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Rosalie, Con and The Perils of Tea (Complete 5/10)

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The CBB -> St Clare's House

#1: Rosalie, Con and The Perils of Tea (Complete 5/10) Author: Ally, Location: John Bettany's Cabin!

Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:49 am
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A little pimally production Wink

Rosalie loved tea. It was her passion. It was the true reason why she had never married (so now you know). Her tastes and inclinations lay elsewhere: in the world of the leaves and porcelain china.

Con Stewart reclined in the staff room with her bottle of that terribly decadent and much frowned upon drink, Coca-cola. Really, she thought, carefully blowing bubbles through her straw and ignoring the horrified looks of her colleagues, you’d have thought it was gin I was swigging the way they’re carrying on. She sighed. Nobody understood in these dark days of war.

But she was wrong. Rosalie understood. Rosalie, the newest addition to the staff room as the new secretary to Hilda (and the school) rather than the San. Rosalie wasn’t quite sure what she had done to get sacked from the San. Well sacked might not be quite right. But one day Dr Jem had just told her that she wasn’t wanted and that was that. She had worried that her secret had been discovered, but as the school had her employed, she decided it hadn’t. So probably sleeping with Jem hadn’t been the best plan after all.

“Yes shir I can boogie, boogie woogie all night long,” sang Con Stewart into her Coca-cola bottle as she shook her thang on the staff room coffee table.
“Get down Con, you idiot,” hissed Nell Wilson, known to the school at large as Bill, tugging on her friend’s sleeve. “Honestly, two Coca-cola’s and you’re anyone’s.”

Con giggled and fell off the coffee table.

In the far corner of the room, Hilda raised a painted eyebrow in the direction of Con. A fact that gigglesome lady had missed. But not so Bill. Bill saw the look and grew alarmed. She was aware of Hilda’s “interest” towards her and that a rival would just not be stomached. Con was danger and something had to be done!

“Bill, I love you,” slurred Con as Bill helped her to her feet. “You’re my very best friend.”
“Shut up, you idiot,” she muttered in reply, blushing to the roots of her hair, knowing that she had to get Con out of here right now.
“But it’s truuuuuuuuuuuue,” warbled Con, staggering to her left.

Bill rolled her eyes and thought (no mean feat, I can assure you). Con usually got a bit hyper after a couple of Coca-colas but not like this. She cast another glance over at Hilda and the cogs in Bill’s brain began to whirr quite noisily.

“Bill, you’re brain’s whirring!” Con cried as the room span around her.
“Come on, you idiot. Let’s get you to bed,” Bill muttered stealthily as she led Con out of the room and towards their sleeping quarters.
“Ooooh bed, how wonderful,” Con replied as she tried to fling her arms around Bill in an embrace which Bill managed to fight off, but only just.
“You’ve been drugged, Charlie. Stop behaving so stupidly, you’re playing into her hands!”

But Con had gone, slumped across her bed in a deep sleep, gently snoring with some drool running down her cheek.

Last edited by Ally on Thu Oct 05, 2006 10:34 am; edited 9 times in total

#2: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:54 am
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Shocked

Rosalie and Jem?!

Laughing

Thanks Pim and Ally, that's hilarious. I hope there's loads more to come!

#3: Author: Kat, Location: Kingston-upon-Thames/Swansea

Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:57 am
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Shocked

*much giggling*

Thank you PimAlly!

#4: Author: Liane, Location: Manchester

Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 7:09 pm
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Shocked

More please!

#5: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 7:20 pm
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thank ye pimally. more now thankyou x

#6: Author: Joan the Dwarf, Location: Er, where am I?

Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:15 pm
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Am I the only person who thinks of Miss Lemon whenever Rosalie is mentioned?

(although with Miss Lemon it was cats rather than tea...)

#7: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sat Sep 16, 2006 10:06 am
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*giggles*

*swigs from can of coca cola*

Thank you pimally Laughing

#8: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Sat Sep 16, 2006 9:19 pm
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I like it! Very Happy

Thanks, pimally. Please may we have some more?

#9: Author: pim, Location: Londinium

Posted: Mon Sep 18, 2006 12:38 pm
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Ahh, yes, think I meant to update this before I left work on Friday but, well, I got sidetracked by Pacman... these things happen.

Hilda watched Bill and Con leave the staff room and smirked to herself before trotting along to her study like a small excitable pony doing dressage. Spiking Con’s Coca-cola had been such a plan.

