you, and then you can put your cakes into it.”

“I need the toilet,” exclaimed Millie at this point, and ran out of the room. As she layered both tray and tins with butter, Charlie listened to the sound of tiny hands and feet crawling up the stairs with a smile. A long time ago, when she was expecting Millie, she had been terrified of settling down to such domesticity – after years of rallies and meetings and fighting for a woman's right to work equally with men, she had never imagined herself living like this, the staid other half to a deeply conservative man. It was everything she'd renounced at university, during her early twenties, and liked to mock even now. She wouldn't change it, though, of that she was certain.

Millie returned and the baking recommenced as planned, Charlie smoothly pouring her mixture into the two tins and thrusting them into the oven, then going to help Millie. That young lady was still grasping the concept of the mixture actually going into the indents of the tray, instead preferring that it should not only coat hair and clothes, but also surrounding worktop space and anything on it.

Finishing making sure that each dollop was roughly equal, and putting those cakes in the oven alongside her own, she turned to tidying up the cake-mix-bomb-site that had, a mere half an hour ago, been her kitchen. This not appealing to Millie, she got down from the stool which she used when helping to cook and went into the living room to give her dolls lunch.

Thus it was that the household was happily occupied in normal, mundane tasks, the very picture of how a family should be, when the telephone rang. Charlie hardly even looked up from the washing up she was doing; Millie could be relied on to run and answer it, if not to not hang up again before she got the adult she wanted. Pausing long enough for Millie to have contented herself with a conversation, Charlie joined her in the hallway.

Happily, Millie abruptly ended midway through a sentence with a garbled 'goodbye' and wandered off again, handing the handset to Charlie as she passed, and humming to herself in a most composed manner. Grinning at her little lady, Charlie sat down on the staircase and lifted the phone to her ear.

“Cecilia?” she asked a few seconds later, almost unable to believe that it could be. “Oh, Cecilia, thank goodness. How are you? Where are you? Are you all right?”

“I'm – I'm fine,” said the tinny voice at the other end. “I'm sorry for getting in touch. Only I met Deborah the other day, and – well, she made me see that I probably should.”

“As in Deborah my sister?” asked Charlie carefully. Bored of her own company, but paying no attention whatsoever to the conversation, Millie had brought her two favourite dolls into the hallway and was now sat at Charlie's feet, cheerfully making them have a long and dull conversation about the woodlouse that they'd spotted the other day. “Debbie?”

“Yes. She and I were talking and she mentioned you, and Millie, and Chas wanting to be an MP, and suddenly she realised who I was. She told me about the baby, too.”

Unable to not smile, Charlie laid a hand tenderly over the tiny bump where her baby was already growing, her whole heart full at the word. It had only been two nights before that Chas had rung his parents to tell them the good news, and then Con and Stephen as well. Sadly, they were the only siblings in the country, but Joey and Jack had promised to write to the rest, and the two he had spoken to were overjoyed at the news.

“Congratulations,” added Cecilia.

“Thankyou,” said Charlie softly. “You must come and meet your new niece or nephew as soon as they join us. Millie misses you too, she does remember you, you know. How are you, anyway?”

“I'm safe, and I'm sort of happy, and you don't need to worry,” said Cecilia. “But, look, I hate to ask, only you wouldn't mind keeping it to yourself for now, would you? I mean, tell Chas, but please don't tell mum and dad. I will ring them, I promise, just -”

“Not until you're ready. I know,” sighed Charlie. “And in the meantime, I can't even tell them that you're safe, can I?”

“I'd rather you didn't.” Cecilia paused, but just as Charlie was about to say something else, she suddenly added in a wild rush, “Charlie, I really need you and Chas. Please will you help me?”
Author:  roversgirl [ Tue Jan 25, 2011 9:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 25 Jan
Glad she's finally asked for help! Thanks :-)
Author:  Abi [ Tue Jan 25, 2011 9:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 25 Jan
*fingers crossed* I hope they are able to help her...
Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Tue Jan 25, 2011 9:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 25 Jan
Phew - at last!! :) But we do know how hard it's been for Cecilia to take at least this baby step, and it's good that Deborah has coaxed her into taking it. I do hope Charlie and Charles can help her.
Author:  charli [ Wed Jan 26, 2011 3:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 25 Jan
Oh good. I like Charlie. Hopefully she can help Cecilia now.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Wed Jan 26, 2011 9:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 25 Jan
I'm afraid that I couldn't resist a little more Chas and Charlie - but look, look! There's Plot Development(ish) too! Something you get woefully little of in my drabbles, it feels. Thanks for the comments!

That evening Chas was bemused to come home and find that his wife was nearly as hyperactive with excitement as his daughter was. In the case of the latter it was thanks to the fairy cakes which she had made, and before he'd even had time to loosen his tie and shrug off his jacket, she'd grabbed his hand and towed him into the kitchen, chattering excitedly.

Staring hopefully at the perfectly formed cakes, with blobs of multi-coloured icing on top and then 'fairy wings' inserted at some very interesting angles, Chas tried to find some way of turning what looked like a jumbled mash of colour and sugar into a very good example of his daughter's evidently blooming artistic talent. When this failed, he settled for swinging her up into his arms and carrying her into the living room, to collapse on the sofa with an exhausted sigh.

“Work should be banned by law,” he groaned, as Charlie brought him a cup of tea. Sensing that his attention was being drawn from her account of the lunch that she'd enjoyed, Millie prodded him heartily in the nose and chuckled at his exclamation of pain. “As for this monster,” he added, tickling her so that she squirmed and giggled, “I think she should be locked up in a cave somewhere and forgotten about.”

“No don't,” chanted Millie. “You love me. You said.”

“Why don't you go and draw daddy a picture before your bath time?” asked Charlie with a grin, sitting down next to her husband and watching Millie scamper back into the kitchen and the task in which she'd been involved before. Then, snuggling up to him softly, she lay a head on his shoulder and stroked his hand and his fingers, wandering over his wedding ring.

“What's up with you?” he asked. “I can tell something is, you're bursting to tell me.”

“Someone rang for you today.”

“Oh, not mum again!” he exclaimed.

As Len and Con were the only others to have so far given Joey grandchildren, he had always been the focus of some of her over-enthusiasm. But with Len now in a different country, and Con having disappointed her by only having one child so far, the news that Charlie was pregnant again had made him and, through him, Millie the scrutiny of much exuberance, to the point that he had almost lost his temper at a very late hour of the evening the previous night when she refused to heed his hint and hang up.

“No, one of your sisters.”

“Yep, that really narrows it down.”

“Oi!” Charlie whacked him resoundingly with the nearest cushion. “If you're going to be all sarcastic, I won't tell you.” Then, unable to keep it from him any longer, she burst out, “It was Cecilia. She rang this afternoon, and she wouldn't tell me where she was but she said that she's fine, sort of, and she's going to ring back in about half an hour. I said that would be the best time so that I was bathing Millie and you could talk undisturbed.”

“What do you mean, she's sort of fine?” he asked with a tiny frown, although his eyes had lit up. The Maynards might not be clannish as a rule, and most of them certainly weren't all that close, but they looked after each other all the same. “What did she say?”

“I'll let you talk to her,” Charlie said softly, sitting up to wrap her arms around him in a gentle hug. “She made me promise not to tell Joey and Jack, though, she said that she wasn't ready to hear from them.”

“Well, I can't just keep it from them,” objected Charles, but Charlie only told him to wait until he'd heard her out, first, and then make his mind up. It was all that was to be done, after all, and she would ring soon enough.

How slowly time seemed to go after that. Distracted, he hardly paid any attention at all to Millie's drawing, which offended that young lady greatly. He half expected Cecilia not to call at all, and had just buried himself in his newspaper with the intention of not getting his hopes up when the peal of the telephone made him jump.

Striding into the hallway, he went to lift it up and then paused. Firmly, he reminded himself that it might not be Cecilia, and that he shouldn't sound disappointed if it wasn't. He shouldn't be disappointed if it wasn't. Still, it was the time that Charlie had given to the minute, he could hear the clock in the living room chiming, and he trusted that she wouldn't go back on her word. Lifting it up, he paused, waiting for the greeting from the other end as was his custom.

“Chas?” asked a so familiar voice, and all at once he was beaming, and piling questions onto her, and she was replying in a rush of excitement that said far more of her relief at talking to someone from her family again than words ever could.

At first she just told him of Deborah, and how it had been thanks to her that she'd got back in touch at all, and how scared she was in case he was angry. He was quick to reply that of course he wasn't, he was just glad to hear from her again, and did that mean that she knew about the baby on the way? He also had news of other people in the family that she hadn't heard – and some which she had, though she pretended not to know so as to not hurt his feelings. Then she said that she couldn't stay long as she was expecting someone.

“Charlie said that you didn't want me to tell mum and dad,” he remarked at this juncture. “Can I not even tell them that you've rung? It would be such a relief for them, you have no idea how worried they are.”

“Did Charlie tell you my news?” she asked anxiously.
Author:  jayj [ Wed Jan 26, 2011 9:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 Jan
Come on, tell us the news!

Thanks!
Author:  Abi [ Wed Jan 26, 2011 10:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 Jan
Yes, and...?
Author:  janetbrown23 [ Wed Jan 26, 2011 10:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 Jan
Starts knitting tiny garments
Author:  charli [ Thu Jan 27, 2011 1:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 Jan
janetbrown23 wrote:
Starts knitting tiny garments

:shock: :shock: :shock: I hadn't thought of that! Do tell us soon Ariel!
Author:  roversgirl [ Thu Jan 27, 2011 5:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 Jan
Hopes Cecilia is not pregnant as this would make the situation a lot more complicated. I'm glad Chas was soo good with her. Thanks :-)
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Jan 27, 2011 9:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 Jan
Goodness, people! I got her in touch with her family. Patience! Tut, really. ...Thankyou for the comments :D All in good time!

Nervously, Cecilia paced the kitchen, stopped, turned, and paced again. She ran her fingers through her hair to check that it was neat, pulled her already straightened clothes, moved the dishcloth folded on the worktop the fraction of an inch, so that it looked a little straighter. The whole house was of a regimented neat, tidy order, Cecilia having spent the last few days cleaning furiously. It had never looked so good before.

The purpose of all of this was that she was expecting a visitor. When she'd told him over the telephone, a few days ago, everything that she could of her story, Charles had bombinated softly under his breath for almost longer than Cecilia could bear, then he had told her that he was coming to London for a meeting in a few days and he would stay overnight with her. That was when she found the courage to add, finally,

“Chas, just so you know before you arrive, I'm living with Roger.”

If she'd thought that the last silence had been bad, this one could have filled an opera hall, but at long last he spoke again. After that conversation was concentrated on purely practical matters, how he would get there and what time he'd arrive, for which Cecilia was doubly grateful when Roger himself came home. He gave her an odd look as he listened to her talk on the telephone, but waited until she'd hung up to ask what on earth was going on and who was coming to stay with them?

Now it was three days later, and Charles had been due ten minutes ago. Every nightmare that had played out for Cecilia since she'd rung him – that he wouldn't come, or that if he did he would bring Jack and Joey – suddenly came again, even worse now that something in the plan was going wrong and she was starting to panic. How she wished that Roger had come back to stay with her; but he, in his own version of tact, had said he was staying out for a drink with a couple of his friends and wouldn't be back until later.

It was somebody knocking on the front door that made Cecilia jump, and realise that she'd been almost in a trance, staring at the table cloth as if it held all of the answers to life's great mysteries. Straightening her clothes and her hair one very last time, she walked forwards, heart beating so loudly it seemed that that was the reason for her shaking hands and uneven breath.

When she stepped back to let Charles in, she looked so scared, eyes round, that they were both suddenly ten years younger, and she'd just done something that she knew would make Jack angry, and come to him to help her. All at once, his formality, his nerves at seeing his sister again, dropped away, and he pulled her into a fierce hug. Together, they clung on like this for a long time, back in the nursery at Freudesheim when Chas was the big brother who could sort out any problems.

“Don't cry,” he murmured, when they eventually pulled apart, brushing at her tears. She sniffed, then laughed, then hugged him all over again, her mascara wending in an inky line down his coat collar. He gave her a minute and then added hopefully, “I'm parched. Any chance of a drink?”

“I got us wine in especially,” she beamed. While he left his coat, suitcase and small overnight bag in the hallway, she went to fetch glasses, calling through the house to him, “How are Millie and Charlie?”

She'd got to speak to Millie when she'd rung, for that young lady, on escaping from the bath, had come to sit next to Chas on the stairs and lay her damp head in his lap. Then, of course, she'd wanted to tell Auntie Cecilia all about how big the giant worm she'd found in the garden the other day was, and how mummy had shouted at daddy and called him a rude word that she wasn't allowed to say.

“They're both really well,” smiled Charles. “Though Charlie says that if one more person asks her that they'll get the reply that her hormones are dreadful and she just wants to smack someone over the head with a saucepan. But the baby seems to be fine, as well, and Millie has to kiss it goodnight before she'll go to sleep.”

“And I'm guessing by the fact that you're not looking morosely into your drink that today went well, too,” prodded Cecilia.

“Oh, yes, just as it should. Things are looking good for me to strand at the next election for one seat or another – they don't know which, yet, but I've been tipped the nod and given the wink. So you'll soon be able to see your brother in Parliament, ingratiating himself with the men of power in this country, and of course the politicians. Mum's thrilled, getting to ring around everyone and tell them that her little boy's going to be Prime Minister one day.”

“How are mum and dad, really?” asked Cecilia softly. “Roger tells me what he knows, but I don't suppose they'd be telling all and sundry if dad wasn't getting better, or mum was finding it hard to cope.”

“They're a sturdy pair really,” said Charles. “I worried about mum a bit at first, but whenever you ask her she just says that she escaped the Nazis so it's not like she's going to let this bother her. And Auntie Madge and Uncle Jem go to stay a lot, or have mum and dad stay at theirs. I think that if it really got bad, they'd make sure mum calmed down a bit. You know how she does things wholesale, and she's taken it into her head to nurse dad like anything, he keeps grumbling that Jem's the only one who can keep him sane. Though Charlie's news seems to have distracted her a bit.”

Cecilia chuckled. When she'd spoken to Charlie, that young woman hadn't held back from telling her sister-in-law of just how trying it could be to try and always sound enthused by Joey's ideas for the new baby, especially the second time round.

“And how about you?” asked Chas, slipping his hand into hers and squeezing a little.

“I'm all right,” she promised. “I'm so happy that you came, I was so scared on my own.” She faltered a little, and got pulled into another hug with him across the corner of the kitchen table. “I know that Roger cares about me – and I know that you must be angry with us, but please don't be. You must see why I can't tell mum and dad yet. They'd hate the idea of me being with Roger, and I need him Chas, I really do.”

“I know,” he sighed, “and perhaps you're right about mum and dad. It might be better for you that they don't know. But Cec, you have to see, they need to know that you're all right. Dad's had to hide all the pictures of you because mum couldn't bear to see them anymore, she kept just crying whenever she did.”

“I am going to tell them,” she promised. “Soon. As soon as I can. But first we – I have to tell Roger. Tonight.”
Author:  Abi [ Thu Jan 27, 2011 11:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 27 Jan
*wibbles*

Thanks, Ariel. :)
Author:  roversgirl [ Fri Jan 28, 2011 6:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 27 Jan
Hope she has the courage to tell Roger and he takes it well :-)
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Fri Jan 28, 2011 7:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 27 Jan
You know, you all seem to be assuming that you know what she's telling him...

Seeing the look in her eyes and guessing at her panic, Chas was quick to divert her attention with a picture of Millie with Phil and Claire at a recent family gathering to explore the new home. He had also brought with him one of Millie with Jack and Joey, and with Steve, and various of their other siblings together in different groups so that she had a picture of them all. Further, he insisted on her keeping them, so that she could have something to remind her of her family, not, as she retorted, that she was liable to forget such an unruly mob.

“Just make sure you don't,” replied Charles sombrely. “We miss you, it wasn't the same without you there. And then Mike and Margot are gone now, as well, and Steve could only stay for one day. Felix and Flixy were the last to go, and they said that mum got really sentimental towards the end. Apparently she's thinking of getting in touch with Tante Simone, now that Andre's died, and asking her to live with them.”

“Whereas if they had a dutiful daughter to sit at home and look after them in their old age, they'd be so much more comfortable,” commented Cecilia wryly. “One of us who, oh, doesn't have any other commitments and isn't chasing a career. Who can always be guilt-tripped into staying with them.”

“They wouldn't do that,” said Charles, but Cecilia only shrugged and shuffled the pictures into a pile.

Thankfully, the threatened awkward moment was averted by Roger's arrival. He was tired and coated in a thin grime from working on site all day, but he still hailed Charles heartily, demanding all the latest news at once. While Charles repeated all of the things he'd already told Cecilia, in much briefer form, they both did their best to avoid letting the other see them glance at the young girl, knowing it was going to be an uncomfortable topic.

“I'm going to make dinner,” she announced, “I thought I'd do a beef casserole as you both like it.”

“It sounds lovely,” promised Roger, sitting down in her newly vacated seat and watching as she started to get out ingredients. “Did you have a good day at work?”

“Well, Carly couldn't understand how I managed to be so calm,” laughed Cecilia. “She said if she hadn't seen one of her brothers for a while she wouldn't be able to wait patiently. But we couldn't let on to Bridget, so I managed to contain myself.”

“Just doesn't love me enough,” grinned Charles, stretching in his chair. “Do you mind if I go up and find my room? I could do with unpacking a few things and changing into my nice, comfortable old jumper I always wear in the evenings.”

Tactfully he withdrew, so that the couple could have their time together, wondering if Cecilia would tell Roger the news while he was out of the room, hoping she would. It would be much less awkward for the poor man to hear it without her brother sat next to her – though they both knew that Charles couldn't exactly start a fight and defend Cecilia's honour; he'd always been trounced in the friendly rugby games the boys used to organise during the summer holidays and it wasn't as if he'd got better since then.

Unfortunately, it seemed that Cecilia carefully avoided the topic while she was cooking, and it was only after they'd had their meal and retired to the living room that she thought to bring it up. With a pointed look at Chas to warn him of what was coming, she slipped her arm from where it had been linked through Roger's so they could discreetly hold hands and sat up.

“You haven't said much about us so far.”

“No,” replied Charles, careful what he said. He knew what she was building up to, and much as he might want to frown and have words with her for using him to break the news like this, he could understand why she was turning to him for help. From what she'd said on the telephone, she'd been terrified, and goodness only knows what she'd have done if she hadn't been able to ring him. “It's not exactly any of my business, is it?”

“Hopefully Cecilia's only said good things about me so far,” grinned Roger at this point, his eyes sleepy, leaning back into the cushions. “I'm sure you know me well enough by now, you don't need to give me the whole talk about looking after her and what have you.”

“It's not me you're going to need to convince,” said Chas dryly. “It's mum and dad I'd be worrying about – and Ruey, for that matter. Does she know yet?”

“No,” said Roger quietly. “We didn't like to tell anyone and put them in an awkward position. So are you going to tell Jack and Joey, then?”

“He's not,” interjected Cecilia hastily, seeing that her opportunity was slipping by. “I asked him not to, and he understands. We need time to talk first, Roger.”

“Why? What – you're going back, aren't you?” exclaimed Roger, glancing at the look on her face. She shook her head, then bit her lip and looked down into her lap.

“No,” she whispered. “No, I'm not going back. I'm pregnant.”
Author:  roversgirl [ Fri Jan 28, 2011 7:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 28 Jan
I hope Roger takes it well! Thanks :-)
Author:  Abi [ Fri Jan 28, 2011 9:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 28 Jan
You really aren't letting her off lightly, are you, Ariel? :D
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Jan 29, 2011 8:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 28 Jan
Where's the fun in that?

To say that Roger sat bolt upright would be something of an under-exaggeration; he positively left his seat at this news. Chas was carefully examining the ends of his fingers, which had never seemed quite so interesting before, and wishing he was anywhere but that room; as he'd said doomfully to Charlie before he left, he didn't mind helping his sister, but this was hardly his responsibility. Her reply had been that it would be good practice for when Millie was older, at which he'd found himself quite hastily changing the subject.

Now he thought about making some excuse and fleeing, for the two were still staring at each other in silence, Cecilia having eventually found the courage to look up at Roger. The shock in his mirrored the pain in hers, and it suddenly struck him how very diverse they seemed. He had known, of course, of the age-gap between them – but now it was suddenly as clear and horrifying to him as if it had smacked into his face.

Cecilia looked every inch her years, and how young that was. When he'd been that age, looked that young, he'd just been starting at university, growing up for the first time, the idea of a child would have terrified him more than he could say. As for Roger, he'd aged ten years, become haggard, a man heading rapidly for middle age. That such a man should be with Cecilia – his Cecilia – was incomprehensible.

“You – you're pregnant,” stuttered Roger, after what felt like a lifetime. “As in – you're having a baby?”

“Your baby,” said Cecilia. Try as she might, she couldn't keep the stutter out of her voice. “I – I sort of knew for a while, but I wanted to wait and be sure, and it's been at least two months now and I don't know, I just – I feel pregnant.”

“You're pregnant,” he repeated again, as if somehow saying it enough times would alter the meaning, make it something that he could understand. Cecilia nodded, waited warily for his response. She couldn't help remembering the last time, the fear, the look in Matt's eye. She shivered. And then she was in Roger's arms, held so tightly against him that she knew she was safe, and he was breathing her in and saying in amazed, happy tones, “You're pregnant, you're actually having my baby.”

There was a tiny sniff from his chest as Cecilia started to cry, but he was beaming, and when they drew apart so was she, and the only thing either could see was the other. Roger took her hands in his and kissed her so proudly, so softly, everything seemed so perfect. Then Charles coughed. It might be tactful, he had decided, to remind them of his presence.

“Congratulations,” he beamed. He leaned across the coffee table and shook Roger's hand, then squeezed Cecilia's gently. “I'm really pleased for you.”

“I'm really pleased for us too,” said Roger, in a dazed sort of way, still staring at Cecilia reminiscent of having never seen her before. “We're – we're going to have a baby.”

“He'll understand in a minute,” commented Cecilia drily to her brother. The relief at how brilliantly he'd taken the news was welling up inside her, threatening to choke and overcome her, though she had held back her tears resolutely. “I might, too.”

It truly seemed as if happiness was hers at last. Ever since she'd started to suspect she was pregnant she'd been through so many emotions, and yet relief like this hadn't been one of them. At first she'd been paranoid, convinced that she was mistaken and it couldn't possibly be; then had come the certainty, and with it the fear; it had seemed as if it was all starting again, everything from Paris was being relived in her mind, she was going back to dark places she hadn't visited for so long.

Until now, the baby had meant nothing but darkness for her, remembering things she'd hoped she'd forgotten, wondering if it was going to be the same all over again. She hadn't thought of it as something happy, something joyful. But it was, it was special, precious, there was a tiny baby growing inside her and this time she was going to be allowed to keep it.

“That's why you rang Chas,” exclaimed Roger suddenly, glancing at Charles. He'd fallen silent for a moment again, but just as it seemed that he needed time to appreciate it all, he effervesced up again. “Oh, Cecilia, why didn't you tell me before? Please don't say you were scared?”

“A little,” she admitted, “but I would have rung them soon anyway, you know I would.”

“I hope that you will, now,” commented Charles quietly. At once Cecilia turned to him, confused.

“Not mum and dad – you and Charlie. I can't tell mum and dad. I won't.”

“You have to,” he urged. How much he would have liked to leave the topic for now, to give her time to be happy; but he was painfully aware that he only had one night with her, and that once he left there would be even less he could do to convince her that she needed to talk to their parents. “You can't keep this from them.”

“I won't tell them,” she insisted, the tears coming all too easily. “You mustn't either. You mustn't! They'll take it away again and I won't let it happen, I won't!”

Suddenly, she bolted from the room. When she knew that Charles was right, that what she was doing in not telling Jack and Joey was worse than anything she'd done before, she couldn't stay in the same room. It didn't matter that she was going to have to face up to it sooner or later, was going to have to keep lying to him and them all and hurting them when they wouldn't understand why. It was too much, with the emotional roller-coaster that she'd already been through that evening.

In the living room, Roger turned to Charles, the happiness gone to be suddenly replaced with a solemnity, a worrying look.

“When she was in Paris,” he said emotionlessly, “she was pregnant. That – that man didn't like it, wanted to keep making money out of her. He forced her to have an abortion.”
Author:  Abi [ Sat Jan 29, 2011 9:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 29 Jan
So glad Roger took it well - this gives me a little hope. But I do hope she'll be able to tell her parents soon.

Thanks Ariel. :)
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sun Jan 30, 2011 11:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 29 Jan
Here, I thought I had missed all the clifts and I sailed right over that one. Thanks Ariel, this is reallt good. Hope Chas can be supportive and even more importantly her parents when they find out let her keep the baby
Author:  cestina [ Sun Jan 30, 2011 12:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 29 Jan
Fiona Mc wrote:
Here, I thought I had missed all the clifts and I sailed right over that one. Thanks Ariel, this is reallt good. Hope Chas can be supportive and even more importantly her parents when they find out let her keep the baby


I've lost track of how old she is now. Can they stop her? Roger needs to get his act together quickly so that they can't.
Author:  Myth Tree [ Sun Jan 30, 2011 1:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 29 Jan
*panic*
In this era it was not generally acceptable to be an unmarried mother. This spells trouble for Cecilia and could mean all sorts of pressures to get married - and I don't think she's ready for that.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sun Jan 30, 2011 7:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 29 Jan
cestina wrote:
I've lost track of how old she is now. Can they stop her? Roger needs to get his act together quickly so that they can't.


Well, I sort of have as well :roll: She's about 19, though, by my reckoning, if that helps! Thankyou for the comments!

It was with some trepidation that Charles made his way up the stairs to see Cecilia. Once Roger had made his announcement, he also said that he wanted some time alone and had withdrawn to the kitchen, leaving Charles feeling that he was to be the one who had to go and comfort Cecilia. Mind still reeling from the revelation, he paused in the hallway and tried to compose himself.

Whatever she'd been through in Paris, he thought that she'd told them the worst. It was only ever discussed rarely, in hushed tones when they were sure she wouldn't have to overhear, but he knew that Joey and Jack would have shared something like that with the older ones. In a way, though, he was only glad that they hadn't; what it would have done to their family was unthinkable.

Gathering his courage, he opened the door to Roger's bedroom, looked at her lying so pitifully on the bed, the tiny snuffles telling of the crying that she'd only just mastered. She was clutching something to her chest, but he couldn't see what. However he'd thought this evening would go, he hadn't prepared for this; more than anything, he wanted Charlie, and he wanted Millie with the fierce instinct of a father. Anything could happen to them, he'd never realised truly before just how vulnerable and fragile his happiness was. He didn't want to have to sit and try and comfort his grieving sister when he knew nothing except that there was no relief he could bring. He wanted to shut the door, turn and run, back to his home and his family.

He couldn't, though.

Silently, he sat down behind her, smoothing the covers around him. Now he was closer, he realised it was one of Roger's shirts she was holding, still crying a little into it, body shaking from emotion or cold or fear or all of them together. Not knowing what else to do, he brushed her hair back from her face, wiped the damp cheeks with his fingers.

“Roger told me,” he said softly. Her knuckles whitened as she tightened her hold on the bundle of cloth in her arms. “I – I'm sorry.”

“I had a notebook,” whispered Cecilia. “A little notebook. All I had. It got put in my packing for the move, and I guess now it's at Lamorna. I don't know. I haven't seen it since we left Switzerland. Sometimes I wonder if mum and dad have found it yet, if they've guessed.”

“They haven't touched your things,” promised Charles. “They couldn't bear to.”

“They mustn't know.”

“Well.” Charles didn't say anything else. It wasn't his place to tell them or otherwise, to say anything about the matter. All that he could say was, “You know they wouldn't do that to you, don't you? No matter what you might think, they wouldn't take your baby from you. They wouldn't do that.”

A matted pile of cloths, her baby there below her. All these strange men, moving briskly around, leaving the room as if they couldn't bear to stay so close to death. A resonating emptiness even through the pain. An empty body where once there had been life. And was it a baby in those damp sheets, or was it her?

“I know,” she said, blankly, so quiet that Charles had to bend a little to hear her. “I know they wouldn't do that. But they won't let me be with Roger, especially not if they knew this. They'd take me away and lock me up and tell everyone I was ill and when my baby's born they'd take it away and I'd never see it again. And they'd tell me I'd done the good thing, the right thing, I'd made happy a couple who couldn't have a baby of their own. I'd never, ever see my baby again. They'd take my baby away from me as surely as if they did do that, just because they couldn't stand the shame."

“Maybe,” admitted Charles with a sigh. It was certainly an option they'd consider, he was willing to admit that. “I'm your brother, though, and I won't let them if that's not what you want.”

Slowly, Cecilia opened her eyes, and rolled over to look up at him. Her whole face was swollen and tear-stained, and he realised with a jolt how long he must have sat downstairs before he'd found the strength to come and find her, how long she must have been alone. Then in a whirlwind rush she flung herself against him, so that he had to steady himself to not fall backwards, and clung to him so fiercely that it hurt. He clung back, and through her racking sobs he realised that he was crying himself.

When they drew away he smiled in a sad, happy sort of way, and hugged her again more gently, and tried to mop at his eyes. She pressed a clean handkerchief from Roger's drawer into his hands and he took it with a smile, made an effort to pull himself together.

“Did mum ever tell you about my marriage?” he asked, once they were a little less emotional, just sat next to each other in the middle of the bed. Cecilia shook her head. “Charlie was already pregnant – oh, we knew we'd have got married some day anyway, we'd been together long enough by then. It was just a little more rushed than we'd planned. I don't know if mum ever quite realised, but dad gave me the old wink and nudge routine.”

“I can't imagine dad like that,” murmured Cecilia. While her father was still the man who would come and save her from every hurt, he was still her childhood father, who was correspondingly strict and disapproving.

“I know,” replied Charles. “That's why I told you. I'm not saying that you have to get married, I'm not saying that it will be easy. I'm just saying that it might seem like the biggest, scariest thing in the world – goodness knows, I was terrified from the moment Charlie told me, even if telling mum and dad wasn't the biggest worry – but it really isn't. I'll never lecture you – well, how could I? And I know it's different, but it's not so different. If dad can be like that with me, you never know, he might with you, too.”

“I doubt it.”

“Perhaps not,” acknowledged Charles. “I guess I don't know how they'll take the news either, until you tell them. But don't assume that they'll take it badly. And always remember; there's room at my house for you, and I've always the time to come to you. Whatever else comes, if you want your baby – well, then, you're having it. I'll make sure.”

Together, Charles and Cecilia sat together in perfect silence, just holding hands, each trying to gather their scattered thoughts. In the kitchen, Roger did the same, staring at the grainy wood of the table and wondering what on earth he should do next.
Author:  Abi [ Sun Jan 30, 2011 9:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 30 Jan
Charles was so lovely there; it sounds as though he might be able to persuade Cecilia to talk to Jack and Joey. But it's all still very fragile...

Thanks, Ariel. :D
Author:  roversgirl [ Sun Jan 30, 2011 10:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 30 Jan
Just caught up on two updates and glad the air's been cleared on a lot! Thanks :-)
Author:  robinette [ Sun Jan 30, 2011 11:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 30 Jan
Ariel this is so brilliantly written. I am so glad Rodger took the news so well and Charles was so lovely there.

I hope she finds the courage to contact Josh and jack

Thank you
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Mon Jan 31, 2011 10:52 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 30 Jan
Thanks Ariel. I don't envy Cecilia position. It would be hard telling Joey and Jack. Can understand why she doesn't want them to know
Author:  Myth Tree [ Mon Jan 31, 2011 12:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 30 Jan
I now feel sorry for Charles. If his parents find out he's met with Cecilia and knows she's pregnant he'll be in trouble; if he tells he's in trouble with Cecilia when she needs him and Charlie.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Mon Jan 31, 2011 9:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 30 Jan
Thankyou for all your comments! :D

“You know,” said Cecilia, after a long, companionable silence, “he would have been a little bit younger than Millie, but not much. They would have grown up together and been cousins. Especially if you get your seat and have to be in London, they could have been best friends.”

“Do you think about him much?” asked Charles softly, seeing that she wanted to talk about the baby she'd lost. Softly, almost as if she was having the conversation with herself, she nodded.

“All the time. Just small things that I see that make me remember what I could be now. He was going to be called Jamie. I like the name Jamie for a boy. He'd have been able to call me Maman by now.”

“You'll be Maman yet,” promised Charles, and saw the tears glitter in her eyes. Still she resolutely shook her head.

“No, not this time. I expect I'll end up as mummy, much as I dislike the term. This will be a proper little English baby – not like Jamie. He would have had a French Papa and an older sister, would have come into a proper little family. This baby's just going to get a mess.”

“It won't be a mess.” Charles didn't ask if she'd known the father; he didn't want to know, and he doubted that she wanted to remember either. “Whatever it is, it's never a mess unless you make it one. That baby is going to have two very loving parents, from what I see, and one of the biggest families in history to look after it, including a very enthusiastic young girl who rather enjoys looking after babies and a little cousin about the same age to be its playmate.”

“Does Millie really like that?” asked Cecilia with a smile. She knew so little about her niece. “How on earth do you know?”

“One of Charlie's friends had a baby a while back. He's still trying to get over the shock of being rudely awakened by Millie 'bathing' him in her orange juice,” Chas chuckled. “Whenever he comes over she gets to be a terrible fusspot and has to look after him as best she can.”

“She'll have one to look after all the time soon.”

“And aren't we all dreading it!”

They both laughed, but then lapsed into silence again. Unconsciously, Cecilia had a hand wrapped protectively around her stomach, still holding Chas' hand as well. He was staring out of the bedroom window while she looked down at the bedsheets, tracing unseen patterns and daydreaming again. Gently, she squeezed Chas' fingers, and when he looked at her she asked,

“Will you and Charlie be Godparents please?”

“Yes,” he said at once, adding as an afterthought, “as long as that's all right with Roger.”

“I'd better go down and see him in a minute,” said Cecilia ruefully. “Just not yet. Soon enough my whole life will be about this baby, one way or another, but I want to think about Jamie first. I never want to forget him, no matter how unhappy it makes me that he's gone. But even if I don't, I'll have to stop thinking of him, won't I? I can't let another little baby grow up with a shadow like that.”

“No, but you won't be the only one thinking of him,” said Charles. “Even if we never say his name again, if you never, ever want to talk about him, I'll always remember him too. Remember that, just in case. Not,” he finished, in an attempt to lighten the mood, “that you'll think much of anything but sleep once you've got a baby.”

This time, Cecilia really did smile. Somehow, it all seemed so terribly real. There would be a tiny, wailing, screaming baby who she would hold in her arms night after night and who would need her just as much as she needed it. There was somebody else that they would both need, too.

“Let's go and see Roger,” she offered. “It's getting really late, we should all be in bed soon. I have to do it at some point.”

“He seemed to be taking the news rather well when I came up,” said Charles, as they stood up and Cecilia straightened the bedclothes. “My guess is that he just wanted to give us some time alone.”

With a lighter heart now that she at least knew that she wasn't lying to Roger any more – and, whatever he might say, she couldn't feel any worse than when she had been – Cecilia went downstairs, wondering what to expect. As Charles had said, Roger had seemed to react quite well, although whether he'd still feel the same now that he'd had time to think was another matter.

She knew, though, that she was going to have her baby, no matter what he might suggest. Desperately she wanted for him to be part of that, and for them to be a family, but she also knew that that may not be what he wanted. She'd thought about it enough, though, she was prepared for that. She was prepared for just about everything but what actually happened.

Hearing them coming down the stairs, Roger was waiting in the living room. For a moment he and Cecilia stared at each other, a wordless love. Then he came forwards and took her hands into his, breathed as hard as he could, and launched into an evidently prepared speech.

“You've told me the best news in the world tonight and I – I don't know how to tell you how happy I am. But Cecilia – will you marry me?”
Author:  roversgirl [ Mon Jan 31, 2011 9:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 31 Jan
I'm glad he's popped the question but am wibblig about how she may take it...

The scene was Chas and Cecilia was really lovely. Thanks :-)
Author:  Rafaella [ Mon Jan 31, 2011 9:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 31 Jan
Wonderful :D
Author:  Joanne [ Mon Jan 31, 2011 9:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 31 Jan
I do hope his response - and proposal - makes her feel better. But I do think she needs some sort of counselling before she either gets married or has a baby - because it may well all come back to her and her patterned response now is to run away. :?
You will give her a happy future eventually, won't you?
Author:  Abi [ Mon Jan 31, 2011 10:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 31 Jan
I'm so glad Roger has responded so well and is genuinely happy about the baby. But I agree that Cecilia desperately needs some sort of help.

Thanks, Ariel. :D
Author:  KathrynW [ Mon Jan 31, 2011 10:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 31 Jan
I, for one, will freely admit that I don't know what to think! I want a happy ending obviously but I'm just not sure what a happy ending would be.
Author:  Jools [ Tue Feb 01, 2011 10:38 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 31 Jan
This is amazing Ariel, Thank you!
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Tue Feb 01, 2011 9:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 31 Jan
Happy? What is this word of which you speak? Thankyou for all of your comments! I hope you approve of the response...

The grass was damp under her feet and the edges of her nightgown were stained with dew. It was little protection against the night, but the air was warm with the scent of summer, still, and she was as if lost in a dream, unable to feel the slight chill in the wind. It ruffled the hedges fencing in the garden, and made her hair and dress float elegantly back. Quite contentedly, she walked gently along, unconscious of her beauty or that of her surroundings.

“You know how much I love you, and that I'll always look after you. Look at how happy we are now that we're together – we could be like this forever.”

When she reached the apple tree, she lifted up and plucked a piece of fruit from it, a perfectly round, red apple, glistening moistly like the rest of the world around her. Spiders spun fairy-tale webs and the occasional chirrup told of nearby insects; only the swish of an owl passing overhead could be heard. The whole world was idyllic, calm, dead almost. It was as if there wasn't another living soul, as if hers was the only breath which spiralled in tiny mists up to the heavens above, seemingly so close. Indeed, she truly could be in heaven, alone with her God, listening to the divine secrets which he whispered in her ear.

“I know that you probably think that I'm only asking because of the baby. Of course it's that which makes me ask now, and I wouldn't have thought of it if you weren't pregnant. But I still love you, I wouldn't ask if I didn't.”

Shutting her eyes, she twirled, as if nobody was watching, the sheer pleasure of being alive to experience the wonder making her breath catch and her heart beat with delight. When she stopped, it was as if the whole world had stopped spinning too, had decided that it would stay just like this for all eternity, the perfect dream that she could live forever.

“Of course there's the baby to think about as well. This is the best thing for it, you know it is. We have to think about our baby now. It doesn't deserve to live with all of the shame of unmarried parents, it needs a proper, stable family. It needs a home.”

Gently she reached out and brushed against the soft, enveloping cloth of his robe. The jagged peaks reared over her protectively, the darkening clouds in the sky guarding them. Even the rustle of the trees was a lulling rhythm of her pure, unadulterated love. Her fingers slipped into his, and she knew that she was complete again.

“We have to do what's best for everyone, and that's to get married. I mean – look at what it would do to your family if they thought that you were going to have a baby outside marriage. Surely you must see that we need to do this for everyone. If you really are pregnant then we have no other choice. We're going to be parents, we have to be responsible now.”

There were no words to shatter the calm. Nothing needed to be said between them when they knew everything about each other already. They'd never needed to say anything, they'd known as soon as they first saw each other what it was to be in love. What it was to belong.

