Excellent! I really like they way you have woven the comments into a story so well. Can we expect some more?
| The CBB http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/ | |
| Unlikely Happenings at the Chalet School http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=8240 |
|
| Author: | Selena [ Tue Aug 10, 2010 9:35 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Unlikely Happenings at the Chalet School |
Jennie issued a challenge to create a drabble using the posts on the thread “Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel” in the English Tea at Freudesheim forum. This is my attempt at it. All the quotes are in blue. I have managed to get in most of the posts from the first 2 pages of the current thread. I hope you enjoy it & if anyone wants to continue it, feel free! *** With the coming of the new term, the school announced that they would no longer be a tri-lingual school, but rather a penta-lingual school. The languages would be English, Bad English, German, French, and Leetspeak. The triplets were in the library helping to unpack the new Leetspeak books. They included special editions of their mother’s books. This reminded Con of something that had been on her mind lately. "Who is going to tell mother that her books have been banned from every school in England, because the schools didn't like them." Con looked at her sisters. “Couldn’t we just say that they were so popular they have all been stolen from the school libraries by the St Trinian’s girls?” suggested Margot. Her sisters looked at her with admiration. Then the bell rang. “Hurry up!” said Len, “We’ll be late for music and it’s in Upper IVb’s classroom today!” Plato smiled as he looked at his class, he had been fed up with being told to keep the noice down because of exams happening in the next classroom so today he decided to get his own back. "Today class I will be teaching you how to make a vuvuzela work." He laughed as he took out a vuvuzela. The devil appeared in Upper IVbs classroom, while an angel appeared in the prefects room. *** The prefects were preparing their university admissions personal statements. They were all remarkably similar, having been virtually dictated by Jem, so that they included the correct blackmail details for each institution. Three weeks later, at the University of Oxford; The Oxford don sighed as she looked over the student lists with her colleague. "Another girl from the Chalet School?" In response to her companion's nod she exclaimed "Well! That's another remedial class we're going to have to put on. I really wish that blasted Russell chap hadn't got the Vice Chancellor over a barrel with those compromising photos - he's got something on the Cambridge lot too and, my friend tells me, the Sorbonne. Really, those girls are an utter nightmare to supervise - what on earth can they be teaching them in that place?!" *** When one of the Juniors wanted help from Mary-Lou, she found her behind the games shed, snogging Verity-Anne. They had recently made up after their argument earlier that day. Mary-Lou was always keen to help the other girls and she tried to help Joan now. "Joan," Mary Lou said carefully, "at the Chalet School we don't talk about boys in that way. Come with us on our next school outing to Interlaken - we're seeing the Chippendales and we get much, much more explicit than you've even dreamt of." Just then Emerence turned up. She was obviously in a foul mood, swearing at anyone and everything. When Emerance swore at Mary-Lou, all the girls cheered and asked for more swear words so they could swear at Mary-Lou, Joey Maynard, Bill, Matron and Miss Annersley. *** Meanwhile, at Freudesheim, Madge had come to visit Joey to have a serious, private chat. This was going to be difficult as Madge was not known for her tact. She shuddered as she remembered a scene long ago: 'Sophie Hamel you really are fat!" Madge looked at her ex-pupil thoughtfully as she started to cry loudly. "Maybe you could spare some to Joey!" Poor Sophie! Madge thought now. At least the year in the eating disorders clinic had helped her come to terms with her body image. Still, she mustn’t be too tactless now, with Joey! Maybe she should start with a compliment? Madge looked at Joey thoughtfully and then said, "Do you know Joey with those earphones you look just like Princess Leia" “Thanks Madge,” said Joey, very pleased with the compliment. “I’ve always been a fan.” Madge, being Joey’s sister, had noticed that when Joey was “busy” she did not actually look very busy. Certainly she had never looked as though she was carrying twins, let alone triplets. How she managed to produce all these babies was beyond Madge, but she had a feeling it was not the normal way. She’d decided to broach the subject over coffee. 'Er, Joey,' Madge looked uncharacteristically shy as she spoke to her sister. 