“Phase one complete,” she announced upon entering the study.
“Excellent,” replied the man in the chair in a manner reminiscent of Montgomery Burns (had he been around then). This man was just as evil. He was Jem Russell.

There had been another observer in the staff room though. Quiet, unnoticeable Rosalie. She had been sitting plum in the middle of the room through out making detailed notes on all the happenings and yet she had still failed to be noticed. There was plotting afoot though, this she was sure of and she was determined to get to the bottom of it all.

“When do we begin to implement phase two?” asked Hilda in a simperingly girly voice as she perched on Jem’s knee, running her fingers through his hair and giggling.
“All in good time, my dear, it never does to rush these things. We must make Con suffer a little longer for those unfounded rumours about my “significant glances” with Ne-Bill.”
“And Rosalie?”
“What possessed me?” he sighed. “Yes, we must move quickly on her before Madge finds out.”
“It would have been a lot easier if you hadn’t married her, you know!” Hilda despaired. “Just think what we could have done if it had been us married, darling!”
“But then I wouldn’t have owned the school and you would have been out of work years ago. You know what Madge felt about the “boating incident”. It took a lot of covering up and persuading, you know!”
“Well it shouldn’t have been allowed. The school’s policy on non coffee beverages is quite clear and non-conformers should be punished! Kit Leslie deserved her watery grave! Fancy drinking Bovril!”

#10: Author: Vick, Location: Leeds, Yorkshire

Posted: Mon Sep 18, 2006 4:15 pm
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Shocked

I'm intrigued! What are they plotting to do to poor Rosalie??? Shocked

Thanks for this pimally

#11: Author: Elle, Location: Peterborough

Posted: Mon Sep 18, 2006 4:56 pm
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pim wrote:

[color=blue]
“When do we begin to implement phase two?” asked Hilda in a simperingly girly voice as she perched on Jem’s knee, running her fingers through his hair and giggling.

Bleurggg!

Brilliant (apart from Hilda simpering!). More please!

#12: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Sep 18, 2006 7:37 pm
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Yes, lots more of this, please.

#13: Author: Ally, Location: John Bettany's Cabin!

Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 11:21 am
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In the meantime, Rosalie had slipped out of the staff room and followed Bill and Con down the corridor. She knew that something very odd was afoot and she had to talk to somebody about it. Knowing how most people seemed to not notice her, she stuck her foot out and tripped up Bill as she emerged from Con’s room.

“What the... Oh Rosalie!” she exclaimed, suddenly noticing the secretary.
“Bill, Con’s in danger.”
“I know. I think Hilda spiked her drink.”
“Shh.” Rosalie glanced around furtively. “We need to get away from here.”
“What about Con – she’s passed out!”
“We’ll have to carry her.”
“Do you have any idea how heavy she is?”
“Are you or are you not a Guide?”
“Oh bother you, Rosalie Dene!”

Bill was indeed a Guide, proved by her producing a six metre rope from around her waist which she then used to strap Con to her, rucksack style. It was then only a matter of struggling out of the building and to safety.

“Erm, where are we actually going to take her?” Rosalie enquired with a questioning look.
“Bother you and your sensibleness! I hadn’t thought of that,” Bill cried, and almost toppled over with the added weight. “Do you know anywhere so stealthily secret that no one would ever find it?”
“Well actually I do,” Rosalie replied with a grin.

Bill looked worried for a moment, then shrugged and followed Rosalie into a cunningly hidden secret passage just a few paces away. Eventually they emerged, blinking into the light.

“Where are we?” asked Bill, gazing around her in awe.
Con’s eyes flickered open. “Tea,” she whimpered before passing out again.
“You sit down and I’ll put the kettle on,” said Rosalie decisively, wandering off to browse the shelves and selecting a box of Darjeeling. She beamed happily to herself.

The smile was soon wiped from her face as she opened the box, inhaled the delicious aroma and felt sick. Rosalie swore.

“Rosalie, Rosalie, what is it?” Bill demanded urgently.
“My tea! My precious, darling, beautiful, wonderful, scrumptious tea! Ruined, ruined and drugged! What a fool Hilda is though to think that I wouldn’t notice. My nose has been specially trained to identify every type of tea and I can spot interloping when I sniff it.”
“But how did she find it here? You said it was a secret. Con – she’s not safe her either!”
“I’m not so sure of that.” Rosalie paused, thinking hard then opened a filing cabinet in the corner. “These are my records,” she informed Bill who was watching carefully. “Yes, it is as I thought. The Darjeeling was delivered on Tuesday and who was on duty then? Hilda, of course. She no doubt saw it delivered and acted then. No one has been inside here. I would know!”

