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Chalet School Filth
http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=7214
Author:  Chair [ Mon Jan 18, 2010 8:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Chalet School Filth
This is another drabble from my SLOC. I hope it's in the right house.

It was near the end of term and a particularly rainy day in the Swiss
Alps, it was never the picture book scene they'd all expected to seas-per the school brochure. “Elfie Wooward!” screamed Bride “Why are you covered in filth?” The girl in question was covered in a sticky brown substance, with a stench that permeated the air and invaded every living nostril. “I, umm....” “Well!” demanded Bride, “this had better be a good explanation, some of your school mates are beginning to pass out around you.” Elfie's eyes studied the floor with such an intensity that she could've quite easily passed the entrance exam for the Guild of Floor & Ceiling Inspectors. Before she could think up a reasonable excuse another 3 simillarly clad girls trooped in oozing brown sticky liquid onto the Matron's highly polished floor.
“Girls”, exclaimed Bride eager now for a good explanation, “Just what is going on? And I want a good reason for you smelling and looking like a pigsty or there'll be no hot milk tonight!”
The 4 girls now standing quite on their own in a rapidly emptying room looked sheepishly at the floor and ceiling, (Yes the Guild certainly had 4 new recruits here!) Before any of them spoke, in marched Margot, closely followed by the Head Girl, Joey. “Ah, Bride. Oohh I say what a nasty whiff!” said Margot holding her nose as she saw the girls in the middle of the room. “Bride” said margot her words now muffled by the fingers pinching her nose, “Do you know what's going on?”
“I've been trying to get something out of them but to no avail”
“Let me try” said Joey, years of experience in the mysteries of small girls at a boarding school shining through. “Now look here chaps what turned you in to smelly, brown coated girls rather than the lovely brown uniform we're all accustomed to?”
“Well we were walking by the toilet block when...” started Elfie
“Yes go on” prompted Joey
“...Well there was this big bang and we sort of got an unexpected shower”
“Yes and when we opened our eyes we smelt this nasty whiff” added Barbara Chester, her eyes the only bit of recognisable as Barbara Chester!
“And we were rather sticky too” chipped in Peggy
“Rather!!” chorused the remaining girls.
“So what we have here is a Filth Situation” exclaimed Joey. “Bride, Margot I think its time you two made an investigation of the toilet block. You young girls run along to the shower block and get cleaned up. Oh and would someone please fetch the caretaker I feel the sticky brown mess ought to be cleaned up sooner rather than later.”

Before any of the girls could move a muscle the broom cupboard door squeaked open and a familiar voice spoke “I vood be vary carvul if I vere you, siz sounds like sumvun hav planted a small bomb in your toilet and exploded it just az zee 4 girls hav valked past it!”
“Otto von Dryer? Is that you?” asked Joey
“Ya! It iz me” said Otto stepping into the room, his uniform glinting in the sunlight filtering through the window. The pips on his shoulders new and just waiting for a question to be asked of them. (They didn't have to wait long)
“Otto” cooed Joey “What are those pips on your shoulder for?”
“Ah, I am glad you asked me zat. Zees pips are for mine new rank of Colonel”
“They were handed to me on the death of mine father, last month”
“Ohh I'm sorry to hear that? How did he die?” enquired Joey her head tilted to one side.
“He died of embrassesment. He vaz playing football and vaz struck in zer nezza regions!”
“What Bavaria?” asked Margot, with a perfectly straight face.
“Yes zats vat I said” replied Otto.
“Now vat ve hav here is qvite simples. Your toilet block iz under attack from evil forces intent on destroying your happy home”
“Ohhh, that sounds terrible. Simply terrible” gushed Joey, going deep crimson
“I vill lead ze investigation at vunce. But first a joke...”
Every girl groaned in unison!
“...Vy is ze letter 'P' like a Roman Emporer?.......Because it iz near 'O'”
The customary silence that greets an Otto von Dryer (Colonel) joke filled the room. “I think it's time we made a start” said Bride, leading the way as normal. As Otto returned (thankfully) to his broom cupboard each girl slowly came to her senses, breathed, wished she hadn't and left quickly.

Before leaving Margot sidled up to the stock still Joey and said in a stage whisper “You fancy him don't you”
“I do not that's utter rubbish” said Joey, about 200 seconds too quickly.
“Do too. And there was I thinking you liked Dr What's-his-name I bet you don't even notice him anymore?!”
“Stop being beastly!” exclaimed Joey darting out into the corridor.
“Well it's true” breathed Margot to a now empty room, “You do!”
Author:  sealpuppy [ Mon Jan 18, 2010 9:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Chalet School Filth
:shock: :shock: :shock: Boggling and giggling at the same time - not an easy feat! More please...
Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Mon Jan 18, 2010 11:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Chalet School Filth
Think that I might have to join sealpuppy! :shock: :lol: Thankyou Chair's SLOC!
Author:  Jennie [ Tue Jan 19, 2010 12:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Chalet School Filth
Chair, I do wish your SLOC would be inspired a little or a lot more often.
Author:  cal562301 [ Tue Jan 19, 2010 12:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Chalet School Filth
Wonderful. though the mind boggles at what might come next!
Author:  Liz K [ Tue Jan 19, 2010 9:59 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Chalet School Filth
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