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The CBB -> St Mildred's House

#1: Night on the bare mountain Author: Nina, Location: Peterborough, UK

Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 9:52 am
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Characters by EBD. Ideas and writing by Jennie and Elle. Typing and provision of gin by Nina (cos I don't do writing Confused

)

"The drabble wot we wrote" during our mini-gather yesterday. Most of it can be attributed to the mixture of gin, chocolate cake and sun (and also Jennie's son's insistence on calling us "The CS Coven") Shocked

That's our excuse and we're sticking to it Very Happy

It wasn't meant to go this way, but a passing St Hild's bunny took over after the first sentence ...

Night on the bare mountain (with apologies to Mussorgsky!)

It was a dark and stormy night. High up on the mountain a hunched figure stared down at the flickering lights of the Chalet School.

Jack Maynard, for it was he, was freezing slowly in his disguise as the Earl of Hell. It was too bad of Jo. She was all right – the CS Coven met in the warmth of the Head’s sitting room at the Chalet School. But he, her loving husband, father of her immense brood of demon spawn, was expected to wait on the mountain for the dramatic climax to their rituals; and it was no easy task to deflower ten virgins; however eager Special Sixth were, when he was frozen to the marrow.

The lightning flashed, revealing the tenth virgin prostrate on the mountain side. Jack leapt upon her, but was repulsed by her crisply-starched knickers. It didn’t need the corner of her angel-wing headdress to tell him that the tenth and final virgin was no such thing. Probably she had usurped the place of the real holder of the privilege. Again.

Matey leered up at him, hoping that her aphrodisiac potion of castor-oil, senna pods and gin would take effect this time. Jack felt a stirring in his lower regions. Matey’s leer became more vivid. There was a deep rumbling noise – Bruno had indigestion, having once again snaffled Matey’s potion. Jack backed away in horror, fully aware of the effects of the potion on Bruno’s delicate digestive tract.

Should he rescue Matey from the effluence of Bruno’s digestive system? The decision was snatched from his hands by the emergence of another dark figure, in the garb of the Duke of Hell. He seized Matey, threw her over his shoulder and plunged back into the darkness.

Jack smiled wryly to himself. Phil Graves was once more having delusions of adequacy. Time to up his medication again!

Jack had had enough. Picking up his trident, he began to stomp his way down to the CS, hoping to spot his final virgin on the way down. Digestive system still rumbling, Bruno followed.

Jack was too late. As he approached the school, he could see Matron Henschell marching a girl to her cubey. Any delightful revelations that he had hoped for were cut short by Matron jerking the curtains closed.

Jack was downcast at this, and his mood did not improve as he saw the sturdy outline of his wife approaching. She might have adopted the name “Esmeralda” for her position at the head of the coven, but he felt that “Gytha” was more appropriate for someone whose fertility had made him a laughing stock in the area, and he wished that she wouldn’t pretend that that bloody broomstick of hers would actually fly. How many times had he heard the words, “It just needs a bump start” as she looked at him hopefully, transferring her own desires to the broomstick.

As Jo approached him, and just before she could grab him and drag him through the front door of Freudesheim, (something which had often happened before, much to Anna’s shock and dismay, for they had interrupted her in the middle of putting her curlers in!), Bruno’s abused system decided to stage a revolt.

The results were catastrophic; well, Jo thought so. Jack felt a wonderful sense of relief – after all, he was 105 and quite honestly he was beginning to slow down a little. It took him all his time to find the Viagra, as his memory was going too. He would far rather go fishing, if only he could find the lake. Snickering to himself, he sneaked up the back stairs, tiptoed into his dressing-room, tore off his clothes and sank thankfully onto his bed.

Jo, meanwhile, was suffering the pangs of broomstick envy.

The End.

#2: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 9:57 am
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Shocked

Jack's 105?!

Laughing

Thanks, that was hysterical! Laughing

#3: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 10:03 am
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Poor Jack - and poor Bruno! Well if this is what chocolate cake and gin do - keep eating and drinking!

Thank you.

#4: Author: leahbelle, Location: Kilmarnock

Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 1:44 pm
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Very Happy

The funniest thing I have read today!! Very Happy

#5: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 4:07 pm
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Giggles. It was great fun to write.

#6: Author: Nina, Location: Peterborough, UK

Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 4:37 pm
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It was actually quite scary the way Jennie and Elle finished each other's sentences. I just dispensed gin and giggled helplessly Very Happy

#7: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 6:10 pm
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Laughing

Was there anyone sitting near enough you to overhear? Because if they did ........... Shocked

#8: Author: Caty, Location: New Zealand

Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 10:23 pm
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Laughing

Thanks all Laughing

#9: Author: KathrynW, Location: London

Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 10:44 pm
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That was brilliant guys, thank you Laughing

#10: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 10:50 pm
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Laughing

That was fantastic

#11: Author: Nina, Location: Peterborough, UK

Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2006 11:27 pm
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Dawn wrote:

Was there anyone sitting near enough you to overhear? Because if they did ........... Shocked

Thankfully no! Especially none of Elle's pupils Shocked

#12: Author: Elle, Location: Peterborough

Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 7:15 am
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Nina wrote:

Dawn wrote:

Was there anyone sitting near enough you to overhear? Because if they did ........... Shocked

Thankfully no! Especially none of Elle's pupils Shocked

Well, not that I am aware of!

#13: Author: Tan, Location: London via Newcastle Australia

Posted: Thu Jul 20, 2006 12:09 pm
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I loved the references to Terry Pratchett!! Laughing

#14: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sat Jul 29, 2006 2:48 pm
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Laughing

#15: Author: Phil, Location: London UK

Posted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 10:11 pm
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Fantastic! Laughing

#16: Re: Night on the bare mountain Author: JackieP, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 2:07 pm
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Nina wrote:

(and also Jennie's son's insistence on calling us "The CS Coven") Shocked

That was wonderful.

Hmmm... bit worried that we're getting a reputation of witchiness on here though - Ben's already referring to the Gathers as sabbats!

JackieP

#17: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Sat Aug 12, 2006 12:16 am
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Just found this.

Very Happy

The CBB -> St Mildred's House

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