#14: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 11:23 am
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*giggles at the idea of a Con-rucksack*

Nooooo how could anyone tamper with tea? Crying or Very sad

#15: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 1:21 pm
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Yes, it makes me think of the tellytubby bags that you can get, where it looks as if the tellytubby is riding on your back!

#16: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 2:08 pm
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Ally wrote:

No one has been inside here. I would know!”

*wonders (between giggles) exactly how she would know*

Thank you Allypim

#17: Author: Elle, Location: Peterborough

Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 8:30 pm
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Ally wrote:

Bill was indeed a Guide, proved by her producing a six metre rope from around her waist which she then used to strap Con to her, rucksack style. It was then only a matter of struggling out of the building and to safety.

“Erm, where are we actually going to take her?” Rosalie enquired with a questioning look.
“Bother you and your sensibleness! I hadn’t thought of that,” Bill cried,

ROFL!

#18: Author: pim, Location: Londinium

Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 8:02 am
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LizB wrote:

Ally wrote:

No one has been inside here. I would know!”

*wonders (between giggles) exactly how she would know*

Cos she is like Super-Rosalie or something.

Back in the study, Hilda and Jem were planning their next move. Hilda had told Jem about the tea delivery and her theory that Rosalie had a secret hideaway somewhere and she was sure that Bill would take Con there. And so they set off, Jem muttering something about Hilda’s butting in. If he had been left to his own devices without her interference then the subversive, tea drinking Rosalie would have had to have left in a few months anyway but now his plans lay in tatters. He reflected that it was never a good idea to let a fool in on one’s plan of evil. Still Hilda made a good search dog with her extra sensitive sense of smell.

“Aieee!” she screamed, tripping over and falling down a hole.

Bill and Rosalie were rather astonished a few moments later to witness Hilda come tumbling into the room, head over heels.

"Good entrance," Bill smirked as she kindly helped Hilda to her feet. "Now, what can we do for you?"

Hilda was rather reluctant to let go on Bill's hand. But she fought the temptation to stroke it admirably and looked around her with interest.

"Well, well, what do we have here? Secret lairs Rosalie, what do you need a secret lair for? And Con, what has happened to poor Con. All those nights out partying really have taken their toll. You really should have been more careful with your friends Nell. But at least you have me to sort it out, don't you?"

Bill raised both her eyebrows (some people just like to show off) but before she could say anything the precarious silence of the room was shattered by Jem Russell arriving in a rather similar fashion to that of Hilda a few moments previously. Rosalie squawked and dropped the tin of tea she was holding sending loose leaves of gunpowder tea flying in all directions and waking Con, who was still slumped in the corner.

"Wotchoo do that for?" she whinged. "I was quite happily enjoying my sleep..." she broke off as she noticed Hilda and Jem and the multitudinous shelves of tea. "Woss going on?"

Alarmed by the situation Con made a sudden movement, causing more chaos as she promptly toppled over bring Bill down on top of her.

"Urrgh gettoff" she growled as she flapped at her assailant.
"Bill, if might be a plan to untie yourself." Rosalie remarked with a amused grin.
"Bill, that Bill, ooh dearest Bill", and Con who was starting to come to what senses she had left, flung her arms around Bill, and the two lay entwined, while Hilda watched on in despair.

#19: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 10:41 am
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*laughing so much it hurts*

Thank you both

#20: Author: Ally, Location: John Bettany's Cabin!

Posted: Fri Sep 22, 2006 9:18 am
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Jem Russell looked on, somewhat bemused and tapped his foot impatiently. Women! They couldn't do anything properly. He looked around the place he had found himself in and shuddered at the sight of all that tea. Where was the coffee?! He caught Rosalie's eye and could have sworn that she had just smirked at him.

This would not do! He was a man and so he had to be manly. He couldn't let past conquests get the better of him. No it was his role to get the better of them. Coughing slightly to get attention he began.