“Please, Cecilia. I love you, I want you to be my wife. I want us to always be together, to be a family, to have a child and a home and a stable, normal life. I know that that's what you want, too. Nothing else would matter anymore, we'd just have each other, we'd look after each other and support each other. I want to look after you, just like I want to look after our baby.”

She knew that she was safe with him there, that she was completely, blissfully free. This was their world, only for them, something that they would never share with anyone else. They would always be alone together like this, the whole of eternity to just be. He was different to how she remembered him, unearthly, as if he was angel. He was an angel, sent to her on that night to show her happiness and security.

“Cecilia! Please just say something! You have to see that this is for the best, that we have to do this.”

Suddenly she was surrounded by his light, and her breath caught at the serenity that filled her. There he was again, as she remembered him, so youthful, his just wonky smile and his hair that never was quite straight. His familiar fingers ran down her body through the thin cotton, making her shiver with pleasure, and she traced the muscles in his arms up to his shoulders, leaning up to kiss him.

“No.”

He started to fade, to disappear from her, and the more she clung to him the more she knew that she was losing him, that he was going back to a place where he could always be so happy, leaving her behind. Desperately she tried to think of him, remember him, to call him back to her side, but the wind whipped her words away mockingly and suddenly her arms were empty.

“I still love him.”

It started to rain, fantastic raindrops that bounced off the ground, beat painfully against her skin. And looking around, she realised that she was all alone.

“I still love Matt.”
Author:  jayj [ Tue Feb 01, 2011 9:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 Feb
:shock: bloody hell! :shock:

(I am allowed to swear in here, aren't I? :) )
Author:  Abi [ Tue Feb 01, 2011 9:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 Feb
Oh dear, Not Good At All.

Thanks Ariel. :D
Author:  Joanne [ Tue Feb 01, 2011 9:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 Feb
She does NOT love Matt - she just thinks she does because she thinks she doesn't deserve anyone else. She is still being a victim - and, I say it again, she needs help!

Thanks ( I think)! (must remember not to get too agitated about this :? )
Author:  Finn [ Tue Feb 01, 2011 9:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 Feb
I'm sorry that I haven't responded for a while, my dear! But as you know, I am thoroughly enjoying this - the complex world Cecilia has built for herself, the way she clings to the old life...I hope she can find a way through it safely.

Thanks
Author:  c8bt [ Tue Feb 01, 2011 11:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 Feb
Poor cecilia - and poor Roger :shock:

I do hope he's able to put aside his own hurt over the rejection and be the support Cecilia needs at the moment - and that Charles can continue to be so understanding.

I am a little worried that Charles may be assuming too much on Jack's response if/when he's told; somehow fathers seem to see 'misbehaviour' of sons very differently to that of daughters :?
Author:  roversgirl [ Tue Feb 01, 2011 11:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 Feb
Another one hoping Roger will help her through this. Thanks.
Author:  shesings [ Wed Feb 02, 2011 12:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 Feb
O poor Cecilia and poor Roger - and I hope evil Matt is still roasting on the Devil's spit! :twisted:
Author:  charli [ Wed Feb 02, 2011 5:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 Feb
What! Ariel! That was mean. She was so happy and then suddenly she wasn't!
Thanks for this, i am very caught up in it!
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Fri Feb 04, 2011 6:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 Feb
Thankyou for all of the comments :D I'm sorry for the small delay in posting - Real Life had to interfere for a couple of days, but I'm hoping that normal service should be resumed, at least for a small while.

It was late at night, and Cecilia was lying in bed alone, head so confused that she didn't know what she could think next. After she'd made her passionate declaration, she had pushed past Chas, back upstairs, slamming the bedroom door in her haste to lie on the bed and shed bitter tears. It was this childish gesture which finally brought home to the two men below what had just happened. Roger looked up at Charles and then shook his head.

“Don't.”

Cecilia had flinched as she heard the door shut and Roger leaving, but even then she hadn't thought to give up the sanctuary of the bedroom. Instead she had lain, hot tears still coming, but trying to cry silently as she traced Chas' movements through the house. He came upstairs and went into the bedroom, then the bathroom. She waited until he was safely in his own room for the night before giving way to the choking sobs again, face buried in a pillow so that he wouldn't hear her and come rushing in.

Then, later, Roger had come back, and she guessed that he must have taken up residence on the sofa in the living room. He hadn't even come up to change, he was that disgusted and appalled by her. He would suffer any discomfort, it seemed, as long as it wasn't the discomfort of seeing her again.

Long after that, when the clock downstairs had chimed at least three hours and the darkness was almost ready to give way to dim shades of morning dawn, she was still lying awake, thinking. Undoubtedly she had just ruined everything with Roger. If he wouldn't even come into the same room to get fresh clothes and make himself comfortable, he would hardly stay with her. It hurt to know that in her first test of motherhood she had already failed, had driven away her baby's father and made sure that it would never know as much love as it needed, deserved.

She'd had to, though, and one day her baby would understand that. If she'd said that she would marry Roger, she would have been lying to them both, and that wouldn't have been fair on anyone. Also, Matt would have left her, and she needed him more than ever, to guide her and look after her. It should have been him who was here, asking her to marry him, preparing for them to make a family together.

Would it have been lying to Roger, though? Was Matt really the man that she loved? She'd said she loved Roger, after all, and she did, really. Perhaps not as much as she'd loved Matt, or in the same way, but she did. She loved him as one loved an old jumper, he was familiar, comforting; with Matt the love had been fiery and explosive, the sheer thrills that he could bring and the way that she never knew what he would do the next day.

The truth was that, while Matt's love might have been more fun, more romantic, it hadn't made her as happy in the end. The stability and normality that Roger offered, knowing exactly what her future would be, it terrified her, but it made her smile, too. Fifty years from such a wretched night, she could still be waking up next to Roger every morning, not having to think about the routine her day would take, not having any worries.

How to be with him, though, when she still loved Matt too? Much as she might care for Roger, he wasn't Matt, and he wasn't the sort of man who would share his love with somebody else. Her slip, mentioning Matt's name, all of that she could explain as shock, being reminded of Paris, she could convince him that she hadn't meant it, it wasn't real. She couldn't convince herself, though, and she would have to live with more lies.

All the time, lies.

Just as you chose it to be.

The faint, mocking laughter was so far away that she could almost have imagined hearing it. She sat up, startled and all at once hatred welled up, hatred such as she had never known before, for Matt and all that he had done to her. She wanted to kill him, so badly wanted to hurt him and hurt him and watch as life drained away and he was gone forever. She wanted him to leave her alone, to never have to hear him again, to never have to see him again. For the first time since she had met him, she felt true revulsion for Matt.

Subsiding back into her pillows, Cecilia shut her eyes desperately. Suddenly, the thought of Matt being able to come again was too much. She needed, wanted, Roger, the man she loved, the man whose child she was carrying. The man who, on the morrow, she would agree to marry, if only he would still have her.
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Fri Feb 04, 2011 11:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 04 Feb
Oh Cecilia :( She has been through so much and love is so difficult to understand. But Matt was her first love so can understand why she feels that tie still even after all he's done. Hope she's able to talk it out with Roger and hope Roger was only giving her tha space she needs.


BTW was tap dancing around the room when I realised I'd be the first to post!
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Feb 05, 2011 4:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 04 Feb
Fiona Mc wrote:
BTW was tap dancing around the room when I realised I'd be the first to post!


Oh brilliant - thankyou for that image! :lol:

She had arranged with Carly to have the next day off of work – it was one of Bridget's last, and there was still only enough work for two people to decently do, so she had been promised that she wouldn't be missed. As Charles had made his plans around a lunchtime train, this gave them the morning together before he had to leave, and they planned to spend it wandering around Hyde Park.

It was a typically wintry day, with sunlight slanting through the trees and glancing off of the frosty roads and pavements. They walked through the crowded streets arm in arm, Charles with his small bag of overnight things and his collar turned up against the cold looking every inch the business man. Scurrying beside him to keep up with his long stride, Cecilia wondered if he was secretly ashamed to be with her, if he wondered what people passing by must think.

When they reached the park, Charles sat her down on a bench with his baggage and then disappeared, to return a short time later with two ice-creams, which made her laugh. Accepting hers gratefully, she shifted so that he could sit down as well, both of them looking out over the open expanse. Slowly, a mother perambulated in front of them, holding a toddler by the hand so that they were both forced to go at his pace. Chas carefully watched Cecilia turn her head so that she could follow their progress as far as possible.

“That'll be you soon,” he murmured quietly, and Cecilia flushed with pleasure. Already she was imagining motherhood and all that it could be. “You'll make us all proud.”

“Don't get all soppy,” was all that she vouchsafed in return.

“Merely truthful,” he remarked, then nudged her shoulder fondly. “You'll make a brilliant mum, you'll see.”

It was her automatic assumption that he was lying, merely trying to flatter, but after a moment she had to acknowledge that this probably wasn't true. There was no reason why Chas would lie to her – in fact, he had been one of her bluntest, if loving, critics right through childhood – and certainly not over something so important. In many ways, even, he was the only person in her life to whom she could turn for the absolute truth.

“I guess we will,” she murmured. The day was a fine one, and to just sit side by side and watch all of the people who went by made it even brighter. There was a stillness and a peace, even in the middle of London, and the way that Charles' hand just brushed hers said more than words could. Almost unconsciously, she added, “I just wonder if Roger will be around to see it.”

This referred to the time that had passed before he left for work that morning. Having spent a night not sleeping on the sofa, he had been in a bad mood, and everything he did – from rolling up the blanket to taking his shower – had been done in a pointed fashion. Cecilia, who had awoken hopeful, ready to apologise, explain and make amends, had been crushed by the way that he ignored her, and had done nothing more than sit and silently play with her food until he had left for work. Charles, awkwardly caught in the middle, had spent a surprisingly long time upstairs repacking his things, then come down determined to cheer Cecilia up before he left.

“He'll come round,” he promised now. “It was just a shock, that's all. You didn't mean it – did you?”

“No, not really,” said Cecilia. “Perhaps, a little bit, I still love the memory of Matt, but the man I invented in my head, not the man who really was. I couldn't love him, after everything. It's just so hard, and Roger's so – so normal!”

“Dull?” asked Charles with a small smile. “Welcome to adulthood. Most people generally are, you know; that's why I love Charlie so much, because she really isn't. You've tried the other sort, though. So the question is, do you really prefer it, or is normal what you want?”

“I'd like a nice middle area,” she replied frankly. “Someone who organises surprises just occasionally, is just unpredictable enough that you always wonder what's around the corner without worrying. But I guess then you'd be asking for the perfect man, and he doesn't exist.”

“Well, I don't now that I'm taken!” joked Charles, and got a smile in return. Then he sobered. “If you really think that you'll just be bored and unhappy with Roger, then you have to really think about if you want to be with him at all. It's no good for any of you to be stuck in something that isn't right. Just remember that this will be one of the biggest decisions that you'll ever have to make, and it's going to seem scary. The rest of your life is a long time, and of course you still want excitement, you're still so young and with so much of life to see. Don't let that lose you the man you'll spend the rest of your life wanting, though.”

“Lot of use you are,” she grimaced, pushing him playfully. “I could have told myself that much.”

“There's nothing more that anyone can tell you, except perhaps Roger himself.” Charles stopped, then threw his arms around her in the sort of hug only an older brother could give. “He'll come round, you know, in a couple of days, and then you can talk. It'll give you time to think, as well. And you're to ring me every evening and let me know how you're getting on, all right?”

“Must you go?” she sighed.

“I must. But I promise that I won't say anything to mum and dad just yet, at least until you and Roger are sorted one way or another. I don't like it, but it's not my life, and right now I think that you need someone more than they need to know that you're safe. If you could tell them that - “

“No. Not yet.” Cecilia frowned, and bit her lip anxiously. “I need to be able to fight for me and my baby before I can be in touch with them. So I need to stop fighting myself first.”

Wordlessly, Charles just hugged her again, wondering at how someone so young and vulnerable could be so strong, too. Little as he wanted to leave her, he knew that she would survive somehow, she always would. She was a fighter, and she could look after herself; that wouldn't stop him having words with Roger, as soon as he was sure Cecilia wouldn't come to hear of it, but it was of some comfort. Squeezing her a little bit more, he just hoped that she would find the strength to call their parents soon.
Author:  Abi [ Sat Feb 05, 2011 4:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 Feb
Two new updates for me to read - marvellous! I'm glad she's decided that she doesn't really still want Matt, though it's obvious that he's still very important to her, whether she thinks about him in a positive or a negative way. After all, love and hate are two sides of the same coin. But I'm glad she's been able to chat to Charles, and he's given her some good advice there. It's not going to be easy for her to work it all out...

Thanks Ariel. :D
Author:  jayj [ Sat Feb 05, 2011 6:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 Feb
Well, they both seem to be saying lots of sensible things, so that's good. But I'm wondering if this display of clear-sightedness from Cecilia is only because Charles is around - because so far, when she's been around other people (especially Roger) she's not been behaving rationally at all. So will she be able to keep it together when Charles leaves?
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sun Feb 06, 2011 9:11 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 Feb
jayj wrote:
Well, they both seem to be saying lots of sensible things, so that's good. But I'm wondering if this display of clear-sightedness from Cecilia is only because Charles is around - because so far, when she's been around other people (especially Roger) she's not been behaving rationally at all. So will she be able to keep it together when Charles leaves?


I think she will cos she has been able to sort out for herself what her true feelings are towards Matt and what she wants. The question will be can Roger cope with her complete and utter honesty or will he struggle with Cecilia saying what she thinks and feels as she is going through the process of working it all out. Does he have the kind of maturity to cope with it all?

Thanks Ariel
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sun Feb 06, 2011 7:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 Feb
Thankyou all! Whether Cecilia carries on sensibly remains to be seen - especially with a certain young person who might or might not be called Finn giving her Ideas. I'm sure that I shall let you know in due course, however! :D

The walk to the train station was one of the most horrible that Cecilia had ever known. Never before had she felt so alone, so helpless. She would rather have had nobody at all than be in the situation in which she found herself. Somehow, Roger's attitude hadn't mattered so much when Charles was there; in fact, telling Roger at all had seemed like some grand declaration to prove to Chas how grown up and mature she was, and whatever other unfathomable things she felt she needed to prove to him. None of it had seemed quite real before. Now, though, she was having to face the prospect of seeing him alone, and she was terrified.

How short that walk was, too, and how badly she wanted to latch on to Charles' arm and beg him either to stay or to take her with him. Every instinct that she had was telling her to run away, to take flight again before she could be hurt more, but now she was starting to see that every time she ran, she only ended up in worse trouble than before. Besides, there was a tiny life inside her that was the perfect reason to stay and fight it out.

She even wanted to call Jack and Joey, if only she thought that they would help her. She wanted anyone who could protect her from Roger's understandable anger, and from having to hear Matt again. No matter how many times she told herself quite firmly that he was dead, it was all in her head, she still couldn't help worrying that she would hear him again, remember him. As Joey had once said to her, the dead will always live on while we think of them and give them life in our memories. At the time, it had been a comfort, a joy to think of. Now, though, it was so painfully true, and she wondered if she could ever possibly escape Matt.

Almost before she realised, they were at the station, and Charles was running his eyes over the timetables, looking for his train. A porter directed him, and the two strolled across to take their place in the thronging masses. Jostled on every side, they linked hands to make sure that they weren't separated, and eventually found a small spot where they could stand safely.

“You'll be all right,” said Charles, but it was as much a question as a statement. Blinking back tears, Cecilia nodded. “Promise me that you'll ring at least every three days, to let us know how you're getting on, and ask if you need us, won't you?”

“I will. Promise you won't tell mum and dad.”

“Just make sure you ring,” he cautioned, pulling her into a fierce hug. The whistle of his train drew nearer, and Cecilia realised painfully that it was only another minute until Charles would be leaving her alone again. He must have realised it too, because suddenly abandoning caution to the wind, he asked the question that had been bothering him. “Do you really still love Matt?”

“No.” She shook her head positively. “No, not anymore. I just said that because I was surprised, and it was the first thing that came into my head. I love Roger, now. I love boring, normal, predictable Roger.”

“Then tell him,” urged Charles.

He picked up his bag and his briefcase, and hugged her once more. But now the train had pulled up, and people were starting to flow out of the carriages, and as tightly as she clung, she knew that it wasn't tight enough to keep him. Still, it was only when he prised her arms from around his neck that she stepped backwards, tears clouding her vision.

“You're a Maynard,” he said simply. “Remember that, and you can do anything.”

She stood and watched as he fought his way through the crowds and onto the train, tracked him through the carriage where he found an empty seat and started to sort his things out. Then, as the whistle blew and doors were slammed, he leaned out of the window and waved to her briskly. The last sight which she had of him was as she walked a few steps to the end of the platform, to follow the train as far as she could, until it had rounded the corner, and the tiny blob waving to her had disappeared. He was gone, and she was alone again.


The way that Joey came bouncing out of the study surprised Jack, but knowing his wife too well after so many years, he merely obeyed her command to come and sit down. She had been in the study for the past half an hour, talking to Charles on the telephone, and it seemed that he had told her something particularly exciting, for as she sat down next to him she beamed in a way that she hadn't for a long time.

“What's getting you?” he enquired, holding up a hand peremptorily. “No, calm down before you tell me. You know the doctor said that you shouldn't be getting so excitable at your age.”

“Fat one you are to talk, Jack Maynard!” she declared, a piece of slang that made him wince. She, however, took no notice. “Oh, Jack, it's fantastic! Charles had such brilliant news from London!”
Author:  cal562301 [ Sun Feb 06, 2011 8:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 Feb
Oh, no! Surely Charles hasn't broken his promise already! :shock: :?

Thanks for the updates, which continue to be enthralling, if nail-biting. :lol:
Author:  Finn [ Sun Feb 06, 2011 9:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 Feb
What've I done now?! :shock: :dontknow:

Anyway, despite your repeated attempts to heap calumny and slander upon my name, I will nonetheless say that I am very much enjoying this drabble and I would have to agree - it does look rather like Charles has squealed. But surely he wouldn't? He's much too honourable...isn't he?
Author:  jayj [ Sun Feb 06, 2011 9:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 Feb
ChubbyMonkey wrote:
“I will. Promise you won't tell mum and dad.”

“Just make sure you ring,” he cautioned,


Well, he doesn't actually promise, does he? But surely he wouldn't tell. Surely?
Author:  robinette [ Sun Feb 06, 2011 10:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 Feb
This is brilliant Ariel,

I also hope Charles hasn't sqealed but could it not be their reactions to Charlie's pregnancy? Or am I getting the timings muddled up?
Author:  Abi [ Sun Feb 06, 2011 11:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 Feb
I am entirely convinced that Charles has not split... (*fingers crossed*)

*pokes Finn in an attempt to stop him heaping even more misery on Cecilia* :wink:
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Mon Feb 07, 2011 10:46 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 Feb
Thanks Ariel. His news could be to do with why he had to be in London in the first place and nothing to do with Cecilia
Author:  roversgirl [ Mon Feb 07, 2011 3:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 Feb
I have caught up on three updates. I'm glad Cecilia's decided she lvoes Roger and hopes he'll lsiten long enough for her to explain. Thanks :-)
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Tue Feb 08, 2011 7:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 Feb
Apologies for the small delay in service - this was due to unforseen snow on the lines (and an UnValentines challenge to write). As for such slander of Charles, I couldn't possibly comment, beyond saying that you are all nasty, suspicious people. Thankyou for the comments :D

“I didn't hear you mention Cecilia, then,” said Charlie with a pointed stare, as Charles came back to join her in the living room. He had been talking to Joey for a long time, and she, once she had put Millie to bed, had eavesdropped unashamedly. All that she'd heard was of him extolling his chances of getting the new job he so badly wanted, much to Joey's apparent excitement. “I thought you said that you were going to tell them once you'd been to London?”

Charles sighed and dropped wearily into his chair, swilling the whisky around the edge of his cup languidly. The train journey back had taken nearly an extra hour, and he'd returned to find that Millie was rapidly developing a cold, and was apt to be fractious and whine at the least provocation. This also meant that Charlie was thoroughly worn out, and although she tried to be her usual, cheery self, he couldn't help but feel her resentment that he never had to deal with ailing toddlers.

Then, of course, he was worrying about Cecilia. Having seen her in such a situation, and knowing how Roger had reacted and would probably keep behaving for some time to come, he did wonder if he shouldn't have brought her back with him and let her stay with them for a while, until both she and Roger had had a chance to calm down. Goodness knew, he had enough in his own life to worry about, especially with a new baby of his own to start preparing for, but it didn't make him feel any better about leaving her.

What he really wanted to do was to tell Steve, and ask him to help. Even aside from the practical issue that he lived on his own, and therefore could have offered Cecilia somewhere safe to stay with much less fuss than Charles could, this was an almost ingrained response to any problem. Since his youngest days at boarding school, he had looked to his older brother to watch over him and keep him safe, to help him see what he needed to do and to look after him. And while Steve wasn't as bad as Len at nagging them all, he was usually a fount of some wise guidance in times of need.

“I just couldn't,” he sighed, in response to Charlie's question, after a moment of silence. “She's so lost and confused at the moment, and -” He stopped. Thus far, he hadn't been able to talk to Charlie about what had happened, with Millie's ever sharp hearing, except to let her know that Cecilia had told Roger. Right now, he didn't have the energy, he decided, and changed abruptly. “Well, I just don't think it would be of much comfort to mum and dad anyway. What am I supposed to say? Cecilia's fine, apart from being pregnant with a father who's absolutely furious and not speaking to her. Oh, and by the way, she doesn't want to hear from you in case you take it away from her.”

Despite himself, bitterness crept into his voice, and he saw Charlie hastily shut her mouth and rethink whatever she had been about to say when she caught his eye. The trouble was that, during the long train journey, he'd had time to think over all that Cecilia had said, and he'd concluded that she was right. If she were to tell Jack and Joey, she would have to tell them everything, which she couldn't do at the moment. Joey might have overcome her love of the dramatic since Cecilia ran away to France, but he still didn't trust her not to decide to take ill at the shock, and Jack was hardly well even now.

It was time Cecilia grew up, as well. All her life she'd had someone to dictate to her how she was to behave, and think, and even with the complete difference of the sheltered Platz and the horrors of Paris, she was still such a child at heart. If she was going to have a baby, she needed to stand alone, little as she might like it. Although she didn't see it, her parents would have insisted on coddling her, meaning well but not seeing how much more this would hurt her in the long run. But he still felt uncomfortable leaving them not knowing that she was alive and, in her own way, all right. It was killing them, having to go through it all again, and he desperately wanted to make it better for them. How hurt they were going to be when they found out how many people had been lying to them.

“I'll support you whatever you do,” said Charlie at last. Her curiosity was begging to know what had happened in London, but even she wasn't tactless enough to ask.

“There's something you can do,” he said quietly, with a haggard glance at her, before he returned to staring at his drink. “Do you have a number for Debbie? I think that Cecilia could probably use some good friends right now, especially ones who'll stand up to Roger. If anyone's going to do that, it'll be someone related to you!”

“Oi!” exclaimed Charlie, but she smiled all the same. “Yes, I'll go and call her now, muster the troops. Meanwhile, you are going to take your drink, and your book, and go and have a bath until dinner is ready, and you are not going to worry.” She stood up to use the telephone, but stopped as she passed by, and stooped to kiss his forehead. “Cecilia will be all right,” she promised softly. “She was sensible enough to ring us when she needed us. I'll tell Debbie to keep a discreet eye on her, as well, and you can always go back down in a couple of weeks. You'll see, she'll make us all proud.”
Author:  jayj [ Tue Feb 08, 2011 8:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 08 Feb
ChubbyMonkey wrote:
As for such slander of Charles, I couldn't possibly comment, beyond saying that you are all nasty, suspicious people.


It wasn't Charles that I didn't trust so much as, er, you. Sorry! :oops: But I should've known Charles would do the right thing. :D

Thanks!
Author:  roversgirl [ Tue Feb 08, 2011 8:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 08 Feb
I think Chas is right in that he should have brought Cecilia back. Thanks :-)
Author:  Abi [ Tue Feb 08, 2011 9:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 08 Feb
I think it's good that he's left Cecilia enough space to work things out for herself, but to be honest I don't see why someone can't at least let Jack and Joey know that she's alive and ok. They don't have to be told anything else, but how incredibly hurtful to know that no-one trusted you enough just to tell you that your daughter isn't in the terrible situation that you fear...

Thanks Ariel. :D
Author:  charli [ Tue Feb 08, 2011 10:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 08 Feb
Awww, Charles is such a good egg :D
Thanks Ariel, i have just read 3 updates in one. Fabulous for me. :D
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Wed Feb 09, 2011 10:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 08 Feb
At the moment, for me Cecilia's need to greater so I can see Charles's point of view and tend to agree with him as untenable as the situation is and has hurtful as it would be for Jack and Joey. The sad thing is they did kind of bring it on themselves in the sense; if Joey had grown up and not been someone who couldn't cope and collapsed all the time, perhaps they would have told her and if Cecilia and Charles could see Joey and Jack could wholeheartedly support Cecilia rather than insisting on what they want, then Cecilia and Charles wouldn't have such an issue with talking to them about it all.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Wed Feb 09, 2011 7:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 08 Feb
Thankyou, again, for all of the comments. We now take something of a more light-hearted turn!

In any case, Charles' concerned proved unnecessary. Even though she spent a thoroughly uncomfortable evening in the house on her own, as Roger appeared to not wish to spend time with her at present, the next day she found suitable relief at work. To her surprise, she was still alone in the café ten minutes after they opened, when Carly appeared looking blustered.

“Sorry, sorry,” grinned Carly, battling her way through the maze of tables in an undignified manner to reach the office, trailing an umbrella behind her as she valiantly tried to stop it knocking everything over before it had been put up. “Travel was as horrendous as ever. But then, I see you've had no customers to worry about!”

“Or a Bridget,” added Cecilia, frowning over the shakers which she was filling.

“Oh, no, she's only got another day with us,” called Carly from the office. “She said she was having today off to go clothes shopping – she starts her new job Monday, so she'll be working tomorrow but then that'll be it, we'll be back to just two. So you're stuck with me for today!”

A few moments later she emerged, now in her apron and with her hair partly smoothed – it now hung in black curls around her face, giving her an almost haunted air – looking slightly more professional. With a few stray hair pins in her mouth as she groped for any loose locks to tame, she cast Cecilia an interested glance, but if the latter saw she didn't respond.

“Good time with your brother?” asked Carly at last, starting to arrange in an artistic fashion the various adornments which always cluttered up the counter. “I can't imagine not seeing Pete and Johnny every so often, I bet you had loads to catch up on.”

“There was lots of baby talk,” suddenly smiled Cecilia, turning to her friend with a light in her eyes that hadn't been there before. “It was nice – he was really supportive and so excited about his own new baby as well. I'll have another niece or nephew soon – that'll be my fifth!”

“Your family do go at it!” exclaimed Carly, laughing. Then she sobered. “What about Roger, how did he take the news?”

Instinctively, Cecilia wanted to try and avoid the conversation, change the subject and veer away from it. For just a moment she had forgotten the awful despair whenever she thought of having to see Roger again, had allowed herself to become lost in the dream world of actually having a baby, her baby, and all of the joy it could bring. Then she looked at Carly, and suddenly she remembered what it was to have a friend.

She'd forgotten what it was to have someone in whom to confide, who would take your side unthinkingly and always be there, who wouldn't be offended no matter what you told them. At school it was easier, when the total sum of any secret wasn't going to go beyond what you really thought of someone, or the extra bar of chocolate that you'd snuck into the school; she had soon found that, in the adult world, such people were much harder to find, and almost impossible to keep. She had Carly, though, at least for now.

“He asked me to marry him,” she admitted. “Said it was best for the baby and all this sort of thing. I didn't really know what to say but I – well, I sort of said no without really meaning to and yet wanting to and I don't really know.”

“You said no,” said Carly bluntly. “Not directly, but you're not now engaged to him.”

“I'm not likely to be either. He hasn't talked to me since.”

The bitterness in her voice startled Cecilia. Although she hadn't realised it, she did actually resent Roger, for taking away all her happiness in her pregnancy just when she had found that she could be happy about it. If only he'd been reasonable, had come and talked to her when they'd both had a chance to calm down from all that had happened that night, things would have been so much better. But he was stubborn, she knew that he was, and so of course he was going to behave like this. He wasn't even giving her a chance to try and talk to him, either.

“Well, I'll try not to speak badly of him,” said Carly, “but I'm not promising anything. At least he offered. I know a few men who would have run before you'd finished the sentence. Well done for saying no, though.”

“But I wish I hadn't,” confessed Cecilia at long last. “When I thought – I just – I do want to marry him. I was just scared. But now it's all gone horribly wrong and he's never going to talk to me again or be part of this at all.”

With a gentle sigh at the overly-dramatic way in which Cecilia almost wailed the last line, Carly drew her into a hug, saying as she did,

“I meant what I said. You can always come and stay with me for a while.”

It didn't escape her that Cecilia almost unconsciously relaxed a little at the thought.
Author:  lexyjune [ Wed Feb 09, 2011 7:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 08 Feb
Thank you for a lovely update.
Author:  roversgirl [ Wed Feb 09, 2011 8:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 08 Feb
Poor Cecilia. I think she really needs to talk to Roger. Thanks for a lovely update :-)
Author:  jayj [ Wed Feb 09, 2011 9:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 08 Feb
I'm glad that she's got Carly. But if she does want to get back with Roger, she needs to cut him a bit of slack, really - she sprung the pregnancy news on him, and he did the 'right' thing by proposing, and then she rejected him pretty brutally. And he doesn't know that she's now changed her mind about that (does he? I haven't missed a bit have I?) so of course he's going to want to have nothing to do with her.

Thanks, Ariel!
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Wed Feb 09, 2011 9:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 08 Feb
Thanks Ariel, I'm glad Cecilia is trusting Carly and Carly is being the kind of friend she needs
Author:  Abi [ Wed Feb 09, 2011 10:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 08 Feb
I think she needs to talk to Roger...

Thanks Ariel. :D
Author:  charli [ Thu Feb 10, 2011 1:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 08 Feb
I like Carly, she seems a good friend to have.
Thanks for the quick updates hun.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Fri Feb 11, 2011 6:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 08 Feb
Again, I'm sorry for the delay! I actually wrote some on the train (shortly before getting into a conversation with a man who transposed EU directives into law for a living - oh the excitement for the rest of the carriage!) but just didn't have the energy to post yesterday. Thankyou for all of your comments, and I hope you don't mind all the delays that keep happening!

The morning was a sunny one despite still being early, and Cecilia hummed the latest big hit to herself as she tripped around her bedroom, straightening her clothes and digging out various accessories. It was true that she owned little in the way of adornments and used them less frequently than she should, but she had run away with hardly anything and had been having to build up her wardrobe ever since.

The reason for such cheerfulness was simply that she was having a day out, with Carly and Johnny, escaping the house and just spending some time with friends. What they were doing she didn't know, Carly had maintained that it must be a surprise for her, but whatever it was, it was going to be a fairly long drive and so they were picking her up early. It was to be an all day trip, they wouldn't be back until early evening, and she might like to dress up a little.

Accordingly she had put on a dress that she hadn't worn before, which had, in fact, been something of an impulse buy – white with delicate pink and red flowers printed on it, it was an elegant cut, just long enough that, with stockings, it made an ideal winter dress. She also had a pair of black shoes, with a small heel, and a black cardigan which brought out the rosiness of her cheeks, while the shades of her dress nicely complimented her hair.

This she had half scooped up and tied loosely with a rose pink ribbon, to keep it out of her eyes. Then, with the other, matching ribbon, she had fashioned a necklace from an old charm which she always carried in her bag for good luck. All the jewellery that she had were some bracelets, now clinking merrily on her wrists, but the dip of her dress would be perfectly finished with a necklace to discreetly draw attention to it. She couldn't help realising, though, that the dress felt somewhat tighter around the middle than when she had first bought it, and thinking with dismay that she was going to have to buy even more new clothes, soon, to accommodate her growing figure.

Checking in the mirror a last time to see that she looked fresh but would also be warm, she quietly shut the bedroom door, lest Roger still be asleep, and made her way downstairs to have breakfast. On her return from work the day after Charles' departure, she had been able to watch as Roger quietly moved those of his things that he might need into the spare bedroom, leaving her alone in the double bed which had seemed almost scarily large and empty at night. Still he wouldn't talk to her, although he had gone from seeming actively hostile when she was in the room to a reflective calm almost more upsetting. In her turn, her upset had moved to righteous indignation that she should be treated thus, and she was currently engaged in ignoring him just as hard as she could.

It was therefore disheartening when, on entering the kitchen, she was confronted with the sight of Roger in nothing but his underwear, leaning over the table and staring into his cup of coffee. He had been out drinking the night before, and though she had been asleep before he returned, she could guess that he was probably feeling less than well, and most likely had been awoken by her taking a shower.

Feeling a stab of guilt at this last guess, she made a second bowl of cereal and put it down before him as she sat at the opposite end of the table to have her own breakfast. To her surprise, he did look up with a tiny smile of thanks, and although he said nothing, he reached behind himself into the cutlery drawer for a spoon and started to eat it. Feeling self-conscious, especially given how dressed up she was, Cecilia tugged her cardigan around herself and applied herself to her own meal.

“You look nice,” he croaked at last, when they were both about halfway through eating. It was a tender, fragile branch, easily snapped, but Cecilia smiled all the same.

“Thankyou. I'm going out for the day, and – well -”

As she tailed off, Roger nodded, but apparently couldn't bring himself to formulate a response – either through his hangover or a simple unwillingness to have a proper conversation with her. Mindful of Chas' advice when she had rung him the night before to try not to get frustrated, or make the situation worse, she looked back down at the table again, wishing that she'd thought to bring a book or something to make herself seem absorbed and uncaring of the atmosphere. But, just as she stood up to wash her dishes, Roger managed a final,

“I hope that you have a good time.”

“So do I.” She stopped uncertainly again, regretting saying something so stupid. But seeing Roger so vulnerable and fragile roused all of her, rapidly blooming, maternal instinct, and before she could really think what she was doing, she spun round to look at him. “I -”

The sound of someone knocking on the front door cut short the apology she had been about to utter, and she hurried to go and answer it, flustered by what had nearly happened.
Author:  roversgirl [ Fri Feb 11, 2011 9:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 11 Feb
Poor both of them. Let them make up in the next update, please! Thanks :-)
Author:  Abi [ Fri Feb 11, 2011 10:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 11 Feb
Wish she'd talk to Roger...

Thanks Ariel. :D
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Fri Feb 11, 2011 10:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 11 Feb
I hope the two are able to talk soon, but really Roger needs to grow up. He is 14 years older than Cecilia and if she's 19, he'd be 33, I would expect him to stop behaving so childishly by that stage
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Feb 12, 2011 8:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 11 Feb
A man? Grow up? You must have met some very odd specimens indeed, Fiona! Pray tell, where do I find them? :D Thankyou for commenting!

Only Carly was at the door, but she cast an apologetic look between Cecilia and then the car in which sat a shadowy figure, presumably Johnny, which said more than words needed to. Holding the door open more widely to let her in, Cecilia apologised for not being ready.

“Oh, no bother,” laughed Carly, waving her hand airily. “I warned him that you'd need at least five minutes. By the by, apparently it's going to rain later, or so the resident weather expert warned us before we left.”

This was a reference to Pete, who had started studying weather in science lessons recently, and had become rather enthused by it all. The fact that he got it wrong at least most of the time, he argued complacently, just showed that he was the ideal person to become a weather forecaster, and they could look forwards to his glowing career.

“I'll just put on my sandals, then,” laughed Cecilia, unhooking her coat from the rack and pulling on her shoes, which were in fact sturdy boots ideal for walking, something she had been warned they might be doing a lot of. “Right, I think that that's me all ready.”

For a second, she was automatically going to call out and warn Roger that she was going, but common sense kicked in, and she only followed Carly out of the house. She was going to climb into the back of the car, but Carly nodded her to the front seat, promising that it was an honour all visitors were accorded, and so she was forced to scramble in next to Johnny. Although she had met him before, she found herself unaccountably shy suddenly, and blushed as they pulled away.

It was strange to sit next to him now that she knew the truth, and she couldn't help comparing him almost analytically to Roger, wondering at what had made this unknown woman so attracted to both of them. In terms of looks they were completely different; Johnny wore his blond hair tied back in a ponytail, his lean face and long nose almost capable of looking mean and shifty if he wasn't smiling. He was also far more slender than Roger's six feet of manhood, his hands attractively womanly. Suddenly, she had an awful thought of his long fingers running down her body, and shivered before she could stop herself.

“I do hope that you'll like the surprise!” exclaimed Carly at this juncture, adding cryptically, “I even had help from Deborah to work it all out.”

This left Cecilia in a state of some anticipation for the rest of the car journey, which proved to indeed be a long one. They passed the time with ideal games variously thought up as they went along, and gossip about mutual acquaintances, as well as opinions on things in the news. Cecilia was pressed for information on politics – which, thanks to Charles, she was now deemed to be an expert on – and Johnny got to go into a long grumble about the current leader of the opposition, which made Carly smile fondly at him and the roll her eyes at Cecilia.

Eventually, however, they reached their destination, and as the car pulled into the visitors' car park, Cecilia looked around her, greatly wondering. They were at a stately house, rather large, with huge, imposing dark brick walls and seemingly endless windows. A few parties drifted towards the entrance, mainly older ladies with the occasional moustachioed gentleman among them, or families with unruly children.

“Welcome,” said Johnny grandly, as they started to make their own way across the grass, “to Pretty Maids. I am reliably informed that this was once the home of the Maynard family, and that you're unlikely to have ever seen it, despite it being of some interest to you.”

At his first words Cecilia had gasped, stunned by the realisation of where they were. It was a subject not often talked about in their family, and they all knew Jack got upset at having had to get rid of his ancestors' home – he had once said that he couldn't help feeling he'd let them all down rather badly, and that his parents would be most upset if they knew. The children had discussed it occasionally, though, mainly in the nursery when they had made up thrilling tales of how much more fun it would have been to have lived in a grand old house full of ghosts and secrets and hidden treasures than halfway up a mountain in Switzerland.

“Deborah told me all about it,” explained Carly from behind them. “It was that night we were both at yours, and she was trying to get me to realise who your mum was, and she mentioned your dad being from the landed gentry as well. It just made me think you'd probably enjoy getting to look around, because she didn't think you ever had, though she was rather vague. You haven't, have you?”

“No,” whispered Cecilia softly. “No, I've never seen it before, though dad told us a couple of stories about his own childhood. It's – it's amazing. Thankyou both!”

“Don't thank us yet,” laughed Johnny. “Wait until we've been around and then see what you think.”

At this point they reached the grand front doors, once host to the amazing entrances of Lords and Ladies and their eligible offspring, even occasionally visitors from the royal family, and Cecilia went forward, prepared to look around her own family history.
Author:  ivohenry [ Sat Feb 12, 2011 8:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 12 Feb
Wow - lovely surprise for her, nice idea!
Author:  Abi [ Sat Feb 12, 2011 11:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 12 Feb
I hope she enjoys seeing Pretty Maids (was it really that posh?). :)
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sat Feb 12, 2011 11:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 12 Feb
Carly is such a great friend. Thanks Ariel


BTW I do know some men who can hold things together in a crisis, much better than Roger seems to be able to
Author:  roversgirl [ Sun Feb 13, 2011 10:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 12 Feb
That's a really lovely surprise. Thanks :-)
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sun Feb 13, 2011 11:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 12 Feb
All I ask is that you suspend much disbelief at the coming updates! I'm afraid that my history isn't what it could be, but thanks to Finn I've tried to tell a couple of tales. Thankyou for commenting!