'I don't mean to pry, but you and Jack have been married for 15 years now, with no sign of a baby. I don't like to ask, but - are you sure you know what you're supposed to do?' “Oh yes,” said Joey, “The International Adoption Agency is jolly good and went through the procedure very thoroughly at the beginning. We’ve acquired such a nice selection of babies from them. I do so like having babies with different characteristics. It would be so boring if they all just looked like Jack and I.” “Yes,” said Madge, carefully, “but I mean, your own biological children.” “Oh yes,” said Joey glibly, sipping her coffee, “Jack explained all that on our wedding night.” “He did?” said Madge, surprised. “Of course he did!” said Joey, “You can’t start married life not knowing where babies come from! And of course he told me all about the San’s special line of research.” “Tuberculosis?” queried Madge, puzzled. “No – cloning!” corrected Joey. “Jack told me all about how at the San they’re doing some research into cloning using artificial insemination and as soon as I heard how many sets of twins they’re producing I just had to get involved! They won’t take on doctor’s wives as birth mothers though – they only use specially chosen surrogates. You won’t believe who our latest one is! She’s the one that carried the second twins and all the younger kids. You know, I’m amazed how many people actually think I’ve given birth to all those twins and triplets! But I’ve just got to have more twins than all the other Old Girls put together!” And Joey’s eyes set determinedly. Madge stared at her coffee, unable to think of anything at all to say. This was more shocking than Joey’s previous revelations, like that conversation she’d had in the war years, concerning Robin and her friend. Madge remembered how shocked she’d been to hear: 'Of course, the staff think Robin and Lorenz are at Plas Gwyn with me,' laughed Joey, 'but they've gone to a dance at the air base with a couple of US airmen! I don't expect to see them before tomorrow teatime but you're only young once - and besides there's a war on!' It was certainly different to when she, Madge, had been a girl! And indeed when she’d got married – she’d been the one to tell Jem what was what. He’d had some strange notion of storks and mulberry bushes and had been adamant he was right until Madge had produced a medical book explaining the facts. "I'm sorry," said Jem. "I was wrong." He’d developed quite an interest in that book, Madge had noticed. “More coffee Madge? And try one of these biscuits.” Joey broke into her thoughts. As Madge accepted more coffee, Joey thought back to the conversation she’d had with Jack after the second twins arrived. As part of the cloning research, they’d had several babies that were genetically Jack’s, or so Jack had thought…. After Phil and Geoff were born Jack decided he had to be brave and ask the question that had been bothering him for so long. He took a deep breath and said "Joey, I had the snip after you had Stephen, so who's the father of all the other kids?" “Well actually Jack, I couldn’t face the thought of our current surrogate lady being inseminated with your sample, so I got rid of it and got one from Jem instead. He’s got quite a collection. I think they’re mostly from unmarried San doctors.” Jack had not brought the topic up again. He knew all about unmarried San doctors. He remembered the San Amateur Chippendales Society and the performance they had given at a club in Interlaken. The young men ran backstage breathless and most discomforted. "They get worse every time!" exclaimed one. "It's not the girls I'm worried about," gasped another. "Have you seen the mistresses?! The attitude of their headmistress is frightening! I might need someone to see me back to my lodgings..." “At least they’re too drunk to realise who we are!” said yet another young doctor. “So Madge,” said Joey, bringing them both back to the present. “What shall we do together today? We can pop over to the School of course, and say hello.” *** In Hilda’s study later that day some senior staff members, Madge, Joey and the Headmistress herself were in conference. Hilda had just finished running through a to-do list with Rosalie. "Blue velveteen and honeycombing are a bit old hat, really," Hilda said. "I think it's time we introduced something more 1950s.” “Right, I’ll phone Chanel in the morning,” replied Rosalie, taking notes. “Enough about the new uniform. Now you’re here Joey,” Hilda continued, “We need your help with a new girl. I thought perhaps you could invite her to tea with you. She’s proving a little…difficult.” Hilda remembered the scene in her office that morning. The girl was just being unreasonable. All the new girls were bullied until there were more new girls. And here was a girl claiming the school should have an anti-bullying policy! The headmistress simply couldn’t help herself. Miss Annersley lost her temper with the self-obsessed new girl, and shook her until the girl didn't know which way was left and which way was right. "A problem new girl?" asked Joey, frowning slightly. "No, I don't think I do want her to tea, after