"Rosalie, you foolish girl. Thought it was fun did you, having a little hideaway all to yourself? I'm not sure why you bothered though, you could have sat out in the middle of the school field and no one would have noticed you!"
"Jem don't be mean!" Hilda interrupted. "That's my job!"
"Well this is all rather jolly," Bill chimed in, as she finally managed to extract herself from Con's clutches. But what are you planning to do to us?"
"You Nell, oh nothing, how could I do anything to you. As for the others...BOOM!" She shouted with great delight.

Bill raised a stealthy eyebrow and quickly lowered it again, vaguely aware that she was becoming a cliché by doing it and Con collapsed in a heap on the ground.

"Y-y-you..." she stammered, pointing in the general direction of Hilda. "You've never liked me. It's just as well cos I don't like you." "Err..." interrupted Rosalie, thinking that this probably wasn't going the way it was meant to be going (these things never do, admittedly).
"What now!"

Four heads turned sharply to face Rosalie, and she almost blushed at the attention.

"Can't you see we are busy argui..." Hilda petered off as she faced a rather icy stare from Rosalie
"Good, now that I have your full attention, and you do all happen to be in MY lair, I want to know what's going on.
"Oh Rosalie, I thought you were cleverer than that and would have worked it out by now." Hilda replied with a slight shake of her head. "We are obviously going to kill you and Con. Can't you see, we can't have non-coffee drinkers cluttering up the place, and it's my duty as headmistress to set standards. So bye bye."

In one swift move she lit a match, threw it towards the gunpowder tea and bustled herself, Jem and Bill out of the lair, slamming the massive steel door shut.

"Iss locked!" Con slurred as she pushed her slumped body up against the door and tried to push. "Firre" she added rather unnecessarily."

For yes the gunpowder tea was rather flammable and then with a mighty BOOM just as Hilda had predicted, it all went up, covering the sound of Rosalie's cry of " Don't worry there's a back door."

Outside Hilda smiled.

#21: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Fri Sep 22, 2006 9:20 am
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*rofl*

Thank you both! Very Happy

#22: Author: Miranda, Location: Perth, Western Australia

Posted: Fri Sep 22, 2006 11:00 am
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What can i say but *marvellous*!! Looking forward to more...

#23: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri Sep 22, 2006 12:36 pm
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Nearly had a pasta salad-screen collision there! Laughing

Thank you Allypim Very Happy

#24: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sun Sep 24, 2006 1:31 pm
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Wonderful. i hope there's more to come.

#25: Author: pim, Location: Londinium

Posted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 1:28 pm
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LizB wrote:

Nearly had a pasta salad-screen collision there! Laughing

10 mile tailbacks being the result if you had?

Her smile soon vanished though as there was a loud explosion.

BOOM!

And Hilda was no more. Gone up in a cloud of gunpowder tea smoke.

"My tea, my precious tea!!" Rosalie wailed as she lay sobbing into the grass. "What will I do without you!"

Con, however was curled up and snoring quite peacefully, completely unperturbed by her near death experience.

"There there," replied Bill, condascendingly patting Rosalie on the head. "We'll just have to start all over again."

Not the end...

#26: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 7:34 pm
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Poor Rosalie - how will she manage without any tea Laughing

Thanks Pimally

#27: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Sep 25, 2006 8:02 pm
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Poor Rosalie, she ought to bit Nell's hand off.

#28: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Wed Sep 27, 2006 2:34 pm
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Meep... what a waste of tea! *mourns* Wink

#29: Author: Ally, Location: John Bettany's Cabin!

Posted: Thu Sep 28, 2006 9:16 am
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TEN YEARS LATER

Minty Dene made her way through the corridors of the Chalet School, skipping merrily since term didn't start until the following day. Stealthing past Matey's room she found the secret code pad on the wall that only a few knew about and the hole in the wall opened up and she vanished into the dark and loomy corridor.

"Mintea darling!" Rosalie exclaimed as she looked up from her desk in the middle of a large sterile looking room, where she was busy brewing various tea specimens. "Be with you in a second, I just want to perfect this blend."
"Oh mum! How many times do I have to tell you not to pronounce my name like that!"
"Oh fiddlesticks!" Rosalie paused and sipped her brew, then a few seconds later grimaced. "Bother why won't it work! Minty pass me some of that Mint tea would you."

Minty muttered something inaudible under her breath, but did as she was bid.

