The staff Christmas party
The CBB -> St Clare's House

#1: The staff Christmas party Author: Alison HLocation: Manchester PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 4:12 pm


“Isn’t this fun!” Hilda Annersley said brightly as she carefully placed a lime green paper crown on her head. “The Chalet School Staff Christmas party’s in full swing!”

The younger members of the Chalet School staff grimaced at each other. Sitting sedately round the table, being lectured by Matey on the only acceptable way of pulling a Christmas cracker, was definitely not their idea of having a good time.

“Oh dear, we seem to have run out of Karen’s special lemonade,” Nell Wilson said. “We haven’t got anything else to drink except the milk that’s keeping hot in those big flasks, and we won’t be wanting that until we’re ready to go off to bed, which won’t be until about ten o’clock.” She pressed the bell to summon one of the maids to ask for some more lemonade, but there was no answer. “That’s odd,” she said. “Well, would some of you younger ones mind going to fetch some instead?”

Sharlie Andrews, Kathie Ferrars and Davida Armitage made their way downstairs, to where the domestic staff – the two sets of staff at the Chalet School never mixed – were having their own Christmas party. “No wonder no-one heard the bell!” Sharlie said. Music was blaring out, the chairs had all been pushed to the edges of the room, and everyone was on their feet and dancing.

“Now this is what I call a Christmas party!” Davida said. “Isn’t that Joey’s Anna leading the conga chain? How nice of them to invite her. I nearly didn’t recognise her without a tray of lemon biscuits in her hand. This is more like it! Now what can we do to make our Christmas do a bit more like this one?”

“I think I might have an idea,” Sharlie answered mischievously.

The three of them returned to their own Christmas party heavily laden down with bottles. What a good job it was that the Chalet School always used those brightly coloured drinking glasses: no-one would be able to see what colour the “lemonade” actually was.

“This is never lemonade,” Nancy Wilmot murmured to Kathie as she took a sip out of the glass that she’d just refilled. “What is it really?”

“Gaudenz’ home brew,” Kathie giggled.

“This lemonade doesn’t taste like it usually does,” Hilda said, frowning a little. “I hope none of the ingredients have been mixed up with anything out of that medicine cabinet that never seems to be locked: it’s surprising how often that seems to happen.”

“Oh, it’s a special Christmas recipe,” Sharlie said, winking at Davida and Kathie.

“Ah, that explains it! Very nice it is too!” Hilda said, emptying her first glass in a matter of seconds and reaching for the bottle again. “Well, cheers, everyone!”

Three hours later

Jeanne de Lachennais and Julie Berne were dancing the can-can on one of the tables, and Kathie and Nancy were dancing a jig round the middle of the room.

“Down in one, down in one, down in one,” Ruth Derwent and Rosalind Moore chanted as Hilda poured herself yet another “lemonade”. Unfortunately, she spilt most of it. “Oh dear,” she slurred. “Missed my mouth. Must need glasses after all.”

“I love you lots and lots Hilda,” Nell mumbled. “You’re my bestest, bestest friend in the whole wide world and I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I haven’t got a bestest friend,” Joan Bertram wailed. “I’m supposed to be the jolliest person in the world when I’m not having one of my bilious attacks, but no-one likes me. S’not fair!”

“What about me?” Nurse shouted. “Years and years I’ve been here and no-one even knows what my real name is!”

“I bid you all stop being so miserable, maids!” cried Mr Denny. “Let us sing some of my Christmas carols!”

“Why d’you always talk in that silly way?” Biddy O’Ryan asked drunkenly. “Sounds ridiculous.”

Mr Denny looked puzzled. “I don’t know, really,” he said. “Why do I talk like that?”

“It’s because there’s a rule that no normal blokes are allowed to work here,” Sharlie Andrews muttered. “Should’ve invited the doctors from the San. Why do I never get to go on any exciting trips where I might get to be rescued by a handsome doctor? The only men I ever meet are either old or married or both. I’m doomed! I’ll be stuck here for ever!”

“Don’t despair, Sharlie!” Peggy Burnett yelled. “My sister Mary was never allowed to go on any exciting trips either, but she got to marry a doctor and escape from the school and now no-one here ever says anything about her, not even me! We’ll all meet our doctors eventually!”

“Hooray, there’s hope for us all!” Rosalie Dene cried. “I love you, Peggy! You’re my favourite cousin!”

“Know what, Rosalie?” Joey mumbled. “I’d forgotten you were Peggy’s cousin. No-one’s mentioned it for about twenty years! Hooray for families! Especially mine: I’ve got lots of children and I’ve got my Jack! We’re going to have more children than anyone else: no-one’s allowed to have more children than us, cos I said so.”

“Why are you here, anyway?” Davida muttered. “Did anyone invite you? Bet they didn’t and you invited yourself like you usually do.”

“I don’t need to be invited: I was the first ever Chalet School girl and I’ll still be a Chalet School girl when I’m ninety,” Joey slurred. “I’ve never, ever told any of you that before, have I? And I’ll have lots of grandchildren and great-grandchildren then cos me and my Jack’ve got so many children.”