the last time one of them left weed in the nursery. Anyway, I'm really struggling with the next chapter of my new book, and I don't think I can see anyone for at least a month." “Actually, I think that weed was probably Mary-Lou’s,” admitted Hilda. “No!” gasped Madge and Joey together. “Not our one and only Mary-Lou!” “Yes, I’m afraid so,” confirmed Hilda, remembering the tense scene in the San, earlier. "Mary-Lou, your health screening results came back. You tested positive for crack and PCP." said Jem and turned to Verity. “Your test returned as clear. I'm sorry," said Jem. "I was wrong. It was obviously Mary-Lou’s gear. “We’ve never had a drugs problem before now!” wailed Madge. “What about the reputation of the school?! The parents never mind accidents on the mountain rambles or the skiing mishaps, but drugs are a different thing!” Hilda nodded to Rosalie, who then admitted Mary-Lou had confessed to getting her illegal substances from the school greenhouses. Rosalie read out Mary-Lou’s statement quoting a mistress at her last gardening lesson: "Now girls", said Miss Everett "I've prepared the greenhouses, and put the heating on, so now all you need to do is sow the cannabis seed as I showed you recently" Rosalie turned to Joey and said, “Actually Joey, Mary-Lou also told us about your little misdeed too. Jack already knows.” Joey reddened. Joey did not deny having a love-affair with someone else, Madge was rather shocked to discover that the affair had been with a woman, many years her junior. "Who?" Madge demanded breathlessly to the admisson; Jack had been most upset when he had discovered the liason. "Mary-lou," Joey replied sweetly, not caring about the storm which was going to follow. Joey was no longer in favour of the staff of the Chalet School, it was evident upon their faces as she was told to leave by Miss Annersley. "We can no longer look to you for advice," she said simply as the door closed behind her. *** Joey walked back to Freudesheim, feeling a little unwell. Although, she thought, that could be because she was due to be busy again soon. Jack arrived home an hour later and woke up Joey who had fallen asleep. 'Good grief, Joey,' exclaimed Jack. 'What on earth have you been up to?' 'I know,' Joey looked puzzled. 'It's weird, isn't it? I had a headache and mistook one of your little blue pills for an aspirin.' Jack stared in astonishment (and no little envy) at his wife's 4' long plaits, freed from their earphones and standing up tall and proud. “Jack, the school have found out about my relationship with Mary-Lou,” said Joey. “Nevermind,” said Jack, “They’ll soon get over it. They’ll be too busy trying to sort out the drugs situation. I just hope they don’t look too closely into where that crack came from!” “Oh Jack! You’re not part of this drugs conspiracy too?!” exclaimed Joey. “Well, we have to pay the boy’s school fees somehow!” argued Jack. “Anyway, I will soon be busy working overtime. Jem has to go on a conference in a few weeks time, in England, and I’ll have to cover for him.” Jack thought back to this morning when he’d reminded Jem of the conference. Jem had been adamant it wasn’t for at least another few months until Jack had shown him the letter from the hospital. "I'm sorry," said Jem. "I was wrong." "How come you never get invited to any of these medical jollies in exciting places, Jack?" Joey asked crossly. Jack took a measured look at his wife and decided he could never tell her the truth, especially about the highly confidential letter Jem had sent him pleading to keep Joey away at all costs from their colleagues, most of whom had wives who would not appreciate her particular brand of 'tact' and daughters who liked to keep their private lives private. No, he did not fancy professional death before the age of fifty, thank you very much! Also of course, there were the rumours in the medical world about what was really going on at the Swiss Sanatorium. People were starting to doubt the authenticity of the tuberculosis research. Jem had not published anything new for years. At the last doctor’s meeting at the San they had reminded everyone to keep quiet about their true main research project, but they’d have to be careful to stop anymore gossip getting out. Jem had had to sedate and memory-wipe at least ten tourists over the last few weeks, just to be on the safe side. A thought suddenly struck Jack and he turned to his wife. “Here, you haven’t mentioned anything about our cloning research to Mary-Lou have you?” “No of course not.” said Joey. “I’m sure she’s suspicious though – she kept making remarks about our youngest. I suppose two sets of triplets in one year is a bit much even for me.” “We should only have needed to do one lot!” said Jack, peeved. He’d told Jem that he’d made a mistake with the January triplets and they wouldn’t be identical clones, but he’d been adamant he, Jem, was right, until they had been born with different hair and eye colours. Jack recalled Joey showing off the January triplets to the staff, Madge and Jem: 'We don't approve of fancy names,' announced Joey as she showed off her triplets: Spam, Ham and Jam. 