Just the way that Cecilia looked around the entrance hall, completely caught up in her own imagination, told Johnny and Carly that all of their effort and planning and missing out on other plans had been worth it to bring her here. As one of the youngest children, she had never got to hear the family tales in the same way that her elder siblings had, Joey and Jack had been bored of telling them repeatedly by then. Also, although she knew the most infamous tales of Joey's ancestors as well as any child, it had always upset Jack a little to talk about his own family, and she had relied on her mother to pass them on.

“We don't usually get such enthusiasm,” laughed the lady behind the desk as they reached the front of the small queue and Johnny fished for his wallet to pay the entrance fee.

“Oh,” replied Cecilia, “this used to be my family's house, you see. My mum and dad sold it to you a while back – before I was born. I've never been here, but it's magic to see it all.”

“How wonderful!” exclaimed the lady. “You must wait a moment, and I'll fetch George. He's our main guide for this property, you see, and he'd be fascinated to meet you, I'm sure. I'll tell him that he's to give you a special tour, and you can swap stories as you go around.”

Suiting her actions to a word, she promptly bustled off, leaving the three adults staring in bemusement at each other. They didn't have long to wait, much to the relief of the people waiting behind them and muttering among themselves; two minutes later and she reappeared with a rotund gentleman, moustache bristling and face slightly stern and foreboding, but eyes twinkling kindly.

“My dear!” he exclaimed, taking her hand and shaking it profusely. “I'm told that it was your family who used to live here but you've never visited us before. I bet you know some good stories about the old place though, eh?”

“A few,” answered Cecilia modestly, chuckling at the almost childish enthusiasm in his voice. “Probably not as many as you, though.”

“Well, I do pride myself on knowing a little of the history of your most interesting family,” he said, tweaking the end of his moustache slightly. “But come – your friends as well – and I'll show you around. We can start with the old banqueting parlour, where King Arthur is rumoured to have once dined whilst staying with his loyal knight and follower Sir Geoffrey Archvale.”

As they walked to the first room, he managed to find out all their names, and also what had happened to the family since they'd sold the property. When Cecilia added that she was the ninth child of the family, he gave a tiny cry of disbelief, followed by a mistrusting harrumph.

“Yes, your mother seemed the sort, if you don't mind my saying,” he commented. “Had the triplets, of course, I've never forgotten that. Didn't think she'd get as far as nine, though.”

“Oh, there are actually twelve of us all told,” said Cecilia, but she was stopped from saying anything else by entering one of the most architecturally delightful rooms she had ever seen.

Each wall was filled with an alcove and then a grand window, so that light bathed even the corners, and one of these at the head of the hall even had a stained glass panel at the top, casting beautifully dancing shapes across the floor. A large oak table filled most of the room, and in the area at the end left for dancing were a variety of mannequins in outfits through the centuries, so that a Victorian lady was to be seen dancing with an errant Elizabethan gentleman, all headless.

Cecilia's first thought was of her father as a young boy, dashing around the table trying to catch his sister for some wrong done in childish play, until she could almost hear his boyish laughter echoing from the ancient eaves. Then she realised that this would be the same room he spoke of as having been where the family traditionally laid their dead out before the funeral; it had been where Rolf, most recently of all, had spent his last days, lying in his coffin while his mother wept over him. At the thought of the cousin who she'd never known, cold and lifeless, a body reduced to the sum of its parts, she gave a tiny shiver, unnerved.

“You know the use this room was put to, then?” asked their guide, noticing her reaction. At her nod, he added for the other two, “This would have been the place people would have come to pay their last respects in the days before the funeral. Most famously, perhaps, was when the body of Richard, Duke of Bernay spent the night in here before it could be taken away for burial. We tend to save that story for the bedroom where he died, though.”

Without further ado, he took Cecilia's arm into his with a kindly pat and started to lead her through the assortment of costumes, telling them the legend of when King Arthur had come to visit the house. Although he was keen to emphasise that it was long before the time her family had come, he still told it well, and enthralled them all with the myth. His great voice rang through the room as he spoke, and Cecilia followed him, looking around in awe, completely ignorant of the other guests who were watching the small party with interest. Carly and Johnny followed just behind, no less interested, wondering what else they would see while they were there.
Author:  lexyjune [ Mon Feb 14, 2011 12:15 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 Feb
Thank you for a lovely update.
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Mon Feb 14, 2011 9:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 Feb
Thanks Ariel, this is great. Love the history of Pretty Maids and am now even more annoyed with Jack for donating it to National Trust rather than keeping it in the family
Author:  roversgirl [ Mon Feb 14, 2011 11:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 Feb
Thanks for the really lovely update :-)
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Mon Feb 14, 2011 11:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 Feb
Thanks one and all! Please excuse this part if it's a little clunky; I wrote it on the train...

The next room proved to be the kitchens, which, given the less than advanced state that they had been in when the house had been purchased, had been minimally renovated to turn them into an authentic Victorian downstairs, complete with a cheap plastic dummy of a woman in a cook's outfit at the table, apparently mopping her fevered brow. She bore a disturbingly uncanny resemblance to Matey. Luckily, it transpired that nothing interesting had ever been documented as happening in the kitchens, and so, apart from a brief summary of the usual talk he'd give on living conditions in the Victorian era, the guide contented himself with pointing out the most interesting features that had been present when they purchased the property, and presumably used by Cecilia's family until then.

Much more enthralling was the story of one of the bedrooms, which was the next room they were led to. Despite seeming large from the outside, there was surprisingly little of the house open to the public. As they walked along a long hallway, the guide explained that almost all of the house had been shut up for some time when they had bought it, and so far they were still exploring the whole of the East wing and much of the West wing had to be discovered as well. During the war, the government had commissioned part of the latter for the putting up of foreign diplomats, though this practice had ended nearly a decade ago.

In the bedroom was a sumptuously furnished bed, rich tapestries and hangings that masked the richly thick blankets, layers and layers of which went into making it look almost irresistible as a place to sink into. It was therefore much to Cecilia's delight when, seeing her fixation, the guide nodded.

“You can lie on it if you like – we don't usually let the guests just to stop hold-ups, but there's nothing on there worth damaging. We have found a couple of old bits of draperies and what have you in the roof but sadly, as it is most of the time, they are moth eaten and mouldy and really gone to rack and ruin. All of that is pure imitation and not worth a penny.”

Delighting in the experience, Cecilia promptly did as she was bid, collapsing into the silken outer layer with a look of bliss on her face. After a glance at the friendly guide, Carly joined her, both of them marvelling at the roof of the bed, exquisitely embroidered in a deep purple thread that wound through the corresponding scarlet delicately and gracefully.

“This is popularly rumoured to be the death bed of Richard, Duke of Bernay,” the guide chose to announce at that point, making both girls sit up sharply and almost in unison, while Johnny chortled at the expression on their faces. “Second son to William the Bastard, he was killed in a hunting accident in the New Forest.”

“But why should he have come here?” asked Cecilia, as the guide paused to clear his throat.

“Well,” explained George grandly, “the Maynard family probably first landed on our shores to help William the Bastard claim the throne during the Battle of Hastings in 1066. Certainly we can trace them back as far as our records at the moment go, and it's popularly thought to be a corruption of the old French name Meinard, from the German meaning strong or brave. They were likely great warriors, richly honoured when William claimed the throne, not least with the land around these parts.

“We only have one record of the royal family staying here, but it writes as familiar, and at one point compares the holiday to a previous sojourn here, so we can assume with some confidence that they came more than once, and might even have been regular visitors. The most likely explanation is that the Duke and a few other young knights of the court were touring the country, looking for amusement and entertainment with various rich families of the day.

“In any case, we know that he was grievously injured whilst out hunting, and was brought back to this house to die – this being the one account of a visit we have. We give this bedroom as the most likely one mainly because it was the first one ready for the public to visit, but it is certainly a contender. We can't know for certain, of course, but the account talks of him being near a set of stairs that the medics of the day were forever running up and down, and this would have been within easy reach of the front door, so less far to carry his injured body.”

“I never knew that my family had such a – a weird past!” laughed Cecilia. “I just assumed we'd been peasants for however long and then one ancestor had become rich and famous somehow and here we were.”

“Oh, no,” promised George. “If you're related to the first Maynards to come over – which we can be almost certain of given the ownership of the house and the few historical records that we have of it – then you'd be one of the older families in the country. Now – onwards to the priest hole?”

Johnny and Carly followed happily, awe-struck by the house and their friend's grand past, while Cecilia, rather like her father before her, just wondered miserably what on earth her rich, brave and virtuous ancestors would have made of her.
Author:  roversgirl [ Tue Feb 15, 2011 6:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 14 Feb
This is another lovely update. Interesting to see that Jack also struggled with his ancestors. Thanks :-)
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Wed Feb 16, 2011 8:55 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 14 Feb
Thanks Ariel. Really enjoyed the research into Cecilia's past
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Wed Feb 16, 2011 8:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 14 Feb
The rest of the tour was concluded without a hitch, with George spending some time painting a picture of the scared priests who would have hidden away in the priest hole, while they were hunted outside by the baying mob, and, while they examined a great tapestry above the stairs, of the Maynard family's near ruin at the hands of a particularly profligate son, who had eventually been left nothing in his father's will, with the whole estate going to the younger son – Jack's great-great-great-grandfather. 
 
At long last they arrived back at the welcome desk, with Cecilia still half lost in her own daydream world of all her ancestors who would have trodden the hallowed paths, and Carly pestering George for more history. Much of the general history Cecilia knew from her lessons at the Chalet School, it was her own particular relations she was interested in, and those she could visualise much better in her head. She was still staring idly up at a point on the ceiling, hearing the sound of clattering hooves and desperate shouts as the young, wounded prince was brought in to the house, when an arm slipped through hers, startling her out of her reverie. 
 
“Come on,” said Johnny quietly. “Carly'll be there for ages yet. We'll go and fish the picnic out of the car and set up, try and eat lunch before those clouds become rain.” 
 
With a glance at the sky, Cecilia nodded her agreement, and, after thanking George prettily for their tour, and all that he'd told them, followed Johnny out to where they had parked. There was still a slight awkwardness between them, without Carly to keep conversation going, and Cecilia wondered how best to breach it. As they approached the car, therefore, she said softly, 
 
“Roger told me what happened between you, and I'm sorry – I really am. I – well, I didn't think he could be like that. But I hope that it doesn't make things difficult for you. Carly's a good friend and I don't want to lose her, especially for something that happened before she even knew me. But I could understand if you'd rather not have to be reminded every time you saw me.” 
 
“I'm not,” promised Johnny in reply, unlocking the boot and fishing for a rug, which he dumped in her arms, before lifting out the hamper which contained their meal. “As if I could look at someone so pretty and be sad! Don't worry, I knew who it was I was taking out today, and that's Cecilia, one of the loveliest girls I know.” 
 
Blushing heartily, Cecilia followed him to the chosen picnic spot, not knowing quite what to say in reply. Instead, she buried herself in laying out the food, until Carly could join them and start the conversation again. She was full of new historical facts that she'd just learnt, and was quite content to spend most of the meal wondering aloud at all the generations that had come before Cecilia. 
 
“So how come your family sold it?” asked Johnny idly, once they were all as full as they could be. Carly was sat up making a daisy chain, while Johnny lay watching the clouds and chewing a blade of grass, and Cecilia sat with one arm around her stomach marvelling at all the windows of the house, all the rooms she could have known inside-out had she grown up here as she was meant to. 
 
“Money,” she replied softly. “Mum reckoned that the air down here was too soft, or some nonsense, and dad could hardly afford to keep it up anyway. We had two heirs die quite close together, which is why it came to him, and he just couldn't afford the tax. Instead, they sold up and moved to Switzerland, where I grew up.” 
 
“Bit different from what you could have had,” remarked Johnny, little realising that he was mirroring her own thoughts almost exactly. 
 
“Ah, but how could she have said that her first language was actually German then?” asked Carly teasingly, throwing a daisy head at him to make him be quiet. 
 
Not long afterwards, they decided that it was time to start driving back. This time Carly sat in the front seat, and while she kept them entertained with various rude songs she had picked up over the years, as well as a variety of games that nobody else seemed to want to play, Cecilia sat in the back and thought of her baby. 
 
When they drew up outside the house, Cecilia automatically invited them in to join her. At first, Johnny refused, but Carly was adamant that she needed the loo, at least, while Cecilia promised that Roger shouldn't be there. Seeing that his sister meant to have her way and go in, Johnny reluctantly agreed – for five minutes to catch their breath – and she skipped ahead delightedly. She was an inveterate gossip and never passed up the opportunity to look around someone else's house. 
 
Once she had let them both in, Cecilia guided Johnny to the kitchen to wait for Carly there, but her offer of a hot drink before they left was cut short as she took in the two people sat at the kitchen table. One was Roger, who looked up as they came. Cecilia watched as shock crossed his face, followed by the certainty that she had done this to cause trouble with him. 
 
It was the woman opposite him who Johnny seemed more interested in, however. She was beautiful, truly stunning, an amazing woman, made perfect by artistic hands. Her eyes were upturned to him, so entrancing and deep, and the way her lips parted just a little made him desperately want to reach out and kiss her. The look of a stranded codfish he was wearing probably wasn't the most attractive thing he had ever managed, but all the same she seemed just as entranced, enthralled. 
 
“Hi,” Ruey said after what felt like a lifetime, holding out her hand. “It's nice to meet you.”  
Author:  roversgirl [ Wed Feb 16, 2011 8:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 16 Feb
Glad to see Cecilia's feeling a bit better but wonders what will happen following Roger seeing Jonny and with throwing Ruey into the mix! Thanks :-)
Author:  jayj [ Wed Feb 16, 2011 9:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 16 Feb
ooh, what an interesting twist! I can't remember - did Ruey already know about Roger and Cecilia? Not that she's actually going to care at the moment - I think she's going to be rather preoccupied for a bit...
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Thu Feb 17, 2011 8:11 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 16 Feb
Thanks Ariel, I really like your twists and turns
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Feb 17, 2011 6:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 16 Feb
It wasn't me! I was just quite happily brushing my teeth one night when Johnny calmly informed me he was going to rather like Ruey. Sadly, I can't take the credit! Thankyou for commenting.

Unbeknownst to two of the adults in the room, Cecilia had, unwittingly, caught Roger's eye. Seeing the way that the other two looked, they grinned at each other, and for a moment, Cecilia had to fight the urge to fling herself on him and hug him until all of the hurt of the past weeks had been erased. They way that Ruey and Johnny stared was exactly the same as she had once looked at him, and her heart ached at the memory. Then Ruey had shattered the silence with her introduction, and they all turned to stare at Johnny. 
 
“Um, yes, how nice to meet you,” he mumbled, clearly embarrassed. “I, um, I should really be going.” 
 
“Oh, please don't dash on my account.” Ruey smiled winningly, flicking an amused glance to Cecilia, who beamed back. “It's nice to meet some of my errant adopted sister's friends at long last. I'm Ruey, by the way, Roger's sister.” 
 
“He's Johnny,” added Carly from behind him, seeing that her brother was blushing furiously and not about to speak. “I'm Carly. And we're leaving.” Turning to hug Cecilia, she added, “Thankyou for a lovely day, and I'll see you back in work on Monday, for our sins. Just behave, do everything I wouldn't!” 
 
She danced off, tugging Johnny firmly by the hand behind her, but not before he had glanced back at Ruey in a manner that for no apparent reason made her blush as well. Then they were gone, leaving Cecilia on her own, and wondering whether Ruey was really going to be friendly, or if things could become incredibly awkward now that Roger had an ally in the house. 
 
“I'm told that you weren't warned of my visit,” said Ruey, after a momentary silence in which she composed herself as best she could. “I did ring last night and warn Roger, but he's being stubborn and not talking to you, so I'm told. In any case, his life seems to be as dull as ever, so if you want to come and rescue me, please do.” 
 
“There's gratitude for you!”  
 
Still, Roger took the incredibly heavy hint and ambled out of the room, declaring that he was going to have a quick bath and then probably enjoy a night out with his friends. Ruey rolled her eyes at this last, and declared to empty air that she was so pleased to have such a polite brother. Still, she reached out and took Cecilia's hand, drawing her down to the table and smiling at her. 
 
“Stop looking so nervous, my dear,” she grinned. “I gather from Roger that we've got a lot to talk about, because he's being a typical man and refusing to get into any sort of emotional discussion. But I'm here for the next two days and by the time I leave you two are going to be sorted out. We're also going to have talked a lot about babies. But there's plenty of time for all of that, first, I want to hear all the news. I gather you've had young Charles here, so you can fill me in on all of the gossip.” 
 
It wasn't the best of welcomes, considering that Cecilia would have been quite happy not to have her news and the pitiful state of her relationship to Roger broadcast, but it could have been a lot worse – and at least Ruey thought that they could be reconciled. So, for the present, she contented herself with making a new pot of tea and then telling Ruey of all the family's goings on over the past month or so, as well as all that she'd learned of her family that day. 
 
They both laughed over the pirate ancestor who Cecilia had automatically linked to Mike, right down to his tendencies to kidnap any women he met on the high seas and enslave them in his personal harem at the bottom of his ship. Ruey was also fascinated by the Maynard origins from the Norman invasion, and only wished aloud that they'd known that when she was at school, lamenting that it would have been a far better way of livening up history lessons than some of the pranks they'd come up with. 
 
“Johnny sounds really nice, to give up a free day to take you out like that,” she remarked innocently, once Cecilia had finished her tale, but from the look that the younger girl gave her, she could tell that her interest had been duly noted.  
 
At that moment, Roger, shaved and dressed, returned to announce that he was leaving and should be back before they went to bed, hopefully not much worse for wear. Bending down to kiss Ruey farewell, he also nodded to Cecilia, who smiled tentatively back. Not missing a single detail, Ruey sipped her tea demurely, and waited until she heard the front door shut before turning back to Cecilia and smiling. It was quite obvious that the latter wasn't ready to talk about her own situation yet, and so Ruey contented herself with a bright, 
 
“Johnny seems nice. Is he always that handsome?”  
Author:  lavender [ Thu Feb 17, 2011 7:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 Feb
Ruey- please persuade Cecilia to get in touch with the rest of her family, or failing that just tell them yourself that she's OK!!!
Author:  roversgirl [ Thu Feb 17, 2011 8:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 Feb
Hopefully Ruey can sort them both out. Thanks :-)
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Fri Feb 18, 2011 10:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 Feb
I'm hoping Ruey is able to convince her brother to at least talk with Cecilia instead of ignoring her the way he has. Nothing is going to be sorted out while he does that
Author:  Abi [ Sat Feb 19, 2011 3:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 Feb
Also hoping that Ruey will be able to help Cecilia and Roger to talk things through properly. And that someone soon will tell the Maynards that Cecilia's ok. Would that really do any harm?!

Just caught up with lots of this - thanks, Ariel. :D
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Feb 19, 2011 7:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 Feb
Patience, patience! I know I'm in the habit of forgetting major plot points at a whim :lol: but for me this is actually very well planned - it will all happen (or not!) in the end! Thankyou for your comments :D

In fact, the evening proved to go well, with the two women making dinner together and enjoying the meal in a quiet way. There was an almost sisterly camaraderie which needed no words to bring companionship, and they found in each other the perfect company. While they were cooking, they carefully stuck to neutral topics – mainly Ruey telling Cecilia all the latest news of Erica, and Egypt where she was stationed. After her notorious career at university, Erica had gone into the foreign office as a diplomat, using her language skills to rise quickly, and was now part of the British Embassy, currently in Egypt but liable to move to India within a few months, and anywhere at all after that. 
 
This carried them to washing up, where talk turned to Robin. Although she had never known either of the girls particularly well – Ruey had got to know her a little when she was in Canada for a brief spell, and met Joey's adopted sister twice – they both knew that she was gravely ill, and that Joey had been waiting for the fatal news for some months now. It seemed a terribly cruel time coming, and Ruey was the first who had been able to tell Cecilia that there was nothing further as far as she knew.  
 
Finally, they were sat in the living room together, each cupping a mug of cocoa in their hands, facing each other across the coffee table. The evening had been a pleasant one, and Cecilia had even thrown her head back with the golden laughter, which helped her mother be so endearing, once or twice. She looked so relaxed, happy even, but Ruey knew that the old, guarded expression would come back as soon as she mentioned Roger. 
 
“You know,” she said softly, staring at Cecilia. “Roger's already told me that I can't tell Jack and Joey where you are. I knew you were living with him a while back, but he said that you'd told your parents, and by the time I found out otherwise, he'd also told me you'd started being in a more serious relationship. He's never told me how that happened, you know.” 
 
“We were just attracted to each other,” said Cecilia. “I think that we both knew, but it was awkward having to share a house together, and so we tried to ignore it. I – I wasn't sure that it wasn't just sheer gratitude that he was looking after me, and it was all such a mess to start with.” 
 
“Hardly an ideal situation in which to be starting a relationship,” agreed Ruey wryly. 
 
What she didn't say was that she had had a lot of thing to say to Roger about it all when he'd first told her the news. In fact, it hadn't been so much an announcement of what had happened as an imploring request that she furnish him with the necessary information to deal with a hormonal teenager and go back to the easy life he'd made for himself. Admittedly, he had seemed keen to commit to her, but Ruey had warned him off. 
 
It wasn't that she didn't like Cecilia, but she loved Roger dearly as nearly all the family she had – Roddy being in New Zealand – and she didn't want him to be hurt. He wasn't the most sensitive and understanding of souls, and even if he knew of Cecilia's past, she still didn't think that he really understood what she had been through. It was easy to forget her age, too, and – Ruey could see so clearly now she'd talked to Cecilia herself – that everything she'd been through might have made her stronger on the surface, but really left her incredibly vulnerable. 
 
“I hadn't thought it could be so easy,” confessed Cecilia. The way she looked at Ruey said quite plainly that she was trusting the other woman with this, smaller, secret that she could test if Ruey could be trusted. “It was the first time after I left Paris that I'd been close to someone. But Roger was always there, and I just sort of got used to him.” 
 
“Romance at its best,” laughed Ruey, then added hastily, “Not that that's a bad thing. After everything else that you've both been through, I suspect that easy might have been a nice change.” 
 
“You don't approve,” said Cecilia quickly. 
 
“I think it's unfortunate that you should be pregnant,” confessed Ruey. “But then, Roger did only think to tell me this lunchtime when I arrived, so possibly once I've had time to think about it I'll see it differently. I don't know, he seemed quite excited when he told me, I think that secretly he's been waiting to be a father for a couple of years now, and he was starting to give up hope that it would happen.” 
 
Startled, Cecilia looked up at Ruey with wide eyes. Even when she'd told him her darkest secret of all, Roger had seemed almost uncomprehending of just what a baby could mean, and she'd never thought of him as someone who would actively want to be a parent. Of course, Ruey as his sister was bound to see things and know things about him that she just couldn't after only a few months of really knowing him. It was something she hadn't considered before, though, and she started wonder if just perhaps Roger wasn't the man that she thought he was. 
Author:  lexyjune [ Sat Feb 19, 2011 7:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 19 Feb
Thank you for the update, looking forward to more.
Author:  Abi [ Sat Feb 19, 2011 11:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 19 Feb
Not sure what to think of the way Ruey seems to be looking at things. I hope it helps...

Thanks, Ariel. :D
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sun Feb 20, 2011 7:27 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 19 Feb
Thanks Ariel, I'll try and be patient, but it is hard when I'm dying to know what happens!
Author:  jayj [ Sun Feb 20, 2011 12:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 19 Feb
Interesting to see all the different conflicting loyalties come in to play. Thanks, Ariel!
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sun Feb 20, 2011 6:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 19 Feb
I just hope that I am portraying everyone's views properly! I've often been criticised for telling and not showing, but now I worry that I'm swinging the other way... Still, it's Cecilia telling the story, not me :D Thankyou for commenting! You'll be pleased to know that there will be some actual action again soon, I'm sure.

Before she could really start to think of Roger actually wanting a baby, actually being pleased at the news, and all that could mean, Ruey was laughing and adding that this wasn't necessarily a good thing. Whenever Roger became enthusiastic about something, this usually meant that it was going to go horribly wrong in some way, he seemed to have almost a curse. 
 
“He'll be a good dad, though,” she added reflectively. “When our dad was off with all his experiments, and we were pretty much on our own, he was really good with Roddy. Most people tended to give me credit for keeping house and cooking – apart from the trips, who were horrified at how badly I was doing! - but none of them ever saw what Roger did. The trouble was, Roddy was still so young, but Roger made him understand and looked after him.” 
 
“He never really talks about it,” said Cecilia softly, then startled herself by laughing. “He never really talks about so much, it makes me wonder how we do manage to have a conversation ever!” 
 
“Welcome to the wonderful world of men,” remarked Ruey drily. “I once wasted six months of my life on a man and when I walked away it was with the realisation that the one thing I actually knew about him was that he rather liked cars. That was the one before the kleptomaniac. I'll never forget the date spent waiting at the police station for him to be released.” 
 
“Johnny would be much better than that,” promised Cecilia, shifting a little and looking at Ruey in a greatly knowing way. Then she gave in and added frankly, “Carly will have set him up to send you some little romantic note or another through me, never fear. I'll forever more be plagued with questions about the next time that you'll be visiting. I've never seen a man look so stricken.” 
 
“Stuff and nonsense!” declared Ruey resoundingly. “I am officially through with men since Dave the – well, I won't taint innocent ears with his particular nickname. But safe to say that I am destined to be single forever. And in any case, we're not talking about me, we're talking about you and Roger. What on earth made you say what you did anyway?” 
 
“He did rather surprise me,” said Cecilia. “The last thing I was expecting was a proposal out the blue, and I'd only just finished having it out with Chas. He wanted to relive all the wonderful times I had in Paris, so I wasn't exactly in the romantic mood.” 
 
“Would you still say no if he asked you again now?” asked Ruey curiously. It seemed to her that this was really the main question; if Cecilia would, then there was no point saying anything else really. 
 
“Perhaps,” whispered Cecilia softly. “I want to, I love him and I'm having a baby and it would be nice if it could all be so perfect.” 
 
“You don't think it can, though?” 
 
“He just has to have everything he wants regardless of me!” burst out Cecilia unexpectedly. “I could be anyone as long as I was pregnant and easy and showing him a good time. How can that be love?” 
 
Cecilia sighed heavily. That had been something that had bothered her ever since a particular night, when she'd gone back to him after the argument about his past. If she was really so unimportant as a person, only useful for what she could offer him, then how could she marry him? She didn't really remember how he'd asked her, it was all such a haze and Matt lurked dangerously near to that memory, but she was sure that he only wanted to marry her so that she could be a wife and a mother – not so that she could be herself doing those roles. 
 
“You're you,” said Ruey simply. “He loves you. Don't ask me why, because I can't fathom it any more than I can see why you love him – such is the nature of the thing, I suppose. But he does, that much I know. He would always have put you up to start with just out of decency, but he let you stay far beyond what he could have done, and he didn't just sleep with you like he could have done, and you've made him happy.” 
 
“What if he doesn't make me happy, though?” asked Cecilia pathetically. 
 
“Then why are you still here at all?” was Ruey's only reply. 
 
 
While Ruey went upstairs shortly afterwards to get ready for bed, Cecilia stayed sat downstairs, waiting for Roger to come home. While she waited, she thought of a lot of things, that she wished she'd said and couldn't now, that she could but didn't want to, and that she should, if only he would listen.  
Author:  Abi [ Sun Feb 20, 2011 6:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 20 Feb
Go on, talk to him.... *pokes Cecilia*

Thanks Ariel. :D
Author:  jayj [ Sun Feb 20, 2011 6:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 20 Feb
It strikes me that, for all her assertions that she does love Roger, Cecilia really has a low opinion of him, and it seems like she's coming to recognize that she doesn't really know him at all. She's so busy questioning the purity of his motives that I'm not sure she's completely come to terms with her own...aah, I keep veering between which one of them I'm more cross at...
Author:  Joanne [ Sun Feb 20, 2011 7:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 20 Feb
I think Cecilia's problem is that she values herself so little that she can't help but think anyone else who likes her must not be worth much - hence she keeps looking for the flaws in Roger, and reasons why he is not right for her.

Not that I'm into analyzing people or anything.... :?
Author:  roversgirl [ Sun Feb 20, 2011 10:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 20 Feb
Hope Ruey has been able to help Cecilia. Thanks :-)
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sun Feb 20, 2011 11:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 20 Feb
I only hope Roger will listen
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Mon Feb 21, 2011 8:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 20 Feb
Thankyou for all of your comments!

It seemed like an interminably long time before Roger returned, although in fact he wasn't that late at all. As promised, he had only stayed until the bottom of his second drink and had then come straight home, presumably hoping to see Ruey before she went to bed. He didn't seem visibly disappointed to see only his estranged partner, however, but instead lit a cigar he had picked up from somewhere and sat down on the sofa. Through the haze of smoke he watched her watch him, until at last she gave in and broke the silence.

“Ruey and I talked.”

“Well, I didn't imagine that you were just going to sit in silence all evening.”

Taking a deep breath, Cecilia tried to remind herself that she had to stay calm. It would have been so easy just to get up and go to bed, when she was tired from her day and unsure of talking to Roger anyway. After all, even if they still weren't talking to each other in the morning, it couldn't possibly be any worse than the situation at the moment, and it was only her sense that there was a distinct time limit to which they had to work if they were to be reconciled that made her determined to continue. Mustering all of her inherited stubbornness, she gave him a quiet look that said more than words, and continued,

“She told me how you were feeling. You never said that you were excited about being a parent.”

“You never asked.”

They lapsed into silence again, with Cecilia having no idea how to respond. It was true, she hadn't concerned herself with how Roger would feel about the news, only how he would react and what that could mean for her. In fact, she was starting to see herself in a thoroughly unpleasant light in all of this, at least as far as he must be concerned. She knew, even if she didn't understand, why she'd acted that way, but she hadn't told him that. Even as she grappled with this realisation, though, it was Roger who broke the silence.

“How can you love Matt?”

This was sufficient to startle Cecilia out of her reverie. Whatever questions she had expected – and, as she sat faithfully in her chair and waited for him to return, she'd run through them in her head, tried to have the conversation with herself repeatedly – it wasn't that one. Why she loved Matt, maybe, and of course whether she really did, but not how. It was as if he thought this some extraordinary feat that required magical powers to attain.

“Because I always have,” she answered honestly. “Love is just – love. How can I stop loving him? He cared about me, the insignificant, boring little ninth child, always someone to live up to and always something to achieve but not with him. He was kind to me, and gentle, and he made me feel special. He looked after me when I needed someone.”

“Do you realise how horrible that is?” asked Roger suddenly, stubbing out his cigar with unwarranted viciousness. “After everything that I've done – everything your family has done – you can still sit there and talk about him as if everything that he put you through just doesn't matter. For God's sake, he killed your unborn baby!”

“Jamie -” whispered Cecilia faintly, and suddenly she was crying. All the imagined memories of her baby came back to haunt her, the tiny chuckle and the sound of his cry, the feel of his arms around her neck. He would have been asleep upstairs, lips pouting slightly, fists tightly clenched and tiny feet kicking out occasionally.

Then she shook her head. He was gone, Matt had taken him away.

“Don't cry,” said Roger suddenly, almost imploringly. “Please don't – I didn't mean to say that, it was wrong of me. It was just that, after that night, I truly couldn't understand. First you told me you were pregnant, and I thought that you'd be so happy, like I was, and I wanted you to get all caught up in this big romantic dream with me, but instead you – you just -”

“I'm sorry.”

The words seemed to shock Cecilia, and she quickly covered her mouth with her fingers, as if holding in all her hurt and all her sorrow. All along, she had vowed that she wouldn't apologise for the way she had behaved when she had only been doing the best that she – confused, scared, uncertain – could. Even Charles, when she had rung him one evening, had tentatively suggested that it might help, but she had rebutted him so firmly that he'd dropped the idea. It was the only natural thing to say, though, when Roger had looked at her so imploringly, a catch at the back of his voice as if deep inside he wanted to cry.

“I'm sorry, too,” he promised. “I shouldn't have sprung it on you like that and I should have been more understanding.”

Then, all at once, she was burying herself in his arms and sobbing against his chest, while he swallowed hard and stroked her hair and held her as close as he possibly could, kissing her forehead again and again. Everything of the past days was gone, nothing else needed to be said. They were there, three of them, and somehow they would stay together.

“I love you, and I love our baby,” whispered Roger into her hair.
Author:  jayj [ Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 21 Feb
Good!

ChubbyMonkey wrote:
“I love you, and I love our baby,” whispered Roger into her hair.

Now, she needs to say it back and mean it.

Thanks, Ariel!
Author:  roversgirl [ Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 21 Feb
Glad they have made up. Now I hope Cecilia will get some counselling. Thanks :-)
Author:  Abi [ Tue Feb 22, 2011 12:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 21 Feb
Definitely a step in the right direction - at least they're talking and not hating each other!

Thanks Ariel. :D
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Wed Feb 23, 2011 10:57 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 21 Feb
Thanks Ariel. I hope, that's all I can say. And am eagerly awaiting the next installment
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Wed Feb 23, 2011 7:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 21 Feb
Goodness me, I hadn't realised how behind I was in posting! It's very weird coming back and reading all the happiness now. Thankyou, as ever, for commenting; they always make me smile :D I would just like to say, though, in case anyone is offended, that all views on names are that of the characters alone and nothing to do with me!

It was three o clock in the morning when Roger was prodded in the ribs to make sure he was awake – even had he not been before. When she had first curled up contentedly in his arms, Cecilia had gone straight to sleep, smiling to herself at all the happiness she had found. But two hours later she had awoken again, and now she was running the events of the day over in her mind. She wondered if her mother knew of the family history, for she was sure that some of the tales would have made an excellent plot in a historical novel for her, and if Jack was aware of just how important a family they had once been.

Then her mind had turned to other events, and for a little while she had mused about Ruey and Johnny, plotting with a small grin to herself at such mischief. She knew, though, that Carly would expect her to have a plan when they next saw each other. This had entertained her for a while, but in the end she had given up and instead turned her mind to Roger, and how surprising he had been that evening. That particular train of thought ended in poking him to gain his attention.

“Hmwhat?” he mumbled sleepily, rolling over and hunching the blankets over his shoulder to mostly cover his head.

“Does this mean that we're getting married?” asked Cecilia in an undertone, which would carry less than a whisper, so that there was no chance of wakening Ruey, not far off in the next room.

“Guess,” slurred Roger, already mostly asleep again. But, to reassure her that he meant it, he did reach back and squeeze her fingers for a moment.

Smiling, Cecilia turned around again so that they were lying next to each other's backs, suddenly perfectly sleepy herself. It may not have been the huge romantic proposal from the handsome doctor that she had always dreamed of as a child, but it was special all the same. Then sleep really did overtake her, and she fell back into dreams of wedding dresses and pirates and a talking hedgehog.


The next morning they managed to have a little time in bed together before clattering on the stairs warned them that Ruey had got up. At once Cecilia stirred to go and be hostly and make breakfast, but Roger stopped her by kissing her fondly, and promising that Ruey knew her own way around and would be just fine. Anyway, he had plans for her...

An hour later and Cecilia, washed and dressed, sauntered into the kitchen and looked over Ruey's shoulder in interest at the work she was doing. Much of it went over her head, though, and so she busied herself instead in making breakfast for two people. No comment was made from their guest until Roger himself came down, when Ruey turned to her brother with a cheerful,

“Good morning! I noticed you weren't on the sofa when I came down earlier.”

“Of course not,” replied Roger, picking a piece of toast from Cecilia's fingers and sitting down until she should bring him his cup of tea. “I do have a perfectly good bed upstairs, you know, whatever your weird night time habits might be. And I needed a good sleep, anyway, because we, oh lovely sister of mine, have a lot of planning to do today.”

“Planning,” said Ruey carefully. “Of what sort of a nature, exactly?”

“Wedding.” Roger grinned through a mouthful of toast and refused to say more for a moment. “We are getting married in exactly – how long?” he finished, turning to Cecilia, who remarked quite calmly, as if her heart wasn't beating wildly inside her,

“Well, my guess is that I'll start showing properly in another month, maybe.”

“Three and a half weeks,” translated Roger. “I've got some big sheets of paper somewhere from a job I did a while back, I want them filled. I've got to go and see a man about a dog, but once I return I want detailed plans of everything my hard earned money is going to be spent on.”

“But -” Ruey paused, and tipped her head to one side to reconsider her brother. Whatever she had been about to say was changed abruptly to a cheerful, “Might as well get the inevitable arguments out the way before you go, then, and I can play peacemaker, as I evidently do so well. Boy or girl?”

“Boy.”

“Girl.”

“Girl?” asked Roger carefully after a moment's pause, looking to Cecilia, who nodded with a tiny smile. She had sat down at the head of the table between them now, to eat her own breakfast, and was watching them both with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

“Name?” demanded Ruey.

“I quite like Jemima,” announced Cecilia, but Roger shook his head vehemently.

“Well,” said Ruey, laughing at the look on her brother's face, “I vote Evelyn or Hanna, after her wonderful auntie.”

“Miriam,” pondered Cecilia.

“Lucy,” said Roger firmly, having swallowed hard. Draining the last of his coffee, he stood up and kissed Cecilia fondly on the forehead, before adding to Ruey, “I leave you to talk some sense into the girl about decent names for a baby. I'll be getting Mimi or Laverne next!”

“Actually -” started Cecilia, but Roger ran laughing from the room before he could hear which of the names she liked so much. Both women watched him go, laughing themselves. Hearing the front door shut firmly behind him, however, they turned to the far more important business of planning a wedding.
Author:  janetbrown23 [ Wed Feb 23, 2011 8:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 23 Feb
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww how sweet, thanks Ariel
Author:  roversgirl [ Wed Feb 23, 2011 8:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 23 Feb
oh that was lovely - but surely they will tell the Maynards before the marriage? Thanks :-)
Author:  Abi [ Wed Feb 23, 2011 10:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 23 Feb
I'm sure they'd both like Abi as a name.... :wink:
Author:  shesings [ Wed Feb 23, 2011 11:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 23 Feb
Oh, lovely! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Author:  cal562301 [ Thu Feb 24, 2011 8:39 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 23 Feb
Abi wrote:
I'm sure they'd both like Abi as a name.... :wink:


I think Carol is so much nicer. :lol:

Lovely to see everyone so happy. Long may it continue.

Why do I have a feeling that things are going far too smoothly at the moment and that something bad is about to happen? :shock: :(

ETA Maybe it has something to do with this:

Ariel wrote:
Goodness me, I hadn't realised how behind I was in posting! It's very weird coming back and reading all the happiness now.
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Thu Feb 24, 2011 10:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 23 Feb
I never picked up on that. Now you have me wibbling
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Feb 24, 2011 8:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 23 Feb
I shall pass the names on to them and see what they think :D

An hour later saw them both sat excitedly poring over magazines to look at various details. Leaving Cecilia to hunt down the elusive paper Roger had mentioned – thinking it would make all their planning much easier, if they could see it laid out in front of them – Ruey had gone for a quick wander and found a shop which was open. Purchasing every magazine that looked vaguely relevant, she had run back, inexplicably excited at the prospect of all that there was to do. She'd already decided that she would probably never get married, she valued her independence far too much, but that didn't mean she hadn't dreamt of and planned her own wedding just in case it should ever occur.

