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The Subjugation of a Squeen
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Author:  Sad in Suburbia [ Sun Sep 05, 2010 8:01 pm ]
Post subject:  The Subjugation of a Squeen

I write this sitting in the kitchen sink. I wish I could say that is merely homage to a literary classic, but tragically, it is only too true. Actually, I can barely fit in my feet, as the sink is largely filled with potato peelings. Alas, my life is such that these would seem a veritable feast, but She is merely taunting me with them. They will go to the pigs, of course (I have heard them termed Her boyfriends but alas! Poor creatures! That is too kind a phrase for the degraded life they lead). I heave a sigh. At least I have five minutes alone to write, albeit using a scorched potato chip on a paper napkin. I am not allowed note paper and pen.

You may ask yourselves; how did it come to this? How did I, an intelligent young woman with all of life’s rich tapestry on offer become such a miserable wretch, slaving for no reward in this den of evil and iniquity? A good question and one I wish I was not able to know the answer.

It all started in 2005. A cold day in February and the chill outside matched the thrill of fear inside my heart as I noticed her name appear as a new registrant on my website. I have often felt I might have a little psychic power, and it was as if I just knew that no good could come from this newcomer, her name stark and bold before me: Mia. An anagram of maim (almost).

I blame myself utterly. At first I was suckered in with her vitriolic charm. A latter day Dorothy Parker, I presumed. Often after reading her words I would chuckle, then weep, then chuckle again. She blew into my life like an emotional tornado and things would never be the same again.

How vividly I remember our first meeting. I had voyaged with my faithful sidekick and oft-rumoured lover, Katie, into Town with the express intention of taking an omnibus to Oxford for meeting my loyal friends. No sooner had we settled ourselves comfortably into the seats of our choice when the door of the coach was kicked in viciously. A young woman of remarkable beauty and character stormed onto the coach, berated the driver, punched a random young man in the face and lurked just to my left. I shuddered.

“Are you Liss?” She demanded. “And you must be Katie. There appears to be some mistake. There is no seat for me here.”

I spent the journey in the luggage rack.

Author:  violawood [ Sun Sep 05, 2010 8:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Author:  Abi [ Sun Sep 05, 2010 8:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Author:  Nell [ Sun Sep 05, 2010 9:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

Dear squeen, I love this. Thank you, Nell x

Author:  BethC [ Sun Sep 05, 2010 10:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

:lol: :lol:
And as for anagrams, good name... "Us? Abusin' a bird?" :wink:

Author:  Nightwing [ Sun Sep 05, 2010 10:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

Oh dear! I shouldn't have read this at work - my laughing is making it pretty obvious I'm not actually working...

Author:  Abi [ Sun Sep 05, 2010 10:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

Nightwing wrote:
Oh dear! I shouldn't have read this at work - my laughing is making it pretty obvious I'm not actually working...


I was just about to ask why you were at work at 10.20 pm, Nightwing.... :roll: :oops:

Author:  Mia [ Mon Sep 06, 2010 10:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

You'll be sorry.

Author:  charli [ Mon Sep 06, 2010 5:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

Haha, punching random people!! You naughty girl, Mia :wink:

This is funny.
Any more?

Author:  Katherine [ Mon Sep 06, 2010 10:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

Everyone knows that truly evil people punch babies in the face.
Amateur.

Author:  Len [ Tue Sep 07, 2010 2:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

Norty, norty little satirist!! If you're very lucky, David Attenborough might rescue you...

:D :D :D

Author:  KathrynW [ Tue Sep 07, 2010 2:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

I hope the peeled potatoes are due to be made into a quiche.

Author:  Emma A [ Tue Sep 07, 2010 3:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

This is reminding me of Jane Eyre...

Author:  Sad in Suburbia [ Tue Sep 07, 2010 4:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

The Oxford Gather was deemed a success - not by the majority of the participants but by Her. We were fortunate that She was not displeased. Luckily She did not stay for long; having some unspecified but in hindsight, highly-dubious business to which to attend. The thirty minutes during which She haughtily sipped Her coffee (stolen) and shouted at us were unpleasant, yet happily we survived largely unscathed. I have since learned that two of the timider members of our party had to receive some treatment for nervous trouble, but that was at the time, a secret known only to them.

I must close now for I hear the sounds of stomping footsteps coming ever closer and I am fearful of discovery. I can only hope I can come back to continue this sad little tale before my exhausted body is as broken as my spirit.

Author:  Katherine [ Tue Sep 07, 2010 10:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

*weeps into pillow*

Author:  Miss Di [ Wed Sep 08, 2010 12:57 am ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

*spitting coffee at the monitor*

Author:  Sarah_G-G [ Wed Sep 08, 2010 9:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

:lol: :lol: :lol: This reminds me of the early drabbles...

Author:  wheelchairprincess [ Sun Sep 12, 2010 2:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

Very interesting!

Author:  Helen P [ Mon Sep 13, 2010 1:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Superb!

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sun Sep 19, 2010 4:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

All I can say is :lol: I do hope that you can come back as well!

Author:  Katherine [ Sun Sep 19, 2010 9:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: The Subjugation of a Squeen

*Starts chant for more*

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