'And we don't like the names 'Mummy & Daddy', so they're going to call us Dr & Mrs Maynard.' “Very progressive,” said Jem to Joey, then turning quietly to Jack: "I'm sorry," said Jem. "I was wrong." December’s batch had luckily gone much better. Jane, Jean and Joan Maynard were exactly the same, and always confused the mistresses until the mistresses were sticking straw in their hair. However, Jack wondered if anyone guessed that their precocious ability to confuse the mistresses at only a few months old was due to their phenomenal intelligence (a side project of Reg’s)? Also Jack wondered who might possibly be their father? Or indeed their mother – Joey had never allowed him to know who the current surrogate was, and try as he might, he had never managed to spot a pregnant woman around the Platz the last few times that Joey had been busy. *** At a special assembly that afternoon, Miss Annersley announced there would be no more gardening lessons until further notice. All of the girls in the school suddenly burst into tears at the news - they could not take it. The staff wondered worriedly just how many girls were now addicts. Matron was not at the assembly. She was revamping the school menu again. Her latest dishes were proving very popular. The delights of all the girls were: Doughnuts fried in cod-liver oil, Sulphur cakes, Castor oil and slugs. *** While the School was busy with their assembly, Joey sneaked in to the building. She wanted to see her surrogate mother to talk about the latest episode of busy-ness. How lucky that no-one had ever found out who she was – not even Jack! It was bound to cause problems if it became known. ‘Now, she wasn’t in the assembly, so she would probably be in her bedroom,’ thought Joey. ‘Dare I go and see her there? She keeps her room very private. I suppose I had better, as everyone will come out of assembly soon and I might be spotted.’ Joey crept off upstairs. Joey's jaw dropped as she gazed around Matey's bedroom, where the wardrobe lay scattered about the floor, the books tottered in untidy heaps and a thick layer of dust covered everything, including the brown, shrivelled potted plants and the unspecified hairy substances that were starting to crawl off their plates. Joey whistled – she had always assumed Matron’s room would be immaculately tidy! Eventually Joey tracked down her surrogate mother in the store cupboard where the sweets were kept. Matron had got the munchies and attacked the Middles’ tuckboxes. Being Matron, she felt conscience-bound to admit her snaffling to the Middles when they came out of the assembly. The girls were suprised to hear that Matey, who they never thought of as a thief, had eaten all of the food in their tuckboxes, all of the sweets that they could only get 2 or 3 a day, and now had become fat. "Innit brav, ya killed it," said the new girl to Matron. “I’m sorry,” said Matron meekly, “Can’t think what came over me. Now go and tidy your drawers, I’m holding an inspection in ten minutes. Show the new girls what to do.” The new girls were called Mary, Kate, Michelle, Edith, Yvette, Maria, Mimi, Dora, Susan, Claudia, Ashley, Helga, One, Two, Three, Martha, Eliza, George, Anne, Julia, Jane, Joan, Jean, Darrell, Sally, Alicia, Betty, Clara, Mona, Twinkle and Lisa. They all trooped off to tidy up. Matron cheerfully ignored the fact that all the juniors dormitries were a mess, and let them get away with it. The juniors were amazed by the change in her! The Middles were not happy and thought Matron was picking on them unfairly. *** Matron had been behaving rather unusually lately, even Joey had noticed this. She was starting to think there was something going on, other than the impending batch of identical quads. What had caused this change? was the question on everyone's minds. Matey, who knew everything and was well aware of the puzzlement of the girls, chuckled to herself as she thought of the suprise she would give them when she told the whole school that she was engaged to be married - to Gaudenz! Gaudenz chuckled as he thought of the scene to come, when he introduced Matey to his other 'fiancee'. Len wasn't sure about this whole polygamy thing, especially when Gaudenz's other wife was matey. But, she reasoned, it still couldn't possibly be as bad as marrying Reg. Len loathed Reg with all her heart and wished that he would stop following her like a love-sick puppy making gooey-eyes at her whenever she did not fall into line! Len had not dared mention any of this to Joey. Con however, had woken up for once and was wondering why Jane, Jean and Joan seemed to remind her of Reg….? |
|
| Author: | Elle [ Tue Aug 10, 2010 9:43 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Unlikely Happenings at the Chalet School |
Excellent! I really like they way you have woven the comments into a story so well. Can we expect some more?