The dress they sorted out very easily. Ruey was still in contact with Jane Carew, who had been a dab hand at needlework in her school years, and they hoped to rope her in, sure that they could make a dress which would pass muster between them. Cecilia was unsure about the idea, not wanting to start a chain of gossip on the Chalet School Old Girl network that would invariably get back to Joey, but Ruey promised that it would be all right. Jane was herself no stranger to controversy, after all; at present she was working as lead actress for one of the most well known companies in the country, but there had been various rumours that she was planning on breaking into the film world, and she had even made the front page of a daily newspaper the month before, after an illicit scandal with the nation's current sweetheart.

The next thing to decide upon was bridesmaids. At first Cecilia seemed despondent, explaining to Ruey that she would have loved to have had Phil and Marie-Claire, but of course this was impossible. Instead, she asked if Ruey herself would like to be chief-bridesmaid, with Carly and Charlie, as well, and Millie as a nominal flower girl, just to have a pretty new dress.

“You could always invite your family, and ask for Phil and Claire at the same time,” pointed out Ruey at one point, while they were arguing about which colour would best suit all three women.

“No.” Cecilia glanced up from the corner of the paper, where she was scribbling in various different coloured pens that she'd found in a kitchen drawer. “Right now they could stop me, dad could make me go home with him, and then where would I be? I've been thinking, though, and once I'm married they can disapprove and disown me, but they can't take me away from Roger, can they?”

“Well,” said Ruey carefully, “they could make you choose, but you seem to have made your decision already. Just – be careful, won't you?”

“I promised Chas that I would tell them, and I will, after the wedding,” said Cecilia. Already she knew, though, that Chas would disapprove the exact course of action that she'd decided on, and so she made haste to go back to the previous subject. “How about a pale yellow? None of you are particularly wan and drawn and it wouldn't disagree with any of your hair colours – well, unless Carly does something stupid again.”

The conversation continued in a similar vein for some time, deciding which shops would be best to look in for dresses for them all – they didn't want anything more special than a winter frock, and Ruey, at least, had already said that she'd buy something which could be worn again and pay for it herself – and how they wanted Millie to dress up. But Ruey watched her soon-to-be sister closely; she might be sworn to secrecy out of loyalty to Roger, but that didn't mean that she couldn't disagree with him if Cecilia asked her to.

By mid-afternoon they had a rough idea of just about everything that was needed. From the beginning Cecilia had maintained that she only wanted something quiet; a bunch of flowers for each of them, a couple of cheap rings and a nice dress would be all that was needed. After all, she and Roger, although living in relative comfort, were hardly rich, and they would need all of their money to prepare for the baby.

“We could ask Jane if she'd make you some baby clothes as well,” suggested Ruey, once they were both laid back on the sofa, several sheets of scribbles in front of them, creative thoughts exhausted. “Mlle Lachenais was always raving over her work, do you remember? I was never more than average, and Joey used to say that even with good teacher you didn't have a flair for it all. When I see Jane tomorrow, though, I'll get her on board, if she will. Half the time she's caught up in some new production.”

“Are you sure that she won't mind?” asked Cecilia doubtfully. It seemed like a lot to ask, even from all that was sometimes expected of Old Girls who stayed in touch – from finding houses to taking on unwanted children.

“My dear, I suggested her for a very good reason!” promised Ruey with a laugh. “I don't know if you realise, but she'll be able to lay her hands on a least a dozen good wedding dresses that have been used as costume in one production or another. I'm going to get her to bring some over, we can choose whichever one you like best, alter it to fit you and maybe do a little embroidery just to make it especially yours. Cheap, quick and easy – just as you need.”

“That is rather a genius suggestion,” mused Cecilia, with an infuriatingly teasing look sideways. “Yes, I suppose it is very true. But only if she doesn't mind – you must tell her that I'll understand if she doesn't have time.”

They were interrupted by the front door opening, and a loud clattering sound preceding Roger's entry into the room. When he did come, it was carrying several bits of wood with him, but even as he set them down against the chair, Cecilia realised what they were and started to beam.

“One cot!” he announced proudly. “Or, at least, it will be soon. Just a little surprise to start the nursery we have to create. How's the wedding planning going?”
Author:  jayj [ Thu Feb 24, 2011 8:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 24 Feb
She has to let someone in her family know, surely? Charles at least, but the others too? Yeah, they're likely to be cross with her, but if she goes ahead with this plan, especially with Ruey and half the CS old girls getting involved, they're going to be absolutely furious...I don't have a good feeling about this :(

Though I thought Roger turning up with the cot-bits was sweet!
Author:  roversgirl [ Thu Feb 24, 2011 8:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 24 Feb
That's really lovely and can understand Cecilia's reasoning even if I think it'll lead to more trouble. Thanks :-)
Author:  Abi [ Thu Feb 24, 2011 11:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 24 Feb
I wish she'd talk to her family. I really don't think they'd be as against the idea as she thinks, and they'll be incredibly hurt when they find out that she's got married without their knowledge.

Thanks Ariel. :)
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Fri Feb 25, 2011 11:01 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 24 Feb
Parents never are understanding when you expect them to be and are when you don't expect it at all. Can understand Cecilia's reluctance to tell them.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Feb 26, 2011 5:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 24 Feb
Thankyou, as always, for commenting! I seem to have got rather caught up in wedding fever (or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that Cecilia has!) Anyway, I shall be interested to see if anyone can decode this bit... (it's rather easy!)

As she and Ruey respectively cooked dinner and made the kitchen look tidy and presentable enough to be eaten that evening – Roger was in the front room swearing at the pieces of wood, which refused to resemble themselves into the required piece of furniture – Cecilia informed her fiance of her plans for the wedding thus far, with Ruey frequently interjecting with some new idea. To her relief, he approved of her choice of bridesmaids and the colour scheme.

“Ruey had a fantastic idea, as well,” she called through, hastily stirring her pot to stop the contents from burning. “She's going to ask Jane Carew to help with the wedding dress. I don't know if you ever met her, but she's an actress now, so we're hoping that she can sneak one away for us.”

“You remember Jane,” said Ruey confidently, standing in the doorway and watching as Roger made a futile attempt at getting a screw into the hole of the backboard so that he could attach a side to it. “She kissed you once at that party when you turned up at university unexpectedly. She always said that she wouldn't have minded if you'd decided on more than just a kiss.”

“Have I got competition?” demanded Cecilia mock-ferociously behind them. “Because I will fight for you if I have to.”

“Now now, no need for that,” he promised, finishing on yet another swear word. Rolling her eyes, Ruey gently took the screwdriver from him, lined it all up, and put it all together, so that the cot had two sides. Then, seeing Roger looking exasperatedly at her, she added,

“Go and make drinks before the meal's ready, best leave this to me.”

After dinner they all relaxed in the living room, around the half-built cot scattering most of the room, with Roger on the sofa and Cecilia lying with her head in his lap, while Ruey knitted in the corner. At first Cecilia had been reading, but, sleepy, she had put her book down and insisted on curling up on Roger instead, lying so that he could still read the paper around her.

“What do you want to call the baby?” she asked idly at last. The two siblings glanced at each other over their respective tasks, then Roger said,

“I rather like Elizabeth after my gran, for a girl. As for a boy, I don't know. Something nicely traditional.”

“How awfully dull,” yawned Cecilia, who had her mother's flair for the unusual. “I rather like Austin for a boy, and perhaps Thomasina for a girl. Wouldn't you rather have a unique little baby, instead of just a clone?”

“She's got a point,” said Ruey. “I mean, you can't go anywhere without bumping into a Peter or a George or a Michael. It's all dreadfully unimaginative – though please don't saddle the poor thing with something too unusual! I was taken out by a Horatio once.”

“I'd really rather not think about my little sister in that way,” protested Roger, but Ruey only laughed.

“Don't worry, my dear, I haven't been that intimate with anything more than three men. Well, nearly four. Anyway, it wasn't like that at all.”

“At least it isn't that oily chap you had in your third year of university, I suppose,” sighed Roger. “I was hoping that you'd get rid of him, or I might have had to have words.”

“The doctor?” asked Ruey, setting down her knitting to sigh reminiscently. “He was around for two years, actually, thankyou very much. After Jack was rather, um, startled by the use I was putting the spare bedroom at Freudesheim to with his new Junior Doctor, said Clarence thought it would be wise to get a transfer to the English branch.”

“Just a shame he had to transfer to one of the nurses with it,” muttered Roger, but seeing the look Ruey gave him, he hastily decided that he needed to use the bathroom.

When he returned he was brandishing a letter, which he handed over to Cecilia, with the explanation that it had come the day before, but he'd forgotten to put it somewhere that she would see it. Looking at the handwriting on the envelope, she was sure that it was familiar, but she couldn't place it. It was a pleasant surprise, therefore, when the first line to greet her simply read, Efbs Dfdjmjb.

“What nonsense!” exclaimed Roger, reading over her shoulder, but she only shook her head and smiled.

“We used to send secret letters as children,” she explained. “Chas must have wanted to cheer me up by using it. I'd almost forgotten that, you know.”

When she got to the bottom of the letter, though, it wasn't Charles' name she saw. Instead, she read with a gasp of delight,

“Mpwf Njlf.”
Author:  Joanne [ Sat Feb 26, 2011 5:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 Feb
I hope she found it easier to read than I did just working out who it was from! Lovely for Cecilia to hear from him, but how does he know where she is? Soon everyone will know.

Thanks for a very intriguing drabble!
Author:  Myth Tree [ Sat Feb 26, 2011 5:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 Feb
Uibolt! (I think!)
Author:  jayj [ Sat Feb 26, 2011 7:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 Feb
How nice! I hope this'll prompt her to get in touch with him and some of the others and tell them about the wedding!

BTW, Ruey does seem to be rather a handful - I hope poor Johnny's man enough for her!
Author:  lavender [ Sat Feb 26, 2011 9:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 Feb
Mike!

Code deciphered above in White!

PS- I hope that works when I do it on my iPhone.
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sat Feb 26, 2011 9:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 Feb
Thanks Lavender, how did you work it out?


Thanks for the update Ariel
Author:  honey lamb [ Sat Feb 26, 2011 10:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 Feb
Fiona Mc wrote:
Thanks Lavender, how did you work it out?


It's easy. Each letter in the code is the one in the alphabet directly after the real one
Author:  Abi [ Sat Feb 26, 2011 11:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 Feb
That was nice. Thanks, Ariel! :D
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sun Feb 27, 2011 2:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 Feb
Well done on working it out :D Yes, she has had a letter from Mike - and, if I may be allowed to drop a tantalising hint, that might be just as well really... Thankyou for commenting! There's some news in this one that you'll hopefully think good! p.s. Don't worry, jayj! Johnny is all man :wink:

The next morning, Ruey offered to walk Cecilia to work, claiming that she was intrigued by the café. When Cecilia responded with a grin and the promise that she wouldn't meet Johnny again that way, Ruey blushed and retorted fiercely that she'd had no ideas of anything so vulgar, and in fact had been planning to surprise Cecilia by bringing Jane along after they'd had lunch, should she have agreed to the plan – though now, of course, that would be ruined. Then, seeing Cecilia's look, she did relent and admit that she'd rather hoped Cecilia might just ask how Johnny was, or some such tactic, in case she could come to learn anything more of him.

“I won't need to ask!” laughed Cecilia, pulling on her coat and ushering Ruey out of the door, into a typically wet day. “Just you wait, Carly will be quizzing you before you know it.”

As it turned out, Cecilia was nearly prophetic in what she said; while she was in the office getting changed she heard Carly announce,

“By the way, you're going to have to bump into my brother again soon. He's been all moody and difficult to talk to since he saw you.”

“And I have the perfect excuse,” added Cecilia, coming out of the office. “You see, Ruey here is going to be chief bridesmaid at my wedding in a couple of weeks, and you, my dear, are being another. So, I think that we will have to have at least one night round at yours with a bottle of wine to plan things away from prying ears – and I'm sure that you could forget to mention that to Johnny beforehand.”

“Excuse me,” interrupted Ruey, intending to protest that she didn't need them trying to set her up with anyone, thankyou, but before she could get any further, Carly burst out,

“You're getting married? In a couple of weeks?”

“No, I just thought it would be funny to see your face,” retorted Cecilia. “Yes, of course I'm getting married. To Roger, before you ask.”

“On which note, I have a lunch date, and some shopping to do beforehand,” announced Ruey, standing up and fishing in her bag for her umbrella, for the rain had worsened into something close to a storm, even while they'd been talking. “I might well see you later on!”


Up until the lunch period finished the day was a busy one, for the rain refused to abate and they had many customers seeking shelter and a warm drink, but Cecilia was glad of this. Unable to hold a sustained conversation with Carly, instead she was left alone to her thoughts, and the letter from Mike the day before. He hadn't said much in it, and half of what he'd written she'd kept to herself, not sharing it with Roger and Ruey, so delighted that she was sure that it couldn't happen.

Something he had written, though, was filling her thoughts with dread and an abject fear that her carefully laid plans weren't going to work out at all. She had read the paragraph over so many times that she could quote it in her head, and it kept coming back to her as she made coffee and served cakes. Since Chas wrote to me, Mike had written, I have been thinking a lot. He said that nobody else from the family knew anything of you, and he didn't like to tell them and deprive you of his wonderful company. So, instead, I've written to mum and dad to let them know that you're all right. As far as they're concerned, one of the crew of my last ship spotted you – you remember Peter, who was with us for Christmas past? So I've told them London, but I shall refuse to say more. After all, it's rather easy to forget to put certain things in letters home, and it isn't as if they can just ring me!

Of course, Cecilia was pleased that Joey and Jack could finally know that she was safe, but even just narrowed down to London, she worried that they would find her. After all, they had so many contacts, so many people that they could get in touch with – and Roger would be one of the first. They might ask to come and stay with him so that they could search for her. She couldn't forget when Jack had found her in Paris; how unlikely, improbable, and yet he had, with a special instinct born of parenthood alone.

How she longed to see them both again, to share her happy news. But, as she had said to Ruey so truly the day before, they would be furious if they could see her now, they couldn't share in her joy. She just wanted a little longer, to marry Roger, and then she would get in touch, do her best to make up for all of her shortcomings.

Her musings were interrupted in the middle of the afternoon, as custom started to slow and she and Carly were able to relax a little. The door opened, but she was wiping down the counter and had her back to it, so that she didn't think anything of it until she heard Carly gasp behind her. Even as she wondered what the matter was, her friend said wildly,

“It's – you're – you're that actress! The one who -”

“Four times today,” grinned a familiar voice, and Cecilia spun around just in time for Jane to turn to Ruey, and add, “I told you I could make it to five before we parted company, my love!”
Author:  Abi [ Sun Feb 27, 2011 4:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 27 Feb
:lol: Loved the last line! And I'm glad that Jack and Joey will know that Cecilia's all right.

Thanks Ariel. :D
Author:  hac61 [ Sun Feb 27, 2011 7:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 27 Feb
Can't help feeling that Charles has broken Cecilia's trust by writing to Mike. He obviously didn't include "Don't tell the parents" in the letter.

Inclined to wibble.
Author:  roversgirl [ Sun Feb 27, 2011 10:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 27 Feb
I'm glad the Maynards know she's safe but understand her concerns. Still, the wedding is only a fortnight away. Love Jane by the way! Thanks :-)
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Mon Feb 28, 2011 9:40 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 27 Feb
So do I. She was always one of my favourite characters
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Mon Feb 28, 2011 7:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 27 Feb
I only hope that I've done her justice, then! Also, I've done my best with maths for this, hopefully I'm not too far off the mark... Thankyou for commenting!

The afternoon was a fun one for all concerned. Carly waited impatiently only for the solitary customer to finish his cup of coffee before she herded him out and took the executive decision that Michael wouldn't mind them shutting for the rest of the day, in view of such an honoured guest. Meanwhile, Cecilia made a pot of tea and laid out a selection of the finest cakes that they could offer.

At first, they gave Carly her head and let her question Jane at great length about everything she could think of. Although she didn't know much of her career, she had seen Jane perform more than once, and was also well aware of the recent scandal. But it was Jane herself who brought that up, laughingly saying that Carly was one of the first people who'd been polite enough not to mention it, but that she wasn't to be shy.

“As if I could be anything but proud of something like that!” she exclaimed, tossing her hands in a wild way. “Oh, my darling, he is just so fabulous at night – just don't try and talk to him. He might sound all suave and dashing, but the drivel he comes out with is ridiculous. And people keep asking me why I won't marry him! I have to keep reminding them that in the acting profession, reputation is everything, and mine isn't nearly tarnished enough yet.”

“Well, now that you've successfully put the rest of us to shame,” said Ruey, with a twinkle in her eye, “perhaps we could move on to the dress itself? And wedding preparation generally, really, while we have two of the bridesmaids present.”

“Oh, darling, yes!” exclaimed Jane, nearly knocking over the teapot. At Ruey's well-timed glare, she modified her exuberance slightly, but still added, “Do you remember Len's wedding? That was the summer before I went to university, and we all got to stay an extra week at school to attend it.”

“Len's my eldest sister,” explained Cecilia in an undertone to Carly. “Jane was Head Girl during my first year at school, and so she got to help organise it all, and Ruey was a bridesmaid for that as well, with my other sister Con. She and Jane have been best friends ever since they went off to university together – Ruey was in her final year and Jane her first, so they looked after each other.”

“You make me feel old!” declared Jane, selecting a rather large cake with some satisfaction. “Now, about this dress; what are we thinking?”

Thereafter they discussed dresses and flowers and wedding guests with a vim and vigour, all disagreeing loudly about everything. Throughout, Cecilia was adamant that she didn't want to wear white, but was eventually forced into it by the rest, Ruey pointing out that it was tradition and Roger would expect nothing less, Carly adding that they would struggle to find a dress in any other colour, and Jane declaring that she would look so beautiful they couldn't possibly miss the opportunity.

“Well, all right, maybe,” agreed Cecilia at last. “But I want to look at other dresses as well.”

“I'll see if we do anything but white,” promised Jane. “Don't get your hopes up, though, my love. It ill befits a bride torn asunder from her greatest love to go through the agonies of a final breath in anything but a pure, virginal white. I should know; I've been a virgin enough times.”

“It's been a long while since you were a virgin, my girl,” pointed out Ruey.

“Not in spirit,” promised Jane with a wink. “Anyway, you're hardly one to be casting aspersions. And we're here to discuss Cecilia, not dredge up ancient history. You just get over your jealousy that Andrei always preferred me and set your mind back to this wedding, my dear.”

“Or perhaps,” said a quiet voice behind them, “my waitresses would like to forget weddings altogether and set their minds to work, instead.”

All four turned around guiltily to see Michael stood in the doorway, having entered unnoticed, looking at the table with a polite interest that said far more than words could. Cecilia was blushing guiltily, but before she could explain, Carly stood up beaming.

“Can I get you anything to drink? You're welcome to join us. You see, Cecilia got engaged yesterday, and so what with there only be an hour to go anyway and everything, we thought we could perhaps shut just a little bit early. Well,” she amended, seeing his gaze sweep the remnants of the afternoon tea on the table. “Perhaps it was more two hours early. Still, you wouldn't begrudge Cecilia that, would you? Especially as I'm getting to know my future sister-in-law at the same time.”

Ruey opened her mouth to protest at this, but shut it again and instead glared at Carly. That young lady was fluttering her eyelashes hopefully at Michael, who took a deep breath, looked at Carly in a most displeased manner, and then turned back to the table.

“Congratulations, Cecilia.” He managed a smile. “As Carly so truthfully points out, there is only an hour to go, so I suppose that I may as well let you go early, so that you can discuss your plans further. I will be taking an hour out of your wages, however.”

“I'm sorry,” said Cecilia.

“Oh, I have no doubt whose fault this was.” He looked severely at Carly again, but then his face relaxed almost reluctantly into a smile for her, too. “Mine, I suppose, for trusting Carly to keep the fort running this long without someone watching over her. Oh, go on you two, clear out before you start making a grumpy old man feel bad.”

The four ladies waited only long enough to collect their belongings before they swept out of the shop, Carly stopping to kiss Michael on the cheek before she went. He gruffly scurried them out of his shop, where they convened on the street. Carly refused to come back with Cecilia, saying that she wouldn't risk upsetting Roger, and Jane, after an inquisitive look at Ruey over this remark, said that she also had to dash to get to a rehearsal before her performance that night. That left only Ruey for Cecilia to excitedly discuss her plans with as they walked back together, animatedly debating whether Millie would look nicer with a basket of daisies and primroses or lavender and wild flowers.
Author:  roversgirl [ Mon Feb 28, 2011 8:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 28 Feb
That was lovely and, yes, you're definitely doing Jane justice! Thanks :-)
Author:  Abi [ Mon Feb 28, 2011 11:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 28 Feb
Ah, they're all so excited. :D Len's wedding sounds a bit - um - school-centric, though!

Thanks Ariel. :D
Author:  Myth Tree [ Tue Mar 01, 2011 9:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 28 Feb
It might be a mistake having Jane involved if there's scandal around her- what if the press finds out- could mean private things are made public.
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Tue Mar 01, 2011 11:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 28 Feb
Thanks, glad Michael was so nice about them closing early
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Tue Mar 01, 2011 10:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 28 Feb
Thanks all! I'm glad you like Jane. But for a slight change of tone...

“Hi, Chas, it's me.”

”Hi, Cecilia. How are you? How are things in London?”

While Cecilia replied that it was all going very well, thankyou, Chas was distracted by Millie hitting him as hard as she could with a toy that had apparently been invented for the very specific purpose of bashing his kneecaps until they gave way.

“That's good, you do sound very happy. Oh, yes, we're all fine, thankyou, very well! Too well, I happen to think, in the case of certain young women who keep beating me up – and no, I don't mean Millie.” He ducked just in time – Charlie had come in search of her errant daughter just in time to hear this last, and had taken a swipe at him with the towel on her shoulder. Grinning at her, he continued, “What can I do for you, anyway?”

“I just wanted to say thankyou for getting Mike to write to me,” she beamed down the telephone. That afternoon, while Ruey packed, she had written her reply and run down to the post box. “He sent a lovely letter, and it was really nice of you to think of it. He said that he's told mum and dad I'm safe and in London, as well.”

“Excellent,” replied Chas cordially, not daring to let on that it had been himself who suggested this when he wrote to his brother, as an easy way out for his own conscience. He was rather enjoying his own quiet, domestic, average, ordinary life, Joey's baby hysteria aside, and he had no wish to find himself dragged into the huge family argument which was soon to erupt. “I did hope that he would get in touch with you, you two were always as thick as thieves.”

“He was always dragging me into his mischief so that he could share the blame, you mean,” laughed Cecilia. Roger had just arrived home, and so she leant up to kiss him, while Charles told her all about Millie's latest friend and that the new baby seemed to be doing really well. Once he had finished, she could contain herself no longer, and added, “Chas, I've got some news!”

As he had been discreetly listening anyway, Roger came and sat next to her at that, so that he could eavesdrop on the conversation. Gripping his hand so tightly that it hurt, Cecilia still, for some instinctive reason, turned away from him to say carefully,

“Ruey's been staying with us, and she's made us both see sense at long last. Oh, Chas, we're going to get married! I want to ask Charlie if she and Millie will be bridesmaids for me, and there's going to be Ruey and Carly as well, and Roger wanted you to be his best man.” She smiled briefly at Roger, who had been unaware of this particular want until she informed him of it. “It's going to be so brilliant and perfect!”

“Cecilia.” Chas paused, shook his head, tried his best to reassure himself that he really had just heard what he thought he had. Millie had run back out to him again, followed by Charlie, but he motioned for her to stay and, startled by the look he gave her, she did so, kneeling down in front of him questioningly. Gathering himself, and taking her hand just as firmly as Cecilia was holding Roger's, he took a deep breath. “Cecilia, I can't be at your wedding, not without mum and dad there. Do they know yet? Have you told them any of this?”

It was strange, Cecilia reflected distantly. She felt exactly the same as the moment when Matt had turned to her and told her that she was going to have to start selling herself if she wanted to stay with him. And yet, somehow, this was almost worse; this time, the betrayal cut even deeper. She had been so sure that Chas would come – Chas who knew everything and was keeping her secret, who had come down to look after her when she needed it. Chas was helping her, and she couldn't believe that he wouldn't be there on the biggest day of her life.

“Cecilia?” he asked, but she was too shocked to speak. Taking her silence for anger, he tried to explain, “You know that mum and dad will be devastated if you don't tell them. You promised that you'd tell them you were pregnant, you can't keep hiding all of this from them. I can't keep hiding all of this from them. You might not care how they feel, but I've seen them, Cecy, and they're dying inside not knowing where you are. This – this isn't fair on any of us, you're destroying this family. You know that Geoff has asked to stay with his friend over Christmas, so he doesn't have to go home, and Claire's written to Erica to ask if she and Phil can stay there? If they ever, ever found out that you'd gone through all of this and not told them then -”

“Stop it!” cried Cecilia suddenly. She couldn't bear for him to keep talking, and she couldn't stop crying. Suddenly, all the happiness of the past weekend, all the joy in the wedding, it had all gone. As long as she hadn't thought about her family, it had all seemed so exciting, everything had seemed so perfect. “I'm not telling them, I won't. They'll take me away and I'll lose everything and I won't let it happen, I won't let them control me anymore. You aren't to tell them either. If you do, I – I'll have to leave again.”
Author:  Abi [ Tue Mar 01, 2011 11:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 March
Ohhh dear... I hope when she's had time to get over the shock of what Chas has told her she'll see that he's right. She's let the problem of contacting the family turn into this huge barrier, and now it seems insurmountable. Maybe someone'd help her do it?

*fingers crossed*

Thanks Ariel! :D
Author:  jayj [ Tue Mar 01, 2011 11:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 March
Charles is right. If she wants to keep the wedding and baby a secret, that's one thing, but there's absolutely no way she can expect Charles and Charlie and Millie all to be involved in the wedding and still keep it a secret - it's totally unfair on them.

And to compare Charles's suggestion that she do a perfectly reasonable (if a bit scary) thing to Matt telling her to become a prostitute...that's pretty messed up.

I hope she doesn't do another runner...when she says
ChubbyMonkey wrote:
I'll have to leave again.

I do wonder if she means 'I' or 'me and Roger' - whichever it is she means, it's something else she's springing on poor Roger without even consulting him.
Author:  cestina [ Tue Mar 01, 2011 11:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 March
I'm beginning to want to slap her.....I know she has had a completely appalling time but I don't understand why she is so set upon the idea that Jack and Joey would rip her away from Roger.

If I were them I would be delighted to have her safely settled with a home, baby and loving husband!

And once she has that baby she will understand the tortures that her parents have been going through.....
Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Tue Mar 01, 2011 11:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 March
Cecilia needs to contact her parents without much more delay, especially now Mike has assured them she is safe and well, but there is no way she will do so while she's panicking about their reaction and so convinced of what it will be - even though she may be completely wrong about that. I know she is over-reacting, but after her experience with Matt, it's not surprising that she's frightened. I just hope she won't 'do a runner' before some plan for contacting them can be made.

Perhaps that first phone call could be made with both Charles and Roger involved, Charles to try and keep his parents calm while Roger reaassures them that he and Cecila really *are* planning to be married very shortly. I would hope that in that case, Joey and Jack would accept the status quo and give her their blessing. After all, they have always liked Roger, and can trust him both to give Cecilia all the help and support she will need and to insist on further help for her if necessary.
Author:  roversgirl [ Wed Mar 02, 2011 6:38 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 March
Cecilia really does need some counselling as she has some trust issues. Thanks :-)
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Wed Mar 02, 2011 10:23 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 March
Jack and Joey were pretty supportive of her last return. I can't see why Cecilia thinks Joey and Jack wouldn't be supportive now.

Thanks Ariel
Author:  KathrynW [ Wed Mar 02, 2011 10:26 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 March
cestina wrote:
I'm beginning to want to slap her.....I know she has had a completely appalling time but I don't understand why she is so set upon the idea that Jack and Joey would rip her away from Roger.


I'm glad it's not just me who had that reaction! I think good on Charles for saying what he did; Cecilia needs to learn that you can't just keep running away from your problems.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Wed Mar 02, 2011 7:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 March
Thankyou is such an inadequate word, isn't it? But I really do appreciate all of your comments, there's so much plot bunny food, and it's really interesting to read what other people think and what their reactions are. So, thankyou!

As soon as she said it she regretted it, but it was too late to take the words back. What horrified her most was that she'd meant it; if the only way to have Roger was to run again, to escape anyone who tried to take him away, she would, she would keep running until she found happiness somewhere. Next to her, Roger was looking at her in a way that made her flush at what she had done, and for a second she thought that he was going to get up and walk away; unbeknownst to her, Ruey appeared at the top of the stairs and gave him a certain look that made him sink back down into the staircase, though he tried to reach for the telephone to take over the conversation himself. Cecilia brushed him away.

“I'm sorry,” she tried, “I – I didn't mean that.”

“Yes you did.” Now, Charles' voice was taut, in a way that was seldom heard. Millie, scared by it, ran back to the living room to sit on the floor and suck her thumb with worry, but much as Charlie wanted to follow her daughter and reassure her, put on a fake smile and make the world right again, she stayed. She couldn't hear what Cecilia had said, but she knew her husband well enough to know that there was going to be trouble. “You really meant that you would -”

“No!” Cecilia said desperately, gripping the telephone so tightly that her knuckles went white. “Please, I -”

“You really mean not to tell mum and dad any of this,” continued Charles. In his bewilderment he sounded as if he was only just realising that Cecilia really could change her life forever without involving her family. “You're going to go ahead and marry him without even telling them that you're doing it, when they don't know if you're alive or dead, you could be doing anything. They think you're selling yourself again and -”

“Exactly!” shouted Cecilia, getting agitated in her turn. “That's exactly what they think of me and who can blame them? They don't want to have to admit to having this as a daughter, perfect Joey Maynard spawning something so worthless, they just want to know where I am so they can shut me up and not have to admit to any of it. They'll drag me home and quietly dispose of the baby and I'll be kept under lock and key for the rest of my life so that nobody has to know what an embarrassment I am.”

“They love you! They love you more than anything in the world, dad practically travelled the world trying to find you last time, he would have done just that if it would have done any good. They'll support you and be happy for you if this is what you want but you won't even give them the chance. Instead you're just going to go ahead and make the biggest mistake you ever will -”

“He's not Matt!” exclaimed Cecilia, but now her voice held a desperate, pleading edge. “This isn't a mistake, he loves me, he makes me happy, he -”

“Then why is he with you?” asked Charles simply. "Why hasn't he rung mum and dad yet? If he really loved you, he'd do what's best for you, he wouldn't be letting you trip along in a little delusion that you can get married without them and you won't regret it later. You're going to do all of this without your family, the people who care for you most in the world, the people that you love too.”

Through her tears, Cecilia managed to force Roger's hand away again, but this time he really did stand up and look down on her. How desperately she tried to tell Charles that he was wrong, that Roger did love her, but the words choked her. The diatribe behind what her brother had just released was far too close to her own nightmares for her to be able to discount it.

You just lay back and let him and now he's selling you some naïve little fantasy until he's got you under his control. He doesn't love you, you foolish little girl, he despises you – you think that someone like him could love an immoral little slut?

A long silence hung between the four people, then Roger turned abruptly and walked away, and Charles started to speak again.

“Look, Cecilia, I know that you want to be happy, and I know that you're a brilliant, wonderful, caring, loving person, but – I just don't want you to do this alone.”

“Then come to the wedding,” she begged. “Be happy for us.”

“I can't.”

“Mum and dad know that I'm safe, Mike told them. I need you, Chas, please.”

“And I need you to tell mum and dad, we all do, but you won't, will you.”

“Fine!” snapped Cecilia, tears of sorrow turning to furious, blinding anger in a second. “I don't care anyway. If you don't want to be my brother that's fine, you just live your perfect little life with your perfect little family and your precious little baby and don't worry about me.”

“I won't,” he retorted, temper surfacing again. It had been a long time since he'd last given in to it, but the tearful phone call with Joey not half an hour before had made him sense keenly his mother's pain, and suddenly he couldn't play the charade any longer, all his pity for Cecilia had turned to disgust that she could do what she did to her family. “After all, you never worry about us, do you? You just run off with the next man, have a good time and live your own dream.”
Author:  roversgirl [ Wed Mar 02, 2011 8:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 02 March
I do feel for Charles here. Thanks.
Author:  jayj [ Wed Mar 02, 2011 8:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 02 March
I think it's a bit harsh of Charles to say this of Roger:

ChubbyMonkey wrote:
Why hasn't he rung mum and dad yet? If he really loved you, he'd do what's best for you, he wouldn't be letting you trip along in a little delusion that you can get married without them and you won't regret it later.


Because Charles himself has only indirectly stepped up to the plate in letting the family know. Poor Roger doesn't ordinarily have much contact with them anyway, and it's not his fault he's emotionally unimaginative...And Roger doesn't really have much in the way of family, only siblings, so I imagine he might think being in touch with Charles is the equivalent of being in touch with Ruey, and so that's the job done. [/roger's defence team]

Anyway, she really is being rather infuriating, while I'd like to think that this is going to jolt some sense into her, I fear very much that it won't. She's far too messed up, poor kid!
Author:  Abi [ Wed Mar 02, 2011 10:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 02 March
Agreeing that Chas is being a bit unfair to Roger - it would have been pretty hard for him to go against Cecilia and tell them, and she might have just run off again if he had. But as for the rest, I think he's got a point. Hopefully Cecilia'll be able to think about it and maybe come to understand how hard it must be for the family. She's had such a hard time that it's hard for her to see other people's points of view, but it would be a great thing for her if she could...

Thanks Ariel!
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Mar 03, 2011 9:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 02 March
Ah, the joys and bliss of family life! Well, I never thought I'd see the day that I could call Charlie the sensible and sane one in a drabble, but I guess that everything comes to he who waits. Thankyou for commenting!

Cecilia had been about to slam down the telephone in a fit of rapidly approaching hysteria, but something – some urgent desire that Charles should forgive her and she shouldn't lose one of her only friends in the world – made her pause for just a second. It was as well that she did; even as she was about to put the phone down, a calm voice came on the line.

“Cecilia?” Charlie paused, but a muffled sob from the other end – of sorrow or fury it was hard to tell – told her that she was being listened to. It had taken but a moment to snatch the phone from her husband and direct him to the front room, where Millie could be heard crying at the raised voices, while she did her best to clear up the mess he was making. “Cecilia, it's Charlie. Please don't hang up yet. Please just let me talk – you don't have to talk back if you don't want to.”

She stopped again, but there was no answering click from the other end of the line to end the conversation, and so she assumed that she could continue. That was made problematic by the fact that she didn't know what to say, and that she could guarantee that Charles would be listening for all he was worth from the living room – whatever he was doing with Millie had soothed her to low whimpers.

“Cecilia, please don't listen to him,” she said, after what felt an eternity of silence. “I'm sorry that he said that to you, he was wrong. I know what he was trying to say, but it wasn't what he did just say, I promise. But before we go into all of that, congratulations on the wedding! You must be so thrilled.”

“I was,” muttered Cecilia resentfully, and Charlie sighed, guessing that it wasn't going to be an easy conversation.

“I'm sorry that we can't be there with you, but Chas is right, you know. We can't turn up when the rest of the family don't know. Even setting aside how it would make them feel, Chas has to be loyal to them as well. It's going to destroy them when they find out that we knew and we didn't say anything, and we haven't because you need someone right now and it's just a difficult situation for people to try and do their best in. This is too much, though. You can't do this without telling them.”

“I can,” pointed out Cecilia stiffly. Making an effort, she added, “I do appreciate you not telling them where I am, and I know that it's hard, but I just can't tell them. Charles knew that, and I thought that he'd just be happy for me.”

“He will be,” promised Charlie. “Once the shock's worn off, he will be. But this is the second big announcement that you've just sprung on us, and there was all that he found out when he was staying with you, as well. Cecilia – you need help -”

“No,” said Cecilia, too sharply and too quickly.

Scared that they'd make you talk about me? taunted a familiar voice, never far from her. The way it echoed around the hallway and reverberated through the house made her shiver, and at the mocking laugh that followed, and which pierced her very being, she huddled up on the stairs, terrified. Or scared that you'd enjoy it?

“Well, you are going to have to see a doctor,” pointed out Charlie sensibly. “You can't just be pregnant and then a baby appears, that isn't how it works.”

They'll kill it if they find out, promised Matt. As soon as you tell them, they'll kill that thing too, because you aren't fit to be a mother. You'll never be a parent no matter what you do. They'll take it away. It's for the best. What use would you be to a child? You should kill it yourself, at least save them the trouble.

“I am getting married to the man I love and I am having a baby,” she announced as loudly she could, not realising how wild she sounded, determined to make them all shut up. Nobody, not Charles, not Matt, not even her family, was going to stop this. “I am, and mum and dad aren't to know or they'll stop me.”

“They wouldn't try,” said Charlie, a strangely calm voice in the middle of all the fear and confusion as Cecilia did her best to stop listening to Matt, to banish him as surely as she had during the happiness of the past days. “They care about you and they want what's best for you. But you have to tell them this, Cecilia. You can't keep something this big for them.”

“Fine,” gasped Cecilia at last, trying to reason and logic, to sort out the jumbled mass of thoughts. “Fine, I'll tell them about the wedding. I will. I'll ring dad, I'll tell him. Tomorrow. Just don't tell them about the baby, please don't, I – they'll – please -”

“I'll do my best with Chas,” promised Charlie with a heavy sigh, leaning her suddenly aching head against the cool wall. Even she knew when something was hopeless, when you'd reached the best compromise you could. “I won't promise, but if you tell Jack tomorrow, about the wedding, I'll do my best. Deal?”

“Tomorrow,” whispered Cecilia, and hung up the telephone, so that she could curl into an even tighter ball and start to cry quietly.
Author:  Abi [ Thu Mar 03, 2011 11:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 March
Not sure what to think... In a way I'm glad Charlie's persuaded - or forced - Cecilia into a compromise, because at least Jack and Joey will be saved the heartache of knowing she didn't tell her about her wedding. But I'm worried that the attitude she's doing it will make the situation worse...

Ah well, will just have to wait and see!
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Fri Mar 04, 2011 3:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 March
I don't know what to think, so Ariel am waiting to see how and where you'll lead this to/sort out the mess.
Author:  roversgirl [ Fri Mar 04, 2011 6:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 March
Glad they reached a slight compromise but am wibbling about what comes next :-(. Thanks!
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Fri Mar 04, 2011 8:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 March
I wrote this next bit on a particularly down evening, so I'm afraid it's rather macabre, I shall put a warning on it now just in case. Thankyou for your comments, I'm always happy to make people wibble!

That evening was a horrible one. Knowing her brother only too well, Ruey could see that he was angry at Charles and at Cecilia for not sticking up for him, and that he wanted to try and explain to her that he did love her, that she wasn't to listen to anybody who said differently. But she also knew that this could only turn into an argument, and so, after much persuasion, she managed to convince Roger that was he to take her out for a drink on her final night there, and leave Cecilia alone for a little while.

While they were in the house she did her best to maintain her control, but it was painfully obvious that when she turned to Roger for a hug he turned away, not knowing how to comfort her and awkward around such emotion. For her part, Ruey remained tactfully quiet on the subject; all Cecilia had said was that Charles wasn't coming to the wedding, and had insisted on her telling Jack the next day. As Ruey couldn't in good conscience disagree with him – but wasn't going to get say so and drive Cecilia even further away – she only hugged her soon-to-be-sister and got on with cooking the meal.

Before she left, she made sure that she'd run a hot bath for Cecilia, and ordered her to enjoy it while they were gone. There was nothing better to do, and so Cecilia resigned herself to her thoughts and obeyed. She'd brought a book into the bath on pretence of reading, but before she'd even opened it her concentration had slipped away to other things. She was going to have to speak to her father again tomorrow, to hear his voice for the first time in so long, and she didn't know if she was brave enough. She didn't know if she could control herself enough to not just tell him everything.