“Oh stop going on about your Jack!” Matey sobbed. “Why d’you have to keep talking about your Jack? You’re the darling of my heart, Joey. Everyone knows that except you.” She lunged towards Joey, accidentally catching the edge of the nearest tablecloth as she did so. The cloth came off the table and all the dishes and glasses clattered on to the floor. The two French mistresses were so startled that they can-can-ed off the next table on to the floor, and Hilda and Nell laughed so much that they fell off their chairs. The others rushed to rescue them but most people were too drunk to stand up straight and they all ended up in a giggling heap on the floor.

At that moment the door opened. “Must be Father Christmas,” Peggy shouted.

“Maybe it’s one of the doctors dressed up as Father Christmas,” Sharlie said hopefully.

It wasn’t.

“What on earth is going on in here?” the Head Girl demanded in her clarion tones.

“It’s not Father Christmas. And it’s not cheek; it’s just Mary-Lou,” everyone chorused.

“Well! A more disgraceful collection of drunkards I never beheld!” Mary-Lou said. “I’m going to have to get all the other prefects out of bed to make black coffee for you all. Now get up off the floor and start tidying up this mess at once. Honestly, am I the only one who upholds the standards of this school? What a good job that you’ve always got me to sort everything out!”

“We’re never going to live this down,” Nell whispered to Hilda.

“Not at all,” Hilda said. “It’s the staff Christmas party and it’s the one night of the year that you’re allowed to make a complete fool of yourself because you can always convince yourself that everyone’ll’ve forgotten about it by the New Year! Merry Christmas, everyone!”

“Merry Christmas!” they all shouted back.

 


#2:  Author: RosyLocation: Gloucestershire-London-Aberystwyth PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 4:21 pm


*giggles* Glad someone finally got them all wrecked.
Thankyou Alison.

 


#3:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 4:30 pm


Hilarious! Thanks, Alison. I'm glad they got to let their hair down after all!

 


#4:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 4:43 pm


*sniggers muchly*

Huzzah for the christmas fun Very Happy Thanks Alison

 


#5:  Author: gaityrLocation: Singapore PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 4:47 pm


Laughing Laughing Laughing

Classic, Alison - loved seeing every last one of them getting stone-drunk and blurting out their innermost frustrations with the lots they'd been stuck with in life. Wink

Especially cracked up when Nell declared Hilda her bestest bestest friend ever, when Joey suddenly appeared and declared that no one could have more kids than her because she said so, and the discussion on doctors.

Absolutely inspired! Thanks so much! Mr. Green

 


#6:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 4:47 pm


poke Mary Lou - tell her to mind her own business! Twisted Evil

Excellent.

 


#7:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 5:01 pm


Brilliant Alison!! Thank you!

 


#8:  Author: nikkieLocation: Cumbria PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 7:56 pm


Rofl Very Happy Can jsut picture it!

 


#9:  Author: Chalet_school_loverLocation: Gloucester PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 8:11 pm


Laughing Laughing Laughing
That was soooooo funny! I could picture that all the way through! I loved all the drunken confessions!!! Thank you very much! Very Happy

 


#10:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 10:04 pm


Thanks, Alison. That was really, really great!!! Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

 


#11:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 10:48 pm


LOLOL, that was brilliant, a great laugh.

Thanks.

 


#12:  Author: RóisínLocation: Vancouver for now PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 11:14 pm


*giggles madly* Alison you are the queen of comedy here Laughing

 


#13: staff christmas party Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 11:34 pm


I don't giggle all that often, but now ... Laughing Laughing Laughing

 


#14:  Author: RowenaLocation: NE England PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 11:44 pm


we need a name for Nurse!!! how about Nurse Malvina and she never dared say because Joey hates the name Malvina???
that was FABULOUS Alison my hubby now thinks I'm mad cos I was giggling madly at it Very Happy Very Happy

 


#15:  Author: MichelleLocation: Near London PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 11:48 pm


I loved it! Thank you, Alison. Trust Mary-Lou to spoil everything!

Now, I wonder what a drunken Mary-Lou would be like.

Could Nurse's name be Mary-Lou? Or Joey?

Michelle

 


#16:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 2:41 pm


Fabulous Alison - I just loved the line about it being "just Mary-Lou"

 


#17:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 2:51 pm


This is soooo funny! Laughing Thanks Alison Very Happy Any chance of any more? *begs*

 


#18:  Author: CarolaLocation: ...trying to get back to Nepal PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 3:39 pm


Thanks Alison, that was REALLY funny. Particularly liked Hilda's comment about needing glasses after all...and no normal blokes being allowed to work at the CS Very Happy

 


#19:  Author: Le Petite EmLocation: Cheltenham PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 4:53 pm


Mary-Lou spoils everything.
Thanks that was soo funny!!!

 


#20:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Fri Dec 23, 2005 1:25 pm


ROFL ROFL ROFL

Thanks Alison - that was hilarious!

Liz

 


#21:  Author: RuthYLocation: Anyone's guess PostPosted: Fri Dec 23, 2005 9:49 pm


Mind your own buisness OOAOML Exclamation

lolololololololololololololololol!!

Loved it. Thank you Alison.

 


#22:  Author: KathrynWLocation: London PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2005 1:16 pm


That was fab Alison! Absolutely fantastic! I love the idea of them all finally letting their hair down...!

Kathryn

 




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