|
|
| Author: | Pingaware [ Tue Aug 10, 2010 9:53 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Unlikely Happenings at the Chalet School |
This is brilliant! Absolutely loving it, and also hoping for more! Favourite line - "I'm sorry," said Jem. "I was wrong." 
|
|
| Author: | Alison H [ Tue Aug 10, 2010 9:57 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Unlikely Happenings at the Chalet School |
Brilliant - well done for getting all that into a coherent story! |
|
| Author: | PaulineS [ Tue Aug 10, 2010 10:00 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Unlikely Happenings at the Chalet School |
 thank you 
|
|
| Author: | Sugar [ Tue Aug 10, 2010 10:32 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Unlikely Happenings at the Chalet School |
very clever! |
|
| Author: | Abi [ Tue Aug 10, 2010 10:38 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Unlikely Happenings at the Chalet School |
| That was brilliant - thanks, Selena!
|
|
| Author: | Chatelaine [ Wed Aug 11, 2010 11:26 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Unlikely Happenings at the Chalet School |
This is inspired!! I am dead jealous of you being able to take all those lines and weave them into a story [Yes, I know, "dead jealous" is slang, so I'll put my money in the fine box  ]
|
|
| Author: | midge [ Wed Aug 11, 2010 11:29 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Unlikely Happenings at the Chalet School |
|
|
|
| Author: | lizco [ Wed Aug 11, 2010 3:49 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Unlikely Happenings at the Chalet School |
| Very very clever and very very funny!
|
|
| Author: | charli [ Wed Aug 11, 2010 10:39 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Unlikely Happenings at the Chalet School |
| Love it! This is great fun. Any more coming? |
|
| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 12:11 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Unlikely Happenings at the Chalet School |
| More please! |
|
| Author: | ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 10:32 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Unlikely Happenings at the Chalet School |
| Oh definitely more please! Jem tells me that he doesn't think there will be... please prove him wrong! (again) |
|
| Author: | Fatima [ Fri Aug 13, 2010 7:04 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Unlikely Happenings at the Chalet School |
That was brilliant! Thanks for a good laugh, Selena. |
|
| Author: | Jennie [ Sat Aug 14, 2010 2:13 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Unlikely Happenings at the Chalet School |
Thanks, Selena. Brilliant! |
|
| Author: | shazwales [ Sun Aug 15, 2010 12:04 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Unlikely Happenings at the Chalet School |
| another hoping to see more of this! Please ?
|
|
| Author: | sealpuppy [ Mon Aug 16, 2010 4:04 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Unlikely Happenings at the Chalet School |
| Me too, more please!
|
|
| Author: | Naomila [ Fri Aug 27, 2010 11:48 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Unlikely Happenings at the Chalet School |
Reading this after "A Maynard Dilemma" has now got me rolling on the floor! 
|
|
| All times are UTC + 1 hour | |
| Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group http://www.phpbb.com/ | |