Suddenly she doubled over as the baby started to kick, viciously almost, like even it hated her and blamed her for everything. It only took that to bring about tears, and once she started she found that she couldn't stop. Lying in the bath with the water going cold around her, she cried and cried until her whole body was shaking, her eyes aching, her mind numb. An hour passed and still she couldn't stop, not even to breathe properly. She was so caught up that her own thoughts started to become real.

The tiny little boy danced joyfully around the tree trunk, waiting for the next leaf to fall. It was a windy day, and he wanted to make as many wishes as possible. His dark, silky hair fell over his eyes until he threw his head back in a pure, delighted laugh, chuckling at the whole world which was so simple to him. His tiny hands grabbed at first one leaf and then another, trying to make them land in his mittens, and falling over more than once as he danced, concentrated more on the sky than what his feet were doing. His hat lay discarded to one side, his coat had come undone and flew around him.

Then the magic happened and he caught one, curled his tiny fist around it as triumphantly as if he'd just performed a miracle. Already crushing the precious object, he ran towards her, still laughing, calling her name breathlessly.

“Maman! Maman! See!”

She crouched down so that she could see him hurtle towards her, opened her arms ready to catch him – always ready to catch him. And as he fell into them, she closed her arms around him and held him safe, so safe, never to let anybody hurt him.

Cecilia sat bolt upright in the bath, holding her stomach where the head of her son should have been resting, and instead finding that the baby was kicking again. It recalled her to where she was, and how much time she must have spent just lying in the bath, crying. The water around her was cold, now, and there were tiny goosebumps on her skin from the chill. Even the baby must have felt cold, it was reminding her that she had it to look after it, that she had to protect it just as much as she did her memories.

Carefully, she climbed out of the bath and reached for her towel, which she wrapped around herself so that she shouldn't drip too badly on the floor. Now without any energy at all, she struggled to even clean her teeth, though she made a valiant effort. Washing her face and her hair properly she left for the night, even the thought exhausting her more. She was about to go to the bedroom, curl up in bed and let blissful sleep take her away until morning, when something caught her eye.

On the windowsill lay Roger's razor, innocently thrown there. Before she'd even thought of it, she found that she was holding it, turning it in her fingers. It was cold, slightly damp from the condensation on the window, the metallic edge of the metal soothing under her thumb. And suddenly she knew how easy it would be to snap it open, to free the deadly weapons inside, to free herself to be with her son again. Power coursed through her, the power of life and death, the power to escape, forever.
Author:  shesings [ Fri Mar 04, 2011 8:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 04 March
Oh no, please, no, not that, please!
Author:  cestina [ Fri Mar 04, 2011 8:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 04 March
Grrrrrrrrr.........
Author:  roversgirl [ Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 04 March
Please not that! Thanks for the update.
Author:  Abi [ Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 04 March
Hm, yes, that was rather gloomy... :D I hope it's a feeling that passes, though. Thanks!
Author:  ivohenry [ Sat Mar 05, 2011 12:11 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 04 March
No No No!! Please don't leave us on the cliff all weekend, and please don't let her do anything silly!!
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Mar 05, 2011 10:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 04 March
Leave you on a cliff? Me? *assumes injured expression*

When Roger and Ruey got back a short time later, Roger's first thought was to try and find Cecilia, to make sure that she was all right. Once he'd had time to calm down, he regretted leaving her on her own, inasmuch as that he was worried about her now. Softly he crept up the stairs in case she was asleep, and almost with an instinct looked around the bedroom door.

Lying on the bed was a tiny bundle, curled around itself, the curtains drawn so that the whole room was in darkness but for a tiny sliver of light where the curtains met. It fell across her feet, while she lay, still and silent. The atmosphere was hunched and tensed, and something in Roger held him back from going across to see if she was still awake. The covers were drawn up over her, and her dressing gown was hanging on the back of the door; there was nothing to suggest anything amiss, except the oppression in the room.

Sighing to himself, he went back downstairs to join Ruey, who handed him a warm mug and made him sit down next to her on the sofa. Her train left at a ridiculously early time the next morning, and the plan was that she would hopefully sneak out of the house without waking either of them up, not to see them again until the weekend before the wedding – which Roger was going to give notice for that day. This would be his last chance to see her, or perhaps even talk to her properly, before then, and she could see that there was something he wanted to say. So often she had been his only confidante in the world that now it just came naturally to him.

“What if she's too young?” he asked at last, turning to look directly at his sister, the only person he would ever fully trust. “I mean, she should be in university, having a good time, not caring about life. What if she's too young for all of this?”

“Well, it's a bit late now,” said Ruey honestly. “I mean, you can hardly change your mind about having got her pregnant.” Seeing his face, she took a deep breath and then let it out again slowly, trying to guess what he was really asking her. “You make her happy,” she said at last. “And if that changes – well, let's be honest, my dear, divorces are easy enough to come by nowadays. At least bringing a baby into an unhappy marriage is still bringing it into some sort of stability. Anyway, you won't not marry her, not now she's pregnant. You're far too traditional for that.”

“I know.” Roger stopped, then gathered himself and tried again. “I know that I have to do this, but what if it isn't the right thing? People bring up babies who are perfectly happy without being married, and it won't be happy for it if Cecilia and I aren't happy too.”

“You will be happy,” urged Ruey. “This is all just nerves. Think about a few days ago, and how happy you were then. You'd just got it all sorted and you were engaged, going to be a dad. You couldn't stop smiling, you were so excited by it all.”

“There's a difference between euphoria and reality, though.”

“There's a difference between chalk and cheese,” commented Ruey wrily. “Differences have nothing to do with this. That wasn't euphoria, Roger, that was just pure and simple happiness, nothing else. I know you'd forgotten that feeling – but that was it, it really was.”

“All right, steady on old girl,” he laughed. “I might not have been dancing down the street the past few years, but I'm not that depressed! Just cautious – wary, if you will.” Suddenly all the boyish amusement faded from his face again, and he frowned. “Charles is right. I should be able to call Jack and Joey and just tell them. If I had nothing to be ashamed of, I wouldn't need all this secrecy.”

“You don't need it,” pointed out Ruey reasonably. “Cecilia does. Right now, she's trying to come to terms with a lot of things – things that happened in Paris which she still needs to deal with. She never told you why she suddenly turned up here, did she? She could have left behind any sort of trauma and we don't know what it is. Even the things we do know are so horrific that I can't believe she can be over them, to coin a phrase, yet. If what she needs is time away from her parents to try and cope with it all, you're doing the best thing in giving her that.”

“And what does it say about our relationship,” asked Roger baldly, “if one half of it is an emotionally disturbed young woman repressing all of the horrific things she's gone through?”

“Nothing,” replied Ruey simply. “Nothing at all, when it's as clear as it is that you two love each other more dearly than anything else.”
Author:  lexyjune [ Sat Mar 05, 2011 10:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 March
Thank you for the update.
Author:  Joanne [ Sat Mar 05, 2011 11:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 March
Can't say I agree with Ruey there - I don't think Cecilia is really in a good place to be committing to marriage. Good luck to them, though!

Thanks.
Author:  ivohenry [ Sun Mar 06, 2011 12:10 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 March
Don't think we are off the cliff yet, maybe Roger should have looked a bit more closely at her?
Author:  Abi [ Sun Mar 06, 2011 1:28 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 March
Also not sure that Ruey's right. She means well, but love doesn't solve everything.
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sun Mar 06, 2011 5:06 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 March
Love can heal a hell of a lot of things. It will depend a lot on Roger and how he can cope with it all. Will he be able to be emotional strong to deal with everything Cecilia comes out with or is he always going to need someone to calm him down. He couldn't cope with Cecilia's difficult conversation with Charles, without Ruey being there to get him back on track. He needs to grow up or the marriage is doomed, because Cecilia isn't ready. She can get there, but a lot will depend on Roger and so far he isn't coping too well.
Author:  Jools [ Sun Mar 06, 2011 2:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 March
Wow - you certainly know how to set the heart thumping! Hope Roger and Cecelia come through this and Jack and Joey are supportive.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sun Mar 06, 2011 9:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 March
Well, all that I can say is that if what I've been told happens next comes off, that's not a cliff - it's a gentle hillock at best! Those of a nervous disposition might like to stop reading soon-ish... :twisted: Thankyou for all of your comments!

It was an ordinary, normal day at Lamorna. Joey was writing replies to some of her fan letters and then planning on taking her typewriter out into the garden and enjoying the late autumn sun while she grappled with the latest chapter of her new novel. Meanwhile, Jack had encased himself in the study to get on with a conference paper he was writing for later on in the month, and also quietly enjoying a cigarette and a small tot of whiskey without Joey nagging him about his heart.

He was just struggling over the intimate details of how best to treat a patient in the final throes of tuberculosis, comparing the old method that he himself had worked with to a new one proposed in an American hospital, when Joey popped her head around the door to inform him that they'd run out of sugar, and she'd get some more on her way to post the letters, so he wasn't to expect her for at least half an hour.

Waiting until he was sure that she was gone, he laid down his pen, picked up the glass of whiskey he always kept cunningly concealed behind a large pile of medical textbooks when he was working, and made his way into the living room, to sink onto the sofa with a satisfied sigh at the world. Slowly, he lit a cigarette, determined to enjoy it while he could; it was medicinal, after all, even Jem had agreed with him when consulted. Anyway, he reasoned to himself, a man with a dodgy heart should be allowed to enjoy whatever he wished, while he still could, without his wife nagging him endlessly like he was a small child who didn't know how to be healthy.

His defence building for when Joey returned – or musings, as he preferred to think of them – were cut short by the peal of the telephone. Heaving a sigh, he pulled himself up using the arm of the sofa, longing for the days when he was fit enough to walk up and down mountains without a second thought. That once youthful body now ached and creaked every time he tried to bend anything, and he wept for all the wasted hours when he was agile and vigorous.

“Jack Maynard,” he barked when he picked up the phone, only to be greeted with the puzzling sound of silence. “Hallo?”

When there was still no reply forthcoming, he made to hang the phone up, thinking it to be a prank call, or perhaps a wrong number from someone at the other end too embarrassed to say so. A second later and he would have missed the feeble, distant voice – but the shock it gave him was enough to make him sit down heavily in the chair behind the desk. Now it was his turn to be silent, robbed of words at the sheer surprise of it all.

“Dad?” tried Cecilia again, still just as timid and shy. “It's me.”

“Yes, I know that it's you,” he retorted, then stopped again, not knowing what else to say. Worried that it would sound as if he was angry, that he might scare her into ending the conversation, he swallowed the lump in his throat and added, “How – how are you?”

“Fine,” said Cecilia hesitantly. “I – I'm fine. How are you?”

“Still old and creaky,” he promised. When he'd come to the telephone, he'd instinctively brought the glass of whisky with him, to make sure that Joey wouldn't come back unexpectedly and see it – she excused the odd cigarette behind her back, but that was all. Now, he downed it hastily and reached into his desk drawer for the bottle. “Not dead yet, much as your mother keeps feeding me the oddest of meals in an attempt to finish me off. I – you -”

“I'm in London,” she gushed suddenly, as nerves evidently got the better of her. “I know that Mike wrote to you, he wrote to me too, and so I just wanted to let you know that I'm safe and all that and I'm sorry for not ringing before but I thought that you'd hate me and I didn't think you'd want to see me again and I've been ever so beastly.”

“You're safe?” asked Jack carefully. Some sixth sense warned him not to question her too deeply when the branch and the contact were still so fragile. Desperately he wanted to become emotional in his turn, but he was carefully pulling up his medical demeanour so that she wouldn't be scared away.

“Yes.”

“Good.” He paused again, but he couldn't help himself. “You aren't in any trouble?”

“No.” Cecilia paused, and then there was another torrent of words. “Dad please promise me that you won't come looking for me because I'm fine, really I am, and I know what I'm doing and you're going to be cross but please promise me that you won't come because I – I can't – I -”

“I promise that I'll be calm,” said Jack, after grappling with himself for a moment, “and I promise that I won't shout. You can tell me whatever you're building up to, and I promise that as long as you aren't in any danger, then I won't come. But I won't promise completely, not until I know that you're all right. You sound upset.”

“I -”

Cecilia stopped again, and he heard her take a deep breath. His own heart was thudding painfully, and he threw back his head as he downed another half a glass of fiery liquid that burned the back of his throat and seemed to spread feeling through him. Was it his imagination, or had he just heard a choked sob? What he was expecting he couldn't have said, but it wasn't Cecilia's news.

“I'm getting married.”
Author:  ivohenry [ Sun Mar 06, 2011 9:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 March
Oh good, she's made contact at last - but in view of your comment at the beginning, don't suppose we are anywhere near a happy ending yet...

Wooried about what may come, but can't stop readinmg, it's too gripping!
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sun Mar 06, 2011 10:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 March
Thanks Ariel, am glad Jack is being so calm. He's holding it together well so far
Author:  Abi [ Sun Mar 06, 2011 11:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 March
Yes, Jack's being very good! Glad Cecilia's phoned them. Wibbling rather about what might be coming, though... :D
Author:  Joanne [ Sun Mar 06, 2011 11:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 March
Jack has been good - so far. I have a feeling it may not last much longer :dontknow:
Author:  roversgirl [ Mon Mar 07, 2011 6:17 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 March
I'm glad she made contact. Thanks :-)
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Mon Mar 07, 2011 7:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 March
Thanks for commenting :D

For a worryingly long moment his heart stopped, but then it started to hammer too painfully in his chest, filling his ears and making him tremble. Instinctively he reached for the bottle of whisky in front of him, but stopped himself before he touched it; he needed to keep a clear head if he was to talk to Cecilia. Distance, that was the only way. He had to distance himself, keep calm if he was going to be able to keep talking to her. He tried to order his thoughts, make sense of them and decide both what he needed to ask and what he could ask without upsetting his daughter.

“Who to?” he asked after a long silence, but the thickness that seemed to reverberate from the other end of the telephone warned him that he wouldn't get an answer.

“Someone who loves me,” replied Cecilia, after a pause of her own. He could almost sense her swallowing nervously, wondering if he would press her for an answer. “He's really nice, dad, the perfect gentleman. Please don't worry.”

“Of course I'll worry,” said Jack. “I worry about all of you, even Len and she's been settled for years. I'm a parent, it's what we do.”

The word parent stuck at the back of Cecilia's throat. Even now she was talking to him, she couldn't bear to tell her father the whole truth, and she had resolved before she rang that no mention of babies would happen. Somehow, it seemed like more of a lie now that she was actively speaking to Jack; before, she had seen not speaking to her parents as a way of not exactly telling them the truth. Her conscience troubled by her own omission, she made haste to change the topic.

“I've got a job, too. I'm working as a waitress in a little café near where I live, with a lovely girl called Carly. She's going to be a bridesmaid at the wedding, and -” She stopped, suddenly. She had been about to mention Ruey, but then the game surely would have been up. Thinking furiously, there came a realisation that there was something she could say to help reassure Jack a little. “And Roger's coming.”

“Our Roger?” asked Jack, startled.

“Yes, he – he's been looking after me,” she compromised, not wanting to lie outright. “So you see, dad, I really am all right. Please say that you won't come down to London.”

“I'll need to speak to Joey,” said Jack. It was with a heavy heart that he counted down the minutes until he could expect her back, tried to fathom just what he was going to say to her. “I'll see what she thinks, but I want to see you again, Cecilia. We miss you a lot.”

“And I miss you, but I need space. I need time, dad, I don't want to see you at the moment.”

Jack shut his eyes, feeling old and tired. Perhaps, he thought, he just didn't have it in him to fight any more. With Len he knew he'd gone wrong, had been too protective of her, and now he saw her with Reg and he always wondered if she really was happy, if she wasn't just doing it to please her parents. Then with the boys they hadn't been there enough, had been quite happy to send them away and see them so rarely that they were almost strangers. Whatever he did, it seemed to be wrong, and he wondered if maybe he should just trust Cecilia to know what she wanted, and do as she asked.

“Will you promise me something in return?” he asked, and taking her silence for a cautious agreement, he continued, “Will you promise me that if you need us you'll let us know straight away? For anything at all, whatever it is, all you need to do is tell us.”

“I know.” She took a deep breath. “All right, I promise.”

“Then I promise to speak to Joey and to do my very best to stop her from haring down and coming looking for you. Honour bright.” Jack stopped again, then carefully said, “Cecilia, please remember that you don't have to lie to me. Whatever happens, you can always tell me the truth, and I might be cross but only for a good reason. I'll always support you and look after you. Is that everything?”

Just at that moment, the baby kicked, almost as if it was trying to prompt Cecilia into revealing its existence. Doing her best not to gasp, she shut her eyes desperately. She almost wasn't strong enough to tell the direct lie, not when she knew how much he would have to hurt her parents later on, when they came to realise her deception. Babies might be born early, but not by four months.

“Yes,” she breathed, more an indistinct murmur than anything else. Soon, she promised, she would tell them soon. “I love you dad.”

The click of the phone told Jack that she had gone, leaving him only those three precious words to wrap around his heart and try and comfort himself with. Slowly, he hung up the telephone he was holding, and then he reached for the bottle. This time, he poured himself a third glass, mind racing over everything that had just happened.
Author:  roversgirl [ Mon Mar 07, 2011 8:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 07 March
I'm glad she got in touch but has left a lot of things tangled up... Thanks :-)
Author:  lexyjune [ Mon Mar 07, 2011 8:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 07 March
Thank's I am really enjoying this.
Author:  Abi [ Mon Mar 07, 2011 11:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 07 March
Well, it's a step in the right direction, I guess.

Thanks, Ariel. :)
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Tue Mar 08, 2011 11:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 07 March
It's a start, anyway
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Wed Mar 09, 2011 11:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 07 March
Once she had ended the conversation, Cecilia sat motionlessly for a long time, staring out into nothingness. That morning she had sent Roger, when he left for work, with a note to slip under the door of the café, excusing her absence and explaining that she was ill. She had simply said that she wasn't able to face going to work that morning, and perhaps she might be coming down with a cold. He was unconvinced, but he had kissed her and obediently picked up the note.

Now she was still encased in his large dressing gown, having not bothered to even try and get dressed, wondering what else she was to do until he returned home. It was chilling to think that in a few short months this would be her life, all that she had to look forwards to, every day. Roger was far too set in his ways to hear of her doing anything but retiring immediately, giving up a career (which if she was honest wasn't ever going to go anywhere, but which she had been secretly quite proud of) and settling down to raising his babies.

Oh, how attractive her school days suddenly seemed! How bitterly she regretted giving them up; how she wished she could go and show herself what it would be like. Way back when, she had found them so dull, interminably dragging on, the same routine all of the time. By the time she was old enough to join the school properly, the staff had put their collective feet down on the idea of Maynard girls using perfectly good beds for free, and she was relegated to the status of day girl. Never had she been included in the midnight feasts or after school fun of things like Hobbies club. Her evenings had been spent doing prep under her mother's watchful eye then daintily sewing or creating simple scrap-books for the children of the San. Never had anyone so resented doing good.

If she could have seen herself now, though, could have gone back and shaken her teenage self and told her what the future was to be, she would never have run away with Matt. She ached to know with what ease he must have singled her out, seen the unhappiness in her life, found a way to fill the emptiness and loneliness. All along she had been just his prey, a game – but hadn't it been just a game for her, too? Hadn't she done it only so that she could feel like she was winning? She had been trying to annoy her parents, to frustrate them, to let them see her boredom and anger and sheer dissatisfaction with life.

She had, in short, been trying to rebel. It was never supposed to be anything serious, some flirting, daring to do what other girls didn't, making herself seem like someone other than the overlooked ninth child of an attention seeking woman who was at the forefront of anything that happened in her life. Some girls rashly cut their hair or deliberately wore overbearing amounts of make-up, others played pranks and were rude to teachers; she had Matt. She was the most daring, the most attractive, the most wanted girl in the school, suddenly, and even Joey and Jack couldn't ignore her any more.

It was impossible to say when it had turned to love, when she had stopped flirting for her own reasons and started to fall. It was love, she knew that much. The way that she felt when she had looked at Matt, the fact that he seemed like a God to her, that was what love was. It was listening to someone destroy everything you held dear, in the cruellest way that they could think of, and still believing them utterly when they said that they hadn't done anything wrong. And the problem, she knew, was that that wasn't how she felt about Roger.

She couldn't imagine him not in her life, was sure that she would never survive without him – but she'd felt the same way about Matt, and wasn't she still here? Clinging perilously, but she would fight back in the end. Perhaps that need was just human nature. Certainly there was sexual attraction, this had been what had brought them together in the first place, but that was all. How could she love anyone else, when Matt wasn't yet dead in her heart?

And now her father was coming to find her and he would take her away and take her baby away and she'd never see Roger or Matt again, she would have lost two men she loved; and her baby. When they took her baby, it really would all be over, that really would be it. Her baby meant everything to her, it was what was going to save her, they were going to look after each other. Now her family had found out, though, they would be sure to ruin it and she should never have said anything. Quietly she knotted and unknotted her fingers, panicking, wondering if she had the strength not to just bolt again before they could find her and destroy her.
Author:  Abi [ Thu Mar 10, 2011 12:05 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 09 March
If she runs away again, I may want to poke her....
Author:  roversgirl [ Thu Mar 10, 2011 6:20 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 09 March
I hope she doesn't run away again but decides to face up to her problems and get help. Thanks :-)
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Thu Mar 10, 2011 10:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 09 March
If they do do everything she fears then she have the best reason for wanting to run
Author:  cestina [ Thu Mar 10, 2011 11:15 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 09 March
Abi wrote:
If she runs away again, I may want to poke her....

I've been wanting to poke her for quite a long time now...... So I think I'll just give her a very gentle one :poke:
Author:  KathrynW [ Thu Mar 10, 2011 2:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 09 March
She sounds rather worryingly like my ex-boyfriend in that post!

Thank you for a very interesting drabble, I hope Cecilia does stop running away soon.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Mar 10, 2011 9:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 09 March
KathrynW wrote:
She sounds rather worryingly like my ex-boyfriend in that post!


I have a horrible feeling that my ex-boyfriend is worryingly like one of my characters (who I started writing before I met him) too! It's spooky :lol: Thankyou for commenting, but please don't poke her too hard - you'll ruin her lovely dress!

Somehow, she got through the next days, even if she was in a constant and frenzied state of anxiety. She worried all of the time that through knowing of Roger, Joey and Jack would come down to find her, and she jumped every time that the telephone rang. After her first day back at work, when she had spun around every time the door opened and managed to spill more than one thing because of it, she had been forced to confess to Carly, who at once promised her shelter should she want it. She declined, knowing that she would never have the heart to tell Roger, but it was a comfort all the same.

Then there were only two weeks to go until the wedding. Whenever she thought of Jack and Joey it seemed like a horribly long time to have to wait, long enough for them to come down and find her and drag her away, long enough for them to stop it all. But as soon as she was plunged into preparation for it there was no time at all. Twice more Jane had to come over for purposes related to the wedding dress – and had to stay long enough to flirt with Roger – and on the second occasion she brought with her two tiny outfits for a baby, one from herself and a matching one that Ruey had sent as a surprise.

“It's so wonderful of you,” smiled Cecilia, her fingers stroking the soft material gently, but she added honestly, “I don't understand why you're helping me, though.”

“I'm helping Ruey,” said Jane simply. “She's been brilliant to me over the years, she looked out for me when I was first getting into acting and made sure that nobody took advantage and she's more a sister than a friend now. This is helping her twice over, because it's going to give Roger a nice day, too, and she so badly wants to see him happy. Anyway, weddings are always good fun, and I haven't got a lot else to do until my film deal goes public.”

“You got it!” exclaimed Cecilia. She had known that Jane was being considered for the heroine of a new film, starring opposite a fairly well known name, but when she heard nothing more from Ruey she had assumed that Jane hadn't passed muster.

“Yes, just don't tell the press,” laughed Jane. “Nobody's to know yet – not least him. Not that he'd much care, I'm sure, now he's found his younger, blonder actress.”

When Jane didn't want her for wedding dress fittings or choosing the design to go around the neckline, which they'd decided to embroider, Carly usually had some question or another. She had delegated herself to choose Cecilia a bouquet of flowers and to make the wedding cake, though she cheerfully admitted that the latter was probably more dependant on Ma Simons' cooking skills.

Before she knew it, it was the weekend before the wedding. Still she hadn't heard from Jack or Joey, and she had started to hope that Jack might really have kept his promise and decided not to try and find her. With only two days to go – she and Roger were going to be the first wedding on the Monday morning – Ruey had arranged to come down, and Carly had insisted that Cecilia stay at her house, so that Roger wouldn't see her before the ceremony.

So it was that on Saturday afternoon, Roger discreetly went out to collect his suit from the tailors, where he'd been having a fairly major rip righted and it all generally smartened, while Carly came to help Cecilia collect her things for the next two days. It was surprisingly little and they managed it easily between them, even travelling on the underground and having to do the walk to Carly's house.

Once there, she was calmly informed that Pete had been sent to stay with an aunt in the country, Johnny had been told that he was to stay in his room unless wanted, and Ma Simons was fully intending to pretend she was only twenty years old again and have as good a time as they did. That evening, Ruey was going to come over so that they could finalise details of the ceremony, and Cecilia had insisted that they were to spend the Sunday quietly, little guessing that Carly had planned a surprise in that direction.

First of all she was shown to her bed in what was usually the boys' room – with Pete gone, his bed had been commissioned, and Johnny had been told in no uncertain terms that he could just sleep on the sofa for a couple of nights. There had almost been a fight over this dictum, but when Ma Simons' only response was that she wasn't getting involved even if he was going to be ungentlemanly about it, he gave in with much grumbling.

“Are you sure that you're ready for this?” asked Carly seriously. They were sat on the bed together, and she squeezed Cecilia's hand gently.

“I think so.” Cecilia paused, and frowned. “I don't know, it's silly but it feels like such a big commitment. I keep telling myself that nothing will really change, it's just so that Roger feels happier, but even so it's a big thing. I guess that I'll have to be, though.”

“Not that, you goop!” exclaimed Carly. Seeing Cecilia's startled expression, she laughed. “Yes, all right, perhaps that, but don't get all gloomy. I need to know that you're ready for the really big thing this weekend – because lovely young Ruey is going to be here soon, and we, my dear, have some matchmaking to do!”
Author:  roversgirl [ Thu Mar 10, 2011 9:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 10 March
Carly is such a lovely person. Thanks :-)
Author:  Abi [ Thu Mar 10, 2011 10:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 10 March
I do love Jane in this!
Author:  Joanne [ Thu Mar 10, 2011 11:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 10 March
I've just realised Carly's full name! :D

Thanks for the regular updates. I need to know that Cecilia hasn't done anything foolish again!
Author:  jayj [ Thu Mar 10, 2011 11:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 10 March
Oh, she does worry me, does Cecilia. I'd like to think she wants to marry him for his own sake, but it still seems like she's just using him as a buffer to protect her from her family...but yes, Carly and Jane seem rather fab!
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Fri Mar 11, 2011 9:10 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 10 March
Thanks Ariel. Am I the only one who doesn't want to poke Cecilia?
Author:  cestina [ Fri Mar 11, 2011 10:24 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 10 March
Fiona Mc wrote:
Thanks Ariel. Am I the only one who doesn't want to poke Cecilia?

Well more and more I am looking at her behaviour from the point of view of her poor parents.

Given the way they gathered her in after Jack had located her, and how they supported her before she disappeared again, I don't think they have done anything to give her cause to believe all the horrific actions she seems to think they are going to carry out if she reveals where she is, her condition, and what she is about to do.

And what she is about to do will be beyond belief hurtful to them after all they have gone through with her......
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Fri Mar 11, 2011 8:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 10 March
Yet again, thankyou so much for commenting. In actual fact, I only realised last night (while watching Emmerdale :roll:) about Carly's name, I wasn't aware of anyone called that until then! :lol: I'm pleased that people like her, though!

It had been a long time since Cecilia felt as light-hearted and carefree as she did on that evening. All at once her life seemed somehow complete; she was having a baby with the man that she loved, slowly she would rebuild her relationship with her family, and she wouldn't have to worry again about her future. While she and Carly cooked dinner – which she insisted on doing as a peace offering to Johnny, ignoring Carly adding in an undertone afterwards that it was the perfect chance they would have to push him together with Ruey – she even sang along to the latest hits on the radio, as if she had no doubts whatsoever.

Johnny had been dispatched to meet Ruey from the station, rolling his eyes at Carly's rather unsubtle hints about why this should be specifically his job, and Ma Simons was over at the neighbour's house having a pot of tea and a gossip, so the meal was left entirely to Cecilia and Carly. Wishing to give everyone a good time, they had gone all out, and although what they produced was edible – nice, even – there were some odd combinations.

Almost exactly on time, Johnny arrived, with Ruey just behind him. Carly cast a quick look at him, but his face was blank and impassive, and as Ruey had flung herself on Cecilia to give her a fantastic hug, her curiosity had to remain unsatiated at present. Five minutes later and Ma Simons also came back, so that they could sit down to their meal.

As soon as it was finished, Johnny hastily excused himself, claiming that he wanted to enjoy a little time in the privacy of his own bedroom; seeing that he had made Cecilia blush, he declared himself a perfect beast, kissed her on the cheek with a promise that she wasn't to worry, he was only trying to wind Carly up, and disappeared. With great tact, Ma Simons insisted on Carly helping her wash up the dishes, which gave Cecilia and Ruey a chance to catch up properly.

Of course, wedding talk could only fill so much of the evening, especially when Cecilia seemed reluctant to talk about it at all, and so it was that conversation soon turned to other matters. Finishing off her glass of wine and reaching to open the second bottle, Carly asked Ruey pointedly,

“So, how was your journey? I hope that my brother didn't terrorise you too much?”

“Carly!” warned Ma Simons, but Ruey only retorted with a glint in her eye,

“Oh, he was a perfect bore, I can't stand the man.” Then, relenting a little, “He was lovely, and thankyou for asking him to pick me up. I do appreciate it.”

“Well, he would do anything for you,” promised Carly, sighing wistfully and leaning back in her chair.

“You seem to be under a rather concerning delusion that Johnny and myself are attracted to each other,” pondered Ruey aloud. “I mean, he is a rather nice chap, but you would be sadly mistaken for thinking that there was anything more than a friendly liking between us. Besides,” she finished complacently, “he'd be far too young for an old spinster like me.”

“He'll be into his thirties next month,” said Carly. “Almost too old for fine young woman such as yourself.”

“She's not pulling your leg,” added Ma Simons, seeing Ruey's polite look of confusion. “Johnny's a fair bit older than the other two; I had another baby, you see, but the war broke out and my husband had to go away to fight. While he was gone, there was a bombing raid; Johnny had been in bed with me that night, but I'd always insisted on having the baby in a nursery of its own, and I couldn't save it. Then with James being away there was always going to be an age-gap. I'm glad in a way, though; we probably couldn't have afforded to have Carly with two children already, and we certainly couldn't have afforded Pete, so it all worked out as He wished it in the end.”

“None of which is at all relevant to how much my brother likes you,” pointed out Carly, seeing that Ruey was not entirely sure what to say. “He does, you know, he's been trying to get all sorts of information about you out of me through Cecilia.”

“He asked you how she was, once!” exclaimed Ma Simons, unperturbed by thinking of the past. “Leave the poor girl alone. Though I will say this,” she added to Ruey, “If you don't like him, that's fair enough – goodness knows he never was the most handsome of the lot, and with that ridiculous ponytail he only got worse! - but if you ever wanted to join the family, well, you seem like a lovely lady with her head screwed on right, so you'd be more than welcome.”

The baby chose this as a timely moment in which to start kicking again, and Cecilia had to endure them all putting hands over her stomach to feel the tiny life inside. This led neatly onto a discussion about names, and half an hour later their previous conversation had been almost forgotten – except by Ruey, who couldn't help thinking of Johnny even as she laughed at some of Carly's more ridiculous suggestions.
Author:  ivohenry [ Fri Mar 11, 2011 10:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 11 March
This is all nice and cosy - but I shall feel happier about her when the wedding is safely over. As she has actually contacted her parents, does that mean Charles will feel he can come? Hope the weekend doesn't mean we have to wait till Monday for more??
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Fri Mar 11, 2011 10:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 10 March
cestina wrote:
Fiona Mc wrote:
Thanks Ariel. Am I the only one who doesn't want to poke Cecilia?

Well more and more I am looking at her behaviour from the point of view of her poor parents.

Given the way they gathered her in after Jack had located her, and how they supported her before she disappeared again, I don't think they have done anything to give her cause to believe all the horrific actions she seems to think they are going to carry out if she reveals where she is, her condition, and what she is about to do.

And what she is about to do will be beyond belief hurtful to them after all they have gone through with her......


My problem is I've seen parents whom you would expect to be supportive and aren't, so can completely understand her fears about her parents not being supportive. Add on top of it that she did expect Matt to be supportive about her last pregnancy and wasn't, I can understand why she's so scared she'll lose this baby.

My thought is, if they are so understanding and supportive, they'll understand her fears and behaviour, if they don't, then I kind of see Cecilia is justified by her fears
Author:  roversgirl [ Fri Mar 11, 2011 10:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 11 March
That was a lovely, cosy evening. Did anyone else think this was inherited from her mother? :)

Quote:
Wishing to give everyone a good time, they had gone all out, and although what they produced was edible – nice, even – there were some odd combinations.
Author:  Abi [ Sat Mar 12, 2011 12:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 11 March
Hoping that all continues to go well...
Author:  cestina [ Sat Mar 12, 2011 9:58 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 10 March
Fiona Mc wrote:
cestina wrote:
Fiona Mc wrote:
Thanks Ariel. Am I the only one who doesn't want to poke Cecilia?

Well more and more I am looking at her behaviour from the point of view of her poor parents.

Given the way they gathered her in after Jack had located her, and how they supported her before she disappeared again, I don't think they have done anything to give her cause to believe all the horrific actions she seems to think they are going to carry out if she reveals where she is, her condition, and what she is about to do.

And what she is about to do will be beyond belief hurtful to them after all they have gone through with her......


My problem is I've seen parents whom you would expect to be supportive and aren't, so can completely understand her fears about her parents not being supportive. Add on top of it that she did expect Matt to be supportive about her last pregnancy and wasn't, I can understand why she's so scared she'll lose this baby.

My thought is, if they are so understanding and supportive, they'll understand her fears and behaviour, if they don't, then I kind of see Cecilia is justified by her fears

Oh yes of course there are parents like that. My point is that I don't believe she has grounds for thinking that Joey and Jack fall into that group.
Author:  AnneM [ Sat Mar 12, 2011 12:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 11 March
Going back a post or two, what worries me is this:
Quote:
Her baby meant everything to her, it was what was going to save her, they were going to look after each other.

Babies aren't there to save people, to make up for previous mistakes or tragedies. They are just themselves - they can't sort out their parents' problems. If Cecilia is pinning all her hopes of happiness on this baby, without making the effort to grow up a bit (yes, I want to join in in poking her!), work out her real feelings for Matt and Roger, and start thinking of other people rather than herself all the time, then I fear further disaster.

Thanks, Ariel - please sort her out! :)
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Mar 12, 2011 9:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 11 March
Thankyou all! :D Also, just out of interest, I wonder what people think of the suggestion I received today, viz. that Johnny should murder Roger, either through a bonfire/firework related party, a cement vat or, rather less to do with Johnny, whether he should die while, ahem, intimate with Cecilia. I just wondered... :mrgreen:

The next morning Cecilia found that even had she wanted a lie-in, this was a luxury not to be granted to her. At half past six exactly, Carly bounded through the door and sat down heavily on her friend's feet, shaking her with the usual harmless energy which characterised everything she did. As Cecilia had been lying awake, staring at the wall and thinking of her future, she was able to get her own back quite sufficiently by sitting up suddenly and nearly tipping Carly off of the bed.

“Nice morning for a visit,” said Carly brightly, steadying herself and then crossing her legs under her. “I just came to let you know that you need to get up soon-ish. I'm about to go for my shower, and after that the bathroom's all yours – meanwhile I shall cook breakfast and start getting the picnic together. Then we're going to drive across town, and I said to Ruey that we'd pick her up at about nine. Johnny's coming with, and we're going out into the country a bit to have a picnic.”

“I thought we'd agreed a quiet day?”

“There's quiet, my love, and then there's just moping around the house.” Carly stood up and beamed down on Cecilia. “No arguments! Ten minutes and you can use the bathroom as you will. We have actually drawn a nice day – I was worried what we'd do if we didn't – but it'll probably rain later on and in the meantime it's still blinking cold. This could be a picnic we eat sitting in the car. But at any rate we're going, and I'll enjoy it even if the rest of you don't!”

Shaking her head, Cecilia still sat up in bed with a mock-heavy sigh. It was just her luck to choose as her friend someone who enjoyed picnics in November! Still, she submitted herself to the ravishes of fate with good will, and proceeded to get ready for a day out. In fact, with Carly chivvying both her and Johnny along, they were actually early to pick up Ruey – though, to Cecilia's disappointment, they waited at the end of the road, and she had no opportunity to dart in and see Roger as she'd been hoping to.

Soon enough they were on their way, Ruey and Johnny holding a dignified conversation about the economy in the front seats, while Carly and Cecilia sat in the back and gossiped about various topics ranging from Bridget – who had come into the café late Friday to catch up with them – to Jane's newest film, news of which had been leaked a couple of days previously. They drove until lunchtime, along roads only Johnny knew (or claimed to know – Carly spent a long time trying to wheedle out of him the admission that they were actually lost and may struggle to get home that evening) but eventually decided that one field was as good as any other and pulled in.

By this time it was drizzling lightly and a nasty wind had started, so Carly was told in no uncertain terms that while she might like to take her meal outside, the rest would be enjoying it in the car. Unperturbed, she went and fetched the picnic hamper from the boot, and they did their best to eat it without leaving a lot of crumbs. Once they'd finished, Johnny announced that, having made contingency plans for bad weather, he was taking them to a nearby woodland, where hopefully they could go for a walk and avoid the worst of the rain, which was still only light showers. Nothing loathe, the rest agreed that this sounded a fine plan.

Once they reached the wood, and having donned the outdoor clothes Johnny had taken the precaution of packing, they started to walk through the woods, Carly linking arms with Cecilia and making sure that they walked behind. At first the whole group talked, but slowly yet surely Carly and Cecilia found themselves falling back, until they were far enough behind that they could have a conversation of their own – as, indeed, could the people in front.

“Let's just hope that he has the sense to ask her out without us two tagging along,” remarked Carly quietly. “There are only so many excuses one can make not to spend time with someone before they start thinking that you just don't like them.”

“Oh, I think that you're unsubtle enough that Ruey's guessed why she keeps being left in Johnny's company,” laughed Cecilia.

“I just hope that you like my surprise,” said Carly. “I figured that once the baby came, you wouldn't have time for such spontaneity and would want to enjoy it while you could. Talking of which, will you be looking for a certain very good friend to be a Godmother?”

“There's that famous subtlety again,” laughed Cecilia, having glanced sideways at her friend's hopeful, innocent smile. Then she sobered. “Maybe, I don't know. I guess that Roger will want the baby christened, but – well, if God does exist, He can't be all that happy with me, it might be safer to avoid holy ground lest He decide to smite me where I stand.”

“God forgives,” said Carly simply. She never spoke of her own beliefs, indeed she rarely went to church, but she had a quiet, deep-seated faith that had helped her through the most difficult times. Then, brightening, she added, “Anyway, I think smiting went out of fashion a while ago. It looks like those two are turning round, I guess it's time to go back to the car. Come on, we'd best do the same before they catch us up.”