“Ah yes much better!" Rosalie, put down her equipment and finally turned her attention on her daughter. "A decent blend of Ceylon, mint and gunpowder there, but not half as lovely as my very own Minty Lapsang Souchong Chai," she added affectionately ruffling her daughter’s brown locks.
"Mum!!"
Rosalie just giggled in return. "Now what can I do for you then?"
"Where's Auntie Con?" She declared, "it's important."
Rosalie sighed. "It's always important with you, isn't it? She's in the other room with your Aunt Bill. Only I'd be careful if I were you..."

#30: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Thu Sep 28, 2006 12:43 pm
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Shocked

*giggle*

Thank you, Allypim

#31: Author: pim, Location: Londinium

Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 9:45 am
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Rosalie's warning went unheeded on her ten year old daughter who skipped merrily through the door into the other room where Con Stewart (she had never married Jock MacKenzie, it was all a big myth) was sitting with Bill the two of them drinking... bovril.

"Ooh Bovril!" Please may I have some Auntie Con, Matey was on the warpath yesterday and confiscated my Ovaltine. "Auntie Bill," she added turned to face that lady, "I thought you had warned her about that!"
"That's enough cheek out of you young lady. But it seems old habits die hard with Gywnneth, I'll have a word with her tomorrow."

Minty beamed at her aunt, before recalling her actual reason for the visit. Auntie Con, I have to tell you something, it's very important!"

Con, however, wasn’t paying attention (as usual). Minty really should have known better than to try and attract her brevet aunt's attention whilst she was drinking her bovril.

Giving up on her Auntie Con, Minty turned her attention to her Auntie bill.

"I think that evil woman you used to tell me stories about is alive!"
"Which evil woman?" Bill enquired curiously. "Karen? Mddle de Lachennais? Polly Heriot." Bill shuddered at this last. “Or no, you can't mean, not..."
"Yes. I think Wicked Miss Annersley has been disguised as annoying Mrs Maynard all this time!"

And at this bombshell even Con's attention was drawn.

#32: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 10:11 am
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*giggles LOTS*

Thank you Very Happy

#33: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 2:14 pm
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pim wrote:

"Yes. I think Wicked Miss Annersley has been disguised as annoying Mrs Maynard all this time!"

*rofl*

#34: Author: leahbelle, Location: Kilmarnock

Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 3:41 pm
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This is fantastic! Thank you.

#35: Author: KathrynW, Location: London

Posted: Sat Sep 30, 2006 8:48 am
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Absolutely wonderful, thank you pimally! Can't wait to see what happens next...

#36: Author: Ally, Location: John Bettany's Cabin!

Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 9:59 am
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"Oh bother," exclaimed Con, as she knocked her Bovril all over the floor.

Bill sighed, resisted the temptation to raise her eyebrows and went to find a cloth.

"Oh Auntie Con," sighed Minty, although she was used to her brevet aunt and her ways by now she still couldn't resist the temptation to be a little despairing over her. "Are you sure though, Minty?" Con asked anxiously. "More or less." "What makes you think that?" asked Bill, returning with a cloth in her hand which she handed to Con to mop up the Bovril spill.
"Well first of all you always used to say how nice, if a little irresponsible Mrs Maynard used to be as a girl."

Both Bill and Con nodded at this just as Rosalie entered and took a seat with her freshly brewed tea.

"And we all know how annoying she is as an adult. It's well always seemed like they were two different people. Then yesterday I had to go over for English Coffee, and other than the stuff being vile, I happened to see into one of the spare rooms and well..." here Minty trailed off and studied the floor with great concentration.
"Well what my dear," Rosalie encouraged.
"Um, well, there was a shrine to someone called Nell."

Bill resisted the urge to faint. It was somethign she had got quite good at over the years, not wanting to start up all the old lines about "still, grey & to all appreances". Instead she swore.

"I thought she'd been blown to smithereens in the explosion." Minty looked puzzled.
"It was before you were born."
"Not much before," chipped in Con as Minty looked even more puzzled. "Oops?" Bill sighed. "Minty, I think it's time you were told the truth."
"But I do know everything! Dr Jem is my father but he sacked mummy and she came to work for the school. Then he and Miss Annesley plotted together to get revenge on mummy because of their affair and the fact she drank tea. Auntie Con got involved too as she drank cola, though now she prefers Bovril, and Auntie Bill is involved because Miss A was jealous of her and Auntie Con's friendship and wanted Auntie Bill to herself. On and Miss A hated anything other than coffee and it drove her mad so that she tried to kill mummy and auntie Con, but they survived and we thought she had gone BOOM!" At this point Minty paused for breath as the older women looked at her in amazement.
"What I don't understand though, is why Auntie Con had to be hidden away when you thought her foe had been killed."