And, with a cheeky wink behind her to her brother, who glared at her while Ruey threw back her head in a delighted laugh, she steered Cecilia around and back through the root-strewn path along which they'd come, weak sunlight dappling through the branches and the odd bird still quietly chirping in the trees.
Author:  Abi [ Sat Mar 12, 2011 9:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 12 March
Thank you!

(I am all for Roger dying; what's life without a bit of angst? :lol: )
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sun Mar 13, 2011 9:20 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 12 March
Thanks Ariel
Author:  Jools [ Sun Mar 13, 2011 2:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 12 March
I have to say I'm with Abi, Roger should die! :twisted: angst rules (so long as we have a reasonably happy ending) I love your characterisation.
Author:  roversgirl [ Sun Mar 13, 2011 9:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 12 March
That was nice lvoely day. Thanks! I'm against Roger dying!
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sun Mar 13, 2011 10:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 12 March
Well, there might be a death, but I couldn't possibly say who! :twisted: Thankyou for the comments - do hope that you enjoy Cecilia's wedding! Teehee...

Throughout a restless night, Cecilia did her best to sleep, but the baby was awake as well, it seemed, and every time she tossed and turned, it protested most violently. At one point she did manage to fall asleep, but the nightmare which plagued her was so horrific that she awoke with damp, twisted sheets around her, gasping for breath. After that, she dreaded falling asleep to terrors of Matt standing at the alter, turning round to greet her and marry her and take away Roger and the baby, and instead got up and fished for her book. With the light on and an imaginary world to get lost in, there was a little more comfort, even when her mind would insist on straying back towards the following day.

Not that she was given much time to think of anything once Carly got up the next morning. That young woman was a mad passion of energy, darting to and fro, overseeing three things at once and scolding everyone. By the time that Ruey arrived to let Cecilia know that Roger was up safely and would definitely be at the registry office unless an act of fate intervened, and to accompany the bride as was her duty, the whole place was in a frenzy but, miraculously, they were still on schedule.

Ruey pitched in to helping Cecilia do her make-up with a will, leaving Carly free to go and order Johnny for the seventeenth time that morning to check the weather and make sure that they wouldn't get wet. After much persuasion, and in the absence of any alternative, he had been talked into driving them as far as the church, but was still steadfastly refusing to become any more involved than that. He was rewarded for such a concession by Cecilia finding two seconds in which Carly didn't need to attend to her hair, make-up, dress, imagined nerves or something else to kiss him fondly on the cheek and thank him with a quiet smile.

At long last they were on their way to the registry office, Ma Simons waving them off from the doorway. Both she and Johnny wished to avoid Roger as much as they could, and had privately talked to Carly about whether it was wise for her to be so involved, but she had only said that it was Cecilia's day too. Her mother had sighed heavily at the time, but had been secretly proud of the loyalty her daughter was showing – and Johnny's maturity in not making comments to Cecilia about Roger, as tempting as it might have been.

They drove mainly in silence, with Carly reciting everything she had had to remember under her breath and Cecilia, in the front seat, staring nervously out of the window. It was hardly travelling in style, and yet it didn't bother her in the slightest. Not her borrowed dress or her jewellry that rightfully belonged to Ruey, the less than luxurious car or the lack of people to attend her wedding was going to make her any less happy that day. She couldn't even feel happy right then, though; her hands shook so much that the bouquet she was holding trembled too, she felt sick in a way she hadn't since the morning sickness had started to pass a little, and she was convinced that Roger wouldn't be there.

They had to pull up two streets away, as Johnny had circled the block and there was nowhere to park, and this had also made them almost late, so that they were forced to do an undignified half-walk half-run, with Carly and Ruey trying to keep the short train of Cecilia's dress up from the dirt of the pavement as best they could without dropping their own bunches of flowers. However, they made it there safely, which was when Cecilia chose to stop and stare nervously at the front door.

“Come on,” said Carly impatiently, prodding her friend. “Standing staring isn't going to make things change one way or another. So, are we going in, or chasing after Johnny and the car?”

“Given that I don't think I could run again,” said Cecilia, smiling with a huge effort of will, “I suppose that we'll have to go in.”

Inside there was only one person sat on the seats set unobtrusively to one side. Jane was as resplendant as ever, hat perched at just the right angle, purple suit carefully chosen to be chic, fashionable and memorable without upstaging the bride, hair coiffured perfectly and legs crossed in an elegant pose that was making the registrar stare almost uncontrollably at her. Hearing the doors at the far end of the room open, she turned and smiled at Cecilia.

Slowly the procession started down towards Roger, waiting at the end of it all. As she walked, Cecilia focused on him, stared at him with each step so that she shouldn't suddenly falter, turn and run. After what seemed an eternity, when each step made her catch her breath in case she should fall, she found that she was at his side. Ruey was taking the bouquet from her hand and she and Carly were retreating to sit down next to Jane, and to watch the ceremony unfold.

They were welcomed to the building, and the wedding of Roger and Cecilia. The two looked at each other, and it was only when she noticed that Roger was trembling as well that Cecilia suddenly found herself relaxing into a smile. They held hands and started to say their vows, the words washing over them soothingly. Suddenly, the registrar was saying,

“And if anyone present knows of any reason why these two persons should not be lawfully joined in marriage, speak now, or forever hold your peace.”

“I do,” said a voice from the back of the room.
Author:  ivohenry [ Sun Mar 13, 2011 10:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 March
Oh no! Does Roger have a secret wife we don't know about?

You might well go "Tee-hee!" Please don't leave us on such a cliff for too long!
Author:  Abi [ Sun Mar 13, 2011 10:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 March
Oh dear, how very Jane Eyre. :lol: There are just so many people it could be I can't even begin to guess!
Author:  roversgirl [ Sun Mar 13, 2011 10:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 March
It's not fair to have a cliff now! I wonder who it is... Thanks :-)
Author:  Jools [ Sun Mar 13, 2011 11:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 March
Now that's just plain mean .... I know I said angst was good but honestly how am I supposed to wait?
Author:  Vick [ Mon Mar 14, 2011 1:07 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 March
Gah! Who is it? Come back and tell us :shock:

Thanks for this by the way. I may not be much of a commenter, but I am reading avidly. :D
Author:  thefrau46 [ Mon Mar 14, 2011 10:01 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 March
Jack? Joey? Charles? (unlikely) How about Roddy? He hasn't featured so far! Me? I don't want her to marry Roger.

Come back and rescue us from the cliff, please.
Author:  ivohenry [ Mon Mar 14, 2011 6:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 March
Cecilia is still under 21 isn't she - and this is set before age of majority changed to 18 isn't it? But surely Jack or Joey wouldn't... - would they? What other grounds would there be apart from her being under age and one of them already married?
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Tue Mar 15, 2011 9:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 13 March
My, what lurid imaginations you do all have! I can see I'll have to get Miss A. to check what you're reading. You're all wrong, anyway!

A sort of hush descended across the assembled crowd at the man's words, and nearly every head turned. Only Cecilia wouldn't look at him and acknowledge that her worst nightmares were coming true – that even now, when she had finally realised that she was going to get married to Roger and be his forever, someone had come to take her away. It sounded uncommonly like her father, and she wondered if he had managed to track her this far and had come to take her home. At least it wasn't Matt, like in her dreams, come to reclaim his property and spirit her away.

“Well,” continued the voice, even as Cecilia's heart started to pound more and more loudly, until she felt as if she must surely lose consciousness of the world just to escape the horrifying, terrifying reality, to wake up once again in bed with still a few hours until her wedding. “You can't possibly get married without your best man here, can you.”

Shuddering waves of realisation crashed over her, and she spun around so fast that Roger had to catch hold of her arm to stop her falling. Stood at the end of the aisle was a tall, fair man, blue eyes sparkling with mischief, navy uniform crumpled and with his cap at a very jaunty angle indeed. Even as his long strides brought him towards her, she ran to him in turn, so that they met half way in a furious embrace. They paid no attention to the world around them, to Roger apologising in an undertone to the registrar and explaining the situation, to Jane looking on wide-eyed while Ruey told Carly who their mystery guest was. As the two people clung together, all they could think of was each other.

“All right sis?” asked Mike fondly at last, drawing back and ruffling her hair just enough to make her glare indignantly at him. “Lovely to see you, too. Explanations later, I think you were in the middle of a ceremony.”

Batting his arm fondly, she walked demurely back to her place at Roger's side, smiling apologetically as she faced him again, hands in his. Meanwhile, Mike sat down behind the three women, with a roguish wink for Carly, who had turned around in her seat to look at him, unabashed.

Clearing his throat, the registrar continued, and even he was unable to not smile when he saw Cecilia's happiness at her brother's arrival. Steadily, both people responded to their vows, and at long last the registrar declared them husband and wife.

“My darling,” whispered Roger softly, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, then he bent down and kissed her so softly as she relaxed into his arms.


Back at the house, explanations were eventually forthcoming from the late entrant. The night before, Ruey had snuck out of Carly's house the cake which Ma Simons had made, and had set it up neatly on the kitchen table, surrounded by a few goodies that she had herself made over the weekend. It was a select gathering – Roger's friends had been unable to get any time off of work and so had spent the weekend indulging in their congratulations for him instead – for Jane had also declined to come, but instead had to go on to a rehearsal for her performance that night. As Carly had said, though, it had taken all the combined persuasion of both girls to convince Michael to run the café himself that day and let them both have it off, so they were going to make it an enjoyable one.

“It was Roger who wrote to me,” said Mike, with a nod to that man, who was sat holding Cecilia's hand in a sort of dreamy, joyful daze. “Gave me the date, time and address and said that you'd really appreciate it if I could make it. I know that Chas has qualms about things like conscience, but he always did think too hard. Anyway, I've upset mum and dad so many times before that they've almost come to expect if of me. They'd have been disappointed if I hadn't done something wrong soon; it's been nearly two months since mum last had occasion to scold me, and she does so enjoy it.”

“Don't go looking at him like that,” warned Cecilia, with a pointed look at Carly who she knew far too well. “You really, really don't want him, trust me.”

“Wish I hadn't come now,” retorted Mike. “It took me all my persuasive powers to get put on the ship back here, and I've used up my last day of holiday to come to this.”

“Well, I'm very glad that you did,” smiled Cecilia. Turning to Roger, she added gently, “And thank you for thinking of it.”

“How did you get time off?” asked Carly.

“Oh, I happened to suddenly remember a little indiscretion I'd left behind at the next port we were due in,” explained Mike. “Of course, I was completely and utterly unaware of the captain being within earshot at the time, and even if I had known I wouldn't have remembered that I might have lead the husband of my little indiscretion to think that it was him and not me behind it all. You know, it's amazing how quickly they can organise leave for you in my fine establishment.”

“However you made it, I'm so glad you could come,” promised Cecilia, squeezing his fingers gently, face alight with happiness.
Author:  roversgirl [ Tue Mar 15, 2011 9:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 15 March
Lovely of Mike to turn up. Glad the wedding went off okay :-)
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Tue Mar 15, 2011 9:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 15 March
I thought it was going to be Charles. Am glad it was Mike and Roger thought of inviting him to come
Author:  Abi [ Tue Mar 15, 2011 9:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 15 March
Glad Mike was there. I like the relationship between him and Cecilia here.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Wed Mar 16, 2011 7:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 15 March
Thankyou for commenting! :D


It really seemed as if there couldn't have been a better wedding present than the presence of her brother. He made the whole afternoon, telling tales of the high seas, regaling them with impressions of most of his family – who would have been distinctly unflattered by them – and proposing increasingly ludicrous suggestions of what they should do with the baby when it arrived. It was only when he suggested taking pictures of the birth, calling it Lionel and setting it up as the world's youngest artist that Cecilia lost her patience.

“It will never get to know its Uncle Mike at this rate,” she exclaimed, hitting him half-playfully. “You're going to be a horrendous influence on it, I can tell already.”

Nothing loathe, he pulled her into his lap and started to tickle her, making sure to pin her to him so that wriggle and struggle as she might, she couldn't possibly get away. From a long and lonely childhood, he also knew of all her weakest spots, and exploited them fully, so that within seconds she was shrieking piercingly. This only made him move to hold her head against his shoulder, where her protests were muffled, and he refused to let her go unil he was sure that she was on the way to suffocation.

As soon as she escaped, she dashed back over to Roger, who cuddled her protectively close.

“Don't abuse my wife,” he said simply, but the term made them both look at each other and then smile, in a tiny, private world of joy.

“Tea,” she said after a heartbeat and, noticing the way that Carly looked, added, “You can come and help me.”

She hauled her friend up and made sure that they were alone in the kitchen together, shutting the adjoining door carefully so that they couldn't be overheard. While Carly filled the kettle, she got out the teapot, but then turned. Doing her best to tread with tact, she approached the delicate subject of her brother.

“So, what do you think of Mike? I mean, so far you only seem to be meeting the madcap members of my family. There are a couple of normal ones, I promise.”

“He seems really nice,” said Carly with a smile, but Cecilia had already caught the look in her eye.

“Just don't go thinking anything of him flirting with you,” she warned carefully. “He's like that with every woman, I promise – and you really wouldn't like him. All that show and bravado he puts on isn't an act, he genuinely does treat women like that.”

“I was thinking nothing of it!” retorted Carly. “He can have as many girls in as many ports as he likes, I'm a good girl so it's no bother to me.”

“Just make sure it stays that way. I've known him charm birds out of trees before – literally, once, when we were staying with Auntie Madge and Uncle Jem and the neighbour's parrot escaped into the garden. I don't want you to get hurt.”

“Cecilia.” Carly took her friends hands in her own, massaging her finger ends just gently. With a deep breath, she said, “Mike seems really, really nice, but don't worry, I'm not daft. I might let men take me out walking and buy me dinner, but I'm always very clear to them that it's nothing more than that, and it's not like Mike will be around long enough to even get that far. So let me find him quite attractive, but trust me, ok?”

“Just do be careful,” agreed Cecilia with a sigh, unreassured. “You know that the first thing Johnny would do would be to go after him, and I don't much fancy you'd like the result. There's only ever been one fight that Mike will admit he came close to losing.”

Her face darkened for a moment as she remembered exactly which man it had been who had stood on her doorstep that snowy night, the last time she had ever seen him alive. Before she could think of it more than fleetingly, however, the telephone rang, and grateful for the escape she ran to answer it, leaving Carly to take the tea into the living room.

She was gone for long enough that Roger was starting to look anxiously at the door to the hallway – which she'd shut behind her – when he heard her drop the telephone into its cradle. A few seconds later and the door swung slowly back open, but the Cecilia who appeared looked so different to the happy woman of minutes before. Her face was ashen and her hands trembled. He made to stand up, but she shook her head and waved her hands towards him, making him stay down. Painfully slowly, she looked at Mike, trying to speak, then walked towards him and knelt down in front of him.

“We – we -” She stopped again, shook her head as if clearing her mind of anything unimportant. “We have to go. Now.”

“What's happened?” he demanded.

“Dad,” she whispered faintly, almost slipping back into her world again. With a supreme effort of will, she pulled herself back to the present. “Dad's ill,” she explained. “He'd had another heart attack and he – he's -”

“Don't say it,” faltered Mike.

“He's dying.”
Author:  janetbrown23 [ Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 16 March
Ariel you utter rotter don't let him die before they get there please.

Fantastic drabble though.
Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Wed Mar 16, 2011 8:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 16 March
Grrr!! Ariel did you *have* to do that?? Please let Cecilia, Mike and Roger get there before Jack dies!

One good thing though, when everything else settles down, Cecilia will be very glad that she did make that phone call and speak to Jack - even though she was less than truthful about her situation, she was able to reassure him that she was all right.
Author:  roversgirl [ Wed Mar 16, 2011 9:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 16 March
Please let them get there ok and let this not be the effect of Cecilia having made a reapperance as she will struggle to deal with the guilt. Thanks :-)
Author:  cestina [ Wed Mar 16, 2011 10:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 16 March
Oh help! I didn't see that coming at all.....

Drive carefully Mike........
Author:  Abi [ Wed Mar 16, 2011 10:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 16 March
Hope they get there in time... :(

(nice cliff!)
Author:  Jools [ Thu Mar 17, 2011 12:48 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 16 March
Now that's not nice, what has Jack done to deserve an early grave? Hope they make it back in time!
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Mar 17, 2011 9:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 16 March
I wasn't going to post this for a couple of days to give myself time to catch-up on my writing, but it was far too much fun! It felt that it had to be shared. Thankyou for commenting, as always, they do make me smile :D

The train ride up to Yorkshire was one of the worst that Cecilia had ever known, and she could tell by the set of Mike's jaw as he sat next to her that he was feeling the same way. Within half an hour, they had all changed out of their wedding finery, packed bags of bare essentials and were on their way to the train station, leaving Ruey to shut up the house and Carly to explain to Michael what had happened. Ruey had promised to perform a similar service with Mike's work, so that they should have nothing to worry about.

Roger desperately wanted to hold Cecilia close to him and tell her that it would be all right, but Mike had sat down next to her and was loosely holding her to his chest. He couldn't blame them; when his father had been confirmed dead, he had only wanted Ruey and Roddy, nobody else. Seeing them sat together, he was struck by just how much he cared for Cecilia. Even knowing that Mike was her brother, he felt displaced somehow, as if it were his job to be comforting her and he was somehow slighted by not being able to.

How long the journey seemed for all of them. While Roger watched the passing scenery out of the window, Cecilia stared ahead of her with listless eyes and Mike, his arm around her shoulders as she lent against him, played with various things, tearing bits of paper and tissues, turning over his keys again and again until even he was irritated by the noise. Suddenly he bent down and kissed Cecilia's forehead, paternal.

“It will be all right,” he said softly. “We'll have to look after mum, but it will be fine. After all, dad knows he's going to a better place and -”

“Don't,” said Cecilia sharply. “Don't lie to me. We both know that he's going to die and that's going to be it, the end. Save all that nonsense for mum, she's bound to find some comfort in it.”

“They'll be pleased to see you,” promised Mike musingly. “Don't worry about coming home, Cecilia. I know that it's sad and I know that it's hard, but you'll get to make your peace with dad and – I'll look after you, ok?”

It was the way he pulled her even tighter, as if he was trying to protect her from the whole world, that eventually brought tears. Her heart was heavy at the thought of going back and having to face her parents so soon, having to see the scorn of her siblings in every glance and the pain she had caused. She had hurt them all so much, how could she deserve to make her peace?

“We're here,” said Roger after an agonising eternity, gathering up the bags himself.

With Mike supporting Cecilia, who suddenly seemed unable to grasp the concept of walking, they made their way out of the station and started to walk, hailing the first taxi which passed. During the drive Roger sat alone in the front, feeling more and more useless, while Cecilia and Mike sat silently in the back, Cecilia twisting her wedding ring around her finger again and again, trying to pretend that none of it was happening, that this day couldn't be real.

Eventually they pulled up outside Lamorna. It was a pleasant house made of grey brick, three windows and the door on the ground floor and five on the second floor, with one in the attic. At the front was only the driveway, but garden stretched on both sides around to the back, and a tiny flowerbed ran along the side of the path, currently bare soil but evidently a row of delightfully nodding heads in spring and summer. Even as Roger finished paying the driver, the door flew back and Joey was there, evidently having been listening for the car.

Numbly, she stood back as her son and daughter passed, complete shock all that she was able to feel. Whoever she had been expecting, it clearly hadn't been them, as one was ungetattable and the other at sea. In fact, they made it into the living room, where a small crowd was assembled, before she came to her senses and chased after them. Madge was sat on the sofa, while Jem paced by the window; Stephen was in a corner seat, face lined and worn; Con sat next to her aunt, and Percy played merrily on the floor.

“I was expecting Charles,” explained Joey faintly, then all at once realisation seemed to come and she pulled Cecilia to her, burying her face in the black hair so like her own, clasping the precious form as close to her as she could.

Completely still, Cecilia stood, waiting for the explosion. In that moment, she couldn't think of Jack, or her family, or anything but the fact that Joey was sure to feel the way her stomach swelled to accommodate the new life growing inside her, was sure to guess what it meant. It took a few seconds for Joey to get over her relief, but when she did she suddenly froze, and Cecilia drew her breath in, terrified. Neither Mike nor Roger was close enough to run to, she felt exposed, the wondering, blaming gazes from the rest of the room on her.

“You're -” Joey drew back, even paler than she had been before, horror in her eyes. Instinctively her hand went over her mouth to try and stop her tears, but Cecilia could still see in her eyes every moment of emotion. “You're pregnant.”

As if it were a release, at Cecilia's wordless nod, she fainted neatly into Stephen's arms.
Author:  Vick [ Thu Mar 17, 2011 9:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 March
Aaaaaggggggrrrrrrrhhhhhhhh! :shock:

Come back!

Thanks, I think...
Author:  roversgirl [ Thu Mar 17, 2011 11:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 March
So she faints just for a change! Thanks :-)
Author:  Abi [ Thu Mar 17, 2011 11:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 March
Well, I think she's justified this time!

Thanks Ariel. :D
Author:  lavender [ Fri Mar 18, 2011 9:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 March
Doesn't Joey mean "you're going to be busy"? :wink:
Author:  honey lamb [ Fri Mar 18, 2011 2:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 March
lavender wrote:
Doesn't Joey mean "you're going to be busy"? :wink:

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Fri Mar 18, 2011 10:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 March
I was hoping to miss the cliffs! Thanks Ariel
Author:  whitequeen [ Sat Mar 19, 2011 7:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 March
I'm glad she's "home"... hope Joey can accept her marriage.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Mar 19, 2011 10:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 17 March
lavender wrote:
Doesn't Joey mean "you're going to be busy"? :wink:


It was the shock! She didn't think to be, er, delicate :lol: Sorry to leave you on a cliff - I meant to post last night, but I was out partying. Thankyou for commenting!

Having guessed what was going to happen and leaped forwards in time, Stephen only just managed to step back slightly and steady himself when the weight of his mother crashed into him. Luckily, he was solidly built from years of rugby at school, and managed to get her safely into the nearest chair where she sat, head lolling feebly.

“It'll be the shock,” said Madge quite calmly, not looking up from her knitting. “It's been a trying day and Joey never was very good with life.”

As Jem had already gone to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water, and Stephen was standing by, glaring at his two siblings, in case Joey should move suddenly and fall, this left Con to stand up and go and hug first Cecilia and then Mike. She had been the first to arrive and they could see from her unfocused gaze that it wasn't good news; anxiety lines creased her face, and her eyes seemed somehow saddened.

“We weren't expecting you,” she said at last, and noticing Roger in the hallway behind them, she smiled at him, too. It seemed as if she might as well expect anyone turning up now. “Chas is supposed to be here any minute, and Len's said she'll leave her two with Reg and the school and get the first plane over. The schools are telling Phil and Geoff and Claire and hopefully they'll get here in the next couple of days. Felix's leaving as soon as he's got hold of Flixy and I'm just waiting for it to be the right time over there to ring Margot.”

“Chas rang us,” explained Mike, seeing that something needed to be said about their sudden arrival. Jem was administering to Joey in the background, while the steady click of Madge's needles matched the seconds ticking on the clock. Everything seemed bizarrely calm, as if they were in a timeless void just waiting – waiting for everyone to arrive before time could start again. “I only got into port this morning, so I wasn't able to ring ahead, but he was only aiming for Cecy and got two in one. We got on the first train and here we are. Ruey was there when Chas rang, as well. She says that she'll come up if we want her, but she doesn't want to intrude.”

“That's kind,” murmured Con. In the absence of anyone else but Madge, she seemed to have taken control of the situation. “We'll – we'll see how it goes. The doctor's up with dad now, he thinks that we'll have a few more days but – well, it's going to be the final gathering.”

Her lips pursed as she finished, as if she was having to hold in far more emotion than she would show, but before she could elaborate further, a small hand tugged at her sleeve.

“Mummy,” said Percy, his dark hair and dark eyes almost scarily reminiscent of Con at the same age. “Why's nana gone funny?”

“She'll be all right,” promised Con. “Go and play.”

Cheerfully, Percy trotted back to his toys, unaffected by the atmosphere between the adults. From the chair a tiny groan was heard, and even as Mike steered Cecilia fully into the room so that they could sit down and let Roger come in out the hall, Joey blinked her eyes open. Seeing Cecilia, she took a deep breath and then sat up in her chair, pushing Jem away.

“Sorry,” she whispered. “Are you – really -”

“Mum,” said Steve quietly, but Joey shook her head at him.

“Four months,” confirmed Cecilia. She had sat down next to Roger, who took her hands protectively in his own. “Mum I -”

“At least he's marrying you, I suppose,” Joey cut across her, evidently not wishing to discuss the matter further. Jem was looking at Cecilia in a way which suggested exactly how he would have reacted had one of his daughters come home in such a condition, but Madge broke from her knitting to take Cecilia's hand and wish her congratulations and the best of luck with the pregnancy.

“When do we get to meet the father?” she added. Cecilia glanced at Roger, who said,

“That would be me.”

Before anybody could react to this, Cecilia, who saw no reason not to get every shock over with in one fell swoop, added blandly,

“We got married this morning.”
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sat Mar 19, 2011 11:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 19 March
Quote:
“It'll be the shock,” said Madge quite calmly, not looking up from her knitting. “It's been a trying day and Joey never was very good with life.”


Love Madge saying this! Thanks Ariel.
Author:  roversgirl [ Sat Mar 19, 2011 11:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 19 March
I thought Madge was great there, both with the above comment and also her congratulating Cecilia. Glad you had fun partying but please update soon! Thanks :-)
Author:  Abi [ Sun Mar 20, 2011 12:07 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 19 March
Well, that's telling 'em! Mind you, with the shock of what's happened to Jack, I should imagine Cecilia will probably get off fairly lightly, at least for the time being.

On the other hand, this is Ariel... *crosses fingers tightly*
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sun Mar 20, 2011 7:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 19 March
Abi wrote:
On the other hand, this is Ariel... *crosses fingers tightly*


Oh, I see, casting aspersions are we? Nice to know what you all really think of me! :wink:

To say that the atmosphere in the room tensioned was something of an understatement, Cecilia thought, as she waited for reaction to this announcement. However she might have planned to let her parents know what had happened, it certainly wasn't in such a way, and she suddenly realised that she had never been more grateful for Roger's hand holding her own. Nervously, she watched for her mother's reaction, but it was Madge who spoke first, after a swift glance at Jem.

“Congratulations,” she smiled. “You could have told us in a slightly more gentle way, though – none of us are getting any younger, and Jem for one doesn't have enough hair left to spare some going grey at the shock.”

“I don't believe you,” said Joey unexpectedly, sat bolt upright in her chair and looking round wildly at them all. “You can't have done you – you're too young, for starters, and Roger's your brother, you can't have done that. This isn't real, you're lying to me, none of this can be happening.”

“Right,” said Jem firmly at this juncture. “I think it would be best to discuss this later on. Joey, I'm going to go and talk to the doctor quickly and I'll let you know how Jack's getting on, but meanwhile I think that you should go to the spare room and lie down. It's been a long and shocking day and you need a rest. I'll bring you up some hot milk shortly and you should try to sleep for a couple of hours.”

“I will not be ordered around,” said Joey, drawing herself up to her full height and glaring at him balefully. “I'm a grown woman now, Jem, and I can look after myself. You can't just cart me off to bed and dose me.”

“Oh yes I can,” promised Jem quite calmly. “And if needs be I'll get the doctor upstairs to support me on that. Think about it, Jo. There's nothing you can do at the moment because Jack will need to sleep himself for as long as possible, and once he is up to visitors he'll need you to be strong for him. You're no good to him fainting all over the place and causing family rows. Go and sleep for a while, and I'll wake you up if anything important happens.”

“But – the children,” protested Joey feebly. Jem shook his head.

“Madge and I will be here until this evening, and it looks as if these troublesome three will be demanding bed and board. Steve's staying here tonight, as well, so they'll all be around to look after the place until you return, don't worry.”

He sent her a particular look that warned her he was brooking no arguments on the matter, and with a sigh she got up to do as she was told. Madge and Con both smiled sympathetically as she left, but Cecilia found that she couldn't look at her mother. As soon as Joey closed the door, she leaned heavily against Roger, letting him stroke her hair gently.

“She'll come round,” promised Madge. “It's just been a very long day for everyone, and that was rather a shock to spring on us. She's been awake since it happened, as well.”

“What did happen?” asked Mike.

“You mean Charles didn't tell you?” demanded Madge. “Well, I always did say that you couldn't leave anything to men. There was a burglary this morning, two armed men came in. Joey slept through most of it, but they woke up Jack and he came down to investigate. It was the shock that brought on this second heart attack; it also made them run, and him falling down the last few stairs woke Joey up.”

“That's awful,” gasped Cecilia. “When can we see dad?”

“Not yet,” said Con. “The doctor hasn't let anyone go in yet. The police came awhile ago, but dad's the only one who can really tell them anything, so they're going to come back tomorrow.”

“I suggest that you don't tell him any of this,” added Steve with a disgusted look, before turning to the fireplace so that they could only see his back – which said as clearly as words how he felt. “It would be kindest to let him go thinking there was some good in his daughter, after all.”

“Stephen Maynard!” gasped Madge at once. “Apologise at once.”

“Little tart doesn't even deserve to be here,” muttered Steve, just as Charlie came through the door, Chas having arrived unnoticed in the middle of the furore.
Author:  Abi [ Sun Mar 20, 2011 8:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 20 March
:hammer: Steve. Horrible boy.
Author:  roversgirl [ Sun Mar 20, 2011 9:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 20 March
Oh dear, it was certain that it wasn't going to be taken well by everyone but still! Thanks :-)
Author:  Jools [ Mon Mar 21, 2011 3:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 20 March
Loving Madge in this, and I always thought Stephen was nice. Another illusion shattered! :bawling:
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Mon Mar 21, 2011 7:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 20 March
Thankyou for commenting - even if just to imply that I've upset you! :lol: I'm sorry, but Steve is the way he is...

“Cecilia!” beamed Charlie, as if unaware of what they had just heard. “How lovely to see you – how are you? And Mike as well! I'm sorry that we're meeting in such circumstances, but it's good to see you again.”

“How is he?” asked Chas of Madge, letting Millie out of his arms and onto the floor, where she promptly ran over to Percy, her favourite cousin, who started to play with her.

“You'll be able to see him soon,” she promised. It really was the only hopeful thing that they could say. “Jem's just upstairs getting the latest from the doctor, and Joey just retired to bed after her recent shocks.”

“She found out I was pregnant and got married this morning,” explained Cecilia. “I rather fear it didn't go down as well as it could have, and now we're getting to indulge in a huge family argument about it. Do feel free to join in. Perhaps you'd like to insult me in some way involving my age, intelligence, past, appearance or any combination of the above.”

“Why don't Millie and Percy come and help me make some tea and fish out the biscuits,” suggested Charlie with great alacrity. She had only been embroiled in a Maynard family argument once before, because it was enough to teach anyone to stay out of the way the next time it happened. “I know that Chas and I could do with some refreshment after the journey.”

Gathering the children to her, she swept them out of the room, followed by a grateful smile from Con. After a pause of a few seconds, Madge looked around the assembled crowd and said gently,

“Now, I think that we all need to remember exactly why we're here. Jack wouldn't want you all to fight anyway, and it's certainly not what he needs right now. You may not be happy with Cecilia's news -” raising her hand to check Steve's threatened outburst at this “ - but it can be discussed at a much more appropriate time and in a far more mature manner.”

“Are we going to tell dad?” asked Steve, after struggling with himself for a moment.

“I leave that to Cecilia,” replied Madge softly. “If she wishes to tell her father her happy news and receive his blessing before he dies then she may do so, and none of us will interfere.”

“Good luck telling mum,” snorted Mike.

“I will talk to Joey and make her see what sense I can over the issue,” promised Madge. “Now, Charles, I believe that your delightful wife mentioned tea and biscuits. I know that this is going to be a hard time for all of us, but I suggest that we all sit down and try and be polite. It's been a long time since we all saw each other and there'll be plenty of news to share. I know that you all want to see Jack, but we're going to be here a few days, I should think, and you'll have to spend plenty of time away from him as well. Can we at least call a truce?”

However, this proved to be unnecessary, for Cecilia and Roger – who had only restrained himself by remembering where he was, and thanks to the cool hand Cecilia had placed pleadingly on his arm – tactfully decided that it would be best if they went to unpack their bags and try to work out where all the rooms in the new house were. Madge showed them up to what was supposed to have been Cecilia's room; for her, Joey and Jack had chosen the room right at the very top of the house, which had once been the attic, and had decorated it in a delicate eggshell blue. It even had its own bathroom off to one side, a relic of when it had been the maid's quarters, and in this they had lovingly placed a toothbrush, a flannel and sundry other necessary assortments. There was only a single bed, but this they shrugged off for now.

For half an hour they stayed mainly in silence, firstly unpacking everything, which gave Cecilia a chance to explore her new bedroom, and then lying down together on the bed. It felt as if no words were needed; all her mixed emotions at coming back again, at the day altogether, somehow seemed distant from her physical being. She knew that it had been a long and exhausting day, that she had been so ecstatically happy that morning to marry Roger and see Mike again, and that she was overwhelmingly upset by the news of her father. What she felt at coming here, at seeing the tenderness with which they'd put her room together, and with the way she was tearing her family apart, though, she simply couldn't say.

They were still just lying together, Roger mechanically stroking Cecilia's hair while she lay against his chest, silently trying to make sense of it all in her mind, when there was a knock at the door and Mike stuck his head around.

“You're wanted,” he said briefly. “Auntie Madge went in first to see dad and let him know who was here and who was coming, and he's asking to see you.”

Gathering all of her courage together, Cecilia stood up and smoothed herself down, shook her head at Roger to indicate that she didn't want him to come and then followed Mike out of the door. It was almost as if he could hear her heart, pounding in her chest, for as they walked along the corridor he took her hand in his own, as if to give her some of his strength. Then they were outside Jack's bedroom door, and Cecilia was having to gather herself for the meeting about to come.
Author:  roversgirl [ Mon Mar 21, 2011 8:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 21 March
I'm glad Jack has woken up, at least! Thanks :-)
Author:  Abi [ Mon Mar 21, 2011 10:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 21 March
I hope Cecilia's able to have a positive conversation with Jack. :?
Author:  Myth Tree [ Tue Mar 22, 2011 9:49 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 21 March
Just caught up on last two posts.
Poor Stephen. With the emphasis on Len being the eldest he also had the same as the eldest boy and if he was close to his parents he would have been around to see the suffering and therefore would want to 'take it out' on Cecilia- not the time or place but I can understand his point.
That Jack and Joey would have been supportive is evident in Cecilia's bedroom- a place of her own to recover, far enough away to escape to solitude at the top of the house but still joining in family life in the shared areas. (I know some will think in the attic is a place to hide her away but I don't get that impression myself.)
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Tue Mar 22, 2011 11:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 21 March
Thanks Ariel, I had hoped to miss the cliffs but you seem determined to ensure I get to part of the wibbling crowd :wink:
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Tue Mar 22, 2011 10:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 21 March
I like to be inclusive! Anyway, cliffs are the only way of glamming up what is otherwise just dull family scenes that I'm sure nobody wants to read. Thankyou for commenting!

She knocked quietly and then stuck her head around a tiny gap. The room was in darkness, with the curtains closed and the lamp on the table dimmed by the simple expedient of putting it on the floor under a chair, and it was hard to make out anything at first. There was a figure sat up in bed, and as her eyes accustomed to the light, Cecilia realised that her father was smiling at her. There was also someone sat in a chair by the window, Madge, who beckoned for her to come in.

With a fleeting glance back at Mike, who smiled again and nodded towards the door, she slipped through. Her first reaction was to be incredibly nervous, to stand back tentatively and try to shy away from her father, but as soon as he opened his arms, a barrier released and she ran forwards. Only knowledge of his frailty checked her from throwing herself completely into his arms, but she wriggled across the bed and snuggled up next to him, burying her face in his old, checked pyjamas that smelt of home.

“I'd best go downstairs and make sure that everything's all right,” said Madge quietly. “I'll keep an eye on Joey, as well, and wake her up in an hour or so once you've had a chance to see some of the children. I'm sure that she'll want to come in and see you.”

“Thankyou,” said Jack with a smile. Waiting until she had left, he then pulled Cecilia even closer to him, kissing her hair softly. “And thankyou,” he whispered to her, “for coming home.”

“Dad, I missed you,” she promised. All of the worry that she'd had about how best to tell him, about what she would say to him and how he would react, was vanquished by his fierce hug. “I'm so sorry.”

“It's over now,” he promised in turn. “We'll talk, and you'll tell me all about what you've got up to and how you came to be engaged – and who to! - and whatever it is, I promise I won't be angry. I'm just so pleased to have you back. I didn't think I'd ever see you again.”

It was the way that his voice faltered so which finally brought home to her the enormity of what she'd done, and all at once she found that she had to bury her face in his shoulder and unleash a torrent of tears that lasted nearly twenty minutes. When she'd been in London and so removed from the situation, it had seemed like almost a bad habit which she'd fallen into to not talk to her parents, and the only hurt she'd considered was her own. She had even almost convinced herself that she couldn't be missed, that they would be glad to be without her.

“Come on now,” said Jack shortly. “I can only spend a little bit of time with you at the moment, because I have to see the others as well. Don't let it all be sad.”

“Sorry,” sniffed Cecilia, stopping herself with a valiant effort. “It's just -”

“Ah, now, no more sad and depressing remarks,” he admonished, settling her so that she was lying with her back against him, and they were both facing the opposite wall where rested the chest of drawers and the in-built wardrobe. “You're supposed to be here to cheer me up. As I said, I want to know all about what you've been up to, and what fun you've been having now you finally escaped your stuffy old parents.”

“It wasn't like that,” she said, sitting up slightly. “I just couldn't stay where I was and at first it was horrible.” Remembering what he'd said a moment previously, she rushed on, “It's better now, though. I'm so happy, dad, and I wanted to tell you but I was scared that you and mum would be angry and try and stop me.”

“As long as you're happy,” promised Jack, "I will be quite content for you to make your own mistakes. I've had eight children to teach me that. I just hope that you don't make too many, though, and will always offer wise counsel to help you on your way.”

“I don't think I've made a mistake this time,” she promised. “I know that mum disagrees, but I'm so happy dad, and I wish you could be too. I'm having a baby, you see. Your grandchild.”

“Another one? No wonder your mother isn't happy.” Jack kissed the top of Cecilia's head. “Congratulations, that's wonderful news. I did wonder, when you said you were getting married – If you're really, truly happy, then that's the best news that I've heard in a long time. So, do I get to meet the father? Has he come with you?”

“Well, we got married this morning, so he's here. Dad I – oh, dad, it's Roger.”
Author:  lavender [ Tue Mar 22, 2011 10:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 22 March
Be pleased Jack, be pleased!
Author:  jayj [ Tue Mar 22, 2011 10:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 22 March
I'm sure Jack will be pleased - he seems to be taking all this admirably.

Joey and Steve, however :hammer:
Author:  Abi [ Tue Mar 22, 2011 11:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 22 March
I'm sure he will be pleased, and I think Joey will come round, or be persuaded to. Not so sure about Steve, though (I don't know him so well in this universe... :? )

Thanks Ariel!
Author:  roversgirl [ Wed Mar 23, 2011 6:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 22 March
Fingers crossed he takes it well! Thanks :-)
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Wed Mar 23, 2011 9:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 22 March
Abi wrote:
(I don't know him so well in this universe... :? )


But this is Steve! How can there be any other version of him? :wink: Thanks for commenting!

When she felt her father's body stiffen against her, Cecilia feared horribly that he was going to be furious, and that she was going to be left with the horrible certainty that he would die hating her. An agonising moment passed in which she tried to recall to mind all the reasons that she'd done the right thing, why there was nothing that he could to stop her now and why he should be happy for her. She tried not to panic, to prepare herself for the pain she would cause to her father, the man she looked up to more than anyone else in the world.

Then he chuckled.

“Well, that's a turn up for the books,” he remarked, grinning at her astonishment. “I mean, I know when we first met the Richardsons that Con had a real crush on him – ask her about the poem I once found lying around. I suppose that you'll be too young to remember how mooney and gooey-eyed she used to get whenever the holidays came around and Roger was staying. Then of course she met Albert, and none of the others showed any sign of wanting to worship him in quite the same way.”

By this time Cecilia was frankly gaping at him, this having been the last thing of all that she expected. There was a glint his eyes reminiscent of a naughty schoolboy, and even with his greying hair, wrinkled hands and weak limbs he suddenly looked so much younger than a moment previously, as if the opportunity to be mischievous had rejuvenated him in some way.

“Oh, you ninny!” he exclaimed at last, impatient at the way his daughter continued just to stare up at him. “When you rang and you said Roger knew where you were, did you think I wouldn't try and ring him and discreetly get some news about you? Luckily, I didn't have his number, so I had to ring Ruey, and without saying why she just promised to get him to ring me. After all, if you'd answered the phone, the game would have been up.”

“So – you knew?” she asked, dumfounded.

“Roger did tell me,” Jack said. “He seemed to want to do the right thing but wasn't sure if it was better that I knew and he lied to you, or if he lied to me. I guessed after five minutes anyway. I didn't know it was today though – so I'm sorry for ruining your big day with my poor health. I also didn't know about the baby, he was rather reticent about it all.”

“But mum -”

“I didn't tell her,” said Jack quickly. He heaved a heavy, ageing sigh, and suddenly all jollity was gone. “Only that you'd rung quickly and you were safe. I didn't trust her not to go haring down to London and put a stop to it, and I knew that you'd need to make your own decision about it all. I know I shouldn't have lied to her, but – well, perhaps we weren't always as happy as we pretended.”

Seeing that his eyes were misting over and sadness creeping in, Cecilia leaned up and kissed his cheek softly, recalling him to the present. That Roger had lied to her she set aside to discuss with him later; for now, she knew that she had to say goodbye to her father and let him see someone else before she wore him out completely.

“I'll send up Mike,” she promised, getting up from the bed and smoothing down her clothes. “Dad – thankyou. I love you.”

“Just as well,” he murmured. “If you didn't, I'd hate to think what brought you here.”

Cecilia shook her head and glared at him, but a smile lit up her face and as she slipped out she found that she suddenly didn't care what any of her siblings said or what her mother thought of her. That not only did Jack approve, but that he had known and let her go ahead anyway, brought her too much happiness for her to want to leave now. She had to stay and say goodbye to him properly, regardless of what anyone else felt. Hearing voices from downstairs, she went to find Mike and send him up.
Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Wed Mar 23, 2011 9:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 23 March
Thank goodness for Jack's reaction :) - and for so clearly being pleased that Cecilia and Roger are married, even if the baby was still a surprise! I'm now hoping for 2 things: that Jack, or Madge, will be able to convince Joey that this is all right, and that Cecilia will not be annoyed with Roger for having been in touch with Jack without her knowledge.

Thanks, Chubby Monkey - I'm continuing to enjoy this.
Author:  lavender [ Wed Mar 23, 2011 10:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 23 March
Hurrah!
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Wed Mar 23, 2011 10:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 23 March
I'm now far more impressed with Roger than i have been. Hope Cecilia realises that it was the best thing for Roger to do and helped smooth the way with her father
Author:  jayj [ Wed Mar 23, 2011 10:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 23 March
Good on Jack! But I hope she's not going to be mardy at Roger now...
Author:  Abi [ Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 23 March
Good old Jack. :D Poor Roger was rather between a rock and a hard place, I think!
Author:  roversgirl [ Thu Mar 24, 2011 6:14 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 23 March
That was really lovely. Thanks :-)
Author:  Vick [ Thu Mar 24, 2011 10:26 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 23 March
Lovely. I think I like your Jack almost as much as mine :lol:
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Mar 24, 2011 9:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 23 March
Vick wrote:
Lovely. I think I like your Jack almost as much as mine :lol:


Praise indeed! I'm not sure which I'd prefer, because mine doesn't have the same dashing doctorliness, but I still think he'd just be better. Thankyou for commenting :D

Roger was also in the kitchen, and when she came in he slipped an arm around her shoulders and held her protectively close, tipping her chin so that when she looked at him she was forced to smile. Con and Madge were both cooking, but waved away her offer of help by saying that she must be worn out by the excitements of the day. Diplomatically dispatching Steve – who was still glowering at his younger sister – to lay the table, they questioned her on her wedding, encouraged by Charlie who wanted to know what the dress looked like, who her guests had been, and whether she'd really just promised to obey Roger for the rest of her life.

“Charlie might have accidentally forgotten the obedience promise at our own ceremony,” laughed Chas from the doorway, watching as Percy forced Millie to lie still in the middle of the kitchen floor so that he could do an operation on her with his plastic fork. “Which is just as well, because she'd never have kept it anyway.”

Nimbly, he caught the wet dishcloth that Charlie threw at him, lobbing it back with the expert aim of the school's main bowler and making her glare at him in mock indignation, doing her best not to smile. Cecilia grinned up at Roger, evidently envisaging similarly happy, domestic scenes for themselves, and he slid a hand across her stomach, holding her close.

“I'm going to go for a quick walk if I'm not wanted,” she said, once every possible wedding-related topic had been exhausted. “Is there anywhere nearby I can just take a quick stroll?”

“Go up to the end of the lane,” said Madge, not looking up from the potatoes which she was peeling to roast. “There's a little gate, and that path will take you to the top of the hill. You get a splendid view.”

“Coming?” she asked Roger softly, and he nodded.

It took nearly twenty minutes to get to the top of the hill, even for people in as good a physical condition as they were, but when they reached the summit it was as Madge had said – a wonderful view worth the climb. Dusk was drawing in, now, and the sky streaked ruby reds and blazing oranges across the horizon, while pink-tinged clouds scudded above them and lights from the nearby town twinkled in the valley. They could even see the lights from Lamorna, strangely more isolated than they had thought that it would be.

“You never said that you'd told dad about us,” said Cecilia softly at last. She was sat between Roger's outstretched legs, her back against his chest and her head leaning on his shoulder while he stroked her midriff tenderly, thinking of his baby growing inside her. “You could have told me.”

“Well, to start with I only spoke to him on Saturday!” exclaimed Roger, although Cecilia's voice had held no hint of recrimination. “When, pray, has there been a good time since then to bring it up? In any case, I wasn't going to tell you before the wedding in case you panicked. You don't mind, do you?”

“I wish you'd told me,” she replied, almost sadly. “It would have been nice to get married knowing that we had dad's blessing. But no, I don't really mind; I'm glad dad knew, and you're probably right, I was panicking enough already.”

She turned around and kissed him softly, the light breeze rustling the grass around them and making her shiver and huddle closer to his reassuringly solid, dependable form. For a few more minutes they sat in silence just looking out over the valley, watching the sun gradually disappear and night start to creep in.

“I promise that I won't lie again,” said Roger suddenly. “But you must promise the same. I know that you've been thinking about Matt recently, but you really must try not to any more. I'm here to look after you, and whatever is wrong and however upset you are, I won't be shocked or offended if you come and talk to me, I promise.” He buried his face in her hair, breathing in her scent. “I love you, Cecilia Richardson, and you're mine now.”

“Yes, and you're mine,” she retorted, jabbing backwards lightly with her elbow. “Soppy fool. Anyway, I'm going to be kept suitably busy in the next few days protecting you from Con, who dad tells me rather liked you back in the day.”

“Well, in that case, I'm going straight back,” laughed Roger, standing up and pulling her up by the hand. “Lead the way!”

Together, they made their way back to the house, the final rays of the sun disappearing over the horizon. The walk had refreshed Cecilia, but each step closer to Lamorna was a step closer to her family and to the death which lurked over them all. How hard, she knew, the next days were going to be.
Author:  roversgirl [ Thu Mar 24, 2011 9:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 24 March
That was lovely. I hope Cecilia realises how lucky she is and that the rest of the family are as accepting as Jack. Thanks :-)
Author:  Abi [ Thu Mar 24, 2011 10:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 24 March
I hope the rest of the family will come round. Maybe Jack will talk them into it... In any case, I should think Cecilia will rather fade into the background, at least temporarily, over the next few days.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Fri Mar 25, 2011 10:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 24 March
After the meal – which Jack had in his room with his wife – Joey came down to join them all. Madge insisted on taking her off to the kitchen to do the dishes, and Con offered to help them; several times raised voices were briefly heard before being cut off suddenly. Cecilia could guess that they were talking about her, but Roger and Chas between them kept her mind on other things, and Mike had dragged Steve into a corner, ostensibly for a game of cards.

When the elder women came back to join them, Roger and Chas also decided to join in the cards, and the four men sequestered the dining table accordingly. However, Steve refused to talk to Roger at all, who pointedly ignored him in return, and it was left to Chas and Mike to doggedly make polite conversation on such interesting topics as the weather, while ensuring that they won every hand to avoid the potential for more arguments.

“So, Charlie,” said Joey from the chair where she was sat, having taken up her knitting as a good excuse not to look at her daughter. “How's being busy suiting you the second time around? Of course, none of mine were as difficult as the trips, especially with Jack being away and things, but even by comparison to the later ones Steve was an absolute breeze.”

“How I do wish that nobody had ever convinced mum it was all right to talk about pregnancy in certain situations,” said Mike in an undertone at this, for the table had gone silent but for the swish of cards again. “She's gone to the other extreme and is frankly disgusting now. I blame Con, she started it all.”

“Oh, I'm coping just fine,” promised Charlie, sweeping her hair back as she helped Millie to build a stack of blocks. “It's Cecilia I feel sorry for. Still in the innocent flushes of youth where this will be the most marvellous thing ever to have happened. Little does she know that it only gets worse the closer it gets, and that's before you have the baby.”

“Well, I'm sure that she can make her own mistakes,” sniffed Joey, although a pointed look from Madge stopped her from saying more.

For a little while longer they continued their own activities in relative quiet. Jem had gone up to sit with Jack until the latter felt tired enough to sleep, the cards continued to be played, and Con sat on the floor playing with Percy and Millie, helped by Charlie. Joey knitted and Madge and Cecilia discussed how Sybil and Josette were getting on in tranquil undertones. Then Jem came back downstairs and stood in the doorway with a long yawn, stretching his arms above his head.

“Time we were off, I think, my dear,” he smiled at Madge. “Con, do you and Percy want to come with us for the night? There's plenty of room.”

“Thankyou, Uncle Jem! That would be nice.”

“Excellent!” he said. “Is everybody else staying here?”

“Cecilia's sleeping in her room,” said Joey, looking round them all as she counted them off. “Chas, you said that you'd have the double room, and you'd sleep on the floor so that Charlie and Millie could have the bed, yes? Then Steve's put his things in the single room, and I'm sure that I can make up a bed for Mike, too.”

“Just Con to take with us tonight, then,” said Madge. “And of course we'll do what we can for the rest as they arrive, too. There's a spare bedroom for Len, and I'm sure that the youngest two can be put into together for once, can't they? Geoff I'll find space for somehow, so that just leaves Felix and Felicity.”

“Well, Flixy can go in Cecilia's room with her -” started Joey, but Cecilia interrupted.

“I'm sure that she won't want to share a room with us, she'll feel a right prude.”

“I was under the impression it would just be you.” Joey's back stiffened, as all eyes turned to Roger, the white elephant in the room. After a short pause, Joey added reluctantly, “I guess that he can have the sofa if he wants it.”

Cecilia's eyes blazed at this insult, and she opened her mouth to say exactly what she thought, regardless of the fact that she had vowed to herself to try not to antagonise her mother further. Guessing this, though, Roger stepped in quickly.

“That would be wonderful, thankyou. I can see that you're unhappy, however, so tomorrow morning I shall find the nearest hotel or somesuch and book Cecilia and myself a room. We can walk up during the day to see Jack, and then we shan't be in your way.”

“Stay with us,” offered Jem, having seen the Look from his wife. “You can have what would have been Len's room, and I'm sure that she won't mind sharing with Flixy for -”

He stopped. He had been about to add that it would only be a couple of days, but the awful reality of that was too much. Instead, he offered to come and help Roger carry their bags back downstairs, while Cecilia got Percy ready. While not wishing to take sides, Chas and Mike had distinctly cooled towards their mother, and they both said a hearty goodbye to their siblings. By contrast, Steve refused to even be polite, and instead sloped off to the back garden to enjoy a cigarette.

Pulling away from the house, Cecilia felt a distinct sadness that she would no longer be welcome there if she wished to be with Roger as well, but somehow she felt safer too. Whatever they might think of her behaviour, Madge, Jem and Con had at least been supportive, and this way she could keep seeing her father without causing so much of a rift in the rest of the family.
Author:  roversgirl [ Fri Mar 25, 2011 10:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 25 March
I'm glad some of the family are supporting her and hope the rest come round. Thanks :-)
Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Fri Mar 25, 2011 11:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 25 March
Methinks Joey and Steve are both cutting off their noses to spite their faces in this situation - I do hope the pair of them will rethink their attidudes and avoid a permanent rift in the family.

OK, so Cecilia hasn't been an angel in the past, but her new relationship with Roger, to say nothing of their marriage, should have helped to smooth matters over. I'm glad the others feel they can support her now, though, and I know the fact she has her father's blessing means a great deal to her, too.

Thanks, Ariel.
Author:  Abi [ Fri Mar 25, 2011 11:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 25 March
Thanks for the update, Ariel!
Author:  jayj [ Fri Mar 25, 2011 11:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 25 March
Honestly, what is it that Joey and Steve want Cecilia to do? And she could've ended up with someone a lot worse than Roger!
Author:  CareBear [ Sat Mar 26, 2011 11:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 25 March
Thank you for the update and I feel like shaking Joey and Steve!
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Mar 26, 2011 6:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 25 March
Incidentally, please do let me know if you get bored of interminable family scenes! This lot just write themselves, and I'm rather enjoying it, but I don't want it to become dull for everyone else. Well, more dull than usual, anyway. Thankyou for commenting! :D

The next morning, when she woke up next to Roger as his legal wife for the first time, even in the unfamiliar surroundings she couldn't help smiling. There was something even more special about her first thought being of him when he was hers now, and she was his. All was tranquil and near silent, except for the occasional chuckle downstairs from Percy, who had got his mother up at the usual time. Without thinking, Cecilia laid a hand over stomach, and her own baby, who would soon be waking her up at various unearthly hours.

“Morning,” groaned Roger sleepily, shifting just enough to kiss the top of her head and pull her onto his muscular chest.”Good sleep?”

“Mostly,” she admitted.

During the night she had woken up from fitful dreams, to have a sudden and overwhelming dread descend on her that her father was really dying, that soon he would be gone and one of the most loving and supportive people she had to look after her would leave her forever. Even now, it hardly seemed real that he should be dying – there was something so final in it that her mind on some level just refused to believe it could be. She literally couldn't imagine how life would be after that.

A little while later, they made their way downstairs, wondering what the day would bring. At some point, Cecilia knew that she would have to go back to the house, to face the sorrow that lurked in the corners and the accusatory glances of her mother and brother, but for now all that she wanted to do was hide in her shelter, this last bastion of relative normality. As Jem was still finishing his morning grooming, Madge explained, breakfast would be another ten minutes, but she poured Cecilia a cup of tea and asked if she had slept well. Being reassured that, indeed, her guests had, she smiled, then proceeded to inform them of the plans for the day.

“I don't know how you feel,” she began, looking at both Cecilia and Con. “But I had thought that possibly you wouldn't want to spend all of your time in the house. Aside from anything else, your father will most probably sleep through a lot of the day, and he won't really be allowed visitors for long even when he is awake. As spending all of your time cooped up together can only lead to arguments, I was going to suggest that we ask Charles to look after Millie and Percy, and we could take Charlie with us into town.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” said Con quietly. She hadn't been able to see her father yesterday, for he had been too tired for more visitors after Mike, so he had only had Joey then Jem to sit quietly with him, but she knew that she couldn't be allowed up until after lunch anyway.

“Well, Jack is the last person to want us all sat around moping,” said Madge, as Jem came in and settled himself at the table. “There's a fairly major town that's only ten minutes away if we drive, so someone can come and find us if anything urgent happens." Seeing their faces sober, she added a lighter note. "What with my own two being in Australia and none of the rest thinking of settling down any time soon, I want to shop for baby things while I have the chance.”

The whole party being of one accord, they agreed that this would be the best course of action. Over breakfast, they talked of all the things they would need to buy, while Jem and Roger tried to keep up a completely separate conversation at one end of the table, to which Percy manfully joined in, having declared all girls silly creatures – something which made Con laugh and declare his father a thoroughly bad influence over him.

After the meal, Madge promised that they could leave the dishes if they wished, to get to Lamorna and see how Jack had fared in the night. Tucking an arm through Jem's – which normally he would have detested, but at present was a small token of comfort to him – she led them to the car, and insisted on taking the wheel herself. The rest piled in, Roger sitting with Percy on his knee. The small boy seemed greatly taken with him, and without knowing quite how it had come about, Roger found that he had promised to teach Percy all about how building sites worked during the morning.

“Don't worry about mum,” said Con in an undertone to her sister, covered by Percy's chuckles at whatever Roger was saying. “It took her ages to get over the fact that I wasn't going to have more children, and she'll accept this, in time, too. It's all the stress with dad that's making her worse, that's all.

“I know,” sighed Cecilia.

“Doesn't make it any easier, though, right?” Con grinned ruefully. “Look, Albert's working nights tomorrow, and I made him promise to sleep until at least lunchtime Thursday, but he should be coming up in the evening. He'll be behind you as well, I promise, so you don't need to worry about when we're at Auntie Madge's house, everyone will be nice there. Steve might pipe down when he finds himself distinctly outnumbered, as well.”

Cecilia smiled gratefully, making an honest effort to appreciate that Con was trying to help her. She couldn't help feeling, though, that her sister was being somewhat naïve, and it really wasn't going to be as simple as that.
Author:  Jools [ Sat Mar 26, 2011 8:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 March
Thank you Ariel, that was a lovely post. I always like Con and you portray her as I imagine her. Joey and Steve on the other hand !!!!
Author:  Abi [ Sat Mar 26, 2011 11:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 March
Hope Con's right!

Thanks Ariel. :D
Author:  lexyjune [ Sat Mar 26, 2011 11:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 March
Thank you Ariel, this is never dull. I love the family scenes.
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 4:41 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 March
I love intricacies of family scenes!! And I can't believe I didn't post yesturday when I read most of this. I do think Joey will eventually come around, and my guess would be when the baby is born. Most parents who struggle with this issue, all seem to forget or forgive when they get their new grandchild. And things are smoothed over, at least superficially.
Author:  roversgirl [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 8:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 March
I think Con is lovely here and I also enjoy the family scenes. Thanks :-)
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 9:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 26 March
I'm glad that people are enjoying them, because there's plenty more to come! Thankyou for commenting, Con is very flattered by you all :D

The shopping trip had proved to be a huge success, with both women buying a substantial number of baby clothes and toys and spending far more than they meant to. Madge treated them all to lunch at one of the restaurants which lined the centre of the town, before suggesting that they should go back to Lamorna and face the wrath of whoever had been left in charge of the children this long.

It had been meant as a light joke, but it proved to be not far wrong when they did actually return. That morning they had simply dropped off the three men and left them to send Charlie out to the car, making them promise not to reveal the plan until they were sure that the women had left, and so none of them could have guessed the reaction that was waiting for them.

“Nice you could make it,” growled Joey from her chair, as they walked into the living room. Stephen was at the table, enjoying a cigarette out of the window, while Charles sat opposite him immersed in some correspondence. From the kitchen came the noise of enthusiastic cooking in progress. “We are truly honoured by your presence.”

“Joey,” said Madge quietly. “This is a difficult time for everyone, but there's no point wallowing. I just thought it would be best for us to go out and do something useful, to take our minds off of it for a little while. What good could we have done sat around here?”

“Then why were you so ashamed that you couldn't invite me along?”

“There was no room in the car,” said Madge diplomatically. “Anyway, I thought that you'd want to stay here in case anything happened to Jack.”

“It's just a shame that my daughters don't feel the same.”

Seeing that Madge, unwinding her scarf and shedding her coat, was preparing to try and coax Joey into a slightly better mood, the other three went to find their respective responsibilities, who, it appeared, had been having a brilliant time in their absence. For part of the morning, Percy had been teaching Roger how to paint, and both were now a rainbow coloured variety of skin and clothes. Then Millie had clamoured to join them and they had moved on to cooking, with Roger attempting to read a cookery book for possibly the first time in his life and control two children at once.

“Mike and Jem are hiding in the garden,” he explained, in answer to Con's question. “Steve was with them, but I don't think that he and Mike are getting on terribly well at the moment. Jack's been asleep all day so far, but Joey thinks that he'll be allowed visitors soon.”

Noticing the look on Cecilia's face, he pulled her into a hug, which proved to be the perfect opportunity for Millie to tip the bowl of what was dubiously called cake-mix over herself. Percy found this hilarious, promptly ran to try and coat himself in the sticky substance too, and was only stopped by Con scooping him up as he passed and deciding that a bath might be in order to rid him of his painted exterior.

“I think Millie will be joining him,” said Charlie grimly. “Do you want to go on and run it, while I clean Miss up as best I can in the sink? Joey will never forgive me if I drip that – that – mixture all up the stairs.”

Once both parties had left, Roger decided that he fancied a break and would join the other men in the garden, leaving Cecilia to look helplessly around the bombshell which had previously been a kitchen. Seeing nothing else for it, though, she started to clean up, and was soon joined by Madge, who had grown exasperated at Joey's brooding self-pity. Silently, she stepped in to help, so that within half an hour it was almost presentable again.

“Don't worry about Jack,” she said at last, keeping her gentle, soft voice low so that those in the other room shouldn't hear her. “He loves you all and you're here for him, that's what matters. Joey's just grieving, she doesn't mean it. She'll need you soon, and you'll need her.”

Almost automatically a denial had come to Cecilia's lips, for she was sure that her mother would never forgive her this, but she was stopped from replying by the sound of the front door opening, and then Joey uttering a low cry. At once they crowded into the living room, to see Len, freshly arrived from her journey. When she saw them all, and Cecilia especially, she gave a tiny smile, before dropping her case and sweeping Joey into a hug. Steve had beckoned out of the window for the others to come in, and for some five minutes Len was all but passed around, with everyone wanting to greet her, offer her refreshments after her journey, and ask how she was. Then Con came downstairs to say that Jack had woken up and would someone bring him a tray, please?
Author:  roversgirl [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 9:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 27 March
I hope Madge is right about Joey! Glad Len's made it too. Thanks :-)
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 10:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 27 March
Thanks Ariel. I think Madge is right. It just means Joey is going to be difficult to be around.
Author:  Jools [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 10:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 27 March
This is so good, nice to see Len's arrival. I hope she can sort Joey out, as she is behaving very badly.
Author:  Abi [ Sun Mar 27, 2011 10:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 27 March
Also thinking Madge is right. After all, Joey's husband is dying; it's not going to be easy for her to deal with suddenly seeing Cecilia again and having all the changes in her life suddenly dumped on her.

Thanks Ariel. :D
Author:  KathrynW [ Mon Mar 28, 2011 11:20 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 27 March
Abi wrote:
Also thinking Madge is right. After all, Joey's husband is dying; it's not going to be easy for her to deal with suddenly seeing Cecilia again and having all the changes in her life suddenly dumped on her.


Yes, exactly. Plus for Joey and Steve, Cecilia is an easy person to blame for Jack's illness.

Thanks Ariel.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Mon Mar 28, 2011 7:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 27 March
Thankyou! :D

After much squabbling among the siblings, it was decided that Len could take up the tray and she and Con and Percy could spend an hour with Jack, telling him all of their news and keeping him occupied from the gloomy thoughts which Joey said had gripped him before he fell asleep again that morning. She was longing to join them, but a look from Madge reminded her that she had had many years of Jack's company, and that he needed time for his children now.

In all of the excitement, Cecilia for once got overlooked, for which she was grateful. She started to cook dinner, while Charlie helped Joey to clean and get the last of the bedrooms properly ready for Len and Felicity. An hour later and Joey left to go and collect the last of the Maynard brood from the station. Felicity had found that Geoff would be going through the same station as herself, and had met him there accordingly, while ten minutes later would see the arrival of train with not just Phil and Claire, but also Felix, who had made a small detour in his own journey so that he could meet them.

The men had retired back out into the garden, muttering something about not being under anyone's feet, and when they came downstairs, Len and Con sent Steve and Chas up with Millie, then took over dinner while Percy played in the garden. Finding herself at a loose end, Cecilia said that she would go and ring Ruey and tell her all that had happened. She found that this nicely occupied her until the meal – for she was undisturbed in the hallway, and could pour out all of her troubles at the pain she was causing to her family unhindered – and that the talk with Ruey left her feeling much better.

Meanwhile, upstairs Jack was talking seriously to Chas and Steve about their siblings. He felt noticeably weaker than the day before, and he could tell that it wouldn't be long before he met his maker; most of his children were well settled, but he knew that the youngest would still need care and support for some years to come, Cecilia especially. Once he was gone, it was an undertaking he wanted to know that his sons would continue for him, and Mike had already promised to do what little he could when he was away so much of the time.

“Dad, they'll be fine,” promised Chas quietly. “They've all got their heads screwed on, except perhaps Phil and she'll grow out of it. Even Geoff seems to have calmed down a bit.”

“Anyway,” pointed out Steve sensibly. “It's not like you're leaving them alone and destitute. They'll still have mum, as well as all of us.”

Looking at his two sons, Jack was struck by how very different they really were. The night before, it had been as obvious ever that Mike was him all over again, living in just the same way that Jack had until he'd fallen for Joey and decided what his life was going to be. But Steve and Chas weren't really like him at all. Steve had his looks, but that was all. He was serious and withdrawn, practical, always straight and honest. But Charles was as different to him in personality as he was in looks; he always saw the human story, the emotional side, and he always thought ahead, was calm and logical. But, like Jack, there was a side to him always wrapped in mystery, so that you were never quite certain what he was thinking or feeling.

“Just make sure that they get good advice, won't you?” asked Jack softly. “Geoff especially, because Joey's never been as good with boys, and he'll need his older brothers to look up to for a few years yet. See him straight for me. Phil and Claire as well, watch over them, and make sure that you're there to hold their hand the first time their heart gets broken. That's when they'll need you most.”

“Well,” smiled Chas at that point. “I had a letter from Phil the other day informing me that, as she wished to go to university in London, she was sure that I wouldn't mind her living with us while she was there. And Claire's got Erica, so even when she's fed up of us she'll always have a refuge.”

“And Cecilia,” said Jack at last. “I know that you've all been disagreeing lately, and I know that you aren't thrilled at her news, Steve. But I've talked to Joey, and so will Madge and Jem, and she'll come round soon, so please don't be offended on her part. Cecilia needs you probably more than any of the others, even now.”

“We will,” said Charles, glaring at his brother, but Steve still looked stubborn.

“Stephen, please,” said Jack quietly, squeezing his son's hand. “Promise me that you'll try to forgive her, so that she knows she can come to you if she needs you.”

“Fine,” said Stephen at last, turning his head to one side so that Jack wouldn't see the hardness in his eyes.
Author:  roversgirl [ Mon Mar 28, 2011 8:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 28 March
Am wibbling a bit about Steve's reaction. Thanks :-)
Author:  Abi [ Mon Mar 28, 2011 9:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 28 March
:poke: Steve.
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Mon Mar 28, 2011 9:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 28 March
I'm wondering why Steve is reacting like this and what's gone on in his life to cause it
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Tue Mar 29, 2011 7:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 28 March
Thankyou again! :D

The arrival of the twins with the youngest children completed the family, and somehow a sense of wholeness, of peace almost, descended on them all. It was such a squeeze to get everyone into the living room, that in the end the kitchen table was drawn as close to the doorway as possible, so that some of them could sit in there and talk. Claire, Phil and Geoff had begged to be allowed to see their father and so, having checked that he was up for visitors, Jo turfed Steve and Chas out and went up with them. Millie was allowed to stay as she was engaged in quietly telling herself a story, tucked into the crook of Jack's arm where he could smile down on her.

Meanwhile, Felix went to help Felicity unpack a few of her things, fitting them in around the space that Len had already taken. As she only had a small suitcase, Mike had opened his mouth to ask why, exactly, it would take two of them, but Steve kicked him under the table and he subsided. Ten minutes later and Phil and Claire came in, while Geoff went to tell the twins that they could see Jack quickly.

“So, how's school going?” asked Steve, as they sat down on the sofa next to Madge and gratefully accepted the mugs of hot chocolate and plate of biscuits which Con had made for them. “Not any mischief to report this time?”

“Some of us actually outgrew that at a normal age,” sniffed Phil. “You must remember that I'm a sub-pree now, it wouldn't be dignified.”

“Never stopped your mother,” muttered Madge to herself, thinking of a certain incident involving her own sub-prefects and a lot of corn-flour.

“You take it far too seriously,” moaned Claire, who had been subject to many lectures from her elder sister about proper behaviour. “You're far too prim – even Len says so.”

Phil glowered, but refused to dignify this with an answer, while Charles, ever the peacemaker, instead turned to Geoff, who had come back down and been furnished with his own refreshments, and asked him about school life. As a born student, Geoff was happy to tell them all about what he'd been studying, until Claire decided to save them all from their boredom by pulling a variety of faces at him that made him stop in great indignation.

“If the wind changes,” warned Joey to her youngest daughter, sinking wearily down into the last free chair.

“Phil's been like that all the way up,” protested Claire. “All she and Flixy would talk about was work.”

“It's Philippa to you,” said that young lady, who with her appointment to sub-prefect had become decidedly proper and grave. “We're not all children who need nicknames.”

“All of my children growing up,” mourned Joey. “You'll be at university, letting your hair down and going to parties in a couple of years, and then before you know it we'll be greeting a different boy every holiday.” Suddenly she stopped, evidently having meant this to imply herself and Jack, but mastering herself she added, determined to try and be cheerful for the children, “Before I know it, I'll be walking you up the aisle, and watching Geoff get married.”

“Well, I can promise you one thing,” muttered Chas, sotto voice. “Mike will never grow up.”

“Jealous?” asked his brother, not noticeably perturbed. “Being tied down must be dull. At least Charlie knows she can always turn to me if she wants a bit of excitement.”

“You just try it,” warned Charlie darkly. “It takes a real man like Chas to handle me.”

“You two are gross,” protested Claire, and mindful of young ears listening, Joey moved conversation on, by asked Geoff how he was faring at school.

This time, his explanation of the causes and effects of the Boer war was interrupted by Felix and Felicity returning. It was obvious that Felicity had been crying, but she didn't mention it and so the rest steered clear of the subject as well. The only place left to sit was on the floor, but Felix grinned and took his seat cheerfully, while Mike moved from the kitchen table to give Felicity room. It was awkward trying to have a conversation like this, but she could just see Cecilia, and asked politely,

“How have you been? I didn't expect to see you here.”

“Chas rang and let me know,” explained Cecilia. “Mike was with us at the time, so we came up together.”

“With your husband, too,” pointed out Joey from her chair.
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Tue Mar 29, 2011 8:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 29 March
I would have thought with a husband would have been much than without! Thanks Ariel
Author:  roversgirl [ Tue Mar 29, 2011 9:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 29 March
That's a very good point, Fiona! I really enjoyed the family scene, thanks :-)
Author:  Abi [ Tue Mar 29, 2011 10:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 29 March
Not entirely sure what Joey means by that... :?
Author:  robinette [ Tue Mar 29, 2011 10:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 29 March
I love seeing all the family together, even if they are giving Cecilia a tough time. Really hoping that now Len's back she can sort Steve out as Cecilia will need the support of her siberlings with Joey like this.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Wed Mar 30, 2011 8:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 29 March
Who knows what Joey means by anything? :lol: Thankyou for commenting!

Reaction to the news was mixed. It seemed that Geoff, at least, was wholly unconcerned by it all, and Philippa seemed strangely unmoved as well. But while Claire threw herself forwards into Cecilia's waiting arms for a hug, Len frowned gently. Madge's eyes flickered for the briefest of seconds to her sister, but what Joey saw there made her blush enough that she could well have been a troublesome middle again, as her long, dark lashes swept her cheeks softly. It was Mike who spoke first, though.

“Yes, it was a beautiful service, and I only wish that more of you could have been there.”

“That's enough,” said Chas firmly, stepping on Mike's foot under the table. “This is hardly the time or the place. What Cecilia does with her life is her business, and we're here to say goodbye to dad.”

“Which is exactly why they're all turning on her,” pointed out Mike. He had seen Len, and it was disappointment from her that he had seen enough times before in his life to guess what she was feeling. “I know that we're all trying to avoid talking about dad, but that's no reason to turn on her instead.”

“It's fine,” said Cecilia quietly. “I know that not everyone is happy for us, but – one day, when all of this horrible waiting and mourning is over – I know that we will be happy.”

To those who didn't know about the baby, this evidently made little sense, but it was clear to those who did that, even with her heart so shadowed by the gradual loss of her father, Cecilia couldn't help looking forwards to her future, and the family she was soon going to have. For Chas and Roger, who knew about the abortion as well, that even made sense.

“Dad said you'd married Roger,” murmured Len. “Congratulations.”

“Roger?” exclaimed Felicity. She and Felix had stayed silent until then, after a quick look at each other, but this was a shock too far. “As in – that Roger?”

“This Roger,” confirmed Roger with a nod. “I hope that you approve, because I love your sister very much. And anyway, our baby will need lots of aunts and uncles, because it won't get many on my side of the family.”

“You're having a baby?” said Claire, who had returned to her seat, but was almost jumping up and down in it out of excitement. “When? Do you want a boy or a girl? What will you call it?”

“Goodness, you're a veritable question mark,” laughed Felix. “Leave the poor girl alone! Well, I must say, with Charlie as well that really is good news and something for the family to look forwards to.”

“Dad said he wanted us to try and be happy,” said Con. “He asked Len and I to tell you all that he wanted to be able to know that we'd all look after each other, and that we weren't going to be too sad when he died. He said that he was going to a much better place, and he'd only be waiting for us there, just around the corner. He said that we were to look to the future and not let our two newest additions be born into sadness.”

The simple words sobered them all, and Claire at least had to fight to control her tears, but Felicity flung an arm around her and the rest took a moment to pause. Then Len, not wanting to let them brood, asked practically,

“What are the sleeping arrangements going to be now that we're all here? I mean, it must be tight as it is. I know that Reg said when he came over with the kids he'd find us a place to stay, but what's happening until then?”

“I'm in with you,” said Felicity. “Mum told us while we were driving back, and said that she hoped you wouldn't mind us sharing for a couple of days. Don't worry, I'll take the floor.”

“Then perhaps when Reg comes, you could have Phil and Claire's room at ours, if the three girls wouldn't mind sharing?” asked Madge, looking round at them all. “I know that we'll be putting Albert up too, when he comes, so I'm sure a couple more won't hurt.”

“Oh no,” promised Len. “I – I think it would be best if Reg and I got our own place. One of his friends from medical college lives a couple of villages away, and he's said that he'll put us all up for a few nights. We've decided that that would be best, but thankyou for your offer. If his friend decides that two small children isn't ideal after all, I may have to take you up on it.”

“Well, there's always room,” promised Madge. She thought better than to pry, though she could see Joey wanted to say something. “Phil and Claire – sorry, Philippa – you don't mind staying with us, do you?”

Both girls shook their heads and so conversation moved on, this time to what they would all want for dinner, so that Madge could try and plan a meal for them all. Cecilia sat quietly next to Roger, turning things over in her mind. She was secretly glad that Len wouldn't be coming with them, for she had seen the way her sister looked at her news, and she feared that Len wasn't exactly approving. The rest seemed to have taken it not too badly, though. She just wished that she could have come and told them about her baby in happier times, without the death that hung above all their heads haunting them.
Author:  Abi [ Wed Mar 30, 2011 8:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 30 March
At least most of them seem to be ok about it! Hope Len isn't going to make difficulties, though.
Author:  janetbrown23 [ Wed Mar 30, 2011 8:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 30 March
You know I really could go right off Len.
Author:  roversgirl [ Wed Mar 30, 2011 9:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 30 March
I'm sure Len won't be too difficult, maybe just disapproving. Thanks :-)
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Thu Mar 31, 2011 8:06 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 30 March
And I think Len will keep her thoughts to herself and say all the right things to Cecilia and everyone else. Whatever she thinks she won't be nasty about it.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Mar 31, 2011 7:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 30 March
Thankyou everyone!

The next day, things had taken a decidedly bad turn. The group arrived just as Lamorna was finishing breakfast, and Joey reported that Jack had spent a bad night. He'd struggled to sleep because of the constant pain, which was getting worse despite the drugs which the doctor had given him, and had at one point cried out so loudly he'd woken up Claire. She had got up with the rest, but her face was pale and drawn, and there were large shadows under her eyes.

“The doctor's coming as soon as he can,” Joey said, in reply to a question from Jem. “He's got another patient who he promised to see first thing, but he's coming round straight afterwards, though he said on the phone that this was only to be expected. Jack's asking for visitors, and I don't know what to do.”

“I'll sit with him until the doctor comes,” promised Jem. “I'm sure that I can be trusted not to excite him too much.”

Frowning, he went upstairs, while Madge made an effort to set aside her own feelings and, for Joey's sake, do all the normal things like housework which would otherwise have been overlooked. Having known Jack for so many years, she was upset too, but she knew that it was far worse for Jem, who was his best friend and nearly always had been, and especially so for Joey and the children. It was her place to be strong – though, if Joey got any worse, she was seriously considering asking Dick to come up as well. He would be better placed than any of them to help her through.

Meanwhile, Cecilia surprised them all by suddenly asking Joey if she could talk to her alone. The day before, she had seemed keen to avoid her mother, presumably hoping that Joey would come around of her own accord. After a moment, Joey nodded, and said that she was going to have a cigarette so would Cecilia like to come and sit on the back porch with her? The rest diplomatically found activities of their own well out of hearing distance, so that the two could talk privately.

“Roger and I talked last night,” said Cecilia, once the two were settled. “He said that if his presence would continue to cause awkwardness, he would go home to London. I don't want him to, because I need him here to help me, but he thinks it would be best if it's going to cause trouble.”

“It's his choice,” was Joey's only reply.

“Well, he knows that Chas and Mike would look after me,” explained Cecilia. “But I want him to be here. He's everything to me, mum, and I need him.”

Joey shut her eyes, struggling with herself. Everything that she had ever been taught, everything she had ever believed in, told her that what Cecilia had done was wrong. It had been a struggle to accept her back from Paris, which she knew she couldn't have done alone, and now she didn't know if it wasn't just asking too much to accept Cecilia straight back into the family when she'd hurt them so much.

But Jack had asked her, repeatedly, to forgive Cecilia and be happy for her. Her instinct was that Cecilia had made a huge mistake and was only going to be hurt all over again, but she knew that Cecilia wouldn't see that. It didn't mean that she had to just let it go without at least trying to warn her daughter, though. Jack had confessed his own knowledge of it all, and had apologised to her for lying. The trouble was that he had always tried to protect her, he had never been able to see that she was just as much an adult as he was.