Minty stopped to catch her breath, having just gabbled the whole story off in one. Bill and Con stared at each other.

"How did you know?" they asked in unison.
Minty shrugged. "Can't tell you."
Bill and Con gave her matching glowers. "Minty."
Minty shrugged again, she knew her brevet aunts too well to wither under those glowers. "I can't tell you and that's that. Anyway, why haven't you answered my question?"
"I told her of course!" Rosalie interupted, "she had a right to know!"
"Rosalie, you promised to keep quiet, the more people who know the greater danger!"
"Danger, pah. What's danger when you have tea."
"Hello, anyone, over here, my question?" Minty enquired with only a little hope of getting attention.
"There's always danger," hissed Bill. "You of all people should know that. And if... if... she's back then the chances are we didn't blow up Dr Jem either and he might come and try and take Minty and brainwash her into drinking coffee!"

Minty sighed, realising she was going to get no sense out of either of her brevet aunts or her mother for the next few hours and she stealthily slipped away and decided she was going to sort this out by herself. It seemed the safest thing to so.

#37: Author: Miranda, Location: Perth, Western Australia

Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 10:43 am
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Quote:

Bill sighed, resisted the temptation to raise her eyebrows and went to find a cloth.

Brilliant!

Can't wait to see how Minty will "sort it out by herself"...

#38: Author: leahbelle, Location: Kilmarnock

Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 2:08 pm
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This is so funny! I just love all the intruigues over who didn't like who because they drank such and such!

#39: Author: Liane, Location: Manchester

Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 5:55 pm
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This is fantastic, thank you!

#40: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 8:25 pm
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Ally wrote:

"Danger, pah. What's danger when you have tea."

*giggles*

#41: Author: pim, Location: Londinium

Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 8:51 am
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Minty didn't have much of a plan, which wasn't much help to her when only a few minutes later she ran slap bang into Mrs Maynard, yet again prowling the school with Matey faithfully by her side.

"Minty," she sniffed. Really it was quite preposterous for Rosalie to giver her child a sillier name than she had ever managed. (she had never quite gotten over this fact)

Minty though had decided it was time for action and with a graceful movement, made a dive for Mrs Maynards earphones and, quite literally wrenched then off her head.

"Aha I knew it!" She cried as she waved the mask with glee. And then took Matey by surprise as she proceeded to do the same to her.
"You really didn't want to do that," growled Jem Russell
"Oh didn't I, daddy?" asked Minty, hurling the earphones down the corridor.

Hilda looked horrified and Jem Russell fainted away still, grey and to all appearances... dead.

He wasn't, of course, he just looked it.

"You little...!!" Hilda tried to lunge for Minty, who was too deft for her, and nimbly leapt out of harms way. Relief was also close at hand, for Rosalie always kept a close watch on her daughter (CCTV got to love it) and so to the rescue rushed Rosalie, Con and Bill.
"Alright, Hilda?" grinned Bill as she grabbed Hilda to forcibly restrain her, then rethought how it must be looking and handed her over to Con.
"C...C... Con!" whimpered Hilda weakly. "B...b...but, you're dead! I blew you up in the explosion!"
"Pffft," chortled Con. "Thought you could have got rid of me so easily? Not with these two on the case."
"Nell, I loved you," pleaded Hilda.
Bill looked horrified. "Perfectly good reason for me trying to get rid of you then. Minty, what are you doing?" Minty looked up from where she was perched atop Jem Russell (still passed out).
"Making sure he doesn't escape," she replied simply.

With the plotters subdued, they made their way to Matey's room, Jem having been dragged there my Minty and Rosalie who took a leg each.

"Now, what did you do to the real Joey and Matey??" Was the question Bill asked that everyone wanted to know.

Hilda cackled. "Their patent nostrums were no match for mine!" she cried.
"Err..." mumbled Jem groggily as he sat up. "You mean mine. I made them."
"Jemmy!" shrieked Hilda and flung herself at him. He sighed in reply. "You're alive. I thought that nasty girl had killed you," she pointed a trembling finger at Minty. Jem stared at Minty and remembered exactly why he had fainted.
"She... you're... Rosalie!"
"What?" demanded that lady, deeply bored.
"I... you... we... he... she..." he said before slumping into a deep faint again.
"I apologise about your father, Minty," Rosalie sighed. "It really was a mistake on my part."