“I'm sorry if I've been – erratic lately,” said Joey at last. The smoke from her cigarette coiled up in front of her face. “This – it's been very difficult for everyone. I've been so worried about Jack and – I have to say goodbye to him, Cecilia, and not worry about you right now.”

“I know,” said Cecilia, after a long pause.

“But I am worrying about you,” sighed Joey. “You're my baby girl, and you're still so young – too young for all of this. Even though you've been through so much already – because you have, maybe – you aren't as grown up as you think. Don't think me patronising, it's true. I think you've made a mistake and I think that one day you will really regret this.”

“I had to get away for a while. I can't tell you why, mum, but I did. I couldn't stay with any of you, not right then. And going to London, I know that was the right thing to do. Roger was fantastic, he looked out for me but he let me have my own space, to come to terms with what I was feeling and to start to move on with my life.”

“Yes. And you've both acted with the best of intentions, I know. I'm not saying either of you are deliberately doing something bad. But I can see it, Cecilia, I can see that you're still running. Maybe you always will be. Only now you're going to hurt so many more people. That's not your fault – if it's anybody's fault, it's his for what he did to you – but that's the way it is. And as your mother, I can't pretend to you that that's all right.”

Stubbing out her cigarette viciously at the faintest mention of Matt, she turned and looked at Cecilia. Her daughter was staring straight ahead, tears lacing her cheeks. Softly, Joey wiped them away, then pulled Cecilia in against her.

“We're all hurting,” she said quietly. “And, you know what, it's none of my business. So, if you want to know what I think, it's this. I think that Roger should go back to London, at least for a couple of days. We can look after you, we can all look after each other, and he is causing problems. I'm not saying he's wrong but – Steve has to be here. If you want him to stay, though, I won't insist on him leaving.”

“I'll tell him to go if he wants,” said Cecilia at last, standing up and brushing herself down. It was the closest she could come to accepting Joey's almost peace offering right then.

Joey nodded her agreement and stood up too, but for just a second, she reached out and held Cecilia's hand, so faintly that they could almost have imagined it.
Author:  roversgirl [ Thu Mar 31, 2011 8:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 31 March
I can understand Joey's feelings and think Roger leaving for a day or two might be the best solution. Thanks :-)
Author:  Abi [ Thu Mar 31, 2011 9:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 31 March
Glad they've managed to have a talk, at least.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Fri Apr 01, 2011 8:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 31 March
You know, I should have thought about this more given the date. Ah, well, until next year...

Ten minutes after they went inside, Jem came back down to say that in his medical opinion, a couple of them could go up for ten minutes, or until the other doctor arrived. There was an instant clamour to be allowed to go, followed by an embarrassed pause and then everyone insisting that everyone else should be allowed the chance first. In the end, Jem, laughing slightly despite himself, pointed randomly.

“Felix, Claire, Len and Geoff, that'll do nicely. Len, you're to make sure there's no excitement, don't expect him to talk too much and for goodness sake don't upset him. You're strictly to stay no longer than ten minutes, as well. Right? Good.”

The four selected duly went upstairs, while Jem went into the kitchen to make himself a hot drink. Joey promptly closeted herself in with him to demand the truth of his condition, while Cecilia looked around to see if she could make herself useful in some way. Catching Madge's eye, she gave a tiny smile, and got a nod in return from her aunt. Roger was sat at the table, fathoms deep in the newspaper, and seeing that there was nothing much for her to do, she sat down next to him.

“Mum thinks you should go back to London,” she said softly after a moment, in an undertone so that none of the rest should hear her. Chas was in the study working, but both Con and Phil were nearby. “I don't want you to go, but I think she's right. Work won't let you have much more time off and you're only annoying Steve.”

“I don't want to leave you,” he said quietly, tucking a strand of hair back behind her ear. “I won't get back today, anyway, by the time I've packed all my things and got a train. I'll stay tonight and see how things look in the morning, then if you change your mind you can always say.”

Ever so softly he kissed her forehead, but just then Claire and Felix reappeared, followed a minute later by Geoff and then Len, who had stayed until last to give her father a gentle hug. She was quick to bury herself in helping Con clean the kitchen, knowing that she couldn't cry in front of the rest and only wishing that Reg would hurry up and bring the children. Instinctively, her triplet understood, and they shared a quiet bond of sorrow, both thinking of Margot, far away and unable to join them.

Mike had joined Cecilia at the table, and was keeping a promise of the night before to teach Claire how to make various items of origami. It was something, he said, that he did to fill time on board ship, especially when he was in solitary confinement. Claire promptly demanded to know what the worst thing he'd ever done was, but he only winked, and then said in an undertone,

“I'm never really in trouble at all, I just like to give mum and dad that impression. Otherwise, they might have to approve of me, and I'd never live down the shame.”

Thankfully, Mike escaped being pressed to reveal his misdeeds by the ringing of the doorbell, which Joey rushed to answer. The doctor was ushered in and went straight upstairs to the patient, with Jem in attendance. At once all of the bustle and attempts at relative normality had stopped, and slowly the family came together in the living room, perching on the edge of seats or on the floor, once all the chairs were full. Joey and Madge sat on the sofa, in the centre of the group, two sisters holding hands and preparing for the worst. Mike slipped an arm around Claire, who was looking upset again, and Phil had rested her head on Geoff's shoulder, where he stroked her hair mechanically.

None of them said anything, each with their own thoughts and memories of Jack, lying upstairs. Some of them prayed quietly, others found things to fiddle with and with which to occupy their hands, while Roger gently massaged Cecilia's small bump and tried to promise her silently that it would be all right in the end. It felt like an eternity that they all sat there, and though once or twice someone made a comment, no conversation arose from it. They all knew that whatever the doctor said, it wasn't going to be good.

Twenty minutes later and he came back down again, his face sober. Jem had stayed upstairs. Looking round at them all, he singled out Joey, and seemed to speak directly to her.

“He's getting weaker, and I'm sorry, but it probably won't be long now. You might all want to say goodbye while you can.”

Joey nodded and thanked him, then stood up to show him out. It was Phil who broke first, burying her head in Geoff's shoulder and starting to weep, and her tears promptly made Claire cry too. Mike pulled her close and held her tightly, too angry at the people and the world who'd taken away their father so suddenly to feel upset himself. Instinctively, Roger and pulled Cecilia close to him, and Con had reached for Percy, her main comfort through it all. When Joey returned, she was pale, but steady somehow, and though Len tried to squeeze her hand she shied away.
Author:  roversgirl [ Fri Apr 01, 2011 10:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 April
*needs a box of tissues* Thanks :-)
Author:  robinette [ Fri Apr 01, 2011 10:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 April
*promptly grabs a box of tissues to hand round* Thank you Ariel, this is brilliantly written. I had tears in my eyes.
Author:  Abi [ Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 April
*grabs tissues*

Thanks Ariel. :)
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Apr 02, 2011 5:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 01 April
It's possibly a very good thing that you all have tissues. Just to say thankyou to my friend, who was kind enough to read this bit for me, and as always my thanks to you for commenting.

Time had ceased to have all meaning for them, but at some stage not long after the doctor left, Jem reappeared to say softly that Jack had asked if some of them would go up and sit with him until he fell asleep. For a moment none of them moved, all reluctant to go and see him suddenly. Then Cecilia looked up and asked if she could go. At Jem's wordless nod, she scrambled upright, and before she'd got as far as the door Mike and Chas had both joined her. The rest stayed where they were, and Jem motioned that it would be as well if nobody else went for now.

The three went upstairs together, hearts racing and throats dry. They knew that this would be their last chance to see Jack, and yet somehow all they could think was that they didn't know what on earth they'd say when they got there. Outside the bedroom, Cecilia stopped, suddenly wishing that she hadn't volunteered at all, but Mike went straight through, knowing that if he hesitated tears would come.

A moment later and Chas followed, slipping his hand into Cecilia's so that she could follow him into the room. It was again darkened, but Jack was now lying on his side, covers pulled up tightly over him. Since she had last seen him, he seemed to have aged as many years as there had been hours, his face gaunt and yellowing, his hair grey and ruffled in a way that must have been driving someone so neat to complete distraction.

Gently, Cecilia sat down on the edge of the bed behind him, while Chas and Mike took the seats at the side. He turned over slightly to smile at her, and then did his best to sit up. At once Chas tried to tell him to lie back down, but he shook his head firmly.

“I might be stupid, my boy,” he said quietly, “but I can still look after myself. No, I shall sit and talk to you all for ten minutes until the doctor's sleeping pills kick in and I can rest. Did he tell you that I'm dying?”

“He said something to that effect, but we all know the truth.” Mike grinned. “You're just trying to get sympathy, that's what it really is.”

“Oh, I don't need sympathy,” groaned Jack. “I need peace and quiet and rest. I need to go now. I'm sorry if that sounds hard, I know that you'll all be upset, but it's true. There are much better, happier things waiting for me, I hope. Just remember that I'm pleased, won't you?”

“Dad stop it,” burst out Cecilia. She had started to cry, tears cascading freely down her cheeks, her hands trembling. She knew that this darkened room was going to be the last thing she ever remembered of her father, and she couldn't bear to hear his voice, the cost of making the effort to be cheerful so obvious. “Dad, you can't go.”

“Now, that isn't going to help anyone,” he admonished gently, but he motioned for her to come to him for a hug all of the same. “There's no point fretting – especially not in your condition. Do you not think that I've seen enough of death in my life? All my life I've worked in hospitals and fought in wars and seen nothing but death all around me. Do you not think that I'm used to it by now?”

“Just don't expect us to be cheerful,” said Chas thickly. “I'm sorry, I know you don't want us to mope and cry, but we can hardly celebrate either.”

“It just seems -”

Cecilia broke off again, unable to express what she was feeling. All of the wasted time when she had run away and not been there, all of the years when she'd turned her face from her family and tried so hard to be independent when she'd needed them most, it suddenly all seemed so foolish. All that she wanted was another day, another hour, for all of the things that would never happen. She wanted Jack to hold his grandchild, to watch it grow up. She wanted him to go back, to be there in her childhood, to build more happy memories with her, because she didn't have enough, not yet. She wanted Jack to keep her safe when the world seemed dark and she thought she was alone.

“I'll still be here with all of you,” he promised softly. “I always will be, watching over you all and keeping you safe.”

All three children were silent at this; they knew, in their hearts, that they weren't as religious as their parents, but at this they felt truly wretched. None of them could help thinking that they would still have chosen to keep Jack there with them, but they knew that this was far too selfish to say. In the end, it was Cecilia who spoke again.

“Dad, I'm sorry.”

“I'm not,” he said shortly. “He knows that the worst things I have ever done, I have only done for the best. So I trust that He will forgive me, and that all will be well. I'm not going to leave you, not now. I have all of you around me again, and that's all that matters. I don't want you to be sorry, I just want - “ He stopped, and suddenly his voice broke. “I'm just happy that I get the chance to say goodbye to you all.”
Author:  lavender [ Sat Apr 02, 2011 7:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 02 April
:cry: :cry:
Author:  Abi [ Sat Apr 02, 2011 9:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 02 April
Glad that they have the chance for a final talk with Jack. Hopefully it will help them in the days to come. Thanks, Ariel. :) :cry:
Author:  Vick [ Sun Apr 03, 2011 11:38 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 02 April
:( So sad, having to wait for the end. It must be the worst thing imaginable.

Thanks (I think!)
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sun Apr 03, 2011 3:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 02 April
Thankyou, again, for your comments. Would it be awful of me to admit that I quite enjoyed writing the next bits? :twisted:

Soon afterwards, all three left the bedroom to go back downstairs. Mike and Chas appeared first, for Cecilia stayed back a tiny bit longer, to hug Jack one last time and hear his final whispered words for her. They proved to be too much, and as soon as she got into the hallway she found that her legs refused to hold her, and she sank down at the top of the stairs, trying not to cry out loud and disturb Jack, but unable to stop the tears which clouded her vision and wracked her body with sorrow.

Charles had gone straight to find Charlie and Millie, who had been waiting to hug him and try and make him feel a little better, but Mike came back up a minute later. Silently, he shook his head, reached for her hand and pulled her down the stairs. Without waiting for someone to come and investigate the noise this caused, he tugged her into the front garden and shut the door firmly behind them.

“You'll wake dad up,” she hissed, tugging her jumper more firmly around herself. It was beating with rain, the sort that drove into one painfully, and a wind howled around the building menacingly. The sudden cold had robbed her of all desire to cry. “What on earth are we doing out here anyway?”

The shifty way that Mike looked as he pulled her gently into his chest warned her that she probably didn't want to know the answer, but she wasn't to be put off, and after a moment she pushed him back and scrutinised his face closely. For all his years lying to just about everyone – if in a jovial, friendly manner – Mike found that for the first time in a long time, he couldn't meet her eye, couldn't summon the usual patter that got him out of trouble.

“You just might not to go in for a while,” he hedged. Seeing that his evasions were doing no good, and that Cecilia was fully prepared to go in and find out the problem for herself, he sighed and gave in. “All right, Steve and Roger are just having a minor disagreement, but don't worry. Jem's taken them off to sort them out – think of the way he was that time he came home and found me helping Bruno bury his best doctoring equipment in the garden – so all will be well, I'm sure.”

“Mike, just tells me what's happened,” she sighed.

“Well, if you must know, it was actually, really, Steve's fault,” said Mike carefully. “He started asking mum about the funeral, and she said it would probably be a couple of weeks, as far as I can gather. Con was a bit hazy on the details. Anyway, Roger reacted rather badly and I don't think it's a proper fight yet, but -”

“Why on earth would Roger care about that?”

“Um, Steve might have said something else.” Mike paused and cleared his throat. “Something about you, but don't worry about it, I'm sure he didn't mean it.”

“Mike.”

“Well, Con said – Con said that he said something about hoping you'd still be around by then.”

It hit her all at once, temporarily robbing her of all feeling, of all speech, of even the desire to breathe. She had known that her brother disapproved of her, but she hadn't thought that he could be so callous, could say something so dreadful. But even then, in the recesses of her mind, she wondered if it was really that awful at all. After all, hadn't she always just run away? There was no reason now for her family to trust that she would stay again.

Silently, she buried her face in Mike's shirt, breathing in his scent – still slightly salty from the sea, his real home – and clutching desperately at him. If anyone could understand, it would be him. After all, his life was all about running away too, the freedom of the open seas and not having to commit or ever make decisions. He, too, never let anybody really get to know him, or let them get close. He, of anyone, could see why she had done what she did.

The front door opened and Len came out, coat and hat on. She had the car keys for Joey's car in her hand, and Cecilia remembered with a jolt that she would be going to pick up Reg and the children from the station, but rather than pushing past them she stopped.

“You might want to go in,” she said quietly. “Mum's just got involved by telling Roger that it would be better for everyone if he just left.”
Author:  jayj [ Sun Apr 03, 2011 3:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 April
Are they actually trying to drive her away? Surely anyone with half-a-brain could see that if they accept Roger, then Cecilia's less likely to do a runner again. But if they don't, then she will be gone....grrr!
Author:  robinette [ Sun Apr 03, 2011 4:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 April
Ahhhh, you can't stop there pleeeease

I agree with jayj, they were all so desperate to know she was safe and the minute she comes back they try ot drive her away again. I would like to knock their heads together!
Author:  Joanne [ Sun Apr 03, 2011 4:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 April
I guess with a family that large, it is unlikely that they will all like and approve of each other. I was going to say, but at a time like this they could try not to show it, but personal experience has shown that it is just at times like this that rifts do open up in families.

I can't help wondering if they will ever be able to resolve this one.

Thanks for the update; strangely my emotions are able to remain detached when reading this and I'm not sure why. It certainly isn't a comment on your writing!
Author:  Vick [ Sun Apr 03, 2011 4:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 April
Gah! Resists the urge to knock heads together :banghead: Please let it all be alright......pleeeeease :?:
Author:  roversgirl [ Sun Apr 03, 2011 9:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 April
Just caught up on two very sad updates :-( Thanks
Author:  Abi [ Sun Apr 03, 2011 9:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 April
I can see why Steve might say something like that, especially at a difficult, emotional time. But to be honest, I really can't see why they all have such difficulty accepting Roger - it isn't as though they even grew up together; he was practically an adult by the time he met the Maynards. Hope they manage to sort it all out.
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 April
Thanks, have had a wonderful time catching up with everything after a few days away. It seems like Steve can't even fulfil his father's dying wishes. Maybe someone should point that out to him and find out exactly why he's behaving like this.
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Mon Apr 04, 2011 6:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 April
I feel that I should stick up for some of my characters at this stage by pointing out that they're not not accepting Roger, but rather his relationship with Cecilia... Though mainly only because I rather fear you really will disapprove of the next bit. Thankyou for commenting.

After a brief, worried look at Mike, Cecilia turned and opened the front door, but on the threshold she paused and looked back pleadingly at her brother again. Rolling his eyes, he motioned for her to go and held the door open, following her into the cacophony of voices emanating from the living room. The first thing he did was to cough loudly, then announce,

“Dad is trying to sleep upstairs, you know. I'm all for a good family argument, but should we try and keep it to the sort of levels where he might stand some chance of getting some rest?”

“Or we could just not have an argument,” suggested Madge.

She was stood in the doorway to the kitchen, where Charles and Charlie were busy peeling vegetables for dinner, the two children playing at their feet. At one end of the room Joey and Steven stood, the former positively bristling with anger, both glaring at Roger, who was lounging against the table. Phil, Geoff and Claire had vanished, but Felix and Felicity were sat behind Roger, trying not to meet anybody's eye. Con was on the sofa while Jem stood between the warring factions, evidently trying to keep peace.

“We could.” Mike tipped his head to one side consideringly. “But where would be the fun in that? I wouldn't be just about to say something Steve will find positively insulting so that he can rake up some misdemeanour which Felix will inevitably be involved in, and then he won't be able to get all indignant and poor Felicity will be left without anyone to try and soothe. How could you do that to the poor girl?”

“Micheal Maynard -” she started, but was interrupted by her aunt.

“I'm sure that we will all be quite happy just to get along, Michael, except perhaps you. So, if the two men will just be men, they can apologise and call a truce and therein the matter ends.”

“I'm not apologising to him after what he's said,” stated Stephen in a tone that brooked no promise of compromise. “He's not even family, I don't know what he's doing here anyway.”

“I'll leave as soon as I know that Cecilia's going to be all right,” retorted Roger. “With the sort of comments you like making, that won't be any time soon.”

“I am just fine,” exploded Cecilia at this. Tears glistened in her eyes, but they were tears of fury and she wasn't about to let them overcome her. “You can all just stop this. It's horrible. Roger, just apologise to him.”

“No.”

“Roger -”

“I will not have my wife insulted in such a manner,” said Roger, bristling up again as he remembered one particular insult which, thankfully, Cecilia hadn't heard. “She doesn't need all this stress right now, and you're supposed to be her family – it's no wonder she ran away.”

“Get out,” said Joey. Her face was pale with rage, and even Madge hadn't seen her lose her temper so badly before. She tried to step forwards and lay a hand on Joey's arm, but she was shaken off as casually as if she hadn't been there. “Leave my house right now, and never, ever come near my family again.”

Without thinking, Cecilia walked over and stood in front of Roger. She was just as angry at him for saying what he had, but she also knew that it was the truth. She turned and looked at her mother as coolly as she could, but before she could say anything Mike spoke again.

“I think he's got a fair point, actually. You've hardly been falling over yourselves to welcome Cecilia back.”

“Fine,” said Joey stiffly. “Go with them if you will.”

“I'd much rather go with them then stay here with a bunch of narrow-minded, judgemental, rude hypocrites,” he returned. Beckoning for Cecilia and Roger, he turned. “Come on, clearly we aren't welcome.”

The whole family froze. Tension hung thick on them all, the whole world seemingly frozen and waiting to see what Cecilia would do. In the kitchen, Charlie hissed to Charles that he should go and calm it down, but he shook his head wordlessly. Like Len, it was one argument he wouldn't get caught in the middle of. Phil, Geoff and Claire, who had taken refuge in the kitchen and were trying to pretend to play with the children, had stopped to listen. Felix and Felicity had turned around in their seats, and Con had opened her mouth to say something but found that she couldn't think what.

Then, gracefully, Jem stepped to one side so that they could pass if they wished, and grabbing Roger's hand Cecilia started to leave the room. Before she had reached the door, however, Joey spoke again.

“I don't know how I raised such an ungrateful child. Your father killed for you, and this is the thanks he gets, you won't even stay until he's dead.”
Author:  robinette [ Mon Apr 04, 2011 6:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 April
Joey is a b***h isn't she??? Stupid woman!

Glad Mike stood up for Rodger and Cecillia,

Really enjoying this (I don't know if I should) Ariel, Thank you
Author:  janetbrown23 [ Mon Apr 04, 2011 7:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 April
Jack did what??????????
Author:  roversgirl [ Mon Apr 04, 2011 8:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 April
*repeats the question above* Thanks, I think...
Author:  Abi [ Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 April
Oh, Joey! I know she must be totally devastated and torn apart by the fact that Jack's dying, but she's going to regret this so much. :hammer:
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 April
Thanks Ariel (I think :dontknow: )
Author:  ivohenry [ Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 April
Just went back to the relevant bit of Finding redemption - there is indeed a hint there of what Joey said but I didn't spot it at the time. Oh dear - we aren't going to have a happy ending are we?
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Tue Apr 05, 2011 5:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 03 April
robinette wrote:
Really enjoying this (I don't know if I should)


Oh, I did, never fear! :twisted: And yes, if you all want to go and scrutinise FR closely, you'll find that I told you that way back when - you were mostly all too dense to notice at the time, though! Thanks for commenting!

Cecilia stopped so suddenly that her whole body was instantaneously rigid, her face devoid of all colour or emotion except for a sparkle in her eyes. Standing, she seemed to focus all of the attention and energy in the room to herself, then radiate it in furious waves outwards, as the Goddesses of old controlled the world. The room seemed to be holding its collective breath, waiting for a reaction. It was as if nobody else could feel anything at this revelation, that they passed all their conflicting emotions to Cecilia in lieu of the words that they couldn't find.

“I didn't say that I was leaving dad,” she said in a low voice after an eternity had passed between them all, and yet too soon somehow. “I said that I was leaving you.”

A stillness had descended on them all; they froze as if in tableaux, a group of separate entities who each lived different lives and felt different things but who had come rushing together fatalistically. Even the children in the kitchen were silent, noises from outside had stopped, a single breath would have broken the atmosphere.

Then Madge turned abruptly and walked into the kitchen.

“Claire, Geoff, Philippa,” she snapped, far more harshly than was necessary. “Get your things, we're going back to the house.”

“I think I'll come with you and bring the children,” murmured Charlie, bending down to scoop up Millie.

“Jem,” added Madge, as she walked majestically through the living room and the stunned group. “Ring me, I'll being Charlie back and pick you all up at the same time.”

He nodded wordlessly, and the whole family watched as the small group got itself together and left the house. Slowly, Charles came in from the kitchen, and just as slowly he walked over to where Cecilia was stood, straight past her, and without a word disappeared up the stairs.

“Well done,” said Felix at last. They all turned to him, as if surprised that it should have been him who spoke first. “Being just as good a mother as always, thinking of your children first. I'm sure that dad will be thrilled to find out, as well.”

“Felix -”

“Don't,” he roared suddenly. “Don't even try and say anything. Do you never think of us? At least if Cecilia's been selfish she had good reason.”

Stood in the middle of them all again, Cecilia shut her eyes. All the memories of that night flashed through her mind, all the emotions coursed through her again. She suddenly felt alone, so painfully alone; she was out in the snow, the bricks behind her back scratching her skin, Matt's hands caressing her, his lips touching hers. She couldn't see him, but she could feel him there all around her, the familiarity, the pain.

“I have only ever done what's best for you -”

Then he was gone, and Mike was in the snow, the two bodies were indistinguishable, she tried to turn her head but the horror drew her in and made her watch. She could see herself, and all the times that Matt had beaten her, but watching him hurt far more than that ever could have, and she wanted to run forwards, sacrifice herself for him, save him.

“It's none of your business anyway -”

Then she as inside, and they were all looking at her in bewilderment, as if she couldn't be the same person that they'd always known. They seemed just as strange, somehow, as if she'd been looking at them all through water before and now she saw them clearly and hated what they were. Matt radiated so pure and so true through her mind, and it took all her will to keep walking further into the bowels of the house, and not out into the freedom with him.

“Yeah, go on, bring that up again -”

She was lying on her bed, and it should have been soothing, but it was too different to the one she'd used for so long in France. It smelt of home, of her parents, not of Matt. It smelt of riches and comfort, but she craved the cheap seediness which was all that she'd known for so long now. That was where she belonged, it was where she felt comfortable, and she knew that even if she stayed for now, one day she would run back to him, and that he would be waiting. After he'd come, just for her, she knew he would always be waiting.

“You were always just jealous -”

“What, of you?”

“And as for the time that -”

“Stop it!” she cried desperately over the cacophony of voices, but no words came. Opening her eyes, she walked through them all, as if in a dream. Somewhere, she could hear the confusion of voices shouting, could feel herself brushing skin, but still she would only continue on in her trance.

Then, as she'd been hoping for all the long months, she found that Matt was in front of her.
Author:  roversgirl [ Tue Apr 05, 2011 8:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 April
*still wibbling* I don't remember that reference so off back to read it again! Thanks :-)
Author:  Abi [ Tue Apr 05, 2011 9:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 April
I remember... and, oh dear, everything's really falling apart now.

Thanks Ariel! :D
Author:  robinette [ Tue Apr 05, 2011 10:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 April
*wibbles* uh oh, this is not looking good

Thank you Ariel
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Wed Apr 06, 2011 11:41 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 April
And the stupid thing is Cecilia was so completely right about being afraid of seeing her family again and about needing to be away from them all and being afraid of them not being supportive. Don't remember your hints though; completely oblivious :dontknow:
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Wed Apr 06, 2011 8:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 05 April
I promise that the hints were there! Concentrate on Joey... Thankyou for commenting! :D

Bitingly cold air made her gasp in shock, her breath rising in misty tendrils before her, but even as she shivered an arm snaked insidiously around her shoulders and drew her closer to the fiery warmth. Moonlight shimmered across peaks in the distance, the valley below bathed in silver, the river that ran through it twinkling up at them. The whole world was silence, dead, even the stars hiding behind clouds, ashamed to disturb two lovers. Snow lay all around them, but they sat on a rock which jutted out over the edge, nothing but a few inches of stone separating them from infinity.

Softly, she turned and buried her face in his chest, wanting to inhale him, surround herself with him. He was the medicine that she needed to get her through, the life and the resurrection. Now that he was here, she was forgiven all, freed from everything, young and innocent again. No more did she hurt people, disappoint them, no more was she isolated from love and emotion. All these things he brought to life in her.

So why was it that his fire burned too hot, burnt her up? Why must she feel that he was all consuming, that if she stayed too long his freedom would destroy her completely? She didn't understand his power, she could know only that she was feeling the tiniest amount, that he would only let her see a glimpse of all that he could do. Those fingers wrapped so gently around hers had the power of good and evil, they rested the whole universe in them and could change destinies just with absent-minded tweaking.

His face was still hidden from her, partly bathed in light, so that she could only trace the outline of his handsome jaw, his snub nose. Yet, even cloaked in mystery she could see all that he was thinking and feeling, every emotion that flickered across his face. She knew him more surely than she knew herself, she could have recited his thoughts to him. Just from the faint swish of his breathing, she could have known him amongst a thousand strangers.

“I want to jump,” she said quite simply at last. Perhaps she hadn't spoken aloud, she couldn't tell. Even the words seemed to have a different meaning from normality.

Looking into the valley, she watched tiny bursts of light, the reflection of stars in the water as the clouds shifted and changed. Yet inside, she knew that she was watching the story of life, of the world and all its people. She was watching God at work, and she couldn't tell if it was Him sat next to her or Matt. Or, perhaps, both. Each tiny explosion across the surface was another birth, given life only to die a second later. The infinitesimal sequence of time passed on, uncaring, unheeding.

“If you go back, only pain can await you there.”

It was Matt, his voice was the familiarity in which she wrapped herself every night. It echoed around the mountains and yet seemed so quiet that she wasn't sure if she had really heard him at all. Faithfully, she shut her eyes, waited for him to show her and to explain, waited for his instructions that she would always obey. His power now was more than she could ever comprehend, and in his words was a soothing that troubled her more than anything. Disquieted, she tried to turn away from him, but she found herself only looking up, staring into the wisdom on his face.

“Come with me,” he said softly, the words echoing down the ages from the night she had sat on a mountain with him, before it all, ready to join him wherever he would go and desert her family and her home. “Follow me, and I will show you happiness. You won't ever be lonely again, just have faith in me.”

So softly, she stood up, stared down at the river below, the rippling, dappled reflections of the stars, the aeons of glory flashing past in the moments that she made her decision. Almost carelessly she stepped from the rock, waiting to feel wind rushing past as she plummeted to the depths below, skin going numb until torn through with pain.

She was in his arms, still cuddled against his chest, still held safe. His robes shifted under her, coarse and yet as light as silk, and his arms encircled her, trapping her and holding her forever. Her breath wouldn't come, and life was drifting from her; her vision went black, the stars from the river bursting across it, disappearing in her own head, fizzling to their end.

She looked up to beg for release, for freedom, for life, and saw staring down at her the eyes she knew so well.

“Roger,” she gasped, and it was him who was holding her, his chest rising and falling beneath her, his hands which stroked her hair. The driveway of Lamorna stretched out into the darkness beyond and rain battered at her skin through her sodden clothes, which stuck resolutely to her trembling skin. She found that she was crying. “I want Matt, I need Matt. I love Matt.”

“I know.”

“I still love Matt,” she whispered again. “I still need him.”

“We'll love you,” promised Roger, holding her as close as he could and staring out above her head so that she wouldn't see he was crying too. His breathing was regular and his chest was warm as she nuzzled into it. “And I'm going to keep you safe. Our baby and I, we'll always look after you.”
Author:  roversgirl [ Wed Apr 06, 2011 8:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 April
:cry: Poor cecilia and could you please refresh our memories or give a bit more detail for the slightly dense people like me? Thanks :)
Author:  Abi [ Wed Apr 06, 2011 10:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 April
Oh dear, poor Cecilia. :( And Roger, too. That can't be fun for him.
Author:  Ruth B [ Wed Apr 06, 2011 10:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 April
That's one hell of an understanding husband!
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Wed Apr 06, 2011 11:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 April
Roger is being such a true SLOC there. Thanks Ariel
Author:  Jools [ Thu Apr 07, 2011 9:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 April
What a beautiful response from Roger (and how horrible of Joey even given all the grief she must be feeling). Hope it all works out for Cecilia and Roger.
Author:  brie [ Thu Apr 07, 2011 11:48 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 April
Read all of this in one go the other night. Thanks, although I feel like I've been wibbling ever since...
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Apr 07, 2011 8:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 06 April
So, two hundred and two thousand (and thirty seven) words later and here we are - the end of an era, all that jazz. I'm very, very sad to be saying goodbye to Cecilia, but I think that it's time I trusted her to make her own way in the world. Thankyou all so very much for reading and staying with me on this. I've been through an awful lot since I started writing, and I have had to change parts of it because I just couldn't bring myself to write them, but I got her there in the end. And she couldn't have got nearly so far without you, so thankyou.

It was two weeks later and Cecilia was stood hesitantly at the edge of the throng of people around Jack's grave. Following the eventful evening at Lamorna, she and Roger had gone back to London, where she had spent her time moping and feeling guilty at not staying until Jack had died. Now, although Roger wasn't with her, Ruey stood not far away, ready to offer comfort if necessary. Charles had rung to let her know when Jack had passed on, and had said at the time that it might be best for Roger to apologise if he wanted to come to the funeral; Cecilia, too listless to care, had in the end agreed that it would be better if he stayed away. She would be going back to London that evening, and Mike had offered to accompany her and stay the extra night until his leave was up.

Most of her family hadn't talked to her when she arrived at the church, and she hadn't looked for them. Only Mike and Charles had spoken to her since she left, and they both came over and stood with her before the service. Felicity, too, walked up and briefly gave her a hug, while Claire smiled shyly but seemed too afraid to leave Phil and Geoff. All three had been sat in front of her during the service, though, and as they prepared to move outside, they had said a few words to her. But it was Jem who acted most strangely; when she first arrived, he had come up and, after a few simple platitudes, making sure Madge was keeping Joey occupied, he leant over and asked if she was angry with her father for what he'd done.

“He did it because he loved you,” promised Jem. “I'm telling you this now because I don't know if we'll see each other again, I know that you don't want much to do with your family at the moment, but Jack asked me to make sure you knew.”

Cecilia nodded, and thanked him quietly. Deciding that she didn't need to know more at the moment, Jem drifted back to his wife, wondering if he would ever get the chance to talk to Cecilia again. Something told him not; even if Joey could forgive her daughter for what had happened at the end, he didn't think that Cecilia could forgive her mother or her siblings. It was plain that she was here only for Jack, and she had made it clear that she had no intention of trying to make her peace with the rest.

For her part, the mention of Matt had startled her, but only that it should have been brought up here. Ever since she'd told Roger the truth at last, things had been awkward between them. It was her doing, she knew, and he had been unfailingly patient and understanding, but somehow she could tell that he would never love her again in the same way that he had. If they hadn't been married, if she hadn't been pregnant, she didn't think that he would have tried so hard, and it made her reluctant to be close to him. She would make it in the end, though, for the sake of her baby if not her own happiness.

As for Matt, she knew from Charles that Jem had confessed afterwards to having known what Jack had done all along. In fact, he was the first person her father told, and he had rung up various contacts. It seemed that once it was established that Matt was involved in international criminality, and that they could gather a lot of information following his death, they had been sympathetic enough to persuade the local police not to look too closely at the circumstances around Matt's death. In fact, some part of Cecilia had always known that his death had been no accident, but she had never allowed herself to think of it before.

Suddenly, the service was over and she found herself alone by the grave, the rest of her family slinking away hurriedly, as if ashamed to be there. The wind whipped around her, dragging her clothes and making her hair a frenzied, whirling mass, but even when it chilled her she ignored it. For a long time she looked down at the grave silently, but suddenly she sat, the damp grass cool as it seeped through her black dress. Sightlessly, she considered the wooden box, the tiny brass plaque saying so little about her father.

She remembered being small, and thinking him the greatest, biggest, most special man alive, just for being her father. He could cure all her hurt, kiss away all her pain, and she could always run to him,

She remembered being saved by him in Paris, running towards him and his beacon of love. He had been the one to bring her home and make her safe, to find the strength to forgive her, always.

She remembered running away, and the pride of telling him on her return that she was carrying his grandchild, that she would make him proud to be her father, just as she was to be his daughter. Yet she couldn't help wondering what he would have thought if she'd turned up with Emile, had been able to introduce him to Jamie, what could have been if they were a family.

And she thanked him. She thanked him for killing Matt. Matt was always the one she would love most, and yet she loved him for freeing Matt. In their most intimate moments, she had caught glimpses of the man Matt could have been, and Jack had freed him from his sin to be that happy. On that night, he had done a great thing, and he had done it for her.

In his last letter, Jack had said that he had asked for forgiveness, believing he had done no wrong when acting out of love, to protect, but knowing that in anger he had made a decision only God should make. Even though Cecilia had abandoned her faith a long time before, she said a prayer then, over the sodden earth where he rested, that he might be forgiven, at peace.

The trees rustled and tears stung her cheeks, but all that she could see was the wooden coffin, the despair and emptiness now that Jack had gone.

At long last she stood up, stared at the grave a moment longer and then turned and walked away. The desolate winter washed over her; she was alone, but for the tiny life inside her and her memories of all that had once been. The past was gone now, and she had only her future to look to, whatever it may hold. But never would she forget that snowy day in Paris, when she had at last been saved, no more than she would Jack's final words to her, as she bent over the bed to hug him one last time.

I'm so proud of you.
Author:  Vick [ Thu Apr 07, 2011 9:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears - update 07 April
:cry: Thank you for this. It has been addictive reading and must have been so hard to write.

I'm glad Cecelia got say her goodbye to Jack, though.
Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Thu Apr 07, 2011 9:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears
Even though Cecilia has more or less put away religion, I hope that she will eventually experience true happiness once again and be able to accept at least the idea behind these words from the Song of Solomon:

....for lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone;
The flowers appear on the earth, the time of the singing of the birds is come.....

Who knows what the future may hold for her, but I'm glad to know that at least she was able to say farewell to her father at the end and to accept that what he did, he did from love of her.

Thank you, Ariel - I may not have commented regularly, but I have certainly enjoyed your saga with all its twists and turns.
Author:  Abi [ Thu Apr 07, 2011 10:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears
Thanks, Ariel. This has been a gripping read and I've enjoyed it all. :D
Author:  roversgirl [ Thu Apr 07, 2011 10:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears
Glad she got to say goodbye but am sad that Roger's feelings have changed. Thanks for a gripping read :)
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Thu Apr 07, 2011 10:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears
roversgirl wrote:
Glad she got to say goodbye but am sad that Roger's feelings have changed. Thanks for a gripping read :)


They were bound to though, when Cecilia told him she loves Matt. Some part of him must know he'll never be that special to Cecilia. I must admit, I always thought it was Mike who killed Matt, not Jack. Thanks for this, it's been an amazing read. I really hope you write a sequel
Author:  lexyjune [ Fri Apr 08, 2011 12:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears
Thank you. I have enjoyed this so much.
Author:  Jools [ Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:51 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears
Twas beautiful Ariel, thank you very much. It was a partially happy ending!
Author:  janetbrown23 [ Fri Apr 08, 2011 11:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears
Thank you Ariel.
Author:  brie [ Fri Apr 08, 2011 12:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears
thank you ariel
Author:  Chris [ Fri Apr 08, 2011 1:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears
thank you - a positive ending.
Author:  Eilidh [ Fri Apr 08, 2011 1:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears
Thank you - I hope Cecilia manages to get herself sorted out now and that she and Roger live happily ever after. :)
Author:  cestina [ Fri Apr 08, 2011 1:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears
Thank you Ariel - a roller coaster ride that has been hard to read at times but always satisfying
Author:  Bryony [ Fri Apr 08, 2011 2:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears
Thank you Ariel - I only found this the other day so have read it (and FR) in one go over the last couple of days. Wow - powerful stuff. I hope that the hurt goes out of some of what they all said to each other in Jack's last days, and that even if Cecilia never speaks to her mother again she can at least reach some kind of (horrible word) closure. Also, I still really REALLY hope she gets some professional help, because it is so not healthy to be in love with your dead ex-pimp, and Roger and the baby won't be able to fix that. Maybe she will get referred to a counsellor by the midwife...?

And of course, I hope that we find out about all the above in part II one day :)
Author:  abbeybufo [ Fri Apr 08, 2011 7:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears
Thanks Ariel - just caught up with the end of this - very powerful writing as others have said, and all very moving. Hope Cecilia can be happy in the future, despite the damage that has been done to her.
Author:  robinette [ Sat Apr 09, 2011 10:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears
Only just had a chance to catch up with this, so sad it's finished!

Thank you Ariel
Author:  lavender [ Fri Apr 15, 2011 11:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears
I've really enjoyed this, and I too thought Mike (and his hot friend) killed Matt.
Author:  Beecharmer [ Sat Apr 30, 2011 3:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears
Just wanted to say thank you, and its brilliant. :-)
Author:  charli [ Mon May 23, 2011 12:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: A Gossamer of Tears
Ariel, I have really enjoyed reading about Cecilia. I am sorry it has come to an end, but only because I want to read more. :) Thank you very much for all the time and effort you have put into this. It has been great!
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