Minty shrugged. "It's ok, I'd rather be here than not, and you know, I think daddy and I are going to get on famously. As for her though," as she flung out are arm in the direction of Hilda. "What are we going to do with her!"
"BOOM," giggled Con.
"We tried that once before," Bill reminded her. "Didn't work."
"Well she can't be indestructible," put in Minty pointedly. "She's got to have a weakness."
"Tea!" exclaimed Rosalie running from the room as fast as she could, returning with a syringe full of tea. "Hold her down, you two. Minty, you stay sitting on Dr Jem."

#42: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 9:00 am
—

Quote:

you know, I think daddy and I are going to get on famously.

I'm not sure Jem will agree with that, though!
Thanks for this, it's hilarious!

#43: Author: leahbelle, Location: Kilmarnock

Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 2:34 pm
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*echoes Becky!*

This is so funny. SLOC is wondering what I am giggling at!

#44: Author: KathrynW, Location: London

Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2006 7:21 pm
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Thank you pimally, very funny Very Happy

#45: Author: Ally, Location: John Bettany's Cabin!

Posted: Thu Oct 05, 2006 10:33 am
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"Noooooooooooooooooo!"

Hilda's shrieks could be heard all round the Platz, and actually did set off a small avalanche that killed three skiers and a couple of fluffy baby animals.

"There," said Rosalie standing back with a satisfied smile on her lips. "That should have done it. Now let's see," and with this she stood back and let the assembled throng see the results.

It took a while but soon the struggling ceased and Hilda lay there still, grey and actually dead. Con cheered and flung her arms around Bill's neck. Bill looked startled, and disentangled herself.

"What about Jem?" she asked Rosalie.
"I don't know," she admitted. "He is Minty's father after all."
"Convert him!" yelled Con, doing a wild war dance.
"It's a possibility," mused Rosalie. "Minty, wake your father up there's a dear".

Minty achieved this by the simple effect of yelling "Wake up daddy" directly into one of his ears, which caused Jem to sit bolt upright, and almost fling Minty across the otherwise of the room.

"What ya want." He mumbled as his eyes begain to focus on the scene surrounding him. "Hilda! What did you do to my darling Hilda!!"
"Oh she's dead," Bill remarked casually. "Killed by, what was that blend Rosalie?"
"Some vintage English rose, Lady Grey and Darjeeling. Thanks heavens for the store. The older the more potent!"
"But-but," Jem stammered, fear in his eyes. "What are you going to do to me?"
"That," began Rosalie with a smile that Jem didn't like. "Depends on you and how much you want to get to know your daughter." Minty did her best to look angelic and appealing. "If you want to see Minty grow up then give up your coffee crusade. If you don't, then we'll probably do the same thing to you."

Jem's bottom lip wavered.

"So...so I would get to drink Dr Pepper again?" He asked almost disbelievingly. "I've missed it so."

Three women and a young girl raised stealthy eyebrows.

"I won again," Bill shouted with glee.
"That still depends," Rosalie continued, "after all you did sack me!"
"But she made me do it!" Jem faltered. "Please forgive me, Rosalie, darling Rosalie. I'll do anything. Minty, how would you like to go for pony rides." He turned to Minty beseechingly, and everyone waited for her answer.
"I'd rather have your money. So, um, could you keep him alive at least until he's changed his will, please?"

The women agreed and Jem let out a sigh of relief

And they all lived happily-ish ever after.

The End.

#46: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Thu Oct 05, 2006 11:29 am
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Absolutely insane...well done both!

#47: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Thu Oct 05, 2006 1:18 pm
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That cheered me up no end! Thanks for a good laugh.

#48: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Thu Oct 05, 2006 1:29 pm
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That was very entertaining, thanks! Very Happy

#49: Author: Vick, Location: Leeds, Yorkshire

Posted: Thu Oct 05, 2006 8:30 pm
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Lovely, thank you Pimally Very Happy

#50: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 1:51 am
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Totally insane. Laughing

*wonders about safety of tea supply*

#51: Author: leahbelle, Location: Kilmarnock

Posted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 7:15 pm
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A great laugh! Thank you Laughing

The CBB -> St Clare's House

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